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1
00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:14,389
I GOT A DELIVERY FOR YOU.
2
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,016
LEAVE IT AT RECEPTION.
3
00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:19,519
I'M SUPPOSED TO DELIVER
THIS ONE IN PERSON.
4
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:23,314
[bullets ricocheting]
5
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,403
[gun clicking]
6
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:31,406
[dramatic music]
7
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:38,371
♪ ♪
8
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,137
CLEAN UP ON AISLE FIVE.
9
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,143
AFTER THREE YEARS OF WRITING,
ONE YEAR OF SHOOTING,
10
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,562
FOUR YEARS OF RESHOOTING,
AND TWO YEARS OF EDITING,
11
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,981
I HAVE FINALLY COMPLETED
MY MOVIE,
12
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,317
THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT.
13
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:10,320
{\an8}[cheerful music]
14
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:17,285
{\an8}♪ ♪
15
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:34,636
{\an8}ERIN, HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND?
16
00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:37,722
{\an8}JUST TERRIBLE. THE WORST.
17
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:41,893
{\an8}SEE ANY MOVIES?
18
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,687
{\an8}- ERIN, ERIN...
- YES?
19
00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:45,897
{\an8}- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- GUYS...
20
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,774
{\an8}DID YOU GUYS KNOW
THAT OUR OWN MICHAEL SCOTT
21
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,234
{\an8}HAS MADE A MOVIE
22
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,861
{\an8}AND THAT HE MAYBE
WILL LET US WATCH IT,
23
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:54,072
{\an8}BUT ONLY IF EVERYBODY'S
DYING TO SEE IT?
24
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,741
{\an8}THAT'S--WELL, DON'T PUT
WORDS IN MY MOUTH.
25
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,243
{\an8}THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT
26
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,079
{\an8}IS THE GREAT LOST FILM
OF MICHAEL SCOTT.
27
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,456
{\an8}WE'RE ALL IN IT, FROM,
LIKE, YEARS AND YEARS AGO.
28
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:04,666
{\an8}IT'S LIKE A HOME MOVIE.
29
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:08,795
{\an8}YEAH, IF MICHAEL SCOTT
DID YOUR HOME MOVIE.
30
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:11,840
{\an8}MICHAEL SCREENED A WORK IN
PROGRESS FOR US YEARS AGO,
31
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:13,925
{\an8}AND IT DIDN'T GO WELL.
32
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,927
{\an8}WE THOUGHT IT WAS A COMEDY.
33
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,346
{\an8}EVERYTHING POINTED TO IT
BEING A COMEDY.
34
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,431
{\an8}YEP.
35
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:20,932
{\an8}WE'D LOVE TO SEE IT.
36
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,268
{\an8}IF EVERYONE FINISHES
THEIR WORK FIRST.
37
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,895
{\an8}SWEET.
I WILL GO INVITE HOLLY.
38
00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:29,899
{\an8}OKAY, EVERYONE,
I KNOW WE'RE REALLY EXCITED
39
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:31,735
{\an8}TO SEE THIS MOVIE
THAT EVERYBODY'S IN,
40
00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:34,029
{\an8}BUT WE HAVE TO REMEMBER
THAT MICHAEL IS SENSITIVE.
41
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,739
{\an8}SO LET'S STAY POSITIVE.
42
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:39,492
{\an8}AND NO LAUGHING, NO COMMENTS,
JUST POSITIVE ENERGY,
43
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:41,995
{\an8}AND WE'LL HAVE
A PURE FUN DAY, OKAY?
44
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:44,205
{\an8}THANKS, MOM.
45
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,623
{\an8}YOU NEVER TOLD ME
YOU MADE A MOVIE.
46
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,625
{\an8}MM-HMM. IT'S GOT ACTION.
IT'S GOT HEART.
47
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:48,918
{\an8}IT'S GOT SYMBOLISM.
48
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,046
{\an8}- IT'S GOT YOU?
- IT'S GOT A LOT OF ME.
49
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:53,006
{\an8}I CAN'T WAIT.
50
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,469
{\an8}LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT.
51
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,555
{\an8}[upbeat dramatic music]
[cheers and applause]
52
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:05,727
{\an8}♪ ♪
53
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,479
{\an8}TUNA!
54
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,607
{\an8}[applause]
55
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:12,734
{\an8}YEAH!
56
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:15,862
{\an8}[applause]
57
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,284
MICHAEL SCARN?
58
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:24,371
WELL, THAT IS
AN INTERESTING STORY.
59
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:31,211
HE WAS ONCE THE BEST
SECRET AGENT IN THE BUSINESS.
60
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,636
THAT WAS YEARS AGO.
61
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,016
WHERE IS HE NOW?
62
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:48,520
WELL, THAT'S ALSO
AN INTERESTING STORY.
63
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,696
MASTER SCARN.
64
00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,364
{\an8}MASTER SCARN!
65
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,784
{\an8}I PLAY SAMUEL,
MICHAEL SCARN'S ROBOT BUTLER.
66
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,411
{\an8}I WANTED SAMUEL'S VOICE...
67
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:07,205
{\an8}[robotic voice]
TO BE LIKE THIS.
68
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,456
{\an8}BUT MICHAEL THOUGHT THAT
SAMUEL SHOULD BE
69
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,250
{\an8}A VERY ADVANCED ANDROID,
70
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:13,336
{\an8}ALMOST INDISTINGUISHABLE
FROM A REAL PERSON.
71
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,630
DWIGHT DOES NOT PLAY
A ROBOT.
72
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,176
- I'M UP.
- IT'S THE PRESIDENT.
73
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,971
- HE NEEDS YOU FOR A MISSION.
- TELL HIM I'M RETIRED.
74
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:27,517
IT'S GOLDENFACE.
THE MAN WHO KILLED...
75
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:30,603
DON'T SAY HER NAME.
76
00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:33,273
GOLDENFACE...
77
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:34,899
THIS MAKES IT PERSONAL.
78
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,902
{\an8}[dramatic music]
79
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:41,114
{\an8}♪ ♪
80
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,450
SCARN,
YOU'RE RIGHT ON TIME.
81
00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:45,910
- [cheers and applause]
- HAIL TO THE CHIEF.
82
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,871
I GAVE UP A LOT OF WEEKENDS
BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
83
00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:50,915
GOOD FOR MY DAUGHTER TO SEE
A BLACK MAN AS PRESIDENT,
84
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,918
EVEN IN A SILLY HOME MOVIE.
85
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,920
WHAT A STUPID WASTE OF TIME.
86
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,214
IT'S YOUR OLD ENEMY, GOLDENFACE.
87
00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,675
HE'S AFTER
THE NHL ALL-STAR GAME.
88
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,844
HE'S HIDDEN A BOMB
SOMEWHERE IN THE STADIUM.
89
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,221
SCARN...
90
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,514
THIS ONE IS PERSONAL FOR ME.
91
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:10,143
I OWN THE STADIUM.
I CAN'T SEE IT BLOWN UP.
92
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,603
IT'S MY RETIREMENT PLAN.
93
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,313
WE HAVE TO SEARCH
THE STADIUM.
94
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:15,607
NOT SO FAST.
GOLDENFACE HAS TAKEN
95
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,984
ALL OF THE CONCESSION-STAND
WORKERS HOSTAGE.
96
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:22,280
SCARN, WILL YOU FIND THESE
HOSTAGES AND SAVE THE GAME?
97
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,950
HEADS I DO IT,
TAILS I DON'T.
98
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,869
BEST OUT OF SEVEN.
99
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:29,913
[dramatic action music]
100
00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:30,955
HEADS.
101
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:34,000
♪ ♪
102
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,502
- TAILS.
- [sighs]
103
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:36,753
♪ ♪
104
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,672
HEADS.
105
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,757
TAILS.
106
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,927
HEADS.
107
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:45,512
TAILS.
108
00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:52,394
♪ ♪
109
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:56,606
LOOKS LIKE THERE'S GONNA BE
A CLEAN-UP ON AISLE FIVE.
110
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,150
[cheers and applause]
111
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,824
WELL, THE HOSTAGES
WERE SCARED.
112
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:09,202
DON'T YOU GUYS GET IT?
NOBODY'S COMING FOR US.
113
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,329
OH, SOMEONE'S COMING,
ALL RIGHT.
114
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:15,125
THE ONLY MAN WHO WOULD CARE,
MICHAEL SCARN.
115
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,751
[cheers and applause]
116
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:21,756
I ORIGINALLY WANTED DAVID
WALLACE TO PLAY GOLDENFACE.
117
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,591
BUT HE HAD TO TURN IT DOWN
BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T LOOK GOOD
118
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:26,177
TO PEOPLE AT CORPORATE.
119
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,430
I SHOULD'VE SAID YES.
120
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,682
WE ALL TAKE OURSELVES
TOO SERIOUSLY IN THE MOMENT.
121
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,809
WE THINK EVERYBODY'S WATCHING
US AND JUDGING US.
122
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,520
BUT IN REALITY, NOBODY GIVES
A DAMN WHAT YOU DO.
123
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,981
THEY'RE ALL TOO CAUGHT UP IN
THEIR OWN BULL[bleep].
124
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:41,693
LIFE IS SHORT.
JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
125
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,821
SEE, I'M GONNA LURE HIM HERE.
THEN I'M GONNA KILL EVERYBODY.
126
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:47,866
THEN I'M GONNA DIG UP
SCARN'S DEAD WIFE,
127
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,076
AND I'M GONNA HUMP HER
REAL GOOD.
128
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,037
[laughing evilly]
129
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,039
I DID NOT LOVE THE DIALOGUE...
130
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,707
OR THE CHARACTER.
131
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,209
I TOOK THE ROLE
TO IMPRESS A RECEPTIONIST
132
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,420
WHO WILL REMAIN NAMELESS.
133
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:03,214
BUT RIGHT NOW
I'M GONNA GO DO SOME DRUGS.
134
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,216
SO DON'T TRY ANYTHING.
135
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,886
I DID DO MY OWN MAKEUP THOUGH.
136
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,890
WE NEED TO CHOOSE A LEADER.
137
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,976
SOMEONE WHO'S TOUGH ENOUGH TO
TAKE ON GOLDENFACE.
138
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,519
I COULD BE THE LEADER.
139
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:17,896
WHAT MAKES YOU SO TOUGH?
140
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:21,274
I HAVE EXPERIENCE AS
A LEADER, A NEGOTIATOR,
141
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,151
A GENERAL, AND A COP.
142
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,153
IN OTHER WORDS, I'M A MOM.
143
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:28,782
[chuckles]
144
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,825
IT'LL BE SANDRA.
145
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,244
LISTEN.
146
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,955
OW.
147
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,123
[GRUNTS]
148
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,833
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO'S LEADER.
149
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,544
IT'S EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELF
DOWN HERE
150
00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,421
AND THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY OUT
151
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:49,052
AND IT IS THROUGH THAT DOOR.
152
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:51,554
OH!
153
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:54,641
[dramatic music]
154
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:57,435
THOSE DRUGS
REALLY HIT THE SPOT.
155
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:01,272
SO HAVE YOU GUYS CHOSEN
A LEADER YET?
156
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,857
GULP!
157
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,610
WELL, THE ALL-STAR GAME
WAS THREE DAYS AWAY
158
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,946
SO NATURALLY
IT WAS ALL SOLD OUT.
159
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:11,116
THE ONLY WAY SCARN WAS
GETTING IN WAS IN A UNIFORM.
160
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,784
JUST ONE PROBLEM WITH THAT.
161
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,954
SCARN DIDN'T KNOW
A HOCKEY STICK FROM A SLIM JIM.
162
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:19,833
SO HE WENT TO MEET WITH THE
FAMED TRAINER, CHEROKEE JACK.
163
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:20,917
MOP THE ICE.
164
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,585
I'M NOT HERE TO LEARN
HOW TO MOP,
165
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,337
I'M HERE TO LEARN
HOW TO PLAY HOCKEY.
166
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,463
MOP IT.
167
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,883
[Billy Joel's "Running On Ice"]
168
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,552
* OH ♪
169
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,637
♪ I GET NO TRACTION
'CAUSE I'M RUNNING ON ICE ♪
170
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:36,141
♪ IT'S TAKING ME TWICE
AS LONG ♪
171
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:39,144
♪ I GET A BAD A REACTION
'CAUSE I'M RUNNING ON ICE ♪
172
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,855
YEAH, COME ON. COME ON.
173
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:45,984
♪ ♪
174
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:49,946
* YOU GOT
TO RUN, RUN, RUN, OH ♪
175
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,991
- ♪ OH-OH-OH-OH-OH *
- AH!
176
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:56,369
* YOU RUN, YOU RUN,
YOU RUN, RUN, RUN, OH ♪
177
00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:59,914
♪ OH-OH-OH-OH-OH ♪
178
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,375
- NOW TAKE THIS.
- * RUNNING ON ICE ♪
179
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,336
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
WITH THIS?
180
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,671
- * RUNNING ON ICE *
- MOP.
181
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:11,009
* RUNNING,
RUNNING ON ICE ♪
182
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,011
WELL, MICHAEL SCARN
WAS QUICKLY BECOMING
183
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,513
ONE OF THE HOTTEST
HOCKEY PLAYERS IN THE COUNTRY.
184
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,265
EACH YEAR
THE NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE
185
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:20,852
ACCEPTS ONE CIVILIAN AMATEUR
TO PLAY IN THE ALL-STAR GAME.
186
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,812
IT'S DOWN TO THE THREE OF YOU.
187
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:27,192
THE FINAL TEST
IS SPEED SKATING.
188
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:29,027
ON YOUR MARKS...
189
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,779
GET SET...
190
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,489
DIE.
191
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:33,907
[dramatic music]
192
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:36,451
[gunshots]
193
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:43,166
♪ ♪
194
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:53,009
[breathing heavily]
195
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:54,177
NICE TRY, GOLDENFACE,
196
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,554
EXCEPT YOU FORGOT ONE THING:
TO KILL ME.
197
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,556
OH, I WASN'T TRYING
TO KILL YOU.
198
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,850
I WAS TRYING
TO SLOW YOU DOWN.
199
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:04,729
NO!
200
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,482
- OH, BY THE WAY...
- YEAH?
201
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,150
HOW'S YOUR WIFE DOING?
202
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:11,152
[laughing evilly]
203
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,905
CONGRATULATIONS.
204
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,408
HEY, YOU CAME IN SECOND.
NOT BAD EITHER, CHAMP.
205
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,160
I AM SO SORRY
I HAVE TO DO THIS.
206
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,495
[choking]
207
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,414
SHH! SHH, SHH!
208
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,500
[choking and wheezing]
209
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,211
[grunts]
210
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,678
I'M SO SORRY.
I'M SO SORRY.
211
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,014
I'M INTERCEPTING A NAME...
212
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,057
JASMINE WINDSONG.
213
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,809
SHE WORKS FOR GOLDENFACE.
214
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:46,479
BUT WHAT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT IS,
WHO IS THE FUNKY CAT?
215
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,565
NOT WHO, WHAT.
216
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,775
THE FUNKY CAT IS
THE HIPPEST JAZZ CLUB IN TOWN.
217
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,281
OH!
OH, N--
218
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,992
[jazz music]
219
00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,493
♪ ♪
220
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:03,038
HE CUT THE PART WHERE
MY CIRCUIT BOARD MALFUNCTIONED?
221
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,749
THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT
OF SPILLING THE DRINK ON ME?
222
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,710
[smooth jazz music]
223
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:12,172
♪ ♪
224
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:15,467
JASMINE WINDSONG?
225
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,219
- I'M A MAN.
- OH.
226
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:24,559
* THEY CALL ME
JASMINE WINDSONG ♪
227
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:28,396
BINGO.
228
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,774
HE FINISHED HIS MOVIE?
NO KIDDING.
229
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:32,484
WOW.
THAT'S GREAT.
230
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,444
YEAH, GOOD FOR HIM.
231
00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:37,572
I ALSO HEAR THAT HE HAS
A VERY SERIOUS GIRLFRIEND.
232
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,824
THAT IS SO, SO GREAT.
[chuckles]
233
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:42,619
AND I'M GREAT TOO.
[chuckles]
234
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,038
GREAT.
[clears throat]
235
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,334
[snaps]
BEAT IT, TURD.
236
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,753
THANKS, MISTER.
237
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,755
SO YOU ARE JASMINE WINDSONG.
238
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,424
SORRY,
I DON'T SIGN AUTOGRAPHS.
239
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,842
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
240
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,969
LITTLE PLACE CALLED
SCRANTON, PENNSYLVANIA.
241
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:02,806
- WHOO!
- I'M LOOKING FOR SOME PEOPLE.
242
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:06,017
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
ANY HOSTAGES.
243
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:10,271
WHO SAID THAT THEY WERE
HOSTAGES?
244
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,857
STRANGER, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
245
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,401
MICHAEL KNEW THAT
THE ONLY WAY
246
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,611
TO GET JASMINE TO TELL HIM
WHERE THE HOSTAGES WERE
247
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,030
WAS TO MAKE HER FALL IN LOVE
WITH HIM.
248
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,867
AND THE ONLY WAY TO DO THAT
WAS TO BE HIMSELF.
249
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:26,037
[singing unintelligibly]
250
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:33,003
♪ ♪
251
00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:34,879
[click]
252
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:40,218
♪ THE HOSTAGES
ARE UNDER THE STADIUM ♪
253
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,803
Ooh!
254
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,013
YEAH.
[all murmur]
255
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,848
[grunts]
256
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,642
CHECK, PLEASE.
257
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:48,601
THIS IS ACTUALLY
A PRETTY GOOD PLOT.
258
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,061
SHH.
259
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,355
- NO, I'M SERIOUS. THE WAY--
- YOU SOUND SARCASTIC.
260
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:55,692
I KNOW YOU MEAN IT
BUT IT COMES OFF SARCASTIC.
261
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,571
YOU HAVE TO LET US GO, GOLDENFACE.
262
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,947
WE HAVE FAMILIES.
263
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,658
HA, THIS IS GONNA
SHOW THEM...
264
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,952
THAT I MEAN BUSINESS.
265
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,081
SEE YA.
266
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:19,758
FAR AND AWAY THE MOST
EXPENSIVE SHOT OF THE MOVIE,
267
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:23,636
BUT IT WAS "INTREGRAL"
TO THE STORY.
268
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,472
HA!
269
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:27,849
IT'S SCARN!
270
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:29,768
SORRY ABOUT
YOUR FRIEND, SCARN.
271
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,770
THE JOKE'S ON YOU, GOLDENFACE.
272
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,314
THAT MAN WAS
A WANTED ANIMAL RAPIST.
273
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,483
WE'VE SEARCHED
THE WHOLE BUILDING, GOLDENFACE.
274
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,193
- WHERE IS THE BOMB?
- HMM?
275
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,528
WE'VE SEARCHED
THE WHOLE BUILDING, GOLDENFACE.
276
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:41,946
- WHERE IS THE BOMB?
- HMM?
277
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,907
WE'VE SEARCHED THE--OKAY.
278
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,493
HE SAID,
"WHERE IS THE BOMB?"
279
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:49,037
IN THE PUCK.
280
00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:50,705
BUT WHY ARE
YOU TELLING ME THIS?
281
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,457
BECAUSE I'M GOING
TO KILL YOU.
282
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:55,502
UNLESS YOU FORGIVE ME
FOR MURDERING YOUR WIFE.
283
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:58,463
[soft emotional music]
284
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:05,053
♪ ♪
285
00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:06,971
- HEY, GOLDENFACE.
- YEAH?
286
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,683
GO PUCK YOURSELF.
287
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,687
NO!
[gunshot]
288
00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,689
THAT WAS NOT SCRIPTED.
289
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,023
[gun cocks]
290
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,484
[gasps]
[gunshot]
291
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,611
[soft emotional music]
292
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:23,446
[weakly]
MORE TYLENOL.
293
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,656
YOU'VE ALREADY HAD FOUR.
294
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,158
OH, GOD!
295
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,118
SO GOOD.
296
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,744
YOU'RE LUCKY TO BE ALIVE.
297
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:32,831
IT'LL TAKE A LOT MORE THAN
A BULLET TO THE BRAIN, LUNGS,
298
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,126
HEART, BACK, AND BALLS
TO KILL MICHAEL SCARN.
299
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:38,503
LET'S JUST MAKE SURE
THAT EVERYTHING'S...
300
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:41,131
WORKING PROPERLY.
301
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:44,759
[heart monitor beeping slowly]
302
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:48,471
[beeping quickens]
303
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:55,145
{\an8}YOU JUST SAID
THE BOMB IS IN THE PUCK?
304
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,438
both: YES.
305
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,398
IS THAT WHERE
YOU HID THE BOMB, GOLDENFACE?
306
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,695
BUT WHY WOULD YOU BLOW UP
THE STADIUM?
307
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:05,530
YOU OWN THE STADIUM.
308
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:08,908
FOR THE INSURANCE MONEY.
I KNEW IT ALL ALONG.
309
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,869
YOU WILL NEVER GET AWAY
WITH THIS.
310
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,580
WHO DO YOU THINK
THE PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE,
311
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:17,292
THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES
312
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,918
OR THIS MAN?
313
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:23,548
- NO. NO.
- NO!
314
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,425
NO.
315
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:27,135
[dramatic music]
316
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:28,678
IT WASN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL!
317
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,638
[guns cocking]
318
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,557
[chuckles evilly]
319
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:35,560
[dramatic music]
320
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:39,397
♪ ♪
321
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:44,486
[gunfire]
322
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:47,906
NOW'S YOUR CHANCE.
GO TALK TO GOLDENFACE.
323
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:51,409
- SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO.
- OKAY.
324
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:56,164
HEY, GOLDENFACE.
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
325
00:15:56,206 --> 00:16:00,251
I MEAN, SINCE WE'RE ALL GONNA
DIE HERE ANYWAY.
326
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,129
- WHY IS YOUR FACE GOLD?
- WHY DO YOU CARE?
327
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,964
I'M JUST MAKING CONVERSATION.
328
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:07,258
I WORKED IN A GOLD FACTORY.
329
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:11,262
WE HAD A BOSS
WHO ONLY CARED ABOUT MONEY.
330
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,641
HE WOULDN'T GIVE US
LUNCH BREAKS SO WE HAD TO...
331
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:15,934
EAT THE GOLD.
332
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,603
AND THEN ONE DAY,
333
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:23,024
I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND...
334
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,276
WELL, I GUESS YOU ARE
WHAT YOU EAT.
335
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,947
- OH...
- GOLDENFACE, THAT IS SO SAD.
336
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,281
WELL, I JUST THOUGHT
337
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,325
IF I COULD BLOW UP
ALL THE ALL-STAR GAMES,
338
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,661
ALL THE TROPHIES WOULD EXPLODE
ALL OVER THE PLACE
339
00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:39,332
AND THEN EVERYONE WOULD BE GOLD
JUST LIKE ME.
340
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:42,627
- [kisses]
- PLEASE LET US GO, GOLDENFACE!
341
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,921
SO SAD.
342
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:50,760
[solemn jazz music]
343
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,178
♪ ♪
344
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:55,098
WHERE HAD I GONE WRONG?
345
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:57,642
ALL I WANTED
WAS TO START A FAMILY
346
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,310
WITH MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE.
347
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:03,231
BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY,
THINGS GOT MESSED UP.
348
00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:04,941
IT WASN'T EASY
FOR SCARN TO ADMIT
349
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:07,068
THAT HE'D LOST
HIS SELF-CONFIDENCE.
350
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,112
AND HE HADN'T, OF COURSE.
351
00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:11,489
HE JUST WASN'T USING IT
RIGHT NOW.
352
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,907
all: MIKE!
353
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,617
BEER ME, BILLY.
354
00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,494
YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD.
WHAT'S GOT YOU DOWN?
355
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,164
I GOT PROBLEMS, BILLY,
BIG PROBLEMS.
356
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,958
YOU GOT PROBLEMS?
MY TV DON'T WORK.
357
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,587
I PAY 30 BUCKS A MONTH FOR THE
DAMN SATELLITE "WHATSAHOOZIT."
358
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,172
CAN'T EVEN GET THE DAMN GAME.
359
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,883
NOW, YOU TELL ME,
WHAT'S WORSE THAN THAT?
360
00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:31,801
[chuckles]
DON'T EVER CHANGE, BILLY.
361
00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,178
[chuckles]
362
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:34,888
GOLDENFACE IS GOING TO
363
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:37,599
BLOW UP THE NHL ALL-STAR GAME TOMORROW.
364
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,851
I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN
ABOUT PROBLEMS.
365
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:42,228
I KNOW WHAT'LL CHEER YOU UP.
366
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:43,855
THAT TABLE OF BACHELORETTES
OVER THERE
367
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,607
BOUGHT YOU THIS DRINK.
368
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:50,362
- all: HEY.
- HELLO.
369
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,823
WHO ORDERED THE MAN BURGER
WELL DONE?
370
00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:57,702
HEY, HOT STUFF.
ONE LAST FLING?
371
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,746
COME AND RIDE THE CHOO-CHOO.
372
00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:02,540
THE SEX CHOO-CHOO.
373
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:07,170
EVER BANGED AN ENTIRE
BACHELORETTE PARTY, BABY?
374
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,922
WHY ARE YOU SINGLING
MY LINE OUT,
375
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:11,091
LIKE, A MILLION YEARS LATER?
376
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:15,679
THE WHOLE MOVIE WAS RIDICULOUS
AS I REMEMBER IT.
377
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,098
- CAN I SEE IT?
- NO.
378
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,391
IS YOUR EX IN IT?
379
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,267
THE ONE WHO CAME OUT
AFTER YOU DATED?
380
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,853
I--I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
381
00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:26,106
LET'S GO. COME ON.
382
00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:32,362
[sighs]
NOT TODAY.
383
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:35,115
I'M TOO DEPRESSED
TO SAVE THE BIG GAME, BILLY.
384
00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:38,451
I'M GONNA CHEER YOU UP
THE ONLY WAYS I KNOW HOWS.
385
00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:41,162
HEY, KID...
386
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:42,914
HIT G-9 ON THE JUKEBOX.
387
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:46,751
NO, BILLY, I HAVEN'T DONE
THAT DANCE SINCE MY WIFE DIED.
388
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,254
THERE'S A WHOLE CROWD
OF PEOPLE OUT THERE
389
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,923
WHO NEED TO LEARN
HOW TO DO THE SCARN.
390
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:54,509
THE SCARN?
391
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,594
SOUNDS GAY.
392
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,014
IT IS GAY.
393
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,223
AND STRAIGHT.
394
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:01,808
AND BLACK AND WHITE.
395
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:03,518
AND YOUNG AND OLD.
396
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,228
AND COOL.
CHECK IT.
397
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:08,189
[funky music]
398
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:12,944
♪ ♪
399
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:16,114
♪ WELL, MY NAME'S MICHAEL SCARN
AND I'M HERE TO SAY ♪
400
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:18,658
♪ I'M ABOUT TO DO THE SCARN
IN A MAJOR WAY ♪
401
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:22,495
♪ ♪
402
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,789
♪ YOU JUMP TO THE RIGHT,
AND YOU SHAKE A HAND ♪
403
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,916
♪ THEN YOU JUMP TO THE LEFT,
AND YOU SHAKE THAT HAND ♪
404
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:29,210
♪ YOU MEET NEW FRIENDS,
YOU TIE SOME YARN ♪
405
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,421
♪ AND THAT'S HOW YOU DO
THE SCARN ♪
406
00:19:31,463 --> 00:19:33,423
all: * YOU JUMP TO THE RIGHT,
AND YOU SHAKE A HAND ♪
407
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:35,633
♪ THEN YOU JUMP TO THE LEFT,
AND YOU SHAKE THAT HAND ♪
408
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,719
♪ MEET NEW FRIENDS,
TIE THAT YARN ♪
409
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:39,971
♪ THAT'S HOW YOU DO
THE SCARN ♪
410
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:41,348
♪ YOU JUMP TO THE RIGHT AND
YOU SHAKE THAT HAND ♪
411
00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:43,016
- [snickers]
- SHH. STOP.
412
00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:44,476
I'M SORRY.
413
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,603
* MEET NEW FRIENDS,
TIE THAT YARN ♪
414
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:48,813
- ♪ THAT'S HOW YOU DO THE SCARN *
- BOOM!
415
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:52,233
IF DOING THE SCARN IS GAY,
416
00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:54,736
THEN I'M THE BIGGEST QUEER
ON EARTH!
417
00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:56,988
- [laughs, snorts]
- YOU GUYS, I THINK I HAVE...
418
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,157
- SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY.
- MY SELF-CONFIDENCE BACK.
419
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,909
[all cheering,
video pauses]
420
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,535
- HEY, HEY.
- MICHAEL!
421
00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:06,164
MICHAEL, I'M SORRY.
I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY.
422
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,665
I THINK I WAS JUST RELIEVED
423
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,167
TO SEE THAT MICHAEL SCARN
GOT HIS CONFIDENCE BACK.
424
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:10,335
YEAH, MICHAEL,
THE MOVIE'S AMAZING.
425
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,170
IT'S, LIKE,
ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES
426
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,588
I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
427
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,131
YOU SHOULD ENTER IT
IN FESTIVALS.
428
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:17,384
- OR CARNIVALS.
- YEAH.
429
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,511
WELL, THAT'S
A PRETTY GOOD REACTION.
430
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:23,098
- THAT'S PRETTY COOL, RIGHT?
- MM, MM-HMM.
431
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:24,933
AND THAT DANCE IS PRETTY COOL.
432
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,184
IT COULD BE
THE NEXT MACARENA.
433
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,394
- RIGHT?
- MM.
434
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,854
DID YOU LIKE IT?
DID YOU LIKE THAT?
435
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,398
WHICH PART?
436
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,026
OKAY.
437
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,778
- ALL RIGHT.
- OH, COME ON.
438
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,363
NO.
all: MICHAEL.
439
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:41,282
- NO, COME ON!
- WE HAVE TO SEE THE END.
440
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,743
NO, IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
441
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:46,162
SOME PEOPLE
ARE REALLY POPPING ON-SCREEN.
442
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:03,555
[sighs]
443
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,891
I KNOW WHEN HOLLY LOVES
SOMETHING. I CAN SEE IT.
444
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:10,061
HER FACE GETS RED, SHE TALKS
WITH A WEIRD LITTLE ACCENT,
445
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,563
AND SHE SAYS "I RUV IT."
446
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,398
IT'S JUST THOSE SUBTLE LITTLE THINGS
447
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,525
THAT ONLY A BOYFRIEND CAN TELL.
448
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,402
- HEY.
- HEY.
449
00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:20,238
- GOOD MOVIE.
- MM, GOOD?
450
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,407
EVERYBODY OUT THERE SAYS
IT'S GREAT.
451
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:23,908
- I LOVED IT.
- DID YOU?
452
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,745
- WHAT DID YOU LOVE ABOUT IT?
- UM...
453
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:30,290
I LOVED THAT YOU GOT TO WORK
TOGETHER WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
454
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:31,666
- MM-HMM.
- ISN'T THAT SO GREAT
455
00:21:31,708 --> 00:21:32,959
WHEN YOU CAN ALL WORK
TOGETHER LIKE THAT?
456
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:36,129
NO, NO. HOLLY, THIS ISN'T
OCEAN'S ELEVEN,
457
00:21:36,171 --> 00:21:37,714
WHERE YOU GET TOGETHER
WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS,
458
00:21:37,756 --> 00:21:39,049
AND YOU JUST HAVE FUN,
AND YOU DON'T CARE
459
00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:40,425
ABOUT HOW IT TURNS OUT.
460
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,218
WHAT'D YOU REALLY THINK,
HONESTLY?
461
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:43,720
UM...
462
00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:46,514
I KNEW IT.
463
00:21:46,556 --> 00:21:48,224
IT'S BECAUSE OF
MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS.
464
00:21:48,266 --> 00:21:49,642
I'M SORRY.
465
00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:52,103
- UM...
- OKAY, I'LL CGI THEM OUT.
466
00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:55,440
- IT'LL BE EXPENSIVE BUT--
- NO, NO. THEY WERE GOOD.
467
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:56,858
THEY WERE REALLY GOOD.
468
00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:59,694
IS IT--IS IT BECAUSE
YOU'RE AFRAID OF
469
00:21:59,736 --> 00:22:00,945
WHERE THIS IS GONNA TAKE ME?
470
00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:05,450
BECAUSE, SEE, I NEED YOU
TO KEEP ME GROUNDED.
471
00:22:05,492 --> 00:22:07,077
I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THAT.
472
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:11,498
THIS IS 11 YEARS, OKAY?
473
00:22:11,539 --> 00:22:14,417
THIS HAS BEEN MY DREAM
FOR 11 YEARS...
474
00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,002
AND IF YOU DON'T THINK
IT'S GREAT,
475
00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:18,254
THEN YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYING
YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN MY DREAM.
476
00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:19,756
[stammers]
IT'S YOUR DREAM?
477
00:22:19,798 --> 00:22:21,508
YOU NEVER EVEN MENTIONED IT BEFORE.
478
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:23,802
WE TALK ABOUT
A LOT OF THINGS, HOLLY.
479
00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:26,304
YOU KNOW, I WAS EVENTUALLY
GOING TO GET AROUND
480
00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:28,973
TO MY DREAM, OBVIOUSLY.
481
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:31,810
11 YEARS THAT I COULD'VE BEEN
WORKING ON THE SCARN NEBULUS.
482
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:34,270
WELL, WHY DO YOU HAVE
TO MAKE A MOVIE AT ALL?
483
00:22:34,312 --> 00:22:36,147
BECAUSE IF I DON'T HAVE THIS,
WHAT DO I HAVE?
484
00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:37,982
- I HAVE NOTHING.
- REALLY?
485
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:40,819
YOU CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
ELSE THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE?
486
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:44,072
I HAVE MY BOOK ON BUSINESS,
SOMEHOW I MANAGE.
487
00:22:44,114 --> 00:22:46,324
I'VE BEEN STUCK ON A WORD FOR
THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS.
488
00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:48,451
I HAVE MY HBO COMEDY SPECIAL,
489
00:22:48,493 --> 00:22:50,954
HERE I GO AGAIN,
DOT, DOT, DOT.
490
00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:53,915
I HAVE MY LINE OF
MENS LINGERIE, VICTOR'S SECRET.
491
00:22:53,957 --> 00:22:56,835
BECAUSE MEN ARE THE ONES
WHO BUY LINGERIE.
492
00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:58,670
AM I RIGHT?
YES, I'M RIGHT.
493
00:22:58,712 --> 00:23:00,630
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT,
494
00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:04,134
WHEN I REALLY THINK ABOUT IT,
NONE OF THOSE THINGS
495
00:23:04,175 --> 00:23:07,220
ARE AS REAL TO ME AS MY MOVIE.
496
00:23:07,262 --> 00:23:08,722
I'M REAL.
497
00:23:08,763 --> 00:23:11,433
YEAH, YOU'RE
A REAL PAIN IN THE ASS.
498
00:23:11,474 --> 00:23:12,809
AND NOW I'M GONNA GO
WATCH THE MOVIE
499
00:23:12,851 --> 00:23:14,477
WITH PEOPLE
WHO THINK IT'S GREAT.
500
00:23:14,519 --> 00:23:17,230
AND I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU
A PAIN IN THE ASS.
501
00:23:17,272 --> 00:23:19,107
I'M ANGRY,
AND I LOVE YOU.
502
00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:23,486
I LOVE YOU TOO.
503
00:23:23,528 --> 00:23:26,781
I'M A HUGE WOODY ALLEN FAN...
504
00:23:26,823 --> 00:23:28,408
ALTHOUGH I'VE ONLY SEEN ANTZ.
505
00:23:28,450 --> 00:23:31,745
BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.
WHAT I RESPECT ABOUT THAT MAN
506
00:23:31,786 --> 00:23:33,621
IS THAT WHEN HE WAS GOING
THROUGH ALL OF THAT STUFF
507
00:23:33,663 --> 00:23:35,331
THAT CAME OUT IN THE PRESS...
508
00:23:35,373 --> 00:23:38,376
ABOUT HOW ANTZ WAS JUST
A RIP-OFF OF A BUG'S LIFE,
509
00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:41,880
HE STAYED TRUE TO HIS FILMS...
510
00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:43,506
OR AT LEAST
THE FILM THAT I SAW,
511
00:23:43,548 --> 00:23:45,258
WHICH, AGAIN, WAS ANTZ.
512
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:46,968
THING IS...
513
00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:48,678
I THOUGHT
BUG'S LIFE WAS BETTER,
514
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,473
MUCH BETTER THAN ANTZ.
515
00:23:51,514 --> 00:23:54,601
POINT IS,
DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR CRITICS.
516
00:23:54,642 --> 00:23:57,187
LISTEN TO YOUR FANS.
517
00:23:59,481 --> 00:24:00,774
WHO LIKES
THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT?
518
00:24:00,815 --> 00:24:02,650
[cheers and applause]
519
00:24:02,692 --> 00:24:04,569
OKAY, WELL, THEN WHO WANTS
TO WATCH THE REST?
520
00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:06,696
[cheers and applause]
521
00:24:06,738 --> 00:24:08,323
[dramatic music]
522
00:24:08,365 --> 00:24:10,950
MICHAEL, YOU HAVE TO GET
TO THAT PUCK BEFORE HALFTIME,
523
00:24:10,992 --> 00:24:13,119
OR THE WHOLE STADIUM
WILL EXPLODE.
524
00:24:13,161 --> 00:24:15,121
I KNOW. IT'S A GOOD THING
MY TRAINER AND MENTOR
525
00:24:15,163 --> 00:24:17,582
- IS HERE TO CHEER ME ON.
- CHEROKEE JACK?
526
00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:21,252
MICHAEL, HE DIED.
527
00:24:21,294 --> 00:24:24,255
[sad music]
528
00:24:24,297 --> 00:24:28,051
♪ ♪
529
00:24:28,093 --> 00:24:30,553
THIS ONE'S FOR YOU,
CHEROKEE JACK.
530
00:24:42,273 --> 00:24:43,733
WE FILMED THIS DURING AN ACTUAL
531
00:24:43,775 --> 00:24:45,068
SCRANTON HIGH SCHOOL
HOCKEY GAME.
532
00:24:45,110 --> 00:24:46,986
THEY WERE TRYING
TO QUALIFY FOR STATES.
533
00:24:47,028 --> 00:24:48,947
SHH.
IT'S FINE. IT'S GREAT.
534
00:24:48,988 --> 00:24:51,157
NO, NO, ACTUALLY
IT WAS REALLY SCREWED UP,
535
00:24:51,199 --> 00:24:54,953
BECAUSE THEY--
THEY WERE TRYING TO QUALIFY.
536
00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:58,164
THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED.
THEY HAD TO FORFEIT THE GAME.
537
00:24:58,206 --> 00:24:59,416
UNDEFEATED SEASON--
538
00:24:59,457 --> 00:25:01,084
THAT'S WHY THERE WERE
SO MANY PEOPLE THERE.
539
00:25:15,515 --> 00:25:16,808
- HEY.
- HEY, I'M SORRY.
540
00:25:16,850 --> 00:25:20,145
- IT IS GOOD.
- NO, NO. IT'S NOT.
541
00:25:20,186 --> 00:25:22,105
IT'S NOT.
542
00:25:22,147 --> 00:25:23,940
BUT THEY REALLY SEEM TO BE
ENJOYING IT.
543
00:25:23,982 --> 00:25:27,402
- [snorts]
- COME ON.
544
00:25:27,444 --> 00:25:29,988
[grunts]
545
00:25:30,030 --> 00:25:31,448
AGH!
546
00:25:31,489 --> 00:25:34,451
[mystical music]
547
00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:35,994
♪ ♪
548
00:25:36,036 --> 00:25:37,245
CHEROKEE JACK.
549
00:25:37,287 --> 00:25:39,956
I WANT YOU TO TAKE
ALL YOUR FRUSTRATIONS--
550
00:25:39,998 --> 00:25:43,126
WITH WOMEN, THE SYSTEM,
WITH EVERYTHING--
551
00:25:43,168 --> 00:25:44,544
TAKE IT OUT ON THE PUCK,
552
00:25:44,586 --> 00:25:46,588
ALL ON THE PUCK.
553
00:25:46,629 --> 00:25:48,840
[laughs]
554
00:25:50,759 --> 00:25:53,720
[dramatic music]
555
00:25:53,762 --> 00:25:59,517
♪ ♪
556
00:25:59,559 --> 00:26:01,436
[laughing]
557
00:26:01,478 --> 00:26:02,854
- YAH!
- AAH!
558
00:26:02,896 --> 00:26:04,105
- OH!
- YAY!
559
00:26:04,147 --> 00:26:06,900
- YAY, THEY'RE SAVED!
- WHOO!
560
00:26:06,941 --> 00:26:09,486
- THEY'RE SAVED!
- NICE.
561
00:26:09,527 --> 00:26:11,946
♪ ♪
562
00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:12,822
YES!
563
00:26:12,864 --> 00:26:17,911
♪ ♪
564
00:26:17,952 --> 00:26:20,747
HEY, WE GOT
SPORTS GAMES AGAIN.
565
00:26:20,789 --> 00:26:23,041
[all cheering]
566
00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:27,337
[laughing]
567
00:26:27,379 --> 00:26:28,672
OH, SH--
568
00:26:28,713 --> 00:26:30,507
[explosion]
569
00:26:30,548 --> 00:26:34,094
[cheers and applause]
570
00:26:38,098 --> 00:26:42,018
SOME BREAKFAST FOR ME,
SOME BREAKFAST FOR YOU.
571
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,356
- [laughter]
- AW.
572
00:26:46,398 --> 00:26:49,734
OH, YEAH, I GUESS
I DID LET HIM BE A ROBOT.
573
00:26:49,776 --> 00:26:51,569
[phone rings]
I'LL GET IT.
574
00:26:51,611 --> 00:26:53,655
MAN, I LOVE BEING RETIRED.
575
00:26:53,697 --> 00:26:55,198
SCARN HERE.
576
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,242
- MICHAEL, IT'S THE PRESIDENT.
- HELLO, SIR.
577
00:26:57,283 --> 00:26:58,660
I NEED YOU
FOR ANOTHER MISSION.
578
00:26:58,702 --> 00:27:01,579
UH...
579
00:27:01,621 --> 00:27:02,872
YEAH, I'M IN.
580
00:27:02,914 --> 00:27:07,002
[cheers and applause]
581
00:27:09,212 --> 00:27:12,882
I'M GETTING TOO OLD
FOR THIS BEEP.
582
00:27:12,924 --> 00:27:15,844
HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
ISN'T THE PRESIDENT EVIL?
583
00:27:15,885 --> 00:27:17,470
OH, YEAH.
[laughs]
584
00:27:17,512 --> 00:27:19,097
YES, HE IS.
585
00:27:19,139 --> 00:27:20,932
NO, NO, HE'S DOING IT
TO CATCH THE PRESIDENT.
586
00:27:20,974 --> 00:27:23,476
NO, NO, DWIGHT,
HE'S JUST BEING STUPID.
587
00:27:23,518 --> 00:27:24,936
[laughter]
588
00:27:24,978 --> 00:27:29,024
WELL, MICHAEL SCARN WAS
BACK IN THE GAME.
589
00:27:29,065 --> 00:27:30,442
AND I BET YOU'RE WONDERING
590
00:27:30,483 --> 00:27:34,863
WHY DO I KNOW SO MUCH
ABOUT MICHAEL SCARN?
591
00:27:34,904 --> 00:27:39,284
WELL, BECAUSE
I AM MICHAEL SCARN.
592
00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:41,786
all: OH!
593
00:27:41,828 --> 00:27:44,247
[laughter]
594
00:27:44,289 --> 00:27:47,459
WHY IS THE MOVIE DEDICATED TO
CREED?
595
00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:50,587
WELL, I THOUGHT HE WOULD BE
DEAD BY THE TIME THIS CAME OUT!
596
00:27:50,628 --> 00:27:54,132
[laughter]
597
00:27:55,300 --> 00:27:58,261
{\an8}[groovy music]
598
00:27:58,303 --> 00:28:01,556
{\an8}AW, YEAH!
599
00:28:01,598 --> 00:28:03,475
{\an8}♪ THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT ♪
600
00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:05,477
{\an8}♪ MAKES ALL THE GIRLIES
FEEL ALL RIGHT ♪
601
00:28:05,518 --> 00:28:08,021
{\an8}♪ FROM MADONNA
TO MADELEINE ALBRIGHT ♪
602
00:28:08,063 --> 00:28:09,564
{\an8}♪ THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT ♪
603
00:28:09,606 --> 00:28:12,275
{\an8}♪ IT'S A THREAT, A LEVEL,
A LEVEL, LEVEL THREAT ♪
604
00:28:12,317 --> 00:28:14,110
{\an8}♪ HE'S THE GREATEST HOCKEY STAR
I EVER SEEN YET ♪
605
00:28:14,152 --> 00:28:16,446
{\an8}♪ THREAT LEVEL WHAT?
MIDNIGHT ♪
606
00:28:16,488 --> 00:28:18,740
{\an8}♪ THREAT LEVEL WHO?
MICHAEL SCARN ♪
607
00:28:18,782 --> 00:28:20,867
{\an8}♪ THREAT LEVEL WHY?
APARTHEID ♪
608
00:28:20,909 --> 00:28:22,410
{\an8}♪ GOTTA FIGHT IT,
FREE MANDELA ♪
609
00:28:22,452 --> 00:28:24,204
{\an8}♪ PEACE, I'M OUT ♪
610
00:28:33,797 --> 00:28:35,799
HEY.
611
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,677
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
612
00:28:38,718 --> 00:28:40,804
THE MOVIE'S OVER.
613
00:28:40,845 --> 00:28:43,139
IT'S THREAT LEVEL NOON AGAIN.
614
00:28:43,181 --> 00:28:47,477
GO HOME. HAVE A LIFE.
FALL IN LOVE.
615
00:28:47,519 --> 00:28:50,355
GO.
616
00:28:50,397 --> 00:28:53,900
SAMUEL, THEY THINK
THE MOVIE'S STILL GOING.
617
00:28:53,942 --> 00:28:57,112
- GO HOME!
- GO HOME.
618
00:28:57,153 --> 00:28:58,279
GET A LIFE.
619
00:28:58,321 --> 00:29:00,657
GET A LIFE AND GO HOME
ALREADY, OKAY?
620
00:29:00,699 --> 00:29:02,492
LOSERS.
621
00:29:02,534 --> 00:29:04,828
LOOK AT THAT GUY.
HE JUST CAME FOR THE POPCORN.
622
00:29:04,869 --> 00:29:06,079
[chuckles]
623
00:29:06,121 --> 00:29:07,706
COULD THOSE FLOORS BE
ANY STICKIER?
624
00:29:07,747 --> 00:29:09,374
[laughs]
625
00:29:09,416 --> 00:29:11,334
LOOK AT HER.
WHAT'S HER PROBLEM?
626
00:29:11,376 --> 00:29:14,838
- JUST GO. IT'S OVER.
- GO HOME ALREADY. [chuckles]
627
00:29:14,879 --> 00:29:16,423
THE LIGHTS ARE COMING UP
FOR THE NEXT MOVIE.
628
00:29:16,464 --> 00:29:18,925
- YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE.
- YOU BETTER GO.
629
00:29:18,967 --> 00:29:20,760
IT'S TIME TO--
'CAUSE THE MOVIE'S OVER.
630
00:29:20,802 --> 00:29:25,682
- WE'RE NOT STAYING.
- SO WE--WE GOTTA GO TOO.
631
00:29:25,724 --> 00:29:27,100
GO.
632
00:29:27,142 --> 00:29:29,060
GO ON WITH YOU!
633
00:29:34,107 --> 00:29:35,400
GO HOME!
634
00:29:38,319 --> 00:29:41,281
{\an8}[cheerful music]
635
00:29:41,322 --> 00:29:48,455
{\an8}♪ ♪
44738
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