All language subtitles for In.the.Know.S01E06.Thinksgiving.720p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX_Eng

Okay, now remember,

we're only stopping for 30 minutes.

I mean, of all the things
to do in New York,

you want to watch
the Thanksgiving Day Parade?

It's so basic.

Wh-why don't we just get enslaved horses

to pull us through Central Park?

Now, my staff is a bit tedious,

so we'll pop in for the parade,
and then we'll be on our way.

And that is when the real fun begins.

I've prepared an itinerary
of intellectual delights.

Ugh, I cannot believe
your mother bought you

- that thing.
- Mom's cool.

But it completely blocks out
your surroundings.

Although,
I understand the appeal

since your surroundings
are usually Phoenix.

I wish I was in Phoenix.

Look, Thanksgiving is
the one time of the year

that I get to see you.

You only wanted me here
'cause your girlfriend's

in Montreal getting railed
by that found metal sculptor.

Okay, LaRue is the third in our throuple.

I enjoy that he gives her pleasure.

It's called compersion.

And it'd be nice if you could have

a little compersion for me.

Jealous of LaRue.

The poor oaf doesn't even own a Kindle.

And apparently,
his penis is extremely bulky.

Okay, the next float's a giant turkey.

- Uh-huh.
- There's a woman waving

on the back.
It's that Irish girl

who plays Joan Rivers, I think.

- Oh!
- Oh, no.

It's Christine Baranski!

Ooh! How's her coat?

She looks like she is keeping warm.

Oh, good.

Gi-give a shout when you see

the Panic in Needle Park float.

I don't think there's
gonna be one of those.

Fuckin' A.

Uh, Barb, Snoopy's coming.

Oh, wow!

And there's Santa!

Hi, Santa!

I guess that means it's over.

Lauren, hi.

We weren't sure you were coming.

- Is this--
- Yes.

Do-doo-da-loo!

My son, Ginsberg.

Why are we in a bathroom?

It's the only view
of the parade from the office.

Oswald would have had a field day up here.

So wonderful to meet you, Ginsberg.

We've heard so much about you.

Really?

- Um--
- They just started deflating

the Woodstock balloon.

Well, I'll watch that.

How could deflating balloons
possibly be of interest?

I relate to getting
the life sucked out of me.

Fine, but don't dawdle.

We're already late
for our walk at the Cloisters

with Soon-Yi Previn.

Hasn't she been through enough?

Is Ginsberg named
after Allen or Ruth Bader?

Well, we want him to decide
when he turns 21.

That's fun.

This will be a formative trip.

13 is that crucial age

when a boy finally begins
crafting his identity.

- Hm.
- I need to get to work.

In Phoenix, the cultural
highlight of the year

is Cinco de Mayo at Hooters.

I always try to give my daughter space

to follow her own path.

He'll certainly be carving his own path.

Carving it right
into his papa's footsteps.

Do you want to try
some mulled wine, Fabian?

I refuse to celebrate a holiday rooted

in First People's pain.

Then why are you here?

For me, it's a regular work day.

Yeah, it's a work day for me too.

I'm working on getting drunk.

You didn't want to see your family?

I won't throw away my principles

for a few rounds of singing charades.

Where's your family?

The girls are with their mom.

They'll be with me for Christmas.

We're just about to leave.

Oh, I've got some great gossip
about Fran Lebowitz's tailor.

- Hint, hint, he goes by the name of J.
- Crew Outlet.

Okay, I'm off to my daughter's.

We'll be pigging out on pumpkin bread

and bingeing "The Crown" all day.

That queen...

Her staff really respects her, don't they?

Nobody leave yet.

The wine's almost done mulling.

Oh, I'll wait for one mug.

And what do the Caspian men have planned?

Well, the pièce de résistance
is a sushi dinner

with "The New Yorker's"
assistant copy editor

and his circle of wits.

A true Thinks-giving, if you will.

That sounds horrible.

That guy Sandy said he needed
to take a whore's bath.

Oh, Ginsberg.

The correct term is "sex worker's bath."

Uh, i-it's called a whore's bath

or a Portuguese shower,

and that's it.

Maybe this will remind everyone

of the blood this holiday has
on its hands.

Mmm.

No.

Of course I'll be okay.

I love you.

Hm. That was my daughter.

She's volunteering to spend Thanksgiving

with a lonely older woman.

I guess we got our wires crossed.

I thought she meant me.

Hm.
Well, in the words of Vonnegut,

"So it goes."

Now, Ginsberg, we must be going.

Do you wanna play?

Ginsberg?

Oh.

Um, sure.

Thank you, Ginsberg.

Only my dad calls me that.

You can call me Eric.

Oh, my goodness.

Is this Fallujah?

It looks so different.

You've been to Fallujah?

A lifetime ago--

Look at that.

I used to spend every
Sunday morning at that café.

Wait, who are you?

Oh, no, you don't, mister.

Eric, I sniped him!

Sick.

Hm.

Mmm.

Getting there.

They opened the door?

These rats are getting smart as hell.

To you, rats.
Happy Turkey Day.

I-if you--if you click left,
you can pick your guns.

Oh.

Hey, Ginsberg, look.

Two dads.

Do I look like Lauren Caspian?

Sure.

Oh, I thought you might have

a slightly two-dimensional idea of me.

Sorry, did that fall flat?

You've got a great kid here, Lauren.

Barb, respectfully,
the day we need your approval

will be the day we murder-suicide.

No offense.

None taken.

Unbelievable.

Barb...

Trying to steal my son?

Send her back to Phoenix.

Wine's almost ready.

Oh.

What's up, turkeys?

Chase.
You look so elegant.

Oh, thanks.

My parents always have
a black-tie Thanksgiving brunch

at the Princeton Club so they can go home

and get quietly drizz-unk by themselves.

Oh, dear.

Yeah.

I'm actually kind of sad.

LOL.

But there was an oily fish appetizer

that I thought
Sandy would be into,

so I brought it in a CVS bag,

just like he likes it.

- Mmm.
- Oh, shit, whose kid is this?

I'd rather not say.

Uh, Lauren's son, Eric,
is letting me bore him

with my old war stories.

They're not boring.

- I think they're kind of--
- Barb.

I need to talk to you about a work thing.

Find me an interview guest.

You got it.
For when?

Today.
Ginsberg is obviously

bored out of his mind here.

But...it's Thanksgiving.

So?
Get a guest who's not American.

- Get--
- I don't know, Volodymyr Zelenskyy.

- He seems fun.
- I don't think we can make

a day-of request
to the president of Ukraine.

Well, then get me Putin.

I don't care, just find me a guest.

I want Ginsberg to see me in my element.

- Uh--
- I'll do what I can.

Oy gevalt.

Sorry to strand you with Barb.

I should've rescued you earlier.

She's interesting and nice.

Mm, interestingly boring.

And nice at s--being not, uh--

Being tedious.

She was a war journalist.

Was.

- Ba-ba-bap!
- Hey!

I'm sorry, Ginsberg,
but I cannot stand idly by

while you lobotomize yourself
with the nearest widow.

You'll thank me later.

Are you serious?

Very.
But fear not.

I'm going to introduce you
to my VR experience.

What?

Vigorous repartee.

We know you're boycotting
non-Indigenous holidays,

but home's just not the same
without you, Ashley.

We saved the turkey skin, but
there's no one here to eat it.

I wouldn't eat it anyway.

That's right, I'm sorry.

You sent us that disturbing
article about factory farming.

Mom read it too.

She did?

Of course, honey.

We read all the articles you send.

I miss you guys.

Oh, my gosh, we miss you
like a limb, honey.

- Tell her, Codi.
- Hi, Ashley!

Hi, Boo Boo.

I heard your four-H presentation
kicked butt.

Um, this is actually
where I do qigong and pass gas.

- Sorry, I--
- I got to get back to work.

Bye, guys.

Love you.

You might know him as
the brilliant Dr. Gregory House

on the show that would eventually inspire

the American version of "The Office."

Hugh Laurie, welcome to "In the Know."

Thank you, Lauren.
It's a--it's a great--

It's a great pleasure to be here.

Hugh, my producer,
Barb, claims

that she was able to book you
on such short notice

because you and her are,
and I quote, "old friends."

Can you call her out now
for the liar that she is?

No, I can't--
I can't do that exactly.

Lauren, I would say
Barb and I are--

Yeah, we--we, um--we--
We go a long way back.

And if I'm blushing...

Well, perhaps she is too.

Gross.

What do you think it means

for England to finally have a male king?

Uh--

Is there sort of a sense
that "Daddy's home"?

It-it's not "Daddy's home" for me.

Um, it's "a bloke's home."

A bloke's come home.

Right, a bloke has wandered
into our house,

and we don't know if he's a crazed drifter

or whether he's one of
our mother's many boyfriends.

Right.
That would--

Yeah, that would be closer,
I think.

Speaking of daddies, when I was young,

my father would ask me to stay
in my room and play solitaire

whenever he'd invite over
a, quote, "adult friend,"

which was his thinly-veiled
nickname for prostitutes.

To this day,
I still find myself

sexually aroused by a deck of cards.

What was your relationship
with your father like?

Not like that.

How long do these last?

In clock time or emotionally?

Mm, I don't know.

I feel much older after each one.

Let's talk music.

You play both blues and jazz.

What is it about white music
you don't like?

I--

It's--obviously, it's not true to say

I don't like white music.

- Obviously, you know--
- Let me cut you off,

wh-which I like to do sometimes.

Many scholars believe

that Shakespeare was not a single person.

You yourself have asserted
that the work was created by,

and I quote,
"a writer's room full of Jews,

a veritable
Elizabethan Sid Caesars."

Can you elaborate?

No, Lauren, I never said that

or anything close to it.

Wanna have some fun?

Yeah.

You, um--you--
You Brits are famous

for repressing your emotions, whereas--

Sorry, um, are we having
technical problems?

Okay, speed round.

Short answer questions.
Here we go.

Coffee or tea?

Coffee.

Bert or Ernie?

Who?

Hugh, what should we--

What sh--

Carl, are you hearing that?

Sorry.

We got invading frequencies

from a neighborhood station.

All good now.

Hugh, what should we do
about Meghan Markle?

- I--
- I--I don't know
that any action is required.

Going green or going shopping?

Doing the work

or doing the damn thang?

Going green.

"Sex and the City"

or "Sex and the--"

"Sex--"

This ain't your daddy's station.

You're listening to 103.9 The Hawk.

Awooo!

Carl.
Carl, are you hearing it?

It's really--it's overwhelming.

Mm, it's not coming through on the tape,

so we're all good.

Okay.

Hugh.

Hugh.

Yeah?

Hugh.

- It's been--
- Lauren.

Okay, but I need to get--

- I was--
- I was about to do my outro.

If we could get that clean,
that would be wonderful.

- Okay.
- Hugh.

But don't--don't ice me.

If I'm saying your name,
you can respond to that.

Hugh.

- Lauren.
- We're--

Okay.

It's very, very important
that I get the outro clean.

I just wan to be clear about that.

Hugh.

- Lauren.
- Thank you--no.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Hugh, I value your time.

Do you value my time?

- I certainly do, yes.
- Okay.

Then please, we just need to get it clean.

Make sure you respond, but just
not when I'm doing my outro.

- Okay?
- Okay, okay.

- Okay. Hugh.
- Lauren.

Thank you so much...

For being on the show.

We appreciate...

Well, are you gonna respond?

- I don't understand.
- Oh.

I, too, appreciate the opportunity

to appear on your show, and--and--

And that's our show.

This has been a banquet of connections,

emotions, thoughts, and feelings.

- It certainly--
- Thank you.

Thank you.

So what'd you think?

- I loved it.
- Ah!

Wasn't it scintillating?

Look, I know we missed tapas with Herman,

but we can nosh with
a pansexual geologist any time.

I thought you'd rather get
to see your dad do what he do.

No, no, no, no, it's Carl.

He's so funny.

He should have his own TikTok
or something.

Preaching to the choir, little man.

You should see his impression of your dad.

Wh--pardon?

Oh, come on, Carl.
Do it!

I should probably go check on my--

Do it...

Do it, do it!

Imitation is
the sincerest form of flattery.

Go ahead, Carl.

Okay, this is
Lauren ordering takeout.

I revere your beautiful culture.

But if there is a hint of spice
in my pad Thai,

I will press charges.

Oh, my God.

That is so good.

You're a thespian, Carl.

You're literally
Frank Caliendo, dude.

He even got the way your vowels sound wet.

A common parrot can do
an imitation though.

African Grey Beard--

Not because you're
African American--

Or that you have a gray beard.

I would never call you
African Grey Beard.

Now, if you'll excuse us,

Ginsberg and I are due
at Sushi Damo by 6:00.

Can we just eat turkey
like regular people?

Caspians are anything but regular.

The quotables and limericks
you hear tonight

will be what you bring back to the literal

and cultural desert where you live.

I don't wanna go.

We've already missed
three of the 19 courses.

And I, for one,
refuse to miss course five.

The sous-chef pinches you while you eat.

Get your coat, Ginsberg.

Get your coat, Ginsberg.

We shan't waste our day

with the lowest common denominator.

That's enough.

Look at me.

I read big, awful books,

and I watch movies
that are homework from hell.

Ginsberg!

I got Ginsberg's mom
pregnant in a hot tub.

She read a feminist poem, and I jizzed,

and through some sick miracle,
Ginsberg was conceived.

Oh, kiddo, you shouldn't know that.

It was a natural hot springs.

We're gonna go to a raw fish
Thinks-giving with strangers

because everything I do
has to be interesting...

- Ginsberg--
- Even though hardly anyone

pays attention to me, and the ones who do...

- That's enough!
- Just think I'm lonely!

And sad!

And lame!

Uh, everyone else could see
that little boy too, right?

The sound you make when you weep

is giving me a migraine.

My son hates me.

No. I hate you.

Your son is just angry with you.

No, I suck.

I suck so bad.

Stop making that sound, you bitch.

I didn't think you used that word.

I usually don't.

Do you want me to listen,
or do you want me to solve it?

Mm, solve it?

Stop trying to get Ginsberg
to be like you.

You don't even like being you.

I love being me.

No! Please, please.

Okay, tell me what to do.

Just be a dad.

Be a normal, boring dad.

I don't know how to be boring.

Wrong, bitch!

You are boring.

So am I.
That's why I hate you.

You're like a magic mirror that shows me

what a sweaty fraud I am.

I mean, look at us.

I'm staging a protest for nobody,

and you're dragging your son
to get mercury poisoning

with nerds who don't even like you.

And for what?

We're still boring, Lauren.

Now we're just boring and alone.

So wh-what do I do with Ginsberg?

I don't know.

Just try to enjoy the things he enjoys.

Hmm.

His pleasure is my pleasure.

Of course--compersion.

Fabian, thank you.

Stop crying, you little bitch.

♪ We've come too far together ♪

♪ To throw it all away ♪

♪ 'Cause right here in my heart, girl ♪

♪ Forever you will stay ♪

♪ 'Cause, baby, you're the one ♪

♪ That keeps me hanging on ♪

Hello?

I know.

It's time to go to sushi.

I'll be down in a second.

- I--
- I thought maybe we could stay here.

Why?

Well, I was thinking maybe

we could play that killing game
that you like.

You won't like it.

There aren't any jazz critics in it.

Well, if it's--
If it's okay with you, Eric,

I-I'd like to at least try it.

Oh.

Oh, my goodness, this is very realistic.

And I have to be a soldier?

There's no diplomatic option?

Yeah, you gotta be a s-soldier.

You're in the war.

I'm in the war.

- Ha. Ha.
- Oh, thank God.

We were worried you'd
come up here to kill yourself.

Lauren's not dead, guys.

He's playing a game.

- Mmm, mulled to perfection.
- Oh. Ah.

- Oh, look out.
- Oh, goodness!

Someone's attacking.

ISIS!
Or is it?

Is it the fog of war?

Dad!

- Whoa!
- You don't have

to move around so much.

- I--
- I hate to say it,
but I'm enjoying the violence.

I like to kill.

Ah.

Grenade!

Oh.

Dad!

I'm alive.

Woodstock has saved us again.

First in '69, then in '99,

and now, in 2019.

Sandy, it's 2023.

Mm.

♪ Sometimes I wonder ♪

♪ If I'm ever gonna make it home again ♪

♪ It's so far and out of sight ♪

♪ I really need someone to talk to ♪

♪ And nobody else knows
how to comfort me tonight ♪

♪ Snow is cold ♪

♪ Rain is wet ♪

♪ Chills my soul ♪

♪ Right to the marrow ♪

♪ I won't be happy till I see you ♪

♪ Alone again ♪

♪ Till I'm home again and feeling right ♪

Joe Biden was born in Kenya!