All language subtitles for The Office Superfan Episodes S05E12 The Duel Extended Cut 1080p PCOK WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

(phone ringing)

Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam.

I'm sorry, he's not in yet.

Would you like his voicemail?

[Michael] Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Okay. (clapping)

12 miles an hour. (clapping)

Eat that, Carl Lewis!

Angela made several 911 calls

about cars going too fast
in front of the building,

so the police put
up a radar gun.

It's actually caused a
bit of a traffic hazard.

(Dwight screaming)

Wow, 13.

- Yeah!
- No, no, no.

There was wind.

I was just jogging.

Dwight, there was
wind. I want a do-over.

No, no, no, it's
not your turn.

All right, 13 is the new number.

Oscar, go ahead.

I want another
try. Here we go!

(car engine revving)

31!

31!

There was a car.

I was ahead of the
car. 31 is my new number.

31 is humanly impossible.

Go, Oscar. 31's my number.

That's impossible.

Beat it!

(bright upbeat music)

Today's a big day.

My presence has
been requested by

Chief Financial
Officer David Wallace.

He says that he wants to
talk about big picture stuff,

and, I'll be honest,

I have little or no
idea what that means.

So, probably bad.

Quick announcement.
New year, new candy.

Whoo-hoo!

Okay, be careful, Kevin.
They're kind of spicy.

Hot Tamales.

- Yeah.
- Uh-oh.

So, maybe just
try one at first,

and then if it's okay,
have a couple more.

Excuse me, everyone, can
I have the floor, please?

Um, this is insanely awkward.

It's kind of the elephant
in the room, so I'll just...

(sighs) No one has RSVPed
to our wedding yet,

and the deadline was yesterday.

Wait, you still don't know-

No, no.

No.

[Andy] Hmm?

- Nothing.
- You still don't know-

Why don't...

- Let's-
- What are you doing?

How about we just...

Just have to talk
to you for a second.

- Andy. Has-
- Ah.

No, no one has RSVPed,
and I don't understand it.

And now you're shutting me out.

You're not even listening,
and that's really considerate.

Thank you.

- No, what I'm saying-
- No, no.

- No, that's not-
- I know.

Andy still doesn't know

that Angela's having
an affair with Dwight.

And it's been 17 days.

I mean, eventually,
he'll figure it out

when their kids have giant
heads and beet-stained teeth.

But right now,
it's just awkward.

How about you, Phyllis?

We can count on you
at the wedding, right?

Hm. It's hard for me
to say at this time.

Stanley, how's it look, buddy?

You ask me every day.

Well, I'll stop
asking when you answer.

I answer every day.

"Leave me alone"
is not an answer.

It doesn't help me
with my guest count.

- Jim Halpert.
- Dwight Schrute.

Okay. Neither of
your phones just rang.

- Hello?
- Yes.

Thank you very much
for calling today.

[Jim] Yeah. Let me
check that out for you.

[Dwight] Sure. We have that.

[Andy] Hello?

♪ Tea for Pam and Pam for tea ♪

♪ Early, early for tea ♪

Yeah. It's really
hard to be around Andy.

I can't look him in
the eyes anymore.

So, today, I'm just
gonna focus on his nose.

What do you think?

Can we count on your gracious
presence at our nuptials?

Um.

Why don't we say yes for now?

Oh! "Yes for now."

Thank you. Is that
so hard people?

How about it?

Kevin, you screwed
this form up again.

The amount owed goes at the top.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize I was
doing something wrong.

If I had, I would've admitted
it and stopped right away.

That's enough.

Because I wouldn't
want an innocent person

who doesn't know anything
about the form...

What?

That was good.

It's just at the end, you
weren't saying something

that could also
apply to the form.

How about, I'm sorry
I did such a Horace job

filling out this form?

[Oscar] There you go.

It's just so important for
you to get your big story,

isn't it?

To edit everything together,

to make it look like
there's a villain.

Well, there's not
always a villain.

Sometimes there's just a
hardworking, petite woman

trying to make a
conscientious decision

about the rest of her life!

Too boring?

Did I lose you?

Here? Is this what you want?

That cannot be true!

You're going to charge me
a fee to cut my own cake.

Ah, no, no, no, no.

What I'm saying is I
want to cut it myself.

Trade seats with me.

No.

I've got a better
angle on Pam.

I can see everything.

Please, stop.

(spoon clinks)

I need a soup spoon.

Rule 17.

Don't turn your back on
bears, men you have wronged,

or the dominant turkey
during mating season.

There are 40 rules all
Schrute boys must learn

before the age of five.

♪ Learn your rules ♪

♪ You better learn your rules ♪

♪ If you don't, you'll
be eaten in your sleep ♪

(Dwight munches)

Tuna, still need
to get your tuxedo.

(Andy tapping table)

Not gonna remind you again.

Yes, you will

Yes, I will.

Last week, Andy asked
me to be a groomsman

and told me that
I need to go out

and get my baby
blue tux right away.

I'm gonna hold off on that.

Hey.

Hey.

What's the haps?

(coffee trickles)

What do you think the haps is?

Hmm.

It's freezing cold. (laughs)

That's not it.

That's not the haps.
You gotta feel the haps.

You have to open
your eyes and...

What do you think
the hop is, Andy?

Uh. I was just making
conversation. (chuckles)

Haps can be terrible.

Haps can be so bad,

sometimes you just have to
look around and open your eyes

and feel what the haps would be.

Or the haps can be good.

But it's not. You...

- Okay.
- Haps can be cheerful.

Look at me.

Get it. Just get it

- (Michael sighs)
- Hmm. Getting it.

All right.

Get the haps.

(sighs) How can
he still not know?

We can't figure that out.

I can't take it anymore.

Wait, what? You
can't take what?

I am telling Andy.

- No, you can't do that.
- Yes.

It shouldn't come from you.

Who should it come from, then?

- Angela.
- It should come from Angela.

- From Angela.
- Angela.

Are you still having
intercourse with her?

What is wrong with
you? She is engaged.

Did you ever have
intercourse in this office?

Are you serious?

(scoffs) Where?

Where?

Where, Dwight?

It seems like you
already know where.

(Dwight clears throat)

(door clunking)

(door clunking)

(figure tapping)
(Dwight clearing throat)

(door clunking)

[Angela] What is it?

[Dwight] You've gotta
tell Andy about us.

That is a terrible
idea. One of your worst.

Get it over with, then we
don't have to hide anymore.

You're expanding
on your worst idea.

[Dwight] Do you
love me or not?

I've already
admitted that I do.

Why do you keep
making me repeat it?

Because you're
engaged to Andy.

Can't we just focus on
what we have right now?

(Dwight sighs)

Aren't you looking forward
to our weekend away together?

(sighs) I guess.

Come on. Visiting the
Quaker meeting house.

Tell me again about
its construction.

You know.

[Angela] Tell me.

Oh.

Come on.

It's rectangular in frame.

And each beam is made
from a 40-foot timber

and fashioned from a single
oak over 300 years ago.

The cedar-shingled roof
is over two stories high.

The chimney...

Can you get Andy
to watch the cats?

Yeah. It shouldn't
be a problem.

(door clunking)

Well?

Not yet.

When?

When what?

(Michael clears throat)
(Andy tapping pen)

When what?

You know this can't go on.

- What can't go on?
- We have to put an end to this.

Seems like-

Come on.

You guys should be
hearing what I'm saying.

(door clunking)

Phyllis, you can hear me, right?

When I'm talking to you?

Phyllis?

Hello!

Oh, yeah!

Oh!

Testing.

This is really not how
this is supposed to happen.

Angela said she was gonna
tell him. She's just not ready.

- When will she be ready?
- I don't know.

- Is she crazy in bed?
- Yes.

- Stop. What?
- How so, specifically?

Okay, listen.

- This shouldn't happen at work.
- Eager and flexible.

- And-
- Really?

This shouldn't be
coming from his boss.

And we should also
consider the fact

that that man has
an anger issue.

Too late.

Well, it's not too late

'cause you haven't
done anything.

I am already walking.

- Michael?
- Yes?

Once this gets out,

I don't know how
it's gonna go down.

Okay. What does that mean?

Might get ugly.

(sighs) Jim, this
has to get out,

so we can all deal with it.

But you're leaving.

- Have a good trip.
- Thanks.

Andy?

Yeah?

Walk with me.

Will do, boss man.

I have something for you.

Hey.

"Tatham's Canadian whiskey."

Yeah, I got it
on a business trip.

I was saving it, but I
would like you to have it.

Thank you very much.

I look forward to enjoying it.

(elevator dings)

I think you should
drink it right now.

This...
(Michael chuckles)

Work hours.

I think that
maybe we could toast

to my meeting with Wallace.

What are you gonna toast with?

Oh, no, no, no. I do
not drink and drive.

Okay.

Well, then, to your
meeting with Wallace.

- To the meeting.
- Clink.

(Andy gulping)

- Oh.
- Little tiny buzz there?

Mm-mm.
(elevator dings)

- No, not yet.
- Okay.

Not feeling anything.

Oh, well, Andy,

I actually need to head
out to go to my meeting,

but I wanted to
tell you something

and it is very
important that I do.

Oh. I do not have much time...

Car's all the way over there.

To tell you what I
have to tell you.

And just bear in mind that
when I say these things

that are bad things that
you hear in your ears,

this is something that I,

if I were you, that I
wouldn't want to hear.

[Andy] You're not
making any sense.

Well, no, I'm not.

So, I...

I'm not very articulate today,

so I'll just leave
it for another time.

- Another day.
- All righty.

[Michael] Which will
be fine. I am off.

- [Andy] Have a good meeting.
- [Michael] Thank you.

(car door slamming)

Kick Wallace's ass.

Okay, I will.
(car engine revving)

Dwight and Angela are
having an affair, so.

I can't hear you
through the glass.

Dwight and Angela
are having an affair.

They've been sleeping
together for some time.

That was the news. I
wanted to let you know.

- What?
- All right.

See you later.

- Agh.
- Are you serious?

[Michael] Yeah!

(car engine revving)
(car wheels screeching)

I knew something bad
was gonna happen today.

You said that yesterday.

Yeah, my neighbor
got murdered.

What are you standing for?

If I'm sitting, I can't
disable his neck or his groin.

You're not gonna do anything
to his neck or his groin.

If I'm sitting, I
don't have the option to.

Dwight, I'm in charge
while Michael's gone,

and I need you to sit.
(door clunking)

(Phyllis farts)

Sorry.

I need to talk to you.

We can talk right here.

I need to talk
to you in private.

We're not listening.

Let's go to the
conference room.

Is it true?

(sighs) What have you heard?

That you're
sleeping with Dwight.

That doesn't sound like me.

Is it true?

Andy, I'm engaged to you.

I mean, we just signed off
on our wedding flowers.

Would I have said yes
to formal chrysanthemums

if I didn't wanna get married?

And we went through all that
stuff with our wedding cake.

Just answer the question.

Are you sleeping with Dwight?

A little bit.

(sighs) How long has
this been going on?

I don't know.

I mean, we were together,
and then he killed Sprinkles,

and then we stopped and...

I don't know exactly
when we started up again.

Who else knows about it?

Michael.

[Andy] Who else?

Let me think
about it. I, um...

They're-

Oh, God.

Come on!

So, listen, Michael,

your branch has been
doing great lately,

and your sales staff is
reporting very strong numbers.

Outperforming last
year, in fact.

Um, and I don't know
exactly how to put this,

but what are you doing right?

Right what?

Utica, Albany, all the
other branches are struggling,

but your branch is
reporting strong numbers.

That sounds like a
really nice compliment.

- Yes.
- If I were to repeat it,

it would sound like
you were saying,

"You're doing a
really great job."

That is true.

Look, you're not our
most traditional guy,

but clearly, something
you are doing is right,

and I just, I need to get
a sense of what that is.

Okay. So, what you're asking
is why am I so good? (laughs)

How do I do what I do
better than everybody else?

Yes.

How often did you do it?

You don't ask a lady that.

How often did you do it?

What's she saying to him?

You know that no
matter what Andy does,

you have a choice of
how you wanna react?

Why is it taking so long?

Do you wanna take this
opportunity to go for a walk

or maybe take some deep breaths?

(scoffs) Phyllis, why
is it taking so long?

Hm, he found out
his little angel's

been screwing the
beet farming weirdo.

He's trying to make it
make sense in his brain.

And then he's going to
come out here and kill you.

Thank you, Phyllis.

You're welcome.

Standard, you
know? Nothing fancy.

So, like, missionary?

I said nothing fancy.

Do you love him?

I love you.

Why should I believe that?

Andy, we are at
a crossroads here,

and we can either give in
to what people are saying,

that we're not good together-

Who says that?

Or we can prove them wrong.

Let's prove them wrong.

David, here it is. My
philosophy is basically this.

I like to sell paper for more
than I bought the paper for.

That's obviously obvious.

But here's the thing.

And this is something
that I live by,

and I always have,
and I always will.

Don't ever, for any reason,

do anything to anyone

for any reason ever,
no matter what,

no matter where,

or who, or who you are with,

or where you are going,

or where you've been

ever, for any reason whatsoever.

Sometimes I'll start a sentence

and I don't even know
where it's going.

I just hope I find
it along the way.

Like an improv conversation.

An improversation.

This is gonna sound sort
of high maintenance,

but could we have it, like,
three degrees cooler in here?

I always think better
when it's cooler.

Here's the thing, Michael
is doing something right,

and in this economic climate,

no method of success
can be ignored.

It's not really a
time for executives

to start getting judgmental now.

It's Hail Mary time.

Hey, what say we
order up some pasta?

What say we do.

(door clunking)

Where's Dwight?

You okay, man?

No, not at all, actually.

But thanks for
asking. Appreciate it.

You know what?

I'd also like to
take this opportunity

to thank all of you
for lying to my face

and not telling me what's been
going on this entire time.

You are welcome.

(door clunking)

Dwight.

Andy.

It's over.

Good. She broke up with you.

No, it's over between you two.

Uh, no way.

I am not giving up.

You have to.

[Dwight] No, I don't.

She doesn't love
you! She's marrying me!

Well, I don't know about that

because she certainly
seems to enjoy

making lovemaking with me.

Angela Bernard-

Will never be her name.

Will be her name and you
will have to call her that!

I don't think so.

Hey, guys. Why don't
we just cool off a bit?

[Andy] I'm telling
you to back down.

And I'm telling you that
I will never back down.

Then I'll make you.

Oh, really? How are
you gonna do that?

Through the use of force.

That is very general

and does not scare
me in the slightest.

I will fight you.

- Nope.
- Okay, fine!

Good! A duel!

The winner gets Angela.

- Fine!
- Fine!

This is nuts.

- What is your weapon?
- Okay, you know what?

That's enough because-

Hey, this is none
of your business.

Hey, it is my business
when it happens at work.

Guess what? Not
happening at work.

- Yes.
- We're gonna do it outside.

- Outside of work.
- None of your business.

None of your business, then.

(hands slapping)

Good. So, what weapon?

My bare hands.

That is stupid.

I will use a sword, and I
will cut off your bare hands.

[Andy] Then I'll
get something, too.

I've had two men
fight over me before.

Usually, it's over which one
gets to hold the camcorder.

Okay. I'll use a
73 centimeter samurai.

- Hmm. I don't have a samurai.
- You don't? Okay, fine.

I'll use a two-handed
broad sword, like a Viking.

I don't. What is that?

Do you have a short sword?
What do you have, exactly?

Um. A 12-gauge
Citori Superlight.

Fine. The closest thing I
have to that is a Nitro Express.

Wait. Are those guns?

Yes, they are.

Andy's is for hunting pheasant,

and Dwight is for
killing elephants.

Okay. Okay, we're
not doing that.

Hang on, Pam.

Andy, do you fully understand
that the prize is Angela?

So help me, God, I do.

And Dwight,

do you fully understand
that the prize is Angela?

I do.

I say give them both guns.

- Stanley.
- Darwin, baby. Darwin.

I don't care who
Angela ends up with.

I just wanna see one of them

beat the crap out
of the other one.

Unless, do you think
Angela could get beaten up?

Yay! Toby's here!

Yeah.

Guys, do I have to
go over our policy

on workplace violence?

- No.
- Yes.

- No, we're fine.
- Yes, you do.

Dunder Mifflin does not
condone any activity whatsoever.

(Andy yawns)

We have a zero-tolerance policy

on anything that would
endanger our employees.

Do you understand?

- Fine. Yes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We get it. That's good.

- Totally.
- Very clear.

- Crystal clear.
- Yep.

Dwight, trust you
removed all your weapons

- from the office?
- Of course, I did.

I swear on my
great aunt's grave.

No grave. Fell into a combine.

Was processed with
the rest of the crops.

Okay. Well, I'll be in
the back if you need me.

Great. Thanks, Toby

- Thanks for stopping by.
- Really appreciate it.

Thanks, Toby.

[Pam] Angela, you have to
put a stop to this right now.

I will respect the
results of the duel.

Of course, you will.

I call loser.

I will be taking my break

at four o'clock in
the parking lot.

I will also be taking my break

at the exact same time
and in the same location.

- What a coincidence.
- Hmm.

So, I either get more involved

or I take a sick day. (chuckles)

Leaving Dwight in charge.

How'd that get there?

There's a star-shaped thing
taped under the kitchen table.

Thanks, Meredith.

I just wanna sell paper.

Why can't I just sell paper?

So, I was in the office,

and I look over to our
accounting division,

and there's Kevin Malone.

Kevin is wearing a jacket
that I've never seen before,

and I call over to Kevin,

"Kevin, is that a tweed jacket?"

And he looks at me and he says,

"Michael, yes, it
is a tweed jacket."

And I look back
at him and I say,

"I feel the need,

"the need for tweed."

It's hard to try and
evaluate yourself, Michael,

but I appreciate you trying.

And thanks for coming in.

Oh! Thank you.

Yes.

I have to say,
I am so impressed

with the potential
you see in me.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

There is no feeling
like the feeling

of somebody who believes in you.

In the movie "Million
Dollar Baby,"

where would Hillary
Swank have ended up

without that guy who killed her?

- Okay, Angela.
- What?

You have to put
a stop to this.

I admit, at first,

I was blaming you for being
selfish and dishonest,

but then I decided to
put myself in your shoes.

I didn't ask you to do that.

I get it.

You're having a hard
time choosing between Dwight and Andy,

for reasons that you
must have about that.

But you have to make
a decision, Angela.

Who would you rather
go home to at night?

Who would you rather wake
up with in the morning?

Marriage is a big deal, Angela.

Who do you see as the
father of your children?

Who are you most proud of?

Who's most accepting
of your quirkiness?

I don't see how any
of that matters now.

Why not?

Two men are about
to fight for my hand,

when it's over, I will
respect one of them

and pity the other.

Decision made.

Angela.

(door clunking)

Come on!

Where are you?

Let's do this thing!

Come on! Come on out!

I can't believe they're
gonna fight over me.

I guess people have fewer
choices as they get older.

My favorite kind of
movie is when two guys

are fighting over
the love of a woman.

I also like those movies

where everyone's pretending
to be really classy,

'cause it's Victorian times
and they're wearing corsets,

but really they're just horny.

Keira Knightley is so skinny.

Afraid? Afraid of this?

If Jim didn't want
me to have a weapon,

he would've gotten
rid of all the bikes.

(bike chain clanks)

Come on!

Hey, has anything
happened yet?

- Where are you?
- Mm-mm. It's 4:10.

I don't think he's gonna show.

Oh, come on, man.
Believe in something.

Come on, coward!

Does the flag of the House
of Bernard fly yellow?

It is said that human beings

have a fight or flight
response, not true of Schrutes.

With us, it's fight or fight.

Only my Great Uncle Helmuth
had a flight response.

In 1898, he disappeared
into the woods.

In 1902, he emerged
with a small plane.

It was a basic glider,

cobbled together with
a spruce propeller

and wings from a plane
another man was working on,

but it was capable of
three-minute flights.

After three
three-minute flights,

he landed in a town
nine minutes away.

And was immediately
beaten to death

because he had landed
on a little girl.

Where are you?

Where...

"From the desk of Andrew
Bernard." (scoffs)

A note. Pathetic.

"Dear Dwight, by now you
have received my note.

"How are you? I am well.

"You are no doubt wondering
why I have left this note.

"It's come to my attention

"that in any physical
match with you,

"I would surely be bested."

True.

"The soft underbelly of
my refined upbringing

"is my soft underbelly."

[Kelly] There's
Andy. He's in his car.

You guys, what is he doing?

Why isn't Dwight
turning around?

The Prius is silent

if he keeps it under
five miles per hour.

- He deserves the win.
- Yeah.

[Dwight] "Alas, after
much consideration."

Oh, my God!

[Stanley] What's happening?

[Phyllis] Andy's running
over Dwight with his car.

Whoa! What are you...

(car thuds)

Hey, hey!

- Yeah!
- Hey!

[All] Oh!

Come on! Ow!

- Ah!
- My God.

[Dwight] Agh!

You give up?

Never!
(chain thuds car)

Get out and face me like a man!

I am a man!

I'm a bigger man
than you'll ever be!

I would never sleep with
another man's fiancee!

You're not a man!

You don't know how
to take care of her!

(chain thuds car)

All you do is dress
fancy and sing.

♪ Oh, la, la, la, la, la ♪

What does that mean?

You can't even protect her!

Protect her from
what? Bears, you idiot?

When's the last time you
saw a damn bear in Scranton?

Last year, idiot!

Dwight, are your legs broken?

No, my right one's
falling asleep a little bit.

Andy, are you all right?

Go away, Tuna!
I'm winning this!

Yeah, back off.
This isn't your fight.

Oh! How much is this gonna cost?

(chain thuds car)
Oh!

What? Trust fund'll
take care of that.

- (chain thuds car)
- What did you say?

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.

I said-
(car horn honks)

What? You stupid idiot!

You're like a big-
(car horn honks)

[Andy] You're like
a Sasquatch. You live in the woods!

[Dwight] Sasquatches
are the strongest

animal on the planet!

So, fine, call me a Sasquatch.

I don't get it!

How could she be sleeping
with you this whole time

and only sleep with me twice?

- What?
- What?

She's sleeping with you?

I'm her fiance.

She said she was
only sleeping with me.

(door clunking)

(door clunking)

Yes, hi, my last
name is Bernard,

and I would like to
cancel a wedding cake

that I had ordered.

B-E-R-N-A-R-D.

Yeah, one shaped
like a sailboat.

Yep, that's the one.

(figure thuds)

Thank you.

(phone handset clunks)

Pam, may I have a
ride home tonight?

I longer have a ride home.

Okay.

Thank you.

Wow, what a day. (laughs)

I thought I was
gonna get chewed out,

but hold on, here's
an attaboy for you.

What?

Rollercoaster ride. Rollercoaster.

Just goes to show,
you leave Scranton,

exciting things
can happen. (sighs)

Right here! Right here!

She means left.

[Angela] Jim! Slow down.

(Angela sobs)

[Pam] Angela?

Listen, if you wanna talk?

It's okay, I mean.

Pull over. Pull over!

Let me out.

- But I mean-
- Stop the car.

Okay. Is this your...

(car door slams)

[Pam] I'll call her later
and make sure she's okay.

She'll hang up on you.

I know.

(bright upbeat music)