All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S04E16 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Don't tell me
This is what it looks like.

It's escargot.

Ugh. That's
What it looks like.

Snails?
Escargot.

Slimy thing
By any other name...

They taste like garlic
And butter.

Don't say "They."
Food should not have pronouns.

Give it a try.

But if I do,

And we're having roadkill
For the main course,

Then I will have used up
My allotment

Of gross-out food for the day,
So I'll abstain.

I guess we should strike
Escargot off the list

Of friday-night
Dinner foods.

Sweetie loved escargot.

That's funny how
We remember those things.

Sweetie?

Sweetie who?

Sweetie nelson,
One of my oldest friends.

She passed away yesterday.

Oh, I'm sorry,
Grandma.

Yeah, I've heard you
Mention her.

Was she sick?
She'd been ill for some time,
But still...

The family is pretty
Overwhelmed.

By the way,
Davis called late today.

The funeral is sunday.

Was that her real name --
Sweetie?

No, her name was melinda.
Sweetie was a nickname.

Why?

What do you mean, why?

I mean, how did they get
Sweetie from melinda?

They didn't get sweetie
From melinda.

Sweetie is a nickname.

Yes, I know sweetie
Was a nickname,

But usually, a nickname comes
From a version of your name,

Or there's a story
Behind the name.

She was sweet.
That's the story.

Okay.

She had a very sweet nature.

Oh.

Well, what kind of story
Did you want, lorelai?

No, that's fine. She was sweet.
They called her sweetie.

It's a good story.

No, really,
Exactly what kind of story

About my recently departed
Friend would amuse you?

It's not to amuse me.

All right, fine.

Sweetie's father
Was a very poor man --

So poor that sweetie
And her four siblings

All had to sleep in
A hollowed-out tree trunk

Because the house was only
Big enough for their parents.

One winter,
There was no food,

So sweetie crawled
Out of her trunk,

Wrapped her feet
In newspaper,

And walked 40 miles in the snow
To the nearest town,

Where she stumbled
Into a candy store.

The owner took pity on her

And gave her bags of candy,
A dill pickle,

And drove her back
To her family.

He promptly offered a job
To her father,

Who gladly accepted

And eventually owned
That store

And turned it into one of the
Most important candy emporiums

In the world.

And that is how
She got the name sweetie.

There, how was that?

Now, that was
A pretty good story.

I'm sorry, emily, did you say
The funeral is sunday?

Yes. Is that a problem?

Well, mr. Hamoto is in town,

And jason has set up golf
For him,

And then there's lunch
After that.

What time is the service?

Noon.

Oh, noon, that's cutting it
Very close.

How important is it
For me to be at the funeral?

Not important at all.

Well, fine, then.

Be sure to give them
My condolences.

Of course.

Eat your food.

[ gasps ] I think one of them
Is still alive.

Lorelai!
No, seriously.

He was over near the radish
Like five minutes ago.

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

This doesn't smell right.
Smells fine, kirk.

I think the eggs were bad.
The eggs are fine, kirk.

Were they cooked
In the fish pan?

They smell like they were cooked
In the fish pan.

No, not in the fish pan,
In the egg pan.

Was the fish pan sitting
Next to the egg pan?

I need something
With cheese.

Lorelai, smell my eggs.
Not today, kirk.

Hey, where's luke?

I want him to make that
Breakfast quesadilla thing.

Luke's not here.
Where is he?

He knows the exact right
Jack-to-cheddar ratio.

He's out there.
Over there with nicole.

Oh, looks like
A serious talk.

And there have been
Zero light moments.

I wish I knew what
They were talking about.

Oh, I can tell you
What they're saying.

I read lips.
My girlfriend taught me.

It's so we can have
Quiet time

And keep the conversation going
At the same time.

Okay, she just said,
"Hardwood sponges the authority

Of the hostile biographer."

And then he responded,

"Just phone cords
To original samovars."

Kirk, that doesn't make
Any sense.

Must mean they're on to us,

And they've switched
To some sort of code.

Oh, I think
Luke's heading back.

He just got up and said,
"Feel your taters."

Is it possible he said,
"I'll see you later"?

No, I'm pretty sure
About this one.

Kirk, I'm so sorry,

We accidentally made the eggs
In the fish pan.

I don't know why everybody
In this town

Always thinks I'm crazy.

You've got to be kidding.

I certainly am not kidding.
This is serious.

It's not plagiarism!

Hey!

Do you also like to shout "Fire"
In a crowded theater?

This is a newsroom.
Do not use the "P" word.

Every single word in my piece
Was written by me.

Was it?
Look at this.

"Small band of followers,"
"Rain-soaked highway."

I've seen both
Of those before.

Of course
You've seen them before.

Those are phrases used to talk

About a small band of followers
Or a rain-soaked highway.

They're not even clichés

Like "Shouting 'fire'
In a crowded theater."

I'm sorry,
Can you say "Stephen glass"?

The entire climate
Of journalistic ethics

Is under a microscope
Right now.

We can't afford anything
That looks shady.

I'd rather not have
Tobey maguire playing me

In a movie about
The yale daily ne scandal.

I get that, but I don't
Think my "Rain-soaked
Highway" looks shady.

[ scoffs ] Typical.
It's your attitude.

What attitude?

Look around this room.

People writing their anthro
Papers on our computers...

People xeroxing their phone
Bills on our copy machines...

No one's running,
No one's sweating.

Every single person in this room
Looks extremely well-rested.

No one spell-checks,
No one fact-checks.

This is the breeding ground
For the next jason blair!

Fix it,
And tidy up your desk!

And my month is up.

What?
You're the new dog
To kick around here.

I feel bad, 'cause you tend
To be a pretty decent person,

But my nose has been
Whacked with a newspaper
So many times this month,

It makes me miss my mother.

Doyle's just in a bad mood,
That's all.

"Herd mentality"?

Are you freaking
Kidding me?!

Welcome
To the dollhouse.

Michel, come on, we've got
To get into these budgets.

Now.

Does the red light mean
It's programmed?

I explained it
A hundred times.

You've been setting that machine
For 20 minutes now.

The man can't live
Without his dog show.

Ugh. I could just kill
My cable provider.

"No westminster dog show,

But please enjoy 'charlie's
Angels: full throttle'

24 hours a day."

Ah, there, it's recording.

Well, get over here.

I just want
To see the chows.

[ laughs ]
Look at that one strut.

[ baby talk ] You know
You're a pretty girl, don't you?

Yes, with those
"I need some loving" eyes.

Is he doing tricks?

It sounds like
They're turning them.

Hello.

Lorelai, it's me.
Do you have a moment?

Uh, sure.

Your grandmother,
She's gone.

What?
Last night.

She apparently
Had a heart attack.

The maid found her.

But I didn't even know
Her heart was a thing.

Was her heart a thing?
Did we know that?

No, it was quite unexpected.

There wasn't
Any warning at all.

But we just saw her.

I know.
It's a complete shock.

Ohh. I -- h-how is dad?

He's completely
Fallen apart.

From the moment
He heard the news,

He's been almost incoherent.

He's in his office now
With the scotch,

And he wants
Turtleneck soup --

Asks for it over and over.

What's turtleneck soup?

Apparently something his mother
Used to have made for him

When he was a little boy,

And now he wants some,

And I can't seem to find anybody
Who has any idea what it is.

[ normal ] All right,
The pugs are up next.

They're ugly.
Let's do this.

My grandmother.

Heart attack --
Grandmother.
What?

Dead grandmother, michel.

Mom, have you looked
On the internet?

For turtleneck soup.
You could google it.

Can I? Can I google it?
Okay, never mind.

Sookie, do you have any idea
What turtleneck soup could be?

Mock turtle soup?

Mom, do you think
He means "Mock turtle soup"?

Maybe that's what he said.
Is there such a thing?

Can you make
Mock turtle soup?

I never tried, but I think
I have a recipe for it.

Mom, sookie's tracking down
The soup.

What else can I do?

Nothing. If you can find
The soup, that'll be enough.

You'll tell rory?
Yeah, I'll tell rory.

All right, I have to go.

Your grandmother left
Very specific instructions

On exactly how she wants
Her funeral to be,

So I have a hundred things
To do.

I'll be there with the soup
As soon as I can, mom.

Bye.

I'm gonna have to go.

No problem. One huge vat
Of mock turtle soup coming up.

Do you need a hug?

Thanks, I'm okay.
I have to call rory.

You'll call me
When the soup's ready?

I'm on it.

Have to go.

Michel, you'll take care
Of the papers

And the landscaping plans?

Yes, I will.
Go, go.

Okay, purse, coat, keys.
I'm gone.

Michel?

[ sighs ]
I think I'll take that hug now.

[ sighs ]

A little weird, huh?

Extremely.

Heart in the right place,
But never again?

Yes, I understand
The reverend's retired.

You said that four times.

But my mother-in-law
Specifically requested him

For the service, and --

Well, isn't there
Any forwarding information?

I got the soup.

Well, I will hold
While you look!

Thank god.
He's in his study.

Take that into him, and see
If you can get him to eat.

Yes, I'm still here.
Miraculous, isn't it?

A phone number!
How promising.

Yes, I would like that,
Please!

Hey, dad.

Lorelai?

Yeah, uh...

I have something for you.

Mock turtle soup.

Mock turtle soup?

Sookie made it.

Mock turtle soup.

[ chuckling ]
Mock turtle soup.

[ chuckles ]

[ voice breaking ]
Mock turtle soup.

[ crying ] Mock turtle soup.

Oh, hey, soup's gone.

No soup here.
Who mentioned soup?

This is definitely
A no-soup zone.

Uh...

The music's nice.

Oh, she loved kay kyser.

She wasn't really
A musical woman.

Music was a little frivolous
For her.

But kay kyser.

Yeah.
Well, she's great.

Kay kyser's a man.

Oh, well, his parents had
An ugly sense of humor, then.

[ sobbing ]

Oh, boy.

She was a saint --
The woman was a saint.

Here, dad.

I learned everything
From that woman.

"Life is a battle,

"And you either
Enter it armed

Or you surrender
Immediately."

That is what she told me...
On my 10th birthday.

I never forgot that.

No, no one...

Was as strong
As that woman.

That wonderful woman...

That saint of a woman.

Oh, dad.

Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine.

I -- I just have to deal
With this...

[ sighs ] Regret.

What regret? Dad,
You and gran were so close.

The last words we exchanged,
We exchanged in anger.

Oh, but, dad, that's --

I lost my temper,
And I was disrespectful.

And that's the way --
That's the way it ended.

With an argument
And hateful words.

Dad, you know,
That was one little fight.

I mean, one little fight
Between you and gran

Doesn't wipe away
Years of --

That woman raised me,
And she taught me.

And she took care of the family
Even after father died.

And I spoke to her
As if I owed her nothing,

As if she was like anyone else
In the world

And not the saint of a woman
That she was.

Oh, dad.

You only have one set
Of parents, lorelai.

Remember that.

I forgot, and now
I have to live with that

For the rest of my life.

[ sighs ]

You mentioned soup.

What?

When you came in.

Yes, soup. I have soup.

Um, mom mentioned

That you were talking
About mock turtle soup.

You really should eat
Something, dad.

I need a spoon.

Oh, my go-- yes,
I'll get you a spoon.

I'll get you --
You just sit right there.

I'll be right back
With your spoon.

But it used to be
Martelli's florist, yes?

Okay, do you have any idea
Where martelli's moved to?

Oh, well, before he died,

Did mr. Martelli
Pass his trade

On to any
Of the other martellis?

Yes, I'll hold.

How is he doing?
He needs a spoon.

He's going to eat?
He's going to eat.

Thank god.
Take an apple.

See if you can get him
To eat an apple.

I'm here.

Yes, I will take
The simple stepson's number.

Thank you.

I will speak slowly.
Thank you.

Not that one.

And take some bread, too.

How are the arrangements
Coming?

She made all these
20 years ago,

So the reverend is retired,
The florist has moved,

And two of the pallbearers
Are no longer with us.

Luckily, they both had sons
Who look remarkably like them,

So I think
We can get away with it.

All right, I'm gonna bring
This stuff to dad.

I'm going to call
The florist's idiot stepson.

Emily? Emily!

I'm right here, richard.
What's wrong?

This is outrageous!
They've completely ruined it!

Who ruined what?

Trix's obituary.

The courant
Just faxed it through.

It's disgraceful!
I'll sue them!

Just calm down.

"Lorelai gilmore died
This week at age 86.

"A member of the prominent
Gilmore family

"And widow of
Charles abbott gilmore,

"She is survived by a son,
Richard gilmore,

And numerous other family
Members and devoted friends."

Well, it's --

It's an insult!

That's all they write?!

Nothing about her charity work

Or her collecting
Or her travels?!

And not a word about
The new maternity wing

That she donated
To st. Joseph's!

You tell me where all of
The fine people of hartford

Are supposed to have
All their babies

If it weren't for my mother,
Tell me that!

All right, calm down.
We will take care of it.

She was a saint,
That woman!

Absolutely, we will make sure
It says "Saint"

Somewhere in the article.

You're sure?
Don't worry, dad.

Because it's very,
Very wrong!

Dad, I got your spoon.

Well, I'm not hungry.

Wonderful.

Yet another thing
I have to take care of.

Mom, why don't you let me
Help out a little?

I'm happy to do it.
I'll bring coffee, a danish.

You've never had so much fun
With death in your life.

I appreciate the offer,
But I have it all under control.

I should probably
Take off, then.

Goodbye.
Thank sookie for me.

Hello, I'm looking
For manny martelli, please.

Well, what time
Do you expect him back

From the science-fiction
Convention?

Yes.

Would you hold on
A minute, please?

Lorelai, I have to go
To gran's house tomorrow

To sort through
Her personal papers.

Two cherry danish coming up.

Yes, I would like
To leave a message.

Hello?
Hey, it's me.

Nigella just made a raisin cake
That looked so good,

The fact that
Raisins make me gag

Became totally irrelevant.

Well, good,
More ordering choices.

Oh, my god, she's about
To deep-fry a bounty bar.

I want to move in with her
And call her mommy. Do you mind?

Honey, I -- I have to
Tell you something.

You sound sad.

Yeah, well, gran died.

What? When?

Last night.
She had a heart attack.

Are you okay?
How's grandpa?

He's been better.

What should I do?
Can I do something?

No, it's all
Being taken care of.

When's the funeral?
Friday,
And there's a wake after.

I don't remember
If you have a class.

Doesn't matter.
I'll make it work.

I was just
Getting to know her.

Well, I think you got
A pretty good snapshot.

Shouldn't I be crying?
I feel like I should be crying.

Well, you didn't know her
That well.

Still, she was
My grat-grandmother.

I mean, I should feel more.

Oh, god, what if I don't cry
At the funeral?

Then everyone will see
That I'm not crying,

And grandpa will be upset.

Well, honey,
If you can't cry,

At least you know
You can work yourself up

Into a very respectable
Panic attack.

It might have to do.

You're an amazing kid.

She was so lucky to have you
As a great-granddaughter.

Hey, do you want me
To come by tonight,

Pick you up,
Take you to tijuana,

Get you drunk and laid?

That's okay.
I've got too much work to do.

Okay, well, call me if
You want to talk or whatever.

I will.

I love you, hon.

I love you, too, mom.

This looks like --
What a shock --

Another incoherent
Legal document.

Hand it to me.

Uh...
"House insurance policy."

Hand it to me.

Mom, seriously, I can do more
Than just hand you stuff.

That's all right.
I have a system.

Yes. You don't think
I can work within the system,

But I can!

I have no plans
To overthrow the system.

Just teach me the system.
Teach it!

Just hand me some papers.
[ groans ]

Emily, we finished cataloging
The second floor,

And we're about to move
To the third.

And we have bubble-wrapped
Those bar glasses.

Where do you want us
To put them?

In the trunk of my car,
Along with the candlesticks.

My keys are in the foyer.

All right.

What was that about?
I'm preparing
For the funeral.

Stashing bar glasses is
Preparing for the funeral?

Those bar glasses are supposed
To stay in the family.

They go to us,
Then to you.

However, every time a certain
Relative of your father's

Comes to visit,

Things tend to disappear.

Dad's got a winona
In the family?
How cool. Who is it?

His cousin marilyn.

She has been systematically
Pilfering those bar glasses

For the last five years.

Plus, I saw her eyeing
The candlesticks last easter,

And I'll be damned
If I let her get them.

So much to do.
[ sighs ]

Did I tell you about
The burial/cremation clause?

Now you're just
Making stuff up.

Your grandmother is to have
An open-casket ceremony,

Displayed in all her glory,

Then is to be cremated

And have her ashes
Divided in two --

Half to be buried with her
Husband in the family crypt,

And the other half
To be put in an urn

And placed
On our mantelpiece.

Half of gran is going to be
On your mantel forever.

Staring at me, judging me,
Disapproving of me.

So apparently,
It's the top half.

When I first found out,
I almost had a coronary,

But I've accepted it.

From now on,
It's a 3-person household --

Your father, me, and her urn.

You know, it's so weird.
I know so little about gran.

I mean, like,
What was her maiden name?
Gilmore.

No, no, her maiden name.
Gilmore.

Wait.
Y-you're not saying --

She and charles
Were second cousins.
Ew! What?!

Oh, don't act so scandalized.

It was not at all uncommon
For prominent families

To keep the bloodlines closed.

Is that what
We're calling it?

Well, what
Would you call it?

How about "Good morning,
Appalachia,

I got a mighty cute sister
And an extra set of toes."

No one has any extra toes.

I have
A double-jointed thumb.

Remarkable. Use it to hand me
Some more papers, please.

[ sighs ]

I'm sorry,
But I don't understand

How everyone was so okay
With this.

What, did they just go,
"What a cute couple.

They look so much alike"?

Mom?

This is to your father.

It's a carbon copy of a letter
She sent to your father.

Hmm. That's nice.

"My dearest richard,
It is with heavy heart

"That I write you
This letter tonight,

"But I cannot stand by and let
You make a terrible mistake.

"Until now, I had thought,
Hoped, prayed

"That you would come to
The same conclusion that I have.

"But you have not,

And therefore, I feel
It is my duty as your mother

To beg you to reconsider
Your impending marriage."

[ gasps ]

"I'm sure that emily

"Is a very suitable woman
For someone,

"But not for you.

"She will not be able
To make you happy.

"She does not have
The gilmore stamina or spark.

She is simply not a gilmore."

Well, sure, 'cause you weren't
Directly related to him.

"I don't know
The circumstances

"Surrounding your breakup
With pennilyn lott,

"But it is still my belief

"That she is much better suited
For you than emily.

[ voice breaking ]
"I know that the timing of this

Is particularly awkward,

Since you are to be married
Tomorrow."

No way!

"But your happiness
Is too important to me,

So timing be damned."

She wanted dad
To leave you at the altar.

She begged him
To leave me at the altar!

She begged him in writing,
And then she saved the carbons!

Holy moly.
Can I see that?

I can't believe this.

I'm standing here
In her basement,

Covered in dust.

I'm organizing her estate

And cataloging her things.

I've been on the phone for days,
Trying to make sure

That everything was exactly
The way she wanted it,

And all this time,

She never even wanted me
In her family!

Man, she sure used a lot
Of exclamation points.

Well, fine.

That's just fine,
Because I am done.

Done?

I'm done planning and running
Around and calling people.

I'm done with anything
Having to do with that woman.

But dad.
Skipped my best friend's
Funeral to golf --

That's what your dad did!

We have to plan
This funeral.

Find a box, throw her in,
We're done!

Better yet, throw the old
Harpy's carcass in a ditch!

Let a wolverine eat her.

Okay, but, see, finding
A wolverine near a ditch --

That takes planning.

Do whatever you want!
I'm going to have a drink.

I can't do it, mom!
I don't know the system!

Bank info?

Hand it to me.

[ sighs ]
I cannot believe that story.

Yeah, well, trust me,

The brothers grimm were in
The corner, yelling, "No way!"

And she just walked out?
Yep.

Jewelry appraisal?
Hand it to me.

Why don't you just tell me
Where to put it?

No, because
I have a system.

Oh. Well,
That letter sounds awful.

It was.
And really cruel.

So cruel --
So completely cruel

That I'm wondering if
Gran didn't know mom
Was gonna find it.

Stop. It's too mean.

I don't wanna think that there's
That meanness in my genes.

I don't wanna inherit
Something like that.

Yeah, well, who knows what
We've inherited from that woman.

Count your toes lately?

What are you talking about?

Well, I've been saving
The best for last.

Do you know what
Gran's maiden name was?

What?
Gilmore.

Grandpa charles
Was her second cousin!

No!
Yes.

What does that mean
About us?

What if that's caused, like,
A horrible genetic mutation

That hasn't shown up yet?

Oh, our eyes!

We each have two of them.

I always thought it was neat
That our eyes look similar,

But now I don't know.

Is it creepy?

I don't know.
I think it's creepy.

Okay, just hand me
Some more stuff.

Stop staring at my eyes.
Come on.

What else
Do you have to do?

Oh, well, I haven't tracked down
This reverend wilder yet,

And I got
Some mysterious message

From the place
That made her headstones,

So I have to go see
About that.

And then there's just
The random stuff.

What random stuff?

Well, for instance,

Gran requested that she
Be buried in fresh clothing.

What is fresh clothing?

I don't know.
Clean clothing?

Clothes fresh from the cleaners?
New clothes?

Clothes with
A mountain-fresh scent?

I think it's new clothing.
It's safest, isn't it?

So add that to the list
With the headstone.

Oh, and then
There's the obituary.

What about the obituary?

The paper wrote something,

But dad thinks
It's not good enough,

So I have to rewrite
Her death announcement.

I should let mom do it.
I believe it would go, "Yay."

Hey, can I do it?

I want to help, and
We have access to a database,

At the yale paper, that would
Make it easy to research.

Oh, honey, that would be great.
Thank you.

My pleasure.

I just feel really bad for
Grandpa, losing his mother.

Well, they were
Really close.

Yeah. It's sad.

So, gran and her husband
Had the same great-grandfather.

Try not to think about it.

Right.

Hello?

Oh.

Oh.

Mom, dad?

Look at
All this stuff!

Oh.

Mom, are you here?

Emily: in the living room,
Lorelai.

Uh, yeah.
Where's the maid?

You got a condolence moat
Going on out here.

Whoa.

I told hilda to take
The day off. Nothing's
Happening here.

I think every delivery boy
In town would beg to differ.

What? Oh, those.
Just put those anywhere.

I have to finish reading "The
Crimson petal and the white"

For my book club.

Sookie,
What a pleasant surprise!

What are you doing here?

I brought sookie so she could
Check equipment for the wake.

And who the hell are you?!

I'm so sorry, emily.
About what?

Well, about
Richard's mother dying.

Are you? Huh.

Would you like a cigarette?

No, thank you.

Well, then, more for me.

I think she broke.

Mom, what's going on?

I am just gonna go
To the kitchen.

Mom!
Lorelai, please,
I'm reading.

Uh...Okay.

If you're going by the
Bar, my drink could use
A little freshening up.

You're drink
Is fresh enough!

Put that cigarette out!

Hi, jason.

Hey, I didn't know
You were gonna be here.

Oh, yeah, well,
The white rabbit ran by.

I chased him, fell down a hole,
And here I am.

So, how's everybody doing?

Uh, well, dad's a mess,

And mom starts work
At the truck stop next week.

Are you holding up?

Yeah, I am.
Thanks for asking.

Well, it's
What I'm here for.

Really?
No.

I have to get your father's
Signature on some papers.

Mom, where's dad?

How the hell do I know?!

[ sarcastically ] Boy,
She sounds really upset.

He's probably
In his study.

Okay, thanks.

Mm-hmm. Careful.

Oh, jason.

Richard,
I am so sorry to hear.

[ sobbing ]

Who was that at the door?

It was jason.
Dad needs to sign something.

Uh-huh.

Why don't I start putting
Some of these baskets away?

And then maybe I could start
Writing some thank-you notes.

Fine. I think there's some
Post-its in the kitchen.

Mom, uh...

I know how hurt you are.

That letter was terrible.

But there's still a lot of stuff
That has to get done.

I know. You're right.

Say, I've got an idea.

Why don't you call
Pennilyn lott

And have her
Plan the funeral?

She's the one that was supposed
To be planning it anyhow,

So I say, "Let her do it."

Need something, sookie?

I was just wondering

If it's going to be okay to set
Up a buffet in the dining room.

I don't know. What do you think
Pennilyn lott would do?

You think she'd set it up
In the dining room?

Because personally,

I think we should just toss
Some cheese cubes in the coffin,

Stuff some toothpicks
In her mouth,

And let the people
Go to town.

The dining room's
Fine, sookie.

Okay. Good.

Um, uh, excuse me.

Did you see that hug?

Yes, I saw the hug,
I saw the hug.

It didn't end.

It was the hug
That wouldn't end,

And he was wearing a robe.

Yes, apparently,
We're a robe family now.

And he was crying.

I am really, really bad
At comforting people.

I say completely
Inappropriate things --

Bad jokes with words
Like "Nantucket" in them.

Did you get what you needed?

Yeah, thanks.

Well, then I guess I'll see you
At the funeral tomorrow.

Yeah. About
The actual funeral --

I can't do funerals.

You have to do funerals.
This was your partner's mother.

I understand, but funerals have
Too much emotion for me --

The death and the hugging.

When I was 10, my family went
Through a terrible period.

Once a month,
Somebody died.

For a year,
They were dropping like flies.

It completely
Freaked me out.

Okay, fine, don't come,

But you had better lie to
My father and tell him you did.

I am very comfortable
With that compromise.

All right,
I'll see you later.

That was jason again.

He had to go,

But he wanted me
To tell you hello for him.

Jason.
Your father loves that boy.

I know he does.

You know who else
Would love that boy?

Pennilyn lott.

I'm gonna go get started
On those thank-you cards.

Remember to thank pennilyn lott
Just for being pennilyn lott.

Almost done. I promise
I'll get it to the
Paper this afternoon.

This is a really big help,
My friend. I owe you.

No, it was really
Interesting, actually.

I never knew all
Of these things about gran.

Was the extra-toe thing
In there?

No, but did you know that she
Took care of wounded soldiers

That were shipped back here
During world war ii?

She also studied at the sorbonne
And at oxford

And met three presidents.

Oh. Which ones?
Kennedy, johnson, and nixon.

There's this amazing picture
Of her frowning at nixon

Like she knew
He was up to something.

She was some kind
Of something, wasn't she?

Yes, she kind of was.

I just love that she wanted
Something so --

I got to go.

Hi, doyle.

Hey, did you read the typo
In the new york time today?

This is personal.

Yes. Yes, it is.

You're using newspaper resources
To work on something personal,

In direct defiance of what
I was warning everybody about

Just the other day.

But this is different.
Oh, it is?

If I can just --
Oh, goody, here comes the
Defense.

"I'm looking something up
For a friend"?

"The professor didn't give me
Enough time"?

"I was just browsing through the
Archives, and I got distracted"?

My grandmother is dead.

Oh. Oh, no.

Yeah, she died two days ago,
Suddenly, and we were close.

Okay? We were close,
And I'm just trying to give her
An obituary

That is fitting for
The great woman that she was.

Oh. That's -- I didn't know.

You didn't ask.

My grandmother died in december,
And it was...

[ sighs ]
I'm still not over it.

I know exactly what
You're going through.

Keep going, please.
I'm sorry.

It's okay.
And thank you.

Last week,
You know what I did?

No.

I picked up the phone
To call her.

Isn't that sad?

I actually forgot,

And then, of course,
It hit me all over again.

I hope that doesn't happen
To you.

She smelled a little
Like coffee.

I still can't walk past
Any place that makes coffee.

The girl I was dating
Was a barista.

I had to break up with her.

We weren't that close.
And it wasn't my grandmother.

It was my
Great-grandmother.

I dropped the "Great" to make
The whole thing sound sadder.

I don't know anything about her
Until today.

[ sighs ] I'm so sorry.

I'm just gonna pack up
And go straight to hell now.

My grandmother was
A very special woman.

She drove me to my prom,

And I'd be a poor man
If I'd never known her.

[ sighs ]

Finish the obituary.

Everybody should get to know
Their grandmother.

But it was her
Great-grandmother.
Didn't you hear her?

You take rory's piece on
The new parking rules, okay?

My month lasts a month.
Your month lasts three days.

Yes, sirree, folks,
That is my life!

Oh, kirk, good, I've been --

Shh!Shh!
Shh!Shh!

What are we listening to?

[ rapid footsteps approaching ]

Who needs to order?

I do.
Go ahead.

I'll have a chef's salad.

Dressing?
Oil and vinegar on the side.

Crackers or roll?
Um...

Get the crackers,
Get the crackers.

What?!
Are you coming back?

We were having a discussion,
And you just got up and left.

I thought we were done!

I was in the middle
Of the word "September."

[ sighs ] Okay, come on.

Okay, go ahead.

We were in the middle
Of a conversation!

We were yelling.
It was a fight.

We weren't yelling.
It felt like yelling.

Okay, we won't yell.
We'll talk.
Fine, talk.

Me?! What about you?!
You wanted to talk.
We're here. Let's talk.

You don't want to talk?
I don't have anything to say!

Yeah. Me either.

[ sighs ]

[ sighs ] Nicole.

What?

You going back to our place?

Our place?

[ scoffs ] Our place.

Huh. Funny.

Dad, why are you
Answering the door?

Uh, well, I heard it ring,
So, um...

The maid's taking
The day off again?

Yeah, I suppose so.

Rory, it's nice
To see you.

I'm so sorry, grandpa.

Thank you, rory.

How are you?

Well, I'm having a devil
Of a time with this tie.

And you're not wearing
Any shoes.

What? Oh, yeah, shoes.

Dad, can't mom help you
With the tie?
Yes. Yes.

Uh, I don't know
Where she's gotten to.

There are a lot of plans
To make.

Oh, someone sent us
Four hams.

Can you imagine?
Four hams.

Mom, there you are.

[ slurring ] Rory,
You look very nice.

I brought a dress
To change into.

Oh, what you're wearing
Is fine.

Lorelai, here,
I just finished reading,

And I think
You'll really like it.

It's about this prostitute named
Sugar in victorian england.

She starts rising through
The ranks of society,

And she meets these
Really vivid characters!

Okay, sure, you don't have to
Tell me the whole story now.

I'm not giving anything away.
That's all on the back cover.

Dad? Follow him.
Point out doors and windows.

Got it.

So, mom, you might want
To go get ready now.

Nonsense! We have hours.

Want a drink? Today
I learned how to make mojitos!

Mom, today especially,
You might want to be early,

Since we're the ones
Throwing the funeral.

There you go.
Go on upstairs.

Put on a dress --
A black dress.

I got him to sit down.

Okay, pillow. Soft. Good.

You're right,
They're a little nutty.

Yeah, with extra nuts on top.

Okay, I have to check
And make sure

That sookie's kitchen stuff
Made it over here.

And I have to call the airline

And make sure the reverend
Got on the plane.

I have to check in
With the headstone --

[ gasps ] Underwear.

Um, that took a turn.

Oh, my god.

I delivered gran's clothes
To the funeral home,

But I forgot
To include underwear.

Gran's going commando?

Oh, no,
I'll have to go buy some.

Well, wait a minute.
Who's gonna know?

I'll know.
Just stay here.

Keep an eye on your grandpa.
I'll be right back.

This whole section
Is our 2-for-1 sale.

Listen --
Shannon.

Shannon, um, I need to buy
Something for my grandmother.

Any particular style?

Something respectable,
Upstanding.

You got anything that came over
On the mayflower?

We have this whole line
Of really terrific panties,

And they have
A built-in tummy panel

That older women really love.

Oh, well,
Tummy panel sounds great.

What size is she?

Size? Uh,
She's tiny but strong.

She looks like
She could take a punch.

But she wears
These big dresses,

So who knows
What's going on under there.

Okay, well --

I'm sorry,
She wo big dresses.

She wo big dresses,
'cause she's dead.

Oh.

Do you have any idea
What "Fresh clothing" means?

No.

Neither do I.

I'm guessing it means "New,"
And that's why I'm here,

Because I have to do
All the planning now,

Because my mother
Found the note.

[ scoffs ]
The stupid note.

Who writes a note like that
And keeps the carbon?

I don't --

Yeah, my grandmother --
That's who.

My grandmother,
Who wants fresh clothing

And a 4,000-year-old minister

Who wants to be cremated

And put in a jar on top
Of my mother's mantelpiece

To sit up there and judge
For all eternity.

I bet your family's looking
Really great to you

Right about now, huh?

Yes, they are.

Yeah. [ chuckles ]

Oh, god.
[ sniffles ]

I'm just babbling.

I'm standing
In underwire heaven

Just babbling
Like a crazy person.

I should just pick something,

Because, I mean,
What difference does it make?

She's dead.
You know, the woman is dead.

She can't tell
What she's wearing

Or who bought it for her.

She can't see the mess
She's left behind,

So [sighs] I'll just --
I'll take this.

That's a small.

Hello! She's dead!
The woman is dead!

She can't tell
If it's the right size!

She wanted fresh clothes,

And I'm here buying her
Fresh clothes.

So if she has a problem with
The size or the strawberry
Print,

Then she can rise
From the dead

And come back here
And yell at me herself.

Because you know what,
If anyone could,

That tough, old, crazy,
Wonderful broad

Would be the one!

[ sniffles ]

You take visa, right?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, so, according to this,
We're almost home.

I just pull this
Through there,

Which looks promising,
And we're done.

Now you just do
The final adjusting.

Well, that's not bad.

Fourth time's the charm.

Handy little sheet.
Where'd you get it?

Off the internet.
You can find anything there.

Hmm. Very nice.

Do you want to keep it --
The diagram?

I don't think I'll be needing it
Much around the dorm.

[ chuckles ]
Well, in that case, I will.

Thank you, rory.

Now I think all we need is
Your jacket and your shoes,

And you're ready.

[ sighs ]
Yes, I suppose so.

You know, the suit I wore
When we buried my father --

I was never able
To wear it again.

It was brand-new --
A very nice suit.

Custom-made.

It was my first
Custom-made suit.

I told your grandmother
That it didn't fit anymore,

But really, I just didn't
Want to see it again.

And I suppose this is going to
Be it for this suit, too.

So, I hear
You're doing the eulogy.

Well, I'm her son.

Are you gonna be okay
Doing that?

Well, I'll have to be,
I suppose.

Because if you find yourself

Feeling, you know, unsteady
About it, I can do it.

I did a lot of reading
About gran for the obituary,

And I think
I can do her justice.

She had a life, didn't she?

She really did.

Well, I thank you
For your offer,

But this
Is my responsibility.

I will be fine.

I'm sure you will.

However, if something happens,
And I find myself, let us say,

A tad more emotional
Than I would like --

I got your back, grandpa.

[ sighs ]

Did you go shopping?

I've been sitting here
Waiting for you.

[ sighs ]

Richard: thank you.
Thanks so much for coming.

Appreciate it.

Nice job with the eulogy,
Gilmore.

Well, I've always found
That a well-tied bow tie

Can have
A very steadying effect.

Richard, she was
A hell of a lady.

I don't know what the hospital
Board will do without her.

I appreciate
Both of you coming.

Have you met
My granddaughter, rory?

No, I don't believe we have.

Nice to meet you, rory.

Nice to meet you, too.

I'm gonna go get a soda.
Excuse me.

She's lovely, richard.

Inside and out.

How's he doing?
Not bad.

He's holding it together --

Partly because
All these people are here,

But I think
He's doing better.

Good.

What did you think of
Gran's fabulous, fresh clothing?

I thought it was
Very sophisticated.

Thank you.

But don't think, for a second,
That I didn't notice

The hello kitty bracelet
You put on her.

I just thought,
A little something special

From me and you
For all eternity.

So, there she was,

Dragging poor charles
Around egypt, of all places.

I mean,
The man detested sand.

So, of course,
Lorelai wanted

To go and see the pyramids
Right away.

Well, he was
Dragging his feet.

He wanted to go to the hotel.

He said, "Lorelai,
Those pyramids

Have been there
For thousands of years,

So they can wait another day."

And she said, "Well,
You didn't marry the pyramids.

You married me, and
I won't wait another hour."

And she jumped on a camel
And rode away.

Dragged the camel's owner
Behind her for over a mile.

Man almost died.

[ laughter ]

There she is.

Lorelai, come here
And say hello

To your father's
Favorite cousin.

Hi, marilyn.

Look at you.

You look
Just like your picture.

You know, your grandmother
Had this picture of you

Right smack-dab
In the middle of her entryway.

You would walk in the door,
She would point to the picture,

And she would say, "This is
My granddaughter, lorelai.

She's not married."

Oh, that's a terrific story.

You are stunning!

My god, tell me
You're an idiot, I beg you.

I have my moments.
How's that?

And you, miss, am I possibly
Related to you also?

Yes, this is
My daughter, rory.

It is a thrill
To meet you both.

Horrible circumstances,
I suppose.

Anyway, darlings, tell me,

When you were last over
At your grandmother's house,

Did you possibly notice some
Darling little bar glasses?

Bar glasses?

Crystal, with this little
Gold-leaf pattern around?

No, I don't think so.

Oh, well,
I was just wondering.

They weren't valuable,
Just sentimental.

I used to admire them
As a small child.

Well, sure,
What little kid

Doesn't have a fascination
With bar glasses?

Well, if you ever
Do see them --

Yes, I'll let you know.

I -- I'm sorry, I have to
Go check the caterer.

Go, go, go.

I can visit with rory.

Okay.

Hey, I heard you talking
About gran in egypt.

Oh, she loved egypt.

Actually, she loved
Anyplace exotic.

Did she ever tell you
About the time

She was stranded
In istanbul?

No. Well, I actually
Didn't know her very well.

Oh, that's a terrible shame.

I think so, too.

It was a lovely service.
You did a wonderful job.

Thank you.

It seems like
We're hitting that age

Where we're going to be going
To a lot of these things.

Time to invest
In a second black suit.

Please bring my husband
A manhattan,

And make sure the hors d'oeuvres
Start with him.

He has to eat something.

Yeah, I think philosophy

May be one of my favorite
Subjects right now.

Second cousin.
Got to go.

Wait, I'll come with you.

Reverend wilder, hi.

Thank you so much

For coming all the way up here
From florida to be with us.

Gran would have been
So pleased.

Oh, thank you.
I was happy to do it.

And you are?

I'm lorelai gilmore.

Didn't I just bury you?

No, reverend, I'm the one
Who talked to you on the phone,

And I picked you up
From the airport.

Oh, really?
Yeah.

That was
A different lorelai.

This is her granddaughter.
This is the reigning lorelai.

Oh, how nice.
And who are you?

This is gran's niece,
Marilyn.

You remember me from
When I was younger.

You married me to
My first husband, theodore.

I did?

It would be easier
On all of us

If you can just
Pretend to remember.

Oh, well, that's
Probably a good idea.

[ sighs ]

How are you holding up?

My feet are killing me.

How's the rest of you?

The rest of me?
The rest of me is fine.

Oh, you know, mom,

She may have written
That letter,

But he picked you.

I can't believe you wore
Those shoes to a funeral.

I'm going to go get
A stuffed mushroom now.

Thank you.

[ sighs ]

Hmm.

Your tie is crooked.
Oh.

Have you eaten?
Oh, yes.

Every five minutes,

A young man would show up
At my side with a tray of food.

Your doing, I suppose.

Could be.

There, that's better.

So, I've been thinking.

Yes?

I'm not so sure

The mantel is the best place
For gran's ashes.

The ledge is too small.
It wouldn't be appropriate.

But her wishes.

Being buried with
My father seems right.

Don't you agree?

Whatever you want, richard.

Marilyn: so, there she is,
Aunt lorelai --

Already in her 70s,
Mind you --

And the blizzard has her trapped
In that old house

For a week with no heat,
No running water.

The local police finally came
And dug her out

And handed her some hot tea.

And you know what she does?

First of all, she complains
That the tea is too hot,

And then she sends them
A bill for carpet cleaning,

Because they tracked in snow.

So, you ditched the cousin?

Yeah, we ran into a sister,
And how could I compete?

Oh, sure.
How are you doing?

I'm feeling sadder about gran,
But feeling sadder

Is making me feel less guilty
About not feeling sad,

So things are looking up.

Good.

So, apparently, I am now
The reigning lorelai.

Huh. I guess you are.

It's a lot of responsibility.
Well, sure.

It's mostly ceremonial stuff --
Declaring knighthoods,

Opening supermarkets --
But now and then,

You get to banish someone
Or pose for a stamp.

Neat. And coins.

Someday you'll be
The reigning lorelai.

I don't like that idea.

Why not? You get a cape.

Because if
I'm the reigning lorelai,

That means you'll be gone.

Gone? No, not me.

I'll step down
Way before that.

I'm not gonna pull
A queen elizabeth,

Force you to develop interests
In polo and architecture.

I am scared of horses.

I know that.

So, there's a cape, huh?

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