All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S06E03.The.Promotion.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:10,802 [knock knock] 2 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,137 Could you please sign my expense report? 3 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:13,263 No way, no how. 4 00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:15,390 Expense reports are a day-to-day item. 5 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:16,725 That is Jim's now. 6 00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:19,477 I am exclusively big picture, epic, 7 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:20,645 "Gone with the Wind." 8 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:21,646 Never saw it. 9 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:22,814 Me neither. Chick flick. 10 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,357 I'd like to be grandfathered in. 11 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:25,817 What is--what is that? 12 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,360 Well, you used to sign my expense reports, 13 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:28,528 so you still would. 14 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,030 That doesn't make any sense 15 00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:31,990 because I would still be doing exactly what I used to do. 16 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,199 - Michael, just-- - No. No. No. 17 00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:34,200 - Please leave. - Can you-- 18 00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,660 You're making my brain smaller. 19 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:36,828 Oh, that happened to my uncle. 20 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,204 We had to lock him in his room for a week 21 00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:39,581 and we starved him and he went mad. 22 00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:42,334 - We had to bury him-- - I am so sick of that story. 23 00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:43,710 Get out. 24 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,136 - Sign this. - Ah, ah, ah. 25 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,472 Where's the "please"? We're not animals. 26 00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,183 - Sign it. - No, not without a "please." 27 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:00,393 Idiot. 28 00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:06,107 I have a complaint about Jim. 29 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,360 That is not big picture. 30 00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:12,238 I would like to file a huge, enormous, 31 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,823 massive complaint 32 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:16,826 about the tallest guy in our office. 33 00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:23,917 Okay. 34 00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,543 Jim won't sign my expense report. 35 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,045 That is not--okay-- 36 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,296 - That is-- - Day-to-day. 37 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:29,923 - That is day-to-day. - No, that his huge. 38 00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,091 - You're trying to trick me. - This has to do-- 39 00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,300 Get out, get out, get out. 40 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,927 Get out, get out. 41 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,139 I'd like to lodge a complaint. 42 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,599 I'm sorry to hear about that. 43 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,684 Who is this about? 44 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:41,935 - You! - Okay. 45 00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:43,061 Just want to let you know 46 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,604 I take complaints very seriously. 47 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:47,065 So... when did this happen? 48 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,858 - One minute ago. - Okay. 49 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,319 - And how do you feel? - Angry. 50 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,655 - All right. Did he hit you? - No. 51 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,323 - Did you cry? - No. 52 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,200 - Did you feel like crying? - No. 53 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,119 I'm just gonna write, "held back tears." 54 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,871 Wait, stop writing that. That is not true. 55 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,039 If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it. 56 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,291 I'm not cr-- uhh! 57 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:08,420 I deserved that promotion, not Jim. 58 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,213 Oh, man. 59 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,382 Makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold 60 00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:14,801 and force him down to the ground 61 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,928 and just keep pressing and pressing. 62 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,055 And then flip him over 63 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,807 and then put him in a hammer lock. 64 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,600 And he's gasping, he's panting. 65 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:23,852 Every last breath. 66 00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:25,729 And the crowd is going crazy. 67 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,273 And boom! I emerge victorious! 68 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,315 Aha! 69 00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:32,277 $18,000 and a chance at the title. 70 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,154 Ooh hah! 71 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:36,281 Dwight, Jim wants you to keep it down. 72 00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:42,037 {\an8}[cheerful music] 73 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:49,127 {\an8}♪ ♪ 74 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,693 {\an8}Everyone, now would be a good time to freshen up, 75 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,779 {\an8}because I'd like everyone to meet in the conference room 76 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,030 {\an8}in five minutes. 77 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,281 {\an8}And I suggest that you bring a snack, 78 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,532 {\an8}because we may be in there for a while. 79 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:20,825 {\an8}- Michael... - Yes? 80 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,327 {\an8}Can I talk to you in my office for a second? 81 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,163 {\an8}Mmm, sure, but could I first talk to you in my office? 82 00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:30,418 {\an8}Can I also be a boss? 83 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,212 {\an8}Look, it doesn't take a genius to know 84 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:36,341 {\an8}that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. 85 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,968 {\an8}Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. 86 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,513 {\an8}A boat that sets sail without two captains. 87 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:44,641 {\an8}Where would Catholicism be without the popes? 88 00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,017 {\an8}I have noticed that we-- 89 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,352 {\an8}Welcome. 90 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:48,395 {\an8}Thank you. 91 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:49,396 {\an8}I've noticed we've been having 92 00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:50,772 {\an8}a lot of conference room meetings. 93 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:51,940 {\an8}Mm-hmm. 94 00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,024 {\an8}And I'm wondering if perhaps 95 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,318 {\an8}- those are a bit, um-- - Disruptive. 96 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,113 {\an8}- Yes. - No, I don't think they are. 97 00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,365 {\an8}I think the meetings are very important. 98 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,325 {\an8}Okay, maybe we should talk specifics. 99 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,202 {\an8}- Let's do. - Okay. 100 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,663 {\an8}Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets. 101 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,540 {\an8}N--well, to be fair, 102 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:11,042 {\an8}Jim... James... 103 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,669 {\an8}Jimothy... 104 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:15,463 to be fair, Jimothy, the-- ah, that sounds weird. 105 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,923 {\an8}Are you okay with being called Jim? 106 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,383 {\an8}- I am. - All right. 107 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:19,634 {\an8}Jim, to be fair, 108 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,594 {\an8}the conversation wasn't about planets... 109 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:22,887 {\an8}- Right. - At first. 110 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,139 {\an8}We were talking about introducing 111 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:26,099 {\an8}a line of toilet paper. 112 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:27,350 {\an8}And what part of the human body 113 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:30,603 {\an8}does one use toilet paper upon? 114 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:33,523 {\an8}So you draw a line from there to the other planets, 115 00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,692 {\an8}and I think by the end, we all learned a little bit 116 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:36,985 {\an8}about how small we are. 117 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,571 - Yes, I agree. - Because it's a big universe, 118 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,699 and we're all just little, tiny specks of dust. 119 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,534 I just think that maybe 120 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,578 they're eating large amounts of the day. 121 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,830 You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. 122 00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,165 You go to sleep, it's light out, 123 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,042 you wake up, it's dark. That's the whole day. 124 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,752 Where did that day go? 125 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,795 I have no idea. 126 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:58,465 You mean on a weekend. 127 00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,758 Yes. 128 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,093 Oh, sure, things are great-- 129 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,678 for Michael. 130 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,180 And why wouldn't they be? 131 00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,557 Absolutely nothing's changed for him. 132 00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:10,310 He still acts like he's the only one in charge. 133 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:14,314 But today, Jim Halpert puts his foot down. 134 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:17,859 So that was three days ago, and it didn't take. 135 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:20,445 But today, mark my words, 136 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:24,783 Jim Halpert really, really puts his foot down. 137 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,743 How about this? I think our goal should be 138 00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:29,704 we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential. 139 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,122 I was sort of hoping to get the staff's input 140 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,041 on a five-year plan menu-wise. 141 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:35,377 That's a great example of not a great use 142 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:36,795 of their time or your time. 143 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,963 - Or time. - All right. 144 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,382 No more meetings this week. 145 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,758 Really? 146 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,301 You just agree to that? 147 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,553 I can be very surprising. 148 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:52,727 What's going on? 149 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,980 I need to fit into my wedding dress. 150 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,233 However, I'm also pregnant. 151 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,196 You know, it's a myth that women have to gain 152 00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,365 more than nine pounds in a pregnancy? 153 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,534 Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight. 154 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,414 Hey, did you guys register for wedding gifts? 155 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:16,251 We did, but mostly because people expect us to. 156 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,712 We're also accepting other gifts 157 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,505 not on the registry... 158 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,508 However much. 159 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,802 It's awkward asking people for money, 160 00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,763 but we could really use it. 161 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,223 Why doesn't Crate & Barrel 162 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:33,226 let you register for a toaster full of cash? 163 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,020 Perfect. I hate registries. 164 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,187 Oh, good. 165 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,064 My cousin makes the most amazing 166 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,150 romantic birdhouse mailboxes. 167 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,526 I know I shouldn't tell you, 168 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,528 but you'll still be surprised when you see it. 169 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,697 You're not registered for a birdhouse, are you? 170 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,115 No, we're not. 171 00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,284 Good. Good. 172 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,583 Oh. [slurps] 173 00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:58,501 Mmm. Mmm. 174 00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,128 Mmm. 175 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,880 Do you mind? 176 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,256 [slurps] 177 00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:04,549 I'll tell you what. 178 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,176 You show me one of those crossword puzzles that 179 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,303 you've finished and I'll be quieter. 180 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,472 You guys see this new memo from Jim? 181 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,890 - No. - [muffled] What is this? 182 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,684 He wants us to make 20 cold calls a day. 183 00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:16,102 You sure? 184 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,854 In addition to all the calls we make to our clients? 185 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,356 I hate making cold calls. 186 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,732 It's like trying to sleep with someone 187 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,776 you've only known for a month-- it's impossible. 188 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,863 Jim needs to remember what it's like to be a salesman. 189 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,239 And get a new haircut. 190 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,784 Thank you, I've been saying that for years. 191 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,410 You know what? 192 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,913 Big Tuna is starting to stink a little. 193 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,373 Mm-hmm. 194 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,917 Nobody wants to be around somebody that's stinkin'. 195 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,418 Oh, no. 196 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,588 People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. 197 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,173 It's great. 198 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,550 Eventually, they'll rise up and revolt. 199 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,428 My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. 200 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,764 If the people here were our founding fathers, 201 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,600 the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years 202 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,770 because Stanley Washington was napping, 203 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:03,358 and Phyllis Hancock was still signing the Declaration, 204 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:07,487 and Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly. 205 00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:10,949 - Hey, Jim. - Hey. 206 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:15,120 I just wanted to congratulate you on your promotion. 207 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,746 - Oh, thanks. - Yeah. 208 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:22,085 And also, I-- 209 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:26,631 I was wondering if you could forget what I said last week... 210 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:30,051 about the fact that I don't really do my job. 211 00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:31,720 Oh, sure. 212 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,221 Is that why you've been avoiding me? 213 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:36,224 Oh, no. I wouldn't do that. 214 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,643 It was just that I was late today 215 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,813 and I took a nap in the bathroom for a while. 216 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,064 All right. 217 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,315 I think you're gonna want to stop 218 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,067 telling me those things. 219 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,193 Gotcha. 220 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,863 - [knocks] - Mm-hmm? 221 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,073 Okay, I thought I saw people missing. 222 00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,826 Yeah, just focus-grouping a product expansion idea 223 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:55,994 to these folks. 224 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,620 Got one of each. 225 00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,372 Really? Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said 226 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:00,665 before I came through the door? 227 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,000 Stanley, you don't need to answer that. 228 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,335 Stanley? 229 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,420 "If you don't smell this, you're fired." 230 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:06,838 Okay, Michael, I thought we agreed 231 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,631 to not take up people's time with meetings like these. 232 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,843 What do you mean by "these people"? 233 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,303 Michael, this is a conference room meeting. 234 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:16,598 Oh, hey, everybody, I think that Jim has gone insane, 235 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,434 because he thinks that my office is a conference room. 236 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,019 That's not what I meant. 237 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,688 Listen, Jim, no offense, but when push comes to shove, 238 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,358 what I want is more important than what you want. 239 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,276 - I disagree. - What do you guys think? 240 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,278 [all speaking] 241 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,489 Great. Guys, can I just have a moment alone with Michael? 242 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,282 No, no, no, you don't need to go anywhere. 243 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:35,867 Anything that Jim has to say to me, 244 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,078 he can say in front of these types of people. 245 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:40,038 That is not what I said, 246 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,831 and, also, I am co-manager, 247 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,375 meaning you are not the only manager anymore. 248 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,834 I am also a co-manager. 249 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,252 That is not what Wallace told us. 250 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,504 That's exactly what Wallace told us. 251 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,673 That is not the way I heard it. 252 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,549 Comparing Jim and Michael 253 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,177 is like comparing apples and oranges. 254 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,845 I like apples, 255 00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:58,473 and I really, really don't like oranges. 256 00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:01,601 Oranges are annoying and hate me. 257 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,896 When you ask Jim a question, he'll tell you the answer. 258 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,981 When you ask Michael a question, 259 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:09,693 he'll do an imitation of you for five minutes 260 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,361 and then when that doesn't work, 261 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,363 he'll try to tickle you. 262 00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:16,116 But he also doesn't care if you come in late, 263 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:18,284 so I guess I prefer Michael. 264 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,287 Michael is like the fun dad. 265 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,415 Jim is like the serious mom. 266 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,583 And wittle Andy is stuck in the middle, 267 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,419 and he wuvs them both vewy much, 268 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,753 but if he had to pick one, 269 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,840 well, goodness gracious, he would probably pick Jim 270 00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:36,094 because Jim gives Andy his num-nums on time. 271 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:39,097 Num-nums are, of course, my commission checks. 272 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,598 I love rivalries-- 273 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,475 Michael or Jim, Paris or Nicole, 274 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:43,810 Heidi or L.C. 275 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,437 It's so much fun. 276 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,605 But I guess if I'm really thinking about it 277 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,315 and answering your question honestly, 278 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:50,984 I'd have to go with L.C. 279 00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:53,945 Heidi's a bad friend, and her skin is terrible. 280 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:57,115 It is one thing, me giving you the co-manager title. 281 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,534 It is another thing, you bossing me around. 282 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,411 I'm not bossing you around. I'm trying to do my job, 283 00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:02,787 which is sharing your job, 284 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,622 so maybe we should just call David Wallace. 285 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,000 No, no, no. No, we will not call David Wallace. 286 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,251 I will call David Wallace. 287 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,503 David Wallace is on line two for you guys. 288 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,505 Or David Wallace will call us on line two. 289 00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:14,174 - Why don't we just-- - Hey, David. 290 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,467 You got Jim here. 291 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,677 This is Michael, senior co-manager. 292 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:22,474 Hey, guys, um, I'm calling because, unfortunately, 293 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,392 we will not be able to give out 294 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,144 cost of living raises this year, 295 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,771 and I know people expect it. 296 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,898 However, there just is only a small amount of money 297 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,232 for each branch, 298 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,443 so we're leaving it up to the managers 299 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:34,903 to decide how to distribute it. 300 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,154 Got it, Dave. 301 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,990 Sounds like your classic big-picture decision. 302 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,992 Which will clearly affect the day-to-day well-being 303 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,077 of our employees. 304 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,536 It's probably a little of both. 305 00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,996 - Which is it more of? - Excuse me? 306 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,873 David, I know that I'm very new at this, 307 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,833 but I have a very good perspective on how things work. 308 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,585 Wait, I'm sorry. Michael, are you-- 309 00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,087 are you texting me? 310 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,840 I thought maybe we could talk after this is over. 311 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,093 Look, I need you both to take care of this. 312 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,136 This is not going to be a problem, is it? 313 00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,888 - Nope, not at all. - No, it will not be. 314 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,348 - Nope. - I am on top of it. 315 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,683 - Very good. - All right. 316 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,226 - Thanks a lot, David. - Talk to you later--okay. 317 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,561 You didn't let me say goodbye. 318 00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:11,481 [sighs] All right, I am looking forward to this. 319 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:12,899 You don't have to lie. 320 00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:15,527 I hate the fact that we have to do this together. 321 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,570 I think we work much better separately. 322 00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,531 When I am irritated and I look at you, 323 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,866 I don't see you anymore. 324 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,160 All I can see is how big and gross 325 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,412 the pores on your nose are. 326 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,538 All right. 327 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,081 Let's get started. 328 00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:37,298 Hey, why haven't we ever, um... 329 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,842 We have. 330 00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,639 You know, there's no easy way to do this. 331 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:47,934 I say we add 1.5% to their paychecks 332 00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,894 and don't say anything about it. 333 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,938 Do you mean, like break in in the middle of the night 334 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,440 and change the numbers on payroll? 335 00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,108 No, we can do it during the day. 336 00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:56,568 It doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim. 337 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,819 Okay. 338 00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:59,821 You know what would help is 339 00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:02,490 a pros and cons list for our options. 340 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,159 Jim, don't take this the wrong way. 341 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,493 Are you gonna take this the wrong way? 342 00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:07,662 It's hard to tell so far. 343 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,164 You use your brain too much. 344 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,957 I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less? 345 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,918 Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all. 346 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,003 You just came up with that. 347 00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:16,671 - As I was saying it. - Yeah. 348 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:19,632 Okay, so for the 1.5% increase, 349 00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,926 pro--everyone gets a little bit. 350 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,845 Con--you look like a nerd. 351 00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:26,473 Con--no one gets as much as they did last year. 352 00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:28,892 Pro--you get to share your pros and cons list 353 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,352 with the other nerds. 354 00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,853 Pro--no favoritism. 355 00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:34,105 Con--you unzip your pants, 356 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,816 and you find that there's a calculator down there. 357 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,944 I've been studying Michael for years, 358 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,821 and I've condensed what I've learned 359 00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:44,783 into this chart-- how Michael spends his time. 360 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,409 {\an8}As you can see, we have procrastinating 361 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,994 {\an8}and distracting others, 362 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:51,873 {\an8}and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. 363 00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:54,167 {\an8}I made it bigger, so that you could see it. 364 00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:59,464 Hey, Pam, I heard that you were registered, 365 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,007 but I didn't hear where. 366 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:05,178 I don't think we registered anywhere. 367 00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,055 We just want cash. 368 00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,432 Like money? 369 00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:11,393 Like you-- you want my money? 370 00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:12,769 Mm-hmm. 371 00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:15,230 Will you take a check? 372 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,356 Yeah. 373 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:17,691 Cool. 374 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:22,445 In the memo line, I'm gonna write, 375 00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:25,573 "To love's eternal glory." 376 00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,367 Okay. 377 00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:28,868 Wait till monday. 378 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,163 Is this what I've become? 379 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,998 Materialistic? 380 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,709 Shallow? 381 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,669 I feel horrible. 382 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:41,840 Oh, look! "Mrs. Pam Halpert!" 383 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,884 That's the first time I've seen it in writing. 384 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:47,887 You know, the more I think about it, 385 00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:50,098 the more I think we should give it to the salesmen. 386 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,183 That will not go over well. 387 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,977 I know. I just think it seems smart 388 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,478 to keep the salesmen happy right now. 389 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,939 Course I know that this might come off as biased, 390 00:14:57,981 --> 00:15:00,567 so you know what? Let us... 391 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,694 Oh, my God, are you gonna make another pro and con list? 392 00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,112 I'm gonna kill myself. 393 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:05,530 I'm not gonna let you stop me from thinking. 394 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,323 No, I could not do that, Jim. 395 00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:09,534 I can see it in your crusty little eyes 396 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,953 that you are going to make everything perfect. 397 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,706 If I can just think this through, 398 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,417 if I could just think it exactly right, 399 00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:20,211 I can make this perfect, 400 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,255 and then I can go down every avenue, 401 00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:23,840 and every avenue off of that avenue, 402 00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,592 and then another avenue. 403 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:26,968 - Michael. - And then another-- 404 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,261 Look, you have a lot of strengths. 405 00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:30,388 Oh, I do? Tell me what they are. 406 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,015 I think that you are able 407 00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:34,309 to take constructive criticism very well. 408 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:37,270 Ha! That-- I am not known for that. 409 00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,147 But there is a reason why I'm here. 410 00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:41,107 Yes, you went over my head to Wallace. 411 00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,651 No, it's because you also have a lot of weaknesses, Michael. 412 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:47,364 Okay. Well, why don't you tell me what those are, Jim? 413 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,990 Why don't you enliven me? 414 00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:51,034 I don't think you're good at making tough decisions. 415 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,161 - Ah. - At thinking out the options, 416 00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,288 and then stating that decision very clearly, 417 00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:57,165 especially when it's an unpopular decision. 418 00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:59,292 Okay, here's a tough decision for you. 419 00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:02,087 You suck. You suck. Is that clear enough for you? 420 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:05,382 But maybe I'm here for a reason, 421 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,509 because I might have some good ideas too. 422 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,969 I've been sitting out there, and I've been learning a lot, 423 00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:11,846 and maybe I can just bring something 424 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,139 different to the table. 425 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,933 Okay, skippy, here we go. 426 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:18,520 Why don't you run yourself out there and tell them? 427 00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,188 [laughs] You call it. 428 00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:28,029 This had better be terrible. 429 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,572 Could I have everyone's attention, please? 430 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:30,824 I have some tough news, 431 00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,742 so I'm just gonna give it to you straight. 432 00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:34,369 Truth is, we only have so much money 433 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:36,663 for raises this year, so the simple fact is 434 00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:38,998 some people will get raises and some people won't. 435 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,042 Now, what we've decided is, 436 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:43,378 we are gonna give those raises to the sales staff. 437 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,088 Wait. Seriously? 438 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:48,049 Look, you guys are smart, so I'm just leveling with you. 439 00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:49,551 I'm just trying to treat you like adults. 440 00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:53,054 Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people. 441 00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:54,931 But I do not understand. 442 00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:58,018 If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises? 443 00:16:58,059 --> 00:17:00,145 Excellent question, genius. 444 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,605 It's because Jim wants to give the raises to his friends 445 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:03,940 and the people he sleeps with. 446 00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:05,859 Ooh, easy. That's not it at all. 447 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,402 Really what it is, is about the money 448 00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,362 the sales staff brings into the office. 449 00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:10,572 What's going on? 450 00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:13,116 Jim is only giving raises to the salesmen. 451 00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:14,868 What the hell? Why are you being such a jerk? 452 00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:16,369 Hold on, Kelly. 453 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:18,121 Would it help you to know that Jim thinks you're smart? 454 00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:21,166 No. How is that gonna repair Ryan's car? 455 00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,668 This is ridiculous! How could he do this to us? 456 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,296 Okay, Dwight, you know what? You'd be getting the raise so-- 457 00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:27,756 What about all these people, huh? 458 00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,090 How is it fair to them? 459 00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:30,342 - Exactly. - Totally. 460 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,135 We work just as hard as the salespeople. 461 00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:33,470 - We deserve raises. - Yes. 462 00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:35,722 Yes. They don't get 'em if we don't get 'em. 463 00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:37,432 My kid needs shoes! 464 00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,476 You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes? 465 00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,811 - Yeah. - Her kid needs shoes, Jim! 466 00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:43,355 What the hell? 467 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,024 all: [complaining] 468 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:50,820 Wow. I'm just gonna rewind and back off a bit, 469 00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:53,031 so... 470 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,492 [imitating tape rewinding] 471 00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,204 [laughs] 472 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,122 [laughing] That was good. 473 00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:03,625 That was good. Okay, all right. 474 00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:06,127 Well, we all know it's hard to be a boss, right? 475 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:08,672 You know what? Look around you. 476 00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,715 These are your best friends. 477 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:15,720 These are the people who will open their hearts to you. 478 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:20,475 They all have heart-ons for you, 479 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,727 and that is a gift. 480 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,354 So in terms of gifts, 481 00:18:24,396 --> 00:18:26,314 we should be giving each other gifts. 482 00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,901 Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. 483 00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:34,322 Phyllis, read to Kevin. 484 00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:37,992 Andy, tuck Stanley's daughter in bed. 485 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,619 What are you talking about? Michael! 486 00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:41,955 We just need to hear your plan for our raise. 487 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:44,082 My plan-- 488 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,876 a man--Panama. 489 00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,336 That's not how that goes. 490 00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:49,921 You're not saying anything. 491 00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:51,506 At least Jim was being direct. 492 00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:52,632 Thank you, Meredith. 493 00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:54,217 When he was telling us his dumbass plan. 494 00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:55,927 We would just like to know what's happening. 495 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:57,929 Are we getting a raise, yes or no? 496 00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:58,972 All right, let me get this clear. 497 00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:00,265 Does everybody want a raise? 498 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,474 all: Yes! 499 00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,101 All right, everyone wants a raise, 500 00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:05,979 so what we're going to do is go into here, 501 00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:08,481 and we will not come out until we do. 502 00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:10,108 Again, that gives us no information. 503 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:13,028 This isn't a game, you know. It's our livelihood! 504 00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:17,490 Not to state the obvious, 505 00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:18,658 but the only reason I failed out there was 506 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,118 because you brought the crowd down. 507 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,286 Okay, you know what? I'm not gonna engage. 508 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,579 They were primed not to like me 509 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:23,872 after you imploded all over them. 510 00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:25,206 Are you kidding me? 511 00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:26,791 You failed because you do what you always do-- 512 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,001 you didn't give a clear answer. 513 00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:29,419 - I'm going in reverse. - Oh, really? 514 00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:31,212 Close your eyes. Open your eyes. 515 00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:32,922 Lollipops and rainbows. 516 00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:34,382 Magic words. You're already there. 517 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,134 That'll erase everything that I said before. 518 00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:37,677 Do you know you said "heart-on?" 519 00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:43,058 What about a raise based on merit? 520 00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:45,185 - Rank each person individually. - Mm-hmm. 521 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,978 Piece of cake. 522 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,188 Ryan, obviously the best. 523 00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:49,481 Well, obviously. 524 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,982 Too bad he's a temp and doesn't count, 525 00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:52,067 so let's get started. 526 00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,777 - Are you making a-- - Nope. 527 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,111 I'm numbering the paper. 528 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:56,196 What about Pam? 529 00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:57,655 What about her? 530 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,949 She's the newest salesman. She has the fewest sales. 531 00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:01,659 She's at the bottom. 532 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,078 She is, Jim. 533 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,371 She's at the bottom of the list. 534 00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,872 I think there are people here who take work 535 00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,165 a little less seriously. 536 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,708 Who are you referring to? 537 00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:11,461 Kevin. 538 00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:13,046 Pam is still lower than Kevin right now. 539 00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:14,839 Kevin sleeps on the toilet. 540 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,257 Still higher than Pam. 541 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:18,677 Oh, I better get that raise. 542 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,345 Because once your cats have kittens, 543 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,305 all of your priorities change. 544 00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:24,015 I need that raise, 545 00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,850 unless you know a hot tub repair man 546 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,645 who will work for empty red wine bottles. 547 00:20:28,687 --> 00:20:30,480 - Just-- - Yeah, I don't understand 548 00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:32,399 how they can even consider 549 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,360 giving money to some people and not the rest of us. 550 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,153 It's not like we're not gonna see the checks. 551 00:20:37,195 --> 00:20:38,279 We're in accounting. 552 00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:39,864 I am so pissed at this company. 553 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,117 - And Jim. - Yeah. 554 00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,785 Who said that? 555 00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:44,994 I think it was Creed. 556 00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:46,287 Yep. 557 00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,669 It's going really well, actually. 558 00:20:52,711 --> 00:20:55,505 Each Boston Baked Bean represents half a percent raise, 559 00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,465 we each got 24 beans, so the idea is, 560 00:20:57,507 --> 00:21:00,218 you place the bean on the picture 561 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,721 of who you think deserv-- who's that? 562 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,055 - Toby. - Okay. 563 00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:05,306 He's not a part of this. You know that. 564 00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:07,058 Just wanted to draw a picture of him. 565 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,727 Okay, your move. 566 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,104 All right, who to pick? 567 00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:12,731 Who to pick? 568 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:13,773 Here we go. 569 00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:16,985 I...will skip a turn. 570 00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:19,112 Okay, you're gonna still have to play that bean. 571 00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:20,655 - You know that. - I need more time. 572 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:21,781 [knock at door] 573 00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:30,165 Wallace sent an email about a meeting next week. 574 00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:32,334 He wants you both to respond. 575 00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:54,147 Oh. 576 00:21:56,816 --> 00:22:00,820 This is worse than I ever possibly could have imagined. 577 00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:07,243 And I have imagined some terrible things. 578 00:22:07,285 --> 00:22:11,664 Horrible, awful things. 579 00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:14,000 Things men do to each other in the heart of battle 580 00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:18,797 that the English language doesn't even have words for. 581 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,340 Oh. 582 00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:24,928 German captures them nicely, but-- 583 00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:28,556 [knocks at door] 584 00:22:28,598 --> 00:22:30,016 Heard you guys are looking for cash for the wedding? 585 00:22:30,058 --> 00:22:32,310 Yeah, I mean, if it's all the same for you. 586 00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:33,603 Question for you. 587 00:22:33,645 --> 00:22:35,897 Would you guys rather have $100 now 588 00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:37,899 or $5,000 a year from now? 589 00:22:37,941 --> 00:22:39,567 $100 now for sure. 590 00:22:39,609 --> 00:22:41,986 Because you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, 591 00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:44,531 I put in 100 of my own money as the gift... 592 00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:47,158 Yeah. No, no, I'll, um-- the hundred. 593 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,077 I'll just take the hundred. 594 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,329 Instead of $5,000 a year from now? 595 00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:54,666 How sure is this? 596 00:22:54,708 --> 00:22:57,669 The guy has an algorithm to determine the winner 597 00:22:57,711 --> 00:23:00,213 of any given college basketball game. 598 00:23:06,052 --> 00:23:07,721 Don't tell Jim. 599 00:23:07,762 --> 00:23:09,347 Come on in. 600 00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:12,100 That's right. Come in, feast your eyes. 601 00:23:12,142 --> 00:23:14,686 They determine our worth 602 00:23:14,728 --> 00:23:16,896 by putting beans upon our faces. 603 00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:18,398 What the hell? 604 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,608 Things were not this bad when just Michael was manager. 605 00:23:20,650 --> 00:23:21,860 Hey, what are you guys doing in here? 606 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,361 What does a bean mean? 607 00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:24,779 Why aren't there any beans 608 00:23:24,821 --> 00:23:27,741 on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me? 609 00:23:27,782 --> 00:23:30,160 Michael, what does a bean mean? 610 00:23:30,201 --> 00:23:31,411 Jim? 611 00:23:31,453 --> 00:23:32,787 I was just trying to be unbiased. 612 00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:33,872 What does a bean mean? 613 00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:35,540 Someone please explain it to Kevin. 614 00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:38,001 Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours. 615 00:23:38,043 --> 00:23:39,336 Not according to the beans. 616 00:23:39,377 --> 00:23:41,713 {\an8}Wait, who drew my body? 617 00:23:41,755 --> 00:23:43,882 {\an8}This is how you make this important decision? 618 00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:47,010 There's no way that Stanley gets more beans than me. 619 00:23:47,052 --> 00:23:48,219 That is ridiculous. 620 00:23:48,261 --> 00:23:49,471 all: [complaining] 621 00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:51,181 This is how it works. 622 00:23:51,222 --> 00:23:53,433 It's not so much that I might not get a raise. 623 00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:54,768 It's just demeaning. 624 00:23:54,809 --> 00:23:57,312 Thank you. That is exactly-- 625 00:23:57,354 --> 00:24:00,148 by the way, I would also like a raise. 626 00:24:00,190 --> 00:24:01,733 Yeah, I would, too. 627 00:24:01,775 --> 00:24:03,610 Are we idiots? 628 00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:07,238 I ask you all, 629 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,449 are we idiots? 630 00:24:09,491 --> 00:24:10,909 What are you doing? 631 00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:14,579 An idiot is someone who feels angry and frustrated 632 00:24:14,621 --> 00:24:16,790 but instead of doing anything about their problem, 633 00:24:16,831 --> 00:24:19,876 they just bang their head into a wall 634 00:24:19,918 --> 00:24:22,587 again and again and again 635 00:24:22,629 --> 00:24:24,964 and again and again 636 00:24:25,006 --> 00:24:29,469 and again and again and again and again. 637 00:24:30,762 --> 00:24:32,806 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 638 00:24:34,015 --> 00:24:37,977 What right does Jim have to claim authority, hmm? 639 00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:39,437 Think about it. 640 00:24:39,479 --> 00:24:41,856 Is he as good a salesman as I? 641 00:24:41,898 --> 00:24:45,110 Is he as smart as Oscar? 642 00:24:45,151 --> 00:24:48,530 Is he as matronly as Phyllis? 643 00:24:48,571 --> 00:24:52,409 Some rule by imposing their rule through their heft. 644 00:24:52,450 --> 00:24:54,160 Is he heftier than-- 645 00:24:54,202 --> 00:24:55,662 We get it. 646 00:24:55,704 --> 00:24:59,749 There are moments where we can affect change. 647 00:24:59,791 --> 00:25:05,130 For a few seconds every decade, we exist, 648 00:25:05,171 --> 00:25:06,423 and these are those seconds. 649 00:25:06,464 --> 00:25:08,258 Let us storm his castle. 650 00:25:08,299 --> 00:25:09,384 Come on. 651 00:25:09,426 --> 00:25:11,344 Tick--let's get him. 652 00:25:11,386 --> 00:25:14,347 Tock--let's get Jim! 653 00:25:14,389 --> 00:25:17,350 Tick--and drag Jim out of his office. 654 00:25:17,392 --> 00:25:19,394 Tock--take his keys away from him. 655 00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:21,438 Tick--that's a clock. 656 00:25:21,479 --> 00:25:23,314 The time is getting very close. 657 00:25:23,356 --> 00:25:24,858 It's now or never. 658 00:25:24,899 --> 00:25:26,484 What say you? 659 00:25:27,819 --> 00:25:28,945 I say no. 660 00:25:28,987 --> 00:25:31,489 No, I mean, what do you say to my plan? 661 00:25:31,531 --> 00:25:33,867 all: [groaning] 662 00:25:33,908 --> 00:25:34,993 Okay. 663 00:25:35,035 --> 00:25:37,954 all: [complaining] 664 00:25:40,123 --> 00:25:41,875 What does a bean mean? 665 00:25:43,293 --> 00:25:46,296 [sighs] 666 00:25:46,338 --> 00:25:47,630 How you doing? 667 00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:49,424 Uh, on a scale of one to ten, 668 00:25:49,466 --> 00:25:51,343 I'd say I'm about a four. 669 00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:53,136 Oh, what are you usually? 670 00:25:53,178 --> 00:25:54,929 Six. You? 671 00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:58,350 Usually a ten, but I'm feeling like a zero. 672 00:25:58,391 --> 00:25:59,809 I mean, a performance-based raise 673 00:25:59,851 --> 00:26:01,186 sounded like a good idea, right? 674 00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:02,854 I know, I know. 675 00:26:02,896 --> 00:26:04,439 We tried to find the fairest way to do it. 676 00:26:04,481 --> 00:26:05,523 Yes, we did. 677 00:26:05,565 --> 00:26:07,400 I just-- 678 00:26:10,111 --> 00:26:11,613 what? 679 00:26:11,654 --> 00:26:14,991 Um, nothing. I just... 680 00:26:15,033 --> 00:26:17,202 I used to have to do this part alone, 681 00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:18,912 and it was the worst. 682 00:26:21,748 --> 00:26:23,958 I have something I would like to give you. 683 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,251 Michael, come on! 684 00:26:25,293 --> 00:26:26,586 - Michael. - This is impor-- 685 00:26:27,796 --> 00:26:31,091 Michael's my only friend left in the office. 686 00:26:31,132 --> 00:26:33,760 Except Pam... 687 00:26:33,802 --> 00:26:35,553 I think. 688 00:26:35,595 --> 00:26:37,347 Is she still upset? 689 00:26:37,389 --> 00:26:38,807 Michael! 690 00:26:38,848 --> 00:26:41,976 Michael, you cannot just keep avoiding us like this! 691 00:26:42,018 --> 00:26:44,562 [laughing] 692 00:26:44,604 --> 00:26:46,648 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 693 00:26:48,983 --> 00:26:50,235 What's in here? 694 00:26:50,276 --> 00:26:51,611 Gin. 695 00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:02,706 Ooh. 696 00:27:04,666 --> 00:27:06,668 [knock at door] 697 00:27:09,129 --> 00:27:10,630 [louder knocking] 698 00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:12,632 [whispering] Just pretend we're not here. 699 00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:13,717 [whispering] Okay. 700 00:27:26,896 --> 00:27:28,732 You got your stuff? 701 00:27:30,108 --> 00:27:31,609 [sighs] Okay. 702 00:27:31,651 --> 00:27:33,236 [sighs] 703 00:27:35,196 --> 00:27:37,490 So it appears I acted too soon. 704 00:27:37,532 --> 00:27:39,534 I'm not worried. 705 00:27:39,576 --> 00:27:42,537 I'll get Jim yet. 706 00:27:42,579 --> 00:27:44,789 All I need is a plan, 707 00:27:44,831 --> 00:27:47,125 a devious plan. 708 00:27:48,418 --> 00:27:50,545 No. 709 00:27:50,587 --> 00:27:53,882 A diabolical plan. [chuckles] 51031

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.