All language subtitles for Humpday English

( sighing )

( moans )
MMM.

( kisses )

- YOUR HAIR SMELLS GOOD.
- THANK YOU.

- IS IT THAT PEAR
STUFF YOU GOT?
- MM-HMM.

- I LIKE IT.
- YOU LIKE THAT?

- YEAH.
- YEAH?

- I DO. HI.
- HI.

- MMM...
- WHAT?

- I'M SO TIRED.
- I'M TIRED TOO, SHIT.

I WAS HOPING YOU WERE
GOING TO SAY THAT.

I WAS LIKE--
I WAS LIKE,
ARE WE DOING THIS?

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
IF I'M REALLY INTO IT.

MAN...

- I LOVE YOU.
- YOU'RE AWESOME.

THIS IS SO GREAT.

- TOMORROW THOUGH, YEAH?
- YEAH, GOT IT ON
THE CALENDAR.

- GREAT.
- IT'S ACTUALLY BETTER.

WE CAN SAVE THE CHARGE.
MAKE IT COUNT.

- SAVE IT UP. YOU DON'T
WANT TO WASTE IT.
- SAVE IT UP.

- Man: GOOD NIGHT, SWEETIE.
- GOOD NIGHT, BABY.

- Man: I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU TOO.

( doorbell rings )

( tapping on door )

( ringing continues )

( tapping continues )

( ringing continues )

Man:
BEN COLEMAN,
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST

FOR THE 1997
SODOMIZATION OF...

- ( shouts, laughs )
- SHHH!

( laughs )

SHUSH, QUIET QUIET,
ANNA'S IN THERE.

FUCK, THAT'S RIGHT!
YOU'VE GOT A WIFE!

- YOU'RE STILL MARRIED.
- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU
DOING, MAN?

WHAT THE FUCK!

WHAT THE FUCK!

WHAT THE FUCK ARE
YOU DOING HERE, MAN?

WHAT THE FUCK
IS THIS, DUDE?

- IT'S MY GRAVITAS,
MOTHERFUCKER.
- YOUR "GRAVITAS"?

- WHAT'S THAT?
- THIS?

- YEAH!
- I'M PREGNANT, MAN.

WELL, LOOK AT
THAT SHIT.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- OH, HEY!

- HEY, SWEETIE.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?

ANDREW-- ANDREW
FROM THE WEDDING.

- I MET YOU AT THE WEDDING.
- OH, WOW! HI!

- HI! NICE TO SEE YOU.
- YEAH.

WHAT'S GOING ON?
I'M SO SORRY FOR
WAKING YOU UP.

I GOT YOU A--

A DUCK...

- IN MEXICO.
- THAT IS A GORGEOUS DUCK.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- YOU KNOW,
IT'S ONE OF THESE.
- OH, YEAH. YEAH, SURE.

WHAT A PERFECT SPOT.

- YOU GUYS,
THIS IS AMAZING.
- THANKS.

NO, THIS IS
FUCKING INCREDIBLE.

- YOU GOT THE CAR,
YOU GOT THE WIFE...
- MM-HMM.

- YOU GOT THE COFFEE
TABLE BOOKS.
- YEAH.

WOW.

GOOD TO
SEE YOU, MAN.

- I FUCKING LOVE YOU, MAN.
- I LOVE YOU TOO.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
AND I WILL LOVE YOU.

I DON'T LOVE YOU
YET, BUT JUST--

- WE'LL SPEND A LITTLE
TIME TOGETHER...
- ( laughs ) OKAY.

AND I WILL LOVE YOU
LIKE I LOVE HIM.

- ( slaps Ben's face )
- OW.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GET YOU SETTLED IN.
I'M ASSUMING, YOU KNOW...

- OH YEAH YEAH!
NO, YOU SHOULD.
- WANTED A PLACE TO...

- IF THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU.
- OF COURSE, OF COURSE.
YEAH YEAH.

RIGHT ON, I WOULD
LOVE TO, YEAH.

OF COURSE YOU'RE
GONNA SLEEP WITH US.

- I'M SURE YOU HAVE
A TENT SOMEWHERE.
- WE'LL HOOK YOU UP.

( theme music playing )

( softly )
WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT?

- I'M SORRY.
- HE IS AMAZING!

YEAH, I--

I JUST WANT TO SAY
FOR THE RECORD I HAD
NO IDEA HE WAS COMING.

HE JUST DOES THIS.

- YEAH. NO, I MEAN, I...
- I'M SORRY.

I KIND OF ASSUMED
YOU WOULD'VE TOLD ME
IF YOU HAD A FRIEND

WHO WAS GOING TO SHOW UP
AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING.

I'M SORRY.

- OH MY GOD!
- HE'S NOT NORMALLY THIS HYPER.
HE'LL SETTLE DOWN.

HE JUST GETS REALLY EXCITED.
HE'S LIKE A PUPPY.

- HE'S LIKE--
- Andrew: ARE YOU GUYS
NAKED IN THERE?

- HEY, MAN,
GETTING YOUR BED READY.
- ( knocks on door )

- ( Anna sighs )
- COME ON IN.

- I LOVE THE HOT WATER SHOWER!
- Ben: FEELS GOOD, RIGHT?

- HOW'S IT FEEL TO BE CLEAN?
- AMAZING.

THAT SHOWER WAS LIKE
THE BEST THING THAT EVER
HAPPENED TO ME.

OH GOOD, I'M GLAD.

ALL RIGHT.

- THIS ROOM IS GREAT.
- YEAH.

- I WANT TO GO...
- ( clattering )

- MOUNTAIN CLIMBING.
- Ben: DON'T WORRY
ABOUT THAT.

( chuckles )
I'M GOING TO--

I THINK I'M GOING
TO GO TO BED.

- ALL RIGHT,
I'LL BE RIGHT UP.
- OKAY.

- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.

- I LOVE YOU, SWEETIE.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
- LOVE YOU.

Andrew:
I LOVE YOU NOW!

- SHE SEEMS REALLY AWESOME.
- SHE'S AWESOME.

YEAH, SHE SEEMS GREAT.

SHE IS.

I WAS JUST SAYING,
IT'S CRAZY...

THAT I STARTED OUT THE DAY
IN MEXICO CITY AND...

- YOU WERE
IN MEXICO CITY TODAY?
- THIS MORNING.

- THIS MORNING?
- YEAH.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE
YOU DOING HERE, MAN?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU KNOW
I STARTED OUT--

I'VE BEEN LIVING
IN SAN CRISTOBAL
DE LAS CASAS

- DOWN IN CHIAPAS AND--
- WHABABABA? WHERE?

IT'S A--
IT'S A STATE
IN MEXICO.

THE SOUTHERNMOST STATE
IN MEXICO, BUT, UM, I--

- I'VE BEEN THERE.
- REALLY?

NO.

BUT, YOU KNOW,
I STARTED OUT--

I STARTED AN ART PROJECT
WITH THE LOCALS THERE.

- MM-HMM.
- AND, YOU KNOW,
WE'VE STILL GOT,

WELL, I'VE GOT TO GET
SOME FUNDING.

I FIGURED
I'D COME HERE AND MEET

WITH SOME GRANT FOLKS
AND SOME GALLERY FOLKS.

BUT, YOU KNOW,
HONESTLY,

A BIG PART OF IT
WAS JUST--

I WAS IN THE AIRPORT
IN MEXICO CITY GOING, LIKE,

"OKAY, WHERE, YOU KNOW,

WHERE DO I WANT TO GO?"

AND, UM-- AND THEN--

AND THEN I THOUGHT
ABOUT YOU.

I FELT LIKE IT WAS TIME,
IT WAS, YOU KNOW,

KINDA WELL PAST TIME
FOR US TO--

IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

- YEAH, JUST-- GET BACK--
- IT'S DEFINITELY BEEN
A WHILE.

- GET BACK ON
A PAGE BECAUSE--
- YEAH.

I MEAN, DUDE,
WE GOT DIFFERENT LIVES,

BUT, LIKE, I RESPECT
THE FUCK OUT OF YOU

AND YOU'RE
LIKE MY BROTHER.

I RESPECT WHAT
YOU'RE DOING TOO, MAN.
I MEAN, I REALLY DO.

I-- I--
I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW WHAT
IT IS THAT YOU'RE DOING.

I GET POSTCARDS
EVERY NOW AND THEN
WITH LITTLE SNIPPETS,

LIKE SOMETHING ABOUT--

LIKE SOME PRINCESS
AND A HAT AND A SMOOCH.

DUDE, THAT'S THE HAT...

- THE HAT I SHOWED UP IN.
THAT'S THE HAT.
- THAT'S THE HAT?

THAT'S THE HAT.
( laughs )

IN MOROCCO,

BOUGHT FOR ME
BY A PRINCESS.

- YEAH, SHE BOUGHT ME A HAT.
- WHAT A WILD LIFE YOU LIVE,
MY FRIEND.

YEAH.

HERE'S THE THING IS--

YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE OPTION
OF DOING WHAT I'M DOING.

AND I DON'T KNOW
THAT I SO MUCH HAVE

THE OPTION OF DOING
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

OH, IT'S EASY.
GO, YOU KNOW, YOU JUST GO
TO THE GROCERY STORE,

YOU FIND
SOMEONE WITH LONG HAIR
THAT'S A GIRL,

- START KISSING HER...
- ( laughing )

ONE THING LEADS
TO ANOTHER, YOU KNOW?

THEN YOU BUY HER A RING,
YOU GET MARRIED, YOU BUY
A HOUSE AND, YOU KNOW,

SOON ENOUGH
YOU'RE CONVERTING
YOUR UPSTAIRS OFFICE

INTO-- INTO
A POTENTIAL BABY ROOM.

- ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
- NOT YET, BUT WE'RE
ON THE PATH.

WE'VE OFFICIALLY
REMOVED THE GOALIE

AND NOW WE'RE JUST
DOING FREE KICKS.

- IT'S MORE FUN THAT WAY.
- IT IS MORE FUN THAT WAY.

DUDE, THAT'S AMAZING.

THAT'S KIND OF LIKE
THE BIGGEST THING
YOU'LL EVER DO!

- IT'S KIND OF BIG.
- IT'S THE BIGGEST THING
ANYBODY WILL EVER DO.

YEAH. IT'S BIG.
IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET,
BUT, YOU KNOW, WE'RE HOPING.

LOOK, I SHOULD GET TO BED.
I GOT TO--

I GOT TO GO DO
THE JOB THING TOMORROW.

BUT, YEAH, WHY DON'T WE JUST
PLAN ON-- I MEAN, IF YOU DON'T
HAVE PLANS OR ANYTHING,

YOU KNOW, MAYBE
TOMORROW NIGHT WE CAN
JUST CATCH UP PROPER.

- TOTALLY.
- ALL RIGHT.

THIS IS WEIRD
SEEING YOU.

GOOD WEIRD.
ALL RIGHT, MAN.

( sighs, grunts )

VOY A TENER
SUENOS DE TI.

OOOBA DOOBA
DABBA DOOBEY.

- ( keyboard keys clicking )
- ( phone rings )

- Anna: Hi, baby.
- Ben: HEY, SWEETIE.

- How are you?
- I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

Oh, I'm just really excited
to get out of here.

YES, ME TOO.
SO I GOT A CALL FROM ANDREW,

AND HE--
THIS IS CLASSIC ANDREW--

HE MET SOMEONE
AT A COFFEE SHOP

- AND NOW HE IS HANGING OUT
AT HER HOUSE AND--
- ( laughs )

- Wow.
- YES!

AND SHE'S GOT ROOMMATES
AND THEY'RE ARTISTS.

AND HE WANTS ME
TO COME OVER THERE
AND MEET THEM.

SO I FEEL
LIKE I SHOULD GO

- JUST TO KIND OF GO.
- Oh, you-- no, yeah yeah.

I was hoping we could
all have dinner together.

- I just want to get
to know him a little bit.
- YEAH.

- I was hoping
we could have dinner--
- YOU WANT TO DO DINNER?

I could make us
some pork chops

or something like that
and get a couple bottles
of wine.

- And we could just,
you know, hang out...
- YOU'RE SO SWEET.

I JUST LOVE THAT
THE GUY BUSTS INTO YOUR HOUSE
AT 1:30 IN THE MORNING

- AND THEN YOU MAKE HIM
YOUR FAMOUS PORK CHOPS.
- ( laughing )

YOU'RE AWESOME.
I LOVE IT.

- SO I WILL GO WRANGLE HIM.
- Yeah?

AND WE'LL BE HOME
AS SOON AS WE CAN GET THERE.

Great great.
I'll have dinner ready.

- I LOVE YOU, SWEETIE.
- I love you too, babe.

- OKAY. BYE.
- Okay. Bye.

( rock music playing )

- HEY. I'M--
- ARE YOU BEN?

- YES, I'M BEN. HI HI HI.
- I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.

- OH! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
- WELCOME, COME ON IN.

- I DIDN'T GET YOUR NAME.
- ANDREW, HE'S HERE.

- I'M MONICA.
- MONICA, OKAY.

- JESSIE, JOHN, BEN.
- HI, GUYS.

- WOW, THIS PLACE
IS REALLY COOL.
- OH MY GOD...

- HI, BUDDY!
- HELLO, SIR.

- WHAT IS THIS MESS?
- COME, GIVE ME SOME LOVE!

- DON'T TOUCH ME,
DON'T TOUCH ME!
- COME HERE, COME HERE.

OH, MAN.

- YUMMY!
- WHAT IS THIS THING?

THIS IS MY FAMOUS
GENOESE FETTUCCINE--

GENOESE.
( chuckles )

( laughs )

SHIT, ANNA WAS GOING
TO MAKE HER PORK CHOPS
FOR US TONIGHT,

LIKE, SHE MAKES
THESE FAMOUS PORK CHOPS,
TO KIND OF WELCOME YOU.

- Monica: WHO'S ANNA?
- SHE'S MY WIFE.

- Monica:
SHE SHOULD BRING THEM.
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!

- SHE SHOULD BRING THEM.
- YEAH?

- TELL HER TO BRING THEM.
- WE HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE...

- STANDING FRIDAY NIGHT
FEAST, MUSIC--
- OKAY.

DIONYSIAN.

AND I THINK SHE MIGHT LIKE
TO TRY MY FETTUCCINE.

YEAH. WELL,
I'LL CALL HER AND SEE.

- RIGHT ON.
CHECK IN WITH THE--
- LET'S GET YOU A CORKSCREW.

- COME ON INTO THE KITCHEN.
- ALL RIGHT.

( Monica giggles )

HOW'S IT GOING? HI.

LILY, BEN;
BEN, LILY.

- BEN.
- HI, BEN. I'M LILY.
NICE TO MEET YOU.

NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
HOW'S IT GOING?

- YOU GOT
SOME TOMATOES THERE?
- MAKING A SALAD.

- Andrew: DO YOU
HAVE A ROLLING PIN?
- IS THIS YOUR DOMICILE?

I END UP HERE A LOT
'CAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND
LIVES HERE,

BUT I ACTUALLY
LIVE DOWN THE STREET.

- GOT IT.
- YEAH.

- AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS?
- LET'S TRY SOME WATER.

THAT'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND--
MONICA?

MONICA.

( screams )

( grunts )

- RIGHT ON.
- THEY'RE HITTING
IT OFF, HUH?

YEAH. I DIDN'T
WANT TO SAY ANYTHING
AT FIRST

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT
IT TO BE WEIRD, BUT--

SHE, YOU KNOW--
SHE LIKES HER BOY TIME.

- WHO AM I
TO DEPRIVE HER?
- ALL RIGHT, HEY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL GOOD,
YOU KNOW, IN THE HOOD.

- YEAH, THEY'RE
HITTING IT OFF.
- YEAH.

- IT'S COOL.
- SO,

HOW DO YOU SPEND
YOUR DAYS?

- I'M A TRANSPORTATION PLANNER.
- HEY, SWEETIE.

- COME HERE, LOOK AT YOU.
- HI!

- NICE PANTS.
- Woman: HEY, GUYS.

- HOW ARE YOU?
- LONG TIME NO SEE.

( giggles )

I'M GOING TO MAKE
A QUICK PHONE CALL,

AND I'LL
BE RIGHT BACK.

I'LL BE-- I'LL BE BACK.

( phone rings )

- HEY, BABY.
- Hey, sweetie.
How's it going?

GOOD GOOD.
WHAT TIME ARE YOU GUYS
GOING TO GET HERE?

UM, WELL,
I'M HERE AT THE HOUSE.

So there's
a little hiccup.
Andrew, it seems like--

HE'S WRAPPED UP IN POTENTIAL
DINNER PLANS HERE,

ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DINNER.
THERE'S THIS GIRL.

- RIGHT.
- There's another girl
that she's interested in.

- It's fucking--
I don't even know.
- WHA-- OH?

BUT I'M PRETTY SURE
HE'S GOING TO STAY,

WHICH TOTALLY SUCKS
'CAUSE I KNOW YOU WERE, LIKE,

- making an extra effort.
- WELL, WHATEVER.

I MEAN, THAT'S--
THAT'S FINE. OKAY.

THE OTHER OPTION IS,
OF COURSE, YOU COULD
COME HERE.

THEY'VE INVITED YOU.
THEY DEFINITELY WANT
TO MEET YOU.

Um, it's
a little weird.

THE PLACE IS
CALLED DIONYSUS.

AND THEY'RE NOT
KIDDING.

- ( snickers )
- You're welcome to come...

- AND "DIONYSE" HERE.
- Wow.

NO, I THINK I'LL STAY
AND HANG OUT WITH
MY PORK CHOPS.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
I'M GOING TO, UM,

PUT IN A LITTLE FACE TIME
AND THEN I'M GOING
TO COME HOME.

AND YOU AND I ARE
GOING TO SHARE PORK.

- THAT'S GREAT.
- And then there was,
you know, obviously--

OUR PLAN FOR THE EVENING,
WHICH WE SHOULD DO,
DON'T YOU THINK?

OKAY, YEAH,
THAT SOUNDS NICE.

And...

SORRY, I'M JUST TRYING
TO FIGURE OUT

IF THIS IS A GIRL OR A BOY
ON THE WALL HERE.

- ( laughs )
- ANYWAY, I'M GOING
TO BE HOME IN AN HOUR.

- Okay okay.
- HOPEFULLY NOTHING TERRIBLE
WILL HAVE HAPPENED TO ME.

ALL RIGHT. WELL,
YOU AND I ARE GOING
TO HAVE A GREAT DINNER.

- Yes, I'm
looking forward to it.
- AND ANDREW CAN SUCK IT.

- I LOVE YOU.
- I love you too, babe.

- OKAY. BYE. I'M SORRY.
- All right, bye.

( sniffs,
snaps fingers )

FUCK.

( sighs )

( slow music playing )

Andrew:
SEE, DUDE, WE HAVE
TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING.

( snickering )

FUCK OFF.

- DO YOU EVEN
KNOW WHAT IT IS?
- FUCK OFF.

- IT COUNTS YOUR STEPS.
- IT'S A PEDOMETER.

- WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
- IT COUNTS YOUR STEPS.

I MEAN, THAT'S SO,
THAT'S SO...

- ( Monica laughs )
- BODY PARTS TOUCHING
AND MOVING IN WAYS

WHERE YOU CAN'T NECESSARILY
TELL WHAT'S WHAT
OR WHO'S WHOSE,

OR HOW MANY THERE ARE.

( all laughing )

Monica:
THEY'RE REALLY GORGEOUS.
THEY'RE REALLY REALLY...

- JUST AESTHETICALLY BEAUTIFUL.
- Lily: YEAH, THAT'S THE POINT.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S
THIS SORT SPIRITUALITY
OF THAT I REALLY LIKE.

Lily:
MELDING
THE CONNECTION,

THE TWO BODIES

BECOMING ONE
INDISCERNIBLE,
EMOTIONAL--

I'M JUST COVERING
MYSELF WITH PEANUT BUTTER
AND LETTING TANGENT,

- MY DOG, LICK IF OFF.
- ( all laugh )

Man:
I LOVE YOU.

Lily:
WHATEVER FLOATS
YOUR BOAT.

Woman:
YOU DO YOUR SENSITIVE
SPIRITUAL THING.

Ben:
WHAT THE FUCK ARE
YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?

DO YOU KNOW ABOUT
HUMPFEST? YOU KNOW,

- THE AMATEUR PORN FESTIVAL?
- OH, YEAH. YEAH.

NO, I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

Andrew:
OKAY, DUDE, "THE STRANGER,"

THE NEWSPAPER, HAS THIS
AMATEUR PORN FESTIVAL

WHERE EVERYBODY
MAKES AND-- AND--

I THINK, YOU KNOW,
THE TYPE OF PEOPLE
WHO ARE MAKING THEM

ARE MAKING VERY
CREATIVELY-BASED

- "PORN" FILMS,
- GOT IT. GOT IT.

- ALTERNATIVE.
- PORN FILMS-- AND EVERYBODY
SCREENS THEM.

AND THEN AT THE END
OF IT, YOU KNOW,

THEY BURN THE TAPES
AND THAT'S IT.

SO IT'S LIKE THIS
AWESOME ART PROJECT.

- COOL.
- Woman: WE'RE
ALL DOING ONE.

- I'M DOING ONE. TOTALLY.
- REALLY? YOU'RE DOING ONE?

- Monica:
YOU'RE DOING ONE?
- FUCK, YEAH!

- Man: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- Monica: WAIT A MINUTE.

- Man: WHAT
ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
- SOMETHING AMAZING.

( all laugh )

I WILL MAKE--
I WILL MAKE THE RADDEST,

MOST AWESOME,
MOST BEAUTIFUL,

- MOST PROFOUND, MOST POETIC--
- Ben: I GOT IT, ACTUALLY.

WHAT'S THAT?

- ALL RIGHT. THIS BLOWS
PEOPLE AWAY, OKAY?
- UH-HUH.

IT'S YOU IN A ROOM.

AND YOU'RE
HAVING SEX WITH A GIRL
WITH BLONDE HAIR

WITH HUGE FAKE TITS.

- IT WILL FUCKING
BLOW EVERYBODY AWAY--
- ( Monica laughs )

AN UNPRECEDENTED
ART PORN FILM.

YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN ME
BONING BEFORE.

I HAVEN'T SEEN
YOU BONING BEFORE, NO.

- BUT THIS SOUNDS--
- IT IS A WORK OF ART.

( all laughing )

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU AIN'T
MAKING A PORNO.
( laughs )

- I'M MAKING AN ART FILM.
I'M MAKING AN EROTIC--
- YOU'RE GONNA MAKE AN ART FILM?

- AN EROTIC ART FILM.
- ( snorts, laughing )

- FUCK YOU.
- WHAT? I JUST DON'T SEE--

DUDE, DON'T HATE.
DON'T HATE 'CAUSE
YOU CAN'T PLAY.

DON'T HATE 'CAUSE
YOU CAN'T PLAY 'CAUSE
YOU'RE ALL FUCKING LOCKED UP

- BALL-AND-CHAIN DOMESTIC STYLE.
- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

- DON'T FUCKING HATE ON ME.
- WHAT?!

THAT DOESN'T MEAN
I CAN'T MAKE PORN!

- OKAY, WHAT KIND OF PORN?
- I CAN GO MAKE PORN
IF I WANT TO.

YEAH? WHAT KIND
OF PORN WOULD YOU MAKE?

- WHAT KIND OF PORN
WOULD I MAKE?
- YEAH.

LET'S SEE. WELL,
FIRST OF ALL, HOW ARE WE
GOING TO GET A CAMERA?

WE NEED-- IF YOU'RE
GOING TO BE IN IT,

WE'RE GOING TO NEED
A MACRO LENS.

- AND--
- ( Monica, Ben laugh )

- HOW ARE WE
GOING TO DO THAT?
- Monica: OUCH.

- THAT'S COMPLICATED.
WAIT A MINUTE.
- POOR THING.

- BRING IT, BRING IT.
- Woman: YOU KNOW, I THINK
YOU GUYS MAYBE--

- STICKS AND STONES.
- Ben: UM,

SERIOUSLY, I FEEL LIKE,
YOU KNOW, YOU GO
TO GOOGLE

YOU DO A SEARCH
FOR ANY KIND OF PORN--
IT'S BEEN DONE.

IF YOU'RE GOING
TO DO THIS, YOU HAVE
TO DO SOMETHING UNIQUE.

OTHERWISE IT'S LIKE,
WHAT THE FUCK?
WHO CARES?

- RIGHT?
- Andrew: TOTALLY.

I SHOULD
JUST FUCK YOU.

NAH, WE DO THAT
ALL THE TIME.

I'M SO SICK OF THAT.
EVERYBODY'S SICK OF
WATCHING THAT, YOU KNOW?

Lily:
IT'S NOT LIKE
THERE ISN'T GAY PORN.

- IT'S NOT LIKE THERE AREN'T
LOTS OF MOVIES WITH GUYS.
- Monica: BUT THEY'RE NOT GAY.

THERE'S A LOT
OF DUDE-ON-DUDE PORN.

BUT THERE'S NOT
A LOT OF DUDE-ON-DUDE

- WHO ARE... NOT GAY.
- COULD YOU EVEN--

- Andrew: TOTALLY.
- IF YOU COULD DO IT,
THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.

I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU COULD
ACTUALLY DO IT.

Ben:
AS IN-- AS IN LIKE,
I'LL FUCKING--

- I'LL POP A FUCKING
PILL AND I'LL BE...
- ( all laughing )

I MEAN-- OKAY,
THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING.

- Lily: YOU GUYS
ARE ONTO SOMETHING.
- THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING.

- WHAT ARE WE DOING?
- Ben: YOU AND ME,

- TWO STRAIGHT DUDES...
- Andrew: MM-HMM.

STRAIGHT BALLING.

- Monica: BEYOND GAY.
- ( Lily laughs )

- Andrew: BEYOND GAY.
- IT'S BEYOND GAY.

Lily:
I KNOW YOU'RE LIKE
THIS IS ALL A JOKE,

BUT IF YOU WILL FILM

REALIZING
THIS INCREDIBLE WAY
TO EXPRESS YOUR LOVE

- FOR YOUR
LONGTIME FRIEND, I--
- Ben: IT'S TENDER.

- TENDER IS THE BUTT.
- Monica: YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?

I WILL BOW DOWN
AND GIVE YOU THE TROPHY.

THAT WOULD
BE AN INCREDIBLE
PIECE OF ART.

IT WOULD BE BEAUTIFUL.
IT WOULD BE A BEAUTIFUL
BEAUTIFUL THING.

IT'S KIND OF
FUCKING AMAZING, DUDE.
I MEAN, YOU DO THIS,

YOU CLOSE OUT THE FESTIVAL.
WE COME HOME WITH THE TROPHY.

- DUDE, I FUCK-- I LOVE YOU...
- Monica: IT'S DEFINITELY
BEYOND STRAIGHT.

...BUT IN A MILLION YEARS,

WHEN YOU WAKE UP
AND YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT SOBER,

YOU WOULD
NEVER DO THAT.

EVEN IN YOUR CRAZIEST DAYS
YOU WOULD NEVER DO
THAT SHIT.

OKAY, I'M GOING TO BOOK
A HOTEL ROOM FOR US

- RIGHT NOW.
- UH-HUH.

AND WE'RE GOING
TO FUCKING GET SOME
SWEET-ASS EQUIPMENT,

AND WE'RE GOING
TO SHOOT A FUCKING
SWEET-ASS PORN FILM.

- I'M GOING TO BOOK IT
RIGHT NOW.
- AWESOME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
SUNDAY NIGHT?

- SUNDAY NIGHT? BONING
THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.
- I'M-- NO.

NOPE, WRONG.
GETTING THE SHIT
BONED OUT OF YOU BY ME.

- NO, BONING
THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.
- I'M CALLING 411 RIGHT NOW.

- WE'LL FUCKING DRAW STRAWS.
- I'M CALLING 411 RIGHT NOW.

- LET ME HEAR IT.
- YOU WANT TO HEAR IT?

ALL RIGHT
HERE IT COMES.

I'LL HANG UP
IF YOU WANT ME TO.
I'LL LET YOU OFF THE HOOK.

- DO YOU WANT ME TO HANG UP?
- DON'T TRY TO GET
OFF THE HOOK,

- 'CAUSE YOU'RE TRYING
TO GET OFF THE HOOK.
- HELLO?

- Operator: I'm sorry,
what city and state, please?
- SEATTLE, WASHINGTON.

- Thank you. What listing?
- I'D LIKE THE PHONE NUMBER

- FOR THE BONING MOTEL, PLEASE.
- ( Andrew snickers )

- Boni? Is that B-O-N-I?
- B-O-N-I-N.

One moment.

I'LL HANG UP.
I'LL HANG UP RIGHT NOW.

- Andrew: FUCK!
- Ben: ALL RIGHT.
GET THE CAMERA.

GET THE CAMERA. WHAT AM
I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE?
WHAT'S THE ANGLE?

- Monica: FIRST YOU
PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS.
- WHAT'S THE ANGLE ON THIS?

DID YOU STICK IT IN YET?
'CAUSE I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING.

- Lily: DO YOU WANT ME
TO GET A DIAGRAM OUT?
- OH, YOU'LL KNOW.

YOU WON'T HAVE TO ASK.

YOU WON'T HAVE TO ASK.

( snoring )

WHOA.

GOOD MORNING.

PLEASANT SURPRISE.
HELLO.

I REALLY DON'T WANT
TO TALK TO YOU
RIGHT NOW.

- ( moans )
- YOU WANT TO HAVE
SEX WITH ME,

- YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME?
- I SPENT A LOT OF TIME
LAST NIGHT

BEING MAD AT YOU
AND I JUST DON'T WANT
TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH--
I'M NOT-- WHAT THE FUCK
IS THIS?

I'M NOT REALLY--
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

FORGET IT.

WHOA, I'M SORRY.

I JUST THINK
THAT'S A LITTLE WEIRD.

WHAT HAPPENED
LAST NIGHT?!

I SPENT SO MUCH TIME
REALLY TRYING NOT
TO BE MAD AT YOU,

TRYING TO JUST UNDERSTAND,
BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU DIDN'T
GIVE ME MUCH TO WORK WITH.

SO CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN
TO ME WHAT HAPPENED?

CAN WE JUST GO BACK
A SECOND, REAL QUICK?

YOU JUST CAME IN HERE
AND MOUNTED ME LIKE
A HORSE.

AND YOU WOULDN'T EVEN
LET ME KISS YOU.

YOU REMEMBER
THAT I'M OVULATING
RIGHT NOW?

AND THAT WE HAVE
THIS TINY LITTLE WINDOW

THAT ACTUALLY PRETTY MUCH
ENDED LAST NIGHT?

AND I WAS JUST KIND
OF HOPING WE MIGHT BE ABLE
TO FINISH IT TODAY BUT--

ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT?
I'M SORRY. YOU'RE RIGHT.

- I SCREWED UP, OKAY?
- I JUST WANT TO KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED.

I JUST NEED YOU
TO MAKE ME UNDERSTAND.

ANDREW WAS THERE.
HE'S JUST LIKE
A WILD CARD

AND I WAS TRYING
TO JUST LOOK AFTER HIM.

AND THEN HE WAS
POURING SHIT.

I GOT A LITTLE DRUNK AND I
JUST NEEDED TO SOBER UP
BEFORE I CAME HOME.

AND IT TOOK YOU
UNTIL 3:00 A.M.

TO SOBER UP
TO COME HOME?

I JUST-- I'M NOT
BUYING IT, BEN.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
ANDREW'S A BIG BOY.

HE'S BEEN OUT FUCKING
HERDING GOATS

OR WHATEVER HE DOES,
AND YOU HAVE TO LOOK
AFTER HIM?

- ( sighs )
- I DON'T GET IT!

ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

IT WAS KIND OF FUN.

OH.

I MEAN, LOOK,
I'M NOT GOING TO HANG OUT
WITH THEM EVERY WEEKEND.

THESE PEOPLE AREN'T GOING
TO BE MY BEST FRIENDS.

BUT IT WAS FUN
FOR A NIGHT TO EXPERIENCE
SOME DIFFERENT PEOPLE

AND SOME DIFFERENT
CONVERSATION.

AND I ENJOYED IT,
OKAY?

I JUST FEEL LIKE,
ON THE EVE OF US

MAKING A FAMILY
AND HAVING KIDS,

WE SHOULDN'T BE
SUBSCRIBING SO MUCH
TO THAT LIFESTYLE

THAT WE CLOSE
OURSELVES OFF COMPLETELY
FROM OTHER EXPERIENCES.

IF ANYTHING,
I THINK WE SHOULD DO MORE
OF THOSE KINDS OF THINGS,

- YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M SAYING? AS PARENTS.
- WHERE'S THE "WE" IN THIS?

YOU LEFT ME
WITH SOME FUCKING
PORK CHOPS LAST NIGHT.

I INVITED YOU.
I MEAN, I INVITED YOU.

YOU INVITED ME
IN THE MOST HALF-ASS, LIKE--

- THAT WAS BEFORE--
- "I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU'LL LIKE IT HERE.

IT'S REALLY BORING
AND WEIRD AND UNCOMFORTABLE,

BUT YOU SHOULD TOTALLY
COME DOWN." WHAT DO YOU
THINK I'M GOING TO DO?

I KNOW, BUT THAT WAS
BEFORE IT GOT KIND OF FUN.
SO I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
I MEAN, I GOT TO SAY,
JUST FOR A SECOND,

I KNOW IT WAS MY FAULT
AND I SCREWED UP.

BUT I'M
A PRETTY GREAT HUSBAND
AND I'M ALWAYS ON TIME

AND I'M ALWAYS STUFF.
AND I SCREWED UP,
LIKE, ONE NIGHT.

I FEEL LIKE
I DESERVE JUST LIKE--

CAN I JUST
GET A "GET OUT
OF JAIL FREE" CARD?

LIKE I JUST--

CAN I JUST GET
A PASS ON THIS ONE?

I JUST DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT.

- YEAH, GET OUT OF JAIL FREE!
- AND IT WAS NOT FAIR.

I MEAN, THAT'S FINE.
I'M GOING TO GO TAKE
A SHOWER.

- WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS.
- IT'S FINE.

YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'S COOL.
I SHOULDN'T BE MAD.

- ( steps departing )
- ( door slams )

I'M SORRY.
THAT WAS MY FAULT.

I'M GRUMPY
AND I'M TIRED AND--

CAN YOU COME BACK
TO BED, PLEASE?

( shower running )

- YO.
- HEY.

HEY.

- OH, COFFEE?
- EL CAFE.

GOOD DEAL.

( blowing nose )
OH FUCK.

IT'S FUCKING
RIGHT THERE.

- UM, CAN I GET
THAT SPOON?
- MM-HMM.

THANKS.

IS THIS SALT OR SUGAR?

THAT'S SALT.
YOU DON'T WANT THAT.

I MEAN, YOU MIGHT
WANT THAT.

NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT.
DO YOU HAVE SUGAR?

YEAH, IT'S UP THERE
IN THAT CABINET UP THERE.

DO YOU HAPPEN
TO HAVE ANISE SEED?

- HAVE WHAT?
- ANISE?

NO, I DON'T HAVE ANISE.
WHAT-- ANISE?

ANISE. IT'S LIKE A--

IT'S LIKE A HERB.

- IT'S LIKE A LICORICE SEED.
- THE SEED-- NO, I DON'T.

WELL, IT WOULD BE UP THERE
IF IT WAS HERE.

I DIDN'T SEE IT.
I'M SORRY FOR POKING
AROUND, BUT--

NO, THAT'S FINE,
THAT'S FINE.

DOES THAT WORK?

GIVE ME THAT.

DO YOU JUST SUCK ON IT
OR DO YOU SWALLOW IT?

- IT'S GOT TO GO
UNDER YOUR TONGUE.
- UNDER MY TONGUE?

- YOU KIND OF JUST
LET IT DISSOLVE.
- DISSOLVE?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO MIX IT WITH ANISE.
IT WORKS BETTER.

IT'S SOMETHING
ABOUT THE ALKALINE.

MM-HMM.

I LEARNED THIS
IN MACHU PICCHU.

- MM-HMM.
- IS IT WORKING?

NO.

WHAT ARE YOU UP
TO TODAY?

I WANT TO GET
SOME EXERCISE.

AND I WANT
TO THROW UP.

- YOU WANT TO THROW UP?
- I WANT TO THROW UP.

I GOT THIS NASTY SHIT
IN MY STOMACH AND I WANT
TO THROW UP.

IT'LL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.
SO I'M GOING TO GO OUT
AND THROW UP.

SOUNDS LIKE
A WELL-SPENT DAY.

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

UM, WELL...

YOU KNOW, I WANTED
TO GO AND SEE SOME ART

AND MAYBE GET LAID.

BUT THROWING UP SOUNDS
LIKE A GOOD ALTERNATIVE.

MM-HMM.

- ( Andrew grunts )
- Ben: YEAH YEAH YEAH!

( grunting )

- NICE!
- YEAH!

GOOD SHOT.

- FOUR TO ONE.
- FUCK, YEAH.

- THAT'S GOOD.
- DO YOU HAVE FOUR?

I'VE GOT FOUR, YEAH.

Ben:
GET SOME SHIT GOING.

- FUCK, OH!
- ( both grunt )

SHIT, MAN.
DUDE, WATCH
THE DOGSHIT.

- WATCH OUT, HERE.
- SO THAT'S A FOUL.

- ( Andrew laughs )
- JUST SO YOU KNOW.

- ON ME OR ON YOU?
- THAT'S A FOUL
ON YOU, YEAH.

- WHAT DID I DO?
- UM, I WAS PLANTED...

'CAUSE YOU DID KIND
OF KICK ME IN THE BALLS
A LITTLE BIT.

THAT WAS
AFTER YOU THREW ME
ONTO THE GRASS.

I GOT A LITTLE RINGING
IN MY BALLS RIGHT NOW.

THAT WAS AFTER YOU
THREW ME ON THE GRASS.
SO IT'S MY BALL.

OI!

ALL RIGHT,
SIX TO ONE.
MY BALL.

DUDE, I THINK YOU'VE
HAD THE BALL ENOUGH.

DADDY WANTS THE BALL?
OKAY, DADDY WANTS
THE BALL.

- GO AHEAD.
- DADDY HAD THE BALL.

DADDY HAD
THE BALL PLENTY.

YEP, MISSED
THAT ONE.

NOW LET'S DO THIS.
SIX-ONE.

REF!

YEAH, SEVEN-ONE.

- LET'S JUST KEEP PLAYING.
- WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME
THE BALL?

- SEVEN-ONE.
- WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME
THE BALL?

( both grunting )

- ( both laughing )
- Andrew: GET OFF.

FUCK!

GET OFF!

OKAY, DUDE, FUCKING
GIVE ME THE BALL!

- Ben: AW, FUCK!
- OH, JESUS!

GET OFF! FUCK!

( car horn honks )

( honks )

( softly )
FUCK.

HEY.

THAT FUCKING HURT.

THAT'S MY BAD.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.

- YOU OKAY?
- YEAH, I'M FINE.

- YOU SURE?
- YEAH.

I FUCKING HATE
BASKETBALL.

WELL, MY BODY
HURTS LIKE SHIT,

BUT MY HANGOVER'S GONE.

IT WORKS, DOESN'T IT?

NOW ALL YOU NEED
IS SOMEBODY TO RUB
YOUR FACE IN DOGSHIT

AND THAT
TAKES CARE OF IT.

( both laugh )

- I'M SORRY
IF THAT WAS, UH--
- NO NO.

I'M--

I'M SURE
THAT WAS JUST...

POST-LAST NIGHT
RESIDUAL WEIRDNESS.

WEIRDY WEIRD.

( grunts )
YEAH.

I WAS WAITING FOR SOMEBODY
TO TALK ABOUT THAT.
( laughs )

DUDE, I'M SORRY
ABOUT THAT. IT'S--

- IT'S FINE.
- NO, IT'S JUST
A FUCKING WEIRD SCENE

- TO BRING YOU IN ON.
- YOU KNOW,

IT WAS A WEIRD
NIGHT AND, YOU KNOW,
IT HAPPENED, AND...

YOU KNOW,
NOTHING YOU NEED
TO APOLOGIZE ABOUT.

- IT'S JUST--
- I MEAN, COME ON.

I FUCKING ROLL INTO TOWN
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,
YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE DRUNK AND TALKING
ABOUT FUCKING DUDES

AND YOUR WIFE
IS WAITING AT HOME
WITH A COLD DINNER

- ( laughs )
THAT SHE COOKED FOR US.
- YEAH, I KNOW, BUT, I MEAN,

YOU KNOW, SHE'S--
SHE'S FINE AND I MADE
THAT DECISION.

IT'S WASN'T LIKE
YOU DRAGGED ME INTO IT
AND FORCED ME TO STAY THERE.

I COULD'VE COME HOME.
AND I WANTED TO STAY

AND I HAD A GOOD TIME
AND, YOU KNOW,

I DON'T WANT YOU
TO APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.

I GET IT AND, LOOK,
WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER
A LONG FUCKING TIME.

AND LIKE I SAID
LAST NIGHT, YOU KNOW,

- WE'VE GOT REALLY FUCKING
DIFFERENT LIVES NOW.
- IT'S TRUE.

AND I GET THAT
IN THE PARADIGM

IN WHICH YOU LIVE,

THESE WEIRD CONVERSATIONS
ARE NOT THINGS

THAT ARE REALLY APPROPRIATE
AND THAT, YOU KNOW,

THAT I DON'T--
I DON'T THINK ANY
LESS OF YOU FOR IT.

THAT-- YOU KNOW, THAT--

FIRST OF ALL,
LET'S JUST, LIKE, TAKE THE--

TAKE THIS DOWN
JUST A SECOND.

YOU'RE NOT AS KEROUAC
AS YOU THINK YOU ARE,

EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE
GOT THE HEADBAND ON.

AND I'M NOT
AS WHITE PICKET FENCE
AS YOU THINK I AM, OKAY?

LIKE, THE BLACK AND WHITES
IN WHICH YOU'RE THINKING THIS

- IS A LITTLE
BIT EXTREME, OKAY?
- LOOK, I'M SAYING IT--

IT'S AN AWESOME IDEA
FOR AN ART PROJECT,
BUT I UNDERSTAND.

I THINK IT'S
AN AWESOME IDEA TOO.

YEAH, BUT I UNDERSTAND
THAT IT'S NOT SOMETHING

THAT YOU CAN REALLY
DO IN YOUR STATION.

THAT'S KIND OF WHAT
I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH.

I FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE TRYING TO...

I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
LIKE, WHAT--

- DUDE, I'M JUST--
- I'M NOT GOING TO FORCE YOU
TO HAVE SEX WITH ME.

THAT IS OVER, OKAY?
YOU DON'T NEED TO, LIKE--

YOU'RE NOT FORCING ME.
I MEAN, IF ANYTHING,

I'M CALLING IT OUT
AND GOING, LIKE,

LOOK-- FUCKING LOOK--
LAST NIGHT WAS
LAST NIGHT.

- YES. YES.
- WE WERE DRUNK.
IT FUCKING HAPPENED.

AND I'M NOT
HOLDING YOU TO IT,

- I GUESS IS WHAT I'M SAYING.
- I KNOW.

BUT WHAT I'M SAYING IS
YOU DON'T NEED TO COME HERE
AND LET ME OFF OF THE HOOK

BASED ON SOME PRECONCEPTION
OF WHO YOU THINK I AM, OKAY?

- IT'S NOT--
- YOU JUST WORRY
ABOUT YOURSELF

AND I'LL WORRY
ABOUT MYSELF, OKAY?

IF THAT IS SOMETHING
THAT I WANTED TO DO,

THEN I WOULD DO IT.
AND IT'S NOT--

I'M NOT LIMITED
BECAUSE I'M MARRIED,
YOU KNOW?

ANNA AND I HAVE
A STRONG RELATIONSHIP.

YOU DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND
WHAT A MARRIAGE IS 'CAUSE
YOU ARE SINGLE.

AND I APPRECIATE THAT YOU
THINK YOU HAVE AN IDEA,
BUT YOU DON'T.

WE HAVE THE TYPE
OF RELATIONSHIP WHERE
IF WE WANT TO DO THINGS,

WE WILL DO THEM.
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?

- I'M JUST-- I'M TRYING--
- YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE
MY DECISION FOR ME.

I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE
YOUR DECISION FOR YOU.

I'M JUST TRYING TO BE
YOUR FRIEND AND LET YOU
KNOW THAT IT'S COOL.

THAT, LIKE,
I GET IT THAT WE'RE
IN DIFFERENT SPOTS.

- I KNOW YOU'RE
SAYING ALL THIS SHIT--
- ANDREW, YOU NEED TO--

- YOU NEED TO SHUT UP
FOR A SECOND.
- OKAY.

YOU'RE MAKING YOURSELF
SOUND VERY CLOSE-MINDED
AND LIKE A FOOL.

- ALL RIGHT.
- STOP TRYING TO LET ME
OFF THE HOOK.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW
WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE?

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING
TO PUT THIS OFF ON ME

- AS TO WHY WE'RE NOT DOING IT
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT.
- STRAIGHT UP,

- STRAIGHT UP, STRAIGHT UP.
- STRAIGHT UP.

YOU WOULD HAVE
SEX WITH ME ON FILM
FOR THIS PROJECT

- TOMORROW NIGHT?
- I COULD ABSOLUTELY
DO THIS.

YOU COULD
OR YOU WOULD?

I WOULD DO IT.

- YOU WOULD?
- YEAH.

'CAUSE I WOULD.

- REALLY?
- TOTALLY.

BUT I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD
DO THIS 'CAUSE NEITHER ONE
OF US WANTS TO BACK DOWN.

THIS SHOULDN'T BE ABOUT US
CHALLENGING EACH OTHER.

THIS SHOULD BE ABOUT US.
IF WE WANT TO MAKE
A PIECE OF ART,

WE SHOULD MAKE
A PIECE OF ART TOGETHER.

I THINK THE IDEA
IS FUCKING WEIRD,
BUT I THINK IT'S GREAT.

IT'S WEIRD BUT IT'S AMAZING
AND IT PUSHES BOUNDARIES.

AND THAT'S WHAT GOOD
PIECES OF ART SHOULD DO.

DO YOU AT LEAST HAVE
TO TALK TO YOUR WIFE?

YEAH, I DO.
AND I'LL HAVE A CONVERSATION
WITH HER ABOUT IT.

- YOU THINK SHE'S GOING
TO BE COOL WITH IT?
- ABSOLUTELY SHE'S GOING--

I CAN'T PREDICT WHAT SHE'S
GOING TO SAY, BUT I'M GOING
TO HAVE A DISCUSSION WITH HER.

I WILL SAY "OKAY,
THIS IS AN ART PROJECT THAT
I AM THINKING ABOUT DOING."

AND WE'LL DISCUSS IT
AND IF SHE'S NOT COOL WITH IT,

THEN, YOU KNOW,
I WON'T DO IT.

BUT, THE THING IS,
I THINK SHE WILL BE

BECAUSE SHE UNDERSTANDS ME
AND THAT'S WHAT A MARRIAGE IS:
PEOPLE WHO ARE THERE

- TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER
AND GROW AND DO THINGS.
- GREAT.

AND WE HAVE THAT
KIND OF RELATIONSHIP.

OKAY?

- YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.
- NO, DUDE--

- I THINK YOU'RE
FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS!
- NO NO NO.

- NO, LISTEN--
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

IF YOU GO TALK TO ANNA
AND YOU COME BACK TO ME

AND YOU SAY IT'S ON,
IT IS FUCKING ON.

JUST ERASE
WHAT YOU JUST SAID

'CAUSE I WILL
HANDLE THE SITUATION
WITH ANNA, OKAY?

- SO YOU'RE TELLING ME
RIGHT NOW IT'S ON.
- IT'S ON.

- STRAIGHT UP, IT'S ON?
- I'M NOT KIDDING YOU.

- TOMORROW NIGHT?
- YEAH, TOMORROW NIGHT.

IF YOU'RE GOING
TO BACK OUT, DO IT NOW,
BECAUSE I'M SERIOUS.

YEAH. WELL,

I'LL BE THERE.

OKAY. ME TOO.

( slow jazz playing )

- HELLO-OO!
- HI.

WELCOME HOME.

WOW, THAT'S, UM--

- THIS IS REALLY NICE.
- I'M SORRY.

IT WAS MY FAULT.
LAST NIGHT WAS
STUPID OF ME.

- I'M SORRY. I LOVE YOU.
- I'M SORRY TOO.

- THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
I'M REALLY--

THIS IS--
THIS IS NICE.

I JUST WANT
TO BE US, OKAY?

- YEAH.
- I LOVE YOU.

THANKS.
I'M GOING TO PUT
MY BAG DOWN

- AND COME-- WOW!
- OKAY. COME SIT

- AND I WILL RUB YOUR FEET
AND SERVE YOU...
- ( laughs )

...AND DO ALL THOSE THINGS.

Ben: SO THERE'S SOMETHING
KIND OF IMPORTANT I WANTED
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

IT'S KIND OF
AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM,

OR IF YOU WILL,
A DUCK IN THE ROOM.

( laughing )

AND I JUST WANT TO SAY
THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING THAT
TO SIT ON OUR MANTEL.

- OH, BUT IT CAN GO AWAY, RIGHT?
AS SOON AS HE LEAVES--
- GOD BLESS HIS SOUL.

YEAH, AS SOON AS HE LEAVES,
IT CAN GO AWAY.

IT CAN JUST GO DOWN
AND LIVE IN THE STORAGE ROOM?

THE FACT THAT YOU ARE
ALLOWING THAT TO STAY UP
WHILE HE'S HERE

IS A TESTAMENT TO HOW
AMAZING A WOMAN YOU ARE.

- IT'S JUST CLASSIC ANDREW.
I MEAN, IT'S WEIRD.
- ( laughs )

- THIS WAS REALLY
GOOD BY THE WAY.
- OH, THANK YOU.

- I'M GLAD YOU DUG IT.
- YEAH, I REALLY
APPRECIATE IT.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

UM, BUT, YEAH,
BACK TO THE ANDREW THING,

I MEAN, HE'S JUST--

HE'S JUST LOST, YOU KNOW?

UM, AND EVEN LAST NIGHT,
YOU KNOW,

I JUST WAS WATCHING HIM
AT THAT PARTY

AND HE'S JUST, LIKE,
TRYING TO GET SOMETHING
GOING IN HIS LIFE, YOU KNOW?

THE GOOD NEWS IS
ACTUALLY

HE MET SOME PEOPLE
THERE LAST NIGHT,

YOU KNOW,
KIND OF JUST HIS KIND
OF PEEPS. AND THEY, UM,

THEY'RE ALL INVOLVED
IN THIS SORT OF ART FESTIVAL.

- AND THEY'VE INVITED ANDREW
TO BE A PART OF IT...
- WOW.

...AND SORT OF ADD HIS OWN
PIECE TO THE FESTIVAL.

- THAT'S GREAT.
- SO HE'S TOTALLY PSYCHED.
AND HE'S, LIKE,

"OH, MAN,
I NEED YOUR HELP!"
SO I WAS LIKE,

- "SURE,
OF COURSE I'LL HELP."
- OH, THAT'S SO COOL.

- NOT THAT I KNOW ART.
- NO, THAT'LL BE GREAT THOUGH.
THAT'S SO GREAT.

IS IT A FESTIVAL
THAT THEY PUT ON
THEMSELVES?

IT'S THIS COOL
THING, ACTUALLY,
THAT "THE STRANGER" DOES.

IT'S LIKE THIS FILM FESTIVAL
THAT THEY PUT ON EVERY YEAR.

I HADN'T HEARD OF IT.
AND THEY MAKE THESE
KIND OF ARTSY

- FILMS ABOUT--
- IT'S NOT HUMPFEST?

- WHAT'S THAT?
- IT'S NOT HUMPFEST, IS IT?

UM, I'M NOT
EXACTLY SURE.

- THAT MIGHT...
- THE-- THE PORN FESTIVAL?

"THE STRANGER" DOES
A PORN FESTIVAL
EVERY YEAR.

I DIDN'T KNOW NECESSARILY
WHAT IT WAS BECAUSE I
HADN'T HEARD OF IT

BUT THEIR TAKE ON IT WAS
IT'S AN ART FESTIVAL

THAT IS ABOUT
RECLAIMING PORNOGRAPHY
BACK TO AN ART PLACE

INSTEAD OF LIKE
A DISGUSTING PLACE
THAT WE ALL KNOW IT AS--

- WAS MY UNDERSTANDING
OF THE PROJECT.
- IS--

IS SOMEBODY HAVING
SEX IN HIS FILM?

YES, AS FAR AS
I UNDERSTAND.

( snickers )
AND WHAT ARE YOU
DOING WITH THE--

I JUST TOLD THEM
I WOULD HELP, YOU KNOW?
SO I'M JUST GOING TO LIKE--

YOU KNOW, LACKEY STUFF
IS WHAT I'M ASSUMING,
YOU KNOW?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE...

JOB ROLES OR TITLES ARE
OR WOULD BE,

BUT I'M ASSUMING
I WOULD, LIKE, UM...

MAYBE I CAN LIKE MAKE THEM
BREAKFAST OR SOMETHING,
YOU KNOW?

LIKE FEED THE CREW
'CAUSE I KNOW IT'S LIKE
A LOW-BUDGET KIND OF THING.

OR I COULD BRING
COFFEE IN OR, UM,

YOU KNOW, IF THEY NEEDED
LIKE COPIES OR SOMETHING,

I COULD JUST RUN
TO KINKO'S AND MAKE
SOME COPIES,

OR, I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK I JUST--

I'M NOT
AN ARTIST AND, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S NOT MY THING.

AND SO I JUST
WANT TO LEND MY SUPPORT
'CAUSE HE'S SUPER EXCITED

AND THEY'RE GOING
TO DO IT TOMORROW NIGHT.

AND I FIGURED,
"YOU KNOW WHAT? I SHOULD
LEND A HAND ON THAT."

SO, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT
THAT WAS PRETTY COOL.

UM...

I DON'T KNOW,

YOU KNOW,
I THOUGHT IT WAS...

YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE TO--
WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS LATER.

LET'S JUST ENJOY
OUR DINNER, OKAY?

I LOVE YOU.

( jazz music playing )

( door creaking )

HO!

- ( Monica laughs )
- I JUST TOUCHED SOME
RUBBER COCKS.

- DID SHE SCARE YOU?
- DUDE, WHO THE FUCK
ARE THOSE FOR?

DON'T BE SCARED.
THEY DON'T BITE.

- HEY-YY...
- ( girls laughing )

HOW ABOUT
WE GO AU NATUREL
FOR A WHILE?

- AU NATUREL? I ALREADY HAVE
A LOVER WITH A COCK.
- Lily: THIS IS WHAT

- I WANT TO DO TONIGHT.
- IT'S TRUE. AND I
DON'T WANT...

- RIGHT RIGHT, BUT--
- ...ONE COCK TO DISAPPEAR

BECAUSE THERE'S
A NEW COCK IN TOWN.
LIKE, IT'S JUST--

- THAT'S NOT THE WAY
IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
- ( both laugh )

- I'M SORRY.
- Andrew: LOOK, LET'S TRY,
MAYBE FOR TONIGHT,

USING MY MACHINERY.
SEE HOW IT GOES

AND IF ALL PARTIES
AREN'T SATISFIED...

- ( Lily scoffs )
- THEN WE CAN BRING--

- Lily: OH.
- THAT'S JUST
NOT HOW IT GOES.

- IT'S JUST NOT
HOW IT GOES, HONEY.
- YOU KNOW--

- Monica:
IT'S NOT, I'M SORRY.
- UH-HUH.

ALL RIGHT.
NO. YEAH.

- AWW.
- NO NO NO, IT'S COOL.

- YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE
TO BE THREATENED.
- YEAH.

NO NO, IT'S--
NO, IT'S COOL.

IT'S COOL. IT'S COOL.
IT'S COOL. IT'S COOL.
I'M JUST--

YEAH.

- I'M REALLY DISAPPOINTED.
- YEAH, ME TOO.

- Monica: IT DOESN'T--
- NO, I'M SORRY.

- I'M SUCH
A FUCKING SQUARE.
- OH.

I'M SURE
THAT I WILL SEE YOU
SOME OTHER TIME,

SOME OTHER PLACE.

AND, UM,

AU REVOIR.

( whispers )
BOYS.

- ( laughs )
- FUCKING BOYS.

( both laughing )

( distant barking )

( faucet running )

HEY.

- HEY.
- I DIDN'T MEAN
TO STARTLE YOU.

- SHIT, I'M SORRY.
- THAT'S REALLY SWEET
OF YOU TO CLEAN UP.

- OH, NO NO, IT'S NOTHING.
- ( turns faucet off )

I WAS JUST GOING
TO GET A GLASS
OF WATER.

I STILL HAVE A COUPLE
YET TO WASH THOUGH.

JUST LEAVE THEM.
I'LL DO THEM IN THE MORNING.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

I CAN-- I CAN FINISH.

YOU GUYS HAD
A NICE DINNER?

YEAH YEAH!
BEN COOKED.

- IT WAS REALLY-- IT WAS GREAT.
- OH, THAT'S VERY SWEET.

THE LEFTOVERS ON THE PLATES
AS I WAS SCRAPING THEM OFF
SMELLED VERY GOOD.

- THERE'S MORE IN THE FRIDGE.
HAVE YOU EATEN?
- NO NO NO.

I WASN'T FISHING.
I JUST-- YOU KNOW,

IT WAS A DUMB
COMPLIMENT. SORRY.

( chuckles )
ARE YOU, UM,

HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT?

IT WAS-- IT WAS STRANGE.

IT WAS ALL RIGHT.
IT WAS ALL RIGHT.

- I SHOULD GO TO BED.
- OH, REALLY?

UM, DO YOU, UM--

DO YOU WANNA--

DO YOU WANT TO HAVE
A DRINK WITH ME?
( laughs )

I JUST-- I FEEL
LIKE I HAVEN'T
HAD A CHANCE

TO GET TO KNOW YOU AT ALL
AND I'D-- I'D LOVE TO.

- YEAH, SURE. TOTALLY.
- YEAH?

OKAY, COOL. I JUST--
I GOT SOME, UM--

WE GOT SOME SCOTCH
WHEN WE MOVED IN

AND I GUESS IT'S
REALLY GOOD. UM...

- ( both laugh )
- AND-- AND,

LIKE, I WAS
GOING TO PERFORM
SPOKEN-WORD POETRY.

( both laughing )

I HAD TO WRITE A PAPER.

WELL, LISTEN.
LISTEN LISTEN.

SO HE LITERALLY PULLED OUT
FOR A NON-PAID INTERNSHIP.

- WOW!
- AND HE BACKS OUT.

HE BACKS OUT ON THE ENTIRE
TRIP WHICH WE HAD BEEN
PLANNING FOREVER,

WHICH WE'VE GOT NICKNAMES FOR--
LIKE, WE WERE CALLING
EACH OTHER SAL AND DEAN.

IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW?
AND I DID--

I DID THE TRIP,
BUT, UM, UH...

I COULDN'T ACTUALLY
MANAGE TO TURN
ANYTHING IN.

SO I NEVER GRADUATED.
AND THAT IS WHY I'M NOT
A COLLEGE GRADUATE.

( laughs )
THAT'S SO SAD!

- AND I STILL TO THIS DAY
BLAME YOUR HUSBAND.
- AS WELL YOU SHOULD.

WHAT A DICK!
( snickers )

TOTALLY.

( both laughing )

- DUDE, YOU'RE COOL.
- OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE ME!

- YOU ARE FAR COOLER
THAN YOU LOOK.
- OH...

NO, I DIDN'T--
NO, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

- I JUST MEANT THAT--
- NO, I GET IT.

WHAT I MEANT WAS--
WHAT I MEANT--
WHAT I MEANT--

WAS THAT I AM A DICK

CLOSE-MINDED MOTHERFUCKER
IS WHAT I MEANT.

- NO, IT'S--
- BECAUSE--

I'M SURE I LOOK
LIKE, YOU KNOW,
BETTY CROCKER

WITH MY WHITE
PICKET FENCE OUTSIDE.

NO NO NO, BUT SERIOUSLY.

AND, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S WHAT BEN
WAS SAYING AND I JUST--

LIKE I'M
JUST NOW REALIZING
THAT HE WAS RIGHT

WHICH IS-- HE WAS LIKE,
"DUDE, DON'T JUDGE ME.

JUST BECAUSE I HAVE
PLEATS AND A PEDOMETER.

AND A WIFE
DOESN'T MEAN THAT,
LIKE, YOU KNOW."

THE PEDOMETER
IS PRETTY SEXY,
I'VE GOT TO SAY.

YOU LIKE THAT SHIT?

WE GOT A PLAN
FOR THE PEDOMETER
FOR TOMORROW.

- REALLY?
- WE'VE GOT A WHOLE
THING, YEAH.

WHAT'S YOUR-- OH RIGHT!

OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE
I HAVEN'T GRILLED YOU
ABOUT THIS YET!

( laughs )
TELL ME!

TELL ME ALL ABOUT THIS.
I CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR
ABOUT IT.

- SO-- SO HE TALKED TO YOU
ABOUT THAT WHOLE THING.
- YEAH.

( laughing )

- THIS IS WEIRD.
- ( both laugh )

WELL, I MEAN,
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET
USED TO TALKING ABOUT IT.

I GUESS SO.
I MEAN, IT'S WEIRD,
BUT, LIKE, YOU'RE AWESOME.

AND YOU'RE MAKING IT
LESS WEIRD, WHICH IS GREAT.

WELL, I JUST--
I GUESS I JUST FEEL LIKE,

IN THE LONG RUN,
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL,
RIGHT?

- I MEAN...
- TOTALLY.

TOTALLY.
I JUST DON'T KNOW...

I MEAN, I JUST
HAVE TO SAY, LIKE,

THAT'S ASTOUNDINGLY
OPEN-MINDED OF YOU

- IN A REALLY GOOD WAY.
- JESUS, I GUESS I JUST--

I JUST DIDN'T REALLY
REALIZE WHAT KIND
OF A SQUARE

- YOU THOUGHT I WAS BEFORE.
- ( both laughing )

NO, IT'S JUST THAT--
YOU KNOW, I MEAN,

THERE ARE PEOPLE
WHO I KNOW WHO ARE LIKE

IN KIND OF SECRETLY
POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS,

BUT IT'S ONLY
THE PEOPLE, LIKE, WHO ARE
REALLY FUCKING HONEST

WHICH IS WHAT
BEN SAID THAT YOU GUYS
WERE TO EACH OTHER,

WHO ACTUALLY
MAKE IT FUNCTION.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S--

I MEAN, NOT THAT
IT'S POLYAMOROUS.

IT'S LIKE ONE
FUCKING NIGHT.
IT'S NOT LIKE--

IT'S NOT LIKE
IT HAS TO HAVE...

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- ...IMPLICATIONS FOR YOUR
WHOLE RELATIONSHIP

- OR ANYTHING.
- I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT

- YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
- ME AND BEN HAVING SEX
ON FILM IS LIKE,

YOU KNOW, IS KIND OF CRAZY.

HANG ON.
WAIT WAIT WAIT.

( faltering )

SO...

SO THE MOVIE
TOMORROW IS--

IS-- IS YOU AND BEN
HAVING SEX?

RIGHT.
( laughs )

- OH, WELL, NO.
NOT-- NOT--
- YEAH.

- WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT. WHAT--
- BEN.

- BEN! BEN!
- NO NO NO, HE--
WAIT WAIT WAIT.

- WAIT, IT'S NOT--
- NO NO, IT'S OKAY.

- IT'S FINE.
IT'S FINE. BEN!
- NO NO NO NO, IT'S NOT.

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED,
WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT HAPPENED?

- I--
- DID YOU DO SOMETHING?

SHUT THE FUCK UP,
BOTH OF YOU, RIGHT NOW.

- OKAY OKAY OKAY.
- WHAT THE FUCK IS
GOING ON IN HERE?

YOU SAID YOU WERE
GOING TO TELL HER
AND SHE SAID SHE KNEW

AND THEN I JUST TALKED
ABOUT IT AND I GUESS
SHE DIDN'T KNOW.

YOU TOLD HER?

( softly )
"YOU TOLD HER?"
( snickers )

DUDE, YOU SAID YOU
WERE GOING TO TELL HER
AT DINNER.

- I WAS GOING TO TELL HER.
- WE WERE TALKING AND I GOT--

I PLANNED ON TELLING YOU
AT DINNER AND I GOT-- FUCK!

- OKAY.
- Anna: ARE YOU--

THIS IS NOT THE WAY
I WANTED THIS
TO COME OUT.

I WANTED
TO TELL YOU AT DINNER.
I PLANNED ON TELLING YOU.

IT JUST--
THE CONVERSATION
DIDN'T GO WELL.

I COULD SEE
YOU WERE FREAKING OUT
ABOUT THE WORD PORN

- AND THE PORN ANGLE.
- "FREAKING OUT"-- I WAS
FREAKING OUT.

I'LL SHOW-- I-I--

I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE
I'M STANDING IN MY KITCHEN

TALKING TO YOU ABOUT...

- Ben: OKAY.
- ...MAKING A PORN FILM
WITH HIM!

- OKAY.
- TOMORROW? I MEAN,

I JUST, I--
( breathing heavily )

AH-HH!

- JUST-- WHAT THE FUCK!?
- Ben: OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

OKAY.
OKAY OKAY OKAY.

LET'S JUST CALM DOWN
FOR A SECOND.
LET'S JUST--

I JUST-- CAN YOU--
CAN YOU TELL ME WHY?

( stammers )

WHY IS THIS
EVEN HAPPENING?

JUST-- JUST CALM DOWN.

( softly )
CAN WE GO IN THE BEDROOM

AND HAVE A CONVERSATION,
PLEASE?

- I'M RIGHT HERE.
LET'S HAVE A CONVERSATION.
- OKAY.

I NEED YOU TO TELL ME
WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS.

I DON'T KNOW
WHY I'M DOING THIS.

I KNOW IT'S
IMPORTANT TO ME

AND I DON'T SEE THE REASON
WHY WE HAVE TO GET ALL
WORKED UP ABOUT IT.

I'M GOING TO GO TO BED.

( door slams )

I SHOULD, UM--

I SHOULD GO TALK TO HER.

- I'M SO SORRY.
- DUDE, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

NOT EVEN. NOPE.

I'M-- I'M GONNA--

SHOULD I GO
SOMEWHERE ELSE?

I JUST DON'T KNOW
IF IT WILL HELP OR HURT
IF I'M HERE.

- YOU'RE FINE. YOU'RE FINE.
- OKAY.

- YEAH, YOU'RE FINE.
- ALL RIGHT.

I THINK I BASICALLY
JUST NEED TO SIT
WITH HER

AND I NEED TO...

JUST TALK IT OUT.
SHE'S PRETTY GOOD
ABOUT, UM...

I'M BEGINNING
TO FEEL LIKE A TOTAL
FUCKING FRAUD.

I GUESS THAT
THE WAY I LIKE
TO THINK OF MYSELF

AND THE WAY
I ACTUALLY AM ARE...

UM...

MAYBE MORE DIFFERENT

- THAN I'D LIKE THEM
TO BE, YOU KNOW?
- MM-HMM.

I THINK I WAS 17
WHEN SOMEBODY ASKED ME,
YOU KNOW,

WHAT DO I WANT
TO DO WHEN I GROW UP.

AND I SAID I WANTED
TO BE AN ARTIST.

AND I DON'T THINK...

NO, ACTUALLY I KNOW
I'VE NEVER COMPLETED

A SINGLE FUCKING PROJECT
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

CAN I TELL YOU
SOMETHING I'VE NEVER
TOLD ANYONE BEFORE?

YEAH.

WHEN I FIRST
MOVED TO SEATTLE,
WHEN I WAS 18,

I WAS REALLY LONELY.

I WOULD JUST RENT
MOVIES ALL THE TIME

BECAUSE I DIDN'T
HAVE ANY FRIENDS.

AND THERE WAS THIS GUY--

A VIDEO-STORE CLERK
THERE

WHO RECOMMENDED
A FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT
DOCUMENTARY TO ME

AND I NORMALLY DON'T
TAKE RECOMMENDATIONS,

BUT I WAS LIKE "SURE."
SOMETHING ABOUT HIM MADE
ME JUST SAY "SURE."

I WATCHED IT
AND IT WAS KIND OF DRY,
YOU KNOW,

AND KIND OF BORING

AND I BROUGHT IT
BACK TO THE STORE
THE NEXT DAY.

AND HE LOOKED AT ME

AND I TOLD HIM
THAT I THOUGHT
IT WAS GREAT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID THAT
BECAUSE I'M NOT REALLY
A PEOPLE PLEASER,

BUT THERE WAS
SOMETHING ABOUT HIM.

AND THEN I QUICKLY
DISCOVERED THAT IT WAS
THE FIRST DISC

- IN A 10-DISC SERIES.
- ( Andrew laughs )

( laughs )
SO HE HANDED ME DISC TWO
WHICH I WENT HOME AND WATCHED

AND LIKED EVEN LESS.
AND I WAS DETERMINED
TO GO BACK

AND TELL HIM
THE TRUTH THIS TIME.

AND WHEN I GOT THERE

AND I LOOKED AT HIM,

I SAID,

"DISC TWO WAS EVEN BETTER
THAN THE FIRST ONE."

AND IT CONTINUED ON
IN THIS CYCLE.

I WOULD SEE HIM EVERY DAY
AND RENT DISCS ALL THE WAY
THROUGH DISC 10.

AND WHEN I WAS DONE,
I WAS REALLY SAD

THAT WE WEREN'T GOING
TO HAVE THAT TO TALK ABOUT
IN THE STORE ANYMORE.

SO I WENT HOME

AND I COULDN'T STOP
THINKING ABOUT HIM

AND THOSE, LIKE,

DORKY-HEMMED JEAN SHORTS

AND HIS PALE,
KIND OF OVERLY HAIRY LEGS

AND THEN JUST THE BLUE EYES
JUST POPPING OUT.

AND I STARTED
IMAGINING KISSING HIM

AND IT WASN'T
ACTUALLY THAT WEIRD.

- AND THEN I STARTED
THINKING ABOUT HIS BALLS...
- ( laughs )

AND LIKE HOW HAIRY
THEY WOULD BE

AND I GOT SO FREAKED OUT

AND I NEVER WENT
TO ISLAND VIDEO
EVER AGAIN.

I JUST FEEL LIKE
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

I KNOW I'M PRETTY SURE
MY MOTIVES ARE PURE,

BUT I MEAN I HAD
A MOMENT WITH THAT GUY,

LIKE I FELT SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW?

YEAH.

UM...

I DON'T THINK
I'VE EVER HAD ONE
OF THOSE MOMENTS.

IT'S PRETTY WEIRD.

BUT AGAIN IT'S
ALMOST LIKE, UM...

I'M AROUND
ALL THESE VERY
OPEN-MINDED PEOPLE,

THESE ARTISTS
AND THESE TRAVELERS
ALL THE TIME.

AND I ALMOST GET
EMBARRASSED, LIKE,

THAT, YOU KNOW,
I HAVEN'T BEEN
WITH A GUY

OR THAT MY MIND IS
NOT OPEN IN THAT WAY.

I WASN'T WITH THIS GUY.
I JUST, YOU KNOW...

- NO, I'M NOT--
- JUST MAKING--

- I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU WERE.
- I'M JUST MAKING SURE
YOU KNOW THAT.

NO, I'M JUST SAYING
FOR ME THAT, UM...

( whispers )
YEAH.

DUDE, YOU'RE NOT GAY.

I DON'T THINK I'M GAY.
I JUST THOUGHT--

NO. I MEAN,
YOU'RE PRETTY
SOLIDLY NOT GAY.

I THINK-- YEAH.
I THINK THE SAME THING
ABOUT YOU TOO.

I JUST-- I JUST--

I WISH I WAS MORE GAY.
I FEEL LIKE--

TOMORROW WOULD BE
MORE FUN.

( both laughing )

OH, TOMORROW.

( instrumental music
playing )

( steps approaching )

( sighs )

HOW YOU DOING?

IT WAS A LONG NIGHT.

YEAH.

( sighs )
OKAY, UM...

I DON'T REALLY
UNDERSTAND...

WHY I WANT TO DO THIS.

I JUST KNOW

THAT I FEEL PRETTY
DEEPLY COMPELLED.

UM...

AND THE ONLY WAY I CAN
THINK TO EXPLAIN IT
IS LIKE

I HAVE, YOU KNOW,
DIFFERENT SIDES TO ME,

DIFFERENT SIDES
TO MY PERSONALITY,
YOU KNOW?

AND WHEN WE MET,
ONE OF THOSE SIDES IN PARTICULAR
REALLY CONNECTED WITH YOU.

AND IT WAS EXCITING.
AND I WAS EXCITED TO BUILD
A LIFE WITH YOU

AND TO GET MARRIED
AND BUY A HOUSE
AND HAVE CHILDREN.

AND THAT SIDE SWELLED

AND GREW SO BIG
THAT IT BECAME AN OGRE

AND CRUSHED ALL
THE OTHER SIDES TO ME.

AND...

I THINK THAT'S FINE
IN GENERAL.

ACTUALLY,
YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S PROBABLY NOT FINE,
BECAUSE I'M HERE RIGHT NOW

WANTING TO DO THIS AND--

THEN YOU
SHOULD DO IT.

REALLY?

YEAH.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YOU KNOW--
( scoffs )

YOU TALK ABOUT HOW YOU'VE
GOT ALL THESE OTHER SIDES
TO YOUR PERSONALITY

AS THOUGH I'M
A CARDBOARD CUTOUT
THAT, YOU KNOW,

STANDS IN THE KITCHEN
AND MAKES DINNER.

THERE'S JUST
AS MUCH TO MY WORLD

THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE YOU
AS THERE IS TO YOURS.

THERE ARE JUST AS MANY
PARTS OF ME THAT AREN'T
NECESSARILY FED BY THIS.

OKAY OKAY, THAT'S FAIR.

LIKE WHAT?

( chuckles )
GOD. UH--

( sighs )

WHEN I WENT BACK
TO VISIT MOLLY...

UM, ABOUT A YEAR
AND A HALF AGO...

WE WENT TO A PARTY

THAT SOME OF HER FRIENDS
WERE HAVING IN THIS
CRAZY LOFT THING.

AND, UM,

I HAD A LOT
TO DRINK...

AND I MADE OUT
WITH SOMEBODY
IN THE BATHROOM.

( gasps )

AND IT WAS GREAT.
( snickers )

AND, UM...

I--

I WAS SO HAPPY
TO COME HOME

AFTER THAT.

I JUST KNEW WHAT
I WAS COMING HOME TO,
YOU KNOW?

AND I KNEW
WHAT I WANTED.

BUT YOU SAID
IT WAS GREAT.

IT WAS. IT WAS.

- IT WAS GREAT.
- WOW.

WOW.

UM...
( sighs )

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

( stammers )

IT'S LIKE PISTONS
FIRING IN MY BODY
ARE JUST PREPARED

TO GIVE YOU ONE
OF MY CLASSIC
GUILT TRIPS.

AND...

UM...

( sighs )

I GUESS I CAN'T
REALLY SAY SHIT.

( both snicker )

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
JUST SAYING THAT

WHEN YOU SAID THERE
WERE OTHER SIDES TO YOU.
I DIDN'T REALIZE...

- WOW.
- LOOK,

I'M NOT GOING
TO PRETEND TO GET

WHAT THIS IS
THAT YOU'RE AFTER

WITH THIS WHOLE
THING WITH ANDREW.

I DON'T KNOW THAT
I'LL EVER BE ABLE
TO UNDERSTAND.

I REALLY WANT
TO GUILT YOU
RIGHT NOW.

- SHUT UP AND JUST LISTEN TO ME
FOR A MINUTE, WOULD YOU?
- I REALLY--

- I JUST--
- ( softly ) FUCK.

AND I KNOW THAT IT'S
NOT THE SAME THING,

BUT I FEEL LIKE
YOU HAVE TO SEE
THIS THROUGH

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO LIVE WITH YOU

WITH THAT
BURIED IN YOU.

I JUST-- I NEED
YOU TO GET THIS
OUT OF YOU

OR DECIDE THAT IT--

YOU KNOW,
THAT IT'S BIGGER.

BUT I THINK
THAT IT'S BETTER THAT
YOU FIGURE THAT OUT NOW

BEFORE WE HAVE A BABY.

( softly )
WOW.

( instrumental music
playing )

( elevator dings )

( sighs )

( sighs )

( sniffs )

( grunts, sighs )

( gargles )

( continuous
tapping on door )

WHO'S THERE?
WHO IS IT?

- ( tapping continues )
- HOWDY, PARTNER.

COME ON IN.

I GOT US
A HONEYMOON SUITE.
CHECK IT OUT.

HEY.

- HEY, YO.
- NOTHING BUT THE BEST.

COME ON IN.
PUT YOUR BAG DOWN.

IT'S, UH...

- VERY BEIGE.
- YEAH.

IT'S GOT
ALL THE BASICS,

GOT ALL
THE ELEMENTS.

DUDE, I GOT
THE CAMERA HERE.
CHECK IT OUT.

- ALL RIGHT.
- IT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT
WE ENVISIONED, BUT...

JUST IF YOU THINK
ABOUT IT ANOTHER WAY,

- LIKE STRAIGHT-- JUST HOME--
- ( laughs )

- IT'S LIKE STRAIGHT HOME MOVIE.
THINK ABOUT IT THOUGH.
- YEAH, IT'S LIKE--

WHAT THIS IS ABOUT
IS ABOUT TWO DUDES--

IT'S LIKE $5
CZECHOSLOVAKIAN PORN.

IT'S LIKE WE DON'T
KNOW HOW TO MAKE PORN.

WE MAKE IT WITH THIS,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

- OKAY.
- SO THAT'S PART
OF THE SLANT THOUGH,

- WHICH IS LIKE--
- I'M GUESSING YOU DIDN'T
GET ME A STAR FILTER.

I DIDN'T GET YOU
A STAR FILTER,
BUT APPARENTLY

- THERE'S ACTUALLY EFFECTS
INSIDE OF HERE.
- OKAY.

OR WE CAN PUT IT
IN iMOVIE

- AND JUST DO SHIT
WITH IT TOO.
- AWESOME.

I DON'T KNOW.
I'M THINKING ABOUT
THIS PROJECT

AND I'M THINKING
ABOUT WHAT MAKES THIS REALLY
REALLY INTERESTING, YOU KNOW?

AND IT WAS ALWAYS THE FACT
THAT IT WAS TWO DUDES--

- TWO STRAIGHT
DUDES BONING.
- MM-HMM.

- OKAY?
- ( snickers )

SO HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY GOING
TO KNOW THAT WE'RE STRAIGHT
UNLESS WE TELL THEM?

UNLESS WE, LIKE,
YOU KNOW--

DO LIKE A TESTIMONIAL
KIND OF THING?

- YEAH.
- THAT'S WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I MEAN, I DO THINK
IN ALL FAIRNESS THAT,

YOU KNOW,

IF THEY LOOK AT ME,
THEY'LL KIND OF KNOW
THAT I'M STRAIGHT.

CAN I GET YOU--
YEP.

- HERE? COOL.
- PERFECT. YOU'RE PERFECT.

ALL RIGHT,
WE ARE RECORDING.

- YO.
- YO.

- I'M BEN.
- I'M ANDREW.

- AND WE'RE ABOUT TO MAKE
THIS MOVIE HERE--
- OUR FILM.

YEAH, IN A COUPLE
OF MINUTES.

BUT WE JUST WANT
TO TELL YOU A LITTLE
ABOUT OURSELVES.

WE'RE OLD FRIENDS
FROM COLLEGE,

BUT WE'VE KIND OF
GONE DOWN DIFFERENT
ROADS IN LIFE.

BEN HAS BECOME
MR. MOTORCYCLE-
ADVENTURING MAN.

I GOT MARRIED AND HAVE
A REALLY NICE HOUSE
AND A WIFE AND STUFF.

UM, HE CAME
TO VISIT ME TWO DAYS AGO

AND WE WERE OUT
AT A PARTY AND WE
HEARD ABOUT HUMPFEST.

AND, UM, KIND OF
AS A JOKE,

WE THOUGHT IT-- LIKE,
HOW COOL WOULD IT BE

IF TWO STRAIGHT GUYS
HAD SEX ON CAMERA?

THE FUNNY THING WAS
WE WERE DRUNK WHEN WE FIRST
CAME UP WITH THE IDEA

AND THEN IT EVOLVED
INTO THIS WEIRDLY
STRAIGHT-GUY MACHO THING

- WHERE WE'RE LIKE, "NO, I'M
MORE MAN, I'LL FUCK YOU."
- NO, I'LL FUCK YOU.

- NO, I'LL FUCK YOU.
- I'LL FUCK YOU.
AND THEN IT KIND OF

TRANSCENDED
INTO SOMETHING MORE

AND WE'RE STILL
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT IT IS.

BUT WE'RE HERE
AND, UM--

I GUESS YOU'LL SEE
WHAT YOU SEE.

WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GOING TO SEE BECAUSE
WE HAVEN'T DONE IT YET, SO.

- COOL, I LIKED IT.
I'M COOL WITH IT IF YOU ARE.
- FINE.

SO...
( snapping fingers )

AT SOME POINT WE MAY
WANT TO WATCH IT
BACK, BUT.

YEAH.
I'M GOOD FOR NOW.

SO... SWEET!

COOL.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?
- ( snickers )

IT'S--

- THE FUCKING WEIRDNESS
IS STARTING AGAIN.
- TOTALLY.

WE NEED
TO NOT SIT AROUND
AND TALK ABOUT THIS

AND WE NEED
TO JUST FUCKING--

I THINK WE JUST NEED
TO START BASICALLY.

AND I'M GOING
TO COUNT TO FIVE

AND WE'RE GOING TO KISS
AND WE'RE JUST GOING
TO FUCKING DO IT.

BASICALLY,
I THINK IF WE JUST
GET GOING, IT'S LIKE--

OKAY. LET ME JUST--
I'M GOING TO PISS.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

MMM...

HURRY UP!

( toilet flushes )

- Andrew:
ALL RIGHT. YOU READY?
- YOU READY? YEP.

- YOU READY? READY?
- I'M READY. FIVE--

Both:
FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.

( sniffs, smacks )

IT WASN'T THAT BAD.

( laughs )

- YEAH, NO, IT-IT--
- I MEAN--

IT'S WEIRD.
I'VE NEVER KISSED
STUBBLE BEFORE.

- WASN'T THAT BAD.
- IT WASN'T TERRIBLE.

IT WASN'T TERRIBLE.
NO, IT WASN'T TERRIBLE.

- YEAH, THAT WAS AWFUL.
- DUDE, THAT WAS AWFUL.

OKAY, THIS IS
GOING TO BE HARD.

YEAH, THAT PUTS
A LITTLE WRENCH IN
THE WORKS, DOESN'T IT?

WE MIGHT HAVE TO IMPOSE
THE "PRETTY WOMAN" RULE.

- NO KISSING.
- NO KISSING.

NO KISSING.
OKAY, THAT'S FINE.

ACTUALLY, THE INTIMACY
OF KISSING MIGHT BE WHAT
MAKES IT HARDER.

- WE MIGHT JUST
NEED TO FUCKING--
- ( exhales )

( blowing softly )

UM...

FUCK IT!

FUCK IT, FUCK IT, FUCK IT,

FUCK IT, FUCK IT, FUCK IT,
FUCK IT, FUCK IT.

- ALL RIGHT. FUCK IT.
- COOL.

- FUCK IT.
- DO IT.

- FUCK IT.
- GO...

STILL GOT IT,
BABY, RIGHT HERE!
( smacks stomach )

THERE'S A SIX-PACK
UNDER THERE.

- DEEP DEEP UNDER THERE.
- SOCKS.

- SOCKS!
- SOCKS!

- RIGHT.
- SOCKS!

( exhales )

UM...

- YEAH?
- ( exhales )

ALL RIGHT.

- DO IT!
- FUCK!

DO IT!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

DUDE, WE'VE GOT ALMOST
THE SAME BOXERS ON.

- LOVE IT.
- ( groans )

OKAY.

- GOOD STEP. GOOD STEP.
- ( slaps belly )

CAN I JUST
MAKE AN OBSERVATION
FOR A SECOND? LIKE--

YOU'RE-- IT'S
WEIRD BECAUSE YOU'RE
AN ATTRACTIVE PERSON.

I CAN SEE THAT.
I COULD SEE A GIRL
LOOKING AT YOU

- AND BE LIKE,
"GOT A GOOD-LOOKING GUY."
- UH-HUH?

GOOD BUILD
AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
IT JUST, UM...

YOU THINK MAYBE
WE TOOK OUR CLOTHES
OFF TOO FAST?

JUST IN TERMS OF
KIND OF LIKE...

- I JUST FEEL LIKE--
- NO, I THINK THAT'S TRUE.

- Ben: OKAY.
- YEAH.

OKAY.

I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT
FOR US TO KEEP A HARD LINE
ON EACH OTHER TONIGHT,

LIKE IT CAN BE A LOT
OF MENTAL TRICKERY AND
I THINK ONE OF THE PROBLEMS

- WE'RE HAVING IS
WE'RE LIKE... UP HERE.
- IN THERE.

AS SOON AS
WE GET UP HERE,
IT'S LIKE "WHEW!"

YEAH YEAH YEAH. IT'S ONE
OF THOSE THINGS THAT YOU JUST
CAN'T FUCKING THINK ABOUT.

WE NEED TO LET BODIES,
LIKE, TAKE OVER.

DUDE, I THINK
WE KIND OF PUSSED OUT.

I MEAN, I THINK
THAT IF WE'RE GOING
TO DO THIS,

IF WE'RE GOING
TO FUCKING DO IT,

THEN WE'VE GOT
TO GET COMFORTABLE.

- Ben: RIGHT.
WE ESTABLISH A RAPPORT.
- WE JUST HAVE TO GO.

I THINK YOU WERE RIGHT.
WE JUMPED IN QUICK, BUT I
THINK PART OF THAT'S JUST

IT'S GOING TO BE FUCKING
UNCOMFORTABLE

AND WE'VE GOT TO, LIKE,
WE'VE GOT TO GET THROUGH
THE DISCOMFORT.

YOU'RE RIGHT,
WE BACKED AWAY.
YOU'RE RIGHT.

SO WE NEED TO JUST
FUCKING PLUNGE FORWARD

AND TAKE THE NEXT STEP.

CAN I SUGGEST SOMETHING
A LITTLE WEIRD?

- YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
- I MEAN-- ( laughing )

- YEAH.
- UM,

CAN WE TRY HUGGING
WITHOUT SHIRTS
FOR A SECOND?

YEAH.

- OKAY.
- YEP...

- OKAY.
- THAT'S NOT TERRIBLE.

NO.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE

WE SAW EACH OTHER
AT A SWIMMING POOL

- AND HADN'T SEEN
EACH OTHER FOR A WHILE.
- MM-HMM.

AND SO,

I MEAN, WE'RE
BASICALLY LIKE--

- THESE COULD BE
SWIMSUITS, YOU KNOW?
- MM-HMM.

JUST SHARING
A PARTICULARLY
EXTENDED HUG

- AT THE LOCAL SWIMMING POOL.
- YEAH. AND WE'RE LIKE, "HEY,
DUDE, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- WHAT'S UP, MAN?"
- "HOW ARE YOU?

- NICE TO SEE YOU." YEAH.
- "YEAH, YOU LOOK GOOD..."

- THAT'S GREAT.
- YEAH.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW
SOMETHING WE HAVE
YET TO DISCUSS IS,

- UM--
- I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
GOING TO SAY.

THE-- YEAH. YEAH.

YEAH, DUDE,
I HAVE NO CLUE.

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.

I MEAN, THE BACKUP OPTION
IF NOTHING IS HAPPENING

IS LIKE ONE OF US IS
IN THE BATHROOM, LIKE,

KIND OF JUST
GETTING IT UP

AND THEN THEY JUST
KIND OF RUN IN AND, LIKE,

GO WHILE IT'S GOING.
WHICH SUCKS BECAUSE
IT'S LIKE--

WE CAN TRY THAT.
I'M SURE THAT IF I WENT
IN THE BATHROOM,

I COULD KIND OF GET
MYSELF REVVED UP.

BUT I'M NOT SURE WHEN
I ACTUALLY HAD TO COME,

YOU KNOW, PERFORM,

WHETHER, YOU KNOW,

- WHETHER I'D BE ABLE
TO DO THE JOB OR NOT.
- YEAH.

WHEN YOU START
THINKING ABOUT THAT,

IT'S JUST LIKE
IF WE'RE GOING
TO DO THIS

- IT SHOULD BE
GOOD, YOU KNOW?
- MM-HMM.

AND IT SHOULD BE LIKE
A PIECE OF ART.

AND I MEAN-- SO, YEAH,
I GUESS I'M BEING--
I DON'T KNOW.

- IT SHOULD BE--
- I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN
KNOW, LIKE,

ART IS SUCH A--
YOU KNOW,

- ART IS SUCH
A FUCKING, LIKE, "THING."
- YEAH.

I JUST THINK--
I THINK IF WE'RE
GOING TO DO IT,

IT HAS TO BE LIKE
A FUCKING EXPERIENCE
AND NOT JUST LIKE--

- NOT JUST LIKE WE'RE
DOING IT TO GET THROUGH IT.
- CLOSE MY EYES AND--

- YEAH.
- IT'S GOT TO BE
SOMETHING THAT WE DO

- BECAUSE, YOU KNOW-- FUCK!
- YEAH.

LIKE--

LIKE WE DIDN'T
THINK WE COULD DO IT
AND WE FUCKING DID IT.

AND I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO ACTUALLY GET THERE
AND THAT'S THE TRICKY THING.

YOU KNOW,
IT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THIS

- AND FUCKING
BUNGEE JUMPING, DUDE...
- MM-HMM.

...IS THAT BUNGEE JUMPING,
YOU JUST WALK TO THE EDGE
AND FUCKING JUMP.

AND THEN
THE WHOLE THING
TAKES CARE OF YOU.

AND YOU DON'T HAVE
TO HAVE A FUCKING HARD-ON
TO BUNGEE JUMP.

YEAH.
( slapping thighs )

THIS IS HARD.

- SO HERE'S
WHERE I'M AT...
- OKAY.

..I DON'T WANT
TO BE A PUSSY.

I DON'T WANT TO CHICKEN OUT
ON THIS, ALL RIGHT?

BUT I CAN'T HELP
THINKING...

WHAT EXACTLY...

ABOUT TWO STRAIGHT DUDES
HAVING SEX ON CAMERA

IS A GREAT PIECE OF ART?

AND NOT TO OVERANALYZE IT
OR ANYTHING,

'CAUSE ART IS
A FEELING THING

AND IT'S NOT
A THINKING THING,

BUT, LIKE, I'M JUST
STARTING TO KIND
OF LOOK AT IT

AND I'M LIKE...

YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYING?

( snickers )

AND WE SHOULD BE
REALLY CAREFUL HERE

BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT
TO LET EACH OTHER
OFF THE HOOK.

NO, BUT WHAT'S
INTERESTING
ABOUT IT IS

I THINK--

YOU KNOW, AND AGAIN,

I'M NOT--
I'M NOT SAYING

- LET'S RUN AWAY FROM IT.
LET'S SHITCAN THE IDEA.
- YEAH.

BUT-- BUT...

- THE FACT THAT WE PICKED
THIS AS THIS HURDLE...
- MM-HMM.

WAS ALMOST ARBITRARY.
IT WAS ALMOST LIKE IT
KIND OF CAME UP--

- IN THIS DRUNKEN MOMENT
AND WE WENT WITH IT.
- IT COULD'VE BEEN ANYTHING.

IT SERIOUSLY COULD HAVE
BEEN FUCKING ANYTHING.

IT COULD'VE BEEN
FUCKING ANYTHING.

- IT COULD'VE BEEN
BUNGEE JUMPING.
- YEAH! RIGHT.

IT WOULD HAVE TO BE
A LITTLE MORE MOMENTOUS
THAN THAT, BUT--

LIKE HIKING ACROSS BHUTAN
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

IT'S WEIRD.
AND WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING
LIKE "HIKING ACROSS BHUTAN,"

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT
THAT IS, BUT I KNOW THAT

- IN THE EXPERIENCE
OF DOING THAT...
- MM-HMM.

WE WOULD PROBABLY ENRICH
OUR LIVES ACTUALLY A LOT MORE

THAN JUST TRYING

TO FUCKING TAG ASS
IN A HOTEL ROOM...

- ( Andrew laughs )
- ...AND FORCE IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

WE WOULD GET EXERCISE.
WE WOULD HAVE GOOD
CONVERSATIONS.

WE'D GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
WE'D MEET WEIRD PEOPLE.

WE'D EAT NEW FOODS,

- BE IN A DIFFERENT SURROUNDING.
- DUDE, WE'RE FUCKING...

WE'RE PUSSING OUT.
ARE WE PUSSING OUT?

WE'RE DOING THIS
BECAUSE...

IT SCARES US MORE
THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

I'D BE PRETTY AMPED
TO GO TO BHUTAN

AND NOT
PARTICULARLY SCARED.

THAT IS A REALLY
GOOD POINT.

THERE IS NOTHING
IN THIS WORLD...

THAT I WANT TO DO LESS

THAN WHAT WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT DOING.

( snickers )

I MEAN, THAT'S SOMETHING.
THAT'S SOMETHING.

SO I GUESS
THE QUESTION IS

IS--

IS THAT A REASON
TO GO THROUGH WITH IT?

- ( sighs )
SOMETHING JUST HIT ME.
- MM-HMM?

I THINK...

WE MIGHT BE MORONS.

THAT THIS WHOLE
FUCKING IDEA...

IS BUILT
FROM THE PLANET MORON,

- LIKE--
- BUT WITH THE BEST
OF INTENTIONS.

GREAT INTENTIONS, DUDE.
GREAT INTENTIONS,

- BUT, LIKE, CLEARLY--
- ( laughs )

CLEARLY, THERE ARE
OTHER PLACES TO PUT
THIS KIND OF ENERGY.

I MEAN, HERE'S THE THING.
FOR ME, IT'S, UM,

YOU KNOW,
I JUST WANT TO FUCKING
FINISH SOMETHING.

- YES.
- AND THIS WAS THE THING
THAT I WAS, LIKE, YOU KNOW,

"I'M FINALLY GOING TO DO IT.
LIKE, I'M FINALLY GOING TO
FUCKING SEE SOMETHING THROUGH

- AND FINISH IT" AND--
- YOU CHOSE THE WRONG THING.

( both laugh )

AND I COULD'VE
CHOSEN SOMETHING
MUCH MORE AWESOME.

DUDE, I MEAN--
UM...

( chuckles )

MAN.

- CAN I JUST SAY
SOMETHING HERE?
- MM-HMM.

AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE,
THAT'S FINE,

BUT I JUST WANT
TO THROW IT OUT THERE
AND TEST THE WATERS.

I THINK WE SHOULD
PUT ON OUR CLOTHES.

( sighs )

( snickers )

( snickers )

( both laughing )

( groans )

Ben:
YOU WANT TO--

YOU WANT TO GET
SOME ROOM SERVICE?

YEAH. HEY THERE,
I'D LIKE TO ORDER
ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE?

UM, TWO STEAK SANDWICHES.
DO YOU HAVE MILKSHAKES?

I WOULD LIKE ONE
STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE

- AND--
- CHOCOLATE-STRAWBERRY MIX.

AND A CHOCOLATE-
STRAWBERRY MIX.

- ( Andrew laughs )
- STILL GOT IT.

- STILL GOT IT.
- OH.

YEAH.

MAN...

I THINK I'M IN DEEP
SHIT WITH ANNA.
( laughs )

- I THINK I'M IN
REALLY DEEP, MAN.
- WHY?

I FUCKING DUG
MY OWN GRAVE, MAN.

JESUS, WHAT I JUST
PUT HER THROUGH.

POOR THING.
I FEEL SO TERRIBLE.

YEAH.

I AM SO LUCKY THAT
SHE PUTS UP WITH ME.

SHE LOVES YOU.

YEAH. I HATE
TO SAY IT, DUDE,

BUT I THINK I NEED
TO GO FUCKING--

( laughs )
I MIGHT NEED TO GO
START MY REPARATIONS

IMMEDIATELY.

AS MUCH AS I WANT
A STEAK SANDWICH
AND A MILKSHAKE,

I THINK I ACTUALLY
MIGHT HAVE TO GO...

UM, I MIGHT HAVE
TO GO SEE HER.

- TOTALLY.
- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

FUCK YEAH.

BUT, DUDE, FUCKING
LIVE IT UP HERE

AND MUNCH MY SHIT

AND DRINK MY MILKSHAKE

AND CHARGE WHATEVER
THE FUCK YOU WANT
TO THE ROOM

- AND PUT 'EM UP.
- MM.

GIVE IT UP, MAN.

I LOVE YOU, BUD.

I LOVE YOU TOO, MAN.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU
TOMORROW, OKAY?

PICK YOU UP, WE'LL GO
DO SOMETHING STUPID.

NOT THIS STUPID.
SOMETHING STUPID,

SOMETHING FUN,
ALL RIGHT?

( sighs )

( beeps )

( rewinding )

- Ben: That's not terrible.
- No.

It's almost like

we saw each other
at a swimming pool

and hadn't seen
each other for a while,
you know?

- Andrew: Mm-hmm.
- And so,

I mean, we're
basically like--

these could be
swimsuits, you know?

( laughing )

- "Nice to see you." Yeah.
- "You look good."

( recording continues )

( laughing )

( slow music playing )

- ( bong bubbling )
- ( phone line rings )

Operator:
Sir, I'm sorry.
Seattle, Washington,

for the Boni Motel,
spelled B-O-N-I, I have
no listing.