All language subtitles for Cisaruv pekar - Pekaruv cisar 1

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THE EMPEROR'S BAKER

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Original Score by
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"You Do This, He Does That"
Music by, Lyrics by

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Search everything!
Hurry up! Quick!

Search everything!

We must find it!

I understand Your Excellency's
impatience. Idid all Icould, though.

I overwhelm His Majesty with paintings,
music, sculptures, and beautiful women.

I seek to raise the Emperor's spirits.

Yet, he is obsessed only by one idea.
He wants the Golem.

And he will not give anyone an audience
until he has the Golem.

Your wine is good, Chamberlain Lang,
though your expectations are bad.

I have been waiting for so long.

My returning empty-handed shall
make King Matthias very angry.

What would you advise me to do, sir?
- To wait.

When the Emperor is in a good mood,
he will do anything for me.

Even abdicate.

Do you think
they will ever find the Golem?

I hope so, otherwise the Emperor
would have to be

Hold back, Chamberlain.

King Matthias prefers ingenuity
over violence.

Marshall Russworm.

Well? Have you found it?

Have you?
- I found nothing.

And do you think you will ever
find the Golem, Marshall?

I do not think so.
I think there never was any Golem.

Good wine.

What is the Golem anyway?

Awizard once allied with the Devil
and he moulded

He moulded a
- An ogre.

It was no ogre.
You're ogres yourselves

for scaring the boy like that.
Let me tell you the true story, Frankie.

Once, there lived a scholarly rabbi
in Prague.

Rabbi Loew.

And he discovered that enormous power
lay hidden in matter.

Even in common clay.
Look, a kitten.

So he moulded a huge figure out of clay.

And he named it Golem.

And using a rather queer device
called

called the shem.

So using this shem, the rabbi
brought the Golem to life

and with it, the enormous power
hidden in the Golem.

Open up!

Oh, it's you.

What is the matter, astrologer?

Don't even ask!
It's an awful situation.

And its consequences may be immense.

For me?
- Foryou, for me, for us all.

Just imagine that Russworm
did not find the Golem!

Do you know what that means?
- The Emperor will be angry.

Angry? He will be furious! Mad!

He will take revenge. Upon everyone.

As I mean well byyou,
I ran straight to you.

You are most kind.
- To warn you

that today, the rolls have to be
especially nice and crispy.

That swindler is here again. Why do we
have to slave for these blackguards!

About the Golem.

One day, Rabbi Loew forgot
about the Golem.

And the big fellow began
to smash everything in his way.

He might have even
destroyed the whole world,

so the rabbi made the Golem lifeless
and buried him somewhere.

Doesn't anybody know where?
- Nobody knows, not even the Emperor.

It's His Imperial Majesty,
you loose tongue!

The more you read,
the more stupid you are.

Make sure the rolls are especially nice
and crispy today, instead of blabbering.

Not to worry, the rolls will be
especially nice and crispy.

For the Emperor who's
an especially tough cookie.

When will you open the shop?
- When we have flour to bake from.

But you are baking!
- We indeed are.

Though not for common people,
we're baking for the Emperor.

You've got flour for the Emperor
but not for us!

You are quite right, mother.
- Holy Mother Mary,

you can't leave it like this!
- She will,

if we leave it like this.

You'll give me 50 guldens.
- But I gave you 20 yesterday.

Yes, for the horoscope.

Today, you'll give me 50 guldens
for the advice I gave you

to make the rolls nice and crispy.
- I won't.

You won't?
- I won't.

In that case, the stars will advise
His Majesty to change his baker.

His Imperial Majesty cannot
change his baker

because I have all the flour stocks
in Prague.

And what if I draw a horoscope
that would advise the Emperor

to open the granaries
and to divide the corn among all bakers.

Chamberlain Lang promised he wouldn't
open them as long as I have enough corn.

That is correct.

Nevertheless, the Emperor believes
the stars more than his chamberlain.

Catch him!
Catch him!

Catch the thief!

Catch the thief! Catch him!

Come back, folks!
Don't run anywhere, come here!

When two thieves chase each other,
the honest folk can relish.

Take the rolls, they are
especially nice and crispy today.

Take them home to your children
and have a good time for once.

The Emperor is up early today.

It must be
because ofthe nice and crispy rolls.

But there won't be any left for him!

Oh my! Ouch! Adonai!

Adonai, creator of heaven and earth,
ofthe four spirits and elements,

why are you torturing us
with a toothache?

Why didn't you let us sleep all night?

We have a toothache.
Our tooth aches.

Our whole body aches.

Make the tooth stop aching!

We have doctors of medicine.
We have alchemists.

We are in pain.
Do something!

Your Majesty, what if we pull your
noble tooth out, eh?

Eh?

Never shall the Emperor

and King Rudolfthe

...Rudolf the...

Which Rudolf are we?
- The second, Sire.

Rudolf II let anyone
touch any of his teeth!

Don't you have anything against
pain that doesn't hurt?

We are not just anyone,
we are the emperor.

Perhaps a look at this remarkable
work of an

recovered from the sea bed by fishermen
of Rhodes will relieve your pain, Sire.

It won't relieve our pain
because we don't like it.

It doesn't have a head.

In that case, Sire,
we have a rather interesting head.

That doesn't have a body.

What's with the Golem?

It seems, Marshall Russworm did not
succeeded, Your Imperial Majesty.

He did not succeed?
- I mean to say, we don't have it.

We don't.
- In other words,

the Golem has not been found.

It wasn't?
- Yes.

But we want the Golem.
- Your Imperial Majesty

We need the Golem!
We must have the Golem!

Out! All of you!

Out!

We need the Golem.

We cannot trust anyone,
only our self.

Who is it looking at us?
That is not us.

It is you, Sire.

It is us.
I'm growing old.

Not in the least, Your Majesty.
Look at this picture.

This picture is not lying.
Like two peas in a pod, Sire.

Only that pea over there

is fifteen years younger.

Do not try to persuade us
that we are not growing old, Lang.

We are growing old. Come here.

We are growing old so quickly
that at night,

in absolute silence, we can clearly hear
our arteries becoming sclerotic.

Where is everyone?
Solitude frightens us.

Come here! Everyone!

Lang. - Yes, Sire?
- What's with the elixir of youth?

Scotta, your court alchemist,
is working on it strenuously, Sire.

Yesterday, he sent for restharrow,
amaranth, and hellebore,

and he has been roasting saxifrage
with the herbs since the morning.

Send for that sham Scotta
to inform me of the elixir.

And tell Marshall Russworm
to repofi to me.

How do you like this elixir,
Your Imperial Majesty?

Oh my, we are enchanted.

And where can I get the elixir?
- In a mill near Brandys.

And what's its name?
- Rosalie.

Rosalie.

What would you say
if we array Rosalie

in a light tunic,

almost translucent,

and paint her as shepherdess Amarylis.

I know your refined taste,
Your Imperial Majesty.

Like we said,
it must be true to life.

And the size, Sire?

Life size of course.

Life requires life size.

Realism.

If only we knew
which ofthem is genuine,

we would keep the genuine one
and we would sell the fakes as genuine.

But what ifthe genuine
is a fake too?

We will keep them all,
whether genuine or fake,

because one never knows.
Gold-coated sledge!

Your Imperial Majesty's day programme.
- Summarise it for us, Lang.

Tells us only
what needs not to be done

and leave out what needs to be done.

I believe you ought give an audience
to the envoy of King Matthias.

We clearly told you
not to read what needs to be done.

The envoy of Your Majesty's brother
has been waiting

for an audience for three months.

And we have been waiting
for thifly years

for the Devil
to take our brother to hell.

What else?

A deputation ofthe aldermen of both
the Prague towns.

They complain all the time.
This time it seems to be corn.

You know them well, Sire.

Does it need to be done?
- No, Sire.

We shall go by your clever
head, Chamberlain.

Next.
- Tycho de Brahe,

Your Majesty's astronomer,
asks for an audience.

What does he want this time?
- He seems to ask for lentils of glass.

I wonder what lentils
and the stars have in common.

Give him two glassfuls of lentils
to keep him busy.

There is no need for an audience.

Stop doing such effects
when we don't expect them!

My noble benefactor

Geronimo Alessandro Scotta,
tell me what's with the elixir of youth?

Maybe the geniuses of the zodiac

conspired with the 58th higher
intelligence against a poor old man.

We didn't ask you about that.

Maybe my planetary classification
was erroneous

as I deemed pimpernel and watercress
to be Saturn's plants

while it is undoubtedly fennel.
- Answer to our question.

What's with the elixir?

Maybe micro cosmos clashed
with macro cosmos in hostile Scorpio.

In shod, the elixir is far from ready.

How much more time will you need?

Maybe a week.
Maybe a day.

Maybe eight years.

I didn't stand idle, though.
As I didn't have the mandrake root,

I cooked pine fire fungus
with a minced bat.

And look what I got.
Remarkable parquet polish.

The father comes home after a day's
work in the field, the floor is dull.

He doesn't like his home. As soon as he
eats his dinner, he hurries to the inn.

His wife is weeping all night.

She doesn't know how
to keep her husband home from the inn.

With our polish,
she will keep her husband home.

Our polish cleans every spot and stain.

The floor is shining,
the dishes are white as alabaster.

She merely puts a little
on her two fingers

spreads it on the floor
and then polishes it with a cloth.

All we need is to name it.

His Imperial Majesty's Coufi Astrologer.

I bring advice from the stars
for His Imperial Majesty's digestion.

Mars and Mercury in the left sextile
advise Your Imperial Majesty's duodenum

to digest rolls from
the Emperor's Titbits Bakery.

They are especially nice
and crispy today.

The waning Moon suggests the imperial
liver will enjoy liver pate

from the Golden Cone Pasty Shop.
- Her Excellency, Countess Stradova.

I see you are enjoying yourself.

It is not our fault. Scotta
and his experiments are to blame.

I do not believe that anyone is able to

imitate your drollery so well.
- You have no sense of humour, my dear.

I almost broke my leg
over your sense of humour.

It is not so sharp.
- It is slippery enough, though.

As I have found out myself
a moment ago.

Antiquarian Vollardi of Florence
would like to offer

Mona Lisa that is guaranteed genuine.

That would be our thirteenth.
- Precisely.

On the other hand,
it indeed may be genuine.

I think we ought to buy it.
- Of course you ought to buy it.

Since twelve are fake,
why couldn't you have thirteen fakes.

And since when do you dabble with art,
my dear Countess?

Since the day we have met,
Your Imperial Majesty.

And we have known each
other long enough to marry.

There's not enough money for a wedding,
yet there's always plenty for paintings!

We both are too poor to get married.

I am poor in money and you in blood!
- Your Majesty.

Do not let shod temper
overcome Your Majesty.

The financial situation is somewhat
- Don't give it to him in spoonfuls.

Say it straight that we have
been eating on credit for two weeks!

Here is an urgent request from Marshall
Russworm concerning military matters.

Show it to me.

Five thousand Rhenish guldens
for gilded cuirasses.

Five
- Five

Three scores... - Three scores.
- Of groschen for

General Belgiosds corselet.

What an outrage!
We are to deny ourselfthe Mona Lisa

so that they can hide their bellies
in gilded corselets!

If I may offer a quick solution,
sign this, Your Majesty.

How big is our royal debt
that we owe you?

What Rudolf are we?
The second

We'll take the Mona Lisa at any cost.

His Excellency,
Marshall Bernard Russworm.

Watch, it will be like
an ironmongery coming down.

Where is the Golem?

Obeying Your Majesty's orders,
I have invaded the synagogue with my men,

yet the Golem was nowhere to be found.

Indeed.
When one is on a spree all night,

trying one's fortune in backgammon,

and chasing meretricious women,
the eye benumbs

and one's wit in wine drowns.

He didn't find the Golem.

How could he when he was writing
bills for gold braids,

feather panaches, buckles,

cuirasses and sabres!

You are thieves and coons!

Everyone out!

Don't get upset, Your Majesty.

We are never upset.

You aren't angry at me any more?
- We? Why should we be?

I sometimes feel
that I get on your nerves.

Not at all.

Sometimes a lot.

Give us something to eat,
we are hungry!

The rolls are especially nice
and crispy today, is it so?

It is not so, Sire.
On the contrary.

There are not nice and crispy today.
- Why not?

Some insane baker gave away
all imperial rolls to the poor.

To the poor.
That's a good one!

And we are to die of hunger.

Arrest that baker
and put him into the dungeon.

To the starving tower!

We shall see who will hold out!

Help me!

Help!

Help me!

Everyone, come here!

What's up? Help!
What's the matter? Help!

Your Majesty,
it's Master Edward Kelley,

the doctor of black and white magic,
an alchemist and occultist.

You have invited him yourself.
- All right, I know. It is all right.

But why does he have
to make such an uproar?

Because he's a magician.
- Tell him to stop.

What if our tooth starts aching again?

Tell Lang to see to even/thing.

What are you doing here?
We are sleepy.

Out! All of you!

His Imperial Majesty commissioned me
to welcome you, Master Kelley.

I have been longing to pay tribute to
the greatest votarist of modern magic,

to His Imperial Majesty.
- His Imperial Majesty shall give you

and your famous company an audience.
- Thank you. Allow me.

My dear astrologer.

It is a pleasure to see you again,
Master Kelley.

I heard they wanted
to hang you in Brussels.

There is always a risk in anything one
does. I heard they almost cut off

your ears in Nurnberg.
- Nothing like that can happen here.

As long as we do not get in the way.
- Fellow scholars never get in the way.

Indeed, they help each other.

Farewell.

Marshall Russworm.
- Magister Kelley.

To your health.

Good wine.

There.

And another will soon drop right here.

I won't die ofthirst
as long as water trickles in drops.

I wish something to eat
would trickle down in drops.

Porridge at least.

Even though I've hated it since
childhood, it would do me good now.

If it did trickle down.
But it won't.

This is the last time
that you have tricked me like this.

Not so loud, we're at Prague Castle.

So that is why you put me into the box
and left me there for ages?

Because no one should learn
that you're here. - Why not?

Because I will create you soon.

Eat and rest, I will explain
everything later. - But

But...

Who's there?

A prisoner. And who's there?

A prisoner too.

Who ever heard ofa prisoner
with roasted chicken?

I am the only prisoner here.
I am withering away.

Are you a murderer?
- No, I'm a baker.

In the dungeon.
Matthew Kotrba is my name.

What's your name?
- Catherine.

Catherine.

Catherines are usually skinny.

I'm certainly not.

Are you podgy, I mean

...well-rounded?

That depends.
I think I am well-rounded.

Not too much?
- No, not too much.

Are you tall?
- I believe so.

And are you married?
- I'm not.

That's good.
And tell me,

are you tall enough

to put your head on my shoulder?

I don't know how big your shoulders are.
- My shoulders?

Well, they're big.
- And how tall are you?

As tall as an aspen.
- And are you slender as an aspen?

As slender as an aspen?

I suppose the aspen would
have to look more like a stout oak.

You have a strange way of laughing.

I'm glad they locked you up.

At least we can talk.

Master Edward Kelley.

Welcome, Master Kelley.

We are glad to see you.
- I am most fortunate,

and honoured to be invited
by Your Imperial Majesty.

Make nothing of it,
we invite all sons of people.

We are fond of sciences
and we can afford it as an emperor.

What will you show us?

Aworld premiere,
if I may say so, Sire.

Something unseen so far.

I have devoted many years
to creating an artifical being.

A homunculus?

A homuncula, Your Majesty.

Ahomuncula.
- An artificial woman.

Bravo, Master Kelley.
Have you made any progress?

Before your eyes,
Your Imperial Majesty,

I shall distil the finest substance
out of planetary rays

and I shall materialize
the fluidum acquired thereby

into a being of female sex.

Awoman full offluidum, eh?

I can't wait to see it.

We have a pleasant surprise
foryou as well.

You have no doubt heard about our
C.l.A. Laboratorium, haven't you?

I beg your pardon?
- C.l.A. Laboratorium.

Central lmperialAlchemist Laboratorium.

Of course, I doubt there is any modern
scholar who has not heard of it.

You shall see it now.

Continue in your research,
pay no attention to us.

Carry on, carry on.

Here, for example.

We prepare the tincture of Trismegistos

that makes one invisible.

Watch carefully.

Do you see us?
- A little.

Of course, you didn't add
enough hoptoad fat.

We mainly devote ourselves
to making gold.

Gold is good.

Here we make gold out of plums.

Not a word to anyone, though.

Nobody else has come up with the idea
of making gold out of plums.

Explain it to Master Kelley.

Yummy al aqua?
Yummy al aqua.

Yummy al aqua, pipetoola,
akhanoo, akhanoo, akhanoo, akhanoo,

do Iala, do Iala, pipetoola.

Liquere gooey yum yum
mixturi, mixturi,

mishy mashy, mishy mashy, boom.

You see? We don't understand
a word he says but we trust him.

What else is there to do
if we don't have an interpreter.

We will fire him one day, though.

Do your mishy mashy thing.
- Pipetoola.

He too is making gold.

Mechanically though.
Tell us how you do it.

I am breaking-up the atom of lead.
- Are you successful?

Not yet. All depends on how you hit it.

I will find the right way some day.
- There you have it!

We have nothing but expefis here.
Let us proceed.

He has been learning
to fly since his childhood.

What's with our elixir ofyouth?

I do not have it yet, Your Majesty,
for the time being at least.

However, I have discovered
a marvellous cleanser.

I beg your pardon, stranger.

We easily end up with a stain.

How to get rid of it, though!

With our cleanser.

Rub the cleanser
on the stain and blow.

And the stain is gone.

Forgive me, stranger.

The stranger may forgive you,
yet the emperor shall not.

We shall throw you to the lions
to feed them properly.

I will finish the elixir, Sire.

I have just been grating mandrake.
- May I?

Horseradish, Sire.
- I used it as an alternative ingredient.

Of course.

Sausages with horseradish.

That's just your cup of tea, Scotta!

You are enjoying your research
and scientific work, aren't you?

Can't you get genuine mandrake?

Loan but

I need a dog of English breed,

born as the ninth pup after sunset.

Where am Ito get such a dog?
- Where?

I have just the dog you need.

Accept it as a gift
from a fellow scholar.

What else do you need?

A helper familiar with magic formulas

and possessing a sword to stab the dog,

which, in its agony of death,
shall pull the mandrake from the ground.

There is no such person here.
- There is such a person.

Wait for me tonight at midnight
underGallows Hill.

What are you doing?
You are smoking like a chimney.

It's a novelty from the New World.

If His Majesty wishes to try it,

simply inhale byyour mouth.

By my mouth? Inhale?
- Yes.

I doubt it will ever come into fashion.

Are you scared?
- I am.

Very?
- Very much.

We are scared too.
Though, we like being scared.

Let's hope a storm doesn't come,
we don't like being scared in a storm.

Look, mandrake.

Scotta, make ready for
a grandiose invocation.

As soon as we say the name Samiel,

you will stab the dog.

Are you scared?
- I am.

That's good.
Let us begin.

Firstly, with our eyes closed,

we shall repeat the name Agla
three times.

Then, we shall open our eyes
and look around.

If a flame flares up from the eanh,
it is a sign indicating

that the elements are favourable
to our doing.

We may commence with the incantation.

Hence, let us close our eyes.

Agla.

Agla.

Agla.

Splendid.

The elements are favourable.

Well, Scotta, as soon as we say
the name Samiel, you will stab it.

Let us begin.

Ye, ruling spirits,

and all thine serfs,

may this blessed hour
be favourable for us.

Sallam.

May success be granted to us

by its ruler Samiel.

What's the matter?
- That poor creature

has such a devoted look in its face.
It's a dumb creature!

Stab it in its dumb face!
- I can't!

Give it to me.

Scotta!

Scotta!

Scotta?!

Scotta!
- I'm here!

What are you doing there?
- I don't know!

It's so dark in here!
- Light. Bring light!

The Golem. The Golem!

It's the Golem, Scotta!

We've found the Golem!

He can't bring the Golem to life himself.

He'd had to have the shem ham forash.

What?
- The formula that brings Golem to life.

The Golem will obey to the letter anyone
who knows it.

Obey to the letter?

Holy Moses! Can you imagine

the Golem leading our army to battle?

He could slash a whole company.

Awhole regiment, an army!

Not so loud!

There'd be plenty of meat.

That's a rather inhumane idea.

All we need to do is spread the word
that we have the Golem

and we shall lay down the terms.

Any news, gentlemen?
- None at all.

The Moon has orbited
the Earth two times, Golem,

and we are running short of breath
too quickly to keep persuading you.

What more do you want?

We offered you fame and power.

We offered you our friendship.

We promised the Eafih to you.

And you are as silent as stone.

Why a wise man like you,
Rabbi Jehuda ben Bezalel Loew,

don't reveal where you had hidden
the shem that brings the Golem to life?

Why don't you talk to the Golem?

Golem, we beg you.

We need you.

No one really likes us.

Isn't it enough to see an emperor
kneeling before you?

You keep mum.

We will show you who we are!

We will destroy you!

Fortunately,
we have the means to do so!

Eitheryou will obey us,
oryou will not be at all!

We will turn you into clods.

Crush you into pieces, destroy you!

Return you to dust!

What do you want?
- Someone shoot, Sire.

We were shooting.

And we can shoot anytime, anywhere
and from anything we wish!

Because we are not just anybody,
we are the emperor.

Come here, Master Kelley.

And all the rest get out.

Kelley, we are tired
and the Golem doesn't obey us.

Not even a canon could bring
the Golem to its senses.

It's remarkable power.

Look at the smoke.

Kelley, you must do something
to make the Golem obey us.

Right now, right here.
Immediately.

The constellation ofthe stars
is unfavourable for reviving the Golem.

It is, however, most favourable
for the creation of Sirael.

Sirael?

Oh yes, Sirael.

You mean the woman you promised
to bring to life for us, the fluidum.

Yes, Sire.
- Very well. Very well.

Create something pretty,
something young, something

Correct.

And after that you will bring
the Golem to life.

Catherine,
did it ever cross your mind

what it would be like
if we were akin?

I don't mean like brother and sister,
but husband and wife?

Somebody is coming, Matthew.

Eat this and take this on.
But hurry.

I'll come back in a moment
and we'll rehearse it. - Kelley!

Iwon't do it.
- You won't? - lwon't.

You won't, eh?
In that case, it's quite simple.

Nobody knows that you're here.

And nobody will look foryou
if you starve to death.

But you are a sensible girl
and you will change your mind.

What should we do now, Matthew?
- I know precisely what I'd do.

Ifthe wall wasn't here,
I'd pummel him!

But it is here.

You have to do it
otherwise he'll starve you to death.

He'll starve you as well.
- It's not me I'm worried about.

He mustn't harm you!
Because I like you.

I like you too.
- There you have it.

Two people are fond of each other
but they can't see each other,

because this ends
somewhere round the corner.

How am I supposed to

What colour are your eyes?
- Brown.

They're brown.
My favourite colour.

Catherine, be careful.
I'll be thinking about you all the time.

So will I.

Here's something

so that you don't forget about me.

I won't forget you.

I'll make a knot to make sure.

Are you scared? - I am.
- Very? - Very much.

Stop disturbing us
by your constant rattling.

The hour of Sirael has come.

What are you eating?

Ground nuts.
- Ground nuts.

How can you eat anything so foul?

That wasn't bad at all.

In the name ofthe World of Briah,

in the name ofthe World ofAtziluth,

in the name ofthe World of Yetzirah.

Kelley, I can't take it much longer.
- Hush.

I invoke you,
Genii of the Seven Planets,

be favourable
to this monumental operation.

In the name of the intelligence you are
born of, you shall be named Sirael.

Do not touch, Your Majesty.

The substance is still too fragile
and it may evaporate.

Sirael is familiar neither with human
knowledge nor human feelings.

Sirael is the astral Gemini
ofthe earthly Golem.

Splendid.
We shall betroth them.

And their union shall give birth
to a new being.

The being shall inherit charm from Sirael
and might from the Golem.

And we will have a friend.

Do not touch, Your Majesty,
the substance is too fragile.

We know, we know.

From tomorrow, we shall begin
teaching Sirael, Master Kelley.

We will teach her
all the knowledge of the world

and then, we will teach her love.

I'm done here.
- You are not.

We have to finish what we started.

Besides, you won't come offa loser.

Your money isn't worth ending
burnt as a witch.

It is not about money.
Much more is at stake.

I know what it is about. The Emperor
wishes to teach me about love.

That's just what I don't want!
- But you are an artificial woman.

Feelings or love are unknown to you.

The Emperor won't touch you.
He believes you might evaporate.

If he dares touch me, I'll hit him
with something, Emperor or not.

Your Majesty, you may touch Sirael
today with the tips ofyour fingers.

Be very gentle, Sire,
or she may evaporate.

We know, we will touch her gently,
as ifwith a tip of a feather.

Should you need something,
Your Majesty

We will manage ourselves.
Good-by, Master Kelley.

Sirael, my dear child

Thank you.

We have been encharged
with the historical task

of communicating earthly feelings
to an uneanhiy being.

Let us begin with the word.

Because in the beginning,
there was the word.

And since the word makes the man,
it can make you a woman.

Now then, my dear child,
a word is formed by syllables.

And syllables are formed
by consonants and vowels.

Today, we will begin with vowels.

A, E, I, O, U.

Repeat after me. A

Excellent, my child, excellent.

Then comes E.

Then I

Then O

Then U

U, mychild.

The lips are shaped as if for a kiss.

Be careful or she might evaporate.

Uh, she's here again.

And she's gone.

She is smiling, that's a good sign.

Smile makes the ice
of dispassionateness melt.

Like the breeze in spring.
Like the touch of a humming bird.

Allow us to tender thanks to you.

It's time for a break.

Are you not satisfied, Your Majesty?

We are satisfied,
though we could be satisfied more.

If it is within my power?

We are wondering
whether it indeed is within your power.

Did you bring the Golem to life?

We ask you
when will you bring the Golem to life?

Your Majesty, I assure you
I have been thinking about nothing else.

We are bitterly
disappointed in you, Master Kelley.

We would like to ask you,
dear Countess,

not to disturb us next time
when we engage in scientific work

I wonder what is so scientific
in shutting yourself away

with artificial women and
in trying to evoke feelings in them.

I watched you carefully and I saw
how you almost dished out.

What have you got there?
- Atube of mirrors. A kaleidoscope.

May l?

Toys like this are just your
cup of tea, aren't they?

You enjoy bringing claymen to life

and teaching artificial hussies.

Yet a loyal woman of flesh and bones,

is not in fashion
at His Imperial Majesty's court.

Let me at least finish next time!

You've spoiled my appetite
by telling me all that.

What happened then?
- Then the countess came and that's all.

What if she doesn't come next time?

I will manage
even if she doesn't come next time.

Good night, Matthew.

Good night.

I don't like those lessons ofyours.

And this too!

My dear,
you shall learn to dance today.

Dancing is the art
of aesthetic movement.

Moreover, it is one
ofthe antechambers of love.

Our heart beats more rapidly,

music kindles our feelings

and all of a sudden,
we are yearning for love.

As you are not familiar with love,

we shall teach you the art of love.

Let us start from the beginning.

We are alone.

While our fervent palm
caresses your velvet hair,

to your snow-white shoulder
our left hand slips.

A mere evanescent glimpse
at your complexion so fair,

raises boundless passion
in our Habsburg lips.

Wait.

When it gets dark, we will put out
all the lights with a mighty blow.

And in the darkness, you shall see
the rise ofthe Age of Rudolf.

Do you understand what love is now?
What do you feel? Tell me.

Ismell rum.

Oh,Adonai!

Why are you torturing our feelings?

You are no ray!
You are no fluidum!

You are a piece of wood!

And we are a wooderhead!

Did you sleep well, Your Majesty?
Do you have a toothache?

No, we are wearing it to impress you.

Take it away. Our tooth aches.

All this hufis.
Nothing sweet! Take it away!

We are in terrible pain.

Oh no,
we can't even look at pickles.

Where are you going?
- To fetch the dentist.

You're not going anywhere!
- Your Majesty, Countess - Hush!

Fetch Kelley and you can tell him
that his artificial woman

Don't tell him anything,
we will do it ourself.

Is something the matter
with Sirael, Your Majesty?

Nothing is the matter with her!
That's just it!

We would advise you
to eat your breakfast.

We have a toothache.
Aterrible toothache!

You are not behaving
as an emperor, Your Majesty.

We are not behaving as an emperor
because we are sad.

Do not bother us with anything today.
- Of course not, Sire.

We shall lay even/thing aside.
- Everything. - Yes, Your Majesty.

Only the audience of King Matthias'
envoy is somewhat urgent.

Can't you see that we are a sick man!
An audience would be the end of us.

But the envoy of Your Majesty's brother
has been waiting for an audience

for four months now.
- Very well, splendid.

You all yearn
to see a sick old man tire out.

Very well!
Prepare a bier, dig a grave.

We shall give an audience to your
envoys, delegations, deputations.

We will give an audience
to all and right now!

I shall sign all there is to sign
and Ishall rule.

Well? Out with it.
- Your Imperial Majesty,

our kindest king and father.

Hurry up, you are stealing our time.

If you have something to sign,
give it to us, our pen is still wet.

Poor crop and famine befell on our land

and brought povefly upon the people
- Ah, Master Kelley himself.

We would like to tell you,
Master Kelley,

that you and your beautiful
artificial woman,

that piece of wood hewn byyou from
the conjunction of a spruce and a pine,

that you and that Sirael ofyours
may go and stuff yourselves.

I shall do my best.
- Wait.

You shall do your best
and you shall do as you were ordered.

And we ordered you
to bring the Golem to life.

Should you fail, you shall
return to England in two pieces.

Do you understand?
- Ido.

Get out of my sight!
- As you wish.

That wasn't a bad trick at all.

That's a good one,
I should learn it from him.

It could come in handy.

Where were we?

There's famine, Your Majesty.
- And the imperial granaries are full.

Order to open them.
- Come here, Lang.

What granaries are they talking about?
Do we have any?

I shall see to the matter myself.

See to it then and we will
cross the granaries out.

It's settled.

Your Imperial Majesty,

General Belgioso
refuses to march against the Turks.

Until he gets his corselet, we know.

To make things clear, there won't be
any feather panaches.

And if you don't like it,
you are free to go.

Is this what I get for my desefis?

There weren't any,
you tinman.

Sire, did you call me

We called you a tinman!

Who are you laughing at?

At us?

Who is that? - The envoy
of Your Majesty's brother.

On behalf of His Royal Majesty,
King Matthias,

I bring a personal letter
to Your Imperial Majesty.

We shall not read the letter.

We know our brother's secret wishes.

It is the throne he strives for.

And to see us beggared.
Not on his life!

Your Imperial Majesty,
Itookthe liberty - Oh no.

You shall not take any liberties

with the Roman Emperor
and the King of Bohemia.

Get out ofour sight!

And you too, you blackguards,
Ioiterers, rogues!

We will send you flying
to all pans ofthe world!

Out! Be offyou sly dogs and knaves!

You hucksters! Get out!

That's a fine piece of an.

Where did we get it? We have been
looking for a piece like that for ages.

Put it among our collection.
Be careful or it might break.

I am leaving at once
and I shall inform King Matthias

how I have been treated here.
- But, Your Excellency

This is a half ofthe seal of my king.

Who presents the other half,

shall be empowered to give orders.
- And who is that, Your Excellency?

I do not know,
yet my king trusts him.

And that is decisive.

Good night.
Let us hope for the best.

It seems we do not know
which side of our bread is buttered.

There is someone who has
the second half ofthe king's seal

Who will give us orders
- And whom we are to obey.

Yet, we do not know who he is!
- Nobody will give me orders!

I will stab him through with my sword
and that's that!

Well, well!
You wouldn't stab me, would you?

I wasn't talking to you.
- I would like to talk to you, though.

We are honoured, Master Kelley.
- Why didn't you come forward sooner?

Because now is the right time.

I've been saying it all along!
lwill simply

You would disappoint King Matthias.

His Imperial Majesty needs
to be removed by fair means.

Do you understand, Marshall?
And that's an order!

Fair means are
of no use with him.

As far as I know,
the Emperor will sign anything

Chamberlain Lang gives to him,
without reading it.

What ifyou submit his abdication
for signature

instead of a promissory note?
- We could do that, Lang.

Let's say it could be
a small abdication. Just for Bohemia.

We could trigger
an avalanche with a pebble.

Look, I've found something!

And it's round.

May l?

It's nothing at all.
- May I see it?

What if it is something?
- What if it is the shem?

What if it is the shem that fits

right here?

Stop!

It stopped. Don't move!

You see it obeys the man
who brought it to life.

Take it away!
- What?

The shem!

Golem!

Take it away!

Stop, Golem.

That's interesting.
The shem is quite hot.

Give it to me.
- Why should we give it to you?

Why not to us. - Because I was
encharged with reviving the Golem.

Nonsense. I've found it
so you should give it to me!

Halt!
To make it quite clear,

it's either us all or nobody.
Or only me!

I believe it's us all.
- Indeed. - Of course.

It's not so difficult to reach
an agreement as allies, is it?

Now the shem belongs to us all.

Yes, of course.
- Well!

Where is it?
It was here.

It has to be somewhere.

She is pretty.

And young. One wouldn't mind roaming
about meadows with her

and listening to birds singing.
- What?

You can't, though.
You are bound by ceremonies,

delegacies, decrees, and hocus-pocuses.

Stop it!

Do you ever remember
the times in Krumlov, Your Majesty?

You mean Beata?
- Yes.

Her husband was captain
and he came back early from Budweiss.

It was quite a scrimmage back then.
- I can still see you

jumping out ofthe window on the tree
and falling into

Say it, it was a compost heap.

Those were jolly good times back then,
even in the compost heap.

It is all gone now.

Youth is long gone and we are
left here all alone, my friend.

Nonsense, Your Majesty!
You lack nothing

but a pair of young hands
around your neck.

Come, Your Majesty, let's leave it here
lock, stock and barrel,

and let's get out of here like
in the old times, just the two of us.

But where?
- To Brandejs. To her!

You're right, she is from Brandejs.

Don't you think that we are
too old for that?

Not at all, you'll be a youth
after a brush-up from the barbers.

The barbers have been brushing us up
foryears to no end.

But there's still the elixir of youth!

Let's see how Scotta is doing
and then off to Brandejs we go.

What's with the elixir?

Maybe the fear of Your Majesty's wrath

is the cause
that I have finished the elixir.

It's undrinkable, though.
- You have the elixir but it's undrinkable.

It's sticky.

And it's so sticky that it could
easily glue broken porcelain.

To make things clear,
Head Alchemist,

eitheryou will have a drinkable
and non-sticky elixir by midnight,

or guess what will happen to your head.
- I will lose it.

You guessed right! Keep in mind that
the headsman will be ready tonight.

Matthew, dinner!

Who is Matthew?

Who is it? - It's me!
- Matthew, help me!

Who is it?
- Matthew! Help!

If you dare touch her
I'll give a hark from the tomb!

I'll rip you to pieces
as soon as I somehow get hold ofyou!

I'll snap your head off!
And then I'll rip you to pieces.

Who is it? - It's my Matthew.
And we love each other.

You love each other?
- We do.

Why didn't you tell me?

You're not helping
that Matthew ofyours like this.

Only the Emperor can help him.

And only Sirael
can persuade the Emperor.

A more affectionate Sirael, however.
Do you understand?

This is how Matthew,
the Emperor's baker, ends

Only to re-emerge in the second part
ofthe film as the BAKER'S EMPEROR