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1
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:12,679
[breathing rhythmically]
2
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,647
You should get
one of these.
3
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,482
No.
Thank you.
4
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:26,609
Do you even know
what this is?
5
00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:28,153
It is a fitness orb,
6
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:31,031
and it has completely
changed my life.
7
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:32,490
[sighs]
8
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:35,702
Forget everything you thought
you knew about ab workouts.
9
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:36,703
Done.
10
00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:37,996
This ab workout
11
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:41,374
is specifically designed
to strengthen your core.
12
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:42,500
Sorry.
13
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,336
All right.
14
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:45,503
Numerous health benefits.
15
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:49,132
[breathing rhythmically]
16
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,717
Strengthens your back.
[exhales]
17
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:53,386
Better performance in sports.
[exhales twice]
18
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,513
More enjoyable sex.
19
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,015
You're not having sex.
20
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,143
[scoffs]
21
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,145
Plus improves
your reflexes.
22
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,439
See, I would've
caught that.
23
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:07,108
Okay, you know what,
uh, how much is that?
24
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,527
It's only 25 bucks. Wow.
25
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,946
Um, okay.
26
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:21,664
{\an8}[soft piano music]
27
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:28,463
{\an8}♪ ♪
28
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,390
{\an8}[upbeat music]
29
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:45,397
{\an8}♪ ♪
30
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,949
Oscar, I'm ready for you.
31
00:01:57,742 --> 00:02:01,079
(Oscar)
Today is performance review day company-wide,
32
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,790
and I'm a little concerned
about my review.
33
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,668
I exceeded my sick days
and my personal days
34
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,712
because I just
couldn't take it.
35
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:12,298
(Oscar)
And I don't have a good answer for him when he asks me.
36
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:16,344
[inhales deeply]
37
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:17,303
So.
38
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:18,221
Michael, I don't know
what to say.
39
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,764
Um, you're in accounting.
40
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:20,932
Yes.
I'm in accounting.
41
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,559
And I'm sorry about
all the extra days.
42
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,852
I know I'm past my limit.
43
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:26,271
So good, good, good.
Something to work toward.
44
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,897
Being here more.
45
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,733
I'm a big believer in people
being here more.
46
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:30,942
Yes.
47
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:32,986
[paper rips]
48
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,202
[tape rips]
49
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:50,211
[paper rustling]
50
00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:53,298
Do you know what this is?
Yes.
51
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,300
No, you don't.
Then why the question?
52
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:59,012
This is a visual aid
for my performance review.
53
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,139
Budget is tight and
if anyone is getting a raise,
54
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,266
it is gonna be a fight
to the death,
55
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,060
and I intend on winning
that fight.
56
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:08,938
{\an8}Dwight.
57
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,273
{\an8}Determined.
58
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:11,274
{\an8}Worker.
59
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,400
{\an8}Intense.
60
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:13,485
{\an8}Good worker.
61
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:14,486
{\an8}Hard worker.
62
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:15,653
{\an8}Terrific.
63
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:16,905
{\an8}Dwight.
64
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:20,575
I have one, too.
65
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,539
[marker scribbling]
66
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:31,544
Jim.
67
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:33,880
Uh, Jim.
68
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:35,882
Is Jim.
69
00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,218
My name is Jim.
70
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,679
[sighs]
71
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,305
It's a total waste of your M.
72
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:43,682
Really?
Yeah.
73
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:44,724
You have a better idea?
74
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,059
Yeah.
Magnificent worker.
75
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,061
Marvelous worker.
More money for this worker.
76
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:51,481
Man, I like this worker.
77
00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,776
Mighty worker.
78
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,570
That's good.
Oof, that's good.
79
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,322
I'll use that.
80
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,453
Pam, could I see you
in my office?
81
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:10,375
(Pam)
It's performance review day company-wide.
82
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:13,336
Last year,
my performance review started
83
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:16,965
with Michael asking me
what my hopes and dreams were,
84
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,842
and it ended with him
telling me
85
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:22,387
he could bench-press
190 pounds.
86
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,472
So I don't really know
what to expect.
87
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,391
Pam,
you're trustworthy.
88
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:27,267
Thank you.
89
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:28,685
And a woman.
Oh, no.
90
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:32,564
And I want you to listen
to a voice mail from my boss.
91
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,691
[Jan on answering machine]
Michael, it's Jan.
92
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,026
I guess I missed you.
93
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,944
I'll, uh, be there
this afternoon
94
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,696
for performance reviews.
95
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,406
I hope it's understood
96
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,575
that that will be
our only topic of discussion.
97
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:44,576
See you soon.
98
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:45,618
First impressions?
99
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:50,206
Uh, just off the top,
100
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,208
I think she'll be here
this afternoon.
101
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,252
(Michael)
My boss is coming in today.
102
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,587
The lovely
Jan Levinson-Gould.
103
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,297
W-well, no Gould.
104
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,799
The Gould has been
[chop noise] divorce.
105
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,926
Um, the awkward part
106
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,887
is that this
is the first time
107
00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:06,890
we'll be seeing each other since...
108
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,141
well.
109
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:10,352
Uh, it was really nothing.
110
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,604
We just sort of got caught up
in the moment.
111
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:16,232
The vulnerable divorcée
gives herself
112
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,234
to the understanding
with rugged good looks
113
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,694
office manager.
114
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,112
Just, uh,
115
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,740
she didn't want it to continue
for some reason.
116
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,077
We both didn't--
I didn't want--
117
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:28,995
we both didn't want it
to continue.
118
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,747
It was not professional.
119
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:33,667
Um, when people say
something's mutual,
120
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,293
it never is.
121
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,671
But this was mutual.
122
00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:39,964
(Pam)
I guess I missed you.
123
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,967
I guess I missed you.
124
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,928
So she misses me.
125
00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,304
She missed you.
126
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:50,183
But then, she goes on to say,
127
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,394
"That will be our only topic
of discussion."
128
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,854
That doesn't mean anything.
Those are just words.
129
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:56,690
I have one idea
of what it means.
130
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,191
Okay. Yeah. What? What?
131
00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,275
Well, I don't think
you're going to be
132
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,861
very happy with this.
Oh, great.
133
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,489
All right, well,
now I'm in a terrible mood.
134
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,324
[pen clicks]
[inhales deeply]
135
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,243
Let's do
your performance review.
136
00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:10,453
Because she's conflicted.
137
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:12,038
She has to be professional,
138
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,166
but she's fighting
feelings for you.
139
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,711
Ah. Why--
that's great news.
140
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:20,005
That--that--
then why would--
141
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,214
why would I not
like that?
142
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,967
Um, just cause
that you work together,
143
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,511
and it might be awkward.
Wow, wow.
144
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:29,389
All right, let's listen
to that again.
145
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,932
(Pam)
Michael, it's Jan.
146
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,308
I guess I missed you.
147
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,936
Oh, hey.
148
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,855
Listen, Jim.
149
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,648
Here's a little tip
for your performance review.
150
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:39,899
Okay.
151
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,485
Tell Michael that we
should be stocking more
152
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:45,488
of the double-tabbed
manilla file folders.
153
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,032
We don't have double-tabbed
manilla files folders.
154
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,033
Oh, yes we do.
No, we don't.
155
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,159
Yeah, it's a new product.
156
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,493
So you should just
suggest that to him,
157
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,412
and then he'll be sure
to give you a raise.
158
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:53,413
Uh-huh.
159
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,291
We'll, I'm not asking
for a raise.
160
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,376
I'm gonna actually be asking
for a pay decrease.
161
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,670
Uh, that is so stupid.
162
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,589
What if he gives it
to you?
163
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,008
I win. Ugh.
164
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,426
You know what,
165
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,303
I am going to zone you out
for the rest of today, okay?
166
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,055
I need to stay focused.
167
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,223
And I don't have to see you
tomorrow or Sunday.
168
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,433
And please don't call me,
169
00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:14,684
and we'll see how things go
on Monday.
170
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,229
[sighs]
Stupid.
171
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,274
Wait, wait. One thing.
172
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:24,736
Um, by tomorrow,
you mean Saturday, right?
173
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:25,904
Uh, duh.
174
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,197
Duh.
175
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,615
Today is Thursday.
176
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:31,159
But Dwight thinks
that it's Friday.
177
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,078
And that's what
I'll be working on
178
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,579
this afternoon.
179
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,123
Sometimes women say more
in their pauses
180
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,333
than they say
in their words.
181
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,251
Really.
Oh, yes.
182
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,670
Let's listen to it again.
183
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,673
And this time,
really listen to the pauses.
184
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,758
God, Stanley,
that's freakin' brilliant.
185
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:47,801
How do you know that?
186
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:50,011
Did you learn that
on the streets?
187
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,846
Sorry.
Oh, it's okay.
188
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,890
I did learn it on the streets.
189
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,266
On the ghetto, in fact.
190
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,560
No kidding.
191
00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:00,146
It's all about my bonus.
192
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:04,275
Michael and Jan
definitely made out. Oh.
193
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,819
Maybe more. Ugh.
194
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,405
Oh, also, it is Thursday,
195
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:09,823
but Dwight thinks
it's Friday,
196
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,116
so keep that going.
197
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,701
Oh, yay.
198
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,497
Good work, Stanley.
199
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,290
Great performance review.
200
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,126
Stanley in the house, everybody.
201
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,627
Whoo!
202
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,212
Angela, your turn.
203
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,798
(Angela)
I actually look forward to performance reviews.
204
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,426
I did the youth
beauty pageant circuit,
205
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,845
and I enjoyed that
quite a bit.
206
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:34,639
I really enjoy being judged.
207
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:39,019
I believe I hold up very well
to even severe scrutiny.
208
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,103
Michael.
Yeah.
209
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:41,938
Jan's on the phone
for you.
210
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:45,025
Oh. Angela, you were totally
satisfactory this year.
211
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:47,068
[door slams]
212
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,820
Interesting.
Jan is calling me.
213
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,823
Maybe it wasn't
so mutual after all.
214
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,116
Yeah.
215
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,200
[Jan on speakerphone]
Michael.
216
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,619
Jan, to what do I owe
this pleasure?
217
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:58,830
I am returning
your many calls.
218
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,166
Well, hello to you, too.
219
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,668
Um, yeah, I was just, um,
220
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,337
I just wanted to get
some closure
221
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,882
on what transpired
between us at the meeting
222
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,842
we had in the parking lot
of the Chili's.
223
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,430
No.
224
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,515
No, we--we won't
be discussing that, Michael.
225
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,850
The only things
I want to talk about
226
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,185
during your performance review
227
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:23,480
are your concrete ideas
to improve your branch.
228
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:27,692
Well, surely this, uh,
review is a formality
229
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,987
because of what happened, uh,
230
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,864
at our meeting in the
parking lot of the Chili's.
231
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,700
Review is anything but
a formality, Michael.
232
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:38,411
And, uh, I expect you
to forget anything
233
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,955
that you think may have
happened between us
234
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:44,376
and exhibit completely
professional behavior.
235
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,877
Been thinking about you.
236
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,087
Okay, that is an example
237
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,755
of completely unprofessional behavior.
238
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:51,341
Mm, I don't see
how that's unprofessional.
239
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:52,342
Michael.
240
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:53,760
Yeah?
241
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,220
Are the cameras in there
with you in your office?
242
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,638
No, they are not.
243
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,225
Yes, they are.
244
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,226
[sighs]
245
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,268
[phone hangs up]
246
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,895
[dial tone droning]
247
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,772
That's my girlfriend.
248
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,817
I heard they made out
and had sex.
249
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,402
[whispering]
I heard they just made out.
250
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,569
That's it.
251
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:16,241
Well, I heard
they made out...
252
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,867
and had sex.
253
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,285
Don't talk about it.
254
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,247
Office romances
are nobody's business
255
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,915
but the people involved.
256
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,628
Romances?
257
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,715
Pam, I have ideas
on a daily basis.
258
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,008
I know I do.
259
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:36,344
I have a clear memory
of telling people my ideas.
260
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,304
Um, is there any chance
261
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,973
that you wrote
any of my ideas down,
262
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,266
like, in a folder?
263
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,809
Like, a idea folder?
264
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:43,810
Sorry.
265
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:46,479
That's unfortunate.
[inhales deeply]
266
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,606
[whispers]
How about the suggestion box?
267
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,275
There's tons of ideas
in there.
268
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,317
What suggestion box?
269
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,403
The suggestion box
that I put out,
270
00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,905
and people could put in
suggestions anonymously.
271
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,282
Maybe there's prizes.
272
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,950
Oh, yeah.
273
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,827
Uh, I think I remember that
from back when I first started.
274
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,162
Why don't you find it
275
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,497
and then tell people
to get theirs?
276
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,458
Never mind. I'll tell them.
Hello, everybody.
277
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,709
Yeah.
Uh, attention, please.
278
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,210
Jan Levinson's coming
279
00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,462
very soon.
280
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:11,463
And so we're going
to have
281
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,257
our weekly suggestion box meeting.
282
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:17,010
So you can all get in
your constructive compliments
283
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,511
ASAP.
284
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,305
Don't you mean
constructive criticism?
285
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:21,306
What did I say?
286
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,640
You said constructive compliments.
287
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,975
That doesn't make
any sense.
288
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,226
Well, Kelly,
289
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,478
that was neither constructive
nor a compliment,
290
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,147
so maybe you should stop
criticizing my English
291
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,816
and start making
some suggestions.
292
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:32,984
Okay?
293
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,194
Hey, Dan,
this is Jim.
294
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,488
It is about 11:15
and I wanted to know
295
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,198
what you were
up to tomorrow,
296
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:41,993
which is the 15th
and that is a...
297
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,703
Saturday.
Saturday.
298
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,330
So just let me know
what you're doing tomorrow,
299
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:46,664
Saturday, for lunch.
300
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,458
Okay, talk to you soon.
301
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:54,214
So that's...
Uh-huh.
302
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:55,507
That's great.
Yes, it is.
303
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,926
Yeah. You have fun?
Yes, I did.
304
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,429
Did you... go to first base?
305
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,099
Hell, yeah.
Oh, yeah?
306
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,183
Yeah.
307
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,351
Did you go to second?
308
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,144
What?
Second?
309
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,479
Kind of, yeah.
310
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:11,439
Over the shirt.
311
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,066
My elbow, but.
312
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,068
Okay. So close call on second.
313
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,069
Um...
[exhales deeply]
314
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:18,029
Was there an infield fly?
315
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,781
Um, yep.
316
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:20,865
Wait. Yes.
317
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,033
Pop-up?
318
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,244
No.
319
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:26,246
There--later, there was.
320
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,872
Really?
Yes.
321
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,834
So you got the signal
from the third base coach?
322
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,127
[chuckles]
323
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,422
You know what I'm saying, like,
if there was a, you know,
324
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,132
a fly out to deep right.
325
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,050
Mm-hmm.
You know?
326
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:42,095
A runner on second?
You tagged up, didn't he?
327
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,597
I didn't--you know, it was--
328
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,684
It was dark, for one thing.
329
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:50,478
[Jan talking on phone]
330
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,938
Okay.
331
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:54,232
Okay, bye-bye.
[flip phone clicks]
332
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,775
Would you please tell Michael
that I'm here?
333
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,110
(Pam)
Sure.
334
00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:58,737
Hi, Jan.
How are you?
335
00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,738
Hi, Michael.
I'm good. How are you?
336
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:00,822
Good to see you.
Nice to see you.
337
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,073
Okay.
338
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,576
Okay, why don't we
just step into my off--
339
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,244
[chuckles]
340
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,746
We're going to go
in here.
341
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,247
Can we please go
into your office?
342
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,540
Yep.
Right after you.
343
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:11,791
Après vous.
344
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,630
[exhales deeply]
345
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,304
Oh, thank you.
346
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:25,555
It's nice
to see you.
347
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:26,556
Nice to see you too, Michael.
348
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,183
Really?
349
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,142
Not like that.
350
00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:30,977
Oh, well...
351
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,854
You know, Michael,
I think I need to make
352
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,147
something clear
right off the top.
353
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,399
I'm not going to discuss
anything with you
354
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,984
other than Dunder Mifflin business.
355
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,152
All right. Period.
356
00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:40,320
Yup.
357
00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:42,447
Do we understand
each other? Absolutely.
358
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:43,615
I'm a little confused
359
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,991
because first it's, like,
all kissy-kissy.
360
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,451
And then it's, like,
all regret.
361
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,119
Because, "Oh, I regret that.
362
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:51,039
"But wait,
I'm still going to call you.
363
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:53,750
"But--but we're just
going to talk business.
364
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:54,959
"And I may come down there
and fire you
365
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,670
if you don't do your job."
366
00:13:56,711 --> 00:14:00,131
But what were we talking about
when we first kissed?
367
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,508
Business.
368
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:02,592
So are you still
in the middle
369
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:03,593
of the performance
reviews then?
370
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:04,803
No, no, no.
I finished all of that.
371
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:05,929
I'm very fast.
372
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,639
I'm not too fast.
373
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,224
Not like wham, bam,
thank you, ma'am.
374
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:11,685
But I do say thank you,
ma'am.
375
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:14,896
But I'm not like, wham, bam.
376
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:16,940
Not that there's anything
wrong with wham, bam.
377
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,316
If it's consensual.
378
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,404
We're talking
about office stuff.
379
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,825
Can I ask you a question?
No.
380
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,660
This is a business question.
381
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,704
It's nothing personal.
I promise.
382
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,622
Fine.
383
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:35,000
Are you wearing
new perfume today?
384
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,794
How is that
a business question?
385
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,462
Well, you're wearing it
at the office.
386
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,923
And... [sniffs]
It...
387
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,592
I'm sorry, no offense,
but it's really sexy.
388
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,261
Please don't smell me, Michael.
389
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,475
Hey, Jim.
Hey, how's it going?
390
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,727
Oh, my God.
391
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:54,936
Did you seed The Apprentice
last night?
392
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:56,479
Of course.
It's on every Thursday night.
393
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:57,731
So how can I miss it?
394
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:58,732
Can you believe
who Trump fired?
395
00:14:58,773 --> 00:14:59,733
No.
That was unbelievable.
396
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:00,900
Who? Who was it?
397
00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:01,901
Who did he fire?
398
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,695
You didn't see it?
No.
399
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:04,863
I went out and got drunk
400
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,114
with my laser tag team
last night.
401
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,198
Crap.
402
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,950
I never go out
on a Thursday night.
403
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,785
What the hell
was I thinking?
404
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:13,288
I don't understand--
405
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,372
[phone rings]
406
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,249
Hold on. Sorry.
407
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:18,001
Yes, Pam.
408
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,919
(Pam)
Michael, it's time for the suggestion box meeting.
409
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,379
I'm kind of in the middle
of something.
410
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,006
I wish you wouldn't
interrupt.
411
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:24,132
You told me to buzz you
412
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:25,550
about the suggestion box meeting
413
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,551
when Jan was here.
414
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,887
I did not--not--not use
those words.
415
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,472
Uh, I'd like to sit in
on that meeting.
416
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:31,556
Is it happening right now?
417
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:32,807
No, it's in,
like, 10 minutes.
418
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,142
Everyone's waiting
in the conference room.
419
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:36,144
[sighs]
Great. Very good.
420
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,443
What is this meeting for, again?
421
00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:44,611
(Dwight)
Do you want me to handle this?
422
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:45,695
No, I do not.
423
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,113
Why are we here, Oscar?
424
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,699
Because I value
your opinions.
425
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:50,992
And know a lot of you
don't think
426
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,327
that I read
your suggestions,
427
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,787
but I do.
428
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:56,790
Every week, I comb through
everything that you have to say
429
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:58,833
and I value your comments.
430
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,126
I just thought it would be nice
431
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,045
to do this together
for a change.
432
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,797
You read our suggestions
every week?
433
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:05,465
More or less, yeah. I do.
434
00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:07,384
So let's take a look
at these suckers, shall we?
435
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,636
Oh, uh, question.
Do you want me to read them?
436
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:11,012
No, I'll read them. Okay.
437
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,472
Can I take them out of the box?
I can take them out.
438
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:13,515
I'll take them out.
439
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:14,808
Can I hold the box?
I'll hold the box.
440
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:15,975
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why don't you hold the box?
441
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:16,976
You wanna hold the box?
Please.
442
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,561
You happy?
You finally happy?
443
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:21,189
You gonna tell your stupid,
Amish cousin that you live with
444
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:22,565
that you got to hold
a box today,
445
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:23,566
you freakin' monster?
446
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:26,945
[takes deep breath]
447
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,364
Let's read 'em.
448
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:34,327
All right.
449
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,037
Number one,
what should we do
450
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,372
to prepare for Y2K?
451
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:39,749
What should we do
to prepare for Y2K?
452
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,084
I thought you read these
every week.
453
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:43,670
Well, obviously,
this one got stuck in the box.
454
00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:45,046
That happens occasionally.
455
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:46,089
(Dwight)
It happens occasionally.
456
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:49,509
And, um, so one down.
457
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:51,803
Next suggestion.
458
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,888
"We need better outreach
459
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,807
for employees
fighting depression."
460
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:58,518
Okay, all right.
Enough with the jokes.
461
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,729
Nobody in here
is suffering from depression.
462
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,063
That sounds serious, Michael.
463
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:04,232
Oh. Okay. Well, yeah?
464
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,608
Who wrote it?
Tom.
465
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:06,818
Tom. Then it is a joke
466
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,611
because there is nobody
in here named Tom.
467
00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:09,988
(Phyllis)
Tom?
468
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,990
He worked in accounting up
until about a year ago.
469
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:16,494
[whispers]
Tom.
470
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:17,954
[imitates gunshot]
471
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,582
Oh, that guy?
That guy was weird.
472
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:21,583
All right, next suggestion.
473
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:23,460
Next suggestion.
474
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,337
Ar, badoo badoo.
475
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,380
You need to do something
about your B.O.
476
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,549
You need to do something
about your B.O.
477
00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:33,219
Okay, now I don't know who this
suggestion is meant for,
478
00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,555
but it's more
of a personal suggestion.
479
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:37,474
And it's not an office suggestion.
480
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,225
Far be it from me
to use this as a platform
481
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,560
to embarrass anybody.
482
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:43,897
Aren't the suggestions
meant for you?
483
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,357
Well, Toby,
484
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:50,320
if by me you are inferring
that I have B.O.,
485
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:53,907
then I would say that that
is a very poor choice of words.
486
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:55,158
Uh, Michael,
487
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,910
he wasn't inferring,
he was implying.
488
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,078
You were inferring.
489
00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,329
Was I, Creed?
490
00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:00,955
Okay, well, you know what?
491
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:05,126
I am implying is that when
we're on an elevator together,
492
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:07,212
I should maybe
take the stairs
493
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,047
because talk about stank.
494
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,382
Not that I would ever
495
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,092
say something like that
in public
496
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:13,635
and I never have
and I never will,
497
00:18:13,677 --> 00:18:14,678
I just think it's something
498
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,763
that we should all be aware of.
499
00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:17,972
Okay?
[scoffs]
500
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,683
Now that
we've learned this,
501
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:21,101
let's continue.
502
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:22,185
See, this is good.
503
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,395
We're learning,
504
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,313
and we're figuring
some stuff out.
505
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,107
You need to do something
about your coffee breath.
506
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:28,149
You need to do
something about-- Okay, no.
507
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,401
Shut up, shut up.
shut up, Dwight.
508
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,611
Okay, I don't think
you people are grasping
509
00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:34,614
the concept
of the suggestion box.
510
00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:36,741
Sometimes, you talk to us
real close.
511
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,744
Yeah?
Is that hard for you?
512
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,746
All right.
Well, when you have coffee breath, it's hard.
513
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,082
Let's k--
let's keep going.
514
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,127
Yup.
515
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,128
What do we have here?
516
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:49,963
We have...
517
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:51,881
somebody's piece of gum.
518
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,049
Somebody put a piece
of gum in there.
519
00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:55,635
This is not a--a garbage can,
520
00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:57,303
this is the future
of our company.
521
00:18:57,345 --> 00:19:00,348
This is not a place
for gum, okay?
522
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:02,267
I don't want to have
to read these tomorrow...
523
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,185
Yeah, who wants to come in
on a Saturday?
524
00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:07,188
Yeah. What? No.
Okay.
525
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,441
Let's just--let's just push on,
shall we?
526
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,734
Pushing on.
527
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:13,236
Just gimme the next two.
Let's just keep it going.
528
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:17,365
Look on the supply shelf.
529
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:18,366
What?
530
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:20,452
What is that?
531
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:22,746
All right, um, Ryan,
532
00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,539
look on the supply shelf,
would you?
533
00:19:24,581 --> 00:19:25,540
Yeah.
534
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,048
It's another note.
535
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:34,382
Okay.
536
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:37,510
Look on the windshield.
537
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:38,470
Okay.
538
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,013
Does it specify
which windshield?
539
00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:41,264
I'll check them all.
540
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:46,269
[sighs]
541
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,733
(Dwight)
This ought to be good.
542
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:52,859
(Stanley)
Which one?
543
00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:53,860
(Dwight)
There it is!
544
00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:55,153
Where?
545
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,488
It's on the black one.
He doesn't see it.
546
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,530
(Stanley)
It's right there.
547
00:19:57,572 --> 00:19:59,199
It's on the Miata!
He sees it.
548
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,993
(Dwight)
Go--okay, he's got it.
549
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,661
What does it say?
550
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,414
Look under the sink
in the men's room!
551
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,709
What I try to do
with these people... [sighs]
552
00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:13,213
Is get them to--to be honest
553
00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:14,422
like that whole
coffee breath thing.
554
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:16,216
That's good, that's good,
555
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:18,468
You know what?
I drink a lot of coffee.
556
00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,261
And it's not saying that I have
bad breath, it's just saying--
557
00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:22,347
Frankly, I think that
this entire meeting
558
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:23,473
is a bit of a waste of time, Michael.
559
00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:24,599
Well, we haven't finished yet.
560
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,267
We've now been here 15 minutes. Right.
561
00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:27,727
We've just been sitting here
doing this.
562
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:29,187
Come on back, come on back.
These needless suggestions.
563
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,772
(Michael)
Well, we just have a couple more.
564
00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:33,900
All right, don't break any land
speed records getting back.
565
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,069
Okay, Stanley?
All right.
566
00:20:36,111 --> 00:20:38,279
Next suggestion.
Next suggestion.
567
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:42,158
Don't--
Okay, that's blank.
568
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:43,201
Don't--just--
569
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,619
Don't sleep
with your boss.
570
00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:48,081
Do you think
this is referring
571
00:20:48,123 --> 00:20:49,457
to you boning Jan?
572
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:55,338
Okay, let me--
let me make something clear.
573
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:56,673
As embarrassing as this is,
574
00:20:56,715 --> 00:20:58,091
I feel that it needs
to be said.
575
00:20:58,133 --> 00:21:00,385
There is nothing romantic
or--or
576
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:01,928
sexual going on
577
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,638
with Michael and myself.
Well--
578
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,307
The other night, I gave him
a polite, congratulatory kiss
579
00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:09,728
because he just closed
the biggest deal of his--
580
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,063
his career and--and--
and that's it.
581
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,398
Okay?
582
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,734
If anything else has been
inferred or implied,
583
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:16,901
it's just not true.
584
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:17,861
So.
585
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:20,613
Is everyone straight on that?
586
00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:22,741
Crystal.
587
00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:27,871
There's one more suggestion.
588
00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:28,830
Press it.
589
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:32,292
You can, um--
590
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:34,836
Way to go, man.
Jan's really hot.
591
00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:36,963
Okay, I think we're good.
592
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,882
I can't--I can't--
I don't understand why you're so upset.
593
00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:40,467
All right,
please sit down.
594
00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:41,760
I'm going to sit over here.
You're going to sit over there.
595
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:42,886
Let me ask you this.
Please sit yourself down.
596
00:21:42,927 --> 00:21:45,138
Let me ask you something.
What, Michael?
597
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:46,765
Where did you get your outfit?
[groans]
598
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,142
What is an office?
599
00:21:49,184 --> 00:21:51,728
Is it a group of people?
Maybe.
600
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:54,439
Is it an idea?
Of course, yes.
601
00:21:54,481 --> 00:21:57,108
Is it a living organism?
602
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:59,819
Exactly. Yes.
603
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:03,990
And any single-cell organism
has to have a spine,
604
00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:05,658
and that's me.
605
00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:09,746
But the spine is always
controlled by a brain,
606
00:22:09,788 --> 00:22:11,748
and that is Jan.
607
00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:14,959
But the brain needs a heart,
and that is me again.
608
00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:16,878
[chuckling]
So ironic.
609
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,255
You know what?
610
00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:22,133
The heart is smarter
than the brain.
611
00:22:22,175 --> 00:22:25,095
[clock ticking]
612
00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:28,264
But the brain is so effin' hot.
613
00:22:28,306 --> 00:22:29,849
Oh, my God.
614
00:22:29,891 --> 00:22:31,476
When Dwight said that no one
wants to come in on Saturday?
615
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:32,644
Pam.
I almost lost it.
616
00:22:32,686 --> 00:22:34,854
[chuckling]
That was too good.
617
00:22:34,896 --> 00:22:37,982
Well, that is because that is
the gift that keeps on giving.
618
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:40,735
(Pam)
[laughing quietly]
619
00:22:41,736 --> 00:22:43,196
Oh, my God.
620
00:22:43,238 --> 00:22:44,739
I left today's paper
on my desk.
621
00:22:46,241 --> 00:22:47,992
You mean yesterday's paper.
622
00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:49,244
What?
623
00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:50,620
Yes.
624
00:22:50,662 --> 00:22:52,455
That is exactly what I mean.
625
00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:55,500
Whoa.
626
00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:58,712
You are very good
at what you do.
627
00:22:58,753 --> 00:22:59,838
Thank you.
628
00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:03,508
[chewing loudly]
629
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:05,051
Hey, temp. Hey.
630
00:23:05,093 --> 00:23:06,511
Look, we're twins.
631
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,471
Huh. [chuckles]
Cool.
632
00:23:08,513 --> 00:23:10,724
Bet you I got mine
for less than yours.
633
00:23:10,765 --> 00:23:12,600
I bet you did.
634
00:23:12,642 --> 00:23:15,895
Mm, getting a little something
to calm the nerves?
635
00:23:15,937 --> 00:23:17,605
What nerves?
636
00:23:17,647 --> 00:23:19,232
For the performance review.
637
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:22,152
Oh, wait. You don't get one.
You're a temp.
638
00:23:22,193 --> 00:23:23,361
Ha-ha.
[chuckles politely]
639
00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:25,238
Actually, I had mine already.
640
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:26,489
You're lying.
641
00:23:26,531 --> 00:23:28,366
Why would I lie about
a performance review?
642
00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:30,076
Why would Michael give you one
before me?
643
00:23:30,118 --> 00:23:31,327
I think because
644
00:23:31,369 --> 00:23:32,829
my name is before yours
in alphabetical order.
645
00:23:32,871 --> 00:23:34,581
[change clanking]
646
00:23:34,622 --> 00:23:36,875
[sighs]
How did it go?
647
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,918
Fine. He actually gave me
a small raise,
648
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,295
which I did not ask for.
649
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,339
[vending machine grinds]
650
00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:45,008
It's stuck.
651
00:23:46,009 --> 00:23:48,970
[chip bag crackling]
652
00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:53,099
It's cool. It fell.
653
00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:54,309
It's--
654
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:03,860
[Motley Crue's "Wild Side"
playing on cheap stereo]
655
00:24:03,902 --> 00:24:05,862
You're gonna give me
this raise.
656
00:24:05,904 --> 00:24:07,364
I deserve this raise.
657
00:24:07,405 --> 00:24:08,448
♪ ♪
658
00:24:08,490 --> 00:24:09,491
Yes.
659
00:24:09,532 --> 00:24:11,576
Yes! Yes!
660
00:24:11,618 --> 00:24:13,453
Ha!
661
00:24:13,495 --> 00:24:14,746
The least you can do
662
00:24:14,788 --> 00:24:16,664
is keep my salary consistent
with inflation.
663
00:24:16,706 --> 00:24:18,333
Kah-ah!
664
00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:19,668
Yes!
665
00:24:19,709 --> 00:24:21,378
Why are you going to give me
this raise?
666
00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:22,962
Why?
667
00:24:23,004 --> 00:24:24,214
(Motley Crue)
♪ Kneel down, you sinners ♪
668
00:24:24,255 --> 00:24:26,758
Because I'm awesome!
669
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,386
I am awesome!
670
00:24:29,427 --> 00:24:30,804
(Motley Crue)
♪ Wild side ♪
671
00:24:31,596 --> 00:24:33,765
[sighs]
672
00:24:39,229 --> 00:24:41,648
I just don't understand
673
00:24:41,690 --> 00:24:44,067
why you have to pretend
like nothing happened.
674
00:24:44,109 --> 00:24:46,986
Because nothing did, Michael.
675
00:24:47,028 --> 00:24:48,905
I'm not going to say anything
more about it,
676
00:24:48,947 --> 00:24:51,032
and I would advise
that you do the same.
677
00:24:51,074 --> 00:24:51,991
Look--
678
00:24:52,033 --> 00:24:53,076
Michael.
Oh, my God.
679
00:24:53,118 --> 00:24:54,744
I'm sorry. I'm interrupting?
Oh, God.
680
00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:56,037
Were you guys making out?
681
00:24:56,079 --> 00:24:58,039
No, Dwight. Come in. Great.
682
00:24:58,081 --> 00:24:59,207
What do you want,
Dwight?
683
00:24:59,249 --> 00:25:01,710
I am ready
for my performance review.
684
00:25:01,751 --> 00:25:02,919
Okay. Great.
685
00:25:02,961 --> 00:25:05,005
Your performance
has been adequate.
686
00:25:05,046 --> 00:25:06,965
You may leave.
Good-bye.
687
00:25:07,716 --> 00:25:09,467
Is this how
you've been conducting
688
00:25:09,509 --> 00:25:10,927
all the reviews, Michael?
689
00:25:10,969 --> 00:25:13,263
You want to talk now?
Good. Okay, Dwight, leave.
690
00:25:13,304 --> 00:25:15,515
Uh, wait. I would like
to discuss my raise.
691
00:25:15,557 --> 00:25:18,143
Why on Earth
would we give you a raise?
692
00:25:18,184 --> 00:25:19,728
That is an excellent question.
693
00:25:19,769 --> 00:25:20,854
Thank you for asking.
694
00:25:23,606 --> 00:25:25,442
Let me bring up one word.
695
00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:26,818
Dedication.
696
00:25:27,736 --> 00:25:29,612
I have never...
697
00:25:29,654 --> 00:25:30,947
been late.
698
00:25:30,989 --> 00:25:34,534
Also, I have never
missed a day due to illness.
699
00:25:34,576 --> 00:25:35,785
[sighs]
700
00:25:35,827 --> 00:25:36,870
Even when I had
walking pneumonia.
701
00:25:36,911 --> 00:25:39,789
I even come in on holidays.
702
00:25:39,831 --> 00:25:41,791
You do? How do you get in?
703
00:25:41,833 --> 00:25:43,460
I have a copy of your key.
704
00:25:43,501 --> 00:25:44,919
That's a serious offense.
705
00:25:44,961 --> 00:25:47,964
That is a serious offense.
Very serious.
706
00:25:48,006 --> 00:25:50,216
[shakily] As is
toying with a man's heart.
707
00:25:50,258 --> 00:25:52,135
Oh, Michael,
for God sakes.
708
00:25:52,177 --> 00:25:54,346
I'd also further like to talk
about my merits
709
00:25:54,387 --> 00:25:55,638
in the workplace.
710
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:56,848
Okay, third wheel,
why don't you do that?
711
00:25:56,890 --> 00:25:58,391
For instance,
712
00:25:58,433 --> 00:25:59,768
the time I brought in deer
jerky for the whole office.
713
00:25:59,809 --> 00:26:01,811
That was deer? Gross. Oh...
714
00:26:01,853 --> 00:26:03,146
You liked it.
God. Did not.
715
00:26:03,188 --> 00:26:04,397
Jan, have you ever
had deer?
716
00:26:04,439 --> 00:26:06,691
No.
It's a delicacy.
717
00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:08,318
And you know what?
It's an aphrodisiac.
718
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:09,486
So when we're done here,
719
00:26:09,527 --> 00:26:10,945
you guys could go over
to the Antler Lodge,
720
00:26:10,987 --> 00:26:12,906
sample some deer,
and talk about my raise.
721
00:26:12,947 --> 00:26:14,157
What do you say, Jan?
722
00:26:14,199 --> 00:26:15,784
Okay. Here's what
I'm going to do.
723
00:26:15,825 --> 00:26:17,786
I'm going to step outside,
collect my thoughts,
724
00:26:17,827 --> 00:26:19,537
and I will return
in about 10 minutes.
725
00:26:19,579 --> 00:26:20,622
Okay, you just, uh,
clear your head.
726
00:26:20,663 --> 00:26:21,706
Thank you, Dwight.
727
00:26:22,624 --> 00:26:23,667
[door slams]
728
00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:25,043
Look, I know it's your job,
729
00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:27,629
I know you have to ask,
but I promise you,
730
00:26:27,671 --> 00:26:28,922
I'm not going to discuss it
with him.
731
00:26:28,963 --> 00:26:31,341
I'm certainly not
going to discuss it with you.
732
00:26:31,383 --> 00:26:32,967
Do you have a light?
733
00:26:33,009 --> 00:26:34,260
And in conclusion,
734
00:26:34,302 --> 00:26:36,012
I think Lex Luthor
said it best
735
00:26:36,054 --> 00:26:39,891
when he said,
"Dad, you have no idea
736
00:26:39,933 --> 00:26:41,851
what I'm capable of."
737
00:26:41,893 --> 00:26:43,144
That's from Superman?
738
00:26:43,186 --> 00:26:44,145
Smallville.
739
00:26:44,187 --> 00:26:48,358
And that is why I feel
I deserve
740
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,734
this raise.
741
00:26:51,069 --> 00:26:52,862
There's never a good time
to ask for a raise.
742
00:26:52,904 --> 00:26:54,239
You just have to go for it.
743
00:26:55,782 --> 00:26:57,575
Maybe they were making out.
744
00:26:58,243 --> 00:26:59,703
Yeah, that got a little out
of control.
745
00:26:59,744 --> 00:27:00,954
[inhales deeply]
746
00:27:00,995 --> 00:27:02,372
Jan's taking a break,
which is fine.
747
00:27:02,414 --> 00:27:05,625
I'm doing the same.
Just chillin'.
748
00:27:05,667 --> 00:27:07,419
Get my mind off of us.
749
00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:10,380
She's right, I need to be more
professional at the office.
750
00:27:10,422 --> 00:27:12,799
When I'm at work,
I need to focus on work.
751
00:27:14,259 --> 00:27:16,052
I should call her ex-husband.
752
00:27:16,094 --> 00:27:19,055
Yes, hello.
Is this R. Gould?
753
00:27:19,097 --> 00:27:21,391
Hi.
Uh, my name is Michael Scott.
754
00:27:21,433 --> 00:27:23,560
I work at Dunder-Mifflin
with your wife, Jan--
755
00:27:23,601 --> 00:27:26,062
ex-wife, Jan.
756
00:27:26,104 --> 00:27:29,107
Yeah, that's me.
Um, I had a question.
757
00:27:29,149 --> 00:27:30,233
Uh, I was wondering whether
758
00:27:30,275 --> 00:27:31,651
I could ask something
sort of personal
759
00:27:31,693 --> 00:27:33,153
about your wife--
ex-wife?
760
00:27:35,572 --> 00:27:36,531
Okay.
761
00:27:38,116 --> 00:27:39,784
Or can I ask anyway?
762
00:27:40,952 --> 00:27:42,078
Well, I'm just gonna ask.
763
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:43,621
When you guys were dating,
764
00:27:43,663 --> 00:27:46,041
was she sort of easy to get
and then sort of hard to get?
765
00:27:49,336 --> 00:27:50,295
Okay.
766
00:27:52,297 --> 00:27:54,507
Yeah, that Gould
is a real interesting guy.
767
00:27:54,549 --> 00:27:55,925
What a gem.
768
00:27:55,967 --> 00:27:57,344
[inhales deeply]
769
00:27:57,385 --> 00:28:00,055
I can see why he and Jan
are no longer together.
770
00:28:00,096 --> 00:28:02,098
If--if my conversation with him
771
00:28:02,140 --> 00:28:03,933
is any measure
of their relationship,
772
00:28:03,975 --> 00:28:07,604
he was verbally abusive,
he was curt,
773
00:28:07,645 --> 00:28:09,689
he was, uh,
774
00:28:09,731 --> 00:28:12,859
he had an inability
to communicate, shall I say?
775
00:28:12,901 --> 00:28:15,195
He was emotionally unavailable.
776
00:28:15,236 --> 00:28:16,905
I don't--I don't know
how she dealt with that
777
00:28:16,946 --> 00:28:18,156
as long as she did.
778
00:28:19,991 --> 00:28:23,119
(Pam)
Do you think Michael and Jan actually...
779
00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:24,454
I don't really want
to picture it,
780
00:28:24,496 --> 00:28:26,247
but thank you, Pam.
781
00:28:26,289 --> 00:28:28,166
How do you come back
from that?
782
00:28:28,208 --> 00:28:31,294
Um, you don't, I don't think,
783
00:28:31,336 --> 00:28:32,879
come all the way back,
you know.
784
00:28:32,921 --> 00:28:34,381
Especially
working together.
785
00:28:34,422 --> 00:28:36,633
No, I mean,
doing that with Michael.
786
00:28:36,675 --> 00:28:37,801
How do you come back
from that?
787
00:28:37,842 --> 00:28:39,302
Oh.
As a human being?
788
00:28:39,344 --> 00:28:41,846
Yeah, no.
I don't think you can.
789
00:28:42,263 --> 00:28:44,891
Office romances?
Um...
790
00:28:44,933 --> 00:28:47,060
[chuckles]
791
00:28:47,102 --> 00:28:49,020
I think you should probably
ask Pam.
792
00:28:50,188 --> 00:28:52,440
'Cause she's in
an office romance.
793
00:28:52,482 --> 00:28:53,608
Technically.
794
00:29:00,281 --> 00:29:02,492
Look under the suggestion box.
795
00:29:08,415 --> 00:29:11,334
{\an8}I can't believe I kept this up
all day.
796
00:29:11,376 --> 00:29:13,086
{\an8}Signed, me.
797
00:29:14,879 --> 00:29:17,340
I'm heading back to New York.
798
00:29:17,382 --> 00:29:20,010
Allan and I will conduct
your performance review
799
00:29:20,051 --> 00:29:21,177
over the phone tomorrow, okay?
800
00:29:21,219 --> 00:29:22,345
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
801
00:29:22,387 --> 00:29:24,973
No, no. I just--I just want
to know why.
802
00:29:25,557 --> 00:29:27,976
Michael, now is not
the time or the place.
803
00:29:28,018 --> 00:29:30,854
Okay. So you're saying that
there is a different time... No.
804
00:29:30,895 --> 00:29:32,230
Or place that we can have
this discussion?
805
00:29:32,272 --> 00:29:33,523
I am saying we are never
gonna have this conversation.
806
00:29:33,565 --> 00:29:34,524
Well, okay.
807
00:29:34,566 --> 00:29:36,526
What, never as in
never ever ever?
808
00:29:36,568 --> 00:29:39,070
Or never as in
there's no chance?
809
00:29:39,112 --> 00:29:41,364
(Jan)
Never for me always means never ever ever.
810
00:29:41,406 --> 00:29:43,908
Well, then,
Gould wasn't kidding.
811
00:29:43,950 --> 00:29:45,869
What?
[sighs] Nothing.
812
00:29:45,910 --> 00:29:46,911
What did you say, Michael?
813
00:29:46,953 --> 00:29:48,580
I just--[exhales deeply]
Nothing.
814
00:29:48,621 --> 00:29:49,998
Did you call my ex?
815
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,417
No, I did not.
816
00:29:52,459 --> 00:29:53,418
Gould? You said Gould.
817
00:29:53,460 --> 00:29:54,919
Maybe I did.
818
00:29:54,961 --> 00:29:55,962
Maybe I called him.
I don't know.
819
00:29:56,004 --> 00:29:57,380
How dare you, Michael.
820
00:29:57,422 --> 00:29:59,591
My personal life is off-limits
to you, okay? I'm--
821
00:29:59,632 --> 00:30:00,759
How dare you do that?
822
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,553
I didn't do that.
I--maybe he called me.
823
00:30:03,595 --> 00:30:05,972
Why would he do that?
Why would he call you, Michael?
824
00:30:06,014 --> 00:30:07,766
Why would my husband call you?
Ex-husband.
825
00:30:07,807 --> 00:30:10,310
I mean--
You have to let it go.
826
00:30:10,352 --> 00:30:13,229
I just want to know
from the horse's mouth
827
00:30:13,271 --> 00:30:15,523
what is the dealio.
You know, Michael...
828
00:30:15,565 --> 00:30:17,317
Am I too short?
Michael, it has nothing to do with your looks, okay?
829
00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:18,651
It's your--
it's your personality.
830
00:30:18,693 --> 00:30:23,406
I mean, you're obnoxious
and rude and--and--and...
831
00:30:23,448 --> 00:30:24,532
stupid.
832
00:30:24,574 --> 00:30:26,868
And you do have coffee breath,
by the way.
833
00:30:26,910 --> 00:30:29,829
And--and I don't agree
about the B.O.,
834
00:30:29,871 --> 00:30:32,916
But you are very, very inconsiderate.
835
00:30:32,957 --> 00:30:34,000
Really?
836
00:30:34,042 --> 00:30:35,919
Really.
You're--you're--you're...
837
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:37,212
you're a great guy, okay?
838
00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:39,172
I appreciate that.
Thank you.
839
00:30:39,214 --> 00:30:40,590
You were very sweet.
840
00:30:40,632 --> 00:30:43,093
And you stayed up with me
and talked to me
841
00:30:43,134 --> 00:30:45,720
and cried with me
and I appreciate that
842
00:30:45,762 --> 00:30:47,138
in this difficult time
in my life. No, I wasn't.
843
00:30:47,180 --> 00:30:48,890
I wasn't crying.
844
00:30:48,932 --> 00:30:50,266
(Jan)
But I am just not in the place right now
845
00:30:50,308 --> 00:30:51,226
where I'm looking
for a relationship.
846
00:30:51,267 --> 00:30:53,269
So we can still
work together,
847
00:30:53,311 --> 00:30:55,772
we can still be friends, but...
848
00:30:55,814 --> 00:30:57,732
[elevator bell rings]
849
00:30:57,774 --> 00:31:00,151
Okay?
850
00:31:00,193 --> 00:31:03,113
So my looks
having nothing to do with it.
851
00:31:03,154 --> 00:31:04,572
[exhaling deeply]
Oh, God.
852
00:31:08,910 --> 00:31:11,079
(Michael)
Jan is not in a place where she feels
853
00:31:11,121 --> 00:31:12,747
she can have a relationship
right now,
854
00:31:12,789 --> 00:31:16,292
and it doesn't matter
how great a guy I am.
855
00:31:16,334 --> 00:31:18,253
And that is all I needed.
856
00:31:18,294 --> 00:31:21,214
I'm good.
I can go home now.
857
00:31:25,927 --> 00:31:28,847
{\an8}[phone ringing]
858
00:31:32,684 --> 00:31:35,770
Hey, it's 12:20.
Where the hell is Dwight?
859
00:31:35,812 --> 00:31:38,231
Um, no idea.
860
00:31:38,273 --> 00:31:40,316
Never missed a day,
my ass.
861
00:31:42,527 --> 00:31:44,446
[phone ringing]
862
00:31:46,114 --> 00:31:47,073
[chuckles softly]
863
00:31:47,115 --> 00:31:49,576
[phone ringing]
864
00:31:50,410 --> 00:31:52,829
I'm here! I'm here!
865
00:31:55,165 --> 00:31:56,666
I'm here! It's okay!
59971
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