All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S07E20.Michaels.Last.Dundies.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

[snores softly]

- Fire! Fire!
- Ah!

[laughs] Let's go.
No, no, no.

There's no fire.
Let's just go.

- It is 6:00 a.m.
- [yawns]

And Deangelo and I are
about to go house to house

to give everybody their Dundies
nomination certificate,

- just like the Oscars.
- Yes.

And this happens every year?

- Every year this happens.
- Okay, every year.

You have a lot to learn,
my friend.

[chuckles]

Well, you know,
why don't we try it,

and if it goes--
if it goes good,

it'll be part of my tradition.

Why are you even saying that?
You're gonna love it.

Your hair's funky.
You have bedhead.

- I do?
- Yes.

- Sorry.
- Use your fingers like a comb.

How did it get--

I shower at night.

- Ah.
- I take my shower at night.

Here we go.

This way, this way.

Nice house.

- Surprise!
- Congratulations!

Yep.

You and Pam have both
been nominated

for Dundie awards.

Okay.

- Rawr!
- There we go.

- Have Pam come down.
- No, no, no, she's not here.

- Okay, I'm gonna get--
- What's going on?

Stay in bed.

- Congratulations.
- Stanley, we love you.

Have you lost your mind?

Get off my property
before I call the police.

[camera clicks]

- All right, we got it.
- Okay.

- Good.
- Leave it at the door?

- Yeah, that's fine.
- Okay.

Hey, Toby, you suck!

Is this an employee of ours?

[laughing]

- Why did y--
- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Is that part of the Dundies?

What the hell?

- Gosh.
- I've never seen this place

in the daylight.

This reminds me of Katrina.

Here we go.

All right.

Got it?
Are we set?

Hello?

- Oh.
- Uh-oh.

I'm so busted.
Walk of shame.

Do you--do you usually leave
your door unlocked and ajar?

[laughing] Oh!

Nice!
I got a Dundie nomination.

- Yes, you did.
- Yes, that's right.

- Wow!
- No big deal.

- Congratulations, Meredith.
- All right.

Well, we should head out.

No, no, no, you gotta stay.

No, no, no,
I have Vienna sausages,

and I have napkins.

Let me fix you breakfast.

[whispers]
I'm not going in there.

[whispers] Go. Go.

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪

Good morning, Erin.

Oh, hey, didn't see you.

Any big plans for tonight?

I don't know.

Maybe volunteer
at the women's shelter,

go to bed.

Or, I don't know,

maybe I'm going to the Dundies!

Whoo!

You are getting so funny.

- [chuckles]
- Very good.

This is it.
This is my final Dundies.

And part of me is devastated.

But here's the thing.

All great performers
take the comedy,

and they blend it
with something more serious.

David Letterman, for example.

Stupid Pet Tricks.

"Oh, I'm having
a heart attack."

I'm Velcro-ed to a wall.

Someone's extorting me.

Will It Float?

I have a stalker.

Makes for excellent television.

For those of us
who have never experienced

a Dundies awards show, um,

I thought it'd be a great idea

to have Michael say
a few words.

Well, the Dundies are
a magical night,

and not just because
we recognize fellow employees,

but because
people fall in love.

- Hm.
- That's where Jim and Pam

first kissed.

It's where Pam got drunk
and fell off a barstool.

That's right.
That is true.

[chuckling] That is true.

Anything can happen
at the Dundies.

They're like the Golden Globes
but less mean.

And I just want us
to all have a good time.

Just a little
announcement, folks.

Remember, the Dundies is
a black-tie affair.

Black tie optional.

Every day is
black tie optional.

FYI, tonight we will be
hosting at Louie Volpe's.

- Nice.
- I love their breadsticks.

Oh, their breadsticks are
like crack.

I love when people say
"like crack"

who have obviously
never done crack.

Well, their breadsticks are
like what then, Ryan?

- What can I use?
- I don't know,

something from your world.

"The breadsticks are like
scrapbooking."

- "The breadsticks--"
- You're right, you're right.

No, I'm a middle-class fraud.

Shh, shh.
Okay, okay, okay.

Everybody's right.

They're like
breadsticks on steroids.

- Right?
- Yeah, that's great.

So as you know,
the Dundies are my legacy.

So I'm going to need
to train a replacement.

So this year I have decided
to have a co-host.

And that person is...

[vocalizes drumroll]

[vocalizes drumroll]

Deangelo.

[applause]

Always the Padawan,
never the Jedi.

Thank you, Michael,

uh, but I will have to pass.

Think of it
as part of your training.

I'm not much of a performer,

unless you count
singing in the shower.

Boy, okay.

Okay, well, we'll work on it.

Look, I'm very, very bad.

- Very bad.
- You're doing it.

The Dundies are my baby,

and they need to go on.

When Larry King died,

they didn't just
cancel his show.

They got Piers Morgan
to come in and do his show,

and that way Larry lives on.

Guys, I want you
to help us work on some banter.

- Yes! I love banter.
- Good.

But I hate witty banter.

Here we go.

So, Deangelo,
you and I have a lot in common.

- You lost 200 pounds...
- Mm-hmm.

And I lose my car keys
every morning.

[scattered laughter]

That is true.

We do share some similarities.

I know how you can fix
one of those problems.

For me, it was portion control.

For you, you need a key chain.

- Maybe hang it on the--
- Okay, okay.

You know what?
I didn't actually lose my keys.

- Okay, so this did not happen?
- Mm-kay.

There needs to be
what you call a rat-a-tat.

And right now
it's all rat and no tat.

Ryan, come on up here.

- Deangelo, if you would just--
- Can I--

- Want to tap Deangelo out.
- 'Cause if I could see it--

Just watch us. Okay.

Ryan, how are you today?

Why don't you ask
my therapist?

My mom certainly
pays her enough.

There you go!
[laughter]

Lovely. Regis and Kelly.

Nice.
Use that as an inspiration.

- Perfect.
- Okay.

Perfect.

Hey, everyone.
Welcome to the Dundies.

[scattered responses
and applause]

Keep in mind, there were
absolutely no crocodiles harmed

in the making
of tonight's awards show.

- "Crocodile Dundee."
- Okay.

That's from
the major motion picture,

- "Crocodile Dundee."
- Shh. You know what?

Don't try to be funny.
Just be funny.

Think about it.

Overthink it, even.

And then you know
you can do it.

Uh, okay.
Hey, uh, you, sir.

- We having fun tonight?
- Having a great time.

- Oh, good, good.
- Thanks, yeah.

Where were you
on September 11th?

No. Gosh.

- Whoa.
- No, no. Stop, stop.

- What?
- This is so weird.

If I'm conducting a meeting,
good to go.

But if I think of it
as a performance,

I-I fall apart, obviously.

Why don't you think
of hosting the Dundies

like you're just
running a meeting?

No, no, no.

This is the performance
of your life.

This is not a meeting.

If this isn't a meeting,
I'm not here.

It is a meeting for you.
Sit down.

Deangelo,
why don't you just privately,

in your own head,
think of it like a meeting?

Jim, please, no loopholes.

Mike, why do you have
to control

how he perceives it
in his mind?

This is my last Dundies ever.

If I want
mind control over him,

is that too much to ask?

[whispering] Hey, Deangelo,
why are you so bad at this?

You're a very good manager.

[whispering] Am I?
Am I even a good manager?

You know you are.

I'm so rattled right now.

I can't even look
at these people.

Look at them.
You need to do it.

- I can't look at them.
- Yes, you can do this.

Boo!

Boo! This is so boring.

- Shut it, Dwight.
- Hey, people will heckle.

It's gonna happen, okay?
It's part of the landscape.

Boo! The emcees are stupid.

They're so fat.

And they're so disloyal.

Boo!

Be more loyal.

Can we go, Deangelo, please?

We have a mandatory party
tonight anyway--

No, you can
absolutely not go.

- Yes, yes, they should go.
- Thank you.

- They should go. Please.
- Meeting adjourned.

Go back to work.
It's okay.

Angelo, I'm gonna stay
for a while.

[sighing] Okay.

Me, mo, me,

- mo, moo.
- Good. Good.

- Good. Good.
- Me, mo--

Now tell me
something terrible

that happened
in your childhood.

When I was very young,

my mother divorced my father,

and I had to go to court
and choose between them.

Okay, too personal.

I don't wanna hear
about that stuff.

Let's try this.
Put this on.

I am going to turn this on

and turn the volume
all the way up...

- [wincing]
- So you can't--that's right.

You're not going
to be able to hear yourself.

Read this, and it's going
to sound perfect.

[yelling]
"The Dundies are com--

"all about coming together

"and recognizing
the indomitability

of the human spirit!"

Say it with an accent!

[nonspecific accent]
"The Dund--the Dundies--"

- [same accent] "The Dundies!"
- "The Dundie--"

I just don't understand
the desire

to push sweet potato fries
on me.

I just want regular fries.

Yeah.

Oh!

[knock on window]

Hey, Erin, everything okay?

Get away from the car.
He's gonna see you.

- Who's gonna see us?
- Just get in, get in.

Just get in.

Get in the car?

Please! Sorry.

Get in.

I'm--I'm sorry.
Sorry, sorry.

What's wrong?

I eat lunch in the car now.

It's my alone time.

It's just nice to have
some time away from Gabe.

Why don't you want to eat
lunch with your boyfriend?

I really don't like
spending time with him.

Don't you think it's better
to tell him the truth now,

you know, rather than waste
more of his time?

I think I'm gonna go.

- What?
- I think you got this.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- Yeah.
- All right?

- Okay.
- Feel better.

Thank you, Jim.

I'm sorry, that...

just wasn't interesting to me.

I can't just dump him, Pam.

I'm not like you.
I can't be mean.

Wait, when am I--

You just have to be
clear and firm.

You know, just tell him
you don't love him.

Just be honest with him.

[indistinct chatter]

Pshh. Barely appropriate.

Awful.

- Hi--
- Appalling.

Eyesore.

Surprisingly adequate.

Okay, everyone,
please take your seats.

The festivities commence
in four seconds.

A new low.

Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.

So how you feeling?

Feel good?
You look very handsome.

I feel nauseated.

Deangelo,
Jo's on the phone for you.

Hello?

Deangelo, we're in serious
horse manure here.

The Dundies are tonight,
and we ain't got no host.

Oh, no!

Luckily,
I have someone for you.

- Billy Crystal?
- Better.

Neil Patrick Harris?

He's in "Little Shop
of Horrors" on Broadway.

- Right.
- No, we need Michael Scott,

the best darn Dundies host
both sides of the Mississippi.

- Where do I find him?
- I don't know.

Ask your staff, you big dummy.

[laughter]

[groans]

I gotta find Michael Scott.

Hm, and then I gotta...

get him to the Dundies!

Hey, accounting,
I need to find Michael Scott.

You should ask Angela,

'cause she knows everything.

Hey, can you help me find
Michael Scott, Angela?

My boyfriend can.

He's a state senator.

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, no, he can't help,

because that title has
no meaning.

[laughter]

I did some of the writing.

Hey, Gabe.

Uh, hi, Deangelo.

Can you help me
find Michael?

Or is this gonna be
a bunch of bureaucratic,

wishy-washy, Sabre-loving BS?

[laughter]

Sabre signs our check.

[sighs]
So it will be a bunch of BS.

Jim, do you know
where I can find Michael Scott?

Oh, I totally don't know
where Michael is, dude.

Hey, you want to listen
to some records?

[laughter]

Hey, Pam.

What's that, Jim?

What are we gonna have
for dinner tonight?

Whatever you want, babe.

How about some casserole?

No one's listening to me!
I'm running out of time.

[feebly] What--
what are you talking about?

[moaning]

[laughing]

I've fallen
and I can't get up.

Maybe I just need
to look into my heart.

Righteous.
Look into your heart.

Look into your heart.

Yes, look into your heart.

[laughter]

Deangelo,

where is Michael Scott?

- I'm here.
- [gasps]

In a good way.

I've been here the whole time.

Now go to our office.

It seems like it has meaning,
but it has none.

The analytical part of me
wants to examine it.

[laughs]

But I know it has no content.

None.

And yet--

- Michael!
- Yes, my son.

We have to host the Dundies.

Then what are we doing here?

Let's haul ass.

Agh, this damn elevator.

[elevator dings]

Let's go!

Which one do I pick?
Is it that one?

- Uh-uh.
- No. Is it this one?

- No. It's that one!
- That's it.

[elevator dings]

Ladies and gentlemen,
please stand up

for your co-host
of the evening,

Michael Gary Scott.

[applause]

Please remain standing
for your other co-host

and new manager,

Deangelo Jeremitrius Vickers!

[cheers and applause]

Is that part of the--

- [groaning]
- Deangelo.

Hey.

Deangelo, what are you doing?

There's a live audience
out there.

Just go do it by yourself,
or g-get Ryan.

No, Ryan would never do it.
It's too on the radar.

Look, look.

The boss hosts the Dundies.

It's sort of our perk.

This was not part
of the job description.

Okay, listen to me.

You're not doing this for me.

You're not doing this for you.

You're not even doing this
for them.

What am I doing it for?

You're doing it
for all those kids out there

eating off
the Louie Volpe's kids' menu,

who are wondering,
does it get better?

It was 1968.

Robert Kennedy had just
been assassinated.

And I was at the Ground Round
with my mom and my stepdad.

And this guy, this drunk guy
just started dancing around,

doing the twist to no music,

and I started laughing.

I laughed so hard.

Funniest night of my life.

Eh--well,
obviously bittersweet.

What I want you to do is
I want you to say,

"It's showtime."

Get out there.

I can't.

- Say it.
- Stop hitting me.

You can do it.
Just say it.

Hit me again.

Now hit me.

One, two, three.

- both: It's showtime.
- All right, here we go.

[playing
"America the Beautiful"]

Okay, okay, sorry
about the delay, everybody.

But we were at the DMV
waiting in line.

[laughter]

Fall asleep right after sex,
huh, guys?

Nope. Go back to the script.

There are a lot of great
salesmen in this office.

But one of our great salesmen
is also a great dad,

and a close personal friend
of mine.

Jim Halpert,

- Best Dad Dundie!
- Best Dad.

[horn honks]

[applause]

Wow.
I do not parent for the awards,

but I gotta tell you,
it feels pretty good.

Um, Cece, if you're
watching this at home,

it's way past your bedtime.

By the way,
how did this get televised?

Thanks.

- Well done.
- I don't know,

maybe being a good dad is just
following your own compass.

I don't know.
I don't know.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

[applause]

Didn't think
to mention me, huh?

- Didn't I?
- No.

Okay, I finally get it

why people forget to thank
their significant others

at awards shows.

Because the adrenaline
just hits you,

and it's blinding.

[laughs]

Which moves us
to Best Mom Dundie.

This person, well, I guess
we all sort of consider a mom

around the office--
Meredith Palmer!

[laughing] Oh, my God.

Say what?

[all gasping]

Tell you one thing,

I'm not gonna be
a good mom tonight.

Whoo!

Excuse me.
Can I get a photo

of the Best Mom
and the Best Dad, please?

Step on up.

Well, I gotta go do this.

Why?

Let's go, big smiles, folks.
There they are.

Year after year,
I catch a lot of flak

on this particular award,

because year after year,
I present this award

to a guy instead of a girl.

Hottest in the Office
goes to...

Danny Cordray!

How do I feel
about not winning

Hottest in the Office
this year?

Um, I'm very relieved.

How do you--how do you judge
something like that?

What is his criteria even?

It's--it's so subjective.

Danny could not be here
tonight to accept his award,

so he is live via satellite.

Oh, Danny, are you there?

Hey, you guys.

I wish I could be there
in person

to accept this Dundie award.

Uh, Michael came to my house
and gave it to me in person.

- Oh, there he is.
- Hey, everybody.

[scattered laughter]

Hey, Michael!

Hey!

Oh. Here.

Uh, it's very nice
of you, really.

Where are you gonna
put that?

- I don't know.
- I think you should put it

right here on the piano.

Well...

Isn't he good-looking?

Yeah.

- That's, uh--
- Look at him.

Look at how good-looking
that guy is.

It's--it's already
pretty embarrassing, Michael.

- No way.
- But thanks.

- Anyway--
- I wouldn't be embarrassed.

Uh, appreciate you
stopping by.

Us studs have
to stay together.

[chuckles] I mean...

What are you doing
for the rest of the day?

Uh...

Stanley Hudson is a grump.

Everybody knows that.

But did you know
that Stanley Hudson is also

the face
of a debilitating disease

known as diabetes?

[spring boings]

The Diabetes award goes
to Stanley Hudson!

Come on up here,
you sick bastard.

[applause]

I have diabetes too.

You don't see me making
a big deal about it.

They say he's going to be
my right-hand man.

Ad-lib masturbation joke.

Nope.

[whispers] I hate this.
I hate it so much.

[normally]
Dwight Schrute, please accept

this Promising
Assistant Manager Dundie.

[applause]

Thank you.
Thanks so much.

Um, I want to dedicate
this award

to something that, uh,

we take for granted
in our daily lives.

And that is
the humble trash can.

This is for you, trash can.

[microphone thuds,
feedback whines]

Deangelo, what is beautiful?

Someone young?

Someone thin with a great body?

Is it someone
that we like to look at,

is really hot and sexy?

What if someone were none
of those things?

Could they still
be considered beautiful?

Well, I say they can.
[spring boings]

I am most proud
to give this next award,

which says more about me
than about her, in a way.

Mm.

The Redefining Beauty award
goes to Phyllis Vance!

[applause]

[drumroll]

Give it up.

Th-this is for all
the real women out there.

- Yeah.
- Whoo!

- Whoo!
- You go, girl!

Oh, yeah.

Way to go, Phyllis.

You go, girl!

Oh. This is very funny.

[laughter]
This is a laugh riot.

But you know what?
I don't care

if you think
I'm "kind of a bitch."

I'm also kind of dating
a senator

and kind of the happiest
I've ever been.

Sorry, Angela.

[applause]

I think it's going
pretty well.

Same crap, different Dundies.

Yeah, Deangelo is great,
but he's a little green.

Gonna need you to keep an eye
on him in the future there.

You can count on me.

That's what I do,
keep the boss on track.

- Thank you, Dwight.
- [chuckles]

Yes, master.
You're welcome, master.

Anything for you, master.

Oh, man, this has been
such a good year

for women in paper, am I right?

Come on, guys.

Give ourselves a hand,
women in paper.

This is pretty awesome.

So I-I don't know
why I'm up here and you're not.

I don't know how I could have
beaten you to get this,

but I'm just gonna take it,
so thank you so much, you guys.

[applause]

[giggles]

Who gave you those crayons?

I brought them from home.

Do you have a red?

This is a cloth tablecloth.

You can't color on it.

Oh, really?

Did you know herpes affects

one out of every five
sexually active adults?

Pippi Longstocking,
Ronald McDonald's wife,

Ron Howard, Ron Weasley.

What do they all have
in common?

Redheads.

And Erin Hannon...

come on up here to receive

your Cutest Redhead
in the Office award!

That is bull!

[laughs]

Thank you!
Thank you!

Thank you!

This is the first award I've
ever won in my entire life.

[laughter]

People were right
about the Dundies.

They are magical.

But I don't feel it,

and I think that's because
I'm not with the right person.

Gabe...

What?

We should break up.

What?

I'm not attracted to you.

I just--I cringe when you talk.

I have to be honest.

Right? Right, Pam?

[no audible dialogue]

Thank you for hearing me.

Okay, well,
this is embarrassing.

Um, I'm obviously
really angry at Erin.

Here comes
that quarter-life crisis

everyone's talking about.

All right, I'm gonna--
I'm gonna go.

Wait, h-hold--hold on.

Real quick while we have--
have you up here,

let's get you your Dundie...

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

Which is the--

I'm s--this is not appropriate.

Uh, Ichabod Crane award.

[sighs]

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

[crickets chirping]

Let's--there you go.

Damn, that was cold.

So cold.

And speaking of,
your food is cold.

Can I have it?

I'm really good at segues.

It is difficult to recognize

the person who will be
replacing you.

But he is a good guy.

So the Michael Scott award
for Best Dundies Host

goes to Deangelo Vickers.

[cheers and applause]

all: [chanting]
Speech! Speech! Speech!

Hold on.
Hold on one second.

Okay. Crank it.

Ow.

[yelling] I want to--I want--
I feel truly blessed,

uh, to be working
with all of you.

You know,
before this all started,

uh, funny story,
I was in the bathroom,

vomiting and vomiting
in that men's room.

- Okay.
- That's why it's been shut

- down for most of the evening.
- That's it.

This is important.
He's expressing himself.

- Hosts don't get Dundies.
- No.

This--this is...

- No. Just let--
- Truly special for me.

[microphone cuts off]
And, uh,

- anyway, it's so much lighter--
- Okay, we're done.

That's it.
[all murmuring]

- Michael, are we--what?
- We're done. We're done.

So that is how it ends.

My last Dundies ever.

I was hoping it would be
more like "Godfather III"

that wrapped up
the whole franchise

in an extremely satisfying way.

But instead,
it is like "Godfather I"

that was very confusing,

had maybe three big laughs.

Oh, well.

Hey, Michael.

We were thinking maybe
we could keep this thing going.

- What?
- Yeah.

I mean, some--
some people didn't win awards.

That's kind of lame.

Yeah, what am I gonna
tell my daughter

when I come home
without a Dundie?

Oh, Daddy didn't distinguish
himself at his work.

Daddy's invisible
in The Man's world.

Yeah, that's a bummer.

Trust me, I know
a little thing or two

- about being a great dad.
- Okay.

Seriously?

You guys want to keep
this thing going?

I know I'm the cause
of this royal screwup,

but I would like
to see the show go on.

No, no.

You're being too hard
on yourself.

We had a very truncated
rehearsal time.

Let's grab some ice cream,
go back to the office,

- and finish what we started.
- Yeah.

So what you're saying is,
you kinda liked it?

I've fallen and I can't get up!

That Phyllis bit,
that was pretty good, right?

I don't know that we need
to dissect it all right now--

- But that got a big laugh.
- It did.

That actually got
a big laugh.

- We were laughing, right?
- [laughing]

Oh, you know what,
I have to go to the bathroom--

Don't worry.
We're really close.

You know, I can just run over
to the gas station there.

We should just wait here

and not get good seats
in the conference room?

That's true.
We wouldn't get seats together.

Okay, yeah, I'll hold it.
I'm fine.

You know,
despite a couple hiccups,

I thought that went very well.

I thought it was the worst
Dundies I've ever been to.

Man.

Maybe you should have won
the Kind of a Bitch award.

Oh, gladly,
I'd accept that award,

because a bitch is
a female dog.

- Okay.
- What? What are you doing?

- Ah.
- What--

Whew.

Please don't stop so suddenly.

Seat belt's pressing
on my bladder.

Why are you even wearing
a seat belt?

You're sitting
in the back seat, baby.

- What is your problem?
- I just don't see the point

of the Dundies, okay?

The jokes are terrible,
the venue was bad,

- the fashion was boring.
- Okay, that--

that is unfair.

The clothing was safe
but tasteful.

And next time,
why don't you pick a co-host

that doesn't have
microphone-aphobia.

Look, whatever
you're going to do,

how long is it gonna take, ballpark?

'Cause I just--I've gotta
make a decision here.

He--he is in an all-out sprint.

[indistinct chatter]

Please, excuse me.

There is someone here

who has transformed himself
at this company.

He started as a hunk of coal,

and he has turned
into a diamond--

a black diamond,

which are the most precious.

The Movin' On Up award goes
to Darryl Philbin.

[cheers and applause]

Uh, thank you.

Thank you.
Thanks, Mike.

This is, uh, kind of offensive,
but I appreciate it.

- You're welcome.
- Congrats.

- Congratulations.
- Yeah.

Well done.

[scattered applause]

Hey.

What are you doing out here?

I was so mean to Gabe.

And I feel really bad, and...

I don't know,
I refill the machine

to take my mind off stuff.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Well, you di--I mean,
you did it all wrong, so...

- No, I didn't.
- I'm afraid you did.

I'm gonna need you
to try it again.

I want you to do better
this time.

No.

Not even close.

Do it again. Focus.

- [groans]
- Almost?

- Close.
- Andy, Erin.

Here--okay.

By his own admission,

this person actually
tried marijuana in college,

so the Doobie Doobie Pothead
Stoner of the Year award

goes to Andy Bernard!

Okay.
[applause]

Yes!

Aw.

There's a lot of people
I'd like to thank.

But I think we all actually
want to thank you, Michael.

Oh. Thank you.

I mean, we actually really
all want to thank you

for everything.

[playing "Seasons of Love"]

Oh, my God,
something's happening.

♪ ♪

* 9,986,000 minutes ♪

♪ We actually sat down
and did the math ♪

all: * 9,986,000 minutes ♪

♪ That's how many minutes
that you've worked here ♪

- * In costumes *
- * In impressions ♪

* In meetings *
both: * In cups of coffee ♪

- * For birthdays *
- * More meetings and ♪

both: * Email forwards
you made us read ♪

all: * 9,986,000 minutes ♪

♪ That's like watching
"Die Hard" 80,000 times ♪

We've been practicing
every day after work

in the warehouse.

We just thought it would be
a nice thing to do.

* You hit me with your car ♪

* You helped me
get off drugs ♪

* I watch you
when you sleep ♪

* I forgive you
for kissing me ♪

- all: * Remember to call *
- * Oh ♪

♪ You got to remember to call ♪

all: * Remember to call ♪

* Love is a gift
from up above ♪

all: * Remember to call ♪

both: * Text or call or email ♪

♪ Or call ♪

* Measure ♪

♪ Measure your life in love ♪

I'm not a good performer.

But I can sing
like a [bleep] angel.

all: * Remember to call ♪

* Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

all: * Remember to call ♪

* Yeah, yeah,
you got to remember to call ♪

- all: * Remember to call *
- * Whoo-hoo-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

Yeah, okay.

[inhales deeply]

Well, this is gonna hurt
like a mother[bleep].

Every day,
millions of Americans suffer

from extreme repulsiveness.

Someone in our midst is
bringing that problem to light.

- Toby Flenderson...
- [snickering]

Please come up here
and accept

the Extreme Repulsiveness award.

Oh, that's so mean.

- I don't--I don't--
- No, it's fine.

[whispers]
It's his last Dundies.

You gotta play along, man.

Come on, Toby.

Here he comes!

All right.
You deserved it.

I really disagree with this.

I think it's kind of hateful.

Although I am a little happy
right now

to have a platform
to talk about the outcome

of a case that I was
recently a juror on:

the Scranton Strangler.

A man's being put to death.

I was part of the verdict,

and I'm not so sure
he's guilty anymore.

- Oh, yeah.
- Chicka chicka.