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1
00:00:00,726 --> 00:00:02,619
Adult Mark: My father and I
didn't play hockey
2
00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:04,148
or fix cars to bond.
3
00:00:04,233 --> 00:00:06,184
- We read the paper.
- [papers rustle]
4
00:00:06,289 --> 00:00:08,203
The old man was his own
search engine.
5
00:00:08,288 --> 00:00:11,022
Oh, hell of an article here
about the feds. Scissors.
6
00:00:11,107 --> 00:00:12,898
Adult Mark: He had stacks
of newspaper clippings
7
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,848
that he would reference
to write stories.
8
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:16,984
I, too, mined the headlines
for fodder.
9
00:00:17,068 --> 00:00:20,068
[Chuckles] Hell of a good
joke in this drabble cartoon.
10
00:00:20,204 --> 00:00:21,406
Scissors?
11
00:00:21,491 --> 00:00:24,543
Adult Mark: Mom and pop got
the news in a different way.
12
00:00:24,898 --> 00:00:28,861
Mary: Oh, Jean got a cab
to work today. Hmph!
13
00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:31,064
I heard she had a date
with an oil rig worker.
14
00:00:31,186 --> 00:00:33,219
I bet she left her car downtown
last night,
15
00:00:33,304 --> 00:00:34,664
and we all know
what that means.
16
00:00:34,749 --> 00:00:36,859
Hey, mail truck stopped
at the o'Connors.
17
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,539
- What's the date? 5th?
- Mm...
18
00:00:38,623 --> 00:00:40,207
It's not the old age pension.
19
00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:43,192
Ah... Welfare cheques are out.
[chuckles]
20
00:00:43,327 --> 00:00:45,345
Poor John O'Conner's been
out of work for months.
21
00:00:45,429 --> 00:00:48,282
He says it's his leg,
but you know what I heard?
22
00:00:48,366 --> 00:00:50,551
- It's his elbow.
- Hmm. [Chuckles]
23
00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:53,220
Hey, Mark, stop playing
with your father.
24
00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:55,355
You need to start practicing
for your school play audition,
25
00:00:55,439 --> 00:00:57,291
- Hmm?
- Audition?
26
00:00:57,375 --> 00:01:00,194
- What play are you doin'?
- It's the easter Carol.
27
00:01:00,278 --> 00:01:02,262
It's the story
of the resurrection, told...
28
00:01:02,346 --> 00:01:03,964
through the eyes
of the innkeeper
29
00:01:04,048 --> 00:01:05,899
Who catered the last supper.
30
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,634
[laughs] they're still doin'
that.
31
00:01:07,718 --> 00:01:10,186
- You know it?
- Know it? I was in it!
32
00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:12,521
I played Hamar, the innkeeper.
33
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:15,391
My teacher said that
I was spectacular.
34
00:01:15,526 --> 00:01:17,911
Yeah. You were a spectacle,
you mean.
35
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,914
That play was god awful.
[mail thumps]
36
00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,217
What part are you trying
out for, Mark?
37
00:01:23,301 --> 00:01:24,718
Hamar, the innkeeper.
38
00:01:24,802 --> 00:01:27,136
[loud thud] Same part!
[paper thumps lightly]
39
00:01:27,271 --> 00:01:29,056
I could help you
to your run lines.
40
00:01:29,140 --> 00:01:32,092
That's what we actors call
rehearsing.
41
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,927
Adult Mark: The old man
was interested in me!
42
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,662
This was unprecedented.
43
00:01:35,746 --> 00:01:37,079
That'd be great.
44
00:01:37,214 --> 00:01:39,615
Chip off the old block.
[paper flaps]
45
00:01:39,750 --> 00:01:41,168
Pop: Oh, they're not cheques!
46
00:01:41,252 --> 00:01:44,286
- Oh no, it's a package!
- What?
47
00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:46,473
Now, why on earth would
they be gettin' a package?
48
00:01:46,572 --> 00:01:49,572
Oh, well, Mary, make us
a cup o' tea, luv.
49
00:01:49,694 --> 00:01:52,628
Looks like I'll be eating
at the window today.
50
00:01:52,763 --> 00:01:56,416
First thing you gotta know,
acting is pretending.
51
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,955
You might hear people say
that acting is listening.
52
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,777
Don't listen,
'cause that'll throw you off.
53
00:02:01,906 --> 00:02:04,191
So, that's a table for
thirteen, no reservation,
54
00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:06,260
and you all wanna sit
on one side?
55
00:02:06,344 --> 00:02:08,762
Well, I'll see what I can do,
but I'm, hmph,
56
00:02:08,846 --> 00:02:10,145
I'm no miracle worker!
57
00:02:10,281 --> 00:02:12,966
Good! Good! Although try it
a little louder!
58
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:15,302
You really ha' to project
to your audience.
59
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,971
Pretend that there's a deaf old
man in the back of the room.
60
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,840
- What?
- Nothing.
61
00:02:19,924 --> 00:02:22,976
Now, stand with your feet at
quarter to and quarter after
62
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,960
to open yourself up
for your audience.
63
00:02:25,095 --> 00:02:26,814
And it's always a good idea
64
00:02:26,898 --> 00:02:29,465
to address your audience
with a little wave.
65
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,319
Say, "hello, audience!"
66
00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:35,471
Hello, audience!
Goodbye, moron!
67
00:02:35,606 --> 00:02:38,392
This play has always sucked.
[footsteps recede]
68
00:02:38,476 --> 00:02:40,727
Never listen to the critics.
69
00:02:40,811 --> 00:02:43,212
Don't mind him.
He's just jealous.
70
00:02:43,347 --> 00:02:46,800
We never had a special bond
like you and I have.
71
00:02:46,884 --> 00:02:48,569
[Sighs happily]
72
00:02:48,653 --> 00:02:50,671
I'm so proud of you, son,
73
00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:52,573
and I know you're not gonna
let me down.
74
00:02:52,657 --> 00:02:54,808
Now, get in position,
75
00:02:54,892 --> 00:02:57,211
shoulders back,
76
00:02:57,295 --> 00:02:59,213
And... Hello, audience!
77
00:02:59,297 --> 00:03:00,881
Hello, audience!
78
00:03:00,965 --> 00:03:02,316
- Very good.
- Oh.
79
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,852
Feel the magic in the air?
80
00:03:04,936 --> 00:03:06,887
- Yeah.
- That's show business.
81
00:03:06,971 --> 00:03:09,056
[Exhales sharply,
then chuckles]
82
00:03:09,140 --> 00:03:12,025
Oh, your timing's off
by a good five years, my luv.
83
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:15,028
Well, yes, I'm sure.
Elizabeth critch died in...
84
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,097
[panicked] Dear god!
Give me that!
85
00:03:17,181 --> 00:03:20,567
Yes, hello? Uh, yes,
this is Patrick critch.
86
00:03:20,651 --> 00:03:23,036
You were speaking to my wife,
Elizabeth.
87
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,673
Sadly, her mind has gone.
88
00:03:26,757 --> 00:03:29,425
I know, luv, I know.
It's a very sad situation,
89
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,512
but as you can see,
she's very much alive...
90
00:03:32,596 --> 00:03:34,882
[cord rattles,
struggling grunts]
91
00:03:34,966 --> 00:03:37,032
And stronger than
she would appear.
92
00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:38,886
Yeah... oh, oh, oh my god!
93
00:03:38,970 --> 00:03:41,221
She's wandering towards
the highway, I better go!
94
00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:43,138
[Handset clanks with force]
95
00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:46,526
- Nanny is dead.
- [grunts]
96
00:03:46,610 --> 00:03:49,062
My darling Elizabeth
will always live on
97
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,931
close to my heart.
98
00:03:51,015 --> 00:03:53,600
More specifically,
her pension will also live on
99
00:03:53,684 --> 00:03:55,702
in my bank account,
100
00:03:55,786 --> 00:03:59,239
Because I didn't report her
as dead.
101
00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:02,276
- Oh my god!
- Oh, what's the big deal?!
102
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,278
The government ha' got
plenty of money.
103
00:04:04,362 --> 00:04:07,229
They didn't notice...
Until recently.
104
00:04:07,364 --> 00:04:10,632
Is this the first time
the cra has called here?
105
00:04:10,768 --> 00:04:12,752
Yeah... what do you mean,
today?
106
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,302
Jesus in the jungle!
107
00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:17,072
You will put an end to this,
108
00:04:17,207 --> 00:04:19,092
or I will reunite you
with your wife
109
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:22,378
Sooner than you thought!
110
00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:24,097
[Footsteps recede]
111
00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:28,335
[♪♪♪]
112
00:04:28,419 --> 00:04:29,970
[plastic hockey sticks thwap]
113
00:04:30,054 --> 00:04:32,239
Adult Mark: In the gymnatorium,
the nerds and the jocks
114
00:04:32,323 --> 00:04:35,108
were forced to walk the line
between sports and art,
115
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,826
as if they were walking
a tightrope.
116
00:04:37,961 --> 00:04:39,446
Which, come to think of it,
[players yell]
117
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:41,497
Is itself both a sport
and an art.
118
00:04:41,632 --> 00:04:43,951
[Sticks thwap,
shrill whistle blast]
119
00:04:44,035 --> 00:04:46,119
Would you kindly keep
your balls to yourself
120
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,936
and away from my stage?
121
00:04:48,072 --> 00:04:51,525
Mr. Byrne: Wha... your stage?!
This is my gym!
122
00:04:51,609 --> 00:04:53,627
This is St. Brigid's.
123
00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:56,463
- Ball hockey is a religion!
- Ugh!
124
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:59,199
And my b'ys need practice
just as much as your girls -
125
00:04:59,283 --> 00:05:01,969
and Mark and Ritchie.
[shrill whistle blast]
126
00:05:02,053 --> 00:05:05,153
What part are you trying for?
Hamar? Casca?
127
00:05:05,288 --> 00:05:08,475
Stage manager!
Or maybe props master.
128
00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,493
Is it better to be a manager
or a master?
129
00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:15,264
It's better to be a star!
130
00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:17,617
You could try for casca
the centurion?
131
00:05:17,701 --> 00:05:19,486
It's only one line,
but you'd be onstage
132
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,521
for almost the whole show.
133
00:05:21,605 --> 00:05:23,490
Nah, you're the actor.
134
00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:25,158
I bet you get the lead;
135
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:27,728
- You can really work a crowd.
- I'm sure there's plenty
136
00:05:27,812 --> 00:05:29,496
of kids who'll give me a run
for my money...
137
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:31,965
[shrill whistle blast]
But thank you.
138
00:05:32,049 --> 00:05:34,001
[Ruler thwaps loudly]
139
00:05:34,085 --> 00:05:36,384
Tina, why don't you
start us off?
140
00:05:37,655 --> 00:05:39,688
[Shrill whistle blast,
indistinct chatter]
141
00:05:43,794 --> 00:05:45,579
[Quietly] "Sorry, centurion.
142
00:05:45,663 --> 00:05:47,180
There are no... Free refills."
143
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:48,882
[Shrill whistle blast]
144
00:05:48,966 --> 00:05:50,384
Adult Mark: Oh, Tina.
145
00:05:50,468 --> 00:05:52,919
I guess her dad never told her
about the deaf old man.
146
00:05:53,003 --> 00:05:54,670
[Shrill whistle blast]
147
00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,539
This was a lock.
148
00:05:59,376 --> 00:06:02,329
- Oh! Anything for me?
- Uh... Let me check.
149
00:06:02,413 --> 00:06:04,197
Bills...
[mail rustles]
150
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:07,133
- Magazine for mom.
- Mm-hmm.
151
00:06:07,217 --> 00:06:10,084
- And cpp for you and...
- What?!
152
00:06:10,221 --> 00:06:11,571
- Elizabeth critch.
- Give me that!
153
00:06:11,655 --> 00:06:13,273
- Grandma?
- What do you read my mail for?
154
00:06:13,357 --> 00:06:15,675
- That's a federal offense!
- You asked me to.
155
00:06:15,759 --> 00:06:18,211
Aye, well, why aren't you
at school?
156
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,447
Ah, you... go on with ya
157
00:06:20,531 --> 00:06:22,631
before I rat you out
for being on the pip.
158
00:06:23,701 --> 00:06:25,433
You're welcome.
159
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,370
What are you goin' on about?
160
00:06:28,505 --> 00:06:29,505
Nothing!
161
00:06:31,008 --> 00:06:32,626
[Marching band music plays]
162
00:06:32,710 --> 00:06:34,910
What fresh hell is this?
163
00:06:35,045 --> 00:06:37,913
[♪♪♪]
164
00:06:38,048 --> 00:06:39,332
[shrill whistle blast]
165
00:06:39,416 --> 00:06:41,234
Lovely, dear.
166
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,252
[Shoes squeak,
players grunt and yell]
167
00:06:43,387 --> 00:06:46,073
Who's next? Mark.
168
00:06:46,157 --> 00:06:48,289
[Piano intro plays]
169
00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:51,593
[Players shout, sticks thwap]
170
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:56,249
Centurion! I recognize
the man you describe!
171
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:58,385
He's upstairs with a dozen
of his friends.
172
00:06:58,469 --> 00:06:59,920
Cheap bunch.
173
00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:02,255
They ordered one fish, a loaf,
and a jug of water,
174
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,257
and want thirteen different
bills.
175
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,827
Go on in!
Get those bums out of here!
176
00:07:06,911 --> 00:07:08,595
Adult Mark: And the Oscar
goes to...
177
00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:10,097
it's nice, Mark.
178
00:07:10,181 --> 00:07:11,914
Adult Mark: Nice?!
I killed it!
179
00:07:12,049 --> 00:07:13,667
She was probably downplaying it
180
00:07:13,751 --> 00:07:16,503
so the other kids wouldn't feel
totally inferior.
181
00:07:16,587 --> 00:07:18,505
- [Hard whack, ball thuds]
- Ow!
182
00:07:18,589 --> 00:07:20,255
[Everyone laughs]
183
00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:23,577
- That's it! I warned you.
- Ow!
184
00:07:23,661 --> 00:07:25,779
Your ball is mine now, byrne!
185
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:27,481
Hey, I need that to finish
the game!
186
00:07:27,565 --> 00:07:29,549
And I need more kids
for this play.
187
00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:31,967
Whoever shot this ball
is in the play
188
00:07:32,102 --> 00:07:34,403
or you're not getting your ball
back, sir.
189
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:37,005
Yeah, sure, sounds fair.
190
00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:39,841
- Go on, fox.
- No way! I'm the best player!
191
00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:41,361
Now!
192
00:07:41,445 --> 00:07:44,931
- [Stick clatters]
- You're dead for this, critch.
193
00:07:45,015 --> 00:07:46,500
You're the one who hit me!
194
00:07:46,584 --> 00:07:48,635
Come on, up you go.
195
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:50,170
[Players chuckle]
196
00:07:50,254 --> 00:07:51,972
- [Script rustles]
- Move!
197
00:07:52,056 --> 00:07:53,956
[Indistinct chatter]
198
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,394
[Dramatic music plays]
199
00:07:58,495 --> 00:08:00,095
[Readying exhale]
200
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,815
[Angrily] They're just
poor men!
201
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:03,483
Why should I have
to serve them?
202
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,318
When do I get a break?!
203
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,154
Someone should serve me!
204
00:08:07,238 --> 00:08:08,855
[Dramatic music swells,
then fades]
205
00:08:08,939 --> 00:08:11,191
[Gasps] The intensity!
206
00:08:11,275 --> 00:08:12,492
Bravo!
207
00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:14,194
[Hands clap lightly]
208
00:08:14,278 --> 00:08:16,979
[Stunned laugh]
209
00:08:17,114 --> 00:08:18,364
She's amazing.
210
00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:20,066
It was a little big.
211
00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:22,116
What about you, Ritchie?
212
00:08:23,887 --> 00:08:26,540
Oh, rit-Ritchie's more
of a props guy.
213
00:08:26,624 --> 00:08:29,524
Heart of gold,
but he isn't an actor like me.
214
00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:31,845
Oh, he isn't, is he?
215
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:34,414
He's just not cut out
for stage work.
216
00:08:34,498 --> 00:08:37,083
He's a behind-the-scenes guy.
217
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:39,819
Heart and soul
of the operation.
218
00:08:39,903 --> 00:08:41,688
I've made my decision.
219
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:43,523
Fox will play the innkeeper's
wife
220
00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:46,407
and Ritchie will be Hamar,
the innkeeper.
221
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,162
- Me?
- Him?!
222
00:08:49,246 --> 00:08:50,697
But he didn't even audition!
223
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:52,365
Well, maybe he would have
224
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,500
if you had been more
supportive, Mark.
225
00:08:54,584 --> 00:08:56,818
Or should I say,
casca the centurion.
226
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,521
Casca?! But...
He only has one line
227
00:09:00,658 --> 00:09:02,776
and it... It's terrible.
228
00:09:02,860 --> 00:09:04,444
Well, that will give you
more time
229
00:09:04,528 --> 00:09:06,394
to learn a lesson
about humility.
230
00:09:07,765 --> 00:09:09,931
- [Chair scrapes back]
- So I'm, I'm doing this now?
231
00:09:11,001 --> 00:09:12,534
Yes.
232
00:09:13,904 --> 00:09:16,456
Adult Mark: Humility...
Or humiliation?
233
00:09:16,540 --> 00:09:18,725
[Rock music plays]
234
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:21,895
[♪♪♪]
235
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,945
[door clicks open
and bangs shut]
236
00:09:25,182 --> 00:09:27,915
So... [chuckles excitedly]
How'd the auditions go?
237
00:09:29,519 --> 00:09:32,205
Uh, mm... Okay, I guess.
238
00:09:32,289 --> 00:09:34,641
Better than okay, I hope,
after all that coaching.
239
00:09:34,725 --> 00:09:37,693
So, did you get it - Hamar?
240
00:09:39,797 --> 00:09:43,030
Actually, [sighs] I...
241
00:09:45,703 --> 00:09:47,487
Adult Mark: I wanted to be
an actor.
242
00:09:47,571 --> 00:09:50,223
I'm... Yes, I'm... I'm Hamar!
243
00:09:50,307 --> 00:09:52,040
[Excited] Hamar! Ha-ha!
244
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:54,160
Adult Mark: And after all,
245
00:09:54,244 --> 00:09:56,444
what is an actor
but a glorified liar?
246
00:09:56,579 --> 00:09:59,165
- Like father, like son!
- Hmm.
247
00:09:59,249 --> 00:10:01,301
Adult Mark: If only
sister Margaret
248
00:10:01,385 --> 00:10:03,691
had seen that performance.
[lunchbox thumps]
249
00:10:06,010 --> 00:10:08,035
O: ♪ Anything is possible ♪
250
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,643
[cars rumble past]
251
00:10:09,727 --> 00:10:11,726
♪ I believe it's true
252
00:10:12,929 --> 00:10:14,614
Mary, look at the way
he carries that plate.
253
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:16,465
Such authenticity!
254
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,500
I really feel like
I'm in a restaurant.
255
00:10:18,635 --> 00:10:21,087
Yes, I can see by the way
you expect to be served.
256
00:10:21,171 --> 00:10:23,605
- Do I have to go to this play?
- No!
257
00:10:23,740 --> 00:10:25,959
Uh, the arts aren't
for everyone.
258
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,761
In fact, all o' you can skip it
if you want.
259
00:10:27,845 --> 00:10:29,911
- [Snorts softly]
- Great!
260
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,931
- I'm going to the movies.
- You'll do no such thing!
261
00:10:32,015 --> 00:10:34,055
Your brother is starring
in a theatrical production.
262
00:10:35,285 --> 00:10:37,285
Dad, it's really not
that big a deal.
263
00:10:38,355 --> 00:10:39,639
It is to me.
264
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,423
We are all gonna go see
that play,
265
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,443
And I don't wanna hear
another word about it,
266
00:10:43,527 --> 00:10:46,127
- understood?
- Both: Yes.
267
00:10:47,297 --> 00:10:49,898
Radio: ♪ Always look on
the bright side ♪
268
00:10:50,033 --> 00:10:52,452
♪ And take a happy sound
269
00:10:52,536 --> 00:10:54,754
[phone rings,
running footsteps]
270
00:10:54,838 --> 00:10:57,957
- [Handset clatters]
- Good day. Critch residence.
271
00:10:58,041 --> 00:11:00,875
- [Gasps] Elizabeth critch?
- Hey.
272
00:11:02,546 --> 00:11:04,464
She can't come to the phone.
She's lying down.
273
00:11:04,548 --> 00:11:07,701
One might say...
She's dead to the world.
274
00:11:07,785 --> 00:11:10,251
Oh, I see. Yes.
275
00:11:12,022 --> 00:11:14,007
Thank you.
[handset clicks]
276
00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:16,258
[Hands tap]
I owe you, Mary.
277
00:11:16,393 --> 00:11:17,811
'Course, I won't be able
to pay you
278
00:11:17,895 --> 00:11:19,979
Until the next cheque comes.
279
00:11:20,063 --> 00:11:21,596
They wanna talk to her.
280
00:11:21,731 --> 00:11:23,717
- What?!
- That's right.
281
00:11:23,801 --> 00:11:26,786
The cra needs to confirm
her identity
282
00:11:26,871 --> 00:11:29,157
and they're gonna call back
tomorrow.
283
00:11:29,348 --> 00:11:31,216
Sweet Jesus!
284
00:11:31,492 --> 00:11:33,578
- What am I gonna do?
- Oh!
285
00:11:33,937 --> 00:11:36,611
Well, I for one,
cannot wait to find out.
286
00:11:36,746 --> 00:11:38,698
- [Handset rattles roughly]
- Ugh.
287
00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:40,867
Uh... Uh...
288
00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:43,025
I mean, I... I have an idea,
289
00:11:43,110 --> 00:11:45,993
because you know how much
Elizabeth loved you.
290
00:11:46,078 --> 00:11:46,953
Yes.
291
00:11:47,038 --> 00:11:50,500
I mean, she told me many
times you were her favourite.
292
00:11:50,591 --> 00:11:54,140
- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, really loved you.
293
00:11:54,584 --> 00:11:56,936
So perhaps... I mean...
294
00:11:57,224 --> 00:12:01,062
I think you'll agree to this,
it would be very simple if...
295
00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:03,802
- You pretend to be Elizabeth.
- Oh, pop!
296
00:12:03,930 --> 00:12:05,125
Oh, no, no, no.
No, I-I-I-
297
00:12:05,210 --> 00:12:06,609
I swear, I swear,
298
00:12:07,098 --> 00:12:08,695
I'll report you -
299
00:12:08,780 --> 00:12:11,484
I mean, her dead next week.
300
00:12:12,996 --> 00:12:15,129
You have my word on it.
301
00:12:16,875 --> 00:12:20,134
Now, Ritchie, I hope
you've memorized your lines.
302
00:12:20,219 --> 00:12:21,144
You're our little star.
303
00:12:21,279 --> 00:12:22,779
Don't worry, sister.
304
00:12:22,914 --> 00:12:24,844
My dad's been helping me
learn them.
305
00:12:25,148 --> 00:12:27,423
Oh, he must be very proud.
306
00:12:27,717 --> 00:12:29,884
Adult Mark: As Ritchie's love
of the stage grew,
307
00:12:29,969 --> 00:12:32,388
Mine faded like
a broken spotlight.
308
00:12:32,472 --> 00:12:34,430
Sister Margaret: Action!
309
00:12:34,515 --> 00:12:36,767
[Woodenly] There you are,
dear wife!
310
00:12:36,917 --> 00:12:39,150
How goes it in the party room?
311
00:12:39,449 --> 00:12:41,368
Not great, Hamar.
312
00:12:41,515 --> 00:12:43,600
They're all sitting on
the same side of the table.
313
00:12:44,273 --> 00:12:47,236
That table should seat
twenty-four!
314
00:12:47,538 --> 00:12:49,164
We need the space,
315
00:12:49,249 --> 00:12:52,033
it's thirsty Thursday!
316
00:12:52,561 --> 00:12:53,890
Adult Mark: Ritchie was so bad
317
00:12:53,976 --> 00:12:55,745
that even sister Margaret
was having trouble
318
00:12:55,829 --> 00:12:57,981
believing in the Bible.
319
00:12:58,065 --> 00:13:00,231
So... What'd you think?
320
00:13:01,535 --> 00:13:03,219
Uh... Very interesting
choices.
321
00:13:03,258 --> 00:13:05,276
I mean, I... I wouldn't make
them myself,
322
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,493
but who cares what everyone
else thinks, right?
323
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:10,648
Was it that bad?
324
00:13:10,732 --> 00:13:12,876
[Marker squeaks]
325
00:13:12,961 --> 00:13:14,525
Maybe you should
just do it then.
326
00:13:14,703 --> 00:13:16,688
Adult Mark: Time to steal
the spotlight!
327
00:13:16,772 --> 00:13:19,548
I guess. I mean, if you told
sister Margaret
328
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:22,197
you really, really
don't wanna be Hamar,
329
00:13:22,282 --> 00:13:24,400
I... Could do it.
330
00:13:24,484 --> 00:13:26,736
You could still do props!
331
00:13:26,820 --> 00:13:27,922
It's a win-win.
332
00:13:28,126 --> 00:13:29,692
Fox: Sister!
333
00:13:29,777 --> 00:13:32,562
Mark's trying to get Ritchie
to drop out and do props.
334
00:13:32,743 --> 00:13:34,895
That's a lie!
Adult Mark: That was the truth.
335
00:13:34,979 --> 00:13:37,179
Since you seem to be having
trouble learning humility,
336
00:13:37,281 --> 00:13:39,782
I'll help you: You're out
of the play altogether.
337
00:13:39,917 --> 00:13:42,637
Uh, I need to learn that
humility stuff.
338
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:44,553
Kick me out, too, sister!
339
00:13:45,757 --> 00:13:48,281
Please, I'll do anything!
340
00:13:48,366 --> 00:13:49,917
Okay, you can do the job
341
00:13:50,002 --> 00:13:51,992
You're so anxious for Ritchie
to do:
342
00:13:52,097 --> 00:13:53,829
Props.
343
00:13:54,844 --> 00:13:58,070
Now, Ritchie,
let's take it from the...
344
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,451
"no shoes, no service"
foot washing scene.
345
00:14:00,771 --> 00:14:02,805
I like that scene.
346
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:06,742
And this time,
don't be afraid to act.
347
00:14:07,834 --> 00:14:11,203
[Woodenly] No shoes,
no service.
348
00:14:12,191 --> 00:14:14,023
Sister Margaret: Jesus, Mary,
and Joseph.
349
00:14:15,486 --> 00:14:17,304
[Car rumbles]
Mike sr.: Come on, will ya?!
350
00:14:17,388 --> 00:14:18,888
The play starts in
half an hour!
351
00:14:19,023 --> 00:14:21,142
- What's the hold up?!
- I waiting for a phone call,
352
00:14:21,226 --> 00:14:24,378
but... [sighs] I guess
we'd better go.
353
00:14:24,462 --> 00:14:26,529
[Yelling] Mike,
get in the car!
354
00:14:28,065 --> 00:14:30,384
[Phone rings]
355
00:14:30,468 --> 00:14:33,387
[Running footsteps]
356
00:14:33,471 --> 00:14:35,004
- Name?
- Elizabeth critch.
357
00:14:35,139 --> 00:14:37,058
- Birthday?
- June 29th.
358
00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:38,975
Really? I wasn't even
in the ballpark.
359
00:14:39,110 --> 00:14:41,962
- I don't think I can do this.
- Yes, you can!
360
00:14:42,046 --> 00:14:45,014
Nobody better at talking about
other people than you!
361
00:14:45,149 --> 00:14:47,883
You were born for this moment.
[phone continues ringing]
362
00:14:50,421 --> 00:14:52,555
- [Handset rattles]
- Hello?
363
00:14:53,758 --> 00:14:56,959
[Clears throat]
Yes, this is Elizabeth critch.
364
00:14:57,094 --> 00:14:59,246
Well, of course I'm alive!
Doesn't it sound like it?
365
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:01,230
Yes, yes!
366
00:15:01,365 --> 00:15:05,619
June 29th, 1908. I remember
like it was yesterday.
367
00:15:05,703 --> 00:15:07,054
[Giggles lightly]
368
00:15:07,138 --> 00:15:09,223
Oh, don't go telling anyone
[gasps] My age
369
00:15:09,307 --> 00:15:11,525
because I still get carded
at the liquor store
370
00:15:11,609 --> 00:15:14,644
- When the light is right.
- [laughs quietly]
371
00:15:14,779 --> 00:15:17,246
- Oh! Oh, I'm feeling feverish.
- What?
372
00:15:18,449 --> 00:15:20,434
Oh, I'm having... [gasps]
Trouble breathing.
373
00:15:20,518 --> 00:15:22,169
[Gasps for breath]
Oh, there's a light
374
00:15:22,253 --> 00:15:23,853
and a tunnel - daddy,
is that you?
375
00:15:23,988 --> 00:15:25,439
I am going to the light now,
bye!
376
00:15:25,523 --> 00:15:28,175
- [Handset clangs loudly]
- What?
377
00:15:28,259 --> 00:15:31,345
I guess that's it.
[phone rings]
378
00:15:31,429 --> 00:15:32,862
- Hmm?
- Mm...
379
00:15:32,997 --> 00:15:35,683
[handset rattles]
Hello? Yes.
380
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:37,618
This is he.
381
00:15:37,702 --> 00:15:41,604
Oh, my wife, uh... Passed.
382
00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:46,594
So don't send anymore cheques...
383
00:15:46,678 --> 00:15:48,295
Unless... Elizabeth,
are you rallying?
384
00:15:48,379 --> 00:15:50,030
- [Hard slap] Just...
- No, no, no, um...
385
00:15:50,114 --> 00:15:52,099
dead as a dodo.
386
00:15:52,183 --> 00:15:54,917
Yes, well, have a nice day.
387
00:15:58,055 --> 00:16:00,107
[Handset clicks]
388
00:16:00,191 --> 00:16:02,091
Why bother going
to the theatre?
389
00:16:02,226 --> 00:16:04,245
- [laughs]
- I... I mean that was...
390
00:16:04,329 --> 00:16:07,915
the best acting I ever saw
in this town
391
00:16:07,999 --> 00:16:09,965
- Was that tonight.
- [laughs]
392
00:16:10,101 --> 00:16:11,585
That was brilliant.
393
00:16:11,669 --> 00:16:13,487
[laughs goofily,
horn blasts outside]
394
00:16:13,571 --> 00:16:15,556
Off you go.
395
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,491
Aww, aren't you coming?
396
00:16:17,590 --> 00:16:19,858
No. No,
397
00:16:20,678 --> 00:16:23,546
I have someone I need to see.
398
00:16:24,445 --> 00:16:27,011
Mm. [Chuckles softly,
then sighs]
399
00:16:29,020 --> 00:16:30,604
[Door bangs shut]
400
00:16:30,688 --> 00:16:33,322
[♪♪♪]
401
00:16:33,457 --> 00:16:34,942
Adult Mark: Opening night.
402
00:16:35,026 --> 00:16:36,485
In mere moments,
the curtain would go up
403
00:16:36,569 --> 00:16:38,220
and the spotlight would hit
the stage,
404
00:16:38,304 --> 00:16:40,689
illuminating my lies
to the world.
405
00:16:40,773 --> 00:16:43,928
I had no idea what
my end game was.
406
00:16:44,243 --> 00:16:45,896
Mary: Love your dress.
Oh, 'scuse me, 'scuse me.
407
00:16:45,980 --> 00:16:48,015
Mike sr.: Made it.
It's a big night!
408
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,798
Yes, yes. You know,
it's not everyday
409
00:16:49,882 --> 00:16:52,049
- that your son is the star.
- [chuckles]
410
00:16:52,184 --> 00:16:54,117
Thank you.
411
00:16:55,187 --> 00:16:57,321
[Indistinct chatter]
412
00:16:57,456 --> 00:16:58,722
[Camera whirs]
413
00:17:01,894 --> 00:17:04,146
- I know you must be nervous.
- No.
414
00:17:04,230 --> 00:17:05,514
I know you're probably
terrified
415
00:17:05,598 --> 00:17:06,697
You'll forget a line.
416
00:17:06,832 --> 00:17:08,833
Nope. I know 'em all.
417
00:17:08,968 --> 00:17:11,720
I can't imagine what's going
on inside your stomach.
418
00:17:11,804 --> 00:17:13,822
I'm getting pizza after.
419
00:17:13,906 --> 00:17:16,340
Adult Mark: It was useless.
He was unflappable.
420
00:17:16,475 --> 00:17:18,142
And as much as I wanted
the part,
421
00:17:18,277 --> 00:17:21,397
I wanted Ritchie to be happy
even more.
422
00:17:21,481 --> 00:17:24,033
I just wanted to say
I'm sorry.
423
00:17:24,117 --> 00:17:26,201
And I know you'll be
the best Hamar ever.
424
00:17:26,285 --> 00:17:28,871
- Thanks.
- You're gonna be great.
425
00:17:28,955 --> 00:17:30,573
Just had a look.
426
00:17:30,657 --> 00:17:33,357
There's a load of people
out there.
427
00:17:33,492 --> 00:17:34,725
[Sighs heavily]
428
00:17:34,860 --> 00:17:37,361
I guess...
I'll go back to props.
429
00:17:38,631 --> 00:17:41,032
[Camera beeps and whirs,
indistinct chatter]
430
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:43,052
Adult Mark: Ritchie had gotten
over his stage fright
431
00:17:43,136 --> 00:17:45,120
and discovered his audience
fright.
432
00:17:45,204 --> 00:17:46,937
[Stomach rumbles loudly]
433
00:17:47,073 --> 00:17:48,924
[low, indistinct murmurs]
434
00:17:49,008 --> 00:17:50,726
[Middle eastern music plays]
435
00:17:50,810 --> 00:17:53,711
[Audience applauds
and whistles]
436
00:17:56,315 --> 00:17:58,200
Welcome. Table for one?
437
00:17:58,284 --> 00:18:00,936
Gary: Party of thirteen!
Judas is the name.
438
00:18:01,020 --> 00:18:03,138
There's more where
this came from.
439
00:18:03,222 --> 00:18:05,908
[Coin clatters]
440
00:18:05,992 --> 00:18:08,325
[Audience titters and murmurs]
441
00:18:09,462 --> 00:18:10,779
Adult Mark: I had been jealous
of Ritchie
442
00:18:10,863 --> 00:18:13,768
But, in that moment,
I sure did not wanna be him.
443
00:18:13,853 --> 00:18:15,653
[Tense music plays]
444
00:18:20,907 --> 00:18:22,740
Adult Mark: I had been dying
to play Hamar,
445
00:18:22,875 --> 00:18:25,494
But Ritchie was dying on stage.
446
00:18:25,578 --> 00:18:28,647
Fox: I said,
where shall we seat him?
447
00:18:28,848 --> 00:18:30,933
Audience: [indistinct murmurs]
448
00:18:31,017 --> 00:18:33,150
Adult Mark: I had to do
something.
449
00:18:33,285 --> 00:18:35,486
[Whispering loudly] Ritchie!
450
00:18:35,621 --> 00:18:38,069
"Do you have a reservation?"
451
00:18:38,624 --> 00:18:41,543
Audience: [indistinct murmurs]
452
00:18:41,627 --> 00:18:43,612
Mark: Ritchie! Ritchie!
453
00:18:43,696 --> 00:18:46,952
Ritchie!
"do you have a reservation?"
454
00:18:47,633 --> 00:18:51,578
Fox: I said, where shall we
seat him, Hamar?
455
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,730
[Camera whirs,
audience murmurs]
456
00:18:57,175 --> 00:18:59,161
This isn't how the play goes.
They're making an arse of it.
457
00:18:59,245 --> 00:19:01,446
- Shhh!
- Oh, shush yourself, ya hussy!
458
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:03,092
- Will you shut it?!
- Oh, stuff it!
459
00:19:03,181 --> 00:19:04,800
- Shut your face!
- You're always in the middle.
460
00:19:04,884 --> 00:19:06,450
Oh, please.
461
00:19:06,585 --> 00:19:08,370
Adult Mark: My best friend
needed help!
462
00:19:08,454 --> 00:19:11,206
I couldn't take it anymore.
463
00:19:11,290 --> 00:19:14,043
I had to act. Literally.
464
00:19:14,127 --> 00:19:15,993
- [Blows out his breath]
- Not so fast!
465
00:19:16,128 --> 00:19:18,528
- Stay the hell off my stage!
- Ritchie needs me!
466
00:19:18,664 --> 00:19:20,482
[Struggling grunts]
467
00:19:20,566 --> 00:19:23,218
[Mark grunts, light thump,
tray clatters]
468
00:19:23,302 --> 00:19:25,302
- Parent: Where'd he come from?
- Oh my!
469
00:19:25,437 --> 00:19:27,371
[Audience murmurs]
[camera whirs]
470
00:19:27,506 --> 00:19:29,858
Adult Mark: At least nobody was
looking at Ritchie anymore.
471
00:19:29,942 --> 00:19:32,327
Hi.
[audience titters]
472
00:19:32,411 --> 00:19:34,563
[Sighs heavily]
473
00:19:34,647 --> 00:19:36,865
Audience!
Welcome to the show!
474
00:19:36,949 --> 00:19:39,216
It is I, casca,
the Roman centurion
475
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:41,889
who, who... Also picks up
a couple shifts
476
00:19:41,974 --> 00:19:43,272
Here at the restaurant.
[audience laughs]
477
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,873
Adult Mark: I wanted to be
a comedian,
478
00:19:44,957 --> 00:19:47,176
so why not be a rodeo clown?
479
00:19:47,260 --> 00:19:49,044
What?!
480
00:19:49,128 --> 00:19:50,694
Who wants bread?
481
00:19:50,830 --> 00:19:53,148
Adult Mark: Some would say I
was stalling to help my friend,
482
00:19:53,232 --> 00:19:55,332
others might say
I was being a ham.
483
00:19:55,467 --> 00:19:58,420
Either way, this would be the
first last supper scene ever
484
00:19:58,504 --> 00:20:00,571
- With a happy ending.
- Get in here!
485
00:20:00,706 --> 00:20:02,840
Oh... Nice place you got here.
486
00:20:02,975 --> 00:20:05,027
Ever think of doin' a...
A theme night?
487
00:20:05,111 --> 00:20:06,677
I guess toga parties would be...
488
00:20:06,812 --> 00:20:08,197
Too on the nose.
[everyone laughs]
489
00:20:08,281 --> 00:20:09,947
Adult Mark: These weren't
the lines
490
00:20:10,082 --> 00:20:12,735
I'd practiced with my father,
but he didn't seem to mind.
491
00:20:12,819 --> 00:20:14,436
Would it!
[audience laughs]
492
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:15,871
Get in.
493
00:20:15,955 --> 00:20:17,888
Adult Mark: And Ritchie,
staying on theme,
494
00:20:18,023 --> 00:20:19,608
he Rose again.
495
00:20:19,692 --> 00:20:22,393
- Do you have a reservation?
- Nailed it!
496
00:20:22,528 --> 00:20:24,213
[Audience laughs and claps]
497
00:20:24,297 --> 00:20:26,415
Adult Mark: Life is a lot
like a play.
498
00:20:26,499 --> 00:20:29,867
We all play different parts,
depending on who we're with.
499
00:20:30,002 --> 00:20:32,588
But there's no pretending
to be someone you're not
500
00:20:32,672 --> 00:20:34,223
- around your family.
- Do you have a reservation?
501
00:20:34,307 --> 00:20:35,906
[Clapping] Yeah, bravo!
502
00:20:36,041 --> 00:20:37,942
Bravo! Take a bow!
503
00:20:38,077 --> 00:20:39,995
Adult Mark: Dad turned out
to be my biggest fan.
504
00:20:40,079 --> 00:20:41,612
All right, couple o' notes.
505
00:20:41,747 --> 00:20:43,899
Adult Mark: And he was the only
audience I ever really wanted.
506
00:20:43,983 --> 00:20:46,068
If you're gonna take a bow,
you really wanna sweep
507
00:20:46,152 --> 00:20:48,452
the floor with your hand,
like that. Give it a try.
508
00:20:49,688 --> 00:20:52,474
A little lower.
Always get out there,
509
00:20:52,558 --> 00:20:54,610
and then just bask.
510
00:20:54,694 --> 00:20:57,294
[Heartwarming music plays]
511
00:20:58,564 --> 00:21:00,549
Adult Mark: But the real actor
in the family
512
00:21:00,633 --> 00:21:02,549
was the one acting
like he was tougher
513
00:21:02,634 --> 00:21:04,901
than he really was.
514
00:21:06,639 --> 00:21:07,972
My beautiful girl.
515
00:21:09,842 --> 00:21:16,665
[♪♪♪]
516
00:21:16,749 --> 00:21:21,985
[♪♪♪]
517
00:21:23,756 --> 00:21:30,679
[♪♪♪]
518
00:21:30,763 --> 00:21:37,686
[♪♪♪]
519
00:21:37,770 --> 00:21:44,675
[♪♪♪]
520
00:21:44,810 --> 00:21:51,748
[♪♪♪]
38618
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