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[IAN LLOYD'S "BROTHER LOUIE"
PLAYING]
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-ah
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
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Louie, Louie, you're gonna cry
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-ah
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
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Louie, Louie, you're gonna die
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,583
Yeah, I remember learning about sex
when I was a kid.
13
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I wanted to know what sex was
because I just had boners all the time.
14
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I went to my dad.
I asked my dad what sex was.
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I knew sex existed,
I didn't know what it was.
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So I asked my dad and he told me.
Here's what my dad said.
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First of all, it is not sex.
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You must not call it that.
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Then what do I call it?
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Making love.
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There is a secret to it.
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And I am going to
tell it to you now.
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You must withhold stimulation.
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Enter her only slightly, then withdraw.
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And wait until she is mad with desire,
begging you to penetrate.
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Then:
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Then a bit more.
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But withdraw again.
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Then you must wait and withhold
until she demands it...
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...and even then, you give her nothing.
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Then all you have to do is
touch her and she will explode.
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I was 7 years old, let me explain that.
I was 7 years old.
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He's telling me how to make, like,
a 35-year-old woman come...
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...who, like, really knows herself.
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Now, that, my son,
is the art of making love.
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Now repeat it to me.
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Well...
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...first of all, you said that
you don't call it sex, it's making love.
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And....
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And when you're doing it,
first you go in just a little bit...
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...and then you come back out
and then she wants more...
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...so you go in a little more.
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And then you come back out,
then she demands it...
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...so you just touch her,
and then she explodes.
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So they taught us sex in school.
46
00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:07,077
And all they did
was scare the shit out of me.
47
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Because they show you these
diagrams of, like, a penis...
48
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...just this huge penis
and it's cut in half lengthwise.
49
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"That's what your dick would look like
if I ripped off half of it...
50
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...and threw it in the garbage."
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And this is the vagina.
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Vagina.
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When intercourse occurs...
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...the man takes his penis
and ejaculates into the vagina.
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I didn't understand anything
that they taught us.
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It just scared me because I thought--
Like, I was a bad student.
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I had a hard time focusing on
what they were telling me...
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...about all these tubes and shit.
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Louie.
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Louie, come up here and show me.
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Louie, show me the penis.
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[STUDENTS GIGGLING]
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Show everyone the penis,
Louie.
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Show the class the penis.
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I thought for, like, five years that when--
From watching this whole thing.
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That when you have sex, you come
and one of your balls comes out.
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That's what I thought happens,
that you have to come a ball...
68
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:22,754
...out of that little hole at the tip
of your dick. I was terrified.
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That's what I thought, you just,
"Blah!" And you push a ball out...
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...and she's screaming
and there's blood everywhere.
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And you can only do it twice and then
you're out of balls. That's what I thought.
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You come twice and have two babies...
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...and then you just walk around
with an empty sack for the rest of your life.
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00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:44,943
Which turned out to be true, but....
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Could've been worse.
Yeah, totally.
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No, that was really good.
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You liked that?
Yeah.
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I'm glad you liked it.
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Yeah, you seem to know all
the good places in New York.
80
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Well, I've been alive for a while
and I like to eat, so....
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00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,303
[LAUGHS]
82
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:11,099
So I don't know if you want to--
Yeah, I--
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Um....
What time is it?
84
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:16,343
It's kind of late, but I don't know,
maybe get drink or something?
85
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:17,778
Yeah, I gotta work
tomorrow...
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00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:20,111
...and I don't really wanna
start drinking now.
87
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:22,811
I don't really drink either, so....
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00:05:23,856 --> 00:05:26,484
You know what? There's
a doughnut place on 14th Street.
89
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,286
You wanna get doughnuts
right now?
90
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:31,362
Well, it's just kind of
a great old place.
91
00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:33,362
You know, just watery coffee.
92
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,024
It's one of the last shitty
old places in New York...
93
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...and I don't know,
I think you'd like it.
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00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:42,235
And probably I'll get a doughnut too.
Maybe some doughnuts.
95
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Hey, you wanna go?
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00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:45,642
Come on, watch me
eat a doughnut.
97
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Heh. Okay.
It'll be fun.
98
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:48,738
You wanna go?
Yeah.
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Come on.
If I can have a doughnut too.
100
00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:53,611
Well, you can have
maybe one.
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[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
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I would have come here
even if you didn't come with me.
103
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All by yourself?
Oh, yeah.
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Without me? Heh, heh, heh.
Sure.
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I mean, I'm here every night.
Seriously?
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The doughnuts.
107
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I don't really need you.
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They're great company.
Mm-hm.
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[LAUGHS]
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It's nice, though.
111
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To share?
Yeah.
112
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You were correct. This is like piss.
113
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It's piss with shit floating in it.
It's fantastic.
114
00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:41,595
So how did you get started
being a comedian?
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Oh, well, I started in high school.
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Really?
Yeah, I was 18.
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JOCK 1: Suzy. Suzy.
JOCK 2: Big old titties.
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JOCK 3: Her boobs were so hot,
did you see that?
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And I was right out
of high school.
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[JOCKS CHATTERING]
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LOUIE: I found out you could do
open-mike nights in Boston...
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...so I started getting interested.
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JOCK 4: You guys can--
Sorry.
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JOCK 5: Dude, this one right here--
You believe these guys?
125
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You had that Asian chick in front of you.
JOCK 5: Loser, man.
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00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,752
You're a loser.
Loser.
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00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,485
Eat my ass, you douche bag.
128
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:11,493
JOCKS [CHANTING]:
Eat, eat, eat!
129
00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:15,233
JOCK 4: Eat. Eat it.
JOCKS: Eat, eat, eat!
130
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That nobody can even talk.
SANDRA: I know.
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Ridiculous.
132
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SANDRA: I really am interested
you started so young.
133
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,765
You are?
Yeah.
134
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,409
Well, yeah, I was in high school--
JOCKS: Eat, eat, eat!
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LOUIE: Hey. Hey! Guys,
could you keep it down, please?
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Thank you.
137
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:38,317
That's good. It worked.
Yeah, I hope so.
138
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:40,516
There were clubs in Boston
you could go on...
139
00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:41,819
...they're open-mike nights.
140
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:44,758
You could just--
Anytime you wanted to.
141
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:48,460
How's it going?
142
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Fine.
143
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:54,964
I'm sorry, were we bothering
you guys back there?
144
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,574
Yeah, actually,
you were.
145
00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:58,369
That's why I asked you
to be quiet...
146
00:07:58,544 --> 00:07:59,636
...and you did,
so thank you.
147
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:00,836
Oh, that's all right.
148
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:02,878
I'm Sean.
149
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:09,012
Sean. Got it, thanks.
"Got it, thanks," that's your name?
150
00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:10,212
No, it's Louie.
151
00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:13,085
Oh, okay, Louie.
152
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:14,817
Louie. Heh, heh, heh.
153
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:17,219
Hi, I'm Sean.
154
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What's your name?
155
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:20,490
Heh, heh. Am I bothering you?
156
00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:21,860
Hey, come on.
157
00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,901
What's up, Louie?
Why don't you go back with your friends?
158
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:28,302
Yeah, see,
I don't really feel like it, Louie.
159
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,575
Hey, Louie, can I ask you a question?
160
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,771
When was the last time
you got your ass kicked?
161
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,443
What?
You heard me.
162
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:40,848
When was the last time
you got your ass kicked? Just curious.
163
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,348
What, you scared?
164
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,888
Are you scared right now?
165
00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:46,149
No.
SEAN: No.
166
00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:48,953
No, I'm not scared of you.
Why?
167
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,026
Because I'm a grown man.
168
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,461
I'm not afraid of a kid,
some high school bully.
169
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,396
You're not afraid of high school.
No.
170
00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:57,832
So, what if I decided
to kick your ass right now?
171
00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,767
What would you do then?
172
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:01,031
Huh?
173
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,237
Do you want that?
174
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:05,339
I'm serious.
175
00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:07,103
I can hurt you really bad.
176
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,009
Right now.
177
00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:12,047
You see this? Huh? You see that?
178
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:15,647
It's just two days ago.
Destroyed this guy's face.
179
00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:18,881
Must have hit him like 40 times.
Teeth were all over the place.
180
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,253
Just left him there bleeding.
181
00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:23,987
Probably sent him to the hospital,
I don't know.
182
00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:25,562
Are you ready for that?
183
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:28,831
I'm feeling like doing that to you now.
I'm gonna be honest.
184
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,696
I'm kind of leaning that way.
185
00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:36,908
I don't know, I don't know. Maybe if you
ask me nicely or something, I won't do it.
186
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:41,240
But then again, I don't know.
I don't know how I'll feel, you know?
187
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,383
I don't know how I'll feel
because maybe you'll ask me nicely...
188
00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:47,178
...and I'll still beat the shit out of you.
Heh, heh.
189
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,321
Maybe I won't.
190
00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:52,781
So, what do you say, Louie?
191
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:00,129
Huh?
192
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,937
Please don't.
What do you want me to--?
193
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,732
SEAN:
Don't what?
194
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:10,102
Don't kick my ass, okay?
195
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,403
No, I don't like how you said that.
196
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,846
Why? What--?
Ask nice, ask better. It was fake.
197
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:18,108
Ask again. Now.
198
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,649
Okay.
199
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,255
Please don't kick my ass, okay?
200
00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:25,652
You're very strong and young,
I get it.
201
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:30,421
You could kick my ass, I'm sure you could,
so I'm really asking you nicely...
202
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:33,759
...to please not kick my ass, okay?
203
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:38,468
That was hard to watch.
All right, Louie.
204
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,900
Come on, guys, let's go.
205
00:10:40,072 --> 00:10:41,596
Let's leave Louie to his date.
206
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:44,436
Let's let him have
his nice little date.
207
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:47,272
JOCK 1: Good luck, Louie.
JOCK 2: Take care, tough guy.
208
00:10:49,348 --> 00:10:50,975
JOCKS:
Louie!
209
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:52,741
SEAN:
All right, Louie.
210
00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:55,284
Go get them, Louie!
JOCK 3: Good job, good job.
211
00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:59,785
That guy was a nightmare, huh?
212
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:03,922
What?
213
00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:05,563
What?
214
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:06,889
Nothing.
215
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:10,527
You didn't want me to fight that guy,
did you?
216
00:11:10,703 --> 00:11:15,037
Because he-- That guy was pretty serious.
No, no, no. Yeah. No, of course.
217
00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:19,708
Hey, look, if you need to be with some guy
that gets into fights with young jocks....
218
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:22,473
I got two kids, I'm not--
No. No, I would never.
219
00:11:22,648 --> 00:11:25,674
You did the right thing. I mean,
of course, no. Of course not.
220
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:29,446
I mean, that was-- It was pretty humiliating.
Yeah.
221
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:33,990
Hey, look, I don't--
I'm getting this weird feeling...
222
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,424
...you're looking down at me
for what happened.
223
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:40,131
I don't-- I mean, I would
never want a guy to fight.
224
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:43,894
That's-- Of course, it's so stupid.
I'd be pissed if you did.
225
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,937
And, you know, being violent
is just the dumbest thing ever.
226
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:50,439
And who cares what you have to say
to get the guy off your back.
227
00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:52,099
I totally feel that way.
228
00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:54,468
But....
What?
229
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,308
I just-- I don't know.
230
00:11:56,482 --> 00:12:00,213
I mean, if I'm being totally honest,
that was a turnoff, seeing that.
231
00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:05,551
Jesus Christ.
I know. I'm sorry, I can't help it.
232
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:09,456
I don't know. I just-- It's like
a primitive thing or something.
233
00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:12,358
I mean, you see this guy just
totally debase himself and it's--
234
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:13,555
Just to be safe?
235
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:17,362
It's a turnoff.
236
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:22,272
That's seriously a real bummer.
237
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:25,001
You know, I gotta criticize you
a little bit for that...
238
00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:29,079
...because that's why there's wars
and stuff, you know?
239
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:32,274
Women like you
that choose stupid strong people...
240
00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:34,885
...over the weak and the gentle--
Listen, look.
241
00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:37,784
Okay, I'm a grown woman.
242
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:41,453
And my mind is telling me
that you are a great guy.
243
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:46,261
But my chemistry is telling me
that you're a loser.
244
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:50,401
I mean, I'm surprised by my own reaction...
Yeah.
245
00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:51,797
Wow.
...but I have no defense.
246
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:55,065
I mean, I'm completely surprised
by my own feelings about it.
247
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,004
I think you said enough things.
248
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:58,302
I'm sorry. Okay.
Okay?
249
00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:01,503
So let's put you in a cab now.
Should I leave tip or something?
250
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:02,840
I got it.
Okay, yeah.
251
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:09,347
It was a great doughnut, though.
Yeah, thank you very much.
252
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:14,855
May I get the door for you,
madam?
253
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:19,589
Because you're a woman and I'm a man
and you're-- I'm strong and mighty.
254
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,158
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
255
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:53,075
MAN:
Yeah?
256
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:56,346
Hey. Hi, you don't know me.
257
00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:59,287
But--
What, are you selling something?
258
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:02,222
No, no.
Who's this?
259
00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:03,986
I'm here because--
260
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,597
You have a son named Sean?
Yeah.
261
00:16:06,765 --> 00:16:10,428
Well, I had a little trouble with him tonight.
GRACE: Like what?
262
00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:14,102
Well, he threatened me.
He threatened to beat me up.
263
00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:19,703
Would you come in, please?
LOUIE: Yeah, sure.
264
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,274
FATHER: Jimmy, turn that shit down.
JIMMY: I'm playing.
265
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,680
FATHER:
Turn it down, goddamn it!
266
00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:32,087
So, what happened?
267
00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:38,492
Well, I was at this doughnut place
on 14th Street and I was on a date and--
268
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:42,464
Well, Sean came in with all these friends
of his and they were making a racket...
269
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:46,195
...and nobody could talk or anything,
so I asked them to keep it down.
270
00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:48,966
He starts threatening me
and saying he could beat me up.
271
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:52,975
He's saying that he's beat other
people up and he's saying that--
272
00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:56,546
Well, he said that
if I didn't ask him not to...
273
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:59,878
...that he would beat the shit out of me.
Oh, my God.
274
00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:04,079
Look, nothing happened to me,
I'm okay, but, I mean, it was scary.
275
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:05,814
You know,
I'm not a fighting guy.
276
00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:08,289
I'm 42. I got children.
277
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,826
I'm not gonna get in a fight
with somebody.
278
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:15,365
But, look, he threatened me
and that's illegal.
279
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:19,264
Sean, get down here.
280
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:22,863
Sean! Get down here!
SEAN: What? Oh, man.
281
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,567
What, what, what?
FATHER: Were you bothering this guy?
282
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:28,406
What the hell? What are you doing here?
FATHER: What did you do?
283
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:32,641
Listen, I don't know what this guy told you.
Shit, Dad, I don't know what he told you!
284
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:35,343
I don't know what he told you!
Tell him you're sorry!
285
00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:37,819
Stop hitting him. How do
you think he turned out like this?
286
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,423
What are you talking about?
He's no good!
287
00:17:39,591 --> 00:17:41,422
Don't say that,
he's your kid.
288
00:17:41,593 --> 00:17:44,585
He probably could have been
a good kid. He's obviously smart.
289
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:47,323
But what--? How--?
You teach him to just hit people.
290
00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:50,696
What was he gonna be but a stupid bully?
You never gave him a chance.
291
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,666
Hey, screw you.
292
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:54,305
Who the hell are you?
293
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:56,737
LOUIE: What?
Get the hell out of my house, you faggot!
294
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,469
LOUIE: What are you--?
Tell me how to raise my kid!
295
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:03,445
Go back to New York,
you Obama-loving faggot!
296
00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:05,276
GRACE:
Who needs you?
297
00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:17,184
Hey.
298
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,622
Hey, buddy, listen.
299
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:22,266
Yeah.
300
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,563
Hey, man,
I don't know what to do.
301
00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:29,764
I mean, I got three kids in there
and, you know....
302
00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:32,940
He's 18 now, you know.
303
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:35,413
I don't know what to do.
304
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:37,708
Listen, I don't know
what you're dealing with.
305
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:41,284
You know, I mean, I got two kids
but they're girls and the oldest is 8...
306
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,250
...so I don't know,
I mean....
307
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:45,287
I guess I just--
308
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,448
I would go with
maybe not hitting them.
309
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:50,220
That doesn't seem like
such a great idea.
310
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:53,396
Well, that's what I know.
311
00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:57,695
My dad hit me,
and his dad him.
312
00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:00,405
And how's that going?
313
00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:01,903
[CHUCKLES]
314
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,268
[DOGS BARKING]
315
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:04,909
Yeah.
316
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:10,412
How old were you
when you had kids?
317
00:19:10,582 --> 00:19:12,709
I was 34.
318
00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:14,449
I was 20.
319
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,646
Seriously?
Twenty, yeah.
320
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:20,383
Grace had a great ass then.
321
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:24,193
Twenty, that's crazy.
Yeah.
322
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:29,326
Then again, my life
from 20 to 34 was all shit...
323
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:32,095
...so I might as well have
had kids then.
324
00:19:35,974 --> 00:19:37,236
What do you do?
325
00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:39,343
Sanitation.
326
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:42,847
You?
327
00:19:43,715 --> 00:19:45,205
I'm a comedian.
328
00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:47,614
Get the **** out of here.
Yeah.
329
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,580
Yeah. It's a job.
330
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:52,018
No, it isn't.
331
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,215
[LAUGHING]
332
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:54,859
I guess not.
333
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,018
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
334
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:08,028
LOUIE: I mean, I was a piece of shit
when I was a kid.
335
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:14,143
I stole a kid's bike when I was a kid
and then somebody stole it from me.
336
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:15,371
That's what happens.
337
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:18,914
And I couldn't take it back because
he was bigger, he could kick my ass.
338
00:20:19,084 --> 00:20:21,917
And I've never been in a fight.
I've never been in a fight.
339
00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:24,783
I've never beat anybody up,
I've never sucked a guy's dick.
340
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,050
Those are two things I never did...
341
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,751
...was beat somebody up
or suck a guy's dick.
342
00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:32,453
I mention those because
those are things I never did--
343
00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:35,623
I would say, things I'll never do,
that I've crossed the line...
344
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:38,565
...where I never will do them
because I'm 42...
345
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:40,796
...and it would just be
a weird time to start...
346
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:44,409
...is fighting, blowing guys,
and skiing.
347
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,066
I think those are the three things.
348
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,678
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
349
00:20:47,846 --> 00:20:51,976
That the window has closed
on learning to ski...
350
00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:56,109
...starting to be a fighting person,
or blowing men.
351
00:20:56,288 --> 00:20:59,416
Who starts blowing guys at 42?
352
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:12,630
LOUIE:
Hey, man. Just don't.
353
00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:14,795
Who are you?
354
00:21:15,474 --> 00:21:17,499
I'm you in 30 years.
355
00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:22,170
You gotta be kidding me.
You're fat. You're ugly.
356
00:21:22,414 --> 00:21:25,383
I mean--
Yeah, you're gonna be bald too.
357
00:21:25,550 --> 00:21:27,279
All right?
God. This is a nightmare.
358
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:29,181
What happened to you?
359
00:21:29,421 --> 00:21:31,116
I don't know, man.
360
00:21:31,356 --> 00:21:32,823
You'll see.
361
00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:35,789
This sucks.
Mm-hm.
362
00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:00,273
[English - US - PSDH]
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