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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,739 --> 00:00:06,539 [ADAM] Previously on I'm Dying Up Here... 2 00:00:06,641 --> 00:00:08,856 Roy Martin and I are opening another Goldie's, 3 00:00:08,856 --> 00:00:10,155 and I want you to open for him. 4 00:00:10,464 --> 00:00:11,496 Who are you? 5 00:00:11,521 --> 00:00:12,620 Dawn Lima. 6 00:00:12,801 --> 00:00:14,267 I just got in town. 7 00:00:14,508 --> 00:00:15,668 Maybe you want to go 8 00:00:15,668 --> 00:00:17,668 - to dinner with me sometime? - Dinner? 9 00:00:17,770 --> 00:00:19,503 Mine was the Jewish joke you shit on. 10 00:00:19,606 --> 00:00:21,639 I didn't shit on it. It wasn't funny. 11 00:00:21,741 --> 00:00:22,740 Oh, but the six other black jokes... 12 00:00:22,842 --> 00:00:24,108 Those were hilarious. 13 00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:25,709 Last month, we had Burt Reynolds on. 14 00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:28,050 All the jokes weren't about him being white. 15 00:00:28,050 --> 00:00:30,116 - What are you drinking? - Seven and Seven. 16 00:00:30,217 --> 00:00:31,984 [PAM] Jesse's not her nephew. 17 00:00:32,086 --> 00:00:33,185 He's her son. 18 00:00:33,287 --> 00:00:36,188 [ROCK MUSIC] 19 00:00:36,290 --> 00:00:37,290 ? 20 00:00:37,696 --> 00:00:39,029 I don't have a rubber. 21 00:00:39,131 --> 00:00:41,631 Hey, Cass. We're gonna have to stop. 22 00:00:41,733 --> 00:00:42,866 No, baby, it's okay. 23 00:00:42,967 --> 00:00:45,968 [BOTH MOAN] 24 00:00:46,070 --> 00:00:47,343 It's okay. 25 00:00:50,975 --> 00:00:53,876 [JAZZY PERCUSSION] 26 00:00:53,978 --> 00:00:57,978 ? 27 00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,924 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 28 00:01:04,454 --> 00:01:07,355 [TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 29 00:01:07,457 --> 00:01:11,457 ? 30 00:01:12,095 --> 00:01:14,095 It says this mattress was voted 31 00:01:14,197 --> 00:01:16,164 not just America's 32 00:01:16,266 --> 00:01:18,598 but the world's best night's sleep. 33 00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:19,772 Mm. 34 00:01:20,269 --> 00:01:21,709 How do we know there isn't a mattress 35 00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:23,137 somewhere in Luxembourg 36 00:01:23,239 --> 00:01:24,504 that makes this one feel like a bed of nails? 37 00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:26,040 - Hmm. - [KEVIN] I doubt 38 00:01:26,142 --> 00:01:28,375 some communist country's mattress is gonna give you 39 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,067 a better night's sleep than ours. 40 00:01:30,246 --> 00:01:32,246 [EDDIE] Uh, Luxembourg isn't a communist country. 41 00:01:32,348 --> 00:01:34,147 It's actually a parliamentary democracy. 42 00:01:34,249 --> 00:01:37,350 - [CASSIE] Hmm. - Here at Angel City Sleep, 43 00:01:37,452 --> 00:01:40,453 each pocket spring is individually wrapped, 44 00:01:40,555 --> 00:01:42,288 making for supreme comfort and support 45 00:01:42,390 --> 00:01:43,726 to ensure a sound night's sleep. 46 00:01:43,801 --> 00:01:45,268 - Wow, you hear that? - Mm-hmm. 47 00:01:45,269 --> 00:01:46,250 So... 48 00:01:46,727 --> 00:01:49,293 are we just looky-looing, or are we sleepy-doing? 49 00:01:50,228 --> 00:01:52,186 Actually, Kev, I have a question for you. 50 00:01:52,420 --> 00:01:54,187 How durable is this puppy? 51 00:01:54,212 --> 00:01:56,804 'Cause we're into some pretty heavy-duty fucking. 52 00:01:58,429 --> 00:01:59,861 - Pardon? - [EDDIE] Yeah, we're talking, 53 00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:02,053 uh, workman's comp-type intercourse, Kev. 54 00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:03,422 [CASSIE] Yeah. You know what? 55 00:02:03,447 --> 00:02:04,413 I should probably try it facedown, 56 00:02:04,514 --> 00:02:05,811 'cause I want it firm enough 57 00:02:05,836 --> 00:02:07,099 to absorb Eddie's thrusts 58 00:02:07,099 --> 00:02:08,798 but not firm enough to leave a pattern on my face. 59 00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:10,633 Mm, good call, hon. Our last mattress, 60 00:02:10,658 --> 00:02:12,224 it looked like I was beating her with a waffle. 61 00:02:12,249 --> 00:02:13,446 - [CASSIE] Ugh. - [KEVIN] You coulda just said 62 00:02:13,471 --> 00:02:14,704 you needed a minute. 63 00:02:14,806 --> 00:02:16,338 - [EDDIE] Mm-hmm. - [CASSIE LAUGHS] 64 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,641 - [EDDIE] Nice action here. - [BOTH LAUGHING] 65 00:02:19,247 --> 00:02:21,050 Yeah, I don't think he likes us. 66 00:02:21,316 --> 00:02:22,782 No one likes looky-looers. 67 00:02:22,884 --> 00:02:26,056 Mm. Well, what if we weren't looky-looers? 68 00:02:28,097 --> 00:02:29,065 Wh... 69 00:02:29,619 --> 00:02:31,987 what are you saying? You want to buy a bed together? 70 00:02:32,168 --> 00:02:33,861 [CHUCKLES] I mean... 71 00:02:36,039 --> 00:02:37,697 it's not so crazy. 72 00:02:38,370 --> 00:02:40,069 Not after last night. 73 00:02:40,171 --> 00:02:41,404 [CHUCKLES] 74 00:02:41,933 --> 00:02:44,185 No, not so crazy. 75 00:02:46,213 --> 00:02:47,370 Hey, I am 76 00:02:47,472 --> 00:02:49,635 definitely not putting it all on you, 77 00:02:50,674 --> 00:02:52,041 because I was there too, 78 00:02:52,143 --> 00:02:54,180 but, uh...[LAUGHS] I just... 79 00:02:55,574 --> 00:02:57,269 I'm not exactly sure what... 80 00:02:58,249 --> 00:02:59,847 decision it was we were making. 81 00:02:59,949 --> 00:03:01,249 ? 82 00:03:01,351 --> 00:03:03,155 Yeah, I don't know. Um... 83 00:03:04,439 --> 00:03:06,187 I guess, uh, I just got 84 00:03:06,289 --> 00:03:07,716 caught up in the moment. 85 00:03:09,627 --> 00:03:11,234 Hmm. Well... 86 00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,762 I think we could narrow it down 87 00:03:14,787 --> 00:03:17,137 to either love or insanity. 88 00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,134 What's the difference again? 89 00:03:20,580 --> 00:03:21,734 One you do with your eyes open 90 00:03:21,837 --> 00:03:24,652 and the other with your eyes closed. 91 00:03:25,619 --> 00:03:26,951 Okay. [CLEARS THROAT] 92 00:03:27,321 --> 00:03:28,554 How about this? 93 00:03:29,523 --> 00:03:31,306 - On the count of three... - Mm. 94 00:03:31,525 --> 00:03:34,068 We either open or shut our eyes. 95 00:03:34,726 --> 00:03:36,010 Love open, 96 00:03:36,161 --> 00:03:37,693 insanity shut. 97 00:03:37,795 --> 00:03:38,961 Great idea. When in doubt, 98 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,548 fall back on science. 99 00:03:40,832 --> 00:03:41,905 Okay. 100 00:03:42,334 --> 00:03:44,300 - One...[LAUGHS] - Mm-hmm. 101 00:03:44,402 --> 00:03:45,547 Two... 102 00:03:45,770 --> 00:03:46,889 [CLEARS THROAT] 103 00:03:47,597 --> 00:03:48,571 three. 104 00:03:48,673 --> 00:03:52,241 ? 105 00:03:52,343 --> 00:03:53,542 [ BLUES MUSIC ] 106 00:03:53,644 --> 00:03:55,444 I think we're sleepy-doers. 107 00:03:55,546 --> 00:03:59,546 ? 108 00:04:00,417 --> 00:04:02,518 ? Mama told me ? 109 00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:05,521 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 110 00:04:05,623 --> 00:04:07,688 ? This day would surely come ? 111 00:04:07,957 --> 00:04:09,557 Holy shit. I get it now. 112 00:04:09,659 --> 00:04:12,193 [GLORIA LAUGHS] Get what, you fool? 113 00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:13,470 All of it. 114 00:04:13,989 --> 00:04:15,819 God, the universe, 115 00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:18,301 the meaning of life. 116 00:04:18,668 --> 00:04:20,768 Shit, what the president knew and when. 117 00:04:20,870 --> 00:04:23,718 - [GLORIA LAUGHS] - Why some people like cats. 118 00:04:25,073 --> 00:04:26,553 Oh, that was some Chariots of the Gods 119 00:04:26,608 --> 00:04:27,874 type shit right there. 120 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:29,710 Mm. [GIGGLES] 121 00:04:30,546 --> 00:04:33,112 ? Oh, you can run away ? 122 00:04:33,215 --> 00:04:34,599 What are you doing? 123 00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:36,213 Uh, it's just, uh... 124 00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:38,335 Just a idea. 125 00:04:39,633 --> 00:04:41,654 - For your act? - Mm-hmm. 126 00:04:41,756 --> 00:04:43,823 Adam, no. You don't have sex with a woman 127 00:04:43,924 --> 00:04:45,257 and then write a joke about it. 128 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:46,360 It's not a joke! 129 00:04:46,427 --> 00:04:47,926 It's more like a area. 130 00:04:48,028 --> 00:04:50,262 ? 131 00:04:50,365 --> 00:04:52,741 "Older woman... magic pussy"? 132 00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:54,834 - What? Okay... - Really? 133 00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:56,326 Okay, look, just hear me out. 134 00:04:56,351 --> 00:04:57,447 Hear me out! Come on. 135 00:04:57,472 --> 00:04:58,718 - [SIGHS] - Look. 136 00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:00,872 With a younger woman, 137 00:05:00,974 --> 00:05:02,906 okay, you're going at it, thinking, 138 00:05:03,877 --> 00:05:05,209 - "This is nice." - Mm-hmm. 139 00:05:05,234 --> 00:05:06,328 "I like sex. 140 00:05:06,353 --> 00:05:07,840 I can see myself doing this again." 141 00:05:08,548 --> 00:05:09,996 But with you, it's... 142 00:05:10,283 --> 00:05:12,679 It's like my dick went to Disneyland. 143 00:05:13,119 --> 00:05:14,519 There's all these... 144 00:05:14,621 --> 00:05:16,553 These rides and these moves 145 00:05:16,578 --> 00:05:19,857 and sounds and feelings. 146 00:05:21,460 --> 00:05:23,794 You're new at compliments, aren't you? 147 00:05:23,896 --> 00:05:25,295 ? 148 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,952 Shit, I'm new at everything, 149 00:05:26,977 --> 00:05:28,461 - to be honest. - [LAUGHS] 150 00:05:29,735 --> 00:05:31,234 [WOMAN] They call it a light lunch, brunch. 151 00:05:31,259 --> 00:05:32,284 [WOMAN] Yeah. 152 00:05:32,309 --> 00:05:34,910 - [WOMAN] It's perfect. - [WOMAN] Mm-hmm. Fabulous. 153 00:05:35,807 --> 00:05:38,007 We're so glad we finally got you here, Goldie. 154 00:05:38,109 --> 00:05:39,575 And just think, all it took 155 00:05:39,677 --> 00:05:41,711 was your husband ignoring my permit requests. 156 00:05:41,813 --> 00:05:43,312 [LAUGHTER] 157 00:05:43,337 --> 00:05:45,069 Well, you know, the-the wheels of progress 158 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:47,495 - move slowly at City Hall. - Mm. 159 00:05:47,752 --> 00:05:49,192 [SADIE] Yeah, and Dan's been tied up. 160 00:05:49,253 --> 00:05:51,052 You know, this new public library opening... 161 00:05:51,154 --> 00:05:52,721 Is there anything we can do 162 00:05:52,823 --> 00:05:54,856 to get his nose out of those books? 163 00:05:54,958 --> 00:05:56,658 My papers have been sitting on his desk 164 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,435 for quite a while now. 165 00:05:58,973 --> 00:06:02,908 Uh, Goldie, we like to use these Auxiliary events 166 00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:05,209 as a chance to get away from business. 167 00:06:05,502 --> 00:06:06,520 Oh. 168 00:06:06,723 --> 00:06:08,736 So I suppose my business has nothing to do 169 00:06:08,838 --> 00:06:10,905 with why you invited me here, huh? 170 00:06:12,144 --> 00:06:13,384 Oh, come on. 171 00:06:13,409 --> 00:06:15,309 I love coffee, salmon, and a 40-minute drive 172 00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:17,033 as much as the next gal, 173 00:06:17,212 --> 00:06:19,212 but can we cut to why I'm really here? 174 00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:20,981 You know what I need. 175 00:06:21,083 --> 00:06:23,328 How about you put your cards on the table? 176 00:06:24,453 --> 00:06:27,286 [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 177 00:06:27,597 --> 00:06:28,630 Well, 178 00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:32,447 we're chairing a telethon for cerebral palsy. 179 00:06:32,472 --> 00:06:34,031 And you need a comedian. 180 00:06:34,596 --> 00:06:36,128 [LAUGHTER] 181 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:37,530 I mean, Jerry Lewis... 182 00:06:37,632 --> 00:06:40,132 He really put muscular dystrophy on the map. 183 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,366 You should've called. 184 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:42,869 Could've saved yourself the spread. 185 00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,536 - [SADIE] Oh... - [GOLDIE] Hmm? 186 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:45,971 Who you thinking? 187 00:06:46,222 --> 00:06:47,593 [SADIE] Roy Martin? 188 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,308 [LAUGHS] 189 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,643 Oh, Sadie. 190 00:06:51,668 --> 00:06:52,965 Here I thought you were gonna give me 191 00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:54,557 some kind of challenge. 192 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,815 Well, you haven't heard the challenge part yet. 193 00:06:57,424 --> 00:06:58,916 It's time-sensitive. 194 00:06:59,266 --> 00:07:00,895 We need to know today. 195 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,387 ? 196 00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:05,141 It's not a problem. 197 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:07,889 - Oh. - [BOTH LAUGH] 198 00:07:07,914 --> 00:07:09,080 Oh, my goodness. That's great. 199 00:07:09,105 --> 00:07:10,371 That's fantastic. 200 00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:12,129 [LAUGHTER] 201 00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:13,664 ? 202 00:07:14,555 --> 00:07:16,264 [BREATHES DEEPLY] 203 00:07:16,606 --> 00:07:18,134 Shi, hai... [GROANS] 204 00:07:18,236 --> 00:07:19,744 Fuck! All right, Phil. 205 00:07:20,105 --> 00:07:21,204 Ah. 206 00:07:21,306 --> 00:07:23,272 In aikido, the philosophy is to use 207 00:07:23,297 --> 00:07:24,897 the opponent's momentum 208 00:07:25,295 --> 00:07:26,854 rather than to initiate. 209 00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:28,311 Well, it should be easy. 210 00:07:28,336 --> 00:07:30,136 It's the philosophy of everything he does. 211 00:07:30,695 --> 00:07:33,128 [ADAM] Hey, does Goldie know that you borrowed that outfit? 212 00:07:33,527 --> 00:07:34,927 Phil, could we cut to the part where you teach me 213 00:07:34,952 --> 00:07:36,652 how to kill two guys with one punch? 214 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:39,565 In aikido, we learn to defend passively 215 00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:42,357 while also protecting our attacker from injury. 216 00:07:42,536 --> 00:07:43,903 Sounds like a slightly more macho version 217 00:07:43,928 --> 00:07:45,317 of running away. 218 00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:47,874 All right, Kwai Chang, when you can snatch 219 00:07:47,899 --> 00:07:50,256 the $50 per lesson from my hand, 220 00:07:50,475 --> 00:07:52,218 then it is time for you to leave. 221 00:07:56,818 --> 00:07:58,239 See you later, Sensei Phil. 222 00:07:58,841 --> 00:08:00,106 Having a party tomorrow night. 223 00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:01,263 You had a party last night. 224 00:08:01,288 --> 00:08:02,554 And the night before that. 225 00:08:02,579 --> 00:08:03,978 No, that was the same party. 226 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,112 You probably fell asleep. 227 00:08:05,847 --> 00:08:06,847 So you guys in? 228 00:08:06,881 --> 00:08:08,162 [ADAM] No, I can't. 229 00:08:08,162 --> 00:08:10,224 I'm meeting Gloria over at the Beverly Wilshire. 230 00:08:10,851 --> 00:08:12,330 Again with the hotel. 231 00:08:12,432 --> 00:08:13,733 [ADAM] Okay, um, 232 00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:15,333 sex with Gloria 233 00:08:15,693 --> 00:08:17,246 or watch you coked out, 234 00:08:17,271 --> 00:08:18,736 singing "Louie Louie" naked 235 00:08:18,761 --> 00:08:20,661 with your penis tucked between your thighs. 236 00:08:20,941 --> 00:08:22,373 That's my signature sign-off. 237 00:08:22,475 --> 00:08:24,175 That's like when Carol Burnett tugs her earlobe. 238 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,498 Mm, not the same thing. 239 00:08:25,523 --> 00:08:26,754 [ADAM] Nowhere near the same thing. 240 00:08:26,779 --> 00:08:27,951 Yeah, it's sexier. 241 00:08:28,364 --> 00:08:29,646 What about you, Tonto? 242 00:08:29,748 --> 00:08:31,215 And if you say you're gonna be with Cassie, 243 00:08:31,317 --> 00:08:32,983 I swear, I will fucking 244 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:34,845 passive resistance the shit out of you. 245 00:08:34,870 --> 00:08:37,306 I actually have a meeting with Roy. 246 00:08:38,337 --> 00:08:39,530 And I'm meeting Cassie. 247 00:08:39,625 --> 00:08:40,876 W-what's with you? 248 00:08:40,876 --> 00:08:42,586 You really want to spend the prime of your youth 249 00:08:42,611 --> 00:08:44,146 with just Cassie? 250 00:08:44,376 --> 00:08:45,942 My parents took us to Maine 251 00:08:46,045 --> 00:08:47,310 every summer, okay? 252 00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:48,432 I get it. 253 00:08:48,553 --> 00:08:50,787 But now you can mix it up, see Europe. 254 00:08:51,044 --> 00:08:52,343 And I'm sure Gloria's great, 255 00:08:52,368 --> 00:08:54,268 and her stories about what it was like 256 00:08:54,293 --> 00:08:55,813 to be around when they pioneered steam 257 00:08:55,861 --> 00:08:57,505 are real grabbers, 258 00:08:57,896 --> 00:08:59,195 but you're her boy toy! 259 00:08:59,297 --> 00:09:00,863 Come on, don't you deserve the same freedom? 260 00:09:00,965 --> 00:09:02,725 I'm not her boy toy, first of all, all right? 261 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,200 It's more than that. 262 00:09:04,225 --> 00:09:05,959 Dude, she's never even had you over to her house. 263 00:09:05,984 --> 00:09:08,653 Trust me, yours is not the only flower in that vase. 264 00:09:09,107 --> 00:09:10,440 I mean, come on, man! 265 00:09:10,465 --> 00:09:12,565 You guys are celebrity-adjacent! 266 00:09:12,825 --> 00:09:14,710 Let's take some of my forward momentum 267 00:09:14,735 --> 00:09:16,802 and have some fucking fun, huh? 268 00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,215 Hey, I know they're the same, 269 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,635 but, um, I think that robe's actually mine. 270 00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:23,648 Hey, dude, you don't fucking live here. 271 00:09:24,789 --> 00:09:26,189 And, uh, FYI, 272 00:09:26,291 --> 00:09:27,752 I fired the pool guy. 273 00:09:39,858 --> 00:09:41,484 You fucking robbing me? 274 00:09:42,192 --> 00:09:43,266 No. 275 00:09:49,886 --> 00:09:51,648 I couldn't remember your name. 276 00:09:53,069 --> 00:09:54,595 [LAUGHS] 277 00:09:58,574 --> 00:10:01,071 How the hell you not remember Alvira? 278 00:10:01,577 --> 00:10:02,749 [LAUGHS] 279 00:10:03,007 --> 00:10:04,402 I don't know. 280 00:10:05,513 --> 00:10:06,907 [GROANS] 281 00:10:09,267 --> 00:10:10,322 Uh-oh. 282 00:10:11,286 --> 00:10:12,842 You some Jesus freak? 283 00:10:16,958 --> 00:10:18,308 Preacher's daughter. 284 00:10:19,026 --> 00:10:20,346 It's the price of doing business. 285 00:10:20,371 --> 00:10:21,404 You got a problem with that? 286 00:10:21,429 --> 00:10:22,454 Shit, no. 287 00:10:22,896 --> 00:10:25,187 Some of my best friends hate themselves. 288 00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:30,528 Hey...[SUCKS TEETH] I'm messing with you is all. 289 00:10:31,871 --> 00:10:33,100 Come here. 290 00:10:35,075 --> 00:10:36,613 Nah, um, 291 00:10:36,977 --> 00:10:38,543 I can't. I gotta be somewhere. 292 00:10:45,918 --> 00:10:47,351 [WATER RUNNING] 293 00:10:47,453 --> 00:10:49,686 [RAPID KNOCKING AT DOOR] 294 00:10:49,788 --> 00:10:51,122 [ANNOUNCER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO] 295 00:10:51,147 --> 00:10:52,224 What the fuck? 296 00:10:52,258 --> 00:10:53,390 [KNOCKING CONTINUES] 297 00:10:53,415 --> 00:10:55,137 Yeah, yeah. [CLEARS THROAT] 298 00:11:00,632 --> 00:11:01,998 [CHUCKLES] 299 00:11:03,201 --> 00:11:04,680 Hey. Oh. 300 00:11:05,099 --> 00:11:06,481 Mm. 301 00:11:07,839 --> 00:11:09,176 Wait, wait, wait. 302 00:11:09,674 --> 00:11:11,481 Is it your birthday or mine? 303 00:11:13,310 --> 00:11:14,700 Oh. 304 00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:18,139 Birthday boy. 305 00:11:19,683 --> 00:11:21,250 [SIGHS] 306 00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:23,562 [ROY] "Last night, I called the suicide hotline 307 00:11:23,587 --> 00:11:25,287 and I really connected with the operator. 308 00:11:25,389 --> 00:11:26,921 Next week, we're gonna get together 309 00:11:27,024 --> 00:11:29,536 and take in some carbon monoxide." 310 00:11:30,860 --> 00:11:32,960 How much is Goldie paying you to fuck my career? 311 00:11:33,062 --> 00:11:34,795 What, you don't think people will find that funny? 312 00:11:34,897 --> 00:11:36,417 The only thing funny is that you think 313 00:11:36,466 --> 00:11:38,566 there'll be people left after that joke. 314 00:11:38,668 --> 00:11:40,208 - Come on. - [EDDIE] All right, all right. 315 00:11:40,770 --> 00:11:41,935 [LAUGHS] 316 00:11:42,038 --> 00:11:43,937 Taffy, you fat bastard! 317 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,040 Stay still. You're fucking up the tides. 318 00:11:46,142 --> 00:11:47,340 [ROY LAUGHS] 319 00:11:48,337 --> 00:11:50,217 He doesn't speak Vegas, so... 320 00:11:50,745 --> 00:11:53,280 Eddie, would you give us a couple minutes? 321 00:11:53,382 --> 00:11:54,382 Oh, right. 322 00:11:54,483 --> 00:11:56,783 Uh, you sure? 323 00:11:56,808 --> 00:11:58,201 No, stay and chaperone. 324 00:11:58,830 --> 00:11:59,896 Get the fuck out. 325 00:11:59,921 --> 00:12:00,902 Yeah. 326 00:12:02,224 --> 00:12:03,594 Just be over there. 327 00:12:05,974 --> 00:12:07,398 [SIGHS] 328 00:12:08,362 --> 00:12:09,761 What happened to our arrangement? 329 00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:11,397 We only talked a couple times. 330 00:12:11,499 --> 00:12:13,697 It's hardly a fucking arrangement, Taff. 331 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,104 What's the damage? 332 00:12:19,207 --> 00:12:20,573 Get your umbrella out. 333 00:12:20,675 --> 00:12:22,368 We're calling in your markers. 334 00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,178 Everything? 335 00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:25,511 When? 336 00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:26,909 Two days. 337 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,879 I can't still work it off? 338 00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:31,349 [TAFFY] Service contract's been terminated. 339 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:32,917 [ROY] Come on, bullshit. 340 00:12:32,942 --> 00:12:35,158 - It's me, Taffy. - They're serious, Roy. 341 00:12:35,198 --> 00:12:36,998 Most likely, the only thing you got left in Vegas: 342 00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,922 couple paternity suits when you get back. 343 00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:41,925 Right, so they're gonna cut off their noses for 200 grand? 344 00:12:42,027 --> 00:12:43,493 Come on, that's farkakte money. 345 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,295 It's not about that. 346 00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:46,763 Twenty percent. 347 00:12:46,865 --> 00:12:48,776 Half of what she's giving you. 348 00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:54,449 And then Vegas what? 349 00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:56,606 Hmm? They step aside? 350 00:12:56,708 --> 00:12:58,412 - No strings? - Come on. 351 00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:01,279 We're in the strings business, for fuck's sake. 352 00:13:01,817 --> 00:13:03,646 We're going in on the kids, Roy. 353 00:13:04,092 --> 00:13:05,715 With you, without you. 354 00:13:05,816 --> 00:13:08,451 Okay, look, she-she's not gonna go for it. 355 00:13:08,823 --> 00:13:10,697 Fuck Goldie, all right? 356 00:13:10,799 --> 00:13:12,331 We're not talking about her share. 357 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:13,855 She's got no say in this. 358 00:13:14,162 --> 00:13:15,990 Look, Roy, listen. It's this easy. 359 00:13:16,092 --> 00:13:17,959 If stupidity is a stumbling block, 360 00:13:18,318 --> 00:13:19,840 then it is what it is. 361 00:13:20,272 --> 00:13:22,076 But if it's a matter of greed... 362 00:13:24,794 --> 00:13:26,577 Everybody likes you, Roy. 363 00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:35,629 $236,000 cash 364 00:13:36,003 --> 00:13:37,251 or your 20. 365 00:13:37,513 --> 00:13:39,079 I mean, Jesus, what is it with you 366 00:13:39,104 --> 00:13:40,255 and this broad? 367 00:13:45,226 --> 00:13:46,449 [CLEARS THROAT] 368 00:13:47,689 --> 00:13:48,747 Nada. 369 00:13:48,747 --> 00:13:50,258 So just one second, hold on. What? 370 00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:52,562 He's not in his hotel. I checked the bars. 371 00:13:52,587 --> 00:13:53,928 All right, you ask Eddie? 372 00:13:53,953 --> 00:13:55,476 That's where the mystery thickens. 373 00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:56,844 Can't find Eddie either. 374 00:13:56,946 --> 00:13:58,979 And here's where my patience thins. 375 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,713 Get the fuck out and keep looking. 376 00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:02,884 Yeah, okay. 377 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:04,452 What? 378 00:14:04,554 --> 00:14:06,864 I can do the telethon if you're in a pinch. 379 00:14:07,156 --> 00:14:09,723 I got a cousin that, uh, has cerebral palsy. 380 00:14:09,826 --> 00:14:11,468 Crack jokes about her all the time. 381 00:14:13,329 --> 00:14:14,462 Just putting it out there. 382 00:14:14,564 --> 00:14:15,896 Well, put it back. 383 00:14:15,998 --> 00:14:18,231 Yeah... oh, oh, and get Bill in here 384 00:14:18,334 --> 00:14:19,813 - while you're at it. - A'ight. 385 00:14:22,471 --> 00:14:25,472 [FAINT MOANING] 386 00:14:27,476 --> 00:14:30,477 [LOUDER MOANING] 387 00:14:31,713 --> 00:14:32,904 The f... 388 00:14:33,715 --> 00:14:35,669 - Oh, shit. - [MOANS] 389 00:14:35,815 --> 00:14:38,016 - [BILL] My, my. - God damn it! 390 00:14:38,118 --> 00:14:40,151 Steve Garvey hit for the cycle last night. 391 00:14:40,176 --> 00:14:41,306 - What the fuck? - [CLEARS THROAT] 392 00:14:41,331 --> 00:14:42,431 [BILL] I know. 393 00:14:42,456 --> 00:14:43,755 Man, he has some hairy forearms. 394 00:14:43,858 --> 00:14:45,491 You know? He's like a Romanian gymnast. 395 00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,359 [CHUCKLES] Oh, hi, sorry. 396 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:49,828 I didn't see you there, fucking in my bed. 397 00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,463 [GRUNTS EXASPERATEDLY] 398 00:14:51,565 --> 00:14:53,365 Look, I know it's weird with him watching, 399 00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:55,322 but how else is he gonna learn? 400 00:14:55,502 --> 00:14:57,468 Well, since we're all together, 401 00:14:57,669 --> 00:15:00,607 why don't we go over some basic guest etiquette? 402 00:15:01,048 --> 00:15:04,725 Like, there's no fucking in my bed, ever. 403 00:15:05,224 --> 00:15:07,177 Sorry, man, I thought that was only for you. 404 00:15:07,279 --> 00:15:09,547 Okay, you mind if I borrow this sheet a sec? 405 00:15:09,572 --> 00:15:11,348 Oh, we're giving modesty a shot now? 406 00:15:11,373 --> 00:15:13,116 Sorry, Bill, but the only way you're seeing my ass 407 00:15:13,141 --> 00:15:15,341 is if you dust Nick's face for prints. 408 00:15:20,823 --> 00:15:22,157 Those are my socks. 409 00:15:23,803 --> 00:15:24,826 Yeah. 410 00:15:25,831 --> 00:15:27,664 [MUFFLED YELLING] 411 00:15:27,766 --> 00:15:30,733 [SIGHS] What's going on in there? 412 00:15:31,009 --> 00:15:33,702 I don't think we'll be ordering room service tonight. 413 00:15:33,804 --> 00:15:36,805 [MUFFLED YELLING CONTINUES] 414 00:15:38,185 --> 00:15:40,152 You know, today in Canter's, 415 00:15:40,177 --> 00:15:41,744 a guy came over to him, 416 00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:43,911 like, a big guy. 417 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,280 Is it about him? 418 00:15:46,382 --> 00:15:48,416 [SCOFFS] That guy's not a him. 419 00:15:48,518 --> 00:15:50,885 - That guy's a them. - [ROY YELLING ANGRILY] 420 00:15:50,987 --> 00:15:52,687 [PETER] 'Cause you want to get married! 421 00:15:52,789 --> 00:15:55,056 Yeah, genius idea. 422 00:15:55,081 --> 00:15:56,429 This is what you're gonna do. 423 00:15:56,693 --> 00:15:58,026 Sell what you gotta sell 424 00:15:58,051 --> 00:15:59,715 and fuck who you gotta fuck, 425 00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,006 but get me the money! 426 00:16:01,209 --> 00:16:03,664 Roy, you are overextended! 427 00:16:03,844 --> 00:16:05,409 They canceled your fucking contract. 428 00:16:05,434 --> 00:16:06,567 Ah, that's arm-twisting! 429 00:16:06,669 --> 00:16:07,669 Don't you understand? 430 00:16:07,736 --> 00:16:09,502 I pack that fucking place! 431 00:16:09,788 --> 00:16:11,204 First it's an arm. 432 00:16:11,602 --> 00:16:13,105 Roy, listen to me. 433 00:16:13,477 --> 00:16:15,553 Do you really want to call their bluff? 434 00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:21,202 They can't have this. 435 00:16:21,966 --> 00:16:23,182 Okay, look. 436 00:16:23,284 --> 00:16:25,217 You want to be broke, I can make that happen. 437 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,586 Or you can call the phone number 438 00:16:27,689 --> 00:16:29,555 you should've called first thing, 439 00:16:29,932 --> 00:16:32,124 tell Goldie she's got some new business partners... 440 00:16:32,226 --> 00:16:33,659 No, no, no, see, you're not getting it. 441 00:16:33,838 --> 00:16:36,672 This-this was me getting off the road. 442 00:16:36,775 --> 00:16:38,941 Right? Having something that was mine. 443 00:16:38,966 --> 00:16:41,677 Mine and not fucking Vegas' 444 00:16:41,702 --> 00:16:43,610 or anyone else's! 445 00:16:44,910 --> 00:16:46,304 I earned that. 446 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,221 I fucking hate it out there. 447 00:16:52,208 --> 00:16:53,911 Wandering around like the... 448 00:16:54,244 --> 00:16:55,690 fucking Sheik of Araby. 449 00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:58,782 You don't have the luxury, Roy, 450 00:16:59,230 --> 00:17:01,418 not unless you want to go belly-up. 451 00:17:01,843 --> 00:17:03,954 They've got you by the short hairs! 452 00:17:04,431 --> 00:17:05,897 [SIGHS] 453 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,699 You're out of options, Roy. 454 00:17:07,801 --> 00:17:09,458 Go talk to Goldie! 455 00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,555 - MTM loved you. - [JOHN] Mm-hmm. 456 00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:14,150 They really think you got something, 457 00:17:14,175 --> 00:17:15,591 and they want you to come in and read. 458 00:17:16,041 --> 00:17:17,127 Read what? 459 00:17:22,060 --> 00:17:23,348 Three Brothers? 460 00:17:23,938 --> 00:17:25,438 It's about three brothers 461 00:17:25,463 --> 00:17:27,223 who own a family restaurant in Compton and... 462 00:17:27,298 --> 00:17:28,521 It's funny. 463 00:17:28,691 --> 00:17:29,824 It's edgy. 464 00:17:30,144 --> 00:17:31,461 It has heart. 465 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,214 Okay, cool, but... 466 00:17:34,537 --> 00:17:35,770 before I do any of that, man, 467 00:17:35,795 --> 00:17:37,308 what about my album money? 468 00:17:37,662 --> 00:17:39,395 Any word on me getting paid? 469 00:17:39,547 --> 00:17:40,780 This isn't an offer. 470 00:17:40,978 --> 00:17:42,377 This is an offer to read. 471 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,212 Let's-let's focus on this. 472 00:17:44,492 --> 00:17:45,823 No, let's focus on the fact 473 00:17:45,848 --> 00:17:47,647 that my album cracked top 50, 474 00:17:47,749 --> 00:17:50,017 right, and I took the bus here. 475 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:51,793 We didn't rep you on the album. 476 00:17:52,221 --> 00:17:53,675 You fucked yourself. 477 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,104 Hard. You should still be sore. 478 00:17:58,527 --> 00:18:00,594 So, what, y'all just not gonna do nothing? 479 00:18:00,696 --> 00:18:01,817 We did. 480 00:18:02,364 --> 00:18:04,060 Your reading is Friday 481 00:18:04,799 --> 00:18:06,155 at ten. 482 00:18:10,605 --> 00:18:12,205 [BILL] Is this about the new club? 483 00:18:12,307 --> 00:18:13,739 - [LAUGHS] - It's the worst-kept secret 484 00:18:13,841 --> 00:18:15,208 since Liberace and Judy Garland 485 00:18:15,310 --> 00:18:16,542 not really being a couple. 486 00:18:16,644 --> 00:18:17,724 [LAUGHS] 487 00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:20,922 Well, we're gonna make a formal announcement 488 00:18:20,947 --> 00:18:22,647 once the Is are dotted, 489 00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:25,260 but it'll be more stage time 490 00:18:25,285 --> 00:18:27,285 for everybody... Opportunity. 491 00:18:27,310 --> 00:18:28,475 Yeah? 492 00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:31,969 However, today I need a favor. 493 00:18:33,253 --> 00:18:35,004 Mm? Anything. 494 00:18:35,396 --> 00:18:37,828 Well, there's this, uh... Tomorrow there's, uh, 495 00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:40,351 a "Ce-re-bral," "cer-e-bral" pal... 496 00:18:40,376 --> 00:18:42,175 Like, a telethon. 497 00:18:42,585 --> 00:18:43,879 They need a comic. 498 00:18:46,038 --> 00:18:47,081 Me. 499 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,085 They asked for you specifically. 500 00:18:49,285 --> 00:18:51,252 I told them I thought it was a great idea. 501 00:18:51,277 --> 00:18:52,947 It-it's televised. 502 00:18:53,311 --> 00:18:55,645 And think what it's done for Jerry Lewis, right? 503 00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:57,170 [LAUGHS] 504 00:18:57,349 --> 00:18:58,581 - Yeah. - Anyway, 505 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,330 I said I'd ask, so I'm asking. 506 00:19:05,034 --> 00:19:06,980 What the fuck? Sure. 507 00:19:07,092 --> 00:19:08,658 Great, wonderful. Thank you. 508 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:09,760 Fabulous. 509 00:19:12,229 --> 00:19:13,362 I gotta be honest with you, Gold. 510 00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:14,619 I, you know... 511 00:19:15,966 --> 00:19:17,533 I kind of hoped you were gonna 512 00:19:17,762 --> 00:19:19,301 ask for me to open 513 00:19:19,403 --> 00:19:21,045 for Roy at the new club. 514 00:19:22,506 --> 00:19:24,273 Oh, man, we haven't even got 515 00:19:24,375 --> 00:19:26,007 the stink of garlic out of there yet. 516 00:19:26,110 --> 00:19:27,098 It... 517 00:19:28,511 --> 00:19:30,410 When we open, Billy, 518 00:19:31,047 --> 00:19:32,613 you will be there. 519 00:19:35,751 --> 00:19:37,518 [LAUGHTER] 520 00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:39,187 White people are the best at keeping secrets, aren't you? 521 00:19:39,289 --> 00:19:40,488 You really are. 522 00:19:40,590 --> 00:19:42,390 Seriously, your-your chicken 523 00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,481 has got a secret recipe. 524 00:19:44,932 --> 00:19:47,394 Your soda's got a secret formula. 525 00:19:47,573 --> 00:19:49,606 Mexican ever tells you that anything in their food 526 00:19:49,631 --> 00:19:51,431 is secret, don't eat it. 527 00:19:51,533 --> 00:19:52,533 [LAUGHTER] 528 00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:53,634 Trust me. 529 00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,148 Evening, fuckers. 530 00:19:55,437 --> 00:19:57,337 - Hey. - Why are you so giddy? 531 00:19:57,439 --> 00:19:59,172 Eddie bump his head on your G spot? 532 00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:00,974 Just out of curiosity, is there a right side of the bed 533 00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:02,374 for you to wake up on? 534 00:20:02,477 --> 00:20:03,742 Gotta go easy on him, Cass. 535 00:20:03,844 --> 00:20:05,377 Bill saw two people have sex today. 536 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,413 Aw, jerking off again in front of the mirror? 537 00:20:07,691 --> 00:20:10,193 No, I saw Nick jerking off inside of Dawn in my bed. 538 00:20:10,218 --> 00:20:12,218 Well, somebody's got to do something in there. 539 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,253 Just relax, Big Red. I'm gonna wash the sheets. 540 00:20:14,307 --> 00:20:15,540 I don't care about the sheets. 541 00:20:15,565 --> 00:20:17,055 I have to burn the fucking mattress now. 542 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,256 Well, if you want to buy a new mattress, 543 00:20:18,358 --> 00:20:19,667 go to Angel City Sleep 544 00:20:19,692 --> 00:20:21,593 and use my and Eddie's name. 545 00:20:21,694 --> 00:20:24,338 We get a discount on the sheets for the referral. 546 00:20:25,565 --> 00:20:27,197 You and Eddie's, huh? 547 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,368 Yeah, we bought a bed together today. 548 00:20:30,393 --> 00:20:31,859 Ooh. 549 00:20:32,038 --> 00:20:34,009 - Mazel. - [CASSIE] I know. 550 00:20:34,086 --> 00:20:35,849 [EDGAR] All right, you guys ready for your next comic? 551 00:20:35,874 --> 00:20:38,342 - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] - [NICK] Here we go. 552 00:20:38,444 --> 00:20:40,076 Now, fair warning. 553 00:20:40,179 --> 00:20:42,078 This guy can be hit-or-miss, okay? 554 00:20:42,181 --> 00:20:44,114 - So you're... - [LAUGHTER] 555 00:20:44,216 --> 00:20:45,496 [EDGAR] I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 556 00:20:45,584 --> 00:20:47,117 Uh, I'm sorry about this morning. 557 00:20:47,219 --> 00:20:49,019 You're right, and I'm gonna be better 558 00:20:49,121 --> 00:20:50,761 about respecting your stuff in the future. 559 00:20:50,789 --> 00:20:52,221 - Okay? - [EDGAR] Nick Beverly! 560 00:20:52,323 --> 00:20:53,623 - Thanks, man. - Cool. 561 00:20:53,724 --> 00:20:56,725 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 562 00:20:59,464 --> 00:21:01,997 Keep it going for Manny Martinez! 563 00:21:02,099 --> 00:21:03,366 Ah! 564 00:21:03,468 --> 00:21:04,802 Yeah. 565 00:21:06,137 --> 00:21:08,618 Relationships are hard, huh? 566 00:21:09,473 --> 00:21:10,872 Dogs have it right. 567 00:21:10,974 --> 00:21:12,507 A sniff here, a sniff there, 568 00:21:12,609 --> 00:21:13,841 sex, and then they're immediately back 569 00:21:13,866 --> 00:21:15,233 to chasing squirrels. 570 00:21:15,412 --> 00:21:17,546 [LAUGHTER] 571 00:21:17,772 --> 00:21:19,471 No one's mad that no one called. 572 00:21:19,638 --> 00:21:21,367 There's no guilting. 573 00:21:21,518 --> 00:21:23,455 You will never hear, 574 00:21:24,154 --> 00:21:26,496 "Yeah, Spike, it's, uh, Fluffy"... 575 00:21:27,156 --> 00:21:29,173 Motherfucker's doing my act. 576 00:21:29,492 --> 00:21:31,024 Oh, you're right. 577 00:21:31,126 --> 00:21:33,460 I think it was the laughter that threw me off. 578 00:21:33,714 --> 00:21:35,696 "You said my bark was infectious." 579 00:21:35,798 --> 00:21:38,532 [LAUGHTER] 580 00:21:38,953 --> 00:21:40,352 "Uh, yeah. [CLEARS THROAT] 581 00:21:40,377 --> 00:21:41,911 Fluffy. No, of course. 582 00:21:41,936 --> 00:21:43,502 Yeah, uh, I've been meaning to call." 583 00:21:43,757 --> 00:21:46,391 [LAUGHTER] 584 00:21:46,493 --> 00:21:47,633 [CLEARS THROAT] 585 00:21:50,864 --> 00:21:52,747 "Don't, Spike, okay? 586 00:21:53,199 --> 00:21:55,496 Don't lie. You demean us both when you lie." 587 00:21:55,521 --> 00:21:57,352 [LAUGHTER] 588 00:21:59,339 --> 00:22:00,671 "I'm not an idiot. 589 00:22:00,696 --> 00:22:02,262 I'm two, for Christ's sake." 590 00:22:02,441 --> 00:22:04,575 [LAUGHTER] 591 00:22:06,278 --> 00:22:09,179 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 592 00:22:09,281 --> 00:22:13,281 ? 593 00:22:15,684 --> 00:22:16,913 Nick, you okay? 594 00:22:17,162 --> 00:22:18,171 Huh? 595 00:22:19,123 --> 00:22:20,289 Uh, yeah, yeah. 596 00:22:20,391 --> 00:22:21,356 Just, uh... 597 00:22:22,427 --> 00:22:23,660 uh, something in Bill's act 598 00:22:23,762 --> 00:22:24,951 didn't agree with me. 599 00:22:25,296 --> 00:22:27,296 You want to sit down a sec? 600 00:22:27,398 --> 00:22:29,231 Uh, just need some air. 601 00:22:29,256 --> 00:22:30,443 Probably gonna walk home. 602 00:22:30,468 --> 00:22:31,955 Well, I can give you a ride. 603 00:22:32,503 --> 00:22:33,808 No, I'm-I'm okay. 604 00:22:34,472 --> 00:22:36,043 Thanks. Good night, Cass. 605 00:22:36,206 --> 00:22:40,206 ? 606 00:22:47,551 --> 00:22:49,412 [MAN] Excuse me. Uh, miss? 607 00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:51,407 Do you know Nick? 608 00:22:52,321 --> 00:22:54,121 Uh, I'm Chris Beverly. I'm Nick's uncle. 609 00:22:54,223 --> 00:22:55,890 Oh, hey. Cassie Feder. 610 00:22:55,992 --> 00:22:57,224 Oh, hi, Cassie. 611 00:22:57,326 --> 00:22:58,926 I saw you talking to him before his act. 612 00:22:59,028 --> 00:23:00,996 I-I didn't want to disturb him. 613 00:23:01,764 --> 00:23:03,030 Is he still around? 614 00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:04,661 Um, he wasn't feeling well, 615 00:23:04,686 --> 00:23:06,519 so he took off after his set. 616 00:23:06,544 --> 00:23:07,743 Shoot. 617 00:23:08,137 --> 00:23:09,631 Uh, my daughter and I, 618 00:23:09,631 --> 00:23:11,631 we're staying at the Hollywood Premiere Motel 619 00:23:11,733 --> 00:23:13,294 on Sunset for about a week 620 00:23:13,322 --> 00:23:14,442 while she looks at colleges. 621 00:23:14,467 --> 00:23:16,835 Um, it'd be great to catch up. 622 00:23:17,916 --> 00:23:19,816 Would you mind passing that on, please? 623 00:23:19,841 --> 00:23:21,608 Sure, yeah. Be happy to. 624 00:23:21,710 --> 00:23:23,643 ? 625 00:23:24,230 --> 00:23:25,411 Okay. 626 00:23:25,513 --> 00:23:26,569 Bye. 627 00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:31,114 ? 628 00:23:31,558 --> 00:23:32,535 [SNORING] 629 00:23:32,535 --> 00:23:33,968 [BILL] This is getting ridiculous. 630 00:23:34,070 --> 00:23:35,136 [ADAM] Man's got a serious fucking problem. 631 00:23:35,238 --> 00:23:37,153 We got a serious fucking problem. 632 00:23:37,178 --> 00:23:38,549 This guy's a fire hazard. 633 00:23:38,574 --> 00:23:40,448 [EDGAR] Here, I got it. 634 00:23:41,619 --> 00:23:43,885 Can somebody please catapult you back over the border? 635 00:23:43,987 --> 00:23:46,187 But I'm from Glendale. W-why do you keep saying that? 636 00:23:46,289 --> 00:23:47,607 You know, in AA, 637 00:23:47,607 --> 00:23:49,307 there's a thing called the 12-step call, 638 00:23:49,332 --> 00:23:51,452 where you deliver the message to suffering alcoholics. 639 00:23:51,654 --> 00:23:53,387 Well, we need to call some-fucking-body. 640 00:23:53,412 --> 00:23:54,978 No, I mean, it's better if-if it comes 641 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,640 from people that Fitzy knows and trusts, 642 00:23:56,682 --> 00:23:58,014 so what I propose is, 643 00:23:58,116 --> 00:23:59,682 we get him over to my house tomorrow 644 00:23:59,707 --> 00:24:00,826 and confront him there. 645 00:24:00,851 --> 00:24:01,921 Hmm. 646 00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,229 - Really? - What? 647 00:24:05,389 --> 00:24:07,523 It's not a party. I'm trying to save a life. 648 00:24:07,548 --> 00:24:08,935 If you have any decency at all, 649 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,326 you'll be there tomorrow night. 650 00:24:10,959 --> 00:24:12,037 Seven-ish. 651 00:24:12,062 --> 00:24:13,329 Bring a bathing suit. 652 00:24:13,431 --> 00:24:14,997 [FITZY MUMBLING] 653 00:24:15,099 --> 00:24:17,198 [BILL] Oh, you guys, look, he's dreaming. 654 00:24:17,300 --> 00:24:18,500 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 655 00:24:18,525 --> 00:24:19,891 Hey, in my defense, 656 00:24:19,916 --> 00:24:21,783 I did have my La-Z-Boy recliner 657 00:24:21,808 --> 00:24:24,009 set all the way back to "righteous indignation" mode. 658 00:24:24,034 --> 00:24:25,307 [LAUGHTER] 659 00:24:25,408 --> 00:24:28,215 So I was comfortable and making a statement. 660 00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:30,956 I mean, La-Z-Boy is 661 00:24:30,981 --> 00:24:32,413 the most racist piece of furniture 662 00:24:32,438 --> 00:24:34,034 you could sell a black man. 663 00:24:35,328 --> 00:24:36,828 Only thing more offensive would be 664 00:24:36,853 --> 00:24:38,853 a welfare queen-sized daybed. 665 00:24:38,955 --> 00:24:40,888 [LAUGHTER] 666 00:24:40,990 --> 00:24:44,124 [WOMAN LAUGHING LOUDLY] 667 00:24:44,453 --> 00:24:46,604 Well, look who just woke the fuck up, huh? 668 00:24:46,629 --> 00:24:47,995 [LAUGHTER] 669 00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:50,353 [LAUGHING LOUDLY] 670 00:24:51,187 --> 00:24:53,493 You know what? Can I ask you something, ma'am? 671 00:24:53,834 --> 00:24:56,383 Sorry, uh, why is that so funny? 672 00:24:57,005 --> 00:25:00,039 [COUGHING AND LAUGHING] 673 00:25:00,214 --> 00:25:02,008 [BILL] Well, this can't be good. 674 00:25:02,621 --> 00:25:03,687 Mm-mm. 675 00:25:03,712 --> 00:25:06,312 [RALPH] Welfare queen-sized daybed. 676 00:25:07,270 --> 00:25:09,034 I'm asking all of y'all, 677 00:25:10,224 --> 00:25:11,840 why is that so funny? 678 00:25:14,061 --> 00:25:15,201 Personally, 679 00:25:15,201 --> 00:25:16,868 I think you laughing at the jokes 680 00:25:17,102 --> 00:25:19,109 because you think there's some truth in 'em. 681 00:25:20,804 --> 00:25:22,085 Here's the real joke. 682 00:25:22,109 --> 00:25:23,775 I'm telling them to point out 683 00:25:23,877 --> 00:25:25,190 that there's not. 684 00:25:26,048 --> 00:25:27,609 It's called satire. 685 00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:30,290 For those of you that don't know, 686 00:25:30,315 --> 00:25:31,882 it's the use of humor, irony, 687 00:25:31,984 --> 00:25:33,651 exaggeration, or ridicule 688 00:25:33,829 --> 00:25:35,195 to criticize and expose 689 00:25:35,220 --> 00:25:37,121 people's stupidity and vices, 690 00:25:37,299 --> 00:25:38,966 particularly in the context 691 00:25:38,991 --> 00:25:40,691 of contemporary politics 692 00:25:41,155 --> 00:25:42,692 and other topical issues. 693 00:25:44,929 --> 00:25:46,315 I know. 694 00:25:46,564 --> 00:25:47,803 Impressive. 695 00:25:48,653 --> 00:25:50,377 A nigga's mind is a terrible thing to waste, 696 00:25:50,401 --> 00:25:51,701 y'all. 697 00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:55,548 Anyway, 698 00:25:56,305 --> 00:25:58,374 that's what I thought I was doing up here. 699 00:26:00,216 --> 00:26:01,677 Or pretending to do. 700 00:26:03,177 --> 00:26:04,456 Turns out, 701 00:26:04,481 --> 00:26:05,840 I've just been bojangling 702 00:26:05,865 --> 00:26:07,383 for you motherfuckers. 703 00:26:10,952 --> 00:26:12,988 Well, that's my time. 704 00:26:15,625 --> 00:26:18,625 [AUDIENCE MURMURING] 705 00:26:19,862 --> 00:26:22,129 [EDGAR] Ralph Carnegie, 706 00:26:22,231 --> 00:26:23,864 doing seven of his 15 minutes. 707 00:26:23,966 --> 00:26:25,733 How about that, huh? 708 00:26:25,835 --> 00:26:28,002 Where the fuck have you been? 709 00:26:28,104 --> 00:26:29,570 I-I twisted myself in knots 710 00:26:29,595 --> 00:26:30,848 - looking for you today. - I had business 711 00:26:30,873 --> 00:26:32,772 to attend to, okay? 712 00:26:32,874 --> 00:26:35,408 We have a business to attend to. 713 00:26:35,510 --> 00:26:37,557 Where the fuck were you? I'm scratching backs. 714 00:26:37,582 --> 00:26:38,878 Where were you? 715 00:26:39,231 --> 00:26:40,658 My life doesn't stop just because 716 00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:42,315 we're in business together, Gold. 717 00:26:42,637 --> 00:26:43,951 All right? I got shit too. 718 00:26:44,052 --> 00:26:45,052 Like? 719 00:26:45,087 --> 00:26:46,521 [LAUGHS] "Like"? 720 00:26:49,777 --> 00:26:53,024 Oh, Roy, you're not getting cold feet, are you? 721 00:26:54,122 --> 00:26:55,051 No. 722 00:26:56,223 --> 00:26:58,030 I do have something to talk to you about, okay? 723 00:26:58,361 --> 00:27:00,033 Uh, something important. 724 00:27:01,087 --> 00:27:02,288 So talk. 725 00:27:11,370 --> 00:27:12,463 This... 726 00:27:12,940 --> 00:27:14,278 is not dinner. 727 00:27:14,549 --> 00:27:15,623 [LAUGHS] 728 00:27:16,073 --> 00:27:17,049 What? 729 00:27:19,091 --> 00:27:20,728 Mmm! Mmm! 730 00:27:21,877 --> 00:27:23,587 Where'd you learn to cook? 731 00:27:24,354 --> 00:27:25,532 My mother. 732 00:27:26,580 --> 00:27:29,283 The woman could stretch a dime like it was Silly Putty. 733 00:27:29,346 --> 00:27:30,727 - [GOLDIE] Mm! - [ROY LAUGHS] 734 00:27:30,922 --> 00:27:32,728 I lived on peas and spaghetti 735 00:27:32,949 --> 00:27:35,465 when I was still Renaldo Stanziani, 736 00:27:36,012 --> 00:27:38,108 running a shell game in Times Square, 737 00:27:38,139 --> 00:27:39,372 if you can believe that. 738 00:27:39,397 --> 00:27:40,534 [LAUGHS] 739 00:27:41,948 --> 00:27:43,272 For me, it was egg salad 740 00:27:43,374 --> 00:27:44,799 and saltines. 741 00:27:44,824 --> 00:27:45,809 Wow. 742 00:27:45,834 --> 00:27:46,890 Well... 743 00:27:49,291 --> 00:27:50,557 You miss it? 744 00:27:51,841 --> 00:27:53,319 Simpler times? 745 00:27:55,221 --> 00:27:57,486 What, waitressing for nickels? 746 00:27:57,931 --> 00:27:59,922 Getting my ass grabbed by every two-bit drunk 747 00:28:00,023 --> 00:28:02,774 reeking of whatever perfume he'd just dry-humped 748 00:28:02,813 --> 00:28:04,045 off of the coat girl? 749 00:28:04,251 --> 00:28:05,271 [LAUGHS] 750 00:28:05,295 --> 00:28:07,977 Ask me, the past is right where it belongs. 751 00:28:10,405 --> 00:28:13,041 I remember when I bought my first Rolls-Royce. 752 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:15,763 A friend of Dean Martin sold it to me. 753 00:28:16,876 --> 00:28:18,243 Silver Cloud II. 754 00:28:18,571 --> 00:28:19,827 Oh, it was gorgeous. 755 00:28:20,791 --> 00:28:23,694 I did 110 on PCH 756 00:28:23,813 --> 00:28:25,146 on Christmas Eve. 757 00:28:25,171 --> 00:28:27,135 Had the ocean on the left and the... 758 00:28:27,835 --> 00:28:28,993 the mountains on the right. 759 00:28:29,018 --> 00:28:31,084 Stars were everywhere, 760 00:28:31,713 --> 00:28:33,252 but I was the meteor. 761 00:28:33,283 --> 00:28:35,042 Mm. [LAUGHS] 762 00:28:37,158 --> 00:28:38,287 Hmm. 763 00:28:38,974 --> 00:28:40,060 Yeah. 764 00:28:40,988 --> 00:28:42,087 So... 765 00:28:44,077 --> 00:28:45,941 you gonna tell me what's on your mind? 766 00:28:48,895 --> 00:28:51,157 Why does there always have to be something the matter? 767 00:28:52,374 --> 00:28:55,254 Well, you come in here with a smile that's all teeth, 768 00:28:55,279 --> 00:28:57,270 eyes just back from a funeral. 769 00:28:58,012 --> 00:28:59,132 You tell me. 770 00:29:06,555 --> 00:29:07,680 Hey. 771 00:29:11,509 --> 00:29:14,038 If it ain't one thing, it's another, right? 772 00:29:16,522 --> 00:29:18,574 My mom used to call me "banjo eyes." 773 00:29:19,028 --> 00:29:21,596 She said I always looked like the-the Hindenburg 774 00:29:21,621 --> 00:29:22,878 just crashed in my lap. 775 00:29:22,903 --> 00:29:24,203 [LAUGHS] 776 00:29:34,216 --> 00:29:35,302 It's nothing. 777 00:29:39,652 --> 00:29:41,332 It's just a case of the hiccups. 778 00:29:41,463 --> 00:29:42,762 Trust me, I'm... 779 00:29:43,348 --> 00:29:44,414 all in. 780 00:30:00,423 --> 00:30:01,739 I should go. 781 00:30:04,457 --> 00:30:05,790 I'll help clean up. 782 00:30:05,790 --> 00:30:06,955 I got it. 783 00:30:07,057 --> 00:30:08,361 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 784 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:10,601 All right. 785 00:30:10,601 --> 00:30:12,558 Is it okay if I use the phone and, uh, 786 00:30:12,738 --> 00:30:13,915 call a cab? 787 00:30:15,115 --> 00:30:16,282 It's all yours. 788 00:30:16,307 --> 00:30:17,673 Okay. 789 00:30:28,684 --> 00:30:29,895 Had breakfast yet? 790 00:30:30,554 --> 00:30:32,089 [CHUCKLES] I could probably 791 00:30:32,114 --> 00:30:33,457 scare up a couple glasses. 792 00:30:33,495 --> 00:30:34,954 Haven't finished fully unpacking. 793 00:30:35,434 --> 00:30:36,514 Come on. 794 00:30:39,198 --> 00:30:40,409 Man. 795 00:30:41,267 --> 00:30:43,551 When you blow shit up, you really do... 796 00:30:44,033 --> 00:30:45,033 blow shit up. 797 00:30:45,067 --> 00:30:46,067 Hey, sometimes shit 798 00:30:46,102 --> 00:30:47,134 need to get blown up, 799 00:30:47,237 --> 00:30:48,996 lest it fall into enemy hands. 800 00:30:50,737 --> 00:30:52,036 Just trying to be smart. 801 00:30:52,061 --> 00:30:53,236 Winter's coming. 802 00:30:58,101 --> 00:30:59,803 Hey, I know I'm only, 803 00:31:00,617 --> 00:31:02,541 you know, 18 or whatever, so I'm... 804 00:31:02,651 --> 00:31:04,284 And you done been to 'Nam 805 00:31:04,386 --> 00:31:05,838 and stuff like that, but... 806 00:31:06,024 --> 00:31:07,430 if you ever want to talk, man, 807 00:31:07,455 --> 00:31:09,521 or, you know, just... 808 00:31:09,700 --> 00:31:10,700 Adam. 809 00:31:10,901 --> 00:31:12,758 It's cool. Thank you. 810 00:31:13,251 --> 00:31:14,627 You don't got to worry about me. 811 00:31:16,486 --> 00:31:17,454 Okay. 812 00:31:17,942 --> 00:31:20,165 Just, last night and... 813 00:31:20,592 --> 00:31:21,698 this. 814 00:31:22,608 --> 00:31:24,479 Look, you was the only one 815 00:31:24,504 --> 00:31:26,753 that worried about me when I needed worrying. 816 00:31:27,602 --> 00:31:29,707 Maybe now you're the one that just needs some worrying. 817 00:31:29,809 --> 00:31:31,643 Look, back in 'Nam, 818 00:31:31,745 --> 00:31:33,076 the best of who I was 819 00:31:33,101 --> 00:31:34,689 always came through in combat. 820 00:31:35,046 --> 00:31:36,446 Silver lining to all that chaos 821 00:31:36,549 --> 00:31:38,716 is a... clarity of purpose. 822 00:31:38,818 --> 00:31:39,893 You dig? 823 00:31:41,157 --> 00:31:42,319 I th... I think so. 824 00:31:42,741 --> 00:31:45,121 Look, motherfuckers spend their whole life 825 00:31:45,500 --> 00:31:47,657 not knowing who they really are, 826 00:31:48,142 --> 00:31:50,228 but in chaos, mm. 827 00:31:51,611 --> 00:31:53,461 Baby, that's when the lights come on. 828 00:31:54,345 --> 00:31:57,166 Guess I needed to just be scared shitless again. 829 00:32:00,544 --> 00:32:02,416 You know, I picked up your album the other day. 830 00:32:04,110 --> 00:32:05,211 And? 831 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,588 Possibly... brilliant. 832 00:32:08,613 --> 00:32:09,912 [LAUGHS] You think so? 833 00:32:10,014 --> 00:32:11,608 - Yes, I do. - Yeah! 834 00:32:11,647 --> 00:32:12,748 Right on. 835 00:32:13,171 --> 00:32:14,825 Tell me, how much of that $5.99 I spent 836 00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:16,317 goes into your pocket, though? 837 00:32:17,249 --> 00:32:19,154 Man, I ain't seen a nickel in total. 838 00:32:20,197 --> 00:32:21,823 Signed a shitty record deal. 839 00:32:22,241 --> 00:32:23,846 What the fuck is your agent saying? 840 00:32:24,750 --> 00:32:27,265 Agents don't get in the ring for zero percent. 841 00:32:28,087 --> 00:32:30,031 That's some true shit right there. 842 00:32:30,577 --> 00:32:31,577 Mm. 843 00:32:32,468 --> 00:32:33,468 [MUMBLES] 844 00:32:34,019 --> 00:32:35,953 All right. Thank you, man. 845 00:32:36,055 --> 00:32:37,494 - Thanks. - Appreciate it. 846 00:32:37,676 --> 00:32:39,516 [RON] Well, you know what this is, don't you? 847 00:32:39,548 --> 00:32:42,416 This is the world's ugliest engagement ring. 848 00:32:43,060 --> 00:32:44,559 Yeah, so what if it were? 849 00:32:44,584 --> 00:32:46,751 Not that it is, but so what if it were? 850 00:32:46,776 --> 00:32:48,207 I'm not even gonna dignify that 851 00:32:48,232 --> 00:32:49,538 with a response. 852 00:32:50,989 --> 00:32:52,865 [SIGHS] Are you coming tonight? 853 00:32:53,692 --> 00:32:55,458 - To your party? - To Fitzy's 854 00:32:55,483 --> 00:32:56,950 stop-drinking... thing. 855 00:32:56,975 --> 00:32:58,340 Huh. You mean your party? 856 00:32:58,365 --> 00:33:00,398 It's not a party. It is to help Fitzy 857 00:33:00,733 --> 00:33:01,965 confront his alcoholism. 858 00:33:01,990 --> 00:33:03,189 It's Hawaiian-themed. 859 00:33:03,214 --> 00:33:04,854 - Are you coming or not? - Well, I'm gonna 860 00:33:04,879 --> 00:33:06,846 set this stuff up to surprise Cassie later, 861 00:33:06,871 --> 00:33:09,038 and then I was gonna meet Roy at Goldie's 862 00:33:09,140 --> 00:33:11,707 so we can work on some of his Friars Club material. 863 00:33:11,809 --> 00:33:13,075 Guy's such a dick. 864 00:33:13,177 --> 00:33:15,444 Yeah, well, I, uh, think he's broke, so... 865 00:33:15,546 --> 00:33:17,213 you might want to cut him some slack. 866 00:33:17,314 --> 00:33:18,314 Aw, shit. 867 00:33:18,349 --> 00:33:19,448 Me all out of tears. 868 00:33:19,473 --> 00:33:20,693 All right, you wanna give me a hand 869 00:33:20,718 --> 00:33:22,199 with some of this stuff or what? 870 00:33:22,552 --> 00:33:23,885 You know what? I'm gonna be 871 00:33:23,910 --> 00:33:25,257 the bigger man. Bring him. 872 00:33:25,288 --> 00:33:26,372 Bring him. It'll be fun. 873 00:33:26,397 --> 00:33:27,800 It's for a good cause. 874 00:33:28,491 --> 00:33:29,557 We're roasting a pig. 875 00:33:29,659 --> 00:33:30,859 [SOFT GUITAR MUSIC] 876 00:33:30,961 --> 00:33:32,607 You wanna give me a hand or... 877 00:33:32,607 --> 00:33:34,595 I can't hear... let me... Let me check on the stove. 878 00:33:34,697 --> 00:33:35,764 ? 879 00:33:35,866 --> 00:33:38,332 ? Sunshine ? 880 00:33:38,434 --> 00:33:41,601 ? On my shoulders ? 881 00:33:41,703 --> 00:33:45,105 ? Makes me happy ? 882 00:33:45,207 --> 00:33:48,976 ? 883 00:33:49,078 --> 00:33:53,078 ? Sunshine in my eyes ? 884 00:33:53,783 --> 00:33:57,783 ? Can make me cry ? 885 00:33:58,219 --> 00:34:02,219 ? 886 00:34:02,456 --> 00:34:05,091 ? Sunshine ? 887 00:34:05,193 --> 00:34:07,960 ? On the water ? 888 00:34:08,062 --> 00:34:11,030 ? Looks so lovely ? 889 00:34:11,132 --> 00:34:15,132 ? 890 00:34:15,602 --> 00:34:18,270 ? Sunshine ? 891 00:34:18,371 --> 00:34:21,506 ? Almost always ? 892 00:34:21,608 --> 00:34:23,775 ? Makes me high... ? 893 00:34:23,877 --> 00:34:25,275 Hey, buddy. 894 00:34:25,391 --> 00:34:28,374 Who set this order? I'm a comic, so I can't go 895 00:34:28,415 --> 00:34:30,314 after Little Miss Every Day's A Blessing. 896 00:34:30,949 --> 00:34:32,089 Come on, man. 897 00:34:32,185 --> 00:34:33,425 It's for charity. 898 00:34:33,953 --> 00:34:35,085 Right. 899 00:34:35,188 --> 00:34:38,088 ? ...that I could give you... ? 900 00:34:38,191 --> 00:34:39,880 Hey, magic man. 901 00:34:40,559 --> 00:34:43,194 Yeah, any chance of us switching? 902 00:34:43,296 --> 00:34:44,962 ? ...I'd give to you... ? 903 00:34:45,064 --> 00:34:46,930 Unless I can pull a cure out of my hat, 904 00:34:47,032 --> 00:34:48,331 not fucking happening. 905 00:34:48,433 --> 00:34:49,665 [SNIFFLES] 906 00:34:49,767 --> 00:34:53,767 ? 907 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,640 ? Sunshine ? 908 00:34:57,742 --> 00:35:01,244 ? Almost always ? 909 00:35:01,346 --> 00:35:03,046 ? Makes me high ? 910 00:35:03,148 --> 00:35:07,148 ? 911 00:35:09,619 --> 00:35:12,620 [APPLAUSE] 912 00:35:18,128 --> 00:35:20,995 Hey, wonderful, wonderful. 913 00:35:22,298 --> 00:35:23,422 Hi. 914 00:35:25,345 --> 00:35:28,146 Ah, one more time for Daisy, huh? 915 00:35:28,171 --> 00:35:29,371 Daisy. 916 00:35:29,805 --> 00:35:33,074 [APPLAUSE] 917 00:35:33,176 --> 00:35:34,214 Hoo. 918 00:35:34,949 --> 00:35:36,498 Cerebral palsy, huh? 919 00:35:37,448 --> 00:35:38,536 Not good. 920 00:35:40,700 --> 00:35:42,182 Um, I know 921 00:35:42,284 --> 00:35:43,616 I've been touched by it. 922 00:35:43,718 --> 00:35:45,651 [PERSON BLOWS NOSE] 923 00:35:45,754 --> 00:35:46,939 Thank you. 924 00:35:49,113 --> 00:35:51,200 Any dog lovers in the house? 925 00:35:52,761 --> 00:35:54,127 It went all right. 926 00:35:54,229 --> 00:35:55,327 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 927 00:35:55,429 --> 00:35:56,595 Are you kidding? I got pity laughs 928 00:35:56,697 --> 00:35:58,097 from kids in fucking wheelchairs. 929 00:35:58,199 --> 00:36:00,332 Well, we did what we came for. 930 00:36:00,434 --> 00:36:01,767 You did me a favor, 931 00:36:01,869 --> 00:36:03,582 they're ten dollars closer to a vaccine, 932 00:36:03,607 --> 00:36:05,317 and... I'm grateful. 933 00:36:05,930 --> 00:36:06,872 Yeah? 934 00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:08,532 So how about showing it? 935 00:36:09,448 --> 00:36:10,490 Meaning? 936 00:36:12,011 --> 00:36:13,544 Opening for Roy at your new club, 937 00:36:13,645 --> 00:36:14,753 like we talked about. 938 00:36:15,580 --> 00:36:18,108 Like you talked about, mm? 939 00:36:22,053 --> 00:36:23,376 You've already got somebody. 940 00:36:25,257 --> 00:36:26,601 Adam Proteau. 941 00:36:27,060 --> 00:36:28,368 That doesn't mean you're not gonna headline... 942 00:36:28,393 --> 00:36:29,685 Adam? Okay. 943 00:36:29,686 --> 00:36:31,753 What, what, so if I yell out "motherfucker" 944 00:36:31,855 --> 00:36:33,188 after every punch line, 945 00:36:33,290 --> 00:36:34,856 then I get to fucking open for Roy... 946 00:36:35,178 --> 00:36:36,224 Hey. 947 00:36:36,573 --> 00:36:38,327 Hi. You were great. 948 00:36:38,769 --> 00:36:40,126 Hey, thanks. 949 00:36:42,496 --> 00:36:45,067 I've done everything that you've ever asked of me. 950 00:36:45,399 --> 00:36:47,774 I burned down a fucking club for you. 951 00:36:48,591 --> 00:36:49,547 [SIGHS] 952 00:36:49,572 --> 00:36:51,973 You are a hard one to love, Billy. 953 00:36:52,075 --> 00:36:53,069 Fuck love. 954 00:36:53,451 --> 00:36:54,518 What is it? 955 00:36:54,543 --> 00:36:56,077 You don't think I'm talented enough. 956 00:36:56,559 --> 00:36:58,012 You're plenty talented. 957 00:36:58,591 --> 00:37:00,081 Talent is not your issue. 958 00:37:00,298 --> 00:37:01,355 Then what? 959 00:37:02,004 --> 00:37:03,836 'Cause it sure as fuck isn't about loyalty. 960 00:37:04,095 --> 00:37:05,742 I'm half a golden retriever. 961 00:37:06,465 --> 00:37:07,830 Billy. 962 00:37:07,932 --> 00:37:10,502 Just be happy for once, huh? 963 00:37:10,802 --> 00:37:13,370 You're headlining, you got a TV commercial, 964 00:37:13,472 --> 00:37:16,239 doing what most comics only dream of. 965 00:37:16,341 --> 00:37:17,807 But you, you walk around like 966 00:37:17,909 --> 00:37:19,342 you've got a load in your pants. 967 00:37:19,444 --> 00:37:20,709 [LAUGHS] 968 00:37:20,811 --> 00:37:22,344 Just tell me why. 969 00:37:24,545 --> 00:37:25,547 Fine. 970 00:37:28,412 --> 00:37:29,970 You are effective, 971 00:37:30,655 --> 00:37:32,443 not winning. 972 00:37:33,029 --> 00:37:34,224 You got it? 973 00:37:35,335 --> 00:37:37,549 I root for you, but the audience... 974 00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,661 You act like you're doing them a favor. 975 00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:40,928 Oh. 976 00:37:41,030 --> 00:37:42,930 So, what, you're effective and winning? 977 00:37:43,032 --> 00:37:44,442 Huh? Sitting in that club, 978 00:37:44,467 --> 00:37:46,233 up in that hiding place you call an office? 979 00:37:46,336 --> 00:37:47,602 Looking down at all of us 980 00:37:47,704 --> 00:37:49,404 like we're fucking puzzle pieces 981 00:37:49,506 --> 00:37:51,587 that you move around to fill out your pathetic life. 982 00:37:52,041 --> 00:37:53,374 Maybe the book's written on you, 983 00:37:53,476 --> 00:37:55,075 but you don't get to write my book. 984 00:37:56,278 --> 00:37:57,756 I have done nothing 985 00:37:58,046 --> 00:38:00,054 but treat you like a son. 986 00:38:01,407 --> 00:38:02,790 More like a daughter, 987 00:38:03,185 --> 00:38:04,984 and we both know how that turns out. 988 00:38:11,721 --> 00:38:13,759 A little misty water-colored memories? 989 00:38:13,861 --> 00:38:14,931 [LAUGHS] 990 00:38:15,229 --> 00:38:18,130 [SOMBER ROCK MUSIC] 991 00:38:18,509 --> 00:38:19,632 Just the coke. 992 00:38:19,734 --> 00:38:22,468 ? 993 00:38:22,647 --> 00:38:24,514 I hated you when you quit. 994 00:38:24,539 --> 00:38:25,926 Made me sad. 995 00:38:27,285 --> 00:38:29,284 Well, if I'd have kept going, 996 00:38:29,309 --> 00:38:30,975 you'd have been even sadder. 997 00:38:31,077 --> 00:38:32,344 ? 998 00:38:32,446 --> 00:38:33,492 Oh? 999 00:38:33,814 --> 00:38:35,584 'Cause then you'd just be gone. 1000 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,007 Now it's like you left. 1001 00:38:39,095 --> 00:38:41,062 Like you're judging me or something. 1002 00:38:41,087 --> 00:38:45,087 ? 1003 00:39:07,288 --> 00:39:08,705 Where the fuck is Fitzy? 1004 00:39:08,890 --> 00:39:10,823 I rehearsed all this 12-step crap, 1005 00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:12,214 and I can't really get hammered 1006 00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:13,425 till I help him get his shit together. 1007 00:39:13,527 --> 00:39:15,006 Arnie just called. 1008 00:39:15,229 --> 00:39:16,551 He's stuck at the club. 1009 00:39:16,698 --> 00:39:18,698 Him and Fitzy gonna be a little late. 1010 00:39:18,866 --> 00:39:20,139 Fuck it. We tried. 1011 00:39:20,170 --> 00:39:22,104 All right, everybody, let's party! 1012 00:39:22,129 --> 00:39:23,267 [PEOPLE CHEERING] 1013 00:39:23,292 --> 00:39:24,410 Open that bar up! 1014 00:39:24,447 --> 00:39:25,613 Yeah, it's true. 1015 00:39:25,638 --> 00:39:27,005 I fucked a bum. 1016 00:39:27,107 --> 00:39:28,506 [LAUGHTER] 1017 00:39:28,531 --> 00:39:29,818 And I ain't talking about a dude 1018 00:39:29,843 --> 00:39:31,155 who's in between apartments. 1019 00:39:31,292 --> 00:39:34,627 I'm talking a genuine aftershave-drinking hobo. 1020 00:39:35,082 --> 00:39:36,847 [LAUGHTER] 1021 00:39:36,872 --> 00:39:39,733 So we was messing around in his refrigerator box, 1022 00:39:40,452 --> 00:39:41,856 and he says... 1023 00:39:41,881 --> 00:39:43,716 [GRAVELLY VOICE] "Do you have any protection?" 1024 00:39:45,024 --> 00:39:48,458 I'm all, "Hell no. People who plan ahead 1025 00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:50,711 generally don't fuck motherfucking vagrants." 1026 00:39:50,996 --> 00:39:52,896 [LAUGHTER] 1027 00:39:52,998 --> 00:39:54,663 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 1028 00:39:54,766 --> 00:39:56,100 [LAUGHTER] 1029 00:39:56,667 --> 00:39:58,000 You know, Ron... 1030 00:39:58,025 --> 00:39:59,423 Not the funniest guy in the world, 1031 00:39:59,448 --> 00:40:01,621 but he sure knows how to throw an intervention. 1032 00:40:02,506 --> 00:40:04,774 Apparently being the funniest guy isn't enough. 1033 00:40:05,443 --> 00:40:06,876 Ron has a hit show, 1034 00:40:06,901 --> 00:40:08,837 and Adam has a hit album. 1035 00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:11,479 Have you heard it? It's pretty good. 1036 00:40:11,581 --> 00:40:12,742 Fuck no. 1037 00:40:13,050 --> 00:40:14,962 Heard he hasn't seen a dime either. 1038 00:40:15,175 --> 00:40:16,842 Imagine how arrogant he'd be 1039 00:40:17,054 --> 00:40:19,440 with money and Goldie's nose up his ass. 1040 00:40:20,178 --> 00:40:21,673 You mean "uppity"? 1041 00:40:23,148 --> 00:40:24,812 Easy, Ralpholm X. 1042 00:40:25,005 --> 00:40:27,439 This isn't about race. [SCOFFS] 1043 00:40:27,626 --> 00:40:29,106 I know you just realized you're black 1044 00:40:29,131 --> 00:40:30,401 and you're having a hard time with it, 1045 00:40:30,426 --> 00:40:31,782 but I'm not the enemy. 1046 00:40:31,782 --> 00:40:33,281 Also, if memory serves me right, 1047 00:40:33,383 --> 00:40:35,650 you were saying the same shit about Adam a year ago. 1048 00:40:35,752 --> 00:40:37,251 That's 'cause a year ago, 1049 00:40:37,354 --> 00:40:39,153 my arrogant ass was jealous, 1050 00:40:39,332 --> 00:40:41,271 the same way yours is now. 1051 00:40:41,458 --> 00:40:43,492 ? 1052 00:40:43,594 --> 00:40:44,909 [SCOFFS] 1053 00:40:45,452 --> 00:40:46,815 Ralph's black? 1054 00:40:46,996 --> 00:40:49,129 All right, keep it going for Dawn Lima! 1055 00:40:49,231 --> 00:40:50,430 Oh, yeah! 1056 00:40:50,533 --> 00:40:52,032 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1057 00:40:52,134 --> 00:40:54,702 Beautiful! She's gorgeous! 1058 00:40:55,057 --> 00:40:58,005 Come on! Hey, Dawn, I'm not a bum, 1059 00:40:58,107 --> 00:41:00,340 but I have been known to take a crap at a bus stop. 1060 00:41:00,442 --> 00:41:01,774 [LAUGHTER] 1061 00:41:01,877 --> 00:41:03,627 Let me over there, all right? 1062 00:41:04,225 --> 00:41:06,412 Whatever happened to chivalry, right? 1063 00:41:06,830 --> 00:41:07,914 Come on! 1064 00:41:08,016 --> 00:41:09,215 Do what I can to be nice to a lady... 1065 00:41:09,317 --> 00:41:10,790 What's happening? [LAUGHS] 1066 00:41:11,820 --> 00:41:13,586 [ARNIE] Help her with doors, right? 1067 00:41:13,688 --> 00:41:15,388 I hold the door open, 1068 00:41:15,490 --> 00:41:17,707 you know, like any man should. 1069 00:41:18,893 --> 00:41:22,293 The girl goes, "No! No one"... 1070 00:41:22,396 --> 00:41:24,095 You wanna hit Fitzy's thing? 1071 00:41:24,197 --> 00:41:25,864 I told Cassie I'd meet her there later. 1072 00:41:25,966 --> 00:41:27,847 Who's that, the Jewish broad? 1073 00:41:28,918 --> 00:41:30,536 You mean my girlfriend? 1074 00:41:31,948 --> 00:41:32,948 What? 1075 00:41:33,050 --> 00:41:34,650 There goes the hungry kid 1076 00:41:34,675 --> 00:41:37,542 who threw a $600 watch back in my face, 1077 00:41:37,721 --> 00:41:39,854 pushed himself into my hotel room, 1078 00:41:39,879 --> 00:41:42,212 and practically begged me to hire him. 1079 00:41:42,314 --> 00:41:44,481 Well, what if I'm holding the door 1080 00:41:44,692 --> 00:41:46,150 to an abortion clinic? 1081 00:41:46,252 --> 00:41:47,975 Is it modern then? 1082 00:41:48,737 --> 00:41:50,421 Is it modern then? [LAUGHS] 1083 00:41:50,523 --> 00:41:52,956 - [MAN] Boo! - Shut up! 1084 00:41:54,626 --> 00:41:56,433 People make better decisions drunk 1085 00:41:56,528 --> 00:41:58,532 than they do in relationships. 1086 00:41:58,607 --> 00:41:59,973 The thing's a hindrance, okay? 1087 00:41:59,998 --> 00:42:01,504 Mark my words. 1088 00:42:02,007 --> 00:42:03,218 Okay, well, 1089 00:42:04,266 --> 00:42:05,368 Cassie's not a thing. 1090 00:42:05,779 --> 00:42:07,770 Women are a thing. 1091 00:42:08,219 --> 00:42:10,231 Love, whatever the fuck that is, 1092 00:42:11,215 --> 00:42:12,482 is a thing. 1093 00:42:13,676 --> 00:42:14,997 Love is a thing. 1094 00:42:17,246 --> 00:42:18,622 Pretty messed up, Roy. 1095 00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:20,859 Trust me. 1096 00:42:21,361 --> 00:42:22,936 If it can be taken away, 1097 00:42:24,887 --> 00:42:26,137 it's a thing. 1098 00:42:28,291 --> 00:42:31,192 [UPBEAT FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO] 1099 00:42:31,294 --> 00:42:34,963 ? 1100 00:42:35,065 --> 00:42:36,097 [GRUNTS] 1101 00:42:36,199 --> 00:42:38,777 Oh, excuse me, Billy. My bad. 1102 00:42:39,102 --> 00:42:43,102 ? 1103 00:42:48,789 --> 00:42:50,443 I knight thee 1104 00:42:50,786 --> 00:42:51,988 Sir Adam, 1105 00:42:53,061 --> 00:42:54,250 both winning 1106 00:42:55,749 --> 00:42:57,161 and effective. 1107 00:42:57,352 --> 00:42:59,319 ? 1108 00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:01,198 [LAUGHING] Okay... 1109 00:43:01,871 --> 00:43:02,922 cool. 1110 00:43:03,024 --> 00:43:07,024 ? 1111 00:43:28,849 --> 00:43:31,750 [RELAXED MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO] 1112 00:43:31,852 --> 00:43:35,852 ? 1113 00:43:36,271 --> 00:43:37,220 Hey. 1114 00:43:37,322 --> 00:43:41,191 ? 1115 00:43:41,293 --> 00:43:42,926 I tried calling you at Bill's. 1116 00:43:43,029 --> 00:43:44,928 I met your uncle Chris last night at the club 1117 00:43:45,031 --> 00:43:46,421 right after you left. 1118 00:43:46,666 --> 00:43:50,666 ? 1119 00:43:52,414 --> 00:43:54,014 He's here with your cousin, 1120 00:43:54,039 --> 00:43:56,605 staying at the Hollywood Premiere Motel 1121 00:43:56,708 --> 00:43:58,207 on Sunset for a week 1122 00:43:58,232 --> 00:43:59,599 if you want to stop by. 1123 00:43:59,778 --> 00:44:02,745 ? 1124 00:44:02,847 --> 00:44:04,346 I got it, thanks. 1125 00:44:04,448 --> 00:44:07,850 ? 1126 00:44:08,294 --> 00:44:09,359 Nick. 1127 00:44:09,384 --> 00:44:13,384 ? 1128 00:44:14,585 --> 00:44:15,816 What do you want? 1129 00:44:17,145 --> 00:44:18,567 We girlfriends now? 1130 00:44:18,729 --> 00:44:20,829 ? 1131 00:44:21,315 --> 00:44:23,816 No, but you were there for me in Wink. 1132 00:44:24,740 --> 00:44:26,004 Well, this isn't Wink. 1133 00:44:26,029 --> 00:44:27,011 Okay. 1134 00:44:27,521 --> 00:44:29,333 I-I don't know what I just walked into. 1135 00:44:29,358 --> 00:44:30,515 I just meant 1136 00:44:31,285 --> 00:44:33,160 that having someone here 1137 00:44:34,644 --> 00:44:35,871 know about... 1138 00:44:36,312 --> 00:44:40,312 ? 1139 00:44:41,737 --> 00:44:42,936 Uh, it feels better. 1140 00:44:43,038 --> 00:44:44,407 Why don't you go tell Eddie? 1141 00:44:44,606 --> 00:44:46,321 Okay? That guy's a fucking saint. 1142 00:44:46,707 --> 00:44:47,949 Jesus, Nick. 1143 00:44:48,443 --> 00:44:49,642 You don't want to tell Eddie because you'd rather be 1144 00:44:49,744 --> 00:44:51,043 some scrubbed-up version of yourself 1145 00:44:51,068 --> 00:44:52,633 than what's sitting here now, 1146 00:44:52,663 --> 00:44:53,728 then fine. 1147 00:44:54,815 --> 00:44:56,182 But don't start looking at my shit 1148 00:44:56,284 --> 00:44:57,849 'cause you can't handle yours. 1149 00:44:58,052 --> 00:45:00,852 ? 1150 00:45:01,031 --> 00:45:02,217 Am I wrong? 1151 00:45:02,389 --> 00:45:06,389 ? 1152 00:45:22,341 --> 00:45:23,389 Don't. 1153 00:45:23,742 --> 00:45:27,742 ? 1154 00:45:36,193 --> 00:45:37,473 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO] 1155 00:45:37,527 --> 00:45:38,726 Oh, uh, yeah. 1156 00:45:38,923 --> 00:45:40,823 Just an FYI. R-Ron thinks you hate him. 1157 00:45:40,925 --> 00:45:42,492 YEAH, JUST AN FU: I do. 1158 00:45:42,517 --> 00:45:43,583 Okay, well, maybe can you just 1159 00:45:43,608 --> 00:45:44,704 pretend tonight to... 1160 00:45:44,729 --> 00:45:45,729 Just relax, okay? 1161 00:45:45,797 --> 00:45:47,263 I know how to put on a show. 1162 00:45:47,365 --> 00:45:48,398 All right, now, where the hell 1163 00:45:48,500 --> 00:45:50,667 is that fucking drunk, Fitzy? 1164 00:45:50,692 --> 00:45:51,971 [LAUGHTER] 1165 00:45:51,996 --> 00:45:53,402 F-Fitzy's actually running a little late. 1166 00:45:53,427 --> 00:45:56,528 Oh, it's Benny time! 1167 00:45:56,707 --> 00:45:57,939 [LAUGHS] You, my friend... 1168 00:45:58,041 --> 00:45:59,474 I owe you an apology. 1169 00:45:59,577 --> 00:46:01,543 I owe you an apology, 'cause I was a dick. 1170 00:46:01,645 --> 00:46:03,478 I saw your show... I'm over here. 1171 00:46:03,581 --> 00:46:04,913 I saw your show. 1172 00:46:05,015 --> 00:46:06,815 - You are a funny fuck. - Really? 1173 00:46:06,917 --> 00:46:09,617 Now, the rest of the jungle, I wouldn't give you a dime, 1174 00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:11,552 but you got "breakout" written all over you. 1175 00:46:11,654 --> 00:46:13,254 You really think so? 'Cause I mean, the show 1176 00:46:13,279 --> 00:46:14,699 - has moments where I think... - There is no show. 1177 00:46:14,724 --> 00:46:16,457 You hear me? There is no show. 1178 00:46:16,559 --> 00:46:17,559 It's you 1179 00:46:17,737 --> 00:46:19,036 and people talking 1180 00:46:19,061 --> 00:46:20,561 until you get back on-screen. 1181 00:46:20,663 --> 00:46:21,934 You understand? 1182 00:46:22,875 --> 00:46:24,309 Hey, I got this great Bolivian shit 1183 00:46:24,334 --> 00:46:25,998 from my PA if you're up for it. 1184 00:46:26,101 --> 00:46:27,467 Well, take me to your mirror. 1185 00:46:27,492 --> 00:46:28,645 - All right. - Over there? 1186 00:46:28,670 --> 00:46:30,837 [MAN] Fitzy! Whoo, Fitzy! 1187 00:46:30,939 --> 00:46:32,004 Hold on a second. 1188 00:46:32,375 --> 00:46:33,469 Fitzy! 1189 00:46:34,008 --> 00:46:35,709 You got a drinking problem! 1190 00:46:35,810 --> 00:46:39,479 ? 1191 00:46:39,658 --> 00:46:41,325 Anybody else want to weigh in or... 1192 00:46:41,350 --> 00:46:43,014 ? Let your tears... ? 1193 00:46:43,117 --> 00:46:44,816 Message received. 1194 00:46:44,918 --> 00:46:46,262 Now can somebody please get me 1195 00:46:46,287 --> 00:46:48,186 a fucking drink in this hellhole? 1196 00:46:48,211 --> 00:46:49,544 [LAUGHTER] 1197 00:46:49,569 --> 00:46:51,535 - I did what I could. - Such a putz. 1198 00:46:52,049 --> 00:46:53,135 You know what? 1199 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:54,926 Shit's about to get crazy in here. 1200 00:46:54,951 --> 00:46:56,455 What do you say we take a little ride? 1201 00:46:56,964 --> 00:46:58,264 You got someplace in mind? 1202 00:46:58,366 --> 00:46:59,366 Oh, yeah. 1203 00:46:59,399 --> 00:47:00,299 Come on. 1204 00:47:01,268 --> 00:47:04,101 [UPBEAT FUNK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO] 1205 00:47:04,203 --> 00:47:05,970 ? 1206 00:47:05,995 --> 00:47:07,143 Oh, hey. 1207 00:47:08,074 --> 00:47:09,608 What's going on? 1208 00:47:10,644 --> 00:47:12,479 Come here, I wanna show you something. 1209 00:47:13,713 --> 00:47:14,713 What? 1210 00:47:14,781 --> 00:47:15,781 Come on. 1211 00:47:15,848 --> 00:47:17,213 [KNOCK AT DOOR] 1212 00:47:17,316 --> 00:47:18,548 [EDGAR] I'll be right back. 1213 00:47:18,651 --> 00:47:20,165 [KNOCK AT DOOR] 1214 00:47:20,799 --> 00:47:21,931 I got it. 1215 00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:25,789 ? 1216 00:47:25,891 --> 00:47:27,123 Oh, shit. 1217 00:47:27,225 --> 00:47:28,225 Hey. 1218 00:47:28,260 --> 00:47:29,644 The owner here? 1219 00:47:30,677 --> 00:47:32,429 How do you know I'm not the owner? 1220 00:47:32,531 --> 00:47:33,829 ? 1221 00:47:34,268 --> 00:47:35,564 I'm just kidding. Come on. 1222 00:47:35,667 --> 00:47:36,932 ? 1223 00:47:37,034 --> 00:47:38,601 We got a noise complaint. 1224 00:47:38,703 --> 00:47:39,904 Bet you did. 1225 00:47:40,905 --> 00:47:43,291 Ah, our boys in blue. 1226 00:47:43,775 --> 00:47:45,508 What can I do for you? 1227 00:47:45,610 --> 00:47:47,009 We got a noise complaint. 1228 00:47:47,111 --> 00:47:48,344 ? 1229 00:47:48,604 --> 00:47:50,944 Roy Martin. Pleasure. 1230 00:47:51,047 --> 00:47:53,147 - [MUSIC STOPS] - [PEOPLE MURMURING] 1231 00:47:53,774 --> 00:47:55,073 Roy Martin. 1232 00:47:55,678 --> 00:47:57,765 What, you guys don't own a fucking TV? 1233 00:47:58,054 --> 00:47:59,453 You the owner, sir? 1234 00:47:59,690 --> 00:48:01,708 I'm glad you're here, sirs, 1235 00:48:02,224 --> 00:48:03,925 'cause I have something to confess. 1236 00:48:04,264 --> 00:48:07,228 I am an arsonist. 1237 00:48:07,543 --> 00:48:09,142 I did Carson. I did it. 1238 00:48:09,244 --> 00:48:10,777 I got the fucking couch. 1239 00:48:10,802 --> 00:48:11,933 How about that? 1240 00:48:11,958 --> 00:48:13,557 I met Carol Channing. 1241 00:48:13,582 --> 00:48:15,615 Very nice. She smells like Poligrip. 1242 00:48:15,717 --> 00:48:17,684 And how does Goldie repay me? 1243 00:48:17,786 --> 00:48:18,906 - Huh? - [EDGAR] Sorry, guys. 1244 00:48:18,987 --> 00:48:20,153 He's bitter about a lot of things. 1245 00:48:20,255 --> 00:48:21,555 A Big Red 1246 00:48:21,657 --> 00:48:23,523 fucking soda commercial! 1247 00:48:23,625 --> 00:48:25,123 Whoo! 1248 00:48:25,225 --> 00:48:27,159 She doesn't get to tell me what my future is! 1249 00:48:27,261 --> 00:48:28,527 No one does! 1250 00:48:28,629 --> 00:48:30,674 No one tells me what to do! 1251 00:48:30,932 --> 00:48:32,164 - [BOTTLE SHATTERS] - [PEOPLE EXCLAIM] 1252 00:48:32,266 --> 00:48:33,468 Hands against the wall. 1253 00:48:34,869 --> 00:48:36,505 Okay, maybe you guys do. 1254 00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:41,473 [EDDIE] I was gonna surprise you later, but, 1255 00:48:41,498 --> 00:48:42,603 you know. 1256 00:48:43,944 --> 00:48:45,348 Wow. 1257 00:48:46,245 --> 00:48:49,146 [SOMBER MUSIC] 1258 00:48:49,248 --> 00:48:53,248 ? 1259 00:49:05,837 --> 00:49:07,197 That was a fun night. 1260 00:49:07,299 --> 00:49:08,270 Yeah. 1261 00:49:09,969 --> 00:49:11,790 Not as fun as tonight. 1262 00:49:12,037 --> 00:49:16,037 ? 1263 00:49:23,304 --> 00:49:24,346 What? 1264 00:49:24,448 --> 00:49:28,448 ? 1265 00:49:38,756 --> 00:49:39,846 Nothing. 1266 00:49:40,330 --> 00:49:44,330 ? 1267 00:49:48,931 --> 00:49:50,638 All right, guys, I'll tell you what. 1268 00:49:50,740 --> 00:49:52,773 Here's a little something for all you do. 1269 00:49:52,875 --> 00:49:55,676 Uh, put it away, sir, or you'll be joining him. 1270 00:49:55,778 --> 00:49:57,144 [RON] Excuse me, Officers. 1271 00:49:57,246 --> 00:49:58,846 Uh, I'm-I'm the homeowner. Is there a problem? 1272 00:49:58,948 --> 00:50:00,648 Several, starting with a noise complaint, 1273 00:50:00,673 --> 00:50:02,382 attempted assault on an officer... 1274 00:50:02,484 --> 00:50:04,018 [BILL] They got mad 'cause I spilled my drink, Ron. 1275 00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:05,686 Why-why did you do that, Bill? 1276 00:50:05,788 --> 00:50:06,836 You... 1277 00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,073 Benny the Mailman? 1278 00:50:09,177 --> 00:50:10,417 Watts Local? 1279 00:50:11,946 --> 00:50:14,413 Well, I'm Ron Shack. I-I play Benny the Mailman. 1280 00:50:14,438 --> 00:50:16,996 Oh, my wife and I love that show. 1281 00:50:18,585 --> 00:50:19,702 [LAUGHS] 1282 00:50:20,721 --> 00:50:21,887 Great. Yeah, yeah, no. 1283 00:50:21,989 --> 00:50:23,822 It's-it's a great show. 1284 00:50:24,174 --> 00:50:26,070 Uh, do you guys want an autograph? 1285 00:50:26,144 --> 00:50:27,325 O-or you want a picture? 1286 00:50:27,427 --> 00:50:28,860 I-I got the camera. 1287 00:50:28,962 --> 00:50:31,062 I... if it's not too big of an inconvenience. 1288 00:50:31,164 --> 00:50:33,031 Huh, "incon"... No, it'd be my pleasure. 1289 00:50:33,056 --> 00:50:34,168 - Here, Edgar, you wanna take... - Hey, you know what? 1290 00:50:34,193 --> 00:50:35,246 Why don't I do it? 1291 00:50:35,635 --> 00:50:36,901 Really? Yeah, Roy will take it. 1292 00:50:36,926 --> 00:50:38,425 Let's get him out of the shot. 1293 00:50:38,450 --> 00:50:39,670 - He's gonna ruin everything. - [BILL] Yeah. 1294 00:50:39,695 --> 00:50:40,827 Just get out of the shot, Bill. 1295 00:50:40,852 --> 00:50:42,662 You guys ready? Let's do this, huh? 1296 00:50:43,843 --> 00:50:45,108 [ROY] Say "cheese." 1297 00:50:45,133 --> 00:50:46,166 Cheese. 1298 00:50:47,512 --> 00:50:48,455 Yeah. 1299 00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:49,903 [PEOPLE CHEERING] 1300 00:50:50,682 --> 00:50:51,931 There you go. 1301 00:50:53,485 --> 00:50:55,652 [SLOW JAZZY BASS MUSIC] 1302 00:50:55,677 --> 00:50:56,777 Man, you think breaking into this place 1303 00:50:56,802 --> 00:50:58,067 is a good idea? 1304 00:50:58,210 --> 00:50:59,722 These motherfuckers owe you money. 1305 00:50:59,824 --> 00:51:01,001 We gonna get that money. 1306 00:51:01,492 --> 00:51:02,639 All right. 1307 00:51:02,639 --> 00:51:03,758 What, you gonna break down the door? 1308 00:51:03,783 --> 00:51:04,897 Ain't no fucking key. 1309 00:51:05,574 --> 00:51:07,141 Just gonna open the door. 1310 00:51:07,166 --> 00:51:08,460 Okay, all right. Fuck it. 1311 00:51:08,845 --> 00:51:10,344 ? 1312 00:51:10,446 --> 00:51:11,746 [MAN] Yeah... 1313 00:51:11,848 --> 00:51:13,580 ? 1314 00:51:13,682 --> 00:51:16,916 [MAN] Big boy. Oh, yeah. 1315 00:51:17,259 --> 00:51:18,819 - [MAN] Whoa! - [WOMAN GASPS] 1316 00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:20,353 What the... who the fuck... 1317 00:51:20,455 --> 00:51:23,189 ? 1318 00:51:23,291 --> 00:51:24,724 Adam? Adam! 1319 00:51:24,826 --> 00:51:26,159 [LAUGHS] 1320 00:51:26,261 --> 00:51:27,600 Hey, Rusty. 1321 00:51:27,929 --> 00:51:29,963 [LAUGHING NERVOUSLY] Hey. 1322 00:51:30,065 --> 00:51:32,397 [LAUGHS] Adam, my brother! 1323 00:51:32,499 --> 00:51:33,565 [LAUGHS] 1324 00:51:33,667 --> 00:51:34,867 Hey, it's kind of late. 1325 00:51:34,969 --> 00:51:36,243 [LAUGHS] 1326 00:51:36,493 --> 00:51:38,603 Your associate, I'm presuming? Hmm? 1327 00:51:38,628 --> 00:51:40,431 You owe this motherfucker five grand, 1328 00:51:40,657 --> 00:51:42,307 and we're here to collect. 1329 00:51:43,310 --> 00:51:44,810 I didn't catch your name, my man. 1330 00:51:45,612 --> 00:51:46,745 Huh? [LAUGHS] 1331 00:51:46,847 --> 00:51:48,513 Adam, hey, it's like we talked about. 1332 00:51:48,615 --> 00:51:50,547 Okay? Money is on the way. 1333 00:51:50,650 --> 00:51:51,783 All right? But there's a lot of overhead 1334 00:51:51,885 --> 00:51:53,284 we gotta pay off first, okay? 1335 00:51:53,386 --> 00:51:55,219 It sucks, but you gotta spend money 1336 00:51:55,244 --> 00:51:56,607 to make money, right? 1337 00:51:56,632 --> 00:51:58,420 Why the fuck are you talking to him 1338 00:51:58,491 --> 00:52:00,393 when I'm the motherfucker talking to you? 1339 00:52:00,994 --> 00:52:01,970 [LAUGHS] 1340 00:52:01,995 --> 00:52:03,460 Fellas, fellas, 1341 00:52:03,562 --> 00:52:05,347 come on. [LAUGHS] 1342 00:52:06,364 --> 00:52:08,364 You... oh, man. Listen... 1343 00:52:08,466 --> 00:52:09,532 Ah! 1344 00:52:09,634 --> 00:52:10,834 Oh, fuck. 1345 00:52:10,999 --> 00:52:12,052 What the fuck? 1346 00:52:12,077 --> 00:52:13,236 Okay. 1347 00:52:13,261 --> 00:52:14,527 [RALPH] Pull a gun on me, motherfucker? 1348 00:52:14,552 --> 00:52:15,548 No, no, no, no, no! 1349 00:52:15,573 --> 00:52:16,678 Get your ass up. 1350 00:52:17,327 --> 00:52:19,059 Ah! [YELLING] 1351 00:52:20,074 --> 00:52:21,256 Now it's a party. 1352 00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:22,619 [ADAM] Man, Rusty, man, just give us the five 1353 00:52:22,644 --> 00:52:23,756 and we'll be gone. 1354 00:52:23,781 --> 00:52:24,814 Fuck you coons! 1355 00:52:24,839 --> 00:52:25,881 It's not here! 1356 00:52:25,983 --> 00:52:28,617 ? 1357 00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:31,187 - [BONE CRUNCHES] - [YELLS] 1358 00:52:31,289 --> 00:52:32,688 Where's that fucking money? 1359 00:52:32,790 --> 00:52:34,773 I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it tomorrow! 1360 00:52:35,459 --> 00:52:36,425 - [BONE CRUNCHES] - [RUSTY YELLS] 1361 00:52:36,450 --> 00:52:37,536 Oh, shit. 1362 00:52:38,129 --> 00:52:39,894 Oh, fuck. It's in the safe! 1363 00:52:39,996 --> 00:52:41,595 It's in the safe! Jane! 1364 00:52:41,776 --> 00:52:44,676 Adam, help Jane with that... Adam? 1365 00:52:44,701 --> 00:52:46,315 Is-is he okay? 1366 00:52:47,137 --> 00:52:48,773 Jane, go get that money! 1367 00:52:49,764 --> 00:52:51,408 And a... and a glass of water! 1368 00:52:51,734 --> 00:52:54,235 [ROY] It's Benny time! 1369 00:52:54,337 --> 00:52:55,903 - [LAUGHTER] - [ROY] I'm a mailman. 1370 00:52:56,005 --> 00:52:58,871 A little white, fat mailman in Watts! 1371 00:52:58,974 --> 00:53:00,006 What's the problem? 1372 00:53:00,109 --> 00:53:02,209 [LAUGHTER] 1373 00:53:02,311 --> 00:53:04,911 More wooden than fucking Howdy Doody time! 1374 00:53:05,013 --> 00:53:06,361 Ronny! 1375 00:53:06,881 --> 00:53:08,582 I love this. Special delivery. 1376 00:53:08,683 --> 00:53:09,716 [BLOWS RASPBERRY] 1377 00:53:09,818 --> 00:53:11,384 [LAUGHTER] 1378 00:53:11,487 --> 00:53:13,052 Where's Dragnet, huh? 1379 00:53:13,155 --> 00:53:15,275 What, they had to rush off? Was there a... 1380 00:53:15,300 --> 00:53:17,233 I don't know, maybe... maybe an emergency 1381 00:53:17,258 --> 00:53:19,125 at the, uh, Family Affair kids' house 1382 00:53:19,227 --> 00:53:20,466 or something? 1383 00:53:20,694 --> 00:53:22,271 [LAUGHTER] 1384 00:53:23,564 --> 00:53:25,604 I mean, they didn't even know who the fuck you were. 1385 00:53:28,702 --> 00:53:30,159 Do you want to know why? 1386 00:53:31,397 --> 00:53:32,663 Because all you are to them 1387 00:53:32,688 --> 00:53:34,087 is some dusty old scratched record 1388 00:53:34,112 --> 00:53:35,477 on their father's Victrola. 1389 00:53:36,468 --> 00:53:38,268 - That's all you are. - [BILL] Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1390 00:53:38,370 --> 00:53:40,170 - You're a fucking nothing. - You're fucking nothing! 1391 00:53:40,272 --> 00:53:41,752 You're nobody! 1392 00:53:41,752 --> 00:53:43,039 You know what you are? You're a fucking 1393 00:53:43,141 --> 00:53:44,581 trivia question five years from now, 1394 00:53:44,606 --> 00:53:45,975 you fucking hack! 1395 00:53:46,077 --> 00:53:47,344 - All right... - I am Mount Rushmore 1396 00:53:47,369 --> 00:53:48,567 compared to you. 1397 00:53:48,592 --> 00:53:49,592 Do you understand? 1398 00:53:49,617 --> 00:53:50,859 I'm an icon! 1399 00:53:51,382 --> 00:53:52,682 Who are you, fucker? 1400 00:53:53,785 --> 00:53:54,879 Who am I? 1401 00:53:58,146 --> 00:53:59,329 You know what, Roy? 1402 00:54:01,039 --> 00:54:02,343 This is who I am. 1403 00:54:02,368 --> 00:54:04,069 [EDGAR] Ron, come on, don't be that guy. 1404 00:54:04,094 --> 00:54:05,460 - Ron. - [RON] Right there. 1405 00:54:05,485 --> 00:54:06,564 [BILL] Ron. 1406 00:54:07,230 --> 00:54:08,564 This is me. 1407 00:54:09,333 --> 00:54:11,555 You sorry, pathetic, 1408 00:54:11,901 --> 00:54:14,262 broke fuck. 1409 00:54:15,171 --> 00:54:16,538 [CHUCKLES] 1410 00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:18,292 [AL] Guys! Guys! 1411 00:54:18,292 --> 00:54:20,007 - [BILL] Jesus, Ron! - I think Fitzy's drowning. 1412 00:54:20,032 --> 00:54:21,032 What? 1413 00:54:21,057 --> 00:54:22,340 [AL] He's drowning! Come on! 1414 00:54:23,312 --> 00:54:25,412 [COUGHING] 1415 00:54:25,514 --> 00:54:26,631 You okay, Fitzy? 1416 00:54:26,755 --> 00:54:28,089 Yeah, yeah. I just... 1417 00:54:28,170 --> 00:54:29,903 I needed to take a leak anyway. 1418 00:54:30,005 --> 00:54:31,605 Come on, get up. Let's go. 1419 00:54:31,707 --> 00:54:32,839 [COUGHS] Whoa, whoa. 1420 00:54:32,941 --> 00:54:33,941 What's wrong? 1421 00:54:34,042 --> 00:54:35,111 What's wrong? 1422 00:54:35,478 --> 00:54:36,710 Somebody call a fucking ambulance. 1423 00:54:36,812 --> 00:54:37,911 Go, go! 1424 00:54:38,013 --> 00:54:39,156 [FITZY] I-I can't... 1425 00:54:39,847 --> 00:54:41,581 - [FITZY] I can't Br-breathe. - [MAN] Call an ambulance! 1426 00:54:41,683 --> 00:54:42,915 [SIREN WAILS] 1427 00:54:45,330 --> 00:54:46,767 What's going on? 1428 00:54:47,255 --> 00:54:49,001 [SIGHS] Fuck. 1429 00:54:49,844 --> 00:54:52,091 Yeah, yeah, man. 1430 00:54:52,193 --> 00:54:54,026 [JOHN DENVER'S "SUNSHINE ON MY SHOULDERS" PLAYING] 1431 00:54:54,051 --> 00:54:55,162 Let's go. 1432 00:54:55,363 --> 00:54:56,837 What? You want to leave now? 1433 00:54:57,264 --> 00:54:59,063 You find a lot of room for interpretation 1434 00:54:59,088 --> 00:55:00,342 - in that sentence? - All right, 1435 00:55:00,367 --> 00:55:01,400 I'll be right there. 1436 00:55:01,502 --> 00:55:02,634 Okay, he's in a mood. 1437 00:55:02,736 --> 00:55:04,068 Who knows how long it'll take? 1438 00:55:04,171 --> 00:55:05,570 - See you tomorrow? - Yep. 1439 00:55:05,673 --> 00:55:08,774 ? ...on my shoulders ? 1440 00:55:08,875 --> 00:55:12,577 ? Makes me happy ? 1441 00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:16,480 ? 1442 00:55:16,582 --> 00:55:19,016 ? Sunshine ? 1443 00:55:19,118 --> 00:55:21,319 ? In my eyes ? 1444 00:55:21,421 --> 00:55:22,653 ? Can make me ? 1445 00:55:22,755 --> 00:55:26,755 ? Cry ? 1446 00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:29,694 ? 1447 00:55:29,796 --> 00:55:32,228 ? Sunshine ? 1448 00:55:32,331 --> 00:55:35,465 ? On the water ? 1449 00:55:35,567 --> 00:55:39,567 ? Looks so lovely ? 1450 00:55:39,771 --> 00:55:41,170 What's the problem? 1451 00:55:41,272 --> 00:55:42,939 ? 1452 00:55:43,041 --> 00:55:45,508 ? Sunshine ? 1453 00:55:45,610 --> 00:55:46,743 ? Almost always... ? 1454 00:55:46,950 --> 00:55:48,341 You know me, right? 1455 00:55:49,347 --> 00:55:50,554 Oh, yeah. 1456 00:55:51,515 --> 00:55:52,892 I know you. 1457 00:55:53,183 --> 00:55:56,251 ? 1458 00:55:56,354 --> 00:56:00,354 ? If I had a day ? 1459 00:56:01,158 --> 00:56:02,290 ? 1460 00:56:02,393 --> 00:56:06,193 ? That I could give you ? 1461 00:56:06,295 --> 00:56:09,263 ? 1462 00:56:09,366 --> 00:56:12,600 ? I'd give to you ? 1463 00:56:12,702 --> 00:56:15,069 ? A day... ? 1464 00:56:15,171 --> 00:56:16,856 That is everything, 1465 00:56:17,240 --> 00:56:19,353 plus the pot he pisses in. 1466 00:56:20,042 --> 00:56:22,148 Stubborn fuck. He'll be back. 1467 00:56:22,578 --> 00:56:25,078 ? If I had ? 1468 00:56:25,180 --> 00:56:28,214 ? A song ? 1469 00:56:28,316 --> 00:56:32,316 ? That I could sing for you ? 1470 00:56:32,821 --> 00:56:36,089 ? 1471 00:56:36,191 --> 00:56:39,024 ? I'd sing a song ? 1472 00:56:39,126 --> 00:56:41,861 ? To make you feel ? 1473 00:56:41,962 --> 00:56:45,962 ? This way ? 1474 00:56:46,634 --> 00:56:48,734 ? 1475 00:56:48,836 --> 00:56:51,236 ? Sunshine ? 1476 00:56:51,338 --> 00:56:54,573 ? On my shoulders ? 1477 00:56:54,675 --> 00:56:58,675 ? Makes me happy ? 1478 00:56:59,078 --> 00:57:01,946 ? 1479 00:57:02,048 --> 00:57:04,449 ? Sunshine ? 1480 00:57:04,551 --> 00:57:08,453 ? In my eyes can make me ? 1481 00:57:08,555 --> 00:57:12,555 ? Cry ? 1482 00:57:13,559 --> 00:57:15,125 ? 1483 00:57:15,227 --> 00:57:17,561 ? Sunshine ? 1484 00:57:17,663 --> 00:57:20,798 ? On the water ? 1485 00:57:20,900 --> 00:57:24,568 ? Looks so lovely ? 1486 00:57:24,670 --> 00:57:28,204 ? 1487 00:57:28,307 --> 00:57:30,673 ? Sunshine ? 1488 00:57:30,775 --> 00:57:34,176 ? Almost always ? 1489 00:57:34,278 --> 00:57:38,278 ? Makes me high ? 1490 00:57:39,283 --> 00:57:41,517 ? 1491 00:57:41,619 --> 00:57:45,187 ? If I had ? 1492 00:57:45,289 --> 00:57:47,188 ? A tale ? 1493 00:57:47,290 --> 00:57:51,290 ? That I could tell you ? 1494 00:57:52,295 --> 00:57:55,163 ? 1495 00:57:55,522 --> 00:57:56,687 ? 1496 00:57:56,712 --> 00:57:58,429 I really do love Eddie. 1497 00:57:58,706 --> 00:58:00,878 Between me and him, I'd pick Eddie too. 1498 00:58:01,424 --> 00:58:04,392 They're shooting a sketch show live out of New York City. 1499 00:58:04,713 --> 00:58:07,548 Lorne Michaels, he's coming Thursday night to catch your act. 1500 00:58:07,662 --> 00:58:08,793 I got Carson. 1501 00:58:08,984 --> 00:58:10,876 You're going on as a guest, not a stand-up. 1502 00:58:10,901 --> 00:58:12,868 I'm sorry, what, I'm not going to do stand-up? 1503 00:58:12,966 --> 00:58:15,412 Do you think love conquers all? 1504 00:58:15,507 --> 00:58:17,724 Because it doesn't... it obliterates! 1505 00:58:17,792 --> 00:58:19,926 - Roy, please! - [SHOUTING] 1506 00:58:20,028 --> 00:58:22,529 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 1507 00:58:22,631 --> 00:58:25,464 ? 1508 00:58:25,514 --> 00:58:30,064 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 99125

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