All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S07E19.Training.Day.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

- Kahlua sombrero, please.
- All right.

So just you tonight?

Actually,
I am meeting somebody,

but I'm a little bit early.

I'm leaving my company
after 19 years.

I'll drink to that.

I'm starting
at a company this week.

Oh, really?

To beginnings and endings.

And to middles,
the unsung heroes.

And to moms.

To moms
of the troops.

Mmm.

Do not tell my fiancée
I'm drinking on a Wednesday.

[laughs]
I won't.

I don't know her.

Moving out
to the 'burbs.

Actually, I'm moving further
than the 'burbs.

I'm moving
to Colorado.

- Colorado?
- Yeah.

- Sunshine state.
- Yep.

- Don't mess with Colorado.
- No, don't.

Doing some skiing?

No, no, I don't want
to end up like Sonny Bobo.

Well, that's just--that's just
good sense right there.

Yeah, everyone I know
who skis is dead.

You know what, I would like
to try the luge though.

Try it once,
you're hooked.

- That's my guess.
- That's what I've heard.

- I'm an Olympics nut.
- Oh, yeah? Me too.

Summer or winter?

both: Summer.

Oh!

Knuckle.

Actually, I gotta come around
to give you--

Yeah, come on.

You know, it's funny.

I actually tried to get
an animal Olympics going.

Really?
What happened?

You know,
life happened.

What are you gonna miss most
about Scranton?

Oh, wow.

The mountains,
where things are.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

You waiting for somebody?

Yeah.

I'm not gonna say anything.

Penn or Teller?

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Huh.
- Yeah.

- Huh.
- I know.

Okay.

Tie.

Oh! Good answer.

- Tie.
- Very good.

Thank you.
Okay, your turn.

Mm.

Same question.

- Oh, wow. Okay.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, that's tough.

- Right?
- That is hard.

- Tie.
- Yep.

- Tie.
- That's the way it goes.

Man, he is late.

I'm gonna call him.

Do you mind?
I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

Where is this guy?

[cell phone vibrating]

[clears throat]
Excuse me.

I need to take this.

Hello?

- This is Michael Scott.
- Yes, yes.

You running late?
I'm here.

- No, I'm here.
- Oh.

- I'm at the bar.
- I'm at the bar too.

- You are?
- Uh-huh.

What bar?

I'm at the--
the bar--

the bar that's located
in the lobby of the hotel.

I do not see you.

How long have you--

I've been here about,

gosh,
over half an hour.

Okay, yeah,
me too.

- [whispers] Sorry.
- Sorry.

What are you wearing?

I am wearing a gray suit,
red tie.

Are we both
at the right place?

Which place?

- I hear your voice.
- I hear your--

- I hear your voice...
- I see your lips moving.

- In the phone.
- And, oh, brother.

- And that's--man!
- [laughs]

Michael Scott.

Deangelo Vickers.

- Wow.
- Ah.

That is insane!

- [both laughing]
- "That is insane" is right.

That's the right term.

Bartender,
let's get some vodka

up in this cranberry,
and one for my friend.

I have heard
that it is impossible

- to become addicted to vodka.
- That is true.

That is true.
Vodka is nonaddictive.

Most of the higher spirits
are undetectable.

It's because of the potato.

- both: One, two, three.
- To new friends.

Wow. Wow.

This is gonna take hours.

Are her breasts different?

- No panties on this one.
- Okay, good.

And I think the sail was
folded differently.

- No!
- That's okay. That's okay.

That's okay. It's all good.

On this one, I think she's like,
"Get lost,"

but on this one,
I think I have a chance.

No! I still think
the sail is different.

God! Come on.

I think this is broken.

- Wanna play again?
- Definitely.

- That right there...
- You want to try this.

- Trust me.
- Really?

Trust me.
You want to try this.

- Mmm! Are you kidding me?
- Mm-hmm.

Because one day they say that
blueberries prevent cancer,

and then the next day they say
that blueberries cause cancer.

That's totally true.

You know what'd be
a great Onion headline?

"Cancer Prevents Cancer."

[both laughing]

- That's so Onion.
- I know!

It's so you,
but it's also so Onion.

Ah.

There we go.
Ready?

- I am ready.
- All right, here we go.

Well, this is it.
What do you think?

She'll do.
Oh, she'll do just fine.

[chuckles]

I am very much
looking forward to tomorrow.

Uh, it is, uh--

it feels like the culmination
of a lot of hard work,

a lot of good fortune,
and, uh--

- [snickers]
- Hey, come on.

Did that--
did that just happen?

[laughter]

We should write a movie
or something.

I'm serious.
[giggling]

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪

Rise and shine. Coffee time.

[sighs]

Do not talk to me
until I have had my coffee.

Until I've had my coffee,
do not talk to me.

- Mmm.
- [sighs]

- Oh, I feel better.
- [exhales] I feel awesome.

It does not agree with me.

Coffee.

- No.
- And yet I have to have it.

You know what?
Coffee keeps me regular.

Yeah. Well...

It's the best time of the day.

- In that regard...
- Right, right, right.

It is the best time
of the day.

Right, right, right.

I give it about seven minutes.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Seven minutes from this.

Beeline.

So at...8:37.

Mmm.

Michael is leaving,

and apparently they already
hired a new manager.

And we're meeting him today.

That's a lot to process,

paperwork-wise.

If you had told me a year ago

that Michael would leave
this place for someone in HR,

I would've thought you meant
he would murder Toby.

Still might.

I never thought
Michael would leave.

I mean, outside of the time

he thought Wallace was
promoting him

and he had us do races
at the beach,

and when Charles Miner took over

and he opened up
his own company.

But outside of that,

he once tried to run away
on a train.

No, it's not
Ashton Kutcher.

It's Kevin Malone.

Equally handsome,
equally smart.

- Good morning.
- Hi.

- Good morning.
- Good morning to you.

What's this?

Oh, nothing.
That is just a screenplay.

The Adventure Pals

by Deangelo Vickers
and Michael Scott.

Oh, my gosh,
it's 150 pages longs.

Okay, everyone,
as you know,

one of my favorite things
is fanfare for its own sake.

So without further ado,

let's all start clapping.

[scattered applause]

Presenting Deangelo Vickers!

Hi!

Hello.
[applause]

- Come on out!
- Oh.

Hello.
Hey.

How are you, sir?

I'm well, sir.
How are you?

Uh, can I just say,

I am so excited
to be working here.

We couldn't be more excited
about having you here.

- Welcome.
- A little bit about myself--

I love the American Southwest,
for starters.

You may call them Arizona,
New Mexico, Nevada, Utah.

I call them heaven.

I have a peanut allergy.

Something I live with.
It's a part of me.

I've learned
to cope with it.

I was a national ranked
high jumper in high school.

Really?

- Yeah.
- I didn't know that.

Couldn't do it in college
for academic reasons.

And that's something
that still bugs me.

What else--I'm just as
comfortable at a ball game

as I am at the opera.

I was a--

Did I want
to be made manager?

Sure.

A great opportunity squandered?
Absolutely.

A crushing blow?
Yes.

Will I get over it?
Mmm...

no.
But life goes on.

Not for me.

I think
with a little hard work,

we can become the greatest
office in the world.

I truly believe that.
That's not an understatement.

Okay?

Right?

Yeah? Yeah? Okay.

[applause]
That's about it.

- That's about it?
- Yeah.

There's so much more.

This guy is being so modest.

There's a lot more to him
than what he just said.

We can't wait to learn it all.
Right, guys?

Again, welcome.
[laughs]

- Fantastic.
- Thank you so much.

- Sir?
- Yes.

Thank you very much.

So we talked
for, like, 20 minutes.

No clue it's Deangelo
the whole time.

That's kind of embarrassing.

No, no.

Yeah, that story
makes you sound stupid.

I happen to like
the hilarious hijinks

that I get myself into.

There he is--
there--

Deangelo,
I was just telling them

about last night
when we met.

- Oh.
- Remember that?

[laughs]

That was crazy.

That was great.

"Uh, let's see.
Where's my replacement?"

- Hmm.
- Uh.

"where's the guy
I'm replacing?"

I don't know.
Why don't I look to my left?

- I know.
- You're sitting right there.

I know.
[laughter]

Well, that's--
that's what I was just saying.

That's the--

That exact situation
is why I always

carry around
a couple of these.

Just in case,
'cause, you know,

sometimes you need
to I.D. yourself.

[laughs]

Office funny guy.

Always glad to have
an office funny guy around.

I wasn't even trying
to make a joke.

But I guess I've always been
sort of quirky.

Offbeat.
A little twisted.

This is Jim and Pam,
aka "Jap."

What started as an affair

has blossomed into a family
before our eyes.

Well, it was--
it wasn't an affair.

- Yes, it was.
- But, no--

but we are a family.

We made that.

- Cecelia.
- Aw.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

I have four kids
of my own.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.
Well, we just have the one,

but she poops for four.

[laughter]

Uh-oh, someone started off

on a good foot
with the new boss.

Yeah, they don't ever talk
about careers that were made

because of unplanned
pregnancies, so.

Meredith has shown me
her breasts

on three separate occasions.

- Really?
- There's Dwight. Dwight!

Best right-hand man
in the business.

But you better buy a taser

to keep him from wiping
your butt.

Hey, Dwight, you had
something to say to Deangelo?

Welcome, new manager
of Dunder Mifflin.

I'm Dwight K. Schrute.

I am assistant regional manager.

I will be at your beck and call
night and day.

Consider me an extension
of your own hand.

I serve at your pleasure.

Congratulations on joining
the staff here.

This truly is a great day.

The end.

- Very nice.
- Thank you.

- Brought you some cookies.
- Oh!

Dwight's home-baked cookies.
These are the best.

Lemon bars or the coconut ones--

I got these at the store.

Apparently it's one
of the most popular brands

in the United States.

- Enjoy.
- Chips Ahoy.

Okay.

Maybe he ran out of yeast.
I don't know.

Maybe syrup.
No, not--well, maybe syrup.

I don't know.

Oh, sure, sure.
You can use syrup.

That apple
looks delish.

I do a lot
of portion control.

Try to keep my daily
caloric intake under 1,200.

Deangelo, you're going
to starve to death.

So you decided to have an orgy
and not invite me?

Come on!
I call middle.

[laughs]

It's cool that you like
the Southwest.

It's one of my
favorite regions.

"It's one of my
favorite regions."

Did I just sound
totally lame?

No.

I sounded good.

I love the desert.

It's one of my
favorite ecosystems.

Here's the great thing
about the Southwest.

There is so much more
than desert.

Along the north rim
of the Grand Canyon

is a forest as lush
as you've ever seen.

Burned.
It's lush, dummy.

Hey, uh, Deangelo.

What do you think
about bald people?

I hate them.

Deangelo, I forget,

did you mention
you liked politics?

- I did not.
- Because I was thinking,

you should meet my boyfriend.
He's a state senator.

I really think the two of you
would hit it off.

He's a great person
to know.

Sounds very interesting.
Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Psst.
Thanks for meeting me.

Are you kidding?

I would come anywhere
to see a turtle.

- Yeah.
- Where'd you find him?

There's no turtle, Michael.

I just wanted
to get you here.

[scoffs]
You know me very well, Dwight.

That's because I'm your
right-hand man, Michael.

But I can't do it.
I can't do it again.

I can't be a right-hand man
to a whole new guy.

Now I'm gonna have
to go online

and look at turtles,

or else I'm gonna be off
the whole day.

I want to be manager.

I have been Robin to your Batman
for 11 years.

11 glorious years, Michael.

But at a certain point,
Robin needs to become Batman.

Batman scares me, Dwight.

Let's not talk about Batman.

Yeah, well, you know what?

Bats scared Bruce Wayne too.

That's why he became Batman.

Ha.

- What are you thinking?
- Nothing.

- Is there a Turtleman?
- No, Michael--[groans]

I just don't understand

why I wasn't even interviewed
for the job.

You know, what's wrong?

I'm totally qualified.
You were pushing for me.

I didn't know
Dwight wanted to be manager.

[groans]

Deangelo.

You will--you'll get a kick
out of this.

Do you know
those old-school blocks,

the wooden blocks?

- For kids.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, my gosh, yes.
Oh, yeah, the block story.

- This is great. Okay, go ahead.
- Right.

So--the blocks with the letters
on them.

- Yes. Right. Okay.
- Yeah, sure, sure.

So we give a set of those
to Cece,

and we turn around
for, like, a second.

A second.

And we turn back,

and she has spelled out
the word "ass"

in the blocks.

So we're laughing.
She's grinning.

It was so funny.

Kids are a riot.

They really do say
the darnedest things.

[phone rings]

Dunder Mifflin,
this is Erin.

Okay, let me transfer you.

Why do you use your name
when you answer the phone?

Oh, that's how Pam does it.
I just copy her.

She's--she's sort
of a living legend.

[chuckles]

Try it without
using your name.

Dunder Mifflin,
this is.

Oh, yeah.
I like it.

Dunder Mifflin,
how may I assist you?

Oh, assist.

I sort of like
the old way.

I just prefer it
without the name.

- I thought...
- Okay, no, no, no.

I gotta start doing some
managing at some point, right?

I know, I know.
I'm sorry.

But if it's not
a big deal,

we should just
do the old way.

- And it really isn't.
- Okay.

- That good?
- Yeah, okay, good.

Well, I'd like
to change it, actually.

Well, you know, whatever.

- Yeah.
- Whatever you think would work.

What do you think?

I think a change
would be nice.

You could do the old way,
or the, you know,

whichever one
you want to do.

[phone rings]

[whispers]
Change it.

[phone continues ringing]

I'm so sorry.

Sorry.

Come on, maggot.

Bye-bye, calories.

Whoo!

[grunting dramatically]

Don't stop now!

No one's stopping.

[grunting dramatically]
[upbeat music playing]

Okay.
[music stops]

Wow. Look at you!

Oh, don't hug me.

No! Get away, get away.

I see you've been introduced
to our conference room.

Multifunction room, yeah.

So I was thinking that maybe

I could show you around
a little bit more.

You could shadow me.
Still a lot to learn, so.

You know, I'm feeling like
I'm ready to dive in.

Well, the water's pretty cold.
A lot of octopuses out there.

Well, I've been taught by the
best octopus hunter in the biz.

Haven't taught you everything.
There's...

Pretty good teacher.
I feel pretty prepared.

You know what,
no teacher in the world

could teach this job in one day.

I think you just about did.

Well, I don't think I did,
so--

Deangelo is great.

He's so great.

I only wish that we weren't
meeting right now

when he's replacing me.

You know when I wish we met?

I wish that I met him
at a haunted house.

And he was just
some random dude,

and I said, "Hey, man,

you want to go through
the haunted house together?"

And he'd be like, "Yeah!"

And we go through and we laugh
and it's not scary.

That's--that would be primo.

But this is less.
It's less that way.

Oh, hey, Dwight.

Before I forget,
I would love to know

of any great restaurants
in town,

if you have any thoughts.

I've got a list here that has
pretty much every place in town.

Oh, great.

Make sure you get that
back to me.

[sighs]
I'll get that, guys.

No, I'll help you. Here.

You know, it's just--
you know?

Oh, hi.

Hello.
Hi.

Have we met before?

No, not officially.

I saw you coming out
of the bathroom earlier.

Well, I guess I'm gonna
go back to my cave.

Okay.

It was really great
meeting you.

And that...

is what they call
a "meet cute."

Hey, funny guy.

I'm having a little
mid-day lull here.

Make me laugh.
Huh? What do you got?

- Uh...
- I can't even look at you.

Here we go. Okay.

[laughs]

Okay, what do, um,
African Americans call the--

uh...
[laughs nervously]

- What?
- Um.

- Deangelo.
- Yeah?

Did you order
a barber?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Come on back here.

Put a pin on that.
I can't--

I can't wait to hear
the punch line.

Finish the joke, Andy.

What do African Americans call?

I don't know.
Help me.

That is so badass.

Just so hardcore.

Yeah, very cool.
Real power move.

Yeah.

Saw a hawk today.

Just sitting right there
on the overpass,

looking at me.

Shave me.

Well, this is going
to be funny,

because it looks like we're
gonna be shaving buddies.

Okay, all right.
I love it.

- Ha, ha, ha, ha!
- I love it.

- Michael, this is Reggie.
- Hello.

He's the number-one

Yelp-reviewed shaver
in Scranton.

It's not even close.

And this is Erin,

and she's going
to shave my face.

Here we go.

All right.

This is how we do it.

- Mmm.
- Feels nice, doesn't it?

It really does.

This is luxury.

Here we go.

Okay.

Oh, that is nice.

[knock on door]

You wanted to talk
to us, Deangelo?

Oh, yes, yes.
Please cozy up there.

I just thought we could have
some rap sessions

with smaller groups.

You know, we don't really
do rap sessions.

We kind of do--
God!

We sort of do more of like
pow-wows or whatevs.

Okay, well,
pow-wows then, fine.

That's--
[pained sigh]

Hey, Deangelo,

my mom just sent me
this picture of Cece.

It is so adorable.

All right, wait,
but a little bit of back-story.

She loves dogs.
She calls them "da-das."

- Da-das.
- And what happens is--

You know what?
Enough about your baby, okay?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, we were just--I think
she was just trying to--

No, no, no.
I know what you're doing.

Just quit it.

I want to hear
from the rank and file.

How can I be
the best manager for you all?

You know,
what can I do better?

Okay, you know what, everybody?

There's--
you have to be honest here.

You--you can't say that
everything is perfect, right?

So, you know,
come up with something.

Well, Deangelo, I'd say
communication could be improved.

People stopped reading memos,

so everyone
marks them "urgent."

Okay, you know what,
I mark it

urgent "A," urgent "B,"
urgent "C," urgent "D."

Urgent "A"
is the most important.

Urgent "D" you don't even
really have to worry about.

Okay, um, Michael,
can you stop talking now?

I have to do your lips.

Don't shave my lips.

How about you, Dwight?

Yeah, I'm just
right by your side, so yeah.

Personally, Deangelo,
I just want to sit

and see how you do things.

I'm really excited.

There must be something

you'd like to see
specifically improved.

I do think that there is a web
of racism and/or jealousy

that is trying to keep me down.

Okay.

This has been very helpful.

This is a great start.
Props to you.

- [yells]
- Oh!

Deangelo's great.
I love the guy.

But I'm not sure he's
a good fit for the office.

And also, I'm not sure
if I love the guy.

Did we just totally blow it?

I don't know, I mean, I get

that talking about your kid
can be annoying.

You know, everybody thinks their
kid is the cutest in the world.

- Cece really is.
- Right?

Yeah.

We just gotta get her in here.

What's up?

I don't mean to go off
on a rant here, but...

I wrote the perfect joke.

Topical, edgy.

Funny.

I saw this thing
in the news.

Democrats want electric cars.

- Republicans don't.
- Right.

I'm thinkin'
how crazy is it

that we got a car debate
goin' on in a city

known for gridlock?

Um... let's not talk
politics in the office, okay?

I like you better
as the funny guy.

I wasn't taking a--
a position.

It was just sort of
one of those things.

[Deangelo laughing]

Now, that's funny.

That's funny.

You walk much?

Yeah!
Right?

I mean... ah!

[Deangelo chuckling]

Don't mind me, my main Mike.

Can I get you just to--
just to scooch?

- Just a little bit?
- Oh, yes.

Of course, my good friend.

- There you go.
- Oh, thank you.

A little bit more, possibly?

Just getting over
my carpal tunnel.

Ah. Okay.

- Little bit more of a scooch?
- Yeah, if you don't mind.

Okay. How's that?

I'm not registering
much of a scooch.

Could be wrong.

- Mm.
- I could be wrong.

That is so like you,
because you are wrong.

- I'm not perfect.
- You are not indeed.

Far from it.

- Mm-hmm?
- Huh?

What?
You need a little more?

- All right.
- That's good.

- There we go.
- Yeah, thank you.

[sighs]

Let's just hunt and peck.

- Little click.
- Mm-hmm.

Deangelo,
this box came for you.

Great! Thank you.

That's my stuff.

- Oh!
- Yeah.

Michael,
take a look at this.

- Need a hand?
- Oh, that'd be great.

- Thank you.
- Hey, you know what?

This office sort of has
a perfect fung shooey to it,

and... you know,
let's not go overboard

with the redecorating.

- I'm still here, so...
- Wow!

- Right?
- Nice.

[overlapping murmuring]

I still have to look
at this stuff, guys, so...

- So this is a ten-gallon hat?
- Yeah, you like that?

Ten-gallon hat.

Technically, it only holds
about three quarts.

- Little factoid.
- Interesting.

No, I've always loved
the Southwest.

I got a lot of this stuff
at home.

You know, turquoise and rocks...

I need this job, man.

Anybody mind if I put up
this art right here?

- That looks good, right?
- I mind.

I said, I mind.

I heard you. Yeah.

Angela, you found
my Kokopelli dancer.

Yes, it's very festive.

Yeah, he's a trickster god.

Also associated with fertility, so...

first he makes you laugh,
then he gets you into bed.

[laughter]

This is great. This is great.

I love how everybody's
personality's so different.

Stanley, wow, you've just become

a helpful little buttercup,
haven't you?

Me? [laughs]

You used to be a sassy Eeyore.

[as Stanley] Yeah, I'm not gonna
help anybody with anything.

[as himself]
And Oscar. Oscar.

[as Oscar] Um, no, Michael,
I can't help you,

because it is not
fiduciarily responsible.

- I don't sound like that.
- You sound exactly like that.

[as himself]
I love this. I love change.

Change is good.
And you know what?

I think right now, I'm going
to change this supermodel

back into Kevin Malone.

[all gasp]
Oh, there he is!

[coughs]

All right, this was just--
it was just off.

- Thank you, Michael.
- You're welcome. That's better.

Cool, cool.

All right,
see you later, girl.

Hey, hey, hey.

Naw, I'm good.
Keep that.

Hey, funny man.

What you got for me?
Make me laugh.

[grunting]

[chuckling]

Oh...

let's see...

let's see if my favorite
tea is in here--

oh, jeez!

Aah!

Aahhblblblblbl!

Oh... oh!

Oh!

Aah! Aah!

[laughing]

Oh... oh...

aah!

That's hot coffee!

Ow ha ha!

Drink some soap.

[laughing]
Drink some hand soap.

[both laughing]

I guess
this is my life now.

Can you believe that?

They're all treating him
like he's some sort of god.

Like he's "Kokopebli" himself.

You know, they used to say that
I was the world's best boss.

Now you're a lame duck.

And Deangelo is a fat cow.

He has the same body type
you have.

You're like body twins.

I guess I mean
just from how he used to be.

What do you mean?

I have just come
into the possession

of a photograph
that is very embarrassing

and just may change the way
you perceive a certain person

in this office.

What is it?

It's a picture
of a super fat guy.

Yes.

[scoffs]
I'll say.

It's Deangelo.

Yes, it is.

This is a photograph
taken of Deangelo Vickers.

And not only is this
so-called leader of ours

- a giant tub of goo...
- Well...

He's also not
from the Southwest.

He's from Maine, which is
the worst state there is.

I formulate my state rankings

by considering
percentage of marshland,

speed limit,
number of technical colleges,

then I tally the results,
and I stick Maine at the bottom

because it sucks!

I just--I can't get
that picture out of my head.

This curly-haired idiot
used to be so fat.

It really is a shame
that a person's weight,

or their former weight,
makes us think less of them.

Meh.

How do you let yourself go
like that?

- I don't know. Yeah.
- I know, Michael, right?

Just jog in place
ten seconds a day.

That's all it takes.

I know.

I didn't have
ten seconds a day.

I was too busy eating.

That's okay. Pass it around.

Everyone take a look.
Creed, you looked at it yet?

Yes,
but I'll gladly look again.

I used to weigh 425 pounds.

I was unhappy and unhealthy.

I used to go
to tapas restaurants

and gorge myself
on Spanish charcuterie.

I mean, let's be honest.
Tapas is a cuisine for groups.

Not with me.

Tapas party of one.

Looks like you went
over the tapas.

- [laughs]
- With food.

One day, I had a long layover
in Phoenix.

I thought I'd do
some sightseeing,

and my car broke down in Sedona.

I found myself just wandering,
delirious with hunger.

And I swear to God,
I felt an energy.

I felt stronger
than I'd ever felt before,

like I could do anything.

Keep in mind, I was naked.

But in that moment,
I felt like I could change.

I made a promise that I would
lose 202 pounds within a year.

I just--I can't get that image
out of my head

- of what you used to look like--
- Shh, Michael, please.

- It just--
- My friends,

my new family,

I stand here today--
guess how much weight I lost.

202 pounds?

203. I beat it by 1.

I beat it by 1.

[applause]

And that is why
I so firmly believe

that this--this extraordinary
group of people

that I'm looking at

has a chance,
has an opportunity,

to become the greatest office
in the world.

Because we can change
anything we want.

I'm living proof.

You know what?
He's right.

If he can lose all that weight,

then I can wear fake hair.

I am so pumped right now.

I feel like a majorette

about to march
through town square.

Thanks for sharing, Deangelo. Amazing.

Thank you.

[applause]

And thank me
for bringing it up.

No, look,
I wouldn't see an insult comic

if I couldn't take the insults.

But I just felt like
someone from the club

should've intervened
once it was clear

- he was only gonna insult me--
- Gabe, get off the phone.

I'm sorry,
I have to call you back.

Dwight, would you like
an Asian candy?

I'll take a ginseng.

I'll keep this brief.

How do I become
a manager at Sabre?

Well, first things first.

Thank you for coming to me
directly, you know?

I know you could have
called Tallahassee,

but they would have
just looped back to me, so...

it's cool you recognize
my role here.

I left a message
at corporate.

Uh... there you go.

Get a recommendation
from Michael.

That'll put you
right on the short list

for next time
there's an opening.

Can't you just use
the recommendation

- you already have on file?
- What recommendation?

From when he recommended me
to replace him.

Um...

I'm so--I'm sorry,

I never know how to act in
these awkward-type situations.

Best whale watching.

Easily the west coast.

If you're gonna go whale
watching on the east coast,

you might wanna bring
a magazine called

West Coast Whales.

[laughter]
'cause you're not gonna see 'em.

[ahem] Snack time.
It's the witching hour.

It is the sandwiching hour.

- Awesome.
- Mmm. What ya got?

PB and J.
My mom's recipe.

Michael, Deangelo
has a peanut allergy.

Okay, I need a wide berth.

I need a wide berth
from those nuts.

What are you doing?
Have you lost your mind?

I think Kevin wants one.
Kevin--here ya go!

- Oh!
- Michael, this is serious.

Do you know what happens
if Deangelo touches a peanut?

- What?
- Michael, the last time

I was exposed to a peanut,

I was itchy for three days, okay?

Had to take baths constantly.
I missed the OJ verdict.

Had to read about it
in the paper like an idiot!

Wait. So you don't go into
like shock or die or anything.

No, Jim.
Not everything's life and death.

I wanna feel comfortable.

I almost drove my car
up on the curb, all right?

'Cause my right arm was itching

so badly
the last time it happened.

I know what I'm having
for dinner.

[whispers] Oscar, here you go.
[popping lips]

Oh--whoa!

You're getting nut particles
all in the air!

No one had a problem
with the air here

until you came around.

Everyone, mandatory meeting.
Multipurpose room, now.

No, that's good.

- You just stay in there.
- Except for Michael.

Stay in there by yourself, loser.

- Nobody go in.
- What?

- Nobody go in there.
- What?

- Stay where you are.
- Michael, this is insane.

No, it's not insane, Oscar.

I've been here
for 19 years,

and just because someone else
is called the boss,

you're gonna
throw it all away?

N-no.

Hey.

Come on.

I mean, is this
how you treat a friend, Pam?

This isn't about friendship, Michael.

It's just about work.

Everything's friendship.

Listen, I know
what you're going through,

but you're the one
who decided to leave.

Come on.
He's our new boss.

You know we have to do this.

Ooh, well.
Who needs 'em?

Looks like it's just
you and me, Dwight.

Correction.

Just you.

All right.
Meeting, multifunction room.

[Dwight muffled
from room]

Hey, Michael.
Michael, wait up.

Hold up, hold up.

Um...

so--so for these meetings,
do you just--

do you just jump into business,

or do you start with
some chitchat or...

I start with
some chitchat

and maybe
a couple of jokes.

And you might wanna develop
a couple of characters.

Go on, you just--
you'll be fine.

Maybe.
Maybe not.

50/50.

- No.
- You know,

it is too bad for this place
that you're leaving.

Bring it in.
Come on.

Bring--

okay.

Okay.

Why did you have to be
so damn good?

I...
I'm adequate.

[laughs]

I-I'm half as good
as you.

- No, no, no.
- Oh, come on.

You are good.
They know it.

Come on.

I just didn't expect you
to get there so fast.

Would you do me a favor
and enjoy this time, okay?

You've worked so hard.

Get your senioritis on.
It's Lake Havasu time.

Guess I been working
so hard, I...

forgot what it's like
to be hardly working.

[both laughing]

I can feel your heart beat.

I can feel yours.

[both mimicking heartbeats]

Feels good.

Does feel good.

Um, something I never told you.

Adventure Pals,
it was based on us.

I know.

[quietly]
Okay.

What is the...
Native American girl's name?

You'll figure it out.

Deangelo: Thank you, Dwight.

[muffled speech]

Deangelo: Um...
Dwight: Listen up!

All right.

Hey, Deangelo.

Wanna meet Cece?

That's a cute baby.

[laughter]
Very cute baby.

Adorable.
Very cute.

Thank you very much.

I'm sorry,
I should get back to work.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Okay.

- Thank you so much.
- Say bye-bye!

- Say bye!
- Bye!

See? We knew it.

If he just met her,
he'd understand.

We're back in. Huh.

- Huh!
- Right?

I'm telling you,
that baby could be

the star of a show called
Babies I Don't Care About.

No, I don't actually have kids.

I just say that I do

because it gives the impression
of stability.

I actually hate babies.

Hey, congratulations.

You had unprotected sex.

[scoffs]
What an odd society we live in.