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1
00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:06,678
Check me out, Clem. I'm ready to go
to Walt and Rose's on time. Happy?
2
00:00:06,688 --> 00:00:07,924
I would be happier
3
00:00:07,984 --> 00:00:10,081
if you weren't wearing
my favorite pants.
4
00:00:11,910 --> 00:00:12,910
Oh, honey,
5
00:00:12,954 --> 00:00:14,999
you can't pull these off.
6
00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:18,002
Whoa, those are some dope kicks.
7
00:00:18,046 --> 00:00:19,177
When'd you get Yeezys?
8
00:00:19,625 --> 00:00:20,500
Bigger question:
9
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,958
How does someone in their
late 40s know what Yeezys are?
10
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,208
I'm 30 and a college professor.
11
00:00:26,208 --> 00:00:28,166
My finger is on the pulse.
12
00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:31,387
He just learned about
them on 60 Minutes.
13
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:33,867
That is not true.
14
00:00:33,911 --> 00:00:38,045
It was the Sunday Style section
of The New York Times. Thank you.
15
00:00:38,948 --> 00:00:40,592
How'd you pay for Yeezys, Shannon?
16
00:00:40,618 --> 00:00:42,035
Aren't they super expensive?
17
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:43,708
Won 'em off some dumb rich girl.
18
00:00:43,708 --> 00:00:45,183
You know how when someone gets arrested
19
00:00:45,208 --> 00:00:46,808
they'll read their Miranda rights?
20
00:00:46,833 --> 00:00:50,025
- Mm-hmm.
- I bet her I can recite 'em by heart.
21
00:00:50,795 --> 00:00:52,440
How do you know the Miranda rights?
22
00:00:52,484 --> 00:00:54,708
- Because our dad is a cop.
- Mm.
23
00:00:54,708 --> 00:00:57,102
Yeah, that's... why I know them.
24
00:00:58,103 --> 00:01:00,453
So, who is this girl?
25
00:01:00,775 --> 00:01:02,375
Some stuck-up idiot.
26
00:01:02,375 --> 00:01:03,768
My new school's full of 'em.
27
00:01:03,812 --> 00:01:05,291
Always doing their
makeup in the bathroom
28
00:01:05,335 --> 00:01:07,337
when people are just trying to vape.
29
00:01:08,199 --> 00:01:10,192
Other people. Bad people.
30
00:01:11,021 --> 00:01:12,838
It never changes.
31
00:01:12,882 --> 00:01:15,232
When I was in high school,
the mean girls, they would...
32
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:18,322
talk about me behind my back and
start rumors that I was a slut.
33
00:01:18,365 --> 00:01:20,716
And also rumors that weren't true.
34
00:01:23,719 --> 00:01:25,317
Got it.
35
00:01:28,637 --> 00:01:30,334
Freddy, my man!
36
00:01:35,121 --> 00:01:37,254
Dad. Hi. You're here.
37
00:01:37,787 --> 00:01:40,275
Yet we did not invite you.
38
00:01:40,649 --> 00:01:43,267
I need a family picture
for that newsletter thing
39
00:01:43,292 --> 00:01:44,792
they put out at the precinct.
40
00:01:44,792 --> 00:01:47,683
It's... it's silly,
but in the next issue,
41
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,225
- I'm Hero of the Month.
- Nice, Freddy.
42
00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:52,042
What'd you do, like,
solve some big murder case?
43
00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:54,218
Well, I hate to brag, but, uh...
44
00:01:54,261 --> 00:01:56,916
I'm sleeping with the woman
who puts out the newsletter.
45
00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:00,006
Here.
46
00:02:00,477 --> 00:02:04,097
- Take a picture of me and my girls.
- Sure thing. You know,
47
00:02:04,141 --> 00:02:06,458
I called you the other day
about lunch... did you get my message?
48
00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:09,548
Yep. Now, take the picture,
Annie Leibovitz.
49
00:02:11,667 --> 00:02:14,375
So I guess that's a no on Benihana.
50
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:19,142
Great. Now, Shannon,
here, you put this on.
51
00:02:19,167 --> 00:02:20,342
What is this?
52
00:02:20,385 --> 00:02:21,865
Dad, it's not my birthday.
53
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:25,216
Well, it's in case they
make me Hero again in July.
54
00:02:25,260 --> 00:02:26,317
Ugh.
55
00:02:27,828 --> 00:02:29,483
My birthday's in November.
56
00:02:30,569 --> 00:02:32,275
Whatever. Just smile.
57
00:02:33,092 --> 00:02:34,292
- Got it.
- Great.
58
00:02:34,292 --> 00:02:35,729
Dad, what's really going on?
59
00:02:35,772 --> 00:02:39,208
Why do you ruin every nice
moment that we have, Clem?
60
00:02:39,483 --> 00:02:42,942
Come on, we'll do graduation
and a couple of Christmas shots.
61
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,405
Come on, Dad, spill it.
62
00:02:47,449 --> 00:02:48,962
All right. Fine.
63
00:02:48,995 --> 00:02:52,769
Those bastards at the IRS are
sending an agent over to audit me,
64
00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:55,109
and I've been claiming
you as dependents.
65
00:02:55,682 --> 00:02:58,558
So I need to scatter some
photos around my place
66
00:02:58,583 --> 00:03:01,150
to make it look like you're
still living with me.
67
00:03:02,608 --> 00:03:06,197
Also, I'm gonna need a couple
of bras to hang in the bathroom.
68
00:03:07,285 --> 00:03:09,809
Come on, Freddy,
69
00:03:09,852 --> 00:03:11,775
what's... what's the real story?
70
00:03:12,768 --> 00:03:15,597
Oh, my God, that's the real story.
71
00:03:18,733 --> 00:03:20,312
Dad, how are you a cop
72
00:03:20,347 --> 00:03:22,797
and yet basically everything
you do is illegal?
73
00:03:22,832 --> 00:03:25,061
What am I gonna do, arrest myself?
74
00:03:26,890 --> 00:03:28,891
Quick Halloween one.
75
00:03:29,892 --> 00:03:31,167
Boo!
76
00:03:39,582 --> 00:03:40,598
Hey! Ah...
77
00:03:40,642 --> 00:03:43,305
here are our favorite people.
78
00:03:43,340 --> 00:03:44,863
- Hey.
- Ooh, thank you.
79
00:03:44,907 --> 00:03:46,735
Now, see, this is how you greet family.
80
00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:49,936
Oh, my God, Nick,
are you still butt-hurt
81
00:03:49,971 --> 00:03:51,914
because my dad doesn't want
to be besties with you?
82
00:03:51,957 --> 00:03:53,437
I'm just trying to have a relationship
83
00:03:53,481 --> 00:03:55,483
with a guy that's gonna
be my father-in-law.
84
00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:58,137
And if that makes me butt-hurt,
then yes, my butt is hurt.
85
00:03:59,435 --> 00:04:02,315
I don't know why you think
my dad's ever gonna like you.
86
00:04:02,359 --> 00:04:03,795
The man doesn't like anybody.
87
00:04:03,839 --> 00:04:06,537
I once saw him flip off a baby.
88
00:04:06,581 --> 00:04:09,888
Well, how could anyone not like my son?
Mwah!
89
00:04:09,932 --> 00:04:12,282
Well, maybe it's because
Nick never asked Freddy
90
00:04:12,325 --> 00:04:14,153
for his blessing to marry Clem.
91
00:04:14,197 --> 00:04:15,633
Well, it never crossed my mind,
92
00:04:15,677 --> 00:04:17,722
because I was under the
impression that Freddy was dead.
93
00:04:17,766 --> 00:04:21,422
You know,
because Clem told me he was dead.
94
00:04:23,032 --> 00:04:25,926
I only told you that because I thought
95
00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:28,133
that if you ever met him,
you would think less of me.
96
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,605
And then you met Shannon,
and I realized that...
97
00:04:30,648 --> 00:04:33,259
you'd accept anything.
98
00:04:34,347 --> 00:04:36,175
You know, Nick, honey,
it's never too late.
99
00:04:36,219 --> 00:04:37,699
There's still time to ask Freddy.
100
00:04:38,561 --> 00:04:40,328
- Maybe I should.
- No. Please.
101
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,878
- I don't care.
- Yeah, but maybe your dad does.
102
00:04:42,921 --> 00:04:47,001
You know, I remember asking
Rose's dad for his blessing.
103
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:49,307
Made a special appointment
to talk to him.
104
00:04:49,342 --> 00:04:52,365
And you were so stressed out,
105
00:04:52,409 --> 00:04:54,846
'cause you were late.
106
00:04:55,953 --> 00:04:58,182
Well, I was starring in a
Broadway production of Hair
107
00:04:58,217 --> 00:05:00,156
at the time...
I got mobbed at the stage door.
108
00:05:01,459 --> 00:05:02,475
He got his fro
109
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,377
caught in a fan.
110
00:05:06,728 --> 00:05:08,512
But he gave me his blessing
111
00:05:08,556 --> 00:05:11,210
and his watch... it was his way
of welcoming me to the family.
112
00:05:11,254 --> 00:05:13,038
Wait, wait.
Is this the watch that's engraved:
113
00:05:13,082 --> 00:05:15,171
"Show up on time, you little bastard"?
114
00:05:16,079 --> 00:05:16,825
That's the one.
115
00:05:16,868 --> 00:05:18,435
I'll get it for us.
116
00:05:18,479 --> 00:05:20,045
You know, I miss Grandpa.
117
00:05:20,089 --> 00:05:21,394
He was such a hard-ass.
118
00:05:21,438 --> 00:05:23,266
Oh, he was.
119
00:05:24,047 --> 00:05:27,619
That man fought his way
through the Korean War.
120
00:05:27,654 --> 00:05:29,272
Really? Where was he stationed?
121
00:05:29,315 --> 00:05:31,317
At home with my mother.
122
00:05:34,154 --> 00:05:36,235
Uh, guys, I can't find the watch.
123
00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:37,628
It's gone.
124
00:05:37,672 --> 00:05:38,890
Someone must have stolen it.
125
00:05:38,934 --> 00:05:40,501
Are you sure, Walt?
126
00:05:40,544 --> 00:05:42,835
It was in a locked drawer.
127
00:05:43,246 --> 00:05:44,026
Who could've done it?
128
00:05:44,069 --> 00:05:47,209
I know... the handyman!
129
00:05:47,244 --> 00:05:50,293
He was in our bedroom with a wrench.
130
00:05:51,211 --> 00:05:53,209
What is this, a game of Clue?
131
00:05:54,427 --> 00:05:56,110
No way it was Arthur.
132
00:05:56,145 --> 00:05:57,082
He's a nice, sweet old man.
133
00:05:57,126 --> 00:05:58,257
If not him, who?
134
00:06:00,296 --> 00:06:01,260
Yeah.
135
00:06:01,304 --> 00:06:03,959
If not him, who?
136
00:06:04,844 --> 00:06:05,726
Yeah.
137
00:06:06,249 --> 00:06:08,833
If not him, who?
138
00:06:12,402 --> 00:06:14,317
So, Shannon,
139
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,362
tell me again how you got those shoes?
140
00:06:16,406 --> 00:06:18,974
Told you. Won them off that rich guy.
141
00:06:19,017 --> 00:06:21,411
You said it was a girl.
142
00:06:21,454 --> 00:06:25,371
Uh, yeah, that's because it was a girl.
143
00:06:26,808 --> 00:06:28,766
But now it's a guy.
144
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,395
You see, kids don't identify anymore.
145
00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:33,908
Hes are shes. Shes are hes.
146
00:06:33,943 --> 00:06:35,251
You're a dinosaur. Let's move on.
147
00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:39,385
Shannon, did you steal my dad's watch?
148
00:06:39,429 --> 00:06:40,430
Me?
149
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:41,949
Steal?
150
00:06:43,041 --> 00:06:45,087
Never.
151
00:06:45,130 --> 00:06:46,175
Oh, please.
152
00:06:46,218 --> 00:06:48,569
You stole a taxi when you were 13.
153
00:06:50,135 --> 00:06:51,572
- Really?
- Really.
154
00:06:51,615 --> 00:06:55,532
They caught her driving
a family of five to JFK.
155
00:06:56,412 --> 00:06:59,362
Yeah, and the cheap
bastards didn't even tip me.
156
00:07:00,428 --> 00:07:02,447
Shannon, tell us the truth,
157
00:07:02,482 --> 00:07:04,410
or we're gonna take your
phone away for a month.
158
00:07:05,552 --> 00:07:08,066
Okay. Okay, okay, fine, fine.
I did it. I did it.
159
00:07:08,110 --> 00:07:10,634
Yes! I knew she took it!
I told you she took it!
160
00:07:10,678 --> 00:07:14,159
Why am I celebrating? I am very angry!
161
00:07:14,203 --> 00:07:15,465
I'm sorry!
162
00:07:15,508 --> 00:07:16,553
Sorry is not gonna cut it.
163
00:07:16,597 --> 00:07:18,294
This is such a violation of our trust.
164
00:07:18,337 --> 00:07:19,643
How could you steal from my parents?
165
00:07:19,687 --> 00:07:21,297
Walt has, like, a million watches, dude.
166
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:24,082
I took it two weeks ago,
and he just noticed it was gone.
167
00:07:24,126 --> 00:07:26,389
Just because someone doesn't
notice something is gone
168
00:07:26,432 --> 00:07:28,391
doesn't make it okay to steal.
169
00:07:28,434 --> 00:07:30,436
Well, then technically,
I can't be blamed,
170
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,700
because I have never
heard that concept before.
171
00:07:32,743 --> 00:07:34,005
Shannon.
172
00:07:34,049 --> 00:07:35,137
They'll never find out.
173
00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:37,182
I used gloves, just like Dad taught us.
174
00:07:38,488 --> 00:07:40,098
Can everyone stop being so dramatic?
175
00:07:40,142 --> 00:07:41,491
I will get the watch back.
176
00:07:41,534 --> 00:07:43,848
Really? How? It's at a pawnshop.
177
00:07:43,883 --> 00:07:44,794
How are you gonna pay for that?
178
00:07:45,336 --> 00:07:47,497
I'll steal a taxi. Give me three days.
179
00:07:49,194 --> 00:07:52,020
No! The stealing has to stop.
180
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:54,199
I can't believe that you would do this,
Shannon.
181
00:07:54,243 --> 00:07:56,375
And for a stupid pair of shoes?
182
00:07:56,419 --> 00:07:58,377
They're not just shoes, okay?
183
00:07:58,421 --> 00:07:59,509
What does that mean?
184
00:07:59,552 --> 00:08:02,468
I don't want to talk about it.
185
00:08:03,223 --> 00:08:04,949
What is going on, Shannon?
186
00:08:04,993 --> 00:08:06,864
It's just...
187
00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:10,690
everybody at this dumb,
bougie school has these,
188
00:08:10,725 --> 00:08:12,633
and... I'm already the weird new kid...
189
00:08:12,668 --> 00:08:14,089
I guess I just wanted to fit in.
190
00:08:15,351 --> 00:08:17,614
I get it.
191
00:08:17,658 --> 00:08:20,225
I remember wanting to fit in, too.
192
00:08:20,269 --> 00:08:23,925
That's how I ended up in mall jail
for stealing a belly button ring.
193
00:08:26,327 --> 00:08:28,233
There's a jail in the mall?
194
00:08:28,277 --> 00:08:29,931
- It's awesome.
- Yes. It's fun, actually.
195
00:08:31,323 --> 00:08:33,369
Look, this is no excuse.
196
00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:34,979
I'm sorry that you
were feeling left out,
197
00:08:35,023 --> 00:08:37,324
but we're going to Walt
and Rose's right now,
198
00:08:37,359 --> 00:08:39,027
and you're gonna tell them
the truth. Right, Nick?
199
00:08:39,070 --> 00:08:40,245
Uh-uh. No.
200
00:08:40,289 --> 00:08:41,812
No, no.
201
00:08:42,693 --> 00:08:43,814
No.
202
00:08:43,849 --> 00:08:45,337
What? We have to.
203
00:08:45,381 --> 00:08:48,471
My parents have a zero-tolerance
policy about stealing.
204
00:08:48,506 --> 00:08:49,298
You know my cousin Eddie?
205
00:08:49,341 --> 00:08:51,648
- No.
- Exactly.
206
00:08:52,541 --> 00:08:53,563
He stole from my parents
207
00:08:53,606 --> 00:08:56,435
one time, and he was banished
from the family forever.
208
00:08:56,479 --> 00:08:59,395
Banished? Like one
of those old ladies on The View
209
00:08:59,438 --> 00:09:01,208
when they talk back to Whoopi?
210
00:09:01,745 --> 00:09:04,748
Look, we can handle this without
my parents ever finding out.
211
00:09:04,792 --> 00:09:07,892
Right. Blame it on the handyman.
212
00:09:07,917 --> 00:09:10,000
I like where your head's at, kid.
213
00:09:10,232 --> 00:09:11,842
No. We're gonna get the
watch from the pawnshop,
214
00:09:11,886 --> 00:09:14,279
plant it in my parents'
place and claim we just found it.
215
00:09:14,323 --> 00:09:15,846
And you're gonna pay us back the money.
216
00:09:15,890 --> 00:09:19,807
Good idea. I just won't take
my next two months' allowance.
217
00:09:21,286 --> 00:09:23,462
We don't give you an allowance.
218
00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:27,292
Well, maybe if you did,
219
00:09:27,336 --> 00:09:29,773
we wouldn't be in this predicament.
220
00:09:38,962 --> 00:09:41,704
Man, there's a lot of tubas in here.
221
00:09:43,010 --> 00:09:45,012
I still can't believe
you stole the watch
222
00:09:45,055 --> 00:09:47,449
and sold it to a
sketchy place like this.
223
00:09:47,493 --> 00:09:48,842
Sketchy?
224
00:09:48,885 --> 00:09:51,279
Dude, Dad used to take us
here every Christmas Eve.
225
00:09:51,323 --> 00:09:53,368
Called it Santa's Workshop.
226
00:09:54,935 --> 00:09:57,764
He made me get my school supplies here.
227
00:09:57,807 --> 00:10:00,854
I got a lunchbox with a bullet hole.
228
00:10:00,897 --> 00:10:04,379
Lost a lot of Skittles that year.
229
00:10:04,423 --> 00:10:06,425
Hey, guys. How can I help you?
230
00:10:06,468 --> 00:10:07,817
You want a tuba?
231
00:10:07,861 --> 00:10:10,559
Buy one, get the rest free.
232
00:10:10,603 --> 00:10:13,622
Uh, we're actually looking
for a silver Rolex.
233
00:10:13,657 --> 00:10:15,825
Oh, sick.
There it is, that one right there.
234
00:10:15,869 --> 00:10:17,653
Oh, that's a beautiful piece.
235
00:10:17,697 --> 00:10:20,656
Sure is. Here's your $400.
236
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,223
Uh, it's $1,500 now.
237
00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:24,834
What? We can't afford that.
238
00:10:30,078 --> 00:10:33,495
Sorry. I always wanted to try a tuba.
239
00:10:34,844 --> 00:10:36,237
So let me get this straight.
240
00:10:36,281 --> 00:10:38,805
You gave this poor,
241
00:10:38,848 --> 00:10:41,982
innocent little girl $400 for that watch
242
00:10:42,025 --> 00:10:45,028
and now you're charging
us $1,500 to get it back?
243
00:10:45,072 --> 00:10:46,682
This is a pawnshop, lady.
244
00:10:46,726 --> 00:10:49,032
I sell the items for
more than I buy them.
245
00:10:49,076 --> 00:10:50,817
It's a radical scheme called profit.
246
00:10:50,860 --> 00:10:51,818
Ladies,
247
00:10:51,861 --> 00:10:53,515
if I may.
248
00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:55,387
- Let's cut to the chase.
- Okay.
249
00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:57,345
Name your real price, my man.
250
00:10:57,389 --> 00:10:58,651
$1,500, my man.
251
00:10:58,694 --> 00:10:59,826
Oh.
252
00:10:59,869 --> 00:11:02,742
You want to dance? Let's dance.
253
00:11:02,785 --> 00:11:05,092
We'll give you $500.
254
00:11:05,135 --> 00:11:06,485
How 'bout $1,500?
255
00:11:06,528 --> 00:11:09,096
Oh! Oh. See, now I see
what you're trying to do.
256
00:11:09,139 --> 00:11:10,880
All right, look, do-si-do.
257
00:11:10,924 --> 00:11:13,013
$650 or we walk.
258
00:11:13,056 --> 00:11:16,321
How 'bout you walk to that
ATM and get me $1,500?
259
00:11:18,061 --> 00:11:20,325
This guy's a really good dancer.
260
00:11:21,891 --> 00:11:24,024
No. No! No!
261
00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:26,026
Get out!
262
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,638
Now how are we gonna get the watch back?
263
00:11:29,682 --> 00:11:31,336
Come on, Shannon.
264
00:11:31,379 --> 00:11:34,382
We know how to get the watch back.
265
00:11:37,994 --> 00:11:39,605
Damn it.
266
00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:44,479
I thought you were Uber
Eats bringing me my Big Mac.
267
00:11:44,523 --> 00:11:46,002
Dad, I need your help.
268
00:11:46,046 --> 00:11:48,962
And I need yours.
That guy you live with keeps texting me.
269
00:11:49,005 --> 00:11:51,138
He wants to get together and talk.
270
00:11:51,181 --> 00:11:54,228
It's like I'm in an episode
of Sex and the City.
271
00:11:56,274 --> 00:11:58,885
That guy is my fiancé.
272
00:11:58,928 --> 00:12:00,365
And he's downstairs with Shannon.
273
00:12:00,408 --> 00:12:01,975
So I'm gonna get straight to the point,
274
00:12:02,018 --> 00:12:04,020
because the pawnshop closes in an hour.
275
00:12:04,064 --> 00:12:05,459
Pawnshop? What happened?
276
00:12:05,505 --> 00:12:07,763
Shannon stole something
from Nick's parents
277
00:12:07,807 --> 00:12:10,766
- and then pawned it.
- She did?
278
00:12:11,811 --> 00:12:15,118
I feel like you want me to
have a problem with that.
279
00:12:15,162 --> 00:12:17,680
I just need you to fix it, okay?
280
00:12:17,765 --> 00:12:21,429
The owner is being
a real scumbag, and...
281
00:12:21,473 --> 00:12:23,518
How do I put this nicely?
282
00:12:23,562 --> 00:12:26,521
We need an even bigger scumbag.
283
00:12:26,565 --> 00:12:29,132
Look, I'm flattered.
284
00:12:29,176 --> 00:12:31,613
But shaking people down
for money is one thing.
285
00:12:31,657 --> 00:12:35,965
Doing it for my daughter,
that just... feels wrong.
286
00:12:36,009 --> 00:12:38,387
Fine, Dad. Have it your way.
287
00:12:38,746 --> 00:12:40,927
Where did you get this
picture of us from the beach?
288
00:12:41,006 --> 00:12:42,682
Oh, that was photoshopped
from one of the pictures
289
00:12:42,759 --> 00:12:44,004
we took at your place.
290
00:12:44,572 --> 00:12:46,933
One of the hookers in lockup did it.
291
00:12:47,706 --> 00:12:50,806
She's studying design
at the Art Institute.
292
00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:53,766
A lot of 'em are. It's weird.
293
00:12:53,809 --> 00:12:55,376
Yeah, well,
294
00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:58,031
it sure would be a shame
if the IRS found out
295
00:12:58,074 --> 00:13:01,600
that I haven't been living here for
the last ten years like you claim.
296
00:13:01,643 --> 00:13:04,472
Are you trying to blackmail me?
297
00:13:04,516 --> 00:13:05,734
Please.
298
00:13:05,778 --> 00:13:08,171
Blackmailing people is awful.
299
00:13:08,215 --> 00:13:10,565
But doing it to my own dad?
300
00:13:10,609 --> 00:13:13,568
That just feels right.
301
00:13:16,702 --> 00:13:18,834
Dad, would you slow down?
302
00:13:18,878 --> 00:13:20,662
The faster I go, the safer you are.
303
00:13:20,706 --> 00:13:22,751
I slow down, I get distracted.
304
00:13:24,187 --> 00:13:25,798
Like by that hot blur over there.
305
00:13:25,841 --> 00:13:27,016
Hey, darlin'!
306
00:13:29,062 --> 00:13:30,672
So, Freddy, I was thinking that, uh,
307
00:13:30,716 --> 00:13:32,761
maybe later we can
get together and talk.
308
00:13:32,805 --> 00:13:34,807
We're together now. Talk.
309
00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:36,678
Nick, just drop it.
310
00:13:36,722 --> 00:13:38,376
Look, I just never got a chance
311
00:13:38,419 --> 00:13:39,986
to talk to you before
I proposed to Clem.
312
00:13:40,029 --> 00:13:41,944
Are you trying to ask me for
my daughter's hand in marriage?
313
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,946
Yes. Yes.
And I'd appreciate your blessing.
314
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,165
It'd mean a lot to me...
315
00:13:47,428 --> 00:13:49,343
It's showtime.
316
00:13:52,564 --> 00:13:53,695
Wow, Nick.
317
00:13:53,739 --> 00:13:55,828
Swing and a miss.
318
00:13:55,871 --> 00:13:58,047
Your dad is really hard to connect with.
319
00:13:58,356 --> 00:13:59,875
You want to connect with him?
320
00:13:59,919 --> 00:14:03,052
Get a job as a cocktail
waitress at a bowling alley.
321
00:14:03,096 --> 00:14:05,925
Dude, why you got to slam my mom?
322
00:14:08,057 --> 00:14:10,930
Look, man, I know you're just
trying to make a buck here,
323
00:14:10,973 --> 00:14:15,021
but I also know that everything
in this place is stolen.
324
00:14:15,064 --> 00:14:17,153
Except for the tubas.
325
00:14:18,546 --> 00:14:22,681
But I'm willing to look the other
way if you help me out on the watch.
326
00:14:22,724 --> 00:14:24,291
I don't know what's
stolen and what isn't.
327
00:14:24,334 --> 00:14:25,858
I'm just an honest businessman
328
00:14:25,901 --> 00:14:29,078
who exploits people when
they're at their most desperate.
329
00:14:30,288 --> 00:14:31,864
So if you want this watch,
330
00:14:31,907 --> 00:14:33,953
it'll cost you $1,500.
331
00:14:33,996 --> 00:14:37,391
So there's nothing I could
say that'll change your mind?
332
00:14:37,435 --> 00:14:40,481
Only the words, "Here's $1,500."
333
00:14:43,353 --> 00:14:46,139
- Well, I gave it a shot, yeah?
- Right.
334
00:14:46,182 --> 00:14:48,794
Don't get me wrong.
I know your dad is far from perfect.
335
00:14:48,837 --> 00:14:50,752
But he showed up for you guys today.
336
00:14:50,796 --> 00:14:53,276
Deep down, I think he's a good guy.
337
00:14:57,324 --> 00:14:58,760
Give the watch to my daughter!
338
00:14:58,804 --> 00:15:00,370
Now!
339
00:15:00,414 --> 00:15:02,198
Open the window, pumpkin.
340
00:15:02,242 --> 00:15:04,853
Oh, oh, oh!
341
00:15:07,813 --> 00:15:09,792
Thank you.
342
00:15:09,792 --> 00:15:11,751
Now say you're sorry.
343
00:15:11,794 --> 00:15:13,775
I'm sorry.
344
00:15:15,668 --> 00:15:18,317
So, who's buying me a Big Mac?
345
00:15:25,946 --> 00:15:28,286
Okay, so you guys
are good with the plan?
346
00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:30,167
It's not a plan. We're just gonna
347
00:15:30,167 --> 00:15:33,000
hide the watch in the couch and
then pretend that we found it.
348
00:15:33,649 --> 00:15:37,174
Okay, yes, it's not Ocean's Eleven,
but it is a plan.
349
00:15:37,218 --> 00:15:38,270
Well, you better not blow this,
350
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,369
because I don't want to be
banished like Cousin Eddie.
351
00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:42,571
I think I got this. Watch this.
352
00:15:42,615 --> 00:15:46,053
"Hey. Wait, is that the... No!"
353
00:15:46,951 --> 00:15:48,577
"Hey, Dad, is this your...
354
00:15:48,621 --> 00:15:50,797
No!"
355
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,146
Pretty good, huh?
356
00:15:52,189 --> 00:15:53,713
No!
357
00:15:55,366 --> 00:15:58,367
So, we're having cameras
installed tomorrow.
358
00:15:58,431 --> 00:15:59,237
Ever since the robbery,
359
00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:01,416
- your mother is shook.
- Mm.
360
00:16:01,459 --> 00:16:04,419
That's the way you use that word,
right, Shannon?
361
00:16:04,879 --> 00:16:07,770
That is correct, sir.
362
00:16:08,195 --> 00:16:10,286
Well, I'm sorry.
I just won't be comfortable
363
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:12,773
until I know this place is secure.
364
00:16:12,817 --> 00:16:15,602
Well, I'm not gonna be comfortable
walking around naked anymore.
365
00:16:15,646 --> 00:16:17,828
Well, that may be for the best,
sweetheart,
366
00:16:17,905 --> 00:16:19,558
because we have windows.
367
00:16:19,615 --> 00:16:22,783
And every time we go across
the street to that Starbucks,
368
00:16:22,827 --> 00:16:24,611
we get looks.
369
00:16:26,613 --> 00:16:28,920
Oh, God, we do.
370
00:16:29,828 --> 00:16:32,532
I'm gonna get dinner ready.
371
00:16:34,354 --> 00:16:36,449
Uh, hey, Dad,
aren't you gonna go help Mom?
372
00:16:36,493 --> 00:16:37,668
Wasn't planning on it.
373
00:16:38,886 --> 00:16:40,540
Walt,
374
00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:42,716
are these chips organic?
375
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:43,891
I don't know.
376
00:16:43,935 --> 00:16:45,458
Would you mind checking? Because...
377
00:16:45,502 --> 00:16:46,633
I read recently that,
378
00:16:46,677 --> 00:16:48,374
if you're gonna eat junk food,
379
00:16:48,418 --> 00:16:50,071
it really should be organic.
380
00:16:50,115 --> 00:16:52,335
Because of, you know...
381
00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:54,554
global warming.
382
00:16:55,509 --> 00:16:57,337
I never heard that. Have you guys?
383
00:16:57,514 --> 00:16:58,645
- Oh, huge. Huge!
- Oh, it's a big thing.
384
00:16:58,689 --> 00:17:00,821
Yeah.
385
00:17:00,865 --> 00:17:02,562
Would you go make sure?
386
00:17:02,606 --> 00:17:05,260
You know, for... the planet.
387
00:17:11,971 --> 00:17:13,791
Okay, he's gone. Do it now.
388
00:17:13,834 --> 00:17:15,619
- I can't.
- Why not?
389
00:17:15,662 --> 00:17:16,924
I don't think I can pull this off.
390
00:17:16,968 --> 00:17:18,665
I just realized I've
never lied to my parents.
391
00:17:18,709 --> 00:17:21,276
What? You've never lied
to your parents before?
392
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,278
Clem, who are you marrying?
393
00:17:23,322 --> 00:17:25,672
Fine, throw it to me. I'll do it.
394
00:17:25,716 --> 00:17:28,414
They're organic!
395
00:17:30,712 --> 00:17:32,244
I love this dip.
396
00:17:32,287 --> 00:17:35,073
And I love the fact that
we're doing our part
397
00:17:35,116 --> 00:17:37,336
to save the environment.
398
00:17:37,380 --> 00:17:38,859
Dad! Don't eat that.
399
00:17:38,903 --> 00:17:40,078
Wh-Why not?
400
00:17:41,175 --> 00:17:43,429
Uh, because...
401
00:17:43,473 --> 00:17:45,257
you're fat.
402
00:17:48,303 --> 00:17:50,027
There, I said it. I said it.
403
00:17:50,141 --> 00:17:52,656
Fat? What do you mean, fat? I'm not fat.
404
00:17:53,292 --> 00:17:54,788
Clem, do I look fat to you?
405
00:17:56,050 --> 00:17:58,096
I just think he wants
you to look your best
406
00:17:58,139 --> 00:17:59,402
for the wedding photos.
407
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:02,917
Yeah. I totally agree, because you...
408
00:18:03,231 --> 00:18:04,900
...are a whale.
409
00:18:07,540 --> 00:18:08,802
Dinner's ready, everyone.
410
00:18:08,846 --> 00:18:10,695
Rose, am I not in great shape?
411
00:18:10,752 --> 00:18:11,657
Doesn't matter, Walt.
412
00:18:11,684 --> 00:18:13,650
You shouldn't be walking around naked.
413
00:18:15,026 --> 00:18:16,767
Well, I think I look good.
414
00:18:16,810 --> 00:18:18,159
- No!
- No!
415
00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:25,733
No!
416
00:18:27,577 --> 00:18:28,900
Is that the...
417
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:30,775
No!
418
00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:40,686
I know, I know.
You guys have been so cool to me,
419
00:18:40,730 --> 00:18:42,645
and the last thing I ever
wanted to do was hurt you.
420
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:44,142
But you did, Shannon.
421
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:45,952
And I think what hurts the most
422
00:18:45,995 --> 00:18:49,651
is we welcomed you into
our home and trusted you.
423
00:18:49,694 --> 00:18:53,358
I think what hurts the most is
the gratuitous body shaming.
424
00:18:55,570 --> 00:18:56,750
And the trust thing.
425
00:18:57,528 --> 00:18:59,966
Look, I know this is no excuse,
426
00:19:00,009 --> 00:19:02,490
but before my dad potty-trained us,
427
00:19:02,533 --> 00:19:03,926
he taught us how to steal.
428
00:19:03,970 --> 00:19:06,442
He called it "doing number three."
429
00:19:08,975 --> 00:19:10,983
So, you're not gonna banish me?
430
00:19:11,306 --> 00:19:12,250
Banish you?
431
00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:13,991
Yeah. I was worried this whole thing
432
00:19:14,034 --> 00:19:16,080
was gonna turn into a
Cousin Eddie situation.
433
00:19:16,542 --> 00:19:17,500
A what?
434
00:19:19,649 --> 00:19:21,781
Eddie. The cousin that was
banished from this family
435
00:19:21,825 --> 00:19:23,733
because he stole a hundred
bucks from you guys.
436
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,949
You still believe that, Nick?
437
00:19:32,643 --> 00:19:34,518
There is no Cousin Eddie.
438
00:19:34,625 --> 00:19:37,317
We just made him up to keep you
from doing something stupid.
439
00:19:39,152 --> 00:19:40,650
You made him up?
440
00:19:40,675 --> 00:19:42,750
Yes. Whatever we didn't want you to do,
441
00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:44,273
we just said Cousin Eddie did it
442
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:46,942
and suffered horribly
so you wouldn't do it!
443
00:19:47,942 --> 00:19:49,917
Wait, so Cousin Eddie never jaywalked
444
00:19:49,917 --> 00:19:51,048
and got hit by a truck?
445
00:19:53,094 --> 00:19:54,660
Cousin Eddie never jaywalked,
446
00:19:54,704 --> 00:19:55,879
because he never crossed the street,
447
00:19:55,923 --> 00:19:57,838
because he never existed.
448
00:20:00,057 --> 00:20:01,842
Damn!
449
00:20:01,877 --> 00:20:04,053
Your parents did you dirty, Nicholas.
450
00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:08,558
Excuse me. We're not
finished with you, Ms. Shannon.
451
00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:12,122
Now, I know your father wasn't
exactly the best role model.
452
00:20:12,208 --> 00:20:14,375
But stealing from your family?
453
00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:15,642
No, that's the thing.
454
00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:17,756
Family doesn't mean anything to him.
455
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,237
And it didn't mean
anything to me either.
456
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:21,733
Until now.
457
00:20:22,195 --> 00:20:24,150
And that's because of you guys.
458
00:20:25,503 --> 00:20:26,775
All of you guys.
459
00:20:27,733 --> 00:20:30,344
Which is why I'm-I'm really,
really sorry.
460
00:20:31,693 --> 00:20:33,565
Aw, Shannon.
461
00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:35,750
Aw, you guys.
462
00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:39,650
I don't want the people in
Starbucks to see me cry.
463
00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:44,067
Honey, they've seen it all.
464
00:20:44,684 --> 00:20:46,884
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