All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S06E16.The.Manager.and.the.Salesman.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

- [line trilling]
- Vancouver Court Hotel.

- How may I help you?
- Hello, Vancouver.

This is Michael Scott calling

from the United States
of America.

I have a reservation
in your fair city

from February 12th
through the 19th,

first week of the Olympics.

Well, we're looking forward
to having you,

so let me just pull up
your information here.

- Okey doke.
- Hmm.

Is there a unique spelling
of your name?

Yes, it is M-I-C-H-A-E-L.

Right, uh, I don't seem
to have it, sir.

What?

I love the Winter Olympics.

My favorite sport is one
involving men with brooms,

and they broom the ice in front
of these cylindrical discs

that float gently across
the ice.

And they smack
into one another,

and no one
really explains the rules,

but it's mesmerizing.

And there are no winners,
and no losers,

only poetry,
and it is called curdling.

I'm not seeing anything
under Confirmation.

Could it be under Affirmation?
No.

'Cause you have thousands
of those.

No, we're just trying to look
it up right now.

You did get the evite
to my barbecue!

- N--come on, Dwight.
- Michael--

Um, sir, a lot
of people are trying

to get
last-minute reservations

at hotels here
for the Olympics,

but we've been fully booked
for months.

Well, I have been booked
for three years,

so you should have that.

I have always heard
that British Columbia

is a very nice place,

but I'm not getting that
from this conversation.

Wait! I got it!
Confirmation code: XV2RDM!

[softly] Oh. Here it is.

- Oh...
- Yep. Uh-huh.

- Uh, thank you.
- Seven nights

in our street-view
economy single?

- That's it.
- Yeah.

We changed systems
a while back.

I do apologize.

- both: Uh-huh. Okay.
- Yeah.

How may I help you, Mr. Scott?

All right, I would like

to cancel my reservation, please.

- Oh, okay.
- I cannot take off seven days

from work to go
to the Olympics.

This place'll fall apart.

There is a cancellation fee
for this, sir.

Okay. Put it on my card.

You want me
to cancel Rio too?

Yeah, and Chicago.

[The Office Band's
"The Office (Main Theme)"]

♪ ♪

Today Jo Bennett,
the CEO from Sabre,

is coming to see us here
for the first time.

She bought us sight unseen,
like a mail-order bride.

[chuckling] So she's gotta
be kinda nervous.

I mean, are we ugly?
Are we smart?

Are we cool? Are we too cool?
[dog barks]

Do we speak English?

[laughs]

Why, hello.

Uh, this is Michael Scott,

co-regional manager
of this branch.

Pleasure to meet you,
Miss Bennett.

Oh, that's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart.

My husband and I are divorced,
but I kept the Mrs.

just to piss off the new wife.

Oh.
[all laugh]

Well, let's take a gander
around this place.

These sure are pretty dogs.

[laughs]
They love a good crotch.

Yeah, they sure do.

You should take that
as a compliment.

- Oh, I do.
- [laughs]

- Hello?
- Hello.

Do you always stay seated
when a lady enters the room?

I am treating you
the same as a man

for whom I would also
not stand,

unless it was the president
or Judge Judy.

I like that.

- Um, this is accounting.
- Uh-huh.

- Hi.
- Good-looking group.

Over here is Meredith Palmer,
Creed Bratton.

Another couple
of heartbreakers.

Who's this tall drink
of sun tea?

That is Jim Halpert.

He is the co-regional manager

of this office.

I thought this guy
was the manager.

Oh, he is.
He's the comanager.

- That's the other comanager.
- Two guys doing one job?

We gotta do something
about that.

[chuckles]

Got some valentine's cards
for my coworkers

and my bro-workers.

No. No.

What? No candy?

Valentine's Day,
right around the corner.

Erin and I have been
on zero dates.

So I got her
a Valentine's Day card.

But I didn't want
to seem too eager,

so I got cards for everyone
in the whole office

to kind of dilute it
a little bit.

It cost, like, $200.

Pretty sure it was worth it, though.

It was definitely worth $50.

- Look alive.
- Ow!

Jeez, you gave me a paper cut
on my throat!

Yeah, I have this thing
about men cutting

or threatening
to cut my throat.

Don't try to cut my throat.

You know, I get why you guys
want to share a job.

You look real good standing
there next to each other.

- Oh. [laughs]
- I mean it.

I mean, you look--
you're tall and thin,

and you're solid and dark.

- Mm.
- Have a seat.

- All right.
- So it is okay

to keep doing
the comanager thing then?

- No, that's ridiculous.
- Okay, I'll handle this.

Jo, I don't know
how things work in Florida

which, from your description,

sounds like a colorful,
lawless swamp.

But here it takes two men
to do one job,

where in Florida it might
take one very strong woman

- to do such a job.
- Whoa. Whoa.

- Whoa. Whoa.
- I'll take over.

Um, what we're doing here--

Michael handles more
of the big-picture stuff,

and I handle more
of the day-to-day stuff.

- Yeah.
- So together--

- I think I understand.
- All right.

Each of you is doing half
a job.

- No.
- And sometimes I can hardly

- handle that.
- [laughs]

Now this is knucklehead talk.

I'm not gonna abide it,
you know?

You can't give me gravy
and tell me it's jelly

'cause gravy ain't sweet.

- Is it, Jim?
- [whispers] I don't think so.

- Michael?
- Forget the question.

I think one of you
should return to sales

and the other one
will be a manager.

I humbly accept
the management position.

Why would you just
automatically get it?

Because, well, Jim,
where I'm from,

there are two types of folk:
those who ain't

and those who are knee-high
on a grasshopper.

Which type ain't you ain't?

Y'all come back now.

Do you even know
what that means?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

Well, I'ma let this marinate,

so you can go.

- Um...
- You can go on.

- Yep.
- All right.

Shoo.

I'm Joleen Bennett.
Jo for short.

I'm a breast cancer survivor,

close, personal friends
with Nancy Pelosi,

and Truman Capote and I slept
with three of the same guys.

When I was a little girl,
I was terrified to fly,

and now
I have my own pilot's license.

I was Miss Mott's Applesauce
of 1966,

Miss Peach Cobbler of 1967,

Miss Mott's Applesauce
in 1968.

I am CEO
of Sabre International,

and I sell
the best damn printers

and all-in-one machines
Korea can make.

Pleased to meet you.

- Whoa, traffic jam.
- Ooh.

Uh-oh! Traffic jam
on Route Three.

- Beep beep!
- Beep beep!

- [imitates sirens]
- 20 people dead in a pileup.

There's blood everywhere!
[both giggling]

Um, I got you
a valentine's card.

- You did?
- Yep.

Oh, a bird and a dog.

Yeah, well,
it's Snoopy and Woodstock.

You named them?

Uh, Charles Schulz did.

I thought it was relevant

'cause I got you all those
birds for Christmas, remember?

Uh, yeah, I do remember.

Aw, they love each other.

Oh, look at that.
They sure do.

I hadn't noticed.

Oh,
it smells really good too.

Yeah, it's Roger Federer
for men.

I sprayed some in there.

Andy, whoa. [laughs]
Thank you very much.

It's got pheromones in it.
[giggles]

- Hey.
- Hi.

Uh... just choosin' seats,
not gettin' married.

Chop-chop, little onion.

Jo, there's books
in my chair.

That's right, darling.

Now you're the proud new owner
of a Sabre handbook

and my autobiography.

Why is it called
"Take a Good Look"?

I was 26 years old,
working at Kodak.

It was my first job
after Vanderbilt.

It was very exciting,
and I took it very seriously.

But I wasn't afforded
the same amount of respect

that the rest
of the board enjoyed.

One day I'd had it up to here.

And I strode into the boardroom

wearing nothing but a pair
of spike heels,

a lace push-up bra,
and matching lace panties.

Nice.

And I took my seat

and I looked around at all
of 'em,

and I said, "Gentlemen,
if this is all you see,

then take a good look."

- Oh.
- [laughs]

As a male manager, I would
have never done that to you.

I--I am nothing if not
not sexist.

That's setting the bar
a little low, isn't it?

The only time
I set the bar low is for limbo.

You all must be in a tizzy.

I can see it on your faces.

I mean, what's going on now?

I mean,
who owns Dunder Mifflin, right?

I mean, Sabre? What's that?

Some company we never heard
of from down in Tallahassee?

I mean, where is that?

[laughs] Near Mars?

No, we know. Texas.

Now Dunder Mifflin
has an arm's reach

into all these small businesses
all over the Northeast.

And now we're gonna
take that arm...

and we're gonna
start selling...

printers.

I could manage
my way around that.

They're the easiest
to use printers in the market.

I will try
to manage my excitement.

It seems like Jo feels
that there might be

one too many managers
around here.

And Michael's response seems
to be to use the word "manage"

as often as possible.

I have been saying
the word "manager" a lot,

so whenever Jo thinks manager,
she thinks of me.

Camel Cigarettes did
the same thing with Joe Camel

by making him look
like a penis.

I can't even go near
a cigarette now

without thinking of a penis,
and vice versa.

I don't know the first thing
about printers.

I get it, gorgeous.

I mean, I barely know
my own Cadillac.

And you know,
sometimes I go in reverse

when I wanna go forwards.

I nearly killed a bunch
of preschoolers.

[laughter]

That's why Gabe is here.

I'll be holding
a meeting with the salesmen

to get you acquainted
with the printers.

I think that's it.

- So we're all good.
- Okay.

- Thanks, y'all.
- I, um...

Oh, my God.

I guess Andy likes me.

I never thought of him
in that way.

But I guess
in most romantic comedies,

the guy you're supposed
to be with is the one

that you never thought of
in that way.

You might have even thought
he was annoying

or possibly homosexual.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- What are you doing?
- I wanna make out.

No, no, not now.

I have some information.

I was reading
the Sabre handbook.

Why were you doing that?

What do you mean, why?
Why didn't you?

Our cool new boss said
to read the handbook.

Don't make me feel
like a dork.

Easy, okay.

- both: Okay.
- So check this out.

According to the handbook,
you could make more money

as a salesman
than as a manager.

They have all
these incentive programs.

I ran your numbers
from last year.

This is way more
than I make now.

I don't think I'm gonna
miss being manager.

You know how some people say
they're not in it

for the money?
Well, with all due respect

to this job,
I think I'm definitely in it

for the money,
and quite honestly, the women.

Hey. Got a second?

- Sure.
- All right.

What, are you here
to tell me that you think

I would be a better manager

and that you are sorry
for being such a jerk?

Actually, yeah.

What?

Exactly that.
I think that you

absolutely deserve the manager
position more than I do.

[laughs] What?

- Really?
- Yeah.

[laughing] Wow! Wow!

- It really works.
- What does?

If you visualize something,
it can actually come true.

- Wow.
- I wonder if it works

for other stuff.

- Who will know?
- Well, okay.

Are you visualizing something
right now?

It's Saturday night
and Sheryl Crow

is the musical guest on "SNL."

- Wow.
- And the camera turns to me.

I'm in the audience, laughing.

- I'm her boyfriend.
- That's great.

I just wanna--

- What are you doing?
- I'm gonna check

the TV listings
to see if she's host--

- mm--
- Definitely not, right?

Special guest Gnarls Barkley.

Must be a typo.

I like [indistinct]
sports guys though.

Yeah, me too.

I'm just gonna go and tell Jo

- that I changed my mind.
- You're a great guy.

That's really sweet.
Thank you.

You're really sweet.

♪ Ya la la la,
hello, Oscar ♪

Michael, I'm reading.

- What are you reading?
- "The Atlantic."

Oh,
that is my favorite ocean.

I love it.

Why is the Atlantic Ocean

the best ocean?

That is simple.

According to Oprah,

the Pacific Ocean
is pretty much just garbage.

The Indian Ocean is full
of pirates.

The Arctic Ocean is too cold.

Thank you very much.

And the Southern Ocean
is just the bottom

of all the other oceans.

Atlantic Ocean
has all the history.

That is where the amoebas
crawled from the murky depths

and became man.

So pretty cool.

I'm so happy right now.

No!

I can't keep it a secret
any longer.

Jim is stepping down
to salesman.

I am going to be
the sole manager once again.

I should step
into sales myself.

Why, is there
an untapped gay market?

Sabre has no caps
on commissions.

He can make a lot more money
in sales.

[exhales]

Where did you get
that information?

Manual.

Manuel who?

Mm-hmm.
Well, according to the manual,

there is no cap on commissions.

I have been hustled.

[quietly]
Son of a bitch.

- Pardon me.
- Oh, speak of the devil.

We were just talking about you.
Have a seat.

- Okay.
- Jim here is, uh,

thinking about taking himself
out of the running

- for being manager.
- Yep.

Really?
Oh, that is so sweet of you!

But I cannot accept

because I have been thinking
about it,

and I think I wanna go back
to sales.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you can take the man
out of the salesman,

but you can't take the sales
out of salesman.

Well, I think you're both
being a little too modest.

No,
I really, really think Michael

is better at being manager
for so many reasons.

Mm-mm. No.

I think I would be bad.

I would sleep in my office,

and I would sexually harass people.

- Why would you do that?
- I'm turning myself in

- right now.
- You know, Michael,

you have more experience
in sales and management,

so I'm gonna defer
to your judgment.

- Thank you.
- I think you will become

the salesman,
and congratulations...

you're gonna be
the new manager of this branch!

Great!
That's great.

Congratulations.

[quietly] Have fun signing
my commission checks, boss.

Oh,
Michael marked his heights.

He's grown.

- Mm.
- [laughs]

Bobcat, this is Dragon.

Listen, he's been promoted
to sole manager.

We have got to step this up.

Meet me behind the dumpster
in 90 seconds.

89, 88...

You're 20 minutes late.

Um,
I was at another dumpster.

Just admit you lost track
of time.

Ryan and I have been
meeting up

to work on our diabolical plot
against Jim.

Ryan is always late
for our meetings.

I wish I had a lair.

Did you see "Saw"?

Of course I seesaw.
Mose and I seesaw all the time.

No. Uh, the movie.

Did you see the movie "Saw"?

Oh, yeah. Great film.

Almost as fun as going
on a seesaw.

Okay, the reason
these movies are so popular

is the element
of psychological torment.

I like where you're going
with this.

- Continue.
- Could we lure him

into an old warehouse
or something?

I have an old barn.
It's kinda smelly...

- Yes!
- But that might be a plus.

Okay, then what?

We do what they did in "Saw."

I mean, we don't kill him, obviously.

- I don't--
- I have a mask...

Okay, that's your idea?

Exactly like in the movie?

That is the most idiotic thing
I have ever heard in my life.

Well, suggest something
else then, don't just--

He's supposed
to cut his leg off?

- Don't just criticize my idea!
- Think!

You think of something then!

You know,
I say I'll do these things

like work with Dwight
on a diabolical plot

or watch all
the Michael Moore movies,

and then, I don't know,
I just lose interest and bail.

I just gotta stick with one
of them, you know?

I'm looking forward
to this plot

making me a better person.

Michael,
I'm worried that, uh,

not all your toys
are gonna fit on your new desk.

How is that possible?

Well, in your old office,

there were all those ledges
and extra space--

- No excuses, Erin. Come on!
- Okay.

Make it happen.

You know, I actually think
that I should get back to work.

Jim asked me to do some stuff,
and he's manager.

- Oh. Yeah. Fine, fine.
- Okay.

- Leave it here.
- All right.

I have
to make some sales anyway.

Who should I call
with my magic sales fingers?

[phone ringing]

Michael Scott, head of sales.

You gotta do something, man.

You can't just sit there.

The new IT guy.

Nick.

- Nick.
- I think he's the key.

He's very trusting.
He's looking for friends.

He's been given
an awesome amount of power

and does not know
how to wield it.

Like Frodo.

Why don't you just let me
handle the Tolkien references,

okay, dumb jock?

Well, I think he
can be corrupted, like Gollum.

Smeagol was corrupted
and became Gollum.

God, when this whole thing
is done,

I'm gonna bring you out
to the farm and read you

the entire trilogy and show
you what an idiot you are.

Let's go talk to Nick.
both: Okay.

I might start
a diabolical plot against him

after this one.

Who's hungry?

- What is that?
- It's ants on a log.

Michael would always have me
bring them in at 2:30

and say, "Who's hungry?"

[laughs] Oh. I'm fine.
Thank you, though.

Do you want me to spin you in
your chair and make you dizzy?

Why would I want to do that?

It's a thinking technique.

All the top executives do it.

It keeps the brain moving,

and a spinning brain
is a working brain.

For now I'm just gonna
go back to work here.

- Oh, sure.
- Yeah. Thank you.

Well...

It will be a pleasure
doing business with you.

Thanks. Bye-bye.

[train whistle blows]

I just got a new account,

the gentleman's club
in Carbondale.

It is called Curves.

I went
by there the other day,

saw some of the women
walking in.

Not really my cup of tea.

Actually, Kevin,
you might like it.

Nice.

You know, we really don't
announce out loud

- our sales that much.
- Why not?

It's part
of the sales experience.

It's not really 1992 anymore.

Mm, okay.
[people snickering]

"You brighten my day
with the sound of your voice.

"You bring so much
laughter and love.

"You are everything to me,

and I was so blessed when God
sent you here to me."

- Jeez Louise.
- I know.

Obsessed with me much?

- Well, everyone got one.
- What did yours say?

"Friends are worth sharing
a doghouse with."

It's no wonder that Andy gave
Kelly such a romantic card.

I can't compete with her.

That girl can sing and dance

and gets all of her clothes
at the mall,

and I feel like such a fool
for thinking

that Andy was only going after
one girl

'cause Andy Bernard
is a playboy,

and why shouldn't he be?

He's got it all.

Ho ho.
There he is, the IT guy.

I see you discovered
the break room.

- Uh, yep.
- I imagine one

of the best things
about being an IT guy

is you get to know
everyone's computer passwords.

You know, I actually don't.

[all laugh]

Listen, I know you have
to say that,

but we got
a little problem here.

There is a employee
named Jim Halpert,

and he's doing
some terrible things, okay?

He's molesting people
via the Internet,

and we need to stop him.

I think that you should
call the cops--

No, the cops called us.

So I'm gonna need you
to give me the password

to Jim Halpert's computer.

I don't know what
to tell you, man, I'm sorry.

I just can't give out
his password like that.

Nick,
we could make things very,

very difficult for you.

Are you--

- are you threatening me?
- Threatening you?

No.

[grunts]

No, no, no. That's not--

It doesn't have anyone's
name on it.

That is not acceptable.

- But it's just treats.
- That's not--

it's not just treats, Oscar.

Do you know how long
it took me to freeze those?

That's because you kept
opening the freezer door

to check if they were frozen.

Yeah, but then
I left it closed,

and now they're all gone.

And--oh, are you--

come on.
That is so not cool.

You know what?

Those were my homemade
orange juice popsicles.

Well, whatcha gonna do
about it?

You can't fire us anymore.

Ha ha.

I feel terrible. Here.

I don't--that's--no.

Oh, my God.

What is that smell?
Do you smell that?

What is that?

Like a sulfur deposit
under here?

Michael, stop.

No, I'm serious.
We don't have to put up--

is it the dogs?

- [whispers] Michael.
- You know what?

We don't have to deal
with this.

I am going
to google sulfur maps.

Michael, it's Phyllis.

No, this is geological.

I sent an email out
to everyone in this area

that this might be
a side effect

to my new allergy medication
I'm on.

- Are you kidding me?
- No.

And you guys are okay
with this?

She sent an email.

I did.

[phone ringing]

It's not 'cause of the smell.

I'm just expecting
a nosebleed.

Oh, my God.

Yes, money can buy happiness,
but can it buy things?

Things like a private office

or a nose that can't smell?

Answer is no.

Oh... [giggling]
You scared me.

I'm sorry.
I thought you saw me.

I didn't see you.

And you were there all along.

Well,
I warmed it up for you,

so should be good to go.

Cool. Thanks.

Bye, Andy.

- That was weird.
- No, it ain't.

We all saw the valentine
you gave her.

I don't even know
what that card said.

Believe me,
if I got that card,

we'd be in the bathroom
doing it right now.

Oh.

I don't like Kelly like that.

At all.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You know, it's funny,
I used to stand in here

and wish I was out there.

And now I'm out there,
and I wish I was in here.

Well, the grass
is always greener.

Yeah, except there's no grass
out there.

It's just a farty dirt patch.

Well, it's what you wanted.

I really need my job back.

We made a terrible mistake here.

For the record,
I fought this, all right?

And now I'm not really sure
what we do.

We make a poster that says
"Happy Opposite Day,"

and she sees it on the way out.

That's stupid.

Oh, I wish we had one
of those amnesia flashlights

from "Men in Black," and just--

Hey, what was that movie

where their boss
was within earshot,

and they could have
just gone and talked to her?

- "Lethal Weapon"?
- That's it.

I think we should do it
the "Lethal Weapon" way.

You two are grown-ass men.

What do I have to do,
fire you and get two people

in here who don't need
so much management?

Jo, I am a man of few words.

I don't mince words.

I try to use as few words
as possible

to express an idea
or a thought or a concept.

- Along those lines--
- Jo, we made a mistake.

I hate to say this,
but I hate being a manager.

I only did it because I thought
it was the responsible thing

to do, but the truth is,
if I can make more money

as a salesman,
I'd like to do that, please.

And what I don't understand
is that I am a great manager

and a great salesman, so wha--?
What I'm say--

[clears throat] Michael's
saying that he's better

at being a manager,
and I agree,

because he's a better
people person,

- weird--weirdly.
- And weirdly,

I'm a good dog person,
right, guys?

Come on. See? They love me.

Fine, I don't care which one
of you does which job.

Just stop meetin' with me
to talk about it.

- All right.
- All right.

- [cell phone rings]
- Oh.

I gotta take this.

Yep, uh, finish walking my dogs
for me.

And don't ride 'em.

A lot of people try
to ride 'em.

Excuse me, everyone.
Please check your emails.

I just sent you
the following message:

"Coworkers, you may have
received a valentine from me.

"Please understand
this does not mean

that I like you in any way."

You don't even
like us as friends?

Phyllis, you guys are like
my closest friends.

I just mean
I don't like like you.

- What are we, five?
- "Please don't read

"into this card.

Yours in professionalism,
Nard Dog."

Um, why did I just receive
a mass email from you

that said
that you don't like me?

Do you realize how hard
that makes me like you, Andy?

It's--

that wasn't...

I like someone else.

Who?

[snorts]

It's not...

whether or not...

[mumbles]

Who? What?

Yeah, I guess Andy
never liked Kelly.

How about that? [laughs]

[inhales]

Oh, it smells good in here.

It sure does, okay.

We have your space heater,

your humidifier,
your dehumidifier,

your fan, your foot fan,
and your food dehydrator.

Erin, what about my keyboard?

[soft electronic music]

Ah.

So good to be home.

♪ ♪

How 'bout
a little bossa nova?

Oh.

[bossa nova music]

♪ ♪

He looks happy.

Yep.

Well, well, well. Hmm.

Boss for--what was it?

Oh, 4 1/2 hours?

New record, low.

Previous record,
Henry Rostin.

Boss for nine years,
four months,

and he only left because he had
family matters to attend to,

and he--what--

♪ ♪

Michael?

I can't help but think
that something we did

made this possible.

Jim dug his own grave,

but maybe we provided
the shovel.

Oh, temp, I like that.

I'm gonna engrave that
into a piece of wood.

Care to celebrate with a drink?

- [elevator dings]
- I would love to.

[chuckling]

- Why not?
- No, because martini bars

are pretentious!
No, thank you.

I'm sorry that I don't want
farm boy swill

- like you do, you know?
- It is not farm boy swill.

I will show you.
It is beet vodka,

- and it is delicious.
- I'm not interested

in anything I have
to make myself.

As a manager,
I felt I couldn't do that.

Um, please don't make it
a habit.

I'm afraid I'm going to.

[The Office Band's
"The Office (Main Theme)"]

♪ ♪