All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S06E03 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Hi.

Come, paul.
Come, paul anka.

Breakfast!

Get it while
It's room-temperature

And nutrient-free!

Milk, cream,
And sugar's on the table.

Flo's got coffee.
Who needs a jolt?

I do.

Inspect the bagels closely,

Because the expiration date
Was in braille, apparently,

And either they're new
Or from my baby shower.

I'm also sorry to report

That we are out of
Brown sugar cinnamon pop-tarts.

Ohh!Ohh!
Ohh!Ohh!

Don't "Ohh!" me.
You have been playing favorites.

Now it's time to pay the piper,
So someone be a man.

Suck it up and start eating
The shredded wheat.

[ men groan ] Cowards.

Oh, hey, ooh!

Remember, people, only pet
The dog with your nonwatch hand.

In case you don't remember,

Watches cause him to freak out,
Jump up on the counter,

And kick my once-working toaster
Across the room.

Your muffins. My what?

You left an urgent message
About needing muffins.

Muffins, boys!

These were for them?

They were for me. I thought
I'd eat my weight in muffins.

Does the dog have to sit
In the chair like that?

Like what?
His posture's perfect.

Chairs are for people.

That's paul anka's chair.

Dogs are filthy.
They have fleas and malaria.

You shouldn't have fleas
And malaria

In the room
You're gonna eat in.

I don't eat in here.
They do.

Enjoying your
Free breakfast, fellas?

Nice free coffee, craig.
Nice free muffin, benny.

Gee, I don't think they know
What you're getting at.

Are you done here?
Tom wants to talk to us.

Norman, I'm gonna need you
To find me some cripple studs

For that bearing wall
We're putting in,

'cause once
That sucker's vertical,

We got to be ready
To nail in those joists.

[ saw whirs ]

Keep doing what you're doing
And then bring those tools up.

Got it.

So, steve, later today

We're gonna need to dig
A footing drain

All around the perimeter,
About 5 feet deep.

That ought to keep
The basement dry.

This house doesn't have
A basement.

No, it certainly does not.

This is ridiculous.

How long are you gonna let t.J.
Think he's the contractor?

To the very end,
My friend.

We have to tell him
The truth.

No, look how happy
He is strutting around

In his tool belt and
Shiny silver helmet.

He polishes that thing
Every night.

Really?

Yes, really,
With real silver polish.

That's what he thinks
Silver polish is for --

To polish anything
That's silver.

I think that's adorable.

The good news is
He's got terrible instincts,

But he combines that
With zero follow-through,

So it all works out
In the end.

Terrible instincts,
Zero follow-through --

All the qualities you want
In a pretend contractor.

But we're paying t.J.
A contractor's salary

To do a job
That he's not actually doing,

And you're paying tom
An extra 10%

To pretend he's not doing a job
That t.J. Thinks he's doing

But tom is actually doing.

You should hire blake edwards
As your contractor.

Oh, no. T.J.'s playing with
The circular saw.

Tom will get to him
Before he finds the switch.

We're going to tell him.

He is
Your brother-in-law.

Just because
Liz married him.

But this makes him happy,
Which makes liz happy,

Which will make you happy,
Which will make me happy.

Just so you know, I'm gonna
Oversee this entire thing.

I'm gonna make sure
T.J. Doesn't blow the house up.

I appreciate that.

Will you please make
An extra pot of coffee?

I'm gonna go to babette's
And take a shower.

Why?
Your shower's working.

Just had a little incident
In here yesterday.

What kind of incident?

Nothing big.

Some of the guys saw me naked.
It's no big thing.

How did a couple of guys
See you naked?

I was getting out,
And joe --

Joe?
Joe saw you naked?

And pete.

Pete was with joe,
And then slim --

Slim saw you naked?

I could see him,
So I assume he could see me.

Billy had the best view --

Just a straight shot
Right down main street.

Four guys saw you naked?

If you don't count teddy,
Yes.

What were those guys
Doing up there?

T.J. Accidentally
Sent them up.

I'm gonna kill him.

It was no big deal.
We all laughed about it.

From now on, I'm showering
At babette's, so show's over.

No one sees the goods
But you, okay?

[ machinery whirring ]

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

They're good.

They're stale.

The blueberries aren't blue.
They're red.

My god,
These blueberries are red!

They're raspberries.

The box said
They were blueberry.

It was printed
On the side.

I was in the kitchen,
And the box said --

She just kills me,
That woman.

It wasn't as provocative
As you think.

"On my last visit
To the office,

"I noticed the foliage
On the side of the entrance

"Looked a little peaked.

"We might want to let
The gardener know.

Ta, ladies."

It's not martin luther
Nailing the 95 theses to a door.

It's implying I have no control
Over my hirelings at the d.A.R.

I'm the president.

The foliage on the side
Of the door,

Which looks fine, by the way,
Is my responsibility.

This is a direct frontal assault
On my leadership.

The woman's
Plotting a coup.

This is constance, right?

Constance betterton.

Ever since the masterson''
Christmas party,

When I mentioned
That constance's husband

Sells used cars for a living,
Which he does --

He calls them "Pre-owned,"
But they're used --

She's had it in for me.

She's gonna run against me
In the next election.

You don't try to oust
A president of the d.A.R.

After one term --
It's an insult!

I think you will
Beat her handily.

Did I tell you she tried
To push me down the stairs?

Look, grandma, don't worry.

You have someone
On the inside now.

Who?

Me.

Oh.

Yes.

I'll keep an eye on constance
From now on --

Let you know when she comes in,
When she uses the computer,

When she's inspecting
The landscaping.

Well, that's wonderful!

But stay out
Of the stairwell.

Will do.

Mmm. Raspberry.
I like raspberry.

Twist ties?

Twist ties
Are over there.

Is that bag half full
Or half empty, jules?

Oh, you're making me
An optimist, my friend.

Rory?
Liza?

Rory?

Not until the end
Of your shift.

I don't think
The patch works on me.

That is a billion milligrams
Of nicotine.

Is that bad?

Go sit by the cooler,
Have some water,

And take those off.

Problem?

No, I told her to get water.
She seems dehydrated.

Looks pretty good.

I think we've hit
A good rhythm here.

I've paired up
Rinaldi and spiro,

Which worked out
Very efficiently.

Sanderson got grumpy
Toward the end of the day,

But it's 'cause
He wants to be noticed,

And he is by far
Our best spearman.

We need to remember to pack
Extra trash spears tomorrow.

The mcfarland brothers
Are using the trash pickup

To get out some of that
Pent-up aggression,

Which is psychologically healthy
But hard on the equipment.

Got it.
So, what's it looking like?

Our quota's up.
The kids are tired.

It's time
To call it a day.

Alright, everybody,
Let's bring it in!

A bunch of girls are going
For pizza, if you want to come.

I'll come.

Are you a girl?

No.

I can't. I've got a 3-hour shift
At the nursing home.

I can't believe how much service
They stuck you with.

What the hell did you do?

I shot a man in reno.

[ laughs, coughs ]

Give it.

[ coughing continues ]

Paris: the truth is, this
Is the first time in my life

That I've consistently
Spent the night with a man.

I don't know the rules.

Obviously, the clothes have to
Come off for the actual sex,

But, afterward,
What are you supposed to do?

Nightgowns
Are obviously out,

But wearing nothing
Seems extreme

And, in case of fire,
Completely impractical.

I wore a camisole one night.
It almost strangled me.

I'm not a teddy girl,
So what does that leave?

Um...T-shirts.

But what does a t-shirt
Say about me?

What does it say
To doyle about me?

It's just a t-shirt. They don't
Tend to be that chatty.

Maybe I should reconsider
The "Completely naked" option.

After all, I'm 21.
If not now, when?

Right now, my ass
Is probably as good

As it's ever going to get.

I should exploit that.

Absolutely. Buy a video camera,
Go to town.

I'm starting to fade here.

Oh, me too. Listen,
It's been a terrific lunch.

I'll get another espresso.

Actually,
We're out of espresso.

We shut the machine down
At 3:00 to give it a rest.

It's italian, so it's
A little temperamental.

Oh. Okay. Well, then,
I guess I should --

Go? Really? Okay.
Well, hmm.

Sweetie,
It's been a blast again.

So, I guess
I'll see you tuesday.

Yeah, tuesday.
Perfect. Can't wait.

Okay.

Is she gone?

Yes, she's gone.

I can't believe you're hiding
From a little girl.

Oh, yes, you can.

She has a tough exterior,
But paris is...

Tokyo rose.

She's lonely. She does not
Have a lot of friends.

No! Shocker!

Sookie.

No. No "Sookie."
She's horrible.

She sends
Everything back twice,

And she makes
The waiters write down

What she wants me to know
Is wrong with the food.

At least you're hidden.

I'm out there
Behind a desk,

Exposed to all
Of her elements.

Michel.

She mocked my accent.
She called me "Canadian."

It's enough already.
I won't cook for her anymore.

Lunches.

Twice a week
For three weeks?

The next thing you know, you'll
Be carrying emmanuel lewis

On your shoulders.

We don't have time for this.
We have a wedding this week.

I've got a menu to plan
And a cake to design.

I don't have time to map out
The patterns for my salmon.

I'm sorry
She's bothering you guys.

What can I do?
I gave her my cellphone number.

I just didn't think
She'd use it so often.

Well, cut it off.

I feel sorry for her.

No one likes to be pitied.

Fine, I have to cut it off.
I will.

Do you promise?

I promise.

Good, because I've got
A lot of work to do.

We've got a ton of planning
To do for this wedding,

And the menu's a mess.

I was thinking about
A red velvet cake,

But I don't know.

I'm using this as a trial run,
So it has to be perfect.

A trial run for what?

For your wedding.

Which will be when?

What?

When?
When what?

When will you
Be getting married?

I'm gonna need a date.

We haven't set one yet.

I had michel black out
All of july for next year.

I figured you and luke
For a summer wedding.

Who and luke?

July 23rd is my pick,
But I am flexible.

Michel, unblack it out.

I told you.

"I told you" what?

You were not
Getting married.

I am getting married.

You were right.

The woman can't commit
To a purse, much less a man.

I am getting married.

I am so naive.
I believed.

Live and learn.

Hey, I am getting married.
We will set a date.

We will get married
On that date.

And I've had the same purse
For almost a year,

Thank you very much.

Of course. My mistake.

Now let me go cancel
Your wedding plans.

Those are not my wedding plans.
They are sookie's plans.

Well, fine, then!
What are your wedding plans?

They haven't
Been formalized.

What does that mean?

I got men running around
My house,

A destroyed bedroom --
Things are crazy right now.

When they calm down and luke
And I get a chance to breathe,

We will talk
And set the date.

Until then,
Will you drop it, please?

Fine. It's dropped.

She's coming back!

Why?!

Maybe she left her phone
Or her spell book.

She's heading back
Toward the inn,

And I'm not going out
Until she leaves.

You're being ridiculous.

You're a grown man.
You have a job to do.

So do you.
I don't see you rushing out.

I can't. I'm not done
With my coffee yet.

Mmm!
Good to the last drop.

[ telephone rings ]

Daughters of
The american revolution.

Mrs. Tarkington, yes,

I've got your application
Right here --

Sandra tarkington.

Um, I guess we just need
To make 100% sure

That you're related
To a verifiable patriot,

Because we couldn't
Substantiate it on our end.

Well, see,
That's the thing --

The fact that you found a musket
In your great-uncle's attic

Doesn't necessarily mean

You're related to
A revolutionary war patriot.

Yeah.

Unfortunately,
Even if your great-uncle nate

Swore on your aunt kissy's grave
That it was so.

It's documented genealogy,
Preferably notarized.

Could you hold on
For a moment?

Psst. Where's julia?

Slinked to the back after
I tore down constance's letter.

Good, 'cause I've got
Some gossip.

My own little valerie plame.
What's the news?

So, I was at lunch
With some of the girls,

And I started
Sniffing around,

Asking if anyone had
Funny stories about constance.

You sly fox!

One of the girls tells me
That three months ago,

She was in the office
With constance,

And as constance
Was heading out for lunch,

She stumbled
And dropped her purse,

And her altoids box
Popped open,

Spilling out
Enough funny-looking pills

To fill a pharmacy.

Constance claimed
They were all vitamins.

Julia didn't buy it.

The minute the pills
Spilled out,

Constance threw herself
On top of them.

A cover-up -- that's good.
That's what took nixon down.

This is so exciting!
I love having a mole.

We should go buy you
A trench coat and fedora.

I suggested that we invite
Constance to lunch --

Get a couple drinks in her
And see what comes up.

Who knew that behind
Such a sweet face

Lurked the soul of a spy?

I prefer "Woman of mystery
And intrigue."

[ cellphone rings ]

Excuse me.

Hello?

Paris: rory.

Oh, hey, paris.

Okay.

No, now's a fine time.
What's up?

Good. This hard-to-reach thing
Was getting old.

I'm all yours, paris.

I have to put down a deposit
Today or we lose the place.

What place?

Our place.
Our off-campus place.

You're hard to reach
In a myriad of ways.

We don't have a place.
I'm not moving off campus.

I no longer go to campus.

You're sticking with this
"Not going to yale" thing?

Yes, I am.

Is this about the boat?

How do you know about
The boat?

Oh, come on.
It's out there.

Why is it out there?
How is it out there?

I read it
On rebecca thurston's blog.

You're kidding.

I thought rebecca's blog was
About the guys she has sex with

And how much
She hates her mother.

That's true,
But the boat you guys stole

Belongs to dr. Daniel zimmerman,
Whose son is jason zimmerman,

Who rebecca thurston
Had sex with

On her father's boat
Last semester.

I can't believe
I'm in the blogosphere.

See for yourself.
Google "Rory gilmore sex boat."

Oh, my god.

Is it true you tried
To outrace the coast guard?

Rent the apartment, paris.
I'm not coming back to yale.

You've put me
In a difficult position.

What if I end up
Renting the room

To a rapist
Or serial killer?

I told you over two months ago
That I was not coming back.

Besides, yale is pretty good
About screening

For rapists
And serial killers.

There was no sense of finality
In our conversation.

There was a total sense
Of finality.

You can believe that
If you want,

But if I end up
On the front page

Of the hartford courier
Btk'd to death, you'll know
Why.

Goodbye, paris.

[ sighs ]

Yeah!

Whoo!

[ laughter ]

Hello?

I will find you,

No matter how long,
No matter how far!

I will find you!

What the hell's going on?

Hey, luke.

I'm doing my daniel day-lewis
Retrospective for the guys.

You should see her rendition
Of "My left foot."

I've seen it. Thanks.

This time, I did it
With my right foot.

I'll show you.
Hand me the paintbrush.

That's okay. I'm good.

Uh, you know, there's a bunch
Of open paint cans

Sitting out on the porch.

We didn't want the pizza
To get cold.

Check out this new trick
We just taught paul anka.

Paul anka, pizza! [ barks ]

Pizza, pizza!

[ barks twice ]

Salad.

[ laughter ]

Good boy. Good boy.

Oh, shoot,
I'm out of treats.

Be right back.

Those guys are here to work.
You don't have to put a show on.

I just want them
To have a good time.

Half of them
Have seen you naked.

How much better a time
Can they have?

He's jealous
Of my popularity.

Sure. I get that.

Do other clients feed
Their crews breakfast and lunch

And buy them pizza
And beer?

Nope. Of course,
The naked thing's been done.

Alright, tom,
We're outie.

Anything you need to discuss
Before we go?

We talked about everything
But the kitchen.

What about the kitchen?

Do we want
To make it bigger?

Why would we want
To make it bigger?

You might want a double oven
Or a sub-zero freezer.

There's room enough
For an island

And a cooking station
With some stools around it

For entertaining.

You know,
For dinner parties.

Or maybe you want to cook
A big holiday dinner --

Thanksgiving or christmas.

The strange man
Is scaring me.

The kitchen's fine, tom.

Okay,
Everybody can relax

Because your trusty contractor
Has returned.

Boy, what a trip.
Traffic was terrible.

It took me an entire day.

Here you go, tom --
The mystic hammer.

Thank you, t.J.

I don't see
What's so special about it.

It looks an awful lot like
Every other hammer

We got lying around here.

Well, that's the beauty
Of the mystic hammer, t.J. --

It looks the same,
But it's completely different.

Make sure those cans
Are cleaned up out there.

Oh, my god.

I almost tripped over
The cans.

Don't worry, luke.
I'll take care of it.

Hey, did you guys know
There was a room back here?

Oh, yeah, look at this --
A whole room!

What a find, huh?

Boy, if you knocked out
This wall here,

Opened up this room,
You would have a huge kitchen.

Yeah, we don't want
A huge kitchen, t.J.

You could turn it into
A weight room or a workshop --

Or, hey,
A pork-smoker room.

My uncle had
A pork-smoker room --

Big sides of pork
Hanging all over the place.

We called it
The dead-pig room.

Why don't you go tell the guys
They can go home.

It's not that big a job.

I could have it up and running
For you in a week.

All I got to do
Is drive to boston

For one of those
Special sledgehammers

Tom was telling me about,

Get a pig,
And in about 10 minutes --

Just leave the room alone!
Just -- it's fine.

Leave it alone.
Let's go.

She jewish or something?

* I have to interrupt
And stop this conversation *

* you boys have crossed
The line... *

* I like to talk

* when I can show you
My affection *

* oh, I can't control myself

* oh, I can't control myself

* oh, I can't control myself

* talking on the telephone

* thank god that wasn't me

* oh

* thank god that wasn't me

* oh

* thank god that wasn't me

[ cheers and applause ]

Whoo!

Massachusetts,
We love you!

We love you, man!

We'd like to give
Some shout-outs --

First and foremost,
To pastor tim.

Yeah! Pastor tim!

[ plays riff ]

Thanks for letting us
Rock the gym

Here at whitfield
Seventh day adventist church.

Got into some very heavy talk
With the pastor about my soul

And ecclesiastes
And stuff after sound check,

And I got to say,

If christ comes back
In fulfillment of prophecy,

He's gonna be hooking up
With you first, dude,

'cause you are awesome.

[ cheers and applause ]

We would like to also thank
The decoration committee

For making the a.V. Room
Look so cool.

[ cheers and applause ]

I've played
The whiskey before, man,

And it's got
A similar vibe.

But most important,

We'd like to thank all of you
For coming out to see us,

Letting us into your homes,
And making us feel welcome.

[ cheers and applause ]

We got to go!

Hold on, people!

There are some t-shirts
And stuff for sale

On the table over there.

We are
Zach, gil, brian, and lane,

And we are hep alien,
And we are out of here!

[ cheers and applause ]

We were so on, man.

We were beyond on.
We were -- ohh!

Cool.

Watch it.
The pastor's still hanging.

We were as tight
As the foo fighters.

Tighter.

If that pretentious snot
In coldplay

Can walk around
Comparing himself to bono,

We can compare ourselves
To the foo fighters.

I'm exhausted
But exhilarated.

I'm not gonna sleep
For months.

Oh, cool. There's people
Buying t-shirts.

We can get
Some food tonight.

Just leave money for gas.

We'll have money for gas.
Don't worry.

Let's drink this in --

The last night
Of our first tour.

I can't believe
It's over.

I can't believe
We survived.

You got it, pastor tim.

We got to break it down.

They want to start setting up
For bible study,

And they need the stage
For their big crucifix.

Okay, here we go.
Aah!

What is that?
And where can I get one?

That is my dark chocolate
S'mores wedding cake.

You've been reading
My diary.

I got the idea
In a dream.

I was back in cooking school
And late for my final,

And I run over to an oven,
And I open it,

And sitting there
Is the s'mores wedding cake.

I present it to my teacher,
He starts weeping,

And the whole class
Is applauding and cheering.

That's so nice.

Then katie holmes and tom cruise
Come leaping out,

Screaming about
How amazing it is.

That made the thing
A little creepy,

But up until then...

You've got a marshmallow
Bride and groom on the top!

You think they'll like it?

I do.

Think you'll like it?

Look, captain ahab --

Come on, set the date.

I will.

Is there something
You're not telling me?

Agreeing to marry somebody

Is as big a commitment
As actually marrying them,

So don't think it's not.

I am committed,
And you should be.

This isn't a joking matter,
Missy.

I want your wedding
To be perfect

Or I want nothing
To do with it.

That might be a problem.

I was hoping for one
Of those disastrous weddings

Where we lose both rings
Minutes before the ceremony

And I get a nosebleed
As I'm walking down the aisle.

Then, at the reception, luke is
Found in the coat-check room

Jude law-ing it
With one of the bridesmaids.

I just received a call
That the wedding party

Will not be getting in
Until midnight,

And someone will need
To be here to greet them.

I would do it,
But I don't want to.

Alright, I'll do it.

I'll leave the --

Wait.
Do you feel that?

Feel what?

An icy chill as if something
Sinister is approaching.

What?

[ humming witch's theme
From "The wizard of oz" ]

Gee, michel,
Is paris here?

She was coming up the walk
When I fled.

Where are you going?

In the opposite direction.

Paris? Paris is here?

Oh!
I get the humming now!

[ chuckles ]
What is she doing here?

We're having lunch.

Really? Ordering pizza?

Sookie, I'm breaking up
With her today, alright?

I'm ending it,
So back off.

Grilled chicken and fries --
That is all I'm making.

Thank you.

Apparently,
The eagle has landed.

Paris, hi.
Good to see you.

You look good.
Something different?

I sprayed gasoline on myself
At the service station.

That must be it.
Let's sit.

Sorry I'm late,
I was interviewing roommates.

All I can say
Is build an ark,

'cause it is seriously time
For a flood.

Oh, well,
You want some iced tea?

Forget the concept
Of intelligence

Or the act of carrying on
A conversation.

These people can't type
A reference sheet.

They all have
Questionable morals,

A complete distrust
Of soap products --

In the glass,
Out of the glass.

It's all semantics to you,
Right?

I'm sure you'll find someone.
Just keep looking.

I guess.

Classes start next week,

And things are already
Getting crazy.

Yeah. Boy.
You sound really busy, paris.

You know,
I feel a little bad,

Dragging you out here when
You have so much on your plate.

I mean, talk about
Self-centered, huh?

Think about someone else
For a change, lorelai.

Oh, that's okay.

I'll be totally fine if you need
To cut back on our lunches.

Cut back?

Cut back, cut out --
Whatever you need.

This all sucks.

I wouldn't be in this position
If it weren't for rory.

She was supposed to room
With me.

I called her and gave her
One more chance

To change her mind, but no.

You talked to rory
Yesterday?

I called her
At the office.

Office? What office?

Her office.

What is she doing?

I don't know -- her job.

What job?

Some job in an office
With her grandmother.

Her grandmother
Does not have an office.

That's where I called her.

This makes no sense.
What did it sound like?

An office.

Were there
Specific office sounds?

I heard a fax machine.

Are you sure it was
A fax machine?

Pretty sure.

Were there people talking
Or traffic?

That could give us a location --
The city, the county or...

What?

That's what this
Is all about.

You're using me
To get to rory.

You're pumping me
Full of espresso

And pumping me
For information.

That is not true.
I'm not pumping.

We're completely pump-free.

Why else would you want to have
Biweekly lunches with me?

There are
Many, many reasons.

They will come to me
Just in a second.

I'm blind.
I walk blindly through life.

No. Now,
You're not blind.

I'll leave.
I'll go right now.

Oh, paris, please.
I'm sorry.

You mentioned rory, and a thing
Went off in my brain.

It's a mother thing.

But I love our lunches.
I really do. Please stay.

Are you sure?

I'm completely positive.

Everything's good.
Now, won't you sit down?

How does chicken sound --
Okay?

Okay.
Just not too dry.

Okay.

[ sighs ]

The service here sucks.

[ mid-tempo jazz music plays ]

Very smooth,
Mr. Hollister.

That was the susy-q
Right into the shorty george.

I thought
It looked familiar.

After this song,
I'll take you for a twirl.

Oh, I hope
I can keep up.

Watch those hands,
Mr. Fink.

[ record skipping ]

I'm on it.

You know, I can get this
For you guys on cd.

[ laughter ]

Oh, now, come on.
It wasn't that funny.

Oh, my god.
Hey, stranger!

And hello to you.

Watch those hands,
Miss gilmore.

Touché, mr. Fink.

What are you doing here?

I was in copenhagen
This morning,

And I remembered
I have a mambo class.

I'm glad you're back.
How was europe?

Same as it was last year.

What did you do?

Long, embarrassing story.
I'll tell you later.

Oh, wait. Hold on.

Okay, everyone, it is time
For cake and punch.

[ all groaning ]

It's a 15-minute break,

And then it's back
To the dance floor.

You're arthur murray now?

No, I don't have
That much training.

Their dance teacher
Has an ear infection.

I'm just filling in.

My job is to make sure
Nobody falls down.

What if somebody does?

That's what
The panic button is for.

So, when does this crazy
Rock 'n' roll party wrap up?

Another 45 minutes,

But if you get yourself
Some cake and punch,

It'll only seem like 40.

I missed you.

That was my plan.

[ chuckles ]

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I missed this.

Me too.

So you, colin, and finn

Didn't do a lot of cuddling
In europe?

Nah, mostly just
Hand-holding.

Is there any official record
Of this trip,

Or was all evidence
Confiscated at the airport?

I got pictures.

Yeah? Can I see?

Hand me that.

Now, you realize
If I show you mine,

You have to show me yours.

You saw mine
Five minutes ago, mister.

Oh, I hate it
When you work blue.

Okay.

Here 's colin
Sleeping
On the train.

And here 's finn shoving
Carrot sticks up colin's nose

As colin sleeps
On the train.

Very mature.

We try.

This is gloucestershire,
England,

Where we attended

The famous gloucestershire
Cheese-rolling festival,

A time-honored tradition
Where brave men such as myself

Climb to the top of a hill
With a large wheel of cheese,

Then push it and run after it
As it rolls all the way down.

Shut up.

Why would you commit that
To film?

That's me, that's colin,
That's finn,

And that is the cheese.

If you beat your cheese
To the bottom of the hill,

Are you disqualified,
Or do you win?

There are no winners or losers
In the festival.

There certainly aren't
Any winners.

Tell me about it.

Who's that?

That's the love
Of colin's life.

Colin found love?

He met her in holland.

She doesn't speak
A word of english,

So she has no idea
How annoying she finds him.

What's with the outfit?

She's a milkmaid.

She has cows.
She has pails.

Colin fell in love
With a milkmaid?

It's pretty serious, too.

He followed her to amsterdam,
Where they've been ever since.

We haven't heard a word
From him.

We assume he's gonna be back
By the time --

By the time what?

By the time
The cows come home?

What?

By the time
School starts?

[ sighs ]

What?
What's the matter?

Nothing.

Logan, you can
Mention school to me.

I don't want
To bum you out.

Logan,
That is ridiculous.

I'm fine.

I mean, look --

Yale was a wonderful chapter
In my life, but I've moved on.

I have my work.
I have my new pad.

I'm just really happy
With where I am right now.

Really?

Logan, you don't have to
Feel weird about this.

You go to yale.
Your friends go to yale.

How can we not
Talk about yale?

I don't know.

Exactly.

So we both agree that the topic
Can never be off-limits.

If you're
So cool with it,

Why don't you meet me
At yale tomorrow

And I can show you
My new apartment

And take you to lunch?

I can't. I have
My d.A.R. Induction luncheon.

Well, then,
How about breakfast?

Breakfast sounds good.

I have to say, ace,
I like the new digs.

Yeah,
It's really nice, huh?

You haven't even seen
The bedroom yet.

Wow.

What?

Fine, but don't think that this
Is gonna work a second time.

Oh, no, logan,
I didn't mean --

I seriously meant that
You hadn't seen the bedroom.

You're making me
Feel cheap, ace.

Logan!

I swear,
I wasn't working blue.

Come on, let's go!

Martha's thirsty, guys.

I hate that he named
The van.

You're not pumping premium,
Right?

It's the cheap stuff.

You said that before,
And you pumped premium,

And it meant
No snack stop in philadelphia.

Whoa ho ho!

What, gil?

I was watching
The numbers spin by

On the gas pump dial thingy
Getting bigger and bigger,

And I was thinking -- what if
That was counting all the people

Who were, like, dying,
You know,

So it's all these dead dudes
Spinning by?

Every day with him is like
Being on "Meet the press."

I can't feel my legs.

Move around a little.

Your amp's on my foot.

I'm no better off
Than you are.

My case is jammed
Against my thigh.

I got a cymbal stand
Sticking in my pancreas.

Guys, we are an hour
Out of stars hollow.

Hang in there.

God, the smell of that gas
Is making me hungry.

Gil, hurry!

I'm coming.

Alright.

It's the last
Of the gas money,

So this better
Get us home.

Everybody, lean forward.

Lane:
Where'd you put the map?

It's -- ugh.

You're okay to drive,
Right?

Yeah, sure.
I'm just --

Dude, don't do that thing

Where you don't finish
Your sentences.

I'll try.
I'm just -- ugh.

Come on.

I guess I'm just weak
From hunger.

The guy I got gas from --
I was talking to him,

And he turned into
A giant turkey leg.

Please don't mention food.

Let's think good thoughts.
Picture yourself at home, okay?

What's the first thing
You're gonna do?

Eat.

Wash my hair,
Hug the kids,

Set them up in front
Of a "Harry potter" movie,

And then do my wife
For, like, an hour.

Uh, look, guys,
I've got an announcement

Kind of in my capacity
As band manager,

And I think it's gonna
Cheer you up -- a lot.

What?

Well, as you know, each gig
Paid us a little something,

And we stayed free at
People's houses along the way,

And we sold
A decent amount of t-shirts,

So, besides food, which
We consumed in moderation,

There were days that we spent
Practically nothing.

Yeah?

Well, I wanted us to come out
Of this tour with something,

So I figured the best way
To motivate us to save

Would be to fib a little
On how much we had.

You fibbed a little?

Actually, a lot,
But it paid off big, guys,

Because we're going home
With over $9,000.

Huh?

$9,000 --
American dollars.

Why aren't you guys
Jumping up and down?

Besides the fact

That my spinal cord
Severed somewhere on the 95?

And that we haven't eaten
A full meal in two months?

I thought we were broke.

See?
See how it worked?

And now we're reaping
The rewards.

Lane, we were starving.

We scrimped on everything.

I stopped
Brushing my teeth

Because I couldn't buy
Toothpaste.

I've been washing my hair
With bar soap.

Think about what we can do
With the money.

We can record --
Make a cd.

Nirvana made "Bleach"
For $600.

Even factoring in inflation,
If we're on our game,

We could make "Bleach"
10 times over.

Our own "Bleach."

Zach: it would be
Very cool to record.

Very cool.

I think...

Dude, come on.
Finish that sentence.

I can't talk and drive.

Then just drive, gil.

30 miles --
30 miles to home.

Are you talking about
How pretty I am again?

Get a new subject.

What are you doing home?

I have to be
At the inn late,

So I thought I'd come
And feed paul anka,

Work out
Our crosswalk issues.

Tom here -- it's not
My fault.

I wasn't gonna say
It was your fault.

You've got "It's tom's fault"
Tone in your voice.

He's got to shut your water off
For a couple of days.

We hit a pipe.

Tom!

See how the "It's tom's fault"
Tone has spread?

You can stay with me.

I got to get to work.
That wedding party's coming in.

I'll gather up your stuff.

The last time
You gathered my stuff,

You brought me
Four bras and no pants.

That could have been
Intentional.

I will get my own stuff,
Thank you.

Now I have to figure out
What to do with paul anka.

I've never left him alone
So late before,

And he might start doing
That howling thing

The neighbors
Are so fond of,

But -- well, that's okay.

So...You know, I guess
I could just leave him here

And I can come back
And get him after work,

Which will be 3:00,
4:00 in the morning.

Boy. Late.

Or I could drop him off
At a kennel for a few hours.

There's a good one
In woodbridge, 20 miles away.

Of course,
I'd have to leave now

And pick up some
Dilithium crystals on the way

To fix the warp drive
In my jeep

So that I could
Drive there and back

In time to meet the party
Back at the inn,

But that's doable.

Yeah...
And then, of course,

By the time I get off work
And drive back there,

The kennel will be closed,
So I'd have to break in,

And that would set off
Some security system,

And then I'd be arrested.

How much longer are you
Gonna make me do this?

I just wanted to see
How long you'd go on.

My babbling capabilities
Are infinite.

I'll take the dog home.

And points for
The dilithium-crystal reference.

Well, when you sleep
With geeks...

Hey.

I just talked
To my buddy tony benzino,

Who's a contractor
Over in hartford.

He says contractors don't
Fetch lunches for the crew.

They do, however,
Get to answer the phone,

And they do get to sign
For things and order things.

Tom, there is no such thing
As a mystic hammer.

After this very enlightening
Conversation,

You know
What I'm starting to think?

What?

I'm starting to think

That I'm not really
The contractor on this job.

Look, t.J. --

It's okay, luke.
I got this.

We did this
For your own good.

We got you
Out of the house.

You got paid.
You didn't get hurt.

Look at it that way.

Oh, yeah?

Is that the way
I'm supposed to look at it?

Well, fine!

You can keep your stupid
Phony contracting job.

I'm through
Playing your patsy.

I'm through
Running your errands.

Hold on.
That's no mayo.

Here, ed.

I'm done. I quit.

You can all kiss
Any part of me

That reachers
Your general vicinity first.

You have seen
The last of me.

So arrivederci, roma!

And to repay you all

For this lousy trick
That you played on me,

You can all reach in here and
Grab your own damn condiments.

That's dinner!

Hit me.

That's your fourth
Milkshake, t.J.

It doesn't matter, luke.

It's not like I got
Anywhere to go tomorrow.

So, you're not a contractor.
Who cares?

Neither am I. You don't see me
Crying about it.

I'm not crying about it...
Anymore.

It's not your thing.

Yeah, not my thing.
I don't have a thing.

I have nothing.

You've got liz,
Your health.

I've got no dream.
I've got no future.

What are you talking about,
You got no future?

Did you or did you not
Build these shelves?

I did.

Those are great shelves.

Stop it.

There's real craftsmanship
That went into those --

Well made, you got
Some nice carved detail.

That's a quality piece
Of merchandise,

And you made it.

You should be proud of that.
Not everybody can do that.

So you're not a contractor.
You're a craftsman!

Wow. I'm a craftsman...
Like jesus.

He built stuff
For a while.

You're exactly like jesus.
That was my point.

Yeah. What am I getting
So mopey about?

I mean,
I build shelves.

I'm a craftsman
Who builds shelves, like jesus.

And plus my day rate
Has just gone way up.

That was a contractor's rate
You were being paid,

Not a shelf maker's rate.

Yeah, but I wasn't really
The contractor.

Have a good night, t.J.

Hey, just lying there --
What a surprise.

Grind that smelly butt
Into the rug good --

Get that aroma
Locked in those fibers.

Oh, man.

Wow, you are fun
To have around.

Oh, no.

Oh, crap.

Oh, god.

Tell me you didn't.
Tell me you didn't.

There we go.

[ sniffs ]

Oh, jeez.

Come on! Hey! Wake up!
I got a dog out here!

Can I help you?

The dog ate chocolate.

I don't know
A lot about dogs,

But I know they shouldn't
Eat chocolate.

I went to the animal hospital,
And they were closed.

Babette told me
Where you lived.

You got to do something.
This is not my dog.

This is my fiancée's dog.

She named him "Paul anka,"

Which may not seem like
A sign of love,

But if you knew her,
You'd get it.

There's a lot of ways
I could screw up,

But I cannot lose her
Over the fact I killed her dog.

I'll get the ipecac.
Come on in.

So, I tell the guy,

"There is no way all these
Potatoes could have been peeled

If I had waltzed in here at
12:00."

He simply refused to believe me
Or credit me with the hours,

So finally I just said,
"You know what?

"There is another soup kitchen
Down on hadley,

"And they serve
More vegetables than you do,

So I would rather
Work there anyhow."

And I turned in my apron,
And I walked out.

Wow. Rough world, the world
Of community service.

Oh, you don't know
The half of it.

I've done 125 hours,
So I've got 175 to go,

Which is a little off my goal,
But not by much,

So I can deal.

I've got the candy-striper thing
Starting next week.

I didn't really want that,
But I had to take it.

I was supposed to
Get on the zoo beat,

Which would have been great.

They'll let you do
A double shift.

But they're always full.

Weird, huh?

Very weird.

I'm boring you.

Far from it.
I just have to go.

I have to meet with
My faculty adviser

And convince her I'm gonna
Make something of myself.

Well, don't tell her about
The cheese-rolling incident.

You want a walk
Back to your car?

I think I can make it
By myself.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll call you later?

Okay.

[ water runs ]

Hey.

Hey. Sorry.

I didn't mean to wake you.
Go back to sleep.

That's okay.
I like to watch you hydrate.

Oh, man.

When did you get home?
I didn't hear you come in.

You were conked out
Pretty good -- both of you.

Yeah.

How did it go
With paul anka last night?

First off, he ate 3 pounds
Of unsweetened chocolate,

So I had to rush him
To the vet --

To his house because
The hospital was closed --

And he forced some sort
Of vomit-inducing medicine

Down paul anka's throat,

And then paul anka
Proceeded to throw up

For the next
Hour and a half.

I sat with him
For another three hours,

Holding a bowl of water
Under his nose

To make sure that he was
Rehydrating properly,

And then I chocolate-proofed
The apartment and the diner

To make sure
That never happens again.

And now I'm gonna
Go downstairs

And make paul anka
Some scrambled eggs

Because the vet said
That the kibble

Is gonna be a little hard
On his stomach.

Does he have any fear
Of cheddar?

I thought I'd throw that in
To make it taste better.

[ sighs ] Luke?

Yeah?

I don't want to set
A wedding date

Until things are right
With rory.

Okay.

So, the cheddar is...

Okay.

The dining-hall hours
Are cast in stone.

You snooze, you lose.

Your school-issued I.D.S
Are your new best friends.

Become inseparable.

You'll be asked for it
Constantly.

Give it a nickname
And learn to commit.

It operates the laundry room.
It is your meal card.

Every new student at yale
Will learn the value of the I.D.

Emily: every new member of
The d.A.R. Will feel instantly

The sense of camaraderie

That has become synonymous
With the d.A.R.

As certified members
Of the hartford chapter

Of the daughters
Of the american revolution,

You will hold a very special
And esteemed place

In this community.

But with that great esteem
Comes great responsibility --

To your chapter, to your town,
And to your nation.

This is a proud moment for me

As I, your president,
Welcome the new members

Of the daughters
Of the american revolution.