All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S05E07 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Previously...

This thing
We're doing here --

I just want you to know I'm in.

I am all in.

I like you, zach.

The inscrutable zach.
He's driving me crazy.

Well, you should have
Called.

To go into my own study?

You don't live here
Anymore, richard.

So, no tomorrow night.
How about saturday?

Saturday I'm here.
Next weekend?

Going to maine for
My grandparents'
Wedding anniversary.

They say absence
Makes the heart grow fonder.

You don't like me.

How do you know logan?

I met him.
My friend introduced us.

So, you're not friends?

No, definitely not friends.

That guy's a real piece
Of work.

Last night, I was in one
Of the bathrooms,

And this girl came
In with one of those
Plastic gorilla masks,

And she got in this
Fancy black s.U.V.

And said the phrase,
"In omnia paratus."

So I googled the phrase,
And I found this.

The life and death brigade.

Yeah, I know these guys.

It's a club.

One of these super secret,
Super exclusive clubs.

Don't really know
What you're talking about.

I have proof that your
Grandfather was in it,

Which means that your father
Was in it,

Which should mean
That you're in it.

[ doorbell rings ]

[ sighing ]
Oh, I'm late.

I know.

Blame the insane people
Driving in front of me.

They had a "Honk if you love
To scuba dive" bumper sticker

On the back of their car,
So I honked.

You don't scuba dive.

Yes, but I've been
Testing people

Who have "Honk"
Bumper stickers lately

To see if they really
Want people to honk.

Guess what?
They don't.

I lay on my horn,

And this alleged scuba diver
Slows to a crawl in front of me

Just out of revenge,
And I'm screwed.

You need a hobby.

Yes, actually.

Come on. Rory's waiting.

Hey. What happened?

She honked.

Oh, another
Bumper sticker test.

I just thought of a great idea
For a reality show.

You pull people over

Who have those "Honk if you love
To whatever" bumper stickers,

You kidnap them,
And you make them do

Whatever the bumper sticker
Says they like to do,

Whether they do it or not,
And then you make them eat bugs.

So, I hear you have
A new boyfriend.

[ gasps ] How did you --
Not from me.

Don't jump on rory.

How, mom?
Kirk told me.

Kirk?
Kirk who?

How many kirks do you know?

Stars hollow kirk? Kirk who
Hasn't started shaving yet kirk?

How did you find out
From him?

I called the inn looking
For you, and michel answered,

But he was in the middle
Of some argument

With your horse
Veterinarian.

Then there was a cracking sound,
And the phone went dead.

Then there was another man's
Voice saying "Hello."

Kirk?
Bob.

The gardener?
More twists than o. Henry.

He told me something
In a heavy spanish accent

All while michel was yelling
At the vet in french.

I leave
And the u.N. Erupts.

Then kirk came on. He was there
Delivering something.

And when I told him
I was looking for you,

He told me you were
Probably at your boyfriend

Luke danes' house.

Why were you hiding it
From me?

I wasn't hiding it.

You jumped on rory
When you thought she told me.

She did not jump on me,
Grandma.

Yeah,
And I wasn't hiding it.

The only reason I reacted
To kirk the way I did

Is that he's not in this
World -- he's in my other world.

It's as if I,
Out of the blue,

Told you I was having tea
With mrs. Van-uppity.

Who?
Hortense van-uppity --

Tight bun, lace collar,
Tiny poodle, fictional friend?

You keep so much from me with
These separate worlds of yours.

It's not right.

I will try harder to merge
The worlds. I promise.

Well, start now.
I want to meet this luke danes.

You've met him.

Not in this capacity.
I need to re-meet him.

Well, I'm sure
That day will come.

Next week.
What?

You have a gentleman friend
Of significance.

Rhett is
My gentleman friend, yes.

So, it's only proper
That you introduce him

To your mother...
Unless he's insignificant.

I don't want to meet
A passing ship.

That's a waste of my time.

Is luke a passing ship?
Is he insignificant?

No, he's not.

I'll get my book, and we will
Pick a date next week.

Mom.
Next week.

But I --
Next week.

Honk if emily gilmore
Views your mind

As her personal playground.

Honk, honk.

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

We eat it, we breathe it.
It's our heart and lungs.

What is it?
The three basics --

Accuracy, accuracy,
And accuracy.

It's my head that'll end up
On a platter, okay?

Let's go the extra yard.
Protect my head.

Headache, doyle?

Charles kuralt used to eat
Aspirin like candy.

Ate candy like candy, too.
Hence the belly like jello.

That was mean.
The man's dead.

So, how's the story coming
On that secret society?

The life-and-death brigade.
Get this -- I've got a contact.

Inside?
Deep inside.

Who?
Anonymous.
Don't ask again.

Your call.

I'm gonna tell this story
From the inside.

You'll be careful?
Careful enough.

Well, stay on it.
You bet.

I love this.

We just had a very "All
The president's men" moment.

Moving around the newsroom
Like that. Felt good.

Let's do it again sometime.

Now?
Might look silly.

Carry on.
Right, chief.

There you are.

Club sandwich.
Burger, well done, fries.

Let me know
If you need anything.

Hey. What's up?
You're acting all squirrelly.

I'm ready now.
For what?

To date.

Well...

That offer's still good,
Right?

Yeah, still good.

Okay.
So, we should pick a time.

Sure.
How about now?

I'm kind of working.

Right.

How about...Tonight?

I've got band practice.
Right.

And so do you.

[ chuckling ]
'cause we're in the same band.

Okay, so,
W-we'll figure it out.

We'll figure it out.

Cool.

See you at home.

Yeah, see ya.

Okay.

Hey, lane.
How's it going?

Good, very good.

Oh, well, lucky you.

[ sighs ]

Hey.

How dark is it?

How dark is what?

The cumulus nimbus
Hovering over my head.

The black cloud.
Was that a drop?

What are you talking about?

I have some very bad news.
What?

My mother is insisting
On having dinner with us.

That's it?

Did you hear what I said --
Mother, dinner, us?

That's on a par with car, test,
Crash test dummy.

I'm gonna do whatever it takes
To get us out of this.

Why?
What do you mean, why?

Let's just do it,
Get it over with.

Meeting the parents
Comes with the territory.

We can't put it off forever.

Oh, yeah?

My fourth-grade teacher
Wanted to meet with my parents.

She was hit by a bus 6 years
Ago -- never got the meeting.

Book it.
Luke!

Book it.

I'm warning you --
If I call and tell her it's on,

And then you change your mind
And want to back out,

We're gonna have
To leave the country

And have
Extensive facial surgery

And sex changes --
Both of us,

So that we can kiss
And not look funny.

I'm not gonna change my mind.

Okay, fine.
I'll just call and tell her now.

Ohh! Ohh!
What is happening?

Something dark
Is happening here.

It is heavy like iron!

Ohh, did you feel that ice-cold
Wind that just passed through?

Make the call.

[ childlike voice ]
I see dead people.

Make the call.

This is a house?

This is a house.

What a waste.

See, this is what causes
Peasants to revolt.

This is how heads
End up on pikes.

Open with that.
That's a great icebreaker.

I want you to be careful
About your consumption of booze.

I'm not gonna drink
Too much.

You got it backwards, pablo --
Ride the pink elephant, baby,

'cause it's your only defense
Against emily gilmore

Unless you're packing
A kalashnikov.

Shouldn't you
Ring the bell?

A little strategy.

[ doorbell rings ]
Here's the front door.
We're here.

Drink cart's here.

It's knock, knock,
Open the door.

"Hi." "Hi."

Turn left, veer right,
Pass the couch,

We're at the booze --
Any questions?

Uh, yeah, shouldn't you get
A massage or something?

Take off your coat.
It's cold.

No, it's time-consuming.

Roll it in a ball

And have it ready
To hand off to the maid.

Yeah.

Hi. Hello.

Hi. Come in, please.

Ah, thank you.
Sorry.

May I take your coats?

Yeah, got mine all ready.

There you go.

[ coughs, clears throat ]

I'm luke.
I'm the maid.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, that was so sweet
And innocent.

Well, well --
Our honored guest.

Welcome.

Mom, luke.
Luke, mom.

We've met, lorelai --
Several times.

I was just re-introducing you,
As per your instructions.

Good to see you again,
Mrs. Gilmore.

Ah, no, it's emily.
I insist.

Nice to see you, emily.

Drinks?
We're in the foyer.

Let's change that.

Not if luke wants a tour.

Oh, okay. Well,
Foyer, staircase, upstairs.

Dining room, kitchen,

Weird piano area
That we never really named.

And right through here
Is the living room.

Yeah, I-I-I don't need
A tour, thanks.

Well, then,
Let's go in the living room.

Your house is beautiful.

They don't make them
Like this anymore.

They make everything
Out of cardboard now --

White boxes
With heating vents.

The art of craftsmanship
Is dead.

Gin.

Do you have tourette's
Or something?

I thought I heard you say,
"What would you like to drink?"

I was getting there.
Gin martini, please.

I already made a pitcher
Of martinis, but they're vodka.

Vodka's perfect.
Double with a twist.

So, two cold martinis
With a twist.

And, luke,
How would you like a beer?

Great.

Or maybe luke would like
To choose his own drink.

Oh, yes, I'm sorry, luke.

You can have whatever you like.
I've got it all.

Beer is perfect.
Beer it is.

No, no,
She's got everything.

She's got scotch, rum,
Whiskey, red wine.

She's not kidding --
She's got it all.

Beer is perfect.

Okay, bring him a beer.

Here we are.
Thank you.

Thank you, emily.

The beer is nice and cold.
I almost want one myself.

Uh, hey, you can have
Some of mine if you want.

So, how's that diner
Of yours?

Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.

Oh, it's doing great.

No matter what
The economic climate,

People got to eat.

That is so true.

And I thought your place
Was very charming.

Nice and rustic.

[ clears throat ]

Do you need a cough drop?
She's fine.

Where'd your martini go?
To a happy place.

Do you want another?

Does pavarotti
Want another doughnut?
That's a yes?

I'll pour it, emily.

Thank you, luke.
I should go check on dinner.

Will you excuse me?

Absolutely.

Unbelievable.

I know.
She didn't make nearly enough.

I meant you.
You're acting crazy.

She's insulting you.

No, she's not.
Your mom's being great.

Were you in the room?

Did you not hear
The awful thing she said?

What did she say?

Rustic diner -- "Rustic"?
So?

Backhand slang
For "Crap pile."

Or she was admiring
Its vintage feel.

What was the other word
She used?
Charming?

[ chuckles ]
Slang for "Doggy poopy."

Unbelievable.

Wait, wait,
What was the beer thing?

Oh, my god.

That was nice.
I wanted beer.

She was considerate enough
To anticipate

That that might be the case.

The word "Beer" --

Backhand slang
For "Nitwit juice."

You're reading way too much
Into this.

Excuse me, but I would defer
To the gilmore expert here.

I am the oracle.
I carry all the knowledge.

Well, I would like you
To calm down,

Because you're making me
Nervous.

I'm trying to protect you.

I'm a grown man,

And this isn't my first foray
Into the big city.

I've dealt with all types
Of people in my life --

Rich, poor, snobby, proud.

I can handle it.
But --

And you jumping in after
Everything your mother says

Makes me look weak,
And I don't want to look weak.

I don't want you to,
Either.

Well, then,
Give me my space, okay?

Okay, I'll give you
Your space.

Dinner is going to be as good
As it smells.

I guarantee it.

It smells wonderful,
Emily.

Thank you, luke.

It's nice to have a kind
Gentleman in the house.

Thank you.

So, you're recently
Divorced?

Uh, y-y-y-yeah,
I-I guess.

Although it depends on
What you call "Recently."

In the last year?
That would be recent.

Uh, yeah, yes.

Terrible, the divorce rate,
Isn't it?

Y-yes, it's terrible.

I'm sure it was inevitable
In your case.

Turned out that way.

I hope
There weren't children.

No.

Divorce destroys children.

But without children,
You're only harming yourself.

Of course, nowadays
People get married for fun.

Apparently
There's nothing good on tv.

[ answering machine beeps ]

Hey, it's dean.

Uh, so, we were supposed to get
Together the day after tomorrow,

But I have to cancel...Again.

One day I'm gonna have one job,
Not three,

Which will simplify
Everything...I hope.

Anyway, I was hoping we could
Somehow hook up tomorrow night.

I forget if you have
Something going on.

But I've got a 3-hour window,

And I was thinking dinner
Or something.

Maybe we can meet halfway
Between yale and stars hollow.

That probably puts us
On the interstate,

Meaning the $6.99
Surf and turf special,

But, hell, I'm a cheap date.

Uh, so, not the most romantic
Get-together for us,

But something's better
Than nothing.

Let me know. Bye.

[ answering machine beeps ]

End of messages.

Diners are generally so filthy.
I'm sure yours isn't.

But the horror stories
You hear.

I read that one in vermont
Got caught serving roadkill.

Do you know what that is?

Um, yeah, it's dead animals
From the street.

From the street, from backyards,
Fished out of pools.

These diners find it
And serve it.

Again, probably not yours.

But the fact that this place
Got away with it at all

Is astounding.

I guess people
Who frequent diners

Don't look too closely
At what they're eating

Out of self-defense.

We don't serve roadkill
At my place.

Well, good for you.

I had a friend
Who ate at a diner once,

And the next day,
She dropped dead.

Her family considered
Suing the place,

But there's nothing to get
From these people --

A couple of stools
And a toaster.

But they were sure
It was a matter of hygiene,

And they eventually drove them
Out of the state.

I don't know want to tell you
What they found

When they moved the stove.

Would you like
Another beer, luke?

An opiate for the masses.
Well, so what?

We all have our opiates.

For some, it's ballet.
For luke, it's baseball.

Whoever I heard say it

Just happened to say it
About what luke likes.

Oh, no -- some workman
Has left his filthy truck

In our clean driveway.

Richard must have
Sent for him.

Oh, that's mine,
Actually.

Oh.

Well, it's nice --
Rustic.

I like the color.

Thank you.

And I like this coat
Of yours.

There's something nice
About simple cloth.
Thanks.

Well, this was wonderful.
Don't be a stranger, all right?

I won't.
Thank you, emily.

Goodbye.
Bye, lorelai.

Bye, mom.
Thanks again.

You know what's amazing?
I mean, truly amazing?

What?

She never said anything
Directly bad about me

Or the diner
Or anything else concerning me.

She's good.

And all I did was thank her
Over and over.

She'd hammer me,
And I'd thank her.

It's a talent.

"Rustic" really did sound like
"Crap pile" that time.

Come on, babe, you'll feel
Better about halfway home.

Then the eye-popping nausea
Will hit you.

The rich food
Mixes with the bitter memories,

And it all gets worse,
And then it gets better.

Until you get to route 44,
And then you hit bottom.

I'll be ready
With a tongue depressor

To prevent you
From swallowing your tongue.

I keep them in my purse.

Step up.

Hey, ace, you ready?

Well --

Hit it!

Aah. Not so loud.

You're very auditorially
Sensitive today.

Oh,
And your voice helps.

Is the blindfold secure?
Secure and in place.

Our anonymity is crucial,
Logan -- crucial.

[ groans ]
What's wrong
With finn?

Great job with
The blindfold, logan.

I recognize
Your voices, colin.

Could everyone keep it down,
Please?

Can we remove
The blindfold now?

We're also hiding
Our destination.

We had to leave
At this ungodly hour.

It's 4:00
In the afternoon.

He's got a thing
About the sun.
It's too bright.

So, how come you're not wearing
Your gorilla masks?

She can see.
I can tell because
Your voices aren't muffled.

She's sharp.
Who's the girl?

I've been told we've met.
I have no memory of it.

Oh, gorilla girl.

Oh, wow, isn't that
A pretty nickname.

Oh, by the way,
This thing's overnight.

Overnight?
I didn't mention that before?

Oh, must have slipped
Your mind.

It doesn't screw up anything
For you, does it?
No.

No?
Nope.

Hmm, new schedule.
Good.

We like our schedules loose,
Like our women.

My god, it's early.

[ telephone rings ]

Luke's.

Woman: good afternoon.
I'm calling for mr. Luke danes.

This is luke danes.

Please hold
For mr. Gilmore.

What? For who?
Hello?

Luke?
Richard gilmore here.

Uh, uh, hi, richard --
Mr. Gilmore, sir. How are you?

I'm fine, thank you.

Listen, I thought we could meet
For a round of golf.

Golf?

Tomorrow afternoon
Is good for me.

Uh-huh.

Is that good for you?
Well...

Good. I'll have margie
Call you back with the details.

Okay.

I look forward to it.
See you at the club.

Yeah.
See ya at the club.

[ click, dial tone ]

This mountain air
Has revivified me!

[ laughs ]

Make sure he doesn't
Run off a cliff.

Stephanie,
It's your turn.

Danny, slow down!

[ owl hooting ]

You okay?

I smell trees.

Oh, nothing gets past you.

So, the firing squad's
Just up ahead?

Yep, and there's a line.
Damn.

Seriously, logan,
Is the blindfold coming off,

Or am I patty hearst-ing it
The whole trip?

It's coming off.
It's coming off right now.

Oh, my.

You cannot go golfing
With my father.

It's a done deal.

What is that man up to?
What is he doing?

Ouch!
What are you doing?

I'm looking for a book my dad
Had somewhere around here --

"Learn golf
The arnold palmer way."

I can't find it.

I beseech you, do not go
Golfing with my father.

It's too late.
I said "Yes."

Why did you say "Yes"?

I had no choice.

Saying "No" was a choice.

Did you learn nothing
From the dinner with my mother?

Apparently not.

Call him and cancel.

And how would he take that?

Badly. That's why
You hang up real quick.

This is a good way to start a
Relationship with your father?

No, this is the way to end it.
God, you're slow.

Listen, call him
And tell him that, um,

When he called, you had
Just dropped some peyote,

And you were tripping
And you were seeing vapors

And that that's why you agreed,
But then you've landed,

And you realized
That you can't go.

Wait, do you smoke peyote?

We should get that straight
Before you call him.

Backing out
Will make it worse.

But do you even know
How to play golf?

I took a course
In summer school,

But I accidentally hit
Kent coleda in the head

With a driver
And got asked to leave.

But I think
I remember the basics.

You grab the club,
Whack the ball.

I'll fake it.

Luke --
Don't worry.
I'll be fine.

[ sighs ]
Okay. Fine, then.

Bye.

[ cellular phone rings ]

Hello?

Hi, dad.
I need a favor --

The biggest favor
I may ever ask you for ever.

I don't like the sound
Of this.

Please cancel this golf game
With luke.

What? No.

But why?
I mean, why are you doing this?

What is the point?

How is this
Even your business?

He's my boyfriend.
And this is my right.

Your mother already met him

At a secret dinner
I only found out about

Because her blabbermouth maid
Told my valet.

Now I want to meet him.

But you've already met him.

I need to re-meet him.

Why can't you and mom meet
Someone once and make it stick?

I insist upon
This golf game.

He doesn't even golf.

He said he did.

He whacked kent coleda
In the head with a club, okay?

So you're taking your life
In your own hands.

You want to reconsider now, huh?
You like your head, huh?

Lorelai,
The tee time is set,

Luke has said "Yes"
To my proposal,

And tomorrow
Luke and I are golfing.

Have fun.

This is not about having fun.
This is protocol.

Well, have a good protocol,
Dad. Bye.

Is this what you expected?

No, not at all
What I expected.

Let me guess
What you were thinking --

Sleeping bag,
Flashlights, keg,

Three boxes of stale triscuits,
Half-eaten bag of oreos,

Some doritos, and a bong.

That may be exactly
What I pictured.

You can apologize later.
This is yours.

Mine?

Not much closet space,
But the view is decent.

It's cozy.

Festivities start
In a half-hour.

[ cellular phone speed-dialing ]

Dean, hi. It's me.
I got your call.

I would love to have dinner
With you tonight,

But something
Unbelievably unexpected came up,

And it's gonna keep me busy
For a couple days.

I'd give you more info,

But it's all a little daliesque
And hard to explain.

I'll fill you in when
I get home -- if I get home.

Just kidding...I hope.

Bye.

[ owl hoots ]

[ knock on door ]

Am I early?

Right on time.

You look good.

Thanks. So do you.
Have I seen those pants?

I got them from the bottom
Of my drawer.

I forgot I had them.

Cool.

So, what do you
Feel like doing?

We could drive somewhere.

We just have to stop for gas
And add some oil

And put air in the tires,
And we'd have to stop by an atm.

Or we could hang out here.

You sure?
Yeah.

Okay. Cool.

Let's get a pizza
And watch something

And just hang out.

Great.

Uh, what do you
Want to watch?

Want to finish watching
What we started last night?

Yeah. Great.

[ "Burning down the house"
Playing ]

[ door opens ]

Hey, guys.

Oh, "Stop making sense."
Great.

* I'm an ordinary guy

This is where we left off
Last night.

What are you doing?
Watching tv.

Uh, brian...
[ music stops ]

This is a date.

What?

Lane and I are kind of
On a date right now.

You are?

But this is what we did
Last night.
I know.

So, last night
Was a date, too?

That was not a date.
I was in my underwear.

But you did exactly
The same thing.

You just had no pants.

Well, we're kind of
Starting to date,

And this is what
We're gonna do.

So, where do I go?

Well, how about my room?

Really? You never
Let me in your room.

Well, now's your chance.

Great!

Wait, hold on.

Shouldn't we leave
Your room empty?

Why?

You know,
In case the date goes good.

Brian, go in my room.

Thanks.

Man, it smells good
In here.

[ door closes ]

* hold tight

* wait till the party's over

* hold tight

[ soft jazz music plays ]

Come, come, milady.

Hey. Rory gilmore.
Um, this is quite a soiree.

Are all the life-and-death
Brigade gatherings

This elaborate?

How about bland balking at
Political or social stands?

Ridiculous. Total standstill
For all in this vicinity.

What do you say?
I concur.

Crazy construct
If you think for a bit.

Dubious logic,
If you ask this thoughtful guy.

Hello, everybody.

My god.
Man: shocking.

Silly girl. Not adjusting
To this proud point of ours.

Sad,
This diminishing vision.

Excuse me?

Faux pas count is six,
I say?

Six, no doubt.
I again concur.

Point of fact, daft lady,

To catch on would prompt
Our congratulations.

It's a game?
At which you totally fail.

You want for instruction?

Apparently.

Said gap twixt "D" and "F"
Shall not slip from lips

In any word
This group allows.

Said gap twixt "D" and "F" --
You're not using the letter "E"?

Says this thing
Our group did banish.

Loud for all to drink in.

Daft girl.

So, no one is supposed
To say the letter "E"?

My god. This woman hounds us
With this thing I banish.

Dumbfounding.

Um, I'll catch up
With you guys later.

Have fun --
If that's what you're doing.

Bloody horror,
That woman.

Ostracism should occur,
I think.

Hi, stephanie.

Oh, good.
You're using e's.

No champagne?

No, I'll have a little
Later.

So, is logan the head
Of the group?

There's no head
Of the group, rory.

We're an anarchic collective.
We don't recognize leaders.

Plus, it's a secret.
I shouldn't be talking to you.

[ hiccups ]

Warning sign.
[ chuckles ]

Because the way
That people act around him,

Logan kind of seems --

Cute?
No.

No?
Well, yes, but --

There's a line to get to him.

No, I'm not looking to get
In a line. I'm a reporter.

But you're a good reporter --
And a very good girl.

Oh, dear. I'm talking to you.
I shouldn't be talking to you.

I have to kill myself now.
Excuse me.

Hi.

I was wondering,

Is the safari theme
Something you always do,

Or do you choose
Different themes?

May I quote max ernst?
Sure.

How goes it, pariah?

Logan?

Word was
A bear dragged you off.

No bear.

I just wanted a quiet place
To collect my thoughts.

You found it.

Thanks.
I haven't eaten.

Good.
This is for me.

Sorry you're not getting
Much from the group.

Took a little arm-twisting
To get them to agree

To let you come
In the first place.

I don't need
Their cooperation.

I've filled two notebooks
Without their cooperation --

Half of one
Without using the letter "E" --

But I could use yours.

Way too much salt on this.
This is pretty incredible,

But it's just a preamble to
The big stunt tomorrow, right?

It's finn. He's australian.
They like salt.

How do you pay for this?

Are there dues,
Or do you chip in?

Is there alumni
Sponsoring it?

How is it organized?
And what is happening tomorrow?

Is it just as big?
Or bigger?

And do people know
That you're here --

Park rangers
Or the landowner?

Where are we?
Are we still in connecticut?

And your answer cannot
Include the word "Salt."

Okay.

I think it's time
To fill you in

On the conditions
Of you being here.

Okay.

First, no pictures.
Hey!

You'll get it back
At the end of the trip.

Second, no names.

I'm not exactly
Being introduced to anyone.

Third, no physical descriptions
Of any of us.

There are authority figures
Up and down connecticut

Trying to nab us for things
We may have done in the past.

I'll keep you anonymous.

What number am I on?
You just did third.

Fourth, no identification
Of our location.

I don't know where we are.

Fifth --
You're gonna run out
Of "Iths."

The most important condition
Of all.

You must agree not to interfere
With the integrity of the event.

What is the event?
And how could I interfere?

So you agree?

Yes, I agree.

[ singing "As time goes by" ]

That's pretty.

They're drunk.

Well, it sounds pretty.
I like it.

I didn't say
I didn't like it.

Stephanie: logan?

Yeah?

You coming?
I'll be right there.

I'll leave the light for you,
Ace. I won't need it.

* no matter
What the future brings *

* as time goes by

[ song ends, crowd cheering ]

David byrne is a freak.

I love him.
He's totally cool.

So...

So...

This was nice.
Yeah.

I like your place.

[ laughing ] Right.

I have to get up early
For work tomorrow.

No problem.

So, I should probably...

Oh, right, right.

Good night, zach.

Good night.

Oh, no.

This is bad news.

Once he hits his rem state,
Motorhead wouldn't wake him.

What do I do?

[ snoring ]

He really is asleep.

He's gained
A couple pounds, too.

Okay, well,
I had a really good time.

Me too.

Night, zach.

Night, lane.

[ door closes ]

[ birds chirping ]

Another day,
Another sartorial surprise.

You should start
Getting ready yourself.

I am ready.
You can't go
Dressed like that.

I didn't have the "It's
An overnight thing" warning.

Unless you want me to fashion
Something out of pinecones.

That clothing is gonna interfere
With the integrity of our event.

You agreed not to interfere
With the integrity of our event.

All I've got is a washbowl,
A towel, and a toothbrush.

Is that all you got?
Look again, ace.

Excuse me.
Mr. Gilmore?

Luke?
Yeah, hi.

Don't remember you
Being this tall.

Yeah, sorry.

Oh, it's nothing
To apologize about.

Where are your clubs?

Oh, I just figured
I'd rent some.

Oh, waste of money.
Owning's the thing.

There is no better place
Than our pro shop.

Let's go get you
Some clubs.

Excellent.

[ woodpecker hammering ]

I've got your event integrity
Right here, mister.

Yep, I got an eye
For dress sizes.

We go this way.

And by changing nothing,
Do we not change everything?

Come on! Hurry!

You try running
In a crinoline.

We're late.
For what --
The ritual sacrifice?

Come on!

...108th grand assembly

Of the honorable
Life-and-death brigade.

He's using e's.

Please raise your glasses.

In omnia paratus.

In omnia paratus.
In omnia paratus.
In omnia paratus.

Now you might want
To cover your ears.

Why?

[ gong rings ]

[ cheering ]

To think some groups
Just go bowling.

[ big-band music playing ]

Pull!

[ gun fires ]

Pull!

[ gun fires ]

Pull!

[ gun fires ]

Pull!

Pull!

Good shot!

Is this safe?

No.No.

Pull!

Damn.

Blame the gun.
I would.

Finn: pull! Pull!

Unh! Unh!

All right, I'm bored.
I want to be a target.

You're always a target,
Finn.

In omnia paratus.

If you want to interview finn,
Ace, you better do it quick.

Pull!

Not bad.
Thank you.

So, is this your big stunt?
Big stunt?

According to my research,

You guys always do one big thing
At your gatherings.

Pull!
Is this it?

Does it look like it?
I'm guessing no.

You answered your own question.
Pull!

You'll know it
When you see it.

Good.

[ groans ]
I missed the mat.

Again?

I'll be fine.
Don't worry about me.

In omnia!

[ whimpers ]

You're on your game today,
Mr. Gilmore.

Indeed, I am.
Indeed.

Indeed.

I'm going to speak to the board
About these grounds.

There are dry spots the length
And breadth of this fairway.

Hmm.

Oh, I'm up.
Okay, let's see, uh...

I think this one is...

Not the one I want at all,
But this one here.

Good choice.
Let's take the tag off there.

Good idea.

Okay,
Ball goes down here...

Oh, damn!

No problem.

It's heading
Toward the wrong hole.

Just a mulligan, son.
Try it again.

Golf isn't my thing.

It's definitely a thing
But not my main thing.

Well, what is
Your main hobby?

Uh...
Give me a hobby -- quick.

Uh, reading.

Reading.
I read like crazy.

Wonderful. What have you
Been reading lately?

Uh, books.
You know, this, that.

Uh...Dick.

Pardon me?

Dick guy, science fiction guy.
Dick something.

Something dick.
I just read one of his.

Well, I'll bring dick up
On the internet,

See what comes up.

Wish I could
Remember that name.

You better hit your ball, son.
We're stacking up.

Right, yeah, okay.

Just a second, guys.
He's, uh...He's new.

Oh, jeez!

Not to worry.

The cart's been dinged
A thousand times.

The guy driving it
Looked mad.

Not to worry.
Let's go.

So, have you put much thought
Into franchising?

Franchising?
That diner of yours.

Now's the time to jump.

There are opportunities
Abounding

In real estate right now.

Well, no, I...Haven't.

I'd concentrate on
The eastern seaboard first --

Connecticut, new york,
Massachusetts.

I'd start
With five to seven.

Diners?
Something manageable.

You'll need
An investment banker.

Ah -- just ran into herb smith
In the clubhouse.

Best banker in the business.
I'll give him your number.

So, once the first seven
Are a go, shoot for the moon.

National expansion,

Set up a public corporation,
Issue an I.P.O.

Sure, an I.P.O.
I got to set up one of those.

Have you ever gotten
A straight-razor shave?
No.

Shaves you close,
Lasts for days.

I'll give you
My barber's card.

Hope you're thinking up
Superlatives.

What are they going to do?

What do you think
They're gonna do?

They're not going to jump.
Gonna jump.

That's, like, seven stories.
They'll die.

We're all gonna die
One day.

But those four are today.

Six.

I see four.

I'm heading up.
Of course you are.

Finn was supposed to do it,

But few of us figured
He'd make it this far,

So there's an extra space.

Hmm.

No.

And we're not gonna die.

No one in the life-and-death
Brigade has ever died.

I am not going to jump.

We're all set.

This is seth.
He's the genius behind all this.

It's very safe. We did a dozen
Successful test drops.

Every potato came through
Without a scratch.
Potato?

You can't test using people.
That'd be dangerous.

Look,
Thanks for the offer,

But I'm here as a journalist,
An observer.

Journalists
Do not participate.

Since when?

Since forever.

George plimpton
Never participated?
What?

His best stuff put him
In the thick of it --

Fighting sugar ray robinson,

Quarterbacking for the lions,
Skating for the bruins.

Bill buford lived with soccer
Hooligans in "Among the thugs."

Ernie pyle was so deep
In the action in world war ii,

He was killed
By a japanese sniper.

Richard hottelet was
Four months in a nazi prison.

Hunter thompson lived
With the hell's angels,

Got in the muck,
Didn't just orbit around it.

He put you in
Those bikers' parties.

He put you in
Those bikers' heads.

All right, all right,
So those guys participated.

I got it. But I --

Jumpers to their places,
Please.

You're scared.
Well, yeah!

And that stops the greats?
It's stopping this great.

Come on. You look like
You need a little adventure.

What does that mean?
You're just a little
Sheltered.

Why? Because I haven't
Spent time in a nazi prison,

Been stomped on by hooligans,
And beat up by hell's angels?

Plimpton got banged up
Pretty good, too.

It'll be fun,
It'll be a thrill --

Something stupid,
Something bad for you.

Just something different.

Isn't this the point
Of being young?

It's your choice, ace.

People can live a hundred years
Without living for a minute.

You climb up here with me,

It's one less minute
You haven't lived.

Let's go.

Let's go.

I'm not a fan of ladders.

They scare the crap
Out of me, too.

High.
We are very high.

I've been higher.

I meant
Distance from the ground.

That too.

This is totally safe,

And it goes
With your outfit.

Why do they look
So worried?

We're low on champagne.

[ shouts in latin ]

You can back out, you know.
No one's forcing you.

I know.

Vos ipse parate!

You trust me?

In omnia paratus!

You jump, I jump, jack.

In omnia paratus!
In omnia paratus!
In omnia paratus!

I really should confirm
That those potatoes were okay.

[ cheering ]

Oh, thank god!

You did good, ace!

Once-in-a-lifetime
Experience!

Only if you want it
To be.

Bye. Thanks.

[ telephone rings ]

Good afternoon.
Dragonfly inn.

I franchised my place.

What?
The diner.

There's gonna be seven
Of them,

And that's just
On the eastern seaboard.

Then I'm going national.

What are you talking about?

Your father wants to open up
A chain of luke's diners,

And I think I agreed to it.
No!

I've already got a marketing
Guy, herb's my banker,

Your father's taking care
Of all my insurance needs,

And apparently everyone is
Going to be able to buy stock.

Ugh! My parents!
My stupid parents!

And he wants to shave me.

Shave what?

I don't know. He just kept
Talking about shaving me.

And I'm tipsy --
We hit the club bar,

And I didn't want
To sound dumb

And just order a beer,
Because it's nitwit juice,

So I had
What your dad was having,

Which was
Whiskey something --

More whiskey than something,
Let me tell you,

'cause I can't even
See straight.

Oh, you poor thing.

And I've got
An art dealer now.

No.

I'm driving to manhattan
Next week

To look
At some diebenkorns.

What's a diebenkorn?

And I bought some golf clubs.
They cost the same as a car.

Where are you now?

I'm at the driving range.

Your dad's making me practice
For next time.

No. Leave.
You do not need to practice.

Oh, and I sort of implied
That I'm fond of the greeks,

So I have to read
"The iliad" and "The odyssey"

So we can chat about it.

And can we not hang out
With your parents

For a very long time?

For a very long time.

I mean,
I don't hate them.

Leave the driving range
At once.

I don't think I can drive.

Honey, have some coffee
And then come home.

The diebenkorn guy
Is still in there.

You stay away
From the diebenkorn guy.

He's chatting
With my rare-coin guy.

Do not go back in the clubhouse.
Go straight to your car.

Okay.
I like the valet guys.

Good. Now go.

I'm goin'.

Why would you go golfing
With that man? Why on earth?

Who, luke?

You are encouraging
This ridiculous relationship.

Emily, please.

He is not good enough
For lorelai --

Or to be rory's stepfather,
God forbid.

Can we be a little more
Of a snob, emily?

The fact that you paraded him
Around the club -- our club!

It happened to be
A fruitful outing.

I am going to assist him
In franchising his diner.

Richard!

That hirsute lout is not capable
Of running a complex business.

Well, that's obvious,
Emily.

That's why he will have
No significant role.

He'll be the front man.

We'll shave him,
Stick his picture on the menus.

The whole thing will hopefully
Bestow some credibility on him.

At least then,
If this insane relationship

Between him and lorelai
Continues,

We can legitimately take him
To places like the club.

At least on holidays.

This is absurd. You're absurd.
The whole thing's absurd.

And you're not thinking
Ahead.

Excuse me.

[ cellular phone rings ]

Hi.

Lorelai: are you typing?
No.

Yes, you are. Thought we agreed
You wouldn't type while we talk.

Got to break the rule
Just this once.

It's been
A crazy couple of days.

Ugh. School?

Paper. Long story.
I'll fill you in in person.

Where are you off to?

Luke's. I have to de-stress him
After his gilmore outing.

Dad tried to take over
His whole life.

He wants
To franchise luke's.

Hey, do men shave anywhere
Except their faces?

I don't know.
I've never lived with a man.
Same here.

If he does franchise the diner,
Get him to put one near yale.

I miss those burgers.
He's not franchising.

Hey, can I ask you
A question?
Sure.

Do you think
I'm too scared?

What?
Too scared, too timid.

Do I take enough chances?

What kind of chances?

I don't know --
Life chances.

I think you do.
I'm not a mouse?

Where is this coming from?
I don't know.

Just something I've been
Thinking about lately.

[ knock on door ]

Someone's at the door.
Um, say hi to luke for me.

If he's not comatose.
Bye, hon.

Bye.