All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S01E02.Diversity.Day.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

Hey, Al, can I
help you out in here?

Oh, I'm all set, thanks.

Gotcha. Good.
I'd go with the rows.

That's a good idea.

Today is diversity day,

and someone's gonna come in
and talk to us about diversity.

It's something
that I've been pushing--

that I've been wanting
to push for a long time.

And corporate mandated it.

And I never actually
talked to corporate about it.

Um, they kind of beat me
to the punch.

Uh, little bastards.

Um, but, uh...
but I was going to.

And I think it's very important
that we have this.

And, uh, I'm very,
very excited.

That's the thing.
It's very sturdy paper.

And on the back it says
100% post-consumer content.

So--what?

Hello?
Uh-huh.

Wait, what?

I'm sorry, Mr. Deckerd,
I think I'm los--

I think I'm losing you.
[whirring]

Hello?
Hello? [whirring]

Yeah.

Hold on one sec.
I don't know.

Hold on one second.

Do you really have
to do that right now?

Yes, I do.

I should have done this
weeks ago, actually.

Mr. Deckerd...
I'm sorry about that.

What were you--

Can you hold on
one second?

Yeah, just one second.

Thanks.

[machine shuts off]

Hello?

Oh, that's it. Perfect.

So what
I was saying--

[dial tone]
Hello?

Thanks, Dwight.

Retaliation.

Tit for tit.

That is not the expression.

Well, it should be.

[whirring]

[thumps]

Need to mix them up.
Need to mix them up.

(Jim)
This is my biggest sale of the year.

They love me over there
for some reason.

I'm not really sure why,
but, uh...

You know, I make one call
over there every year,

just to renew
their account.

And that one call ends up
being 25% of my commission.

For the whole year.

So, you know, I buy
a mini bottle of champagne

and celebrate a little.

And this year, I'm pushing
recycled paper on them

for 1% more.

I know,
I'm getting cocky, right?

Flying a little
too close to the sun,

but, um...
yeah, it's worth it.

[telephone ringing]

Solitaire?

Yeah, FreeCell.

Six on seven.

I know.
I saw that.

So then why
didn't you do it?

I'm saving that,

'cause I like it when
the cards go...

[imitates cards shuffling]

Who doesn't love that?

[giggles]

Snood?

FreeCell.

You can't play solitaire
with two people.

It's a one-person game.

Well, we're not playing
solitaire, and...

What's your win rate?

76%.
What's yours?

You're not allowed to play
two player.

Start over.

[laughs softly]

[telephone ringing]

Hey, Oscar!

How you doing, man?
All right.

So, did you get a good
weekend going there?

It was fine.
Oh, yeah, I bet it was fun.

[laughs]

Oh, hey,
this is Oscar.

Martinez.

Right, see?
I don't even know.

First-name basis.

Great, uh,
we're all set.

Oh, hey, well,
diversity, everybody.

Let's do it.

Oscar works in... here.

Jim, can you
wrap it up, please?

Mr. Deckerd, please?

I--it's diversity day, Jim.

I wish every day
was diversity day.

You know what?
Um...

I'm actually gonna
have to call you back.

Thank you.
Sorry about that.

Thank you.
Come on, people, let's get 'em in.

Thank you, great.
Get in the cards!

Get in the cards!

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

Okay, thanks
for filling these out,

and I promise
this'll be quick.

We only have
about an hour.

Yeah, I would like
to see us erase

100 years of racism
in an hour.

Does this company have
100 years of racism?

[laughs]
No, no--the country.

Oh, right,
more like 200 years of it.

Yeah, more like 1,000.

Mm.
Okay, um...

At Diversity Today,

our philosophy is about honesty
and positive expectations.

We believe that 99%

of the problems
in the workplace

arise simply
out of ignorance.

And the opposite of ignorance
is information.

How do we deal
with statistics

that say certain minorities
commit more crimes?

Well, what statistics
are you referring to?

I know, it's scary.

Um, not sure
what you're saying,

but information
will never leave us in--

You know what?
You know what?

This is
a color-free zone here.

Stanley, I don't look at you
as another race.

Uh... see, this is what
I'm talking about.

We don't have to pretend
that we're color-blind.

Exactly.
We're not color-blind.

That's fighting ignorance
with more ignorance. And tolerance.

No, with more ignorance. Ignorance.

Right, exactly.

Uh, instead, we need
to celebrate our diversity.

Let's celebrate.
Right. Okay.

Celebrate good times.
Come on!

Let's celebrate
diversity, right?

Yes, exactly.

Now, here's what
we're gonna do.

Uh, I've noticed that,
uh, uh--

You know what?
Here's what we're gonna do.

Why don't we go around,
and everybody--

everybody say a race

that you are attracted to sexually.

I will go last.
Go!

I have two. Nice.

White and Indian.

Actually, I'd prefer
not to start that way.

Michael, I would love
to have your permission

to run this session.

Can I have
your permission?

Yes.
Thank you very much.

And it would also
help me if you were seated.

Okay.
Thank you.

Okay, now, at the start
of the session,

I had you write down
an incident

that you found offensive
in the workplace.

Now, what I'm going to do
is choose one,

and we're gonna
act it out--

A few other ground rules,
just real quick.

Hey, why don't you
run it by me,

and I'll run it
by him.

Okay, can we steer
away from gay people?

Uh, I'm sorry,
it's an orientation.

It's not a race.

Plus, a lot of other races
are also intolerant of gays.

So... paradox.

Well, we only
have an hour.

Good.
It'll save time.

Why don't we just defer
to Mr., um--

Mr. Brown.

Ah!
Oh, all right.

Okay, first test.
I will not call you that.

Well, it's my name.
It's not a test, okay?

Um, so, looking
through the cards,

I've noticed that many of you
wrote down the same incident,

which is ironic, because
it's the exact incident

I was brought in here
to respond to.

Now, how many of you
are familiar

with the Chris Rock
routine?

Hmm, very good.

Okay.

How come Chris Rock
can do a routine,

and everybody finds it
hilarious and groundbreaking.

Then I go and do
the exact same routine--

same comedic timing--

and people file a complaint
to corporate?

Is it because I'm white,
and Chris is Black?

So we're going to reenact this
with a more positive outcome.

I will play
the Chris Rock guy.

[employees grumble]

I would like to see
someone else pull this off.

Well, let's have someone
who wasn't involved

do the reenactment.

Okay, I will play
Guy Listening.

Great, Guy Listening.

Okay,
anyone else remember?

I remember. Great.

You're the Chris Rock guy,
and you're Guy Listening.

Okay.

Kevin is a great guy.

He's a great accountant.

He is not much
of an entertainer.

Basically, there are
two types of Black people.

And Black people
are actually more racist

because they hate the other
type of Black people.

See, every time
the one type

wants to have a good time,

then the other type
comes in

and makes
a real mess--

Okay, I'm--I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, he's--

He's ruin--
he's butchering it.

Um, could you
just let me--

[imitating Chris Rock]
Every time--

Every time Black people
wanna have a good time,

some ig'nant ass
[bleep]--

Hold on--
I take care of my kids,

[bleep]
always want credit

for somethin'
they supposed to do!

Stop it!

[imitating Chris Rock]
What chu want, a cookie?

[ringing]

(Brown)
Now this is a simple acronym.

HERO.

Uh, at Diversity Today,
we believe

it's very easy
to be a HERO.

All you need are honesty,

empathy, respect,
and open-mindedness.

(Dwight)
Uh, excuse me. Yeah?

I'm sorry, but that's
not all it takes to be a hero.

Oh, great.
Well, what is a hero to you?

A hero kills people.
People that wish them harm.

Okay.

A hero is part human,
and part supernatural.

A hero is born
out of a childhood trauma

or out of a disaster

that must be avenged.

Okay, um, you're thinking
of a superhero.

We all have a hero
in our heart.

I just think, um,
I just think that HERO--

it's cute,
but it's empty, you know?

It's easy.
Dwight--you know what?

I came up with some terms
of my own.

Could you put these
on the board?

First one is inclusion.

New attitudes.

All right.

Color-blind.

Oh, nice.

Expectations.

Good.

Thank you.

Sharing.

Great.

And tolerance.

Beautiful.

Um, that spells "incest."

Oh, I'm sorry.
That is not appropriate.

Well, it's not ideal,

but you have to give me
some credit,

'cause I made it
into a word.

Yeah, but it's not appropriate.

And this is not helpful
as a memory aid.

I will give you a number
of reasons why it is, actually.

Okay, first, incest is bad.

Racism is bad.
No brainer, right?

Two.
Incest.

We're all a family, right?

We're a brothers and sisters.

Racial message?
Hmm?

Number three--
and this is a fact.

The states where they have
a lot of racism

are the states where they have
a lot of incest, okay?

(Brown)
Okay.

And finally--no, no, no.
No, wait, final one, final one.

This is important.

The more we can encourage

interracial dating
as a society,

the further away we get
from incest, literally.

It would've been just as easy
for him to spell "insect."

Of course, that wouldn't have
made any sense either.

Does anyone have anything else
at all?

Anyone besides Michael?

(Ryan)
I have something.

Yes, please.

Um, well, I grew up here
in Scranton,

and when I was a kid,
the guy who lived next door

was a former baseball player
who actually played pro ball

before the leagues
were integrated.

And he had the most incredible
stories about--

Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

This guy's a temp,
and I should've told you that.

(Brown)
No, no, no, no.

An outsider's perspective

would probably be
pretty helpful.

Yeah, no, but seriously,
uh, you know,

he's not a member
of the full staff, so yeah.

Ryan, you wanna
just step outside?

What do you want me to do?

Well, maybe you should
go down to the parking lot.

You know what?
Yes, go down to the parking lot

and check to see if any
of our guests have parked

in the handicapped spots.

Cool?

'Cause the handicaps
get a raw deal.

Oh, you know what?

That ties right into
"new attitudes."

New attitudes about
handicapped people.

I'm sorry, Mike,
but we're actually out of time.

Yeah, there's good things
about Michael.

He's, uh...

Yeah, definitely. Um...

[faint traffic noises]

Now, I need you
to take these forms.

This kind of expresses
the joint experience

we had today.

I want you to look them over
and sign them

as kind of
a group pledge.

[clears throat]

I don't think
I can sign this.

Uh, I can't leave
until you do.

Well, okay, it says here
that I learned something.

And... I knew
all this stuff already.

So... I could, you know,
I could sign something

that says that I
taught something.

Um--
Or that I helped you teach something.

So, Pam?
Where is she?

Pam, could we
change something on this?

Uh, Michael,
can I talk to you candidly?

Sure.

Oh, no,
this is way better.

I know.
You like that?

Yeah, I like that.

Okay, now, if you hit this
blue one right here...

Okay.

All the ones that are attached
to it fall off too.

[laughs]

You like that?

Yeah, I like that.
That's great.

Nice.

Yeah, but be careful
'cause it can really, um,

cut into your
IM chat time.

This could be the death
of Receptionitis 5.

May she rest in peace.

I don't know,
but I really liked her.

She was so much more
flirtatious than Pam Beesly.

I know, IM does that.

I know, right?

I can't chat with my mom.

She sent me an IM
the other day.

Couldn't, like, chat with her

for more than, like,
five minutes.

I thought I was gonna end up
hitting on her or something.

I know, right?
It's awesome.

It is awesome.

But seriously,

try not to get hooked
on Snood.

Because I don't know
if anybody less

could take a hit like that.

I will do my best.
[laughs]

We both know
that I'm here

because of the comments
that you made.

Here's the thing--
this office

I think is very advanced
in terms of, uh,

racial awareness.

And, uh, it's probably more
advanced than you're used to.

Um--
It's probably throwing you off a little.

It's not throwing me.
I need your signature.

Okay, well, I know.
You told me that.

Several times.

Yes, but you're not
listening to me.

Yours is the only
signature I need. Oh, okay.

Those are my instructions
from the corporate offices--

to put you
through this seminar

for the comments
that you made.

And the only reason why
I made copies for everyone

was so that you
wouldn't be embarrassed.

Well, here I am thinking

that you actually cared
about diversity training.

And... you don't.

Don't worry about dating.

I won't.

Okay, thank you.

Yep, yep.

"I regret my actions.

"I regret offending
my coworkers.

"I pledge to bring
my best spirit of honesty,

"empathy, respect,
and open-mindedness"--

open-mindedness,
that even a word?--

"um, into the workplace.

"In this way,
I can truly be a HERO.

"Signed...

Daffy Duck."

[laughs]

He's gonna lose it
when he reads that.

[yells]
Hogan!

[chuckles]

Not again, Hogan!

Get Colonel Burkhalter
on the phone!

[laughs]

I'm kind of a Hogan
around here.

I kind of--you know,

Jan is kind of
Colonel Burkhalter,

and Dwight is Schultz.

But it's--oh, God.

We have fun.
We have fun.

'Cause he's gonna be pissed.
[laughs]

No doubt about it.

Yeah, hi.
Is Mr. Deckerd around?

Oh, well, could you just
have him call me after lunch?

Thank you.

"I...pledge

"to always keep
an open mind

and an open heart!"

I do believe
in that part of the pledge

that I just read.

But a pledge?
Come on.

I mean, who are we,
the Girl Scouts?

No.
Look...

The, um, the guy,
"Mr. Brown,"

uh, he got us
halfway there.

He got us talking.

Well, no,
I got us talking.

He got us nothing.

He, uh, insulted us,
and he abandoned us.

You call that
diversity training?

I don't.

Were there any connections
between any of us?

Did anyone look each other
in the eye?

Was there any emotion
going on?

Were--no!

Where was the heart?

I didn't see any heart.

Where was my Oprah moment?

Okay, get as much done
as you can before lunch,

because afterward,

I'm going to have you
all in tears.

[busy signal on telephone]

All right,
everybody pretty?

Come on, here we go.

It's time.

Let's do some good.

Hey, we're not all gonna
sit in a circle,

Indian-style, are we?

[laughter]

Get out.

Sorry.

No.
This is not a joke.

Okay?
That was offensive, and lame.

So double offensive.

This is an environment
of welcoming.

And you should just
get the hell out of here.

Okay, let's go!

Let's do it!

Come on, let's have
some fun, everybody.

Here we go.
Take a seat.

Cop a squat.

And, um, thank you
for coming in.

Um...

Diversity...

is the cornerstone
of progress,

as I've always said.

But don't take
my word for it.

Let's take a look
at the tape.

[on tape]
Hi, I'm Michael Scott.

I'm in charge of
Dunder Mifflin Paper Products

here in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

But I'm also the founder
of Diversity Tomorrow.

Because today
is almost over.

Abraham Lincoln
once said that

"If you're a racist,

I will attack you
with the North."

And those are the principles
that I carry with me

in the workplace.

Okay.
Questions, comments?

Anybody?
Jim?

Uh, is that it?

Uh, yes, I only had
an hour to put it together.

But I'm gonna add onto it
later on.

It was kind of
hard to hear.

Uh, yes, that probably
had something to do

with the camera work.

Anybody else?
Um...

I have a customer meeting.

Yeah, well, if you leave,
we'll only have two left--

Yes.

Enjoy!

Absolutely.
Namaste.

Okay, well,
since I am leading this,

let's get down to business.

And why don't I just kind of
introduce myself, okay?

Um, I am Michael.

And I am part English,
Irish, uh, German,

and Scot'ish!

Sort of a virtual
United Nations.

But what some of you
might not know

is that I am also
part Native American Indian.

What part Native American?

2/15.

2/15--that fraction
doesn't make any sense.

Well, you know what?

It's kind of hard
for me to talk about.

There's suffering.
So who else?

Let's get this poppin'.

Come on.
Who's going, who's going?

When I first interviewed
with Michael,

he asked me what kind
of last name Beesly is,

and I said I didn't know.

And then he kept asking me
if I had any Irish in me

because it would set up
this joke he wanted to tell.

So I told him that
I'd already told the joke,

and he got angry
and stormed out of the room.

Ah, let's go here.
Oscar, right here.

You're on!

Okay, Michael. Um...

Well, both my parents
were born in Mexico.

[whispering]
Oh, yeah.

And, uh, they moved
to the United States

a year before
I was born.

[whispering]
Yeah?

So I grew up
in the United States.

Wow.
And my parents are Mexican.

Wow, that is--
that is a great story.

That's the American Dream
right there, right?

Thank--yeah.

Um, let me ask you,
is there a term

besides Mexican
that you prefer?

Something less offensive?

Mexican isn't offensive.

Well, it has
certain connotations.

Like what?

Like, wa--

I don't--
well, I don't know.

What connotations,
Michael? No, no.

There must have
been something.

No, now, remember--
I'm just curious.

Honesty, empathy,

[telephone ringing]
respect--

Jim? Jim!

Hello?

Hello?

I have something here.
I want you to take a card.

Put it on your fore--
Don't look at the card!

I want you take the card,

and I want you to put it
on your forehead.

And--take a card.

Take a card, any card.

Um, and I want you

to treat other people

like the race that is on
their forehead, okay?

So everybody has
a different race.

Nobody knows
what their race is.

So...

I want you
to really go for it.

'Cause this is real.

You know, this isn't
just an exercise.

This is real life.

And I have a dream

that you will really
let the sparks fly.

Get 'er done!

Why?

Because Martin Luther King
is a hero of mine.

There's this great
Chris Rock bit

about how streets
named after Martin Luther King

tend to be more violent.

I'm not gonna do it,
but it's...

I want you to push it,
I want you to push,

'cause breakthroughs
are right around the corner.

Something's gonna pop here.

Something's gonna pop
between you.

Feel what it's like to be
in someone else's skin.

What does it feel like
to be a different race?

It feels pretty bad,
doesn't it?

So let that come out.

Let's have a breakthrough.
Let's have something pop.

You slaughter animals
and wear 'em.

Get the sparks fly
right here.

Okay.
Oh, this is a good one.

Um, hi.
How are you?

Fine.
How are you?

[whispering]
Push it, push it. Great... um...

Bump it up.
Let's go.

I admire your culture's
success in America.

Thank you. Good.

♪ Bum buh bum bum *
Come on.

Olympics of suffering,
right here.

Slavery versus the Holocaust.
Come on.

Who am I
supposed to be?

No, no, no.
Well, that--

That was inadvertent.

We didn't actually
plan that.

Yeah, I marched on Washington
back in the day.

I went to
the Washington Monument

and the Lincoln Memorial.

U.S. Mint.

Congressmen talked
to our class.

It was pretty cool.

Act like you're talking
to that race!

Do you like...

I have a feeling that this
could get kind of volatile,

but keep it going.

Um, what's going on here?

People treat us like the race
on our forehead,

and then we can guess
what race we are.

Ah, good.
Good luck.

Doing good.

[indistinct chatter]

Lots of cultures eat rice.

It doesn't help me.

Um...
shalom.

I'd like to apply
for a loan.

That's nice, Dwight.

Okay, do me.

Something stereotypical,
so I can get it really quick.

Okay, I like
your food.

Uh, Outback Steakhouse.
I'm Australian, mate!

Pam, Pam!
Come on.

"I like your food."
No, come on.

Stir the pot!
Stir the melting pot, Pam!

Let's do it.
Let's get ugly.

Let's get real.

Okay.

If I have to do this,

based on stereotypes
that are totally untrue,

that I do not agree with,

you would maybe not
be a very good driver.

Oh, man, am I a woman?

Yes.

That is really undignified.

You shouldn't have to be
subjected to that, all right?

Well, look.
Try this.

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

Good.
[clears throat]

So am I
a hunter-gatherer culture?

No.

Do I live near a harbor
or an ocean?

No.
No.

I'm an inland--
am I mountainous?

No.

Am I nomadic?

No.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.
I think I got this.

Um, I am treated
in a foreign way

with a great deal
of prejudice.

Am I one of those tribes
in Africa?

The piggies, or whatever?

No.

No.

But I am--I am human, right?

I could be French.

Damn it, Jim.
That's not funny, Jim.

Okay, here we go.
Breakthrough radar.

What happened?
What happened here?

It didn't have anything
to do with race.

Okay, all right.
Let's keep on track.

Keep on point.
Let's do it.

You'll notice I didn't
have anybody be an Arab.

I thought that would
be too explosive.

Uh, no pun intended.

But I just thought,
"Too soon for Arabs."

Maybe next year. Um...

You know, the ball's
in their court.

What are you watching?

Chappelle's Show.
Really?

Yeah, I downloaded it
on her computer.

I hope she doesn't mind.

No way, no.
She just had a lot of extra space.

I think she really
likes this stuff. Great.

She's cute, huh?

Yeah--you know,
she's engaged, but...

Oh, no, the girl
in the... sketch.

Oh, yeah.
She's hot.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

You wanna go
to the beach?

Sure.

You wanna get high?

No.

I think you do," mon."

Stop it.
Okay, all right, no.

That's good, it--
you just--you need to push it.

You know, you need
to go a little bit further.

Uh, all right. Okay.

[Indian accent]
Kelly!

How are you?
I had the longest meeting.

Oh, welcome to
my convenience store!

Would you like some
gookie-gookie!

I have some very delicious
gookie-gookie!

Only 99 cents,
plus tax!

Try my gookie-gookie.
Try my gookie-gookie.

Try my gookie-gookie.
Try my--

All right!
All right!

Yes!

That was great!
She gets it!

Now she knows what it's like
to be a minority!

Kelly, thank you!

Um, why did she slap
Martin Luther King?

What?

What card was she?

I think she wasn't
wearing a card.

(Jim)
Mr. Deckerd,

we didn't lose
your sale today, did we?

Excellent!
Okay...

Let me just get your--
What's that?

No, we didn't--
We didn't close last time.

I just need your, uh--

Oh!

What--what code
were you given?

Oh, okay.

Yeah, no, that's actually
another salesman here.

Yeah, I can redo it
if you wanna do that.

Oh, he gave you
a discount?

No, I don't blame you.

I just hated it
when that guy was in here.

Mr. Brown, if that
was his real name.

I mean, he had never
met any of us before,

and here was telling us
how to do our thing.

I just wanted--

I just wanted to do it
our way, you know?

On our own.

Man, I should have
gotten some food.

(Kevin)
[Italian accent] Maybe some spaghetti.

Okay, Kevin, you can
take off that thing.

Okay?

That would have really,

really shown him up,
wouldn't it?

If I'd brought in
some burritos

or some "colored" greens.

Or some Pad Thai.
I love Pad Thai.

(Stanley)
It's collard greens. What?

It's collard greens.

Uh, that doesn't really
make sense.

'Cause you don't call them
"collard people."

That's offensive.

[sigh]

[sigh]

Okay, well,
it's after 5:00.

So... thank you very much.

Buena Vista, Oscar.

Thank you.

Good job.
Ah, my man.

Thank you, Brazil.

Nice.

[whispering]
Uh... hey.

Hmm?

Hey.

Oh.
We can go.

Sorry.

That's fine.

Talk to you later.

Uh...

Not a bad day.

Are we going?

Don't do that.

Just say "action"
when we're ready.

(Dwight)
Dunder Mifflin.

Michael Scott
Diversity Tomorrow, take four.

And... action.

I--
I--no.

Do it again.

Diversity tomorrow, take five. Action.

Hi, I'm Michael Scott.

I'm in charge of
Dunder Mifflin Paper Products

here in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

But I'm also the founder
of Diversity Tomorrow.

Because today is almost over.

Abraham Lincoln
once said that

"If you're a racist,

I will attack you
with the North."

And those are the principles...
damn it.

Okay.
All right.

Don't laugh.

Please don't laugh
this time, Dwight.

You're--it's bugging me.

Let me give myself a countdown.
Ready?

Three, two, one.

Take six.

Just let me do it. God.

Three, two, one.

Hi, I'm Michael Scott.

I'm in charge of
Dunder Mifflin Paper Products

here in Scranton--
keep the camera steady, please!

People are gonna get seasick
watching this.

Ready?
Three, two, one.

Action.

Don't--
please don't say anything.

[breathes deeply]
Oh, God.

Okay.
And... action.

Lights, camera, action.
Whenever you're ready.

Could I count myself down,
please, Dwight?

Three, two, one.

Hi, I'm Michael Scott.

I'm in charge of
Dunder Mifflin Paper Products

here in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

But I'm also the founder
of Diversity Tomorrow.

Because today is almost over.

Abraham Lincoln once said that

"If you're a racist,

I will attack you
with the North."

And those are the principles
that I carry with me

in the workplace.

Cut.