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1
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:10,885
[phone ringing]
2
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:12,637
(Michael)
Go. In the door.
3
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,680
(Dwight)
Push!
4
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,140
Oh, God.
(Dwight) Push.
5
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:16,516
No, no, no!
Turn it around, turn it around!
6
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:17,475
Really shove it!
You're breaking--
7
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:18,935
Shove it through!
8
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:20,854
(Michael)
You shove it! Shove it back!
9
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,983
Here we go.
10
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,736
Don't break
the branches, Dwight.
11
00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:29,696
[panting]
12
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,072
Ah, I got a splinter.
13
00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:33,158
Well, suck it up.
We all have problems.
14
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:37,120
Hey, everybody!
Look what we have!
15
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,496
[chuckles]
16
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,831
Nice, huh?
17
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,750
We got the tree.
18
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:42,834
(Dwight)
[grunts] It is... You getting--
19
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,294
(Dwight)
In the stand. All right.
20
00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:45,754
(Dwight)
Hey, wait. Hold on one second.
21
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:46,921
Hold on one second.
22
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,341
What are you doing?
What is that?
23
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,884
Antiseptic wipe.
24
00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:52,594
Trees carry more diseases
than people.
25
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,305
Okay, stop.
Don't even... talk.
26
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,474
I've got it leveraged. Push!
(Michael) On three. Ready?
27
00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:58,558
(Dwight)
Push straight up!
28
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,353
(both)
One, two, three!
29
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:02,479
Ah!
Oh.
30
00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:06,483
Merry Christmas!
31
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,860
[Kevin applauds]
32
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,779
I think there might be
asbestos up there.
33
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,740
{\an8}[soft piano music]
34
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:20,830
{\an8}♪ ♪
35
00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:30,548
{\an8}[upbeat music]
36
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:37,764
{\an8}♪ ♪
37
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,400
Did it work?
38
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:51,027
Well, sort of.
39
00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:53,363
Why did you
get it so big?
40
00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:55,407
A: that's what she said.
[chuckles]
41
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,992
And B: I wanted it
to be impressive.
42
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,119
The biggest day of the year
43
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,453
deserves the biggest tree
of the year.
44
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:03,206
{\an8}But what are we gonna do
with this hacked-off part?
45
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,292
{\an8}Well, that is perfectly good
mini tree, Kevin,
46
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:09,421
{\an8}and we are going to sell that
to charity.
47
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,047
{\an8}That's what Christmas
is all about.
48
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:18,096
[vacuum whirring]
49
00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:21,474
{\an8}(Jim)
So this year, for the first time ever,
50
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,601
{\an8}I got Pam
in Secret Santa.
51
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:27,105
{\an8}And I got her this teapot which
I know she really wants
52
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,523
{\an8}so she can make tea
at her desk.
53
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,526
{\an8}But I'm also gonna stuff it
with some inside jokes.
54
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:35,321
{\an8}Like, this is my
high school yearbook photo.
55
00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:38,992
{\an8}She saw it at the party
and it really makes her laugh.
56
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,410
{\an8}Not sure why.
57
00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:42,245
{\an8}Um, what else?
58
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:45,123
{\an8}Ooh, this is
a hot sauce packet.
59
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,876
{\an8}She put this on a hot dog
a couple years ago
60
00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:50,295
{\an8}because she thought
it was ketchup.
61
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,546
{\an8}[chuckles]
62
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:55,008
{\an8}And it was really funny,
so I kept the other two.
63
00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,344
{\an8}This would take a little
too long to explain,
64
00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:58,595
{\an8}so I won't.
65
00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:01,306
{\an8}And this is a card.
66
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,808
{\an8}Because Christmas
is the time to
67
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,518
{\an8}tell people how you feel.
[chuckles]
68
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,856
Is there anything
we're missing?
69
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,232
Phyllis, you got the lights?
70
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:14,986
Yes, I got
those cute, little ones.
71
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,654
Do you think I should have
gotten the big ones?
72
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,573
We'll see.
73
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:21,451
(Ryan)
Angela drafted me into the party planning committee.
74
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,328
Her memo said
that we need to
75
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:27,165
"prepare for every
possible disaster."
76
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:31,127
Which, to me, seems... excessive.
77
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:34,964
Merry Christmas!
Ho, ho, ho!
78
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,675
Pimp!
[laughs]
79
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,343
I'm kidding!
80
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:39,886
What do we got? What do we got?
How many plates are we getting?
81
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,304
50.
Ooh, double it.
82
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,722
Double everything.
Double ice cream.
83
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:43,973
Double napkins.
Double it.
84
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,684
On me.
85
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,143
It was a tough year.
86
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,062
I had to fire somebody
this year. Eesh.
87
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:51,439
This party
has to really rock.
88
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,316
Check it out.
89
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,110
Christmas bonus,
3,000 Gs.
90
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,570
I got this for helping
save the company money.
91
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:58,863
[inhales deeply]
92
00:03:58,905 --> 00:03:59,864
So I guess some good
came out of
93
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,283
firing Devin after all.
94
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,577
Maybe I should call him,
tell him that.
95
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,329
I want people to cut loose.
96
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:07,622
(Michael)
I want people...
97
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,124
making out in closets.
98
00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:10,458
[imitates makeout sounds]
Michael.
99
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,128
I want people hanging
from the ceilings,
100
00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:14,462
lampshades on the heads.
101
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:17,298
I want it to be
a Playboy Mansion party.
102
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,509
And also,
I want you to know,
103
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:20,510
and spread the word,
104
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:21,845
that I will have
my digital camera.
105
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:24,305
And I will be taking pictures
all along the way.
106
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,599
And the best and craziest thing
that happens
107
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,059
will be on the cover
of the newsletter.
108
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,561
Incentive.
109
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:31,896
You do realize that we can't
serve liquor at the party.
110
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,065
Yeah, I know.
Damn it.
111
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,900
Stupid corporate
wet blankets.
112
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,028
Like booze
ever killed anybody.
113
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:39,904
Um...
114
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,239
coffee.
115
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,116
Get some more coffee.
That is a stimulant.
116
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,076
And that might help.
117
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,911
Yes? [claps]
Good.
118
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,329
All right!
[claps]
119
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:50,707
[screaming]
Party! Yeah!
120
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,712
What about green trash bags?
121
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,505
Why is that important?
122
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:58,757
[sighs]
123
00:04:58,798 --> 00:04:59,966
(Phyllis)
It's part of the festivities.
124
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,092
(Angela)
A trash bag?
125
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,844
One, two, three.
126
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:04,596
[both straining]
127
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,057
You guys should use
a hand truck.
128
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:09,434
Do we have one?
129
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,643
No.
130
00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:14,981
Can you help me?
131
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,274
[sighs]
132
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,776
[Creed straining]
(Oscar) Towards me.
133
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:21,905
(Creed) Okay.
Towards me. That's good. Towards me.
134
00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:24,199
Towards me, towards me.
135
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,117
Towards me--okay,
I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.
136
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,578
Okay, okay.
[panting]
137
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,121
Creed.
Oh.
138
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,545
[items on desk clattering]
139
00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:42,384
No!
140
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,135
No way.
It--no.
141
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,303
Come on, Mike,
let me borrow the hat.
142
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,763
For just a couple
of hours.
143
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:47,722
You wanna be Santa?
Yeah.
144
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,099
Have you ever seen Santa?
145
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,351
Yeah, I've seen Santa.
Who cares?
146
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,645
Well, I'm sorry.
It just doesn't work.
147
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,230
Michael?
148
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:57,273
I would like to be the elf.
149
00:05:57,315 --> 00:06:00,235
That makes sense,
because he has elfish features.
150
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,489
Remember on
that animated special
151
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:08,827
when they taught the monster
to put the star on top?
152
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:09,994
That's Dwight.
153
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,121
Dwight's the monster
that we taught
154
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,455
to put the star on top
of the tree.
155
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:13,331
[grunts]
156
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,624
You take his teeth out
157
00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:15,917
and he can put the star
on top of the tree.
158
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:18,878
Do you need me to help you
with that? Yeah.
159
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,588
(Pam)
Here.
160
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,341
Phyllis and Angela and Meredith
are helpers.
161
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,760
I guess Angela's kind of--
Angela's little.
162
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,512
[inhales deeply]
163
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,347
Phyllis and Meredith
are not little.
164
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,433
Pam is sort of a medium helper.
165
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:35,854
Okay.
Christmas lights, good.
166
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,107
Tinsel, good. Star...
167
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:40,525
good.
168
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,486
Question, Pam.
Is Roy coming to the party?
169
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,529
Yes.
170
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,072
Okay, well,
you didn't tell me that.
171
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,407
Now, he will not be allowed in
172
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,159
unless we register him
on this list.
173
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,368
Are you kidding?
174
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:53,580
Do I look like I'm kidding?
175
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,126
Dwight looks like Spock to me.
176
00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,544
He always wears the ears
177
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,296
and I always give him grief
about looking like Spock
178
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,006
and he hates it
179
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,842
because he has a different
pair of ears that he wears
180
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:08,094
to be Spock for some reason.
181
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,055
Phyllis?
Stag, I assume?
182
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,891
I'm bringing someone.
183
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:13,975
Really?
184
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,561
I invited someone to the party.
185
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,937
Bob Vance.
186
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,940
He works at
Vance Refrigeration next door.
187
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,400
That's how we met.
188
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:26,613
He's my boyfriend.
189
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,574
It is time
to get your presents,
190
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:33,495
wrap them, and place them
under the tree...
191
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,246
like so.
192
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,374
If you do not
get your present
193
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,583
wrapped and under the tree
194
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,835
within the next five minutes...
195
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,003
[watch chimes]
196
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:43,922
You will be disqualified
from Secret Santa.
197
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,674
All right?
No exceptions.
198
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,175
Except Michael.
199
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,094
I got Angela.
200
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,221
She's into these posters
201
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,848
of babies dressed as adults.
202
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,101
I got her one of those.
203
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:59,229
I felt kind of weird
buying that.
204
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,355
I got Creed.
205
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:01,481
And to tell you the truth,
206
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:02,899
I don't know
anything about Creed.
207
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,192
I know his name's Creed,
208
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,610
I know he works
right over there,
209
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:08,321
I think he's Irish,
and I...
210
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:12,659
I got him this, uh,
shamrock keychain.
211
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:15,662
I got myself
for Secret Santa.
212
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,622
I was supposed
to tell somebody,
213
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:18,832
but I didn't.
214
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:21,835
You get something
good this year?
215
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,337
Uh, I think I did
a pretty good job.
216
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:26,798
Yeah?
Who'd you have?
217
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,883
I can't tell you,
'cause it's a secret.
218
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,635
I think I got something
pretty nice for my guy.
219
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:31,970
Yeah?
Spent a lot of dough.
220
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,638
A lot of dough. Wow.
221
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,932
Well, there's a $20 limit,
right? So--
222
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,684
Yeah, I wanted this party
to be really special
223
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,644
so I sorta went above
and beyond.
224
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,312
That's great. Well, don't tell
me who it is, 'cause I could--
225
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:45,817
It was Ryan!
Yep, I have Ryan.
226
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,694
So watch for Ryan's gift.
227
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,663
Okay, everybody!
We are ready.
228
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,123
Gather 'round.
229
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,833
Secret Santa.
Let's go.
230
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,168
Let's go.
Come on.
231
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,419
Stanley, no.
232
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,421
I'm gonna handle the cord,
okay? Safety reasons.
233
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,048
I know how to plug
something in.
234
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,424
I wanna do it.
235
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:12,510
All right,
let's count it down
236
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,887
like Rockefeller Center.
237
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,638
Ready?
238
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,975
(all)
Three, two, one!
239
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:21,603
[cheers and applause]
240
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,188
(Michael)
Not great.
241
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,148
Sorry, everybody.
242
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,191
[Michael sighs]
243
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,859
I think the tree looks nice.
244
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,195
Hey, I could get some flares
from my car.
245
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,780
No, no.
Shake it off, everybody.
246
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,698
Just--let's do
Secret Santa.
247
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,201
Presents are the best way
to show someone
248
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,244
how much you care.
249
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,621
It is like
this tangible thing
250
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,498
that you can point to
and say,
251
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:45,752
"Hey, man, I love you
this many dollars' worth."
252
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,338
That is why so many people love
gift certificates so much.
253
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:52,050
It lets you know exactly where
you stand.
254
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,010
First present, Oscar.
255
00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,474
A shower radio, neat.
256
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:00,892
Oh, great,
that was from me.
257
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:01,976
Thanks, Kelly.
258
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,061
You know, I was
gonna get one of these--
259
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,229
Okay, okay,
that's enough.
260
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,563
Let's keep it moving on.
261
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,815
Jim.
262
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:07,899
Oh, cool.
263
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,279
That's from me.
264
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:16,324
Great.
Where'd you get it?
265
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,827
I don't know,
it was so long ago.
266
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,204
He obviously forgot
to get me something.
267
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,414
And then he went into
his closet
268
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,416
and dug out
this little number.
269
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,209
And then threw it
in a bag.
270
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,253
Yep, that's exactly
what happened.
271
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,505
(Dwight)
Pam.
272
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,722
[gasps]
Oh, my God!
273
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:42,267
Thank you very much, Santa.
274
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,602
Whoever you are, it's awesome.
275
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,312
There's a little more
to it.
276
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:47,355
(Dwight)
All right, next.
277
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:48,398
Ryan.
278
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,649
No!
Don't!
279
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,906
Whoa. Video iPod. Wow.
280
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:59,200
Ho, ho, wow, geez.
281
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,410
Somebody really
got carried away
282
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:02,078
with the spirit
of Christmas.
283
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,455
It was me.
284
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,206
I got carried away
with the spirit.
285
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:08,293
Wasn't there a $20 limit
on the gift?
286
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,420
This is 400 bucks.
287
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:11,838
You don't know that.
288
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,506
Yeah, you left
the price tag on.
289
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,216
I did? What?
Oh, shoot.
290
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:18,636
Wow, okay. Well, who cares?
It doesn't matter what I spent.
291
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,639
What matters is that
Christmas is fun, right?
292
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,977
See, that's what Christmas
is all about to me,
293
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:29,564
is when you see someone open
a gift and you think,
294
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:33,109
"Man, I wish I got that."
295
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:36,613
I mean,
that' just such a great feeling
296
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:40,283
to watch other people envying
a gift that you gave
297
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,452
to somebody else.
298
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:45,538
I don't know, it's just...
299
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:48,041
I don't know.
Just makes you kinda feel good.
300
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:49,918
Michael.
301
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:52,212
Oh, hey.
For me?
302
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:54,881
What is in here?
303
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,635
Oh, come on.
304
00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,929
I knitted it for you.
305
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:01,971
An oven mitt?
306
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,391
Okay.
307
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:07,602
So Phyllis
is basically saying,
308
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:08,812
"Hey, Michael,
I know you did a lot
309
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,313
"to help
the office this year,
310
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:13,692
but I only care about you
a homemade oven mitt's worth."
311
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,902
I gave Ryan an iPod.
312
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:22,409
Uh, should we just keep
opening up the presents?
313
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,702
We don't do anything
314
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,578
until Michael gives us
further instructions.
315
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,834
Just let us open up
the presents, Dwight.
316
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,460
Abso...
317
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:34,838
lutely...
318
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,047
not.
319
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,675
What separates humans
from jungle beasts?
320
00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:40,969
The fact that we have rules.
321
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,721
When humans give each other gifts,
322
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,931
they do it properly
and orderly.
323
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:48,435
When bears give each other
gifts, they just...
324
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:49,644
they just rip open
a fox carcass
325
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:52,230
and present it to their mate.
326
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,898
I prefer the human way.
327
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,400
(Michael)
I got it!
328
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:59,070
We are going to turn
Secret Santa
329
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,281
into Yankee Swap!
330
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:02,741
What is Yankee Swap?
331
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,160
One person chooses a gift.
332
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:07,704
The next person can either
choose a gift
333
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:10,540
or steal that person's gift.
334
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:12,625
If your gift gets stolen,
then you can
335
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,503
steal someone else's gift
or choose a new gift.
336
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,589
I thought that was called
Nasty Christmas.
337
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,132
Yeah, we call it
White Elephant.
338
00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:21,134
Well, I call it fun!
339
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,469
Why are we doing this?
340
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,262
Because it's better.
Because it's more special.
341
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,430
It sounds mean.
342
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:26,639
Shut--no.
[clears throat]
343
00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:29,100
No--it's not.
Okay, just give it a shot.
344
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,895
Michael should have asked the
party planning committee first.
345
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,021
He's not just supposed
to just
346
00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:34,981
spring things on us
out of nowhere.
347
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:43,239
Okay, Meredith
is up first.
348
00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,449
Here's the deal.
349
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,034
You can either
pick a new gift,
350
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,661
or you can steal
somebody else's gift
351
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,747
they've already gotten
like the oven mitt.
352
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:52,665
I'll take the teapot.
353
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:55,418
Oh, shouldn't we--
354
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:56,628
I bought that specifically
for Pam.
355
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:57,837
Yankee Swap!
356
00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:59,631
That's what makes it fun.
357
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,049
Pam, you can steal
the oven mitt now--
358
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,884
(Pam)
I'll take the iPod.
359
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,761
And I have to give it to her?
I don't have a choice?
360
00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:05,929
(Dwight)
Yes.
361
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,013
Now you can steal
the oven mitt,
362
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:09,057
the old shirt,
or the shower radio.
363
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,850
Or pick a new gift.
364
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,655
That was meant for Kelly.
365
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,073
Yeah, I figured.
366
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,664
I think this is going great.
[chuckles]
367
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:40,130
[wind whistling]
368
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,467
Yikes.
369
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,137
Well, it's for Angela, so...
370
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,975
That's, like, the creepiest
thing that I've ever seen.
371
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:53,935
(Dwight)
Angela, you're up.
372
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,231
I'll take the poster.
373
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,528
Some people like these.
374
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,655
I will steal the iPod.
375
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:07,866
(Michael)
Everyone wants the iPod.
376
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,451
It is a huge hit.
377
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:12,078
It is almost
a Christmas miracle.
378
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,372
(Oscar)
Man, I really wanted that.
379
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:18,001
I really wanted
the shower radio, too.
380
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,378
Well, thank God you didn't
steal my oven mitt.
381
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,965
Ah, well, Oscar,
you little gourmand,
382
00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:25,800
you have
the next turn.
383
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:29,220
I'll take the teapot.
384
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,722
Dammit.
385
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,974
So I guess you really didn't
want the shower radio that bad.
386
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:35,435
No, I just like tea.
387
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:37,270
I don't know why Oscar didn't
like the gift.
388
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,189
I know he wanted
a shower radio.
389
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,858
I mean, I totally remember him
telling me that he wanted one.
390
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,069
Kelly had me last year, too,
391
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:48,114
and she gave me the same,
exact thing.
392
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:50,241
I only have one shower.
393
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:53,495
Oscar, you ended up with that.
Can I ask you something later?
394
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:54,954
(Dwight)
Okay, moving along,
395
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,206
Meredith, let's go.
396
00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:58,416
I really want the iPod.
397
00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,918
A-ca-ca-ca.
It's already been stolen
398
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,294
this round,
pick something else.
399
00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:03,672
(Michael)
I hope nobody takes this baby,
400
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,006
'cause this is great.
401
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:08,218
Wow, look at
that fine craftsmanship.
402
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,553
Somebody really put
a lot of work into that.
403
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:11,680
It's beautiful.
404
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,515
I'll take the oven mitt.
405
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,433
Sssssss...
406
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,935
sucka!
407
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,561
[laughing]
408
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:19,854
See, I wanted somebody
to take it.
409
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,981
Boom. [claps]
Reverse psychology.
410
00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:24,984
Reverse psychology
is an awesome tool.
411
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,194
I don't know if you guys
know about it.
412
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,406
But, basically,
you make someone think
413
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,700
the opposite
of what you believe.
414
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:35,704
And that tricks them
into doing something stupid.
415
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,163
Works like a charm.
416
00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:45,463
In addition to these
paint ball pellets,
417
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,966
your gift includes
two paintball lessons
418
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,050
with Dwight Schrute.
419
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:52,470
You and me, Michael.
Yes!
420
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:57,559
Who wants to take
paintball lessons?
421
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,394
How is that better
than an iPod?
422
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:02,022
I never said it was better
than an iPod.
423
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,068
Michael keeps bragging
about his iPod,
424
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,778
but you know what?
425
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,030
Two paintball lessons
426
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,364
with someone as experienced
as I am,
427
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:13,658
is worth, easily, like,
2 grand.
428
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,577
Take, that, Saddam.
429
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,246
I originally had Phyllis
for my Secret Santa.
430
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:21,041
I bet she would've loved
paintball lessons.
431
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:22,959
Last gift, Kevin.
432
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,211
I want the footbath.
433
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,758
(Kevin)
That's the thing I bought myself.
434
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:32,302
I'm really psyched to use it.
435
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:37,307
Maybe I should have taken
the iPod.
436
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:41,436
Oh, shoot.
437
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:44,272
Pam, steal something
or pick the final gift.
438
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:46,608
I want the iPod.
(Kelly) Damn it.
439
00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:49,277
Sure you don't want
the teapot?
440
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,613
I mean, it's an iPod.
441
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:52,655
Right.
Sorry.
442
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:53,990
No, no, definitely.
443
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:57,827
Okay, well, I guess
I will take
444
00:17:57,869 --> 00:17:59,329
that book
of short stories.
445
00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:01,289
Yes!
There you go.
446
00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:04,793
I want the teapot. Gracias.
447
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:05,960
Gotta be kidding me.
448
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,630
Yankee Swap is like
449
00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:12,967
Machiavelli meets...
450
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,177
Christmas.
451
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:16,012
Oscar.
Paintball pellets.
452
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:18,598
I guess I'll take
the last gift.
453
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,312
Cool.
454
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:25,730
It was supposed to be
for Meredith
455
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,316
'cause she said
she likes my drawings.
456
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,819
Thanks.
I wish I could've had it.
457
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,570
You wanna trade?
458
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,823
Yeah, like anybody would want
an oven mitt.
459
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,324
[imitates snoring]
460
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,038
What is she
so upset about?
461
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,998
Maybe because you hated
her present so much.
462
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,209
Or that you showed everybody up
463
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:47,168
by buying something so expensive.
464
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,337
Oh, hang on.
So I screwed up?
465
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:52,007
I bought the nicest gift
by far.
466
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,425
I don't know about that.
467
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,010
What about the poster
with the weird babies on it?
468
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,261
Oh, don't make me laugh.
469
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,221
Come on--I think Yankee Swap
was a big hit.
470
00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,931
I think it was a success.
471
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,099
And I'm the one
who ended up
472
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,517
with Dwight's stupid
paint ball pellets.
473
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:03,810
Yeah, but Michael,
the point is is that
474
00:19:03,852 --> 00:19:05,812
we all bought gifts
for specific people.
475
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,814
And you should have just
bought a $20 gift
476
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:08,815
like everyone else.
477
00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,108
Well, I didn't!
478
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,527
I got a big bonus
because I fired Devin,
479
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:14,738
and I used the money
to buy something awesome.
480
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:15,822
Sue me!
481
00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:17,323
[sighs]
482
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:18,992
You got a bonus check?
483
00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:21,036
How much?
484
00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:23,580
Um, it wasn't--
it wasn't that much.
485
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:25,665
It was 3,000.
486
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:27,375
All right, I'm done now.
487
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:33,840
(Stanley)
Jesus.
488
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:34,799
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
489
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,761
So let's get this party started.
490
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:42,515
And I'm going to roam around
and take some candids.
491
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,354
Unbelievable.
492
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,189
I do the nicest thing
that anyone's ever done
493
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,982
for these people
and they freak out.
494
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:52,525
Well, happy birthday, Jesus.
495
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:54,861
Sorry your party's so lame.
496
00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:56,446
[sighs]
497
00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:59,949
(Cashier)
That comes to 166.41.
498
00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:01,242
All right.
Now, you're the expert.
499
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:05,205
Is this enough to get
20 people plastered?
500
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:07,957
15 bottles of vodka?
501
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:08,958
Yeah, it should do it.
502
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,460
Cool, cool.
Box it up.
503
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,633
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
504
00:20:16,675 --> 00:20:18,968
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
505
00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,554
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
506
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:24,349
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
507
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:27,435
So hey, you want to trade?
Yes, totally.
508
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:28,978
'Cause I was just gonna throw
this out anyway.
509
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:31,940
Really? You were
gonna throw out a book?
510
00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:34,150
Mm, mm-hmm.
511
00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:37,112
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
512
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,405
Hey, can I ask you something?
513
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:39,948
Hang on.
514
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:42,075
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
515
00:20:42,117 --> 00:20:44,744
{\an8}♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
516
00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:45,662
Shoot.
517
00:20:45,704 --> 00:20:47,664
I bought this teapot
for Pam,
518
00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:49,541
and I know she really wants it,
so can I trade you for it?
519
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:50,959
No trades.
Come on.
520
00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:53,670
It's a shamrock keychain.
Good luck.
521
00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:55,672
A real man makes his own luck.
522
00:20:55,714 --> 00:20:57,549
Billy Zane, Titanic.
523
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,509
Look, it has
sentimental value, Dwight.
524
00:20:59,551 --> 00:21:00,885
Can I buy it from you?
525
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,138
No, I want it.
I'm going to use it.
526
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:04,180
You don't even drink tea.
527
00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:06,182
True, but I get
sinus infections.
528
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:07,851
And sinus infections
can be cured
529
00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:10,228
by making a tea
from green tea leaf stems... Okay.
530
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,022
And pouring it directly
into your nose like so.
531
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:13,314
What--
532
00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:14,357
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
533
00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:15,942
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
534
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:17,610
To think that
my gift to Pam
535
00:21:17,652 --> 00:21:20,613
will be used for that?
536
00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:23,199
It's a little too much
to handle.
537
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,534
(Roy)
This is awesome.
538
00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:25,952
I know, it's totally
gonna change the way
539
00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:27,495
I work out.
540
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,164
Yeah, and I was gonna get you
one of these for Christmas.
541
00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:31,583
Now I don't have to.
I'm gonna save a ton of money.
542
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:33,001
So what are you gonna
get me instead?
543
00:21:33,043 --> 00:21:36,338
I don't know. Maybe, like,
a sweater or something.
544
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:39,132
♪ ♪
545
00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:43,595
Uh oh, looks like
Santa was a little naughty.
546
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,055
[goofy chuckle]
547
00:21:45,096 --> 00:21:46,097
What is that?
548
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:47,766
This is Christmas spirit.
549
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,393
As in spirits. Booze.
550
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:52,062
We can drink?
551
00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:54,356
We're really not supposed
to serve alcohol--
552
00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:55,565
Zip it, Toby!
553
00:21:55,607 --> 00:21:57,650
Just--I mean,
it's a party, come on.
554
00:21:57,692 --> 00:21:59,444
If I can't throw a good party
for my employees,
555
00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:00,779
then I am a terrible boss.
556
00:22:02,864 --> 00:22:04,574
Who wants a drink?
Me, please.
557
00:22:04,616 --> 00:22:06,534
(Michael)
Go! Here we go!
558
00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:09,579
(Meredith)
The deal is that this is my last hurrah.
559
00:22:09,621 --> 00:22:12,040
'Cause I made a New Year's
resolution
560
00:22:12,082 --> 00:22:14,250
that I'm not gonna
drink anymore.
561
00:22:14,292 --> 00:22:15,627
During the week.
562
00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:17,545
Hi, guys.
(Ryan) Hey.
563
00:22:17,587 --> 00:22:20,006
Uh, does everyone know
my boyfriend, Bob Vance?
564
00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:21,424
Kevin Malone.
565
00:22:21,466 --> 00:22:23,426
Bob Vance.
Vance Refrigeration.
566
00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:24,427
Stanley Hudson.
567
00:22:24,469 --> 00:22:26,262
Bob Vance.
Vance Refrigeration.
568
00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:27,639
Ryan Howard.
Bob Vance.
569
00:22:27,681 --> 00:22:28,890
Vance Refrigeration.
570
00:22:28,932 --> 00:22:30,767
[Christmas music playing]
571
00:22:30,809 --> 00:22:33,395
What line of work you in, Bob?
572
00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:35,063
♪ ♪
573
00:22:35,105 --> 00:22:37,232
Does it have to be a sweater?
I don't want it to be a sweater.
574
00:22:37,273 --> 00:22:39,067
Okay. Well, it doesn't have
to be a sweater then.
575
00:22:39,109 --> 00:22:40,235
Okay.
I'm gonna make you a list.
576
00:22:40,276 --> 00:22:42,362
Hey, how'd the fantasy team do
last week?
577
00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:44,072
Oh, man.
I didn't get nothing.
578
00:22:44,114 --> 00:22:47,158
Like, after that last
Culpepper TO, it was over, man.
579
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,120
Oh yeah?
I need McNabb and Deon Branch
580
00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:52,122
to have big games,
or else I'm done.
581
00:22:52,163 --> 00:22:53,456
It's possible.
582
00:22:53,498 --> 00:22:54,958
I can't believe you traded
Shaun Alexander, man.
583
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,251
(Darryl)
I had to. I needed defense.
584
00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:58,086
Come on!
Shaun Alexander?
585
00:22:58,128 --> 00:23:00,130
He's the best back
in the league!
586
00:23:00,171 --> 00:23:01,965
(Darryl) I need some defense.
(Roy) Oh, no. It's not worth it.
587
00:23:02,007 --> 00:23:03,967
(Darryl)
It is worth it. Are you kidding? You wait.
588
00:23:04,009 --> 00:23:04,843
[sighs]
589
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:07,470
Anybody making out
in here?
590
00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:09,472
No yet, give it time.
591
00:23:09,514 --> 00:23:11,141
Oh, hey, Ebenezer.
592
00:23:11,182 --> 00:23:12,225
Boink.
593
00:23:12,267 --> 00:23:13,935
Okay, how's it going in here?
594
00:23:13,977 --> 00:23:15,061
Hey, we're running low on cups.
595
00:23:15,103 --> 00:23:16,396
Do you want me to just
run out and--
596
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:17,647
Yeah, there should be some--
No, no, no, no, no.
597
00:23:17,689 --> 00:23:18,857
We'll find some.
Don't leave the party.
598
00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:20,108
Oh, Michael.
(Michael) Yeah?
599
00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:23,528
I have some glasses.
600
00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:24,612
Shots.
601
00:23:24,654 --> 00:23:27,198
(all)
One, two, three!
602
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,658
[Christmas disco music]
603
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:32,037
Gah!
Ho, ho, ho!
604
00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:34,664
Kudos to Ryan,
king of the party committee!
605
00:23:34,706 --> 00:23:36,666
Oh, no, I really
did not do anything.
606
00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:39,002
(Michael)
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Oh, no, no. No false modesty, my friend.
607
00:23:39,044 --> 00:23:43,214
♪ And boogie all night ♪
608
00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:46,509
You know, you don't have
to answer calls during a party.
609
00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:47,969
Just thought
you should know.
610
00:23:48,011 --> 00:23:51,222
No, I was just, um,
checking out my present.
611
00:23:52,682 --> 00:23:54,392
But--
612
00:23:54,434 --> 00:23:56,644
I traded with Dwight.
613
00:23:56,686 --> 00:23:59,022
Um, just--I figured,
you know,
614
00:23:59,064 --> 00:24:02,817
you went to a lot of trouble
and it means a lot.
615
00:24:02,859 --> 00:24:05,570
And also Roy got me an iPod
616
00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:09,699
or was going to get me
an iPod, so.
617
00:24:09,741 --> 00:24:12,494
Well, either way.
618
00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:17,123
This is an amazing gift because
it comes with bonus gifts.
619
00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:18,583
Look inside.
620
00:24:23,338 --> 00:24:25,423
[laughing]
Oh, my God!
621
00:24:25,465 --> 00:24:27,884
The yearbook picture!
622
00:24:27,926 --> 00:24:31,429
Yeah, I think I made
the right choice.
623
00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:35,225
Oh, my God.
This is incredible.
624
00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:36,685
Is this the bottle timer?
625
00:24:36,726 --> 00:24:37,894
(Jim)
I didn't think you were gonna get that one.
626
00:24:37,936 --> 00:24:39,020
I really didn't, that one.
[Pam laughing]
627
00:24:39,062 --> 00:24:40,814
[Run D.M.C.'s
Christmas in Hollis]
628
00:24:40,855 --> 00:24:42,691
This is so awesome.
629
00:24:42,732 --> 00:24:44,192
Not bad--and if it couldn't
go to Ryan,
630
00:24:44,234 --> 00:24:46,361
you are the guy
I'd want it to go to.
631
00:24:46,403 --> 00:24:47,570
Thank you.
You're welcome.
632
00:24:47,612 --> 00:24:49,906
Merry Christmas, Asswipe!
No way!
633
00:24:49,948 --> 00:24:53,451
Oh, you're kidding me.
Packer!
634
00:24:53,493 --> 00:24:54,786
Yes!
635
00:24:54,828 --> 00:24:57,205
Todd Packer,
ladies and gentlemen.
636
00:24:57,247 --> 00:24:58,915
What's up, my nerds?
637
00:24:58,957 --> 00:25:00,917
Check it out!
(Michael) Oh, no, no.
638
00:25:00,959 --> 00:25:04,421
Oh, look at that!
Icing on the cake!
639
00:25:04,462 --> 00:25:06,089
Pack-man need a drinky.
640
00:25:06,131 --> 00:25:08,967
Oh, let's fix you up.
Who wants to fix up--Toby?
641
00:25:09,009 --> 00:25:10,927
Toby's gonna
fix you up.
642
00:25:10,969 --> 00:25:13,263
(Run-D.M.C.)
♪ And that's what Christmas is all about ♪
643
00:25:13,304 --> 00:25:15,974
♪ The time is now,
the place is here ♪
644
00:25:16,016 --> 00:25:18,560
♪ And the whole wide world
is filled with cheer ♪
645
00:25:18,601 --> 00:25:20,729
♪ My name's D.M.C.
with the mic in my hand ♪
646
00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:23,481
♪ And I'm chilling and coolin'
just like a snowman ♪
647
00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:25,108
(Darryl)
Yeah.
648
00:25:25,150 --> 00:25:26,568
(Kevin)
♪ So open your eyes, lend us an ear ♪
649
00:25:26,609 --> 00:25:28,486
♪ We wanna say Merry Christmas
and Happy New Year ♪
650
00:25:28,528 --> 00:25:31,072
Whoo!
[laughing] Yeah.
651
00:25:31,114 --> 00:25:36,828
I'm the DJ because I really
know how to heat up a party.
652
00:25:36,870 --> 00:25:39,497
I do enjoy a drink now
and again,
653
00:25:39,539 --> 00:25:41,458
but tonight, no.
654
00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:43,126
I am also an officer of the law
655
00:25:43,168 --> 00:25:44,711
and I'm unofficially
on the clock.
656
00:25:44,753 --> 00:25:47,630
I need to stay sober and alert.
657
00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:50,508
Also, on a personal note,
658
00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:53,470
I'm not at my best when
I drink.
659
00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:58,350
♪ ♪
660
00:25:58,391 --> 00:25:59,726
[chuckles]
661
00:25:59,768 --> 00:26:02,979
Daryl, there you go.
You earned it.
662
00:26:03,021 --> 00:26:04,981
That's okay, Mike.
(Michael) No, no, no, no, no.
663
00:26:05,023 --> 00:26:06,858
I really, really want you
to have it.
664
00:26:06,900 --> 00:26:09,402
All right.
Thanks, man.
665
00:26:09,444 --> 00:26:10,695
Hey, Merry Christmas.
666
00:26:13,365 --> 00:26:15,367
Whose butt is that?
667
00:26:15,408 --> 00:26:16,493
Mine.
668
00:26:16,534 --> 00:26:18,495
Oh.
How did I not guess that?
669
00:26:18,536 --> 00:26:21,498
Lampshade on the head!
670
00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:22,999
It's happening!
671
00:26:23,041 --> 00:26:24,501
(Stanley)
Oh, no.
672
00:26:24,542 --> 00:26:27,045
[laughter]
673
00:26:27,087 --> 00:26:29,631
(Run-D.M.C.)
♪ Snow's on the ground, snow white, so bright ♪
674
00:26:29,673 --> 00:26:31,925
♪ In the fireplace
is the yule log ♪
675
00:26:31,966 --> 00:26:33,009
♪ ♪
676
00:26:33,051 --> 00:26:35,679
Hey.
Oh, hello there.
677
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,014
♪ ♪
678
00:26:38,056 --> 00:26:39,849
What are you doing?
679
00:26:39,891 --> 00:26:41,017
I don't know.
680
00:26:41,059 --> 00:26:43,269
You shouldn't do
things like that.
681
00:26:43,311 --> 00:26:44,646
The man is supposed
to do that.
682
00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:48,983
♪ ♪
683
00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:52,112
[ornaments shattering]
684
00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:58,201
[Angela screaming]
685
00:26:58,243 --> 00:27:00,787
I actually got that for you.
I had you originally.
686
00:27:00,829 --> 00:27:02,706
Oh, cool.
It looks really interesting.
687
00:27:02,747 --> 00:27:04,249
What'd you end up with?
688
00:27:04,290 --> 00:27:09,587
♪ ♪
689
00:27:09,629 --> 00:27:11,965
Sorry.
690
00:27:12,007 --> 00:27:13,550
I didn't want anything else,
691
00:27:13,591 --> 00:27:14,884
so I figured at least I could
give it to a homeless guy.
692
00:27:14,926 --> 00:27:15,885
[chuckles]
Christmas.
693
00:27:15,927 --> 00:27:17,721
[laughter]
694
00:27:17,762 --> 00:27:18,972
What'd you end up with?
695
00:27:19,014 --> 00:27:20,348
Your shower radio.
696
00:27:20,390 --> 00:27:23,184
You like music at least?
I love it.
697
00:27:23,226 --> 00:27:25,812
I actually used to have
a radio show back in the '70s.
698
00:27:25,854 --> 00:27:29,274
You're kidding.
What was your DJ name?
699
00:27:29,315 --> 00:27:31,568
Wacky Weed Creed.
700
00:27:31,609 --> 00:27:35,989
Turns out that Creed
is a pretty interesting guy.
701
00:27:36,031 --> 00:27:39,576
[indistinct chatter]
702
00:27:39,617 --> 00:27:41,703
You behaved very badly tonight.
703
00:27:41,745 --> 00:27:43,246
What?
Sorry?
704
00:27:46,207 --> 00:27:47,751
Thanks for the party, Michael.
705
00:27:47,792 --> 00:27:49,377
Oh, hey.
Well, thanks for coming.
706
00:27:49,419 --> 00:27:50,420
Drive safe.
707
00:27:50,462 --> 00:27:51,713
Thanks, Michael. Thanks.
708
00:27:51,755 --> 00:27:52,922
Listen up.
We're going to Chili's.
709
00:27:52,964 --> 00:27:54,299
You guys wanna come?
710
00:27:54,341 --> 00:27:56,676
Bob is designated driver
if anyone needs a ride.
711
00:27:56,718 --> 00:28:00,013
Yeah. I'm still sober
if anyone else wants a ride.
712
00:28:00,055 --> 00:28:01,097
You wanna go, Pammy?
713
00:28:01,139 --> 00:28:03,767
Uh, we can't.
Lifetime ban.
714
00:28:03,808 --> 00:28:04,934
[laughing]
Oh, yeah.
715
00:28:04,976 --> 00:28:06,686
[snorts] That's funny.
[Pam chuckles]
716
00:28:06,728 --> 00:28:08,605
Well, then forget it.
We'll go to Poor Richard's.
717
00:28:08,646 --> 00:28:09,647
Who's in?
718
00:28:09,689 --> 00:28:10,857
I'm in. Yes.
719
00:28:10,899 --> 00:28:12,233
Michael?
720
00:28:12,275 --> 00:28:14,903
Hmm?
Poor Richards?
721
00:28:14,944 --> 00:28:16,446
Yeah, that sounds good.
722
00:28:16,488 --> 00:28:18,615
Christmas is awesome.
723
00:28:18,656 --> 00:28:20,116
First of all,
724
00:28:20,158 --> 00:28:22,452
you get to spend time
with people you love.
725
00:28:22,494 --> 00:28:26,247
Secondly, you can get drunk
and no one can say anything.
726
00:28:26,289 --> 00:28:28,291
Third, you give presents.
727
00:28:28,333 --> 00:28:29,834
What's better
than giving presents?
728
00:28:29,876 --> 00:28:31,461
And fourth,
getting presents.
729
00:28:31,503 --> 00:28:34,172
So four things.
Not bad for one day.
730
00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:37,842
It's really the greatest day
of all time.
731
00:28:39,969 --> 00:28:42,597
Hey, Meredith, heading over
to Poor Richard's?
732
00:28:42,639 --> 00:28:45,016
Yep.
Cool, cool, cool.
733
00:28:45,058 --> 00:28:46,184
You need a ride?
734
00:28:50,939 --> 00:28:52,649
[inhales raggedly]
735
00:28:52,691 --> 00:28:54,150
[sputters]
736
00:28:56,736 --> 00:28:58,405
All right,
let's head out.
737
00:28:59,489 --> 00:29:01,658
Sounds good.
Do you have a coat?
738
00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:02,659
Yeah.
739
00:29:02,701 --> 00:29:03,868
Oh, okay.
51962
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