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1
00:00:04,518 --> 00:00:07,681
("RED DWARF" THEME)
2
00:00:51,365 --> 00:00:54,300
Have you found a way to get us out of here?
3
00:00:54,468 --> 00:01:00,100
I have, actually. I've devoted all my run-time
to looking for a loophole in the prison regs,
4
00:01:00,274 --> 00:01:04,677
and I've found something which means you
can serve your two-year sentence
5
00:01:04,845 --> 00:01:06,403
in just 14 weeks.
6
00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:08,070
What have I got to do?
7
00:01:08,248 --> 00:01:10,648
Become a dog.
8
00:01:15,055 --> 00:01:17,888
- A dog?
- According to my data banks,
9
00:01:18,058 --> 00:01:21,323
dog years are seven times shorter
than human years.
10
00:01:22,496 --> 00:01:25,932
You can't fault that plan on its mathematics.
11
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:28,864
Maybe you can fault it on the fact I'm not a dog.
12
00:01:29,036 --> 00:01:33,166
According to a 20th-century newspaper
called "The National Enquirer",
13
00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:35,570
the operation's straightforward.
14
00:01:37,911 --> 00:01:40,345
A roverostomy, they call it.
15
00:01:42,249 --> 00:01:45,047
Here's a photograph
of a bloke who had it done.
16
00:01:48,489 --> 00:01:49,979
That's a dog!
17
00:01:50,157 --> 00:01:52,421
See how convincing it is?
18
00:01:52,593 --> 00:01:54,720
Even you're fooled.
19
00:01:55,429 --> 00:02:00,924
Become a dog. That is the crappiest, most
pathetic plan you've come up with all week.
20
00:02:01,101 --> 00:02:04,434
Give me a chance - it's only Monday.
21
00:02:05,072 --> 00:02:06,972
(BEEP)
22
00:02:11,111 --> 00:02:14,638
What happened to my life -
career, prospects, friends?
23
00:02:14,815 --> 00:02:17,716
I had it all and threw it away. It's a tragedy.
24
00:02:17,885 --> 00:02:20,115
What? You had none of that stuff.
25
00:02:20,287 --> 00:02:23,256
You're right. I had none of that stuff.
26
00:02:23,423 --> 00:02:26,824
I had absolutely nothing and I threw it all away.
27
00:02:26,994 --> 00:02:28,894
It's an even bigger tragedy.
28
00:02:29,062 --> 00:02:32,725
We'll only get through this
by being positive, by being...
29
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:37,530
What did women tennis players reckon
was so important - begins with C?
30
00:02:37,704 --> 00:02:40,195
Cunnilingus?
31
00:02:42,609 --> 00:02:46,272
Centred. By being centred, focused.
32
00:02:46,446 --> 00:02:50,542
It's only two years. With good behaviour,
it could be 18 months.
33
00:02:50,717 --> 00:02:54,676
Remember you were born,
then you were 18 months? It flashed past.
34
00:02:58,225 --> 00:03:04,061
That's 'cause you had two breasts big as
your head at your beck and call day and night.
35
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:09,900
Give me that now, and I wouldn't be whinging.
36
00:03:14,942 --> 00:03:18,844
- What's this?
- Canary outfits and first meeting information.
37
00:03:22,616 --> 00:03:24,584
I volunteered for the Canaries.
38
00:03:24,751 --> 00:03:28,312
- Some bloke came round so I signed up.
- For the Canaries?
39
00:03:28,488 --> 00:03:33,482
Yeah. You should see the list of privileges
you get. It's unbelievable.
40
00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:38,529
- You don't know what the Canaries are.
- It's a singing troop. A cappella.
41
00:03:38,699 --> 00:03:41,532
(SINGS) You are the sunshine of my life
42
00:03:41,702 --> 00:03:43,260
Ooh
43
00:03:43,437 --> 00:03:46,998
That's why I'll always be around...
44
00:03:52,746 --> 00:03:57,376
They're nothing to do with singing, are they?
Holly lied to me, didn't he?
45
00:03:57,551 --> 00:03:58,984
He was taking the smeg!
46
00:03:59,152 --> 00:04:02,087
Oh, Listy.
47
00:04:03,290 --> 00:04:06,157
Listy, Listy, Listy.
48
00:04:06,326 --> 00:04:09,022
Well, go on, then. What have I signed up for?
49
00:04:09,930 --> 00:04:15,766
In the 19th century, when miners went down
a pit, they'd lower a canary down first in a cage.
50
00:04:15,936 --> 00:04:18,871
What, and make 'em do some mining?
51
00:04:19,740 --> 00:04:22,903
They were sick
in the 19th century, weren't they?
52
00:04:23,076 --> 00:04:25,476
How much coal can a little canary get?
53
00:04:25,646 --> 00:04:29,548
And if the atmosphere was noxious,
guess what the canary did?
54
00:04:29,716 --> 00:04:31,684
Complained to the foreman?
55
00:04:33,420 --> 00:04:35,411
It died, Listy.
56
00:04:35,589 --> 00:04:41,118
The canary's job was to go into the most
dangerous, unpleasant and smeggy situations,
57
00:04:41,295 --> 00:04:47,256
and see if it could stay alive, then they'd know
if it was safe to send in the important people.
58
00:04:47,434 --> 00:04:51,336
- I'm gonna kill him!
- How come you've not heard of the Canaries?
59
00:04:51,505 --> 00:04:55,771
Recruitment posters are all over the bogs.
Haven't you seen them?
60
00:04:55,942 --> 00:04:59,969
When I'm in the men's toilets in prison,
I tend not to look around.
61
00:05:01,982 --> 00:05:04,974
It's like playing golf. I concentrate on me grip,
62
00:05:05,152 --> 00:05:08,588
keep me eye on the ball,
and try not to veer off to the side.
63
00:05:10,457 --> 00:05:14,018
The Canaries. Do you know
what it's supposed to stand for?
64
00:05:14,194 --> 00:05:18,358
"Convict Army Nearly All Retarded
Inbred Evil Sheepshaggers."
65
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:25,101
(LAUGHS) They haven't got an X chromosome
to share between them!
66
00:05:25,272 --> 00:05:26,705
Smeg!
67
00:05:26,873 --> 00:05:29,740
- It gets worse as well.
- Worse? Go on.
68
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,434
I signed you up, too.
69
00:05:38,085 --> 00:05:41,953
I forged your signature.
I thought I was doing you a favour.
70
00:05:42,656 --> 00:05:44,590
- Me? Why?
- I've signed us all up.
71
00:05:45,192 --> 00:05:47,524
- Kryten, Kris. Everyone.
- No way.
72
00:05:47,694 --> 00:05:50,162
No way am I becoming a Canary.
73
00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:55,566
It's a great honour for floor 13,
74
00:05:55,736 --> 00:06:01,504
for today we are visited by Captain Hollister,
who has a special assignment.
75
00:06:01,675 --> 00:06:03,609
At last some action!
76
00:06:03,777 --> 00:06:09,181
I've been going mental. All this time,
cooped up, not killing nothing. Yes!
77
00:06:09,349 --> 00:06:11,283
Kill Crazy, shut up, yer punk!
78
00:06:13,253 --> 00:06:14,584
OK. Listen up.
79
00:06:14,755 --> 00:06:19,454
We've located a ship, the SSS Silverbird,
buried at the bottom of an ocean moon.
80
00:06:19,626 --> 00:06:22,754
Remote probe has come back
with no signs of a crew.
81
00:06:22,929 --> 00:06:26,296
No bodily remains, no skeletons - zip.
82
00:06:26,466 --> 00:06:30,732
We want you guys to go onboard
and find out why.
83
00:06:32,572 --> 00:06:35,370
A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four.
84
00:06:35,542 --> 00:06:39,410
You are the sunshine of my life
85
00:06:39,579 --> 00:06:41,137
Ooh
86
00:06:41,314 --> 00:06:44,806
That's why I'll always be around
87
00:06:44,985 --> 00:06:46,384
Rimmer!
88
00:06:46,553 --> 00:06:51,650
Sorry, sir. We appear to be in the wrong
hobby group. We'll leave immediately. Go!
89
00:06:52,526 --> 00:06:55,654
This is where you're staying. Now get on with it.
90
00:06:55,829 --> 00:06:58,957
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. You heard the warden.
91
00:06:59,132 --> 00:07:01,965
He wants you to get on with it. From the top.
92
00:07:02,135 --> 00:07:05,764
You are the sunshine of my life...
93
00:07:05,939 --> 00:07:07,338
Rimmer!
94
00:07:09,743 --> 00:07:11,677
Sorry, sir. I thought you...
95
00:07:11,845 --> 00:07:16,407
Shut up! You're a member of the toughest
combat army this side of Pluto.
96
00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:19,848
I've seen custard factories less yellow
than you are!
97
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:23,717
- Start behaving like a man.
- A man, sir?
98
00:07:23,890 --> 00:07:26,324
Yes, of course, sir. A man.
99
00:07:27,327 --> 00:07:31,764
A man? Perhaps if you could just remind me,
I am sure it will all come back.
100
00:07:31,932 --> 00:07:34,526
(CRUNCHING)
101
00:07:40,173 --> 00:07:42,164
Continue, Captain.
102
00:07:43,076 --> 00:07:44,509
(RATTLING)
103
00:07:47,013 --> 00:07:50,642
It's inconceivable the ship
was sent out without a crew,
104
00:07:50,817 --> 00:07:54,184
so whatever devoured the crew, bones and all,
105
00:07:54,354 --> 00:07:55,719
might still be there,
106
00:07:55,889 --> 00:07:57,823
so be careful.
107
00:07:57,991 --> 00:08:00,152
Let's go kill something!
108
00:08:00,327 --> 00:08:03,023
Yes!
109
00:08:15,408 --> 00:08:20,778
I hope it's got like big teeth and claws
and like loads of heads. Great!
110
00:08:37,531 --> 00:08:41,092
Here we go at last. Yeah!
111
00:08:55,749 --> 00:08:58,718
OK. Stay together. Keep 'em peeled.
112
00:08:58,885 --> 00:09:00,216
What's that?
113
00:09:00,387 --> 00:09:04,118
- (KRYTEN) Where?
- It's shaking from side to side like a leaf.
114
00:09:04,291 --> 00:09:06,623
I think that's your shadow, sir.
115
00:09:07,694 --> 00:09:10,492
Located the mainframe.
Maybe it can tell us something.
116
00:09:15,068 --> 00:09:20,028
Good evening, Arnold. I've been looking
forward to your arrival so very much.
117
00:09:20,206 --> 00:09:23,607
- How do you know my name?
- My name is Cassandra.
118
00:09:23,777 --> 00:09:27,235
I am a computer with the ability
to predict the future
119
00:09:27,414 --> 00:09:30,008
with an accuracy rating of 100 per cent.
120
00:09:30,183 --> 00:09:31,480
Bless you.
121
00:09:31,651 --> 00:09:33,710
Bless you? What do you mean?
122
00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:35,684
A-choo!
123
00:09:35,855 --> 00:09:41,157
Kris has a tissue in her pocket. She says,
"Would you like this?" You say, "Thanks."
124
00:09:41,328 --> 00:09:43,592
- Would you like this?
- Thanks.
125
00:09:44,331 --> 00:09:47,300
- Extraordinaryl
- Extraordinary!
126
00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:50,300
The questions we can askl It tells the future.
127
00:09:50,470 --> 00:09:53,166
The questions we can ask! It tells the future.
128
00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:56,468
How does it work?
The future's not happened yet.
129
00:09:57,310 --> 00:09:59,278
I wasn't going to say that.
130
00:09:59,446 --> 00:10:02,415
- I never said you would...
- But how does it work?
131
00:10:02,582 --> 00:10:05,847
- The future's not happened yet.
- ... although you do.
132
00:10:06,019 --> 00:10:07,884
Smeg!
133
00:10:08,788 --> 00:10:12,315
Let's ask her a question about the future.
A biggie.
134
00:10:12,492 --> 00:10:16,292
Cassandra, do we ever get back to earth?
Have humans survived?
135
00:10:16,463 --> 00:10:19,227
Do I ever find my singing tie pin?
136
00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:23,962
Do we want to know about the future?
137
00:10:24,137 --> 00:10:27,038
Do we want to know how and when we die?
138
00:10:27,207 --> 00:10:33,146
Kris is right. Something like that could mess
your life up for ever. I have a question.
139
00:10:33,313 --> 00:10:36,544
I know, Arnold. I know
the rest of this conversation.
140
00:10:36,716 --> 00:10:38,047
So what's the answer?
141
00:10:38,218 --> 00:10:43,383
He chokes to death aged 181,
trying to remove a bra with his teeth.
142
00:10:45,925 --> 00:10:47,358
What was the question?
143
00:10:47,527 --> 00:10:49,620
I just asked how you died.
144
00:10:50,630 --> 00:10:53,497
You what? I don't wanna know that.
145
00:10:53,667 --> 00:10:56,397
- Whose bra?
- 181?
146
00:10:56,569 --> 00:10:58,560
Probably your own.
147
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:06,440
Come on, though. Taking a bra off with me teeth
at 181. That's a hell of a sexy way to go!
148
00:11:07,514 --> 00:11:10,745
So long as the teeth are in your mouth
at the time, sir.
149
00:11:12,552 --> 00:11:16,682
I'm really screwed up now. I never wanted
to know that - know how I die.
150
00:11:16,856 --> 00:11:19,848
It's completely spoilt the surprise!
151
00:11:20,026 --> 00:11:24,292
Kryten, this is where you share your theory
with your crewmates.
152
00:11:24,464 --> 00:11:28,594
I have a theory. The Silverbird didn't crash,
did it, Cassandra?
153
00:11:28,768 --> 00:11:33,228
The ship was sent here by the Space Corps
on autopilot to get rid of you -
154
00:11:33,406 --> 00:11:36,842
to abandon you at the bottom
of a lunar sea in deep space.
155
00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:39,945
That's brilliant, bud! How did you work that out?
156
00:11:40,113 --> 00:11:43,310
I read it on this mission directive here.
157
00:11:47,687 --> 00:11:52,249
So, there was no dead bodies on board
because there was no crew.
158
00:11:52,425 --> 00:11:54,723
A computer that predicts the future...
159
00:11:54,894 --> 00:11:59,160
- ... is dangerous indeed.
- Is dangerous... Yes, precisely.
160
00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:03,164
We should be making tracks.
161
00:12:03,336 --> 00:12:07,500
I'm afraid that's not going to happen.
The bulkhead's just given way
162
00:12:07,674 --> 00:12:10,802
and we're shipping water
at 1,000 gallons a second.
163
00:12:10,977 --> 00:12:13,741
All the Canaries will be dead within one hour
164
00:12:13,913 --> 00:12:15,847
- except for Rimmer...
- Yes!
165
00:12:16,015 --> 00:12:18,176
... who will be dead in 20 minutes.
166
00:12:24,457 --> 00:12:28,359
Only Lister, Kryten, the Cat
and Kochanski survive.
167
00:12:28,528 --> 00:12:30,052
What happens to Rimmer?
168
00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:34,758
He has a heart attack brought on
by the stress of knowing he's going to die
169
00:12:34,934 --> 00:12:41,840
and collapses during a conversation with me
in 19 minutes and 31 seconds.
170
00:12:42,008 --> 00:12:45,034
I don't believe you. I simply don't believe you.
171
00:12:45,211 --> 00:12:47,679
We shall see, or rather, YOU shall see.
172
00:12:47,847 --> 00:12:50,111
I have already seen.
173
00:12:50,950 --> 00:12:54,010
The hairs on the back of my neck
are standing on end.
174
00:12:54,187 --> 00:12:58,817
Mine, too, and not just the ones
on the back of my neck - it's one up, all up.
175
00:13:02,462 --> 00:13:06,990
Well, it's not the first time we've been
in a situation like this, is it?
176
00:13:07,167 --> 00:13:11,126
Hell, no. We've drunk coffee thousands of times.
177
00:13:11,304 --> 00:13:12,771
We're veterans.
178
00:13:12,939 --> 00:13:14,634
Future echoes, remember?
179
00:13:14,808 --> 00:13:18,073
- Future echoes - all right!
- What was that?
180
00:13:18,244 --> 00:13:23,045
We learned that if the future's already decided,
you can't change it.
181
00:13:23,216 --> 00:13:27,619
Yeah, but what do you know?
You're a chicken-soup machine repairman,
182
00:13:27,787 --> 00:13:30,221
not Hank Handsome, Space Adventurer.
183
00:13:31,224 --> 00:13:33,454
Don't get ideas above your station,
184
00:13:33,626 --> 00:13:36,026
and your station is Git Central.
185
00:13:36,663 --> 00:13:39,655
I've been surviving in space five, six years.
186
00:13:39,833 --> 00:13:44,327
When it comes to weirdy, paradoxy space stuff,
I bought the T-shirt.
187
00:13:45,205 --> 00:13:47,901
He bought it and I ironed it for him.
188
00:13:49,576 --> 00:13:52,943
- Exactly.
- So, you're saying the future's the future,
189
00:13:53,112 --> 00:13:57,014
and, like your underpants,
the chances of change are remote.
190
00:13:58,184 --> 00:13:59,981
Well, I don't accept it.
191
00:14:00,153 --> 00:14:04,055
- Hey, I'm not happy about it, man.
- None of us are.
192
00:14:04,224 --> 00:14:07,853
You dying is the last thing we want, bud,
especially me.
193
00:14:08,027 --> 00:14:11,724
Hell, I'll probably have to help dig the hole.
194
00:14:13,433 --> 00:14:18,200
So, six years of space adventuring,
six years of experience and knowledge
195
00:14:18,371 --> 00:14:22,137
have led you to the conclusion
that I'm totally stuffed.
196
00:14:22,308 --> 00:14:26,938
Mr Rimmer has a point, sir.
Your greater knowledge makes you pessimistic,
197
00:14:27,113 --> 00:14:32,073
while his ignorance and naivety
keep his mind receptive to a possible solution.
198
00:14:32,252 --> 00:14:34,220
Shut your stupid flat head, you.
199
00:14:36,055 --> 00:14:40,048
So, when you don't know enough
to know that you don't know enough,
200
00:14:40,226 --> 00:14:45,687
there's no fear holding you back - you achieve
things which people with more brains can't.
201
00:14:45,865 --> 00:14:48,732
- Precisely.
- He's got the power of ignorance.
202
00:14:48,902 --> 00:14:54,397
With the ignorance he's got, that makes him
one of the most powerful men that's ever lived.
203
00:14:54,574 --> 00:14:58,169
Harness your stupidity, sir.
Employ your witlessness.
204
00:14:58,344 --> 00:15:02,303
Use your empty-headed simplistic moron mind
and find a solution.
205
00:15:03,149 --> 00:15:05,777
OK. I've got an idea.
206
00:15:05,952 --> 00:15:08,853
Replay our meeting with Cassandra in your CPU,
207
00:15:09,022 --> 00:15:12,514
and tell me if at any point,
anyone ever called me Rimmer.
208
00:15:12,692 --> 00:15:16,093
- What?
- (BEEPING)
209
00:15:16,996 --> 00:15:21,763
At no point did anyone refer to you as Rimmer.
In fact, we barely looked at you.
210
00:15:23,069 --> 00:15:24,434
That's what I thought.
211
00:15:24,604 --> 00:15:28,973
Cassandra said, "Rimmer dies,"
but that doesn't necessarily mean me.
212
00:15:29,142 --> 00:15:33,442
- Who does it mean, then, your dad?
- Cassandra doesn't know the future.
213
00:15:33,613 --> 00:15:35,080
She sees pictures of it.
214
00:15:35,248 --> 00:15:39,685
She could have seen another guy
die of a heart attack who's called Rimmer.
215
00:15:39,852 --> 00:15:42,082
- He's right.
- All I've got to do
216
00:15:42,255 --> 00:15:46,419
is to find someone I can
introduce to Cassandra as Rimmer,
217
00:15:46,592 --> 00:15:49,720
and it will be them that stiffs out and not me.
218
00:15:49,896 --> 00:15:53,889
Such lowlife conniving -
it's impossible not to be impressed!
219
00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:58,398
What I wouldn't give
to have your weasel gene, sir!
220
00:16:02,208 --> 00:16:05,735
- Now, wait a minute.
- Oh, look, here's Mr Knot.
221
00:16:07,447 --> 00:16:10,848
- You made this area secure?
- Yes, sir. Coffee, sir?
222
00:16:13,186 --> 00:16:16,053
We have to inspect the mainframe. Where is it?
223
00:16:17,156 --> 00:16:21,616
Agh! You idiot!
What the hell do you think you're doing?
224
00:16:21,794 --> 00:16:23,125
Please...
225
00:16:23,296 --> 00:16:25,821
Have my jacket. I insist.
226
00:16:26,733 --> 00:16:30,294
Then I shall lead you to Cassandra.
There we are, sir.
227
00:16:30,470 --> 00:16:32,461
A perfect fit, sir.
228
00:16:33,873 --> 00:16:36,307
- Lead on, Rimmer.
- Don't call me Rimmer.
229
00:16:36,476 --> 00:16:39,809
- That's your name.
- But Rimmer is so full of nobility
230
00:16:39,979 --> 00:16:41,276
and quiet courage.
231
00:16:41,447 --> 00:16:43,608
Call me Arsewipe or Fishbreath.
232
00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:46,476
Not Rimmer, sir. Never Rimmer.
233
00:16:46,652 --> 00:16:50,452
OK, Arsewipe, whatever you say.
Now, where's the mainframe?
234
00:16:53,693 --> 00:16:56,025
Hello, Arnold. Bang on time.
235
00:16:56,195 --> 00:16:58,993
I've brought a visitor. Do you know his name?
236
00:16:59,165 --> 00:17:01,565
- Yes, I do... Knot.
- What?
237
00:17:01,734 --> 00:17:03,065
- Knot.
- What?
238
00:17:03,236 --> 00:17:08,538
Let me finish. Not that it matters what his
name is. Our relationship doesn't last very long.
239
00:17:08,708 --> 00:17:12,872
- I understand you have the ability to predict...
- ... the future, yes.
240
00:17:13,046 --> 00:17:15,310
- 100 per cent...
- ... reliable, yes.
241
00:17:16,849 --> 00:17:21,377
- What happens to me? Do I get back to earth?
- No, you die of a heart attack
242
00:17:21,554 --> 00:17:25,046
after hearing you're going
to die of a heart attack.
243
00:17:26,492 --> 00:17:28,983
You filthy... (GROANS)
244
00:17:33,166 --> 00:17:34,463
- Poor Rimmer.
- Yes, poor old Rimmer.
245
00:17:36,069 --> 00:17:39,402
- My name is Knot...
- Your name is not what?
246
00:17:39,572 --> 00:17:41,938
Knot! Knot! Knot!
247
00:17:44,544 --> 00:17:47,138
- Is he dead now?
- I'm afraid so.
248
00:17:47,313 --> 00:17:49,338
Yes!
249
00:17:49,515 --> 00:17:52,780
He died of a massive coronary,
just as I prophesied.
250
00:17:52,952 --> 00:17:54,249
Yes!
251
00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:58,652
You seem inordinately happy, Arnold, but why?
You're going to die, too.
252
00:18:00,493 --> 00:18:03,656
But you said... I've just...
I'm going to die, too?
253
00:18:03,830 --> 00:18:09,791
I already told you. Rimmer dies of a heart attack,
then you and the other Canaries die, too.
254
00:18:09,969 --> 00:18:13,996
All except Lister, Kryten, Kochanski
and the Cat. I've seen it.
255
00:18:14,173 --> 00:18:17,734
That's as well as maybe,
but you have you seen this?
256
00:18:22,748 --> 00:18:26,684
Yes, I'm afraid I have.
257
00:18:29,155 --> 00:18:35,321
- You were right. There's nothing I can do.
- According to Cassandra, we four survive.
258
00:18:35,495 --> 00:18:39,955
Therefore, while we are here,
we cannot die. Regard.
259
00:18:40,933 --> 00:18:44,164
(GUN DOESN'T FIRE)
260
00:18:44,337 --> 00:18:45,964
Duck, sir.
261
00:18:47,907 --> 00:18:51,035
(BULLET RICOCHETS)
262
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:52,541
Duck again, sir!
263
00:18:54,347 --> 00:18:55,837
As I thought.
264
00:18:56,949 --> 00:19:00,749
So, in other words, if I...
265
00:19:03,422 --> 00:19:05,481
- What's that for?
- You can't die.
266
00:19:05,658 --> 00:19:08,855
Yeah, but I can still feel pain, you smeghead!
267
00:19:10,496 --> 00:19:16,332
How about we use our powers of invulnerability
which will last until we return to Red Dwarf
268
00:19:16,502 --> 00:19:20,336
and escort Mr Rimmer up to the obs deck
and into the diving bell?
269
00:19:43,062 --> 00:19:45,656
(LISTER) The diving bell. We've made it.
270
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:49,891
Where did he go?
271
00:19:55,308 --> 00:19:56,605
Yo!
272
00:20:05,952 --> 00:20:09,183
(RUSHING WATER)
273
00:20:09,355 --> 00:20:12,449
- Hear that?
- Water.
274
00:20:13,292 --> 00:20:15,920
Kris, take cover. Water's coming!
275
00:20:32,011 --> 00:20:34,536
Great! Everything above us is flooded
276
00:20:34,714 --> 00:20:38,707
and now we're back down
in the bowels again with Cassandra.
277
00:20:38,884 --> 00:20:40,818
It's coming true.
278
00:20:40,987 --> 00:20:44,013
My death! It's all coming true.
279
00:20:51,731 --> 00:20:56,100
You tried to cheat the future and failed,
as I knew you would.
280
00:20:56,269 --> 00:20:59,204
So what happens now? How?
281
00:20:59,372 --> 00:21:00,839
How do I die?
282
00:21:01,007 --> 00:21:03,805
Lister catches you making love to Kochanski
283
00:21:03,976 --> 00:21:08,413
and shoots you through the head
with a harpoon gun.
284
00:21:14,687 --> 00:21:17,451
Can you just double-check that?
285
00:21:17,623 --> 00:21:21,491
I've seen it. It's what happens -
in the old laundry room.
286
00:21:21,661 --> 00:21:24,721
So let me just repeat what I think you're saying.
287
00:21:24,897 --> 00:21:26,865
Arnold - that's me -
288
00:21:27,033 --> 00:21:32,300
and Kochanski - that's the woman,
the really attractive one you saw earlier -
289
00:21:32,471 --> 00:21:35,133
me and her are in bed giving it rizz...
290
00:21:36,809 --> 00:21:39,676
Lister - the dumpy one
with the stupid haircut -
291
00:21:39,845 --> 00:21:43,645
walks in and shoots me
while I'm making love with Kochanski?
292
00:21:43,816 --> 00:21:45,977
That is what is going to happen.
293
00:21:46,152 --> 00:21:49,178
Fantastic!
294
00:21:59,732 --> 00:22:04,499
- I can't believe what you're telling me.
- I can scarcely believe it myself.
295
00:22:05,738 --> 00:22:08,832
I never thought you'd look at me twice.
296
00:22:09,008 --> 00:22:11,704
Neither did I.
297
00:22:12,378 --> 00:22:18,613
But, apparently, we're gonna make love.
Unbe-smegging-lievable or what?
298
00:22:18,784 --> 00:22:22,481
- It's not warm in here. Fancy a wee nip?
- No.
299
00:22:24,457 --> 00:22:29,087
But why would I want to sleep with you?
It doesn't make sense.
300
00:22:29,261 --> 00:22:31,161
Maybe you get blind-drunk.
301
00:22:31,330 --> 00:22:34,527
That doesn't excuse my other four senses.
302
00:22:35,935 --> 00:22:39,234
Right. Barely an hour to go.
Shall we get started?
303
00:22:39,405 --> 00:22:43,535
I mean, let's face it,
you can't change the future - sadly.
304
00:22:44,276 --> 00:22:47,143
But you said you could.
305
00:22:47,313 --> 00:22:49,907
Yeah, I've changed my mind now.
306
00:22:50,449 --> 00:22:53,316
Shall we play the opera game instead?
307
00:22:53,486 --> 00:22:57,013
Kris, it's what Cassandra saw.
You can't cheat fate.
308
00:22:57,189 --> 00:23:03,321
There's no way on earth that I'm climbing
out of my clothes and clambering into that bed.
309
00:23:19,044 --> 00:23:20,602
My clothes are soaking!
310
00:23:20,780 --> 00:23:23,749
Take them off and dry them on the heater.
311
00:23:35,094 --> 00:23:37,722
It's coming true. It's all coming true.
312
00:23:37,897 --> 00:23:40,730
It's coming true. It's all coming true!
313
00:23:48,741 --> 00:23:51,437
(GROANS)
314
00:23:55,347 --> 00:23:57,338
Bud, you can't go back there.
315
00:23:57,516 --> 00:23:59,484
Cassandra said Kris survives,
316
00:23:59,652 --> 00:24:04,180
and the only way that's gonna happen
is if someone goes back and saves her.
317
00:24:04,356 --> 00:24:06,586
Chuck us that harpoon gun, will ya?
318
00:24:15,968 --> 00:24:18,129
Ba-la-bup-doodle-up-bap!
319
00:24:21,540 --> 00:24:27,501
I'm not sure about this. This is the first time
I've been seduced by predeterminism theory.
320
00:24:28,581 --> 00:24:30,378
One hour exactly.
321
00:24:32,818 --> 00:24:35,048
Bloody buggering hell!
322
00:24:36,755 --> 00:24:40,054
Tonight must be the night
they put the clocks forward!
323
00:24:41,193 --> 00:24:42,558
I've got it.
324
00:24:42,728 --> 00:24:44,719
That's more than I did.
325
00:24:45,564 --> 00:24:46,997
I've worked it all out.
326
00:24:47,166 --> 00:24:52,160
I never get any breaks ever!
20 seconds later, you could have been on top
327
00:24:52,338 --> 00:24:55,239
and I could have used you as a human shield.
328
00:24:55,407 --> 00:25:00,071
I must have been mad. What the hell
was I thinking? I felt sorry for you.
329
00:25:00,246 --> 00:25:04,410
- Shut up and listen to me.
- Why aren't you mad that I'm in bed with him?
330
00:25:04,583 --> 00:25:07,017
'Cause I know why you're in bed with him.
331
00:25:07,186 --> 00:25:11,520
- I also know that I don't kill him.
- Oh, but Cassandra promised.
332
00:25:12,291 --> 00:25:15,522
Cassandra made that up
to force you two together,
333
00:25:15,694 --> 00:25:19,061
so that you'd feel sorry for him
and sleep with him.
334
00:25:19,231 --> 00:25:22,496
- Why did she say she saw it happen?
- To make it happen.
335
00:25:22,668 --> 00:25:24,727
- But why?
- To try and punish me.
336
00:25:24,904 --> 00:25:28,340
- Punish you? Why?
- 'Cause Cassandra has always known
337
00:25:28,507 --> 00:25:29,804
how she dies.
338
00:25:29,975 --> 00:25:33,911
She wants me to suffer for something
that I do in the future.
339
00:25:34,847 --> 00:25:36,178
You kill her.
340
00:25:36,348 --> 00:25:40,910
- She hates you because she knows you kill her.
- That's what this was about.
341
00:25:41,086 --> 00:25:42,610
Kryten figured it out.
342
00:25:43,188 --> 00:25:46,624
Kryten figured it out, did he? Good old Kryten (!)
343
00:25:48,027 --> 00:25:51,622
But did he really have to figure it out
quite so damn fast?
344
00:25:52,531 --> 00:25:56,831
Would it have killed him to take
30 minutes longer? Ten minutes even?
345
00:25:57,503 --> 00:25:59,494
Two would have done.
346
00:26:00,472 --> 00:26:02,940
I'm gonna take care of the rest of it now.
347
00:26:03,108 --> 00:26:06,305
I'll see you two lovebirds later.
348
00:26:07,613 --> 00:26:10,878
Look... Thanks for being with me tonight.
349
00:26:11,050 --> 00:26:15,419
I can't think of anyone I'd rather share
my final hour with than you.
350
00:26:15,588 --> 00:26:17,749
I really mean that.
351
00:26:18,691 --> 00:26:23,287
I'm not all bad. In fact, sometimes,
I'm quite sweet and sensitive.
352
00:26:23,462 --> 00:26:25,453
Bye.
353
00:26:25,631 --> 00:26:27,030
By the way...
354
00:26:27,733 --> 00:26:29,724
Is it OK if I keep these?
355
00:26:37,276 --> 00:26:40,677
If the future's all worked out -
horoscopes and stuff -
356
00:26:40,846 --> 00:26:43,679
it means we're not responsible for what we do.
357
00:26:43,849 --> 00:26:47,842
We're actors saying lines in a script
written by somebody else.
358
00:26:48,020 --> 00:26:53,754
I don't want to believe that. I want to believe
I'm in charge of me own life. Me own destiny.
359
00:26:53,926 --> 00:26:58,693
So I'm not gonna kill you, Cassandra.
I'm out of here.
360
00:26:58,864 --> 00:27:01,355
But you DO kill me. I've seen it.
361
00:27:01,533 --> 00:27:06,561
Tomorrow's a new day - a fresh page
in a book that's not been written yet.
362
00:27:06,739 --> 00:27:09,139
What happens in the future is up to me,
363
00:27:09,308 --> 00:27:12,209
not some predetermined-destiny smeg.
364
00:27:12,378 --> 00:27:14,209
I'll see you, kiddo.
365
00:27:49,581 --> 00:27:51,344
Smeg.
366
00:27:53,485 --> 00:27:57,046
It's cold outside,
there's no kind of atmosphere
367
00:27:57,222 --> 00:28:00,453
I'm all alone, more or less
368
00:28:00,626 --> 00:28:03,754
Let me fly far away from here
369
00:28:03,929 --> 00:28:06,727
Fun, fun, fun
370
00:28:06,899 --> 00:28:10,335
In the sun, sun, sun
371
00:28:10,502 --> 00:28:12,800
I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose
372
00:28:14,006 --> 00:28:17,032
Drinking fresh mango juice
373
00:28:17,209 --> 00:28:20,576
Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes
374
00:28:20,746 --> 00:28:23,340
Fun, fun, fun
375
00:28:23,515 --> 00:28:27,178
In the sun, sun, sun
376
00:28:27,352 --> 00:28:29,912
Fun, fun, fun
377
00:28:30,089 --> 00:28:34,185
In the sun, sun, sun
32071
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