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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:20,895 It's a beautiful morning at Dunder Mifflin-- 2 00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:23,106 or as I like to call it... Great Bratton. 3 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,817 Keep it running. 4 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,111 Do I love being manager? 5 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:31,573 I love my kids. I love real estate. 6 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,658 I love ceramics. I love my job. 7 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,368 I-I love wrestling. 8 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,996 But being manager? 9 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,749 Ask me again in 20 years. 10 00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:43,335 For lunch I want an inside-out taco. 11 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:47,005 That's loose chicken meat with veggies 12 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,840 on the outside of a taco. 13 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,092 Need a way to hold it. 14 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:54,846 Uh, one, find an Emily Creptac. 15 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,848 She broke my heart 40 years ago. 16 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,018 Find out if she's gone... [blows out breath] 17 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,520 And if she has, I want pictures. 18 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,731 But not of her. 19 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:07,108 Find out what language this is. 20 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:10,820 [speaking in strange language] 21 00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:15,909 Okay. Team building. 22 00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:19,454 On this side of the room, Stanley, Phyllis, Jim, 23 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,414 Ted, Elroy. 24 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:25,460 And this side of the room, Pam, Meredith, Phyllis, Creed... 25 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:28,672 He never called a meeting. 26 00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:30,799 Bo... body. Bo... body. 27 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,677 What does the first "B" stand for? 28 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:35,136 What are we doing? 29 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:37,180 We're making acronyms. Okay! 30 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,723 What does the first "B" stand for? 31 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:39,808 Um... 32 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:40,892 business! 33 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,435 I like it! 34 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:43,603 Business. 35 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,105 Good, Kevin! 36 00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:46,940 All right, the "O"... 37 00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:49,818 We need a new manager. 38 00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:52,445 [cheerful music] 39 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:58,952 {\an8}♪ ♪ 40 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:26,479 {\an8}[soft guitar music] 41 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:30,316 {\an8}[indistinct chatter] 42 00:02:30,358 --> 00:02:32,235 {\an8}So after the navy, I thought, 43 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:33,862 {\an8}"Cool. Me and America are square. 44 00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:35,363 {\an8}"I've done my bit for the flag, 45 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,907 {\an8}and time for me to look out for myself." 46 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:39,576 {\an8}And I-I had a buddy in the paper biz, 47 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:40,660 {\an8}so I just dove right in. 48 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,287 {\an8}How was your experience in the navy? 49 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:45,206 {\an8}It was nuts. I was in Hong Kong three times. 50 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,542 {\an8}Still-still have pretty crazy flashbacks from that. 51 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,836 {\an8}Oh, really? What kind of things did you do? 52 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,379 {\an8}Meteorologist. 53 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,797 {\an8}What, do you mean, like, weather surveillance, or...? 54 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,424 {\an8}Predictor. 55 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,092 {\an8}Constantly had to predict the weather, which is-- 56 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,595 {\an8}I-I'm not a god, I'm just a guy in a shack 57 00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:00,055 {\an8}with a pair of binoculars. 58 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:01,681 {\an8}What do you think about this weather we're having now? 59 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,308 {\an8}Don't even talk to me about the weather, man. 60 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,518 {\an8}Just all comes back to me, you know? 61 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:06,811 {\an8}There was this one night 62 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,480 {\an8}I predicted it was gonna be warm. 63 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:13,151 {\an8}I sent 200 men out without their jackets. 64 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,820 {\an8}It was 60 degrees that night. 65 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,572 {\an8}52 with windchill. 66 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,241 {\an8}You can't imagine their faces 67 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,285 {\an8}shivering through that Carrie Underwood concert. 68 00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:26,456 {\an8}Uh, your paper experience is very interesting, 69 00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,541 {\an8}and although it's mostly in manufacturing, 70 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,585 {\an8}do you think you could use that experience 71 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,753 {\an8}to inform decisions here? 72 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:34,381 {\an8}Absolutely, I--yes. 73 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,508 {\an8}In fact, I actually have a three-step plan 74 00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:39,010 {\an8}that I believe could effectively double your profits. 75 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,470 {\an8}- Really? - Yeah. 76 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,683 {\an8}What is it? 77 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:45,684 {\an8}[chuckles] 78 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,227 {\an8}Nice try. 79 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,397 {\an8}Uh... I'm sorry. 80 00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:52,399 {\an8}W-what is your three-step plan? 81 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,360 {\an8}Well, I mean, I can't just hand you my plan. 82 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:56,736 {\an8}I mean, if you guys give me the job, 83 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,988 {\an8}then--then you'll get the plan. 84 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,615 {\an8}Well... it's an interview, 85 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,242 {\an8}and we don't know that you really have the plan. 86 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,035 {\an8}I'm not gonna just make up that I have a plan. 87 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,121 {\an8}I got a plan. Believe me, you guys want it. 88 00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:07,372 {\an8}You're in paper, right? 89 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,082 {\an8}How do we know that if you don't... 90 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,875 {\an8}You could just be saying it to get the job. 91 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,086 {\an8}I guess I could be if I was... 92 00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:14,629 {\an8}who would do that? 93 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,047 {\an8}How about this. 94 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,257 {\an8}Why don't you give us a part of the plan, 95 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:18,758 {\an8}and that way we know you have it. 96 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,218 {\an8}Tell you what. 97 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,845 {\an8}I'll give you part three of part two. 98 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,722 {\an8}Not gonna give you a whole part. 99 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,515 {\an8}Okay. 100 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,685 {\an8}Color-code said documents. TM. 101 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,689 - Did you just trademark that? - W-what? 102 00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:35,316 That's a verbal trademark. That's an agreement. 103 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,193 We are the Search Committee... 104 00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:38,737 hand-picked by our CEO 105 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,448 and tasked to find this branch's new manager. 106 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,908 Not everyone we meet will be good, 107 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,077 but someone's bound to be, right? 108 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,412 And to be honest, 109 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,913 I think a lot of the decent candidates 110 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:49,914 are right here in house. 111 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,083 So I'm not too worried. 112 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,918 But I'm really excited to spend a lot of time 113 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,587 with Toby and Gabe. 114 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,631 [quietly] Did you know that Gabe's last name was Lewis? 115 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,508 I had no idea. 116 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:01,509 Good morning. 117 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,511 - Morning. - Good morning. 118 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,471 Good morning. 119 00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:07,349 Did you have a nice drive in? 120 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,934 I did. 121 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,686 I have a solid relationship with Jo, 122 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,104 the company's owner. 123 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,814 I have management experience. 124 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,608 I have a good friendship with Jim, 125 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,318 the head of the Search Committee. 126 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,781 And it doesn't hurt that I'm... 127 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,575 ♪ Black! ♪ 128 00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:29,079 We all know this is a popularity contest, 129 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,456 and Darryl's the coolest kid in school. 130 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,957 Used to be Jim. 131 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,752 Hasn't been Jim in a long time. 132 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,298 It's good. 133 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,676 It's just words, which will surprise people. 134 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,469 Yeah, it's based on a really successful 135 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,304 cigarette ad campaign from a while back. 136 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,472 - Those were good ads. - Yeah. 137 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,807 They got me smoking when I was eight. 138 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,558 I couldn't quit smoking until the government 139 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,561 put out better ads about not smoking. 140 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,730 I love smoking. 141 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,023 I really hope you get it. 142 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,943 The manager job? Naw, I'm barely interested. 143 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:01,236 I just can't not go for it, you know. 144 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:02,487 It's not the Bernard way. 145 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,406 We give it the old college try, 146 00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,324 and then in defeat, we show grace. 147 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,827 Still... I'd really like to see this office 148 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,745 with you in the boss's chair. 149 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:11,830 Don't even... 150 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,039 eeehhhh! 151 00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,833 - You in the boss's chair! - Ah! No. 152 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,252 In my family, you don't really go out and get things. 153 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,504 If you want something, you write it on a list 154 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,423 and then the housekeeper goes out and gets it 155 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,299 on Wednesdays and Fridays. 156 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,552 So... I don't know. 157 00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:28,179 I guess you could say this job is on my list and... 158 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,515 we'll see what Rosa comes back with. 159 00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:36,521 Did you hear anything? 160 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,773 Oh... I'm sure they'll let us know 161 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,316 when they get the results. 162 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,862 It turns out that Erin was born 163 00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:47,449 in the basic time and region that I gave away a child. 164 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,118 So Phyllis might be my mom. 165 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,871 I mean, the chances are tiny, but... 166 00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:55,206 Yeah. But probably not. 167 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,500 I mean, it was a big year for babies. 168 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,377 - Porky's had come out. - Yeah. 169 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,546 I'm sure I was just another Porky's baby. 170 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,798 - But why not find out? - Yeah. 171 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:07,594 [loud crunching] 172 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,848 Should you really be so blatant about that? 173 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,099 They won't make me manager, 174 00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,143 and I won't settle for anything less. 175 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,895 I've gone about as far as I can here. 176 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,438 That's obvious. 177 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,398 Time to take my talents elsewhere. 178 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,941 Are you really gonna apply for work 179 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,568 at Scranton Breadworks? 180 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,612 Bread is the paper of the food industry. 181 00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:29,115 You write your sandwich on it. 182 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,825 Can you do any better on salary? 183 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,161 Unfortunately, that range is set at corporate. 184 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,662 What about mileage when I use my car? 185 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,122 I mean, gas ain't cheap, you know. 186 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:39,167 [laughs] We think that 25¢ a mile is pretty generous. 187 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:42,170 How 'bout 27 and, uh... 188 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,630 when I make long-distance calls 189 00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,341 will they be monitored, or is it on the honor system? 190 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,301 Uh, we were thinking that maybe you'd wanna talk 191 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:49,928 a little bit about your vision for the branch. 192 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:52,639 You might wanna talk about the long-distance calling. 193 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,518 Okay. 194 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:57,519 [exhales] 195 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,607 How odd! [laughs] 196 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:05,777 A very unusual phone call from the senator's office. 197 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,113 The senator wants me to have lunch with him 198 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,864 at the Botanical Gardens. 199 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,116 The Botanical Gardens... 200 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,284 Scranton's hidden gem. 201 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:17,914 Don't eat any berries you don't recognize. 202 00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:22,043 How will your experience selling refinery equipment 203 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:24,254 translate to our smaller scale here? 204 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,797 You don't work in sales, do you? 205 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,632 Uh... human resources. 206 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:31,594 You see, I sit across from a man... 207 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:35,640 I see his face. I see his eyes. 208 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:40,395 Now, does it matter if he wants $100 of paper 209 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:43,356 or $100 million of deep-sea drilling equipment? 210 00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:44,733 Don't be a fool. 211 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,860 He wants respect. 212 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,820 He wants love. 213 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,906 He wants to be younger. He wants to be attractive. 214 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,242 There is no such thing 215 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,536 as a product. 216 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,997 Don't ever think there is. 217 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:02,000 There is only sex. 218 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,502 Everything is sex. 219 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,422 You understand that what I'm telling you 220 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,842 is a universal truth, Toby. 221 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,385 Yes. 222 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:14,179 Okay, I-I-- 223 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,555 I am... I'm almost a little concerned 224 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:18,850 that you might be overqualified for the position. 225 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:22,187 Do you, um... do you think that you are? 226 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,147 Gabriel--you are Gabriel, correct? 227 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,440 It's not Gabe? 228 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,693 You should change that. 229 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:33,073 Look at my eyes. Do I look like someone who-- 230 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:35,033 who'd waste my own time? 231 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,951 No. 232 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,373 Can y-- [clears throat] 233 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,709 You are a man of great confidence. 234 00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:47,253 Could you speak a little more to that 235 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:51,049 and what the role of confidence 236 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,176 would be in a dialogue 237 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,803 with a subordinate? 238 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,513 Will you be heard? 239 00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,556 Will you have a voice? 240 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,850 Will I steamroll over you? 241 00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:04,646 Do you feel heard right now, Jim? 242 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,358 Do you have a voice right now? 243 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,861 - You can answer me. - Yes. 244 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:14,531 That was your choice, not mine. 245 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:17,409 The fallacy is that it is up to the steamroller. 246 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,286 It is up to the object... 247 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,539 whether it will be flattened or not. 248 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:25,000 And I can tell just from the small interaction 249 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,292 we've had already, 250 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,086 you won't be flattened by anybody. 251 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,254 Do you agree with me, Jim? 252 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,298 - Yes. - Yes, you do. 253 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,696 He creeps me out. 254 00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:57,490 But I think he might be a genius. 255 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,622 Dwight, there's a call for you on line two. 256 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,999 No thanks. 257 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,255 Um, he's in the shower. 258 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,063 Good luck, Darryl. 259 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,022 Thank you. 260 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,026 Is that the kind of boss he would be? 261 00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:35,320 Completely insensitive to the insecurities 262 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,738 of other people in this office 263 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,448 who might also be interviewing for the manager position 264 00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,992 and might also want to be wished a little bit of luck 265 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,660 'cause they're kind of spinning out a little bit? 266 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:43,995 [laughs nervously] 267 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,497 I don't want that kind of boss. 268 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,374 No, thank you. Not good. 269 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:51,211 Good man, though. Nice guy. My best friend. 270 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,253 Think about it. 271 00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,214 What other mammal, besides humans, 272 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,174 drinks the milk of another mammal? 273 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,135 I mean, you don't see a bear drinking raccoon milk. 274 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,845 How long have you been off dairy? 275 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,138 Soon as I can say no 276 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,682 to those two pushas, Ben and Jerry. 277 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,684 [laughter] 278 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,728 So this is cool. I think we make a good fit. 279 00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:11,523 Oh. Uh, we haven't started the interview yet. 280 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,566 Were you-- were you joking? 281 00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,694 [laughs] 282 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:19,197 Uh... yes. I was. 283 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,574 Little joke. 284 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:24,786 So how would you go about settling interpersonal conflicts 285 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:27,038 within the office? 286 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,832 I thought that was your job. 287 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:31,251 Well, it's one of my strengths, 288 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:32,877 but it's the manager's job. 289 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,047 Well, for instance, how did you deal with it 290 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,882 when two warehouse guys got into a fight? 291 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,342 I'll answer that, Jim. 292 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:42,721 I would use it as an opportunity to teach... 293 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,683 uh, about actions and consequences 294 00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:48,309 of actions. 295 00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:57,861 Who's that? 296 00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:00,363 So I think all we need is a résumé, 297 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,907 and we'll be good, right? 298 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,701 I-I just thought you knew me. 299 00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:05,910 Yeah, it's no big deal. 300 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,704 Just something that looks like that. 301 00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:09,122 Cool. 302 00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,082 Let me... 303 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,709 oh. 304 00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,794 Cool. 305 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,220 Did, uh, you just interview? 306 00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:25,972 Oh. Unfortunately, yes. 307 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:30,935 W-what do you mean? 308 00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:33,938 That business can't attract anyone. 309 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,732 It's awful up there. 310 00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:38,777 Those people seem like they're in prison 311 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,070 waiting out life sentences 312 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:42,906 in a... dying industry. 313 00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,366 Place must be horrible. 314 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,914 I don't know if I want this job. 315 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,082 Well, if I get this job offer, 316 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,958 then I know that I'm gonna take it. 317 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,753 And if I take it, I know that I'm never gonna quit. 318 00:13:56,795 --> 00:14:00,090 And then 25 years are gonna go by, and... 319 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,803 I'm gonna die here. 320 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,763 What makes you feel qualified to judge a place 321 00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:08,765 after a mere interview? 322 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:17,440 What are you doing? 323 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:23,863 Stop trying to figure me out. 324 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,699 - I just did. - You can't. 325 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,659 - It's done. - No, it's not. 326 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,119 I know you now. I know your nature. 327 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,328 You don't know me--you don't know anything about me. 328 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,038 - I'm done. - Get out of my head. 329 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,207 - Not worth continuing. - Stop trying to figure me out. 330 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,750 [clears throat] 331 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,755 Do you even know anything about paper? 332 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,173 How it's made? 333 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,342 I saw an episode on how they make paper 334 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,844 on Sesame Street. 335 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,471 I remember 'cause it was the last time 336 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,433 Bob Marley made an appearance on the Street. 337 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,811 Get out. 338 00:14:54,853 --> 00:14:56,146 What's your name? 339 00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:58,231 Oh, you weren't able to read that? 340 00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:01,484 I'm sorry, I'm Dwight of Dwight's Caffeine Corner. 341 00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,403 You must be very proud. 342 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,906 I'm gonna prevent inferior men 343 00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:08,366 from sullying my place of work 344 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,536 with their weak, passionless leadership. 345 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,580 Do you see my hat? No? 346 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:16,499 That's because I just threw it in the ring. 347 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,814 You guys pay for relocation, though, right? 348 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,775 Well, why would you need relocation 349 00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,068 if you already live in Scranton? 350 00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,737 Well, I'd wanna move further away, you know? 351 00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,072 Just... don't want any chance 352 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,366 of running into my coworkers outside the office. 353 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:54,037 Can I ask why you're leaving your current job? 354 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,958 I'm leaving my other job 355 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,252 because they were all... jerks. 356 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,171 Really. You know, all of them. 357 00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:06,383 You had your jerk wads and your jerk offs, so... 358 00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:08,176 just between the wads and the offs, 359 00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,886 I just-- I had to get outta there. 360 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,763 Is this a bad time to be doing this? 361 00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:14,683 I'm having a bad time. [laughs] 362 00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,267 I'm sorry. 363 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,853 I-if we did something to upset you, 364 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,438 I-I'm sure it was inadvertent. 365 00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:28,113 Wait. 366 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:32,033 Oh, why did I believe that weirdo in the lobby? 367 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,828 These are the nicest people I ever met. 368 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:37,831 Thank you. 369 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,377 [gasps] I'm engaged! 370 00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,254 Damn, girl! 371 00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:45,296 [laughs] 372 00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,508 It's gorgeous, Angela. 373 00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,176 Yeah, I actually know about nice rings, 374 00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:51,636 - and it is gorgeous. - Oh... wow. 375 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,722 It's a little flashy. I mean, what am I... 376 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,473 Naomi Judd? 377 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:58,435 - Tell us the freaking story! - Yeah, tell us the story. 378 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,854 Okay. He took me to the replica 379 00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,605 of Monet's Japanese Bridge. 380 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,691 And then he put this flower behind my ear, 381 00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:05,984 which normally I would hate, 382 00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,318 'cause it's so Civil Rightsy. 383 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,030 Then he got down on one knee and he said, 384 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,782 "Will you be a senator's wife?" 385 00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,994 Oh! He talked about himself in the third person? 386 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,495 Yes, Pam. 387 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,248 Not everyone is as informal as you and Jim. 388 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,459 [imitating Jim] "Oh, hey, Pam, dude, whatever. 389 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:23,752 Wanna marry me?" 390 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:26,338 - [laughter] - That's not accurate. 391 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,923 Then I saw flashes. Reporters were there. 392 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:32,344 They always find us. And everyone was crying. 393 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,387 Even his aide. 394 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:37,307 Angela's engaged to a gay man. 395 00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:39,392 As a gay man, I'm horrified. 396 00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:42,354 As a friend of Angela's, horrified. 397 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,189 As a lover of elegant weddings, 398 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,274 I'm a little excited. 399 00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:49,402 But overall, horrified. 400 00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:50,528 Andy? 401 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,113 You all set? 402 00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:56,159 Okay, guys. It's time. 403 00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:59,204 It's pep talk time. Tell me what I need to hear. 404 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,498 Are you sure this is a good idea? 405 00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,541 I hate to see you disappointed. 406 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,127 That's not what I was hoping for. 407 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:07,462 Okay, I just want someone to tell me, 408 00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,089 "You're gonna do great." 409 00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,050 [hesitantly] You'll do great. 410 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,677 Come on! 411 00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:16,137 You guys are my best friend. [splutters] 412 00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,228 I'd be happy if Andy were boss. 413 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,979 He listens to my stories. 414 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,398 And they're not always A-plus stories, 415 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,233 let's be honest, but you know what? 416 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:31,027 He always listens like they're A-plus. 417 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:36,491 Well, some are A-plus. 418 00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:38,118 I think Andy should be the boss. 419 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,786 He's just so great. 420 00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:43,289 If I'm being objective, then Darryl, of course. 421 00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:44,457 So Andy, what improvements 422 00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:45,959 would you make as office manager? 423 00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:47,293 For starters, I really think we can 424 00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,962 streamline communication around here. 425 00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:50,797 Whoa. That's a very heavy accusation 426 00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:53,258 to level against Toby. 427 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,176 - I wasn't a-accusing-- - Well, Toby's in charge 428 00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:56,302 of human resources. 429 00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,430 That would include communication. 430 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,348 I think that Toby's done a fine job. 431 00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:04,185 Right. I-I-I really wasn't trying to insult a-anyone. 432 00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:06,438 I didn't think you were. 433 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,273 I have two relationships with Andy. 434 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,649 I have a personal relationship, 435 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:12,068 and I have a professional relationship. 436 00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,778 Personally, yeah, I think he's a rat 437 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,155 and I think he's responsible 438 00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:17,615 for the demise of my relationship with Erin. 439 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,243 Professionally... 440 00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:22,203 he broke up the happiest couple in this office. 441 00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:23,955 How many windows are there in New York City? 442 00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,915 - What? - Critical thinking. 443 00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,460 Common on-the-spot question asked in an interview. 444 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,254 Okay. Uh... let me think. Are you counting car windows? 445 00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:33,340 No. How far away is the Sun? 446 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:35,842 Uh, 93 million miles. 447 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,720 - Is it? - Yeah. 448 00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:41,097 And the diameter of the sun is 870,000 miles, 449 00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,350 which makes it 109 times wider than the Earth 450 00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:46,227 and 333,000 times heavier than the Earth. 451 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:47,937 Shut up about the Sun. 452 00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:50,690 Shut up about the Sun! 453 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,487 Okay, I'm not a doctor, 454 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,990 but I think the medical term for that was a spaz-out. 455 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:02,243 Gabe just lost it. 456 00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:05,163 That's the best part about communing a tribunal-- 457 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,498 one "bunal" can go down, 458 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,000 and you still have two "bunals" left. 459 00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,460 Right? 460 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,004 Andy. How'd it go? 461 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,298 Well, I don't wanna brag, but... 462 00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,843 I did my best. 463 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,178 Hello. 464 00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:22,389 I forgot something in my car. 465 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,017 You guys are so cute. 466 00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:28,019 When are you gonna get back together? 467 00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,480 Never. We're just friends. 468 00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:31,523 Oh. 469 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,441 Okay, my mistake. 470 00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:35,360 You know, you could have any man 471 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,237 in this whole office with your legs. 472 00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:40,365 I say go for it if you're interested. 473 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:43,535 But you're not, so... 474 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,161 never mind. 475 00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:56,381 I am unhappy with the confusing 476 00:20:56,423 --> 00:21:00,051 and, at times, confrontational nature of that meeting. 477 00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:01,886 I wanted it to go better. 478 00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,180 I wanted it to go better! 479 00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:07,058 Yes, there used to be a paper clip 480 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,435 that would pop up and say, 481 00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,979 "Looks like you are writing a letter or résumé. 482 00:21:11,021 --> 00:21:12,272 Would you like help?" 483 00:21:12,313 --> 00:21:15,442 I believe his name was... Clippy. 484 00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:18,111 How do I get that to happen 485 00:21:18,153 --> 00:21:19,612 with this version of the software? 486 00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,325 No, I don't have the box handy. 487 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,079 No, it's not registered in my name. 488 00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:30,415 First of all, I wanna thank you 489 00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:32,792 for your years of patronizing our company. 490 00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:35,420 I've got some bad news. 491 00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:36,963 We're going out of business. 492 00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:39,924 [whispers] Saving face. 493 00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:42,427 Yep, yep. I understand that. 494 00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:44,387 Basically everything's falling apart here. 495 00:21:44,429 --> 00:21:46,890 How is this on me? 496 00:21:46,931 --> 00:21:48,475 Hang up. 497 00:21:49,351 --> 00:21:51,394 Corporate needs you to find the differences 498 00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:55,148 {\an8}between this picture and this picture. 499 00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:57,442 {\an8}Intel has told us there are at least seven. 500 00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:59,486 {\an8}Okay. I already see one. Gimme. 501 00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:00,528 {\an8}Okay. 502 00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:04,657 They're the same picture. 503 00:22:04,699 --> 00:22:06,576 Well, I manage my department, 504 00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:09,037 and I've been doing that for several years now. 505 00:22:09,079 --> 00:22:12,290 And, God, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way. 506 00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,292 Your department's just you, right? 507 00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,961 Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage. 508 00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:20,090 Great. Um, can we just... 509 00:22:20,131 --> 00:22:22,175 - What was that? - We just have 510 00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:25,929 a lot of serious candidates to get through today, so... 511 00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:27,889 Am I not a serious candidate? 512 00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:30,809 What do you want me to say? 513 00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:33,061 I mean, there's a line of qualified people out there. 514 00:22:33,103 --> 00:22:34,813 We have a video CV from England. 515 00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:37,023 Are we all just gonna pretend to-- 516 00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:39,192 okay. Um... 517 00:22:39,234 --> 00:22:40,819 what are your weaknesses? 518 00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:42,737 I don't have any, ass[bleep]. 519 00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:51,371 Erin, I believe you have my résumé on file. 520 00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:54,666 Please print out four copies on 32-pound cotton stock. 521 00:22:54,708 --> 00:22:57,043 Bright white. No. 522 00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:59,129 - Ivory. - Yes, sir. 523 00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:01,006 - Who's in there now? - Kelly. 524 00:23:01,047 --> 00:23:02,716 Oh, for God's sake. 525 00:23:02,757 --> 00:23:04,426 So Kelly, what do you think the future holds 526 00:23:04,467 --> 00:23:06,094 for the paper business? 527 00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:08,596 Uh, me peeing on Gabe's corpse. 528 00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:13,560 I want an interview. 529 00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:16,479 - How's the family? - Good. 530 00:23:16,521 --> 00:23:18,857 - Good? Are they good? - Yeah. 531 00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:20,984 What's your daughter's name again? 532 00:23:21,026 --> 00:23:22,068 Peepee? 533 00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:24,029 - Peepa. - Peepa. How is she? 534 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:25,905 - Great. - Great! 535 00:23:25,947 --> 00:23:27,866 Oh, that's great. 536 00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:30,368 We never were very good at smalltalk, were we, Jim? 537 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:31,786 - No. - Now, listen-- 538 00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:33,621 You're not getting an interview, Dwight. 539 00:23:33,663 --> 00:23:35,874 The whole point of this Search Committee process 540 00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:38,293 is to prevent hiring someone like you ever again. 541 00:23:38,335 --> 00:23:39,377 Okay. I know why you're saying that, Jim. 542 00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:41,880 I really do. But think of it this way. 543 00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:43,840 The hand that reaches from the grave 544 00:23:43,882 --> 00:23:45,467 to grip your throat 545 00:23:45,508 --> 00:23:47,052 is the strong hand you want on the wheel. 546 00:23:47,093 --> 00:23:49,095 - Okay. That's vivid. - Now, I'm gonna make you 547 00:23:49,137 --> 00:23:50,513 an offer, okay? 548 00:23:50,555 --> 00:23:53,975 You even do so little as grant me an interview, 549 00:23:54,017 --> 00:23:56,519 I will guarantee you your dream work life, okay? 550 00:23:56,561 --> 00:23:59,064 You roll in at 10:00 a.m. 551 00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:01,358 to your own private reserved parking spot, 552 00:24:01,399 --> 00:24:04,486 pick up your daily free coffee from Dwight's Caffeine Corner, 553 00:24:04,527 --> 00:24:07,155 unlimited sex breaks for you and Pam. 554 00:24:07,197 --> 00:24:08,365 - Yikes. - Erin will eat garbage 555 00:24:08,406 --> 00:24:09,824 for your entertainment. 556 00:24:09,866 --> 00:24:12,243 Wow. You know how I like taking bribes. 557 00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:13,661 - Ha ha! - But unfortunately, 558 00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:15,372 Jo also took the job away from you 559 00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:17,123 because she doesn't trust your judgment. 560 00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:18,583 So how would that look for me 561 00:24:18,625 --> 00:24:20,710 if I recommended you? 562 00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:21,961 Fine. 563 00:24:22,003 --> 00:24:24,923 I'll do it without you. You'll regret this. 564 00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:25,965 Okay. 565 00:24:27,342 --> 00:24:29,177 Let me get that for you. 566 00:24:29,219 --> 00:24:31,304 - Thank you. - Okay. 567 00:24:35,558 --> 00:24:36,976 As long as you keep it moist, it's easy to work with. 568 00:24:37,018 --> 00:24:39,270 And I can't just use a tube of Crescent Rolls? 569 00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:41,147 You know what? Go to McDonald's for dinner. 570 00:24:41,189 --> 00:24:43,525 Why cook? 571 00:24:43,566 --> 00:24:45,527 Mm-hmm. 572 00:24:47,362 --> 00:24:49,698 Pam. 573 00:24:49,739 --> 00:24:51,324 I think Robert is gay. 574 00:24:51,366 --> 00:24:52,617 The senator? 575 00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:56,162 He was married before, and he has a kid. 576 00:24:56,204 --> 00:24:57,580 - So-- - And don't say that thing 577 00:24:57,622 --> 00:25:00,625 about how lots of gay guys have kids. 578 00:25:00,667 --> 00:25:04,212 I have a very strong suspicion. 579 00:25:04,254 --> 00:25:06,047 Did you...? 580 00:25:06,089 --> 00:25:07,882 Oh! [laughs] 581 00:25:07,924 --> 00:25:10,427 No. No. 582 00:25:10,468 --> 00:25:12,178 Did you see him at a bathhouse? 583 00:25:12,220 --> 00:25:13,847 What bathhouse? 584 00:25:13,888 --> 00:25:16,057 The windowless building by the Baskin Robbins. 585 00:25:17,350 --> 00:25:18,601 - What? - Forget it. 586 00:25:18,643 --> 00:25:20,186 I'm never gonna know what goes on there. 587 00:25:20,228 --> 00:25:23,106 Name--David Brent. Occupation--inspirer. 588 00:25:23,148 --> 00:25:25,567 Status--none of your business. 589 00:25:25,608 --> 00:25:26,735 Young, free, and single, though. 590 00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:28,194 Thanks for asking. 591 00:25:28,236 --> 00:25:30,196 Hey, you're looking for a new boss, yeah? 592 00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:32,407 Someone to tell a bunch of discontented, 593 00:25:32,449 --> 00:25:34,701 under-encouraged drones what to do every day. 594 00:25:34,743 --> 00:25:37,537 Is that it? Oh. Our out-of-touch powers that be. 595 00:25:37,579 --> 00:25:39,998 Want me to fire them? They don't see things your way? 596 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,917 Then I am that dude. Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye. 597 00:25:42,959 --> 00:25:44,461 Get some other corporate suit to lay down the law. 598 00:25:44,502 --> 00:25:46,087 What? You've changed your mind? 599 00:25:46,129 --> 00:25:48,256 You're now looking for a leader of men? 600 00:25:48,298 --> 00:25:50,759 Ipso facto... women too. 601 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,552 When do I start? 602 00:25:52,594 --> 00:25:53,762 Huh? 603 00:25:56,348 --> 00:25:58,224 - Oh! Hey. - Hi--hey. 604 00:25:58,266 --> 00:26:00,185 I realized I never paid you back 605 00:26:00,226 --> 00:26:01,895 for that lunch you paid for, like, a month ago. 606 00:26:01,936 --> 00:26:03,229 Yeah, don't worry about it. 607 00:26:03,271 --> 00:26:05,231 Well, it's money. 608 00:26:05,273 --> 00:26:07,484 I was thinking I could make dinner for you tonight. 609 00:26:07,525 --> 00:26:09,861 Like a Middle Eastern feast. 610 00:26:09,903 --> 00:26:12,906 Chicken schwimmers, shashkaboobs, pita with hommos. 611 00:26:12,947 --> 00:26:15,075 Well, I think I only lent you, like, $3. 612 00:26:15,116 --> 00:26:16,826 That would be so much more trouble. 613 00:26:16,868 --> 00:26:18,119 Just bring the money tomorrow. 614 00:26:18,161 --> 00:26:19,496 No big deal. 615 00:26:19,537 --> 00:26:21,498 [in thuggish voice] Or else I'll break your legs. 616 00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:22,832 Cuh! 617 00:26:22,874 --> 00:26:24,751 [in British accent] Not if I can help it! 618 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:32,342 My friend at the Scranton Blade 619 00:26:32,384 --> 00:26:33,885 is totally plugged into these matters. 620 00:26:33,927 --> 00:26:35,804 You're in the gay mafia. 621 00:26:35,845 --> 00:26:37,430 You're thinking of another group-- 622 00:26:37,472 --> 00:26:41,101 much wealthier, much older. [whispers] You sound ignorant. 623 00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:44,562 You guys, um... talking senator? 624 00:26:44,604 --> 00:26:45,897 - No. - No. 625 00:26:45,939 --> 00:26:47,482 Why would we be talking about the senator? 626 00:26:47,524 --> 00:26:49,651 'Cause he's totally gay. 627 00:26:49,693 --> 00:26:52,362 Um, how do I know that Robert is gay? 628 00:26:52,404 --> 00:26:54,781 He liked my Facebook photos 629 00:26:54,823 --> 00:26:56,783 at 3:00 in the morning. 630 00:26:58,827 --> 00:27:00,829 It was a really good photo, though. 631 00:27:00,870 --> 00:27:03,873 Do you know what it took to get Bob to notice me? 632 00:27:03,915 --> 00:27:06,084 I waited in his office every morning 633 00:27:06,126 --> 00:27:07,794 wearing nothing but kitty cat ears. 634 00:27:07,836 --> 00:27:09,963 I did that every day for two weeks. 635 00:27:10,005 --> 00:27:11,131 And on the tenth day, he walked in. 636 00:27:11,172 --> 00:27:13,633 He was naked too, except a dog nose. 637 00:27:13,675 --> 00:27:16,052 - Guess what we did then? - I don't think I can do that-- 638 00:27:16,094 --> 00:27:18,096 Bestiality. Yeah. 639 00:27:18,138 --> 00:27:19,723 That's not my personality. 640 00:27:19,764 --> 00:27:22,684 If my daughter were asking me... 641 00:27:22,726 --> 00:27:23,768 Yes? 642 00:27:23,810 --> 00:27:25,145 [both giggling] 643 00:27:25,186 --> 00:27:27,355 I would say if you want someone-- 644 00:27:27,397 --> 00:27:30,483 if you really want them-- 645 00:27:30,525 --> 00:27:31,943 go get them. 646 00:27:33,528 --> 00:27:36,781 I do really want him. 647 00:27:36,823 --> 00:27:39,075 So, uh... here you go. 648 00:27:39,117 --> 00:27:41,286 - Great. - Hope it's all right. 649 00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:42,996 I'm sure it's fine. 650 00:27:43,038 --> 00:27:44,748 The guy who was in here earlier, 651 00:27:44,789 --> 00:27:46,624 interviewed after me... how'd he do? 652 00:27:46,666 --> 00:27:47,959 Howard Cline? 653 00:27:48,001 --> 00:27:49,669 That's not who I'm talking about. 654 00:27:49,711 --> 00:27:52,505 Oh. Deshaun Williams. 655 00:27:52,547 --> 00:27:54,007 Yes. How did he do? 656 00:27:54,049 --> 00:27:56,676 He's an amazing man. He's a Rhodes Scholar. 657 00:27:56,718 --> 00:27:59,179 He invented an app that invents apps. 658 00:27:59,220 --> 00:28:00,221 Fantastic kisser. 659 00:28:00,263 --> 00:28:02,349 Come on, man. I'm being serious. 660 00:28:02,390 --> 00:28:04,476 - It's no joke. - Darryl, we all know you. 661 00:28:04,517 --> 00:28:05,852 Your interview is not nearly as important 662 00:28:05,894 --> 00:28:07,020 as the other guy's. 663 00:28:08,313 --> 00:28:09,356 [knocks on desk] 664 00:28:09,397 --> 00:28:13,276 This job will be life-changing for me. 665 00:28:13,318 --> 00:28:15,737 I wanna tell my eight-year-old daughter 666 00:28:15,779 --> 00:28:18,740 I am the manager of Dunder Mifflin. 667 00:28:18,782 --> 00:28:20,658 I wanna tell my sister 668 00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:24,537 I am the manager of Dunder Mifflin. 669 00:28:24,579 --> 00:28:26,748 I wanna tell girls at the club 670 00:28:26,790 --> 00:28:30,960 I can afford this bottle of champagne. 671 00:28:31,002 --> 00:28:33,505 First I'll take down the cubicle walls. 672 00:28:33,546 --> 00:28:34,881 But there aren't-- 673 00:28:34,923 --> 00:28:36,383 Symbol of transparency. 674 00:28:36,424 --> 00:28:38,718 There'd be no titles. 675 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,262 Everyone has the same job. 676 00:28:41,304 --> 00:28:42,972 Same goes for me. 677 00:28:43,014 --> 00:28:46,393 I'd take your job, but I'd reject the title. 678 00:28:46,434 --> 00:28:47,477 A little unspecific. 679 00:28:47,519 --> 00:28:48,770 Everyone would be known 680 00:28:48,812 --> 00:28:51,523 for their accomplishments. 681 00:28:51,564 --> 00:28:52,899 That's very interesting. 682 00:28:52,941 --> 00:28:55,568 Um... I feel like there might be a conflict there, 683 00:28:55,610 --> 00:28:58,571 and if a conflict did arise, how would that be dealt with? 684 00:28:58,613 --> 00:29:01,741 Oh! Yeah. 685 00:29:01,783 --> 00:29:02,909 Mm. 686 00:29:02,951 --> 00:29:04,244 Scratch everything from before. 687 00:29:04,285 --> 00:29:06,830 I tell you what I'd do. Go the other way. 688 00:29:06,871 --> 00:29:08,581 More cubicles. 689 00:29:08,623 --> 00:29:10,083 More division. 690 00:29:10,125 --> 00:29:14,087 Everyone is somebody's boss, 691 00:29:14,129 --> 00:29:17,757 and that person can fire the person below them. 692 00:29:17,799 --> 00:29:19,384 [overlapping comments] 693 00:29:19,426 --> 00:29:22,178 And once a month the lowest-performing person-- 694 00:29:22,220 --> 00:29:23,680 cchh. 695 00:29:23,722 --> 00:29:25,140 Bye-bye. 696 00:29:25,181 --> 00:29:27,851 How would you compare, like, an accountant and HR? 697 00:29:27,892 --> 00:29:30,645 Well, I'll tell you how, shall I? 698 00:29:30,687 --> 00:29:32,230 - I'll tell you how. - Okay. 699 00:29:32,272 --> 00:29:34,441 By splitting the difference. 700 00:29:34,482 --> 00:29:37,360 Just--just somewhere in the middle. 701 00:29:37,402 --> 00:29:38,820 I think that's probably all... 702 00:29:38,862 --> 00:29:39,863 we need to hear from-- 703 00:29:39,904 --> 00:29:41,448 Zen office. 704 00:29:41,489 --> 00:29:42,949 Hmm? 705 00:29:42,991 --> 00:29:44,826 Thought of that? That's what I'd do. 706 00:29:44,868 --> 00:29:49,122 Everyone takes their shoes off before they come in, okay? 707 00:29:49,164 --> 00:29:52,042 There'd be no desks. You just sit on the floor. 708 00:29:52,083 --> 00:29:54,919 - That's very-- - You've got a Thai woman 709 00:29:54,961 --> 00:29:57,464 out in the back-- Sockee. 710 00:29:57,505 --> 00:29:59,090 - Okay. - Sockee. 711 00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:01,801 - That's not-- - Sockee is her name, okay? 712 00:30:01,843 --> 00:30:05,513 She's administering massage, all right, if you need it. 713 00:30:05,555 --> 00:30:07,390 If you don't, whatever. Just talk to her. 714 00:30:07,432 --> 00:30:08,808 She's a person. 715 00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:10,727 Either way, 50 minutes of that, 716 00:30:10,769 --> 00:30:12,604 and you... 717 00:30:12,645 --> 00:30:15,190 you are cracking to go. 718 00:30:15,231 --> 00:30:19,277 - [clears throat] - Office of the future. 719 00:30:19,319 --> 00:30:21,654 Like the inside of a Virgin airplane. 720 00:30:21,696 --> 00:30:24,616 Telecommuting, right? Everyone's at home. 721 00:30:24,657 --> 00:30:26,701 The office is just a big, empty space. 722 00:30:26,743 --> 00:30:28,286 It's just full of screens. 723 00:30:28,328 --> 00:30:30,497 - Why would we-- - Sony. Sony. 724 00:30:30,538 --> 00:30:33,458 Everything's just Sony. Made of Sony. From Sony. 725 00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:34,876 I don't think that's how telecommuting works. 726 00:30:34,918 --> 00:30:36,628 - Why-- - And then... 727 00:30:36,670 --> 00:30:39,547 we sell tickets to tourists 728 00:30:39,589 --> 00:30:42,300 for them to see the office of the future. 729 00:30:42,342 --> 00:30:44,135 - Okay, well-- - Cutting edge! 730 00:30:44,177 --> 00:30:47,722 You have to hire me. 731 00:30:47,764 --> 00:30:49,891 There's no ideas left. 732 00:30:49,933 --> 00:30:52,686 That's all the ideas there is. 733 00:30:52,727 --> 00:30:54,521 There's... [knocks on desk] 734 00:30:54,562 --> 00:30:56,564 A lot more where they came from. 735 00:31:00,318 --> 00:31:01,444 Ooh. 736 00:31:02,946 --> 00:31:04,489 Jim! What can you tell us? 737 00:31:04,531 --> 00:31:06,408 - Is there a frontrunner? - You know what? 738 00:31:06,449 --> 00:31:08,743 They all just sort of blend together after a while. 739 00:31:08,785 --> 00:31:10,620 Well, there must be someone who stands out. 740 00:31:10,662 --> 00:31:12,038 No, not at all. 741 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:13,665 In fact, I'm not even taking it seriously. 742 00:31:13,707 --> 00:31:14,874 I think at the end of the day, 743 00:31:14,916 --> 00:31:16,292 I'm just gonna pick a name out of the hat. 744 00:31:16,334 --> 00:31:17,210 Well-- 745 00:31:17,252 --> 00:31:19,087 The hell you will! 746 00:31:19,129 --> 00:31:21,506 I worked for the last boss for 15 years. 747 00:31:21,548 --> 00:31:24,300 According to my doctor, I don't have another 15 years 748 00:31:24,342 --> 00:31:27,095 if I wanna keep up the same dietary and sexual lifestyle, 749 00:31:27,137 --> 00:31:28,555 which I intend to. 750 00:31:28,596 --> 00:31:31,349 Oh, no, Stanley. You'll live forever. 751 00:31:31,391 --> 00:31:32,892 My next boss will be my last boss. 752 00:31:32,934 --> 00:31:34,602 He'll be at my funeral. 753 00:31:34,644 --> 00:31:37,605 So I would appreciate it if you would take this seriously. 754 00:31:37,647 --> 00:31:39,733 Uh-- 755 00:31:39,774 --> 00:31:41,234 You pick a crappy boss, 756 00:31:41,276 --> 00:31:43,486 you're responsible for my crappy life. 757 00:31:43,528 --> 00:31:45,321 Okay, everybody. I was just making a joke. 758 00:31:45,363 --> 00:31:47,407 I am taking it seriously. I promise. 759 00:31:47,449 --> 00:31:49,993 Are you? 760 00:31:50,035 --> 00:31:51,536 Little advice? 761 00:31:51,578 --> 00:31:54,080 Take a day off from the whole Jim shtick. 762 00:31:54,122 --> 00:31:56,249 Try caring about something. 763 00:31:56,291 --> 00:31:59,711 You might like how it feels, James. 764 00:32:06,926 --> 00:32:09,387 Gabe, honey. 765 00:32:09,429 --> 00:32:11,639 Oh, lord. Take all this. 766 00:32:11,681 --> 00:32:13,016 All right. 767 00:32:13,058 --> 00:32:14,225 - Here. - Oh. 768 00:32:22,901 --> 00:32:25,111 - Oh. - Jim. 769 00:32:25,153 --> 00:32:26,821 Did you hear Stern this morning? 770 00:32:26,863 --> 00:32:28,782 - No. Was he good? - Ah... Robin was good. 771 00:32:28,823 --> 00:32:30,617 She's always good. Keeps him on his toes. 772 00:32:30,658 --> 00:32:32,827 It's Howard's show, though. 773 00:32:32,869 --> 00:32:34,704 Whose is this? 774 00:32:34,746 --> 00:32:35,955 Darryl Philbin. 775 00:32:35,997 --> 00:32:39,000 Oh. Very nice to see a familiar face on top. 776 00:32:39,042 --> 00:32:42,671 Ah, a little long, aren't we? Four pages? 777 00:32:42,712 --> 00:32:44,506 Is this the same Darryl Philbin 778 00:32:44,547 --> 00:32:47,258 who's had two jobs in ten years at one company? 779 00:32:47,300 --> 00:32:50,178 Yes, thanks to you who promoted me 780 00:32:50,220 --> 00:32:53,223 after we, uh... interfaced. 781 00:32:53,264 --> 00:32:55,684 "Interfaced regularly with CEO 782 00:32:55,725 --> 00:32:58,770 on matters of long-term strategic goals." 783 00:32:58,812 --> 00:33:02,482 When you visit, you say, "What's the scoop, Darryl?" 784 00:33:02,524 --> 00:33:04,609 "Coordinated and implemented receipt, storage, 785 00:33:04,651 --> 00:33:09,280 and delivery of over 2.5 billion units of inventory." 786 00:33:09,322 --> 00:33:11,199 2.5 billion, Darryl? 787 00:33:11,241 --> 00:33:13,410 2.5 billion units of what? 788 00:33:13,451 --> 00:33:16,204 Paper material, ma'am. 789 00:33:16,246 --> 00:33:17,664 Paper material? 790 00:33:17,706 --> 00:33:19,124 [softly] Pieces of paper. 791 00:33:19,165 --> 00:33:21,543 Anybody have a calculator? 792 00:33:25,046 --> 00:33:26,548 Oh, you figure, what, 793 00:33:26,589 --> 00:33:30,010 500 sheets a ream, 24 reams a case, 794 00:33:30,051 --> 00:33:32,429 how long you worked here... 795 00:33:35,098 --> 00:33:38,560 Well, I can see how you landed in that ballpark. 796 00:33:38,601 --> 00:33:41,271 Laid end-to-end, it's enough to almost stretch 797 00:33:41,312 --> 00:33:43,356 60% of the way to the Moon. 798 00:33:43,398 --> 00:33:47,736 I think this résumé almost stretches halfway to the Moon. 799 00:33:47,777 --> 00:33:50,405 [clears throat] Jo. May I speak to you for a second? 800 00:33:50,447 --> 00:33:52,240 Or what? You gonna shoot me? 801 00:33:52,282 --> 00:33:54,701 Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha... 802 00:33:54,743 --> 00:33:56,745 oh, I enjoy laughing at my mistakes. 803 00:33:56,786 --> 00:33:59,622 Because I've learned so much from them. 804 00:33:59,664 --> 00:34:01,583 I'd like to be interviewed for the position. 805 00:34:01,624 --> 00:34:03,084 I'll interview you right now. 806 00:34:03,126 --> 00:34:04,627 - Okay. - Question one. 807 00:34:04,669 --> 00:34:06,921 Ever shot a gun in the office? 808 00:34:08,131 --> 00:34:09,257 It's complicated... 809 00:34:09,299 --> 00:34:11,676 Yeah, but see... it's not. 810 00:34:13,303 --> 00:34:14,763 I will not give up. 811 00:34:14,804 --> 00:34:17,390 I won't even be discouraged. Why? 812 00:34:17,432 --> 00:34:21,186 Because managing this office is my destiny. 813 00:34:21,227 --> 00:34:23,646 My only potential obstacle 814 00:34:23,688 --> 00:34:28,610 is if becoming manager is someone else's destiny as well. 815 00:34:28,651 --> 00:34:31,863 But hey, if this is a case of clashing destinies, 816 00:34:31,905 --> 00:34:33,865 enjoy the show. 817 00:34:33,907 --> 00:34:35,367 I don't think we should tell her. 818 00:34:35,408 --> 00:34:36,868 Angela went a whole day without telling me 819 00:34:36,910 --> 00:34:38,620 I had lettuce in my teeth. Screw her. 820 00:34:38,661 --> 00:34:40,330 I'm a woman. I would want to know. 821 00:34:40,372 --> 00:34:41,915 Yeah. You gotta know. 822 00:34:41,956 --> 00:34:45,794 Okay. But if Angela can get a gay man to marry her, 823 00:34:45,835 --> 00:34:48,588 maybe I could get a lesbian to marry me. 824 00:34:48,630 --> 00:34:50,965 Huh? Huh? That's hot. 825 00:34:51,007 --> 00:34:54,094 You have met a lesbian in real life, right? 826 00:34:54,135 --> 00:34:55,845 What we should warn her about 827 00:34:55,887 --> 00:34:58,807 is that the whole institution of marriage is corrupt. 828 00:34:58,848 --> 00:35:00,266 Okay, we're not talking about that. 829 00:35:00,308 --> 00:35:02,143 We're not talking about marriage. 830 00:35:02,185 --> 00:35:05,063 You know, this probably is her last chance at a family. 831 00:35:05,105 --> 00:35:06,523 - I-- - Wow. 832 00:35:06,564 --> 00:35:09,359 She does seem happy. 833 00:35:09,401 --> 00:35:10,819 You're right. You're right. 834 00:35:10,860 --> 00:35:13,530 She seems happy. We don't tell her. 835 00:35:13,571 --> 00:35:14,781 - We don't tell her. - Okay. 836 00:35:14,823 --> 00:35:16,116 Okay, we don't tell her. 837 00:35:16,157 --> 00:35:18,535 So what else should we gossip about? 838 00:35:18,576 --> 00:35:21,830 Ooh, I know, like who's gonna be the new manager? 839 00:35:21,871 --> 00:35:22,872 Right? 840 00:35:22,914 --> 00:35:26,167 Will it be... 841 00:35:26,209 --> 00:35:27,252 me? 842 00:35:27,293 --> 00:35:29,337 Yes. Yes, it will. 843 00:35:29,379 --> 00:35:31,006 It might. 844 00:35:31,047 --> 00:35:33,008 Excuse me, Ms. Bennett, may I have a word? 845 00:35:33,049 --> 00:35:34,092 Okay. 846 00:35:34,134 --> 00:35:35,427 Can it be in private? 847 00:35:35,468 --> 00:35:36,886 Don't worry. It's not about you. 848 00:35:40,724 --> 00:35:42,183 As minority executive, 849 00:35:42,225 --> 00:35:43,977 I think it's my responsibility to let you know 850 00:35:44,019 --> 00:35:45,145 that Gabe is gross. 851 00:35:45,186 --> 00:35:46,646 I don't think it's professional 852 00:35:46,688 --> 00:35:48,273 that he was sleeping with the receptionist, 853 00:35:48,314 --> 00:35:50,066 and then when Erin dumped him so that she could be with Andy, 854 00:35:50,108 --> 00:35:53,111 he became a total crazy stalker psycho. 855 00:35:53,153 --> 00:35:54,696 Welcome to Scranton, Jo, 856 00:35:54,738 --> 00:35:57,073 land of a thousand problems only you can fix. 857 00:35:57,115 --> 00:35:59,409 [cell phone buzzes] 858 00:35:59,451 --> 00:36:02,162 Oh, for God's sake. 859 00:36:04,289 --> 00:36:07,876 He's texting me his resume one line at a time. 860 00:36:09,085 --> 00:36:12,547 These are costing me 10¢ apiece, you jackass. 861 00:36:12,589 --> 00:36:14,007 I'm roaming! 862 00:36:16,551 --> 00:36:18,428 Get me our biggest client on the phone 863 00:36:18,470 --> 00:36:19,929 right this instant. 864 00:36:24,726 --> 00:36:26,394 Who is our biggest client? 865 00:36:26,436 --> 00:36:27,562 Uh, just put him through to me. 866 00:36:27,604 --> 00:36:29,939 [laughs] Okay. 867 00:36:31,274 --> 00:36:32,400 [phone rings] 868 00:36:32,442 --> 00:36:34,235 Hello, this is... the client. 869 00:36:34,277 --> 00:36:35,612 It's Creed. 870 00:36:35,653 --> 00:36:39,574 FYI, I'm starting my own paper company. 871 00:36:39,616 --> 00:36:41,993 Looking to poach some chumps. You in? 872 00:36:42,035 --> 00:36:44,746 - Yes. - [chuckles] Cool! 873 00:36:44,788 --> 00:36:46,831 Let's keep this on the QT, okay? 874 00:36:46,873 --> 00:36:49,000 I, uh, don't want you to be a dead mammajamma. 875 00:36:49,042 --> 00:36:50,627 Great. Bye-bye. 876 00:36:52,545 --> 00:36:53,672 [exhales] 877 00:36:56,049 --> 00:36:58,426 Get me our second-biggest client. 878 00:36:58,468 --> 00:37:00,720 This is great. I love work. 879 00:37:02,472 --> 00:37:04,599 Again? [both chuckle] 880 00:37:04,641 --> 00:37:06,643 [phone rings] 881 00:37:06,685 --> 00:37:07,977 Hold, please. 882 00:37:08,019 --> 00:37:09,646 [phone rings] 883 00:37:09,688 --> 00:37:10,730 [clears throat] 884 00:37:10,772 --> 00:37:12,315 [in deep voice] Hello? 885 00:37:12,357 --> 00:37:13,692 Who is this? 886 00:37:13,733 --> 00:37:17,112 Uh, this is your second-biggest client. 887 00:37:17,153 --> 00:37:20,323 I want you to listen very carefully. 888 00:37:20,365 --> 00:37:23,702 I'm gonna sing you a song. 889 00:37:23,743 --> 00:37:26,705 [speaking rhythmically in strange language] 890 00:37:33,378 --> 00:37:34,629 [knock at door] 891 00:37:34,671 --> 00:37:36,339 Jo, you have one more candidate. 892 00:37:36,381 --> 00:37:37,424 He's a burn victim. 893 00:37:37,465 --> 00:37:39,259 Huh? 894 00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:41,011 He's all messed up. 895 00:37:41,052 --> 00:37:42,637 I can tell him to get lost if you want. 896 00:37:42,679 --> 00:37:45,056 No. Send him in. 897 00:37:45,098 --> 00:37:46,141 Who is this? 898 00:37:47,851 --> 00:37:50,186 - I have no idea. - Oh, I know this guy. 899 00:37:57,193 --> 00:37:59,195 Um... 900 00:37:59,237 --> 00:38:01,364 hello, Mr. Souvenier. 901 00:38:01,406 --> 00:38:03,742 Mr. Jacques Souvenier? 902 00:38:03,783 --> 00:38:05,326 Nice to meet you. It says here you're French? 903 00:38:05,368 --> 00:38:07,829 So you worked at your last job for 15 years 904 00:38:07,871 --> 00:38:09,664 as assistant to the regional manager. 905 00:38:09,706 --> 00:38:10,874 Assistant regional manager. 906 00:38:10,915 --> 00:38:12,167 Assistant to the regional manager. 907 00:38:12,208 --> 00:38:14,461 - Assistant regional manager. - What is it? 908 00:38:14,502 --> 00:38:16,546 [cheesy French accent] Assistant regional manager. 909 00:38:16,588 --> 00:38:17,839 Oh. That's my mistake. Sorry about that. 910 00:38:17,881 --> 00:38:19,174 The last paper company you worked for 911 00:38:19,215 --> 00:38:20,633 burned to the ground? 912 00:38:20,675 --> 00:38:22,469 And "All because they wouldn't hire a manager 913 00:38:22,510 --> 00:38:23,636 who lived and breathed paper." 914 00:38:23,678 --> 00:38:25,138 That's a travesty. 915 00:38:25,180 --> 00:38:27,557 I wanna talk to Dwight Schrute for a second. 916 00:38:27,599 --> 00:38:29,184 I wanna ask him a question. 917 00:38:29,225 --> 00:38:30,560 Get Dwight. 918 00:38:30,602 --> 00:38:32,270 If he isn't here in 60 seconds... 919 00:38:34,481 --> 00:38:36,524 Wait, wait! No. Stop, stop. 920 00:38:36,566 --> 00:38:38,777 Jo... 921 00:38:38,818 --> 00:38:40,737 it's me. I'm Dwight. 922 00:38:41,988 --> 00:38:43,531 No. 923 00:38:43,573 --> 00:38:44,783 No. Wait. But-- 924 00:38:44,824 --> 00:38:47,452 I mean, you're Dwight and then... 925 00:38:47,494 --> 00:38:48,578 he's the-- 926 00:38:48,620 --> 00:38:50,080 Yeah. 927 00:38:50,121 --> 00:38:52,832 Ohh! 928 00:38:52,874 --> 00:38:54,584 Very unprofessional, Jacques. 929 00:38:54,626 --> 00:38:56,920 Or should I say Dwight? 930 00:38:56,961 --> 00:39:00,048 Let's just say I had hired this Jack Souvenier. 931 00:39:00,090 --> 00:39:01,257 Then what? 932 00:39:01,299 --> 00:39:02,676 I would have dressed this way every day, 933 00:39:02,717 --> 00:39:05,845 legally changed my name, learned French sign language, 934 00:39:05,887 --> 00:39:08,390 shown up, and been the best damn branch manager 935 00:39:08,431 --> 00:39:09,516 you'd ever seen. 936 00:39:09,557 --> 00:39:11,226 All that for this job. 937 00:39:11,267 --> 00:39:12,894 Yes. 938 00:39:13,853 --> 00:39:16,022 That's [bleep] Crazy. 939 00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:18,775 Get outta here. 940 00:39:21,820 --> 00:39:24,155 [door closes] What a nut job. 941 00:39:28,118 --> 00:39:29,452 This guy was good. 942 00:39:29,494 --> 00:39:30,995 Although he did keep saying 943 00:39:31,037 --> 00:39:32,747 that he needed two weeks off right at the beginning 944 00:39:32,789 --> 00:39:34,124 for a trip to the Finger Lakes. 945 00:39:34,165 --> 00:39:36,126 Seriously, every five minutes he was like, 946 00:39:36,167 --> 00:39:37,794 "Hey, just making sure the Finger Lakes thing is clear." 947 00:39:37,836 --> 00:39:39,796 Okay. It's fun to talk about the rejects, 948 00:39:39,838 --> 00:39:41,548 but, uh... who's got ya excited? 949 00:39:41,589 --> 00:39:42,924 Finger Lakes guy is good. 950 00:39:42,966 --> 00:39:45,260 Darryl is also very good. 951 00:39:45,301 --> 00:39:47,929 You know, I just wish we'd find a candidate 952 00:39:47,971 --> 00:39:49,806 that knows the company as well as, say, 953 00:39:49,848 --> 00:39:51,516 some of the people on this committee. 954 00:39:51,558 --> 00:39:53,601 You know, who've been here for a long time. 955 00:39:53,643 --> 00:39:54,936 Interesting. 956 00:39:54,978 --> 00:39:56,896 It'd be a demotion for Gabe, 957 00:39:56,938 --> 00:39:59,190 and Jim's not interested, so... 958 00:39:59,232 --> 00:40:01,818 Are you trying to tell me you should be manager? 959 00:40:01,860 --> 00:40:03,403 You pulling a Dick Cheney? 960 00:40:03,445 --> 00:40:06,197 N-no. I-I am--I'm just saying 961 00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,616 if we can't find someone... 962 00:40:08,658 --> 00:40:10,952 yeah, sure, I'd do it. 963 00:40:10,994 --> 00:40:12,954 [laughs] You're funny. 964 00:40:12,996 --> 00:40:14,330 Little Dick Cheney. 965 00:40:14,372 --> 00:40:15,498 Well... 966 00:40:15,540 --> 00:40:17,959 You want it? Ask for it. 967 00:40:18,001 --> 00:40:20,170 Say you're the best man for the job. 968 00:40:23,965 --> 00:40:26,509 Well, I would work really hard, and I-- 969 00:40:26,551 --> 00:40:28,428 I mean, you could do worse. 970 00:40:28,470 --> 00:40:31,431 - Uh, 'cause the-- - Oh, for God's sake. 971 00:40:31,473 --> 00:40:34,476 Who's this fellow? Went to Cornell. 972 00:40:34,517 --> 00:40:37,520 - What's wrong with him? - How much time do you have? 973 00:40:37,562 --> 00:40:39,147 Sales ability--none. 974 00:40:39,189 --> 00:40:41,816 Integrity: see sales ability. 975 00:40:41,858 --> 00:40:43,318 And that's your unbiased opinion. 976 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:44,986 - Yes, it is. - So it's not relevant 977 00:40:45,028 --> 00:40:47,781 that he took the receptionist away from ya. 978 00:40:47,822 --> 00:40:50,575 Aw, Jo. Jo, I'm disappointed in you. 979 00:40:50,617 --> 00:40:53,453 Some people let personal things into the workp-- 980 00:40:53,495 --> 00:40:55,413 is she with him? Because I-I thought that-- 981 00:40:55,455 --> 00:40:57,374 Gabe! Ohh! 982 00:40:57,415 --> 00:41:01,336 Back when I bought this place, I was looking for a ghost. 983 00:41:01,378 --> 00:41:04,047 Someone to flitter around, spooking people, 984 00:41:04,089 --> 00:41:07,008 keeping them on their toes, and then disappear. 985 00:41:07,050 --> 00:41:08,677 My girlfriend said she knew a man 986 00:41:08,718 --> 00:41:09,928 who looked like a ghost. 987 00:41:09,969 --> 00:41:11,554 And he went to business school. 988 00:41:11,596 --> 00:41:14,057 But a ghost ain't supposed to date people. 989 00:41:14,099 --> 00:41:15,517 You think you're Beetlejuice? 990 00:41:15,558 --> 00:41:17,102 No. I'm no Beetlejuice. 991 00:41:17,143 --> 00:41:19,270 You're no good to me up here. 992 00:41:19,312 --> 00:41:20,897 You got all close to these people, 993 00:41:20,939 --> 00:41:23,274 got involved in their lives. 994 00:41:23,316 --> 00:41:24,859 Let's get ya back to Florida. 995 00:41:24,901 --> 00:41:26,486 We'll figure out something for ya. 996 00:41:26,528 --> 00:41:27,904 That sounds like a promotion. 997 00:41:27,946 --> 00:41:29,406 It's not. 998 00:41:29,447 --> 00:41:31,700 Let's get Kelly in here to take his place. 999 00:41:31,741 --> 00:41:33,284 Um... why Kelly? 1000 00:41:33,326 --> 00:41:35,161 'Cause Gabe's tall and weak. She's short and strong. 1001 00:41:35,203 --> 00:41:36,705 I'm doing an opposites thing. 1002 00:41:36,746 --> 00:41:38,623 [whispers] Okay. 1003 00:41:38,665 --> 00:41:40,208 How'd my girl Nelly do? 1004 00:41:40,250 --> 00:41:41,710 Oh, I didn't know you knew her. 1005 00:41:41,751 --> 00:41:43,878 - She didn't mention it? - No. 1006 00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:46,131 Integrity move. I like it. 1007 00:41:46,172 --> 00:41:49,551 Yeah, we met at some dumb women in business seminar. 1008 00:41:49,592 --> 00:41:52,053 I was the speaker, and she was the only person there 1009 00:41:52,095 --> 00:41:55,432 who wasn't trying to sell some Curves rip-off. 1010 00:41:55,473 --> 00:41:57,350 Yeah, uh, she also gave me reason to think 1011 00:41:57,392 --> 00:41:59,394 that maybe she wasn't a good fit. 1012 00:41:59,436 --> 00:42:01,396 Well, I'm not saying you must hire her. 1013 00:42:01,438 --> 00:42:04,482 If you find someone who's clearly a fit, then fine. 1014 00:42:04,524 --> 00:42:06,568 Just make sure they fit real good. 1015 00:42:06,609 --> 00:42:09,279 No more manager turnover. Don't mess this up, Jim. 1016 00:42:11,031 --> 00:42:13,116 And give Dwight an interview. 1017 00:42:13,158 --> 00:42:15,118 I like a little bit of crazy. 1018 00:42:18,121 --> 00:42:20,457 - Ah! - Erin, what are you doing? 1019 00:42:20,498 --> 00:42:22,709 I've been turned into a puppet. 1020 00:42:22,751 --> 00:42:24,627 - Okay. - [giggling] 1021 00:42:24,669 --> 00:42:26,755 Look at the puppet. Hi, puppet. 1022 00:42:26,796 --> 00:42:28,173 Who are you? 1023 00:42:28,214 --> 00:42:30,592 I was going to put on a puppet show today 1024 00:42:30,633 --> 00:42:32,635 to warn people about the faulty outlet 1025 00:42:32,677 --> 00:42:35,555 behind the fax machine. 1026 00:42:35,597 --> 00:42:37,474 But change of plans. 1027 00:42:37,515 --> 00:42:39,559 I went to drop off the FedEx forms, 1028 00:42:39,601 --> 00:42:43,813 and an evil witch named Angela turned me into a puppet! 1029 00:42:43,855 --> 00:42:45,774 [laughs] Yeah. 1030 00:42:45,815 --> 00:42:47,609 Low blow, puppet. 1031 00:42:47,650 --> 00:42:50,153 And there's only one thing that can change me back 1032 00:42:50,195 --> 00:42:52,364 into a real girl. 1033 00:42:53,531 --> 00:42:54,949 It's good. 1034 00:42:54,991 --> 00:42:56,326 It's just that I wish the puppet 1035 00:42:56,368 --> 00:42:58,828 would talk more about the alphabet. 1036 00:42:58,870 --> 00:43:01,039 Not for me, but... 1037 00:43:01,081 --> 00:43:03,208 if any kids are watching. 1038 00:43:03,249 --> 00:43:06,795 A, B, and so forth. 1039 00:43:06,836 --> 00:43:08,797 You know. 1040 00:43:08,838 --> 00:43:11,383 M, N, L, O. P. 1041 00:43:13,677 --> 00:43:14,678 F. 1042 00:43:16,346 --> 00:43:17,430 X. 1043 00:43:19,182 --> 00:43:20,684 See, I'm a numbers guy, 1044 00:43:20,725 --> 00:43:25,814 but I'm also very familiar with the letters. 1045 00:43:25,855 --> 00:43:27,315 W. 1046 00:43:28,858 --> 00:43:30,276 U. 1047 00:43:32,028 --> 00:43:34,489 Double-Y. 1048 00:43:34,531 --> 00:43:37,617 I need the most special thing in the office. 1049 00:43:37,659 --> 00:43:38,993 Silence? 1050 00:43:39,035 --> 00:43:41,996 A date with the best salesman... 1051 00:43:42,038 --> 00:43:44,165 Andy Bernard! 1052 00:43:47,502 --> 00:43:48,461 [giggles] 1053 00:43:53,425 --> 00:43:56,136 - Hey, Erin. - Oh. 1054 00:43:56,177 --> 00:43:58,680 Where'd you learn how to puppet like that? 1055 00:43:58,722 --> 00:44:00,390 - I've done it all my life-- - Listen, I'm really flattered, 1056 00:44:00,432 --> 00:44:02,058 but I don't think we should. 1057 00:44:08,231 --> 00:44:10,108 Erin's my best friend in this office, 1058 00:44:10,150 --> 00:44:12,110 hands down. 1059 00:44:12,152 --> 00:44:13,695 But... 1060 00:44:13,737 --> 00:44:14,904 when she asked me out, 1061 00:44:14,946 --> 00:44:16,906 I just didn't have that feeling, you know? 1062 00:44:16,948 --> 00:44:19,200 Aren't there some things that you really want to like 1063 00:44:19,242 --> 00:44:22,328 but you just can't seem to like it? 1064 00:44:22,370 --> 00:44:26,249 Like Mad Men or football. 1065 00:44:26,291 --> 00:44:28,293 Let's not forget. Erin chose Gabe over me. 1066 00:44:28,335 --> 00:44:30,795 That happened. 1067 00:44:30,837 --> 00:44:35,759 I'm not gonna apologize for getting over her... okay? 1068 00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:37,218 I'm sorry. 1069 00:44:37,260 --> 00:44:39,804 I would go for someone who's more... 1070 00:44:41,765 --> 00:44:43,600 She's great, though. 1071 00:44:47,354 --> 00:44:49,773 [elevator bell dings] 1072 00:44:49,814 --> 00:44:51,066 - Hey. Jim. - Hey. 1073 00:44:51,107 --> 00:44:52,400 - Yep. - Elevator man. 1074 00:44:52,442 --> 00:44:55,445 - All right. - So, listen, um... 1075 00:44:55,487 --> 00:44:57,864 I feel like I came off terribly today, 1076 00:44:57,906 --> 00:44:59,908 and I wanted to start over. What can I do? 1077 00:44:59,949 --> 00:45:03,244 Should I call Jo, or maybe have my old boss call over here-- 1078 00:45:03,286 --> 00:45:05,705 Listen, listen, listen. This isn't you, okay? 1079 00:45:05,747 --> 00:45:08,333 The Darryl we all love, he's calm, he's confident, 1080 00:45:08,375 --> 00:45:10,835 so just be that guy. 1081 00:45:10,877 --> 00:45:11,878 - Okay. - All right? 1082 00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:13,922 Okay, yeah. I was thinking that. 1083 00:45:13,963 --> 00:45:15,548 - All right. - Thanks. 1084 00:45:15,590 --> 00:45:18,426 - Yep. - Means a lot. 1085 00:45:18,468 --> 00:45:20,428 Stanley, I won't be able to invite 1086 00:45:20,470 --> 00:45:22,180 everyone to the wedding, 1087 00:45:22,222 --> 00:45:24,265 because we wanna keep it to 350. 1088 00:45:24,307 --> 00:45:26,101 - I'll get over it. - I mean, 1089 00:45:26,142 --> 00:45:27,811 we just have to see how many senators 1090 00:45:27,852 --> 00:45:29,479 and members of Congress want to attend 1091 00:45:29,521 --> 00:45:32,857 before we can open it up to regular people. 1092 00:45:32,899 --> 00:45:36,027 Pam, you know how you and Jim did your ironic wedding? 1093 00:45:36,069 --> 00:45:37,529 Do you still have the plans 1094 00:45:37,570 --> 00:45:39,197 for the dream wedding that you couldn't afford? 1095 00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:41,116 That was our dream wedding. 1096 00:45:41,157 --> 00:45:43,993 [clicks tongue] Niagara Falls? 1097 00:45:44,035 --> 00:45:46,913 Pregnant? That was your dream? 1098 00:45:46,955 --> 00:45:49,249 Pork medallions? 1099 00:45:51,209 --> 00:45:53,128 I hope... 1100 00:45:53,169 --> 00:45:55,797 you have a very beautiful wedding, Angela. 1101 00:45:55,839 --> 00:45:57,632 Hmm. 1102 00:45:57,674 --> 00:46:01,302 So Angela, are you looking forward to your wedding night? 1103 00:46:01,344 --> 00:46:02,470 What goes on in our bedroom 1104 00:46:02,512 --> 00:46:04,806 is none of your business, Phyllis. 1105 00:46:04,848 --> 00:46:06,683 Or yours. 1106 00:46:09,936 --> 00:46:11,646 Oh, Oscar. 1107 00:46:11,688 --> 00:46:13,606 You build up these enemies in your head, 1108 00:46:13,648 --> 00:46:16,026 and you wanna see them suffer. 1109 00:46:16,067 --> 00:46:18,028 But the thing is... 1110 00:46:18,069 --> 00:46:19,362 you don't. 1111 00:46:21,031 --> 00:46:22,365 You don't. 1112 00:46:25,744 --> 00:46:29,330 [clicks tongue] Oh, Oscar. 1113 00:46:29,372 --> 00:46:31,624 All right. 1114 00:46:31,666 --> 00:46:33,501 - Name. - Dwight Schrute. 1115 00:46:33,543 --> 00:46:35,628 Thank you, Mr. Scnoot. We will let you know. 1116 00:46:35,670 --> 00:46:37,380 - You have to interview me. - I just did. 1117 00:46:37,422 --> 00:46:38,840 The answer to that one question 1118 00:46:38,882 --> 00:46:40,175 told me everything I need to know. 1119 00:46:40,216 --> 00:46:41,551 How did I do? 1120 00:46:41,593 --> 00:46:43,053 To be honest, I'm leaning towards another man. 1121 00:46:43,094 --> 00:46:44,679 His name's Jacques Souvenier. 1122 00:46:44,721 --> 00:46:47,515 But would you like to be his number two? 1123 00:46:47,557 --> 00:46:50,185 Oh, God, it's gonna be hard, but... 1124 00:46:50,226 --> 00:46:51,519 yeah, I would do it. 1125 00:46:51,561 --> 00:46:52,979 Okay, well, there's a lot to think about, 1126 00:46:53,021 --> 00:46:54,314 so we will get back to you. 1127 00:46:54,356 --> 00:46:56,358 Well--no, I demand more questions! 1128 00:46:56,399 --> 00:46:57,692 All right, guys. Good day. 1129 00:46:57,734 --> 00:46:59,277 A lot of candidates. Let's discuss. 1130 00:46:59,319 --> 00:47:00,945 Okay, if you're not gonna interview me, 1131 00:47:00,987 --> 00:47:02,739 - then I'll do it. - Yes. 1132 00:47:03,406 --> 00:47:06,159 What will be your first priority? 1133 00:47:06,201 --> 00:47:08,787 I will have seven first priorities. 1134 00:47:08,828 --> 00:47:10,872 Safety, profits, 1135 00:47:10,914 --> 00:47:13,375 fostering a community of self-reliance 1136 00:47:13,416 --> 00:47:15,085 and entrepreneurship, 1137 00:47:15,126 --> 00:47:16,378 listening, 1138 00:47:16,419 --> 00:47:18,672 respect for human life, 1139 00:47:18,713 --> 00:47:20,382 bolstering our public image, 1140 00:47:20,423 --> 00:47:24,427 and...[chuckles] Getting everyone home on time. 1141 00:47:24,469 --> 00:47:26,054 Dwight, let me be frank. 1142 00:47:26,096 --> 00:47:27,931 In an accident that no one can blame you for, 1143 00:47:27,972 --> 00:47:31,351 an antique gun was discharged while you were acting manager. 1144 00:47:31,393 --> 00:47:33,978 How are we ever to trust you again? 1145 00:47:36,773 --> 00:47:37,941 [quietly] That's a great question. 1146 00:47:40,110 --> 00:47:41,486 I am going to institute 1147 00:47:41,528 --> 00:47:44,781 a strict no-firearms policy for this office 1148 00:47:44,823 --> 00:47:47,617 that extends to myself as well. 1149 00:47:47,659 --> 00:47:50,912 Wow. All of my concerns are disappearing. 1150 00:47:50,954 --> 00:47:52,914 - Thank you, Dwight. - Thank you. 1151 00:47:55,291 --> 00:47:57,127 [clears throat] 1152 00:47:57,168 --> 00:47:59,504 You'll be hearing from us shortly, Mr. Schrute, 1153 00:47:59,546 --> 00:48:01,297 and I think you're going to like the call 1154 00:48:01,339 --> 00:48:03,258 you're going to receive. 1155 00:48:03,299 --> 00:48:04,801 Oh, come on. 1156 00:48:06,678 --> 00:48:09,556 I'm just happy that I got this meeting. 1157 00:48:12,308 --> 00:48:13,268 [door closes] 1158 00:48:13,309 --> 00:48:14,644 Well, that was quick. 1159 00:48:14,686 --> 00:48:17,814 [exhales] Very, very interesting. 1160 00:48:17,856 --> 00:48:20,775 And you know what? I'm impressed. 1161 00:48:20,817 --> 00:48:22,861 - He's not a real candidate. - I don't know, Jim, 1162 00:48:22,902 --> 00:48:24,487 'cause it makes me think about something 1163 00:48:24,529 --> 00:48:25,947 that my grandfather used to say, which is that 1164 00:48:25,989 --> 00:48:28,450 sometimes the hand that jumps out of the grave 1165 00:48:28,491 --> 00:48:29,951 and grabs you around the throat, 1166 00:48:29,993 --> 00:48:32,620 that is the hand that you want on the wheel. 1167 00:48:32,662 --> 00:48:34,664 - You took the deal. - Yeah. It was a great deal. 1168 00:48:34,706 --> 00:48:36,624 - That's not okay. - I don't know. 1169 00:48:36,666 --> 00:48:38,084 Dwight seems like a great leader to me, 1170 00:48:38,126 --> 00:48:39,794 and I look forward to the personal perks 1171 00:48:39,836 --> 00:48:41,379 that he promised me privately. 1172 00:48:41,421 --> 00:48:42,797 What do you think, Toby? 1173 00:48:42,839 --> 00:48:44,799 Well, we could try him out for a little while. 1174 00:48:44,841 --> 00:48:46,134 If it doesn't work out, you know, 1175 00:48:46,176 --> 00:48:49,637 maybe one of us could, you know, step in... 1176 00:48:49,679 --> 00:48:51,806 What is happening right now? 1177 00:48:56,019 --> 00:48:57,395 Is it true that you're making Dwight the manager? 1178 00:48:57,437 --> 00:48:58,980 No. Why would you think that? 1179 00:48:59,022 --> 00:49:00,982 Well, he and Kelly said, then they pre-fired me. 1180 00:49:01,024 --> 00:49:02,525 Okay. 1181 00:49:05,528 --> 00:49:06,654 Okay, guys, just so you all know, 1182 00:49:06,696 --> 00:49:07,989 no decision has been made. 1183 00:49:08,031 --> 00:49:10,492 And Dwight is definitely not the boss. 1184 00:49:10,533 --> 00:49:11,659 That is correct. 1185 00:49:11,701 --> 00:49:13,495 Actually, Dwight is not the manager yet. 1186 00:49:13,536 --> 00:49:15,872 No, no, no, not--not ever, 'cause that's not gonna happen. 1187 00:49:15,914 --> 00:49:18,124 Well, it's not entirely up to you, is it? 1188 00:49:18,166 --> 00:49:20,669 Seems to me like someone is getting a little power mad. 1189 00:49:20,710 --> 00:49:21,920 Am I the only one who remembers 1190 00:49:21,961 --> 00:49:23,213 what he did when he was in charge? 1191 00:49:23,254 --> 00:49:24,673 I feel like I'm going a little bit crazy. 1192 00:49:24,714 --> 00:49:27,008 Tuna... you're completely sane. 1193 00:49:27,050 --> 00:49:29,511 - Thank you. - Who do you like for the job? 1194 00:49:29,552 --> 00:49:31,471 Is there anyone who maybe 1195 00:49:31,513 --> 00:49:32,889 was a little underwhelming at first 1196 00:49:32,931 --> 00:49:34,808 but now seems like a safe... 1197 00:49:34,849 --> 00:49:37,894 if not slightly unexciting choice? 1198 00:49:37,936 --> 00:49:40,689 Okay, seems like everybody has an opinion, so who else? 1199 00:49:40,730 --> 00:49:42,357 - Anybody? - Do you mean it? 1200 00:49:42,399 --> 00:49:44,859 Anybody? Are you sure? 1201 00:49:44,901 --> 00:49:46,820 [wearily] I suppose I am. 1202 00:49:46,861 --> 00:49:50,365 Okay, well, what do I want in a manager? 1203 00:49:50,407 --> 00:49:53,368 Let me see. 1204 00:49:53,410 --> 00:49:56,413 What do I want? 1205 00:49:56,454 --> 00:49:58,289 I don't think he meant-- 1206 00:49:58,331 --> 00:50:00,667 So now anyone gets to talk at any time? 1207 00:50:00,709 --> 00:50:02,377 Go ahead. 1208 00:50:02,419 --> 00:50:05,630 What do I want? 1209 00:50:07,382 --> 00:50:09,634 I'm looking for someone 1210 00:50:09,676 --> 00:50:10,927 who... 1211 00:50:12,804 --> 00:50:15,098 Everyone is listening to me. 1212 00:50:16,391 --> 00:50:17,517 - Can I say-- - Yes. 1213 00:50:17,559 --> 00:50:18,852 I think it should be Darryl. 1214 00:50:18,893 --> 00:50:20,395 - Okay. - What a surprise. 1215 00:50:20,437 --> 00:50:23,064 - Minorities sticking together. - Kelly's on your side. 1216 00:50:23,106 --> 00:50:25,734 I'm sorry, is that all you think of me--a minority? 1217 00:50:25,775 --> 00:50:27,902 I am so much more than that. 1218 00:50:27,944 --> 00:50:29,738 I am a dancer. I'm a singer. 1219 00:50:29,779 --> 00:50:31,031 I'm a fashion designer. 1220 00:50:31,072 --> 00:50:33,992 Whoever it is, I think they should be lame. 1221 00:50:34,034 --> 00:50:37,912 Kind of a nonthreatening, moderate personality. 1222 00:50:37,954 --> 00:50:39,914 - I want an outsider. - Perfect. 1223 00:50:39,956 --> 00:50:41,958 There are several outside candidates that we think-- 1224 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,085 No, I mean an outsider. 1225 00:50:44,127 --> 00:50:45,795 Like someone on the margins of society 1226 00:50:45,837 --> 00:50:46,838 who doesn't see things the way we do, 1227 00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:48,048 like a homeless person. 1228 00:50:48,089 --> 00:50:50,925 A homeless person. Really? 1229 00:50:50,967 --> 00:50:53,345 - A homeless person. - No. You're right, Pam. 1230 00:50:53,386 --> 00:50:55,096 Let's just leave them to the welfare system 1231 00:50:55,138 --> 00:50:57,265 - and let that handle it. - No, I want you to say 1232 00:50:57,307 --> 00:50:59,893 that you think the best person to be our new manager 1233 00:50:59,934 --> 00:51:01,186 is a homeless person. 1234 00:51:01,227 --> 00:51:02,812 Let me guess who you want, Pam. 1235 00:51:02,854 --> 00:51:04,898 Rachael Ray? The ladies of The View? 1236 00:51:04,939 --> 00:51:09,569 I got away with everything under the last boss, 1237 00:51:09,611 --> 00:51:11,321 and it wasn't good for me at all. 1238 00:51:11,363 --> 00:51:14,824 So I want guidance. I want leadership. 1239 00:51:14,866 --> 00:51:17,786 But don't just, like, boss me around, you know? 1240 00:51:17,827 --> 00:51:19,120 Like, lead me. 1241 00:51:19,162 --> 00:51:23,166 Lead me... when I'm in the mood 1242 00:51:23,208 --> 00:51:24,626 to be led. 1243 00:51:24,668 --> 00:51:26,127 I just want, for once, 1244 00:51:26,169 --> 00:51:28,672 a small, professional, decisive, 1245 00:51:28,713 --> 00:51:30,048 well-hung man in his 40s. 1246 00:51:30,090 --> 00:51:32,550 - Hey, hey, hey! - Okay, fine. 1247 00:51:32,592 --> 00:51:34,969 Uh, the guy with a tiny penis. 1248 00:51:35,011 --> 00:51:37,639 Are you happy? Let's hire that guy! 1249 00:51:37,681 --> 00:51:39,724 She may have a point there. 1250 00:51:39,766 --> 00:51:42,644 Would a small penis work? 1251 00:51:42,686 --> 00:51:44,604 Small to moderate. 1252 00:51:44,646 --> 00:51:46,356 Gotta catch a plane. 1253 00:51:46,398 --> 00:51:47,857 Oh, hey, Gabe, I'm sorry. 1254 00:51:47,899 --> 00:51:49,401 We didn't get you a cake or anything. 1255 00:51:49,442 --> 00:51:50,860 We're gonna miss you. 1256 00:51:50,902 --> 00:51:53,780 Oh, well, I'm still the corporate liaison to the branch. 1257 00:51:53,822 --> 00:51:55,782 You are not leaving without giving me a hug. 1258 00:51:55,824 --> 00:51:57,534 [both chuckle] 1259 00:51:57,575 --> 00:51:59,160 - Ugh! - Okay, you know what? 1260 00:51:59,202 --> 00:52:00,412 You don't need to make that sound. 1261 00:52:00,453 --> 00:52:01,871 I'm sorry. You were just a lot bonier 1262 00:52:01,913 --> 00:52:03,248 than I thought you were gonna be! 1263 00:52:03,289 --> 00:52:05,417 There are plenty of people who love touching me. 1264 00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:06,960 I'm a terrific hugger. 1265 00:52:07,002 --> 00:52:08,169 I've been with a bunch of girls 1266 00:52:08,211 --> 00:52:10,755 where that's basically all they wanna do. 1267 00:52:10,797 --> 00:52:11,756 - I will see you all soon. - Later, man. 1268 00:52:11,798 --> 00:52:13,258 - Good luck. - We'll miss you. 1269 00:52:13,299 --> 00:52:15,719 - Good luck at your new job. - Take care, man. 1270 00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:17,429 Uh, listen up. [clears throat] 1271 00:52:17,470 --> 00:52:19,264 Listen up, ladies. 1272 00:52:19,305 --> 00:52:22,225 I want the job. 1273 00:52:22,267 --> 00:52:23,893 There. I said it. 1274 00:52:23,935 --> 00:52:25,478 I'm educated. I'm capable. 1275 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:30,650 I like all of you, and I won't make any changes. 1276 00:52:30,692 --> 00:52:32,694 I see it. 1277 00:52:32,736 --> 00:52:35,238 I see it like I see a mountain that I'm standing in front of 1278 00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:37,407 and facing and I'm liking. 1279 00:52:37,449 --> 00:52:38,867 Yeah. 1280 00:52:38,908 --> 00:52:40,952 Andy would be wonderful as boss. 1281 00:52:40,994 --> 00:52:43,329 Erin made a good point. 1282 00:52:43,371 --> 00:52:47,042 No. We're not related. I got the call. 1283 00:52:47,083 --> 00:52:50,670 But... I'll tell her some other day. 1284 00:52:50,712 --> 00:52:52,380 Okay, what's going on? 1285 00:52:52,422 --> 00:52:55,467 I thought I told you guys to expand the company. 1286 00:52:55,508 --> 00:52:57,927 It looks exactly the same. 1287 00:52:57,969 --> 00:52:59,929 I'm very disappointed. 1288 00:52:59,971 --> 00:53:02,390 Jordana? Get me Jo on the phone. 1289 00:53:05,268 --> 00:53:07,771 - [door closes] - Okay, nobody say anything. 1290 00:53:10,732 --> 00:53:12,442 [phone rings] 1291 00:53:14,486 --> 00:53:15,904 Hey, Creed, this is Jo. 1292 00:53:15,945 --> 00:53:17,697 No, don't say another word. 1293 00:53:17,739 --> 00:53:20,450 I need you to take a nap right now. 1294 00:53:20,492 --> 00:53:23,203 Yes--I wanna talk to you in your dream. 1295 00:53:23,244 --> 00:53:26,289 Lay down and put the phone-- 1296 00:53:26,331 --> 00:53:28,291 great, very good. 1297 00:53:28,333 --> 00:53:31,169 [in baby-talk voice] Okay, you're gonna go to sleep. 1298 00:53:31,211 --> 00:53:33,380 [normally] Okay, I think we have about 40 minutes. 1299 00:53:33,421 --> 00:53:35,590 What about Darryl? 1300 00:53:35,632 --> 00:53:38,051 We can all agree that he's a stand-up guy, right? 1301 00:53:38,093 --> 00:53:41,429 He's very nice, laid-back. Overall just a good guy. 1302 00:53:41,471 --> 00:53:44,432 What if he brings some of those warehouse types up here? 1303 00:53:44,474 --> 00:53:45,850 They're not carnies. 1304 00:53:45,892 --> 00:53:47,102 Can we see a birth certificate? 1305 00:53:47,143 --> 00:53:48,478 I mean, how do we know he wasn't born 1306 00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:49,938 in Mooba-Jooba or something? 1307 00:53:49,979 --> 00:53:51,272 What difference would that make? 1308 00:53:51,314 --> 00:53:53,024 I'm just saying, American jobs 1309 00:53:53,066 --> 00:53:54,609 should go to Americans. 1310 00:53:54,651 --> 00:53:56,528 [hocks, spits] 1311 00:53:56,569 --> 00:53:59,239 Meredith, you can't just spit in the office. 1312 00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:00,490 Wha-- 1313 00:54:00,532 --> 00:54:02,575 Okay, I went too far. 1314 00:54:02,617 --> 00:54:03,952 Angela. 1315 00:54:03,993 --> 00:54:06,079 Well, let me be clear. I only speak for myself 1316 00:54:06,121 --> 00:54:08,456 and not myself and the senator. 1317 00:54:08,498 --> 00:54:10,291 I think we have some wonderful candidates, 1318 00:54:10,333 --> 00:54:13,003 and there is a great lively debate here. 1319 00:54:13,044 --> 00:54:15,046 - But let's think about-- - No. No. 1320 00:54:15,088 --> 00:54:17,549 No. Sorry. We cut Kevin off for the same thing. 1321 00:54:17,590 --> 00:54:19,801 You have to have something to say if you talk. 1322 00:54:19,843 --> 00:54:21,177 Exactly. 1323 00:54:21,219 --> 00:54:23,805 Jada. No, no, no. Jada, what are you do-- 1324 00:54:23,847 --> 00:54:25,849 oh. So sorry, guys. 1325 00:54:25,890 --> 00:54:28,393 I hope my family didn't disrupt your meeting. 1326 00:54:28,435 --> 00:54:31,271 Daddy, are these the people who are making you manager? 1327 00:54:31,312 --> 00:54:34,315 Maybe, sweetheart. [sighs] 1328 00:54:34,357 --> 00:54:37,193 Single dad. Challenges. 1329 00:54:37,235 --> 00:54:39,612 I don't know if he'd be a good manager, 1330 00:54:39,654 --> 00:54:41,031 but he's a really great dad. 1331 00:54:41,072 --> 00:54:42,907 Okay. Shush. This was a mistake. 1332 00:54:42,949 --> 00:54:44,451 Let's go. 1333 00:54:44,492 --> 00:54:46,161 Well, I can tell that this job 1334 00:54:46,202 --> 00:54:48,997 will never be his priority. [clears throat] 1335 00:54:50,206 --> 00:54:53,543 Everybody here is an idiot. 1336 00:54:53,585 --> 00:54:55,837 We all went into the paper business 1337 00:54:55,879 --> 00:54:57,422 at the dawn of the Internet. 1338 00:54:57,464 --> 00:54:59,966 We put years and years of our life 1339 00:55:00,008 --> 00:55:01,634 into a mom-and-pop business 1340 00:55:01,676 --> 00:55:04,763 in the age of bigger and bigger chain stores. 1341 00:55:04,804 --> 00:55:07,223 Everyone is saying that we are done, 1342 00:55:07,265 --> 00:55:09,976 that we will never make it. 1343 00:55:10,018 --> 00:55:13,313 You're too old, you're too fat to ever succeed. 1344 00:55:13,355 --> 00:55:15,440 What's fat got to do with it? 1345 00:55:15,482 --> 00:55:17,650 They said my candidacy was dead. 1346 00:55:17,692 --> 00:55:20,612 They said that I would never get an interview. 1347 00:55:20,653 --> 00:55:23,156 Well, I did. 1348 00:55:23,198 --> 00:55:24,532 And you know what? 1349 00:55:24,574 --> 00:55:26,034 I am on the brink 1350 00:55:26,076 --> 00:55:29,913 of capturing that very same job. 1351 00:55:29,954 --> 00:55:30,997 Me! 1352 00:55:31,039 --> 00:55:32,582 Me! [laughs] 1353 00:55:32,624 --> 00:55:35,877 The guy who fired a gun in the office! 1354 00:55:35,919 --> 00:55:37,337 Right? 1355 00:55:37,379 --> 00:55:40,548 Now, if I can make it, we can make it. 1356 00:55:42,092 --> 00:55:43,593 Are you serious? 1357 00:55:43,635 --> 00:55:45,512 He alienated everyone in the office. 1358 00:55:45,553 --> 00:55:46,763 Every single person! 1359 00:55:46,805 --> 00:55:48,390 He shot a gun. 1360 00:55:48,431 --> 00:55:51,267 I could have killed somebody, and yet... 1361 00:55:51,309 --> 00:55:55,105 [emphatically] Here I am. 1362 00:55:55,146 --> 00:55:56,189 Thank you for your time. 1363 00:55:56,231 --> 00:55:57,399 [scattered applause] 1364 00:55:57,440 --> 00:56:00,026 Please don't clap. Please don't clap. 1365 00:56:00,068 --> 00:56:01,444 It seems like we all know enough to vote. 1366 00:56:01,486 --> 00:56:03,238 - Should just vote now? - What? No, no, no. 1367 00:56:03,279 --> 00:56:05,115 - It's not a vote. - Then what was this all about? 1368 00:56:05,156 --> 00:56:06,282 I don't know. 1369 00:56:06,324 --> 00:56:07,909 This conversation really got away from me. 1370 00:56:07,951 --> 00:56:09,411 I don't care. They can just vote. 1371 00:56:09,452 --> 00:56:11,079 No, they can't. 1372 00:56:11,121 --> 00:56:12,872 That's not how this is gonna work. 1373 00:56:12,914 --> 00:56:14,082 [exhales] We're going in this room. 1374 00:56:14,124 --> 00:56:15,625 We're gonna have a meeting. 1375 00:56:15,667 --> 00:56:17,377 We're gonna make a recommendation to Jo, 1376 00:56:17,419 --> 00:56:20,213 and she's gonna give you her recommendation on Monday, okay? 1377 00:56:20,255 --> 00:56:22,132 What the hell happened out there? 1378 00:56:26,469 --> 00:56:30,432 Sometimes you hear people talking about failing upwards. 1379 00:56:30,473 --> 00:56:33,101 I think I'm about to do that. 1380 00:56:33,143 --> 00:56:36,062 This job? Oh, yeah, I'll get it. 1381 00:56:36,104 --> 00:56:38,106 Jo's an old friend. 1382 00:56:38,148 --> 00:56:41,151 I think... I'm her best friend. 1383 00:56:41,192 --> 00:56:43,111 She's not my best friend. 1384 00:56:43,153 --> 00:56:45,155 Every day, I have a blueberry muffin. 1385 00:56:45,196 --> 00:56:48,158 Today I did not have a blueberry muffin. 1386 00:56:48,199 --> 00:56:50,326 Should have had the blueberry muffin. 1387 00:56:50,368 --> 00:56:54,039 Especially considering how incredibly superstitious I am. 1388 00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:56,958 No. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. 1389 00:56:57,000 --> 00:57:00,795 I will be the new boss of... 1390 00:57:00,837 --> 00:57:03,173 Vance Refrigeration. 1391 00:57:03,214 --> 00:57:06,051 Honestly, I think I-- I sabotaged myself. 1392 00:57:06,092 --> 00:57:09,804 It's like I'm afraid of being happy. 1393 00:57:09,846 --> 00:57:11,806 Case in point... 1394 00:57:11,848 --> 00:57:14,434 I was supposed to start another job today. 1395 00:57:14,476 --> 00:57:17,062 [laughs] I will get offered the job. 1396 00:57:17,103 --> 00:57:20,190 That's a... call I've received many times. 1397 00:57:20,231 --> 00:57:22,901 The slight... hopefulness in their voice, 1398 00:57:22,942 --> 00:57:25,612 the pregnant pause while they... 1399 00:57:25,653 --> 00:57:27,322 wait to hear my response. 1400 00:57:27,364 --> 00:57:30,784 And then... my response. 1401 00:57:32,035 --> 00:57:33,203 I want the job. 1402 00:57:33,244 --> 00:57:35,080 I really do. 1403 00:57:35,121 --> 00:57:36,331 It's just the rest of my family's 1404 00:57:36,373 --> 00:57:37,832 in the Finger Lakes right now. 1405 00:57:37,874 --> 00:57:40,543 I'm supposed to be in the Finger Lakes right now. 1406 00:57:40,585 --> 00:57:44,422 I told 'em I was on a hike, snuck away to do this interview. 1407 00:57:44,464 --> 00:57:46,591 I gotta get back pretty soon. They'll worry. 1408 00:57:46,633 --> 00:57:49,094 People disappear in the Finger Lakes. 1409 00:57:49,135 --> 00:57:51,429 I will run this branch 1410 00:57:51,471 --> 00:57:56,601 or I will destroy this branch. 1411 00:57:56,643 --> 00:57:58,812 Or... I don't know. 1412 00:57:58,853 --> 00:58:00,563 Something always works out. 1413 00:58:07,654 --> 00:58:09,447 You remind me so much of my fourth-biggest client. 1414 00:58:09,489 --> 00:58:10,865 [high voice] Is that right? 1415 00:58:10,907 --> 00:58:12,325 I think you two should meet. 1416 00:58:12,367 --> 00:58:13,743 Well, okay... 1417 00:58:13,785 --> 00:58:15,620 Hey, Jordana, patch my ninth- 1418 00:58:15,662 --> 00:58:17,789 and my fourth-biggest client together. 1419 00:58:21,793 --> 00:58:24,337 [thuggish voice] Hello? [high voice] Hello! 1420 00:58:24,379 --> 00:58:27,424 Hi, how are ya? "Oh, I'm good! 1421 00:58:27,465 --> 00:58:31,094 Don't you just love paper and things about paper?" 1422 00:58:31,136 --> 00:58:32,762 Hey, are you single? 1423 00:58:32,804 --> 00:58:34,931 This seems like a love connection to me. 1424 00:58:34,973 --> 00:58:36,141 It's kismet! 1425 00:58:36,182 --> 00:58:38,518 Personally, I think Darryl would be good. 1426 00:58:38,560 --> 00:58:40,437 Oh, it has to be Darryl. 1427 00:58:40,478 --> 00:58:42,522 Or someone I don't know. 1428 00:58:42,564 --> 00:58:43,857 I thought the woman who came in, 1429 00:58:43,898 --> 00:58:45,900 she seemed like she had a fun energy. 1430 00:58:45,942 --> 00:58:47,110 I'm not a sexist; 1431 00:58:47,152 --> 00:58:50,321 I just really don't want it to be a woman. 1432 00:58:50,363 --> 00:58:52,532 I just feel that women are generally 1433 00:58:52,574 --> 00:58:55,452 less competent than men and less rational. 1434 00:58:55,493 --> 00:58:57,996 Again, I'm not a sexist. 1435 00:58:58,038 --> 00:58:59,330 Even Andy? 1436 00:59:01,332 --> 00:59:03,335 They need to pick someone. 1437 00:59:03,376 --> 00:59:05,920 Just someone. Fast. 103107

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