All language subtitles for The Office Superfan Episodes S04E03 Dunder Mifflin Infinity Part 1 Extended Cut 1080p PCOK WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

What do you think of my
cool new ride? Pretty sweet!

It's just a rental. My
Sebring's in the body shop.

Get some work done.

Had to have the dent taken out
of the hood

where I hit Meredith.

[GPS] Destination is ahead.

Thank you, invisible driving companion.

It's not an invisible
companion. It's a GPS machine.

That thing is so amazing.

This is like having a
computerized map in your car.

[GPS] Destination is on the right.

Why thank you. Love that voice.

I don't know.

Something so soothing about
it, like taking a warm bath.

(phone rings)
Oh, oh, hold on.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Ah, it is my lady love. Smello?

[Jan] Where the (beep)
are my Grape Nuts?

- I don't-
- I just wanna know.

Did you eat my Grape Nuts?

Uh, no, I hate those things.

- Grow up, Michael!
- I lo-

(dial tone)

Not a morning person.

(car beeps)

[GPS] Sorry, I don't
understand that command.

(car beeps)

Sorry, I don't understand that command.

- Hey.
- Hey.

[Pam] I gotcha one.

- Oh wow, thank you.
- Yeah.

[Jim] I'm just gonna grab
some chips. You want some

No, thanks. Uh, we're still
having lunch today, right?

I guess.

How dare you.

(door clicks)

Hey, Toby. What's this?

- Oh.
- I just want

to remind everyone about the
company rules involving PDA

or public displays of affection.

Yes, uh some people in
the office have complained.

- Oh really.
- About some other people

engaging in PDA and, you
know, I just wanted to remind.

It's not appropriate to, to do that.

Is this about me and Jan, in
my office?

Because I will have you know
that that was consensual.

What we did has nothing to
do with you or anyone here.

I don't think. I don't
think anyone heard anything.

We were very discreet and,

and most people had left by that point.

So I don't think it's
any of your business.

What I think you should do is

roll up the memo, real tight-

Okay, look the memo is not
about you.

For the record, I
have never been involved

with anyone at work, in any capacity.

Alright everyone, look, it,

all right the complaint
was about Jim and Pam, so-

- No way.
- What?

You guys are together?

Um, yup.

Yes, we are.

Whoa! Wow!

- Tuna!
- Awesome!

- I knew it!
- You guys!

Congratulations to the two of you.

- Yes, yes!
- Toby,

was this your fun little
way of congratulating us?

- Yes.
- Okay, mind is exploding.

Get over here. Come on.

Come here. Okay, okay, stand up.

Okay, here we go.

Everyone, this is a day
that will live in infamy

because today is the day
that Jim and Pam become one.

Actually, we've been
dating for a couple months.

I love you guys, so much.

Oh.
(phone rings)

- Phone's ringing.
- No, no, no.

Pam let 'em ring.

Let the bells of Dunder
Mifflin chime out your love.

Because this is really
good, this is really good.

My heart soars with the eagles nest.

I don't see it. I think
they both could do better.

I knew they were dating.

He complimented her sweater
yesterday and it was hideous.

It's not a surprise to me.
Pam is the office mattress.

Jim and Pam? Huh?

I always thought they
were brother and sister.

Good for Pam!

I was starting to think
she was gonna die alone.

Jim Halpert's off the market.

Guess who just became the best looking

single guy in the office?

(upbeat theme music)

Hey. Can you make that
straighter?

That's what she said.

- Did you plan that?
- No.

"Can you make that
straighter?"

"That job looks hard."

"You should put your mouth on
that."

How can you even use that one
naturally?

Blowing up balloons I thought.

[Pam] You might want
to trim it a little.

Oh, is Ryan coming back today?

- Yeah, he is.
- Oh.

Pam and Jim are
together. Ryan is visiting.

Only thing that could make
this day better is ice cream.

(door clicks)
(footsteps tap)

What do you want?

To give you this.

Oh, what is that?

It's a feral barn cat.

I trapped him last night
and I'm giving him to you

as a replacement cat
for the one I destroyed.

There was an unfortunate incident

involving Angela's old, sick
cat, me,

some antihistamines, and
the cat's intentional death.

And now, Angela might not want

to continue our professional accountant

slash salesman association.

Her name was Sprinkles.

And his name is Garbage.

Mose calls him Garbage because
he likes to eat garbage.

Don't you, Garbage?

(Dwight imitates eating)

I can't believe you just thought

you could replace Sprinkles
before she's even in the ground.

You haven't buried her yet?

Don't rush me. I'm grieving.

Garbage can be very helpful.
Okay, he's a youthful cat.

He killed an entire family
of raccoons. Look at him.

I don't want Garbage! I want
Sprinkles!

Sprinkles is dead. Sprinkles
was in pain and no longer is.

Thanks to me.

I'm in pain, Dwight.
Are you gonna kill me?

Hey, if it ever came to that,

it would be the hardest day of
my life.

(door clicks)

(Garbage meows)

- Hey, Toby.
- Hey, you two.

Hey, so now that we are dating,

uh, we just wanted to
know if we had to sign one

of those "we're dating"
things for the company.

Oh, well, you know, those were
only for,

you know, relationships, so, if,

if this is just a casual
thing, there's no need, really.

- Oh.
- Well,

I don't wanna speak for Jim,
but, it's like pretty official.

Uh huh.

[Jim] Sorry, so, do
we need to sign one, or?

Let's just wait and see
what happens. You know?

- What?
- Let's just wait.

- Oh, okay.
- Okay.

Great.
(phones ring)

(door clicks)

Hey Ryan!

- Welcome back.
- Hold on one second.

(phones ring)

Hey Pam! It's great to see you.

Is Michael in?

- Hey!
- Yeah.

There he is! There he is!

He's back! And he's with a beard.

(Michael laughs)

He has facial hair. Look at him!

All grown up and no place to go.

Hello, Mr. Sonny Crockett.
I'm Tubbs.

Okay, should we get started?

Oh, yeah, let's get
started because uh, yes,

'cause, this is very
serious business and um-

Yep, exactly. This
is a business meeting.

- Business meeting.
- Fire guy!

Stop that!

That's right! That's right!

- You scared me.
- Fire guy.

- He's the fire guy.
- Don't start any fires, Ryan.

Fire guy!
(Andy imitates explosions)

You weren't here for that.

Here for what?

When he started the fire.

Look how big he is. Look at
you!

You are so mature and
old and a little man now.

You're like our little man.

Little old man boy.

Michael, everybody, um-

- Beard.
- Bearded man boy.

Let me just say something.

I know I used to be a temp here,

but now everything is different.

I'd like your respect. I am your
boss now.

You're gonna have to treat me
that same way you treated Jan.

- Oh, wow!
- So-

That's a little kinky.
I don't swing that way.

- Okay.
- Woooo!

- (Michael laughs)
- Swing that way.

I think Ryan has a gay crush
on me.

Enough! Okay?

This is inappropriate
and it stops right now.

- Do you understand?
- Yes.

Everybody, come on, settle
down. Let's get serious here.

Um, Ryan, has a very special,
important presentation to do,

which we will be doing in the
conference room in 10 minutes?

- Perfect.
- Sound good?

Okay, all right.

And they say New
Yorkers aren't friendly.

Yeah, Ryan snapped at me,

but there was this twinkle in
his eye that I picked up on,

which said, "Dude, we're
friends.

I'm doing this for appearances.
I am the big boss now.

And I have to seem like an ogre.

But you know me and you trust
me and we like each other.

And we'll always be friends.

And I would never take you for
granted in a million years.

And I miss you, man. And I love
you."

- So, how are you?
- Awesome!

I am dating a lot of guys.

- Good.
- A lot!

Black guys, mostly.

- Kelly?
- What?

Um?

Oh, okay, okay, just...

(paper crinkles)

(Michael clears throat)

Well, our old friend Ryan Howard
is back

and we are gonna give
a little presentation

about the future of our company.

So, please listen up.

- What?
- Have a seat

with everybody else.

You don't want me to help?

You don't know what
I'm gonna talk about.

Actually, can you do me a favor?

- Yes.
- Can you get me

a cold water?

- I got it.
- That's all right, Pam.

Michael's got it.

- Um, yes, I'll be right back!
- Thank you.

That was slightly
harsh. Don't you think?

I spent three years driving around,

getting him yams and magic wands.

He can get me water.

I think I know what's going on.

Ryan believes that there is
some sort of special boss water

that he gets to drink now and
there isn't.

But, um, don't tell him.
Don't tell him that.

I don't want to jeopardize our friendship.

Dunder Mifflin Infinity
represents a floor

to ceiling streamlining
of our business model.

The center piece of the campaign is

a new business-to-business
website interface

that will allow us to compete
directly with big box chains.

Wait a second.

Last time I checked, Dunder
Mifflin already has a website.

And quite frankly,

I'm not really sure what's wrong
with it.

This is a massive overhaul.

We're getting younger,
sleeker, and more agile

with the way that we
adapt to the market place.

All essential personnel will

be issued Blackberries for
company use.

Ooh, gimme, gimme,
gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.

I'll stick around to help
you set them up afterwards.

Any questions? Dwight?

What if we don't want
to use a Blackberry

because they are stupid and
pointless?

This is company-wide, Dwight.

- Got it.
- Andy.

We should call it Dunder Mifflinfinity.

You know, push the words
together?

Any other questions? Kelly
Kapoor.

Can we speak privately
about our relationship?

Thank you everybody.

Ryan Howard everybody. Good job.

(clapping)

That's some fun stuff.
When does the website go up?

As fast as possible.

We want to start
retraining people A.S.A.P.,

so we can hit the ground
running with a new system.

Cool beans. I've seen this
before in rock 'n' roll.

Anyone who talks about
fresh ideas is a threat

to someone over the age of 40.

So, it's scramble time.

- We're screwed.
- Who is?

Us? You and me, the old timers.

I am not old. You are old.

You are like a hundred.

You're over 40, that's the cut off.

Are you listening to what he's
saying?

Re-training, new system, youth.

I'm telling you this
kid is the grim reaper.

You deal with this or
you, me, Sammy, Phyllis,

the chick you hit with
the car, we're goners.

I swore I wouldn't tell anyone this,

but in the interest of revealing secrets.

Oh my God, this will
make your brain explode.

Um, Dwight and Angela, dating,

have been for six months.

- No.
- Swear to God.

Aww, this is great.

I was actually gonna wait and
tell you on your birthday,

but this is much more fun.

No, they have been
dating for like two years,

since before your barbecue.

Wait. What?

You knew? And you didn't say
anything?

You didn't say anything to me?

Fair enough. Wow!

We should have started
dating like a long time ago.

- Can you believe that-
- Sorry,

I didn't know you guys were in here.

Oh no, we're just sitting here.

I couldn't see your hands.

Hey Pam, by the way, it's
great that you're dating.

But when a new client calls,

you just have to randomly
assign them to a sales person.

You can't base who gets new clients

on who you're sleeping
with that week, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay.

Okay. And that is why we
waited so long to tell people.

(tapping on phones)

(pounding on phone)

- Okay, what's up?
- Yeah, 'kay.

I was just, after the presentation,

just wanted to make sure, that
vis-a-vis me and the office,

everything in the office
is business as usual?

Well it is business, but not
as usual.

Yeah, no, I understand.

We're making great strides
and we're updating,

but business as usual, no?

No. We're throwing
out the entire playbook.

We're starting from scratch.

We're implementing a brand new system.

Good, so, we're on the same
page?

No. We're not.

Okay, are you, um,

are you making personnel
changes?

We don't know yet.

It depends on how the division
realignment works out.

Our sales are good.

Your sales are flat.

Well, we had a bumpy patch
last year.

We were dragged down
by one of our salesmen,

who didn't actually make
a sale while he was here.

And now he has a beard.

- (Michael snickers)
- Michael,

I know exactly how much time

and man power are wasted in this branch.

This company is getting
younger, faster, more efficient.

You need to prepare yourself.

We had a foreign exchange
student live

with us when I was young and
we called him my brother.

And that's what I thought he was.

Um, then he went home to what
is now formerly Yugoslavia,

taking all of my blue jeans with him.

And I had to spend the
entire winter in shorts.

That is what Ryan is like,

a fake brother who steals your jeans.

Ryan is causing some problems.

And you were always good at
handling him.

What should I do to control him?

Well, he's super-ticklish,
I don't know if that helps.

I know, I know. No, something else.

Oh, he's also super-insecure
about his height.

- Uh-huh.
- And he doesn't care

- about anybody but himself.
- Good.

And don't have sex with
him, 'cause if you do,

the next two years of your life
will be a total waste of time.

- I'm serious.
- I know.

Don't have sex with him,
Michael!

[Michael] I know, I know.

He tried to give me a new
cat to replace Sprinkles.

As if you could replace
Sprinkles!

He just has a hard
time expressing himself.

Well, it's really upsetting me.

And, you probably noticed,
but this last week,

I've been a raging bitch.

- Hmm.
- What should I do?

Look, there's a lot of good parts

to the relationship, right?

None of your business.

Right! Well, just try to focus
on those.

Why don't you guys go
out to dinner tonight

and talk about whatever
you always talk about.

- Maybe you're right.
- Yeah.

I said maybe.

Wait, uh, how do you touch
just one

of these buttons at a time?

I don't know.

Did you even try?

If the kid wants to set
mine up, I'll let him.

Until then...

It's not that I don't like technology.

I just don't like people
tellin' me how to do business

and I don't like Ryan.

[Kelly] I want you to tell
me that you care about me.

That is what I want.

[Ryan] Kelly, I'm your boss
now, okay?

You can't keep talking to
me like I'm your boyfriend.

Oh big strong man, fancy new whatever.

I don't think you ever cared
about me.

I never cared about you?

Six months ago Karen
Filippelli sent me an email,

asked me out.

I said no, because I was
committed to our relationship.

Well, I hope you're still
committed because I'm pregnant.

(earrings jingle)

And guess what buddy, I am
keeping it.

Okay, okay.

Do you feel prepared
to help me raise a baby?

I can, I can't talk
about this right now, okay?

After work, we'll go out to dinner.

We'll talk about it then, okay?

(phones ring)

We have a date!

- Hi, Jan.
- Hi.

- Is Michael in?
- In his office.

- You can go right in.
- Okay, thanks.

- Hey!
- Jan?

Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan.

- How are you?
- Nice, good.

Look at you in your grownup
clothes. Wow!

- Look at you; my God!
- Wow, wow.

- Laid back Jan!
- Yeah.

It like, uh, like everyday
is casual Friday now.

So elephant in the room,
I have your old job.

Well, not exactly my job.
I had a different title.

Oh well, excuse me, same
office, same responsibilities.

Different salary. (laughs)
You'll get there, don't worry.

Well, you look great.

Thank you, thank you.

Scranton suits you.

Best decision I ever made.

You were let go.

I love the beard,

makes you look like
you've got some character.

- Hey.
- Hey.

(door slams)

- Hello.
- Hello, Dwight.

I've been thinking about
things and I wanted

to know if you would have
dinner with me tonight?

- Really?
- Yes.

I'll make a reservation.
No, no.

Let me cook for you,
cauliflower and noodles,

baked potato on the side.

I would prefer a public
place. See you after work.

(door thuds)
(Dwight sighs)

(chips crunch)
(Jan sighs)

(Jan whistles)

Michael, please would you not email

while we're having lunch?

I'm not. It's solitaire, see?

Blackberry, why would anyone name

something like this after a
fruit?

You wouldn't name an iPod after
a fruit.

(Blackberry thuds)

Excuse me while I type on my Banana.

I'm gonna go to the Orange store

and buy an Apricot computer.

Apple.

What is the actual deal with
these things

in terms of testicles?

What?

I don't want to grow weird sperm

in case we ever want to have kids.

So, what's Ryan doing here?

Oh, I dunno, they're launching
a big new business plan.

New website, blah blah blah.

He's being a real twerp about
it, so, it's all about youth,

and agility and streamlining

and trying to squeeze
out the older people.

- He's such a snake.
- Well-

I hope he's gets hit
with an ageism suit.

- What is that word?
- Ageism?

Companies they can't
discriminate

against people due to old age.

Like a couple years ago
we tried to force out some

of the older branch managers
with a mandatory retirement age

and then Ed Truck, your old boss,

threatened us with a lawsuit,
so we had to back off.

So older people have just

as many rights as younger
people?

Yes, Michael, they do.

Okay, everyone, I have a
conference call, but after that,

I'm going to lead a Blackberry tutorial

for anyone who's having any problems.

Who here's set theirs up?

Great. Well, I will see
the rest of you at 2:30.

You didn't set up
your Blackberry, Dwight?

Yes, I did, but I do
not intend to use it.

It is pointless technology.

- As opposed to?
- Printing press,

tractor, mechanical thresher,
telephone, airplane,

the only inventions that matter.

What about cars?

They fall under the
category of airplanes.

They do? So, cars are
flightless airplanes.

- Correct.
- Got it.

They're like the penguins
of the airplane family.

That's an excellent analogy.

- Thanks.
- Hey, Dwight,

what about vaccines?

(scoffs) Vaccines are for
chumps!

My mom didn't believe in vaccines.

I got my smallpox the
old-fashioned way and I survived.

So, joke's on you hospitals.

The word is ageism. Who came
up with it?

When can you use it?

How old do you have to
be for it to kick in?

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Is it even real?

- Mm-hmm.
- Or is Jan

just playin' a prank on me?

Okay, I'm willing to investigate.

But, I need two days access to
petty cash

and a kitten, purebred.

You have an hour and you get nothing.

- I'm on it.
- Okay.

(door thuds)

(phones ring)

- Creed?
- Yes, sir.

- Everything okay?
- Everything's cool, dude.

I'm thirty. Well, in
November I'll be thirty.

Is there another meeting
scheduled?

I was gonna do the
Blackberry tutorial in here.

Michael told us to wait
in here. We don't know why.

- Oh, man.
- Good, we're all here.

We can get started.

- Michael.
- Have a seat.

We're not doing this today.

Have a seat like everybody else.

- Okay, this is-
- Still my office, Ryan.

Well, there has been a lot of
talk about new ideas today.

Well, new ideas are fine,
but they are also illegal,

because they are a form of ageism.

What? Yes, I am right.

Did you know that the Age Discrimination

and Employment Act of 1967

prohibits employment
discrimination based on age

with respect to employees
40 years of age or older?

I did. Why do we as a society
hate old people so much?

Because they're lame.

No, Creed, no they are not.

In fact, many cultures revere
old people

because of their storytelling ability.

Like the old lady from
"Titanic."

Or the funny things that they
can do,

like "where's the Beef?"

Where's the beef? Where's the
beef?

Why do you have the
"Big" picture up again?

You used that already,
when you burned your foot.

Reusing the Ben Kingsley, too.

Yes, Robert Loggia,
Ben Kingsley, both old.

I was going to put up some new pictures,

but all of the ink in
the printer was gone.

- Oh.
- The point is

that everyone in this
room is protected somehow.

Stanley, minority; Kelly,
minority;

Oscar, gay minority, so twice cursed.

But, what about Phyllis and
Creed and me,

proud members of the greatest
generation?

Michael, I think that's our parents.

No, no, no, no. No.

Our parents were great. I love
my mom.

But, greatest? Mm-mm.

That is us. My generation
is all about hard work.

They accomplished things
like the moon landing

or Vietnam, Rolling
Stones, greatest band ever.

You're forty-three. Mick
Jagger's like sixty-five.

And still rockin'!

But, okay, Phyllis, Creed, me,
we're not as young as some.

But, is that any reason
to be jerks to us? No.

Because, under U.S. law, the
law prohibits discrimination

against the old and useless.

Technically, he's right.

Hey, shut up Toby.

Look, one of the greatest
all-time oldies

was a man named Confucius.

A guy who literally invented
the ancient Chinese secret.

Here's some of his quotes.

Confucius say, "Man who farts in church

must sit in his own pew."

Confucius say, "Man with hand
in pocket feels cocky all day."

Confucius also say, "Virgin like balloon.

One prick, all gone!"

Did you Google Confucius

and just print out the
first thing you saw?

No, I skipped through
all of the boring parts

and went right to his joke
page, which, you know what?

Proves to me that he was an old guy,

but he was also hilarious.

- Michael Scott?
- That is me.

Come on in. Who is this old
fart?

Did you just stagger off the
street?

Out of a box or something?

Who's this worthless bag of
bones?

Well, this guy is none other
than one

of the founders of Dunder
Mifflin, Mr. Robert Dunder.

Huh?
(applause)

Oh, yeah. Yes!

Thank you everyone.

Michael, can I talk to you a
second?

Sure thing. 'Scuse me.
(door clicks)

- We have actual work to do.
- Fine.

Then I will call David
Wallace and you can explain

to him why you threw the
founder of the company out

on his ancient butt.

Bob, how old are you?

- I'm 87.
- Eighty-seven years young

and still active.

That is great.

Did you know, that Bob is still
a member

of the Board of Dunder Mifflin?

Well, I, I, I haven't been
to a board meeting in years.

I, I send a proxy.

Ah, still sends his
own proxy. Good for you.

I'm gonna live for a very long time.

My grandma Schrute lived to be 101.

My grandpa Manheim is 103,

and still puttering
around down in Argentina.

I tried to go visit him once,

but my travel visa was protested
by the Shoah Foundation.

I started this company in 1949.

- Wow.
- Back then,

it was an uh, an industrial supplier

of metal brackets mostly
for, for construction.

- Oh, boy.
- And then Mifflin,

of course he killed himself later.

Uh, but I knew Mifflin
through the Rotary Club.

- Great.
- And he was,

he was at dinner with
Beverly and her husband,

wha, what was his name?

Um, uh, Jerry, Jerry Trupiano
from, from South Jersey

and he was tall.

Both he and Mifflin were tall guys.

- Great.
- And-

That's great. Thank you for
coming in.

Robert Dunder everybody. Thank you.

(applause)
That was wonderful.

Do you have a ride?

Well I, I, I came here in a cab.

- Perfect.
- Well,

could you get me another-

Inspirational. What have we
learned?

Well, we have learned that you
can't teach

an old dog new tricks,
because it's illegal,

and you will go to jail.

I think that I should help him
get home.

No, no. Don't help him.

He doesn't need help, Pam.

What a nice guy.

- Good night guys.
- Good night.

Well, today was a
fantastic waste of time.

I disagree, I think
it was very valuable.

Michael, technology
helps business, okay?

You should not resist it.

This is the way the world is moving.

I happen to think the old ways

of doing business are
better and I can prove it.

Okay, I look forward
to hearing your ideas.

Where do you wanna go?

You know, some place
romantic and expensive.

Kelly, come on.

You know what? You're right.

I'm feeling kind of nauseous
anyway. So, you know, skip it.

Are you enjoying your
vegetarian noodles?

Very much. How's your meat?

Dry, delicious.

I heard a joke today.

Oh, that's funny.

Yes, it was.

Are you enjoying your mineral
water?

I can't do this. I can't be
with you.

Every time I look in your eyes

I see Sprinkles' stiff lifeless body.

Then don't look in my
eyes. Look right here.

It's an old sales trick.

I'm sorry. I gave
this everything I could.

No, please don't do this, monkey.

I will leave your toothbrush

on top of your tire tomorrow morning.

I'm not saying I had a
meteoric rise.

But, I did and if they
knew how much I was paying

for my haircut now, they
wouldn't be giving me a noogie.

It was $200.

The one advantage to being
older is

that I know a few things
about a few things,

and I am young enough to not
forget them.

And old enough to know the
difference between the two.

I am old enough to take advantage

of age discrimination laws,

but young enough to date college girls.

But old enough to know
better. I'm at a perfect age.

I could die now. But I
won't, because I am young.

(upbeat theme music)