All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S02E18.Take.Your.Daughter.to.Work.Day.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]
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1
00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:11,845
Okay, I think five plain
and one veggie should be fine.
2
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,054
How about pepperoni?
3
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:14,723
(Angela)
No. I like extra cheese.
4
00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:15,974
Absolutely not.
5
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:18,393
I like extra cheese too.
6
00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:21,062
Fine.
7
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,355
The first lesson
we'll teach the children
8
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,816
will be about obesity.
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,401
(Ryan)
Thank you.
10
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:27,944
(Pam)
I am actually looking forward
11
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,320
to take your daughter
to work day.
12
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:31,448
I am not great with kids.
13
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:35,035
But I wanna get better
because I'm getting married.
14
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:37,120
So I put out a bunch
of extra candy on my desk
15
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,247
so the kids
will come talk to me.
16
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,543
Like the witch
in Hansel and Gretel.
17
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,503
Bribery.
Nice.
18
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:46,713
Oh, I have more.
19
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,214
(Michael)
It's Pam.
20
00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:49,883
Ms. Beasley
if you're nasty.
21
00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:51,301
Janet Jackson.
22
00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,260
Hey, you having
a wardrobe malfunction, or...
23
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,471
You can't
be nasty today.
24
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,473
'Cause of the...
25
00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,308
Oh, God.
Is that today?
26
00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,726
I reminded you last night.
27
00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:01,269
Listen, I like kids.
28
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,979
But this is not
a kids environment.
29
00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,940
This is like HBO.
No limits.
30
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:06,941
Who knows
what I'm gonna say?
31
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,568
Crazy stuff.
32
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:11,780
And it is R rated.
It is not rated G.
33
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:14,699
I am like Eddie Murphy
in Raw.
34
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,743
And they are trying
to make me into
35
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,244
Eddie Murphy
in Daddy Daycare.
36
00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,914
Both great movies,
but still.
37
00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:23,041
Well, I'll be
in my office.
38
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,376
Don't you think
you should say something?
39
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,669
They're cool.
40
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,170
Michael, I think
that as the boss, you should...
41
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,922
Fine, fine, fine,
fine, fine!
42
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:30,382
Hi, children.
43
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,841
I'm Michael Scott.
44
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:36,221
And I am in charge
of this place.
45
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,723
Uh, how do I make you
understand?
46
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,309
I am like Superman.
47
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:42,894
And the people
who work here
48
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,021
are like citizens
of Gotham city.
49
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,272
That's Batman.
That's Batman.
50
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:47,899
Okay, I'm Aquaman.
51
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,401
Where does he live, guys?
52
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,152
The ocean.
53
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,947
I work with
a bunch of nerds.
54
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:58,410
[upbeat music]
55
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:06,376
{\an8}♪ ♪
56
00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:28,940
I'm pretty excited about today.
57
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,027
I babysit Toby's daughter
Sasha sometimes, so...
58
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:34,237
She's the coolest kid.
59
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,448
She has seen me play
with dolls, though,
60
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,868
so don't know how cool
she thinks I am.
61
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:42,203
Hey, Sasha.
62
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,914
How are you?
63
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,166
She's a little shy today.
64
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:47,917
Oh, okay.
65
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,627
Don't worry.
Only lasts about 40 minutes.
66
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:50,837
Yeah.
Totally.
67
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,214
Come on.
68
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,478
Hmm.
Hello, tiny one.
69
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,063
Come on.
70
00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:10,982
You are the future.
71
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,318
I would like to have children.
72
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,820
I would like to have
as many as possible.
73
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:19,449
I see no reason why my mate
74
00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:24,788
couldn't and shouldn't bear
between 12 and 15 kids.
75
00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:29,376
The more children you have,
the more protection you have.
76
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,753
Think about
the Branch Davidians.
77
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,922
They had a lot of children.
78
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:36,132
And if they weren't fighting
against tanks,
79
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:40,512
they could've held their own
for probably years.
80
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:44,891
This is my file cabinet.
81
00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:51,356
Um...
82
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:56,695
Oh, this is the partition
between my desk
83
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:59,906
and Angela's.
84
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,200
Abby's my fiancée Stacy's
daughter.
85
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,035
I think she'll
have a good time.
86
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:07,414
I just hope she doesn't
look on my computer.
87
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:12,210
Actually,
I'd better go check.
88
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,215
Give me your coat.
89
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,968
Hi, Pam.
This is my son Jake.
90
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,636
Hi, Jake.
91
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,265
Say thank you.
92
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,062
He's shy.
93
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,323
[copier whirring]
94
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,494
I don't have a daughter,
95
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,413
but I got permission
to bring Jake into work.
96
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:51,082
Which is great because he got
suspended this week,
97
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,501
and now I don't have to pay
for a sitter.
98
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:56,046
Put that away and learn.
99
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,255
Learn what?
100
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,757
Learn why Daddy's so cranky
101
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,009
when he comes home from work.
102
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,096
I brought
my daughter Melissa in.
103
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,349
That girl is very spoiled.
104
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:10,268
That child has no idea
what I have to deal with
105
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,770
so she can have
a little cell phone
106
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:15,982
and spend all my money
at that Steamtown Mall.
107
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,111
Michael, you remember
my daughter Melissa.
108
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,988
Oh, yes.
Hello, how are you?
109
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,073
Good to see you.
110
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,532
Wow, you've really
grown up.
111
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,201
You know what?
112
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:27,285
Don't mind me saying so.
113
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,537
She is turning into
a stone cold fox.
114
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:32,540
Better keep the frat boys
away from her.
115
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,125
I'm in eighth grade.
116
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,294
Oh...
She's in middle school.
117
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,671
Yeah,
middle school's amazing.
118
00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:39,005
It is extraordinary.
119
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,715
An extraordinary time.
120
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:43,510
Hey, Creed, when were you
in middle school?
121
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,470
The 16th century?
122
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,097
[sighs]
123
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:49,307
Yeah, he's so old.
124
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,476
All right.
Well, I gotta get back to work.
125
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:54,354
Busy, busy, busy, busy.
Superman stuff.
126
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,606
Superman?
127
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,108
Do you see what
I have to put up with?
128
00:05:58,149 --> 00:05:59,859
That's my boss.
129
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,986
It's not that children
make me uncomfortable.
130
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,446
It's just that,
why be a dad
131
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,156
when you can be
a fun uncle?
132
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,741
I've never heard
of anyone rebelling
133
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,368
against their fun uncle.
134
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,539
I'm gonna go read my book now.
135
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:26,136
Angela, is it okay if I'm
the head accountant today?
136
00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:27,512
I'm the head accountant.
137
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:31,558
Yeah, but can I say that I'm it
just for today?
138
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:34,728
I can't set that
kind of precedent.
139
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:39,232
She's a bright girl.
She'd see right through that.
140
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:47,407
Hey, Abby, do you wanna help me
shred some old documents?
141
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,242
It's actually pretty cool.
142
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:52,037
No, thanks.
143
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,247
I only have one goal today.
144
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:57,125
To make one kid like me.
145
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,710
Just one.
146
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,211
What are you reading?
147
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:03,214
From the Mixed Up Files
of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.
148
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,508
Oh, best book.
149
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,635
Yeah, but I read it before.
150
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,387
So have I.
151
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,349
Hey, question, if you had
to spend the night in the Met
152
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,309
or the aquarium,
which would it be?
153
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,186
Definitely the aquarium. Definitely.
154
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,938
Yes.
Glad you said that.
155
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,940
You don't wanna help me
with some of my sales, do you?
156
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,150
'Cause I'm kinda swamped.
157
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,318
Sure.
158
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,402
Really?
Mm-hmm.
159
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,321
Yes.
And you're Abby, right?
160
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,948
Yeah.
I'm Jim.
161
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,408
Let's sell some paper.
162
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,576
(Abby)
All right.
163
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:34,537
(Jim)
Let's start with your mom.
164
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,040
Can you pull that down there?
Yeah.
165
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,793
Okay, tell 'em
what you wanted to say.
166
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,252
Do you need any help?
167
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,713
No, thanks.
168
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,840
We'd have to
explain everything.
169
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,510
It's probably just easier
if we do it ourselves.
170
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:50,970
All right,
I wasn't expecting that.
171
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,056
Let's go draw.
172
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:56,184
Oh, my God.
She is so cute, I wanna die.
173
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,978
Don't you just
love kids, Angela?
174
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:02,482
I guess I wouldn't mind a pair
of small, well-behaved boys.
175
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:06,528
God, I cannot wait to get
pregnant and have babies.
176
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,073
Kelly and I both agreed
that we would just have fun.
177
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,575
And I'm learning
that fun for Kelly
178
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:16,287
is getting married
and having babies.
179
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,416
Immediately.
With me.
180
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:20,709
They want how many
spiral pads?
181
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,961
Uh, well, 50.
182
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,338
I overordered because
they had a back order.
183
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,215
Okay, okay.
184
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,633
(Pam)
If I had a kid like Jake,
185
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,885
I would tie a note to him
and leave him in a mall.
186
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,470
Is that horrible?
187
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,140
I so don't get why you think
you're bad with kids.
188
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,975
How many have you had?
One.
189
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,477
Okay.
Thank you.
190
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,312
I can't believe you babysit
on the weekends.
191
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,605
Yeah, sometimes.
192
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,149
I mean, I don't have
a wedding to plan.
193
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,443
Yeah,
'cause that's so much fun.
194
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:53,366
[screams]
I'm gonna get you!
195
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,160
Come back here!
196
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,202
[screaming]
197
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:59,247
Kids, kids, kids.
Slow down.
198
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,165
(Abby)
I'm gonna get you!
199
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,541
[laughs]
200
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:02,834
(Michael)
Oh, um, Jim.
201
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,503
I need those invoices
from last quarter pronto.
202
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,546
Okay.
203
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,840
So, by lunch at the latest, capisce?
204
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,634
[laughing]
205
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:13,636
What's so funny?
206
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,180
Those words.
207
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,766
What, pronto?
Capisce?
208
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,517
Yeah.
209
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:26,232
Just compare last year's orders
with this year's.
210
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:27,359
Uh-huh.
211
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,236
Yeah, I'm looking
at it right now.
212
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:35,992
Yes.
213
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,828
We...
214
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:41,748
Yeah, they're very...
215
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:44,209
they're different.
216
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,919
Yeah, we can stick
with last year's.
217
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,338
We're just gonna have to
supplement it somehow.
218
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:56,846
So, Melissa, I met
your mom a couple times.
219
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,765
She's so nice.
220
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:01,559
Who, Terry?
Mm-hmm.
221
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:05,438
That woman is not my mother.
That is my stepmother.
222
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:14,906
Yes.
Well, we can, um...
223
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,908
Hey, you know what?
Can I call you back?
224
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,619
I'll call you right back.
Yes, I promise.
225
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:27,752
Hello.
Can I help you?
226
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,254
You can pick that up
if you want.
227
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,382
That's all right.
228
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,426
Wanna bring it over...
229
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,970
Here, I'll make some room.
230
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:46,187
My name's Michael.
What's your name?
231
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,231
Sasha.
Nice to meet you.
232
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,275
Ooh!
Oh, you know what that is?
233
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,444
That is a train whistle.
234
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,821
Like I'm the conductor.
[blows whistle]
235
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:57,949
But I'm sort of the conductor
of the office here, right?
236
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,242
[blows whistle]
237
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,410
You wanna try?
238
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:01,661
Sure.
[blows whistle]
239
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,288
All aboard for sales!
240
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,206
[still blowing]
241
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:08,209
Next stop,
Cu... camonga!
242
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,711
[laughs]
243
00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,588
Ow, ow, ow, ow,
you broke my hand.
244
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:13,798
There is no way that hurt.
245
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:14,841
Really?
246
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,301
'Cause she's
pretty strong, Dwight.
247
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:19,429
Little girl,
come over here.
248
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,639
Shake my hand.
249
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,641
Come on,
I don't have all day.
250
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,313
I didn't feel anything. Nothing.
251
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:31,566
You're so weak.
252
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,818
I get along with kids great.
253
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:38,573
I feel like basically
I'm a big kid myself,
254
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:41,826
so--and I love to play games.
255
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:45,455
I like to compete in the same
way that children do.
256
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:46,956
I'm better than children
257
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:50,669
only because I'm taller
and smarter and stronger.
258
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,379
But I don't hold that
against them.
259
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:57,008
Excuse me, these are
expensive collector's items.
260
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,134
Okay?
261
00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,344
Do you have any
computer games?
262
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,845
No, I don't
have computer games
263
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,014
on my work computer.
That would be inappropriate.
264
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,016
Yeah, Meredith doesn't
have any either.
265
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,184
It's so lame here.
266
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,353
You call your mom Meredith?
267
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,854
That's very disrespectful.
268
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,064
Whatever, okay?
269
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:14,275
You can refer to me
as Mr. Schrute.
270
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:15,777
That's your name?
Mm-hmm.
271
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:16,653
Mr. Poop?
272
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:19,114
Schrute.
Mr. Schrute.
273
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,824
Sure, Mr. Poop.
274
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,286
Schrute.
275
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:27,414
[soft laughter]
276
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:34,587
Are you Mother Goose?
277
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,676
I drink, like,
100 iced macchiatos a day
278
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,720
and practically nothing else. Wow.
279
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,347
There's a really
cool coffee place, Jitters,
280
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,433
at the Steamtown Mall.
You ever been there?
281
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,976
No.
282
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,728
You've never been to Jitters?
No.
283
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,272
Ryan, you are so dorky.
284
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,524
Give me your number
so I can text you.
285
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,027
Um...
286
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,153
Come on.
287
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,446
Can I have
your email address?
288
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:02,365
Ryan's okay,
but I have other options.
289
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,617
You know the guy Darryl
who works in the warehouse?
290
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:07,912
He's so into me,
and he's Black.
291
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,330
A Black man.
292
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:11,750
So Ryan,
he can just think about that
293
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,752
if he doesn't treat me good.
294
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,086
But I just thought
you should know...
295
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,546
Mm-hmm?
296
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,631
I think something
a little fishy is going on.
297
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:20,675
A little fishy?
Yeah.
298
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,510
I mean, I've been
noticing them all day.
299
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:23,887
And I was thinking...
300
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,722
That little girl
is a child!
301
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:27,891
I don't wanna see you
sniffing around her
302
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,768
anymore this afternoon.
Do you understand?
303
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,269
Yes.
Boy, have you lost your mind?
304
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,979
'Cause I'll help you find it.
305
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,105
Whatcha looking for?
306
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,106
Ain't nobody gonna
help you out there.
307
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,232
Jesus can come
through that door,
308
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:37,609
and he's not gonna help you
309
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,319
if you don't stop sniffing
after my child. Okay.
310
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:41,696
Stanley yelled at me today.
311
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:43,365
That was one of the most
frightening experiences
312
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:45,742
of my life.
313
00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:47,285
You must be pretty strong, huh?
314
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,288
Yeah.
Think you can beat up Darryl?
315
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,540
Yeah.
I don't know, maybe.
316
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,334
I don't think
you might be able to.
317
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,335
You think you can beat me up?
318
00:13:55,377 --> 00:13:56,670
Yeah, yeah, I do.
319
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:57,962
You gotta have muscles, man.
You got some muscles?
320
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,506
I got some muscles.
You wanna see the muscles?
321
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:00,799
Bam!
Look at that!
322
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:01,841
[laughs]
Oh, look at--
323
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:04,177
Ah, don't touch him, please!
324
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:09,099
Man, you have got to be
kidding me.
325
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:18,316
Didn't do background checks
of the warehouse guys.
326
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,819
Sh...
327
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,698
Well, I'm sure it'll be fine.
328
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,118
[sighs]
329
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,995
Can I have a quarter?
I promise I'll pay you back.
330
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,497
Sure.
331
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:33,915
Can I have a dollar?
332
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:36,918
Then I can buy
chips and a drink.
333
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,504
Okay.
334
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,464
There you go.
335
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,675
Will you marry my mom?
336
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:50,265
[playing Greensleeves]
337
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:56,646
♪ ♪
338
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,691
That was Greensleeves.
339
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,443
A traditional English ballad
340
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,028
about the beheaded
Anne Boleyn.
341
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,989
And now,
a very special treat.
342
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:07,699
A book my granmutter
used to read me
343
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:08,908
when I was a kid.
344
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,410
This is a very special story.
345
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:14,539
It's called Struwwelpeter
by Heinrich Hoffmann
346
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:17,834
from 1864.
347
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:21,755
The great tall tailor
always comes to little girls
348
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:23,965
that suck their thumbs.
Are you listening, Sasha?
349
00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:25,008
Right?
350
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,718
And ere they dream
what he is about,
351
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,012
he takes his great
sharp scissors out
352
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:31,598
and then cuts their thumbs
clean off.
353
00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:32,640
(Michael)
Dwight, Dwight.
354
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:33,933
What the hell
are you reading?
355
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,435
These are cautionary tales
for kids, Michael.
356
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:36,394
Yeah, you know what?
No.
357
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,021
No, no, no, no, no.
358
00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,981
The kids don't wanna hear
some weirdo book
359
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:42,400
that your Nazi war criminal
grandmother gave you.
360
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,526
What's a Nazi?
361
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:44,903
What's a Nazi?
362
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,154
Nazi was a fascist movement
in the 1930s.
363
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,281
Don't talk about Nazis
in front of...
364
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:50,283
You know what?
They're gonna have nightmares.
365
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,701
Why don't you
just shut it?
366
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:53,078
I was gonna teach the children
how to make
367
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,746
corn husk dolls.
368
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,540
Why don't you just leave, okay?
369
00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,417
Okay.
370
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,627
Bye, Mr. Poop.
371
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:02,253
All right,
there goes Mr. Poop.
372
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,589
Now, who likes Dane Cook?
373
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,632
(all)
I do!
374
00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:06,925
Children cannot lie.
375
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,551
They are innocent,
and they speak the truth.
376
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:10,887
And out of the mouths
of babes,
377
00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:13,556
Michael Scott
is freakin' cool.
378
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:15,225
[laughs]
379
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:23,566
You know, I never misbehaved
in front of my father
380
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:27,028
because he was a very strict disciplinarian.
381
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,363
I can only hope my mate
382
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,533
has some of those
same qualities.
383
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:38,123
The Schrutes consider children
very valuable.
384
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,084
In the olden days, the women
would bear many children
385
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:43,294
so we would have enough
laborers to work the fields.
386
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,463
And if it was an especially
cold winter,
387
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,174
and there weren't enough
grains or vegetables,
388
00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:51,261
they would eat the weakest
of the brood.
389
00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:55,015
No, they didn't eat
the children.
390
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:57,142
It never came to that.
391
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,811
This is where
the magic happens.
392
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,813
Right over here,
let me show you this.
393
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,065
See all these?
394
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,942
You know what that is?
That's paper.
395
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,777
This is where
paper comes from.
396
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,154
Any questions?
397
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:12,282
So, you cut the paper
and dye it and stuff?
398
00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:14,075
No, we don't actually
cut the paper.
399
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:15,285
That's a good question.
400
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,829
The paper is sent to us
cut and dyed
401
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:19,831
from a paper manufacturer.
402
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,417
And then we sell it
to a business
403
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:23,835
for more than
we pay for it.
404
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:24,836
That's not fair.
405
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,338
No.
Yes, it is.
406
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,507
It's--well, you need someone
in the middle to facilitate...
407
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,508
You're just a middleman.
408
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,885
I'm not just a middleman.
409
00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:32,844
Wait, why doesn't the sawmill
just sell the paper
410
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,387
directly to people?
411
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,598
You are describing
Office Depot.
412
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,767
And they're kind of
running us out of business.
413
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:41,394
We have better service
than they do.
414
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,481
There's Creed!
415
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:48,526
Let's take a look
at what he's doing, everybody.
416
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,236
This is Creed.
417
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,031
And he is in charge
of... something, right?
418
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,657
That is correct.
Say hi to the kids.
419
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:55,825
Hi, kids.
420
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:56,951
(Michael)
Yay!
421
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,829
You ever seen a foot
with four toes?
422
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:00,830
Eww!
What are you doing?
423
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,040
Stop it, stop it!
424
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,166
Just no, no, no.
No, no!
425
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,501
Would you cut it out?
426
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,044
What is your problem?
427
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:09,381
No, no, no, we're not gonna see
the four-toed Creed, okay?
428
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,965
You know,
there's something interesting
429
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,342
about me that you
might wanna know.
430
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:15,220
I used to be the star
of a kids' show.
431
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,222
No way.
It's true, I did.
432
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,224
You serious?
I am totally serious.
433
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,559
There was a show
called Fundle Bundle,
434
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:22,686
and I was the star.
435
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:23,895
That doesn't sound like a show.
What?
436
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,230
It's true.
I can prove it.
437
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:26,523
I can prove it.
Watch this.
438
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,525
Ryan, can you
come here a second?
439
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,734
[clears throat]
440
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:30,985
I would like you to go
to my mother's house
441
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,821
in Dixon City.
442
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,072
And if she's at the pool,
443
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,824
the back kitchen window
should be unlocked.
444
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,117
I want you boost
yourself up.
445
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,576
I want you to go
down to the basement.
446
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,454
In the basement is a tape
labeled Fundle Bundle.
447
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,373
I want you grab it.
I want you to get my guitar.
448
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:44,582
I want you to get
a tambourine.
449
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,167
Do you know how
to play the tambourine?
450
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,086
I'm already getting the pizzas
from Brenetti's, so...
451
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,587
You know, I can go with him.
452
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,339
No, I will go.
453
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,425
Okay!
Thank you, Ryan.
454
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,427
Good attitude.
Hottest in the office.
455
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:58,430
All right, now what kind
of pizza do you like?
456
00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,639
I don't get why parents
are always complaining
457
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:02,392
about how tough it is
to raise kids.
458
00:19:02,434 --> 00:19:04,978
You joke around with them.
You give 'em pizza.
459
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:06,229
You give 'em candy.
460
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,023
You let 'em live their lives.
461
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,524
They're adults,
for God's sake.
462
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:12,277
[indistinct chatter]
463
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:17,949
I heard there's some pizza
in here, huh?
464
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:18,950
Ooh!
All right.
465
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,869
Pizza party!
466
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,413
Hey, babe.
Hey, how are you?
467
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,461
Who loves a pizza party?
I do!
468
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,463
Come on, everybody,
sit right down here.
469
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,048
Gather around, gather around.
470
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:35,425
Now, what's better
than a pizza party?
471
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:36,468
A sundae bar?
Nope!
472
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,678
A treasure hunt?
No, stop guessing!
473
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,221
I'm going to tell you--
474
00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:43,391
I am going to give you
a little blast from the past
475
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:46,311
of Michael Gary Scott
when he was a child star.
476
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,355
And a show
that you might remember
477
00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:49,647
called Fundle Bundle.
478
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,150
Okay, without further ado,
Ryan?
479
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:54,319
Bundle, are you read
to come on in?
480
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,988
Yeah!
Let's have some fun!
481
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,156
That is Miss Trudy.
482
00:19:58,198 --> 00:19:59,324
Can't tell
from her costume,
483
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,160
but she had
an amazing body.
484
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,662
Okay, you can fast forward.
485
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,539
And, I want you...
486
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:08,583
It's coming up--stop!
Stop, stop!
487
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:11,878
Stop.
Yes.
488
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,714
That is Edward R. Meow.
489
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,633
That's pretty funny.
490
00:20:16,675 --> 00:20:17,634
Yeah.
491
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:20,595
Recess.
Hey, what's your name?
492
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,013
My name's Chet.
493
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,056
Well, hi, Chet.
494
00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:25,016
Is that Chet Montgomery?
495
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,185
I don't know.
Yeah, that is!
496
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,479
He's the meteorologist
from channel 4.
497
00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:31,940
Checking in with Chet.
Doppler 7.
498
00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,525
[all laughing]
That guy's legit.
499
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,985
What do you wanna be
when you grow up?
500
00:20:36,027 --> 00:20:37,987
I wanna be on TV.
501
00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:40,532
And he is on TV now!
502
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,909
Would everybody please shut up?
Please.
503
00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:44,703
So you don't miss it.
504
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,621
Okay, next.
505
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,081
So, what's your name?
That's me.
506
00:20:48,123 --> 00:20:49,874
That's me.
507
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,543
[all laughing]
508
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,421
Well, what's your favorite
subject in school?
509
00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:55,422
Recess.
510
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,007
Recess.
511
00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:58,883
So, tell me,
what do you wanna be
512
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,593
when you grow up?
513
00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:03,221
I wanna be married
and have 100 kids
514
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,306
so I can have 100 friends.
515
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:08,560
And no one can say no
to being my friend.
516
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:14,983
Uh...
Oh, okay.
517
00:21:15,025 --> 00:21:17,193
Well, nice talking with you, Michael.
518
00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:18,862
Back to you, Miss Trudy!
519
00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,947
Hi, everyone,
it's one of my favorite...
520
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,032
Could have sworn there was...
521
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,867
Did you get married?
522
00:21:23,908 --> 00:21:24,909
Uh, no.
523
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:25,994
Why not?
524
00:21:26,036 --> 00:21:28,413
Uh, it just never happened.
525
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:30,665
So do you have any kids?
526
00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:32,083
Uh, nope.
527
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,918
Do you have a girlfriend?
I do okay.
528
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,337
Was Chet Montgomery
cool back then?
529
00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:36,379
Yes.
Even I have a girlfriend.
530
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:37,922
Okay.
All right, okay.
531
00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:42,093
So you didn't get to be
what you wanted to be.
532
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,512
I guess not.
533
00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:48,433
You know, I have
a load of work to do,
534
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:50,310
so I am going to grab
a slice
535
00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:53,021
of this delish pizza.
536
00:21:53,063 --> 00:21:55,774
And I'm gonna
go do my work.
537
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:58,360
Bye.
538
00:22:08,286 --> 00:22:09,621
He's not coming out.
539
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:10,955
He won't pick up
the phone.
540
00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:12,999
I can't believe his mom
dressed him like that.
541
00:22:13,041 --> 00:22:15,710
That's the real tragedy.
542
00:22:15,752 --> 00:22:18,213
Pam, Pam!
I love this guy.
543
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:19,631
[laughs]
544
00:22:19,673 --> 00:22:21,383
Come on!
545
00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:23,426
I'm gonna get you!
546
00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:25,387
I have a feeling that Roy
547
00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:27,972
was a lot like Jake
when he was a kid.
548
00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:30,266
And that's fantastic.
549
00:22:30,308 --> 00:22:31,601
I don't know, Mom.
550
00:22:31,643 --> 00:22:33,728
When you brag about me,
when you--you know,
551
00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:35,146
when you're telling
all your friends
552
00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:38,525
all the good things I've done,
what do you tell 'em?
553
00:22:40,193 --> 00:22:42,862
That was second grade.
554
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:48,535
Melissa.
Hey.
555
00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:49,744
I was working.
556
00:22:49,786 --> 00:22:50,829
I was in the middle
of something.
557
00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:51,871
Just give me two seconds,
I'll be done.
558
00:22:51,913 --> 00:22:53,456
I was in the middle
of something.
559
00:22:53,498 --> 00:22:54,624
Dude, seriously?
560
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:57,335
Just give me two seconds,
I'll be done.
561
00:22:57,377 --> 00:22:59,546
Stanley?
562
00:23:07,137 --> 00:23:09,723
What the...
563
00:23:25,238 --> 00:23:27,157
Hey, Ryan.
564
00:23:33,580 --> 00:23:36,583
I thought Stanley
was going to kill me.
565
00:23:38,710 --> 00:23:41,921
So I'm among the lucky.
566
00:23:44,507 --> 00:23:47,093
Did you draw that?
567
00:23:47,761 --> 00:23:51,056
Yeah.
Do you like to draw, Abby?
568
00:23:51,097 --> 00:23:53,391
Yeah, I wanna be an artist
when I grow up.
569
00:23:53,433 --> 00:23:54,476
Me too!
570
00:23:54,517 --> 00:23:56,436
You are grown up.
571
00:23:58,813 --> 00:23:59,898
Mr. Poop,
I have to tell you something.
572
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:02,484
Uh, okay, but first
that's not my name.
573
00:24:02,525 --> 00:24:04,652
You're ugly.
574
00:24:04,694 --> 00:24:06,237
[laughs softly]
575
00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:08,990
Well, at least I'm not
a horrible little latchkey kid
576
00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:13,244
who got suspended from school, so...
577
00:24:13,286 --> 00:24:14,746
Meredith!
578
00:24:14,788 --> 00:24:16,873
[imitating his whiny tone]
579
00:24:30,762 --> 00:24:32,972
So, uh, how's your day been?
580
00:24:33,014 --> 00:24:34,766
Okay.
581
00:24:34,808 --> 00:24:37,602
It's been a little more tiring
than I thought.
582
00:24:37,644 --> 00:24:39,270
Yeah, it doesn't help
that Stanley's daughter
583
00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:41,940
is such a slut.
584
00:24:46,486 --> 00:24:47,946
Hmm.
585
00:25:03,503 --> 00:25:04,879
Hey, Abby.
586
00:25:04,921 --> 00:25:07,966
I wanted to give you this
for all your hard work today.
587
00:25:08,008 --> 00:25:10,677
Look, Michael signed it
and everything--official.
588
00:25:10,719 --> 00:25:12,554
Thank you so much. Absolutely.
589
00:25:12,595 --> 00:25:14,139
Oh, hate to break it to you, Abby.
590
00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:17,642
The certificate's a fake, okay?
It's not real.
591
00:25:17,684 --> 00:25:19,811
Where's the certification
number, Halpert?
592
00:25:19,853 --> 00:25:20,979
I actually have
the certification number
593
00:25:21,021 --> 00:25:21,855
right here.
594
00:25:21,896 --> 00:25:24,399
Oh, really?
Yeah, uh-huh.
595
00:25:24,441 --> 00:25:27,152
Oh.
596
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:28,862
Okay.
Fine.
597
00:25:28,903 --> 00:25:30,613
All right.
Well done.
598
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:37,287
A7557962.
599
00:25:37,328 --> 00:25:41,166
Totally nonsense numbers,
but you do what you have to do.
600
00:25:42,375 --> 00:25:43,293
[knocking]
601
00:25:43,335 --> 00:25:45,587
Yeah?
602
00:25:45,628 --> 00:25:49,549
I think these
belong to you.
603
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:51,843
Oh, that's okay.
She can keep those.
604
00:25:51,885 --> 00:25:54,429
Believe me,
she has enough toys.
605
00:25:54,471 --> 00:25:57,223
She doesn't need your watch.
606
00:25:57,265 --> 00:25:59,601
Thank you.
607
00:26:01,686 --> 00:26:03,897
Is everything okay?
608
00:26:03,938 --> 00:26:05,440
[sighs]
609
00:26:05,482 --> 00:26:09,277
You have to ask me that because
you work for human resources.
610
00:26:09,319 --> 00:26:11,279
That's true.
611
00:26:11,321 --> 00:26:13,198
You know, sure,
playing the field is great.
612
00:26:13,239 --> 00:26:14,741
Don't get me wrong.
613
00:26:14,783 --> 00:26:17,702
But there's more to life
than notches on my bedpost.
614
00:26:17,744 --> 00:26:19,537
Mm-hmm.
Tell me something honestly.
615
00:26:19,579 --> 00:26:22,707
Do you think that
616
00:26:22,749 --> 00:26:24,793
it is too late
for me to have kids?
617
00:26:24,834 --> 00:26:27,962
Well, you need a wife first
or at least a girlfriend.
618
00:26:28,004 --> 00:26:29,714
What about...
Not Jan.
619
00:26:29,756 --> 00:26:30,799
Jan.
Okay.
620
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:32,384
If you really
wanna have kids,
621
00:26:32,425 --> 00:26:36,888
I guess you could somehow.
622
00:26:36,930 --> 00:26:41,685
Like, a foster parent
or something.
623
00:26:41,726 --> 00:26:44,062
Or biologically.
624
00:26:44,104 --> 00:26:46,523
Somehow.
625
00:26:46,564 --> 00:26:47,899
Thanks, that's...
626
00:26:47,941 --> 00:26:51,027
No, that really
means a lot to me.
627
00:26:53,321 --> 00:26:55,573
Hey, does Sasha
have a godfather?
628
00:26:55,615 --> 00:26:57,242
Because...
Yes.
629
00:26:57,283 --> 00:26:58,952
Okay.
630
00:27:00,495 --> 00:27:01,996
Is it okay
if I take one?
631
00:27:02,038 --> 00:27:03,373
Sure.
632
00:27:03,415 --> 00:27:05,709
Thank you.
You're welcome.
633
00:27:05,750 --> 00:27:08,420
Is your job hard?
634
00:27:08,461 --> 00:27:10,380
It's not too bad.
635
00:27:10,422 --> 00:27:11,756
I get to shred things sometimes.
636
00:27:11,798 --> 00:27:13,258
Do you wanna see?
637
00:27:13,299 --> 00:27:14,300
Yeah.
638
00:27:14,342 --> 00:27:16,052
Really?
Yeah.
639
00:27:16,094 --> 00:27:17,721
Okay.
640
00:27:17,762 --> 00:27:21,474
Um, here it is.
641
00:27:21,516 --> 00:27:26,021
Don't put your fingers
in there.
642
00:27:26,062 --> 00:27:27,188
Cool, huh?
That's so cool.
643
00:27:27,230 --> 00:27:29,065
Yeah.
644
00:27:29,107 --> 00:27:31,026
Yeah, I get to do this,
like, every week.
645
00:27:31,067 --> 00:27:32,569
That's so awesome.
I know.
646
00:27:32,610 --> 00:27:34,904
Yes, it is true.
647
00:27:34,946 --> 00:27:37,532
I, Michael Scott,
am signing up
648
00:27:37,574 --> 00:27:39,242
with an online dating service.
649
00:27:39,284 --> 00:27:40,785
Thousands of people
have done it,
650
00:27:40,827 --> 00:27:42,579
and I am going to do it.
651
00:27:42,620 --> 00:27:44,456
I need a username.
652
00:27:44,497 --> 00:27:47,375
And I have a great one.
653
00:27:51,504 --> 00:27:52,797
Littlekidlover.
654
00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:54,132
That was people will know
655
00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:57,093
exactly where
my priorities are at.
656
00:27:59,763 --> 00:28:01,806
Go ahead.
657
00:28:01,848 --> 00:28:04,392
Do you wanna come over
for dinner tonight?
658
00:28:04,434 --> 00:28:06,603
Oh man, I would love to.
659
00:28:06,644 --> 00:28:09,814
I can't tonight, but can I
come over some other time?
660
00:28:09,856 --> 00:28:12,359
What are you doing?
You never have plans.
661
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,152
Thanks, Kev.
662
00:28:14,194 --> 00:28:16,237
Um, I'm actually going
on a date.
663
00:28:16,279 --> 00:28:18,698
Nice.
664
00:28:18,740 --> 00:28:19,949
(Michael)
Hey, uh, no, please.
665
00:28:19,991 --> 00:28:21,159
You can't leave yet.
666
00:28:21,201 --> 00:28:22,452
There's still one more thing
we need to do.
667
00:28:22,494 --> 00:28:24,162
[gentle music playing]
668
00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:28,750
♪ You who are on the road ♪
669
00:28:28,792 --> 00:28:31,419
♪ Must have a code ♪
670
00:28:31,461 --> 00:28:35,090
♪ That you can live by ♪
671
00:28:35,131 --> 00:28:40,679
♪ And so become yourself ♪
672
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,723
♪ Because the past ♪
673
00:28:43,765 --> 00:28:47,352
♪ Is just a goodbye ♪
674
00:28:47,394 --> 00:28:51,106
♪ And teach
your children well ♪
675
00:28:51,147 --> 00:28:52,774
Why does he own a guitar
if he doesn't
676
00:28:52,816 --> 00:28:54,109
know how to play it?
677
00:28:54,150 --> 00:28:57,904
I think he thought his ukulele
skills would transfer.
678
00:28:59,948 --> 00:29:03,702
♪ And feed them
on your dreams ♪
679
00:29:03,743 --> 00:29:05,370
My theory is that...
680
00:29:05,412 --> 00:29:13,044
♪ The one they picked
the one you know by ♪
681
00:29:13,086 --> 00:29:16,464
♪ Don't you ever
ask them why ♪
682
00:29:16,506 --> 00:29:20,218
♪ If I told you
you would cry ♪
683
00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:26,891
♪ You just look at them
and sigh ♪
684
00:29:26,933 --> 00:29:30,228
♪ And know they love you ♪
685
00:29:30,270 --> 00:29:31,187
And they do.
686
00:29:31,229 --> 00:29:33,273
Your parents love you
very much.
687
00:29:33,314 --> 00:29:34,691
One more time.
688
00:29:34,733 --> 00:29:39,738
♪ You who are on the road ♪
689
00:29:39,779 --> 00:29:41,906
♪ Must have a code * ♪
690
00:29:41,948 --> 00:29:45,869
[children cheering]
691
00:29:45,910 --> 00:29:48,079
[children laughing]
692
00:29:48,121 --> 00:29:49,831
Aww.
693
00:30:00,091 --> 00:30:02,135
(children)
Yay!
694
00:30:07,390 --> 00:30:08,641
I love kids.
I'll embrace kids.
695
00:30:08,683 --> 00:30:11,353
Sometimes I'll just see
an especially cute child
696
00:30:11,394 --> 00:30:13,355
in a mall or someplace,
697
00:30:13,396 --> 00:30:16,232
and just come up and embrace
them as if it was my own.
698
00:30:16,274 --> 00:30:20,612
I will hold children
close to me
699
00:30:20,653 --> 00:30:22,530
as if they were puppets.
700
00:30:22,572 --> 00:30:24,074
Children of the Corn
was an especially
701
00:30:24,115 --> 00:30:29,454
important film for me because
those children were so evil.
702
00:30:29,496 --> 00:30:32,832
I would do a version,
Children of the Beets,
703
00:30:32,874 --> 00:30:36,628
where the children are
spoken to by the beet fields
704
00:30:36,670 --> 00:30:40,590
and become possessed by aliens
or the devil or what have you,
705
00:30:40,632 --> 00:30:42,634
and take over the world.
48705
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