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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,679 [grunts] 2 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,390 PARKOUR! 3 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,309 - MICHAEL-- - PARKOUR! 4 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,811 PARKOUR! 5 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:20,812 - EXTREME! - PARKOUR! 6 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:21,938 PARKOUR! 7 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,940 THIS IS PARKOUR. 8 00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:26,151 INTERNET SENSATION OF 2004 9 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,777 AND IT WAS IN ONE OF THE BOND FILMS. 10 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,279 IT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE. 11 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,864 THE GOAL IS TO GET FROM POINT "A" 12 00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,991 TO POINT "B" AS CREATIVELY AS POSSIBLE. 13 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,993 SO TECHNICALLY THEY ARE DOING PARKOUR 14 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,828 AS LONG AS POINT "A" IS DELUSION 15 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,705 AND POINT "B" IS THE HOSPITAL. 16 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,583 PARKOUR! 17 00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:43,710 [grunts] 18 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,253 PARKOUR! 19 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:48,965 [grunts] 20 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:51,009 - WHOO-HOO! - YEAH! 21 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,093 - PARKOUR! - OKAY, HERE WE GO! 22 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,720 - ANDY, LEAPFROG! - GO, GO! 23 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,597 - DO ME! DO ME! - YEAH, OKAY! 24 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,849 - YEAH! PARKOUR! - AH! GET OFF! 25 00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,559 - GET OFF! - OKAY. GOT IT. 26 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:00,810 - YEAH! - OKAY, GET ME. 27 00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,020 GET ME. GET ME. HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO. 28 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,063 - DIVE! - WAIT FOR IT. WAIT FOR IT. 29 00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:04,189 GO FOR IT, MICHAEL! 30 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,648 [all shouting] GO, GO! 31 00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:06,816 - AHH! - GO! 32 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:07,901 - OKAY. - STAIRS! 33 00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:09,319 - STAIRS! - STAIRS! 34 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:16,743 HIGH! 35 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:22,082 PARKOUR! 36 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,793 PARKOUR! 37 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:25,919 JUMP OVER IT. JUMP OVER THE CAMERA. 38 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,379 JUMP OVER THE CAMERA. 39 00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,382 [grunts] 40 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,008 WHOO! 41 00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,261 AHH! PARKOUR! 42 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:36,429 [grunts] 43 00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:42,102 [breathing heavily] 44 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,566 OKAY, BREAK'S OVER. 45 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,984 LET'S GO! PARKOUR! 46 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,277 - PARKOUR! - PARKOUR! 47 00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:52,320 AHH! 48 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:54,864 - PARKOUR! - PARKOUR! 49 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,909 [clattering] 50 00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:58,993 OKAY, WE ALL GO TOGETHER 51 00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:00,078 OR WE GO ONE AT A TIME. 52 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,246 HERE IT IS. HERE IT IS. 53 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:05,083 UH, TRUCK TO REFRIGERATORS TO DUMPSTER, 54 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,627 360 SPIN ONTO THE PALLETS, BACKFLIP GAINER 55 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:08,920 INTO THE TRASH CAN. 56 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,088 - YEAH, GAINER! - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! 57 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,840 WHOO! HARDCORE PARKOUR! 58 00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:12,966 - HARDCORE PARKOUR! - HARDCORE PARKOUR! 59 00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,092 I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU, ANDY! 60 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,552 - WHOO! LET'S DO IT! - COME ON! 61 00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:16,803 YEAH! 62 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,433 [faintly] PARKOUR. 63 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,771 [cheerful music] 64 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:33,945 {\an8}♪ ♪ 65 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,458 {\an8}GOOD. 66 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:50,670 {\an8}EXCELLENT. 67 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,505 {\an8}THANK YOU. 68 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:53,715 {\an8}HERE YOU GO. 69 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,383 {\an8}IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO? 70 00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,765 {\an8}[crushes cup] 71 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:02,849 {\an8}YES. 72 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,143 {\an8}UM. [clears throat] 73 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,770 {\an8}SEE THOSE FILES BEHIND KEVIN'S DESK? 74 00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:07,896 {\an8}MM-HMM. 75 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,647 {\an8}GO PUT THEM ALL IN RANDOM ORDER. 76 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:10,982 {\an8}OKAY. 77 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,734 {\an8}THEN COME BACK HERE FOR YOUR NEXT ASSIGNMENT 78 00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,277 {\an8}CONCERNING THEIR ORDER. 79 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,821 {\an8}THIS IS THE LAST DAY OF OUR SUMMER INTERNS. 80 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,156 {\an8}IT'S BEEN NICE. 81 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,325 {\an8}WE HAVEN'T HAD INTERNS IN A WHILE 82 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,952 {\an8}EVER SINCE MICHAEL'S MONICA LEWINSKY INCIDENT. 83 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,704 {\an8}HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING SEXUAL. 84 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:27,999 {\an8}HE JUST MADE FAR, FAR TOO MANY MONICA LEWINSKY JOKES. 85 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,501 {\an8}IT WAS JUST EASIER FOR CORPORATE 86 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,378 {\an8}TO SHUT DOWN THE PROGRAM. 87 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:34,923 {\an8}THINK SHE DID HIM? 88 00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,091 {\an8}MEREDITH. 89 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,467 {\an8}YEAH, WHAT'S UP? 90 00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:39,177 {\an8}THEY ARE DEFINITELY HOOKING UP. 91 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,220 {\an8}THEY SPEND ALL DAY TOGETHER. 92 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:41,596 {\an8}BECAUSE THEY WORK TOGETHER 93 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,473 {\an8}AND THEY HAVE TO DO ASSIGNMENTS TOGETHER. 94 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,975 {\an8}RIGHT, BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO WORK TOGETHER 95 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,894 {\an8}NEVER START DATING. 96 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,522 {\an8}I BET THERE'S SOMETHING THERE. 97 00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,232 {\an8}I WAS WITH THEM IN THE KITCHEN YESTERDAY 98 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,359 {\an8}AND THEY WERE ALL TOO HAPPY TO BE CLEANING THE FREEZER. 99 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,819 {\an8}IF THEY GET MARRIED BEFORE I DO, 100 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:56,903 {\an8}I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF. 101 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,238 {\an8}WHO'S GETTING MARRIED? 102 00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,156 {\an8}NOBODY. 103 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:01,908 {\an8}SOMEBODY DOESN'T TELL ME, I'M GONNA START SCREAMING. 104 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,034 {\an8}IT'S ERIC AND MEGAN. 105 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,328 {\an8}OH, HEY, I HIRED THEM. 106 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,205 {\an8}MATCHMAKER. 107 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,374 {\an8}THIS PLACE IS LIKE SPANIARD FLY. 108 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,001 {\an8}THEY'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED. IT'S JUST TALK. 109 00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,627 {\an8}DID EVERYBODY KNOW ABOUT THIS BUT ME? 110 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,713 {\an8}THERE'S NOTHING TO KNOW. IT'S JUST GOSSIP. 111 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,589 {\an8}YEAH, WELL... 112 00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:19,551 {\an8}THERE IS THIS PHRASE, "OUT OF THE LOOP." 113 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,594 {\an8}AND FOR THE LONGEST TIME, 114 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,430 {\an8}I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANT. 115 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,225 {\an8}AND I DO NOW. 116 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,561 {\an8}AND I KIND OF-- I WISH THAT I DIDN'T. 117 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,480 {\an8}HEY, JIM, IS THERE ANY MORE SANDWICH MEAT? 118 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,649 {\an8}- OH, I BROUGHT THIS FROM HOME. - OH. 119 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,735 {\an8}PAM MAKE THAT FOR YOU? 120 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,028 {\an8}NOPE. 121 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,196 {\an8}YOU MAKE PAM'S SANDWICH? 122 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,157 {\an8}THIS IS A SALAD. 123 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,952 {\an8}OKAY. OKAY. 124 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,871 WE HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE THAT I'M PREGNANT. 125 00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,748 WHAT WITH HER BEING UNMARRIED. 126 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,249 KNOCKED UP BY SOME GUY. 127 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,625 I MEAN, THE YAKKITY-YAKS IN THIS OFFICE 128 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,835 WOULD HAVE A FIELD DAY. 129 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,128 YEAH, AND WE DON'T WANT THEM AT THE WEDDING 130 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,880 THINKING JIM'S BEING MARCHED DOWN THE AISLE 131 00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:59,591 BY MY DAD WITH A SHOTGUN. 132 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,343 WAIT, THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A SHOTGUN? 133 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,470 - NOPE. - NO SHOTGUN? 134 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,221 'CAUSE THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING. 135 00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:07,182 CAN'T BACK OUT NOW, HALPERT. 136 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,850 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? 137 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,561 THERE'S NO SHOTGUN, SO... 138 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,939 FREE AT LAST. FREE AT LAST. 139 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,275 NO, KEEP IT UP. 140 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,027 YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I KNOW. 141 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:21,071 OKAY, LET ME FINISH THIS THOUGHT. 142 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,865 ERIC LIKES MEGAN. 143 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,367 HE MOST DEFINITELY DOES. 144 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,243 HE'S BEEN ASKING HER OUT REPEATEDLY FOR WEEKS. 145 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,620 SHE FINALLY SAID YES. 146 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,747 THEY WENT OUT ON A GROUP DATE THE OTHER NIGHT. 147 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,791 APPARENTLY IT WENT VERY WELL. 148 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,001 - HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS? - PEOPLE TELL ME THINGS. 149 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,087 I GUESS I HAVE A FACE YOU CAN TRUST. 150 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,923 I THINK IT'S BECAUSE OF MY LOW CHEEKBONES. 151 00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,549 AND BOOM. 152 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:42,717 OKAY, WHAT IS IT? 153 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,678 WHAT CAN'T I GUESS? HA. 154 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,054 PHYLLIS' WEIGHT. 155 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,306 UH, 247. WHAT? 156 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,226 I HATE, HATE, HATE BEING LEFT OUT. 157 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:54,187 WHETHER IT'S NOT BEING PICKED FOR A TEAM 158 00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:56,690 OR BEING PICKED FOR A TEAM AND THEN SHOWING UP 159 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,984 AND REALIZING THAT THE TEAM DOESN'T EXIST 160 00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,570 OR THAT THE SPORT DOESN'T EXIST. 161 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,281 I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. POOPBALL? 162 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,494 HEY. CAN YOU MAKE 20 COPIES OF THESE? 163 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,204 YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK TO ME. 164 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,501 IT'S NOT LIKE I HAD THEM DIG A DITCH OR ANYTHING. 165 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,253 I SIMPLY HAD THEM GO TO THE BANK, 166 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,921 GET OUT A COUPLE HUNDRED IN PENNIES, 167 00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,673 AND SEARCH FOR OLD, RARE COINS. 168 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,509 THEY FOUND ONE WORTH ALMOST $7, SO-- 169 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,344 IT WAS DEFINITELY NO WORSE THAN DWIGHT'S 170 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,013 NOTE PASSING SERVICE. 171 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,557 IT WAS AN INTER-OFFICE MESSAGING SYSTEM. 172 00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,600 IT WORKED QUITE WELL FOR A WHILE. 173 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,978 AND ULTIMATELY, IT COULDN'T COMPETE WITH COMPUTER I.M.-ING, 174 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,230 WHICH APPARENTLY HAS A STRANGLEHOLD 175 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,816 ON THE WHOLE INSTANT MESSAGING MARKET. 176 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,359 [sighs] 177 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,653 OH, MAN, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. 178 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,071 THIRD WHEEL. 179 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:48,116 I HAVE BEEN THE THIRD WHEEL SO MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE. 180 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:49,576 MY MOM TOLD ME SOMETHING ONCE 181 00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:50,952 THAT MADE ME FEEL A LOT BETTER. 182 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:55,331 SHE SAID THE THIRD WHEEL IS WHAT MAKES IT A TRICYCLE. 183 00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:58,710 ACTUALLY, I THINK, ULTIMATELY, 184 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,879 THAT SHE AND JEFF LIKE HAVING ME AROUND. 185 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,380 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 186 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,049 I AM TALKING ABOUT YOUR GROUP DATE WITH MEGAN AND ERIC. 187 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,425 - AT TINK'S? - YES. 188 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:06,926 HOW'D YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT? 189 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,720 - WELL-- - DID STANLEY TELL YOU? 190 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,348 STANLEY WAS ON YOUR GROUP DATE? 191 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,433 NO, STANLEY WAS WITH HIS WIFE. 192 00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:15,352 I WAVED AT HIM BUT HE DIDN'T WAVE BACK. 193 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,645 [chuckles] 194 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,022 DOES ANYBODY ELSE KNOW ABOUT THIS? 195 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,273 NO. 196 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,108 [chuckles] 197 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,654 I KNOW TINK'S. COOL PLACE. 198 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,323 I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN INSIDE, 199 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:31,159 BUT I HAVE MET A TON OF SUPER FUN PEOPLE 200 00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,078 ON LINE THERE. 201 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,871 THERE HE GOES. THERE HE GOES. 202 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,708 SO WHAT IS THE SCUTTLEBUTT? 203 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,543 ANYBODY HEAR ANYTHING? 204 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,296 NOTHING? 205 00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:45,423 I GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING-SOMETHING. 206 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,008 I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD SAY. 207 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,760 SO JUST KEEP IT TO YOURSELF THEN. 208 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,845 STANLEY IS HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS. 209 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,847 STANLEY IS WAY PAST THE MIDDLE OF HIS LIFE, 210 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,766 ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING HIS HEIGHT TO WEIGHT RATIO. 211 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,435 WELL, APPARENTLY HE AND HIS WIFE 212 00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,271 WERE OUT DANCING AT A CLUB FOR YOUNG PEOPLE. 213 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,981 TERI'S OUT OF TOWN, MICHAEL. 214 00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:04,275 - WHO? - STANLEY'S WIFE TERI. 215 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,778 SHE'S AT AN INTERIOR DECORATING EXPO IN PHILLY. 216 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:10,073 AND STANLEY HATES CROWDS, KIDS, AND MUSIC. 217 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,492 I THINK YOU SHOULD CHECK YOUR FACTS. 218 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,626 YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH. 219 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,670 - YOU SET ME UP. - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 220 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,422 STANLEY'S WIFE IS OUT OF TOWN. 221 00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:26,631 HE WAS WITH SOMEBODY. 222 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,799 HE WAS DEFINITELY WITH SOMEONE. 223 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,135 OH, WAS HE? WELL, WHO, HIS SISTER? 224 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,386 [chuckles] 225 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,221 I DON'T GET IT! 226 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:34,597 IF THAT WAS HIS SISTER, 227 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,933 THEN WHAT THEY WERE DOING WAS TOTALLY ILLEGAL. 228 00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:38,184 DRUGS? 229 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,354 MAKING OUT. 230 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,566 EH-- 231 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,570 OH, OKAY. 232 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,196 WELL-- 233 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,158 OH, NO, OKAY. 234 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,909 NO, IT'S OKAY. 235 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,327 NEVER MIND. CARRY ON. 236 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,371 STANLEY IS HAVING AN AFFAIR. 237 00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,040 - WHAT? - I KNOW. 238 00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:01,666 I AM VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW, 239 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,753 THRILLED PERHAPS, TO BE A PART OF THE OFFICE, 240 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,546 TO BE A PART OF THE CONVERSATION. 241 00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,548 WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEBODY'S ATTENTION 242 00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:10,550 AND THEIR EYES ARE LIGHTING UP BECAUSE 243 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:13,011 THEY ARE VERY INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, 244 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,387 THAT IS A GREAT FEELING 245 00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:16,681 AND I EXPERIENCED THAT FIRSTHAND TODAY. 246 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:19,851 IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. 247 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,020 THAT AND THAT ARE THE SAME LETTER. 248 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,646 "Q." 249 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,273 NO. 250 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:27,025 NO, OKAY. 251 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,485 HE'S HOLDING A PENCIL. 252 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,403 HE COULD BE DOING A CROSSWORD PUZZLE WITH THAT PENCIL. 253 00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:31,946 WHAT'S THAT LETTER RIGHT THERE? 254 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,823 SAME LETTER HERE AND HERE. 255 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,116 WHAT HAVEN'T YOU GUESSED? 256 00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,535 - "T." - "T," YES! 257 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,870 YES! 258 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:43,333 THAT IS A "T" AND THERE'S ANOTHER ONE RIGHT THERE. 259 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,542 JUST SOUND THAT OUT. 260 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,877 YOU'RE ALMOST THERE. 261 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:46,836 JUST-- 262 00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:49,214 "STANLEY IS CHEERING ON TERI." 263 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,757 NO, THAT'S A "T." 264 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,009 GOD. GOD! COME O-- 265 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,429 ERIN, WOULD YOU PLEASE COME IN HERE AND TAKE A LETTER? 266 00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,974 I AM GOING TO BLOW HER MIND. 267 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,353 UM, I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE, 268 00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:04,646 AND I DON'T KNOW SHORTHAND. 269 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:05,939 - OKAY. - SO I HOPE IT'S-- 270 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:09,901 DEAR SIRS, TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, 271 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:13,488 IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT STANLEY HUDSON 272 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,949 IS HAVING AN AFFAIR. 273 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,742 OKAY. DO YOU WANT IT TO SAY, "DEAR SIRS" 274 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,577 AND "TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN?" 275 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,413 YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT. THAT--OKAY. 276 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,248 OOH. OOH. OKAY. OKAY. 277 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,709 OH, THERE HE-- ALL RIGHT. 278 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:28,461 HEY, STANLEY, WHERE YOU GOING, BIG GUY? 279 00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,255 - UP TO NO GOOD? - I'M MEETING A CLIENT. 280 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,381 DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? 281 00:10:31,423 --> 00:10:32,549 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 282 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,592 I JUST HAD A QUICK QUESTION FOR YOU. 283 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,137 I'M CASTING A MOVIE AND I'M LOOKING 284 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,805 FOR A WOMAN WHO CAN DANCE. 285 00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:40,932 BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY? 286 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,225 GOOD-BYE. 287 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,935 PAYS $5 MILLION. 288 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,270 NUDITY REQUIRED. 289 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,771 YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS. 290 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,898 DID YOU HEAR THAT STANLEY'S HAVING AN AFFAIR? 291 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,358 I DID, FROM YOU. 292 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,443 YOU GOT TO STOP TELLING PEOPLE. 293 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,944 OH, OKAY, I GET IT. 294 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,154 YOU FEEL OUT OF THE LOOP 295 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:55,238 AND YOU FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF 296 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,448 AND IT'S REALLY SAD 297 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,574 BECAUSE EVERYBODY THINKS YOU'RE A LOSER. 298 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,575 DO YOU EVEN KNOW IF IT'S TRUE? 299 00:10:58,616 --> 00:10:59,784 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA? 300 00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,662 BECAUSE YOU MIGHT BE RUINING HIS LIFE. 301 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,754 IS THAT THE END OF THE LETTER? 302 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,429 HOLD UP! HOLD UP! HOLD UP! HOLD UP! 303 00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,431 [horn honks] NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 304 00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,600 TIME TO STOP BEING POLITE AND GET REAL. 305 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:26,394 STANLEY, YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR? 306 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,314 THAT IS RIDICULOUS. 307 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,191 OF COURSE NOT. WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT? 308 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,609 SO IT'S NOT TRUE. OKAY. 309 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,904 WELL-- OH. 310 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,364 THOSE INTERNS. 311 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,866 THEY TOLD ME THEY SAW YOU AT THE CLUB 312 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,951 AND THEY ALL SAID IT WAS YOU. 313 00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:44,412 IT WAS CLEARLY JUST... 314 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,748 RACIAL PROFILING GOSSIP. 315 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,917 - THE LITTLE-- - DAMN! 316 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,336 TOLD HER IT WAS A STUPID IDEA TO GO UP IN THAT CLUB. 317 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,671 THAT'S SO STUPID. 318 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,048 IT'S JUST THAT... 319 00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:57,008 TERI'S BEEN TRAVELING A LOT LATELY... 320 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,134 I KNOW. I KNOW. 321 00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,344 IT'S BEEN LONELY. 322 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,679 OH, I BET. I--HEY. 323 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,847 CYNTHIA'S BEEN KEEPING ME COMPANY. 324 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:06,643 SHE WAS MY NURSE WHEN I WAS IN REHABILITATION. 325 00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:10,021 WE USED TO GO ON THESE LONG WALKS ON THE TREADMILL. 326 00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,858 I DIDN'T INTEND-- 327 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:17,195 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. HO--HOL-- 328 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,655 SO IT IS TRUE? 329 00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:20,573 YEAH, BUT, MICHAEL, I'M GOING TO GO BREAK IT OFF. 330 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:21,825 THAT'S WHERE I'M HEADED RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR. 331 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,660 OH, MY GOD. WAIT A SECOND. 332 00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:26,246 DO PEOPLE OFTEN SAY THEY'RE GOING ON SALES CALLS 333 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,539 AND THEN GO SOMEPLACE ELSE? 334 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,748 'CAUSE THAT'S NOT COOL. 335 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,834 I JUST NEED YOU TO PROMISE NOT TO SAY 336 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,837 A WORD ABOUT THIS TO ANYONE. 337 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,213 MICHAEL, PLEASE. 338 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,340 I'M NOT SAYING A DAMN THING. 339 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:38,675 I'M COUNTING ON YOU, MICHAEL. 340 00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:40,760 OKAY. YOU CAN COUNT ON ME. 341 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:46,975 OH, THAT SMELLS GOOD. 342 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:48,601 YEAH, I MIGHT HAVE EXTRA. 343 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,186 IT JUST DEPENDS ON HOW MANY I EAT. 344 00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,604 DID YOU HEAR ABOUT ANGELA? 345 00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:53,773 - THAT'S PRETTY WEIRD. - YEAH. 346 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:56,026 WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN EXACTLY? 347 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,236 WELL, THE FACT THAT SHE APPARENTLY 348 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,114 IS DATING AN 81-YEAR-OLD BILLIONAIRE 349 00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,283 WHO OWNS A QUIZNOS ON THE TURNPIKE. 350 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,576 REALLY? 351 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,785 UH-HUH. 352 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,662 [mumbles] RIGHT? 353 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,789 HOW DO YOU UNTELL SOMETHING? 354 00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,624 YOU CAN'T. 355 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,127 YOU CAN'T PUT WORDS BACK IN YOUR MOUTH. 356 00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:19,132 WHAT YOU CAN DO IS SPREAD FALSE GOSSIP 357 00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:20,884 SO THAT PEOPLE THINK THAT EVERYTHING 358 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,761 THAT'S BEEN SAID IS UNTRUE, 359 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:26,806 INCLUDING STANLEY IS HAVING AN AFFAIR. 360 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,224 IT'S LIKE THE END OF SPARTACUS. 361 00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,894 I HAVE SEEN THAT MOVIE HALF A DOZEN TIMES 362 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,480 AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO THE REAL SPARTACUS IS. 363 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:38,276 AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES THAT MOVIE A CLASSIC WHODUNIT. 364 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,987 EVA LONGORIA NEEDS TO BE ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES MORE. 365 00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,530 I FEEL LIKE THEY WON'T LET HER ACT 'CAUSE SHE'S HOT, 366 00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:43,907 AND IT'S JUST NOT FAIR. 367 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,658 - GOD, I HAVE TO GET A TV. - MM. 368 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,369 KELLY, SHOULDN'T YOU BE WORKING? 369 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,788 I AM WORKING. 370 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,956 FINE, MICHAEL. FINE. 371 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,543 - SHE'S SWEET. - YEAH. 372 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,128 SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND HERE. 373 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,839 SOMETIMES SHE'S THE ONLY PERSON WHO TALKS TO ME ALL DAY. 374 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,883 - OH, SWEET. - YEAH. 375 00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,385 - GOOD FRIENDS. - [LAUGHS] 376 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:04,928 TOO BAD ABOUT HER EATING DISORDER. 377 00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,388 KELLY HAS AN EATING DISORDER? 378 00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:07,847 - YEAH. - SHE ALWAYS EATS MY LUNCH. 379 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,683 ANOREXIA. SHE'S ANA-- 380 00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,351 SHE'S AN "ANOREXITEC." 381 00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:12,352 WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING. 382 00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:13,937 NOTHING CAN BE DONE. 383 00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:16,815 JUST HAVE TO TELL EVERYBODY AND HOPE FOR THE BEST, I GUESS. 384 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:20,235 HEY, KELL. 385 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,736 HEY. 386 00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,864 I, UH--I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE 387 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,367 FOR ASKING YOU TO GET BACK TO WORK BEFORE. 388 00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:29,911 THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT, 'CAUSE IT WAS BOTHERING ME. 389 00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:32,414 I--WELL, IT WAS DIRECTED AT ERIN, 390 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,499 BECAUSE SHE'S NOT A VERY GOOD WORKER. 391 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,042 I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG SHE'S GONNA LAST HERE. 392 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,420 - REALLY? - YEAH. 393 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,548 SO--AND ANDY IS GAY. 394 00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,591 - ANDY BERNARD? - MM-HMM. 395 00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,260 DID YOU HEAR PAM IS PREGNANT? 396 00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:49,681 - REALLY? - YEAH. 397 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,808 SHE'S GONNA HATE BEING A MOM. 398 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,772 DOES IT SAY, "THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK 399 00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,190 - THIS SUMMER?" - YEP. 400 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:03,069 COOL. MY MOM WILL LOVE IT. 401 00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:05,363 GREAT. AND YOU GOT THE THREE CANDLES? 402 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,908 - OOH, UM-- - UM-- 403 00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,869 MAN, WE SPACED ON THE CANDLES. 404 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,787 REALLY? 405 00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:17,000 I GAVE YOU TWO THINGS TO DO AND YOU SPACED ON ONE OF THEM? 406 00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:19,377 WHAT IF I SAID TO YOU, "DUCK," 407 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,588 BECAUSE A WRECKING BALL IS COMING TOWARDS YOUR HEAD, 408 00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:24,549 AND "JUMP," BECAUSE A SWORD WAS GONNA CUT YOUR FEET OFF 409 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,676 AND YOU SPACED ON ONE OF THEM? 410 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:28,720 OH, HEY, PAM, DID YOU FINISH TEACHING THE INTERNS 411 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,221 THE WRECKING BALL LOW SWORD DEFENSE? 412 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,057 - YEAH, SURE DID. - SO THEY WOULDN'T NEED ANYONE 413 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,183 CALLING OUT A WARNING OR-- 414 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:34,768 NO. THEY'D KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO. 415 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,519 - GREAT. THANKS. - MM-HMM. 416 00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:38,563 THERE'S NO DEFENSE FOR THAT. 417 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,231 IS THERE A DEFENSE FOR THAT? 418 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,816 - WE'RE SORRY. - SORRY, SIR. 419 00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,943 WELL, SORRY'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, 420 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,278 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? 421 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,280 THE CAKE WAS FOR YOU ANYWAY, IDIOTS. 422 00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:50,116 SO ENJOY IT WITHOUT YOUR CANDLES. 423 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,326 GOD. 424 00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,501 SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THE DEFENSE FOR THAT? 425 00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:03,338 [chuckles] 426 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,757 WHAT? 427 00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,509 TEA. 428 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,511 - SO? - YOU WOULD. 429 00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:11,137 I LIKE TEA. 430 00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,056 OH, I BET YOU LIKE IT. 431 00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:14,766 YEAH. [chuckles] 432 00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:16,643 I LIKE IT A LOT. 433 00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,061 I LOVE TEA. 434 00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:21,314 DO YOU LIKE IT AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE MEN'S BUTTS? 435 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:22,607 WHAT? 436 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,484 'CAUSE YOU'RE GAY. 437 00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,445 WHO TOLD YOU THAT? 438 00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,448 WAS IT BROCCOLI ROB? 439 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,117 SOMEONE FROM CHI PSI? 440 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,119 OR DID YOU RUN INTO SOMEONE FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL? 441 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,538 THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME RUMORS ABOUT ME 442 00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,540 BEING GAY HAVE COME UP. 443 00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:40,959 TWICE BEFORE, ACTUALLY. 444 00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:44,004 JUST A WEIRD COINCIDENCE. 445 00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:46,840 IT'S A LITTLE TOO WEIRD. 446 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,883 [chuckles] 447 00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:51,261 ALMOST MAKES YOU WONDER IF IT'S NOT A COINCIDENCE AT ALL. 448 00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,846 WHOA. 449 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,639 WHICH IT IS, OF COURSE. 450 00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:58,435 BUT IT MAKES YOU WONDER. 451 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,937 DID YOU HEAR THE RUMOR ABOUT ME? 452 00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,522 THAT I'M GAY? 453 00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,566 I DID. YES. 454 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:05,984 AND? 455 00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,069 WHAT? 456 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,612 DO YOU THINK IT'S TRUE? 457 00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,824 DO YOU THINK THAT I'M GAY? 458 00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,325 IS IT TRUE? 459 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,536 THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING YOU. 460 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,204 WHAT IS YOUR INTUITION TELLING YOU? 461 00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,165 THAT IT'S NOT TRUE. 462 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,459 ARE YOU TAKING INTO ACCOUNT 463 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,503 THE FACT THAT I LOVE ACAPELLA MUSIC 464 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,839 AND I'M A SNAPPY DRESSER 465 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:29,299 AND I LIKE PENNY LOAFERS. 466 00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:30,884 ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO OTHER MEN? 467 00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:33,553 [chuckles] 468 00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:35,889 NO. 469 00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,932 BUT LET ME KICK YOU A SCENARIO. 470 00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:40,226 I'M AT, LIKE, A BEACH CABANA 471 00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:44,522 AND BRAD PITT APPROACHES, TRIES TO LEAN IN AND KISS ME. 472 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:50,111 I WOULD DEFINITELY RESIST, LIKE, AT FIRST. 473 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:52,822 BUT IF HE WAS PERSISTENT, 474 00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:55,241 I MIGHT GIVE IN A LITTLE BIT 475 00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:57,911 TO JUST REALLY SEE WHAT IT FELT LIKE. 476 00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,871 WOULD I PUSH HIM AWAY? 477 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,414 HOW HARD? 478 00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,750 LIKE, WHAT IF HE'S, LIKE, REALLY AGGRESSIVE? 479 00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:06,461 IF YOU RESISTED BRAD PITT A LITTLE BIT, 480 00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:09,798 HE WOULD STILL NEED TO GET TO YOU? 481 00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,591 THIS IS NOT REAL BRAD PITT. 482 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:14,260 THIS IS, LIKE, IN MY-- THIS IS MY FANTASY. 483 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,638 OR IT'S, LIKE, NOT FANTASY. IT'S, LIKE, WHAT I'M-- 484 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,139 IT'S JUST A SCENARIO. 485 00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,100 WOW. I--I AM-- 486 00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:21,393 I WISH I COULD HELP YOU. 487 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,520 I DON'T-- YOU MIGHT BE GAY. 488 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,355 YOU MIGHT BE GAY. 489 00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:29,609 WHAT EXACTLY IS MY RESPONSIBILITY HERE? 490 00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:32,278 TO COMFORT INSECURE HETEROSEXUAL MEN? 491 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,447 THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY FALL TO ME. 492 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,157 - HOW FAR ALONG IS PAM? - A FEW MONTHS. 493 00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:37,534 THAT'S WHY THEY'RE RUSHING THE WEDDING. 494 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:38,618 GUYS, GUYS, GUYS. 495 00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,412 YOU CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU HEAR. 496 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,706 LIKE STANLEY HAVING AN AFFAIR. 497 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,207 THAT IS CRAZY. 498 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,001 JUST THERE'S NO STOCK IN IT. 499 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,044 IT'S A WEIRD DAY FOR FALSE FACTS. 500 00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:49,587 LET IT GO. 501 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,922 OKAY, EVERYBODY. 502 00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,132 BIG DAY. 503 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,800 LAST DAY FOR OUR INTERNS. 504 00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:55,385 LOT OF OTHER STUFF. 505 00:18:55,427 --> 00:18:58,304 WHO KNOWS WHAT TO BELIEVE? 506 00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,724 DWIGHT, THE HONORS. 507 00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:03,601 PRESENT THESE TO THE DEAN FOR CREDIT. 508 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,146 AND AS A GIFT, I'VE ATTACHED MY CARD. 509 00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,148 CALL ME ANYTIME OF THE DAY OR NIGHT. 510 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:09,607 WHY WOULD WE CALL YOU AT NIGHT? 511 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,860 WELL, NOW YOU CAN'T CALL ME AT ALL, 512 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,403 SO PROBLEM SOLVED. 513 00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:15,030 AND YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THAT WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF 514 00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,073 BETWEEN A MOOSE AND HER CUBS AT NIGHT. 515 00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:18,867 LOOK TO THE INTERN ON YOUR LEFT. 516 00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,493 NOW TO YOUR RIGHT. 517 00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:22,829 ONE OF YOU WILL DO EXCEEDINGLY WELL IN BUSINESS. 518 00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,706 JUST UNLIMITED POTENTIAL. 519 00:19:24,748 --> 00:19:28,168 ONE OF YOU WILL MAKE A LIVING AND NOTHING MORE. 520 00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:32,047 AND ONE OF YOU WILL MAKE A GREAT MOTHER. 521 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:37,135 IT'S UP TO YOU TO CHOOSE WHICH YOU WANT TO BE. 522 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,390 I'D LIKE A CORNER PIECE. 523 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,354 WHEN GIVEN THE OPTION, 524 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,190 I'LL ALWAYS TAKE A CORNER PIECE. 525 00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,693 I AM SO HAPPY YOU'RE EATING AGAIN. 526 00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,153 ME TOO. 527 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,489 DUDE, HOW COME YOU NEVER TRY TO SET ME UP? 528 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,240 OH, I DON'T REALLY DO THAT. 529 00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:00,909 BUT PAM MIGHT HAVE SOME FRIENDS THOUGH. 530 00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,786 - WOMEN FRIENDS? - YEP. 531 00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,412 NOT GUY FRIENDS? 532 00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,706 ARE YOU INTERESTED IN HER GUY FRIENDS? 533 00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:08,083 NO. 534 00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:09,626 I MEAN, FOR THE RECORD, I PREFER WOMEN. 535 00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:10,877 OKAY. 536 00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:12,712 BUT OFF THE RECORD, I'M KIND OF CONFUSED. 537 00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,089 REALLY? 538 00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,007 YEAH, THE EVIDENCE IS SORT OF STACKED AGAINST ME, 539 00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,258 I FEEL LIKE. 540 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:18,301 WELL, YOU GOT TO FIGURE THIS OUT. 541 00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,719 - YEAH, RIGHT? - YEAH. 542 00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:20,845 HOW? 543 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,889 YOU GOT TO HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN... 544 00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,140 RIGHT-O. 545 00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:25,892 AND THEN A MAN AND THEN COMPARE. 546 00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:27,394 OH. 547 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:30,772 OKAY. 548 00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:32,065 WHEN DO WE DO THIS? 549 00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:34,609 NOPE. 550 00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:36,069 ALL RIGHT. 551 00:20:36,111 --> 00:20:37,320 - WELL, HEY. - YEP? 552 00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:38,613 CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU. 553 00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:39,823 ON WHAT? 554 00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,658 [chuckles] COME ON. 555 00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,410 LITTLE BABY TUNA. 556 00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:46,204 LITTLE JUNIOR TORO. 557 00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:50,417 YOU KNOW, A BABY CONCEIVED OUT OF WEDLOCK 558 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,502 IS STILL A BASTARD. 559 00:20:52,544 --> 00:20:53,795 WHAT? 560 00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:55,171 WANT ME TO SAY IT AGAIN? 561 00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:56,589 WHY DID THAT COME INTO YOUR BRAIN? 562 00:20:56,631 --> 00:20:58,508 CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? 563 00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:01,261 SO THEY KNOW. 564 00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:02,470 WHO DID YOU TELL? 565 00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:03,763 I DIDN'T TELL ANYONE. WHO DID YOU TELL? 566 00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,056 NOBODY. 567 00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:06,599 HEY, DID ONE OF YOU TELL STANLEY 568 00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:08,852 THAT I HAVE ASTHMA, 'CAUSE I DON'T. 569 00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:11,271 IF IT GETS OUT, THEY WON'T LET ME SCUBA. 570 00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,148 IF I CAN'T SCUBA, 571 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:14,858 THEN WHAT'S THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT? 572 00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:16,276 WHAT AM I WORKING TOWARD? 573 00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,610 IT'S NOT TRUE. 574 00:21:17,652 --> 00:21:19,446 I'M NOT A PACK RAT AND I'VE NEVER BEEN STUCK 575 00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:22,032 BETWEEN ANYTHING IN MY HOUSE. 576 00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,450 WHAT? 577 00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,411 YOU THINK I'M THE VOICE OF THE TACO BELL DOG? 578 00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:27,996 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT? 579 00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:29,289 I HAVE A DAUGHTER. 580 00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:30,957 HOW COULD I BE A VIRGIN? 581 00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:34,002 HAS EVERYONE HEARD A CRAZY RUMOR ABOUT THEMSELVES TODAY? 582 00:21:34,044 --> 00:21:35,295 [affirmative responses] 583 00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:36,379 YEAH, YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT? 584 00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:37,797 LET'S DISCREDIT THESE RUMORS. 585 00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:39,758 YEAH, SURE, BUT WHO'S BEEN SAYING ALL THAT STUFF? 586 00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:41,384 THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT, JIM. 587 00:21:41,426 --> 00:21:43,303 I JUST THINK WE SHOULDN'T LISTEN TO ANY OF THIS CRAP. 588 00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,055 SURE, BUT WE SHOULD GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS. 589 00:21:45,096 --> 00:21:47,140 LET'S PICK A RUMOR AND TRACE IT BACK TO THE BEGINNING. 590 00:21:47,182 --> 00:21:49,100 I NEED TO DO MINE FIRST. 591 00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:52,979 WHO'S BEEN SAYING THAT THERE'S ANOTHER PERSON INSIDE OF ME 592 00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:55,357 WORKING ME WITH CONTROLS? 593 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:57,817 I HEARD THAT FROM ANDY. 594 00:21:57,859 --> 00:22:00,153 I HEARD IT FROM ERIN. 595 00:22:00,195 --> 00:22:02,697 I HEARD IT FROM MICHAEL. 596 00:22:02,739 --> 00:22:03,907 MICHAEL. 597 00:22:07,118 --> 00:22:08,995 MICHAEL? 598 00:22:09,037 --> 00:22:10,622 HE'S OVER HERE! 599 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,374 - WHERE YOU GOING? - NOWHERE. 600 00:22:12,415 --> 00:22:14,334 - MICHAEL. - HMM? 601 00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:17,212 [clears throat] 602 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:18,588 [whispers] YOU TOLD PEOPLE 603 00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:21,383 THAT I USE STORE-BOUGHT MANURE 604 00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:25,470 WHEN I SHOWED YOU WHERE MY MANURE COMES FROM. 605 00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:26,805 - HMM? - [elevator bell dings] 606 00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:27,931 HMM? 607 00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:30,100 - DON'T GET ON IT. - MICHAEL, DON'T. 608 00:22:30,141 --> 00:22:32,060 - DON'T GET ON. - MICHAEL. 609 00:22:32,102 --> 00:22:33,645 - DO NOT. - MICHAEL, NO. 610 00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:35,105 - STAY, MICHAEL. - STEP AWAY. 611 00:22:35,146 --> 00:22:36,398 - STAY. - DON'T. 612 00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:38,566 - COME ON, BOSS. - NO. 613 00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,111 OKAY, I MADE IT ALL UP. 614 00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:42,612 - [sighs] - WHAT? 615 00:22:42,654 --> 00:22:44,155 EVEN THE FACT THAT I'M GAY? 616 00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:45,949 - YES. - YES. 617 00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:49,160 BUT, GUYS, I'M A VICTIM HERE TOO, OKAY? 618 00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:51,621 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT I AM A J. CREW MODEL. 619 00:22:51,663 --> 00:22:53,498 NO, WE HEARD THAT ABOUT JIM. 620 00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:55,000 JIM? NO, NO. 621 00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:56,793 I SPREAD THE RUMOR THAT SOMEBODY HERE 622 00:22:56,835 --> 00:22:59,295 WAS A J. CREW MODEL AND I WAS REFERRING TO MYSELF. 623 00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:00,547 HOW IS THAT A BAD RUMOR? 624 00:23:00,588 --> 00:23:02,882 BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THAT MODELS, 625 00:23:02,924 --> 00:23:04,467 EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE 626 00:23:04,509 --> 00:23:06,219 ARE SOMEWHAT VAPID. 627 00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:07,971 IT SET OUR INDUSTRY BACK QUITE A BIT. 628 00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:09,347 MICHAEL, WHY? 629 00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:10,807 WHY SAY ALL THESE THINGS? 630 00:23:10,849 --> 00:23:13,393 WHY MAKE UP AN EATING DISORDER, STANLEY'S AFFAIR, 631 00:23:13,435 --> 00:23:14,894 ME BEING A SPOKESDOG? 632 00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,855 YOU TOLD EVERYONE I WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR? 633 00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:19,816 OKAY, OKAY, HERE'S THE THING. 634 00:23:19,858 --> 00:23:21,985 THERE WAS ONE TRUE RUMOR OUT THERE TODAY. 635 00:23:22,027 --> 00:23:24,404 I DIDN'T WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS, 636 00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:27,991 SO ALL OF YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE PERSON. 637 00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:30,160 WELL, THEN WHAT'S THE ONE TRUE RUMOR? 638 00:23:30,201 --> 00:23:31,995 WE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW. 639 00:23:32,037 --> 00:23:35,206 MICHAEL, AM I GAY? 640 00:23:35,248 --> 00:23:37,709 [sighs] THE ONE TRUE RUMOR-- 641 00:23:37,751 --> 00:23:39,669 AND THIS IS GONNA RUIN THIS PERSON'S LIFE--IS THAT-- 642 00:23:39,711 --> 00:23:41,171 THAT PAM'S PREGNANT. 643 00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:42,422 - I KNEW IT. - I KNEW IT. 644 00:23:42,464 --> 00:23:43,840 I KNEW IT. 645 00:23:43,882 --> 00:23:45,842 HER BREASTS WERE A TINY BIT BIGGER. 646 00:23:45,884 --> 00:23:49,721 AT FIRST I THOUGHT, OH, SHE HAS A NEW BRA WITH PADDING. 647 00:23:49,763 --> 00:23:53,725 BUT THEN I THOUGHT, PAM DOESN'T NEED PADDING. 648 00:23:53,767 --> 00:23:55,602 IT JUST DIDN'T ADD UP, JIM. 649 00:23:55,643 --> 00:23:57,687 - OKAY, THANK YOU. - CONGRATULATIONS. 650 00:23:57,729 --> 00:23:59,064 THAT'S REALLY GREAT, YOU GUYS. 651 00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:00,732 - DON'T VACCINATE IT. - WHO'S THE FATHER? 652 00:24:00,774 --> 00:24:02,359 - JIM. - HOW FAR ALONG? 653 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:03,735 FOUR MONTHS. 654 00:24:03,777 --> 00:24:05,278 - WHO'S THE OB-GYN? - STOP. DON'T SAY. 655 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,654 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 656 00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:08,698 YOU KNOW, THIS IS NOT THE TRUTH 657 00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:11,076 AND YOU CAN'T FALL ON A SWORD THIS WAY. 658 00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:14,496 THE REAL THING IS THAT STANLEY HUDSON HAD AN AFFAIR. 659 00:24:14,537 --> 00:24:15,955 - NOPE. - YES, JIM. 660 00:24:15,997 --> 00:24:17,374 THANK YOU FOR TRYING TO DEFEND US, 661 00:24:17,415 --> 00:24:19,084 BUT ACTUALLY, PAM IS PREGNANT AND WE CAN PROVE IT... 662 00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:20,377 YES. 663 00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:21,378 IF EVERYBODY WOULD LIKE TO SEE PROOF. 664 00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:23,296 WANT TO--OKAY. 665 00:24:23,338 --> 00:24:24,547 JUST GONNA WAIT FOR HER? 666 00:24:24,589 --> 00:24:26,049 WHAT'S THE "PROOF" MEAN? 667 00:24:26,091 --> 00:24:28,343 [indistinct chatter] 668 00:24:28,385 --> 00:24:29,803 [group gasps] 669 00:24:29,844 --> 00:24:31,137 OH, MY! THERE IT IS! 670 00:24:31,179 --> 00:24:32,222 IT'S TRUE! 671 00:24:32,263 --> 00:24:34,683 PAM, LOOK AT THAT! 672 00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:37,394 THAT IS THE INSIDE OF YOUR VAGINA. 673 00:24:37,435 --> 00:24:39,062 THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, BUT-- 674 00:24:39,104 --> 00:24:42,232 IT'S CLEAR WHY WE WERE TRYING NOT TO TELL PEOPLE. 675 00:24:42,273 --> 00:24:43,775 THAT'S CLEAR NOW. 676 00:24:43,817 --> 00:24:45,652 YEAH. 677 00:24:48,279 --> 00:24:49,781 THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. 678 00:24:55,453 --> 00:24:58,581 THERE MUST BE 40 FOLDS IN THIS THING. 679 00:24:59,874 --> 00:25:01,793 40 FOLDS. 680 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,093 HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ABOUT THE PREGNANCY? 681 00:25:10,135 --> 00:25:12,387 A WEEK? MONTH? 682 00:25:12,429 --> 00:25:13,930 A YEAR? 683 00:25:13,972 --> 00:25:16,182 MICHAEL, WE ONLY TOLD OUR PARENTS LAST WEEK. 684 00:25:16,224 --> 00:25:17,809 DID YOU PEE ON A STICK? 685 00:25:17,851 --> 00:25:19,102 I DID. 686 00:25:19,144 --> 00:25:20,729 BUT IT WAS INCONCLUSIVE. 687 00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:22,147 YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME. 688 00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:25,692 YOU'RE RIGHT. 689 00:25:25,734 --> 00:25:28,445 WE SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT YOU ARE AN EQUAL PART OF THIS. 690 00:25:28,486 --> 00:25:30,864 [phone rings] 691 00:25:30,905 --> 00:25:32,073 YES? 692 00:25:32,115 --> 00:25:34,909 MICHAEL, TERI HUDSON RETURNING YOUR CALL. 693 00:25:34,951 --> 00:25:36,661 YOU CALLED STANLEY'S WIFE? 694 00:25:36,703 --> 00:25:38,955 OH, OH, YEAH. 695 00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:40,040 A LONG TIME AGO. 696 00:25:40,081 --> 00:25:41,458 JUST TO MAKE SURE SHE WAS OUT OF TOWN. 697 00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:43,209 - OH, GOD. - DON'T TAKE IT. 698 00:25:43,251 --> 00:25:45,795 NO, I HAVE TO TAKE IT OR IT'LL SEEM SUSPICIOUS. 699 00:25:45,837 --> 00:25:47,172 IF YOU TALK TO HER, YOU'RE GONNA TELL HER 700 00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:48,631 ABOUT STANLEY AND THAT'S GONNA SEEM MORE SUSPICIOUS. 701 00:25:48,673 --> 00:25:50,175 NO, NO, NO. I CAN DO THIS. 702 00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:51,843 - YOU CAN'T DO THIS. - YES, I CAN. 703 00:25:51,885 --> 00:25:54,054 I AM GOING TO TELL HER THAT I NEED 704 00:25:54,095 --> 00:25:56,765 TO REDECORATE MY CONDO AND I NEED HER HELP. 705 00:25:56,806 --> 00:25:59,768 WE WILL HAGGLE ABOUT MONEY AND I WILL BACK DOWN 706 00:25:59,809 --> 00:26:01,269 AND THEN I WON'T TALK TO HER 707 00:26:01,311 --> 00:26:02,979 UNTIL THIS WHOLE CYNTHIA THING'S BLOWN OVER. 708 00:26:03,021 --> 00:26:04,564 - MICHAEL, PLEASE DON'T. - SOUNDS TERRIBLE. 709 00:26:04,606 --> 00:26:06,733 [clears throat] HEY, WHAT UP, CYNTHIA? 710 00:26:06,775 --> 00:26:08,193 [slight gasp] 711 00:26:14,366 --> 00:26:16,534 JUST HANG ON A SECOND, CYNTHIA. 712 00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:28,338 WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT TERI WAS ALREADY SUSPICIOUS 713 00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:32,842 BECAUSE SHE HAD CAUGHT STANLEY AND CYNTHIA A FEW MONTHS AGO. 714 00:26:32,884 --> 00:26:36,638 SO STANLEY PROMISED THAT HE WOULD STOP AND HE DID. 715 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:37,764 END OF STORY. 716 00:26:37,806 --> 00:26:40,725 WELL, NOT EXACTLY. 717 00:26:40,767 --> 00:26:43,228 UH, CYNTHIA KEPT CALLING HIM. 718 00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:46,106 SHE WOULD NOT STOP CALLING HIM AND SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM. 719 00:26:46,147 --> 00:26:46,940 OH, AND GET THIS. 720 00:26:46,981 --> 00:26:48,983 CYNTHIA? ALSO MARRIED. 721 00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:53,571 SO YOU CAN'T STOP LOVE, I GUESS. 722 00:26:53,613 --> 00:26:56,449 AND QUITE FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK 723 00:26:56,491 --> 00:26:58,326 YOU SHOULD EVER EVEN TRY. 724 00:27:04,332 --> 00:27:05,959 I LEARNED THAT A COMPANY CAN DESCRIBE 725 00:27:06,001 --> 00:27:08,795 AN INTERNSHIP AS FULL OF EXCITING EXPERIENCES, 726 00:27:08,837 --> 00:27:10,463 EVEN IF THAT'S A LIE. 727 00:27:10,505 --> 00:27:12,173 THERE'S NO REGULATION. 728 00:27:12,215 --> 00:27:14,342 I LEARNED THAT HALF THESE PEOPLE'S EMAIL PASSWORD 729 00:27:14,384 --> 00:27:16,011 IS "PASSWORD." 730 00:27:16,052 --> 00:27:19,014 I LEARNED THAT A REAM OF PAPER IS 300 SHEETS. 731 00:27:19,055 --> 00:27:21,766 I THOUGHT IT WAS 500. 732 00:27:21,808 --> 00:27:23,143 OH. 733 00:27:23,184 --> 00:27:26,312 I GUESS I DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING. 734 00:27:26,354 --> 00:27:28,314 I LEARNED THAT IF YOU LOOK EVEN THE TINIEST BIT 735 00:27:28,356 --> 00:27:32,485 LIKE JET LI, MICHAEL WILL CALL YOU JET LI ALL SUMMER. 736 00:27:32,527 --> 00:27:33,778 JULIA STILES. 737 00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:36,156 ALAN THICKE. 738 00:27:36,197 --> 00:27:38,158 I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY 739 00:27:38,199 --> 00:27:39,492 ON THESE INTERNS. 740 00:27:39,534 --> 00:27:42,370 THEIR GENERATION COULD NEVER FIGHT IN A WAR. 741 00:27:42,412 --> 00:27:44,873 I HAVE NEVER FOUGHT IN A WAR, BUT I COULD. 742 00:27:44,914 --> 00:27:49,210 SPECIFICALLY, THE BOER WAR IN SOUTH AFRICA. 743 00:27:49,252 --> 00:27:52,797 THAT FEELS LIKE A WAR THAT WOULD SUIT ME JUST FINE. 744 00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:54,841 IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN, MM-MM. 745 00:27:54,883 --> 00:27:56,885 TOO MUCH HUMMUS. 51087

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