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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:12,762 [rock music] 2 00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:20,937 {\an8}โ™ช โ™ช 3 00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:41,291 (Michael) All right, Jim, 4 00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:44,127 your quarterlies look very good. 5 00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,212 How are things going at the library? 6 00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:48,506 (Jim) Oh, I told you. I couldn't close it, so... 7 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:52,469 So you've come to the master for guidance? 8 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,262 [Chinese accent] Is this what you're saying, Grasshopper? 9 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,348 Uh, actually, you called me in here. 10 00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:57,682 But, yeah. 11 00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:00,018 All right, well, let me show you how it's done. 12 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,687 Yes, I'd like to speak to your office manager, please. 13 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,689 Yes, hello. This is Michael Scott. 14 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,274 I am the regional manager 15 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,360 of Dunder Mifflin paper products. 16 00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:11,738 Just wanted to talk to you manager a manager. 17 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:15,700 All right, done deal! 18 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,243 [British accent] Thank you very much, sir! 19 00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:20,997 You're gentleman and a scholar. 20 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,707 [normal voice] Oh, I'm sorry. 21 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,250 Okay. I'm sorry. 22 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,294 My mistake. 23 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:27,462 [clears throat] 24 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:30,382 That was a woman I was talking to, so... 25 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,550 She had a very low voice. 26 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,678 Probably a smoker. 27 00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:38,181 So... [clears throat] 28 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,599 So that's the way it's done. 29 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:43,061 I've, uh, I've been at Dunder Mifflin for 12 years. 30 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,772 The last four as regional manager. 31 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:48,733 Uh, if you wanna come through here. 32 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,985 Ah, see, we have the entire floor. 33 00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:53,655 So this is my kingdom, far as the eye can see. 34 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,157 Ah, this is our receptionist, Pam. 35 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,118 [imitating Bamm-Bamm] Pam, Pam, Pam! 36 00:01:58,159 --> 00:01:59,327 {\an8}Pam Beasley. 37 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:02,872 {\an8}Uh, Pam has been with us, um... for... forever. 38 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,040 {\an8}Right, Pam? 39 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,125 {\an8}Well, I don't know. 40 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:06,334 {\an8}If you think she's cute now, 41 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:07,752 {\an8}you should have seen her a couple of years ago. 42 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,212 {\an8}Reow, reow. 43 00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:10,255 {\an8}What? 44 00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,715 {\an8}Uh, any messages? 45 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,467 {\an8}Um... yeah. Just a fax. 46 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,469 {\an8}Oh. 47 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:17,846 {\an8}Pam, this is from corporate. 48 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:19,180 {\an8}How many times have I told you 49 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,473 {\an8}that there's a special filing cabinet 50 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:21,850 {\an8}for things from corporate? 51 00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:22,934 {\an8}You haven't told me-- 52 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,185 {\an8}It's called the wastepaper basket! 53 00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,813 {\an8}[laughs] 54 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,399 {\an8}Look at that! 55 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:30,817 Oh, look at that face. 56 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,153 People say I am the best boss. 57 00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:34,529 They go, 58 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,947 "God, we've never worked in a place like this before. 59 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,116 "You're hilarious. 60 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,326 And you get the best out of us." 61 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:43,246 Um... 62 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:46,958 I think that pretty much sums it up. 63 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,003 I found it at Spencer Gifts. 64 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:55,550 โ™ช Shall I play for you โ™ช 65 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,510 โ™ช Pa rum pa pum pum โ™ช 66 00:02:57,552 --> 00:03:01,222 {\an8}[imitating drums] 67 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:04,142 {\an8}โ™ช I have no gifts for you โ™ช 68 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,353 {\an8}โ™ช Pa rum pa pum pum โ™ช 69 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,063 {\an8}[imitating drums] 70 00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:10,648 I'm Jim Halpert. I'm a sales rep. 71 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:13,485 Um, and that means that-- 72 00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:17,113 My job is to speak to clients, um, on the phone, 73 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:20,533 about... uh, quantities 74 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:25,997 and, uh, type of... copier paper. 75 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,875 You know, whether we can supply it to them, 76 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,670 whether they can, uh... 77 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:32,921 pay for it. 78 00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,923 And, um... 79 00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,758 [clicks tongue] 80 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,343 [laughs] 81 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,805 I'm--I'm boring myself just talking about this. 82 00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:43,348 But it's a very important job. 83 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:47,060 Without me, dozens-- literally dozens-- 84 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:50,397 of small businesses would go paperless. 85 00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:52,190 They'd have to write on their hands 86 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:57,070 or bedsheets or who knows, you know? 87 00:03:57,112 --> 00:04:00,490 Total chaos. Total chaos. 88 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:03,159 I mean, or they could get their paper somewhere else. 89 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,495 Staples, maybe. I don't know. 90 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,165 Dwight Schrute. 91 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,213 Dwight Schrute. 92 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:19,634 Schrute. 93 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,636 When I get up in the morning, I say, 94 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:25,140 "Dwight Schrute, you are going to assist 95 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,517 in the managing of the region." 96 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:30,353 That's a large geographical area. 97 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:34,274 So I hit the phones at 9:00. 98 00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:36,109 It's all about selling 99 00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:39,571 enormous amounts of paper products. 100 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,618 Wassuuuup?! 101 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,287 Wassuuuup? 102 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:48,830 I still love that after seven years. 103 00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,874 Whasuuuup? 104 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,418 Whasuuuup? 105 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:56,504 Whasuuuuuuuuuup? 106 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,797 Whassup? 107 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,633 Ohh. 108 00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:04,387 [groans, exhales] 109 00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:05,513 You okay? 110 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,140 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 111 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,434 Played a little b-ball in the park last night. 112 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,894 Pick-up game. 113 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:12,771 Still paying for it today, though. 114 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,856 Can you even walk, Schrute? 115 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,107 Yeah. 116 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,150 Yeah? Did he tell you? 117 00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:18,693 No. Oh, man. 118 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,528 No, it was awesome. 119 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,781 We were there, you know, we were warming up, 120 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:23,948 little give and go. 121 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,450 And these two guys come up, 122 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:29,162 and one of them's very urban, you know? 123 00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,538 You know what I'm talking about. 124 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,623 African Americans. 125 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,041 And they're looking at us, thinking, 126 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:36,002 "Hey, these guys are in great shape, you know? 127 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:39,464 They're in their early 30s. Let's take 'em on." 128 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:42,133 Doh! On them. 129 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:45,595 Listen, I'm in there, I'm under the boards. 130 00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:48,098 My elbows are just, like, "Pow, pow!" 131 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:50,600 No way, you can't get out. 132 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:51,768 Just flailing around. 133 00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,561 This guy is, like, sweating-- 134 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,897 he is some sort or crazed animal. 135 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,941 Just sweat pouring down-- 136 00:05:57,982 --> 00:05:59,359 Not in my house! 137 00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:00,985 Screaming obscenities in their faces. 138 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,113 Five minutes, and they're like, "No way. 139 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:05,156 Man, we're outta here." 140 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,908 Sucka. [laughs] 141 00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,159 It was classic. 142 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,787 It was classic. It was classic. 143 00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,623 So good. 144 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:16,793 [exhales, groans] 145 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,799 What? 146 00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:24,509 Nothin'. 147 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,927 Okay, all right. 148 00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,554 See you later. 149 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,097 All right. 150 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,682 Take care. 151 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:31,808 Back to work! 152 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,523 (Jan) Just try to reach him sometime today. 153 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,817 Um, I don't know, just before lunch. 154 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,569 That would be great. 155 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,029 (Michael) Corporate really doesn't interfere with me at all. 156 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,613 Jan Levinson-Gould-- 157 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:46,698 Jan! Hello! 158 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,534 I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton. 159 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,661 Right? Not to her face, because, uh-- 160 00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:54,622 Well, not because I'm scared of her... 161 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,041 because I'm not. 162 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:59,044 But, um, yeah. 163 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,170 All right, was there anything 164 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,963 you wanted to add to the agenda? 165 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:05,842 Mmm... me no get an agenda. 166 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,385 I'm sor--what? I'm sorry? 167 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,553 I didn't get any agenda. 168 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,513 Well, I faxed one over to you this morning. 169 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,974 Really? 'Cause I didn't--I didn't-- 170 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,809 Did we get a fax this morning? 171 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,561 Uh, yeah, the one-- 172 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:20,565 Then why--why isn't it in my hand? 173 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,484 Because a company runs on efficiency of communication. 174 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,402 Right? [imitates gun firing] 175 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,820 Um, so what's the problem, Pam? 176 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,656 Why didn't, uh, why didn't I get it? 177 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:31,034 You put it in the garbage can 178 00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:34,204 that was a special filing cabinet. 179 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:38,875 Yeah! Uh, that was a joke. 180 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,335 That was a joke that, uh, 181 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,670 was actually my brother's. 182 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:42,837 And it was-- [laughs] 183 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,381 it was supposed to be with bills, 184 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,423 and it doesn't work great with faxes. 185 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,092 Do you wanna look at mine? Yeah. 186 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,510 Yeah, I would. Thank you. 187 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,929 Okay, since the last meeting, 188 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,263 Alan and the board have decided 189 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,099 that we can't justify a Scranton branch 190 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,101 and a Stamford branch. Oh, okay. 191 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,602 Michael, don't panic-- 192 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,687 No, no, no, no. This is good. 193 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,063 This is good. This is fine. 194 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,356 Michael, listen, okay? Don't panic. 195 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,108 Although alarm bells are kinda going 196 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,609 ringy dingy dingy! We haven't made any decisions yet. 197 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,985 I've spoken to Josh in Stamford. 198 00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:07,529 I've told him the same as you, 199 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:08,905 and it's up to either you or him to convince me 200 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,365 that your branch can incorporate the other. 201 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:11,825 Okay, no problem. 202 00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,451 This does, however, mean there's going to be downsizing. 203 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,704 Me no wanna hear that, Jan. 204 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:18,123 Because downsizing is a bitch. 205 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,500 It is a real bitch. 206 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,461 And I wouldn't wish that on Josh's men. 207 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,547 I certainly wouldn't wish it on my men. 208 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,841 Or women, present company excluded. 209 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,342 Sorry, uh... 210 00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:32,804 Is Josh concerned about downsizing, himself? 211 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:33,888 Not downsizing himself, 212 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,473 but is he concerned about downsizing? 213 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:40,770 [laughs] 214 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,814 Question: How long do we have to act-- 215 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,150 [telephone rings] 216 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,152 Oh, Todd Packer. Terrific rep. 217 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,153 Do you mind if I take it? 218 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,696 Go right ahead. 219 00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:50,780 Packman. 220 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,240 (Todd) Hey, you big queen! 221 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,783 Oh, that's not... appropriate. 222 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:56,369 Hey, is old Godzillary coming in today? 223 00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:57,871 Um, I don't know. I don't know what you mean. 224 00:08:57,912 --> 00:09:00,915 Look, I've been meaning to ask her one question. 225 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,834 Does the carpet match the drapes? 226 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,294 Oh, my God. 227 00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:06,087 Ohh! 228 00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:08,631 That's... horrifying. 229 00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,760 And horrible. 230 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,679 Horrible person. 231 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,599 So do you think we could keep a lid on this for now? 232 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,392 I don't wanna worry people unnecessarily. 233 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,852 No, absolutely. 234 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,270 Under this regime, 235 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:23,688 it will not leave this office. 236 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,148 Just... like that. 237 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,567 [whispering] So what does downsizing actually mean? 238 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:28,943 Well... 239 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,487 [whispering] You guys gotta update your rรฉsumรฉs, 240 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:31,821 just like I'm doing. 241 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,239 I bet it's gonna be me. 242 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,408 It's probably gonna be me. 243 00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:37,494 Yeah, it'll be you. 244 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,455 But you're late a lot. 245 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,541 My name is Angela, and I'm in charge 246 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,168 of the accounting department. 247 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:48,838 There are three of us: Kevin and Oscar. 248 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,383 Not very worried about downsizing right now 249 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,885 because I think you've met Kevin, 250 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,512 and, um... 251 00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,514 I don't wanna be laid off. 252 00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,308 This is a good job for me. 253 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:03,311 'Cause I need my nights free. 254 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,939 I'm in a band. 255 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,316 Oscar is, uh... 256 00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,276 Oscar--how do I describe him? 257 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:12,570 He's like a stapler. 258 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,906 Do I need a stapler? Yes. 259 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,410 But I'm still the one that has to push it down. 260 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,745 I don't wanna get laid off. 261 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:24,457 This place is, like, five minutes from my house. 262 00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:25,875 I have an important question for you. 263 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,419 Yes? 264 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,754 [laughing] Um, are you going to Angela's cat party on Sunday? 265 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,465 Yeah--stop. That is ridiculous. 266 00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:33,633 (Michael) Am I gonna tell them? 267 00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:34,759 No, I'm not going to tell them. 268 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:35,927 I don't see the point of that. 269 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,096 As a doctor, you would not tell a patient 270 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,639 if they had cancer. 271 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,975 All these people are walking around, 272 00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:43,435 and they're happy, 273 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,020 and their lives are just going along, 274 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,272 and ignorance is bliss. 275 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,606 But if they knew what was lurking 276 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,066 on the other side of that fence, 277 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:52,902 that furry monster-- "I'm gonna get you downsizing!" 278 00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,696 No, they wouldn't-- they'd freak. 279 00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:57,073 And I'm not gonna play God. 280 00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,783 They look to me for support, 281 00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:02,287 and they look to me for guidance and leadership, 282 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,832 and I think, if I can lie to them 283 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:09,544 and it serves them, then that's what I'm gonna do. 284 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,254 I think better to be a happy idiot 285 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,798 than a, um-- 286 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,093 than someone who knows the truth. 287 00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,929 What you don't know-- 288 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,514 well, it can hurt you, 289 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:24,392 but if you don't know it won't hurt you, 290 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,937 then you can just be happy for a little while, at least. 291 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,147 Hey! 292 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,690 Hey! This is Mr. Scott. 293 00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,650 Guilty! Guilty as charged. 294 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,235 Ryan Howard from the temp agency. 295 00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,320 Uh-huh. 296 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,654 Daniqua sent me down to start today. 297 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,074 Howard, like Moe Howard, Three Stooges. 298 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,909 Watch this, this is Moe. 299 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,243 Nyuck! Nyuck! Nyuck! Nyuck! Nyuck! 300 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:45,246 Meeeeh! Ha ha! 301 00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:46,664 Ah, right here. Three Stooges. 302 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,333 High five! Oh, Pam. 303 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,918 It's a guy thing, Pam. 304 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,378 I'm sort of a student of comedy. 305 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:52,671 [laughs] 306 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,506 Watch this. Check it out. 307 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,676 [shouting in faux German] 308 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:02,055 [guffaws] 309 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,431 I'm Hitler! 310 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,058 Adolf Hitler. 311 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,851 [speaking in faux German] 312 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,353 I don't think it would be the worst thing 313 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,355 if they let me go. 314 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,024 Because then I might-- 315 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,734 I just--I don't think it's many little girls' dream 316 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:17,362 to be a receptionist. 317 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,572 Um, I like to do illustrations. 318 00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:23,284 Um, mostly watercolor. 319 00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:25,662 A few oil pencil. Um... 320 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:28,373 Jim thinks they're good. 321 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,041 I, uh... I just-- 322 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,627 I don't know the next step to take with that. 323 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:35,839 Um, I would like to, I just--I don't-- 324 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,175 I guess I just expect someone to call up and be like, 325 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:42,053 "We need 1,000 reams of copier paper, envelopes, 326 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,557 and someone to illustrate a children's book." 327 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,267 Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. 328 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,519 These are the salespeople. 329 00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,229 They make us lots and lots of money. 330 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,606 Right, guys? 331 00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,030 Here's accounting. The numbers dudes. 332 00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,948 Do not let the job description fool you. 333 00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,658 They are all completely crazy. 334 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:07,203 Especially that guy. He is a mental patient. 335 00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,330 Not literally, of course. That wouldn't work. 336 00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:12,667 Last place you want somebody like that is accounting. 337 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:19,799 Very interesting, but stupid. 338 00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,509 Arte Johnson. [laughs] 339 00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:24,637 So, well, it's a crazy place. 340 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,390 {\an8}Sure--uh, Mr. Davis, let me call you right back. 341 00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,267 {\an8}Yeah, something just came up. Two minutes. 342 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,019 {\an8}Thank you very much. 343 00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:32,437 Dwight, what are you doing? 344 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,938 What? What are you doing? 345 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,191 Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate. 346 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:37,192 It's not on your desk. 347 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,485 It's overlapping. 348 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,028 It's all spilling over the edge. 349 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:43,782 One word, two syllables: demarcation. 350 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:52,499 You can't do that. 351 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,167 Why not? 352 00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,543 Safety violation. 353 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:58,880 I could fall and pierce... an organ. 354 00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:01,049 We'll see. 355 00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,801 [phone rings] 356 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,013 See, this is why the whole downsizing thing 357 00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,598 just doesn't bother me. Downsizing? 358 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:09,974 Downsizing? 359 00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,685 Yeah, I have no problem with that. 360 00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:13,478 I have been recommending downsizing 361 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,522 since I first got here. 362 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,482 I even brought it up in my interview. 363 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,735 I say bring it on. 364 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,488 If I have to work another day with him, 365 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,115 I will... [clicks tongue] 366 00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:26,324 I will slit my throat. 367 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,618 Yeah, but that's not how you're gonna do it. 368 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,912 Take the knife, insert behind the trachea, 369 00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,205 and pull. 370 00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,207 [imitates blood gushing] 371 00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:40,922 You just still have these messages from yesterday. 372 00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,382 Relax, everything's under control. 373 00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,759 Uh, yeah, uh, yeah, yeah. 374 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,428 Oh, that's important. Right. 375 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:50,348 Oh, this is so important I should run to answer it. 376 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,933 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 377 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:54,394 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 378 00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,604 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 379 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,606 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 380 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,650 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 381 00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:03,319 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 382 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,613 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 383 00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:07,615 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 384 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,451 Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! 385 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:10,994 What? 386 00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:12,454 Come on! 387 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,122 Six Million Dollar Man! 388 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,415 Steve Austin! 389 00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,584 Actually, that would be a good salary for me, 390 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:18,710 don't you think? 391 00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:19,919 $6 million? 392 00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,505 Memo to Jan: I deserve a raise. 393 00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,090 Don't we all? 394 00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,468 I'm sorry? 395 00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:28,011 It's nothing. 396 00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:30,805 If you're unhappy with your compensation, 397 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:34,267 maybe you should take it up with HR, okay? 398 00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:35,810 Not today, okay? 399 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:39,022 Pam, just... be professional. 400 00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:43,318 [sighs deeply] 401 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,236 What upsets me about my job? 402 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,697 Wasted talent. 403 00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:50,241 See, corporate could come down here, 404 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:54,245 and they could say, "Excuse me, Michael. 405 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,538 "How do you do it? 406 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:59,084 "How do you get a team to work so well together? 407 00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:03,421 How do you make people so happy and so efficient?" 408 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,090 They could ask me that. 409 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:10,095 Um, but they don't ask me anything. 410 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,932 And that's the tragedy. 411 00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:22,691 [vocalizing softly] 412 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:23,900 [clears throat] 413 00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:26,319 I don't like acting like a kid. 414 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:27,487 Know what I mean? 415 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,197 But he's just-- 416 00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:32,033 What are you doing? He's kind of... 417 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,369 Uh, to be honest, Dwight, 418 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:38,790 I don't wanna have to look at you, so... 419 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,709 You can't do that. 420 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,503 Uh, why not? 421 00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:45,839 Health and safety regulations. 422 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,465 Health and safety reg-- 423 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,759 Um, I'm not sure where you're going with that. 424 00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:52,262 Crushed by cardboard or... 425 00:16:52,303 --> 00:16:53,722 No. 426 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:56,141 Number one, blocking out light. 427 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,392 [whispers] That's good. 428 00:16:57,434 --> 00:17:00,228 Number two... 429 00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:02,731 misuse of company files. 430 00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:07,485 Misuse of company files. 431 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:11,698 Well, I paid off my student loans, so that's good. 432 00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:14,826 And then I wanted to buy a new car-- 433 00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:17,454 not used, but, you know, new car 434 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,581 by the time I was 25, and I did that. 435 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,916 Accomplished that. 436 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:26,546 Since then, I haven't gone back to school. 437 00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,506 I haven't gotten married. 438 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,966 I haven't written a book, 439 00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:32,802 or I haven't had kids or anything, 440 00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:33,928 but--you know what? 441 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:38,058 But my car is almost five now. 442 00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:42,520 And that thing is smart as a whip. 443 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,481 Real smart. 444 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,900 Knight Rider smart. 445 00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:49,402 I wanted to talk about my father. 446 00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,654 I learned a lot from my father. 447 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:55,325 The main thing, the main lesson he taught me: 448 00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:57,577 pain. 449 00:17:57,619 --> 00:17:59,788 I can hold my finger in the flame of a match 450 00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,873 for 11 seconds. 451 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,294 Could I get a price on matte-coated SRA-1? 452 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:10,590 Uh, if I can't see you, I can't hear you, Dwight, so... 453 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,844 Just tell me. 454 00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:17,222 No, I can't hear you, so if you want-- 455 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,640 I'm right here. You can just tell me right now. 456 00:18:18,682 --> 00:18:22,519 No, if you wanna speak to me, just give me a call, okay? 457 00:18:27,691 --> 00:18:30,568 [phone ringing] 458 00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:35,990 It's in voice mail. 459 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,993 Yeah, just leave a message. 460 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:41,037 Hi, it's me, Dwight. 461 00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,081 Uh, I need a price on matte-- 462 00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,374 God, this is stupid. 463 00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:45,625 You're right, this is stupid. 464 00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,502 Ugh, sorry about that, man. 465 00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:49,087 This--I'm sorry. 466 00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:50,296 What did you ask me? 467 00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:51,798 Okay. Good. 468 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,384 I need a tonnage price on matte-coated SRA-1. 469 00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,678 Now, I've got 360 down here. 470 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:57,846 I know that can't be right. 471 00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:01,224 I was speaking to Dave earlier about... 472 00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:04,686 I know you're not there. 473 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,355 And so you can't hear 474 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:11,443 what I'm currently saying, 475 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,612 but I'm not talking to myself, because they're filming. 476 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,033 People respond to the human touch, 477 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:20,994 and that's what I give them. 478 00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:26,166 I can look at a client, and I can say, 479 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,918 "Hello, how are you? 480 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,963 How's business been going?" 481 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:35,508 And we can go back and forth for some time, 482 00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:37,260 and then I'll say, 483 00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:40,847 "How much-- how many reams do you want?" 484 00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:42,057 And they'll order it, 485 00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,601 and then I'll take care of all the sales. 486 00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:46,770 I'll make sure that they get that paper. 487 00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:48,563 And they appreciate that. 488 00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:50,732 Heya, heya. 489 00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:52,984 What's that? 490 00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:56,946 Wired. Oh, John Belushi. 491 00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:59,032 Wild and crazy guy. 492 00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:05,121 Ooh, freaked myself out this morning. 493 00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:06,581 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 494 00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:09,417 Thought I found a lump, you know? 495 00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:12,671 I check the, uh-- check the jewels every month. 496 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:17,300 This time, you know, it's a little different. 497 00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,928 It was fine. It's fine. 498 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,680 But freaky, man, you know? 499 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,848 Testicular cancer? God. 500 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:27,560 Cancer of the ol' testicles, so... 501 00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:32,649 What--what you eating? 502 00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:34,067 A smoked turkey. Oh. 503 00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:35,151 Oh, place from the corner? 504 00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:37,946 Mm-hmm. Nice. 505 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:40,990 Okay, see you later. 506 00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:49,124 I think I'm a role model here. 507 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,042 I think I garner people's respect. 508 00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:53,628 Attention all Dunder Mifflin employees, please. 509 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,381 We have a meeting in the conference room, ASAP. 510 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:59,509 (Michael) People I respect, heroes of mine, would be... 511 00:20:59,551 --> 00:21:01,678 Bob Hope. 512 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:06,599 Um... Abraham Lincoln. 513 00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:08,810 Definitely. 514 00:21:08,852 --> 00:21:12,772 Bono. 515 00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:15,859 Uh, and probably God... 516 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:18,903 would be the fourth one. 517 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,864 And I just think all those people 518 00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:24,242 really helped the world 519 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:26,953 in so many ways 520 00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:29,831 that it's, um... 521 00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:34,461 it's really beyond words. 522 00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:37,005 [mispronouncing] It's really incalcalacable. 523 00:21:37,047 --> 00:21:38,548 Now, I know there are some rumors out there, 524 00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:39,883 and I just kinda wanna set the record straight-- 525 00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:41,801 I'm assistant regional manager. I should know first. 526 00:21:41,843 --> 00:21:43,303 Assistant to the regional manager. 527 00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,680 Okay, um, can you just tell me, please? 528 00:21:45,722 --> 00:21:47,432 Just tell me quietly. Can you whisper it in my ear? 529 00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:48,767 I'm just about to tell everyone. 530 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:50,268 Can't you just tell us-- Please! 531 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,561 Okay? Do you want me to tell them? 532 00:21:51,603 --> 00:21:53,146 You don't know what it is. 533 00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:54,397 [chuckles] 534 00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:55,815 Okay, you tell them. With my permission. 535 00:21:55,857 --> 00:21:57,525 I don't need-- Permission granted. Go ahead. 536 00:21:57,567 --> 00:22:00,612 Corporate has deemed it appropriate 537 00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:03,490 to enforce an ultimatum upon me. 538 00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:06,951 And Jan is thinking about downsizing 539 00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:09,371 either the Stamford branch or this branch. 540 00:22:09,412 --> 00:22:11,706 I heard they might be closing this branch down. 541 00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:13,792 That's just... 542 00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:15,335 That's just the rumor going around. 543 00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:16,836 This is my first day. I don't really know. 544 00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:18,922 Yeah, but, Michael, what if they downsize here? 545 00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:20,298 Not gonna happen. 546 00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:21,508 It could be out of your hands, Michael. 547 00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:24,260 It won't be out of my hands, Stanley, okay? 548 00:22:24,302 --> 00:22:25,679 I promise you that. 549 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:26,930 Oh, can you promise that? 550 00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:27,889 On his mother's grave. 551 00:22:27,931 --> 00:22:29,432 Well... 552 00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:31,059 No! 553 00:22:31,101 --> 00:22:32,727 Well, yeah, it is a promise. 554 00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:34,354 And, frankly, I'm a little bit insulted 555 00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:36,564 that you have to keep asking about it. 556 00:22:36,606 --> 00:22:38,108 It's just that we need to know. 557 00:22:38,149 --> 00:22:40,694 I--I know. Hold on a second. 558 00:22:40,735 --> 00:22:42,195 I think Pam wanted to say something. 559 00:22:42,237 --> 00:22:44,906 Pam, you, uh... 560 00:22:44,948 --> 00:22:47,325 had a look that you wanted to ask a question 561 00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:50,078 just now. 562 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:51,746 I was in the meeting with Jan, 563 00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:54,040 and she did say that it could be this branch 564 00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:55,709 that gets the axe. 565 00:22:55,750 --> 00:22:57,502 Are you sure about that? 566 00:22:57,544 --> 00:22:58,837 Look, Pam... 567 00:22:58,878 --> 00:23:00,255 Uh, maybe you should stick 568 00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:03,800 to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meetings. 569 00:23:03,842 --> 00:23:05,093 Pam, information is power. 570 00:23:05,135 --> 00:23:06,428 So... 571 00:23:06,469 --> 00:23:07,762 (Stanley) So you can't say for sure 572 00:23:07,804 --> 00:23:09,097 whether it's gonna be us or them, can you? 573 00:23:09,139 --> 00:23:10,098 No, no, no, no. 574 00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:11,933 Stanley, no. 575 00:23:11,975 --> 00:23:14,060 You did not see me in there with her. 576 00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:16,688 I said if, uh, if corporate 577 00:23:16,730 --> 00:23:18,606 wants to come in here and interfere, 578 00:23:18,648 --> 00:23:20,567 then they're gonna have to go through me. 579 00:23:20,608 --> 00:23:21,735 Right? 580 00:23:21,776 --> 00:23:23,987 You know, you can go mess with Josh's people. 581 00:23:24,029 --> 00:23:25,739 But I'm the head of this family, 582 00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:29,659 and you ain't gonna be messin' with my chillun'. 583 00:23:33,246 --> 00:23:34,539 Stanley, listen. 584 00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:36,750 This is my ship, and I am the captain, 585 00:23:36,791 --> 00:23:38,877 and you're just gonna have to trust me, okay? 586 00:23:38,918 --> 00:23:40,545 Everybody's gonna be fine. 587 00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:41,755 Look, Michael, it's not a question of trust. 588 00:23:41,796 --> 00:23:43,089 (Michael) Yeah, it is. 589 00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:44,966 It is a question of trust, Stanley. 590 00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:49,012 And, um... do you trust me? 591 00:23:49,054 --> 00:23:51,681 I mean, yes or no? 592 00:23:51,723 --> 00:23:53,475 Yes, Michael. I trust you. 593 00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:56,728 Okay, he does. So meeting adjourned. 594 00:23:56,770 --> 00:23:58,063 (Dwight) Good, it was an excellent meeting. 595 00:23:58,104 --> 00:23:59,314 (Michael) Thank you very much for coming. 596 00:23:59,356 --> 00:24:00,523 I would've conducted an-- 597 00:24:00,565 --> 00:24:02,984 can I just ask how many of you trust me? 598 00:24:03,026 --> 00:24:04,861 Can I get a show of hands, how many of you trust me? 599 00:24:04,903 --> 00:24:06,196 (Michael) Dwight, you don't have to do this. 600 00:24:06,237 --> 00:24:07,322 Phyllis, put your hand down, please. 601 00:24:07,364 --> 00:24:08,490 (Dwight) Uh, you asked them. 602 00:24:08,531 --> 00:24:09,616 I'm assistant regional manager. 603 00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:11,451 Assistant to the regional manager. 604 00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:12,744 Thanks for coming in. You're welcome. 605 00:24:12,786 --> 00:24:14,871 Do you trust me? No. 606 00:24:14,913 --> 00:24:17,374 If I left, what would I do with... 607 00:24:17,415 --> 00:24:20,835 all this useless information in my head? 608 00:24:20,877 --> 00:24:22,253 You know? 609 00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:25,215 Tonnage price of manila folders? 610 00:24:25,256 --> 00:24:27,842 Um, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt? 611 00:24:27,884 --> 00:24:29,219 Which is mixed berry. 612 00:24:33,390 --> 00:24:34,891 (Pam) Jim said mixed berries? 613 00:24:36,851 --> 00:24:39,896 Oh, well, yeah, he's onto me. 614 00:24:39,938 --> 00:24:41,981 Um... [laughs] 615 00:24:42,023 --> 00:24:44,067 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch out for this guy. 616 00:24:44,109 --> 00:24:45,777 Dwight Schrute in the building. 617 00:24:45,819 --> 00:24:47,070 This is Ryan, the new temp. 618 00:24:47,112 --> 00:24:48,196 What's up? Nice to meet you. 619 00:24:48,238 --> 00:24:49,614 Introduce yourself. Be polite. 620 00:24:49,656 --> 00:24:51,866 Uh, Dwight Schrute, Assistant regional manager. 621 00:24:51,908 --> 00:24:53,910 Assistant to the regional manager. 622 00:24:53,952 --> 00:24:56,496 So, uh, Dwight, tell him about the kung fu 623 00:24:56,538 --> 00:24:58,665 and the car and everything. 624 00:24:58,707 --> 00:25:01,376 Uh, yeah, I got a '78 280Z. 625 00:25:01,418 --> 00:25:02,961 I bought it for 1,200, fixed it up. 626 00:25:03,003 --> 00:25:03,920 It's now worth three grand. 627 00:25:03,962 --> 00:25:04,963 That is his profit. 628 00:25:05,005 --> 00:25:06,631 Yeah, uh, new engine, suspension. 629 00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:09,050 I got a respray. I got some photos. 630 00:25:09,092 --> 00:25:11,261 Oh! Damn it! 631 00:25:11,302 --> 00:25:12,303 Jim! I-- 632 00:25:12,345 --> 00:25:14,264 Hold on, hold on. Judge is in session. 633 00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:15,849 What is the problem here? 634 00:25:15,890 --> 00:25:18,184 He put my stuff in Jell-O again! 635 00:25:18,226 --> 00:25:20,687 [Pam laughing] 636 00:25:20,729 --> 00:25:21,938 That's real professional. Thanks. 637 00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:23,690 This is the third time, and it wasn't funny 638 00:25:23,732 --> 00:25:25,066 the first two times either, Jim! 639 00:25:25,108 --> 00:25:26,276 It's okay here. 640 00:25:26,317 --> 00:25:28,570 Uh, but people sometimes take advantage 641 00:25:28,611 --> 00:25:30,113 because it's so relaxed. 642 00:25:30,155 --> 00:25:34,325 I'm a volunteer sheriff's deputy on the weekends. 643 00:25:34,367 --> 00:25:36,828 And you cannot screw around there. 644 00:25:36,870 --> 00:25:38,747 It's sort of one of the rules. 645 00:25:38,788 --> 00:25:39,873 [laughing] What is that? 646 00:25:39,914 --> 00:25:40,874 That's my stapler. 647 00:25:40,915 --> 00:25:42,792 No, no, no, no! Do not take it out. 648 00:25:42,834 --> 00:25:44,461 You have to eat it out of there, 649 00:25:44,502 --> 00:25:46,087 because there are starving people in the world, 650 00:25:46,129 --> 00:25:47,255 and, which I hate, 651 00:25:47,297 --> 00:25:49,341 and it is a waste of that kind of food. 652 00:25:49,382 --> 00:25:50,592 Okay, you know what? You can be a witness. 653 00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:53,678 Can you reprimand him, please? 654 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:54,888 How do you know it was me? 655 00:25:54,929 --> 00:25:55,972 (Dwight) It's always you. 656 00:25:56,014 --> 00:25:57,307 Are you gonna discipline him or not? 657 00:25:57,349 --> 00:25:59,434 Ooh, discipline, kinky! 658 00:25:59,476 --> 00:26:02,520 All right, here's the deal, you guys. 659 00:26:02,562 --> 00:26:04,773 Thing about a practical joke is that you have to know 660 00:26:04,814 --> 00:26:06,983 when to start as well as when to stop. 661 00:26:07,025 --> 00:26:08,151 And, yeah, 662 00:26:08,193 --> 00:26:10,570 Jim, now is the time 663 00:26:10,612 --> 00:26:13,198 to stop putting Dwight's personal effects 664 00:26:13,239 --> 00:26:15,784 into Jell-O. 665 00:26:15,825 --> 00:26:17,327 [clears throat] Okay. 666 00:26:17,369 --> 00:26:19,037 Dwight, I'm sorry, because... 667 00:26:19,079 --> 00:26:22,082 I have always been your biggest flan. 668 00:26:22,123 --> 00:26:23,124 [laughs] 669 00:26:23,166 --> 00:26:25,293 Ho ho ho, nice! 670 00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:27,420 That's the way it is around here. 671 00:26:27,462 --> 00:26:28,880 It just kind of goes round and round and round. 672 00:26:28,922 --> 00:26:31,132 You, uh, you should have put him in "custardy." 673 00:26:31,174 --> 00:26:33,051 Oh, hey! Yes! 674 00:26:33,093 --> 00:26:35,470 New guy! And he scores. 675 00:26:35,512 --> 00:26:36,638 Okay, that's great. 676 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,598 I guess what I'm most concerned with 677 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,142 is damage to company property. 678 00:26:41,184 --> 00:26:43,770 That's all. 679 00:26:46,773 --> 00:26:48,108 Pudding. 680 00:26:48,149 --> 00:26:49,943 Putting. 681 00:26:49,984 --> 00:26:53,405 I'm trying to think what other dessert to do. 682 00:26:53,446 --> 00:26:55,490 (Jim) My dream job? 683 00:26:55,532 --> 00:26:58,785 Part-time astronaut? You know? 684 00:26:58,827 --> 00:27:01,329 And that would leave time to do something 685 00:27:01,371 --> 00:27:04,958 having to do with music, because, I mean, 686 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,919 I think the best way to get a girl is with the music. 687 00:27:07,961 --> 00:27:11,631 And the best way to really impress a lady 688 00:27:11,673 --> 00:27:14,342 is to say that you weekend on the moon. 689 00:27:14,384 --> 00:27:17,012 Right? Is that just me? 690 00:27:17,053 --> 00:27:18,346 [both chuckle] 691 00:27:18,388 --> 00:27:19,681 Do you like going out 692 00:27:19,723 --> 00:27:21,391 at the end of the week for a drink? 693 00:27:21,433 --> 00:27:22,684 Yeah. 694 00:27:22,726 --> 00:27:24,561 Well, that's why we're all going out. 695 00:27:24,602 --> 00:27:26,146 So that we can have an end-of-the-week drink. 696 00:27:26,187 --> 00:27:27,355 So when are we going out? 697 00:27:27,397 --> 00:27:28,356 I don't know. Tonight, hopefully. 698 00:27:28,398 --> 00:27:30,900 Okay, yeah. 699 00:27:32,777 --> 00:27:33,611 Hey, man. 700 00:27:33,653 --> 00:27:34,988 Hey! What's going on? 701 00:27:35,030 --> 00:27:36,406 Hi, baby. Hey. 702 00:27:36,448 --> 00:27:37,699 Uh, Roy is my fiancรฉ. 703 00:27:37,741 --> 00:27:40,535 We've been engaged about, um... 704 00:27:40,577 --> 00:27:42,162 about three years. 705 00:27:42,203 --> 00:27:45,123 And, uh, we were supposed to get married in September, 706 00:27:45,165 --> 00:27:49,210 but I think we're gonna get married in the spring. 707 00:27:49,252 --> 00:27:53,423 Roy is a good... 708 00:27:53,465 --> 00:27:55,675 sized guy. 709 00:27:55,717 --> 00:27:57,886 You know, he's big. 710 00:27:57,927 --> 00:27:59,846 I mean, he's great. He must be-- 711 00:27:59,888 --> 00:28:02,390 he must be great, you know? 712 00:28:02,432 --> 00:28:05,935 But, uh, he's big. 713 00:28:05,977 --> 00:28:08,438 (Pam) Roy proposed on Valentine's Day. 714 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:09,898 Well, he didn't actually do it in person. 715 00:28:09,939 --> 00:28:12,817 He did it through one of the little Valentine ads 716 00:28:12,859 --> 00:28:16,237 in the paper, and it said-- 717 00:28:16,279 --> 00:28:19,741 it must've cost money by the word, because it only said, 718 00:28:19,783 --> 00:28:24,662 "Roy love Pam marriage?" 719 00:28:24,704 --> 00:28:27,832 Which I think is great, because it's not every day 720 00:28:27,874 --> 00:28:31,503 that you get something that's both romantic and thrifty. 721 00:28:32,921 --> 00:28:35,840 Do you mind if I go out for a drink with these guys? 722 00:28:35,882 --> 00:28:37,425 Uh, no, no, come on. 723 00:28:37,467 --> 00:28:39,886 Let's get out of here, go home. 724 00:28:39,928 --> 00:28:42,389 Okay, um, I'm gonna be a few minutes, though. 725 00:28:42,430 --> 00:28:44,474 It's only 20 past 5:00. 726 00:28:44,516 --> 00:28:47,894 I still have to do my faxes, so... 727 00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:53,108 You know what? You should come with us. 728 00:28:53,149 --> 00:28:54,567 Because, you know, we're all going out, 729 00:28:54,609 --> 00:28:56,277 and it could be a good chance for you to... 730 00:28:56,319 --> 00:28:58,446 see what people are like outside of the office. 731 00:28:58,488 --> 00:29:00,281 You know, I think it could be fun. 732 00:29:00,323 --> 00:29:01,366 No, it sounds good. 733 00:29:01,408 --> 00:29:02,534 Oh, no. 734 00:29:02,575 --> 00:29:03,702 Seriously, we gotta get going. 735 00:29:03,743 --> 00:29:06,037 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 736 00:29:14,087 --> 00:29:18,967 Um... what's in the-- what's in the bag? 737 00:29:19,009 --> 00:29:20,301 Just tell her I'll talk to her later. 738 00:29:20,343 --> 00:29:22,512 No, definitely. All right, dude, awesome. 739 00:29:22,554 --> 00:29:24,931 Will do. 740 00:29:27,308 --> 00:29:32,230 Do I think I'll be invited to the wedding? 741 00:29:38,945 --> 00:29:42,824 I love Roy because he's, um... 742 00:29:42,866 --> 00:29:45,201 he's very protective. 743 00:29:45,243 --> 00:29:49,205 He's, um, a good provider. 744 00:29:49,247 --> 00:29:52,334 That's what my dad says. 745 00:29:52,375 --> 00:29:54,669 Strong. 746 00:29:54,711 --> 00:29:58,340 Um... I-- 747 00:29:58,381 --> 00:29:59,883 I just--I know I love him 748 00:29:59,924 --> 00:30:03,678 because of how much my family loves him. 749 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,765 So, uh, have you felt the vibe yet? 750 00:30:06,806 --> 00:30:08,350 We work hard, we play hard. 751 00:30:08,391 --> 00:30:10,560 Sometimes we play hard when we should be working hard. 752 00:30:10,602 --> 00:30:12,020 Right? 753 00:30:12,062 --> 00:30:15,482 Um, I guess the atmosphere that I've created here 754 00:30:15,523 --> 00:30:17,275 is that I'm a friend first 755 00:30:17,317 --> 00:30:19,069 and a boss second. 756 00:30:19,110 --> 00:30:20,653 Probably, uh-- [knock on door] 757 00:30:20,695 --> 00:30:21,821 entertainer third. 758 00:30:21,863 --> 00:30:24,699 Just a second! Right? 759 00:30:24,741 --> 00:30:27,160 Oh, hey, do you, uh, 760 00:30:27,202 --> 00:30:29,162 do you like The Jamie Kennedy Experiment? 761 00:30:29,204 --> 00:30:30,830 Yeah. Punk'd and all that kind of stuff? 762 00:30:30,872 --> 00:30:32,207 Okay, um... 763 00:30:32,248 --> 00:30:33,708 you are gonna be my accomplice. 764 00:30:33,750 --> 00:30:34,876 Just go along with it, okay? 765 00:30:34,918 --> 00:30:36,419 All right. Just follow my lead. 766 00:30:36,461 --> 00:30:38,630 Don't pimp me, all right? Come in! 767 00:30:38,672 --> 00:30:41,383 So, uh, corporate just said that I don't want to-- You got a fax. 768 00:30:41,424 --> 00:30:42,926 Oh, thank you, Pam. 769 00:30:42,967 --> 00:30:45,261 Pam, can you come in here for a sec? 770 00:30:45,303 --> 00:30:46,554 Just have a seat. 771 00:30:46,596 --> 00:30:47,722 I was gonna call you in anyway. 772 00:30:47,764 --> 00:30:50,392 Um, you know Ryan. 773 00:30:50,433 --> 00:30:52,727 Um, as you know, 774 00:30:52,769 --> 00:30:54,813 there's going to be downsizing. 775 00:30:54,854 --> 00:30:59,818 And you have made my life so much easier 776 00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:04,280 in that I am going to have to let you go first. 777 00:31:04,322 --> 00:31:06,157 What? Why? 778 00:31:06,199 --> 00:31:08,243 Why? Well, theft. 779 00:31:08,284 --> 00:31:09,244 And stealing. 780 00:31:09,285 --> 00:31:10,245 Stealing? 781 00:31:10,286 --> 00:31:11,454 Mm-hmm. 782 00:31:11,496 --> 00:31:14,416 Um, what am I supposed to have stolen? 783 00:31:14,457 --> 00:31:16,126 Post-it notes. 784 00:31:16,167 --> 00:31:17,752 Post-it notes? Yeah. 785 00:31:17,794 --> 00:31:19,587 What are those worth, like, 50 cents? 786 00:31:19,629 --> 00:31:21,089 50 cents, yeah. 787 00:31:21,131 --> 00:31:23,216 You steal 1,000 Post-It notes at 50 cents apiece, 788 00:31:23,258 --> 00:31:26,803 and, you know, you've made a profit... margin. 789 00:31:26,845 --> 00:31:29,305 You know, gonna run us out of business, Pam. 790 00:31:29,347 --> 00:31:32,267 Are you serious? 791 00:31:32,308 --> 00:31:34,144 Yeah, I, um... 792 00:31:34,185 --> 00:31:36,646 Um, what-- I can't believe this. 793 00:31:36,688 --> 00:31:39,607 I mean, I've never even stolen as much as a paper clip, 794 00:31:39,649 --> 00:31:42,193 and now you're firing me. 795 00:31:42,235 --> 00:31:44,779 And the best thing about it is that, uh, 796 00:31:44,821 --> 00:31:48,116 we're not gonna have to give you any severance pay. 797 00:31:48,158 --> 00:31:52,328 Because that is gross misconduct, and, uh... 798 00:31:52,370 --> 00:31:55,874 So just clean out your desk. I'm sorry. 799 00:32:01,755 --> 00:32:04,007 [sobbing] 800 00:32:12,474 --> 00:32:15,393 You've been "X'd," punk! 801 00:32:15,435 --> 00:32:16,686 Surprise! It's a joke! 802 00:32:16,728 --> 00:32:18,104 We were joking around! 803 00:32:18,146 --> 00:32:19,397 [laughs] See? 804 00:32:19,439 --> 00:32:20,815 Okay, he was in on it. 805 00:32:20,857 --> 00:32:22,150 He was my accomplice. 806 00:32:22,192 --> 00:32:25,653 And it was just kind of a morale booster thing. 807 00:32:25,695 --> 00:32:29,282 And we were showing the new guy around, kind of-- 808 00:32:29,324 --> 00:32:31,326 kind of giving him the feel of the place. 809 00:32:31,368 --> 00:32:33,870 So you sh-- 810 00:32:33,912 --> 00:32:35,830 God, you were-- We totally got you-- 811 00:32:35,872 --> 00:32:38,208 You're a jerk! 812 00:32:38,249 --> 00:32:41,127 Ah, I don't know about that. 813 00:32:41,169 --> 00:32:43,088 [door slams] 814 00:32:55,892 --> 00:32:58,937 What is the most important thing for a company? 815 00:32:58,978 --> 00:33:03,274 Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory? 816 00:33:03,316 --> 00:33:04,859 Nuh-uh. 817 00:33:04,901 --> 00:33:07,153 It's the people. 818 00:33:07,195 --> 00:33:09,489 The people. 819 00:33:09,531 --> 00:33:10,949 My proudest moment here 820 00:33:10,990 --> 00:33:14,411 was not when I increased profits by 17%. 821 00:33:14,452 --> 00:33:16,871 Or when I cut expenses 822 00:33:16,913 --> 00:33:18,540 without losing a single employee. 823 00:33:18,581 --> 00:33:20,166 No, no, no, no, no. 824 00:33:20,208 --> 00:33:23,336 It was a young Guatemalan guy. 825 00:33:23,378 --> 00:33:26,047 First job in the country, barely spoke English. 826 00:33:26,089 --> 00:33:28,550 Came to me and said, 827 00:33:28,591 --> 00:33:31,094 [Spanish accent] "Mr. Scott, 828 00:33:31,136 --> 00:33:36,766 would you be the godfather of my child?" 829 00:33:36,808 --> 00:33:40,061 [normal voice] Wow. Wow. 830 00:33:40,103 --> 00:33:42,313 Wow. 831 00:33:45,025 --> 00:33:46,317 Didn't work out in the end. 832 00:33:46,359 --> 00:33:48,278 We had to let him go. He sucked. 833 00:33:52,532 --> 00:33:54,200 [sniffles] 834 00:33:54,242 --> 00:33:55,326 Hey. 835 00:33:55,368 --> 00:33:56,703 Hey. Hey. 836 00:33:56,745 --> 00:33:57,912 How are you? Good. 837 00:33:57,954 --> 00:34:00,331 I thought you were going out for a drink with-- 838 00:34:00,373 --> 00:34:01,875 Oh, no, no. 839 00:34:01,916 --> 00:34:04,419 Just going to, uh... 840 00:34:04,461 --> 00:34:06,004 How's your headache? 841 00:34:06,046 --> 00:34:07,464 It's better. Thanks. Good. 842 00:34:07,505 --> 00:34:09,007 Good, that's great. 843 00:34:09,049 --> 00:34:10,633 Is, uh-- Yeah? 844 00:34:10,675 --> 00:34:13,470 Um, are you, uh... 845 00:34:13,511 --> 00:34:14,429 Am I walking out? 846 00:34:14,471 --> 00:34:15,722 Yes. 847 00:34:15,764 --> 00:34:17,432 Yes. Do you wanna? 848 00:34:17,474 --> 00:34:19,225 Yeah. Great. 849 00:34:19,267 --> 00:34:20,977 Let me just-- [car horn honking] 850 00:34:21,019 --> 00:34:23,104 Oh, Roy. Yeah. 851 00:34:23,146 --> 00:34:24,522 Listen, have a nice weekend. 852 00:34:24,564 --> 00:34:26,691 Yeah, definitely. You too. 853 00:34:26,733 --> 00:34:29,819 Enjoy it. 854 00:34:31,696 --> 00:34:34,908 [door closes] 855 00:34:34,949 --> 00:34:37,452 [sighs] 856 00:34:37,494 --> 00:34:40,455 [rock music] 857 00:34:40,497 --> 00:34:48,421 โ™ช โ™ช 858 00:34:59,140 --> 00:35:00,225 Tell you about Michael Scott? Me? 859 00:35:00,266 --> 00:35:01,142 Moi? Michael Scott? 860 00:35:01,184 --> 00:35:02,435 [car horn honks] 861 00:35:02,477 --> 00:35:04,270 Uh... 862 00:35:04,312 --> 00:35:07,399 It sounds like the lunch cart is here. 863 00:35:08,692 --> 00:35:11,236 We're trying to shoot something up here! 864 00:35:12,904 --> 00:35:16,032 Do I need to speak up? 865 00:35:16,074 --> 00:35:18,076 Hello? 866 00:35:20,203 --> 00:35:22,664 This is directly in a blind spot, 867 00:35:22,706 --> 00:35:26,292 so I'm trained to respond negatively 868 00:35:26,334 --> 00:35:30,380 to something right above my head. 869 00:35:33,925 --> 00:35:36,344 This camera stuff is great. 870 00:35:36,386 --> 00:35:39,347 This now, I have an eye on, you see. 871 00:35:39,389 --> 00:35:42,183 It's in my periphery, and if I needed to 872 00:35:42,225 --> 00:35:46,354 block it, attack it, stop it somehow, 873 00:35:46,396 --> 00:35:49,024 I could come right out. 874 00:35:49,065 --> 00:35:50,734 I mean, I know you're doing your job, 875 00:35:50,775 --> 00:35:54,070 but I'm doing my job. 876 00:35:55,071 --> 00:35:58,074 Look how big that gets. 877 00:35:59,409 --> 00:36:01,244 [toy imitates flatulence] 878 00:36:01,286 --> 00:36:03,747 It's like smarty pants, but I call it farty pants. 879 00:36:03,788 --> 00:36:07,375 So a guy called and he thought that-- 880 00:36:07,417 --> 00:36:11,254 he literally thought that our ad said opiate paper. 881 00:36:11,296 --> 00:36:13,465 Opiate paper. 882 00:36:13,506 --> 00:36:18,261 And he bought a fair amount of opiate paper. 883 00:36:18,303 --> 00:36:20,555 I did correct him once. I said "copier paper." 884 00:36:20,597 --> 00:36:22,891 And he just didn't hear me, so... 885 00:36:22,932 --> 00:36:24,267 But it was a good month. 886 00:36:24,309 --> 00:36:26,269 Can I just say one thing? 887 00:36:26,311 --> 00:36:30,565 Um, my friend is Jewish, Eric Geller. 888 00:36:30,607 --> 00:36:34,569 And a couple years ago, he, um... 889 00:36:34,611 --> 00:36:37,072 showed me how to-- I can plant a tree in Israel, 890 00:36:37,113 --> 00:36:40,283 so I planted a tree. 891 00:36:40,325 --> 00:36:44,120 So--you know, 'cause-- 892 00:36:44,162 --> 00:36:46,748 yeah, we work in paper, but, you know, 893 00:36:46,790 --> 00:36:48,458 I try to give back. 894 00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:49,668 I want people, when they come in here, 895 00:36:49,709 --> 00:36:52,754 to just know that it's not all business. 896 00:36:52,796 --> 00:36:54,506 It's mostly business, but it's not all business. 897 00:36:54,547 --> 00:36:55,632 It's business, but it's kind of-- 898 00:36:55,674 --> 00:36:57,175 there's the fun side of business. 899 00:36:57,217 --> 00:36:58,718 A lot of people have some complaints 900 00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,304 about Michael being too tough of a boss. 901 00:37:01,346 --> 00:37:03,223 I don't think Michael's a tough boss. 902 00:37:03,264 --> 00:37:05,850 I like discipline. 903 00:37:05,892 --> 00:37:08,269 I like being told what to do. 904 00:37:08,311 --> 00:37:10,271 I get off on it. 905 00:37:10,313 --> 00:37:11,690 I know what people say about me, 906 00:37:11,731 --> 00:37:13,858 that I don't have a sense of humor. 907 00:37:13,900 --> 00:37:15,902 But that's just not true. 908 00:37:15,944 --> 00:37:18,154 I find a lot of things funny. 909 00:37:18,196 --> 00:37:22,826 Um, monkeys are funny. 910 00:37:22,867 --> 00:37:24,619 They're very funny. 911 00:37:24,661 --> 00:37:27,956 I guess my main philosophy is this. 912 00:37:27,997 --> 00:37:29,749 I know how to kill you, 913 00:37:29,791 --> 00:37:33,128 but that doesn't necessarily mean that I will. 914 00:37:33,169 --> 00:37:36,172 Hello, I'm Michael Scott. 915 00:37:36,214 --> 00:37:39,759 I'm the best boss in the world. 63929

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