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1
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:14,472
(phone ringing)
(copier whirring)
2
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:15,849
So.
3
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:20,603
What's up?
4
00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:23,690
Me, all night, dreaming about
Angela's smoking hot body.
5
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,649
You're being gross.
6
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,860
Not from a male perspective.
7
00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:28,319
You need to set me up with her.
8
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,196
I know she told you
that she's looking,
9
00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:32,741
and she's totally not
responding to my moves.
10
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:34,284
What moves?
11
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:37,037
I have moonwalked past
accounting like 10 times.
12
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:38,371
I can't believe
that's not working.
13
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:39,205
Yeah.
14
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,210
I don't know if I really
see you two together.
15
00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:45,837
Really?
16
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,798
Well, maybe you should look in
the smart part of your brain.
17
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,050
She's very religious.
18
00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:52,385
Okay, well, I come
from a line of WASPs
19
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,679
so long it leads back to Moses.
20
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,640
Okay, well, she takes her
convictions pretty seriously.
21
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,017
She can be kind of severe.
22
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,019
Yeah, and I punched
a hole in a wall.
23
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,021
- That's right, you did.
- Yeah.
24
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,439
Now that I think about it,
25
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,858
Angela and Andy might
actually make a good couple,
26
00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,653
but I couldn't do
that to Dwight.
27
00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:11,738
Or Angela.
28
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,157
Or Andy.
29
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:18,161
Okay, fine, I
don't need your help.
30
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:20,205
She'll eventually
relent to my pleading.
31
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,416
Just don't come to me
when you need something.
32
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:25,043
Okay.
33
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,629
You should still come to
me, I'm a good guy to know.
34
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:29,673
Dwight, could you
come in here please?
35
00:01:29,714 --> 00:01:30,507
(binder clatters)
36
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,134
(upbeat music)
37
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,446
I used to get offers in the mail
38
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,073
for credit cards all the time.
39
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,575
{\an8}They would say things like,
"Don't pay for six months,"
40
00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,954
{\an8}or, "You can transfer your
account from another card."
41
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:06,793
Do you think I'll get
any new ones I could...
42
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:15,593
What?
43
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,303
What do you mean, what?
44
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:20,807
Are you listening to
what I was saying?
45
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,892
I was saying was aware
that you were speaking.
46
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:23,852
What is the matter with you?
47
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:26,187
What is the matter with me?
48
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,986
{\an8}Hey, Kevin, you're
a gambler, right?
49
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:38,825
{\an8}A rounder, you play the
ponies, small horses.
50
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,120
- I do gamble, Michael.
- Yeah.
51
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,539
I was thinking about doing
some gambling myself.
52
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:47,250
You know, just a little bit
of money, maybe doubling it,
53
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:50,045
{\an8}and then doubling it
several more times.
54
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:52,464
{\an8}I don't know, kind
of just for fun.
55
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,716
{\an8}I was thinking, do
you have any tips
56
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:57,844
{\an8}or ideas about sure things?
57
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,139
{\an8}Like a long shot that's
gonna come in big, big time,
58
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,516
{\an8}but it's definitely
gonna come in.
59
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,560
{\an8}Say a horse with a broken leg
60
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,647
{\an8}who's hopped up on amphetamines.
61
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,524
{\an8}Even if such a horse existed,
62
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:12,776
{\an8}it doesn't sound like a winner.
63
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:14,861
{\an8}Well, okay.
64
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:16,905
{\an8}Or, like, a boxer
65
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:22,827
{\an8}who is gonna throw
the big fight.
66
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:26,956
You know, like, he's tied
into some crooked dealings
67
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,875
{\an8}and maybe his kid is
sick or something.
68
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,460
{\an8}Like, who would I
call about that?
69
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:33,338
The mob.
70
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:38,259
{\an8}Do you know
anybody in the mob?
71
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,054
{\an8}Okay.
72
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:48,895
{\an8}Oscar, I'm gonna need to take
another advance on my salary.
73
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,442
Gentlemen, a word.
74
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,780
Look, you guys are my closest
friends in this office.
75
00:03:58,822 --> 00:03:59,823
Right back at ya.
76
00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:00,824
And, as such, I come to you-
77
00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,450
State your business.
78
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:07,414
I am dying of lovesickness
and horny sickness.
79
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,001
That isn't possible.
80
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,419
Unless you mean gonorrhea.
81
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,587
I'm talking
about Angela, okay.
82
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,966
Did you hear what she was
saying to Pam the other day?
83
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,970
Yes, I did, but I
don't think she means it.
84
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:27,017
Angela is in a
great deal of pain
85
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,268
because of the death of her cat,
86
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,603
and she's in a kind
of grieving process,
87
00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:35,650
and it makes her say things,
so best to just lay off.
88
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,237
No can do.
89
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:45,326
I am itching all
over with Angelapox.
90
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,663
Oh my God, you
do have gonorrhea.
91
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:53,501
Hey, Andy, maybe this
is one of those situations
92
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:56,588
where you just have to do her
to get her out of your system.
93
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,964
Stay out of this, you.
94
00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:01,259
What do you mean?
You have plans tonight?
95
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,761
I have my daughter tonight,
96
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,304
we're renting "Charlotte's Web."
97
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,889
Well, you have
to make a choice.
98
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:07,432
It's either your daughter or me.
99
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,224
My daughter.
100
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:10,477
Okay.
101
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,229
I see how it is.
102
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,232
Oops.
103
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:21,363
That was cold.
104
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,915
There she is,
Phyllis Lapin-Vance.
105
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:32,916
[Phyllis] Hi, Michael.
106
00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:34,125
How you doing, old girl?
107
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,960
What's going on?
108
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,212
Actually, I wanted
to talk to you
109
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,963
about the vent above my desk.
110
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,298
It is-
111
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,966
I haven't talked to
you in about a year,
112
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:46,429
since you got married, about
Bob and how's it's been going.
113
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,015
All right, he treating you well?
114
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,352
Does pretty well in
terms of money, right?
115
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,687
He's making enough money?
116
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,815
Is he supporting you
with enough money?
117
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,149
Yeah, he does very well.
118
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,734
Yeah? That's good.
119
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,570
That's good, you're very lucky.
120
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,407
Not everybody's that lucky.
121
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,372
It's hard, you know, it's hard.
122
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,542
Are you asking me for money?
123
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:23,299
Oh, God, no, no,
no, absolutely not.
124
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,176
Do not embarrass
yourself that way.
125
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:28,179
Well, actually, I
don't feel comfortable
126
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,472
giving Bob's money away-
127
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,266
Phyllis, why don't you
just give me the money
128
00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:32,726
and we'll forget about this.
129
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,228
Give you the money?
130
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:39,649
Oh, forget it, you
can't take a joke.
131
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,444
That wasn't even a joke.
132
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,037
He's always been
terrible with money.
133
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,873
I bet it's Jan spending
him straight to the poor.
134
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,167
Yeah, women be shoppin'.
135
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,336
I can't believe
he has a second job.
136
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,795
He's not even good
at his first one.
137
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:01,588
Hey, guys.
138
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,760
What you talking about?
139
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,722
Okay, I know what's going on.
140
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,515
Talking about Jim and Pam.
141
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:14,434
If they're having sex,
what it looks like.
142
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:15,226
- I know.
- Michael.
143
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,561
Hey, hey, hey.
144
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:21,399
Michael, are you
having money problems?
145
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,902
Monkey problems, no, I'm
not having monkey problems.
146
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,445
Why would I have
monkey problems?
147
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,030
I know you heard me correctly.
148
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:28,531
[Michael] I hate monkeys.
149
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,326
What's going on, why
do you have a second job?
150
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,244
I don't have a second job.
151
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:37,415
Maybe I am having an
affair with Suzanne Somers.
152
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,501
But you tried to borrow
money from me earlier.
153
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,211
And I would have
loaned it to you.
154
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,462
But I don't need it.
155
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:43,755
Doesn't Jan have money?
156
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,298
I don't talk to my
girlfriend about money.
157
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,425
It is rude and unsexual.
158
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,802
True.
159
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,762
It's best to hide our
money problems from women.
160
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,097
I totally agree with you,
161
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,640
but I don't have money problems.
162
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,976
All right, you know what?
163
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:57,811
Watch this.
164
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:03,817
If I had money problems,
would I do this?
165
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,576
[Phyllis] Well.
166
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,370
[Stanley] You just put
it back in your pocket.
167
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,788
Yeah, but I destroyed it.
168
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,540
It's not even usable anymore.
169
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,792
The trick is always
pay yourself first.
170
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,294
Put away a little money even
before you pay your bills.
171
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,631
Or you just marry a
millionaire refrigerator tycoon.
172
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,674
Scam of the century.
173
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,384
Thanks for your help.
174
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,803
This was very informative
and great, appreciate it.
175
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,471
Bob's a millionaire?
176
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,974
God, I've been banging the
wrong guys in this building.
177
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,475
Oh, he'd never sleep with you.
178
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,852
He's always hated you.
179
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,607
Hey, fellas, and the lady.
180
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:47,819
I still do not have
your reimbursement check.
181
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,320
That's not why I came over.
182
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,157
I mean, it's a week late,
183
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,200
but I just came over to say hi.
184
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,368
- Hi.
- Hi.
185
00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:58,872
Angela, you like lacrosse?
186
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,458
Lacrosse, the sport?
187
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,711
Scranton U varsity is
gonna scrimmage the JV squad.
188
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:08,173
Should be pretty
interesting, you wanna go?
189
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,466
- No.
- 'Cause we could get
190
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,593
- some food afterwards.
- No.
191
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:12,385
Andy, no
192
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,893
(Kevin chortling)
193
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,394
Still waiting on that check.
194
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,944
Hey, let's call
this what it is.
195
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:35,784
It's like she only wants to
hook up when Ryan comes around.
196
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,660
It's gotten to the point
where I get excited
197
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:40,413
every time I see that little
dude walk through the door.
198
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,833
I just need to know
where this is going.
199
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,420
Hey, I like you.
200
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,257
What's not to like?
201
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:55,929
But you need to access
your uncrazy side.
202
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,391
Otherwise, maybe this
thing has run its course.
203
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,562
Don't you dare walk away
from me, Darryl Philbin.
204
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,940
You are the most selfish person
I've ever met in my time-
205
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,858
Slow down, think it over.
206
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,488
Darryl Philbin is
the most complicated
207
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,532
man that I've ever met.
208
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,951
I mean, who says exactly
what they're thinking?
209
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:21,538
What kind of game is that?
210
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,586
Hey, cuz, heard you're
having money problems.
211
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,005
No, you didn't.
212
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,464
Listen, I got the answer.
213
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:34,676
You declare bankruptcy,
all your problems go away.
214
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:36,553
Creed Bratton has never
declared bankruptcy.
215
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,138
When Creed Bratton
gets in trouble,
216
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:42,517
he transfers his debt to
William Charles Schneider.
217
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,185
How would that help, Creed?
218
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,438
In Monopoly, you go
bankrupt, you lose.
219
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:49,941
You don't go by Monopoly,
man, that game is nuts.
220
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:53,403
Nobody just picks up get
out of jail free cards.
221
00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:54,904
Those things cost thousands.
222
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,449
That is a good point.
223
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,535
Bankruptcy, Michael,
is nature's do over.
224
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:03,204
It's a fresh start,
it's a clean slate.
225
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,081
Like the witness
protection program.
226
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,332
- Exactly.
- Not at all.
227
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:08,626
I've always wanted to be in
228
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,754
the witness protection program.
229
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,006
Fresh start, no
debts, no baggage.
230
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,967
I've already got
my name picked out.
231
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,011
Lord Rupert Everton.
232
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:21,931
I'm a shipping merchant
who raises fancy dogs.
233
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,017
That's the life.
234
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,357
(Michael coughs)
235
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:34,527
I declare bankruptcy.
236
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,664
(Oscar knocking)
237
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,917
Hey, I just wanted you to know
238
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,127
that you can't just
say the word bankruptcy
239
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,671
and expect anything to happen.
240
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,422
I didn't say
it, I declared it.
241
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:57,050
Still, that's not anything.
242
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,178
Well, how do I do it?
243
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,097
Well, are you absolutely
sure that you need it?
244
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,640
I have no idea.
245
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:06,685
Okay, find an expert, have
him look at your finances,
246
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,645
consolidate your
debt, make a budget,
247
00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:10,105
pay down your principal.
248
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,356
Could you do that?
249
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,816
I have work to do.
250
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,984
You could do it
on company time.
251
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:15,944
I would authorize it.
252
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:21,658
I will pay you, I
will give you $4,000
253
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:25,370
of coupons, credits
and back rubs.
254
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,621
Back rubs?
255
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,707
Okay, 5,000, cash.
256
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,042
Okay, that's probably
why you're in debt.
257
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:36,006
Well, if me being generous
is a problem, then lock me up.
258
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,090
They might.
259
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,720
This is a lot of
credit card debt.
260
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,638
Yeah, tell me about it.
261
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,015
You know, Jan has
my credit cards,
262
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:48,727
and she's using them as
if I'm made of money.
263
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,104
She thinks I'm a
human ATM machine.
264
00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:52,647
$218, Target.
265
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:53,815
That was Jan.
266
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:56,401
She bought washcloths
and sheets.
267
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,485
Okay.
268
00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:58,528
Kmart, $178.
269
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,071
That was Jan again.
270
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:04,117
This time she went and she
bought glasses and silverware.
271
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,411
Okay.
272
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,829
Who needs an entire
set of silverware?
273
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:09,706
Well, grownups use
silverware, that's-
274
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:13,001
Yeah, well, grownups can
also eat with their hands, so.
275
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,131
Okay, $125, Amazon.
276
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:23,011
Oh, "Best of the Muppet
Show" on DVD, classic.
277
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:26,139
$1,200, what's a
Core Blaster Extreme?
278
00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:30,185
That is, by far, the best
way to strengthen your core.
279
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:33,688
This machine, you sit
on a stabilizer ball,
280
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,565
you put your feet into
the power stirrups,
281
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,984
you reach up and you
grab onto the super rod,
282
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:41,363
and you twist, and you
twist, and you twist.
283
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,615
It strengthens your entire core.
284
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:47,202
Your back core, your arm core.
285
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:51,539
Your, the Marine Corps
actually uses it.
286
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:53,124
I think that's
how they got core.
287
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,669
I can only do, like,
one rep, it is so hard.
288
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,712
Amazon, again, $125.
289
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,214
I don't know that is.
290
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,882
You forgot you already
bought the Muppet thing
291
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,759
and bought it again
accidentally, didn't you?
292
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,636
No, well, I
thought I'd lost it
293
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,347
and it was in the DVD player.
294
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,599
Am I a shopaholic?
295
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:13,561
No, I really don't
drink anymore,
296
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,105
and, actually, I
like to be sober
297
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,191
when I buy stuff
because, I don't know,
298
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:21,903
I just don't want anything
to inhibit that rush
299
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,864
that I get when I'm
making a purchase.
300
00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:30,954
I don't know, it
feels like I'm drunk
301
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:35,208
or, like, high.
302
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,629
(phone ringing)
303
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,299
I left a little
present for Angela.
304
00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:46,261
I think she's going to like it,
305
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:49,806
'cause I found it outside
Vance Refrigeration, all alone,
306
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:53,852
and I told her in the note
that the cat came to find her.
307
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,813
That they were destined
to be together.
308
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:00,900
I got game.
309
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,240
(phone ringing)
310
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,161
I made you an apology mix.
311
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,874
Huh, that's lot of
the Michelle Branch.
312
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:19,044
She's gonna change
your life, I'm so sorry.
313
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:22,714
I'm never gonna listen
to these songs, ever,
314
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,257
but I do appreciate the thought.
315
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:28,178
You take me away
for the weekend?
316
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:32,724
No, look, I laid out
how I felt about things.
317
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:33,767
All right, we're
more than a ball
318
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,352
and a smile away
from being good.
319
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,689
(forklift whirring)
320
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,319
Okay, the green bar is
what you spend every month
321
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:47,906
on stuff you need,
like a car and a house.
322
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,825
That's so cool how you
have my name at the top.
323
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:56,623
The red bar is what you
spend on non-essentials,
324
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,041
like magazines, entertainment.
325
00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,834
- Right.
- Things like that.
326
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:03,797
This scary black bar
is what you spend
327
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:06,758
on things that no
one ever, ever needs,
328
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,134
like multiple magic sets,
329
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:09,886
professional bass
fishing equipment.
330
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:13,348
How do you do this so
fast, is this PowerPoint?
331
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:14,891
Okay, you need
to focus, Michael.
332
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:17,102
You need to stop spending money.
333
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:17,894
Yeah. What?
334
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,107
I hate to ask you this,
335
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,902
but are there any retirement
funds you can borrow from.
336
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:28,863
My CDs.
337
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:29,864
You have CDs?
338
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:31,199
- I do.
- Okay, okay.
339
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:31,991
What bank?
340
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:35,829
My CDs are in a portfolio.
341
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:40,208
A rather large portfolio
called Case Logic,
342
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:43,920
and the Case Logic
portfolio is currently
343
00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:45,422
in the backseat of my car.
344
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:50,552
There is another smaller
Case Logic portfolio
345
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:52,429
clipped to my visor.
(Oscar groaning)
346
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,263
What?
347
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,808
I'm asking about
certificates of deposit.
348
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,104
I've been putting
money into CDs for years.
349
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,816
I bought music that
I didn't even like.
350
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:13,199
(phone ringing)
351
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,786
Dunder something.
352
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,956
No, we're all out of paper.
353
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,961
Is there a paper shortage
I should know about?
354
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,381
I'm on break.
355
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,477
(recorder tooting)
356
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:50,945
Man, Angela really
had a hold on him.
357
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:54,949
Angela.
358
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,242
Michael, I'm gonna set you
359
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,702
and Jan up with a
debt consolidator.
360
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:58,995
You meet with this guy-
361
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:01,748
No, we are going to
leave Jan out of this.
362
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:02,791
She has to know.
363
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,709
We will find another way.
364
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,795
We'll ask PowerPoint.
365
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,171
Michael, this is
a presentation tool.
366
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:10,215
You're a presentation tool
367
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,675
if you think I'm gonna
tell Jan about this.
368
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:12,759
- I'm done.
- No, you're not.
369
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,844
Okay, just, you're not a tool.
370
00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:17,263
Look, we'll tell
her that it's bad,
371
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:19,099
but it could have
been a lot worse,
372
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:21,935
but due to some fancy
financial footwork,
373
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,853
I was able to cut it in half.
374
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:26,981
Jan is smart.
375
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,024
She poses.
376
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,988
Dwight, how's
the hotel business?
377
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,156
Stupid.
378
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,827
Have you checked
TripAdvisor recently?
379
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:39,869
No.
380
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:42,539
Maybe you should.
381
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,457
Maybe you should...
382
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,002
Whatever.
383
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,506
We wrote a good review.
384
00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:54,342
Under comments, we
wrote, "The natural aroma
385
00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:56,261
of the beets drifts
into the bedrooms
386
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,430
and makes you dream
of simpler times."
387
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:02,183
[Jim] "The dawn goose walk
will tug at your heartstrings."
388
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:05,186
[Pam] "Table-making
never seemed so possible."
389
00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:08,023
[Jim] "You will never
want to leave your room."
390
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,691
[Pam] "The
architecture reminds one
391
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,609
of a quaint Tuscan beet farm."
392
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,575
I'm glad you
enjoyed your stay.
393
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,910
We really did, it was fun.
394
00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:26,416
(Dwight sighs)
395
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:31,421
So, due to Michael's
clever financial maneuvering,
396
00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:34,799
he finds himself
tremendously in debt.
397
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:35,925
[Jan] You're broke?
398
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:40,889
That's, how did you get
that from what Oscar's saying?
399
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,724
[Jan] I mean, Michael,
how'd this happen?
400
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,434
Where exactly did your money go?
401
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:49,314
I don't get this.
I really don't.
402
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,400
I don't understand how
(train honking)
403
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:56,404
you could be so irresponsible.
404
00:19:56,446 --> 00:20:01,493
I mean, it is astounding
to me, really.
405
00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:03,411
I don't know what more to say.
406
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:04,954
Jan.
407
00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:05,830
[Jan] Yeah, what?
408
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:06,623
Michael left.
409
00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:10,585
[Jan] Okay, where did he go?
410
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:11,378
I don't know.
411
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,131
[Jan] Well, is he
coming right back?
412
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,549
[Oscar] I don't think so.
413
00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:20,679
[Jan] I'll be right there.
414
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:39,698
What am I doing?
415
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,118
I'm blowing Dodge.
416
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:44,411
I'm getting out of town.
417
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,455
Whatever you call it,
418
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:49,499
I am running away from
my responsibilities.
419
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,127
And it feels good.
420
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,547
(phone ringing)
421
00:20:57,424 --> 00:20:59,092
You may ask me out to dinner.
422
00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:03,179
Nothing fancy or
foreign, no bars,
423
00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:06,099
no patios, no vegetables
and no seafood.
424
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:15,233
Dwight.
425
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:24,784
(Dwight sobbing)
426
00:21:38,882 --> 00:21:41,134
Did I ever tell you
why I left Scranton?
427
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,929
(Dwight mumbles)
428
00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:46,389
Yeah, I didn't think I had.
429
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:50,602
Well, it was all about Pam.
430
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:53,605
(Dwight mumbles)
431
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:57,275
Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy
432
00:21:57,317 --> 00:22:00,528
and I just couldn't take it.
433
00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:04,824
I mean, I lost it, Dwight.
434
00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:08,161
I couldn't sleep.
435
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:11,206
I couldn't concentrate
on anything,
436
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:18,672
and weird stuff, like
food had no taste.
437
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,301
So my solution was to move away.
438
00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:26,221
It was awful.
439
00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:31,559
And it is something that I
wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
440
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:36,898
And that includes you.
441
00:23:13,476 --> 00:23:15,228
Hey, I was thinking
about dinner.
442
00:23:20,734 --> 00:23:22,193
Uh, dinner.
443
00:23:22,235 --> 00:23:26,031
Let's see, maybe we should
try the new Italian place
444
00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:27,032
where the dry
cleaner used to be.
445
00:23:27,073 --> 00:23:27,991
Okay.
446
00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:29,534
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
447
00:23:29,576 --> 00:23:30,410
Okay.
448
00:23:32,787 --> 00:23:35,498
Jim's just really
passionate about Italian food.
449
00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:41,755
Yeah, I'm very passionate
about Italian food.
450
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:47,844
In fact, I'm in love
with Italian food.
451
00:23:54,184 --> 00:23:56,644
(tires squealing)
452
00:23:56,686 --> 00:23:58,521
[Oscar] Jan, he
went running that way.
453
00:24:03,276 --> 00:24:08,239
♪ Runaway train
never coming back ♪
454
00:24:08,281 --> 00:24:11,117
♪ Run away and I'm
never coming back ♪
455
00:24:11,159 --> 00:24:11,951
Michael?
456
00:24:13,453 --> 00:24:14,412
Hey, Jan.
457
00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:17,874
What's going on?
458
00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:20,543
Not much.
459
00:24:22,087 --> 00:24:23,672
What's up with you?
460
00:24:23,713 --> 00:24:24,923
[Jan] Why are you sitting on
a train, where are you going?
461
00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:26,299
I'm out of answers, Jan.
462
00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:28,593
What does that mean?
463
00:24:28,635 --> 00:24:30,428
I told you, no more answers.
464
00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:33,306
This is who I am now.
465
00:24:35,642 --> 00:24:37,602
A guy on a train
with no answers.
466
00:24:38,812 --> 00:24:40,063
I hope that can
be enough for you.
467
00:24:40,105 --> 00:24:41,690
Michael, come on.
468
00:24:42,691 --> 00:24:44,109
Running away from your problems
469
00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:46,069
won't solve anything,
you know that.
470
00:24:46,111 --> 00:24:47,445
I don't know that.
471
00:24:47,487 --> 00:24:49,155
Your creditors can follow
you anywhere with ease.
472
00:24:49,197 --> 00:24:52,117
Your debt follows you around
the world electronically.
473
00:24:52,158 --> 00:24:53,243
I'll stay off the grid.
474
00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:55,829
Oh, Michael, come on, come on.
475
00:24:55,870 --> 00:24:57,997
You can deal with this,
it's not that bad.
476
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,042
Yeah, it is.
477
00:25:03,086 --> 00:25:04,462
It is.
478
00:25:04,504 --> 00:25:05,755
I really messed up.
479
00:25:08,008 --> 00:25:09,509
Well.
480
00:25:12,595 --> 00:25:14,014
When my life fell apart
481
00:25:14,055 --> 00:25:15,765
and they screwed me in New York,
482
00:25:15,807 --> 00:25:17,976
and I felt like my whole world
was collapsing around me,
483
00:25:18,018 --> 00:25:19,394
I didn't have anyone.
484
00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:21,146
I mean, my whole family still
485
00:25:21,187 --> 00:25:23,023
won't even talk to me,
on the advice of counsel,
486
00:25:23,064 --> 00:25:26,735
and my friends were just
waiting for this to happen.
487
00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:28,695
That's really
nice of you to say.
488
00:25:28,737 --> 00:25:30,321
Michael, no, what
I wanna say is,
489
00:25:30,363 --> 00:25:33,074
you were there for me.
490
00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:35,618
By my side.
491
00:25:37,287 --> 00:25:38,496
Without even a thought.
492
00:25:40,457 --> 00:25:41,708
That's just who you are.
493
00:25:46,588 --> 00:25:48,048
I mean, no matter
494
00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:51,551
how badly I treat you
495
00:25:51,593 --> 00:25:53,845
or what I'm going through,
496
00:25:53,887 --> 00:25:55,972
you just, you are there for me,
497
00:25:57,307 --> 00:26:00,643
and that is a guy
worth staying beside.
498
00:26:03,355 --> 00:26:04,898
So where's this train taking us?
499
00:26:11,571 --> 00:26:14,449
I think the engineer left.
500
00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:48,483
Hello, this is Dwight Schrute
calling from Dunder Mifflin,
501
00:26:48,525 --> 00:26:49,734
and according to our records,
502
00:26:49,776 --> 00:26:51,778
you appear to be low
on office supplies.
503
00:26:52,987 --> 00:26:54,239
Oh, okay.
504
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:55,865
Sure, yeah, I can take
care of that right now.
505
00:26:55,907 --> 00:27:00,078
I can't see myself
spending the next six years
506
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:03,498
digging myself out
of that kind of hole.
507
00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:04,332
Well, we will.
508
00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:05,166
I have...
509
00:27:06,334 --> 00:27:07,460
We just will.
510
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:10,088
Okay.
511
00:27:10,130 --> 00:27:11,798
I have some ideas.
512
00:27:14,009 --> 00:27:15,427
Tell me.
513
00:27:15,468 --> 00:27:17,095
I am not gonna tell you yet.
514
00:27:17,137 --> 00:27:19,097
[Michael] Well, please?
515
00:27:19,139 --> 00:27:19,973
I won't tell anybody.
516
00:27:20,015 --> 00:27:21,558
[Jan] Oh yes you will.
517
00:27:21,599 --> 00:27:23,101
[Michael] Yeah, I will.
518
00:27:23,143 --> 00:27:24,978
Don't sell your implants please.
519
00:27:25,020 --> 00:27:27,480
[Jan] I'm keeping them,
I know you like 'em.
520
00:27:31,026 --> 00:27:32,569
They're kind of
uncomfortable though.
521
00:27:32,610 --> 00:27:33,778
[Michael] It's nice, though.
522
00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:34,988
- They're kind of painful.
- Looks cute.
523
00:27:35,030 --> 00:27:36,614
[Jan] And my nipples
aren't as sensitive now.
524
00:27:41,536 --> 00:27:43,163
[Mose] Cannonball, ooh.
525
00:27:44,247 --> 00:27:45,623
Lemon bomb.
526
00:27:47,584 --> 00:27:49,085
Jim, Pam, watch.
527
00:27:49,127 --> 00:27:50,545
Jim, Pam, watch.
528
00:27:50,587 --> 00:27:52,339
- Jim, Pam, watch.
- Okay, we're watching, Mose.
529
00:27:52,380 --> 00:27:54,382
[Mose] Go Yankees.
530
00:27:54,424 --> 00:27:55,342
[Jim] Doing great, buddy.
531
00:27:55,383 --> 00:27:57,385
[Mose] Name's Mose, buddy.
532
00:27:57,427 --> 00:27:58,386
Dwight, can I stop?
533
00:27:58,428 --> 00:27:59,596
They're not even looking.
534
00:27:59,637 --> 00:28:01,723
No, they paid for a
show, do more spins.
535
00:28:01,765 --> 00:28:03,516
Dwight, it's totally
okay, he can stop.
536
00:28:03,558 --> 00:28:04,517
Hey, it's not your decision.
537
00:28:04,559 --> 00:28:05,602
Higher.
538
00:28:05,643 --> 00:28:06,728
[Mose] More spins.
539
00:28:08,021 --> 00:28:09,272
[Dwight] Just try
and keep the saw
540
00:28:09,314 --> 00:28:10,648
right on your pencil mark.
541
00:28:13,526 --> 00:28:14,611
Ah, dammit.
542
00:28:14,652 --> 00:28:16,363
[Mose] Helicopter.
543
00:28:16,404 --> 00:28:18,406
(tools clattering)
544
00:28:18,448 --> 00:28:20,992
(upbeat music)
38560
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