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1
00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:11,302
There you go.
2
00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:12,345
Oh.
3
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:13,930
[snickering]
4
00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,143
Nice dress, Ryan.
5
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,895
It's not a dress.
It's a kurta.
6
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:22,022
[laughing]
Okay.
7
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,773
Tonight,
one of our most
8
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:25,900
ethnic coworkers, Kelly,
9
00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:28,570
has invited us all
to a Diwali celebration
10
00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:30,280
put on by her community.
11
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,615
What is Diwali,
you may ask?
12
00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:35,910
Well, to have Kelly
explain it,
13
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:37,245
[high voice]
"It's..."
14
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,289
[gibberish]
15
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:40,749
"It's so super, fun.
16
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,792
And it's gonna be great."
17
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,836
A lot of gods
with unpronounceable names.
18
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,796
20 minutes later,
you find out
19
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:49,341
that it's essentially
a Hindu Halloween.
20
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,675
You look so handsome.
21
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:51,676
You really do.
22
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,678
I love the material.
23
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,888
I know.
24
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:56,097
How come you didn't
get me one?
25
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:58,391
I...
26
00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:01,353
[upbeat piano music]
27
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:08,360
♪ ♪
28
00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:32,884
Okay, so between
Meredith's minivan,
29
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,302
and if I borrow Bob's Yukon,
30
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:36,304
that should fit
about 12 people.
31
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,139
I don't know why
we're going to this.
32
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,557
It's not a calendar holiday.
33
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,726
Hallmark doesn't even
have a card for it.
34
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,061
The Hallmarks in India might.
35
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,730
There are no Hallmarks
in India, Pam.
36
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,732
Certain people
in this office
37
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:51,194
are a little too obsessed
with things from India.
38
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,904
You don't have
to go, Angela.
39
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,364
Oh, you would
like that, wouldn't you?
40
00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:56,533
So we're not going
to Diwali?
41
00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:59,911
I think Kelly was, uh,
really looking forward to it.
42
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,540
Or I don't know, whatever.
Let's bail.
43
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:05,041
I actually might not go.
44
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,876
I'm feeling kind of tired.
45
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,086
Do you wanna make Appletinis
46
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,295
and watch Sex and the City
at my place?
47
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:13,383
Oh, I don't know.
I haven't decided yet.
48
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,093
I know when you
break up with someone,
49
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,095
you're supposed
to be really social,
50
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,763
get back out there.
51
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,765
I'm just not sure that
"out there"
52
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:24,769
includes the Lackawanna County
Hindu American Association's
53
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:28,398
Family Diwali Celebration
at West Scranton High School.
54
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,486
Pam, could you put Jan on, please?
55
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,363
(Pam)
Michael, you're on with Jan.
56
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:36,781
Hello, Jan.
57
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:37,949
Michael, what is this
about you letting everyone
58
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,492
leave work early today?
59
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:43,955
Well, I was letting everybody
go to the big Diwali party.
60
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,124
What is Diwali?
61
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,501
What is Diwali?
You don't know what Diwali is?
62
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,879
Wow, Jan,
I'm surprised.
63
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,922
It's the Hindu
Festival of Lights.
64
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,549
I just assumed
you'd be familiar with it.
65
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:58,845
It's the most sacred
and honored Hindu holiday
66
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,513
in the world.
67
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:02,682
It's like Christmas, Easter,
68
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,601
and Halloween
rolled into one.
69
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:07,645
I bet you're not aware
that our own Kelly Kapoor,
70
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:08,772
who works in...
71
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:09,981
Um, customer service.
72
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,233
customer service
is a Hindu person, and--
73
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,319
Of course I know Kelly. Yeah.
74
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,528
Well, I think
it sounds lovely.
75
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,280
I think it sounds
like a good idea.
76
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:19,074
You do?
Yes, of course.
77
00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:21,618
It's important to celebrate
our company's rich diversity.
78
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:24,412
And in fact, Michael,
if you had planned better,
79
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,706
we might have been able
to charter a bus to the event.
80
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,249
I don't know about that.
81
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,126
Or been a sponsor
for the party itself.
82
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,128
For Kelly,
that seems a bit much.
83
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,881
One person is an integral
part of the fabric--
84
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,177
She's so wonderful.
85
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,888
[groans]
Yeah, you should see her naked.
86
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:48,520
Oops, sorry.
87
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,105
Sorry.
88
00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:52,982
I started biking to work.
Josh does it.
89
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:55,652
And he lives a lot
farther away than I do.
90
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,570
And also, it saves gas money.
91
00:03:57,612 --> 00:04:01,157
It keeps me in shape.
Helps the environment.
92
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:05,787
And now I know it makes me
really sweaty for work.
93
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:08,707
Nice basket.
94
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:11,084
Thank you.
95
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,045
I don't get
why you won't go.
96
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,255
Did I do something wrong?
97
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:16,881
I mean, I thought we
were really close friends.
98
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,800
I just feel kind of tired,
you know.
99
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:19,843
Maybe you've got mono.
100
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:20,885
Maybe.
101
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,387
I just...
102
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,888
I don't really have
anyone to go with.
103
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,557
Well, go with Dwight.
104
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:26,891
He's single too right?
105
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,226
Yeah, totally single.
106
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,562
100% available.
107
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:34,024
Are you guys going to this
Indian thing tonight?
108
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:37,402
I don't know.
Who's, uh, who's going?
109
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:41,031
Ohh... you mean, like,
is Pam going?
110
00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:43,199
Don't go.
They eat monkey brains.
111
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:45,035
(Michael)
Hey, hey, hey, stop that.
112
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,161
That is offensive.
113
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:48,872
Indians do not
eat monkey brains.
114
00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,623
And if they do...
115
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,500
sign me up.
116
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,586
Because I am sure
that they are very tasty.
117
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:57,339
And nutritional.
118
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,718
It's important
that this company
119
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,763
celebrates its diversity.
120
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,723
And you know what, Stanley?
121
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,434
Come Kwanzaa time,
I have got you covered, baby.
122
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,102
I don't celebrate Kwanzaa.
123
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,812
Wha--really?
124
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,814
You should.
It's fun.
125
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:18,443
I love the people here.
126
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:23,198
And if there was one thing
I don't really care for,
127
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:26,826
is that they can be
terribly, terribly ignorant
128
00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,620
about other cultures.
129
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:31,122
And I don't want them
embarrassing me
130
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,500
in front
of my girlfriend Carol.
131
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:37,212
Diwali is a very
important holiday
132
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,421
for the Hindus.
133
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,256
But, frankly,
I'm a little appalled
134
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:44,302
that none of you know very much
about Indian culture.
135
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,805
So without further ado,
Kelly!
136
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,933
You are on.
137
00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:52,477
Um, Diwali is awesome.
138
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:53,770
And there's food,
139
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,438
and there's gonna be dancing.
140
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,565
And, oh,
I got the raddest outfit.
141
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,651
It has sparkles--
Kelly...
142
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,986
Um, why don't you tell us
a little bit about
143
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,489
the origins of the holiday?
144
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,909
Oh, um, I don't know.
It's really old, I think.
145
00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:09,869
How many gods
do you have?
146
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,830
Like hundreds, I think.
Maybe more than that.
147
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,207
And that blue, busty gal--
what's her story?
148
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,625
(Kevin)
She looks like Pam
149
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:16,918
from the neck down.
150
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,003
(Dwight)
Pam wishes.
151
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,921
[laughter]
152
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,673
Kelly, I'll take this one.
153
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:25,176
Diwali is a celebration
of the coronation god king Rama
154
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,345
after his epic battle
with Ravena,
155
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,638
the demon king of Lanka.
156
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,724
It symbolizes the battle
between good and evil.
157
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:32,434
All right, all right.
This isn't Lord of the Rings.
158
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,185
Now, a lot of people say
159
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,980
that Kelly
is one in a million.
160
00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,189
And that's true,
but it's also not true.
161
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,774
Because, frankly,
162
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,651
there are literally
billions of people
163
00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:43,987
just like Kelly
in the world.
164
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:47,240
Here are some
famous Indians.
165
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:53,288
Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar.
166
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:56,791
He is a Nobel-Prize-winning
physicist.
167
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,168
Impressive.
168
00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,794
Apu, from The Simpsons.
169
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,130
Hilarious Indian.
170
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,548
M. Night Shyamalan.
171
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,800
The Village, Unbreakable,
Sixth Sense.
172
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,510
I see dead people.
173
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,721
Okay!
Spoiler alert.
174
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,139
He was dead
the whole time.
175
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,932
Just stop it!
176
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,517
What's--
Oh, wha--
177
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,852
[laughs]
178
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,145
Where did that come from?
179
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,150
And perhaps
the most important person
180
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:24,027
to Indian culture,
181
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:25,779
Sir Ben Kingsley.
182
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:29,324
Because of him,
the British left India.
183
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:32,702
And then he became an actor
like Ronald Reagan.
184
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,204
Michael?
Yeah?
185
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:37,457
Your shirt is buttoned wrong.
186
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,713
So any questions?
187
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:47,592
Ugh, sometimes, I really,
really, really miss Jim.
188
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,221
Karen, my chips got stuck
189
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:52,514
in the vending machine again.
190
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,016
I need your...
skinny little arms.
191
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,643
Oh.
192
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:57,560
Did you shake it?
193
00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,522
Yeah, I shook it,
I shook it.
194
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,695
We have such
a roller coaster thing,
195
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:07,779
Karen and I.
196
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,614
Excuse me?
197
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,282
Roller-coastery friendship.
198
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,576
Hot and cold.
On again, off again.
199
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,955
Sexual-tension-filled
type of deal.
200
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:19,124
It's very Sam and Diane.
201
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,126
Wow.
From Cheers.
202
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,627
Yep.
Yeah.
203
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,796
And another thing about
the Indian people,
204
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,631
they love sex positions.
205
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:30,301
I present to you
The Kama Sutra.
206
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,929
I mean, look at that.
Who has seen that before?
207
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,682
I have, that's
the union of the monkey.
208
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,309
Oh, that's
what they call it.
209
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,311
This is the best meeting
we have ever had.
210
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,438
(Michael)
Thank you, Kevin.
211
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,148
I find this
incredibly offensive.
212
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,816
Well, I find it beautiful.
213
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,736
Well, whatever Kelly wants to
do in her own house is fine.
214
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,571
But we shouldn't
all be subjected to it.
215
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,531
Actually, she's right.
216
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,533
This isn't appropriate.
217
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:54,951
Why don't I take these?
218
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,494
(Michael)
You're not gonna collect them.
219
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,663
No, this is delightful,
charming culture.
220
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,207
My Indian cultural seminar
was going great
221
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:04,294
until Toby decided
that he was too immature
222
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:06,838
to deal with
culturally explicit images.
223
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,549
It's just sex, people.
Everybody does it.
224
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:12,177
I'm doing it with Carol.
225
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:15,388
Probably tonight.
226
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:17,766
All right.
227
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,517
I think you guys
should be all set.
228
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,311
Oh, here's the corporate card
for dinner.
229
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:22,854
Thanks.
Now, Karen...
230
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,856
Let's keep it
to $20 a person this time.
231
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,317
Got it.
232
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,694
Once a quarter,
the sales staff at this branch
233
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,906
has to stay late to do
order form consolidation.
234
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:35,325
Which... amazingly,
235
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:37,827
is even less interesting
than it sounds.
236
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:40,038
You guys ready to party?
237
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,498
What's that?
238
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,833
I said, are you ready
239
00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:45,919
to part-ay!
240
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,130
[Indian music]
241
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:54,260
♪ ♪
242
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,721
Isn't this fun,
not wearing shoes?
243
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,598
I wish some of us still
had our shoes on.
244
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,017
Stop it.
It's a disease.
245
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,769
I've... told you.
246
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,732
I thought you said
this was a costume party.
247
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,569
What does that
look like to you?
248
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,613
An Indian woman
in a sari.
249
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,281
No one's even gonna
notice it.
250
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:16,491
Nice outfit.
251
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,076
Hey, Kevin,
it's a costume.
252
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,203
You just cool it, okay?
253
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:22,455
Carol? Carol.
254
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,127
I'll have one of those
as well.
255
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,378
Thank you very much.
256
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,255
Now, these are limes,
lemons, onions.
257
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,298
I'm a vegetarian.
What can I eat?
258
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,467
It's all vegetarian.
259
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:36,052
I'll just have some bread.
260
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:40,932
You used your hands.
261
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,600
Why did I come to Diwali?
262
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,644
I'm the head of
the Party Planning Committee.
263
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,312
Not a member.
The head.
264
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,732
So if Dunder Mifflin Scranton
decided to host a party
265
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:51,484
in the depths of Hell,
I would be there...
266
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:55,488
praying for everyone,
not enjoying myself.
267
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,286
Oh, yuck.
268
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,287
Oh.
269
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,663
[gagging]
270
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,874
What, is it too spicy?
271
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,250
Yeah.
272
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,251
These s'mores
are disgusting.
273
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:11,755
They're not s'mores.
They're samosas.
274
00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:15,216
Do you think
they have any s'mores?
275
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,551
All they are is chocolate,
276
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:17,927
graham cracker,
and marshmallow.
277
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,888
How difficult would
that have been?
278
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:25,894
So... you're Kelly's
sisters, huh?
279
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,687
[giggles]
280
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,357
{\an8}[speaking native language]
281
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:31,775
[all laugh]
282
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,485
What?
Rupa, Neefa, Tiffany,
283
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,944
stop acting like such
little losers,
284
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:35,779
and just be cool.
285
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,697
Come on, Ryan.
Come on.
286
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,575
Leave him alone.
I hate you guys.
287
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,285
They said something
about Zach Braff.
288
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,536
Don't even listen to them.
289
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,038
No, you know--
290
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,667
That's very official.
291
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:49,793
I decided to come.
292
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,962
Uh, I feel a little underdressed.
293
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:54,881
But at least
I'm not dressed
294
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,133
like a slutty cheerleader, right?
295
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:58,927
Is that mean?
296
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:01,805
Yeah.
297
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,140
Can you just grab mine?
298
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:05,892
Big tuna? Tuna?
299
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,144
Nope, I got eel.
300
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,562
Eel.
You did--
301
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:12,148
Eel.
Thank you.
302
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:14,150
Didn't see that coming.
303
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:17,153
[Indian music]
304
00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:24,119
♪ ♪
305
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,251
Temp! Temp!
306
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,253
[makes farting noises]
307
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,963
You're the temp.
308
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,631
Um, yeah, Ryan.
309
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,550
Hi, I'm Carol.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
310
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,510
It's the wavy brown hair
and the blue eyes.
311
00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,929
Michael talks
about you a lot.
312
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,055
Yeah.
313
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,515
Top of your class
at business school,
314
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,517
and you live
on Shady Hill Road, right?
315
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,769
Wow, um...
316
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,438
sorry you have to--
317
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,981
Does Michael talk
about me a lot?
318
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,275
Yes.
319
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,777
He does?
What does he say?
320
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,031
He says, "I love him."
321
00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:04,451
He loves you.
322
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:08,288
[Indian music]
323
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:15,253
♪ ♪
324
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,549
I don't even
wanna hear it, okay?
325
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,634
Stop it right now.
326
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,720
Ryan is a temporary worker,
makes no money.
327
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:25,764
Wali is a whole doctor,
328
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,058
so handsome,
makes good money.
329
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,518
You think I wanna
date a doctor? He's a perfect match.
330
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,148
Hey, big tuna,
you ready?
331
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,901
Yep.
332
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:40,945
[Scottish accent]
One, two, three.
333
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,155
Shot!
334
00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:43,823
[splat]
335
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:46,451
Ohh! Holy mother of God.
336
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,328
Ooh, that burns.
337
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,205
Golly!
338
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,165
Good.
339
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,249
Whew.
340
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:54,584
[Beyonce's Crazy in Love]
341
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:55,752
So you're studying to be
342
00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,003
an ear, nose,
and throat doctor?
343
00:13:57,045 --> 00:14:00,173
Yeah.
344
00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:03,468
Which one's your favorite?
I promise I won't tell anyone.
345
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,512
Hey, you wanna dance?
346
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,180
Um, yeah.
347
00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:10,350
♪ ♪
348
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:11,518
It is useless to fight
349
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,812
against the dark side
of the Force!
350
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,772
♪ I'm looking ♪
351
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,691
♪ So crazy, my baby ♪
352
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:20,777
♪ I'm not myself lately ♪
353
00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:22,862
♪ I'm foolish,
I don't do this ♪
354
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,989
♪ I been playin' myself ♪
355
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,659
♪ Baby, I don't care ♪
356
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,661
♪ 'Cause your love's got
the best of me ♪
357
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:32,372
♪ Baby, you're making
a fool of me ♪
358
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,165
[Indian music]
359
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,876
Wow, 30 years!
360
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:39,421
And you two only met
once before the wedding night.
361
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,547
Yes.
362
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,090
Wow.
363
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,175
How long have you been
married to the cheerleader?
364
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,136
Oh...
365
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,137
She's not a cheerleader.
366
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,931
She thought this
was a costume party.
367
00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:53,351
Um, no, we're not married.
368
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,311
Yet!
369
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,063
She's very fair.
370
00:14:57,105 --> 00:15:00,066
She is very fair.
Very fair and very kind.
371
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,735
So, um,
372
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:04,446
tell me, is your marriage
the kind of thing
373
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,864
where when you die,
374
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,033
she has to throw herself
on fire?
375
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,576
No?
376
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,244
Okay.
377
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,163
It's still very cool.
378
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:14,789
Okay, thanks.
379
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,254
One, two, three.
380
00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:22,505
Chug!
381
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:23,590
[splat]
382
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:24,674
Ooh!
383
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:27,635
[Indian music]
384
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:33,183
♪ ♪
385
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:36,186
Are you okay?
386
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,772
I'm gonna be.
387
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,610
Hi.
I'm just gonna...
388
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,195
Just a sec, just a sec.
389
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:46,863
Um, everyone.
390
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:49,449
I'm sorry, could I have
your attention, please?
391
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,284
[music stops]
Thank you.
392
00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:52,786
Ha ha! Hi!
393
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:55,288
Sorry, I just have
an announcement to make.
394
00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:57,332
Um...
395
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:58,833
Okay.
396
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:02,879
I have learned a lot
about Indian culture tonight.
397
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:07,717
But I have learned
even more about love.
398
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,928
And I know
you're all thinking,
399
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:13,431
"Who is this crazy gringo,
and what is he talkin' about?"
400
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,558
Well, I'm not crazy.
401
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,937
Maybe I'm crazy in love.
402
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,480
So, without
403
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,315
further ado,
404
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,358
Carol...
405
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,736
Carol Stills...
406
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:29,364
I would like you...
407
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,825
to do me the honor
408
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,828
of making me
your husband.
409
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:37,330
[all gasp]
410
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,290
Oh, Michael.
411
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,417
What do you say?
412
00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:44,546
Can we talk
about this in private?
413
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,297
I didn't hear you.
414
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:49,968
[loudly]
Can we talk about this in private?
415
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:52,095
[mumbles]
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
416
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:54,764
[whispers]
Okay.
417
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:55,807
[door closes]
418
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:58,268
[microphone thuds]
419
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,606
No, I get it.
420
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,191
I get it.
You're not ready.
421
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:06,192
We'll wait.
422
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:08,445
This is our ninth
date, Michael.
423
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,071
Well, yeah, but I--
424
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:13,408
I feel like I've known you
many lifetimes.
425
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,869
Maybe I'm Hindu after all.
426
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,662
Okay, I'm not Hindu.
427
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,581
But... Carol...
428
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,458
Carol,
I just feel like--
429
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:23,835
I just like you
so much.
430
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:25,503
I'd better go.
431
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,422
Okay? You can find
a way home, all right?
432
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,465
Yes.
433
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:29,841
Okay.
Okay.
434
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,720
Okay.
435
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:34,971
Good night.
436
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:36,473
Hey, you know what?
437
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:38,099
Why don't I
come with you?
438
00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:41,186
'Cause I've got this book
called The Kama Sutra.
439
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,437
Okay, good night, Michael.
440
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:43,980
All right.
441
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:45,148
Good night.
442
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,573
Okay, hey, listen up.
443
00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:56,951
Now we're doing Ganesh.
Six arms, elephant, okay?
444
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,954
Ready? On my mark. Go.
445
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:07,003
Who's that supposed to be?
That's not a Hindu god.
446
00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:08,797
Well, I was a temp,
447
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:11,049
but I got promoted.
448
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:14,761
So, um... the compensation
is a lot more competitive.
449
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:17,389
So you're saving money now
to start a family and home?
450
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,600
Oh, um, or travel.
451
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:23,269
And, um, and buy an Xbox.
452
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:29,943
Is there anything you wanted
to ask us tonight?
453
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,363
Yeah, Kelly's--
Kelly's fine.
454
00:18:33,405 --> 00:18:36,157
Um, but, um, honestly,
I just came here
455
00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:38,034
for the free Indian food.
456
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,495
You know,
like everyone else.
457
00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:43,748
And, um...
458
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,084
where are my shoes?
459
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,293
Can you believe my boss
460
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:49,004
proposed to his girlfriend
in public?
461
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,797
That is so Michael.
462
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:53,258
Is it?
He's really outgoing, huh?
463
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,510
Yeah.
464
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,595
Hey, would you excuse me
for a second?
465
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,264
Okay.
466
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:06,021
[sighs]
It's hot in there.
467
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,732
How's the naan?
Dry.
468
00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,775
You looked like you
were having fun.
469
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,777
I am.
You should come dance with us.
470
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,447
I have to watch our shoes,
so they don't get stolen.
471
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,116
Who are you texting?
No one.
472
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:27,751
[phone vibrating]
473
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:29,878
♪ I went to the doctor ♪
474
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:32,172
♪ I went to the mountains ♪
475
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,716
♪ I looked to the children ♪
476
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:37,093
Andy, no a cappella.
477
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,349
♪ I looked to the children ♪
478
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,601
♪ I drank from the fountain ♪
479
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:46,686
♪ There's more
than one answer ♪
480
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,605
♪ To your questions ♪
481
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:49,898
♪ Pointing me
in crooked line ♪
482
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:51,816
Wait, wait.
483
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:55,403
♪ The less I seek my source ♪
484
00:19:55,445 --> 00:20:00,075
Oh, come on, guys, please.
♪ The closer I am to fine ♪
485
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,911
♪ Closer I am to fine ♪
486
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,037
It's not good.
487
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:07,123
Tuna! Are you kidding me?!
488
00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:12,003
Will you marry me?
489
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,380
[high-pitched]
No.
490
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:17,133
That's hilarious, Kevin.
Thank you.
491
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:27,227
Angela.
Where are you going?
492
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,895
I'm going home.
493
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:31,022
I know. Me too.
494
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,441
I ate too much saag paneer
and my stomach hurts.
495
00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:34,984
Well, maybe you shouldn't
eat so much food
496
00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:36,736
you're not used to.
497
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:38,363
Monkey.
498
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:43,284
The only thing I like about
India is the culture, period.
499
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:45,245
And the six-armed
god monsters,
500
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:48,623
which are so awesome.
501
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,291
Gosh, it's 9:00 already.
502
00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:52,460
All the stores around here
are gonna be closed.
503
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:54,796
Do you have any
Pepto Bismol at your house?
504
00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:56,297
Yeah.
505
00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:59,718
Do you mind if I
swing by and borrow some?
506
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,636
Ok, I'll just go get my shoes.
507
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:07,434
Okay.
508
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,394
Hey!
509
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:10,770
Stop that!
510
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:13,523
This is a public place.
511
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:19,237
It's your Diwali
religious thing!
512
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:22,198
Gonna have sex on Diwali?
513
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,495
Ohh!
514
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,497
Oh, my God.
515
00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:30,999
[coughing]
516
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:32,417
Oh! Wow!
517
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:33,793
Here.
That's so spicy.
518
00:21:33,835 --> 00:21:35,545
Yeah.
519
00:21:35,587 --> 00:21:37,589
Ohh.
520
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,676
You waiting for a call?
521
00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:43,386
Uh, no.
522
00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:50,018
Wow.
523
00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:52,645
[exhales hoarsely]
524
00:21:52,687 --> 00:21:55,315
Pam...
525
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:58,735
When Carol
said no tonight,
526
00:21:58,777 --> 00:22:00,195
I think
I finally realized
527
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,155
how you must be feeling.
528
00:22:02,197 --> 00:22:06,242
We are both the victims
of broken engagements.
529
00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:09,287
Well, you were
never really engaged.
530
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:12,874
I was in
that marriage arena,
531
00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:15,293
though.
532
00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:17,128
Yeah.
Yeah.
533
00:22:18,505 --> 00:22:22,467
Ohh... well.
534
00:22:22,509 --> 00:22:26,763
I kind of thought something
would happen tonight too.
535
00:22:29,099 --> 00:22:30,600
We're so alike.
536
00:22:32,227 --> 00:22:35,271
So alike.
537
00:22:45,156 --> 00:22:46,324
What are you doing?
538
00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:48,576
What are you doing?
539
00:22:48,618 --> 00:22:50,912
I'm rejecting your kiss.
What?
540
00:22:50,954 --> 00:22:52,539
I didn't...
541
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:53,665
[scoffs]
542
00:22:55,917 --> 00:22:56,876
[scoffs]
543
00:22:56,918 --> 00:22:58,128
I wa...
544
00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:11,766
Can I have a ride home?
545
00:23:11,808 --> 00:23:14,436
If you sit in the back.
546
00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:19,607
For Diwali '07, you must
consider Scrantonicity.
547
00:23:19,649 --> 00:23:22,235
For a fraction of the cost
of this DJ,
548
00:23:22,277 --> 00:23:24,779
you could have the rocking
sound stylings
549
00:23:24,821 --> 00:23:26,156
of a Police cover band.
550
00:23:26,197 --> 00:23:27,490
No Police cover.
551
00:23:27,532 --> 00:23:28,700
No, okay.
552
00:23:28,742 --> 00:23:31,286
Well, let me send
you a demo, and--
553
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:33,830
Better yet, I'll give
Kelly the demo,
554
00:23:33,872 --> 00:23:35,331
and she can give it to you.
555
00:23:35,373 --> 00:23:38,418
It'll save us both
on postage.
556
00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:41,755
Excellent.
557
00:23:43,173 --> 00:23:45,342
Okay, guys.
558
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,182
Hey, can I
have a ride, man?
559
00:23:52,223 --> 00:23:55,143
I, uh, I have my bike.
560
00:23:55,185 --> 00:23:56,227
No way, dude.
561
00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:58,480
I am not driving home.
562
00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:01,775
I brought
an inflatable bed
563
00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:04,152
for just such occasions.
564
00:24:04,194 --> 00:24:05,320
You're welcome to share it, though.
565
00:24:05,362 --> 00:24:06,988
It's a roomy twin.
566
00:24:07,030 --> 00:24:09,657
Okay.
567
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,468
[groans]
568
00:24:31,388 --> 00:24:32,889
[car horn honks]
569
00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:36,184
Hey, dummy,
get in the car.
570
00:24:36,226 --> 00:24:39,187
I'm a drunk driver.
571
00:24:39,229 --> 00:24:40,355
Yes, you are.
572
00:24:40,397 --> 00:24:42,399
Here, let me take that.
573
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,567
Just, uh,
get in the car.
574
00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:46,820
You can really hold
your liquor, though, really.
575
00:24:46,861 --> 00:24:47,779
Yeah, you can't.
576
00:24:47,821 --> 00:24:48,863
[laughs]
577
00:24:48,905 --> 00:24:50,824
Okay.
578
00:24:50,865 --> 00:24:52,992
And I am just going to lie down
in the back,
579
00:24:53,034 --> 00:24:54,369
if that's all right.
580
00:24:54,411 --> 00:24:57,288
Sure.
Here's your... bag.
581
00:24:57,330 --> 00:24:59,499
Just don't puke
on anything.
582
00:25:04,838 --> 00:25:05,880
You okay?
583
00:25:05,922 --> 00:25:06,881
So good.
584
00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:08,258
Good.
585
00:25:13,430 --> 00:25:15,807
These are not my shoes.
586
00:25:24,441 --> 00:25:27,068
This is just like
that show Taxi Cab Confessions.
587
00:25:27,110 --> 00:25:29,237
If you say one more word,
I'm stopping the car.
588
00:25:29,279 --> 00:25:30,739
Sorry.
589
00:25:35,035 --> 00:25:37,162
This is going out
to Indians everywhere.
590
00:25:37,203 --> 00:25:38,621
[strums guitar]
591
00:25:38,663 --> 00:25:40,165
It's a tribute
to one of the greats.
592
00:25:40,206 --> 00:25:42,625
Mr. Adam Sandler.
593
00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:45,628
♪ Diwali is ♪
594
00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:48,631
♪ A festival of lights ♪
595
00:25:48,673 --> 00:25:50,383
Let me tell you something.
596
00:25:50,425 --> 00:25:52,093
Tonight has been...
597
00:25:52,135 --> 00:25:56,598
♪ One crazy night ♪
598
00:25:56,639 --> 00:26:00,393
♪ So put on your saris ♪
599
00:26:00,435 --> 00:26:04,147
♪ It's time
to celebrate Diwali ♪
600
00:26:04,189 --> 00:26:06,816
♪ Everybody looks so jolly ♪
601
00:26:06,858 --> 00:26:10,070
♪ But it's not Christmas,
it's Diwali ♪
602
00:26:10,111 --> 00:26:13,448
♪ The Goddess of destruction,
Kali ♪
603
00:26:13,490 --> 00:26:16,534
♪ Stopped by
to celebrate Diwali ♪
604
00:26:16,576 --> 00:26:19,412
♪ Don't invite any zombies ♪
605
00:26:19,454 --> 00:26:22,582
♪ To our celebration
of Diwali ♪
606
00:26:22,624 --> 00:26:25,794
♪ Along came Polly ♪
607
00:26:25,835 --> 00:26:29,005
♪ To have some fun at Diwali ♪
608
00:26:29,047 --> 00:26:32,384
♪ If you're Indian
and you love to party ♪
609
00:26:32,425 --> 00:26:34,844
♪ Have a happy, happy ♪
610
00:26:34,886 --> 00:26:39,224
♪ Happy, happy Diwali ♪
611
00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:41,059
Happy Diwali!
612
00:26:41,101 --> 00:26:44,020
[cheers and applause]
40889
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