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1
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,552
It is Friday morning,
2
00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:12,387
and it is another
beautiful day
3
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:15,432
in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
4
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:19,352
Oh, oh, my God.
5
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:20,979
Oh!
6
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,982
[dialing telephone]
7
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,192
Pick up, pick up,
pick up, pick up.
8
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,864
Oh, we have
a serious problem here.
9
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,073
All right, everybody,
lock the doors.
10
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:34,284
Turn off the lights.
Pretend you're not here.
11
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:35,368
Are we in danger?
12
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,329
There's no time
to think about it.
13
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:39,706
This is real.
14
00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:42,751
Just shh, everybody.
15
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,047
[knock at door]
16
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,507
(Kevin)
Michael, should I call the--
17
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,467
What?
18
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,179
The I.T. tech guy and me
19
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:57,515
did not get off
to a great start.
20
00:00:57,557 --> 00:01:00,518
{\an8}[soft piano music]
21
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:07,359
{\an8}♪ ♪
22
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,345
You're going
to have to stop that.
23
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,436
I can still feel it.
24
00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:52,237
Yeah, I tried
to install it myself,
25
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,947
but you guys
have these things
26
00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:56,408
so password-protected.
27
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,451
That just means you
have to enter your password.
28
00:01:58,493 --> 00:01:59,661
Uh...
29
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,579
What's your password,
Michael?
30
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,581
Um, it's--
31
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,250
Oh, 1234.
32
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:06,751
Yes.
33
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,670
[typing on keyboard]
34
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,050
Do you have a question
or something?
35
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:16,052
Mm, I don't think so.
36
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,179
About my turban maybe?
37
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:21,391
Nope, nope.
38
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,059
I actually wear
a turban sometimes.
39
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:25,979
You wanna see it?
40
00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,315
I got it here.
41
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,362
Why do you have that?
42
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,115
Comedy.
It's funny.
43
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:40,243
It's--Johnny Carson, Carnac.
44
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:42,620
It's, um...
45
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:45,582
It is...
46
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,087
[sighs]
47
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:53,381
Did you have Johnny Carson
in your land?
48
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,469
In Pittsburgh?
49
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,096
Yeah, but I never
really watched him.
50
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,974
Oh.
You were forbidden.
51
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,519
No, I'm much younger than you.
52
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,188
I watch Conan.
53
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:09,522
All right, I'm gonna--
54
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:12,275
uh, I'm gonna get
a cup of coffee.
55
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,526
Do you want some coffee
or some...
56
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:14,444
No.
57
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:15,570
Tea or hummus or something?
58
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:16,780
No, thank you.
59
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,953
Michael--
Aah! Gah!
60
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:25,497
Sorry.
Please don't do that.
61
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,040
Okay, I'm sorry.
What is going on in there?
62
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:29,626
Why is he here?
What are you doing?
63
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:30,835
I can't tell you.
64
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,003
You have to tell me.
65
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,171
I don't have
to tell you anything.
66
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,881
Look, Michael.
67
00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,092
I know you don't want to
have to think about this,
68
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,468
but if something were
to happen to you,
69
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:39,803
God forbid,
70
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:42,138
then I would need to know
in order to take over.
71
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,515
Dwight, nothing is
gonna happen to me. Okay?
72
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:44,683
I'm in the best shape
of my life.
73
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,017
Look at at this.
Grr!
74
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,102
Yeah, but that
doesn't matter.
75
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:48,353
You could get
a brain aneurysm.
76
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,354
I'm not gonna--
Or hit by a car.
77
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,064
Stop.
Or a bus or a train.
78
00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:52,357
Or get poisoned.
Fall down a well.
79
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,858
Step on a mine. Choke.
80
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,361
Okay, if I step on a mine
in Scranton, Pennsylvania
81
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,029
and die, you can have my job.
Okay?
82
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,948
Why don't you just go away?
83
00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:01,324
There are certain things
84
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:03,702
a boss does not share
with his employees.
85
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,830
His salary.
That would depress them.
86
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,581
His bed.
87
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:09,582
It--
88
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,712
And I am not going
to tell them
89
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,755
that I'll be reading
their emails.
90
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,426
Email surveillance.
91
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,886
All the big companies
are doing it now.
92
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:25,348
It increases productivity.
It increases efficiency.
93
00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,600
It is a necessary evil.
94
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:28,810
Well, not evil.
95
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:33,064
It's a good necessary
good thing to... do.
96
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,607
So how do you search?
97
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,568
By keyword phrase.
98
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,778
Try "profits."
99
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,947
No, try "Michael Scott."
100
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:44,784
"Michael," "boss,"
and "funny."
101
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,162
[typing on keyboard]
102
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:50,165
Oh, my God!
Wow!
103
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,292
[chuckles]
Email from Stanley.
104
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:55,086
Stanley.
Terribly nice guy.
105
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,504
"Sorry I didn't
write back sooner.
106
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,589
"I can't go
to the game tonight
107
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,174
"because my boss
Michael is an ass
108
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:00,258
and making me
stay late."
109
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,635
Well, Stanley's an ass.
110
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,637
Not one of our
harder workers.
111
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,526
[clears throat]
112
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,529
Oh, this isn't good.
113
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:22,947
It's fine.
114
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,325
You don't even know
what I'm talking about.
115
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,122
Hey, what's the deal,
Michael?
116
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,791
Why are you spying
on our computers?
117
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,334
Oh, no!
118
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,503
Everybody,
Oscar's gone crazy.
119
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,380
What other ghost stories
do you have for us?
120
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,173
That I bugged the office?
121
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:43,176
That I've put cameras
in the plants?
122
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:46,346
That I'm a robot?
[chuckles]
123
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,972
[robotic voice]
I will destroy
124
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,891
everything in my path.
125
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,142
Actually, we just--
Boop!
126
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,144
Beep! Bop!
127
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,188
Okay.
Bonk!
128
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:58,483
Boop, boop.
Oil can.
129
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,735
Oil can.
130
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,570
(Oscar)
Tin Man.
131
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,656
Actually we just got
a memo from I.T.
132
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,825
saying you're doing
email surveillance.
133
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:07,826
Oh, what?
134
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,494
No, that defeats
the whole purpose.
135
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,621
So it's true?
You have access to our emails?
136
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:14,499
Yes, yes, yes,
but it's no big deal.
137
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:15,834
I mean, a lot
of growing companies--
138
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,002
We're growing?
139
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,796
I thought we were worried
about downsizing.
140
00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:24,509
Yes, we are not growing
in terms of people or jobs,
141
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,887
but we are growing together
as a company.
142
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:31,725
We're growing stronger,
and we're growing better
143
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:35,353
into a more--
into a more united company.
144
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,689
Yeah, one where
our boss spies on us.
145
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,399
I hear you, Stanley.
I do.
146
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,859
And you know what
the problem is?
147
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,068
I think I do.
148
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,778
The problem is
that when people
149
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,822
hear the term
"Big Brother,"
150
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:48,575
they immediately think
it's scary or bad,
151
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,285
but I don't, I think,
152
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:52,495
"Wow.
I love my Big Brother.
153
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:57,417
He's handsome, and he's fit,
and he's a good guy."
154
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,588
"And he has a lot
of helpful suggestions."
155
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:04,299
Like, here's
a helpful suggestion for Jim.
156
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:08,053
Jim, instead of
emailing Amazon
157
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:11,514
to try to get that CD
that you didn't receive,
158
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,808
I suggest that you go to Visa
159
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,227
and tell 'em
to cancel the charge.
160
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,396
Yeah, definitely didn't
need help with that, but, yeah.
161
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,606
It seems like
you did though, Jim.
162
00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:21,024
Oh.
163
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,943
Lots of emails to Amazon.
Lots of wasted computer space.
164
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,989
All right,
let's get back to work.
165
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:36,164
Yeah, I assumed Michael
was already doing this.
166
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:39,000
That's why I only use
my personal email account.
167
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,836
I wonder if I could get
that software.
168
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,924
My fiancée's been acting funny.
169
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,968
This whole email thing
could be bad for business.
170
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,638
I mean my business.
171
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:55,767
I have a side job
where I do people's taxes.
172
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,687
I gotta erase
a lot of stuff.
173
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:02,148
A lot of stuff.
174
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,275
Oh, hey,
just so you know,
175
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,860
if you have
any sensitive emails,
176
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:08,071
they need to be
deleted immediately.
177
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,280
I know.
178
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,699
Good.
179
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,828
[whispering]
Hey.
180
00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,499
Something just happened.
181
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:21,835
Dwight just told Angela
that she has to delete
182
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,129
all of her sensitive
emails immediately.
183
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,589
What?
I know.
184
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:27,799
Hmm.
185
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,134
Do you think that
they're like--
186
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,969
No.
Right, no.
187
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,346
Ugh! Ew.
188
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,015
Ew, ew, ew.
189
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:37,976
Maybe.
190
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:41,813
It's like squishing a spider
under a book.
191
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,649
It's gonna be really gross,
but I have to look
192
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:47,527
and make sure
that it's really dead.
193
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:51,322
So if you guys
see anything...
194
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,658
Hey, Dwight?
Um...
195
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,660
My friend is kind of into
196
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:56,911
these two girls
that he works with.
197
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,998
Nice.
One is tall and brunette.
198
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,251
And the other one
is short and blonde
199
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:06,629
and perky
and kind of judgmental.
200
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,381
Who do you think
he should choose?
201
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:12,010
Does he have access
to their medical records?
202
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,888
Um...
203
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,474
I think one of
the greatest things
204
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,351
about modern America
is the computerization
205
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,977
of medical records.
206
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,729
As a volunteer sheriff,
I can look up
207
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:26,566
anyone's psychiatric records
or surgical histories.
208
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,360
Yeast infections.
209
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,528
There are a huge number
210
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,698
of yeast infections
in this county.
211
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:38,119
Probably because
we're down river
212
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,372
from that old bread factory.
213
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,541
[keyboard clacking]
214
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,482
Should've done this
a long time ago.
215
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:11,069
Tons of personal emails.
Huge time wasters.
216
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,779
Ugh.
217
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,823
[chuckles]
Oh.
218
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:17,784
Wow, like, Kevin rating
the best bars in Scranton.
219
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:22,122
Poor Richard's number seven.
Ugh, idiot.
220
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,623
Stupid load.
221
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,250
[phone rings]
222
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,376
Yeah.
223
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,544
(Pam)
Hey, Michael.
224
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:28,461
Accounting needs
your approval on--
225
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,380
No, I'm busy right now.
226
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:34,009
(Michael)
Meredith has an Evite
227
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,802
from Jim.
228
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:38,763
"Barbecue at Jim's tonight."
229
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,098
Tonight.
230
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,642
Wonder where
my "e-vitation" is?
231
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,561
Click on guest list.
232
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:47,522
Angela, Stanley, Oscar,
233
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:50,817
Meredith, Phyllis,
Kevin, Creed.
234
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,278
Must be...
235
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,280
[mouse clicking]
236
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,032
No.
237
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,213
[phone ringing]
238
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:16,968
This is Pam.
239
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,095
No, Pam, you have to keep
your eye on the prize.
240
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:23,016
You need to keep your eye on
the horrible, horrible prize.
241
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,310
Yahtzee.
242
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,978
(Pam)
Oh.
243
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,864
[sighs]
244
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,243
Ooh, bleh, bleh, bleh.
245
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:43,328
Where's your tie?
246
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,662
I don't know.
247
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,040
Just felt like taking it off.
248
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:49,584
Man, work can be
just so damn frustrating.
249
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:52,128
Don't you think, Jim?
250
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,755
Um, yeah, I guess.
251
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,965
What's going on, Michael?
Talk to me.
252
00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:58,635
Eh, you know, same old stuff.
253
00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:01,805
Same old, you know.
Boss just been riding my ass.
254
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:05,558
Oh, no, Jan?
What's going on?
255
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,519
(Michael)
I don't want to talk about it.
256
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,853
You know,
just want to hang out,
257
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,188
just be one of the guys.
258
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,731
(Dwight) The most important one
of the guys.
259
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:12,857
(Michael)
That's not the point.
260
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,150
Just--
261
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,777
That's exactly the point.
You've hit a slump.
262
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:17,028
It happens to the best of us.
263
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,113
[sighs]
264
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,824
You just have
to remember, you know,
265
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:23,827
where you come from
and who you are.
266
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,704
Okay.
267
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,747
You know, you have worked
so hard for this.
268
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:29,541
You are the boss.
269
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,167
You can buy and sell us
270
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,836
with just a snap
of your little finger.
271
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:35,213
Yes, well,
I would never do that.
272
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,298
Yeah, no one can snap
with their little finger.
273
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,467
Jim, this is hardly the time.
274
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:40,969
No, this is
completely the time.
275
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,721
This is the perfect time.
276
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:47,017
This is just guys
gently ribbing each other.
277
00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:48,727
That's what it's all about.
278
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,563
Hanging out.
Enjoying friends.
279
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,148
All being the same.
280
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,150
Worker bees.
281
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,735
And their king bee.
282
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,279
(Michael) No, just bees.
Just bees hanging out.
283
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,280
Buzzing around.
284
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,573
(Dwight)
The master bee.
285
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:02,657
I am not a master bee.
(Dwight) Queen bee.
286
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,868
I'm just a bee, Dwight, okay?
287
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,870
Just a bee.
Just buzzing.
288
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:11,041
Hey, Angela.
How's it going?
289
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,167
It's okay.
290
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,585
Listen, are you
bringing anyone
291
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:14,961
to Jim's party tonight?
292
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,588
No.
Are we supposed to?
293
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,922
No.
294
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,591
I mean, I don't know.
I don't think so.
295
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,676
Hmm.
Excuse me.
296
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,094
Oh.
297
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,900
There's always a distance
298
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,943
between a boss
and the employees.
299
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:42,113
It is just nature's rule.
300
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,032
It's intimidation mostly.
301
00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:46,493
It's the awareness
that they are not me.
302
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,870
You see, they're thinking,
303
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:52,374
"Wow, Michael Scott.
I really respect him.
304
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,793
"What'll I do if I
drop spinach dip on him
305
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,252
"at a party?
What is he gonna think of me?
306
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,463
"What--is it gonna
affect my salary?
307
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,132
Ooh, Michael Scott."
308
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,967
I don't know.
I don't know.
309
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:07,013
I do think
that I am very approachable
310
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,473
as one of the guys.
311
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,225
[laughs]
312
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:14,229
But maybe I need to be
even "approachabler."
313
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,605
[clears throat]
314
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,691
That's pretty, um--
Yeah.
315
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,194
Are you gonna
eat with us?
316
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,655
Of course.
Hanging with my crew.
317
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,740
Crew that I am one of.
318
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:30,120
Hanging with
my cup of noodles.
319
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,247
This is a meal in a cup
right here.
320
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,373
Hot, tasty.
321
00:14:33,415 --> 00:14:35,667
Ah, man.
So how's your day been so far--
322
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,419
I'm sorry this is so late. Oh.
323
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,879
There was a big order
right before yours,
324
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,631
but they threw in
a free spicy tuna roll, so--
325
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:42,757
You know what?
I don't need that.
326
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,300
I got my lunch.
What?
327
00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:47,137
I got my lunch.
I'm good, I'm good.
328
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,097
You don't want this?
No.
329
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:51,224
You know,
why don't you keep it?
330
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:53,518
Tell you what, better yet,
put it in the fridge
331
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,520
and put my name on it.
332
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,023
Thanks.
333
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:01,609
♪ I got my cup of noodles ♪
334
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:02,861
Mmm.
335
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,571
Reminds me of college.
336
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:08,074
Lived on this stuff.
Brain food. Mmm.
337
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:10,452
You know what I really,
really miss about college?
338
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,871
The parties.
Everybody'd go.
339
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:16,416
The athletes, the nerds, professors.
340
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,668
The professors
would go to the parties?
341
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:21,713
Yeah.
They were the most fun.
342
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:24,049
We always invited them.
343
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,093
(Jim)
It's true.
344
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,386
I'm having a party.
345
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,389
I've got three cases
of imported beer,
346
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,974
karaoke machine,
347
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:35,226
and I didn't invite Michael.
348
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,063
So three ingredients
for a great party.
349
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,397
And it's nothing personal.
350
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,982
I just think that
if he were there,
351
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:42,108
people wouldn't be able
to relax,
352
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,860
you know, have fun.
353
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:46,112
And my roommate
wants to meet everybody
354
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:48,406
because I'm pretty sure
he thinks I'm making Dwight up.
355
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,494
He is very real.
356
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:53,828
Hi.
Hey, babe, hey.
357
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,121
Hey.
How are you?
358
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:56,581
Good.
You look good.
359
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:57,916
Thank you.
360
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,251
Hey, um, I was wondering
if it might be okay
361
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,253
if I go to Lonny's
poker game tonight.
362
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,214
I promise it'll be, like,
the last time for a while.
363
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,758
We're supposed to go
to the barbecue at Jim's house.
364
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,593
Oh, man.
365
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,304
Um, could you go without me?
366
00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,807
Make something up?
Say I ate something or--
367
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:15,767
[sighs]
368
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,185
Huh?
Huh?
369
00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:19,312
You're the best.
You're the best.
370
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:20,146
I might be late.
371
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:21,439
Okay, don't wake me up
372
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:22,524
'cause I'm playing ball
in the morning.
373
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,943
Okay.
All right, bye.
374
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,074
Did I miss anything?
375
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,452
Hey, Jim.
What's up, Kev?
376
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,788
Hey, um, I know
it's kind of last minute,
377
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,957
but I was wondering
if it would be cool
378
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,792
if I brought
my fiancée tonight.
379
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,002
Oh, yeah, totally.
380
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,670
It's totally casual,
so not really worried
381
00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:44,838
about numbers or whatever.
382
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:45,880
Cool.
All right?
383
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:47,173
Thanks.
Yeah, definitely.
384
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:53,346
What?
385
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:59,644
Oh.
Yes!
386
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,855
Thank you.
387
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,446
Question.
388
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:10,530
On the Internet,
389
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:11,698
there are several
different options
390
00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:12,949
to get to your house
for the party tonight.
391
00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:14,409
- Oh, uh, no, no.
- And I was wondering--
392
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,202
No, no, no.
Keep that down.
393
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:17,996
Why?
394
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,206
Because not everybody
knows about the party.
395
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,251
Like who?
Who doesn't know?
396
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,588
Um, Michael.
397
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,298
Why just Michael?
398
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,552
Because it's a surprise.
399
00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:33,845
Is it?
Mm-hmm.
400
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,555
Oh, that's perfect.
401
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:36,598
So don't tell.
402
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:37,557
I won't.
Okay.
403
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,186
So Dwight thinks
that tonight
404
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,937
is a surprise party
for Michael.
405
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,939
Really? That's great.
I know.
406
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,691
Maybe we can get him to hide
and wait somewhere.
407
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,651
[chuckles]
408
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,945
Oh, man.
Oh, you know what?
409
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,072
Speaking of which,
I was just trying
410
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,365
to get a handle on,
you know,
411
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,241
numbers and--
for food and stuff,
412
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:57,035
so do you think
Roy's gonna come or--
413
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,703
Oh, no.
He can't make it.
414
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,580
Oh, okay. Cool.
415
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:05,126
Hey there. Hey.
416
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:07,170
Almost quitting time.
417
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:09,964
Yep.
It's 4:00.
418
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,841
One more hour
419
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:14,636
to take care of anything
you forgot to do.
420
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:18,139
[clears throat]
Hey, you know,
421
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,350
I don't know if you have
any plans tonight,
422
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,435
but if you don't,
we could hang out.
423
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:28,900
Oh, um... I can't.
424
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,235
You have plans?
Mm-hmm, yeah, I do.
425
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,153
Yeah, I do too,
I do too. Oh, you do?
426
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:33,738
Big plans.
I do, yeah.
427
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,031
Because you just said that
you wanted to hang out--
428
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,533
Tonight,
I can't do it tonight.
429
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:39,077
No. Improv class.
I have improv class.
430
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:40,412
Hanging out with
my improv buds. Really?
431
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,330
Yeah.
Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun.
432
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,998
Oh, it's the best.
It is the best.
433
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,750
I would not miss it
for the world,
434
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,962
but if something else came up,
I would definitely not go.
435
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,717
Improv sounds great.
436
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,385
It is.
437
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:00,765
Okay.
438
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,600
All right.
439
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,768
[Stanley coughs]
440
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,145
What?
441
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,272
I think Stanley
just coughed.
442
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,277
5:00.
443
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:15,739
Time to go get my improv on.
444
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,615
Little bit of the comedy juice.
445
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:22,579
Mmm, all right, see if you
can guess what this is.
446
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:30,045
[growling]
447
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:39,054
That is a dinosaur
getting ready
448
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:41,139
to go to improv class.
449
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,558
Just a taste of the improv.
450
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:50,106
Hey, Pam, do you need me
451
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,483
to walk you
to your vehicular transport?
452
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,484
No, thanks.
453
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:53,610
All right.
454
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:54,861
Oscar, do you have
big plans tonight--
455
00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:56,363
I'm on a call. Okay.
456
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,990
Kevin, big man, big man,
what are you doing tonight?
457
00:19:59,032 --> 00:19:59,991
Where you off to?
458
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,368
My brother is in town,
459
00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:04,037
and we are going to see
the Alaska Film Festival at--
460
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:05,538
Okay, all right. Oh.
461
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:08,041
Hey, Angela.
Rushy, rushy.
462
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:09,417
Where you rushing off to?
463
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,002
I'm just leaving
for the day.
464
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,671
Yeah, well, duh.
Where you headed?
465
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,923
Charity.
Bake Drive.
466
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:16,007
Liar!
467
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:16,925
No!
You are a liar.
468
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,718
No, I'm not!
469
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,512
[sighs]
Dwight.
470
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,972
Oh, Dwight,
my loyal compadre.
471
00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:25,100
You and I
are hanging tonight.
472
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,435
The two of us.
We are celebrating
473
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,979
our freedom
and our manhood.
474
00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:31,439
You know what?
475
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:32,982
Why don't we watch that show
you've been wanting to watch?
476
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:35,193
That stupid Battleship Galaxy--
477
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,528
Battlestar Galactica?
478
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,655
That's--whatever stupid show
you want to watch.
479
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:41,366
I can't tonight.
Unfortunately, I've got plans.
480
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:44,744
I have to go to practice.
Soccer practice.
481
00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:47,455
I didn't know you played
soccer, Dwight.
482
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:48,998
Clarinet.
483
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,709
You too, Dwight?
484
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,043
Have fun tonight.
485
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,294
Whatever it is
that you're doing.
486
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:56,423
And I'll see you Monday.
487
00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,593
[whispering]
He has no idea.
488
00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:08,435
[soft rock music]
489
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:09,769
Quick announcement, everybody.
490
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:10,895
If I could have
everybody's attention.
491
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,605
We do have wine
in the kitchen,
492
00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:14,941
and there is beer
available on the porch,
493
00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:16,359
and despite
what you might think,
494
00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:17,777
it's not all
for Meredith and Kelly,
495
00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:18,987
so please enjoy.
496
00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:21,614
Jim, you really think
this is a good idea?
497
00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:24,159
Huh?
A hide-a-key rock?
498
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,577
Hey, you must be Dwight.
499
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:26,703
You don't work with us.
500
00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,079
That's because
Mark's my roommate.
501
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,330
Oh.
So...
502
00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:30,790
Hey, I love
the Birkenstocks.
503
00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:32,042
Thanks.
504
00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,960
Yeah, I always keep
an extra set in the car
505
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:36,296
for special occasions.
506
00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:38,256
Jim, come here.
Mm-hmm?
507
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:39,799
When is the guest
of honor coming?
508
00:21:41,092 --> 00:21:42,594
Oh.
Uh, later-ish.
509
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,095
He's gonna love it!
510
00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:45,722
Great.
511
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:47,098
I just wanted
to let you guys know
512
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,975
that we will be taking
the tour like I promised--
513
00:21:49,017 --> 00:21:50,185
Hey.
Hey!
514
00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:51,478
Just in time.
515
00:21:51,519 --> 00:21:52,812
Do you want to go
on a group tour?
516
00:21:52,854 --> 00:21:53,938
- We were just about to leave.
- Definitely.
517
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:56,024
Well, the group tour
is now leaving then.
518
00:21:56,066 --> 00:21:58,068
Ladies and gentlemen,
just a few things
519
00:21:58,109 --> 00:21:59,527
that we're gonna be
pointing out to you today.
520
00:21:59,569 --> 00:22:01,571
You will be able
to see both bedrooms,
521
00:22:01,613 --> 00:22:03,156
and if we're lucky,
522
00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:04,407
maybe get a chance
to peek into the bathroom.
523
00:22:04,449 --> 00:22:05,450
Who knows?
524
00:22:05,492 --> 00:22:06,785
I have to remind you also
525
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:08,578
that flash photography
is prohibited.
526
00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:09,829
And as much as you can,
527
00:22:09,871 --> 00:22:11,664
please refrain
from touching things.
528
00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:13,291
I know you might want to.
529
00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:14,626
Hey, is Katie coming?
530
00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:16,336
Um, actually I haven't
talked to her in a while.
531
00:22:16,378 --> 00:22:17,671
Huh?
Oh.
532
00:22:17,712 --> 00:22:18,922
Is it cool if I call her?
533
00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:20,882
(Jim) We can talk
about that later.
534
00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:24,052
Watch me enter my comfort zone.
535
00:22:24,094 --> 00:22:26,846
Ah, they can't even start
without me.
536
00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:28,640
Hello!
537
00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:29,849
Okay, let's get
right into it.
538
00:22:29,891 --> 00:22:31,184
I need two people
for the first scene.
539
00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:33,520
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Mr. Kotter!
540
00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:35,355
Mr. Kotter!
541
00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:36,398
Okay.
Michael.
542
00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:37,565
And...
543
00:22:39,234 --> 00:22:40,694
Anybody?
544
00:22:40,735 --> 00:22:42,195
How about Marybeth?
545
00:22:42,237 --> 00:22:44,531
Okay.
Come on.
546
00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:46,199
Okay, so you start
us off, Marybeth.
547
00:22:46,241 --> 00:22:47,158
All right, great.
548
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:52,914
♪ La la la la la ♪
549
00:22:52,956 --> 00:22:54,249
Boom!
Detective Michael Scarn!
550
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,500
I'm with the FBI!
551
00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:56,543
Think about this.
552
00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,461
What is the most exciting thing
553
00:22:58,503 --> 00:23:00,630
that can happen on TV
or in movies
554
00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:03,717
or in real life?
Somebody has a gun.
555
00:23:03,758 --> 00:23:06,011
That's why I always start
with a gun
556
00:23:06,052 --> 00:23:09,055
because you can't top it.
You just can't.
557
00:23:09,097 --> 00:23:11,224
Okay, Bill,
why don't you start us off?
558
00:23:11,266 --> 00:23:12,517
And I want you guys to jump in
559
00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:14,185
when you have an idea,
all right?
560
00:23:14,227 --> 00:23:15,395
Okay, so let's start him up.
561
00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:18,023
[applause]
562
00:23:20,025 --> 00:23:23,111
Thirsty.
So incredibly thirsty.
563
00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:26,031
Welcome to
the Sahara Desert Latte Hut.
564
00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:27,699
Would you like to try
a green iced tea blended?
565
00:23:27,741 --> 00:23:29,200
[students chuckle]
566
00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:31,077
Just water.
567
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:34,039
Uh, I'm supposed to meet
my doctor here.
568
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,833
Have you seen him?
He's a very angry midget.
569
00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:37,959
Boom! Freeze!
570
00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:40,378
Michael Scoon, FBI!
You know what you did.
571
00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:43,298
Boom, boom, boom!
572
00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:44,758
Yeah, you thought
you could get away
573
00:23:44,799 --> 00:23:47,385
with your little ruse
didn't you? Didn't you?
574
00:23:47,427 --> 00:23:48,553
Well, you didn't.
575
00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:50,597
Because I know where
you hid the diamonds.
576
00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:51,723
I've been onto you
577
00:23:51,765 --> 00:23:53,141
and your little friends
for weeks.
578
00:23:53,183 --> 00:23:55,435
Boom, boom, boom!
579
00:23:55,477 --> 00:23:56,811
I'm not even in the scene!
580
00:23:56,853 --> 00:23:57,896
- Boom, boom, boom!
- Stop, okay, stop.
581
00:23:57,937 --> 00:23:59,272
Stop!
They're not--stop!
582
00:23:59,314 --> 00:24:00,440
- Boom!
- Okay, you shot me.
583
00:24:00,482 --> 00:24:01,775
- Great. Stop.
- What?
584
00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:03,818
Okay, you can't just shoot
everyone in the scene.
585
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:05,195
Well, if you hadn't
stopped the scene,
586
00:24:05,236 --> 00:24:06,654
you would've seen
where it was going.
587
00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:07,947
Okay, what about
the scene they set up?
588
00:24:07,989 --> 00:24:09,366
Boring.
589
00:24:09,407 --> 00:24:10,867
No, it wasn't.
No more guns.
590
00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:12,243
- Could've--
- No, no.
591
00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:15,163
Michael, I want you to give me
all the guns you have.
592
00:24:16,331 --> 00:24:19,209
Just get rid of all your guns
and give them to me.
593
00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:21,461
Great.
Bleh!
594
00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:22,629
Bleh.
Okay.
595
00:24:24,005 --> 00:24:26,508
So if you just step
into this room,
596
00:24:26,549 --> 00:24:28,134
uh, yeah, look around.
597
00:24:28,176 --> 00:24:30,804
You might find a few clues
about who lives here.
598
00:24:30,845 --> 00:24:34,391
He likes biking, obviously,
and what else?
599
00:24:34,432 --> 00:24:37,644
Uh, he likes tour guides,
I guess,
600
00:24:37,686 --> 00:24:39,938
and if you're very perceptive,
601
00:24:39,979 --> 00:24:41,731
you'll notice
that he didn't do
602
00:24:41,773 --> 00:24:44,401
a great job cleaning his room.
603
00:24:44,442 --> 00:24:46,986
Okay, and that's the to--
604
00:24:47,028 --> 00:24:48,988
And he's really into penguins
or something?
605
00:24:49,030 --> 00:24:51,700
Um, thank you, Ryan.
Uh, no, I don't know.
606
00:24:51,741 --> 00:24:52,992
I think I made
the mistake one day
607
00:24:53,034 --> 00:24:54,285
of telling someone
I liked penguins,
608
00:24:54,327 --> 00:24:55,995
and here we are.
609
00:24:56,037 --> 00:24:58,957
I'm sorry.
I gave you that penguin.
610
00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:00,834
And that's why
it's on my desk, Phyllis.
611
00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:03,086
It means a lot to me, and now
that I know it's from you,
612
00:25:03,128 --> 00:25:04,421
it means even more.
613
00:25:04,462 --> 00:25:06,214
Moving on.
614
00:25:06,256 --> 00:25:08,883
Okay, for the next exercise,
let's everyone pair up.
615
00:25:08,925 --> 00:25:10,885
[claps]
616
00:25:12,470 --> 00:25:15,432
(improv teacher)
Partner and...
617
00:25:15,473 --> 00:25:16,891
everybody got somebody?
618
00:25:16,933 --> 00:25:19,310
- Uh-huh.
- Okay, good.
619
00:25:19,352 --> 00:25:21,354
Um, okay.
620
00:25:21,396 --> 00:25:23,690
Nobody ever wants to fight
the heavyweight champ.
621
00:25:23,732 --> 00:25:25,984
Nobody wants that title shot.
622
00:25:26,026 --> 00:25:28,194
I'll just throw in
some suggestions.
623
00:25:28,236 --> 00:25:30,321
(improv teacher)
Okay, you guys want to start?
624
00:25:30,363 --> 00:25:31,698
Don't throw in any suggestions.
625
00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:32,782
- They're in a whorehouse...
- Okay.
626
00:25:32,824 --> 00:25:33,742
We don't need
a suggestion for this one.
627
00:25:33,783 --> 00:25:34,868
- And he's a proctologist.
- Okay.
628
00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:35,994
This one's gonna
come from them.
629
00:25:36,036 --> 00:25:37,537
This one's gonna
come from them.
630
00:25:37,579 --> 00:25:38,872
A game called Yes, And.
631
00:25:38,913 --> 00:25:41,791
And you will say
the first sentence.
632
00:25:42,751 --> 00:25:44,210
You're telling a story--
633
00:25:44,252 --> 00:25:46,046
First sentence is,
"I am a proctologist."
634
00:25:46,087 --> 00:25:47,464
We're not gonna get
a suggestion on this one.
635
00:25:47,505 --> 00:25:48,965
It's gonna come
from them, okay?
636
00:25:53,595 --> 00:25:55,764
Jim's bedroom.
637
00:25:59,768 --> 00:26:01,811
See, I knew we lost
somebody on the tour.
638
00:26:03,438 --> 00:26:04,689
Cool.
This is your desk.
639
00:26:04,731 --> 00:26:05,732
This is my desk.
640
00:26:05,774 --> 00:26:07,275
Your home office.
641
00:26:07,317 --> 00:26:09,944
Home office.
This is it. Yeah.
642
00:26:09,986 --> 00:26:11,863
You have to sit down
so I can get the full effect.
643
00:26:11,905 --> 00:26:14,282
Okay, sure.
Will do.
644
00:26:16,159 --> 00:26:18,661
Okay, wait.
So that would make me...
645
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:21,664
Like right here.
646
00:26:21,706 --> 00:26:24,501
Yeah, yep,
that feels about right.
647
00:26:24,542 --> 00:26:25,835
And then Dwight
would be like--
648
00:26:25,877 --> 00:26:27,045
Um, you know what?
649
00:26:27,087 --> 00:26:28,421
Let's just leave
that image out of it
650
00:26:28,463 --> 00:26:29,881
because this is a happy place.
651
00:26:29,923 --> 00:26:32,676
Happy thoughts, Pam.
Happy thoughts.
652
00:26:33,843 --> 00:26:35,387
Um...
[gasps]
653
00:26:35,428 --> 00:26:36,513
Yearbook.
654
00:26:36,554 --> 00:26:37,722
Yeah, you don't
have to, um--
655
00:26:37,764 --> 00:26:39,099
All right.
656
00:26:39,140 --> 00:26:40,892
Yes, that's not gonna
be awkward at all.
657
00:26:43,061 --> 00:26:46,189
[laughs]
Oh, no! Oh, yeah.
658
00:26:46,231 --> 00:26:49,442
You were so dorky!
Thank you.
659
00:26:49,484 --> 00:26:50,819
[laughs]
660
00:26:57,784 --> 00:26:58,993
(improv teacher)
Freeze. I'm in.
661
00:26:59,035 --> 00:27:00,203
Do you want to go over
the rules one more time?
662
00:27:00,245 --> 00:27:01,705
No, no, no, no.
663
00:27:04,082 --> 00:27:06,001
I'm looking
in my wallet for money
664
00:27:06,042 --> 00:27:08,378
so you can tell me
my fortune.
665
00:27:10,588 --> 00:27:12,799
I promise it's worth it.
666
00:27:12,841 --> 00:27:15,093
Ooh, I can see you
walking out of here,
667
00:27:15,135 --> 00:27:17,137
and you're thrilled
with your reading.
668
00:27:17,178 --> 00:27:18,805
[class chuckles]
669
00:27:18,847 --> 00:27:20,849
What are you--
670
00:27:23,810 --> 00:27:26,021
[whispering]
671
00:27:27,772 --> 00:27:29,482
Michael,
what did you tell him?
672
00:27:29,524 --> 00:27:30,817
Nothing.
673
00:27:30,859 --> 00:27:33,319
Then why are his hands up?
Bill?
674
00:27:34,404 --> 00:27:35,613
He told me he couldn't
show it to me,
675
00:27:35,655 --> 00:27:37,115
but he has a gun.
676
00:27:38,867 --> 00:27:40,076
Okay.
Let's call it a day.
677
00:27:40,118 --> 00:27:40,952
Nice job.
678
00:27:40,994 --> 00:27:42,912
Good.
That was good.
679
00:27:42,954 --> 00:27:45,040
Good work, everybody.
680
00:27:45,081 --> 00:27:48,293
Improv's hit or miss.
Last week I was on fire.
681
00:27:48,335 --> 00:27:53,006
Just Robin Williams, Ali G,
Ryan Stiles, nailing it.
682
00:27:53,048 --> 00:27:56,051
Home runs every--
every swing of the bat.
683
00:27:56,092 --> 00:27:59,929
Um, this week, I was paired up
with some pretty lame people,
684
00:27:59,971 --> 00:28:01,973
so you have to deal with that.
685
00:28:02,015 --> 00:28:03,266
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
686
00:28:03,308 --> 00:28:04,934
It's Michael Scott's line
'cause, generally,
687
00:28:04,976 --> 00:28:07,020
Michael Scott's
is the funniest line.
688
00:28:07,062 --> 00:28:09,189
Hey, I love that playhouse.
689
00:28:09,230 --> 00:28:11,149
Oh, yeah, thanks,
belongs to the owners.
690
00:28:11,191 --> 00:28:13,943
Mm, I'd love
to get one like that.
691
00:28:13,985 --> 00:28:16,404
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
692
00:28:16,446 --> 00:28:17,864
Interesting.
693
00:28:19,074 --> 00:28:21,826
Totally forgot you had a kid.
Sorry about that.
694
00:28:21,868 --> 00:28:23,495
Interesting.
695
00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:25,538
Angela.
696
00:28:25,580 --> 00:28:27,874
Burger, dog?
Having fun?
697
00:28:27,916 --> 00:28:30,543
I got sap on me.
698
00:28:30,585 --> 00:28:33,296
Chicken, hot dog, burger?
699
00:28:33,338 --> 00:28:35,215
I'm a vegetarian.
700
00:28:36,216 --> 00:28:38,510
- There's soda inside.
- Ugh.
701
00:28:38,551 --> 00:28:40,637
I didn't think the premium
laser color copy batch
702
00:28:40,679 --> 00:28:42,055
would sell as well as it did.
703
00:28:42,097 --> 00:28:43,890
It surprised us all.
I'll tell you why.
704
00:28:43,932 --> 00:28:45,350
- Because--
- I'm sorry, guys.
705
00:28:45,392 --> 00:28:47,143
Can we please
not talk about paper?
706
00:28:47,185 --> 00:28:49,145
There's gotta be something else
that we could talk about.
707
00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:52,107
[clears throat]
708
00:28:53,566 --> 00:28:55,777
[mellow music playing]
709
00:28:55,819 --> 00:28:58,154
(Angela)
Um, I think it's all right.
710
00:28:58,196 --> 00:29:01,324
I mean, Jesus drank wine.
711
00:29:01,366 --> 00:29:02,867
(Pam)
Hmm.
712
00:29:05,745 --> 00:29:06,830
Hey, Phyllis.
713
00:29:06,871 --> 00:29:08,748
Come here for a second. Sure.
714
00:29:08,790 --> 00:29:09,958
Have you heard anything
715
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,545
about any secret
office romances or--
716
00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:15,088
You tell me.
717
00:29:16,297 --> 00:29:18,883
Well, you do mean
you and Jim, right?
718
00:29:20,468 --> 00:29:21,970
Oh, God.
I am so sorry.
719
00:29:22,012 --> 00:29:23,596
I mean, I thought--
720
00:29:23,638 --> 00:29:24,931
you guys hang out
all the time,
721
00:29:24,973 --> 00:29:26,433
and you're talking
all the time, and I--
722
00:29:26,474 --> 00:29:28,268
I'm sorry.
It's like--
723
00:29:28,309 --> 00:29:30,979
Oh, it's okay.
It's okay.
724
00:29:32,731 --> 00:29:34,691
Why don't you turn it up?
725
00:29:34,733 --> 00:29:35,859
Ah!
726
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:39,320
Not so fast, fire guy.
727
00:29:41,197 --> 00:29:44,284
Think we need
some more heat, fire guy?
728
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,747
Hey, fire guy, maybe we should
burn Jim's house down.
729
00:29:48,788 --> 00:29:50,248
That's really funny.
730
00:29:51,332 --> 00:29:53,918
Hey, Kelly,
I called him fire guy.
731
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,837
Good one, Kev.
732
00:29:55,879 --> 00:29:57,255
Yeah.
733
00:29:58,590 --> 00:30:00,800
Hey, Stanley--
734
00:30:00,842 --> 00:30:02,135
He called me fire guy.
735
00:30:02,177 --> 00:30:05,013
Oh, good one.
[chuckles]
736
00:30:06,598 --> 00:30:08,850
It never gets old.
737
00:30:10,477 --> 00:30:12,937
Never gets old.
738
00:30:12,979 --> 00:30:14,356
How do we get to
Bernie's Tavern from here?
739
00:30:14,397 --> 00:30:15,899
Oh, don't worry.
We're all gonna carpool.
740
00:30:15,940 --> 00:30:17,275
So Bernie's, huh?
We're all going to Bernie's?
741
00:30:17,317 --> 00:30:20,528
Oh, uh, sorry.
We're not going as a group.
742
00:30:20,570 --> 00:30:21,988
It's just a private friend
743
00:30:22,030 --> 00:30:23,448
who happens to know
all of us from different ways
744
00:30:23,490 --> 00:30:25,367
is throwing a private
birthday thing.
745
00:30:25,408 --> 00:30:27,077
Right, right, right, right,
well, guys, I'd love to go
746
00:30:27,118 --> 00:30:28,161
to Bernie's with you,
but you know what?
747
00:30:28,203 --> 00:30:29,287
I have an office party.
748
00:30:29,329 --> 00:30:30,580
Big office party
I need to go to.
749
00:30:30,622 --> 00:30:31,998
- Okay, see you next week.
- Can't get out of it.
750
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:33,083
Good job.
Hey, see you later.
751
00:30:33,124 --> 00:30:36,002
Nice job, Bill. Not.
752
00:30:36,044 --> 00:30:38,880
♪ Here I go again
on my own ♪
753
00:30:38,922 --> 00:30:40,340
[rock music playing]
754
00:30:40,382 --> 00:30:44,511
♪ Going down the only road
I've ever known ♪
755
00:30:44,552 --> 00:30:47,430
Oh, hey, how's your
new side project going?
756
00:30:47,472 --> 00:30:49,641
Um, oh, yeah.
I gave that up.
757
00:30:49,683 --> 00:30:51,893
Really?
Yeah, it turns out I was, um,
758
00:30:51,935 --> 00:30:54,187
just grasping at straws.
759
00:30:54,229 --> 00:30:56,231
Just because two people
are hanging out,
760
00:30:56,272 --> 00:30:58,483
it doesn't mean
that they're together.
761
00:30:58,525 --> 00:31:01,361
You know? Like, people
can just be friends.
762
00:31:01,403 --> 00:31:03,405
And I think that it was
really unfair of us
763
00:31:03,446 --> 00:31:05,573
to assume that there was
anything else going on.
764
00:31:07,909 --> 00:31:10,161
♪ Just turn around now ♪
765
00:31:10,203 --> 00:31:13,039
♪ 'Cause you're not
welcome anymore ♪
766
00:31:13,081 --> 00:31:14,958
♪ And I--
And I've got-- ♪
767
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,127
Surprise!
768
00:31:18,712 --> 00:31:20,672
[laughs]
Everybody.
769
00:31:20,714 --> 00:31:23,675
Wow, who opened the morgue
for this thing?
770
00:31:23,717 --> 00:31:25,468
I was just driving by.
Thought I'd drop in.
771
00:31:25,510 --> 00:31:26,636
There's some wine.
772
00:31:26,678 --> 00:31:28,430
I would love a glass
if you're gonna open it.
773
00:31:28,471 --> 00:31:30,390
Hello, temp.
Take my jacket.
774
00:31:30,432 --> 00:31:32,058
[laughs]
775
00:31:32,100 --> 00:31:34,310
Oh, come on.
That guy?
776
00:31:35,895 --> 00:31:37,731
He is a good guy,
not a terrorist.
777
00:31:37,772 --> 00:31:38,815
Yikes.
778
00:31:38,857 --> 00:31:40,233
Karaoke.
I love it.
779
00:31:40,275 --> 00:31:43,820
I am a karaoke fiend!
780
00:31:43,862 --> 00:31:45,071
I call dibs.
I got next.
781
00:31:45,113 --> 00:31:48,241
I got next up.
Come on, let's--
782
00:31:48,283 --> 00:31:50,410
♪ Let's get
this party started ♪
783
00:31:50,452 --> 00:31:53,204
Ha! Okay.
Where's that wine?
784
00:31:53,246 --> 00:31:55,707
Okay, this is a duet, so...
785
00:31:55,749 --> 00:31:57,167
[Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers'
"Islands In the Stream"]
786
00:31:57,208 --> 00:31:59,294
Need somebody else?
Pam, you want to...
787
00:31:59,336 --> 00:32:01,504
come up and sing this one?
788
00:32:01,546 --> 00:32:04,466
Need somebody else.
Takers, please.
789
00:32:04,507 --> 00:32:08,887
♪ Baby, when I met you
there was peace unknown ♪
790
00:32:08,928 --> 00:32:10,305
Kelly?
791
00:32:10,347 --> 00:32:13,808
♪ I tried to get you
with a fine tooth comb ♪
792
00:32:13,850 --> 00:32:16,269
♪ I was soft inside ♪
793
00:32:16,311 --> 00:32:19,981
♪ There was something
going on ♪
794
00:32:20,023 --> 00:32:23,610
This is the part
that goes to the girl.
795
00:32:23,651 --> 00:32:25,737
[high-pitched]
♪ You do something to me ♪
796
00:32:25,779 --> 00:32:29,074
♪ That I can't explain ♪
797
00:32:29,115 --> 00:32:32,827
♪ Hold me closer
and I feel no pain ♪
798
00:32:32,869 --> 00:32:35,205
♪ Every beat of my heart ♪
799
00:32:35,246 --> 00:32:38,833
♪ We've got something
going on ♪
800
00:32:38,875 --> 00:32:41,336
♪ ♪
801
00:32:41,378 --> 00:32:43,838
♪ Tender love is blind ♪
802
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:47,550
[singing together]
♪ It requires a dedication ♪
803
00:32:47,592 --> 00:32:52,013
♪ All this love we feel
needs no conversation ♪
804
00:32:52,055 --> 00:32:56,184
♪ Divide it together,
uh-huh ♪
805
00:32:56,226 --> 00:32:59,562
♪ Making love
with each other, uh-huh ♪
806
00:32:59,604 --> 00:33:00,814
We're making love!
807
00:33:00,855 --> 00:33:03,108
[singing together]
♪ Islands in the stream ♪
808
00:33:03,149 --> 00:33:05,318
♪ That is what we are ♪
809
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,362
♪ No one in-between ♪
810
00:33:07,404 --> 00:33:10,156
♪ How can we be wrong? ♪
811
00:33:10,198 --> 00:33:12,158
♪ Sail away with me ♪
812
00:33:14,327 --> 00:33:16,037
Talk! Just talk!
813
00:33:16,079 --> 00:33:17,372
I am--
Shut up!
814
00:33:17,414 --> 00:33:19,457
Funny story--
the way I got into improv
815
00:33:19,499 --> 00:33:21,918
was--I got into improv--
816
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,212
the story about me
getting into improv was
817
00:33:24,254 --> 00:33:26,464
that I was walking
down the street,
818
00:33:26,506 --> 00:33:28,174
and a race car pulls up,
819
00:33:28,216 --> 00:33:30,135
and the guy says,
"Hey, you're funny.
820
00:33:30,176 --> 00:33:31,720
"You're the funniest guy
I've ever seen.
821
00:33:31,761 --> 00:33:33,847
Or my name
is not Dale Earnhardt."
822
00:33:33,888 --> 00:33:36,266
[snorting laugh]
823
00:33:36,307 --> 00:33:38,435
And that was an improv.
824
00:33:39,602 --> 00:33:42,772
Um, the real way was
that I found a flyer.
825
00:34:09,883 --> 00:34:11,801
[trumpet blows]
56703
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