All language subtitles for The Office Superfan Episodes S03E11 Back from Vacation Extended Cut 1080p PCOK WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

(Jim)
All right, let's get started.

Oh, first off,

we're supposed to be
pushing card stock this week,

so... let's push card stock
this week.

Uh, also--
What is this?

Tape recorder.

For what?

For recording.

Michael is on vacation,

and he has asked me
to record all meetings

and to type up the transcripts.

Okay, uh, Karen,

any news
from that law firm?

Yeah, the deal
closed yesterday.

It's a 6-month commitment.

Oh, my God.
Dwight, what are you doing?

What?

You're not allowed
to take off your pants

in the middle of the office.

I'm not.

Dwight, you know what?
Just back off.

Okay, that's
making me uncomfortable.

This is sexual harassment,
by the way.

Oh, my God.

He's got a knife!

I do not have a knife.

No. Let the record show
that Dwight K. Schrute

is now completely nude
and is holding a plastic knife

to Stanley's neck.

(Dwight)
Let the record show

that Jim Halpert
is a liar.

Dwight Schrute is now
wearing a baby's bonnet.

I am not.

Oh, Jim Carrey
just walked in.

Dwight, get his autograph
for Michael, quickly.

(Dwight)
Jim Carrey did not just walk in, okay?

Dwight, what is that
on your stomach?

Is that
a Muppet Babies tattoo?

(Jim)
Oh, my God, Karen, you're right.

That is Animal
from the Muppet Babies.

You can't see my stomach.

I am now chopping off
Phyllis' head with a chainsaw!

[imitates engine revving,
clears throat]

[upbeat piano music]

♪ ♪

(Michael)
I just had the best, most romantic week of my life

in Sandals Jamaica.

Went with a lady.

And we laid on the beach
and drank fruity drinks...

for free.

Because it was all-inclusive.

And then I flew back
to Scranton,

and then they lost one
of my bags.

♪ Hey, Mr. Tally Man,
tally me bananas ♪

♪ Six hand, seven hand,
eight hand, brunch ♪

So delicious.

Dinner too.

You know how they say,
"Take a chill pill"?

In Jamaica, I took one.

A guy on the beach sold it
to me for $40,

and after I finished vomiting,

I was more relaxed
than I ever have been.

Lost six pounds too.

That's how I want
every day to be.

Oh, home sweet home.

Think I'll have to talk
about my trip much?

[grunts]
Okay.

[Jamaican accent]
Hey, mon.

Hey.
Look.

You have a bunch
of messages, and--

That's nice.

Hannah quit
while you were gone.

I guess she memo-ed to file
some complaints she had

about being a working mother.

And so you might also
have to be deposed.

Blah, blah,
blah, blah,

blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.

Relax.
Okay.

Just relax.

Okay, I'll get
to all of it later.

It's kinda serious.

Aren't you gonna ask me
how Jamaica was?

[whispers]
Say it. Ask me.

How was Jamaica?

It was so good.
Oh!

Michael sends me a postcard
from every vacation he goes on.

Atlantic City...

he wishes I was here.

Busch Gardens, Virginia...

"all I got was this lousy
postcard."

And this time,

I'm "Ja-maken" him "crazy."

I don't know how far away he
thought he was,

because he put $10 worth
of stamps on this.

Hey, mon!

At Sandals Jamaica,

when somebody says,
"Hey, mon," everybody says,

"Hey, mon," back.

(Stanley)
Oh, Michael,

I'm glad you're here.

Stanley, you know what?

It is really good
to see you too.

My bonus check
was $100 less

than you promised.

Okay, well, payroll
is in charge of all of that.

They said I should
talk to you.

Well, I am just
getting settled in.

So I'm gonna...

I am not doin' a lick more work
until I get my full bonus check.

You are not as much fun
as your Jamaican brothers.

Mon.

Do you wanna talk
about it?

Nope.

I still haven't
found an apartment yet.

I'm living in a hotel.

Yesterday
I saw a "For Rent" sign

down the street from Jim,

and he said he didn't think
it'd be such a good idea.

He said it would be
like we were living together.

In different houses.

Two blocks away.

Hello.
You're back.

Yeah, mon.

Me's just got back to the office.

While you were gone...

Me had an iry time.

While you were gone...

Jim glued my desk drawers
together;

he changed my voicemail

so that my voice sounded
like a chipmunk;

he told me that we had
a meeting at 4:00am,

and I was the only one
who showed up.

Dwight, please, please--
He turned over my--

I just got back
from vacation, mon.

All right?

So chill.

Let's--don't--

Don't harsh my mellow, mon.

I took a vacation once.

Never again.

While I was away, Jim had my
desk shipped to me...

in Roswell.

Presents!
I got presents for everybody.

Dwight, a genuine
Rastafarian wig.

Unbelievable.

Andy, I got you a genuine
Jamaican t-shirt.

They love Milli Vanilli down there.

I give thanks, mon.
You are so welcome, mon.

Angela...

you just got lei'd.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

[laughs] Okay.

Um... oh. Pam.

I forgot to get you something.

That's okay.

I'm just kidding.

Coconuts for your coconuts!

No.

[laughing]

Try it on.

No.

Go ahead.

Let me know if I miscalculated
the size.

I don't think I did.

Thank you.

Stanley, I got you some ganja.

I'm just kidding.

It's coffee.

I bet you wish it was ganja.

I wish it was $100.

[sighs]

I did a little scuba diving
at Sandals Jamaica.

And I learned about a thing
called decompression.

Which means if you're under water,

and you rise too quickly,

you can die.

It didn't apply to me

because I was in the shallow
end of the pool.

But coming back here,

it does apply.

I can't just start my job up immediately.

I need time to decompress.

Or I will die.

(Michael)
♪ Feelin' ♪

♪ Hot, hot, hot *
[playing steel drum ]

♪ Feelin' hot, hot, hot ♪

♪ Feelin' hot, hot, hot ♪

♪ Feelin' hot, hot, hot ♪

That's all I know so far,
but I'm gonna keep practicing.

That's good.

[playing steel drum]

You know, I had never been out
of the country before now?

Oh.

Got to see
how Jamaicans live.

It is great, you know.

They just relax.
They party all the time.

It's kind
of an impoverished country.

Yeah. Gosh...

Great.

You know what, Pam?
Make a note.

I want us all to start
having piña coladas

every day at 3:00.

Well, you can't today.
We're doing inventory.

Inventory's at the end
of December.

We couldn't do it without you,
so we postponed.

Oh... I specifically
went on vacation

so I would miss it.

Inventory is boring.

In the islands,
they don't make you do stuff,

like take inventory.

Why do you think so many
businesses move to the Caymans?

Tonight, we are going to have
an inventory luau.

I want to bring back
a little slice of paradise

to the Dunder-Mifflin
warehouse inventory.

So, party planning committee,
get on it.

By the end of the day?
That's impossible.

The Jamaicans don't have a word
for "impossible."

Yep, it's English.
It's impossible.

Michael,
there's no way

we can do it in time.

How hard is a luau?

All you need are some
grass skirts, pineapple, poi,

tiki torches, suckling pig.

Some fire dancers.

That's all you need.

Okay, let me tell you
a little story.

When I was on vacation,

I met a man named Bavan.

And Bavan takes people parasailing.

And you know what
he said to me?

He said that he loves going
to work every day.

How many of you can
say that you love

going to work
every day like Bavan?

No one.

(Kevin)
But, Michael,

Buvan gets to go parasailing
every day, and that's fun.

His name is Bavan.
And you know what?

I'm sure Bavan gets sick
of his job too.

I'm sure he would like to take
a day off.

I'm sure he would like to spend
a vacation selling paper.

But he has the right attitude.

And that is something that you
learn when you go to Jamaica

and you really apply yourself.

I would love to take them all
to Jamaica.

But is that good management?

Yes.

But is it the best management?

Well, I can't afford it.

And corporate won't pay for it.

So who's the real criminal?

Come on in.

Settle in.

Settling.

Settling.

And... settled, good.

There is something

I would like to
show everybody.

See this sign?

"No shirt, no shoes,
no problem."

This is an attitude

I would like all of you
to have right here.

So what if we have to stay late
and do inventory.

No problem.

Oh, my God.
Is that Jan? What?

(Dwight) Where?
(Pam) On the left.

Oh, Yeah.

Oh, my God!
No, no, no, no.

No. That's a German woman
named Urkel Grue.

Michael and Jan together in Jamaica.

I guess I would just need a
little bit more evidence

than seeing it
with my own eyes.

I don't know if Michael and Jan
really went to Jamaica,

because Michael's way
into Photoshop.

For example,

I never went with him to Egypt.

Jan told me to play it cool
and not tell anybody

because it could
get us both in trouble.

So, officially,
I did not see her.

But I did see Jan there.

In our room.

At night.

And in the morning.

And that's all I'm gonna say.

Except... sex.

We had sex.

[chuckles]

I had sex with her.

I had sex with Jan.

Hey, dude.
Just got back from Jamaica.

(Packer)
Big whoop. I was in Hotlanta.

That whole town is whack.

Yeah, that sounds amazing,
but you know what?

The lady, Jan Levinson,
wanted to go to Montego Bay.

You took
the Ice Queen?

[chuckles]
I don't buy it.

Well, I'm looking at a photo
right now,

and I'm tellin' ya,
it could be in Maxim.

They wouldn't give you
a subscription to Maxim.

Oh, no?
No

Okay.

Well...

[sighs]

Check this out.

I'm sending you
some e-mail.

[man sighs]

You got it?

What? No.
I got nothin'.

Check it again.
Hit "refresh."

Yeah, Mike,
still nothin'.

Okay, wait a second.

I sent it to you
at packer@dunder-mifflin.com

Packaging
at Dunder-Mifflin...

Uh-oh.

Wait. I just got it
from somebody else.

Wow, this is hot.

Damn!

How do I get you
out of this picture?

(Michael)
Ahh...

Darryl!

Hey, hi.

Where's Darryl?

He's, uh,
in the office.

Okay. Hi.

Hey, man,
How's it goin'?

All right.
what's up, Mike?

That's great.
Okay, um.

So did you get an email
from me?

Yeah.
Okay.

Well, that was supposed to
go to Packer,

not "packaging."

Hmm.

Did you already forward it
to a whole bunch of people?

Uh-huh.

Okay. Um...

Well, did you get
the second email that I sent,

explaining that the first email
was a mistake

and that you should delete it. Yep.

And you sent that out
to everyone?

Mike, I'm very busy
down here.

Yikes.

Already sent it
to you, my friend.

Fantastic.

Boring.

Call me
if she rolls over.

Well, at work,

we are not supposed to look at
pictures of women

with lots of skin showing.

That has been made very clear
to me.

But what if the picture is of
your boss?

Then it's work, right?

I guess we'll see.

It's my new screensaver.

Where did you save
the list of exchanges?

I will gladly give you
that information

when my bonus comes through.

I won't be able to do inventory
without it.

Then you won't be able to do inventory.

Yeah, I really like Stanley.

But I'm not always sure
if he likes me.

I-I guess that's okay.

[whispers]
'Cause I don't really like him.

Hey.

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah.

[coffee pouring]

You sure?

Yeah.

Yes.

I'm just in this, like,
stupid fight with Karen.

Oh.

You want to talk about it?

Really?

I have a special assignment
for you.

Who's the target?

A sensitive email has been
released to the office.

It contains a file,

a picture...

the file name
is "Jamaica Jan Sun Princess."

What's it of?

Not important.

Unless you're willing
to tell me everything,

I cannot accept
this assignment.

Okay, forget it.
Okay, I accept it.

[exhales]
Come on. Come on.

Ohh.
Okay.

[sighs] Well, Jan's email password

is not "Dunder Mifflin,"
"Sandals," "Jamaica,"

"Michael," "Michael Scott,"

"Jan Scott,"
or "Mrs. Jan Scott."

Try "Dwight."

Her password's not gonna be
"Dwight," Dwight.

That's stupid.

Okay.

[ocean waves crashing]

[exhales]

Spider-man--Peter Parker--

would not reveal his love
for Mary Jane

for fear that she might be
captured and harmed

by the Green Goblin.

Now, if Michael had studied
the Spidey principles

that I had drawn up for him,

Jan's boobs might not be all
over the internet.

[makes whooshing sounds]

So, I don't know,

I just feel like we've been
dating a month, right?

Same street--I think
that might be a little close,

a little bit much.

Hmm.

"Hmm," what?

[scoffs]

How far away does she live now,
like, ten minutes?

[sighing]
Yeah, I guess.

Honestly, I think you
should go easy on her.

No, I didn't mind helping Jim
with his problem.

That's what friends do.

I...help Phyllis
all the time.

Just yesterday I untangled
a piece of tape from her hair.

So... yeah.

Hey.

Thanks a lot.

Oh, don't worry about it.

I mean, it's better

than listening to Michael
play a conch shell,

which is what I was doing.

Oh, also,

Michael went to Jamaica
with Jan.

Yeah. How have we not talked
about this already?

I mean,
what happened there?

Kidnapping?

So your trip to Scottsdale
was good?

Oh, yeah.
Arizona's beautiful.

It was great to see my sister.

Mm.
I bet.

Oh, yeah, I know.

I don't normally lay out
in the sun a lot.

But, you know,
when in Scottsdale.

I was visiting my sister and...

(Toby)
Hey, I need to talk to you.

Not now, not ever.

About you and Jan.

Ah, none of your business.

Well, I wish that were true,
but it--it, um...

it seems from that photo

that you two--you've entered
into an intimate relationship.

That photo
is my personal property.

And if you are telling me

that you went on my computer
and stole that photo,

then I am going
to call the cops.

Michael, nine different people
emailed me that photo,

including my ex-wife,
and, well, we don't talk.

Well, then this was probably
the ice-breaker you need.

You know,
for your own protection,

you should disclose
the relationship to HR.

I bet you would love
all the details, wouldn't you,

skeevy little perv?

All right, if you're
having a relationship

with your superior,
you must disclose it.

No, no.

No, I am not dating Jan.

She was very clear about that.

Just two like souls
having a romantic time

in the most romantic place
on earth.

Got enough, weirdo?

All right.
Thanks, Michael. Okay.

Okay, we only have 3 hours,
people, to plan a whole luau.

And you're not helping.

What are the ingredients
of poi?

I called every grocery store
in Scranton,

and no one sells whole pigs.

Did you try the petting zoo?

Don't you have some sort of
chaser or gobbler thing

that you can send out

that's able to eat up the
other emails?

I read about
something like that.

Well, I am in America,

and I am online,

so I do think it involves you.

Uh-huh.

And if I were a subscriber,

would then you be able to send
out the gobbler?

I--
yes, I will hold.

Dunder-Mifflin.
This is Pam.

Just a second.

Michael?

It's Jan
on the phone for you.

Oh, no, no, no.

Hang up.
Hang up.

Tell her
I'm not here.

Don't.

[whispering]
I've ran out of gas.

Hit a deer.

I hit a deer with my car.

Tell her I hit a cat!
Tell her I hit a cat.

He'll call you back.

Okay.
Great.

Do you think she bought it?

Okay.

Okay.

[whispering]
Michael hit a deer?

[inhaling deeply]

[exhales]

People ask me all the time,

"Would you rather be blind,
deaf, or can't smell?"

Easy. None of them.

But to me,
most important is smell.

Cocoa butter.

Whole island smelled
like this stuff.

Ohh, mon. That bring
me back to the island.

Michael!

Michael, there's an emergency
in the warehouse.

An accident?
Is somebody hurt?

No, it's...
involves a photograph.

Oh, God, no!
No, no, no, no.

[applause]

Mike, you a rock star, man.

You are the man!

Yeah! Well done.

All right, okay.

That corporate booty,
he likes to hit it!

Hello, hi,
attention, everyone.

Um, apparently there is an
email circulating around

that contains
a very PG-13 rated picture

of me and a woman.

Jan.

No, Kevin, a woman!

(Michael)
Maybe Jan, maybe--

Urkel Grue.

My point is that
if you get it,

I would ask that you
just delete it, sight unseen.

Let's be professional,
all right?

Did he actually give you
some ganja?

No.

You want some?

When a woman gets older,

she'll go just about anywhere
with just about anyone.

I've done some things
I'm not so proud of.

But I've seen the world.

Your body is a temple.

You have to respect it.

You can't just whore it out.

I should be turned on.

But last year, remember I had
that skin cancer scare?

And so now all I can think is

that I hope she was wearing sunscreen.

God, I would love
to rub some on her.

The worst part about the
internet:

when a secret is out,

everyone knows.

The best part
about the internet:

that video of the dancing
Indian midget,

crossbow.org,

massively multiplayer online
gaming, i.e. EverQuest.

I also enjoy online banking.

Okay, so I went
on the internet,

and she's not gonna find

another apartment for that price.

I mean, this one is twice as much,

and it doesn't have parking.

Does she like to park?

[sighs]
Loves it.

Okay.

This one is the same price,

but it's got--

Green walls.

I think that's mold.

Ooh, fancy.

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

♪ Feelin' ♪

♪ Feelin' hot hot hot * ♪

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing
out here?

Island living, you know.

Jan called.

She's coming in later
to talk to you.

Did she say
what it's about?

That's all she said.

[gently plays steel drum]

♪ ♪

♪ Ole, ole, ole, ole ♪

♪ Ole, ole, ole, ole ♪

♪ Ole, ole, ole, ole ♪

♪ Ole, ole, ole, ole ♪

♪ The people in the party
hot, hot, hot ♪

I wouldn't have come, but I
know Jan is showing up soon.

And I don't wanna
miss the show.

Attention, everyone.

May I have your attention, please?

Listen up.

If we all work
really hard and focus,

we should be out of here
in seven hours.

Now,

somewhere in these stacks
I have hidden a deck of cards.

That should motivate you
to keep your eyes open.

If you find the deck of cards,

you can redeem it with me in
exchange for a free soft drink.

[card deck zips]

Get back--back to work!

Yes, it is Island Luau
Inventory '07.

It's actually a success

compared to Disco Audit '05.

Uh, I think
you dropped this.

You sure?
Definitely.

I have disconnected
the office T1 line.

I've ordered that that
be taken down.

And I destroyed all print outs
from the bathroom.

There are copies
in the bathroom?

There were.
A lot of them.

All right.

Hey, Dwight.

Bet I can stack faster
than you can.

Please.
I can double your pace.

Oh, yeah?

Prove it, champ.

You ready?

Let's go.

One...

two...

three.

Go!

Nice.

Get out of my way, Jim!

Jim, move!

Okay.

[both grunting]

(Andy)
Dang it!

(Dwight)
Two at a time!

(Andy)
Those aren't straight. Totally crooked.

Totally crooked.
You're disqualified.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!

[boxes clatter]

[groans]

(Meredith)
Hello?

I'm stuck.

Anybody?

Hey, Stanley.

In case I don't see you
again after tonight,

here's your bonus.

$1,000 cash.

Keep the change.

There's a butterfly on this.
Why?

It is Jamaican.

The exchange rate is 65 to 1.

I don't remember
in which direction.

So it's either worth 15 bucks
or 65,000.

Yes.
Good luck with that.

I think I owe you one.

Sorry?

For talking sense
into Halpert.

The Day's Inn room 228
was starting

to get really depressing.

Oh, yeah, no,
don't worry about it.

I mean,
he was being ridiculous.

Yeah.

But thanks, seriously.

Sure.

(Darryl)
Oh, ho, ho, yes!

Yes! What I tell you?

I knew he'd turn up.

You see that?

This is the greatest night
of my life.

[crying]

Who did this to you?

Where is he?

What?

No, it's not...

It's nothing.

It's hot in here.

Yeah.
Yeah.

[sniffling]

Thanks.

You don't need
to stay here.

I know.

So you're PMSing
pretty bad, huh?

You know, I actually lived in
Honolulu for a year.

Oh, so you've been
to a real luau.

Yeah.
A few.

I tried.
We didn't have time.

What's the problem?

We have seven fewer boxes
of canary yellow copier paper

in stock
than we're supposed to.

Let me see this.

[scanner beeps]

Looks good to me.

[scanner beeping]

You're a box short on the black
medium-line ballpoints.

I don't know what to tell you.

One year, I had a close
acquaintance of mine

back a truck in here
and clean out this whole place.

That was a very good year.

I think they blamed it
on some kid.

[drum clangs]

(Jan)
Hello, everyone.

Hello, Michael.

[muffled]
Hello.

Hi, Jan.

You look... tan.

I was in Scottsdale
visiting my sister.

Yeah?

How was it?

Very sunny.

Family's important.

Michael, I would like to speak
with you in your office.

Okay, yep. Please.

Why am I here, Michael?

Uh...

In the last year I've gone
through a divorce,

an identity theft,
a husband who would not...

communicate.

This is neither here
nor there.

My psychiatrist thinks
that I have

some self-destructive
tendencies.

And that for once,
I should indulge them.

You following me?

Uh, uh, yes.

I think I owe it
to myself

to find some kind
of happiness.

You know, I mean,
even if it means

lowering my expectations
or redefining the word itself.

Okay, yeah.

This is the thing,
you know.

I am attracted to you.

I-I don't know why I...

[sighing]
But I am.

And... I need to follow
my instincts.

At least, that's
what Dr. Perry thinks.

Who's Dr. Perry?

This is the point, okay?

You're wrong for me.

Okay.

In... in every way.

Well, not--

But I still find myself
wanting to...

Be with you.

And I, to you,

in addition, feel

the same feelings
that you are as well.

Good, good.

So, um, thanks
for coming by.

So, I, uh...

No, good.

Okay.
Okay.

Thank you for taking
the time.

Well, thanks
for coming over, I appre--

Mm.

Wait 15 minutes,
find an excuse,

and meet me
at your condo.

Okay.

Jan.

You complete me.

Oh, God.

Hey.

Remember when we were planning
our honeymoon,

and you wanted to go
to Hawaii,

and I wanted to go
to Mexico?

Yeah.

I was definitely right.

Oh, brother.

What am I gonna do?

I'm gonna hang it up
at home.

I don't have a lot
of art.

(Meredith)
I'm back here!

I'm stuck!
Hey!

You gotta be kidding me.