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[upbeat music]
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00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:20,937
{\an8}♪ ♪
3
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,460
Good morning, Pam.
4
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:45,295
(Pam)
Good morning, Michael.
5
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:46,671
What's going on?
6
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,214
Nothing.
You look nice today.
7
00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:49,507
You look real thin.
8
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,259
Um...
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00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:54,679
Uh, I don't get
what you mean.
10
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:58,016
You just, um,
you look good.
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00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:02,520
Your shirt looks...
you look real good.
12
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:03,980
Uh...
13
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:07,108
Well, you said I look thin,
so what does--
14
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,986
That mean I'm, like,
thin weird,
15
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:13,365
or thin handsome, or...
[laughs]
16
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:14,574
Thin handsome, Michael.
17
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,202
Ah.
Yes, well, of course.
18
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:18,578
Of course.
19
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:22,540
I'm in a good mood.
My mom is coming in to visit.
20
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,167
She lives, like, two hours away
21
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,919
and she doesn't have
a cell phone.
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00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,879
Which is cool
'cause it's kind of adding
23
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,714
some suspense to my day,
24
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,633
and I keep looking
over at the door,
25
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,885
hoping she'll walk in.
26
00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:41,685
[clears throat]
27
00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:43,561
Hey, what's up?
28
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:44,938
Hey.
29
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,940
Any emails today?
30
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,525
Um, I don't think so.
31
00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:49,776
No?
32
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:53,571
Um, check your spam folder.
33
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:56,116
Oh, there it is.
34
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,450
What?
35
00:01:57,492 --> 00:02:02,330
Um...50 signs your priest
might be Michael Jackson.
36
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:06,960
Well done. Topical.
37
00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,254
I am king of forwards.
38
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,548
It's how I like
to do business.
39
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,425
Everybody joking around.
40
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,301
We're like Friends.
41
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,846
I am Chandler.
42
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:19,931
And Joey.
43
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,810
And, uh, Pam is Rachel.
44
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:26,771
And Dwight is Kramer.
45
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:27,981
[laughing]
46
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,357
Did you get it?
47
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:32,318
[both laughing]
48
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,365
[both muttering, laughing]
49
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:39,784
Got any emails?
50
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,746
Anything funny
happening in there?
51
00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,831
Oh, yeah.
The one from corporate?
52
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:47,250
Yeah--what?
That's crazy, about Randall.
53
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:50,211
What?
54
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:52,505
"Informing you that
Randall Einhorn, our CFO,
55
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:56,134
has resigned due to
inappropriate conduct."
56
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,260
Wow.
57
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,637
That is out
of the blue.
58
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,890
"We hope that
this information
59
00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:03,641
will put an end
to the rumors."
60
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,726
I did hear rumors...
61
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:05,977
Mm-hmm.
62
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,896
About him.
63
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,397
That is something.
64
00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:12,359
So the monkey
does the sex thing right...
65
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,610
here!
66
00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:15,070
[both laugh]
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00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:16,529
(Michael)
That's funny!
68
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:17,655
That's funny.
69
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,157
Not offensive.
70
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,825
Because it's nature, educational.
71
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,452
Do want the link?
72
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:23,870
'Cause then you could
forward it around.
73
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,747
Um, I...
74
00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,582
Consider it.
75
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:28,958
Maybe, maybe.
76
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,919
Well, we'll see.
77
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,587
Because I don't know
if it's a--
78
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:33,880
Wha--come on!
79
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:36,257
What has two thumbs
and likes to bone your mom?
80
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,009
This guy!
81
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,178
[both laugh]
82
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,680
Oh, you are so bad.
83
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:42,847
Yeah.
84
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,683
Oh, phew, ro, rah!
Aaah!
85
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,393
Oh, this guy
is out of control.
86
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:48,186
He is a madman.
87
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,354
Better get the bleep button
ready for him.
88
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:50,563
Bleep, bleep!
89
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,192
What's up, Halpert?
Still queer?
90
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,527
(Michael)
Uh-oh!
91
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,487
Oh ho ho!
92
00:03:57,529 --> 00:04:01,700
Todd Packer and I
are total BFF.
93
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,034
Best friends forever.
94
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,121
He and I came up together
as salesmen.
95
00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:11,501
One time we were out
and we met this set of twins.
96
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:15,463
And Packer told them
that we were brothers.
97
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:18,258
And so, you know,
one thing led to another.
98
00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:21,219
And we brought 'em back
to the motel.
99
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:24,889
And then Packer
did both of them.
100
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,558
It was awesome.
101
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,059
It was...
102
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,686
I was about
to close this order,
103
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:30,937
and it was
a really big one.
104
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:32,063
That's what she said.
105
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,148
[both laughing]
106
00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:35,025
Oh, man, did you get that?
107
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,067
"That's what she said."
108
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,152
Please don't involve me
in this.
109
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:38,778
Nice!
That is a classic.
110
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,071
Oh, oh, oh!
Oh.
111
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,991
Okay, grade-A gossip
for you right now.
112
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,744
Randall, CFO, resigned.
113
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:46,870
Nobody knows why.
114
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:48,246
Are you kidding?
115
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,081
Everyone knows why!
116
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,916
You don't know?
Oh, okay, check this out.
117
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,501
All right,
so here's the story.
118
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,628
So Randall is nailing
his secretary, right?
119
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,589
And she's totally incompetent.
120
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,215
Really?
Here we go.
121
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,676
Buckle up, it's gonna be
a bumpy one.
122
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,762
We're talking "blonde
incompetent," right?
123
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:04,846
Oh, yeah.
124
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,348
Like, uh,
ten words a minute.
125
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:07,807
Talking.
126
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,476
Well, to be fair,
blondes, brunettes.
127
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,019
You know, there are a lot
of dumb people out there.
128
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,729
They are women, right?
129
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,314
Oh, wow!
130
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:15,899
I didn't say it!
I didn't say it!
131
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,776
I said it.
132
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:21,071
And then, suddenly,
for no reason,
133
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,781
this bimbo asks
for a pay raise, right?
134
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,366
Really?
135
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:25,992
Yeah, and Randall's like,
"Uh, I'm not giving a pay raise
136
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,495
to someone whose
bra size is twice her IQ."
137
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:30,955
Oh, wow!
Some people don't test well.
138
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,624
Okay, I'm telling
the story.
139
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,751
So anyway, this bimbo
blows the whistle
140
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:37,462
on the whole thing
just to be a bitch.
141
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,798
Oh, wow, what'd I tell you
about the bleep button?
142
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,051
Hey, what has two thumbs
and hates Todd Packer?
143
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:45,303
This guy!
144
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,514
So, uh, what are you, uh,
what are you around?
145
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:48,932
You doing sales calls
in the area?
146
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:50,392
What's going on?
147
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,935
I meant to ask you,
you think you can get someone
148
00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:54,813
to drive me around because of
the DUI situation?
149
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,940
Oh, bad boy.
150
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:59,275
Um, Ryan.
151
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,318
[makes quacking duck sound]
152
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,028
Come on, kid,
let's go.
153
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,321
Oh, man.
154
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,281
That Todd Packer
can do anything.
155
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,367
Except pass
that breathalyzer.
156
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,661
(Todd)
They key is, when you get pulled over,
157
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,329
you just stall 'em
for as long as you can,
158
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,707
or you just start crying,
you know?
159
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,295
You a big
William Hung fan?
160
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,006
Why does everybody
ask me that?
161
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,507
Who the hell is that?
162
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,262
Wait, Jim, no.
163
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:29,347
Don't drink directly
from the can, okay?
164
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,807
I'm serious.
It's all over the Internet.
165
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,268
They use the same shipping
company as a rat poison,
166
00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:35,228
and it gets on the can.
167
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,029
Well, you're an idiot.
168
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:47,615
What can I say, Dwight?
I live a very dangerous life.
169
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:56,958
[email chimes]
170
00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,128
[monkey screeching]
171
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,297
[snickers]
172
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,050
Did you get that?
173
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,593
Yeah, I got it.
174
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:09,304
You could see her--
It's fake.
175
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,765
How do you know?
She wouldn't do that.
176
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,224
She's a senator.
177
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:17,645
[snickers]
Oh, that's funny.
178
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,781
Ow!
179
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:41,878
Hey.
180
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,422
Hey.
181
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,133
Whoa, a little early
for your 4:00 candy, isn't it?
182
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,843
Yeah, I know.
I'm just, like,
183
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:51,513
a little bit,
you know...
184
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,473
Gotcha.
185
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,145
I'm really excited
to meet your mom.
186
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,146
You are?
187
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,356
Yeah.
188
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,440
I'm excited
to show her around.
189
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,109
She really wants
to meet everybody.
190
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,151
Oh, yeah?
Good.
191
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,529
'Cause I have
a lot of questions.
192
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,072
Oh, really?
Yeah.
193
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:12,075
As a child did Pam
show any traits
194
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,284
that would hint towards
her future career
195
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,120
as a receptionist?
196
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,371
Oh, yes.
197
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,747
When Pam was
a little girl,
198
00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:18,998
she used to answer
the phone
199
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,041
and press
the hold button
200
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:22,127
for hours,
every day.
201
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,420
That's incredible.
202
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,213
She was just
a natural.
203
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,382
[laughs]
204
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,677
Hey, send me that link
to the monkey sex video.
205
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:32,762
I'm going to forward it
like it's hot.
206
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:33,638
Yes!
207
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,306
♪ Forward it like it's hot ♪
208
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,058
♪ Forward it like it's hot ♪
209
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,601
Old school.
210
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,562
Michael?
211
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:41,688
Yes, Toby.
212
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,857
Um, I need to talk to you
in your office.
213
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:45,150
It'll just take two seconds.
214
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,860
[clears throat]
215
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,361
Um, literally two seconds?
216
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:49,821
Toby is in HR,
217
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:52,407
which technically means
he works for corporate.
218
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:56,077
So he's really not
a part of our family.
219
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,537
Also, he's divorced,
220
00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,081
so he's really not
a part of his family.
221
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,624
The full story
is that Randall resigned
222
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,293
because of
sexual harassment.
223
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,420
So corporate asked me
to do a five minute review
224
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:07,172
of the company's
sexual harassment policy.
225
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,715
No, no, Toby. No.
226
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:09,841
It's really not
a big deal, Michael.
227
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:10,842
It is a big deal.
228
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,969
It's a big deal!
229
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,387
What are we supposed to do,
230
00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:18,641
scrutinize every little thing
we say and do all day?
231
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,893
I mean, come on.
232
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,936
And then corporate
is gonna send in a lawyer.
233
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,146
What?
No!
234
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,315
Just to refresh you
on our policy.
235
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:26,816
What?
N-he--no.
236
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:30,070
Okay, what is a lawyer
gonna come in and tell us?
237
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,280
To not send out
238
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,199
hilarious emails
or not tell jokes?
239
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,658
Maybe not some of them.
240
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,535
Maybe not
inappropriate ones.
241
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,038
There is no such thing
as an appropriate joke.
242
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,706
That's why it's a joke.
243
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:42,916
Everyone?
Hello?
244
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,209
Everyone.
Hi.
245
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,710
Uh, sorry to interrupt.
246
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,254
I know you're all busy
and the last thing you want
247
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,173
is for a major interruption.
248
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:53,218
But Toby has an announcement
that he insists on making
249
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:54,719
right now
in the middle of the day.
250
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,012
So take it away.
251
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,514
Yeah, okay.
252
00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,225
Corporate would like us
to do a five minute review
253
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,935
of the company's
sexual harassment policy,
254
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,395
so I'll go over that later.
255
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,605
(Michael)
I wish you luck, Toby, I really do.
256
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,565
But you are going to have
a mutiny on your hands.
257
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:11,277
And I just can't wait to see
how you handle it.
258
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:14,364
A guy goes
to a five dollar...
259
00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:16,116
lady of the night.
260
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:18,910
And he gets crabs.
261
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:22,247
So the next day,
he goes back to complain.
262
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,165
And the woman says,
263
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:27,127
"Hey, it was only
five dollars.
264
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,963
What did you expect,
lobster?"
265
00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:32,257
[laughs softly]
266
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,800
This is what's at stake.
267
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:39,973
Hey.
Hey.
268
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,099
I know we're having that
269
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,517
harassment thing
this afternoon.
270
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:43,601
Yeah.
271
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,686
Some times when we IM,
272
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,187
I send you that
little winking face
273
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,523
with the lipstick.
274
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,275
Yeah?
Yeah.
275
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,444
I realized that
might be harassment.
276
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,363
Yes,
it is harassment.
277
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,116
And I'm gonna be suing
the winking face.
278
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,617
I've hired the angry face
as my lawyer,
279
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:02,704
and you should be
hearing from him very soon.
280
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,622
Okay.
Okay.
281
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:12,297
[laughing]
282
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,010
[elevator bell]
283
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:19,137
Time to bring out
the big guns.
284
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,056
I am heading down
to the warehouse,
285
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,974
where jokes are born.
286
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,559
Find a killer joke
that'll just blow
287
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:27,145
everybody away
at the seminar later.
288
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,982
And remind them what is great
about this place.
289
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,109
So... ah!
Here they are.
290
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,695
Guys, wondering
if I could, uh,
291
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,155
get your help for something?
292
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,407
I am looking
for a new joke to tell.
293
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,326
And it needs to be
just killer.
294
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,703
And it does not
need to be clean.
295
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:44,704
So what you got?
296
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,081
Like, a joke?
A knock, knock joke?
297
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,332
Um, yeah--no.
298
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,625
I mean, better.
Better than that.
299
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,835
The type of stuff you guys
tell all day.
300
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:55,256
Well, those are some
awful tight pants you have on.
301
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:58,677
Where did you get 'em,
like, Queers 'R' Us?
302
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,136
Boys 'R' Us.
303
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,138
Oh!
All right, all right.
304
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,182
Well, yeah,
but you know.
305
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,559
A joke but not necessarily
at my expense.
306
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,561
Man, we can see
all your business
307
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:11,147
coming around the corner, okay?
308
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,399
You need to, you know,
hide that.
309
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,692
Good thing you don't have
a lot of business
310
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:14,943
to start with.
311
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,195
Ohhhh, okay.
312
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,279
That was still about me.
313
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,531
Hey, hey, hey.
314
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:20,782
So you don't have
the biggest package.
315
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,325
Don't feel bad.
I don't feel bad.
316
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:23,535
I think he feels bad.
317
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,619
No, I don't.
318
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:25,704
You look like
you feel bad.
319
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,205
Okay, well...
320
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,373
You know, not exactly
what I was looking for.
321
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,125
But thanks, guys.
Thank you!
322
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:31,126
You look good in those pants.
323
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,252
He get it
from his mama!
324
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:35,380
[catcalling]
325
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,340
So, remember,
intent is irrelevant.
326
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,426
And that's it. Pam.
327
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:43,179
Um, I just wanted to say
that--just,
328
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:44,889
my mom's coming in today.
329
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,266
Mmmmilf.
330
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,685
Thanks, Kevin.
331
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:50,895
Usually the day we talk about
sexual harassment
332
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,523
is the day that everyone
harasses me as a joke.
333
00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,692
She's coming in today,
and maybe just don't joke
334
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,652
around about that stuff
in front of her?
335
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:58,695
Great point.
336
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:01,448
Uh, in fact, uh,
basic rule of thumb.
337
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:04,242
Let's just act every day
like Pam's mom is coming in.
338
00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:06,745
All right, that's it.
339
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,580
If anybody has any questions
about anything,
340
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,248
you know where I sit
in the back.
341
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,792
[applause]
342
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:14,461
Hi, is it over?
343
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:15,920
Uh, yes.
344
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,505
No.
I know, I know.
345
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,174
It's good.
It is not over.
346
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,842
It is not over
'til it's over.
347
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,844
Did he tell you everything?
348
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,721
Obviously he didn't,
349
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:26,348
because you all still look
relatively happy,
350
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,767
albeit bored.
351
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,101
Do you realize
what we're losing?
352
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,269
Seriously.
353
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,937
Email forwards.
354
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,856
Exactly.
Mwah.
355
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,733
Can we afford to lose
356
00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:39,235
email forwards?
Do we want that?
357
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:40,570
I hate them.
358
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:42,197
You send me these
filthy emails.
359
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,490
And you say,
"Forward them to 10 people,
360
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:45,283
or you'll have bad luck."
361
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,451
Give me a break.
362
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:50,872
Um, Stanley how about
that hot picture
363
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,707
you have by your desk?
364
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,668
The centerfold in the
Catholic schoolgirl's outfit?
365
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,878
I mean, it is hot,
it is sexy,
366
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,296
and it turns him on.
367
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,840
And I will admit,
best part of my morning
368
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,217
is staring at it.
369
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,802
But what, are we just
gonna take it away?
370
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,136
That is my daughter.
371
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,014
She goes to Catholic
girls' school.
372
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:10,016
Great!
He can leave it up!
373
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,559
I'm taking it down right now.
374
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,812
Leave it up, Stanley.
Leave it up!
375
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,689
Fight the good fight!
376
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:18,316
Um, what about
office romance?
377
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,151
Good point. Yes.
378
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,320
Office romance.
379
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,323
For example,
Pam and I are dating.
380
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,158
Do we have to
disclose that?
381
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,451
We're not dating.
382
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,036
No, but I'm saying hypothetically
383
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,329
if we were dating.
384
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,665
We're not dating.
I'm engaged.
385
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:37,377
Well, Roy is dead,
and I ask you out.
386
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:38,461
I would say no.
387
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,046
You say yes,
and we go out.
388
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,214
I would drown myself.
389
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:44,342
And now Roy and Pam
are dead,
390
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,262
and we have your
stupid rules to blame, Toby!
391
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:51,182
Office relationships
are never a good idea,
392
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,517
so let's just try
to avoid 'em.
393
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,602
But if you already have one,
394
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,229
you should disclose it
to HR.
395
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:58,189
Um, all relationships?
396
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,983
Even a one-night stand?
397
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,986
Uh, full disclosure.
398
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:05,989
Dwight and his electric pencil
sharpener are dating.
399
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:08,283
Uh, no, we're not.
Well, you said you hooked up.
400
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,909
Damn it, Dwight.
Okay, question.
401
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:11,911
When does this policy
go into effect?
402
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:12,996
Immediately.
403
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:14,456
[imitates buzzer]
Wrong, no.
404
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,916
New policies go into effect
next business day.
405
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,293
(Toby)
Okay, Dwight.
406
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,878
(Michael)
I think the old honor system was fine.
407
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,714
For example, I have never
slept with an employee.
408
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,507
And believe me,
I could have.
409
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,884
Yeah, Meredith.
410
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,969
No, no, Catherine.
Remember her?
411
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:29,137
Remember how hot she was?
412
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,972
She would have definitely
slept with me.
413
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,390
She wasn't that hot.
414
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,185
Yes, she was.
Damn it, Kevin!
415
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,729
I'm in an office relationship.
416
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,314
It's special.
417
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,066
Mmm, she's nice,
she's shy.
418
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,109
She's actually here
if you wanna meet her.
419
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:46,821
Hold on a second.
420
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,948
Oh, my God.
Put on a shirt!
421
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,576
Put--I told you
that you'd be on camera.
422
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,411
I'm sorry, she's European.
423
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,623
No, I told you
that you'd be on camera.
424
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:57,957
Stop.
425
00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:00,085
There really isn't
a problem here.
426
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,462
You are trying
to outlaw jokes.
427
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:03,963
Is that why you're
bringing in an attorney?
428
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:06,341
Is that--
he's bringing in a lawyer.
429
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:07,926
(Toby)
You know, some of these jokes,
430
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,553
you can just tell on your
free time with your friends.
431
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,514
Here's what he doesn't
understand.
432
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,516
This is our free time.
433
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,559
These are our friends.
434
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:20,855
And I think we have a right
to make our own rules.
435
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,441
I saw the most hilarious
monkey sex video
436
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,027
on the Internet this morning
with Michael.
437
00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,446
I don't want things like that
to change.
438
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,157
What if Pam was a lesbian?
439
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,828
What if she brought
her "partner" into work?
440
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,287
Would that be
crossing the line?
441
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,789
No.
442
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:39,499
What if they made out
in front of everybody?
443
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,835
Well, that would be--
At home?
444
00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:46,006
And I told everybody
everything about it?
445
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:46,965
Okay, I'm lost.
446
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,174
Okay.
447
00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:49,217
Well, then,
let's act it out.
448
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,969
Pam, you will be girl A.
449
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:54,139
And girl B will be...
450
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,975
Okay, we'll use the doll.
451
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,101
Pam?
452
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,895
Pam?
453
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:06,651
I wish Todd Packer was here,
'cause he would love this.
454
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,486
I wonder if anybody else
would like to join us.
455
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,363
Oop.
Coming out of my mouth.
456
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:13,992
Hey, um,
we have to watch Toby's video
457
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:14,993
that he's showing us
458
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,578
in order to brainwash us.
459
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:19,164
And I was wondering
if anybody'd like to join in?
460
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,165
Gonna be fun.
461
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,583
Got microwave pizza.
462
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:23,710
What do you say?
Jim?
463
00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:25,337
No, thanks, I'm good.
464
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,757
That's what she said.
Pam?
465
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:30,592
Um, my mother's coming.
466
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,177
That's what she said--
[clears throat]
467
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,678
No, but--okay.
468
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,055
Well, suit yourself.
469
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,807
Hey, Toby.
470
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:38,850
Hey, Dwight.
471
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,393
You said that we could
come to you
472
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:41,811
if we had any questions.
473
00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:42,937
Sure.
474
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,567
Where is the clitoris?
475
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:55,825
On a website it said
on the crest of the labia.
476
00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,830
What does that mean?
477
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,044
What does the female vagina
look like?
478
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:08,546
Technically, I am
in human resources.
479
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,716
And Dwight was asking
about human anatomy.
480
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:16,221
Um, I'm just sad
the public school system
481
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,473
failed him so badly.
482
00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:19,724
You know,
maybe when you get
483
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,601
really comfortable
with each other,
484
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:24,187
you can ask for that.
485
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:26,189
Good.
486
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:27,399
Good.
And--
487
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,234
I should get back to work.
488
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,860
Okay.
489
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,946
In today's fast-paced
business climate,
490
00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:34,739
it can sometimes
be hard to know
491
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:38,243
when a comment or an action
crosses the line.
492
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,120
Let's take a look
at a couple of scenarios
493
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:41,663
and ask ourselves,
494
00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:44,124
where is the line?
495
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,544
The natural redhead.
496
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:48,962
Hey, Marie.
497
00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:50,171
Hey, Joe, Mike.
498
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:51,673
Hey, settle a bet.
499
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,134
Are you a natural redhead?
500
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,344
[laughter]
501
00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:58,638
Nah, she ain't red.
No, none of them are, man.
502
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,598
What does that even--
how does that even bad,
503
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,268
asking if you're a redhead?
504
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,729
Oh my--hey, stop the video!
505
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,731
Wait, go--stop it right there.
Stop it right there.
506
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:12,652
That's that girl
from that thing.
507
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:14,112
I banged this girl
right here.
508
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,321
That's her?
509
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,489
Yes, this is the one.
You remember...
510
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:17,949
No, the party?
You banged her?
511
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,201
Right here.
You are a naughty girl.
512
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:21,286
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
513
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,454
Okay, hypocrite.
514
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,289
Okay, she is a hypocrite.
515
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,499
That is such a scam. Okay.
516
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:27,959
Yes?
517
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,419
Yes, I did.
518
00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:30,628
Okay.
519
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,172
Well, we can talk
about that later then.
520
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:33,590
Okay, you are never
gonna believe this.
521
00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:34,799
The girl in the video
522
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,301
we're watching
that corporate gave us.
523
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:37,969
Darryl banged her!
524
00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:43,099
And...
525
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:45,518
He's about 90% sure.
526
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,691
Don't ever let this
little bitch
527
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:52,901
drive you around town.
528
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,152
We got lost
for half an hour.
529
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,196
I don't have any DUIs,
so l can drive myself.
530
00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:57,489
But thanks.
531
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,032
Where is Michael Snot?
532
00:19:59,074 --> 00:20:02,243
Sniffing some dude's thong?
533
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,829
Probably.
534
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,499
So you are the lawyer,
Mr. O'Malley.
535
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:08,833
I know a lot
of lawyer jokes.
536
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,210
I love lawyer jokes.
537
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:13,129
Well, it's probably because
you don't get 'em.
538
00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:15,298
When I said before
that I was king of forwards,
539
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:17,550
you gotta understand
that I don't
540
00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:18,802
come up with this stuff.
541
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:22,097
I just forward it along.
542
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:23,932
You wouldn't arrest a guy
who's just delivering drugs
543
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:26,226
from one guy to another.
544
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,602
You seem a little bit
agitated, Michael.
545
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:28,895
What's the problem?
546
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:31,815
The problem is that...
547
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,108
I am the boss.
548
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,318
And apparently
I can't say anything.
549
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:39,698
Well, that's--that's true
in a way.
550
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:42,367
You can't say "anything."
551
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:43,451
Where's the line?
552
00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:44,619
Where's the line, Jan?
553
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,162
Do you need to see
the video again, Michael?
554
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:47,706
No, I've seen the video.
He talked the whole time.
555
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:50,041
No, I didn't.
556
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:52,210
[sighs]
What?
557
00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:59,259
Attention, everyone.
Hello?
558
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,469
Uh, yes, I just want you
to know that, uh,
559
00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:03,013
this is not my decision.
560
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:07,976
But from here on out,
we can no longer be friends.
561
00:21:09,352 --> 00:21:11,980
And when we talk about
things here,
562
00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:16,568
we must only discuss
work associated things.
563
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:20,989
And you can consider this
my retirement from comedy.
564
00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:23,783
And in the future, if I want
to say something funny,
565
00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:26,202
or witty,
or do an impression,
566
00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:31,458
I will no longer ever
do any of those things.
567
00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:34,627
Does that include,
"That's what she said"?
568
00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,796
Mm-hmm, yes.
569
00:21:36,838 --> 00:21:38,965
Wow, that is really hard.
570
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,177
Do you really think
you can go all day long?
571
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:48,016
Well, you always left me
satisfied and smiling, so...
572
00:21:49,184 --> 00:21:50,769
That's what she said!
573
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,312
Michael...
574
00:21:52,354 --> 00:21:53,688
Michael!
575
00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:54,731
Michael, please.
576
00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:55,774
There he is!
577
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:57,192
Mwah!
578
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:58,276
(Packer)
Come on!
579
00:21:58,318 --> 00:21:59,486
You would have done the same.
580
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,112
You just didn't
think of it first.
581
00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:02,906
Mi-Michael, please.
I-I--really.
582
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:04,574
That's not
my sense of humor.
583
00:22:04,616 --> 00:22:06,117
Okay.
Hello.
584
00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:07,494
Jan, Mr. O'Malley,
585
00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:10,914
this is my lawyer
James P. Albini.
586
00:22:10,955 --> 00:22:12,457
I believe you may
recognize his face
587
00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:14,167
from the billboards.
588
00:22:14,209 --> 00:22:16,961
He specializes
in free speech issues.
589
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:19,506
And motorcycle head injuries,
worker's comp,
590
00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:20,924
and diet pill lawsuits.
591
00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:22,008
This guy does it all.
592
00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,468
Excuse me,
I'm sorry.
593
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:26,012
Michael, Mr. O'Malley
is your lawyer.
594
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:28,348
What?
595
00:22:28,390 --> 00:22:31,226
Mr. O'Malley
is our corporate lawyer.
596
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:34,020
We have him on retainer
to protect the company,
597
00:22:34,062 --> 00:22:35,689
as well as upper level management
598
00:22:35,730 --> 00:22:37,023
such as yourself.
599
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:40,568
So I'm not in trouble?
600
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:43,405
I am so used to being
the bad boy.
601
00:22:43,446 --> 00:22:46,199
I am so used
to fighting corporate
602
00:22:46,241 --> 00:22:47,867
that I forget
that I am corporate.
603
00:22:47,909 --> 00:22:50,328
Upper management.
604
00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:52,539
They hooked me up
with an attorney.
605
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:55,375
To protect me.
606
00:22:55,417 --> 00:22:58,878
You can't be too careful
about what you say.
607
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,381
Mo' money, mo' problems.
608
00:23:01,423 --> 00:23:04,217
Okay, well, let's get you
out of here, James.
609
00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:06,219
Um, I think
we're under an hour still.
610
00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:08,304
Yeah, but I did a lot
of paperwork at home.
611
00:23:08,346 --> 00:23:09,681
We'll talk about it later.
612
00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:10,682
Thanks for coming in.
613
00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:15,270
Is William Hung here?
614
00:23:21,526 --> 00:23:23,111
Um, hello.
615
00:23:23,153 --> 00:23:24,779
Oh, my God!
616
00:23:24,821 --> 00:23:26,281
I finally made it.
617
00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:27,157
Hello!
618
00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:29,409
I love my mom.
619
00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:33,329
Okay, that's probably the
most obvious statement ever.
620
00:23:33,371 --> 00:23:35,248
Okay,
so when do I get to
621
00:23:35,290 --> 00:23:36,875
actually meet
all these people?
622
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,293
Um...
623
00:23:38,335 --> 00:23:39,377
Bear says to the rabbit,
"Hey, it stick to your fur?"
624
00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:40,587
He goes, "No."
He says, "Good."
625
00:23:40,628 --> 00:23:43,089
Why don't we just, like,
stay here for a while,
626
00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:44,716
and I'll show you
my desk.
627
00:23:44,758 --> 00:23:46,301
Okay.
This is all yours?
628
00:23:46,343 --> 00:23:47,594
Yeah, I am in charge
of this whole area.
629
00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:49,387
Oh, my goodness.
That's great.
630
00:23:59,481 --> 00:24:01,649
I think we are done with her
for a while.
631
00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:07,989
Um, this is my picture of us
at Aunt Millie's barbeque.
632
00:24:08,031 --> 00:24:09,449
The one that you, um...
633
00:24:09,491 --> 00:24:11,284
Remember the one you said
I should get blown up?
634
00:24:11,326 --> 00:24:13,119
So a guy goes home,
tells his wife,
635
00:24:13,161 --> 00:24:15,413
"Honey, pack your bags,
I just won the lottery."
636
00:24:15,455 --> 00:24:17,123
She goes, "Oh, my God.
That's incredible.
637
00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:18,500
Where are we going?"
638
00:24:18,541 --> 00:24:19,918
He goes, "I don't know
where you're going,
639
00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:21,711
just be out of here by five."
640
00:24:21,753 --> 00:24:24,047
[laughter]
641
00:24:25,090 --> 00:24:26,841
Boom!
642
00:24:26,883 --> 00:24:29,511
Why does he call her honey
if he hates her so much?
643
00:24:29,552 --> 00:24:32,263
Doesn't she get half of his
money because they're married?
644
00:24:32,305 --> 00:24:33,973
It's a joke, lurch.
645
00:24:34,015 --> 00:24:35,892
This is where
I used to keep my computer.
646
00:24:35,934 --> 00:24:37,352
Oh, right, I remember.
647
00:24:37,394 --> 00:24:38,728
With the picture, yeah.
648
00:24:38,770 --> 00:24:41,481
But I switched stuff around
because I actually needed,
649
00:24:41,523 --> 00:24:43,983
like, more room
for organization.
650
00:24:44,025 --> 00:24:46,486
This is, like, um...
651
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:48,988
Oh, there he is.
652
00:24:49,030 --> 00:24:50,615
How are you?
Hey, handsome.
653
00:24:50,657 --> 00:24:52,575
You look great.
Oh, thank you.
654
00:24:52,617 --> 00:24:54,327
So, we ready for dinner?
655
00:24:54,369 --> 00:24:56,538
Well, you know,
actually I kind of need to
656
00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:57,664
stall a bit.
657
00:24:57,706 --> 00:24:59,082
But it's okay,
658
00:24:59,124 --> 00:25:01,376
because I am very used
to killing time.
659
00:25:01,418 --> 00:25:02,836
Oh, I don't believe that.
660
00:25:02,877 --> 00:25:04,504
Okay, I'm gonna go wait
in the parking lot.
661
00:25:04,546 --> 00:25:06,965
And what kind of tunes
do you want for the ride?
662
00:25:07,007 --> 00:25:08,091
A little classical,
a little oldies?
663
00:25:08,133 --> 00:25:10,510
Oh, anything is fine.
664
00:25:10,552 --> 00:25:13,179
All right,
well, see ya.
665
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,600
(whispered)
So which one is Jim?
666
00:25:17,642 --> 00:25:19,644
(whispered)
Mom!
667
00:25:19,686 --> 00:25:20,895
I just wanted to know.
668
00:25:20,937 --> 00:25:22,439
No, it's...
All right, okay.
669
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,399
10 minutes,
then we can go to dinner.
670
00:25:24,441 --> 00:25:25,775
I'll make myself busy.
671
00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:26,818
There's this guy,
672
00:25:26,860 --> 00:25:28,653
he's at a nymphomaniac convention.
673
00:25:28,695 --> 00:25:29,988
And he is psyched,
674
00:25:30,030 --> 00:25:32,323
'cause all these woman
are smoking hot perfect 10s,
675
00:25:32,365 --> 00:25:34,325
except for this one chick
who looks a lot like...
676
00:25:34,367 --> 00:25:36,244
Phyllis?
Yeah.
677
00:25:36,286 --> 00:25:38,288
No, no, no.
That crosses the line.
678
00:25:38,329 --> 00:25:39,497
Ex-squeeze me?
679
00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:42,792
Not you.
680
00:25:42,834 --> 00:25:46,254
Kevin.
Just unwarranted.
681
00:25:46,296 --> 00:25:47,756
Hostile work environment, Kevin.
682
00:25:47,797 --> 00:25:49,007
Packer said it.
683
00:25:49,049 --> 00:25:50,342
No, you said it.
684
00:25:50,383 --> 00:25:52,469
He pointed.
A point is not a say.
685
00:25:52,510 --> 00:25:56,681
Look, Kevin,
we are a family here.
686
00:25:56,723 --> 00:25:58,683
And Phyllis is a valued
member of that family.
687
00:25:58,725 --> 00:25:59,893
Like a grandmother.
688
00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:00,935
I'm the same age
as you, Michael.
689
00:26:00,977 --> 00:26:02,187
I don't know about that.
690
00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:03,229
We're the same
high school class.
691
00:26:03,271 --> 00:26:04,439
Well, I have a late birthday
692
00:26:04,481 --> 00:26:06,941
and usually September
is a cutoff point...
693
00:26:06,983 --> 00:26:08,026
You know what?
694
00:26:08,068 --> 00:26:10,236
You just crossed the line, okay?
695
00:26:10,278 --> 00:26:12,280
There is a line
and you went over it.
696
00:26:12,322 --> 00:26:15,992
And you must be punished.
So go to your corner.
697
00:26:16,034 --> 00:26:17,744
You mean
where my desk is?
698
00:26:17,786 --> 00:26:18,912
Yes, your corner. Go.
699
00:26:18,953 --> 00:26:21,081
Okay.
700
00:26:21,122 --> 00:26:22,582
I have a lot of work
to do, anyway.
701
00:26:22,624 --> 00:26:24,417
(Packer)
Oh, my.
702
00:26:24,459 --> 00:26:26,795
They really got to you,
didn't they?
703
00:26:26,836 --> 00:26:29,047
They didn't get to me.
704
00:26:29,089 --> 00:26:30,507
I got to them.
705
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:35,178
I am still
the same old Michael Scott.
706
00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:37,972
New and improved.
707
00:26:38,014 --> 00:26:39,182
You know what?
708
00:26:39,224 --> 00:26:41,476
I love Phyllis.
709
00:26:42,894 --> 00:26:44,771
You know what else?
710
00:26:44,813 --> 00:26:46,815
I think she is gorgeous.
711
00:26:46,856 --> 00:26:52,028
I think she is an incredibly,
incredibly attractive person.
712
00:26:52,070 --> 00:26:52,946
Come here.
Give me a kiss.
713
00:26:52,987 --> 00:26:54,239
Come on.
714
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:55,907
Michael, come on,
you don't have to worry.
715
00:26:55,949 --> 00:26:57,534
I'm not gonna...
I'm not worried.
716
00:26:57,575 --> 00:27:00,203
report you to HR.
You know what?
717
00:27:00,245 --> 00:27:02,122
The only thing
I am worried about
718
00:27:02,163 --> 00:27:04,165
is getting a boner.
719
00:27:06,042 --> 00:27:07,544
Good work today, everybody.
720
00:27:12,632 --> 00:27:14,259
Times have changed
a little.
721
00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:15,844
[inhales deeply]
722
00:27:15,885 --> 00:27:17,512
And even though
we're still a family here
723
00:27:17,554 --> 00:27:20,849
at Dunder Mifflin,
families grow.
724
00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:22,434
And at some point,
725
00:27:22,475 --> 00:27:27,063
the daddy can't take a bath
with the kids anymore.
726
00:27:27,105 --> 00:27:28,398
I am upper management.
727
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,317
And it would be inappropriate
for me
728
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,695
to take a bath
with Pam.
729
00:27:33,737 --> 00:27:36,114
As much as I
might want to.
730
00:27:36,156 --> 00:27:37,282
He said what?
731
00:27:41,286 --> 00:27:45,457
Toby actually gets alimony
from his ex-wife
732
00:27:45,498 --> 00:27:47,959
because she makes more.
733
00:27:48,001 --> 00:27:51,004
So that's kind of embarrassing.
734
00:27:51,046 --> 00:27:53,798
Not that I'd mind,
but it would never happen to me
735
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:55,759
because I would make
the marriage work.
736
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,260
People seem to like him
737
00:27:57,302 --> 00:27:59,679
because I think he's one of us,
but he's not.
738
00:27:59,721 --> 00:28:05,268
He's this weird loner
who just tells people,
739
00:28:05,310 --> 00:28:06,561
"Don't do this, don't do that.
740
00:28:06,603 --> 00:28:08,313
Hire this person
for this reason."
741
00:28:08,355 --> 00:28:09,522
[mouths words]
742
00:28:09,564 --> 00:28:10,899
I would complain about him,
743
00:28:10,940 --> 00:28:14,152
but who would I go to
to complain about Toby?
744
00:28:14,194 --> 00:28:16,988
Toby.
Bias.
745
00:28:17,030 --> 00:28:18,698
And what does he do about that?
Nothing.
746
00:28:18,740 --> 00:28:19,949
Because he's Toby.
747
00:28:19,991 --> 00:28:22,660
What kind of name is that?
748
00:28:22,702 --> 00:28:25,080
It's almost a girl's name.
749
00:28:26,498 --> 00:28:30,418
I think I've known more girls
named Toby than guys.
750
00:28:30,460 --> 00:28:33,672
He just kind of makes my skin
crawl a little bit.
751
00:28:33,713 --> 00:28:36,716
Toby is the devil.
752
00:28:36,758 --> 00:28:38,551
Toby's the devil.
753
00:28:38,593 --> 00:28:40,929
So I'm not a big Toby fan.
51412
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