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Question: How does a girl who falls--
No, actually, she jumps...
2
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:24,226
...eyes open, down a rabbit hole,
plummeting into chaos...
3
00:01:24,398 --> 00:01:27,299
...come out the other end
unchanged?
4
00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:29,264
The answer?
5
00:01:29,436 --> 00:01:31,495
She doesn't.
6
00:01:32,072 --> 00:01:37,533
See, I know,
because that girl is me.
7
00:01:49,956 --> 00:01:53,448
But to truly understand
the predicament I was in...
8
00:01:53,627 --> 00:01:56,926
...i.e., stuck in the middle of chaos...
9
00:01:57,097 --> 00:02:00,032
...you'd have to go back
to that first day at my new job.
10
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,931
Actually, to be fair,
you should go back a little further...
11
00:02:04,104 --> 00:02:07,801
...starting with Mom.
Don't worry. I'm not blaming her...
12
00:02:07,974 --> 00:02:09,236
...entirely.
13
00:02:10,610 --> 00:02:15,479
She believed that all problems could
be solved by listening to Carly Simon.
14
00:02:15,649 --> 00:02:17,514
Greatest Hits.
15
00:02:17,684 --> 00:02:20,517
Side two. Hurry.
16
00:02:26,893 --> 00:02:30,727
Something about her voice,
or her lyrics, or her music...
17
00:02:30,897 --> 00:02:33,365
...helped Mom clear the chaos...
18
00:02:33,533 --> 00:02:36,696
...especially after a fight with Dad.
19
00:02:37,337 --> 00:02:40,864
Or when he left us for good.
20
00:02:41,908 --> 00:02:43,933
People said Mom was better off.
21
00:02:44,110 --> 00:02:47,045
They said she was lucky.
But she believed....
22
00:02:49,483 --> 00:02:52,748
Luck is when preparation
meets opportunity.
23
00:02:53,153 --> 00:02:55,314
You gotta prepare
for the life you want.
24
00:02:55,589 --> 00:02:59,286
And though I knew I wanted
a career in broadcast journalism...
25
00:02:59,459 --> 00:03:01,757
...it took a little Carly
and a lot of time...
26
00:03:01,928 --> 00:03:04,362
...to find the person
I most wanted to work with.
27
00:03:04,531 --> 00:03:07,022
-She is smart and she is learning.
-Diane Sawyer.
28
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,897
-Chic, smart, intelligent--
-And she married well.
29
00:03:11,071 --> 00:03:13,164
Good point.
30
00:03:13,507 --> 00:03:16,408
-She's a little beige.
-No, no, she's taupe.
31
00:03:16,576 --> 00:03:20,410
Taupe is never beige.
Taupe's classic. Confident.
32
00:03:20,580 --> 00:03:23,549
-lt says, ''l'm elegant.''
-''And l don't need color to prove it.''
33
00:03:23,717 --> 00:03:27,380
There you go.
l wanna work with her one day.
34
00:03:27,554 --> 00:03:30,022
-You should work with her.
-I will work with her.
35
00:03:30,190 --> 00:03:32,658
With my career decided,
I left for college...
36
00:03:34,261 --> 00:03:36,752
...hopeful I would meet someone
I could be certain of.
37
00:03:36,930 --> 00:03:38,192
-Phillip.
-Bruce.
38
00:03:38,365 --> 00:03:39,627
-Jeremy.
-Noah.
39
00:03:39,799 --> 00:03:41,061
-Trotsky.
-Frank.
40
00:03:41,234 --> 00:03:43,634
-Bean.
-Bean? As in, ''How have you...?''
41
00:03:43,803 --> 00:03:45,065
Bean. Yeah.
42
00:03:45,238 --> 00:03:47,604
-I really, really like him, Mom.
-You do?
43
00:03:47,774 --> 00:03:50,641
Yeah, l do. l think l do. Maybe.
44
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:55,179
Don't over-commit yourself
unless you are absolutely certain.
45
00:03:55,348 --> 00:03:58,283
You've gotta prepare
for the life you want.
46
00:03:58,451 --> 00:04:00,476
Again, I turned to Carly.
47
00:04:16,002 --> 00:04:20,439
And while my roommates weren't
as understanding as I'd hoped...
48
00:04:20,607 --> 00:04:23,007
-Come back to bed.
-...it did bring certainty.
49
00:04:23,176 --> 00:04:24,473
l'm sorry, Bean.
50
00:04:24,644 --> 00:04:27,169
We have only but one road
to travel in this life.
51
00:04:27,347 --> 00:04:29,440
And l just don't think
we're on the same one.
52
00:04:29,616 --> 00:04:32,949
So to get more involved,
or for me to over-commit myself...
53
00:04:33,119 --> 00:04:34,950
...would just lead to chaos.
54
00:04:35,121 --> 00:04:38,522
-How do you know?
-l'm certain.
55
00:04:42,162 --> 00:04:43,925
l mean, what if you're wrong?
56
00:04:44,097 --> 00:04:46,065
What if we're supposed to
be together?
57
00:04:46,232 --> 00:04:49,360
What if you just made
the biggest mistake of your life?
58
00:04:50,203 --> 00:04:51,771
Stacy, honey! Smile!
59
00:04:51,771 --> 00:04:53,432
Stacy, honey! Smile!
60
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:57,633
There are moments in life where
you hope your decisions weren't rash.
61
00:04:58,345 --> 00:05:00,108
Bean! Bean!
62
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:03,213
And moments where you just know.
63
00:05:03,383 --> 00:05:04,714
-Stacy.
-Derek.
64
00:05:04,884 --> 00:05:06,818
-Nice to meet you.
-Yeah, ditto.
65
00:05:06,987 --> 00:05:11,720
I had met my life-mate.
I was certain.
66
00:05:12,325 --> 00:05:15,294
Yeah! Yes!
67
00:05:16,896 --> 00:05:19,490
-That's good. Yes?
-The bar's closed.
68
00:05:22,068 --> 00:05:23,399
What are you doing?
69
00:05:23,570 --> 00:05:27,062
That first year of our relationship
was amazing.
70
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,902
We were in sync, inseparable...
71
00:05:30,076 --> 00:05:32,067
...and in love.
72
00:05:33,980 --> 00:05:36,813
And though I technically
still lived with Mom...
73
00:05:36,983 --> 00:05:40,919
...I was spending practically
all my time at Derek's.
74
00:05:41,588 --> 00:05:45,149
My life was going
according to plan. Sort of.
75
00:05:45,325 --> 00:05:47,418
-Derek!
-Bob! Bob!
76
00:05:47,594 --> 00:05:51,394
Professionally speaking, I was
the go-to girl in a dead-end job.
77
00:05:51,564 --> 00:05:54,294
I mean, you can only work
your way up for so long, right?
78
00:05:56,036 --> 00:05:58,061
It was time to move on.
79
00:05:58,238 --> 00:06:00,900
And while Diane Sawyer
was still out of reach...
80
00:06:01,074 --> 00:06:03,975
...television personality
Kippie Kann wasn't.
81
00:06:05,578 --> 00:06:10,481
The grande dame of daytime talk
needed an associate producer. Me.
82
00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:12,811
It was a match made in Trenton.
83
00:06:12,986 --> 00:06:17,013
-Which brings us up to speed.
-lra Nachlis. Follow.
84
00:06:17,857 --> 00:06:21,224
The beginning of the end.
Day one.
85
00:06:23,263 --> 00:06:27,097
Tight on space,
but your desk is right next to....
86
00:06:27,267 --> 00:06:30,031
-Barb.
-Campbell-hyphen-Dunn.
87
00:06:30,203 --> 00:06:32,831
Meet our new associate producer,
Stacy Hoyt.
88
00:06:33,006 --> 00:06:34,530
-Holt.
-Whatever.
89
00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:37,575
Put your stuff down.
l'll take you to the taping.
90
00:06:37,744 --> 00:06:40,008
We got pictures of strippers
he's been with.
91
00:06:40,180 --> 00:06:41,272
Cheating bastard.
92
00:06:41,448 --> 00:06:43,609
They call it ''fluffing.''
Prepping the guests.
93
00:06:43,783 --> 00:06:46,251
We got proof. Go on, now.
Be strong. And violent.
94
00:06:46,419 --> 00:06:49,616
By the time they're on,
they're ready to go nine rounds.
95
00:06:49,789 --> 00:06:51,780
So there's two shows today,
9 and 3.
96
00:06:51,958 --> 00:06:53,858
Nine is ''Cheating Bastards.''
My idea.
97
00:06:54,027 --> 00:06:55,790
-l owe you one, Bea.
-Oh, no problem.
98
00:06:55,962 --> 00:06:59,056
That's a great idea.
Why aren't you producing?
99
00:06:59,232 --> 00:07:01,757
l am. Carl just takes credit.
100
00:07:01,935 --> 00:07:04,028
Deep breath.
101
00:07:04,471 --> 00:07:05,836
And showtime.
102
00:07:07,507 --> 00:07:09,737
Pathway, people!
103
00:07:09,909 --> 00:07:12,070
l'm on my way! l'm on my way!
104
00:07:12,512 --> 00:07:15,174
Anybody have tickets
for Thomas Oglestein?
105
00:07:15,348 --> 00:07:18,249
l haven't proofed these yet.
They look okay to you?
106
00:07:18,418 --> 00:07:21,012
Did you use the words ''dope,''
''dog'' and ''stripper''?
107
00:07:21,187 --> 00:07:23,121
-They're fine.
-They're fine.
108
00:07:23,289 --> 00:07:26,656
ls it just me? l think the horse in
Montana is missing his feedbag.
109
00:07:27,694 --> 00:07:30,663
l just got word we're about ready
to start. But before we do...
110
00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:34,561
...l want you to get to know each other.
Turn to the person behind you...
111
00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:37,828
...and shake hands.
That would be great.
112
00:07:38,004 --> 00:07:40,837
You guys are not that bright.
We are really gonna start....
113
00:07:41,007 --> 00:07:43,737
-l lost my scream.
-What?
114
00:07:43,910 --> 00:07:46,572
-Got doorbell, buzzer, beating heart--
-No scream, no show!
115
00:07:46,746 --> 00:07:48,771
-Barb!
-No scream, no show!
116
00:07:49,949 --> 00:07:51,507
Go, Barb.
117
00:07:54,954 --> 00:07:56,546
Run title!
118
00:07:56,723 --> 00:07:58,953
Stand by, DP.
119
00:07:59,459 --> 00:08:02,587
-Nice, Barb.
-And cue applause.
120
00:08:02,762 --> 00:08:05,128
-Standing by.
-Stand by, Kippie.
121
00:08:05,298 --> 00:08:09,325
Go gray.
And cue Kippie.
122
00:08:14,474 --> 00:08:16,408
There she is!
123
00:08:21,748 --> 00:08:24,740
Hey, nice to see you.
124
00:08:28,054 --> 00:08:29,544
Hello.
125
00:08:29,989 --> 00:08:33,288
She's getting ahead of you.
Stand by, camera three.
126
00:08:33,726 --> 00:08:36,251
-Camera three.
-Carl, what are you looking at?
127
00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:43,494
Welcome to Kippie Kann Do!
128
00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:46,366
Today we're putting the dogs
to the ultimate test.
129
00:08:46,539 --> 00:08:49,269
-ls your man a cheating bastard?
-No!
130
00:08:49,542 --> 00:08:53,535
Then he'll have to pass the
Kippie Kann Lie Detector to prove it.
131
00:08:53,713 --> 00:08:56,204
-Phil, camera two.
-Camera two ready.
132
00:08:56,382 --> 00:08:58,976
-Cue doorbell.
-Full scream.
133
00:08:59,152 --> 00:09:00,551
Better get that.
134
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,779
Yeah! Bring it on, sucker!
135
00:09:03,857 --> 00:09:05,256
What up? What?
136
00:09:05,425 --> 00:09:07,393
-Cue apes.
-Apes?
137
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,460
Security.
138
00:09:11,397 --> 00:09:13,024
Yeah, represent!
139
00:09:17,303 --> 00:09:19,294
What? What? What?
140
00:09:19,606 --> 00:09:22,700
Rapper Boy Taye,
why do you think you're here?
141
00:09:22,876 --> 00:09:26,073
l'm here because my woman's getting
a hot hoochie-mama makeover.
142
00:09:26,246 --> 00:09:27,508
-Camera four.
-l'd do her.
143
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,706
There is some kind of critter
under the table.
144
00:09:30,884 --> 00:09:32,784
lt's either a rat....
145
00:09:32,952 --> 00:09:36,217
My sister saw you humping
on a dirty-girl stripper.
146
00:09:36,389 --> 00:09:38,584
Dirty-girl stripper?
147
00:09:38,758 --> 00:09:40,783
You crazy!
l never been with no stripper.
148
00:09:41,227 --> 00:09:43,457
That ain't your grandma.
149
00:09:43,630 --> 00:09:45,393
-That ain't me.
-Liar!
150
00:09:45,565 --> 00:09:48,625
-You're stupider than you look.
-No, you didn't!
151
00:09:48,801 --> 00:09:50,428
What are you, crazy?
152
00:09:50,603 --> 00:09:53,504
-You're a dirty dog!
-Now let's not rush to judgment.
153
00:09:53,673 --> 00:09:55,937
-Are you willing to prove it, Taye?
-Yeah.
154
00:09:56,109 --> 00:10:00,239
-What do you say, audience?
-Prove it! Prove it! Prove it!
155
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,613
l got nothing. Lori, what's up?
156
00:10:10,123 --> 00:10:12,921
-Another guest?
-Do we have the right running order?
157
00:10:13,092 --> 00:10:15,526
-Should we have someone?
-Who's up?
158
00:10:15,695 --> 00:10:17,629
-l'm sorry.
-l don't have this.
159
00:10:20,433 --> 00:10:22,765
Hello? Anyone there?
160
00:10:22,936 --> 00:10:24,460
Oh, Jesus! Kippie's gonna--
161
00:10:25,171 --> 00:10:27,867
-There she blows.
-Kippie can't keep covering, Carl!
162
00:10:28,041 --> 00:10:30,032
-Good girl.
-ls anybody in the booth...
163
00:10:30,209 --> 00:10:33,838
...or is it just me down here by myself?
l'm all alone down here!
164
00:10:34,013 --> 00:10:36,345
What are you guys doing?
You're crazy!
165
00:10:36,516 --> 00:10:39,349
-Carl!
-What was the problem, Phil?
166
00:10:39,953 --> 00:10:43,218
Oh, shoot, there it is!
lt's a big one!
167
00:10:45,258 --> 00:10:49,319
Okay, people, lots to do.
We got two shows today.
168
00:10:49,495 --> 00:10:52,020
First l wanna say hello
to our new associate producer...
169
00:10:52,198 --> 00:10:55,224
...our little doorbell-ringer herself,
Stacy Holt.
170
00:10:55,401 --> 00:10:58,495
-What's up, girl?
-Just kidding, Stace. Just a little fun.
171
00:10:58,671 --> 00:11:01,469
Welcome to our little thing.
172
00:11:01,641 --> 00:11:03,438
Katie, you wanna show them the--?
173
00:11:03,609 --> 00:11:05,736
Take a look at our new look.
174
00:11:10,984 --> 00:11:14,886
-''Kippie Kann keeps competitors....''
-He's bringing back the hard K's.
175
00:11:15,054 --> 00:11:19,184
-Keep going, Katie. Keep it going.
-lt was her thing, like a trademark.
176
00:11:19,359 --> 00:11:21,759
--''creatively while
keeping keen''....
177
00:11:21,928 --> 00:11:25,022
-But that was a million years ago.
-Nostalgia, folks.
178
00:11:25,198 --> 00:11:28,224
Hearkens back to a simpler time.
They eat it up.
179
00:11:28,401 --> 00:11:32,303
Like when Captain Kangaroo was king
and Casey Kasem was in kindergarten.
180
00:11:32,472 --> 00:11:35,066
-He's nuts.
-Who invented reality?
181
00:11:35,241 --> 00:11:37,573
-We did.
-So keep those hard K's coming.
182
00:11:37,877 --> 00:11:40,846
-Kipp, you should be in makeup, kiddo.
-Cut the K's, Carl.
183
00:11:41,014 --> 00:11:44,609
-lt's cute. lt's Kippie.
-lt's crap! Capisce?
184
00:11:44,784 --> 00:11:46,979
Here's the thing:
185
00:11:47,153 --> 00:11:50,054
That orchid on the desk?
Well, l just got it.
186
00:11:50,223 --> 00:11:53,556
Which can only mean
it's a new picture.
187
00:11:53,726 --> 00:11:55,455
Let me see that.
188
00:11:55,628 --> 00:11:58,654
She's right. This cruelty
cannot continue. Katie.
189
00:11:58,831 --> 00:12:01,925
-Carl.
-lf somebody has a problem with me...
190
00:12:02,101 --> 00:12:07,232
-...just tell me straight up. Otherwise--
-You get canned. With a ''C.''
191
00:12:08,007 --> 00:12:10,339
Kippie, to makeup.
192
00:12:10,777 --> 00:12:12,677
-Good girl.
-l told you.
193
00:12:12,845 --> 00:12:16,303
l'll do my best to catch
the culprit, Kippie.
194
00:12:17,116 --> 00:12:18,947
Thank you....
195
00:12:20,286 --> 00:12:22,117
lra.
196
00:12:22,488 --> 00:12:24,388
Nachlis.
197
00:12:24,557 --> 00:12:26,923
Nice to meet you.
198
00:12:29,362 --> 00:12:32,058
l've worked here for three years.
199
00:12:32,231 --> 00:12:34,825
Okay, people,
need you focused right here!
200
00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:36,798
lt's all about sweeps.
201
00:12:36,969 --> 00:12:39,665
Give me drama, pathos,
life unfolding.
202
00:12:39,839 --> 00:12:42,774
Make me cry. lra.
203
00:12:42,942 --> 00:12:45,536
Regurgitate something fresh.
204
00:12:45,711 --> 00:12:48,009
-''Midget Holiday Hell.''
-Stinks.
205
00:12:48,181 --> 00:12:50,979
-Come on. Give it to Daddy.
-''Parents Who Party.''
206
00:12:51,150 --> 00:12:53,380
-Who do they party with?
-Rejecting the midgets?
207
00:12:53,553 --> 00:12:54,542
-Midgets.
-What?
208
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,449
Mixed parents.
Happy mixed parents.
209
00:12:56,622 --> 00:12:58,317
-One normal size....
-One midget?
210
00:12:59,258 --> 00:13:01,954
-Sexy. l like it.
-Those midgets are mine!
211
00:13:02,128 --> 00:13:05,097
You can't corner the midget market!
Yours party during holidays.
212
00:13:05,264 --> 00:13:07,323
-Mine party as a family.
-Are they happy?
213
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:10,025
-lt'd make you cry.
-Kippie is great with sentiment.
214
00:13:10,203 --> 00:13:13,036
-Give me that thing!
-Don't! Don't touch me!
215
00:13:13,206 --> 00:13:16,266
-He has no happy midgets!
-Gentlemen, please!
216
00:13:16,442 --> 00:13:19,172
We combine the segments.
We share the credit and the midgets.
217
00:13:19,345 --> 00:13:21,779
We work together here, people.
We are a team.
218
00:13:21,948 --> 00:13:24,382
-''Grandma's a Hooker.''
-You got a grandma?
219
00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:26,518
-Several.
-Run the prep.
220
00:13:26,686 --> 00:13:28,984
-''Penitentiary Porn.''
-''Little Black Books.''
221
00:13:29,155 --> 00:13:33,285
-Do not follow.
-Electronic little black books.
222
00:13:33,459 --> 00:13:35,950
-As in?
-As in Palms...
223
00:13:36,129 --> 00:13:40,327
...BlackBerries, desk organizers.
Electronic footprints...
224
00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:42,832
...of where your man has been
and with whom.
225
00:13:43,536 --> 00:13:47,131
Under the right circumstances,
they could be a girl's best friend.
226
00:13:47,306 --> 00:13:50,503
Especially a scorned girlfriend,
wife, mistress--
227
00:13:50,676 --> 00:13:52,769
-l think it's a fantastic idea.
-Thank you!
228
00:13:52,945 --> 00:13:56,642
-Since our audience is 90% female--
-Sexy! Run the prep.
229
00:13:56,816 --> 00:13:58,078
Let's go! Come on.
230
00:13:58,251 --> 00:14:00,776
-''Pregnant Strippers''!
-''Black Midgets with Books''!
231
00:14:00,953 --> 00:14:04,013
-''Unnatural Animal Love.''
-''Literacy in lnner-City Schools.''
232
00:14:05,758 --> 00:14:07,726
Shit! Take it back. Take it back.
233
00:14:07,894 --> 00:14:09,384
She was just kidding.
234
00:14:09,562 --> 00:14:11,826
And I tried to pretend I was.
235
00:14:13,266 --> 00:14:15,860
First the doorbell,
then the staff meeting?
236
00:14:16,035 --> 00:14:18,060
l am absolutely mortified.
237
00:14:18,237 --> 00:14:20,000
Don't worry, no one will remember.
238
00:14:20,173 --> 00:14:23,267
-You can ring my bell
-Hey, stop it!
239
00:14:23,442 --> 00:14:25,410
-Ring my bell
-She's really upset.
240
00:14:25,578 --> 00:14:27,239
Oh, please. l'm the only victim here.
241
00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:29,677
Why should l be forced
to share credit with--?
242
00:14:31,584 --> 00:14:33,643
-Not fair.
-Your midget idea was tired.
243
00:14:33,819 --> 00:14:37,084
-His twist made it different.
-Thanks, l feel so much better.
244
00:14:37,256 --> 00:14:40,225
lf you make sweeps even
with shared credit, that's a huge deal.
245
00:14:40,393 --> 00:14:43,362
l happen to know that the people
from Harpo, Oprah's group...
246
00:14:43,529 --> 00:14:45,087
...TiVo every one of our shows.
247
00:14:45,264 --> 00:14:48,165
For what it's worth, l really like
your ''Little Black Book'' idea.
248
00:14:48,334 --> 00:14:50,825
-Really?
-Yeah. So don't cry in my soup.
249
00:14:51,003 --> 00:14:54,996
-So how does it all work exactly?
-You put your best shows in sweeps.
250
00:14:55,174 --> 00:14:58,735
The most outrageous, the most
provocative attention-grabbers.
251
00:14:58,911 --> 00:15:01,505
-Then they promo it.
-lt's about getting eyeballs...
252
00:15:01,681 --> 00:15:04,206
...to get numbers, to get revenue,
to get renewed.
253
00:15:04,383 --> 00:15:07,443
We're beginning sweeps now,
so things are in the can.
254
00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:10,418
-So, what was pitched today?
-June sluts.
255
00:15:10,590 --> 00:15:13,150
Slots. Of which we average
nine a month.
256
00:15:13,326 --> 00:15:16,625
''We'' being the drones. The APs.
When an AP gets a slut-- Slot.
257
00:15:16,796 --> 00:15:19,629
lt's like a credit. You need
so many credits to advance.
258
00:15:19,799 --> 00:15:22,029
-And you have the most?
-Catching on.
259
00:15:22,201 --> 00:15:26,160
He's next. The only way to jump ahead
of him is if you land the live show.
260
00:15:26,339 --> 00:15:27,601
-Please.
-This month?
261
00:15:27,773 --> 00:15:30,503
-A week from Friday.
-APs never get the live show.
262
00:15:30,676 --> 00:15:32,143
-Karen Meskil.
-Urban legend.
263
00:15:32,311 --> 00:15:34,609
Anyway, if you do,
you're instantly promoted.
264
00:15:34,780 --> 00:15:36,839
-Wow.
-Hi, Barbara.
265
00:15:37,316 --> 00:15:40,251
Hey, Kippie. Great show.
266
00:15:40,419 --> 00:15:43,149
Let's not go there.
You must be Stacy.
267
00:15:43,322 --> 00:15:46,985
Wow. l am so unbelievably
sorry about what happened.
268
00:15:47,159 --> 00:15:51,619
Please. Let he who is without sin
cast the first stone.
269
00:15:52,865 --> 00:15:54,127
Hello again.
270
00:15:55,368 --> 00:15:56,630
lra.
271
00:15:58,704 --> 00:16:01,468
-Nachlis.
-Yes, you are.
272
00:16:01,774 --> 00:16:05,437
So sorry to hear about you and Neil.
l thought he was a keeper.
273
00:16:05,678 --> 00:16:07,168
Kippie?
274
00:16:07,346 --> 00:16:09,871
-Sorry. Excuse me.
-Bye.
275
00:16:11,017 --> 00:16:13,008
-Who's Neil?
-My boyfriend.
276
00:16:13,185 --> 00:16:15,449
Ex, actually.
277
00:16:18,291 --> 00:16:21,283
''Hi, Barbara. How's Neil?
You must be Stacy.''
278
00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:24,691
What's missing here?
Oh, me!
279
00:16:24,864 --> 00:16:29,233
You're right. l should get as many
shows on the air as possible. Be seen.
280
00:16:29,402 --> 00:16:31,962
Noticed by somebody. Anybody.
281
00:16:32,138 --> 00:16:35,574
Okay, so, what l'm about to do should
not be interpreted as groveling...
282
00:16:35,741 --> 00:16:39,370
...hypocrisy, or desperation.
lt's merely a loss of personal integrity.
283
00:16:39,545 --> 00:16:42,446
Excuse me. Larry, wait up!
284
00:16:42,615 --> 00:16:45,345
-He's funny.
-Yeah. Talented too.
285
00:16:45,518 --> 00:16:47,145
Okay, l'll do the midgets.
286
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,483
-Too bad he'll never make it here.
-Why not?
287
00:16:50,656 --> 00:16:53,784
He cares too much what
everyone thinks. Especially Kippie.
288
00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:58,396
-And that's bad because...?
-They're shopping for a newer model.
289
00:16:58,564 --> 00:17:02,125
-But she's the boss.
-lt's been in the works a long time.
290
00:17:02,301 --> 00:17:05,065
Who do you think leaked
the pictures to the tabloids?
291
00:17:05,237 --> 00:17:08,673
Her ratings are down, and she's got
five years left on her contract.
292
00:17:08,841 --> 00:17:10,240
You do the math.
293
00:17:10,409 --> 00:17:12,377
-So is it always like this?
-l don't know.
294
00:17:12,545 --> 00:17:15,673
l haven't been here
long enough to say.
295
00:17:15,848 --> 00:17:17,839
-No, l thought you were--
-A lifer?
296
00:17:18,017 --> 00:17:21,077
No. A year and a half ago
l was on Wall Street.
297
00:17:21,253 --> 00:17:23,187
And before that l drove a bus.
298
00:17:23,589 --> 00:17:25,386
lt's all pretty much the same.
299
00:17:25,558 --> 00:17:28,356
People will tell you who they are
if you just listen.
300
00:17:28,527 --> 00:17:32,258
You can figure them out.
Sometimes you can help.
301
00:17:33,399 --> 00:17:35,424
-Let's help Kippie.
-l should warn you.
302
00:17:35,601 --> 00:17:38,764
l'm uncomfortable
with touching and sentiment.
303
00:17:39,271 --> 00:17:41,239
-Sorry.
-Thank you.
304
00:17:42,708 --> 00:17:44,300
lt's all about the bottom line.
305
00:17:44,477 --> 00:17:46,468
-ln every business.
-Does she know?
306
00:17:46,645 --> 00:17:48,909
She used to be prime-time
out of New York.
307
00:17:49,081 --> 00:17:50,708
Now she's syndicated in Jersey.
308
00:17:50,883 --> 00:17:54,876
lt's one thing to start here, but you
don't climb your way to Trenton.
309
00:17:55,054 --> 00:17:57,215
Nothing we can do,
short of winning sweeps.
310
00:17:57,390 --> 00:17:59,290
-Well, then let's win sweeps.
-Oh, okay.
311
00:17:59,658 --> 00:18:02,388
-We could try.
-Win one for the Kipper?
312
00:18:02,561 --> 00:18:04,495
-Please.
-This is too earnest for me.
313
00:18:04,663 --> 00:18:06,824
You've been teetering,
and you just crossed over.
314
00:18:06,999 --> 00:18:10,127
-Don't you like her?
-l do, actually.
315
00:18:10,302 --> 00:18:13,465
A lot. But that's irrelevant.
316
00:18:15,207 --> 00:18:18,734
That may be so, but does it reveal
who your true friends are?
317
00:18:18,911 --> 00:18:20,879
Are they keeping secrets?
318
00:18:21,046 --> 00:18:23,514
Well, it's not a secret anymore
for someone...
319
00:18:23,682 --> 00:18:27,118
...and we'll tell you why
after these words.
320
00:18:27,286 --> 00:18:28,548
Hey!
321
00:18:28,721 --> 00:18:31,485
Man, you should have seen
what came out of this animal.
322
00:18:31,657 --> 00:18:33,625
l miss all the good stuff.
323
00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:36,489
-Think you're pretty cute, don't you?
-Well, l'm no Bob.
324
00:18:36,896 --> 00:18:38,830
You better apologize.
325
00:18:38,998 --> 00:18:41,489
l think you just insulted Bob.
326
00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:44,795
-You insinuated ugliness.
-l did not. l did not.
327
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:48,633
-Apologize.
-Okay, okay! l'm sorry, Bob. l'm sorry.
328
00:18:48,808 --> 00:18:52,141
-Wait. Where are you going?
-l gotta finish packing. Two minutes.
329
00:18:52,311 --> 00:18:56,042
Did l tell you about Nieuwendyk's
cousin? MVP out of Detroit?
330
00:18:56,215 --> 00:18:59,150
Guess who he's seeing
Friday morning. His request.
331
00:18:59,318 --> 00:19:00,876
Yeah, you told me. lt's amazing.
332
00:19:01,053 --> 00:19:03,544
Honey, this fast-forward thing
isn't working.
333
00:19:03,722 --> 00:19:05,713
-Oh, my God!
-What?
334
00:19:05,891 --> 00:19:08,155
-Oh, it's the gas.
-Oh, God!
335
00:19:08,327 --> 00:19:10,852
-Bob, get down. Come here, boy.
-Open a window. Honey....
336
00:19:12,665 --> 00:19:15,156
Yeah, plus Robbie Moore,
out of Buffalo?
337
00:19:15,334 --> 00:19:18,201
These guys are, like,
the top two recruits in the country.
338
00:19:18,370 --> 00:19:20,167
And if l can nail them both....
339
00:19:20,339 --> 00:19:24,435
No ifs. You will. l know it.
340
00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:27,340
-Oh, what is the matter with that Bob?
-Burrito.
341
00:19:27,513 --> 00:19:29,174
-Want me to take him out?
-Later.
342
00:19:29,348 --> 00:19:30,713
-l can do it right now.
-No.
343
00:19:30,883 --> 00:19:32,475
Positive?
344
00:19:32,985 --> 00:19:35,749
Jesus wept! Bob!
345
00:19:35,921 --> 00:19:37,650
No more hot sauce, all right?
346
00:19:37,823 --> 00:19:41,816
-Why are you feeding him hot sauce?
-l don't know.
347
00:19:43,295 --> 00:19:45,695
-What are you watching?
-Oh, Kippie.
348
00:19:45,865 --> 00:19:48,299
-l'm studying the format.
-Tell us how bulimia...
349
00:19:48,467 --> 00:19:51,903
-...affected your relationships, Lulu.
-I lost them all.
350
00:19:52,071 --> 00:19:54,130
My agent.
My friends. My boyfriends.
351
00:19:54,306 --> 00:19:56,069
-Lulu?
-Fritz.
352
00:19:56,242 --> 00:19:58,767
-The supermodel.
-I was so ashamed.
353
00:19:58,944 --> 00:20:00,206
l knew it.
354
00:20:01,614 --> 00:20:02,945
l knew she barfed.
355
00:20:04,183 --> 00:20:07,846
-Oh, that documentary.
-No, l mean l heard her.
356
00:20:09,455 --> 00:20:12,185
You heard Lulu Fritz barfing?
357
00:20:13,058 --> 00:20:14,992
Yeah, couple times. Nasty.
358
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,061
You think l'm gonna need
a sweater in Detroit? ln May?
359
00:20:20,432 --> 00:20:21,729
What?
360
00:20:22,735 --> 00:20:25,465
You don't feel compelled
to explain further?
361
00:20:26,572 --> 00:20:29,040
We dated. A little.
l told you that, didn't l?
362
00:20:29,208 --> 00:20:31,438
Let me think. No.
363
00:20:31,610 --> 00:20:34,738
Thought l did. Are you gonna be
cool staying here by yourself?
364
00:20:34,914 --> 00:20:36,643
-You'll walk Bob?
-Sure.
365
00:20:36,815 --> 00:20:38,874
Don't let him walk you.
Who's the boss?
366
00:20:39,051 --> 00:20:40,609
-Me.
-Tell him that.
367
00:20:40,786 --> 00:20:43,550
-l'm the boss, Bob.
-You hear that, Bob?
368
00:20:45,457 --> 00:20:48,119
-You never mentioned her.
-Who?
369
00:20:48,294 --> 00:20:49,420
Lulu.
370
00:20:50,696 --> 00:20:53,631
Because we don't sit around
talking about past relationships.
371
00:20:53,799 --> 00:20:55,664
She was a relationship.
372
00:20:56,201 --> 00:20:57,862
-Come on, Stace.
-Yeah, we do.
373
00:20:58,037 --> 00:21:01,234
You told me about that med student
you dated right before me.
374
00:21:01,407 --> 00:21:05,309
And then the girl before that.
What's her name? Joyce.
375
00:21:05,477 --> 00:21:09,743
-l guess you just forgot to mention--
-This is why l hate talking about this.
376
00:21:10,015 --> 00:21:13,473
lt's just, you end up
fighting over old ghosts.
377
00:21:13,652 --> 00:21:15,916
lt's history. lt's over.
The past is past.
378
00:21:16,088 --> 00:21:19,182
That's before the past was
a supermodel that barfed quietly.
379
00:21:19,358 --> 00:21:21,690
You know, l don't pry
into your old boyfriends.
380
00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:24,624
Here's a little tip:
l never dated Brad Pitt.
381
00:21:24,797 --> 00:21:27,231
All right. Shut it off, okay?
382
00:21:29,969 --> 00:21:33,097
Look, l've had
really bad experiences...
383
00:21:33,272 --> 00:21:36,605
...talking about past relationships,
no matter how casual.
384
00:21:36,775 --> 00:21:40,677
lf you have to know,
we had problems in bed.
385
00:21:40,879 --> 00:21:42,779
Hallelujah
386
00:21:42,948 --> 00:21:45,815
-Okay?
-Okay.
387
00:21:45,985 --> 00:21:48,476
-Bob hates it when we fight.
-We're not fighting.
388
00:21:48,654 --> 00:21:51,487
-Tell him.
-We are not fighting, Bob.
389
00:21:52,591 --> 00:21:53,888
So no more Lulu Fritz?
390
00:21:54,059 --> 00:21:58,120
l will never mention the name
''Lulu Fritz'' again.
391
00:22:00,499 --> 00:22:00,633
-Lulu Fritz.
-No.
392
00:22:00,633 --> 00:22:02,396
-Lulu Fritz.
-No.
393
00:22:02,568 --> 00:22:05,901
-And he never told you?
-The past is past.
394
00:22:06,071 --> 00:22:09,199
-''Unnatural Animal Love'' in five.
-Tell me you're not quoting him.
395
00:22:09,375 --> 00:22:12,105
We made an agreement
not to discuss old relationships.
396
00:22:12,277 --> 00:22:13,835
-Renegotiate.
-No.
397
00:22:14,013 --> 00:22:17,414
Those who do not learn from his
history are condemned to repeat it.
398
00:22:17,583 --> 00:22:20,575
Doesn't matter who he dated.
What matters is why he stopped.
399
00:22:20,753 --> 00:22:22,744
-What's he do?
-He works for the Devils.
400
00:22:22,921 --> 00:22:26,118
-Who doesn't? Kidding.
-Think about it hypothetically.
401
00:22:26,291 --> 00:22:28,885
Say Derek's like Neil.
Hypothetically.
402
00:22:29,061 --> 00:22:32,497
How do you find out before you're
too far gone? He won't say:
403
00:22:32,665 --> 00:22:35,031
''l was screwing my way
through the phone book.''
404
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,724
-''And l only got to K.''
-He'll say:
405
00:22:36,902 --> 00:22:38,301
-''The past is past.''
-Right.
406
00:22:38,470 --> 00:22:40,836
-Your man's hiding something.
-What about his family?
407
00:22:41,006 --> 00:22:44,464
-Good point. They'll always give dirt.
-No, that's not what l mean.
408
00:22:44,643 --> 00:22:49,774
What are they like? You can tell a lot
by studying where he came from.
409
00:22:50,416 --> 00:22:51,713
l haven't met them.
410
00:22:53,352 --> 00:22:54,842
He doesn't bring girls home.
411
00:22:55,621 --> 00:22:57,851
-He just doesn't.
-Can l ask...
412
00:22:58,023 --> 00:23:01,151
...you ever think of appealing
this decision? Meeting the folks?
413
00:23:01,326 --> 00:23:03,590
l don't wanna make him
feel uncomfortable.
414
00:23:03,762 --> 00:23:05,730
Yeah. Let's not do that.
That'd be bad.
415
00:23:05,898 --> 00:23:08,128
-Stop it!
-What century are you in?
416
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:11,098
You have a right--
Nay, an obligation to find out more.
417
00:23:11,270 --> 00:23:14,433
He's away for, what, two weeks?
Take that time, l beg you.
418
00:23:14,606 --> 00:23:17,439
Learn a few things. Anything.
lnformation's power.
419
00:23:18,677 --> 00:23:20,770
-Feels dishonest.
-That's because it is.
420
00:23:20,946 --> 00:23:24,279
You wanna keep your man,
you find out why they didn't.
421
00:23:24,450 --> 00:23:26,042
-l thought you stopped.
-l have.
422
00:23:26,218 --> 00:23:28,243
Look, l agree.
There's better ways to do it.
423
00:23:28,420 --> 00:23:31,048
-lt'd be great if you could ask him--
-Or the folks.
424
00:23:31,223 --> 00:23:34,750
Since no one argues with the lord
and master, you gotta get creative.
425
00:23:34,927 --> 00:23:38,693
All men should come with letters of
recommendation, or warning labels.
426
00:23:38,864 --> 00:23:40,729
Or little black books.
Does he have one?
427
00:23:40,899 --> 00:23:43,197
-A Palm. Why?
-She may be hopeless.
428
00:23:43,368 --> 00:23:46,701
-She's not hopeless.
-Okay, then open it up. Explore.
429
00:23:46,872 --> 00:23:49,272
Speaking of which,
what was Lulu's last name?
430
00:23:49,441 --> 00:23:50,703
Fritz. Why?
431
00:23:52,311 --> 00:23:56,680
-What's that?
-Vintage. Working Girl, 1 988.
432
00:23:56,849 --> 00:23:58,976
-Good movie?
-lt's a great movie.
433
00:23:59,151 --> 00:24:01,278
You've never seen it?
434
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:05,412
Staten lsland girl trying to
make her way in the big city...
435
00:24:05,591 --> 00:24:07,991
-...on her own terms.
-Melanie Griffith, huh?
436
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:11,027
-Yeah.
-Has she never heard of call waiting?
437
00:24:12,631 --> 00:24:15,259
And Mike Nichols. He's famous.
438
00:24:15,434 --> 00:24:17,368
He's a genius.
439
00:24:17,603 --> 00:24:20,766
Plus, he's married to Diane Sawyer.
440
00:24:20,939 --> 00:24:23,533
-Who you wanna be.
-Ringing!
441
00:24:23,709 --> 00:24:25,301
Ladies.
442
00:24:27,513 --> 00:24:30,846
l don't wanna be her, Barb.
l wanna work with her.
443
00:24:31,016 --> 00:24:33,348
l will work with her.
l believe l will.
444
00:24:33,519 --> 00:24:36,113
-l believe you will too.
-Hello, Lulu Fritz?
445
00:24:36,288 --> 00:24:39,815
lra Nachlis. Senior associate
producerlproducer, Kippie Kann Do.
446
00:24:39,992 --> 00:24:42,927
Listen, ''l Model,
Then l Barf Quietly''...
447
00:24:43,095 --> 00:24:46,326
-...is one of our highest-rated shows.
-What are you doing?
448
00:24:46,498 --> 00:24:51,162
l am trying to give a young innocent
her 1 5 minutes of fame. Now--
449
00:24:52,104 --> 00:24:54,163
l'm sorry. Lulu...
450
00:24:54,339 --> 00:24:57,172
...we're thinking of having
a special next month.
451
00:24:57,342 --> 00:25:00,937
We'd like you to come in
tomorrow for an interview.
452
00:25:01,113 --> 00:25:05,641
Excellent. We'll do lunch
and throw up-- Catch up.
453
00:25:06,218 --> 00:25:09,415
l would love to expose myself
to your viewers.
454
00:25:09,588 --> 00:25:11,522
Okay. Not going there.
455
00:25:11,690 --> 00:25:15,182
So how did the documentary
affect your personal life, Lulu?
456
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:20,059
Well, it forced Stephen,
my ex, to face his truth.
457
00:25:20,232 --> 00:25:22,427
He barfed too.
458
00:25:22,601 --> 00:25:25,934
Fascinating. And before Stephen?
459
00:25:26,104 --> 00:25:29,437
l didn't date much. l was shy.
460
00:25:29,608 --> 00:25:31,075
And ugly.
461
00:25:31,243 --> 00:25:34,974
Why do supermodels say how ugly
they were when they were young?
462
00:25:35,147 --> 00:25:37,581
Is it because they want us
to know they suffered?
463
00:25:37,749 --> 00:25:39,944
Do they think that it makes them
more deserving?
464
00:25:40,118 --> 00:25:43,144
That we'll forgive them their bounty?
Note to supermodels:
465
00:25:43,322 --> 00:25:45,017
None of us believe you.
466
00:25:45,190 --> 00:25:48,353
-No one invited me to the prom.
-Makes you stronger.
467
00:25:48,527 --> 00:25:51,257
So the only relationship
you ever had ever was Stephen?
468
00:25:51,430 --> 00:25:54,297
No. l mean, l dated a few people.
469
00:25:54,466 --> 00:25:57,560
-Names, please.
-Fabrizio. Renato.
470
00:25:57,736 --> 00:25:59,226
Carmine. Jahni.
471
00:25:59,404 --> 00:26:02,635
-Derek.
-She said his name.
472
00:26:02,875 --> 00:26:04,570
Derek.
473
00:26:04,743 --> 00:26:07,610
His name came out of that mouth.
474
00:26:07,779 --> 00:26:10,077
Derek.
475
00:26:10,249 --> 00:26:11,739
Derek.
476
00:26:11,917 --> 00:26:15,148
Her ''Derek'' was my Derek.
477
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,550
-But mostly l was lonely.
-How sad.
478
00:26:17,723 --> 00:26:20,715
-Tell me about one of the early guys.
-Oh, say, Derek.
479
00:26:20,893 --> 00:26:23,453
-Derek?
-lt was just a casual kind of thing.
480
00:26:23,629 --> 00:26:26,723
-Stace, let her tell the story.
-l am. She is. Go ahead.
481
00:26:26,899 --> 00:26:29,265
l was so young.
l can hardly remember.
482
00:26:29,434 --> 00:26:31,834
-Happens to all of us.
-lt was all superficial.
483
00:26:32,004 --> 00:26:34,905
-What isn't these days?
-Completely about sex.
484
00:26:35,073 --> 00:26:37,064
-Completely about-- What?
-Sex.
485
00:26:37,242 --> 00:26:39,073
-Sex.
-Sex.
486
00:26:39,244 --> 00:26:41,644
-But you had problems in bed?
-You don't know that.
487
00:26:41,813 --> 00:26:43,940
Guessing! Someone needs to chill.
488
00:26:44,116 --> 00:26:46,448
Actually, the bedroom...
489
00:26:46,618 --> 00:26:49,917
...was the only place
we really connected.
490
00:26:50,322 --> 00:26:52,813
Two, sometimes
three times a day.
491
00:26:52,991 --> 00:26:55,789
Funny how your memory
just snapped back like that.
492
00:26:55,961 --> 00:26:59,761
Anyways, Derek and l didn't
talk much. l just used him for--
493
00:26:59,932 --> 00:27:02,492
-We know.
-Pretty amazing.
494
00:27:02,668 --> 00:27:05,762
Experimental. Wild.
495
00:27:05,938 --> 00:27:09,169
-Sounds great. Why'd you split?
-Oh, same old, same old.
496
00:27:09,341 --> 00:27:12,105
Schedules. Travel. Temptation.
497
00:27:12,778 --> 00:27:16,339
-He cheated.
-No! l did. All the time.
498
00:27:16,515 --> 00:27:19,575
But he stuck around
like a lovesick puppy.
499
00:27:19,751 --> 00:27:22,652
Finally, l asked him to go back
to his old girlfriend.
500
00:27:22,821 --> 00:27:26,416
She called all the time,
begging him, pleading.
501
00:27:26,591 --> 00:27:29,025
-She was desperate.
-Joyce?
502
00:27:30,228 --> 00:27:33,356
-How'd you know her name?
-You mentioned it. She mentioned it.
503
00:27:33,532 --> 00:27:35,329
-You did.
-l did?
504
00:27:35,500 --> 00:27:36,865
Yeah.
505
00:27:37,469 --> 00:27:39,767
Well, Joyce.
506
00:27:39,938 --> 00:27:42,202
He only went back to her out of pity.
507
00:27:43,842 --> 00:27:46,140
l wonder what he's doing now.
508
00:27:47,112 --> 00:27:48,313
Hey, Derek. This is Lulu!
509
00:27:48,313 --> 00:27:49,712
Hey, Derek. This is Lulu!
510
00:27:49,881 --> 00:27:53,908
Just thought I'd give you a call
and let you know I was in town.
511
00:27:54,086 --> 00:27:57,852
Cow. Quietly barfing cow.
512
00:27:58,890 --> 00:28:03,190
And suddenly, my certain world
didn't seem so certain after all.
513
00:28:03,362 --> 00:28:06,661
Hi, Bob. Are you hungry?
l'm not hungry.
514
00:28:08,367 --> 00:28:12,030
Lulu dangled before me
like bait on a wire.
515
00:28:13,038 --> 00:28:15,165
I swallowed it whole...
516
00:28:15,774 --> 00:28:18,265
...and then wanted more.
517
00:28:21,113 --> 00:28:24,276
It was time for the past
to meet the present.
518
00:28:25,350 --> 00:28:27,716
Bob, look. A box.
519
00:28:31,056 --> 00:28:33,718
l just need to clean up some stuff.
520
00:28:33,892 --> 00:28:35,450
He told me to.
521
00:28:42,701 --> 00:28:45,636
Just checking things out, you know?
522
00:28:45,971 --> 00:28:48,201
Oh, look. Pictures.
523
00:28:50,876 --> 00:28:54,778
So this is hysterical Joyce.
524
00:28:54,946 --> 00:28:57,312
You don't look so desperate.
525
00:28:57,482 --> 00:29:00,212
You look athletic.
526
00:29:01,219 --> 00:29:04,382
And pretty. Where was this taken?
527
00:29:04,556 --> 00:29:07,650
New York City Marathon. Okay.
528
00:29:07,826 --> 00:29:11,922
Where you crossed the finish line.
529
00:29:12,097 --> 00:29:14,497
And you were crying.
530
00:29:14,833 --> 00:29:18,325
And so was Derek
while he hugs you.
531
00:29:18,503 --> 00:29:21,404
There's so many neat pictures, Bob.
532
00:29:21,573 --> 00:29:23,803
Rachel Keyes.
533
00:29:23,975 --> 00:29:28,071
You are a podiatrist, l think?
534
00:29:28,246 --> 00:29:30,806
What's with that little
minx-like smile?
535
00:29:32,117 --> 00:29:33,914
What?
536
00:29:35,020 --> 00:29:37,386
Can you just not look at me
like that, please?
537
00:29:37,556 --> 00:29:40,081
lt's making me very uncomfortable.
538
00:29:40,625 --> 00:29:43,526
There. See? l'm done. Okay?
539
00:29:43,695 --> 00:29:46,357
And don't judge me. Okay, Bob?
540
00:29:49,334 --> 00:29:51,302
Hey, Stacy, it's me. You there?
541
00:29:52,871 --> 00:29:56,034
Okay, I guess you're out with Bob.
Listen, I left my Palm at home.
542
00:29:56,208 --> 00:29:59,700
I need you to go through it and
get me some numbers. Take care.
543
00:29:59,878 --> 00:30:01,675
Palm?
544
00:30:03,014 --> 00:30:07,007
Did you hear that, Bob?
Derek left his Palm at home.
545
00:30:08,453 --> 00:30:10,819
Guess we'll have to look for it.
546
00:30:12,691 --> 00:30:15,888
lf l were a Palm, where would l be?
547
00:30:16,061 --> 00:30:19,053
lf we were Palms,
where would we be, Bob?
548
00:30:20,398 --> 00:30:22,263
Where is it?
549
00:30:22,701 --> 00:30:24,362
Where could it be right now?
550
00:30:24,970 --> 00:30:26,665
He asked for it.
551
00:30:26,838 --> 00:30:29,170
Where could it be?
552
00:30:34,446 --> 00:30:39,349
Luck is when preparation
meets opportunity.
553
00:30:39,518 --> 00:30:40,985
Okay, Bob?
554
00:30:43,221 --> 00:30:47,123
Life's about certainty.
lt's about being in control.
555
00:30:48,894 --> 00:30:52,193
Password, password, password.
What would his password be?
556
00:30:54,132 --> 00:30:56,100
Thank you.
557
00:30:58,069 --> 00:30:59,866
What?
558
00:31:00,805 --> 00:31:02,739
Go to your bed.
559
00:31:04,242 --> 00:31:07,541
Go to your bed, Bob!
560
00:31:12,250 --> 00:31:14,411
Seconds before opening
the metallic case...
561
00:31:14,586 --> 00:31:17,248
...I envisioned all the evil
flowing into the world.
562
00:31:17,422 --> 00:31:20,084
I was Pandora.
563
00:31:20,325 --> 00:31:22,520
And then I got over it.
564
00:31:31,303 --> 00:31:33,931
Look at that. Joyce works
at the Kaleidoscope Kitchen.
565
00:31:34,105 --> 00:31:36,130
Brand-new place.
Know what that means?
566
00:31:36,308 --> 00:31:39,744
lt's a new entry. That place has only
been open two, three months.
567
00:31:39,911 --> 00:31:42,402
How would he know that
unless they still talk?
568
00:31:42,581 --> 00:31:44,446
-That's ridiculous.
-Ladies.
569
00:31:44,883 --> 00:31:48,011
Hey!
We could give her a little jingle.
570
00:31:48,186 --> 00:31:51,212
-''Hello, Joyce...
-Where's Leo? Where's Leo?
571
00:31:51,389 --> 00:31:54,916
...Moore? We're doing research
on an upcoming episode...
572
00:31:55,093 --> 00:31:57,288
...'Best Chefs in the Tri-State Area.'
573
00:31:57,562 --> 00:32:00,656
No guarantees, of course,
but l was wondering if we could...
574
00:32:00,832 --> 00:32:02,800
...spend a little time...
575
00:32:02,968 --> 00:32:05,664
-...getting to know each other better.''
-Not doing it.
576
00:32:08,506 --> 00:32:12,067
Now, how about that doctor he dated?
What was her name?
577
00:32:12,244 --> 00:32:14,439
-Barb.
-You have to admit it's educational.
578
00:32:14,613 --> 00:32:17,514
Look what you learned with Lulu.
He didn't cheat.
579
00:32:17,682 --> 00:32:20,412
-l never thought he did.
-He said they had problems in bed...
580
00:32:20,585 --> 00:32:23,247
...and it turns out the problem
was getting out.
581
00:32:23,421 --> 00:32:26,982
Little lie. Harmless.
Unless it's a pattern.
582
00:32:27,158 --> 00:32:29,956
-lt's not a pattern.
-How do you know?
583
00:32:30,562 --> 00:32:34,692
Say, hypothetically,
you get a dog.
584
00:32:34,866 --> 00:32:36,629
-A what?
-A dog, hypothetically.
585
00:32:36,801 --> 00:32:40,066
And you find out his grandfather
and father chased cars.
586
00:32:40,238 --> 00:32:42,103
-Whose father?
-The dog's. ln fact...
587
00:32:42,274 --> 00:32:44,708
...all the males in his line,
car-chasers.
588
00:32:44,876 --> 00:32:47,174
Chances are he'll chase cars.
589
00:32:47,345 --> 00:32:50,974
Helpful information you can only get
by doing research.
590
00:32:51,149 --> 00:32:53,617
You need to find out,
is your man a car-chaser?
591
00:32:53,785 --> 00:32:56,481
-No.
-Are you sure?
592
00:32:56,655 --> 00:33:00,614
People are creatures of habit.
Last one. Their behavior is patterned.
593
00:33:01,526 --> 00:33:06,361
After Neil slept with half of Newark,
l found out he'd been doing it for years.
594
00:33:06,531 --> 00:33:09,932
So keep yourself dumb and believe
what he tells you, or.... Up to you.
595
00:33:10,101 --> 00:33:13,093
-God, l hate this.
-l know.
596
00:33:13,271 --> 00:33:15,171
-l hate doubt.
-You'll get over it.
597
00:33:15,340 --> 00:33:17,365
Now, what was the name
of that chiropractor?
598
00:33:17,542 --> 00:33:20,375
Podiatrist. Dr. Rachel Keyes.
599
00:33:20,545 --> 00:33:22,012
Barb?
600
00:33:22,180 --> 00:33:23,613
Yeah?
601
00:33:23,782 --> 00:33:27,718
Look, make an appointment. That's all.
See how you feel once you meet her.
602
00:33:27,886 --> 00:33:31,982
lf you don't do the whole Kippie spiel,
at least your feet will be happy.
603
00:33:32,290 --> 00:33:34,349
You wanna work
with Diane Sawyer?
604
00:33:34,526 --> 00:33:36,585
You gotta learn how to do research.
605
00:33:37,329 --> 00:33:38,853
ln the field.
606
00:33:39,030 --> 00:33:41,897
Health and Wellness Women's Clinic.
Hold, please.
607
00:33:42,133 --> 00:33:44,567
Look under the hood
before you purchase the car.
608
00:33:44,736 --> 00:33:47,671
Thank you for holding.
Health and Wellness Women's Clinic.
609
00:33:47,839 --> 00:33:51,104
Yes, l'd like to make an appointment
with Dr. Keyes, please.
610
00:33:51,276 --> 00:33:53,210
-She's booked through the month.
-Okay.
611
00:33:53,378 --> 00:33:54,811
-No cancellations?
-Oh, wait.
612
00:33:54,979 --> 00:33:57,504
We have one for Thursday morning.
8:45.
613
00:33:57,682 --> 00:33:59,980
-l'll take it.
-Name?
614
00:34:00,218 --> 00:34:01,776
Barb Campbell-hyphen-Dunn.
615
00:34:01,953 --> 00:34:04,183
And what is this regarding, please?
616
00:34:04,556 --> 00:34:08,822
-Warts. Plantar warts. Hurt like hell.
-See you Thursday.
617
00:34:11,262 --> 00:34:13,787
Hey, don't let the chickens out!
618
00:34:15,133 --> 00:34:19,433
I was strangely calm waiting to meet
the woman Derek dated before me.
619
00:34:19,604 --> 00:34:22,801
So calm, in fact,
I never questioned the gown...
620
00:34:23,141 --> 00:34:24,699
...or the need for easy access.
621
00:34:26,044 --> 00:34:28,706
-So when was your last period?
-My what?
622
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,280
-Your menses.
-l don't understand.
623
00:34:33,218 --> 00:34:36,278
Okay, each month you might notice
a change in your body--
624
00:34:36,454 --> 00:34:38,012
l understand what you mean.
625
00:34:38,189 --> 00:34:40,282
l just don't know why
you'd want to know--
626
00:34:40,458 --> 00:34:42,016
-Barbara Campbell?
-Hyphen-Dunn.
627
00:34:42,193 --> 00:34:43,421
-Yes.
-l'm Dr. Keyes.
628
00:34:43,595 --> 00:34:45,392
-Hi.
-Hi.
629
00:34:45,563 --> 00:34:49,055
So, what brings you in here today?
630
00:34:49,234 --> 00:34:50,895
-Warts.
-Warts.
631
00:34:51,770 --> 00:34:53,931
-Really painful.
-All the time?
632
00:34:54,105 --> 00:34:56,096
Well, mostly
when you step on them.
633
00:34:56,274 --> 00:34:58,538
Heels, you know. Ouch.
634
00:34:58,710 --> 00:35:01,941
l have a bit of a shoe fetish.
Stilettos.
635
00:35:02,113 --> 00:35:04,547
l'm trying to stay away from them.
lt's my bad.
636
00:35:04,716 --> 00:35:08,015
Well, maybe you can be more specific
as to where the warts are.
637
00:35:08,186 --> 00:35:10,882
-You wanna use this mirror?
-No, that's not necessary.
638
00:35:11,055 --> 00:35:15,788
l'm very flexible.
They're sort of deep down.
639
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:17,860
Just look way deep down inside.
640
00:35:18,029 --> 00:35:21,123
You can't really see them
unless you look inside.
641
00:35:21,299 --> 00:35:24,962
Well, maybe not that way.
Why don't you just relax, Barbara.
642
00:35:25,136 --> 00:35:27,764
-Okay.
-That's a good girl. There you go.
643
00:35:28,106 --> 00:35:30,939
Just going to put your feet
in these stirrups.
644
00:35:33,678 --> 00:35:35,509
Stirrups?
645
00:35:40,718 --> 00:35:44,313
Gynecologist? Not a podiatrist?
Ten-to- 1 those aren't for the opera.
646
00:35:44,489 --> 00:35:48,152
-And we'll have a little look-see.
-Look-see? Where?
647
00:35:50,228 --> 00:35:52,696
Oops.
Someone left their panties on.
648
00:35:52,864 --> 00:35:54,195
-Oops.
-Just....
649
00:35:55,233 --> 00:35:57,758
There you go. Good girl.
650
00:36:02,207 --> 00:36:03,606
Good.
651
00:36:05,643 --> 00:36:07,235
-Comfy?
-Well, let's see.
652
00:36:07,412 --> 00:36:11,439
I'm spread-eagle for my boyfriend's ex,
who's about to go searching for warts.
653
00:36:11,616 --> 00:36:13,584
Super. Thanks.
654
00:36:13,751 --> 00:36:15,685
Barbara,
you know what they say, right?
655
00:36:15,854 --> 00:36:19,187
You can never be too rich, too thin,
or too far down on the table.
656
00:36:19,357 --> 00:36:22,690
So let's scooch you.
There we go. Perfect.
657
00:36:23,895 --> 00:36:28,798
-l'm going to insert the speculum now.
-Oh, good. Narration.
658
00:36:29,801 --> 00:36:31,826
You may feel a bit of pressure.
659
00:36:35,106 --> 00:36:38,132
Would you take a look at that cervix,
Nurse Kisilevsky?
660
00:36:39,077 --> 00:36:42,342
Textbook. l'm not the first person
who's told you that, l'm sure.
661
00:36:42,514 --> 00:36:44,072
Can't hear it enough.
662
00:36:44,315 --> 00:36:47,682
It was all too horrible.
I had to avert my eyes.
663
00:36:47,852 --> 00:36:50,787
Which made me focus
on a sight more horrific.
664
00:36:50,955 --> 00:36:54,755
Midst what seemed like an unusual
amount of Dr. Keyes' beauty shots...
665
00:36:54,926 --> 00:36:59,863
...stood a picture that jumped out.
Big. Dr. Rachel Keyes and Bob?
666
00:37:00,031 --> 00:37:03,489
Stinky Bob! Why would she have a
picture with him unless he was hers?
667
00:37:03,668 --> 00:37:07,729
Worse, theirs.
I needed to take control. Fast!
668
00:37:07,906 --> 00:37:10,875
Dr. Keyes,
l work with the Kippie Kann show.
669
00:37:11,042 --> 00:37:15,536
You would never be interested
in being on television would you?
670
00:37:16,814 --> 00:37:18,076
Call me Rachel.
671
00:37:18,249 --> 00:37:22,242
l started the vitamin company about a
year and a half ago. lt's just taken off.
672
00:37:22,420 --> 00:37:26,481
-Oh? And look. Your picture's on it.
-l fought them on that.
673
00:37:26,658 --> 00:37:29,354
Sure you did. So tell me, Rachel.
674
00:37:29,527 --> 00:37:32,052
What did you have to sacrifice
to get here?
675
00:37:32,230 --> 00:37:34,630
Relationships? Family? Pets?
676
00:37:34,966 --> 00:37:37,958
l never wanted to settle
in order to settle down.
677
00:37:38,136 --> 00:37:40,832
-You know what l'm talking about.
-Oh, yeah. Back to pets.
678
00:37:41,005 --> 00:37:44,031
l noticed a picture of a dog
in the examination room.
679
00:37:44,208 --> 00:37:47,371
-So happy-looking.
-Bob.
680
00:37:47,545 --> 00:37:50,013
He's my ex's dog, but l raised him.
681
00:37:50,181 --> 00:37:52,672
-He was such a cuddler.
-Your ex?
682
00:37:52,850 --> 00:37:55,842
The dog. l could've lobbied
to keep him when we split.
683
00:37:56,020 --> 00:37:58,784
But med school by day,
the book by night.
684
00:37:58,957 --> 00:38:02,552
-You wrote a book?
-Here we go. Second printing.
685
00:38:02,727 --> 00:38:06,356
Take one. l'll just bill you for it.
lt's a play on words.
686
00:38:06,531 --> 00:38:08,624
''Keyes to Your Vagina.''
687
00:38:08,833 --> 00:38:12,997
Clever. Oh, and there's
that picture again.
688
00:38:13,171 --> 00:38:17,540
-So anyways, Bob, is it?
-Yeah, he's with Derek. My ex.
689
00:38:17,709 --> 00:38:19,802
But l have visitation rights.
690
00:38:20,745 --> 00:38:22,303
-Oh, really?
-Sure.
691
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,143
The photograph in the exam room
was taken a few weeks ago at a picnic.
692
00:38:26,317 --> 00:38:28,148
A picnic? A few weeks ago?
693
00:38:28,319 --> 00:38:31,311
He went on a picnic
with this self-obsessed prodigy?
694
00:38:31,489 --> 00:38:34,185
-My head was spinning.
-Anyway, Barb. Good news.
695
00:38:34,359 --> 00:38:36,384
Your warts have cleared up.
696
00:38:36,694 --> 00:38:37,161
That's good to know.
697
00:38:37,161 --> 00:38:38,059
That's good to know.
698
00:38:40,298 --> 00:38:44,530
Welcome back to
''Grandma's a Hooker, So Handle lt.''
699
00:38:44,702 --> 00:38:46,636
Tell me, Grandma,
as a working girl....
700
00:38:46,804 --> 00:38:48,863
-Stand by, mystery guest.
-Standing by.
701
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:51,167
l pull down about five grand
a weekend.
702
00:38:53,177 --> 00:38:54,405
Ten if l bring a friend.
703
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:57,580
What do you say, Kippie?
704
00:38:57,815 --> 00:38:59,146
What? Me?
705
00:38:59,450 --> 00:39:03,910
-Talent is in place and ready to go.
-Hey. How'd it go?
706
00:39:04,255 --> 00:39:07,713
-l went to third base with his ex.
-What?
707
00:39:07,892 --> 00:39:11,384
But my warts have cleared up.
She was a gynecologist!
708
00:39:11,562 --> 00:39:12,995
-Doorbell.
-Gyne--
709
00:39:13,164 --> 00:39:16,656
-Mommy, no!
-Oh, shut up!
710
00:39:16,834 --> 00:39:18,665
lra. Can you...?
711
00:39:20,638 --> 00:39:22,868
A gynecologist? Yikes.
712
00:39:23,041 --> 00:39:25,942
''Yikes'' does not even begin
to describe what l experienced.
713
00:39:26,110 --> 00:39:28,772
-Here's your chance. Don't screw up.
-Turkey sausage.
714
00:39:29,747 --> 00:39:34,047
She's an absolute freak of nature.
She's got to be, like, what, 26, 2 7?
715
00:39:34,218 --> 00:39:36,709
She's publishing books.
She's practicing medicine.
716
00:39:36,888 --> 00:39:39,857
And there's like a zillion pictures
of her in her office.
717
00:39:40,024 --> 00:39:42,049
-Just her. Alone.
-Yeah.
718
00:39:42,226 --> 00:39:45,753
And let's not forget the little vitamin
company that's just taken off.
719
00:39:45,930 --> 00:39:48,160
-Look at the positive side.
-Which is?
720
00:39:48,332 --> 00:39:52,826
He's attracted to extraordinary women.
Beautiful. Talented.
721
00:39:53,004 --> 00:39:54,995
Which is why he's with you now.
722
00:39:55,173 --> 00:39:58,404
The only salient information
you need to know is, did he cheat?
723
00:39:59,043 --> 00:40:02,809
What? No.
She was more in love with herself.
724
00:40:02,980 --> 00:40:05,949
-This is good news.
-Yeah.
725
00:40:06,651 --> 00:40:08,016
Yeah.
726
00:40:08,453 --> 00:40:11,786
lt's just that he saw her
a few weeks ago.
727
00:40:12,056 --> 00:40:14,422
They picnicked, which is totally fine.
728
00:40:14,792 --> 00:40:17,818
He's completely free
to picnic with whomever.
729
00:40:18,830 --> 00:40:22,129
-But why wouldn't he mention it?
-Maybe....
730
00:40:24,168 --> 00:40:26,295
-He forgot?
-Maybe.
731
00:40:26,471 --> 00:40:28,234
-Yeah. Okay.
-Who put those damn K's...
732
00:40:28,406 --> 00:40:29,600
...all over the cue cards?
733
00:40:30,041 --> 00:40:33,238
Bob, slow down.
You're rocking the Palm.
734
00:40:34,746 --> 00:40:36,839
-You are so busted.
-What?
735
00:40:37,014 --> 00:40:41,508
You're out with a guy. Two-foot-six.
Loves the lips. Farts a lot.
736
00:40:41,686 --> 00:40:44,655
-You giving him a nice walk?
-Oh, well, actually...
737
00:40:44,822 --> 00:40:47,518
-...he's giving me one.
-Honey, don't let him do that.
738
00:40:47,692 --> 00:40:50,024
Oh! Course not! No!
739
00:40:51,829 --> 00:40:55,697
-l feel like we haven't spoken all week.
-I feel like we haven't spoken ever.
740
00:40:55,867 --> 00:40:57,459
Bob, slow down.
741
00:40:57,969 --> 00:41:00,164
l've been kind of busy here,
you know?
742
00:41:00,338 --> 00:41:02,829
Bob. Bob. Bob! Bob!
743
00:41:03,307 --> 00:41:06,003
No! We don't live here, Bob!
744
00:41:06,544 --> 00:41:08,205
Come on! No!
745
00:41:10,748 --> 00:41:12,181
Keyes.
746
00:41:13,985 --> 00:41:18,979
Keyes?
As in ''Keyes to Your Vagina,'' Bob?
747
00:41:19,157 --> 00:41:21,751
-Traitor.
-Stace? What's going on?
748
00:41:21,926 --> 00:41:27,023
-Who you talking to?
-Honey, you're not gonna believe this.
749
00:41:27,498 --> 00:41:29,159
You wanna hear something funny?
750
00:41:29,333 --> 00:41:31,858
Bob just dragged me up the steps
of a brownstone...
751
00:41:32,036 --> 00:41:34,436
-...a few blocks away from you.
-Who's the boss?
752
00:41:34,605 --> 00:41:36,402
On Malverne.
753
00:41:36,574 --> 00:41:38,667
You think he has a friend
in the neighborhood?
754
00:41:38,843 --> 00:41:40,834
Dark-haired genius, about 5'4''?
755
00:41:41,012 --> 00:41:43,037
Stace, he's a dog. Okay?
756
00:41:43,214 --> 00:41:45,045
If you let him,
he'll walk all over you.
757
00:41:45,216 --> 00:41:47,844
Wonder where he learned it.
Oh! Honey, l'm sorry.
758
00:41:48,019 --> 00:41:50,419
l've gotta go.
Okay, call you from a hard line.
759
00:41:50,588 --> 00:41:53,386
-Excuse me!
-Sorry.
760
00:41:55,026 --> 00:41:57,221
-Hello?
-Who is it?
761
00:41:57,395 --> 00:41:58,885
-Hello?
-Who's there?
762
00:41:59,730 --> 00:42:01,698
Hello? Bob?
763
00:42:03,267 --> 00:42:06,134
-Bob?
-Oh, come on, man.
764
00:42:06,304 --> 00:42:09,569
-You recognize his bark?
-Stay! Sit.
765
00:42:09,740 --> 00:42:12,231
-And he did.
-I'm coming down.
766
00:42:13,511 --> 00:42:15,001
Bob, come on.
767
00:42:16,614 --> 00:42:18,343
Come on. Down here. Down here.
768
00:42:18,649 --> 00:42:20,378
l need you to be very, very quiet.
769
00:42:21,185 --> 00:42:22,413
Bob?
770
00:42:25,056 --> 00:42:30,153
As I squatted, holding the snout of
a dog in love with another woman...
771
00:42:30,328 --> 00:42:33,729
...I sadly realized I had reached
an all-time low.
772
00:42:33,898 --> 00:42:38,096
Bob! Oh, come here, sweetheart!
You little pie!
773
00:42:38,269 --> 00:42:39,964
What are you doing out there?
774
00:42:40,137 --> 00:42:43,300
Where's your daddy? Let's go call
Daddy. Come on, little pumpkin head.
775
00:42:51,115 --> 00:42:53,549
l ran out on my mani. Where is he?
776
00:42:53,718 --> 00:42:55,276
ln there. With her.
777
00:42:56,554 --> 00:42:58,249
Number two.
778
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:04,653
-Yes?
-Hi, it's Stacy Holt.
779
00:43:04,829 --> 00:43:07,457
-Don't use my name!
-Holtenfrau. The dog-walker.
780
00:43:07,632 --> 00:43:08,963
-l'm here for Steve.
-Bob!
781
00:43:09,133 --> 00:43:11,397
-Bob!
-Come on up. Number two.
782
00:43:23,047 --> 00:43:25,174
Did she have pictures of herself
in there?
783
00:43:25,349 --> 00:43:28,477
-She was very nice.
-Thanks. That makes me feel better.
784
00:43:28,653 --> 00:43:30,348
-lt's vibrating.
-Really?
785
00:43:32,556 --> 00:43:34,080
What are you doing?
786
00:43:34,258 --> 00:43:37,284
-Give me a few minutes.
-Oh, stop that.
787
00:43:37,461 --> 00:43:39,224
This little guy could make me
very happy.
788
00:43:39,397 --> 00:43:41,058
Now you're officially scaring me.
789
00:43:41,232 --> 00:43:45,293
-lf it turns into a pizza, l'm getting one.
-Take that thing out of your pants.
790
00:43:48,806 --> 00:43:52,139
Oh, wow. So Joyce has freckles, huh?
791
00:43:52,810 --> 00:43:54,471
-All over.
-What?
792
00:43:54,645 --> 00:43:56,510
And she's not self-conscious.
793
00:43:56,681 --> 00:44:00,378
So many women hide their bodies
these days, but not her.
794
00:44:03,888 --> 00:44:05,480
-How did you get that?
-You know...
795
00:44:05,656 --> 00:44:08,318
...that little camera thing
came on against my--
796
00:44:08,492 --> 00:44:10,687
And she-- You know, there she is.
Jackpot.
797
00:44:10,861 --> 00:44:13,056
-Look at that arrow. Should l press it?
-No.
798
00:44:13,230 --> 00:44:14,925
-Why not?
-Okay. Yes.
799
00:44:17,368 --> 00:44:19,836
-Oh, my God.
-There's so many.
800
00:44:21,739 --> 00:44:25,334
l'm not doing this. l can't. lt's like
going through someone's drawers.
801
00:44:25,509 --> 00:44:30,344
Hey, Stace? Would you wear a thong
in front of your boyfriend's parents?
802
00:44:30,815 --> 00:44:34,182
-Repeatedly?
-My boyfriend's parents?
803
00:44:37,321 --> 00:44:39,755
''Mom, Dad, Joyce. Hawaii, '99''?
804
00:44:39,924 --> 00:44:41,721
He doesn't bring girls home, huh?
805
00:44:42,460 --> 00:44:45,793
Oh, look. Christmas, '98.
They went to Aspen.
806
00:44:46,397 --> 00:44:47,728
l can't believe this.
807
00:44:47,898 --> 00:44:51,459
He could have a sister named Joyce,
who he French kisses.
808
00:44:51,635 --> 00:44:53,034
And licks.
809
00:44:54,138 --> 00:44:56,129
Dare you to press the next arrow.
810
00:44:57,141 --> 00:44:58,836
-Shit.
-How bad?
811
00:44:59,010 --> 00:45:00,409
-Shit!
-Pornographic?
812
00:45:00,578 --> 00:45:01,909
lt's out of power.
813
00:45:02,079 --> 00:45:04,809
-Where are we going?
-Gonna put this baby in a cradle.
814
00:45:04,982 --> 00:45:06,643
-Come on.
-Okay.
815
00:45:06,884 --> 00:45:08,408
Hurry up, Bob!
816
00:45:17,028 --> 00:45:18,757
l'll be right back.
817
00:45:23,501 --> 00:45:25,401
All systems go!
818
00:45:26,203 --> 00:45:27,431
Okay!
819
00:45:38,149 --> 00:45:39,446
l know.
820
00:45:40,351 --> 00:45:41,716
Because you can.
821
00:45:48,459 --> 00:45:51,826
Would l like to sync? Kinky.
822
00:45:56,267 --> 00:45:58,201
Entertainment. Absolument.
823
00:46:01,305 --> 00:46:03,603
Here's the thing-- No.
824
00:46:05,376 --> 00:46:08,243
-No. You'll thank me.
-l know.
825
00:46:10,347 --> 00:46:11,644
Jesus.
826
00:46:11,949 --> 00:46:17,046
Wow. Presenting Joyce Moore
and her cheesy music.
827
00:46:17,321 --> 00:46:19,949
Make it stop. Barbara....
828
00:46:20,324 --> 00:46:22,588
-Trying. Trying.
-Please make it stop.
829
00:46:25,062 --> 00:46:26,996
Oh, great. Now it's frozen.
830
00:46:27,164 --> 00:46:29,530
-Hey, if you can do better....
-Later.
831
00:46:29,900 --> 00:46:32,198
Listen. Here's the thing.
832
00:46:32,436 --> 00:46:34,461
lf you're happy
with what you know...
833
00:46:34,638 --> 00:46:37,471
...do you deserve explanation
about what you don't?
834
00:46:38,342 --> 00:46:41,800
l mean, hypothetically, you are
in this great relationship with Neil.
835
00:46:41,979 --> 00:46:45,210
-That's his name, right?
-lt wasn't a good relationship with Neil.
836
00:46:45,382 --> 00:46:49,512
Hypothetically.
You get married. You have kids.
837
00:46:49,687 --> 00:46:53,521
You're totally and completely fulfilled.
Then Neil dies.
838
00:46:53,691 --> 00:46:57,491
-Where's that dial tone coming from?
-l don't know. Does he die tragically?
839
00:46:57,661 --> 00:47:01,188
Okay. Then you find out he cheated.
That he had this whole other life.
840
00:47:01,365 --> 00:47:04,061
Now, does that detract
from what you two had together?
841
00:47:04,235 --> 00:47:05,862
-Does it make it all a lie?
-Yes.
842
00:47:06,237 --> 00:47:10,071
-Why?
-Because omissions are betrayals.
843
00:47:11,208 --> 00:47:15,235
-Omissions are....
-Betrayals. They are betrayals.
844
00:47:16,914 --> 00:47:18,814
-ls that your cell?
-Mine whistles.
845
00:47:18,983 --> 00:47:22,544
Hey, there. It's Joyce Moore.
Do the deed after the beep.
846
00:47:23,854 --> 00:47:26,379
What? The computer called Joyce?
847
00:47:27,024 --> 00:47:30,289
-What did you do?
-Nothing! l was standing over here.
848
00:47:30,995 --> 00:47:34,522
Hey, you got Derek's machine. You
know what to do and when to do it.
849
00:47:35,266 --> 00:47:38,827
Derek, you there? It's Joyce.
My caller ID said you just phoned.
850
00:47:39,003 --> 00:47:42,598
Why did you hang up? I've been
waiting for you to call since last week.
851
00:47:42,773 --> 00:47:45,071
-What?
-Okay. Give me a holler.
852
00:47:45,242 --> 00:47:51,203
If I'm not home, try my cell. By the way,
everyone loved your joke. Bye.
853
00:47:51,382 --> 00:47:52,849
His joke?
854
00:47:53,250 --> 00:47:54,877
What joke?
855
00:47:55,686 --> 00:47:58,746
Derek doesn't joke.
Nobody thinks he's funny.
856
00:47:58,923 --> 00:48:00,891
He's not funny.
What does this mean?
857
00:48:01,058 --> 00:48:03,253
l think it means she's not history.
858
00:48:04,929 --> 00:48:06,362
ls it always like this here?
859
00:48:06,530 --> 00:48:09,966
Hey, you got Derek's machine. You
know what to do and when to do it.
860
00:48:10,734 --> 00:48:14,363
lt's Derek. He's checking the
messages. He's going to hear Joyce.
861
00:48:14,538 --> 00:48:20,101
-Erase it! Smash it! Do something!
-How? What am l going to do?
862
00:48:20,277 --> 00:48:23,542
Kill it.
Okay. Okay!
863
00:48:26,517 --> 00:48:28,109
Derek--
864
00:48:30,821 --> 00:48:32,413
-Good! There!
-Yeah!
865
00:48:38,562 --> 00:48:39,790
What?
866
00:48:40,464 --> 00:48:44,730
l've just smashed an answering
machine with a hockey stick.
867
00:48:44,902 --> 00:48:46,335
Damn proud of you!
868
00:48:46,503 --> 00:48:49,734
There were numbers on that machine
that he needed, and l....
869
00:48:50,007 --> 00:48:53,465
l've just smashed it.
l smashed the hell out of it.
870
00:48:54,411 --> 00:48:56,072
God's punishing me.
871
00:48:56,614 --> 00:48:59,412
l hear you, God. You can stop now.
872
00:49:02,987 --> 00:49:04,579
What has happened to me?
873
00:49:05,522 --> 00:49:09,424
-You've discovered truth.
-l've discovered a whole other reality.
874
00:49:09,593 --> 00:49:13,586
They all talk. Dr. Keyes and Derek.
Joyce and Derek?
875
00:49:13,764 --> 00:49:17,894
Maybe they all talk to each other.
Maybe it's just me they don't talk to.
876
00:49:18,068 --> 00:49:20,593
Bottom line is, he's withheld.
877
00:49:20,771 --> 00:49:23,205
-l'm gonna find out what's going on.
-Good!
878
00:49:23,374 --> 00:49:25,865
-Why she was waiting for his call.
-Good question.
879
00:49:26,043 --> 00:49:28,978
-lf he still sees her, why don't l know?
-Better question.
880
00:49:29,146 --> 00:49:32,673
And if he has nothing to hide,
why hide these old relationships?
881
00:49:32,850 --> 00:49:36,752
-Want me to write these down for you?
-So l guess l need to know...
882
00:49:37,488 --> 00:49:39,388
...what l don't know.
883
00:49:40,591 --> 00:49:42,218
l just need to.
884
00:49:45,229 --> 00:49:47,561
Hi. Joyce Moore?
885
00:49:48,299 --> 00:49:50,358
l'm sorry to call so late.
886
00:49:50,534 --> 00:49:54,368
This is Barb Campbell-hyphen-Dunn
from the Kippie Kann show.
887
00:49:54,538 --> 00:49:58,065
We're doing a segment on chefs
and we'd love to talk to you.
888
00:49:58,242 --> 00:50:00,301
No, l'm not kidding.
889
00:50:00,477 --> 00:50:03,742
Okay. So l'll call tomorrow,
and we'll set something up.
890
00:50:03,914 --> 00:50:07,111
l'd love to talk to you. Bye-bye.
891
00:50:53,364 --> 00:50:53,897
-l'll have a double espresso latte--
-Sorry. No.
892
00:50:53,897 --> 00:50:56,024
-l'll have a double espresso latte--
-Sorry. No.
893
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:58,225
-What?
-l live in a basement apartment...
894
00:50:58,402 --> 00:51:02,236
...on Malverne. You were hiding in my
doorway last night, smothering a dog.
895
00:51:02,639 --> 00:51:05,836
l was not smothering him.
lt's a little game we play.
896
00:51:06,009 --> 00:51:07,806
Double espresso, please.
897
00:51:07,978 --> 00:51:09,639
You already scare people.
898
00:51:10,147 --> 00:51:13,878
-More caffeine will make you a freak.
-Are you trying to upset me?
899
00:51:14,218 --> 00:51:15,879
lf l do,
you gonna hold my snout?
900
00:51:16,053 --> 00:51:18,544
l'll get the latte and
you get a chai iced tea.
901
00:51:19,223 --> 00:51:21,214
-We'll switch after.
-Thanks.
902
00:51:21,392 --> 00:51:23,121
l heard that.
903
00:51:23,327 --> 00:51:25,795
Joyce. Hi.
904
00:51:26,130 --> 00:51:29,361
Hi. You're Barb.
How did you know it was me?
905
00:51:29,533 --> 00:51:31,160
Lucky guess.
906
00:51:32,503 --> 00:51:33,834
l'll be watching.
907
00:51:35,939 --> 00:51:38,635
You're a jokester. Yeah.
908
00:51:38,809 --> 00:51:42,176
We have this little thing.
909
00:51:43,013 --> 00:51:47,473
So l've heard amazing things
about you, about the Kaleidoscope.
910
00:51:47,651 --> 00:51:50,950
-From?
-People! Who've been there.
911
00:51:51,121 --> 00:51:53,749
Who know your work.
You have a fan base.
912
00:51:53,924 --> 00:51:57,382
-l'm only on two nights a week.
-Quality, not quantity.
913
00:51:57,561 --> 00:52:00,086
Yes. So tell me about the show.
914
00:52:00,264 --> 00:52:03,324
l haven't watched much, but doesn't
Kippie Kann do more of the...
915
00:52:03,500 --> 00:52:07,266
-...''My Wife Slept With My Sister''--?
-''And My Dad.''
916
00:52:09,506 --> 00:52:11,667
No, we're trying to revamp
the show right now.
917
00:52:11,975 --> 00:52:14,637
So l pitched this idea,
which is this cook-off.
918
00:52:14,812 --> 00:52:18,248
This is its research stage, where
l pretend that l'm Diane Sawyer...
919
00:52:18,415 --> 00:52:20,849
...asking brilliant questions
while looking chic.
920
00:52:21,151 --> 00:52:23,984
That's funny. You know,
she was in the restaurant last week.
921
00:52:24,154 --> 00:52:25,746
Do you want your latte?
922
00:52:26,390 --> 00:52:29,223
-No. Who was?
-Diane Sawyer.
923
00:52:29,393 --> 00:52:31,452
She was here? ln Jersey?
924
00:52:31,628 --> 00:52:34,256
Yeah. The night manager
knows her field producer...
925
00:52:34,431 --> 00:52:37,889
...so they all came in
for this big dinner. She's really nice.
926
00:52:38,402 --> 00:52:40,461
She is?
927
00:52:41,538 --> 00:52:43,836
l've wanted to meet her
my whole entire life.
928
00:52:44,007 --> 00:52:47,067
Then you will.
l believe in destiny, don't you?
929
00:52:47,344 --> 00:52:48,675
l do.
930
00:52:50,180 --> 00:52:52,910
Excuse me.
Coming. Coming. Coming.
931
00:52:53,717 --> 00:52:55,844
-Hey.
-Kipp!
932
00:52:56,019 --> 00:52:59,216
-l'm just in the middle of an interview.
-Okay, yeah, I'm sorry.
933
00:52:59,556 --> 00:53:01,581
Listen, real quick then.
934
00:53:01,758 --> 00:53:04,192
My machine at home is screwed up.
I need numbers.
935
00:53:04,361 --> 00:53:05,953
-Do you know where my Palm is?
-Yep.
936
00:53:06,129 --> 00:53:08,029
That's great. Okay, I need to get--
937
00:53:08,198 --> 00:53:09,995
Could you look up Rafalsky....
938
00:53:13,537 --> 00:53:15,164
-Stace?
-Yeah, yeah.
939
00:53:15,339 --> 00:53:19,332
Can l borrow a pen and a piece of--?
Thank you.
940
00:53:20,244 --> 00:53:22,178
-Thanks.
-Rafalsky.
941
00:53:22,713 --> 00:53:25,181
-Rafalsky.
-And Langenbrunner.
942
00:53:25,349 --> 00:53:28,785
And Langenbrunner.
943
00:53:29,820 --> 00:53:31,515
-ls that it?
-That's it.
944
00:53:31,688 --> 00:53:34,122
-l love you.
-l love you!
945
00:53:35,125 --> 00:53:37,252
-You too, Kipp.
-Oh, hey, listen.
946
00:53:37,427 --> 00:53:39,554
Before l forget,
the password is ''Bob.''
947
00:53:39,730 --> 00:53:42,028
-Gotcha.
-All right. Bye.
948
00:53:42,199 --> 00:53:44,793
-Okay, then.
-Can l ask you something...
949
00:53:44,968 --> 00:53:48,301
...totally none of my business?
Were you just talking to Kippie Kann...
950
00:53:48,472 --> 00:53:51,100
...about Jamie Langenbrunner
and Brian Rafalsky?
951
00:53:51,275 --> 00:53:53,209
-You know them?
-l wish.
952
00:53:53,377 --> 00:53:55,777
l am the biggest hockey nut
this side of Newark.
953
00:53:57,614 --> 00:53:59,741
We're trying to book
them on the show.
954
00:53:59,917 --> 00:54:03,114
We're doing a whole recruiting
segment. l'm their hockey gal.
955
00:54:03,287 --> 00:54:07,348
You should meet my ex. He's a scout
for the Devils. Give me your Palm.
956
00:54:07,524 --> 00:54:09,583
-lt's frozen.
-l can fix it.
957
00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:12,320
No, that's so sweet, but thank you.
958
00:54:12,563 --> 00:54:15,794
Okay, well, why don't you
just hold down the power button.
959
00:54:15,966 --> 00:54:17,365
Go ahead.
960
00:54:17,901 --> 00:54:19,368
Power button?
961
00:54:20,537 --> 00:54:22,266
And you should hear a....
962
00:54:24,107 --> 00:54:26,871
-And, fingers crossed...
-Fingers crossed.
963
00:54:27,044 --> 00:54:29,012
...it will reset.
964
00:54:29,479 --> 00:54:30,844
Okay.
965
00:54:33,150 --> 00:54:34,981
l cannot believe it.
966
00:54:38,055 --> 00:54:40,023
-l can explain.
-You have l Spy.
967
00:54:40,190 --> 00:54:42,852
That's a brand-new program.
Do you mind?
968
00:54:43,026 --> 00:54:46,587
-Having l Spy? No, l don't mind.
-Do you mind beaming it to me?
969
00:54:46,763 --> 00:54:51,530
Here, l can-- You want me to
show you there? Just take this.
970
00:54:52,736 --> 00:54:53,964
And...
971
00:54:55,372 --> 00:54:57,363
-...voil�!
-Voil� what?
972
00:54:57,541 --> 00:55:00,567
-Voil�, now l've got it.
-But it's his-- Mine.
973
00:55:00,744 --> 00:55:04,236
-l want it back. Please?
-No. We both have it.
974
00:55:04,414 --> 00:55:06,279
You have one, and l have its twin.
975
00:55:09,086 --> 00:55:12,817
-You've never done it before.
-Virgin. Damn proud of it.
976
00:55:14,691 --> 00:55:15,953
You're funny.
977
00:55:16,193 --> 00:55:19,685
So l work next Wednesday.
Why don't you come by for dinner?
978
00:55:19,863 --> 00:55:22,832
l will wow you
with my chicken paillard.
979
00:55:23,867 --> 00:55:28,270
How could I refuse?
She had an ease, an openness...
980
00:55:28,438 --> 00:55:31,635
...and the answers.
She had the answers.
981
00:55:31,808 --> 00:55:31,942
Party!
982
00:55:31,942 --> 00:55:33,068
Party!
983
00:55:38,815 --> 00:55:41,340
Kippie! Watch it, here! Watch it!
984
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:46,921
-Cut it! Phil, cut it!
-Cut it. Reset.
985
00:55:47,090 --> 00:55:49,183
Oh, God, she's coming up.
She's coming up.
986
00:55:49,359 --> 00:55:51,054
-Count to 1 0.
-Katie!
987
00:55:51,228 --> 00:55:53,719
-Take it easy.
-Okay!
988
00:55:55,232 --> 00:55:56,859
She's coming!
989
00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:59,634
-Seven, eight, nine....
-Carl!
990
00:55:59,803 --> 00:56:02,431
What? You were fantastic.
991
00:56:02,673 --> 00:56:06,507
-That was very emotional. Phil?
-Yeah. l teared up.
992
00:56:06,677 --> 00:56:09,612
Trust me. No one does midgets
like Kippie. Like you.
993
00:56:09,780 --> 00:56:12,613
But everyone does them!
Don't you get it?
994
00:56:12,783 --> 00:56:16,378
-l want something fresh, original--
-lt was his idea.
995
00:56:16,553 --> 00:56:19,386
-lra?
-Now she remembers my name.
996
00:56:19,556 --> 00:56:21,251
Get the midgets out of here.
997
00:56:21,425 --> 00:56:23,188
Here comes the numbers speech.
998
00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:25,954
Can you be midget-wrangler today?
999
00:56:26,129 --> 00:56:29,292
My numbers go up,
your numbers go up.
1000
00:56:30,901 --> 00:56:33,870
My success is your success.
1001
00:56:34,104 --> 00:56:35,799
Jerry Maguire.
1002
00:56:36,406 --> 00:56:38,601
Help Kippie help you!
1003
00:56:39,042 --> 00:56:42,773
That was very moving. l think
we should all take a moment to--
1004
00:56:42,946 --> 00:56:46,177
-Places! Miserable midgets.
-Moment's up!
1005
00:56:46,349 --> 00:56:50,217
-Places! Stand by, intro.
-We're back in one.
1006
00:56:50,387 --> 00:56:52,787
-We are just about ready.
-Phil, we're reset.
1007
00:56:53,123 --> 00:56:54,784
Okay, stand by, Kippie.
1008
00:56:54,958 --> 00:56:57,927
''Kippie's Kute Kouplings Kontinues.''
1009
00:57:01,732 --> 00:57:04,292
Bob, l want you to move in
really tight.
1010
00:57:04,901 --> 00:57:07,802
Tighter, tighter, tighter,
till l tell you to stop.
1011
00:57:08,138 --> 00:57:10,163
Yeah. Right there.
1012
00:57:10,340 --> 00:57:15,642
We have a collection of cute couples
to clear things up. l can't believe this.
1013
00:57:18,515 --> 00:57:20,039
What are you so worried about?
1014
00:57:20,217 --> 00:57:22,117
Do you think my idea is good?
1015
00:57:22,285 --> 00:57:24,719
-l mean, enough?
-For the live show? Absolutely.
1016
00:57:24,888 --> 00:57:27,186
l'm convinced
they're going to give it to you.
1017
00:57:28,358 --> 00:57:32,317
-Why? What do you know?
-Not much. lt's just, after staff--
1018
00:57:32,496 --> 00:57:33,963
-When?
-Monday.
1019
00:57:34,131 --> 00:57:36,622
-Today's the big day!
-l know!
1020
00:57:36,867 --> 00:57:38,960
-Go on.
-l overheard them.
1021
00:57:39,136 --> 00:57:40,467
Pardon me? Who, who?
1022
00:57:40,637 --> 00:57:44,073
-Barb, Carl, Kippie.
-Kippie? Kippie? Kippie's there?
1023
00:57:44,241 --> 00:57:46,209
-Yes.
-Continue.
1024
00:57:46,376 --> 00:57:50,335
Well, they thought your
''Little Black Book'' idea was great.
1025
00:57:50,881 --> 00:57:54,942
They're right.
l mean, it's my time.
1026
00:57:56,019 --> 00:57:58,817
l put in the work.
l'm next up for promotion.
1027
00:57:58,989 --> 00:58:01,651
-lt only makes sense.
-lt only makes sense.
1028
00:58:02,959 --> 00:58:06,861
Little black books. Little black books.
Little black books.
1029
00:58:07,030 --> 00:58:10,329
This season's live show will be...
1030
00:58:12,636 --> 00:58:15,833
...''Plastic Surgery Nightmares.''
Congratulations, Barb.
1031
00:58:16,006 --> 00:58:17,974
Our newest producer.
1032
00:58:18,208 --> 00:58:21,041
-Way to go, girl!
-Good one.
1033
00:58:22,612 --> 00:58:25,137
Now, people. People, people!
1034
00:58:25,315 --> 00:58:28,751
Since we are live, l'm expecting
everybody to pitch in, right?
1035
00:58:28,919 --> 00:58:30,181
Right. Now that's a wrap.
1036
00:58:31,087 --> 00:58:32,679
Too bad, lra.
1037
00:58:42,465 --> 00:58:45,559
Sorry, lra. Maybe next sweeps?
1038
00:58:46,102 --> 00:58:47,865
Sweet.
1039
00:58:48,338 --> 00:58:50,465
Naive, but sweet.
1040
00:58:52,676 --> 00:58:53,904
You wanna go to dinner?
1041
00:58:54,077 --> 00:58:57,103
Can't. l'm on the committee
for the Kippie Kann Kan Drive...
1042
00:58:57,280 --> 00:59:00,875
...Kippie Kares for Kids Koalition.
Catch you later.
1043
00:59:04,721 --> 00:59:08,020
-ls he okay?
-He's trying to be.
1044
00:59:08,758 --> 00:59:11,090
How about you? Urban legend.
1045
00:59:11,928 --> 00:59:14,863
-You said APs never get the live show.
-What do l know?
1046
00:59:15,031 --> 00:59:17,693
Come with me.
l've got a surprise for you.
1047
00:59:18,468 --> 00:59:20,436
Carl, here she is.
1048
00:59:22,939 --> 00:59:26,739
Stacy, Kippie liked your idea too.
1049
00:59:28,545 --> 00:59:31,912
For the tri-state cook-off!
So if you could ask--
1050
00:59:32,082 --> 00:59:33,379
-What's her name?
-Joyce.
1051
00:59:33,550 --> 00:59:35,848
-lf we could have it at the--
-Kaleidoscope Kitchen.
1052
00:59:36,019 --> 00:59:38,214
Oh, love the K's.
And Kippie loves cook-offs...
1053
00:59:38,388 --> 00:59:41,323
...so you get those pre-interviews in.
Barb, you co-pilot.
1054
00:59:41,491 --> 00:59:42,958
-Katie.
-Carl.
1055
00:59:44,361 --> 00:59:47,762
-Was he saying--? Are you saying--?
-Congratulations.
1056
00:59:48,732 --> 00:59:50,723
My first show!
1057
00:59:50,901 --> 00:59:53,233
l mean, it's not a done deal
or anything, but--
1058
00:59:53,403 --> 00:59:56,167
At least l'll have something
legitimate to offer Joyce.
1059
00:59:56,339 --> 00:59:59,934
This is perfect. lt's perfect!
Thank you.
1060
01:00:02,078 --> 01:00:04,945
-l'm sorry.
-That's okay. lt's fine. l'm smiling.
1061
01:00:07,684 --> 01:00:11,245
Now Joyce could bake her cake,
and the audience could eat it too.
1062
01:00:11,588 --> 01:00:14,557
Get that out to table four.
Make sure they still have wine.
1063
01:00:15,859 --> 01:00:20,887
Which somehow made me feel a little
less like the lying scumbag that I was.
1064
01:00:21,064 --> 01:00:23,259
And voil�!
1065
01:00:25,468 --> 01:00:27,993
-And this is for dessert.
-What?
1066
01:00:28,672 --> 01:00:30,401
What did you do?
1067
01:00:33,443 --> 01:00:34,774
Joyce.
1068
01:00:35,345 --> 01:00:38,712
-Open it!
-''To Barb, l can't wait--
1069
01:00:38,882 --> 01:00:41,544
Love, Diane.''
l can't believe you!
1070
01:00:41,718 --> 01:00:44,687
The night manager got it for you.
lt's just a little thing.
1071
01:00:44,854 --> 01:00:46,219
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
1072
01:00:46,389 --> 01:00:48,857
-Table 2 4 left this for you.
-Thank you, Gordon.
1073
01:00:49,025 --> 01:00:52,586
-lt's Pat Burns.
-Head coach for the New Jersey Devils.
1074
01:00:52,762 --> 01:00:55,322
Right, l forgot.
You're the hockey gal.
1075
01:00:56,199 --> 01:00:58,360
Oh, my God.
1076
01:00:59,469 --> 01:01:03,098
Tickets for the playoffs?
You're beloved.
1077
01:01:03,306 --> 01:01:06,366
Come with me. They're for
tomorrow night. l mean, if you can.
1078
01:01:06,543 --> 01:01:09,603
These are tickets for the Stanley Cup.
You're a crazy girl.
1079
01:01:10,847 --> 01:01:14,374
Well, l don't know anyone else
who likes hockey.
1080
01:01:14,551 --> 01:01:17,213
Except my little brother,
and l'd rather go with you.
1081
01:01:18,521 --> 01:01:22,184
-And Derek will be there.
-l'm-- Who?
1082
01:01:22,592 --> 01:01:23,889
My ex.
1083
01:01:24,060 --> 01:01:26,358
l told you about him.
He works for the Devils.
1084
01:01:26,529 --> 01:01:29,692
We'll meet him after the game
for a drink. lt's a ritual.
1085
01:01:29,866 --> 01:01:31,663
Oh, really?
1086
01:01:34,037 --> 01:01:35,766
The beautiful people have arrived.
1087
01:01:35,939 --> 01:01:39,067
They come every
Wednesday night to be seen.
1088
01:01:41,678 --> 01:01:45,045
l better call the manager and make
sure the camera crew is cleared.
1089
01:01:45,215 --> 01:01:47,649
So we're on? Great.
Call me. You have my number?
1090
01:01:47,817 --> 01:01:49,307
-Yep.
-Okay, good.
1091
01:01:49,486 --> 01:01:52,080
Those are Manolos, you clumsy--
1092
01:01:52,722 --> 01:01:53,950
Joyce.
1093
01:01:54,124 --> 01:01:56,684
lf l were you,
l wouldn't finish that statement.
1094
01:01:58,428 --> 01:02:00,259
Stacy?
1095
01:02:01,031 --> 01:02:02,794
Lulu!
1096
01:02:03,233 --> 01:02:06,430
Get a shot of us.
She produces the Kippie Kann show.
1097
01:02:06,603 --> 01:02:09,572
-Why is she calling you Stacy, Barb?
-That's her name.
1098
01:02:09,739 --> 01:02:12,537
No, actually, my name is Barb.
1099
01:02:12,842 --> 01:02:15,572
The other woman
you met's name is Stacy.
1100
01:02:15,745 --> 01:02:17,042
-No?
-Yes.
1101
01:02:17,213 --> 01:02:19,010
-She was Barb.
-No.
1102
01:02:19,649 --> 01:02:21,207
No-- What?
1103
01:02:21,384 --> 01:02:25,320
-Enjoy your meal.
-Join us, Stacy-Barb?
1104
01:02:27,957 --> 01:02:29,822
Okay, Phillip.
Bring your camera.
1105
01:02:29,993 --> 01:02:32,257
How do you know her?
1106
01:02:33,696 --> 01:02:37,462
-We did a show last year on bulimia.
-Oh, why am l not surprised?
1107
01:02:37,634 --> 01:02:40,068
She does make you
wanna throw up. Or at least me.
1108
01:02:40,236 --> 01:02:43,103
-Sorry, l don't really like her, l guess.
-''l guess''?
1109
01:02:44,240 --> 01:02:49,507
She used to hang out with my brother,
and l sort of took her under my wing...
1110
01:02:49,679 --> 01:02:52,671
...until she took Derek
from under mine.
1111
01:02:52,849 --> 01:02:56,615
-He cheated on you with her?
-No, we had split up.
1112
01:02:56,786 --> 01:02:59,721
But one day we're talking
about getting married...
1113
01:02:59,889 --> 01:03:02,881
...and the next day
we're dating other people.
1114
01:03:03,059 --> 01:03:04,583
Taking space.
1115
01:03:04,761 --> 01:03:07,025
God, l hate that expression,
don't you?
1116
01:03:07,197 --> 01:03:08,630
Hate it. So then?
1117
01:03:08,798 --> 01:03:12,495
So then he starts talking to Lulu,
who totally knows the score.
1118
01:03:12,669 --> 01:03:16,002
And then she advises me
to see other people.
1119
01:03:16,172 --> 01:03:19,039
-Hideous.
-And she meant nothing to him.
1120
01:03:19,209 --> 01:03:22,372
She was a fling. l mean,
he wanted us to get back together.
1121
01:03:22,545 --> 01:03:26,481
But, in a way,
we're just closer being friends.
1122
01:03:26,649 --> 01:03:28,674
You are? Good. You are.
1123
01:03:28,852 --> 01:03:32,948
We are, and if not,
there's always the boomerangs.
1124
01:03:33,389 --> 01:03:35,550
-The boomerangs.
-Yeah. You know the kind.
1125
01:03:35,725 --> 01:03:38,319
You throw them out there
into the world....
1126
01:03:38,495 --> 01:03:40,963
-And they always come back to you.
-Yeah, that's right.
1127
01:03:41,131 --> 01:03:46,000
He bought us each one, and we
promised never to throw them away.
1128
01:03:46,169 --> 01:03:52,108
So no matter what happened,
if we needed to, or wanted to...
1129
01:03:52,442 --> 01:03:56,469
-...then we could still end up....
-Together.
1130
01:03:59,716 --> 01:04:02,412
Anyway, whatever.
1131
01:04:02,919 --> 01:04:05,080
Why were we talking about this?
1132
01:04:05,588 --> 01:04:08,455
You know, he probably
wouldn't even remember the story...
1133
01:04:08,625 --> 01:04:12,254
...never mind the boomerangs, and
then there's me, the romantic sap...
1134
01:04:12,428 --> 01:04:16,831
...who still has hers
framed in the bedroom.
1135
01:04:19,502 --> 01:04:20,730
How stupid is that?
1136
01:04:22,472 --> 01:04:24,064
Not stupid.
1137
01:04:24,240 --> 01:04:26,105
lt's just a waste of energy.
1138
01:04:26,276 --> 01:04:29,370
There's so many other
interesting guys out there for you.
1139
01:04:29,546 --> 01:04:33,004
Joyce, you're gonna meet
the right person. Watch.
1140
01:04:33,183 --> 01:04:35,708
Or l could end up with Derek.
1141
01:04:37,353 --> 01:04:39,150
Wouldn't that be funny?
1142
01:04:39,856 --> 01:04:42,825
Right now l'm not rushing
into anything or anyone.
1143
01:04:42,992 --> 01:04:46,291
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice....
1144
01:04:46,462 --> 01:04:48,589
-Shame on me.
-Exactly.
1145
01:04:48,765 --> 01:04:52,201
Something about the way she
believed she might get him back...
1146
01:04:52,535 --> 01:04:54,332
...made me believe it too.
1147
01:05:45,221 --> 01:05:46,779
Thanks, pal.
1148
01:06:24,327 --> 01:06:25,555
Hey!
1149
01:06:26,362 --> 01:06:27,590
l'm home!
1150
01:06:27,764 --> 01:06:29,493
Hey, Bob. How you doing?
1151
01:06:29,666 --> 01:06:32,533
Come here, buddy. Come here.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
1152
01:06:32,702 --> 01:06:35,728
-Hey.
-Hey. l heard you from downstairs.
1153
01:06:35,905 --> 01:06:37,736
-You did?
-Yeah.
1154
01:06:37,907 --> 01:06:39,238
Yikes. Was l that loud?
1155
01:06:39,409 --> 01:06:42,606
No, you sounded great.
Kind of sad, though. Everything okay?
1156
01:06:42,779 --> 01:06:46,875
Yeah. You know,
work issues, but l'm fine.
1157
01:06:47,784 --> 01:06:50,753
-You're home early.
-You say that like that's a bad thing.
1158
01:06:50,920 --> 01:06:52,615
No! No, no, no.
1159
01:06:53,156 --> 01:06:55,147
l just didn't expect you, that's all.
1160
01:07:02,065 --> 01:07:04,295
What happened to the other guy?
1161
01:07:04,467 --> 01:07:05,798
A mouse.
1162
01:07:07,236 --> 01:07:08,999
-A mouse did this?
-Yeah.
1163
01:07:11,541 --> 01:07:16,979
There was a mouse, and,
you know, Bob freaked...
1164
01:07:17,280 --> 01:07:19,339
-...and forget about it.
-A mouse scared Bob?
1165
01:07:19,515 --> 01:07:21,847
Went crazy. You wouldn't believe it.
1166
01:07:22,018 --> 01:07:24,885
He chased him onto
the answering machine...
1167
01:07:25,221 --> 01:07:29,658
...where the mouse just, like,
taunted and taunted Bob.
1168
01:07:29,826 --> 01:07:33,023
So l ran and l got your stick,
your hockey stick...
1169
01:07:33,196 --> 01:07:34,686
...and l just smashed it.
1170
01:07:35,198 --> 01:07:36,825
-You smashed a mouse?
-Yeah.
1171
01:07:38,201 --> 01:07:40,692
No, like l would smash a mouse.
1172
01:07:41,204 --> 01:07:43,695
He got away, but l scared him good.
1173
01:07:43,873 --> 01:07:45,602
l don't think
he'll be coming back.
1174
01:07:45,775 --> 01:07:49,575
-He carry my box down too?
-That's very funny.
1175
01:07:50,279 --> 01:07:52,076
No, l did.
1176
01:07:52,582 --> 01:07:54,516
l was looking for another phone.
1177
01:07:54,717 --> 01:07:58,414
Which you found, in a closed
box marked ''personal stuff.''
1178
01:07:58,921 --> 01:08:02,857
No offense, Derek, but you're
not exactly Mr. Organized.
1179
01:08:03,226 --> 01:08:04,955
-You're a mess.
-All right, all right.
1180
01:08:05,128 --> 01:08:07,722
Don't go criticizing homie.
Homie just got home.
1181
01:08:07,897 --> 01:08:10,365
-Yo, l was defending your dog, yo.
-Thank you.
1182
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:12,763
Who gets very sad when you're away.
1183
01:08:13,536 --> 01:08:14,867
Very needy.
1184
01:08:15,037 --> 01:08:16,902
-Oh, yeah?
-He missed you.
1185
01:08:17,206 --> 01:08:20,300
-He the only one?
-No, Joyce missed you too.
1186
01:08:24,914 --> 01:08:26,973
So you wanna know
why l'm home early?
1187
01:08:27,150 --> 01:08:29,277
l'm seeing Robbie Moore's
parents tomorrow.
1188
01:08:29,919 --> 01:08:32,353
-That means you're close.
-Bringing the contract.
1189
01:08:32,722 --> 01:08:35,452
-Wait, wait. Tomorrow's the playoffs.
-Yeah.
1190
01:08:35,725 --> 01:08:37,056
-You're not gonna go?
-No.
1191
01:08:37,427 --> 01:08:40,396
lf l don't close this kid tomorrow,
Terry's gonna sign him.
1192
01:08:40,563 --> 01:08:42,588
l can't miss the opportunity.
1193
01:08:42,899 --> 01:08:45,595
You know what?
l'm doing this for both of us.
1194
01:08:47,637 --> 01:08:49,332
l'm sorry, Bob. All of us.
1195
01:08:51,007 --> 01:08:53,475
I felt like a lying sack of fertilizer.
1196
01:08:54,110 --> 01:08:56,943
Knowing what I knew
and not knowing what I didn't...
1197
01:08:57,113 --> 01:09:00,640
...and knowing more than anything
that I had to know more.
1198
01:09:01,918 --> 01:09:02,151
She called all the time,
begging him, pleading, pathetic.
1199
01:09:02,151 --> 01:09:06,087
She called all the time,
begging him, pleading, pathetic.
1200
01:09:06,322 --> 01:09:10,759
He played me the messages
on the machine. They were hysterical.
1201
01:09:10,927 --> 01:09:12,827
She was desperate.
1202
01:09:13,095 --> 01:09:14,995
One angry chef, coming up.
1203
01:09:15,164 --> 01:09:16,495
l can't show her that.
1204
01:09:17,633 --> 01:09:20,329
l'd be purposely hurting a friend.
1205
01:09:20,503 --> 01:09:23,904
Knowledge is a terrible
and a marvelous thing.
1206
01:09:24,073 --> 01:09:26,507
lt just depends on your perspective.
1207
01:09:26,676 --> 01:09:27,938
Think of it this way.
1208
01:09:28,277 --> 01:09:30,973
lf she knew who you really were,
she'd hate you.
1209
01:09:31,180 --> 01:09:32,442
Can you blame her?
1210
01:09:33,983 --> 01:09:35,712
And, Stace?
1211
01:09:36,986 --> 01:09:38,317
She's not your friend.
1212
01:09:49,899 --> 01:09:52,163
Have fun at the game.
1213
01:10:06,315 --> 01:10:10,308
Hi, l'm sorry l'm late. l was in
the middle of a crisis with Derek.
1214
01:10:10,486 --> 01:10:11,748
l'm helping him with something.
1215
01:10:11,954 --> 01:10:15,014
Doesn't he have someone
else to help, like a girlfriend?
1216
01:10:15,191 --> 01:10:17,421
Probably a bunch. But....
1217
01:10:19,362 --> 01:10:24,163
We agreed not to discuss anyone
we date, unless one of us was serious.
1218
01:10:24,667 --> 01:10:26,794
Then we have to,
but he's not, and l'm not.
1219
01:10:26,969 --> 01:10:32,464
So why torture each other? You know,
it's just too painful for both of us.
1220
01:10:33,009 --> 01:10:34,340
Sorry, that's my cell.
1221
01:10:35,878 --> 01:10:39,245
Hello? Hey, l was just
talking about you.
1222
01:10:39,448 --> 01:10:40,437
Derek.
1223
01:10:42,184 --> 01:10:43,515
So, what happened?
1224
01:10:43,686 --> 01:10:46,018
You might think it odd
that I didn't strangle her...
1225
01:10:46,188 --> 01:10:48,486
...as I watched her flirt
and coo with my man.
1226
01:10:49,058 --> 01:10:51,049
But I didn't.
1227
01:10:51,894 --> 01:10:55,352
I was strangely drawn
to their banter.
1228
01:10:55,531 --> 01:10:57,465
Curious about this part of his life...
1229
01:10:57,633 --> 01:11:00,761
...that I had been completely
dumb to just a few days earlier.
1230
01:11:01,070 --> 01:11:02,697
They had a past.
1231
01:11:03,940 --> 01:11:06,875
-They had a present separate from me.
-They scored. Listen.
1232
01:11:07,376 --> 01:11:08,707
Can you hear?
1233
01:11:08,878 --> 01:11:13,941
She didn't know he had a girlfriend,
but she didn't want to.
1234
01:11:15,017 --> 01:11:17,212
Suddenly, I knew what I had to do.
1235
01:11:18,454 --> 01:11:19,288
Finally I asked him to go back
to his old girlfriend.
1236
01:11:19,288 --> 01:11:21,586
Finally I asked him to go back
to his old girlfriend.
1237
01:11:22,091 --> 01:11:24,651
She called all the time,
begging him, pleading.
1238
01:11:25,728 --> 01:11:28,424
-She was desperate.
-Joyce?
1239
01:11:29,065 --> 01:11:31,693
-How'd you know her name?
-You mentioned it.
1240
01:11:31,867 --> 01:11:33,266
-You did.
-She did.
1241
01:11:33,436 --> 01:11:34,664
I did?
1242
01:11:35,972 --> 01:11:38,566
Well, yes. Joyce.
1243
01:11:38,741 --> 01:11:42,302
He only went back to her out of pity.
1244
01:11:45,314 --> 01:11:46,679
Barb was right.
1245
01:11:46,849 --> 01:11:49,716
As soon as Joyce realized that
he'd lied to her about Lulu...
1246
01:11:49,885 --> 01:11:52,251
...she'd never forgive him.
1247
01:11:52,421 --> 01:11:55,322
Which was, after all,
what I'd wanted.
1248
01:11:56,158 --> 01:11:58,422
So why did I feel so bad?
1249
01:12:06,535 --> 01:12:10,665
-l shouldn't have shown you that.
-No, l appreciate it, really.
1250
01:12:10,840 --> 01:12:12,808
lt's just so bad, you know.
1251
01:12:12,975 --> 01:12:16,001
l probably did call him a few times
when he was with her.
1252
01:12:16,178 --> 01:12:20,877
But l was upset. l wouldn't characterize
it as being hysterical or pathetic.
1253
01:12:21,417 --> 01:12:23,612
But for her to know...
1254
01:12:23,786 --> 01:12:26,050
...that l called means that he told her.
1255
01:12:26,222 --> 01:12:30,215
Even if she didn't hear it,
she knew, and that's just so bad.
1256
01:12:33,596 --> 01:12:35,223
Joyce, l'm sorry.
1257
01:12:38,200 --> 01:12:39,497
l'm so sorry.
1258
01:12:41,437 --> 01:12:44,133
-He's in there.
-Where?
1259
01:12:45,341 --> 01:12:49,675
Right there, with the orange
sweater and the stupid haircut.
1260
01:12:51,681 --> 01:12:54,241
lt is stupid.
1261
01:12:56,052 --> 01:12:57,212
Yeah.
1262
01:12:57,386 --> 01:12:59,354
We stood there...
1263
01:12:59,522 --> 01:13:03,185
...both of us sadly in love
with the same man.
1264
01:13:03,492 --> 01:13:06,689
Both of us feeling let down by him.
1265
01:13:07,096 --> 01:13:08,324
Where are you going?
1266
01:13:08,497 --> 01:13:13,434
l'm going home. l'll see you tomorrow
for the pre-interview. Good night, Barb.
1267
01:13:13,636 --> 01:13:15,103
Wait, Joyce?
1268
01:13:15,337 --> 01:13:18,500
Wait. Please. Wait.
1269
01:13:20,276 --> 01:13:23,734
-That tape, the Lulu--
-You know what, it's not about the tape.
1270
01:13:24,113 --> 01:13:25,637
lt's just...
1271
01:13:25,815 --> 01:13:30,582
...talking to you and seeing Lulu. All
that stuff brought up bad memories.
1272
01:13:30,753 --> 01:13:32,744
And who am l trying to kid,
you know?
1273
01:13:32,922 --> 01:13:35,516
A clean break is easier.
You can reset it...
1274
01:13:35,691 --> 01:13:37,591
...and it heals, and you move on.
1275
01:13:37,760 --> 01:13:40,752
But if you leave things messy
or things don't get put right...
1276
01:13:40,930 --> 01:13:42,227
...then it just hurts.
1277
01:13:42,798 --> 01:13:44,925
Forever.
1278
01:13:53,209 --> 01:13:56,406
lt's really time for me
to move away from him.
1279
01:13:56,912 --> 01:13:58,539
From all this.
1280
01:14:01,550 --> 01:14:03,518
l don't even know who he is anymore.
1281
01:14:15,364 --> 01:14:18,492
I should have felt happier
at that moment.
1282
01:14:18,667 --> 01:14:19,998
I had won.
1283
01:14:20,903 --> 01:14:23,770
But the cost was high
and the victory hollow.
1284
01:14:24,240 --> 01:14:26,936
I had taken a good friend
from someone I loved.
1285
01:14:27,710 --> 01:14:29,871
And nothing about that felt right.
1286
01:14:42,091 --> 01:14:45,720
I needed a reality check.
I needed Mom.
1287
01:14:45,895 --> 01:14:50,559
But she was out.
So I settled for Carly.
1288
01:15:04,079 --> 01:15:06,343
The line between
right and wrong had blurred.
1289
01:15:07,149 --> 01:15:10,482
In my search for truth,
I had become the lie.
1290
01:15:12,087 --> 01:15:15,955
Perhaps some secrets
should remain secret.
1291
01:15:26,235 --> 01:15:30,069
Okay, you guys are not that bright.
Can l have an amen?
1292
01:15:36,445 --> 01:15:37,969
ls everything okay?
1293
01:15:45,454 --> 01:15:47,081
lt's great. Yeah.
1294
01:15:50,526 --> 01:15:54,223
-That makes one of us.
-What's the matter?
1295
01:15:54,830 --> 01:15:58,288
l'm not feeling so,
you know, good.
1296
01:16:00,135 --> 01:16:04,299
You can't go home.
l mean, l need you.
1297
01:16:04,974 --> 01:16:07,772
Today's my show.
l'm a nervous wreck. We're live.
1298
01:16:07,943 --> 01:16:11,470
Oh, my God. l totally forgot.
Of course l'll be here.
1299
01:16:12,715 --> 01:16:14,842
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
1300
01:16:15,017 --> 01:16:17,952
You are so beautiful,
like a real producer.
1301
01:16:18,120 --> 01:16:20,384
Hello. Headset.
1302
01:16:22,024 --> 01:16:24,720
And there was something
l needed to tell you. What was it?
1303
01:16:26,295 --> 01:16:28,889
-Oh, right. We're live.
-There she is.
1304
01:16:30,132 --> 01:16:31,997
-Yikes.
-Showtime.
1305
01:16:37,907 --> 01:16:39,340
Great to see you.
1306
01:16:42,478 --> 01:16:44,673
-Welcome to Kippie Kann Live.
-Watch this ladder.
1307
01:16:44,847 --> 01:16:46,144
l need a running order.
1308
01:16:48,517 --> 01:16:49,882
-Who's on first?
-You.
1309
01:16:50,052 --> 01:16:51,280
-What?
-lt's for you.
1310
01:16:51,453 --> 01:16:53,353
-What is?
-Everything.
1311
01:16:54,857 --> 01:16:56,882
Let's see who's at Kippie's door.
1312
01:16:57,259 --> 01:16:58,590
Just go with it.
1313
01:16:59,695 --> 01:17:02,459
Stacy, oh, come on out.
1314
01:17:16,712 --> 01:17:19,545
That's right, Stacy.
Make yourself comfortable.
1315
01:17:20,883 --> 01:17:23,044
You look a little confused.
1316
01:17:24,687 --> 01:17:29,215
-Know the name of today's show?
-''Plastic Surgery Nightmares''?
1317
01:17:31,460 --> 01:17:35,089
No. Actually it's called
''Little Black Book.''
1318
01:17:35,631 --> 01:17:38,122
Let's fill our audience in
on some recent history.
1319
01:17:38,300 --> 01:17:41,463
Stacy's a new member of our staff
who's been using resources here...
1320
01:17:41,637 --> 01:17:43,605
...to do her own personal research...
1321
01:17:43,772 --> 01:17:45,763
...on her boyfriend, Derek.
1322
01:17:47,142 --> 01:17:49,736
And three of his ex-girlfriends.
1323
01:17:50,746 --> 01:17:52,771
-Oh, no.
-Oh, no.
1324
01:17:53,248 --> 01:17:54,738
Oh, yes.
1325
01:17:54,950 --> 01:17:57,976
She went through his little
black electronic book...
1326
01:17:58,153 --> 01:18:00,781
-...found his ex-girlfriends...
-l don't believe this.
1327
01:18:00,956 --> 01:18:04,722
...and interviewed them under the
guise of being a guest on our show.
1328
01:18:04,893 --> 01:18:06,918
-That's my idea.
-Wow, man, too bad.
1329
01:18:07,096 --> 01:18:10,065
-Barb's upstairs, if you wanna kill her.
-And they will be.
1330
01:18:10,232 --> 01:18:12,564
But not for the reasons they thought.
1331
01:18:12,735 --> 01:18:16,728
Take, for example,
supermodel Lulu Fritz.
1332
01:18:24,146 --> 01:18:26,444
Welcome to Kippie Kann Live.
1333
01:18:26,615 --> 01:18:30,107
You used us. You took my idea,
and you set her up.
1334
01:18:31,520 --> 01:18:33,681
-How can you just stand there?
-Camera two.
1335
01:18:34,023 --> 01:18:35,923
-You stole my idea.
-lt's poetry.
1336
01:18:36,091 --> 01:18:38,252
-You stole it.
-l'll share credit. lra...
1337
01:18:38,794 --> 01:18:42,594
...there's a bigger thing happening.
Just watch. God, are you watching?
1338
01:18:43,165 --> 01:18:47,124
It was all superficial.
Completely about sex.
1339
01:18:48,003 --> 01:18:51,632
l'd have to say no.
That's not from my documentary.
1340
01:18:51,807 --> 01:18:54,139
That's right, Lulu. lt's all a ruse.
1341
01:18:54,676 --> 01:18:55,938
A flower?
1342
01:18:56,879 --> 01:19:01,111
-A ruse, a joke. This woman...
-How can you do this?
1343
01:19:01,283 --> 01:19:05,276
...Stacy Holt, a member of our staff,
got you here under false pretenses.
1344
01:19:05,854 --> 01:19:10,382
-Her name's Barbara.
-No, the woman producing is Barbara.
1345
01:19:10,659 --> 01:19:15,153
The woman beside you is the current
girlfriend of the man you once dated.
1346
01:19:15,464 --> 01:19:17,523
-Stephen?
-Derek.
1347
01:19:17,900 --> 01:19:18,067
Camera five. Doorbell.
1348
01:19:18,067 --> 01:19:19,898
Camera five. Doorbell.
1349
01:19:22,538 --> 01:19:25,905
Another woman scorned,
and she doesn't even know it yet.
1350
01:19:26,175 --> 01:19:28,006
Come in, Dr. Keyes.
1351
01:19:29,545 --> 01:19:32,673
Welcome to Kippie Kann Live.
1352
01:19:32,848 --> 01:19:35,578
Drama, pathos, life unfolding.
1353
01:19:36,418 --> 01:19:39,387
-lt's good.
-lt's Greek. Go to three, Phil.
1354
01:19:39,555 --> 01:19:42,353
-Camera three, go.
-Dr. Keyes, you're a gynecologist.
1355
01:19:43,025 --> 01:19:44,925
This woman posed as a patient...
1356
01:19:45,094 --> 01:19:49,793
...to obtain personal information on her
boyfriend, whom you once dated.
1357
01:19:49,965 --> 01:19:51,262
But l examined her.
1358
01:19:52,568 --> 01:19:56,026
-Well, that was all a setup.
-Even the warts?
1359
01:19:56,205 --> 01:20:00,266
No, it was a joke.
There were none, ever.
1360
01:20:02,678 --> 01:20:07,342
Ah, the apex. Joyce. She thinks she's
doing a pre-interview for a cook-off.
1361
01:20:07,549 --> 01:20:09,346
That's what you told her, right, Stace?
1362
01:20:10,219 --> 01:20:11,550
Come in, Joyce.
1363
01:20:13,922 --> 01:20:16,356
Welcome to Kippie Kann Live.
1364
01:20:16,592 --> 01:20:19,288
Here comes the tough part.
You can do it.
1365
01:20:19,728 --> 01:20:20,990
Welcome.
1366
01:20:22,564 --> 01:20:25,897
What's with the audience
and all these--?
1367
01:20:26,602 --> 01:20:29,127
-Lulu.
-Oh, that's right.
1368
01:20:29,304 --> 01:20:31,738
You two go way back.
But what about you two?
1369
01:20:32,207 --> 01:20:35,233
-Barb?
-No, actually, that's Stacy.
1370
01:20:35,577 --> 01:20:38,045
-Derek's current girlfriend.
-What?
1371
01:20:40,415 --> 01:20:41,643
No cook-off today.
1372
01:20:45,954 --> 01:20:50,414
You lied to me?
After everything l told you, you lied.
1373
01:20:51,894 --> 01:20:53,919
-Just like she did.
-Are you referring to me?
1374
01:20:54,096 --> 01:20:56,257
-Shut up.
-What did you say?
1375
01:20:56,431 --> 01:21:00,299
Ladies, please.
Let's fill the audience in, shall we?
1376
01:21:00,736 --> 01:21:04,399
We sent our own Kippie Kann crew
to the Kaleidoscope Kitchen...
1377
01:21:04,907 --> 01:21:07,137
...posing as a crew for 48 Hours.
1378
01:21:07,409 --> 01:21:11,106
-Then that was all a rose, too?
-Ruse, yeah. Roll it.
1379
01:21:13,015 --> 01:21:16,951
-Why is she calling you Stacy, Barb?
-Because that's her name.
1380
01:21:17,152 --> 01:21:19,484
No, actually, my name is Barb.
1381
01:21:19,821 --> 01:21:22,585
The other woman you
met's name was Stacy.
1382
01:21:22,758 --> 01:21:24,487
-No, she was Barb.
-No.
1383
01:21:25,160 --> 01:21:27,492
-What?
-Stimulating as ever.
1384
01:21:27,696 --> 01:21:31,257
I'd say it's nice to see you,
but then I'd be lying.
1385
01:21:32,301 --> 01:21:34,166
Enjoy your meal.
1386
01:21:34,603 --> 01:21:36,969
l got sick that night,
and not on purpose.
1387
01:21:37,139 --> 01:21:42,600
Stay put for more surprises
when ''Little Black Book'' continues.
1388
01:21:44,112 --> 01:21:47,377
Ladies, stay in your seat, okay.
We're still live.
1389
01:21:48,951 --> 01:21:51,784
-l'm sorry--
-Don't-- Don't say another word.
1390
01:21:52,221 --> 01:21:55,657
You wanted me to hate him?
Mission accomplished. l do.
1391
01:21:56,658 --> 01:22:01,755
But, as bad as he is,
he is still too good for you.
1392
01:22:02,664 --> 01:22:05,861
-lf you could have a seat--
-This is completely unacceptable.
1393
01:22:06,034 --> 01:22:08,468
l'll sue this entire show
for defamation of character.
1394
01:22:08,637 --> 01:22:11,333
This is America, and you
are welcome to sue anyone.
1395
01:22:11,573 --> 01:22:13,700
But that release
you signed is ironclad.
1396
01:22:13,875 --> 01:22:16,742
l was told we'd be discussing
sexually transmitted diseases.
1397
01:22:17,646 --> 01:22:22,083
Sexually transmitted diseases.
That's an idea.
1398
01:22:22,517 --> 01:22:24,747
-Ninety seconds to air.
-Ninety seconds.
1399
01:22:24,920 --> 01:22:27,889
-l love it live.
-You stoop to conquer.
1400
01:22:28,056 --> 01:22:31,025
Yeah. l stoop. We all do.
1401
01:22:31,226 --> 01:22:32,693
l mean, look at where we work.
1402
01:22:32,861 --> 01:22:35,523
We march thousands of Stacys
through here every year.
1403
01:22:36,031 --> 01:22:38,761
We uncover their secrets.
We spare no feelings.
1404
01:22:39,234 --> 01:22:42,897
But suddenly you get a conscience
because you know one personally.
1405
01:22:43,071 --> 01:22:45,005
-You're unethical.
-You're a hypocrite.
1406
01:22:45,274 --> 01:22:49,370
-l'm a hypocrite?
-This show is based on hypocrisy.
1407
01:22:49,544 --> 01:22:51,910
You wanna call me unethical? Okay.
1408
01:22:52,080 --> 01:22:55,880
But don't judge me and then worship
Kippie for doing the same thing.
1409
01:22:56,084 --> 01:22:58,348
We're all swimming
in the same cesspool.
1410
01:22:58,520 --> 01:23:01,614
We work in reality TV, lra.
This is reality.
1411
01:23:01,790 --> 01:23:03,553
Forty-five seconds to air, Phil.
1412
01:23:07,062 --> 01:23:09,155
-lra.
-Underneath your seats...
1413
01:23:09,331 --> 01:23:09,464
...there's a Kippie Kann Live hat
for each one of you. Kippie's a giver.
1414
01:23:09,464 --> 01:23:13,366
...there's a Kippie Kann Live hat
for each one of you. Kippie's a giver.
1415
01:23:13,535 --> 01:23:16,402
-l gotta get to the control room.
-Carl, you wanna handle this?
1416
01:23:16,571 --> 01:23:19,131
-Got it covered here. Thanks.
-You're all in on this?
1417
01:23:19,374 --> 01:23:22,605
-Everyone knew?
-There is no conspiracy here.
1418
01:23:22,778 --> 01:23:24,871
Just a good idea for sweeps.
1419
01:23:25,047 --> 01:23:28,039
-You can fight it. Seems pointless.
-Lame. Really stupid.
1420
01:23:28,216 --> 01:23:30,776
Or you could become a part
of something bigger.
1421
01:23:30,952 --> 01:23:34,046
Something completely different.
Now, of course l cannot--
1422
01:23:34,222 --> 01:23:36,452
But trust me, gonna be big.
1423
01:23:36,625 --> 01:23:40,618
-Huge, it's giant.
-l'm talking about a real show here.
1424
01:23:40,796 --> 01:23:44,288
Changing formats. Breaking
the fourth wall, and the fifth.
1425
01:23:44,566 --> 01:23:47,000
Kamikaze television
without restriction...
1426
01:23:47,169 --> 01:23:49,160
...without hesitation, without Kippie.
1427
01:23:50,305 --> 01:23:53,832
lt's a pretty exciting time
to be on the ground floor.
1428
01:23:54,309 --> 01:23:57,938
Thanks, Carl. But being that low
doesn't interest me.
1429
01:23:59,114 --> 01:24:03,278
Don't fool yourself. What you did was
lower than anything l've ever done.
1430
01:24:04,119 --> 01:24:07,179
By the way, if you leave now,
l will sue you for fraud.
1431
01:24:08,290 --> 01:24:09,655
Oh, come on.
1432
01:24:10,325 --> 01:24:13,522
lt's your 1 5 minutes. lt's not so bad.
1433
01:24:13,695 --> 01:24:15,856
-lt's my life.
-lt'll be over soon.
1434
01:24:17,499 --> 01:24:18,796
l meant the show.
1435
01:24:19,668 --> 01:24:22,967
Five, four, three, two....
1436
01:24:25,474 --> 01:24:28,443
Welcome back to Kippie Kann Live.
1437
01:24:28,810 --> 01:24:30,471
And ''Little Black Book.''
1438
01:24:30,812 --> 01:24:34,179
l think it's time to bring out the man
of the hour. What do you say?
1439
01:24:36,184 --> 01:24:37,776
Are you ready for Derek?
1440
01:24:38,387 --> 01:24:40,617
Derek! Derek!
1441
01:24:40,789 --> 01:24:43,019
Roll scream, roll doorbell.
1442
01:24:45,327 --> 01:24:48,490
Derek, come on out.
1443
01:24:50,065 --> 01:24:51,327
What the--?
1444
01:24:53,135 --> 01:24:57,299
Derek thought he was coming to
a surprise promotion party for Stacy.
1445
01:24:57,939 --> 01:24:59,270
You're in for it now!
1446
01:24:59,708 --> 01:25:02,302
Lulu? Rach-- Joyce.
1447
01:25:03,378 --> 01:25:05,642
What the hell's going on?
What are you doing here?
1448
01:25:05,814 --> 01:25:10,444
-You can do it.
-You wanna tell him, Stace, or shall l?
1449
01:25:10,619 --> 01:25:12,246
Yes.
1450
01:25:16,191 --> 01:25:18,853
l wanna tell him. l'll do it.
1451
01:25:20,429 --> 01:25:21,657
God.
1452
01:25:22,898 --> 01:25:24,126
What's going on?
1453
01:25:26,368 --> 01:25:28,495
-Tell him!
-They're all here because of me.
1454
01:25:29,704 --> 01:25:31,695
They're all here because of me.
1455
01:25:33,074 --> 01:25:36,373
See, after l heard
about you and Lulu...
1456
01:25:38,013 --> 01:25:39,844
-...l interviewed her.
-You did what?
1457
01:25:40,015 --> 01:25:43,576
You know, look under the hood first,
she's Lulu Fritz.
1458
01:25:44,186 --> 01:25:45,517
Thank you.
1459
01:25:47,622 --> 01:25:50,853
-We got around to the sex question--
-Wait a minute. You're not serious.
1460
01:25:51,026 --> 01:25:54,018
She said that you guys did it,
like, two, three times a day.
1461
01:25:55,630 --> 01:25:58,292
lt's funny. l mean,
why would she lie like that?
1462
01:25:59,267 --> 01:26:02,065
-What are you doing?
-Purging. You can go next.
1463
01:26:02,704 --> 01:26:06,333
Then l went to Rachel. l wanted
to go straight to Joyce, but l couldn't.
1464
01:26:06,508 --> 01:26:09,306
Not right away, so l made up
this story about warts...
1465
01:26:09,878 --> 01:26:12,574
...and went to Rachel,
who l thought was a podiatrist...
1466
01:26:12,747 --> 01:26:14,908
...but it turns out, joke's on me.
1467
01:26:15,917 --> 01:26:18,909
You can shut the cameras off,
because it's never gonna air.
1468
01:26:19,221 --> 01:26:21,951
We're live in 70 markets.
1469
01:26:23,658 --> 01:26:24,493
Hi, Mom.
1470
01:26:24,493 --> 01:26:25,391
Hi, Mom.
1471
01:26:25,994 --> 01:26:27,985
Then Barb and l
browsed through your Palm.
1472
01:26:28,163 --> 01:26:30,757
-Barb who?
-Barbara Campbell-hyphen-Dunn.
1473
01:26:31,933 --> 01:26:33,924
Who sold me out for this show.
1474
01:26:34,803 --> 01:26:36,771
Just like Carl's selling Kippie out.
1475
01:26:37,305 --> 01:26:39,296
At least, isn't that what you told me?
1476
01:26:39,474 --> 01:26:43,410
Yes, yes, that's it. Turn the tables
on us all. That's real. lt's honest.
1477
01:26:43,578 --> 01:26:45,273
Phillip, get Carl.
1478
01:26:46,681 --> 01:26:48,171
Jay, give me a shot to Carl.
1479
01:26:48,450 --> 01:26:51,510
-What are you doing?
-Regurgitating.
1480
01:26:51,686 --> 01:26:53,551
Something sexy just for you, Carl.
1481
01:26:53,722 --> 01:26:56,418
-Who's Carl?
-Stage left, crooked toupee.
1482
01:26:57,025 --> 01:27:00,017
-Philip, on four.
-Camera four, go.
1483
01:27:01,630 --> 01:27:03,962
Get that camera off of me. Phil?
1484
01:27:05,300 --> 01:27:08,326
-Can't do this to him.
-You hold that shot. Split the screen.
1485
01:27:10,272 --> 01:27:12,638
Did you know that Carl
comes in really close...
1486
01:27:12,807 --> 01:27:16,436
...so that America can see that tape
you wear on your face right there?
1487
01:27:16,645 --> 01:27:18,670
Then he edits it out
of the copy he gives you.
1488
01:27:18,847 --> 01:27:20,838
-Back to Carl now.
-And those tabloid leaks.
1489
01:27:21,182 --> 01:27:23,173
Nice, really nice.
1490
01:27:23,485 --> 01:27:24,816
You're burying Carl.
1491
01:27:26,454 --> 01:27:30,447
l'm burying him, her, you, me.
1492
01:27:30,992 --> 01:27:32,357
We're all going down.
1493
01:27:33,728 --> 01:27:35,320
Go to commercial.
1494
01:27:35,630 --> 01:27:40,158
No commercial. l'm still
running things. Stay with me, Phil.
1495
01:27:41,736 --> 01:27:43,499
Not you. You'll get promoted.
1496
01:27:45,006 --> 01:27:48,305
l'm out of here. l can't top this.
1497
01:27:48,543 --> 01:27:51,910
Anyway, Barb and l were playing
with your Palm, and we stumbled...
1498
01:27:52,080 --> 01:27:54,412
...across a lovely montage
of Joyce...
1499
01:27:55,016 --> 01:27:57,917
...and your folks on holiday.
1500
01:27:58,687 --> 01:28:01,850
Which is really odd, because
you never bring girls home.
1501
01:28:02,023 --> 01:28:04,014
-l don't.
-You brought her.
1502
01:28:05,560 --> 01:28:06,788
She's different.
1503
01:28:09,731 --> 01:28:11,028
Why?
1504
01:28:13,268 --> 01:28:15,532
-Yeah, why?
-Tell us!
1505
01:28:17,238 --> 01:28:19,035
You know what? l'm not doing this.
1506
01:28:20,275 --> 01:28:22,573
-Why?
-You wanna get out of my way?
1507
01:28:22,744 --> 01:28:24,678
ls she better for you?
1508
01:28:32,287 --> 01:28:33,618
l guess so.
1509
01:28:35,557 --> 01:28:38,583
Maybe l always knew it.
1510
01:28:39,194 --> 01:28:41,754
Maybe that's why l had to meet her...
1511
01:28:42,097 --> 01:28:45,066
...and when l did, l understood,
because l liked her too.
1512
01:28:45,500 --> 01:28:48,560
l liked you so much.
l want you to know that.
1513
01:28:48,737 --> 01:28:51,399
Not in a weird kind of way,
but in a way that l thought...
1514
01:28:51,573 --> 01:28:54,565
...maybe in some alternate
universe we could be friends.
1515
01:28:54,776 --> 01:28:58,041
Yesterday, you told me you were
schmoozing up some new recruit...
1516
01:28:58,213 --> 01:28:59,840
...and you're schmoozing Joyce?
1517
01:29:00,115 --> 01:29:02,845
No, Joyce's brother.
1518
01:29:03,018 --> 01:29:05,316
Robbie Moore,
the recruit, is Joyce's brother.
1519
01:29:05,887 --> 01:29:08,412
Joyce hooked us up
because she's trying to help me out.
1520
01:29:08,723 --> 01:29:11,419
Then why wouldn't you have
told me that straight up?
1521
01:29:11,593 --> 01:29:14,084
-l mean, why lie?
-l never lied to you!
1522
01:29:17,298 --> 01:29:19,789
-''Omission is betrayal.''
-Yes.
1523
01:29:20,101 --> 01:29:22,661
Oh, okay. Now you're gonna
tell me about betrayal?
1524
01:29:22,837 --> 01:29:24,429
What the hell do you call this?
1525
01:29:25,073 --> 01:29:27,303
l would never do this to you, ever.
1526
01:29:27,475 --> 01:29:28,840
No?
1527
01:29:30,979 --> 01:29:33,072
Then answer me this.
1528
01:29:35,283 --> 01:29:38,377
lf we shared our lives together...
1529
01:29:39,487 --> 01:29:42,012
...why didn't we share our lives?
1530
01:29:43,324 --> 01:29:46,020
You shouldn't have
to tell me everything, Derek.
1531
01:29:46,194 --> 01:29:48,822
But why wouldn't you want to?
1532
01:29:49,698 --> 01:29:52,861
Unless there's somebody else
you're waiting for.
1533
01:29:53,034 --> 01:29:56,663
Someone who isn't afraid to say,
''The past isn't past, Derek.''
1534
01:29:56,971 --> 01:29:58,962
Or, ''l really wanna meet your folks.''
1535
01:29:59,140 --> 01:30:03,338
Or, ''l really, really hate hockey.''
1536
01:30:04,612 --> 01:30:07,979
-You do?
-Oh, to the bottom of the ninth.
1537
01:30:10,118 --> 01:30:13,110
-That's baseball.
-You see that?
1538
01:30:13,922 --> 01:30:18,621
l was just too afraid to be honest
with you, with myself, because....
1539
01:30:23,631 --> 01:30:25,531
lf l was really honest...
1540
01:30:26,801 --> 01:30:29,167
...gut-wrenching honest...
1541
01:30:30,839 --> 01:30:33,706
...then l'd have to admit...
1542
01:30:36,077 --> 01:30:41,071
...that we weren't right
the way you guys are.
1543
01:30:41,649 --> 01:30:43,082
Were we?
1544
01:30:56,231 --> 01:30:57,562
There's your show, Kippie.
1545
01:30:58,900 --> 01:31:01,061
''My Boyfriend Belongs With His Ex...
1546
01:31:01,903 --> 01:31:04,371
...and l Just Figured lt Out.''
1547
01:31:08,710 --> 01:31:10,837
Sue me, Carl.
1548
01:31:13,882 --> 01:31:16,248
Listen.
1549
01:31:16,417 --> 01:31:19,045
l'm fully aware that you
may never speak to me again.
1550
01:31:19,387 --> 01:31:21,287
And l understand. l do.
1551
01:31:21,723 --> 01:31:24,749
But before you leave, l want you
to know that this whole idea...
1552
01:31:24,926 --> 01:31:27,224
...wasn't planned out.
lt wasn't premeditated.
1553
01:31:28,129 --> 01:31:32,031
lt presented itself,
and then l guided it into this...
1554
01:31:33,067 --> 01:31:36,696
...event. Now, granted,
it was dramatic. lt was extreme...
1555
01:31:37,906 --> 01:31:42,002
...but you dove head-on
into the muck and came out...
1556
01:31:42,177 --> 01:31:44,771
...with this masterpiece.
1557
01:31:45,747 --> 01:31:48,978
And l hope one day
you can understand...
1558
01:31:50,752 --> 01:31:53,550
...that you got
what you wanted, Stace:
1559
01:31:54,122 --> 01:31:55,350
Your life back.
1560
01:31:58,059 --> 01:32:01,392
l should tear your
eyes out right now.
1561
01:32:02,864 --> 01:32:07,528
But how will you ever be able
to look at yourself in the morning?
1562
01:32:17,111 --> 01:32:19,079
Looks like we have an audience.
1563
01:32:22,951 --> 01:32:26,352
Stay put. Kippie Kann Live and
''Little Black Book''...
1564
01:32:26,521 --> 01:32:29,456
...will be back
after these words.
1565
01:32:42,470 --> 01:32:43,869
Move it, will you?
1566
01:32:44,072 --> 01:32:48,566
The question: How does a girl
who jumps into a rabbit hole...
1567
01:32:48,743 --> 01:32:52,179
...plummeting into chaos,
come out unchanged?
1568
01:32:52,347 --> 01:32:53,939
The answer:
1569
01:32:54,549 --> 01:32:55,777
She doesn't.
1570
01:33:13,635 --> 01:33:17,366
No, it can't be closed now.
1571
01:33:21,776 --> 01:33:23,676
Stacy?
1572
01:33:24,312 --> 01:33:26,473
Stacy Holt. lt's Bean.
1573
01:33:27,181 --> 01:33:31,015
-King. Bean King from college.
-Bean.
1574
01:33:31,185 --> 01:33:33,176
Bean, what are you doing here?
1575
01:33:33,655 --> 01:33:35,816
lnventory. We just finished.
1576
01:33:36,658 --> 01:33:39,627
Bean There's yours?
The coffee place?
1577
01:33:40,428 --> 01:33:43,090
l come here all the time.
Of course it's yours.
1578
01:33:43,264 --> 01:33:47,997
Wow, this all makes sense
in some cosmic way.
1579
01:33:49,804 --> 01:33:52,170
l get it. l get it.
1580
01:33:54,108 --> 01:33:57,737
This must sound crazy to you.
1581
01:33:58,546 --> 01:34:00,207
lt's just--
1582
01:34:02,150 --> 01:34:06,018
l have spent a lifetime
preparing for a lifetime.
1583
01:34:06,187 --> 01:34:09,714
And l was beginning to think
it all went wrong somehow.
1584
01:34:10,992 --> 01:34:15,019
But maybe you're the reason, Bean.
1585
01:34:15,196 --> 01:34:17,494
-For?
-Everything.
1586
01:34:17,665 --> 01:34:21,692
Maybe you're the plan
l was supposed to hang on to.
1587
01:34:22,570 --> 01:34:24,128
Bean?
1588
01:34:24,305 --> 01:34:26,796
The 8:00 was sold out.
Should l try the 1 0:20?
1589
01:34:27,842 --> 01:34:30,242
Yeah, sure, honey. l'll be right there.
1590
01:34:32,580 --> 01:34:36,016
That's my wife, Colleen.
1591
01:34:36,184 --> 01:34:38,618
You should come meet her.
1592
01:34:38,786 --> 01:34:42,552
Love to, but l just gotta
go jump in the river now.
1593
01:34:43,358 --> 01:34:45,189
Hey, come on, now.
1594
01:34:48,162 --> 01:34:53,930
Every plan l had for my life
went so unbelievably wrong.
1595
01:34:55,370 --> 01:34:58,828
John Lennon said, ''Life happens
when you're busy making other plans.''
1596
01:34:59,007 --> 01:35:01,498
-Then he got shot.
-Right.
1597
01:35:01,676 --> 01:35:04,440
You just gotta live.
Stop planning your moves.
1598
01:35:04,612 --> 01:35:06,910
Let them happen.
l mean, you might be surprised.
1599
01:35:09,617 --> 01:35:11,608
Do you believe in
happy endings, Bean?
1600
01:35:14,589 --> 01:35:16,887
Yeah, l think so.
1601
01:35:17,759 --> 01:35:18,987
How about you?
1602
01:35:19,961 --> 01:35:21,360
l do.
1603
01:35:22,397 --> 01:35:24,058
lsn't that funny?
1604
01:35:24,465 --> 01:35:27,525
l still do with all my heart.
1605
01:35:28,403 --> 01:35:31,304
Even when the girl
doesn't get the guy in the end.
1606
01:35:31,472 --> 01:35:36,034
Or, in my case, both guys.
1607
01:35:38,746 --> 01:35:43,046
-That's amazing. Congratulations.
-Thanks.
1608
01:35:45,386 --> 01:35:47,718
You go find your
happy ending, Stacy Holt.
1609
01:35:50,792 --> 01:35:54,387
And thanks
for the continuing patronage.
1610
01:36:09,110 --> 01:36:12,238
By fall, I was ready to try again.
1611
01:36:12,413 --> 01:36:14,938
A little bruised. A little humbled.
1612
01:36:15,116 --> 01:36:17,107
And, hopefully, a little smarter.
1613
01:36:19,687 --> 01:36:21,655
I believe we write our own stories.
1614
01:36:22,123 --> 01:36:25,684
And each time we think
we know the end...
1615
01:36:25,927 --> 01:36:27,918
...we don't.
1616
01:36:28,096 --> 01:36:30,621
Perhaps luck exists
somewhere between...
1617
01:36:30,798 --> 01:36:33,665
...the world of planning,
the world of chance...
1618
01:36:33,835 --> 01:36:36,269
...and in the peace that comes
from knowing...
1619
01:36:36,437 --> 01:36:39,804
...that you just can't know it all.
1620
01:36:40,441 --> 01:36:42,636
You know, life's funny that way.
1621
01:36:43,010 --> 01:36:46,673
Once you let go of the wheel,
you might end up...
1622
01:36:47,782 --> 01:36:49,477
...right where you belong.
1623
01:36:52,520 --> 01:36:55,785
Wow, that is such an amazing story.
1624
01:36:56,224 --> 01:37:00,524
l mean, you went through
all of that, and here you are.
1625
01:37:01,496 --> 01:37:03,464
l can do this job, Jane.
1626
01:37:04,198 --> 01:37:06,393
l've been preparing my whole life.
1627
01:37:07,869 --> 01:37:09,200
lt's too bad Diane's gone.
1628
01:37:10,671 --> 01:37:12,263
She is?
1629
01:37:12,440 --> 01:37:14,874
On assignment.
She'll be back next week.
1630
01:37:17,011 --> 01:37:19,809
But before she left...
1631
01:37:19,981 --> 01:37:22,916
...she told me, ''lf you find
someone great for this job...
1632
01:37:23,084 --> 01:37:24,847
...l mean, perfect...
1633
01:37:25,653 --> 01:37:27,314
...don't let them go.''
1634
01:37:29,157 --> 01:37:30,647
Welcome aboard, Stacy.
1635
01:37:31,092 --> 01:37:33,219
You mean...
1636
01:37:33,394 --> 01:37:35,862
-...l got the job?
-You got the job.
1637
01:37:37,598 --> 01:37:39,361
Congratulations.
1638
01:37:39,767 --> 01:37:41,962
Stay here.
l'll go check Diane's calendar.
1639
01:37:42,136 --> 01:37:43,626
Thank you.
1640
01:38:03,224 --> 01:38:07,024
-Hello, Mama? l got the job.
-You got the job?
1641
01:38:07,395 --> 01:38:10,956
-You got the job! She got the job!
-l got the job! l got the job!
1642
01:38:11,432 --> 01:38:15,198
-She got the job!
-lt's amazing, amazing, amazing.
1643
01:38:15,369 --> 01:38:18,770
-l knew it.
-What could be better than this?
1644
01:38:18,940 --> 01:38:20,908
Mama, what could be better?
1645
01:38:21,909 --> 01:38:23,274
Are you Jane?
1646
01:38:24,779 --> 01:38:27,407
l'm Carly Simon.
l'm here for the pre-tape.
1647
01:38:30,585 --> 01:38:33,486
Jane, Jane, Jane.
1648
01:38:33,654 --> 01:38:36,817
-Are you okay? Are you okay?
-Hello? Stacy?
1649
01:38:37,325 --> 01:38:39,225
Honey? Honey, are you there?
1650
01:38:39,894 --> 01:38:43,887
Hello? Hi, l've just come into the
studio, and l think your friend fainted.
1651
01:38:44,065 --> 01:38:46,226
She fainted?
Oh, my God. Who is this?
1652
01:38:46,434 --> 01:38:51,303
My name is Carly Simon.
l'm just here to meet with Jane.
1653
01:38:51,505 --> 01:38:55,999
Oh, l think she's coming around
again, so l'll give her the phone.
1654
01:38:57,612 --> 01:38:59,671
Hello? Mama?
1655
01:39:01,515 --> 01:39:04,313
Gone. Are you really Carly Simon?
1656
01:39:04,685 --> 01:39:07,415
-Yeah, l just--
-l can't believe this.
1657
01:39:07,788 --> 01:39:09,813
-You just really made my life.
-Are you Jane?
1658
01:39:09,991 --> 01:39:12,118
-My name is Stacy Holt.
-Stacy.
1659
01:39:12,293 --> 01:39:15,456
l just got a job here.
Please don't tell Diane that l fainted.
1660
01:39:15,630 --> 01:39:17,495
-You really are Carly Simon.
-You're okay?
1661
01:39:17,665 --> 01:39:20,759
This is the most--
Yes, thank you. l'm so mortified.
1662
01:39:20,935 --> 01:39:22,766
l hug people when l'm embarrassed.
1663
01:39:23,004 --> 01:39:26,337
So do l. l do exactly the same thing.
1664
01:39:26,507 --> 01:39:29,135
l think this is just about
the greatest day of my life.
1665
01:39:29,310 --> 01:39:31,801
So thank you. Thank you so much.
1666
01:39:32,179 --> 01:39:34,272
l love you.
1667
01:39:35,272 --> 01:39:45,272
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