All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S06E21 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Previously
On "Gilmore girls"...

I'll be out of cellphone range
For a couple days.
I know.

I'll see you.

Logan's hurt.

Something happened
On their trip.

They're airlifting him
To a hospital in new york.

I should have stopped you.

I was so busy
Being mad at you,

I didn't think
I was trying to punish you,

But I was trying
To punish you.

Hey, everybody,
I'm lorelai gilmore.

I'm really glad you guys
Waited to start the party

Until I got here.

Anna came by the diner.

She's really mad.
What about?

She says she feels betrayed

Because they let you throw april
A birthday party,

Even though
She's never met you.

Luke and I, we are engaged.
We are stable.

Engaged isn't married.

People get engaged
All the time.

How can you possibly say

She looked better
With the dark hair?

The blonde just seemed like
She was trying to be her sister.

The dark hair makes it
Look like she's trying
Not to look like her,

Plus she does not have
The nose for dark hair.
What does that mean?

Dark hair is like
A giant light-up arrow

Pointing to what is wrong
With you.

Blond hair -- it all sort of
Blends in in a haze of beige.

Nuts -- you're nuts.

You're double nuts!

Alright, that's it.
No more spaghetti and meatballs.

Musepa,
Come get these plates.

Mom!

Every time we have spaghetti
And meatballs, you fight.

No, no, we're not fighting.
We're just, uh, bonding.

Mmm!
Grandma, I'm starving!

Take these away --
Mr. Gilmore's also.

Mom, come on.
I won't fight anymore.

No. Spaghetti and meatballs
Is just too much excitement.

I'm sorry about that.

I left work early today,
And apparently,

That caused everyone's I.Q.S
To drop 60 points.

My food is gone.

The girls
Were fighting.

I told you not to serve
Spaghetti and meatballs.

They always fight when we have
Spaghetti and meatballs.

That's not true.
We fight just as much
When we have chinese food.

Can we please talk about
Something besides food?

Starvation, scurvy,
The donner party.

I'm having lasik surgery
On my eyes.

Excellent topic.

Lasik surgery? Why?

I hate wearing glasses,

So I found the best doctor
On the east coast,

Made an appointment,
And I'm going in tomorrow.

Personally,
I like you with glasses.

It's that whole "Dirty
Librarian" thing, right, dad?

I beg your pardon.

Three of the girls in my d.A.R.
Group had it done already.

I'm actually
Very excited about it.

I got dr. Morris...
The lasik man.

...From dr. Sugarman, who's
My ear, nose, and throat man.

He said dr. Morris is brilliant
And very, very handsome.

You never told me this.

He just threw it in
At the end of the visit.

I think that's incredibly
Unprofessional.

Oh, richard, he just was saying
The man is handsome.

Yes, as if
It's a selling point.

It can be.

Hardly. Everyone knows ugly men
Make the best doctors.

That's absurd.
It's a fact.

Marcus welby was handsome --
And george clooney.

Fake doctors, mom.

I'm sure they were modeled
After real doctors.

I don't want to
Talk about this anymore.

He's jealous
Of dr. Handsome.

I'm not jealous
Of dr. Handsome.

I should go shopping
For something new to wear.

You are not
Going shopping

To get something new to wear
To dr. Handsome.

Everyone is
A little testy tonight.

Maybe she was right about
The spaghetti and meatballs.

Well, let's just
Talk about something else.

We had lunch
With christopher yesterday.

You --
Lunch.

We took him to the club.
Okay, but why?

Because there'd been
A lot of tension between us

About
The tuition incident,

And your mother and I thought
It was time for a sit-down.

What,
Did you get clemenza

To hide a gun
In the bathroom first?

We thought it was time
To clear the air.

After all,
Christopher is rory's father,

And we wanted him to know
There were no hard feelings.

Really?

Don't get me wrong.

We're still not happy
About the situation,

But since he's going to be
Involved in our lives now --

Whoa, whoa.
Involved in your lives?

How is he involved
In your lives?

Well, he's paying
For rory's college.

Is he using your pen
To write the check?

Of course not.

Then I don't see
How he's involved in your lives.

Lorelai, will you relax?
The lunch went fine.

It was very pleasant,
And christopher enjoyed it.

That's right.
He apologized for everything.

He knows that
We're no longer angry with him,

And we are all
Friends again.

Well, with friends
Like these...

And after lunch, your mother
And I began discussing

What we were going to do
With all the money

That had been allotted
For rory's tuition.

And we came up
With a brilliant idea.

Oh, yeah? What?

We're going to add some funds
From our foundation

And donate the total amount
To yale university in your name.

What?

Emily: that's right,
And we'll make sure

It goes for something important,
Like a medical building.

For really handsome
Doctors.

Whatever it is, I want
Her name big and prominent.

My name?

The rory gilmore
Political science building.

The rory gilmore
Anthropology building.

Uh, guys?

The rory gilmore
Cultural center.

The rory gilmore auditorium.

Can I interject
For just a second?

Go ahead.
I dare you.

While I think it's very generous
Of both of you

To want to do this
For me...

The rory gilmore
Observatory.

...I still go to yale,
So having something

With my name on it
Might be kind of --

The rory gilmore center
For international affairs.

Oh, wait --
The rory gilmore library.

And art gallery. And
Ancient-history museum.

Forget it, kid -- grandma
And grandpa have gone bye-bye.

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

So, any one of the physical
Therapists on the list will do?

They're all
At the same level?

They're all top-notch.

That's if I need
A physical therapist.

And you said lots of rest,
But is complete bed rest safest?

You cannot confine me to a bed.
That's a violation of my rights.

You need to monitor
His progress.

Everyone recovers
At different speeds.

And when you say,
"Plenty of fluids,"

Does hot tea count,
Or just water?

Stop talking about me
As if I'm not here.

Logan... Mom...

Tea's fine.
Water and juice are better.

And this wheelchair's
Absolutely necessary?

Just till you get out
Of the building.

Can we at least
Go faster?

No, you'll get g-forces.

Doctor, can I go home
To your house?

I think I'd have
Much more fun there.

Just call if you have
Any more questions.

I will.
Thank you, dr. Schultz.

Okay, so, I cut off an old lady
With a handicap sticker,

So we got a primo spot
Right out front.

Colin is meeting us
At the apartment

To help me get you upstairs
And in bed,

And it's a little cold outside,
So you might need a scarf.

I should have brought you
A scarf.

Maybe they have some
In the gift shop.

Actually, there's something
Going on here.

What, your throat? Is it sore?
Should I go get dr. Schultz?

I mean, we're here.
We might as well --

Thank you for being who I want
To get out of the hospital for.

You're welcome.

And I'm not cold.
I'm fine.

You promise?
I promise.

Okay, let's go.

We get to go
At my speed.

Wake me
When we hit the door.

This is a lawsuit!

You do not fool with people's
Heads and bodies like this!

No! You listen! You --

Sookie, emergency --
I'm crashing.

Fresh pot over there.

You know you wouldn't treat
Nicole kidman like this.

Nicole kidman --

Red hair, tall.

Okay, then, julia roberts --

You wouldn't treat
Julia roberts like this.

Red hair, tall.

Okay, then, scarlett johansson.
What are you, a shut-in?

Why is he prancing?

I will call my lawyer, and
You'll hear from him when I do.

Kiss my tush!

Mmm! Damn it!

You can trust nothing
And no one ever!

Please stop that,
Michel.

Oh, I cannot.

I cannot stop this
For a very, very long time.

I buy milk from
The organic dairy down the way.

The nonfat milk
Has a blue top -- blue.

Today I find out
That they have accidentally

Been putting red tops
On the nonfat milk

And blue on the 2% -- 2%!

For the last two weeks,

I have been drinking 2% milk
In my coffee every single day.

Insert gasp here.

That's two full weeks
Of two cups of coffee a day.

It used to be one cup,
But then, suddenly,

The coffee started tasting so
Good, I added an afternoon jolt,

And now I find out
I've been consuming

An extra billion calories
A week.

At least it hasn't affected
Your ability to do math.

Isn't this bouncing
Bothering you?

It was, but now it's kind of
Like having a beyoncé video on.

Now I have to burn off
All these calories

And I have to deal
With 2%-fat-milk withdrawal --

Michel, why didn't you
Just look on the bottle?

You just know everything,
Don't you,

You little
Miss I-know-everything?

[ cellphone rings ]

Hello? Hey, gotcha.

Yes, you did.

We've been missing
Each other lately.

Oh, well,
Things are crazy.

You know,
We're totally booked up here,

And rory has her finals.

You're helping rory
With her finals?

Moral support,
Late-night phone calls --

That kind of thing.

And, of course, michel got
The wrong milk today, so...

Oh, well, I didn't know
About michel's milk.

Okay, so, uh,
You heading by the diner today?

No, can't. There's just
Too much to do here.

Okay, well,
Then, we'll hook up tonight.

Tonight's a staff meeting,
And attendance is mandatory.

It would look pretty weird

If the person who called
The meeting didn't show.

There's
A staff meeting tonight?

Did you know
About a staff meeting?
No, I didn't.

I don't have
A sitter tonight.

I set up a three-hour session
With my trainer tonight.

I'll have to pay full price
If I cancel this late.

It's like $2 zillion.

I didn't know you had
A staff meeting tonight.

Did it just come up?

Pretty much.

Well, I'm sorry
I'm not gonna see you.

Yeah, me too.

So, tomorrow?

Sure, maybe.
We'll talk in the morning.

Okay.
We'll talk in the morning.

Okay. Well...Bye.

I have to get a babysitter

If there's gonna be
A staff meeting tonight,

And becky, the good one,
Is at her grandmother's,

So I'll have to use
Her crazy goth sister

Who wears the snake around
Her neck and eats all my eggos.

There's no staff meeting
Tonight.

[ groans ]
Thank god!

If there's
No staff meeting tonight,

Why did you tell luke
There was?

I don't
Want to get into it.

Sookie!

Just the person
I was hoping to see...

Alone.

Oh. So,
We'll be right back.

Jackson, wait. What is it?

We need complete
Privacy for this.

For what?

Smell me.

What?
Smell me.
What do I smell like?

[ sighs ]

You smell like jackson
And something else.

What is that?

It's not zucchini.
It's not sprouts.

It's marijuana.

[ gasps ] Yes!

Oh, my god! Jackson,
Why do you smell like marijuana?

You know
That back half-acre

That I haven't planted
For a few years,

Up on the slope,
Out of sight, out of mind?

Well, I went back there
This morning,

And it's
A giant field of pot!

Every square inch --
Hundreds of plantings.

It looks like
Harrison ford's backyard.

How did this happen?
The templeton brothers.

The templeton brothers.

They must have planted it
Right before I fired 'em.

I told them
To weed the back half-acre.

They're not
The smartest of fellows.

They were always listening
To the allman brothers.

We should never hire guys that
Listen to the allman brothers.

What are we gonna do?

It's a full half-acre
Of marijuana!

Shh! We can't
Keep saying the "M" word.

Someone will overhear.

Right, sorry.

We need a code word.

How about "Evil crop"?

Something more normal.

Hey, how 'bout "Pickles"?

Good. We'll say, "Pickles."

Do you realize that at this
Moment we are both felons?

Why? We didn't grow the stuff.

The pickles!
We didn't grow the pickles! Ha!

But we're in possession.

If the cops came to my field
Today, we'd go to jail.

We'd lose everything we own.
We'd lose the kids.

All because of pickles.

I'm gonna send my guys home
Right now.

I'm gonna single-handedly pull
Every last pickle out of there.

Good. Yes, good --
And do it quick.

You're sweating.
I'm sorry.
I can't help it.

It makes you look guilty.
I'll try to stop.

We've got to walk out
Of this room cool and calm,

Just like
It's any other day.

Cool and calm. Got it.

[ sighs ]

Sorry.

[ dish clatters ]

I'll get you coffee.

* I'm on my way

* I don't know where I'm goin'

* I'm on my way

* I'm takin' my time,
But I don't know where *

* goodbye to rosie

* the queen of corona

* see you, me and julio
Down by the schoolyard *

* me and julio
Down by the schoolyard *

* see you, me and julio
Down by the schoolyard *

What can I get you,
Kirk?

What do you think?

About what?
Letting the beard grow.

Nice.
What can I get you?

First couple of days,
It was itching like crazy,

But now I'm used to it,

Although I find myself
Doing this a lot.

What do you want
To eat, kirk?

Last weekend, I accidentally
Wrote all over my face,

And lulu thought
It looked kind of sexy.

That's where
I got the idea.

It looks really good, kirk.
Now, can I take your order?

Hmm.

I'll come back.

Big brother!

Hey, you're back, huh?
How was the fair?

Oh, amazing.
My jewelry's bigger than ever.

I make it, it sells.

I got
All this money now,

But I got no idea what
To do with it -- not a clue.

How 'bout putting it
In a bank?

There's a thought.

Hey, let me tell you
My big, exciting news!

Uh-oh.
It's not an uh-oh.

It's good,
Unless you don't like babies,

In which case
It's not so good.

You're pregnant?!

Oh, it was supposed to be
A surprise. Who told you?

You just did.

Wow, I blew
My own surprise.

That's great, liz.
It's great, right?

Amazing.
I am over the moon.

Well, sit, sit.
You're in a delicate state.

I am gonna take care of myself
This time, big brother.

I'm gonna do all the healthy
Things for me

I did not do
Last time I was pregnant,

Like not binge drink.

Good plan.
So, where's t.J.?

I mean, he must be
Thrilled about this.

Ah, he's gone.

Gone? You mean
Gone out of town?

He's gone --
The big "Gone out of my life."

Do you have matzo brie?

What? Liz, no.

Okay. How 'bout
A denver omelet?

I mean, "No, t.J. Can't be
Gone." he's your husband.

Since when does that
Keep guys from leaving?

He's left you?
He's left.

How can you be
So calm about this?

Because I got my new
Come-what-may philosophy.

Your what?
My philosophy.

It's about accepting what comes
Your way, whatever it is.

If a bus is heading
Right at you, let it come.

If a piece of space junk
Comes hurtling down at you,

Let it come.

Or you
Step out of the way.

You know,
That's probably better,

And when I said
What I said now, it felt wrong.

Did he know
You were pregnant?

I'd just told him.

He ran out
On his wife and child?!

You're getting mad
Over nothing.

It's not nothing.

Well, I need you
To stay calm,

Because right now it's all about
The baby, and it's all good.

Really.

Come what may.

Alright, fine. Whatever.
It's all good.

Now, baby and I
Would like that omelet.

Coming up.

Paris?

Male
Reproductive tract.

What?
Seven up --

Seminiferous tubules,
Epididymis, vas deferens,

Ejaculatory duct,
Nothing, urethra, penis.

What are you doing?

Boning up. Pardon the pun.

Got my mcats coming up --
Medical school.

I meant,
"What are you doing here?"

Looking after you. Oh, goody.

You seem like the kind
Of lunkhead

That would get up
Too soon

And inadvertently push a broken
Rib bone into his spleen.

Well, hey, there,
Sleepyhead.

Oh, goody --
A matching set.

You sleep well?
He's watching me, too?

Rory said
It would be okay.

You mind if I switch
The tv to the speakers?

They're just about to reunite
With their husbands,

And I'd love to get
The full surround experience.

Who?
Penguins. You haven't seen
The penguin movie?

The penguin movie rocks.

They'll move you, my friend.
So, is it okay?

Hey, mi casa es su casa.
Great.

Whoa, where do you think
You're going? Nature calls.

Rory said you need
Complete bed rest.

She trusted me
With your well-being.

I cannot
Betray that trust.

Then what's your suggestion
For my current predicament?

I'll get the bedpan.
Where's your bedpan?

I don't have a bedpan.
You got tupperware?

Paris...
Doyle, watch him.

Pausing.

[ sighs ]

[ cellphone rings ]

Hey, why aren't you asleep?
Because I woke up.

You're supposed
To be asleep.

I've been asleep for a week.
My body's bored of sleep.
It wants to do something.

Good thing your body
Has no say in the matter.

Hey, boss, you're gonna
Want to see this.

Hold on a second.

You've got to call off
Your sentries.
They're there for a reason.

To re-enact their favorite
Scenes from "Misery"?

Your kitchen
Needs organizing!

Yeah, I'll get
Right on that!

You shouldn't talk loudly.
You'll strain something.

I've got dina and moshe
Abramowicz on top of me.

Why is paris
In the kitchen?

She's looking
For a bedpan substitute.

You're really
Gonna want to see this.

Just leave it, bill.

I want to see the look
On your face when you read it,

Provided you still have a face
After your head explodes.

Rory, look,
I love your concern for me.

I love that you're so invested
In my well-being,

But even the doctor said that
If I feel strong enough

To move around,
Then I should do it.

I don't know that that doctor
Knows what he's talking about.

You mean the johns hopkins
Graduate knows less than you?

I'd kill
To get into johns hopkins.

Here -- patient's choice.

Oh, okay if I unpause?

Here come the penguins.

Look, maybe the doctor
Knows a little bit

Of what
He's talking about.

You think?

So I guess get up,
But superslow.

It should look like a
Monty python routine,
You're moving so slow.

I'll make john cleese
Proud.

And let doyle help you,
At least the first time.

I'll let him help me
To the bathroom, but
I take it from there.

Fine.

I cannot look at the shot
Of the dead baby penguin.

Me neither. Dead people, yes --
Not penguins.

You'll deal with paris?

Put her on.
Thank you.

Paris?

Can I look? We're clear.

Please talk to rory.

What is so important?

Oh, you'll see.

Stand down.

Thank you
For sitting with him,

But I think he needs a little
Less hovering right now.

Warren beatty jr.
Smooth-talk you? No.

Even the doctor said
He should be moving around some.

I think I've been
A little overprotective.

Your call.

Have doyle lend him a shoulder
Right now, okay?

Fine. Doyle,
Give logan your shoulder.

You got it.

See you soonish?
Just finishing up here.

Mi shoulder
Es su shoulder.

Hey, this is
Very life-affirming,

Very penguinesque.

With the soundtrack music
Playing like that -- ohh.

Hurry your soonish.

I will.

What is it?

I highlighted
The appropriate section.

Oh, it's going to be a quiet,
Slow-burning seethe.

Disappointment.

Michel:
Right this way, you two.

Having beautiful
Weather today, no?

Let's leave your bags here with
The ever-trustworthy william

And take a little tour
Of the inn.

[ chuckles ]
Okay, right this way.

We have one of the finest
Restaurants in the area.

[ cellphone rings ]

Hello?

Emily: how soon
Can you get here? What?

How soon
Can you get here?

Mom, where are you?
Home, of course.

Where else would I be
After what happened?

What happened?
"What happened?"!

Yes, what happened?

The thing with my eye. What else
Would I be talking about?

You're talking about
The laser?

The bad lasik.

The lasik went bad?

Your father called you.
Tell me he called you.

Hold on a sec, mom.
Lorelai?

Hello?

Lorelai,
It's your father.

I'm unconscionably late
With this call.

Blame south dakota.

Dad, what is
Going on here?

Your mother's eye surgery
Went badly.

She's alright,
But she can't see a thing.

Well, that doesn't sound
Alright to me.

It's only temporary.
She's on painkillers.

I would have been there myself,
But I was called out of town.

Have you ever
Been to south dakota?

It's the most boring state
In the nation.

As I was flying in,
I swear I saw

One of the heads
On mount rushmore yawn.

She's asking
How soon I can be there.

Well, that's
Why I'm calling.

I left her
With a battery of help,

But in case it didn't work out,
She wanted me

To give you a heads-up
That she might need you.

Well, I don't know
If I can get away.

It's her eyes. She can't
Do anything or go anywhere.

I understand
The importance of eyes, dad.

I got caught up in meetings,
Or I would have called sooner.

You wouldn't believe
Where I'm sitting right now --

One of south dakota's
Finest hotels.

Smells like a foot.

Let me get back to her, dad.
She's on the other line.

If you could cover for me,
I'd appreciate it.

If she found out
I didn't call you,

It would
Make everything worse.

You got it.

Check in with me later.

[ beeps ] Mom?

Was that your father?
Did he not call you?

No, dad called.
I was just distracted before.

So, you need me
To pop over?

I'm all alone here,

And I desperately need
To run a couple of errands.

And there's no one else?

I don't remember
Being in labor for 14 hours

With anyone else,
So, no, there's no one else.

Okay. I'll be over.

I'll be waiting --
Blind and waiting.

Okay, bye.

[ beeps ]

[ sighs ]

I don't believe it!

Who knew that clearing it
Would be the easy part?

I had it all down
In three hours, no problem.

I don't believe it!

What was I to do?

If I put in the garbage,
The garbageman could see it.

I know. He looks like
A big, fat fink.

And if I put it down the garbage
Disposal, it could clog.

We'd have to call a plumber,
And then he could fink on us.

And he would, too.

That guy seems like
A big, fat fatty fink.

We can't flush it
For the same reason,

And burning it seemed like
A tremendously dumb idea.

You'd get
The whole town high.

So what was I to do?

Anything
But bring it home!

Then come up
With your own idea.

I could bake it
Into brownies.

Then what would we do
With the brownies?

I have no idea.

I think that makes it
A bad plan.

Is it a better plan than the
Plan you couldn't even think of?

At least it's a plan.

Hey, we can't
Turn on each other here.

We're all we've got.

You're right.
You're right.

Hey, it's starting
To smell up the place.

We've just got to
Get it out of the house.

Definitely
Out of the house.

We'll get it
Out of the house.

But we wait for dark.

Wait for dark.

I could kill him!

You'd have to get in
A very long line.

The man should be drawn
And quartered.

There's no fast pass, either.
You just got to wait.

Quartering's too good
For him. He should be
Eighthed, sixteenthed.

You quarter a guy --
He's in four pieces.

That's tough
To recover from.

He should be stretched on a
Rack, iron maiden, strappadoed.

Oh, my god.
What is strappadoed?

When you suspend him
In the air

With a rope tied to his hands
That are tied behind his back.

You're scaring me
With your knowledge of torture.

I did a paper
On the attorney general.

It comes
With the territory.

Life in modern america?

Why would the
Wall street journal print this?

It was an interview
With my father.

If he said it,
They get to print it.

Even if
It's a flat-out lie? They don't
Know that.

"I looked for the best
And the brightest,

Even at the intern level."

Reading it again,
You're just torturing yourself.

"Ben cochran at harvard --

"He helped me out with my boston
Paper, as did frank williams.

"And rory gilmore --

"I gave her her first internship
At my stamford paper,

And now she's the editor
Of the yale daily news."

It's classic mitchum.

How dare he? "I gave her
Her first internship"?

This is
One of dad's things, rory --

Grabbing credit wherever he can,
Whether it's earned or not.

Everyone in america
Has read this.

The wall street journal's
Readership is high,

But it's not quite
300 million.

Well, enough people
Have read it.

The beauty
Of a daily paper --

It's in everybody's
Recycling bin the next morning.

This will be forgotten.

It won't.
It will.

I remember
Everything I read --

Front page, op-ed, concert
Reviews -- it never leaves.

My eyes accidentally flit
Over an obituary,

And I can remember
The deceased's first wife's name

A full month afterward.

I mean, and that's
Just a flit, not even a perusal.

If I perused it,
I could give you his grandkids

In alphabetical order
Five years later.

Ace, ace,
You drinking this in?

What?
Helen keller
Just signed water, annie.

You walked!

All by my lonesome.
You proud of your boy?

I'm very proud.

Oh, and your color's
Coming back.

You've gone
From white to off-white.

Hey, can we get to the bottom
Line on this article here?

It's all good.
It's very positive.

A powerful man is citing you
As one of his accomplishments.

I know.

It's actually a good thing,
So you should let it go.

Never!

Hello?

Mom?

Emily: in here.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Mrs. Onassis,
I was looking for my mother.

Will you at least promise

To keep your comedy set at my
Funeral to under five minutes?

Sorry, mom.
How are you feeling?

Horrible. That quack eye surgeon
Blinded me for life.

I don't think
He blinded you for life.

Well, he blinded me
For the next two days, at least.

The procedure
Was a disaster.

He did one eye and then
Announced that the new procedure

Didn't comport
To the anatomy of my eye,

So he had to resort
To the old procedure,

Which I absolutely
Did not want.

'cause it's so last year.

And, of course, he wouldn't
Go near the other eye

Until he saw
How this one healed.

Well, that makes sense.

And then dr. Mengele
Told me to rest

And is having me
Put eyedrops in every hour,

Further impeding
My vision.

And to top it off,

The man looked nothing
Like marcus welby.

Okay, mom,
Where are all the people?

Dad made it seem

Like you were surrounded
By a small army --

You know, enough people
To care for you,

Then go topple
Saddam's statue.

They're all gone.

Gone where?
To hell, I hope --

One person more incompetent
Than the rest.

But all of them?
The nurse?

They'll do a "60 minutes"
On that woman one day.

Uh, housekeepers?

Ate everything
That wasn't nailed down.

The errand boys?

Their pants hung down
Below their underwear,

And no one was worse
Than the driver he got me.

Have you ever met
The cab drivers in prague?

Uh, no.

Well, they would hide
Their wallets from this man.

Plus I think he had
A gun in his pocket.

Maybe he was
Just happy to see you.

Lorelai, up.

It doesn't matter anyhow.

I'm fine
Getting my own food,

And I don't need
People underfoot.

I called the agency, and a
New maid will be here tomorrow,

But I need to run
Some errands today,

And, obviously,
I can't drive.

You'll have to do that.

Do what?
Drive me.

Why don't you just
Give me the list of errands

And I'll do them for you?

It would take too
Much explanation.
Grab my bag, please.

Mom, seriously,
What kind of errands are they?

Shopping, banking,
Hardware store?

I need
To get my coat first.

Mom, is it dealing
In human trafficking?

'cause I'm
An excellent people person.

Mom, mom,
You've got to look up.

I can't look up.
The sun causes searing pain.

Mom, the sun can't even find you
Under that hat.

If we put that hat
On frosty the snowman,

He'd be living
In miami right now.

You're a very insensitive
Person, you know that?

Yes, I do.
Here we go.

What is this?

This is my car.

We have to take
The other car.

What other car?

That's not a car.
That's a rap-video set.

I ordered it specially.

It has the darkest
Windows available.

They say it's the car
Jay-z uses when he's in town.

I assume that's
An entertainer of some sort.

The windows
Are bulletproof.

They kept saying that
As if it's a selling point.

I told them I was not paying
Extra for bulletproof windows.

I haven't been strafed
In years.

Mom, what do you mean,
We'll take this car?

I thought
The driver left.
He did.

Is there
Another one coming?
No.

Well, who's gonna drive?
You are.

I can't drive that.

Why not? Because, look at
It.

I'm sure you need
A special license or something.

Lorelai, I cannot ride
In your jeep.

It's completely
Exposed to the elements.

You do remember I'm recovering
From surgery, don't you?

I thought you were just
Doing your best mia farrow

In "Broadway danny rose"
Impersonation.

Lorelai, I need
My prescriptions.

If I don't get my prescriptions,
Infection will set in,

And I will
Lose my eyesight completely,

And you will be doing this
More than just today.

Now, what's
It going to be?

Ridiculous sarah bernhardt
Overdramatic --

My hearing's
Just fine, lorelai.

Sorry.

[ sighs ]

* we skipped
The light fandango *

Hey, luke,
What are you doing here?

You know why I'm here.
Get up.

What?
Get up!

Okay.

Now, I am not here to listen
To you explain your side

Or rationalize things
Or justify your actions.

I am here for one reason only --
To punch you out.

Hey, cool.
You see that?

That was like an old western
Where everyone cleared the bar.

I never
Seen that in person.

Don't be cute.
Just get ready to be hurt.

Damn.
What?

I just wish
I was drinking faster.

If I was more drunk,
Getting punched out
Wouldn't hurt so much.

Just shut up
And let's do this.
Go ahead.

Well, get ready.
Am ready.

Raise your arms
Or something.

I'm not gonna
Punch you like this.

I thought
That's why you came.

I came to fight.
Let's do it.

Then raise your arms!

No!
T.J.!

I'm not hitting you, luke.
I got nothing against you.

Plus there's
No fighting inside.

It's lanny's top rule, along
With no burning down the place.

That actually comes first.

Well, then,
Let's take it outside.

Let me ask you
One question,

And then you can take me outside
And clobber me.

Okay, what?

What the hell
Is this about?

You're unbelievable!
It's about liz!

What about her?
Is she alright?

Alright?
You walked out on her!

No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.

That's why you're here
Drinking in the afternoon.

That's not
Why I'm here drinking.

I'm drinking
Because I'm upset.

You're upset?!
You abandoned liz and your baby!

Hey, I would never do that.
I love your sister, luke.

She threw me out.

That's not
What she said.

We came home from the fair.
It was great.

We were both happy.
We made money.

Then liz
Goes to the doctor,

And she comes home
And tells me she's pregnant.

I hug her. I kiss her.
I'm crying, I'm so happy.

Then I turn to grab the phone
To tell the family,

And an ashtray hits me
In the back of the head --

Then a phone book
And a stapler

And our statue of a happy clown
Playing the saxophone.

I'm not getting this.

She's saying things like,
"This ain't gonna work.

You're gonna mess this kid up.
You can't raise a kid."

She's saying, "This kid will
Grow up with no discipline.

"It'll get out of control.

Then we'll end up
Having to send it away."

I tell her she's wrong.
I'll do whatever's needed.

I'll read every book
On the subject,

Even though I hate reading worse
Than I hate public television.

But liz won't hear it.
She tells me to go.

She told you to go?

So I packed a bag
And left.

I didn't want to, but liz is
Always right about everything,

And if my staying around

Is gonna screw up the kid
Like that,

I'm gone,
No questions asked.

Oh, jeez, liz.
[ sighs ]

What?

Have a seat, t.J.

Give me a beer.

Listen, t.J...

Liz wasn't talking to you when
She was saying all that stuff.

She was talking to herself.

I'm pretty sure
She was talking to me.

She kept saying my name.

No, when she said
You were gonna mess up the baby,

She was saying
Something else.

Just take out the "You."
Make it an "I."

She meant you're
Gonna screw up the baby?

No, she meant she was.

And I was.
No, just her.

Then why didn't she throw
The ashtray at herself?

Because she was
Taking it out on you.

Oh. This is complicated.

That's because people are.

Sometimes they just
Don't say what they mean.

It's hard enough
Following them

When they're talking about
What they're talking about.

That's the trick
With relationships, believe me.

Look, you have to try to tune in
What your partner means

As opposed to what
She's actually saying.

They sometimes won't tell you
How they're feeling,

But your job is to try to
Figure out what she's saying

From what
She actually says.

Wow.
Yeah.

I got none of that.

It's okay.
It's all gonna be okay.

I'm gonna make this okay.

[ horn honks ]

Ah, sorry.
Lorelai, be careful.

I'm not used to driving
A missile silo down the street.

Oh, stop being
So dramatic.

Yeah, wouldn't
Want to be dramatic.

Alright, get over here.
You're going to turn right.

[ horn honks ]

Aaah! Sorry!

Lorelai!

Well, it's
A big freakin' car, mom.

You're gonna
Give me a heart attack.

Mom, please,
How long is this gonna go on?

You won't tell me
Where we're going.

You give me
Block-by-block instructions.

You've been complaining
Since we got started.
No, I haven't.

When we had to go to
Three different drugstores?
Well, come on.

I don't trust generic.

Mom, it's the same thing.

If I'm willing
To pay full price,

Then I deserve to have my drug
Bottle say "Valium" on it.

Fine.

I don't see
Why that's insane.

Fine.

So, have you
Talked to christopher lately?

Uh, no,
Not lately lately.

I have.
Well, bully for you.

You know,
Your father and I

Enjoyed our little sit-down
With him very much.

Oh, I'm glad.

You know, I'd forgotten what
A handsome man christopher is.

He was wearing
A very nice blue tie.

And his hair is very short.

Normally, I don't like
A man's hair that short.

It makes him look
Like a convict or a masseuse,

But I think
It works on him.

Yeah, I'm sure it does.

He seemed lonely, though.

What?

He's not dating anyone.
I asked.

Well, he's got g.G.

Who's g.G.? His daughter,
Mom.

Well,
We didn't discuss that.

But I could tell
He was lonely.

I'm sure he's fine.

You know,
I've been racking my brain,

Trying to think of a nice girl
To set him up with.

Cezanne moriarty
Just got divorced,

And she looks wonderful.

She'd go perfectly
With his hair and tie.

Cezanne moriarty is 10 years
Older than christopher.

Lorelai, you were in
The same class together.

I know.
It's 'cause she was stupid.

We used to call her
"Moroniarty."

Well, loretta singer's husband
Just died.

She'll be back
From bali soon.

She's got a horse face.
Not anymore.

She's not his type, mom.

What about
Brandi covington?

She's a lovely girl
With a wonderful sense of humor.

"A wonderful
Sense of humor"?

What joke has
Brandi covington ever told?
Well, I don't know.

She has a wonderful
Sense of humor. Tell
Me one of her jokes.

I don't know any.

An amusing anecdote
She's told?

I don't know, lorelai.

A giggle-inducing pun.
Lorelai.

Dirty limericks,
Song parody.

Well, she has
A lovely laugh.

Oh, so she does not have
A wonderful sense of humor,

She can appreciate
A wonderful sense of humor.

I guess that's right.

Fine, tell me a joke
She's laughed at.
Re being impossible.

Mother, christopher
Can get his own girls.

Now, he's busy with g.G.,

But when the time is right,
He'll date.

Just sit back
And let me drive.

Rory thinks
He's lonely, too.

[ horns honk ]

I'm in a tank, pal!
Come and get me!

Sheila's out today, so warn mark
That there's going to be

An unexpected, enormous pile
Of annoyance on his desk

And just to deal with it.

Hello?

Yes, hello.
Is this kimberly wells? Yes, it
Is.

Thank you for taking my call,
Ms. Wells.

Call me "Kimberly."

Okay, kimberly,
The reason I'm calling is...

Something to do with
My interview with huntzberger?

Yes, it has
To do with that.

Give 'em hell, harry.

So, what's this about?

Rory: I'm calling
To request a correction.

Oh, to what?

To everything
That mitchum said about me.

I'm looking at the piece now.
He didn't say much about you.

Hmm.
Well, that's the thing --

He didn't use many words,
But he said a lot.

"And rory gilmore --

"I gave her her first internship
At my stamford paper,

And now she's editor
Of the yale daily news."

What part of that
Is wrong?

None of it, technically,
But essentially, it's all a lie.

Did he give you an internship
At the stamford eagle-gazette?

Yes, he did, but -- and are you
Not editor
Of the yale daily news?

Well, I am, actually, but
It's the impression he left
That he gave me my start.

He did not give me my start.

Tell her if a correction's
Not appropriate,

Maybe a clarification is.

That's dumb. Doesn't
Hurt to ask.

Hello?
Sorry. I got distracted.

Um, here's the thing --

Mitchum is depicting me as
One of the feathers in his cap.

I am not
One of his feathers.

Yes,
But here's our thing --

We can't print corrections
To impressions.

That would be chaos.

Even if the impression
Is wildly misleading?

Again, that's an impression.
We don't correct impressions.

I see.

What about
A clarification? Good girl.

We don't
Do those either.

I see.

I really need to run.

It's just gonna bug me forever
That he put this out there.

That's showbiz.

Okay, you're right.

I mean,
I guess it's gonna be

In people's recycling bins
By tonight

And totally forgotten
By tomorrow, right?

Actually, I always hope that the
Stuff I work so hard on

Isn't just totally forgotten
The next day.

Oh, yeah, well, me too.
I mean, back at you, sister.

Um, thank you
For your time.

Wait, wait. Could you hold on
A second, please?

What?

Ask her if there are
Any internships available.

Ugh!
Thank you for your time.

I tell him to clear the plates,
And he's like, "I'm tired.

I've been
On my feet all day."

And I'm like, "I don't care if
You've been on your feet all day

"At that crappy job
That doesn't pay enough

That we can even go
To dollywood once in a while."

Yeah, that's not good --
Not going to dollywood.

It's rude.

He could have taken
One of his city tests,

And maybe he could have been
A cop or something --

Not that he could
Fire a gun straight.

I kick his ass at
The shooting range every time.

Yeah, the yin of it,
The yang of it.

Liz?

Oh, hey, big brother.

Excuse me, girls.

Um, who are they?

They're the support group
Of single moms I hooked up with.

They're horrible!

All they do is bitch,
Bitch, bitch.

I'd have left
Every one of them, too.

So, liz...

Look at me.
Now, listen.

I'm listening.

You are gonna be
A great mother to this kid.

What?

You heard me.

You're in the best shape
You've ever been.

You've got money.
Jess turned out fine.

Your son turned out fine.
He's doing great.

Yeah, but --

Put your fears aside.
I know you can do this.

I'm scared.

But you've got help.

You've got a good man.
He loves you.

He's gonna be a great dad,
If you let him.

If he'll forgive me.

T.J.

He was too afraid
To come inside.

He's not wearing a jacket.

I told him
To bring a jacket.

He's always
Forgetting his jacket.

Alright, he needs you,
You need him -- now go to him.

Make up, go home, okay?
Go home with t.J.

Thanks, luke.

Woman:
Where are you going, liz?

My man's here.

Oh, yeah.
Looks like a real winner.

So, can I get
You ladies anything --

Compassion, perspective?

[ sighs ]
Okay, mom, what's next?

You don't have to
Say it like that.

I just spent
The last hour and a half

Watching you get a manicure.

It's my standing appointment,
Lorelai.

Except
I was the one standing

'cause there weren't
Enough seats.

If I'd missed
That appointment,

I'd be walking around
With hobo hands.

Now, stop being so surly.
This is the last stop.

Great. You realize
We're in beacon falls?

So what?

We've driven almost
As far as stars hollow.

Now I'll have to drive you
All the way back to hartford.

Well, I'm sorry, lorelai.

Next time I have
Some sort of illness,

You can put me on an iceberg
And float me out to sea.

This is
A real-estate office.

What errand do you have to run
At a real-estate office?

Are you coming? Am I coming with
You
To the real-estate office?

Lock the door.
I'm leaving my bananas here.

Mom, why are we going
To a real-estate office?

Mom! Ugh!

Excuse me. I'm --

Emily?

Lorene, hi.
I'm sorry if we're late.

I had this awful surgery
Yesterday,

And today
Has been a nightmare.

Oh, I hope
You're feeling alright.

Oh, she's fine.

Dragging that cross around
Made her a little tired.

Lorene, this is
My daughter, lorelai.

She has headaches, and
That tends to make her babble.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Can I get you some aspirin?

Oh, no, thanks.
I'm okay.

I've had the headache
For 38 years.

We are anxious
To see those pictures.

What pictures?

Alright.
Well, follow me.

I have the whole presentation
Ready for you.

What presentation?

Lorene,
How are your twins?

They are going to be seniors
Next fall.

They grow up so fast,
Don't they?

Like weeds. What presentation
Are we looking at?

Here we are.

So, I talked to the owner,

And he said that they
Would be willing to throw in

Any of the furniture or
Appliances that we might like --

Completely up to you.

Well, that's wonderful.

Why is throwing in furniture
And appliances wonderful, mom?

Go on, lorene.

Anyhow, the pictures
Are pretty complete,

But I can get us in
This weekend

If you would like to take
A closer look yourself.

Do you, mom? Do you want
To take a closer look?

This is only
The second time

That this house has been
On the market in 100 years.

It's got 5 bedrooms, 4 1/2 baths
With a library, a sun porch.

It's on 3 acres

With a very small
What they call a fishing hole,

Which is really a little pond,
But it's very charming,

And it has stables
For horses.

I thought so.

The roof is in good shape,

But I think that the plumbing
Will need some updating.

But the sellers are motivated,

And I think it's
A pretty special property.

I do, too.
Don't you?

Lorelai?
Are you breathing?

Why are you looking
At this house, mom?

Would you
Give us a minute?

Of course. I'll be
Right over here if you need me.

Well,
What do you think?

Mom, please,
Tell me what is going on.

I will tell you
What's going on

As soon as you tell me honestly
What you think of this house.

I think it's fine. "Fine"?!

Mom, it doesn't look like
Your type of house at all.

I did not ask if you thought
It was my type of house.

I asked what you thought
Of the house.

Well, I think
It's a beautiful house.

So do I.

You already have
A beautiful house, mom.

This house is not for me.
It's for you.

Me?

You and luke.

Now, before you get
Your nose out of joint

And accuse me of interfering,
Hear me out.

I think your house
Is very nice.

I know you've put
A lot of work into it.

But, lorelai, it's too small
For the two of you,

Especially
When you have children --

If you have children,
I mean.

A man needs
His own space and room,

And luke does not
Have that at your house.

Also, I know
You've always wanted horses,

So I thought something with
A little property might be nice.

Now, I know it's not actually
In stars hollow,

But it's right on the border.

It's only an extra
10 minutes to the inn

And an extra 5 minutes
To the diner.

Plus I did
A little nosing around,

And I heard
That if you grease the palm

Of the stars hollow
Zoning commissioner,

A man named taylor doose,

You can get him
To change property lines,

So we can give you
A stars hollow address

If it's
Really important to you.

You want to buy us
A house?

Well, I know you're not going to
Let me give you a wedding,

So I thought
A house would do.

All that running around
Stars hollow,

You and dad
Were looking for a house for me?

You didn't think we
Wanted to live there, did you?

Small-town charm
Is good for a weekend, lorelai,

But I have no interest
In having a next-door neighbor

Walk in with a pie,
Wanting to chat.

I would kill myself
And my neighbors.

Now, I'm sure luke
Will need some convincing.

He doesn't look like
The kind of man

Who willingly takes
Extravagant gifts from people,

So I've concocted
A few good lies we can tell him.

It's for his own good, and once
The two of you in the house --

It's not gonna happen.

What?
Well, of course it will.

If we have to pay
More than the asking price,

Your father and I
Are totally prepared --

Luke and I --

The wedding --

It's not gonna happen.

What?

[ sniffles ]

Sookie: jackson!

Jackson: keep up. Stop
Trotting.

We're on a mission here.

The faster we move,

The more chance there is
We'll draw attention.

No, the slower we move,
The more time there is

To have people's attention
Drawn to us.

I'm toting
Heavy bags here.

Don't say that out loud.

I didn't say
What was in the bag.

And not saying what's in the bag
Is going to make people think

We have something in it
We're hiding.

Narcs!

What the hell are the petersons
Doing out this late?

They're bad.
They're bad people.

Said the people trying to ditch
A kilo of weed.

Sookie, the code word!

Pickles, pickles!
I know -- the pickles!

Let's just get rid of this
And go home.

[ grunting ]

Oh, god.

Oh, hey, you two.
What's up?

Nothing. Nothing's
Going on here.

I just got
The most incredible news.

A tour manager was walking
Around town, and he heard me,

And he asked me to open
For neil young

On a bunch
Of east coast dates.

Great. See you.

That was close.

Does neil toke?

We could give all of this to the
Town troubadour to give to him.

I think if he tokes,
He's already got a connection.

Of course.
He's neil young.

[ gasps ]

Reverend skinner. Rabbi
Moranz.

Hello, you two.

What are you doing
Out this late?

Yeah, what are you doing
Out this late?

Archie and I like to take
A stroll around town at night.

Good time to talk
About philosophy.

Good time
To talk about god.

Yes, it's a great time
To talk about god.

He's a good guy,
That god.

Would you like to join us?
No! No!

We're going to hell.

Just keep running.

[ knock on door ]

Who is it?

Lorelai: me.

Oh.
Hey.

What
Are you doing here?

Can I come in?

Of course.

Come on in.
Can we get you something?

Um, no, thanks.

I just need to hang out
For a while.

Sit, honey.

Yeah, sit.

Thanks.

[ sighs ]

[ inhales ]

[ exhales deeply ]

What's that smell?

68 pounds of marijuana.

Mmm.