All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S07E07.Christening.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

I know a lot of us
have been feeling

under the weather lately.
It's that time of year.

And, according to a study

done by the University
of Arizona--

That's where I go!

Sigma Chi, baby!

You go to the University
of Phoenix online.

Oh, yeah.
I have a test tomorrow.

Wait, you're in
an online frat?

I pledged, but the online
hazing was really rough.

I almost died.

Sigma Chi, baby.

Hate them.

Okay, well,
according to this study

by the real
University of Arizona,

they discovered
that your keyboards

have hundreds of times
more bacteria

per square inch
than a toilet seat.

I heard your mama has
more bacteria per square inch

- than a toilet seat.
- That's true. That's true.

I dated her mama.
And you know what?

- Stop.
- All right.

One of the simplest ways
to cut down

on the spread of germs
is to use something

called the vampire cough.

Did you say vampire?

Oh, no, it's just that,
if a vampire had to cough,

he would do it like this.
[coughs]

Uh-huh, right,

and ruin their cloaks?

Do you have any idea
how expensive wool is

in Transylvania?
'Cause of the euro.

Well, other things you can do

to help cut down
on the spread of disease

are to wash your hands regularly,

don't come in
if you're sick,

and get your flu shot.

Also, I'm going to set up
hand-sanitizing stations

around the office.

No.
No, no.

- They will cost you your life.
- Elaborate.

The worst thing you can do
for your immune system

is to coddle it.

They need to fight
their own battles.

If Sabre really cared

about our well-being,

they would set up
hand-desanitizing stations.

A simple bowl at every juncture
filled with dirt, vomit,

fecal matter.

- I'm not going to do that.
- Exposing yourself to germs

is the best way
to make yourself stronger.

So by that rationale,
if I had to sneeze,

I should just sneeze on you.

Yes.
I would welcome it.

[sneezes]

You're welcome.

The principle is sound.

To avoid illness,
expose yourself to germs,

enabling your immune system
to develop antibodies.

[sneezes]

I don't know
why everyone doesn't do this.

Maybe they have something
against living forever.

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪

Jim.

Pam.

And the precious bundle
of God's best everything.

I wish you both
a pleasant day.

And you too.
Yes. Praise God.

Okay.

Cece's getting christened today.

- Big day.
- Everyone from work is here.

We weren't planning on that.

Nope.

Top o' the Sunday morning
to you.

And a top o' the day
to you too, sir.

I hope you brought your pipes.

We're about to smoke the opium
of the masses.

Oh, yes,
doobie-doobie-doo.

I invited everyone
in the office

because it's not a day
for just Jim

or Pam or the baby or me.

It is about us all.

And I thought
we should all celebrate

my joy and our--
all of our joys.

He looks like me today.

She does.

Of course we all said yes.

Office life
is unpleasant enough

when you're on Michael's
good side.

I'm sorry, I'm missing
my Sunday morning spin class.

So...

Free donuts,
good music,

little babies--
why wouldn't I come?

Ah, man.

Does the Nard Dog
want Nard pups?

Yeah. I want a big old litter
of Nard pups,

all jumping around
and sucking on the teat.

Put 'em in a box,
give 'em to my neighbors.

Yeah, I want kids.

Oh, she's out like a light.

Do I want a kid?
Probably not.

And if one more lesbian couple
asks for my sperm,

I will scream.

Oh, yeah, I'm so excited
to have kids.

I think that mixed race babies
are beautiful.

They have a lot of identity
issues growing up.

You really gotta know
what you're getting into.

Well, what's so hard
about being beautiful?

The girls have an easy time.

The guys have complexes.
It's--

I wouldn't take that risk.

Yes, I would like
to have a baby.

I think I would be quite
skilled as a mother.

And I think the child
would appreciate that.

And I think, in time,
the child would realize

that I loved it very dearly.

Can we all get together
for a quick family photo?

- Is that all right?
- Yeah, yeah.

All right.
Just a quick one.

[indistinct chatter]

Michael.

- Come on.
- All right.

Can you--can you just take
the, uh, photo?

The big button right there.

Okay, very good.

Good.

- Make a silly face!
- No, Michael.

All right, make a serious
face but say "banana pants."

Banana pants.

- [shutter clicks]
- There you go.

- And one for luck.
- I think we got it.

- Thank you.
- There we go.

So today won't be as small

or as sweet
as we originally planned.

We're just gonna have to settle
for small-ish.

And sweet-ish.

Small-ish and Swedish.
Like a meatball.

Nice.

For all your paper
and printer needs.

For all your paper
and printer needs.

For all your paper
and printer needs.

Sunday church service.

It's been a few years.

The big guy and I, we've got
some catching up to do.

[imitating Marlon Brando]
Hey. Hey.

I got an offer
that you can't refuse.

Scooch over.

Oh, Michael,
this is just for family.

But I'm the godfather.

It is really funny,
but you know

that can be confusing
at a christening,

because you are not
the godfather.

[imitating Robert De Niro]
Are you talking to me?

- Okay, your turn.
- Scooch,

before I shoot you in the head.

Okay, Michael, um,

you know I love when you do
that voice,

but today,
I'm so sorry,

I need you to tell me
that you know

you're not Cece's godfather.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Michael.
I need you to say it.

I'm so sorry.

I'm not the godfather.

Okay. Thank you.

[clears throat]
So who is the godfather?

Our friend Seth
and his wife there.

Okay.

Old friend, like, you've known
him since kindergarten?

No, I met his wife
in Mommy and Me.

They're a great couple.
You should meet them later.

No, I have plenty of friends, so...

all right, well,
you have great seats.

- Enjoy the show.
- Okay.

Thank you for coming, Michael.

I don't even know
how to say this.

But Cece is turning out

to be a little B-I-T-C-H.

And that's not true,

but her parents
are kind of boxing me out.

all: * We ask you, Lord ♪

♪ Come to our aid ♪

Good morning.
all: good morning.

- Good morning.
- What a terrific day this is.

And not just because the Eagles
are playing.

[laughs]

You may have seen
the bus out front.

Today we also say good-bye
to our young adult ministry.

They're leaving
for three months

to build a school
for the village of Quimixto

in Cabo Corrientes, Mexico.

I've heard of that place.

If you go
to Cabo San Lucas,

all the prostitutes
are from Cabo Corrientes.

Okay, this is--
all right, this is silly.

Nope, nope, nope, nope,
nope, nope, nope, nope.

And thank you
for your prayers

for Justin.

We hope
for a speedy recovery.

Thank you.

Anyone else with a prayer

or a remembrance?

Good morning.
Dwight Schrute.

Thank you all
for your prayers

and your remembrances.

Like Justin
and his disfigurement,

I too have had a horrible year.

They say that the middle class
is disappearing,

and, with it,
the soul of America.

So, as a gift
to this beautiful congregation,

I would like to offer

a 4% discount on all
Dunder Mifflin Sabre products

if you buy a printer
at full price.

[clapping]

Thank you for your prayers
and your remembrances.

Back to you, lady.

Christening calls
to repentance,

to faithfulness,
and to discipleship.

We've come to celebrate
these babies.

Somebody needs a change.

Right now?

Well, she can't bring this up
with her.

Okay.

All right, come on.

Where are we going?
Where are we going?

We're gonna take
a little field trip.

[whispering]
Okay. Okay.

There's my girl.

All right.
Hold on one second.

There we go.

What's that face for?

Oh, my--
oh, my God.

Cece, no.
No, no, no--not on the dress.

Cece, stop.

[soft organ music]

- What?
- What?

- Honey, no.
- Yes.

No, no.

This is happening.

We have an extra outfit
in the bag.

No. There's no extra
outfit in the bag.

- You said you checked it.
- I did... say that.

At this time, will the
families please come join me?

Jim and Pam
and Cece really seem

to be clicking.

They are totally gelling.

It's as if they leave my office
and they go to another office

that sells happiness.

And good for them.

That's great,
because, you know,

the paper industry's
not gonna last forever.

[applause]

Before we go,

I'd like to remind everyone

that the "Halberts"
have been kind enough

to host a reception
next door

immediately
following the service.

Mm. No.
Wrong on both counts.

Okay, 'A,' "Halbert"?

And, 'B,' I think a more
appropriate statement would be,

"the Halberts are hosting
an intimate reception

for their invited guests."

For all their generosity
of spirit,

they password-protect
their wireless?

Try Jesus.

Opus dei.

Hi.
Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Hello.

Shh, shh, shh.

How are you?

Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

I am feeling this.

Call it the Holy Spirit
or the passion of the Christ.

I am loving these people.

- Hi.
- Thanks for having us.

I'm Doug Mcpherson,
Davey's uncle.

Oh, well,
Dave is an adorable baby.

Davey.

Yeah.

Wow.

Well, this is intimate.

We just had to add
a few more tables.

We weren't expecting
this many people.

You don't know them all?

Nope, and we're gonna need

a loaves and fishes
kind of miracle

to feed 'em all.

Jesus is not your caterer.

But he should be your caterer,
'cause you're a little angel.

Why didn't your parents get you
a caterer?

They don't think.

Hmm.
Don't listen to her.

She's just jealous 'cause
she doesn't get to come home

to someone as cute as you.

Huh, you think she is jealous
about having a baby?

I don't know.
I'm just hungry.

Okay, well, you know what,
everybody's hungry.

Sorry.
I think I'm just hungry.

Oh, after you.

- Oh, no, after you.
- No, I insist. After me.

[laughs]
I'm gonna use that one.

- Have a good lunch.
- Thank you. You too.

This is not the meal
I was promised.

I'm going to have no energy
for the rest of the day.

I canceled my plans
to come

to this thing,
and they repay me with this?

You know what, guys,

let's just enjoy lunch.

With what?
How?

Sometimes, Michael.

Sometimes.

Excuse me, everyone,

on behalf of the youth ministry

that's leaving for Mexico,

I just wanted
to thank our hosts

and tell you
about those good-looking guys

and gals over there.

[cheers and applause]

Teach for America girls
are way hotter,

but they're nuts.

I get volunteering.

This summer I went down
to the Gulf Coast

to help with the clean up
and it was amazing.

Total [bleep] fest.

Those BP guys,
they know how to party.

This is Jessica Ortega.

I met her when both she and I
were both seven years old

when my parents took me
to Quimixto on a service trip.

Who takes a kid to Mexico?

I would run to Mexico if
that's where the sandwiches are.

- Shh.
- Right now, Jessica's children

have to walk 12 miles
to a school with dirt floors.

No.

It's gonna be three months
of hard work,

and when we're done, we'll
practically be Quimixtanos.

Greg, hello, it's Dwight
from the vestibule.

You want to know
my 11th commandment?

I will not be undersold.

Dwight. Dwight, hey.

I am ready
to love thy neighbor

- with these kind of discounts.
- Are you kidding me?

- Stop it.
- I'll call you back.

My parents explained it
to me this way.

You wouldn't hesitate to save
a family member

from a burning building,

but what if the Earth
was your building

and all the people on it
were your family?

What if the moon
was your car

and Jupiter
was your hair brush?

- Shh.
- Thank you.

Or should I say gracias?

[applause]

[sighs]
Cece went down.

What was this?
You're out of it.

- Scones.
- I didn't get one.

Well, if it makes you
feel better,

I didn't get one either.

Is it just the one jug
of apple cider?

Who the heck was that?

I think
that was Sconesy Cider,

noted baptism reception critic.

We need more food.

- I'll go get some subs and sodas.
- All right.

And cider.

[laughter]

Look at that.
Look at that.

That's fun.

We need to do stuff together

outside of work.

Let's go help Africa.

Let's go build an airport.

We'll start small.
We'll have a carwash.

We'll send some cheerleaders
to regionals.

You could feed the hungry. Us.

Why do we have
to do something together?

I volunteer at a clinic
on my own time.

Yeah, well,
that's just a pick-up scene.

Gabe adopts families.

I don't like
to talk about it.

They always send you a picture.

I used to send them my picture,

then little Abassi here
got his village together

to send me a bag of rice, so...

[chuckles]
No more pictures.

Okay, we don't have
to volunteer.

But I think we should hang out
more together.

We are hanging out--
right now.

You want some more of this?

I think what Michael is
talking about is loitering,

and I know
just the parking lot.

We get eight hours a day,
five days a week

of solid hang-out time.
How about some Mer-time?

Look at these people.

These are church-going people.

And they know how to party.

Church isn't a party, Michael.

- Well, it's--it's--
- Welcome to the party.

Everybody have their Kool-Aid?

No.
Okay, you know what?

This is inappropriate.
What is wrong with you guys?

What is wrong with you?

What is so horrible
about wanting to get together

and do something nice?

Why did you guys
even come today?

What's so great about your lives
that you think

you're better
than everybody else?

That you can make fun
of everybody else?

You're mean.
You're mean girls.

Like the movie Mean Girls.

And Kevin and Stanley,

if you don't stop worrying so
much about what you're gonna put

in your gullet, you're gonna die
in about a month.

Oh, hey, Meemaw,

would you watch Cece
for a second?

Don't worry.
She's asleep.

I'm just gonna track down
some more chairs.

Fine, fine.

I guess I'll watch Suzanne's
purse and your baby.

[applause]

[cheers]

[chatter]

Bye.
Good luck.

Good luck to you. Bye.

Do good.
Do good.

Bye. Have fun.

We're proud of you.

[cheers and applause]

Bye.

Okay.

Hey. Hey.
Is this the bus to Mexico?

all: yeah!
[cheers and applause]

- I'll take a shirt.
- Are you coming?

- If you'll have me, yes.
- Heck, yes.

Really?
[cheers and applause]

Thank you.
All right.

Michael.
Get off the bus.

No, I'm not.
I'm staying on the bus.

I'm already on the bus.
I'm going.

Michael,
this is irresponsible.

It is not irresponsible!

I have never
been more confident

about a decision
in my life.

I agree.
I think it's superb.

Well, you have a job to do.

Okay, there is no off-season
when it comes to printer sales.

You know what, my job
will be here when I get back.

Michael,
you can't go to Mexico.

You don't have your passport.

You don't need one
to get in.

Plus, we can just have it
sent to him down in Mexico.

Hey, right?

Okay, but you don't have
any clothes.

Mexico's a resort country.
I don't need any clothes.

Michael,
what am I supposed

to tell my clients
if they ask about you?

Tell them that I died

and I turned into an angel,

and, when they feel a breeze

in a room
with all the windows closed

or that--that chill
on the back of their neck,

that is just me
watching over them.

Okay, but what about
the bigger corporate accounts?

Tell them
that I'm in a meeting.

Michael, I am just
about to close a sale.

Can I authorize
a 15% discount?

- No, you may not.
- Gah!

I think it's really cool, Michael.

I wish I had a job
that I could just leave.

Thank you.

Save me an aisle seat,
Michael! I'm coming!

I will not stand idly by

while these Mexican villagers
are sick.

We're actually building 'em
a school.

Whatever.

I won't--
I won't stand for it.

Hey, beer me a shirt!

- There you go!
- High five!

[giggles]

We're actually out of shirts,
but, uh,

- I have a pin.
- Okay.

Cool.
Okay.

See you in a few months.

If the whole world
were like you guys,

we wouldn't have
so many problems.

Mm.
That's not gonna happen.

We're one in a million.

I know.

Nobody I know
would leave their jobs

and friends
and families

to do manual labor
for three months.

Well, you know what, everybody
thinks that I am crazy,

and that tells me that I am
the sanest person I know.

So...

Just a heads up. Probably
gonna be borrowing a few things.

Gonna need
a contact lens case,

some sunscreen,
some sandals...

Why you always got to be
so mean to me?

Uh, Meemaw,
where's Cece?

I don't know.
I lost the purse too.

Okay.

Good-bye, Lackawanna County.

How long till we get
to Mexico?

Well, two days minus how long
we've been on the road.

45 minutes?

So, like, two days basically.

- Maybe more.
- Ooh.

What are we building
down there again?

Like, a hospital?

A school for Mexicans?
What?

I don't know, I thought
it was like a gymnasium or...

Why aren't they building it
themselves?

They don't know how.

Do we know how?
I don't know how.

- Well, Carla knows.
- You know how?

Carla knows.

Oh, I feel like there were
so many more people on this bus.

There were, like,
200, 300 people before.

Hey, Carla?

Carla?

Hi.
What are you doing?

Oh, trying to sleep.

What is happening?

Oh, God,
what is happening?

Do you smell
like a weird, warm cheese?

Oh, God,
you know what?

I am gonna be in Mexico
for my half-birthday.

- And the Christmas party.
- And Cinco de Mayo.

Nah. No, we'll be back
before that.

No, we--
you know how these things go.

Construction projects,
they say three months,

and then, after two years,

the lazy bums
haven't even started.

Now we're those lazy bums.

I gotta get off this bus.

Hey, guys,
has anybody seen the baby?

Here's her carrier,
but no Cece.

Jim, Jim,
I want to give a toast.

Where's the little girl
of honor?

I don't know, Dad.
I don't know.

I don't mean to bug,

but do you know when those subs
are due into port?

I got a hungry bunch
of Mcphersons over there.

I don't know.
Hey, have you seen my baby?

I think maybe some blonde lady
had her.

A small blonde woman?

- Smaller than me.
- Everyone.

Everyone, can I just have
your attention?

Has anyone seen a small--

stop that tiny, blonde woman!

She stole my baby!

What are you doing?

- Give me that baby.
- What? Kevin!

Hi, honey.
I was just changing the baby.

- Hi.
- Honey.

Hi.
All right.

Travel safe, Angela.

Did you think I stole
your baby?

What's that?

Oh, yeah,
back then I did.

Just now.

So don't,
because I've got my eye on you.

[gasps]

Look at these scones, Jim.

Thousands of them.

What kind of a person
steals scones

from a baby?

Someone put them in my bag.

So that was lunch, eh?

Mcpherson troop,
let's haul out.

Rendezvous at Friendly's.

Did you lose Cece?

Yeah.

Yeah, a little bit.
I did.

You know what, Toby?

You're gonna be all right.
[bird singing]

Oh, hey there, birdie.

Enjoying your Sunday?

Can you fake a seizure
or a heart attack or something?

I can make myself cry.

Do that.
Do it.

Should I--I got it.
I got it.

Um, hey, I saw a sign
for a scenic overlook coming up.

Really love
to check out the view.

Can't stop.
We're on a schedule.

Well, there's a nice bistro
coming up.

We could pick up some paninis
for the road.

Maybe we'll stop
in Tennessee.

It's not safe
to talk to a driver.

Okay, driver, driver, if
you're not gonna stop this bus,

then I'm going to stop it
for you.

Okay?
Hang on.

[ding]

Stopping in Tennessee.

Hey, is there a problem,
you guys?

Yeah, just get him
to stop the bus, please.

- Why?
- Just make him stop

- the freaking bus!
- Stop the bus, okay?

Are you okay, sir?

I didn't sign up
for this.

You guys are young,
that's great.

You want to give back
to society.

I've done that.

I need to take.

You have plenty left to give.

- You're doing--
- Blah-di-blah!

It doesn't matter.

We could go back and forth
all day.

It's not gonna solve anything.

If we went to Mexico,

we'd probably screw
everything up anyway.

Do you want that
for little Jessica?

No, you don't.

And the answer is clear.

- Stop the bus. Okay?
- Stop the bus!

Both: stop the bus!
Stop the bus!

[shouting "stop the bus!"]

Okay, stop the dang bus.

Okay, well, a pleasure.

Go save the world.

We'll keep an eye on America
for you.

Wait for me!

Don't say anything
to my parents.

We got our small reception.

Yes, we did. Finally.

[clears throat]
Um...

[chuckles] If we could
have your attention.

Today we christened
our daughter Cecelia Marie.

And yeah, for a moment there,
I thought she was bailing

on her own reception, but--
[laughter]

I guess she decided
to stick it out.

We named Cece after Pam's
grandmother, Cecelia,

and after my grandmother, Marie.

And I always remember
how cool Marie was.

She loved people and she loved
a full and crazy house.

And nothing ever rattled her, so

she would have loved it
here today.

And we just hope that Cece
has that same carefree spirit.

Thank you guys all for coming

and sharing this special day
with us.

Here, here.

[applause]

[ringtone chiming]

Who wants to go pick up Michael
and Andy?

Get in quick.

- Why quick?
- So it's faster.

Do you guys want me
to take you home

or go back to the church?

Is anyone still at the church?

No, actually most of them
went to go see a movie.

What?
Shut up.

Yeah.
Kevin suggested it,

and then they all went
in Meredith's minivan.

- That is so Kevin.
- Wow.

[as Kevin] Hey, guys,
wanna go see a movie?

[laughter]

That is totally Kevin.

Who's--who's Kevin?

Who's Kevin?
Kevin is pound for pound,

like, the nicest guy ever.

And Jim actually thought
that Angela

was trying to steal the baby.

- No way.
- What?

Yeah.
both: Was she?

I don't think so.

I gotta hear about this.

- Take us to the movie theater.
- Okay.

It is so nice to be back
in a country

that has movies.

I bet.
You guys.

Can I come?

Oh, look, got a text.

From Jim.
"Welcome back."

- So nice.
- That is nice.

Oh, Lake Wobblegone's on.

Do you guys--
are you cool with that?

"...banana bread,
but Fred Nordquist

"had no appetite.

"He was thinking
about his pair of new boots.

"It'd been ten years
after all.

"As he told Mrs. Nordquist,

"it would take two years

to get comfortable
with the new boots."