All language subtitles for Bewitched S07E20 This Little Piggie.DVDRip.NonHi.cc.en.SNY

More coffee, sweetheart?

No, thanks. I'll just
finish this and get going.

Sam, how come you haven't
said a word about my tie?

I was looking for
just the right word.

You don't like it.
I didn't say that.

You do like it?

I didn't say that either.

Well, I like it. You gotta keep
up with the times, you know.

Oh, did you finish the jingle

for Colonel Bringham's
Succulent Spareribs?

Yeah. I got two pretty good
ones here, if I say so myself.

I just can't make up my mind.

What mind?

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the author of:

How to Be a Shrewish
Mother-In-Law.

Darrin. This is a
perfect illustration

of why Durwood
remains on his treadmill.

A man who can't make up
his mind never will succeed.

Endora, that criticism
is unfair, unworthy and...

Uninvited.

And to show you
how wrong you are,

I have just made up my
mind to take my leave.

What this house
needs is a keeper.

Mother. Oh, Mother.

You are so exasperatingly
unfair to Darrin.

And once, just once,
when you come to visit,

I wish you'd leave
your fangs at home.

I'll have Adam
dressed in a minute.

You can play with him, okay?

I'd be delighted.

When, oh, when will you ever
learn that mother knows best?

And what mother knows best

is how to prove she's right.

Indecision now Will be your fate

In matters small
And matters great

A plague of ifs
And ands and buts

Will now descend
And drive you nuts

Hi, dumbo.

Are you out of your tree?

What are you
doing there? Get off.

Unless you'd rather stay.

On second thought, get off.

Personally, I think I make a
rather dashing hood ornament.

But how would you know?

Oh, Mr. Stephens! Mr. Stephens!

I have something
to discuss with you.

Can you spare a minute?

Of course.

But not really.

Well, which?

Well, actually, I should
be getting to the office,

but on the other hand...

What is it you want to
tell me, Mrs. Kravitz?

Well, it's about the trash
cans in the neighborhood.

Have you noticed how
terrible they look on trash day?

I'm trying to get everybody
to replace or paint them.

Hey... Wow, look at
the time. I've got to rush.

Oh-oh, but... But
I still don't know

whether you're
for or against it.

Can't you just spare
another minute?

Of course. Take your time.

I'm in no hurry whatsoever.

You know, Mr. Stephens,

someday your sarcasm
is gonna get you in trouble.

Mother? Mother? Hm.

Oh, dear.

Sweetheart, will you take him
outside on the patio and play

Okay. While I
answer this? Scoot.

Come on, Adam. I'll
show you how to skip rope.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz.
Well, what can I do for you?

Ask not what you can do for me.

Ask what you can do
for your neighborhood.

Okay. What can I do
for my neighborhood?

It's about cleaning up the
trash cans in the neighborhood.

Well, that's a good idea.

Well, I discussed this with
your husband as he was leaving,

but I just couldn't get
anywhere with him.

Didn't Darrin agree?

Well, I... I really
couldn't tell.

He acted so
strange, like he was...

Uh, I don't know, in a daze,

the way he kept
changing his mind and...

Changing his mind?

Maybe he ought to see
a doctor or something.

"Or something" is probably
a better suggestion.

Uh, Mrs. Kravitz,
will you excuse me?

I have an urgent matter
I have to take care of.

Well, what if we paint the
trash cans the same color?

Well, that's fine with me.

Well, would you
prefer yellow or...?

Mother, I-I'm not
accusing. I-I'm just asking.

Did you put a hex on
Darrin this morning?

Ooh!

"Hex, no."

Mother, that pun
is not only sick,

it is beyond help.

Tabitha, behave yourself.

Come on, Adam.

Give me back my
jump rope. Adam, will...?

Will you give Tabitha
back her jump rope?

Oh, Mother, I'll... I'll
take care of you later.

Darrin, I love
these jingles you did

for Colonel
Bringham's Spareribs.

Which one do you
think we ought to pitch?

Well, the one I really like is
the "Pop Goes the Weasel."

But the other is very
effective too, because...

I-I really can't
make up my mind.

Colonel Bringham's going
to be here in half an hour,

so let's come to a decision.

Of... Of course, till
we actually meet him,

we'll have to do
some blind flying,

but personally, I like

"The Little Piggy
Goes to Market."

It's appropriate for the
product and it's nice and safe.

Don't you agree? Absolutely.

Good. But not necessarily.

What?

Well, I mean, I think
it's a good approach,

but on the other hand, is it?

What do you mean?

Maybe it's a bad approach.

Darrin, don't fall apart

just when we're about to
close in on this account.

You know, your trouble
is you worry too much.

New tie, huh?

Right.

It's a little
overboard, isn't it?

It's okay with me.

Yes, but is it
appropriate to wear

when you're about to meet
a conservative gentleman

of the old South?

A thing like this can
be very damaging.

He might not say anything,
but he'll make a mental note:

"This man is not to be trusted."

Because of your
tie? That's ridiculous.

You're right. That's ridiculous.

Excuse me.

Where are you going?

Out to buy another tie.

Oh, hi... Hi, Betty. May
I speak to him, please?

Oh, hi, Miss Stephens.
He went out to buy a tie.

He did? Well, that's funny.

He was wearing a
brand-new tie when he left.

Yeah, I know. I don't
know what got into him.

I'm afraid I do.

Pardon?

Oh, uh, no... Nothing.

Uh, maybe I'll just come
upstairs and wait for him.

Oh, are you in the building?

Uh, no. But I'm not far away.

Thanks, Betty. Bye-bye.

Aunt Hagatha?

Aunt Hagatha?

Samantha. Oh, I wish
you wouldn't do that.

I was getting 40 winks
and I was only up to 35.

Oh, well, I-I'm terribly
sorry, Aunt Hagatha,

but it's an emergency.

Mother's been interfering
again, so she's hiding out.

Now, I have to pop
down to Darrin's office

and check on something.

Adam's taking his nap.
Tabitha's playing in her room.

And I owe you five winks.

Ooh...

Good afternoon.

This account man of
yours better be pretty good.

I'm not used to waiting around
for people that work for me.

Neither am I.

I can't get over the fact that
you are not from the South.

I wish you'd try
and get over it.

Everybody makes
the same mistake.

Frankly, it doesn't amuse me.

I suppose it's the combination
of "colonel" and "spareribs."

All those Kentucky
colonels, you know.

I'm a colonel.
U.S. Army, retired.

Oh?

I find that fascinating.

I find it a bore.

So is waiting around
for this genius of yours.

I'm sure something must
have happened to him.

And for his sake, I hope so.

I don't really understand it.

It's not like Darrin to
be late for a meeting.

Yeah, I know.

The colonel's here
and Mr. Tate is livid.

Sam, what are you doing here?

Sweetheart, I have to talk
to you about something.

Mr. Stephens,
the colonel is here

and Mr. Tate is pretty upset.

Oh, has he been asking for me?

Not asking. Yelling.

You're to get your
material and go right in.

Okay. Come on, Sam.

Is something
wrong? Yes, with you.

I think Mother might have...

I thought you went
shopping for a new tie.

I did.

But the salesman confused me

by showing me every tie
he had, so I finally gave up.

What was wrong with
the one you were wearing?

I thought it might
be a little too daring

for a conservative
man like the colonel.

That doesn't make any sense.

Oh, yes, it does.

But not too much.
But on the other hand,

you can't overlook anything

when you're
dealing with a client,

no matter how foolish it seems.

And it seems this
was pretty foolish,

so why did I do it?

Oh...

Oh... Oh, Darrin, I was
right. You are not well.

Darrin, would you
please get your...?

Oh, hi, Sam. Would
you care to join us?

No. What?

I mean, yes. And no.

What... What he means is we
we're in the middle of a discussion.

So were the colonel and I,

and it was about whether

you're going to be
working here tomorrow.

Excuse us.

All right, Mother.

I have had it with
your interference.

If the New York Jets had it,

they could probably
win the championship.

"Enjoyed your pun.

"I'm trifling with the
maharajah of Janipur

and haven't time
to trifle with you."

Oh...

"P.S. Notify the Jets

I won't be available
until 5:00 this afternoon."

Ah!

Good grief, Mother,
you're driving me crazy.

South Philadelphia?

It seems everyone makes
the same mistake, Darrin,

so let's not bore the
colonel. Just go on.

Uh, right.

Uh, this is the layout
for the campaign.

And the jingle is based
on "Pop Goes the Weasel."

Now, naturally,
I'm not a singer,

but I'll do my best.

Uh, not that I can't sing.
I can. But not very well.

Darrin, get on with it.

♪ For succulent ribs
That beat the best ♪

♪ You've got to try
Colonel Bringham ♪

♪ They're best by
taste And best by test ♪

♪ Oh, how you'll dig 'em ♪

♪ So stop by the colonel's
For a bucket of ribs ♪

♪ Give a day off to mommy ♪

♪ You'll love them
And we never tell fibs ♪

♪ "Yum," goes your tummy ♪

"'Yum, ' goes your tummy"?

Of course, that line
can be changed.

Or any of the lines.
Or even the melody.

No. Why? It's catchy.

Exactly. Darrin,
don't change a thing.

Naturally, with an orchestra,
it'll be even more effective.

Right, Darrin? Right.

At least I hope so.

You, uh, seem to
have some reservations.

No, no, no. I was just thinking
about the other idea I had.

In some ways, it was even cuter.

It's based on, uh,

"This Little Piggy
Went to Market."

The game you play
with a baby's toes.

Hm.

Toes, spareribs?
Bad image, forget it.

Would you let him go on?

Do you really like this idea?

How do I know? I
haven't heard it yet.

Well, now, Larry's right.

Uh, I think we should go
with, "'Yum, ' goes your tummy."

I don't.

But I thought you
said you liked it.

I did, but if he's got
any doubts about it,

that's enough to kill it for me.

Well, then let me
finish telling you about

"This Little Piggy
Goes to Market."

No, no, no. I'm sorry. I
can't wait around here

When you make up your
mind what you're sold on,

then you can sell me.

Colonel, would you wait
just a moment, please?

I want to make arrangements

to pick you up
for dinner tonight.

Be right back.

Congratulations.

That was one of the most
beautiful pieces of sabotage

I've ever witnessed.

Oh, yeah? Well, let
me tell you something...

I really made a
mess of it, didn't I?

Darrin, you're not well.

Uh, Larry, if you don't
mind, I'd better go right home.

Mind? That's the best
idea you've had today.

Or should I stay?

Let me help you.

Go home. That's an order.

Uh, yes, sir. On
the other hand...

Darrin, I'll try to
talk the colonel

into coming over a
little earlier tonight.

So you better come
up with something

to replace the idea
you just shot down.

I'll do my best.

I just saw your best.
You'll have to do better.

Sam.

I had a feeling
you'd be home early.

I would have been
home a lot earlier,

but I couldn't decide

whether to take the
tunnel or the bridge.

And I finally decided
on the bridge,

then I couldn't
decide which bridge.

I've been driving
around for hours.

On top of everything else,

Larry is bringing
the client over early.

Sam, do something!

I-I've been trying to
reach Mother all afternoon.

Now, please, just calm down.

I'm calm, I'm calm.

For a man who's
upset, I am very calm.

I'm also very upset.

Mother.

Mother?

I... I... I'm gonna
count to three

and I want you to
show up at once, or else.

One, two, three.

Four? Five.

Or else what?

Mother, I want you to
take that spell off Darrin

and don't deny that
you put one on him.

Who's denying?

Endora, no offense,

but the more I see you,
the more I like you less.

But on the other hand, you
do have a warm spot for me.

Right?

That's true.

And I wish you'd
go there right now.

I'd be delighted.

Mother, don't you dare leave

until you have taken
that spell off Darrin.

Samantha, are you ordering me?

No. I'm just suggesting...
very strongly.

Very well. I guess
I've had my fun.

Spell's off. There you
are. No harm done.

No harm done? How would
you like a necklace of fingers?

Oh, careful, sweetheart.

Don't stop him, Samantha.

When he's angry and
his eyes flash like that,

it transforms him from a dull
clod into an angry dull clod.

Same to you, fella.

What was that?

Mother, what do you expect
him to do, lie down like a lamb?

Especially when you're
so wrong about him.

He is not indecisive.

He has no trouble
making up his mind.

And when he does,
he rarely changes it.

You mean he's pigheaded.

I didn't say that.

Well, I did.

Oh!

Oh... Oh, Mother,
that's... That's...

A definite improvement.

Uh, you're right, sweetheart.

That is absolutely
the lowest thing

Mother has ever done.

No, it isn't. This is.

Where is he?

Outside, where the entire world
can see how pigheaded he is.

Outside? You didn't
do anything outrageous

like put him on the front lawn?

What kind of a fool
do you take me for?

I put him on the roof.

Oh, my stars.

Ooh!

Darrin, don't you call my
mother names like that.

It might make matters worse.

That's true. How could they be?

I'll get you down in a
moment, sweetheart.

Oh, my stars.

Stephens is one of
those erratic geniuses.

They're peculiar, but
the end product is...

What's the matter?

Hi, Larry.

Sam, what's...? What's that?

It's Darrin.

Uh, you must be
Colonel Bringham.

Uh, how do you do? I...
I'm Samantha Stephens.

You are? I mean, how do you do?

I-I suppose you're wondering
what that is all about.

Wondering isn't quite the word.

Well, it's Darrin's idea
for a revolving sign

to go over all your
restaurants, colonel.

All... All right,
sweetheart. Revolve.

Well, uh, actually, that...

That is just part of
the whole campaign

that Darrin has
devised for you, colonel.

Uh, the pig's head will be seen
on all of your TV commercials,

uh, your menus, et cetera.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh, that's enough, sweetheart.

I think they've got the idea.
You can come down now.

Shall we go inside?

By the way, how'd
he get up there?

Oh, uh... by that ladder.

Oh?

That's funny. I didn't
notice the ladder until now.

Darrin, come on down.

We're anxious to
hear the details.

How's that for enterprise, huh?

McMann & Tate
is first in enterprise.

Yeah, well, I'll be
the judge of that.

What's your new idea, Stephens?

Uh, well, it-it... It's very
difficult to talk in that mask,

So instead of talking, uh,
why don't we just go inside

and demonstrate to,
uh, Larry and the colonel?

Good idea. Come.

We'll have a drink too.

How did you get your wife

to collaborate
with you like this?

I can't get my wife
interested in spareribs.

Oh, ha-ha, you'd be surprised

how many ideas have
been born in this house.

Uh, now... Now, sweetheart, um,

do you remember
where you come in?

Oh, good. Good.

♪ Colonel Bringham's
Ribs are best ♪

♪ Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh ♪

♪ They're sweet and
tender That's no jest ♪

♪ Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh With a: ♪

♪ Here and a: ♪

♪ There. Here a: ♪

♪ There a: ♪

♪ Everywhere a: ♪

♪ Buy a bucket of ribs today ♪

♪ Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh ♪

I've just got one word for that.

Look, they were
just kidding around.

Weren't you?

I hope not. I think
it's sensational.

Oh, listen, these
two never kid around.

Ah, you've done it
again, you sly fox.

Or should I say, "sly pig"?

You're pretty good at that.

You ought to perform in
the commercial yourself.

What do you think?

Uh, why...? Why don't
you take that thing off now?

Oh, well... Well, uh, Larry,

you know how Darrin
loves to investigate details.

Well, he just wanted to see

how long an actor
could stay in that mask

without too much discomfort.

Oh. Tremendous head for detail.

Hm.

But we're going
to be eating soon,

so why don't you take it off?

Yes, and how long
are you going to...?

Oh. Uh, if... If
you'll excuse us,

we have a special
fluid in the kitchen

that we remove it with.

We'll be right back. Mm.

I am very impressed
with him, Tate.

He really takes
his work seriously.

Well, that's the sort of thing I
encourage at McMann & Tate.

Okay, Mother, this is
it. The chips are down.

Either you show up or...

Either I show up or what?

Either you show up or you don't.

Mother, we have guests.

Why don't you tell them
Durwood made a pig of himself?

M-Mother, undo your
thing, and quickly.

I don't know. I
think I'm entitled

to a little apology first.

Apologize, sweetheart.

He apologizes. I
didn't quite catch that.

Sam?

Mother!

Oh, you didn't tell me your
mother was here, Samantha.

How are you, Endora?
Very well, thank you.

Well, uh, M-Mother just
dropped in unexpectedly.

And now she has to drop out.

Oh, too bad.

Anyway, thanks to your
brilliant footwork, Darrin,

the account is ours.

Well, there was nothing wrong
with Sam's footwork either.

Or her singing. Thanks, Sam.

I don't suppose I
get any thanks at all.

Oh, Mother.

You'll get yours, later.