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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,302 GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY. 2 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:14,472 WHO WOULD LIKE AN AUTHENTIC NEW YORK BAGEL? HMM? 3 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,307 - STANLEY? - THANK YOU. 4 00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:17,350 OH, NO, NO, NO. 5 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:19,728 I GOT A PUMPERNICKEL JUST FOR YOU. 6 00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:21,938 WOW, H AND H. 7 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,606 YOU WENT ALL THE WAY TO NEW YORK CITY 8 00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:25,108 TO GET US BAGELS? 9 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,736 OH, WHY, IS THERE A PLACE CLOSER THAT SELLS THEM? 10 00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:29,195 THIS WAS REALLY NICE, DWIGHT. THANKS. 11 00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:30,447 THANKS. 12 00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:31,906 OH, DON'T MENTION IT. 13 00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,492 YOU OWE ME ONE. YOU ALL OWE ME ONE. 14 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:37,120 - GOOD MORNING, MICHAEL. - GOOD MORNING, DWIGHT. 15 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,079 HUNGRY? 16 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,081 NO. I HAD A FISH STICK SANDWICH. 17 00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,666 ACTUALLY, I HAD TWO FISH STICK SANDWICHES. 18 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,626 MY GIRLFRIEND DIDN'T WANT HERS, 19 00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:46,755 BECAUSE I GUESS I'M THE ONLY APHRODISIAC SHE NEEDS. 20 00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:47,881 FISH STICKS ARE NOT AN APHRODISIAC. 21 00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:48,965 - YEAH... - YOU'RE THINKING OF DEER PENIS. 22 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,842 - IT WORKED. - REGARDLESS, 23 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,427 THAT WAS OVER TWO HOURS AGO, 24 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:56,681 AND IT IS NOW A SCIENTIFIC FACT THAT YOU ARE HUNGRY--BAGEL? 25 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,058 I DON'T MIND IF I DO. 26 00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,809 OKAY, I BROUGHT CHEESE TOO. 27 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:01,227 I'M TAKING ONE FOR MY LADY FRIEND. 28 00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,021 - EXCELLENT. - BRAIN FOOD. 29 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:06,149 - THANK YOU VERY MUCH. - OKAY. 30 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:07,484 YOU OWE ME. 31 00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:10,028 CAN'T A GUY JUST BUY SOME BAGELS FOR HIS FRIENDS 32 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,112 SO THEY'LL OWE HIM A FAVOR, 33 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,989 WHICH HE CAN USE TO GET SOMEONE FIRED 34 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:16,701 WHO STOLE A CO-MANAGER POSITION FROM HIM ANYMORE? 35 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,703 JEEZ... 36 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:22,207 WHEN DID EVERYONE GET SO CYNICAL? 37 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:25,210 {\an8}[cheerful music] 38 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:32,175 ♪ ♪ 39 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,771 PAM, WOULD YOU CARE FOR A BAGEL? 40 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,231 OH, NO, THANK YOU. 41 00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,524 OH, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'RE A WOMAN, 42 00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:49,317 AND YOU NEED TO REFUSE FOOD THE FIRST TIME. 43 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:52,570 I'LL TRY AGAIN. PLEASE, PAM, 44 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:53,738 RECONSIDER AND HAVE A BAGEL. 45 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,533 I HAVE AN EARLY LUNCH. 46 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,785 MICHAEL'S BEEN TRYING TO GET JIM AND ME TO HANG OUT 47 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,412 EVER SINCE HE STARTED DATING MY MOM. 48 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:03,623 I DON'T KNOW, I REALLY HOPED THIS THING WOULD JUST DIE OUT. 49 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:06,751 BUT TODAY HE'S PLANNING A BIRTHDAY LUNCH FOR MY MOM, 50 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:09,254 AND WE HAVE TO GO. 51 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:12,340 NO WAY OUT. 52 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,384 NO WAY OUT. 53 00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:16,553 THESE ARE AMAZING. YOU TOOK ALL THESE? 54 00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:20,473 I'VE ALWAYS FOUND BEAUTY IN UNCOMMON PLACES. 55 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:21,975 HOMELESS PEOPLE. GRAFFITI 56 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,394 PHOTOGRAPHY LETS ME CAPTURE ALL THAT. 57 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,104 HAVE YOU EVER BEEN PHOTOGRAPHED BEFORE? 58 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,355 OH, JUST BY, LIKE, FRIENDS. 59 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,773 WELL, HERE'S WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING 60 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,984 AROUND HERE. 61 00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:32,777 IT'S FOR A SERIES ON EXPOSURE IN THE WORKPLACE. 62 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,320 HOO-HOO. PAMMY? 63 00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:37,699 HEY...HI. 64 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,617 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY. - THANK YOU. 65 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:42,245 GIRLS...THERE THEY ARE. 66 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,705 BIRTHDAY LUNCH. BIRTHDAY LUNCH-- 67 00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:47,751 THERE'S NO BETTER MEDICINE THAN BIRTHDAY LUNCH. 68 00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:51,838 IT'LL CURE ALL OF YOUR, "GEE, I DON'T KNOW IF MICHAEL 69 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,967 SHOULD BE DATING MY MOTHER," AND FIXES ALL OCCURRENCES OF, 70 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,553 "I DON'T REALLY SEE THEM TOGETHER." 71 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:01,681 SO OPEN WIDE, PAM, AND TAKE A BIG OL' SPOONFUL 72 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,641 OF BIRTHDAY LUNCH MEDICINE. 73 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,935 TAKE WITH FOOD. 74 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,480 PAM, AREN'T YOU GONNA INTRODUCE US 75 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:09,939 TO MICHAEL'S GIRLFRIEND? 76 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:12,317 I THINK YOU GUYS ALL REMEMBER MY MOM FROM THE WEDDING. 77 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:13,276 YEAH, I THINK EVERYONE'S MET HELENE. 78 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,694 - HI. - SHALL WE? 79 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,988 WAIT A MINUTE, IS THAT ANOTHER BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR ME? 80 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,032 'CAUSE YOU ALREADY GAVE ME A NECKLACE. 81 00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:20,367 OH, MY GOD, I LOVE IT. 82 00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:21,701 TELL HER HOW YOU GAVE IT TO ME. 83 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,370 - NO, THAT WOULDN'T BE-- - HE PUT IT AROUND MY NECK 84 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,413 WHILE I WAS STILL ASLEEP THIS MORNING. 85 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,415 WHAT A NICE WAY TO WAKE UP. 86 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,542 YEAH, THE REST OF THE STORY HAS BEEN CENSORED 87 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:30,835 DUE TO INAPPROPRIOSITY. 88 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,295 BECAUSE OF SEX? 89 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,381 - KEVIN! - HEY, PLEASE, KEVIN... 90 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:37,425 YOU'RE FIRED. SORRY. SORRY. 91 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:38,885 WORK WITH A BUNCH OF IDIOTS. SHALL WE GO? 92 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,470 - YES, LET'S GO. - OKAY. 93 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,222 OH, WAIT. 94 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,765 SWARTZ LUMBER IS ON THE PHONE FOR YOU, PAM, 95 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,475 AND THEY SAY IT'S URGENT. 96 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:49,396 OH. YOU GUYS, JUST ONE SECOND. 97 00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:53,942 OH, MY GOSH! ARE YOU SERIOUS? 98 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:55,402 SHIPPING EMERGENCY. 99 00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,611 I DON'T THINK I CAN GO TO LUNCH. 100 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:58,363 OH, MAN, THAT'S CRAZY. 101 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,365 RIGHT AS WE WERE ON OUR WAY OUT TOO. 102 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,534 I KNOW. ISN'T THAT ALWAYS HOW IT GOES? 103 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,327 RARELY, IF EVER. 104 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,578 LET ME GIVE IT A WHIRL. I'LL TALK TO HIM. 105 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,288 - I WANT TO HANDLE IT. - THAT'S OKAY. 106 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,207 - I FEEL LIKE. - IT'S MY PLEASURE. 107 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,209 HELLO? WELL, THAT'S GREAT. 108 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,545 TURNS OUT THE PAPER WAS THERE ALL ALONG. 109 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,880 OH, THANK GOD. 110 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,215 SOMETHING'S UP. 111 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,134 THAT PAPER WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO ARRIVE. 112 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,594 SO, PAMMY, ARE YOU STILL LIKING SALES? 113 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,305 YEAH. IT'S EXCITING. 114 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:28,560 UH, YOU KNOW, MICHAEL AND I WERE TALKING, 115 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:31,646 AND MAYBE IF YOU PUT IN A LITTLE MORE FACE-TO-FACE TIME 116 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,441 WITH YOUR CLIENTS, YOU COULD IMPROVE YOUR SALES. 117 00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,276 PAM'S SALES ARE FINE, ACTUALLY. 118 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:38,319 JUST WANT YOU TO SUCCEED, PAMMY. 119 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,113 YOU KNOW WHAT? WE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE TALKING 120 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,364 ABOUT BUSINESS TODAY. 121 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:43,408 - THANK YOU. - TODAY'S ABOUT FAMILY. 122 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:47,579 WHY DID I GET IN THE CAR? I COULD HAVE STRUGGLED. 123 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:50,123 I HAVE A WHISTLE IN MY PURSE. I DIDN'T EVEN BLOW IT. 124 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,417 HEY, OSCAR. 125 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,044 LISTEN, YOUR LEFT REAR TIRE WAS LOOKING A LITTLE LOW, 126 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,587 SO I INFLATED IT FOR YOU. 127 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,881 OH, WOW, REALLY? 128 00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:59,382 SURE. YOU OWE ME ONE. 129 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:01,760 AND IF YOU USE THE FREEZER, WELL, THEN YOU OWE ME TWO. 130 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,680 [chuckles] 131 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:08,475 OH, DWIGHT, I HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU. 132 00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,560 LET ME GUESS, YOU ATE THE BAGEL I GAVE YOU 133 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:11,394 AND LOVED IT. 134 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,396 YES. [both chuckle] 135 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,523 AND I WANTED TO RETURN THE FAVOR. 136 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,776 I WAS POLISHING MY LOAFERS, AND I HAPPENED TO LOOK OVER 137 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:21,321 AND NOTICE THAT YOUR BRIEFCASE WAS A LITTLE WORSE FOR THE WEAR. 138 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,906 SO A LITTLE ELBOW GREASE, 139 00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:26,451 AND SHE'S POLISHED RIGHT UP, BACK TO HER FORMER GLORY. 140 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,537 - OH, WELL... - FEEL IT AGAINST YOUR CHEEK. 141 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:30,747 I WILL. 142 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,499 YOU GIVE ME A GIFT-- BAM! THANK YOU NOTE. 143 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,585 YOU INVITE ME SOMEWHERE-- POW! RSVP. 144 00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:40,215 YOU DO ME A FAVOR-- WHAM! FAVOR RETURNED. 145 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:43,218 DO NOT TEST MY POLITENESS. 146 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,469 - LET ME GET THAT DOOR FOR YOU. - OH-- 147 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,762 - THERE WE GO. - THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 148 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:49,391 - AND I GOT IT FOR YOU. - OH, GOODNESS. THANKS. 149 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,768 HEY, YOU KNOW, HERE'S A HEALTHY FITNESS TIP. 150 00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,645 IF YOU CLENCH YOUR BUTTOCKS TOGETHER WHILE WALKING, 151 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,480 YOU CAN REALLY TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF YOUR KNEES. 152 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,439 - IS THAT RIGHT? - OBSERVE. 153 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,818 HUH. [both chuckle] 154 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,111 - RIGHT? - THAT REALLY WORKS. 155 00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:03,488 YEAH, FEEL FREE TO USE THAT ANYTIME. OKAY... 156 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,823 HEY, HO-- HOLD ON A SECOND. 157 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:08,535 DO NOT WALK AROUND WITH YOUR JACKET CATTYWAMPUS. 158 00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:09,953 AND THAT NEEDS TO BE STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW. 159 00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:11,996 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 160 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,581 - OH, BOY. - OKAY. 161 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:17,210 THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THAT. HAVE A SEAT. 162 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:20,088 - ALLOW ME, PLEASE. - HAVE A SEAT YOURSELF. 163 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,465 YOU KNOW WHAT, I AM GOING TO PREEMPTIVELY 164 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,884 CHANGE THE BATTERIES IN YOUR WIRELESS MOUSE. 165 00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:26,344 - NOT NECESSARY. - NO, NO, NO. 166 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,054 YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. 167 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,306 ANDY IS COMPLICATING THINGS. 168 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,474 BUT I'M NOT WORRIED. 169 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,184 THIS WILL ONLY UP MY GAME. 170 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,602 NO MAN IS AT THEIR BEST WHEN THEY'RE FIGHTING 171 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,062 AGAINST NO ONE. 172 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,648 MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER WAS A BOXER. 173 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,567 BUT HE WAS SO LIGHT THEY HAD TO CREATE 174 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:44,195 A SPECIAL WEIGHT CLASS FOR HIM CALLED BALSA WEIGHT. 175 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,490 FOR 20 YEARS NO ONE CHALLENGED HIM. 176 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:50,535 ON THE 21ST YEAR HE WAS CHALLENGED 177 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:55,373 BY A ROOSTER, BUT HE NO LONGER HAD THE SKILLS. 178 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,542 SOME SAY HE THREW THE FIGHT. 179 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,879 HELLO. "SCOTT," TABLE FOR FOUR. 180 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,382 WELCOME, SCOTT FAMILY. IT'LL BE JUST A MOMENT. 181 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,551 I USED TO LOVE COMING HERE. 182 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,763 THE CHICKEN PARM IS GOOD. BIG PART OF MY CHILDHOOD. 183 00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:12,807 OH, MAYBE MICHAEL WILL START DATING THAT TOO. 184 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,852 WHAT TABLE SHOULD WE TAKE? SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM. 185 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:18,271 - WOW. - OH, MY GOD! 186 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,982 WHAT? ALL I SEE ARE BORING OLD TABLES 187 00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:23,443 WITH NO BIRTHDAY DECORATIONS. 188 00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:26,112 OH, WAIT A SECOND! YOU MEAN THIS ONE? 189 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,781 WOW. 190 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,532 MICHAEL, YOU DID ALL THIS? 191 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:31,409 IT'S NOT ABOUT TAKING CREDIT. LET'S JUST SAY WE ALL DID IT. 192 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,411 WELL, THANK YOU. ALL OF YOU. 193 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,915 WELL, IT WAS ACTUALLY ME ALONE, SO... 194 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,625 WOW, LOOK AT THIS PLACE. 195 00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,627 IT REALLY MAKES ME WANT TO GO TO ITALY SOMEDAY. 196 00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:43,338 OH, YOU'LL LOVE IT. YOU CAN HAVE MY GUIDE BOOKS. 197 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,548 I THINK I'M DONE WITH THOSE REALLY LONG PLANE RIDES. 198 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:49,344 OH, THANK YOU FOR-- THANKS FOR LENDING ME THE BOOK. 199 00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:53,723 WHAT'S GREAT ABOUT DATING A MORE EXPERIENCED WOMAN 200 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:56,434 IS HER EXPERIENCE. 201 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,479 AND IF THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO DO, 202 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:00,772 SHE'S ALREADY DONE IT, SO SHE CAN TELL ME 203 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:04,359 WHETHER IT IS WORTH DOING OR NOT, MOSTLY NOT. 204 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:07,487 SO, MOM, WHICH BIRTHDAY ARE WE CELEBRATING THIS YEAR? 205 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:08,905 OH, STICKING WITH 49. 206 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:11,616 49 AGAIN? THAT'S NINE YEARS IN A ROW. 207 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,368 THIS IS NOW OUR LONGEST FAMILY TRADITION. 208 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:14,869 THAT'S FUNNY. 209 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,996 WELL, AS LONG AS YOU'RE RUNNING NUMBERS, PAM, 210 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,748 HELP ME OUT WITH THIS ONE. 211 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:21,251 LET'S SEE, HONEY, YOU'RE SIX MONTHS PREGNANT, 212 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,128 BUT YOU'VE ONLY BEEN MARRIED FOR 30 DAYS. 213 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,921 SO WHAT DOES THAT ADD UP TO? 214 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:28,466 OOH, BURN. BURN ON YOU. AND A LITTLE BIT ON ME TOO. 215 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,969 YOU'RE 54 YEARS OLD. 216 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:34,055 NO, I'M 58. 217 00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:36,975 - YOU'RE 58 YEARS OLD? - UH-HUH. 218 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,935 CONGRATULATIONS. 219 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:41,604 THE ONLY TIME YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT A WOMAN'S AGE 220 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,231 IS IF SHE IS TOO YOUNG FOR YOU. 221 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:46,151 AND I AM NOT ROBBING THE CRADLE. 222 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:50,947 IF ANYTHING, I AM ROBBING THE GRAVE. 223 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,240 MOM, HAVE YOU DECIDED WHAT YOU WANT TO BE CALLED? 224 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,826 I LIKE "NANA." 225 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,953 BUT I ALSO LIKE THE CLASSIC "GRANDMA." 226 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,830 - PLEASE BE GRANDMA. - DEFINITELY A GRANDMA. 227 00:08:58,872 --> 00:08:59,998 - I WANT YOU TO BE GRANDMA. - MICHAEL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 228 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,126 - GRANDMA? - UH-HUH. 229 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,669 YAY. GRANDMA. 230 00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,762 HEY, WOULD YOU GUYS EVER DO A TRIATHLON, YOU THINK? 231 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:14,804 MAYBE. 232 00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:16,222 HELENE? 233 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,724 OH, OH, NO. I DON'T THINK SO. 234 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,768 I AM. I'M DEFINITELY GONNA DO IT. 235 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,853 I'VE ALREADY GOT THE RUN AND THE BIKE THING DOWN. 236 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,813 I JUST NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SWIM. 237 00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:25,523 COME ON, YOU IN? 238 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,275 NO, NO, I THINK A TRIATHLON IS PRETTY MUCH 239 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,527 SOMETHING I CAN RULE OUT. 240 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,529 IT JUST DOESN'T INTEREST ME. 241 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,865 SO IT'S A MATTER OF INTEREST. GOOD. OKAY. 242 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,034 IT'S NOT ANYTHING YOU WOULD HAVE EVER DONE. 243 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,953 MM, I MIGHT HAVE DONE IT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, 244 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,372 BUT NOW THERE ARE JUST OTHER THINGS 245 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,040 THAT I'D RATHER BE DOING THAN RUNNING AND JUMPING. 246 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,000 WELL, THERE'S NO JUMPING IN A TRIATHLON. 247 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:45,168 OH. 248 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,378 YOU'RE THINKING THE BROAD JUMP. 249 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,130 WOULD YOU TRY... BUNGEE JUMPING? 250 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,382 - NO. - SNOWBOARDING? 251 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,092 NO, NO. YOU WANT TO GO SNOWBOARDING? 252 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,635 I MIGHT. I MIGHT. 253 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,762 MICHAEL, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 254 00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,097 [sigh] 255 00:09:57,138 --> 00:10:00,975 NOTHING. JUST LIFE AND... 256 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:05,021 DOING THINGS... BEFORE YOU DIE. 257 00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:06,064 I DON'T KNOW. 258 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,066 DO I REALLY WANT TO GO SNOWBOARDING? 259 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,443 NO. BUT I-- 260 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:13,655 I WOULD LIKE TO IF I WANTED TO. 261 00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:17,367 [singing fanfare] 262 00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:18,618 AYE-YI-YI! 263 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:19,828 WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE? 264 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:22,455 - ANDY BOUGHT LUNCH. - OH, NO, REALLY? 265 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:23,915 YEP. YEP. 266 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,001 TOOK A PAGE RIGHT OUT OF THE OLD SCHRUTE BOOK OF NICENESS. 267 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,795 THERE IS NO BOOK. THERE'S ONLY A SURVIVAL GUIDE. 268 00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:30,797 YOU BOUGHT BREAKFAST FOR EVERYONE, 269 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,424 SO I GOT LUNCH FOR EVERYONE. 270 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,260 OKAY, WELL, ALLOW ME. YOU KNOW WHAT-- 271 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,096 GOSH, THESE TACOS ARE AWFULLY COMPLICATED TO MAKE. 272 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,181 I WILL MAKE EVERYONE'S TACOS. 273 00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:41,891 GRA-GA-GA-GA-GA! 274 00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:42,976 AWESOME. 275 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,352 THIS IS GREAT. 276 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:46,521 AND GOT US TACOS. 277 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,773 THE ONLY PROBLEM IS, 278 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,568 WHENEVER I TRY TO MAKE A TACO, 279 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:55,238 I GET TOO EXCITED, AND I CRUSH IT. 280 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,364 PRIMERO TACO. 281 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,742 THANK YOU. 282 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,285 HEY, YOU STILL OWE ME. 283 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,411 SHOOT. 284 00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:02,829 WELL, NO ONE OWES ME ANYTHING. 285 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,289 THIS LUNCH WAS MY PLEASURE. 286 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,416 ANDY IS RUINING MY PLAN. 287 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:09,210 I KNEW IT WASN'T GONNA BE EASY TO ENTIRELY REMAKE MY IMAGE 288 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:11,421 OVER THE COURSE OF ONE MORNING WITH NOTHING BUT A TRAY 289 00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:14,299 OF BAGELS, BUT I NEVER SAW THIS COMING. 290 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,842 SO WE SHOULD GET THE CHECK? 291 00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,302 WHAT ABOUT YOUR GIFT, MICHAEL? 292 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,387 OH, NO, NO, NO. NO, IT'S STUPID. 293 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,722 YOU'D HATE IT. I HATE IT. 294 00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,057 - I'M SURE I WON'T. - YES, YOU WILL. 295 00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:24,351 HE LOCKED HIMSELF IN HIS OFFICE ALL MORNING 296 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,560 WORKING ON IT. 297 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,062 GIMME! LOOK AT THIS WRAPPING PAPER. 298 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,397 IT'S GOT THE WORD "LOVE" ON IT IN EVERY LANGUAGE! 299 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:33,568 I LITERALLY--I PUT NO THOUGHT INTO THE WRAPPING AT ALL. 300 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,196 MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN TOILET PAPER. 301 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:37,614 TOILET PAPER...LET'S SEE. 302 00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:41,159 "A SCRAPBOOK OF OUR FIRST MEMORIES, 303 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,078 "BY MICHAEL GARY SCOTT. 304 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:47,082 FOR MY GIRLFRIEND HELENE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY." 305 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,042 THAT'S JUST AN ARBITRARY TITLE. 306 00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,419 OKAY, TICKET STUBS TO "LOVE HAPPENS." 307 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,213 BUT I THREW MINE AWAY. 308 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:54,923 YEAH, I THREW MINE AWAY TOO. 309 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:58,635 I WENT BACK YESTERDAY, AND DWIGHT AND I SAW IT, 310 00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,095 AND I MADE HIM GIVE ME HIS TICKET STUB. 311 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:04,265 YOU DID ALL THAT JUST TO GET THE TICKET STUBS? 312 00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:06,267 NO, I WANTED TO SEE IT AGAIN. 313 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,435 BUT DWIGHT'S MY FRIEND. 314 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,895 - HE WANTED TO SEE IT, SO... - SURE. 315 00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,522 HERE'S A PENNY. WHAT'S THAT FROM? 316 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,690 PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS. 317 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,483 IT WAS FROM THE WISHING WELL AT THE MALL. 318 00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:15,276 YOU THREW IT IN, AND I WENT BACK LATER, 319 00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,112 WADED IN, AND I FOUND IT. 320 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:19,280 THAT'S AMAZING! 321 00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:20,615 IT'S NOT AMAZING AT ALL. 322 00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:23,201 IT'S SORT OF WEIRD THAT I WENT AND DID THAT. 323 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,287 AND NOW YOUR WISH WON'T COME TRUE, SO THAT BLOWS. 324 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:27,372 A POEM. 325 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,957 OH, THAT I PLAGIARIZED, I THINK. 326 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:33,128 "I CANNOT GO TO SCHOOL TODAY SAID LITTLE PEGGY ANN MCKAY," 327 00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:35,213 - IS THAT SHEL SILVERSTEIN? - YEAH. 328 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,756 "I HAVE THE MEASLES AND THE MUMPS, 329 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,134 A GASH, A RASH, AND PURPLE BUMPS. 330 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:40,760 MY MOM USED TO CALL ME EVERY NIGHT 331 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,804 CRYING ABOUT THE DIVORCE. 332 00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:45,098 AND THEN SHE STARTED DATING MICHAEL. 333 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,642 AND SHE STOPPED CALLING. 334 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:50,854 BECAUSE SHE STOPPED CRYING. 335 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:54,941 AND THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD WANT FOR HER, RIGHT? 336 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:56,818 "AND MY TEACHER'S REALLY MEAN-- 337 00:12:56,860 --> 00:13:00,405 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I LOVE YOU, HELENE." 338 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,740 THAT'S REALLY NICE, MICHAEL. 339 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,617 WELL, I THINK IT SUCKS. 340 00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,327 I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL. ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL. 341 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,580 WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU AND I HAVE VERY DIFFERENT TASTE. 342 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,248 AND YOU LIKE LAME THINGS. 343 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,501 IT'S A GENERATIONAL SORT OF GAP BETWEEN US. 344 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,004 OH, MY GOSH, A SCRAPBOOK. 345 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:18,798 - HOME RUN, MICHAEL. - YOU SET THE BAR SO HIGH. 346 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,300 THAT WAS A BUNT. 347 00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,845 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, DWIGHT, I'M GONNA DO THIS. 348 00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,805 HEY, HEY, HEY, RELAX. I GOT IT COVERED. 349 00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:27,015 NO, I INSIST. 350 00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:31,019 NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. NO, I INSIST. 351 00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:32,854 OKAY, DWIGHT, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 352 00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:35,440 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU CAN JUST OWE ME. 353 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:36,858 [chuckles] 354 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,485 THEY CAN ALL OWE ME. 355 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,071 WHEN SOMEONE STICKS A FLOWER IN YOUR GUN BARREL, 356 00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:44,866 IT'S IMPORTANT NOT TO FORGET YOU'RE STILL HOLDING A GUN. 357 00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:47,494 HEY, WHERE'D YOU GO? 358 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,162 OH, JUST WENT TO THE BATHROOM. 359 00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,748 AND THEN YOU STOPPED AT THE BAR ON THE WAY BACK? 360 00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,333 GOT THIRSTY. 361 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,044 OKAY, WEIRDO. COME ON, IT'S TIME FOR CAKE. 362 00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:57,087 OH, OKAY. 363 00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,797 HONESTLY, FOR A LONG TIME I THOUGHT 364 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,299 I WAS GOING TO GROW OLD WITH HOLLY. 365 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:05,428 AND THEN I MET HELENE, AND SHE IS GREAT. 366 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:09,307 AND SHE ALREADY KNOWS AND HAS DONE EVERYTHING 367 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,559 THAT I HAVE EVER WANTED TO DO, 368 00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:15,355 AND CAN TELL ME ABOUT IT. 369 00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:19,776 BUT I THINK I WANT TO DO THOSE THINGS MYSELF. 370 00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:22,070 - THE CAKE'S REALLY GOOD. - OH, I KNOW. 371 00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,738 I LOVE IT WHEN THEY USE BUTTER-CREAM FROSTING. 372 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,365 FINISH YOUR CAKE, HELENE. 373 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,783 HMM? 374 00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,868 I WANT YOU TO ENJOY THAT CAKE 375 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:31,121 BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING TERRIBLE I NEED TO TELL YOU, 376 00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:34,749 AND I WANT YOU TO ENJOY YOUR CAKE 377 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:38,128 BEFORE I TELL YOU THIS TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE THING. 378 00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:43,383 I CAN'T SAY THE WORDS. 379 00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:44,843 JIM, WOULD YOU TELL HER, PLEASE? 380 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,137 I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. 381 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,346 YOU KNOW ME. 382 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,181 WHAT IS SOMETHING TERRIBLE THAT I MIGHT SAY? 383 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,058 I'M JUST TRYING TO HAVE SOME CAKE RIGHT NOW, MAN. 384 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,852 IT'S NOT AS BAD AS SOMEBODY DYING. 385 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,312 IT'S WORSE THAN, "I RAN OVER A SKUNK." 386 00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:58,064 MICHAEL, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 387 00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,734 HELENE, I THINK YOU'RE A WONDERFUL PERSON, 388 00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:03,862 AND I--GOD, I'VE ENJOYED DATING YOU 389 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,447 AND BEING YOUR BOYFRIEND SO MUCH. 390 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,616 BUT I HAVE TO CONSIDER PAM'S FEELINGS. 391 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,369 AS A FRIEND AND A CO-WORKER, 392 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:15,874 I CANNOT IN GOOD CONSCIENCE CONTINUE TO DATE YOU 393 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,959 WHEN I KNOW WHAT THIS IS DOING TO HER. 394 00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:21,296 MICHAEL-- MICHAEL, IT'S--IT'S OKAY. 395 00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:22,714 NO, IT'S NOT. 396 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,008 I KNOW THAT IT TOOK ME A LITTLE WHILE TO COME AROUND, 397 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:27,260 AND IT'S STILL A LITTLE WEIRD TO GET USED TO, 398 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:32,515 BUT YOU OBVIOUSLY MAKE MY MOM VERY HAPPY. 399 00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:35,435 AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. 400 00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:38,438 WOW, THAT JUST-- YOU'VE REALLY GROWN. 401 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,440 WELL... 402 00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:42,233 OH, THANK YOU, PAM. 403 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:46,279 AND I HOPE YOU'RE AS GRACIOUS DURING THIS NEXT PART. 404 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,784 HELENE, ONCE AGAIN, YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON, 405 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:51,993 AND YOU HAVE LIVED A GREAT LIFE. 406 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,661 AND I ENVY IT. 407 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:57,374 AND I WANT IT, SOMEDAY. BUT JUST IN THE FUTURE. 408 00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,001 YOU NEED SOMEBODY WHO-- WHO UNDERSTANDS YOUR REFERENCES. 409 00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:03,797 WHO IS KAFKAESQUE? I'VE NEVER--I DON'T KNOW HIM. 410 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,343 THERE'S ANOTHER WOMAN, AND HER NAME IS ITALY... 411 00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,428 AND SKYDIVING... AND BUNGEE JUMPING. 412 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,055 OKAY, SO... 413 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:13,598 AND I WANT KIDS. 414 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,976 AND YOU, UNFORTUNATELY, HAVE ALREADY COMPLETED THAT PART 415 00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,603 - OF YOUR JOURNEY DOWN THERE. - MICHAEL! 416 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,563 IT'S NOT MY DECISION. IT'S MOTHER NATURE. 417 00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:24,150 AND MOTHER HAS VERY STRICT RULES ABOUT FER-- 418 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,201 ...TILITY. 419 00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,453 I, UM... I GOT IT. 420 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,455 IT'S, LIKE, YOU DON'T BUY A "MAD LIBS" BOOK 421 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,374 WITH EVERYTHING ALREADY WRITTEN IN IT. 422 00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:42,961 YOU ARE GONNA FIND SOMEBODY SO QUICKLY 423 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,379 WITH YOUR KILLER BOD 424 00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:45,839 AND YOUR WISDOM. 425 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,465 GAH! OW. 426 00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,844 SOMEBODY KICKED-- DID YOU GUYS GET KICKED? 427 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,095 NOPE. 428 00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:53,680 I KICKED YOU. STOP. 429 00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:55,306 I MISS JACK. 430 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,599 OH, MOM. 431 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:57,976 [whispers] WHO IS THIS? 432 00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:00,020 [whispers] HER EX-HUSBAND. 433 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,813 [whispers] I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOUR LIPS. 434 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,940 - [whispers] HER-- - MY DAD. 435 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,036 HEY, EVERYONE, CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION 436 00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:17,245 FOR A SECOND? 437 00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:19,205 YOU ALL MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT DWIGHT 438 00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:22,834 IS TRYING REALLY HARD TO BE NICE TODAY. 439 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:26,546 AND IT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT NATURAL FOR HIM, 440 00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,131 SO IT'S KIND OF HARD. 441 00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:30,342 - SO... - WHAT'S YOUR GAME? 442 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,219 I THINK IT'S GREAT, AND WE SHOULD REINFORCE IT 443 00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:34,721 BY GETTING HIM A GIFT. 444 00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:36,639 WHY DOES DWIGHT GET A GIFT? WE ALL DO NICE THINGS. 445 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,059 I MEAN, I BRING IN MUFFINS AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. 446 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,478 THOSE ARE LEFTOVER BOOK GROUP MUFFINS. 447 00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,063 I COULD HAVE THROWN THEM AWAY. 448 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:46,107 LOOK, DWIGHT WAKES UP EVERY MORNING AT 4:00 A.M. 449 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:49,277 AND RACES A MONGOOSE AROUND A BEET PASTURE. 450 00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:52,322 HE WRESTLES A 300-POUND SOW. 451 00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:54,157 THAT'S HOW HE WORKS OUT, OKAY? 452 00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:56,451 HE'S NOT LIKE THE REST OF US. 453 00:17:56,493 --> 00:18:00,705 BUT TODAY HE'S REALLY TRYING, AND I'M TOUCHED BY IT, 454 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,540 BECAUSE IT WASN'T VERY LONG AGO 455 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,210 THAT ANDREW BERNARD HAD A PRETTY HOT TEMPER. 456 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,712 YEP. YOU KNOW WHAT GOT ME THROUGH IT? 457 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,047 MANDATORY ANGER MANAGEMENT? 458 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,924 NO, OSCAR. 459 00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,218 IT WAS THE KINDNESS AND GENTLE WORDS 460 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,053 OF MY ANGER MANAGEMENT SPONSOR. 461 00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,346 SPLITTING HAIRS, ANDY. 462 00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:17,931 YOU'RE SPLITTING HAIRS, OSCAR. 463 00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:23,311 MY POINT IS, IT WAS ANOTHER PERSON. 464 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,355 AND TODAY WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY 465 00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:28,191 TO BE DWIGHT'S ANOTHER PERSON. 466 00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,360 THIS IS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR ME, 467 00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:33,613 BECAUSE I NEVER GO THIS LONG WITHOUT RETURNING A FAVOR, 468 00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:35,156 WHICH IS BAD ENOUGH. 469 00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:37,409 BUT THEN WHAT IF DWIGHT DIES AND I STILL OWE HIM SOMETHING? 470 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,744 THAT IS A RECIPE FOR A GHOST. 471 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:43,373 I KNOW, MOM. I KNOW. 472 00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:47,419 I'M 58. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW? 473 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,712 - WELL, HOBBIES... - STOP. 474 00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,255 UHH... 475 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,883 YOU KNOW, I JUST HAVE TO FACE THIS PATTERN IN MYSELF. 476 00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,761 I MAKE THESE TERRIBLE CHOICES. 477 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,055 WELL, MOM, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE REALLY THE ONE 478 00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,098 IN THE WRONG HERE. 479 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,891 WELL, YEAH, IN A WAY I AM. 480 00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:05,562 I MEAN, WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME THAT MAKES ME CHOOSE 481 00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:08,106 THESE LOSER GUYS. 482 00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,024 UH, I DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD SAY A LOSER. 483 00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,191 I'M GONNA CHANGE THE STATION. 484 00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,443 I CAN TOTALLY CHANGE THE STATION. 485 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,278 WHERE DO WE GOT? 486 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,031 DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN 487 00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:20,994 SINCE I'VE HAD AN ORGASM? 488 00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:25,790 YEARS. 489 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,000 [sighs] 490 00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:30,128 SHE TOLD ME SHE DOESN'T LIKE THEM. 491 00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,798 - UNH... - WHAT'S GOING ON? 492 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,342 STUPID THING WEDGED UP THERE. 493 00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:36,634 NO ONE IN THIS OFFICE WILL HELP ME. 494 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,720 YEAH. MOVE IT. 495 00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:39,971 IT'S REALLY WEDGED IN THERE. 496 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:41,806 OH, YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA OWE ME BIG TIME. 497 00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,016 IT'S LIKE A LITTLE ENVEL-- THERE YOU GO. 498 00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:46,269 YEP. GOT IT. "TO DWIGHT"? 499 00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,357 A STARBUCKS GIFT CARD. 500 00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:53,068 SURPRISE! [chuckles] 501 00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,110 IT'S FROM EVERYBODY. 502 00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:57,572 $15 VALUE. 503 00:19:57,614 --> 00:19:58,615 DAMN IT! 504 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,950 I AM NO CLOSER TO TAKING JIM DOWN. 505 00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,952 UGH, WHAT A WASTE OF THE DAY. 506 00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,162 I COULD HAVE GROWN POISON MUSHROOMS 507 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:07,248 THAT'D BE THIS HIGH BY NOW! 508 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,918 THEY'RE MUSHROOMS. THEY DON'T GET THAT HIGH. 509 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:12,837 - PAMELA BEESLY HALPERT. - WHAT? 510 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,464 MAY I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU IN MY OFFICE, PLEASE? 511 00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:16,299 - I AM WORKING. - WELL... 512 00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,677 THIS IS A WORK-RELATED MATTER. 513 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,929 - REALLY? - YES. 514 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:22,347 - REALLY? - YES. 515 00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:26,059 JOIN ME, PLEASE, WON'T YOU? 516 00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,938 I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A RAISE, PAM. 517 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,231 WHY? 518 00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:33,233 BECAUSE OF ALL THE GOOD WORK YOU'VE DONE. 519 00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,360 I HAVE THE LOWEST SALES RECORD OF ANYONE HERE. 520 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:36,986 NO, JUST, JUST DON'T, NO. 521 00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:39,197 IT'S NOT ABOUT NUMBERS, PAM. IT'S ABOUT ATTITUDE. 522 00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:42,033 I HAVE THE WORST ATTITUDE OF ANY PERSON HERE. 523 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,452 DO YOU WANT THE RAISE OR WHAT? 524 00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:46,121 - YEAH, I'LL TAKE IT. - OKAY. 525 00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,664 HEY, PAM. PAM. 526 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:49,874 WITH THIS RAISE THERE ARE STRINGS ATTACHED. 527 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,334 [sighs] I KNEW IT. 528 00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:54,045 AND THE STRING IS ATTACHED FROM MY HEART 529 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,297 TO YOUR MEAN ATTITUDE. 530 00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:58,049 YOU'RE BRIBING ME. 531 00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:00,176 NO, NO. NO, I AM NOT. 532 00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:02,637 UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO. YOU WANT ME TO? 533 00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:04,222 'CAUSE I WILL. I WILL BRIBE YOU. 534 00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:09,269 NO...YOUR FACE IS SAYING DON'T. 535 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:12,731 UNLESS I HAVEN'T OFFERED YOU ENOUGH. 536 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,233 YOUR FACE ISN'T CHANGING. 537 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,485 WHAT IS IT? TALK TO ME, FACE. 538 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:19,529 TELL ME WHAT PAM'S BRAIN IS THINKING. 539 00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:22,782 OH, COME ON, WHAT DO YOU WANT? 540 00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:25,118 WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU WANT A MILLION DOLLARS? 541 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,453 DO YOU WANT TO HIT ME? 542 00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:27,996 YOU WANT ME TO GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND BEG YOU? 543 00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:30,123 - I WANT TO HIT YOU. - WHAT? 544 00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:33,418 I WANT TO HIT YOU. I'LL DO THAT. 545 00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:35,420 [laughs] OKAY. WHAT? 546 00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:36,921 I DON'T-- ARE YOU KIDDING? 547 00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,423 NO. ARE YOU KIDDING? 548 00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:40,091 YE--NO. I DON'T-- 549 00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,718 ALL RIGHT, COME ON. 550 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,345 I'LL TAKE OFF MY JACKET AND TENSE MY STOMACH, 551 00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:44,888 AND YOU JUST... 552 00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:48,933 NO, I DON'T THINK I CAN HIT YOU IN THE OFFICE. 553 00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,019 OKAY. 554 00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:52,145 SO WE'LL DO IT AFTER WORK. 555 00:21:52,187 --> 00:21:53,980 - HMM? - IN THE PARKING LOT. 556 00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:56,274 IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. 557 00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:57,942 I'M GONNA HIT YOU AS HARD AS I CAN. 558 00:21:57,984 --> 00:21:59,819 OKAY. 559 00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:00,695 - OKAY. - OKAY. 560 00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:03,114 - SEE YOU THEN. - SEE YOU. 561 00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:06,993 [knock on door] 562 00:22:07,035 --> 00:22:08,036 - HEY. - HI. 563 00:22:08,078 --> 00:22:09,954 - QUICK QUESTION. - YEAH. 564 00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:11,247 ARE YOU SCARED? 565 00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:14,459 NEVER. ABOUT WHAT? 566 00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:15,877 A LITTLE. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 567 00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:17,962 - WE HEARD ABOUT THE PUNCH. - WHAT PUNCH? 568 00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:19,714 PAM. SHE'S GONNA PUNCH THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR FACE 569 00:22:19,756 --> 00:22:21,049 AFTER WORK. 570 00:22:21,091 --> 00:22:23,218 I'M PRETTY SURE WE SAID "SLAP." 571 00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:24,636 NO, IT'S A PUNCH. 572 00:22:24,678 --> 00:22:26,137 AND PAM HAS THAT CRAZY PREGNANCY STRENGTH NOW. 573 00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:29,015 I'M GETTING CONCERNED THAT YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND 574 00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:30,558 WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. 575 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:31,351 DO YOU? 576 00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:34,145 UH...I'M GOOD. 577 00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:35,271 ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU THERE. 578 00:22:35,313 --> 00:22:36,981 [knock on glass] 579 00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:38,108 - HEY. - HEY. 580 00:22:38,149 --> 00:22:39,984 DO YOU AND PAM EVER GET FRISKY? 581 00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:41,903 INAPPROPRIATE. 582 00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:43,780 I MEAN, DO YOU EVER WRESTLE WITH EACH OTHER? 583 00:22:43,822 --> 00:22:44,614 ALL THE TIME. 584 00:22:44,656 --> 00:22:46,408 REALLY? IS SHE STRONG? 585 00:22:46,449 --> 00:22:48,493 - SHE WANTS IT BAD, MICHAEL. - CAN YOU STOP THIS? 586 00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:51,037 - I CAN. - OKAY. 587 00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:52,831 AND I DON'T SUPPORT HER CHOICE TO HIT YOU. 588 00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:53,998 I DON'T EITHER. 589 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,625 BUT AT THE SAME TIME, SHE GOES CRAZY. 590 00:22:55,667 --> 00:22:59,004 AND I DO UNDERSTAND HER REASONING. 591 00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:00,255 MM-HMM. I KNOW. 592 00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:02,132 I JUST NEED SOME TIME. 593 00:23:02,173 --> 00:23:03,049 GIVE ME SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT. 594 00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:04,300 YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING. 595 00:23:04,342 --> 00:23:05,677 GIVE ME SOME TIME TO MAKE A DECISION. 596 00:23:05,719 --> 00:23:07,512 - HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU NEED? - NO MORE THAN A WEEK. 597 00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:08,763 - MAYBE TWO. - COME ON, MAN! 598 00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:10,640 PAM, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? 599 00:23:10,682 --> 00:23:12,976 - OH-- - UM, I HEARD ABOUT THE HIT. 600 00:23:13,018 --> 00:23:14,853 JUST TO BE SURE, IT'S OFF COMPANY PROPERTY, RIGHT? 601 00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:15,854 - RIGHT. - OKAY. 602 00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,063 I THINK IT SHOULD PROBABLY BE OKAY. 603 00:23:17,105 --> 00:23:19,024 - OKAY. - OKAY. 604 00:23:19,065 --> 00:23:21,568 AND... 605 00:23:21,609 --> 00:23:25,238 THE--THE POWER COMES FROM THE BACK FOOT. 606 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:29,492 SO IT'S ALL ONE MOTION THROUGH THE BODY. 607 00:23:29,534 --> 00:23:31,870 SO THERE'S-- YOU STAY A LITTLE LOW. 608 00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,372 THERE'S A TWIST. YOU KEEP YOUR SHOULDER DOWN. 609 00:23:34,414 --> 00:23:36,666 YOU KIND OF THROW OUT THE ARM. 610 00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:38,084 POW. 611 00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:39,836 OKAY, WAIT. IT'S-- 612 00:23:39,878 --> 00:23:43,048 YOU'RE SAYING IT COMES FROM THE FOOT? 613 00:23:43,089 --> 00:23:45,800 - YES. - OKAY. 614 00:23:45,842 --> 00:23:47,469 - YEAH. OKAY. - [chuckles] 615 00:23:47,510 --> 00:23:48,845 AND I'M PICKING MY DAUGHTER UP LATE 616 00:23:48,887 --> 00:23:50,680 SO I DON'T MISS THIS. 617 00:23:51,389 --> 00:23:53,600 HEY, EVERYBODY, HE'S NOT IN THE MEN'S ROOM, 618 00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:56,227 ALTHOUGH THE SEAT WAS WARM, SO WE MAY HAVE JUST MISSED HIM. 619 00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:57,937 MY MONEY'S ON PAM. 620 00:23:57,979 --> 00:23:58,980 IT'S NOT A FIGHT. 621 00:23:59,022 --> 00:24:00,398 WHAT OTHER OUTCOME COULD THERE BE? 622 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,441 MICHAEL COULD WIN. 623 00:24:01,483 --> 00:24:03,485 HOW? HE CAN'T HIS BACK. 624 00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:06,029 WHY CAN'T YOU JUST AGREE WITH ME SOMETIMES? 625 00:24:06,071 --> 00:24:08,907 AM I SCARED OF GETTING HIT IN THE FACE? NO. 626 00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:12,327 EVERY DAY, WEIRDOS PAY DOMINATRICES HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS 627 00:24:12,369 --> 00:24:14,079 FOR THAT VERY PRIVILEGE. 628 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,915 I'M SCARED I'M GONNA LOVE IT. 629 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:17,916 LET'S DO THIS! 630 00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:20,418 IT'S OKAY, GUYS, I CAN HANDLE THIS. 631 00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:22,212 EVERYBODY CAN GO HOME. 632 00:24:22,253 --> 00:24:23,713 WE'RE HERE FOR THE SHOW, MICHAEL. 633 00:24:23,755 --> 00:24:25,924 YOU'RE JUST A BUNCH OF VOYEURS. 634 00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:28,760 - ARE YOU EATING POPCORN? - IT HAS ALMOST NO CALORIES. 635 00:24:28,802 --> 00:24:29,678 YOU READY? 636 00:24:29,719 --> 00:24:31,763 [clears throat] YES. 637 00:24:33,098 --> 00:24:34,099 YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN, MICHAEL. 638 00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:36,851 I KNOW. 639 00:24:36,893 --> 00:24:37,936 WHEW, OKAY. 640 00:24:37,977 --> 00:24:40,980 ALL RIGHT. 641 00:24:41,022 --> 00:24:41,898 - NO! GOD! - MICHAEL! 642 00:24:41,940 --> 00:24:43,066 YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN. 643 00:24:43,108 --> 00:24:44,651 PUT YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS. 644 00:24:44,693 --> 00:24:48,822 OKAY. 645 00:24:51,032 --> 00:24:54,828 PAM! PAM... 646 00:24:54,869 --> 00:24:56,996 I'M REALLY SORRY. I'M SORRY. 647 00:24:57,038 --> 00:24:58,123 WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR? 648 00:24:58,164 --> 00:24:59,457 SO MANY THINGS. 649 00:24:59,499 --> 00:25:00,709 I DON'T KNOW, IT'S HARD TO CHOOSE. 650 00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:02,043 HOW 'BOUT FOR DATING MY MOM. 651 00:25:02,085 --> 00:25:03,128 MAYBE THAT'S-- 652 00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:04,671 AND DUMPING HER ON HER BIRTHDAY. 653 00:25:04,713 --> 00:25:05,880 YES. 654 00:25:08,591 --> 00:25:11,636 OKAY, JUST... 655 00:25:11,678 --> 00:25:16,057 DON'T EVER DATE A MEMBER OF MY FAMILY AGAIN. 656 00:25:16,099 --> 00:25:19,936 OKAY. NO PROBLEM. 657 00:25:19,978 --> 00:25:22,981 FOR THE RECORD, YOUR MOM CAME ON TO ME. 658 00:25:23,023 --> 00:25:24,065 [all gasp] 659 00:25:24,107 --> 00:25:25,984 HOLY CRAP! 660 00:25:28,111 --> 00:25:30,030 - ARE YOU OKAY? - NO! 661 00:25:30,071 --> 00:25:33,074 YOU'RE OKAY. 662 00:25:33,116 --> 00:25:34,159 FEEL BETTER? 663 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,326 NO. YOU WERE RIGHT. 664 00:25:35,368 --> 00:25:36,745 - DID YOU GET THE HIT? - I GOT IT. 665 00:25:36,786 --> 00:25:38,371 WHAT IS THAT, THEIR FEET? 666 00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:40,707 YEP, IT'S WHAT I FOUND MORE INTERESTING. 667 00:25:40,749 --> 00:25:42,500 I THINK IT REALLY TELLS THE STORY BETTER. 668 00:25:42,542 --> 00:25:45,295 THOSE ARE MY SHOES. 669 00:25:45,337 --> 00:25:46,504 OH, DAMN IT. 670 00:25:46,546 --> 00:25:47,881 THAT'S LAME. 671 00:25:50,842 --> 00:25:52,218 WAIT, WHY ARE YOU LIMPING? 672 00:25:52,260 --> 00:25:53,678 I DON'T KNOW. 673 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,472 LET'S GET SOME RAW MEAT ON THAT FACE. 674 00:25:55,513 --> 00:25:57,474 I'VE GOT A CHICKEN IN THE FREEZER UPSTAIRS. 675 00:25:57,515 --> 00:26:00,518 AS I WATCHED PAM'S BIG, STRONG HAND 676 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,103 COMING TOWARD MY FACE, 677 00:26:02,145 --> 00:26:05,523 I SAW MY ENTIRE LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES. 678 00:26:05,565 --> 00:26:09,069 AND GUESS WHAT. I HAVE FOUR KIDS. 679 00:26:09,110 --> 00:26:12,781 AND I HAVE A HOVER-CAR AND A HOVER-HOUSE. 680 00:26:12,822 --> 00:26:16,576 AND MY WIFE IS A RUNNER, AND IT SHOWS. 681 00:26:16,618 --> 00:26:18,620 AND PAM AND JIM ARE MY BEST FRIENDS, 682 00:26:18,661 --> 00:26:20,872 AND OUR KIDS PLAY TOGETHER. 683 00:26:20,914 --> 00:26:26,086 AND I AM HAPPY, AND I'M RICH, 684 00:26:26,127 --> 00:26:29,214 AND I NEVER DIE. 685 00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:32,717 IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE MUCH, BUT IT'S ENOUGH FOR ME. 686 00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:37,222 - OW. - GOOD, GOOD. 687 00:26:37,263 --> 00:26:38,348 JUST KEEP IT ON THERE FOR ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES. 688 00:26:38,390 --> 00:26:39,933 LET THE SWELLING GO DOWN. 689 00:26:39,974 --> 00:26:41,559 OH, THANK YOU. 690 00:26:41,601 --> 00:26:46,272 THANKS. I OWE YOU ONE, DWIGHT. 691 00:26:46,314 --> 00:26:48,817 - FIRE JIM. - NO. 692 00:26:48,858 --> 00:26:51,027 I'M CASHING IN THE FAVOR. FIRE HIM! 693 00:26:51,069 --> 00:26:52,028 - WHAT ARE YOU TALK-- - DO IT! 694 00:26:52,070 --> 00:26:53,988 PROMOTE ME. TRI-MANAGERS? 695 00:26:54,030 --> 00:26:55,532 - FORGET THAT. - CAN I HAVE AN OFFICE? 696 00:26:55,573 --> 00:26:56,825 - NO. - YOU KNOW WHAT? 697 00:26:56,866 --> 00:26:58,076 YOU CAN KEEP YOUR STUPID FAVOR. 698 00:26:58,118 --> 00:26:59,160 IT'S WORTHLESS. 699 00:26:59,202 --> 00:27:00,620 AND THIS IS MY DINNER ON YOUR FACE. 700 00:27:00,662 --> 00:27:03,289 I'M KEEPING IT! 701 00:27:03,331 --> 00:27:06,710 OH, THAT FEELS BETTER. 50023

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