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1
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:14,597
What?
2
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:15,849
Oh, nothing.
3
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:18,977
Pam's on vacation,
4
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,395
and she gets back tomorrow.
5
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,355
So it'll be nice to see her.
6
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:23,398
It'll be nice.
7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,649
And, uh, she set a date
8
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,568
for the wedding with Roy.
9
00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:27,777
Uh, June.
10
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:31,364
Summer, so that'll be nice.
11
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,116
And that's that.
12
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,787
What?
13
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:41,082
Oh, nothing.
14
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,667
Jim's been looking at me
15
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:46,171
kind of a lot all week.
16
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,839
I would be creeped out by it,
17
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,174
but it's nothing compared
18
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:51,468
to the way Michael looks at me.
19
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,440
{\an8}[upbeat piano music]
20
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:12,322
{\an8}♪ ♪
21
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,764
Spamster.
22
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,891
Um...
23
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,018
Pam, plus Spam, plus--
24
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,520
- Hamster.
- Right.
25
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:44,896
Welcome back.
How was your vacation?
26
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,272
- It was great.
- Yeah?
27
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,400
- Mm-hmm.
- Did you get lucky?
28
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:49,901
Oop! Boink.
29
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:53,071
Roy and I just got back
from the Poconos.
30
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,031
I get ten vacation days a year.
31
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:56,908
And I try to hold off
taking them
32
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,743
for as long as possible.
33
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,745
And this year I got to
34
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,540
the third week in January.
35
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:05,208
[as Sean Penn]
I am Pam.
36
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,835
Spicoli guy.
37
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:09,421
Oh, God.
38
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:10,922
Needs numbers. Okay.
39
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:14,009
Whoa, God! Yuck, yuck, yuck.
40
00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,176
- What?
- Yuck! Wow!
41
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,511
What happened in there?
42
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,680
- I don't know.
- There is stink in there.
43
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,432
My God.
44
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,350
What is--what is that?
45
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,436
- Oh, I don't know.
- Is that a bird?
46
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:25,729
No, I don't think
it's a bird.
47
00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:27,272
Oh, God.
48
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,941
How could that happen?
How could--
49
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,401
right in the middle
of the carpet.
50
00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:33,528
- What's going on?
- Um, somebody vomited
51
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,780
right in the middle
of the carpet in my office.
52
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,615
I don't think that's vomit.
53
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:38,616
Check it out.
54
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,285
- Me?
- Check it out.
55
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,080
Don't be a wuss. Just get--
56
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:46,291
no, I'm not
holding your coffee.
57
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,376
- Tell me what it is.
- Oh, that's a real bitch.
58
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,670
What is it?
59
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,005
- Michael.
- What is it?
60
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,381
[knocking on door]
No, just tell me what it is.
61
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,342
Michael, I--I--I gotta
get outta here.
62
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:58,219
I can't hold my breath
that long.
63
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:03,141
[knocking on door]
64
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,769
- Open the door up.
- [gasping]
65
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,937
[knocking on door]
66
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,564
If he's not gonna
tell me what it is,
67
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:13,068
- I'm gonna leave him in there.
- I don't know what it is!
68
00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:15,487
Oh, stop crying.
69
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:18,031
It smelled terrible.
70
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:22,035
[inhales deeply]
71
00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:24,079
- Ugh!
- Phew!
72
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,414
Oh, no. Mm-mm, mm-mm.
73
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,083
[clears throat]
I cannot believe
74
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,709
a pipe burst
and left that there.
75
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:30,877
That's no burst pipe.
76
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,754
How do you know that?
What is it then?
77
00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:34,756
Maybe it's, um,
like, roadkill.
78
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,591
There's a slight discoloration
79
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:39,010
- that runs throughout it.
- Maybe it was a flood
80
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,012
and then the water receded
and left--
81
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,138
Or maybe it grew.
82
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,264
- What?
- Yes, with enough
83
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,891
light and water,
anything can grow.
84
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,810
- It didn't grow.
- Oh, man.
85
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:47,936
Oh, it's really gross.
86
00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:49,521
Yeah, thank you,
Captain Obvious.
87
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,314
That's odd.
88
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,190
From this angle,
89
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,608
it looks completely different.
90
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:54,693
Hey, guys.
91
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:58,488
Somebody making soup?
92
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:00,865
Here she comes.
93
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:03,576
All cleaned? Great.
94
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,372
[gags]
Still stinky.
95
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,623
That is worse.
96
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:09,666
She probably scrubbed it
97
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:12,127
into the fibers of the carpet.
98
00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:13,795
Total permeation.
99
00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:15,797
I am a big
"Fear Factor" fan.
100
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,674
Um, I'm a big fan of anything
101
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:19,676
Joe Rogan does, actually.
102
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,846
So this is sort of like
my audition tape.
103
00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:25,306
Um... [clears throat]
104
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,392
[shudders]
105
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,601
I can't stand it.
106
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:34,149
I can't stay in here
another second.
107
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,650
- [door closes]
- Hey.
108
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,235
- Welcome back.
- Thanks.
109
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,987
So how was the resort?
110
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:42,365
- Did you ski a lot?
- A little.
111
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,743
Good.
[loud bang]
112
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:48,538
What's going on in here?
113
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:49,789
What?
114
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:52,042
I did not do that.
115
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,753
That sounds disgusting.
116
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,796
[laughing]
It wasn't me.
117
00:04:56,838 --> 00:05:00,467
Um... it wasn't me.
118
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:02,761
It was not me.
119
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,263
Oh.
120
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,848
Wow.
121
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:09,392
[chuckles]
122
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:13,772
Hey, Jim, I thought
123
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:14,856
that we would be desk buddies
124
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:17,484
while they change my carpet.
125
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:18,777
That might be
a little difficult
126
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,528
with the one computer.
127
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,780
Oh.
128
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,865
But there's definitely
a desk open in the back.
129
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,993
Yeah.
130
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,286
Which I guess I'll be taking.
131
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,913
No, no, no, seriously,
I don't mind sharing.
132
00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:31,539
No, no, no, seriously.
133
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:34,334
I'll be in the back.
134
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:39,964
Hey, Kelly.
135
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,049
Are you moving
back here?
136
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,884
Um, just for the day
137
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,386
while Michael's at my desk.
138
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,137
Because Toby
used to sit there.
139
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,222
But then he had
to move over there
140
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,224
because of an allergy.
141
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:53,353
Allergy to... the desk?
142
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,271
Weird.
143
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,065
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
144
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,858
- [exhales]
- Ol' bullpen.
145
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,111
[chuckles]
The ol' bullpen.
146
00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:02,987
Don't hate me.
147
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:03,988
Okay.
148
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,657
This is great.
149
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:06,866
Yeah.
150
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:07,992
The pressures of my office
151
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,119
- are insane.
- Mm.
152
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,662
I just--
you couldn't understand.
153
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,497
But, man, you guys have it
easy out here.
154
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,958
You know I used to sit
right here?
155
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,918
- No way.
- Yeah.
156
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,838
And who had your office?
157
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,006
Ed Truck.
158
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,298
Yuck.
159
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,759
Ed Truck was the manager
before me.
160
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,511
Horrible. He hated fun.
161
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,680
It was like, "Oh, Ed Truck
is walking toward us.
162
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:29,973
"Stop having fun.
163
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,350
Start pretending to do work."
164
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,728
What a jerk. He's--
165
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,187
you know what?
166
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,689
I swore to myself
that if I ever got
167
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,357
to walk around the room
as manager,
168
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,526
people would laugh
when they saw me coming
169
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:44,487
and would applaud
as I walked away.
170
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,573
I'm serious, my closet doors
171
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,033
will not shut.
172
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,451
I mean, it only takes so long
173
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,453
to measure to make sure
that clothes will hang up.
174
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,371
'Cause aren't all hangers,
like, that big?
175
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,789
So I don't understand
176
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,374
why the closet engineer
didn't think of that.
177
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,168
So now,
I'm doing this new thing
178
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,211
where I just leave piles
of clothes on the floor.
179
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,797
And I walk around the piles
to get an outfit.
180
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,424
You know who used
to sit at that desk?
181
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,426
That guy Miles, who quit
to form his own company?
182
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,762
Mm-mm. Todd Packer.
183
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,805
No, I thought he was
out on the road.
184
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:13,183
He was, but, uh...
185
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:14,309
that desk was empty.
186
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:15,560
He'd come in and sit
there sometimes.
187
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,228
Ah.
188
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,648
When I was in training,
189
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,735
many years ago,
not so long ago,
190
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,111
I worked side by side
191
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,655
with a fellow
named Todd Packer.
192
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:30,742
And together,
we rocked the office.
193
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,411
[clattering]
194
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,789
Packer and I
once spent a whole day
195
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,457
with our pants off.
196
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,125
And when people noticed,
we convinced them
197
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,293
that they were crazy.
198
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,170
I would gladly pay you Tuesday
199
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,296
for a hamburger today.
200
00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:45,256
Excuse me one second, please.
201
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,842
What is it that you need
right now that can't wait
202
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,844
until I'm off the phone
with a customer?
203
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:51,388
Ooh, a customer.
204
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,765
Well, sound the alarm.
205
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,058
[laughs] Okay.
206
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,227
Another time,
Packer held this guy's head
207
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,728
in the toilet
for, like, a minute.
208
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,188
Guy had no sense
of humor about it.
209
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,815
Probably why he wasn't hired.
210
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,274
[grunts] Oh!
211
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,275
What did you hit me for?
212
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,527
Oh, Charlie horse.
213
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,112
- What?
- Charlie horse!
214
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,029
You shouldn't have hit me, Michael.
215
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,197
Okay, gah.
216
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,865
Once, as a joke,
217
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,785
Packer banged
every chick in the office.
218
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,663
It was hysterical.
219
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,374
That looks cool.
Where is that?
220
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,084
- What?
- That hotel?
221
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:24,170
It looks so romantic.
222
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:27,173
Oh, uh, just somewhere
in the Poconos.
223
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:28,174
I was just surfing.
224
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,384
I went with my parents
225
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,136
to the ShadowBrook Farm once.
226
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,929
That was also really romantic.
227
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:36,891
Oh, my God, I wish a boy
would take me there.
228
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,893
I would need a fun new top.
229
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,562
You know what
a great color is on me?
230
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:41,646
- Lavender, actually.
- 'Scuse me one second.
231
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,648
I'm just gonna
grab something to eat.
232
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,157
- Hey.
- Hey.
233
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,535
So you used to share
that cubicle with Kelly, right?
234
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:56,995
Mm-hmm.
235
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,748
And then you just
changed desks, right?
236
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,958
Yeah.
237
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,127
To one without a cubicle.
238
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,713
- Yeah.
- Hm.
239
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:10,425
So you just couldn't
take it anymore, huh?
240
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:14,554
What are you talking about?
241
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:17,015
So that's how it's gonna be.
242
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,725
[quietly] Yeah.
243
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,393
Honestly,
244
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,354
I don't even hear her anymore.
245
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,273
It's like waves crashing
against the beach.
246
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,858
Beyoncé,
247
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,401
pink, the color,
248
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:29,736
Pink, the person,
249
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:30,737
hot dogs,
250
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:33,031
basically anything
that is awesome,
251
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,616
- snow cones--
- Hey, Jim.
252
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,201
Michael wanted me to ask you
253
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,370
how to raise your desk chair.
254
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,330
It's the lever on the side.
255
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:41,581
That's what I told him.
256
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:42,916
Thanks.
257
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:50,965
Oh, my God, he is so cute.
258
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,092
Would you talk to him for me
259
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,719
and see if he likes me?
260
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:55,970
Oh, no, I don't think I can--
261
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,431
Oh, please, Jim.
Please, please, Jim.
262
00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:00,141
Please, please, please?
He's so cute.
263
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,518
I like him so much.
264
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:02,811
And I would do it,
but I'm too shy.
265
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:05,563
Please, Jim?
Please, please, please?
266
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,566
Please, Jim, please?
Please, please?
267
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,068
[whispers]
Dwight.
268
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,695
[whispers]
Michael.
269
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,864
Let's send up accounting.
270
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,574
- What?
- Old-fashioned raid.
271
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,909
Sales on accounting.
272
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,077
[laughs softly]
273
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,995
Follow my lead.
274
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,542
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Michael.
275
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,002
- What's up?
- Hey, Dwight.
276
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:33,383
[both screaming and laughing]
277
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:36,469
Whoo-hoo!
278
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:37,804
Come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on!
279
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,723
Woo!
280
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,809
- Ah! Ah!
- Sales rules!
281
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,936
Yeah, yeah!
282
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,647
[laughs]
283
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:48,815
Should we help 'em
pick up their stuff?
284
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:50,442
No, no, no, no.
We don't do that.
285
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,443
- We don't do that.
- Oh, okay.
286
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,485
Watch out, Pam.
287
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:53,778
You're next.
288
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,071
You're gonna throw
my things on the ground?
289
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:57,532
Maybe.
290
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,826
What happened
in Michael's office was wrong.
291
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,827
I understand it.
292
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:01,786
It makes sense.
293
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:05,290
[laughs]
294
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,625
But it's--but it was
still wrong.
295
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,503
Obviously, this was Kevin.
296
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:13,548
This is his sense of humor exactly.
297
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,884
There are so many people
with motives.
298
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,802
Even me.
299
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:21,181
Almost everyone is a suspect.
300
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,682
[chuckles]
301
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:26,895
Whoever did this is a genius.
[laughs]
302
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,521
I can't imagine
anybody in the office
303
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:32,984
hates Michael that much.
304
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,527
Well, maybe.
305
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:37,197
I think this whole disaster
on Michael's carpet
306
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,407
happened for a good reason.
307
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:42,202
Him sitting next to me
is a huge gift.
308
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,578
This girl I know
309
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:44,996
would say that it
was a gift from God,
310
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,665
but I don't know
about all that.
311
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,334
Why would somebody ruin
312
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,295
a perfectly good carpet?
313
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:56,049
I don't know.
314
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,092
Could be done out of hate.
315
00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,178
Could be done out of love.
316
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,847
It could be completely neutral.
317
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,849
Maybe somebody hates
the cleaning lady.
318
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,602
And, well, she doesn't do
a very good job, obviously.
319
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,355
because my office still reeks
320
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,108
like you would not believe.
321
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,068
I hate her. [scoffs]
322
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,032
You know what?
I am beginning to think
323
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,910
that what happened to my carpet
324
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:27,288
was an act of terrorism
against the office.
325
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,040
The only thing
that makes any sense.
326
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:34,504
Hello,
am I the 107th caller?
327
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:35,547
Hello, Rock 107,
328
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:40,719
am I the 107th caller?
329
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,889
Hello, Rock 107,
am I the 107th caller?
330
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,307
I'm totally gonna win us
that box set.
331
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:47,183
Stop.
332
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,978
- Jethro Tull--
- Stop it.
333
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:55,400
Stop. It.
334
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,569
Don't.
335
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,029
Don't.
336
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:03,116
I need to make
a sales call.
337
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:04,117
Please?
338
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:06,119
All right.
339
00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:18,340
[whispering]
Am I the 107th caller?
340
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:19,799
[quietly] That's so smart.
341
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:20,967
[quietly]
Leave it all packed.
342
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,302
We can go in a
couple of weeks, maybe.
343
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:25,305
- Yeah, right.
- Okay, maybe not.
344
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:27,432
Like, maybe for, like,
President's Day or something.
345
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,433
Yeah, that's right.
346
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:29,976
We could do
a three-day weekend.
347
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,187
I wonder if I could, like,
call in sick on Friday.
348
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:35,357
And then get
a four-day weekend.
349
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:36,983
[laughs]
350
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,861
It's so hard to fall asleep.
And I just hate it, cause I try
351
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:40,820
to go to bed at, like,
9:30 every night.
352
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:41,863
- Are you kidding?
- No.
353
00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:43,114
Hi, guys.
354
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,449
We haven't finished
getting things
355
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:45,700
in order from your last visit.
356
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:46,951
I'm just walking around.
357
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,495
- Were you?
- Well, yeah.
358
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,163
It's just that we're really
swamped over here, Michael.
359
00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:52,499
Oh, and I'm not?
Why would you say that?
360
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:53,792
Because I'm having fun?
361
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,669
You guys just are
362
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:56,920
working for the weekend,
aren't you?
363
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,505
I'm working for the week.
364
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,507
Sales team.
365
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:01,591
Listen to me.
366
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,510
This is what we're gonna do.
367
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:06,137
I'm gonna up the ante
a little bit, literally.
368
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,640
Right here, I'm going
to put a crisp $100 bill.
369
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:09,933
The person with the most sales
370
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,559
at the end of the day
gets to keep the cash.
371
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,269
- Sound good?
- Yeah!
372
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,939
70, 80, 1, 2, 3.
373
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,692
$83. Still a lot of money.
374
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:21,069
And I'm going to...
375
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:23,697
I'm gonna leave it
right over here
376
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,199
where everybody can see it.
377
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:29,494
I will be taking
Jim's clients today
378
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,787
because he is not here.
379
00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:33,415
And out of sight,
out of the contest.
380
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:35,709
Let's see who winds up
with the cash, shall we?
381
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,043
You're gonna compete
against us?
382
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,962
Oh, it is on, Phyllis!
It is so on!
383
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,046
It is so on!
384
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:43,174
God, this is gonna be fun.
385
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,802
Michael is gonna
wipe the floor with us.
386
00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:09,784
So you have 40 boxes
going out.
387
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,328
And I will deliver those
personally in a Sebring.
388
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,164
Very good.
Nice doing business with you.
389
00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,540
Thank you.
390
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,459
Yes!
391
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,002
[chuckles] Yeah.
392
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:21,004
Read it and weep.
393
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:23,006
Oh. Ooh, look at that.
394
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,008
Look at me, Phyllis.
Oh, what is that?
395
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,301
That's my sale.
396
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:29,679
[humming tune]
397
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:34,100
[vocalizing]
398
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:35,393
What--what's that?
What you doing?
399
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,936
- Nothing.
- I think he's dancing.
400
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,146
No, just--
401
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:39,481
That was definitely
not dancing.
402
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,107
You know what, guys?
It's none of your concern.
403
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:42,942
It was official business,
so just--
404
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,486
- Paper business.
- Yeah, paper business.
405
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:46,654
- Is this done?
- No.
406
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:47,947
"Extreme Home Makeover"
407
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,449
puts together a house
in an hour.
408
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:50,450
If you were on that crew,
409
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:52,786
you'd be fired like that.
410
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:53,953
Somebody did something bad
411
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:56,956
to Michael's carpet.
412
00:15:56,998 --> 00:16:00,627
Maybe that's all
we need to know.
413
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:01,920
[thumping]
414
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,797
[chuckling]
415
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:07,050
Ah!
416
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:10,637
You gotta drink.
I'm not letting you get back.
417
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,556
- You ready?
- Mm-hmm.
418
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:14,974
- [thumping]
- Uh-huh,
419
00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,893
- now you got to drink.
- Ah.
420
00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:19,437
All right, three boxes. Excellent.
421
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,940
Oh, hey, I can't offer you
a discount right now,
422
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,108
but for the same low price,
423
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,401
you could put in
next month's order
424
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,069
right now as well.
425
00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:29,948
Okay, six it is. Fantastic.
426
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,200
Good. No, thank you.
427
00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:34,369
Bye-bye.
428
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:53,304
Okay, that quantity
of cotton fiber
429
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,598
will cost you...
430
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,059
my screen disappeared.
431
00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:01,187
I know.
Uh, I will click on the bottom
432
00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:04,649
and, yes, I'm getting
one of those
433
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,526
little hourglass things.
434
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:07,944
Used to have a price chart
on the wall.
435
00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,696
Now it's a little
hourglass thing with a
436
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:11,031
arrow next to it.
437
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:13,116
Now it's just an hourglass thing.
438
00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:16,536
Uh-huh, yeah, well,
or I can call you back.
439
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:20,540
Okay.
440
00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:21,916
Excellent, good, good.
441
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,335
Well, our truck is going out
442
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,545
first thing
tomorrow morning, so...
443
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:29,132
45 cases of technical format
coded white paper.
444
00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:30,717
Okay, thanks again so much.
445
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,010
All righty, buh-bye.
446
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,553
20 cartons of it's coming.
On its way.
447
00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:35,055
What's going on?
Anything here?
448
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,389
- Yes.
- Yes?
449
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,892
Yes, what?
Yes, a sale or a lead or--
450
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,518
- A sale.
- Ah.
451
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,062
- Small?
- Big.
452
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,606
- Huge?
- Just big.
453
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,358
Would you say the sale
that I made earlier,
454
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:49,944
- it was huge or--
- Big.
455
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,868
Good, no,
I completely understand.
456
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,244
Times are a little tight
right now.
457
00:17:58,286 --> 00:17:59,537
If it's all right
with you, though,
458
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,748
I will just give you
a call back next month.
459
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:02,832
Great.
460
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:05,752
Thank you so much. Goodbye.
461
00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:07,045
What was that?
462
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,421
- What?
- You call that a sales call?
463
00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,173
My God, what have
they been teaching you?
464
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,424
You're the one
who trained me, Michael.
465
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:12,592
Yeah, well, did I teach you
466
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:15,178
to roll over
like a submissive dog?
467
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,263
- You most certainly did not.
- No, I did not.
468
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:19,683
- What can I do better?
- Exactly, ask me.
469
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:22,435
which you did, so--
470
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:23,937
tell a joke.
471
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:24,938
I'm not good at jokes.
472
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,398
Do you know a joke?
473
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,565
My cousin Mose
told me a joke.
474
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,942
- Call a client right now.
- Okay.
475
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,026
And tell them the joke.
476
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,737
I will.
477
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,114
Strike while the iron's hot.
478
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:35,615
The joke always works.
479
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:38,535
- Yes, Howard Gruber, please.
- Just sell it.
480
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:42,080
Howard, hello.
Dwight Schrute, Dunder Mifflin.
481
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,290
Yes, and you are
my favorite client.
482
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,126
[chuckles]
Listen, I'm calling you
483
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,669
to tell you a little joke.
484
00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:52,048
What is black and white
and red and can't think?
485
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,134
A nun who has
a beet for a head.
486
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:57,679
[uncomfortable laughter]
487
00:18:57,721 --> 00:18:58,805
No, I--I'm Catholic, too.
488
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,098
Give me the phone.
489
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,307
- I understand.
- Give me the phone.
490
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,726
If I was offensive
in any way--
491
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,561
Tell them that your
supervisor is on the line.
492
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,521
- Humor is--works in--
- The old one-two.
493
00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:09,065
crazy ways. I'm gonna pass
you off to my supervisor.
494
00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:10,692
Hold on one second.
495
00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:12,736
- Howard Gruber, it's Howard.
- Hey, Howard.
496
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:14,112
Michael Scott here.
497
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,113
Yeah, sorry about that.
498
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,406
Dwight is an idiot.
499
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,450
I know. No, he's a little...
500
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,492
little dim.
501
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,828
He's the janitor's brother, so...
502
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,455
That's not true.
503
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,414
Uh-huh.
504
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:25,707
Yeah, well, you know, like,
505
00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:27,667
at a fast food restaurant,
506
00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:29,210
just to be nice,
you'll hire somebody
507
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:30,962
who can't even find
their way to work?
508
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,297
That is Dwight.
509
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,840
[whispers]
He's my best customer!
510
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:36,593
What can we do
to help you out?
511
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,428
You know what?
I have a discount,
512
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:41,222
today and today only,
on lightweight copier paper.
513
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:42,223
No, that's my sale.
514
00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:43,767
This is--this is my sale!
515
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,060
- Michael!
- Uh-huh.
516
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,186
Yes, I can do that.
517
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:47,854
Absolutely!
518
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:50,398
Perfect. Oh, I'm glad
it timed out that way.
519
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,733
What Michael
doesn't understand
520
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:54,194
is that when I worked
in the fast food industry,
521
00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:56,321
I was actually commended
by management
522
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,198
for the three M's.
523
00:19:58,239 --> 00:19:59,616
McService,
524
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:00,784
McCompetence,
525
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:03,078
and McPunctuality.
526
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,371
Who do you think did it?
527
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,039
Are you kidding?
I thought it was you.
528
00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:07,624
Really? I thought you.
529
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:12,253
[both chuckle]
530
00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:18,385
This was no act of God.
A person did this.
531
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:20,762
A person who works
in this office.
532
00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:23,264
Maybe all of them.
533
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:24,933
You know what?
534
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,727
Today is not a good day
535
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:28,687
for a sales contest.
536
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,814
We're--we're not
doing this today.
537
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:32,023
That doesn't seem fair.
538
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,525
You want to talk
about fair?
539
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,236
Does anyone need to smell
my old carpet?
540
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:37,696
You explain to me
how that was fair,
541
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,531
and I'll explain to you
how this is fair.
542
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,242
Plus I just--I think
that picking today
543
00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:43,368
was sort of taking advantage.
544
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,536
But you're the one
who picked today.
545
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:48,415
I am a victim
of a hate crime.
546
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:49,958
Stanley knows
what I'm talking about.
547
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,710
That's not what
a hate crime is.
548
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,170
Well, I hated it
a lot, okay?
549
00:20:54,212 --> 00:20:56,256
I-- You know what?
550
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,758
If the guilty person
would just come forward
551
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,844
and take their punishment,
we'd be done.
552
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:07,308
Very well.
553
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,685
Then you're all punished.
554
00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:09,894
What's our punishment?
555
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:12,355
You're all on a time-out.
556
00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:16,359
Just sit there quietly.
557
00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:17,819
[phone ringing]
558
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:19,863
No, no.
559
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,157
[phone ringing]
560
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,371
Hey.
561
00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:30,749
- What's up?
- Nothing much.
562
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,292
Let me ask you something.
563
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:34,044
It's actually a little awkward.
564
00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:35,337
What?
565
00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:38,631
What do you think of Kelly?
566
00:21:38,673 --> 00:21:39,883
I don't know.
567
00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:42,761
Depends if you like
a little junk in...
568
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:45,305
um, she's really cool.
569
00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:46,598
Are you interested in her?
570
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:47,849
Yeah, totally.
571
00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:49,809
- Really?
- Did she say something?
572
00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:51,728
She said lots of things.
573
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:53,480
Do you know
if she's looking for
574
00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:54,647
a long-term thing
575
00:21:54,689 --> 00:21:58,485
or if she'd be cool
just hanging out?
576
00:21:58,526 --> 00:22:00,195
I have no idea.
577
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,947
Could you find out?
578
00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:04,532
Yeah.
579
00:22:04,574 --> 00:22:07,327
Sure.
580
00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:09,120
I don't know much
about Kelly.
581
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:11,748
But why not? Try it out.
582
00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:13,667
It's not like I'm gonna
be here that long.
583
00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:16,127
And she's really cute.
584
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:17,212
Right?
585
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:19,172
Oh, long-term, definitely.
586
00:22:19,214 --> 00:22:21,257
Fall in love, have babies,
587
00:22:21,299 --> 00:22:22,801
spend every second together.
588
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:24,094
But don't tell him that, okay?
589
00:22:24,135 --> 00:22:26,179
Just tell him
I'm, like, up for anything.
590
00:22:26,221 --> 00:22:28,431
I mean, I'm not a slut,
but who knows?
591
00:22:28,473 --> 00:22:30,141
Do you remember Ed Truck?
592
00:22:30,183 --> 00:22:31,559
Sure, he hired me.
593
00:22:31,601 --> 00:22:33,269
How's he doing?
594
00:22:33,311 --> 00:22:34,521
How would I know?
595
00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:36,439
I thought you might.
596
00:22:36,481 --> 00:22:38,274
My biggest fear is
turning into him.
597
00:22:38,316 --> 00:22:40,568
Michael, you should have
much bigger fears than that.
598
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:41,653
[sighs]
599
00:22:41,695 --> 00:22:43,780
I wasn't talking
literally, Creed.
600
00:22:43,822 --> 00:22:45,615
Yeah, being buried alive
would be worse.
601
00:22:45,657 --> 00:22:48,243
Happy? Why am I talking to you?
602
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:49,327
Ed?
603
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:52,288
Hi, thanks for meeting me.
604
00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:54,582
Must be kinda neat coming back.
605
00:22:54,624 --> 00:22:56,251
Yeah. Shall we go upstairs?
606
00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:57,919
Uh, well, honestly, Ed,
607
00:22:57,961 --> 00:23:00,463
I really don't want
to be up there right now.
608
00:23:00,505 --> 00:23:02,424
So what's the problem
with my pension?
609
00:23:02,465 --> 00:23:04,009
Oh, no, no, no.
610
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:05,927
You're good, it was clerical.
You're good.
611
00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:12,267
Um, what does that
smell like to you?
612
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:13,309
I have a cold.
613
00:23:13,351 --> 00:23:14,894
For God's sake.
614
00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,021
What does that
smell like to you?
615
00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:17,188
Well, somebody
616
00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:18,398
did something in my office,
617
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,400
and I now think that
they did it on purpose
618
00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:21,609
and it was directed at me.
619
00:23:21,651 --> 00:23:23,820
- But what was done?
- I don't know.
620
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:26,614
I didn't get a good look at it.
621
00:23:26,656 --> 00:23:29,117
But it smells horrible.
622
00:23:29,159 --> 00:23:30,493
Whoa. [sniffs]
623
00:23:30,535 --> 00:23:32,662
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
624
00:23:32,704 --> 00:23:34,664
Yeah, somebody once
625
00:23:34,706 --> 00:23:36,833
- did that in my office.
- Really?
626
00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:38,335
- Yeah.
- Well, that figures.
627
00:23:38,376 --> 00:23:41,254
So how did you deal with
628
00:23:41,296 --> 00:23:42,339
people not liking you?
629
00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:44,341
Well, some people liked me.
630
00:23:44,382 --> 00:23:45,342
Can I be frank?
631
00:23:45,383 --> 00:23:46,551
You should say that
632
00:23:46,593 --> 00:23:48,345
before you speak frankly.
633
00:23:48,386 --> 00:23:50,013
You had no idea
634
00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:52,640
that people hated you so much?
635
00:23:52,682 --> 00:23:53,808
That amazes me.
636
00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:55,602
I was their boss.
637
00:23:55,643 --> 00:23:57,312
- Yeah, well--
- Now you're their boss.
638
00:23:57,354 --> 00:24:00,398
You can't expect to be
friends with everybody.
639
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,900
Well, sure I can.
640
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:03,693
No.
They'll always think of you
641
00:24:03,735 --> 00:24:06,363
- as a boss first.
- Not necessarily.
642
00:24:06,404 --> 00:24:08,782
You can love a boss
like you do a father.
643
00:24:08,823 --> 00:24:10,158
I'm not sure
that ever happens.
644
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:11,451
Well, okay.
645
00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:13,703
Different management styles.
646
00:24:13,745 --> 00:24:16,081
Why can't your workers
be your workers,
647
00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:18,041
family be your family,
your friends be your friends?
648
00:24:18,083 --> 00:24:20,335
Okay, yeah,
sounds like a good idea.
649
00:24:20,377 --> 00:24:22,796
The best thing you can do
for your workers
650
00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:25,006
is give them a strong,
stable company to work at.
651
00:24:25,048 --> 00:24:26,383
- Ah.
- That's what helps them
652
00:24:26,424 --> 00:24:28,426
with their real friends
653
00:24:28,468 --> 00:24:31,179
and their real family.
654
00:24:31,221 --> 00:24:32,681
Last week,
I would've given a kidney
655
00:24:32,722 --> 00:24:34,766
to anyone in this office.
656
00:24:34,808 --> 00:24:36,226
I would've reached
657
00:24:36,267 --> 00:24:38,103
right into my stomach
and pulled it out for them.
658
00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:39,729
But now, no.
659
00:24:39,771 --> 00:24:41,064
I don't have the relationship
660
00:24:41,106 --> 00:24:43,191
with these people
that I thought I did.
661
00:24:43,233 --> 00:24:45,276
I hope they ask.
662
00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:47,278
So they can hear me say,
663
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:48,905
"Uh, no.
664
00:24:48,947 --> 00:24:51,574
"I only give my organs
to my real friends.
665
00:24:51,616 --> 00:24:54,577
Go get yourself
a monkey kidney."
666
00:24:54,619 --> 00:24:56,538
Hey, Brenda, this is,
667
00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:59,249
uh, Jim Halpert from the boat.
668
00:24:59,290 --> 00:25:02,085
And I got your number
from the corporate directory.
669
00:25:02,127 --> 00:25:04,504
And, well,
I was assuming that you
670
00:25:04,546 --> 00:25:05,630
probably gave it
to them because
671
00:25:05,672 --> 00:25:08,299
you wanted me
to ask you out, right?
672
00:25:08,341 --> 00:25:11,803
Um, so give me a call back.
673
00:25:11,845 --> 00:25:14,389
You can get my number
from said directory,
674
00:25:14,431 --> 00:25:17,350
um, or just check your email
675
00:25:17,392 --> 00:25:20,603
cause I just sent you one.
676
00:25:20,645 --> 00:25:23,273
Yikes.
Uh, give me a call back...
677
00:25:23,314 --> 00:25:24,357
I hope.
678
00:25:24,399 --> 00:25:29,362
I'll talk to you later. Bye.
679
00:25:29,404 --> 00:25:34,284
You just asked a girl out
on the phone.
680
00:25:34,325 --> 00:25:36,036
Yup.
681
00:25:39,247 --> 00:25:41,291
Okay, look, I know
what you're gonna say.
682
00:25:41,332 --> 00:25:42,959
That I'm not standing up
for myself.
683
00:25:43,001 --> 00:25:44,294
But you know what?
It's complicated
684
00:25:44,336 --> 00:25:48,715
and I really don't appreciate
all the badgering.
685
00:25:48,757 --> 00:25:52,761
You could out-sell Michael
any day.
686
00:25:57,349 --> 00:25:59,768
[phone rings]
687
00:25:59,809 --> 00:26:01,311
Yes.
688
00:26:01,353 --> 00:26:03,855
Hello, yes,
I'm looking for a gay nerd
689
00:26:03,897 --> 00:26:05,815
- named Michael Scott.
- Who is this?
690
00:26:05,857 --> 00:26:07,650
How did you get this number?
691
00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:09,611
Your mom, you gay nerd.
692
00:26:09,652 --> 00:26:10,904
Oh, my God.
693
00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:12,989
Packer. Packster!
694
00:26:13,031 --> 00:26:14,824
Wacky Pack, how you doing?
695
00:26:14,866 --> 00:26:16,368
Hey, listen, did you
get that package
696
00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:17,786
I left for you?
697
00:26:17,827 --> 00:26:20,038
Uh, no.
698
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,707
Did anybody see
a package here today?
699
00:26:22,749 --> 00:26:24,084
No, how big was it?
700
00:26:24,125 --> 00:26:25,585
It was pretty big.
701
00:26:25,627 --> 00:26:26,836
- Really?
- Yeah.
702
00:26:26,878 --> 00:26:28,797
You see a big package?
703
00:26:28,838 --> 00:26:30,048
Where did you leave it?
704
00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:32,050
Left it in the middle
of your office.
705
00:26:32,092 --> 00:26:33,593
Really? Guys, did you see
706
00:26:33,635 --> 00:26:36,596
a big package in my office?
707
00:26:36,638 --> 00:26:37,555
You mean the thing?
708
00:26:37,597 --> 00:26:42,060
[laughing]
709
00:26:42,102 --> 00:26:44,729
Are you kidding me?
710
00:26:44,771 --> 00:26:46,314
Oh.
711
00:26:46,356 --> 00:26:47,816
- Special delivery.
- That was Packer!
712
00:26:47,857 --> 00:26:50,443
Oh, you're--oh, you are dead.
713
00:26:50,485 --> 00:26:52,404
You are dead, my friend.
714
00:26:52,445 --> 00:26:55,031
That is hilar--Oh, God!
715
00:26:55,073 --> 00:26:57,075
Of course it was you.
716
00:26:57,117 --> 00:27:01,871
- Sit on the throne, Michael.
- Oh, yeah, yeah!
717
00:27:01,913 --> 00:27:04,708
Oh, my God, it was Packer.
718
00:27:04,749 --> 00:27:06,209
It takes
an advanced sense of humor.
719
00:27:06,251 --> 00:27:08,461
I don't expect everybody
to understand.
720
00:27:08,503 --> 00:27:11,172
It was done out of love
just like I thought.
721
00:27:11,214 --> 00:27:13,883
It's, uh, God,
these people are so--
722
00:27:13,925 --> 00:27:16,052
these are good people.
723
00:27:16,094 --> 00:27:19,514
We have fun. We just have fun.
724
00:27:19,556 --> 00:27:22,767
Oh, I'm just so sorry
that I threw the thing out.
725
00:27:27,188 --> 00:27:29,566
- We're all done.
- Yes, my office!
726
00:27:29,607 --> 00:27:32,402
See ya later, peasants.
727
00:27:32,444 --> 00:27:34,029
[sighs]
728
00:27:36,698 --> 00:27:38,408
What was that look?
729
00:27:38,450 --> 00:27:40,076
I didn't give a look.
730
00:27:40,118 --> 00:27:42,412
What was your look?
731
00:27:42,454 --> 00:27:44,497
I don't know
what you're talking about.
732
00:27:44,539 --> 00:27:46,124
We should've guessed Packer.
733
00:27:46,166 --> 00:27:47,459
I still thought you did it.
734
00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:48,668
Even after you denied it.
735
00:27:48,710 --> 00:27:51,296
- I still thought it was you.
- [chuckles]
736
00:27:57,260 --> 00:28:00,180
You have seven
unheard messages.
737
00:28:00,221 --> 00:28:02,265
- [beep]
- Hey, Jim, it's Pam.
738
00:28:02,307 --> 00:28:03,933
I keep looking up
to say something to you,
739
00:28:03,975 --> 00:28:06,102
and then Michael's there
and it's horrible.
740
00:28:06,144 --> 00:28:07,645
Anyway, I'm bored.
741
00:28:07,687 --> 00:28:08,855
Come back.
742
00:28:08,897 --> 00:28:10,440
[beep]
Hey, guess what?
743
00:28:10,482 --> 00:28:13,109
I moved my computer
so I can't see Michael's head.
744
00:28:13,151 --> 00:28:14,444
It's working.
I think I can have a career
745
00:28:14,486 --> 00:28:16,529
as a very specific type
of decorator.
746
00:28:16,571 --> 00:28:17,989
[beep]
Sudoku.
747
00:28:18,031 --> 00:28:20,241
Level, moderate.
Time, 18 minutes.
748
00:28:20,283 --> 00:28:22,702
Suck on that, Halpert.
749
00:28:22,744 --> 00:28:24,788
[beep]
I'll transfer you.
750
00:28:24,829 --> 00:28:26,623
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
751
00:28:26,664 --> 00:28:28,416
Hold, please.
752
00:28:28,458 --> 00:28:30,168
Dunder Mifflin, this is--
Okay, sorry.
753
00:28:30,210 --> 00:28:31,461
Michael was standing
at my desk
754
00:28:31,503 --> 00:28:32,837
and I needed to be busy
or who knows what
755
00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:34,297
would've happened,
so thank you.
756
00:28:34,339 --> 00:28:35,882
[beep]
Hey, what's that word
757
00:28:35,924 --> 00:28:36,883
we made up for when you have
758
00:28:36,925 --> 00:28:38,551
a thing stuck in your shoe?
759
00:28:38,593 --> 00:28:41,137
Anyway, I have a thing
stuck in my shoe.
760
00:28:41,179 --> 00:28:42,347
[beep]
Hey, I have a chance
761
00:28:42,389 --> 00:28:43,723
to sneak out of here early,
762
00:28:43,765 --> 00:28:44,724
and I'm not messing this up,
763
00:28:44,766 --> 00:28:46,059
so I'll see you tomorrow.
764
00:28:46,101 --> 00:28:48,269
[beep]
Calling from my cell phone.
765
00:28:48,311 --> 00:28:49,521
I don't know
if you guys figured out
766
00:28:49,562 --> 00:28:51,147
who did that
to Michael's carpet yet,
767
00:28:51,189 --> 00:28:52,565
but I have a theory
that involves
768
00:28:52,607 --> 00:28:54,818
an interdepartmental
conspiracy--
769
00:28:54,859 --> 00:28:56,569
everybody in the office.
770
00:28:56,611 --> 00:28:58,321
We need to talk.
52094
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