All language subtitles for Southern Charm S09E01 Vows Vendettas and Vibrators 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

[dramatic music]

Something happened
with me and Taylor.

What?

[chuckles]

Is the sky blue?

♪ Ba-ba-do

If y'all hooked up,
would you tell me?

Define hooked up.

I don't know.

I still
haven't reconciled that.

I still don't know
what to say about that.

This is what happens when
you muddy the----ing waters.

It will rear its ugly head
at some point.

I know how Charleston is.

I mean, you know, rumor mill,

spreads like wildfire, right?

Did y'all ever hook up
or anything?

Never hooked up.
Never anything.

I swear on my life.

Don't believe everything
you read on the Internet.

♪

Believe everything that
you read online all the time.

♪ Ba-ba-dee-dee

She's getting a little
reputation around here,

and then there's the nude
photograph she sent you.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

We're not talking about that.

Between the two of y'all,
the lies, it's un-----ing-real.

She's so----ing stupid.

You can't allow yourself
to stoop to her level.

Did you [BLEEP]
Taylor or not?

Madison.

You told me, listen, shove
my apology up my----ing ass.

If y'all had just been
honest from the start--

Facts!
It's not what happened!

Let her go to----ing Taylor.
You just talked to Austen.

- Shut the [BLEEP] up for once.
- You are a sloppy mess.

And you always have been.
- I will rip your ass apart.

[sighs] So I wonder
what's going to happen

when this----ing spills,
you know?

♪ Mm-hmm

[upbeat music]

♪

[tool whirring]

Yeah, but it's exciting,
because every time

we go down the stairs,
there's something new.

It's just, like,
not the morning lullaby

I love waking up to.
[tool whirring]

Well, your tenant is out
here picking up dog poop.

I don't know what
to do with it.

I mean, how--

There's so much of it.

I thought yard
people handle this.

♪

Perfect.

♪

[chuckles]

This is why I need a lid
on every single thing I drink.

Hey, you.
[smooches]

All right.

God damn it.

- Sorry about that.
- It's okay.

All in a day's work.

[sniffles]
My nose keeps running.

[grunts, sniffles]

[sighs, blows nose]

♪

I know you don't like wearing
clothes, but you're so cute.

Ready?

[camera shutter clicks, whirs]

Your ears perked up after
I took the photo, Charles.

Penny... [smooches]
Come get your food.

Sit.

Good girl.
[laughs]

Don't run away with that.
Eat your food.

♪

My God...

[laughing] These new stairs are
so much nicer than they were.

[sighs]

Hey, Paige, do you
want iced coffee?

Yeah.
Regular milk.

I think me and you are
the only people in the world

that still drink milk
from a cow.

I love milk.

I know.
So do I.

[tool whirring]

But whatever.

- Let's go outside.
- Okay.

When me and Paige
first started to date,

the house was
still in shambles.

I feel like there's
a time where we're

going to be like, remember
when we...

Yeah.

Had the kitchen
in the living room?

[tool whirring]

I think this house
is finally to the level

where I can start to
look at the future

and the future of me
and Paige's relationship.

[tool whirring]

Wow.

♪

Oh, my God, this
is so awesome.

- This is crazy.
- Baby, this is sick.

It looks so big.

The sun shelf is my
favorite part so far.

Like, that's for kids
and stuff, right?

That's for tanning.

Are you ever going to get
in the hot tub with me?

I don't like hot tubs.
They breed bacteria.

But it's our hot tub.

I'm susceptible
to urinary tract infections.

Okay, so outdoor furniture,
we do need to talk about.

Okay, I think it should
be black and white.

What?

I want it to be like
Palm Beach, Miami.

What about, like, purple
for the Ravens?

I'll move out.

♪

[motor starts]

Craig, let's go in here.

Yeah.

♪

Are we going to sit?

Yeah, I'm going to
sit in our new chairs.

Do you love it?

Look, I even match it.

I came home
the other night,

and it, like, really feels
like a home...

Yeah.

For the first time
since I've lived here.

So I'm glad you're
a part of it,

'cause I want you to be
comfortable down here,

'cause, obviously--

I figured out a way to work
from New York, which was good,

and that's what I kind of want
to see from you down here.

Yeah, but, like,
two weeks ago,

I was here for, like,
two full weeks.

I mean, we've never really
spent that much time apart.

We've always been, like, four
or five days at the most.

So being away from each other
for, like, three days now

feels like a lot.

Yeah, but you can't
just, like, plant, like, okay,

and now you'll be in
Charleston forever.

[sighs] Paige and I are
in a tough spot.

I will be changing
my whole life.

I have no friends
in Charleston.

I don't know anyone.

[voice breaking]
My family is in New York.

I don't want to leave my mom.
[cries]

♪

But, you know, we've been
dating for over a year,

and we're kind of
in the same spot,

so it's getting
a little frustrating.

So Madison's party--
I told her I can't go.

[dramatic music]

So when are you coming back?

Not till Saturday,
but then I'm only here--

What do you mean
not till Saturday?

I have a job.

This would be
the longest we've been apart

in a long time, then.

Like, I can't fly to
meet you that much.

I don't need--
Yeah, I don't.

What do you mean?
You don't want me to meet you?

[laughing]
I didn't ask you.

♪

Wow, they're
really going for it.

[toy guns firing]
- [laughs]

♪

You haven't hit me yet.

Get him! Aah!
[laughter]

Listen, I mean, I've been
a single mom for seven years,

so to see Hudson
and Brett play together

means the world to me.

I mean, before Brett,

I hadn't brought
any guys around Hudson.

Well, Austen, you know,
was around Hudson

here and there, of course,
but nothing serious.

What kind of dating
advice does Hudson give you?

Well, he's not--he doesn't
really like Austen that much.

Austen only tried to play
house when filming was

about to start, and he
only offered to help me

when we were doing all this.

And that is the
God honest truth.

When Hudson met Brett,
it was complete night and day.

I mean, Brett is
just a family guy.

Ha!
You're wetting my shirt.

This is the first time that
my son has had this family.

You know, like his
dad is very involved,

but to have us all in the house
and be together in that unit,

I think he really
does love that.

[toy guns firing, laughter]

All right, let's go inside.

[toy gun fires]

[chuckles] Do you have more of
these to fill up?

Yeah.

So we can have
a lot more wars.

[toy gun fires]

[laughs] Got ya.

Wow.
Who won?

Me.

- Oh, you did?
- Yeah, I did.

You ran out of ammo.

Yeah, 'cause Hudson
wouldn't let off the trigger.

Brett and I got married in
Mexico in November of 2022.

Hudson was holding my
veil and the rings.

No bridesmaids
or anything like that.

It was just him and Brett.

It took everything in me to
just not start bawling crying.

Are you ready for the party?

Yeah, I think
it will be fun.

It's going to be great.

We had
a really small wedding--

just Brett's whole family
and my family.

So we wanted to have a party
just so I could celebrate

with friends in Charleston.

You don't eat like
that in public, do you?

Why don't you sit down?

- Yeah.
- You got time to eat.

I want to be Hudson
when I grow up.

[both laugh]

Oh, God.

Brett is a chief firefighter.

It's a great job,
but it's in California,

so he's gone for about
three days,

home for eight.

So I want to make sure that
every time Brett comes home,

he feels like
I've made it special.

I'm not kidding you right now,

but I'm trying to be
Martha Stewart.

Like, that is my goal.

Well, Madison is
different these days.

[laughs]

♪

[upbeat music]

♪

[cell phone ringing]

- Yo.
- Yo.

I mean, I can't tell you
that this past weekend--

how bored I was,

because you were off doing,
you know, whatever the hell.

Shep was off, you know,
in frickin' South Africa,

and I was like, that's like
two of my five friends

ing right there.

And then every other
one is, like, married.

I know.

And, like, my good friends
are, like, all frickin'

having kids and stuff.

When I call people to go
drinking, they're like, well...

All right, well, you know,
how about this

for structure and people,
you know, that are married?

Madison called me and
invited me to a, you know,

wedding after-party
sort of deal.

Um...

have to you spoken to
your husband about this?

Yeah.
Okay, good.

To be quite frank, it is
pretty surreal and weird

to be invited to celebrate
the relationship of someone

who I thought that I
was going to marry.

I have tried so hard
to make this work, like,

over and over again, but
there's some times when you

hit that----ing wall
where you can't move past,

and I feel like we hit it.

And that's a----ing shame

because I wanted to be
with you.

I hear what you're
saying, Madison.

[voice breaking]
I just don't know how--

I just don't know
how to let you go.

I just don't.

See? There's so many
- ing moving parts.

What about all black?

♪

Coming up...

You laughed about it.

Jesus, stop----ing
yelling at me.

If it wasn't for me,
he would have slept

with the----ing girl,
and I should have let him.

What about your
girl cheated on you?

No! Taylor!

[upbeat music]

♪

- Hello, my queen.
- Hi.

- Hi. How are you?
- Good.

How are you?
- Good.

I brought two different socks

in case you want to pick
a color.

You probably brought me
like, wrist band, helmet.

Hey, you got options.

What's gonna look good with
your outfit?

- Look at you.
- Let's strap up.

Like, let's get physical
with that outfit.

I know. I feel like
an '80s Workout Barbie.

- I love it.
- [laughs]

I need to do squats.
My butt is getting flat.

Yeah, your butt
is super flat.

[laughter]

Oh, Lord.

Whoa!
[laughs]

My gosh, this is so nice.

I don't think we can
get a better day.

I know. Yeah.

Are you not entertained?
- Nice!

You look--

Oh, sh--. Speed bump.

Oh, my God.
We got this.

[laughter]

- That was good.
- That was some skill.

I was just driving
around this way,

and there was a guy on a bike--
very attractive.

- Yeah?
- I was like, hello, sir.

Hello. I was like, you can
come bike around later.

Honestly, I was thinking
about it the other day.

Like, it dawned on me.

I was like, I've never been
single living here.

- I know. Isn't it nice?
- Yeah, it is kind of fun.

I'm loving being single.

- You feel like he used you?
- Yes.

How?

I was the whore
that stuck around.

Are y'all in a relationship,
or are you not?

We're not in a relationship.

The breakups
with Shep and Austen

kind of brought Taylor
and I closer.

We're pretty much glued
to the hip at this point,

and neither one of us have been
single in this town before,

so we're kind of
navigating it together.

Honestly, she's definitely
a sister to me.

Ride or die.
[chuckles]

Well, let's go find
ourselves some men.

- Not in these skates.
- Men, not boys.

Men.
- [laughs]

Yeah, I literally have
only been on one date.

All right, well, there's
a line back there.

- [laughs] There's zero line.
- Oh, please.

All right, but, like,
it's nice

to not have to worry
about somebody.

I feel like I'm still catching
my breath after Shep,

so I'm like, Hang on.
Give me a moment.

- [laughs]
- [exhales sharply] My God.

- I was carrying...
- A lot of work.

Quite the ball and chain
before you got here.

No.

I mean, of course, I'll
always, like, cherish the time

that Shep and I had together,

but, like, for it to come
spiraling down so quickly

was totally a mind[BLEEP].

I was in love with Shep.

And I wanted to go full force,

like, no turning back,
let's do it.

Let's get married.
Let's have a family.

Let's do all these things.

And after Shep and I broke up,

I still really wanted to try
to make things work,

and he said,
I will not change.

You----ed another
person in Texas, Shep.

Like, goddamn, it's
been two----ing months.

[voice breaking]
So it's hard for me

to understand his emotions
and all of that...

Because I felt like I was
constantly fighting,

and he didn't want to do that.

He didn't want to fight for it.

I don't know.

I don't even know
if he's in town.

- Shep?
- I don't know.

I'm like, do you even live
at your house anymore?

I haven't seen anyone
in his driveway.

♪

Hey, buddy.
Remember this?

Craig, look,
it's Isle of Palms.

We're home.

Take you out on the beach.

Go for long walks.
- [panting noisily]

Chase the ball
around in the ocean.

Look, bud, we're here.

You recognize it?

It's been a little while.

Okay, come on.
Let's do it.

Come here.
[car horn honks]

Come on.

All right.

I'll be right there, bud.

Get some stuff.

♪

Ah.

Do you recognize this?

It's kind of changed,
hasn't it?

After Taylor and I broke up,

I was a little bit broken, frankly.

Shep, do you
still love Taylor?

I'll always love Taylor.

- Are you in love with her now?
- Not right now, no.

I just wanted to travel,
get out of Charleston

to try to clear my head.

So I went to Australia.

And Austen came and met me,
and we had a lot of fun.

You know, I love traveling.

You're like a child.
It's childlike wonderment.

And I am like a child anyway.

♪

Who knows what the day
holds, right, Austen?

It's our oyster.
- Whatever you want, dear.

Let's shuck it.

And then he went home,
and I went to South Africa.

So here I am at the top
of Table Mountain.

I loved getting away
from Charleston,

but I'd be lying if I didn't
say Taylor was on my mind,

at least a few times
a day, so...

♪

[sighs]

[cell phone ringing]

Hello.

Welcome home.

Yeah.
Yeah, I'm back.

It's a little surreal,
honestly, you know,

because I've been gone
for so long, you know?

Yeah, yeah, but
I think he probably

misses his time with y'all.

I'm sure you'll--

Yeah, but another
thing is kind of is,

he's never been in Charleston

where Taylor
wasn't in his life.

He kind of likes it.

[laughs]
Yeah, look at his face.

He loves it.

He is Baby Yoda.

Just a wet Baby Yoda.

Mr. Craig.

Taylor has a new dog, Penny.

Hopefully they can get together

and everything
can be copacetic.

I want to be like
that, you know?

But I understand
that people deal

with things in different ways
and different timelines,

you know?

I don't know if time has
healed anything for Taylor,

but I hope she's willing
to try to patch things up

and be friends.

It will be out there,
so we'll see.

[sniffles]

Hi, cutey.

Hi.

Come say hello.

Hi.
Oh, okay.

- Time's up.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- She looks like a skateboard.

Scooter.
She does look like skateboard.

So Madison's party--

I can't imagine
Austen being there.

That would be odd, right?
- Without a doubt.

He's back
from the land Down Under.

- He's back from Down Under.
- I bet he was down under.

[chuckles]

I just don't--

It's hard to say, because
I know you're friends with him.

Every turn, he
would let me down.

Yeah.

Like, when we were all
in New York,

everyone was telling me,

you can trust
that he loves you.

Like, y'all need
to give it 100%.

I was ready to be
in the relationship.

It was him that, like,
couldn't figure it out.

To tell, like, y'all
that he loved me

and he, like, wanted
to lock it down

and then I finally
got to that point

where I trusted him to do
that, and then just, like,

oh, I changed my mind.

Ripped it right out
from under you.

When we got back
from New York,

he just kept telling me to give
him a chance

to be the guy that I knew
and thought he was.

I said, okay.

And then not even a
week later, he told me

that his feelings had changed.

Mind you, it had been a week.

You know, it's just--

Falling for Austen
is, like, the equivalent

of like going in a fun house.

Like, you see it,
you're all excited,

and then you walk in, and it's,
like, your distorted image.

There's a----ing clown
running by.

And then you get out, and
you're all discombobulated,

and you want to vomit.

That's the equivalent...
- That was a perfect analogy.

- Of dating Austen.
- Oh, my God.

[laughter]

Coming up...

We're picking out clothes for
your ex-girlfriend's wedding.

I'll be damned
if I overthink this.

- But are you?
- Oh, yes, you are.

But are you?
I know you don't want to.

You're already overthinking it.
- [laughs]

[upbeat music]

This dress is going
to look so good.

My little blue earrings.

Charles, you like my dress?

I guess that's a no.
[chuckles]

[cell phone ringing]

[cell phone thuds]
[chuckles]

Hi.

Sorry, I just
dropped my phone.

I was calling you because
I want to show you the dress

that I'm wearing to Madison's.

Oh.

Okay.

Voilà.

Um...

Yeah, I'm excited.
I'm excited.

Madison and I had a really
good chat the other day,

so I'm excited for us to, like,
be, like, friends again.

So it'll be good.

Last year, Madison
was upset at me

because she was
getting from the girls

that I was talking
sh-- about her.

I expected this from anyone
else sitting on this couch,

but this person
here to ever say

one horrible thing about me.

But how did I throw you
out of the bus by saying--

Because you just sat
there and literally

talked sh-- about me.

Oh, it was bad.

But having a friend
for that long

is almost like having a sister.

You know, we'll be mad at
each other for three months,

and then we'll be over it.

Yeah.

Yeah, me too.

But hopefully you'll be
coming home soon enough.

Manny is God's gift to me.

That's what Manny is.

He is a musician, so he's
traveling all the time.

We were friends first,
and about eight months ago now,

he asked me
to be his girlfriend.

He's perfect.

Yeah.

Why are you smiling like that?

[laughing]

♪

- Whew.
- Hey.

- Hello, sir.
- Welcome to 319 Men.

Hey, I'm Austen.
Good to see you.

- Good to see you, Austen.
- I'm waiting on a few buddies.

We're shopping
for a daytime cocktail event.

Well, you know what?
Take your time. Have a look.

[smooth jazz music]

♪

Hey, the prodigal son returns.

Hello.

This is cool.
It smells good.

- Yeah, welcome to the store.
- Yeah.

- Lots of good stuff in here.
- Cool.

Hey, buddy.
How we doing?

This guy kind
of looks like me.

Sorry.
- Yeah, he does.

- Holy sh--
- Kind of?

- You know who that is?
- No, but he's a handsome man.

That's Errol Flynn.

Who's that?

- He's a famous actor.
- Oh.

He was known as the
swashbuckling pirate guy.

I wish I had his hair.

"Errol Leslie Thompson Flynn
achieved worldwide fame

"during the Golden Age
of Hollywood.

"He was known for his
frequent partnerships

"with Olivia de Havilland...

and reputation
for his womanizing

and hedonistic personal life."

- This man is handsome.
- Yeah.

This man is my grandfather.

Shep, I think
I really like this.

It's sharp.

I must wear the
collar like this, too,

so you can get that red.
- Yeah, it has attitude.

Might have to
go unconventional.

Yes.

- What's up, guys?
- What's up, brother?

Good to see you.
Long time, no see.

Welcome back
to this part of the world.

Thank you.
Thank you.

- How long have you been here?
- Two, three days.

Hey, buddy.
What's up?

It's good to be back.
It's kind of surreal, though.

So daytime cocktails,
the theme.

I don't know what I'm
wearing tomorrow, man,

but I'm not going to overthink.

Well, we're
picking out clothes

for your
ex-girlfriend's wedding.

That's what I'm saying.

Like, I'll be damned
if I overthink this.

- But are you?
- Oh, yes, you are.

But are you? I know you don't
want to, but are you?

You're already
overthinking it.

I think
there's a certain closure,

even though I dislike
that word, here.

This is an important
seminal moment

for Madison and Austen's--

I mean, definitely
failed relationship.

- $250.
- $210.

I'm dreading tomorrow
on a certain level.

Oh, is this the first time
you're going to see Taylor?

In a while, yeah.

I really want it to be friends
and cordial.

But there's not
going to be friends.

Why not?

Because that's not
how it works, Shep.

She thought she was going
to get married to you.

How about people
who actually did get married

and then they're
friends after the divorce?

Well, that's
usually for kids.

[laughs]
No.

[laughs]
You're an idealist, man.

You're not a realist.

Shep and Austen have
always tried to normalize

being around your exes.

And last year
they just wanted me

to integrate Naomie back into
my life like nothing happened.

Look, actually, here it is.
I'm sorry.

This is why I don't
hang out with you,

because this brings me
to a level that I don't like.

It's just not how things work.

A lot of those, like, you know,
unresolved feelings resurface.

Have you seen Olivia since--
in a while?

[clears throat]
No.

I haven't seen her
in, like, a month.

So, you know,
according to Taylor,

like, if I want to make
it work with Olivia,

then I'm going to have to,
like, put in the effort--

What do you mean work?

Like, if I want to
be friends with her.

Oh, is that what
you guys want?

It's on me.
Yeah, I'm like, I am fine

if she's fine, you know?

- Right.
- TBD.

In all of my past relationships,

I have asked the question
of what have I done wrong

so many times,

and it's been beat
into my brain

that it's me
and that I'm the problem.

It hasn't been sexual
since we broke up.

So her sneaking across
the hall isn't sexual?

- That was a drunken--
- Drunk?

Take your drunken whatever
and shove it up your ass.

This is----ing bullsh--.
- Madison.

Madison.

You're a beta!

Oh, my God.

You're a pussy!
Own it.

I think if you
stay in that arena

too long of just having
fun or the gray area,

if you want to call it,
after a while,

it chips away at
your confidence.

I need to figure out
why my relationships

are the way that they are.

I don't think that
I'm supposed to be

like that guy that just never
has a plus-one at the wedding.

It's just going to be tough...

- Yeah.
- To navigate.

I think so, too.

Yeah, so that's why tomorrow
we're treading carefully.

You are--

- Triangle.
- Oh, my God.

[laughter]
Don't ever do that again.

Coming up...

- Well, I brought you this.
- Okay.

If it's ticking, well...

um...

[upbeat music]

♪

[giggles]

♪

[Shep gargling, spits]

♪

Ooh.

Perfect.
She's colorful.

Yeah, I love that.

That's so cute.
And your boobies look so good.

♪

Not bad, not bad.

♪

[grunts]
A little tight.

♪

That's not bad.

[sighs]
Boy.

Whoo.

I like it.

♪

Whoo!

Wow.

♪

Hi.

Good.

Yes.

Thank you.
[elegant piano music playing]

Whoo.

Oh, my gosh.

Look!
- Hey.

Hey.
Look at you.

- Yeah, you look so good.
- You look so good.

- Oh, sorry about that.
- You're good.

- Hey. You look great.
- Hi.

- Thanks, so do you.
- Well, welcome.

Yes.

Do you need me to
take your glasses?

Yeah.

- Do you want me to take yours?
- Yeah, please.

Y'all come on in.
I'll show you around.

So we did little
mini petite cakes.

Cute.

I did y'all's wedding
monogram on the bar.

You just outdo
yourself every time.

I know. Seriously.

We'll have most
of the party outside.

I have the martini bar.
- Oh, cool.

And then we'll just
pass all the food around.

And then I did the Oysters XO,

so he will walk around
and shuck the oysters

right for everybody.

- Whoa.
- I love that.

Oh, my God!
- You like it?

- You look so cute!
- I love this!

Thank you.

- Hi!
- How beautiful.

Oh, I'm so happy you're here.

You look so handsome.

- I know.
- I like that jacket.

So do we have a RSVP list?

Anybody who's not coming?

I think Patricia
is not coming.

Yeah.

She's not feeling well, so
Whitney's taking care of her.

[bell rings]
- Whitney?

Yeah, Mom.

[bell rings]
- Whitney?

Yes, Mother.
[bell rings]

Oh, God.

I got a thanks from Craig,

so I guess that means
he's coming.

Okay, that means he's coming.
Either way--

- We'll get the party started.
- Right.

I think we already have.
Cheers, Brett.

Cheers.

[upbeat music]

♪

What's up?

- How are you?
- Good.

Hey.

How are you?
Thanks for coming.

Of course.

♪

- I love you.
- I love you.

♪

- This is a beautiful house.
- It's very nice.

- Oh, wow.
- [laughs]

- Goodness gracious.
- Veuve Clicquot.

Oh, thank you very much.

Hello.

- Goodness, a piano.
- Do you know any Billy Joel?

- A pianist.
- Stop.

[elegant piano music playing]

Hello.

- Hey.
- How are you?

- How are you?
- This is lovely.

- How was your trip?
- The trip was good.

Hey, man, I'm Shep.
- How's it going? Brett.

both: Nice to meet you.
- This is my husband, Brett.

It's a long time.
I've been wanting to meet you.

- Thank y'all for coming.
- Yeah.

- He exists.
- Yeah, he does exist.

- Yeah, I'm real.
- What, is this a hologram?

They were supposed to come at
10:00, but my girlfriend--

I've bitten my nails
my whole life.

- [gasps] Yes.
- And I went on this trip,

and I just stopped.

- Sorry.
- Hey.

- Hi.
- Hi, good to see you.

- Good to see you.
- How are you?

- Good,
- Hey, man, Austen.

Austen, Brett,
nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.
Well, I brought you this.

Okay.

Whatever you do,
do not shake it.

Oh.

If it's ticking,
that means...

It's a bomb.
[laughter]

Anyway, um, so...

But, yeah, it's just like
a celebratory congratulations.

That's so nice. Thank you.
Don't shake it.

[Brett chuckles]

[stammers]

But, anyways, thank you for--
- Yes.

Thank you
for both inviting me.

- Of course.
- It was kind and--

Yeah, this is really nice.

I thought that this guy was
going to be like a Greek God.

I mean, the way that
Madison talks about Brett.

She's like, oh, you know,
his dick is so big,

and he's so----ing hot.

Seriously, what does this guy
have that I don't have?

He is good-looking.
He is an adult.

He cares about other people
other than himself.

He's perfect in bed.

The list goes on and on.

Whatever.

- Craig.
- Wait Craig is here?

- Hey, guys.
- Oh, my gosh.

You look so good.

What's up, Brett?

Congratulations.
- Thanks, man.

I appreciate it.
- Aw.

Well, how was Mexico?

That's where y'all were, right?

Yeah, then we
went to Singapore.

- To Singapore?
- Yeah.

You've always wanted
to go to Singapore.

I know.

Well, after
"Crazy Rich Asians,"

she was like, Singapore.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Singapore, Dubai, and Bali.

- And Bali.
- What?

How long was your honeymoon?
- Three weeks.

It was long, yeah.
It was good.

I'm going to do that, too...

if it ever happens.

You should copy
their honeymoon.

Yeah, we'll give
you the itinerary.

Send me the itinerary, and--

Yeah.

It's just such
a beautiful train wreck.

You know, no one really gets
hurt in the train wreck,

but like, a lot of things
catch on fire and blow up.

Well, thanks for having us.
- Yeah.

- I'm excited.
- Cheers, guys.

Listen, y'all don't embarrass
me, but have a lovely time.

- No promises whatsoever.
- Yeah.

We'll put this away.

Oh, come this way.

♪

Put it in a safe
in case it blows up.

Okay.

Coming up...

Shep doesn't give a sh--,
and it makes me hurt

that you don't give a sh--.

I think the only person

that actually gives a sh--
was Austen.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Hi.
- Venita.

How you doing?
This is so fabulous.

Hi.
- Oh, my gosh.

Look.
both: Good to see you.

I am, like, blown
away right now.

Thanks.
I got you something.

- Thank you. You're so sweet.
- You're welcome.

I mean, anything
this color is--

- Is a win.
- Is a win.

Honestly, I did miss
my friendship with Venita.

both: Cheers.

So I am happy that
we squashed the beef

and we're friends again.

- Hey.
- Hey, Shep. How you doing?

- Venita.
- Good to see you.

- Good to see you.
- You went to Australia?

Australia is great.

It's like a giant
beach town, Australia.

I feel like I would be
afraid to go to Australia

because their bugs
are different.

Bugs?

Yeah, the bugs
and, like, spiders.

Hi.
- Hey, darling.

How are you?
- How you doing?

- I'm wonderful.
- I didn't see one spider

- Good to see you.
- Good to see you, too.

- Hello. Hello. Hello.
- Hey, Leva.

Hi. Hi.
Hi, Brett.

Hi.

Thank you.

Hey, thanks for coming.

- You look beautiful.
- Thank you. So do you.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- You look great.
- Thank you.

Good to see you.

I didn't even know
Shep was back in town.

Shep, when did you get back?
I thought you were still gone.

I got back four days ago.

I had a great time.
- Oh, good.

I know it was, like--

last year was
a little bit rough.

It's been a rough, rough...

yeah, last six months.

♪

- Holy moly.
- All right.

Okay.

I haven't spoken to Olivia
in, like, a month.

- What?
- I know.

It was because of her, Rod.

She was like, I don't
want to talk to you.

Well, it's a new day.

Wait for me, Thelma.

- [chuckles] My girl.
- My girl.

- And she's somehow, I guess--
- I saw her, yeah.

Everybody says, like, it
takes time,

different timetables
for different people. Okay.

I think she's still
in a space where she

feels very betrayed,
but I do think

she also wants to move on.

Sure.
We would love that.

Thank you.
- Hi.

Oh, cute.

[dramatic music]

Hi.

I was like, my boobs are gonna,
like, pop out of this dress.

What's happening
outside, anything?

Well, everyone is here.
Shep is here.

- Okay.
- He seems in good spirits.

He said he--
- I'm sure he totally is.

- Austen is here.
- [blows raspberry]

It's like, no, it's good.

Go scope it out.
I'll be right there.

Yeah, we'll scope it out.
We're ready.

Hello, hello.
How are you?

Good to see you.

- Olivia, hi.
- Good to see you.

How are you?
You look wonderful.

Yeah, thank you.
- Can I have my drink?

What's up?

- How are you?
- Good. How are you, Olivia?

- Good to see you.
- You too. You look nice.

Okay.

I keep being the last
one that anyone says hi to.

- Hi.
- Hi.

That color looks
great on you.

Thank you.

Thanks for having us.
- Yes, of course.

[indistinct chatter]

Well, hey--

I might take this off,

because I'm trying
to shake my tail feather.

Put it inside
the top of mine.

I'm going to
take my shirt off.

We're going to do a toast.

We're going to
all step outside,

and we'll just
do it right here.

- I am a little drunk.
- [chuckles]

♪

All right.

Well, thank you
for all coming today.

And, Brett, I am so lucky
to have you.

You are my dream come true.

And, I mean, seriously, I could
cry even thinking about it.

And to all of you, thanks
again, and let's have a blast.

[all cheering]

If I could just say--
No, I'm kidding.

[record scratches]

[laughter]

- Austen.
- Austen.

Yeah, let's hear it.
Let's hear it.

- Come on.
- I'm kidding.

- No, but, really, let's do it.
- Now you have to do it.

- Yeah.
- Okay, fine.

Cheers to the happy couple.
Yeah, of course.

[all cheering]
- Wow, very formal.

[laughter]

[indistinct chatter]

[elegant piano music playing]

All right, hold on.
Make sure my bra is on.

Let me see.

- This thing just slips out.
- Hold that.

Who would have thunk it?
both: Listen...

Could you fix my dress?

♪

- Are you having fun?
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, good.

You're going to like the gift
that I got you guys.

Yeah?

I got gifted a lot of these
after the breakup.

Oh.
Oh, my God.

What is that?
- [laughs]

We get casserole dishes,
and Taylor gets us a dildo.

Y'all are doing
long distance,

so I thought that maybe.
- No.

Yeah. No.
Thank you.

We won't ever forget it.
- [chuckles awkwardly]

You're welcome.

I feel like a freakin'
hypocrite here talking

about how should
a Southern lady act,

but, like, come on, Taylor.

I just thought that she was
just this godly girl,

little Jesus freak.

I never used one,
though, surprisingly.

- Are you serious?
- I'm serious.

All right.
- Bye.

- Have fun with it.
- Yes.

I mean, WWJD, girl.

Hmm.

Actually, I'm going
to get another drink.

Yeah.

[upbeat music]

Touch his body, y'all.

♪

Cheers.
It's my water.

I was like, are
you double-fisting?

No, not yet.

- When did you get back?
- How's Mom and Dad?

They're good.
They're moving to Houston.

What?

So I'm going to be
king of the castle.

- House party.
- That's what I'm saying.

Hey, let's trash the place.

I'm down. I'm down.
[laughter]

- Quick question.
- Yeah.

What's--How do I approach
and say hello to Taylor?

Like, I'm lost.

Okay.
I appreciate that.

She's in a much
better headspace, but...

Good.
That's good to hear.

But, yeah, don't do
the whole, like,

oh, it was
a fun chapter, right?

We had a good time.
Like, that's where it's, like--

I'm not going to do that.

[dramatic music]

Ah. Okay.

- Here we go.
- Here we go. Here we go.

Nope.

♪

[dramatic music]

Quick question--
what's--

How do I approach
and say hello to Taylor?

Like, I'm lost.

Okay.
I appreciate that.

Hi.

♪

Ah. Okay.

Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go. Here we go.

Here we go. Nope.

Here, come on,
let's get another drink.

No, no, just watch from afar.

A little water, maybe.

- Hey.
- Hi. How's it going?

- How are you?
- Good to see you.

Good to see you.

You look great.

Thank you.

How's it going? You're
looking dapper as always.

Was he asking advice?

He wasn't asking me
about the weather.

He was rehearsing.

He was like, how
do I approach this?

I was like, just speak.
- Just say hi.

- What's been going on?
- I've been in Europe, and--

Where in Europe?

We're in London
and Paris and--

Which one
did you like better?

London.

Oh, because of the French--
the language barrier?

No.
No, I just liked London better.

Okay.

I mean, you hated that part,
when we were in France.

No, I didn't. You were the
one that was speaking Spanish

while we were in France.

[laughing]
That's true.

Yeah.

And, uh...

Want to get a drink?
You guys need drinks?

- No.
- Nope. Olivia.

Well, how have you been
in the month of December,

since I haven't spoken to you?

Good.
Had a good Christmas.

We spent Christmas in Sedona.
- Okay.

You could have texted me that,
but you chose not to.

And you instead, just
decided to thumbs-up me

when I said, hey, I hope you're
having a Merry Christmas.

Well, that was the first time
you'd reached out to me

in a very long time.

I didn't feel
the need to respond.

- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

What do you need from me
in this moment

to, like, enjoy the day?
- Nothing in this moment.

Nothing in this moment.
- Then we can...

Okay.

- go our separate
- ing ways.

♪

[laughter]
- Hey.

Well, that didn't go well.

But I'm glad
you're doing well.

I'm glad you're
doing well, too.

- Yeah, thank you.
- Good.

It's good to see you.
- Yeah, you too.

Cheers.

♪

[indistinct chatter]

- [chuckles]
- You coming over here?

Yeah, I'm just
going to say, hey.

- You good?
- Yeah.

- How was that?
- I don't know.

Okay.

♪

Oh, boy, that
was very intense.

Her whole demeanor is different
than when I've ever known her.

It's combative.

Some of the things she said
were derisive towards me.

I don't know.

I just feel responsible,

and that makes me really sad.

[upbeat music]

♪

[camera shutter clicks]

Are you going to join me
in my little safe spot?

Yeah, yeah, I'm coming over.

Well, it says a lot

that the least awkward
conversations of the day

are Austen and you and Madison.
- Yeah.

Says a lot.

I'm getting
a lychee martini light.

I'll have
an espresso Martini.

I deserve it.
- And his will be heavy.

[chuckles]
I think I deserve everything.

He has more of a tolerance.

I just know that,
like, his conversation

is trying to make himself
feel better about himself.

He's like, I----ed
so many people,

and I cheated on you
so many times.

I'm going to make myself feel
better by being nice to you.

To experiencing
new things,

taking chances, taking risks,

and enjoying the hell
out of it all.

- Yes.
- Yeah. That sounds great.

I like that.
Sounds great.

I just don't want
to play into it.

You cheated on me tenfold,

and I know
some of y'all know about it.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

- He----ed some random girl.
- I have no idea--

Who?

And he also----ed
some girl in California.

So that's what makes me think,
like, our whole relationship

he was cheating on me.

Things that you're talking
about never, ever happened,

not to my knowledge.

What about Craig
calling you about Mia?

Shep, you were
caught trying to kiss

one of Leva's employees.

Craig can speak to that.
I don't remember.

I was drunk.

I don't think he knew
what he was doing,

but when he tried
to kiss the girl,

I sat him down forcefully.

Was that the straw
that broke the camel's back

for you, Taylor?

Yeah.

Craig was sitting
on that information

that he should
have shared with me

but didn't have the balls
to come and tell me.

And he's just
sitting over there

with a smile on his face.

Like, wipe the smile
off your face

before I wipe it off for you.

- Look--
- Craig was laughing about it.

He thought it was hysterical.

♪

Shep, Taylor is over there
yelling both of our names,

screaming at Austen.

Like, Jesus Christ,
Taylor, let it----ing go.

- About what?
- The trio thing.

I was like, I was
the one that stopped

the whole----ing thing.
I never laughed.

Stop. Don't--

don't feed
my brain that she's, like,

freaking out.

- You want me to lie to you?
- I don't know.

Like, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that, like--

I've just found out so many--
like, multiple things

while we were dating.

He doesn't care.

I was not Mr. Cheat Guy.

I just wasn't.
I mean, you know me.

I'm a weak man when it comes
to other women,

but, like, I was not like,
hey, she's gone, come over.

It's like you and Olivia--

it's not like you cheated
on her multiple times.

I told her--I was like, Shep
cheated on me multiple times.

Austen didn't do that to you.
- Okay, hey, hey, hey--

- Can I just be--
- Once again, once again--

She's just like,
I've found out so many times

that he, like,
did this and this.

She doesn't know sh--.

- Like, you're not even
- ing together anymore.

I mean, like,
if every event we go to

she's going to be talking

about how you cheated
on her all the time,

I'd be like,
get the [BLEEP] over it.

I tried to be nice, but, like,
I don't owe you sh--.

♪

[upbeat music]

♪

We're passing out cake.

Hey.

Thank you.

Wait, this is so cute.
I need a little photo.

[camera shutter clicks]
- They're so cute.

Peachy.
Rosy.

[laughter]

We're so classy.

Get a dildo, whip it out,
and swing it around.

So my parents,
they moved to Houston.

So you're at the house
by yourself?

Yes, I'm keeping
an eye on things.

- I'm coming tomorrow.
- Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, seriously,
I want to throw a party

and, like, have everyone there.

Yeah, and when Paige is back
in town--

She's not struggling,

but she's like, look, I don't
have friends in Charleston,

and you have friends
in New York.

So maybe I can bring her over,
and you guys can hang.

Yeah, I've been around her.

Taylor and I were talking
about that before we got here.

Like, we don't know here.
- Yeah.

Well, you guys, no one has
had a chance to hang out yet.

Shepherd, can we
get out of here?

I'm going to go grab--

Or I'm going to say
something to Craig.

I hope that you know that,
like, when we are here, like,

we don't leave the house.

So I hope you never thought
that it was like we don't want

to hang with you guys.

God damn it, Craig.

Quit talking.
- Austen.

I'm trying.

He's just talking
about cats and sh--.

- No, but, I mean--
- But does Paige like us?

Like, would she want to?

Because, I mean, we've been
around her a few times,

and so we still don't
know each other.

I know, but look, if
you guys are open to it,

we would love to come and hang.

Yeah.

God damn it, I
was about to snap.

He started talking
to someone else now.

What are we talking about?

I was saying I'd
like to reconnect.

And then Olivia was like,
well, does Paige even like us?

Okay, fine.
[BLEEP] this.

And I was like, if that's the
impression that we've given,

then I feel bad,
because that's--

Yes, she likes you guys.
Like, that's not--

Well, I think
this is something

that would be really--
- We are leaving.

Okay, hold on one second.

Well, I just
wanted you to know.

Okay, I'm just going
to finish up a convo.

The timer is on.
both: Okay.

[chuckles]

Obviously, we have
missed your friendship.

Y'all aren't here.

No, but now, like, we want
to get it to, like, 70% here,

30% there.

And so she's open
to, like, hanging.

And we're totally
open to that.

But I will say, just
from my perspective,

the way that you approached
our breakup

was, like, very sh---y...
- Okay, but--

When the breakup happened,
when we separated ways...

Taylor, that--

Like, that was very--
and you didn't--Madison.

I'm not even, like...
- Taylor--

Best friends with Madison.
She texted me.

No one did anything
bad except him,

and I'm the one
that stopped it.

She texted me and said,
I hope that you're doing okay.

- Oh, boy.
- I told you that.

And then you
called Austen the day after

and laughed about
Shep trying to cheat on me.

Well, that's not true.
If he told you that--

Yes, you did.

Austen, did I ever laugh
about Shep cheating on Taylor?

Yes.
Tell him.

You laughed
at Shep's behavior.

That's it.
- Because he's a clown.

You laughed about it!

Was my relationship
a joke to you?

Stop it.
I don't want to raise my--

Taylor.
- Like, can we not do this?

That's why I want to get
the hell out of here, man.

I tried to go 30 minutes ago.

Dude, when you linger at a
party, this sh-- happens.

Dude, do you realize
how, like, sh---y that is?

Like, we used
to be friends, dude.

- I didn't cheat on you.
- I don't care.

I used to be, like,
good friends with you,

and, like, I haven't heard
from you.

I haven't talked to you.
You--

After the whole breakup,
you didn't even talk to me.

Because you're my
friend's girlfriend,

but he's my friend!

But he's a----ed-up
human being!

Yes, but I can't
go behind his back.

Oh, Tay.

- You are mad at him.
- Go hug your friend.

- You don't care about him!
- But I don't--

I can't go behind his
back and tell you that.

So why not?
You need to.

You're mad at him, not me.

Don't date me.
[chuckles]

Simple solution.

Well, I thought
that he can sit over there

and laugh about it, too.

Oh, God.
Oh, jeez.

Maybe y'all should all just
go laugh about it together.

You're deflecting from
the fact that Shep hurt you.

No one else.
- Four of them, four of them.

Shep doesn't give a sh--,
and it makes me hurt

that you don't give a sh--.

I think the only person
that actually gives a sh--

that it hurt me was Austen.

Obviously, Olivia, too,
but the girls

have, like, had my back, always.

The only guy that's
had my back is Austen.

Like, you didn't have my back.

Well, you don't know
what's happened.

Shep doesn't give a sh--
about anyone but himself.

Taylor, I'm
sorry you're upset,

but you don't know
what I've said to Shep.

You don't know how many
times I've cut him off.

What have you said to Shep?

You weren't there
the night he did it.

Okay?
- What did you say?

I----ing threw him
through a----ing wall.

All right?
- Really, you did?

So screw you.

I'm the one that--
if it wasn't for me,

you would have slept
with the----ing girl,

and I should have let him.

Jesus, stop----ing
yelling at me.

I didn't cheat on
you, all right?

My friend did.

So stop----ing yelling about
sh-- you don't know about.

What about your
girl cheating on you?

No, Taylor, you
can't say that.

You're embarrassing yourself.

♪ Ba-ba-do

♪ Ba-ba-dee

♪ It's easy,
ask the birds and bees ♪

[dramatic music]

This season
on "Southern Charm"...

- Damn.
- Oh, my gosh.

It looks so pretty.

Oh, wow,
this looks very nice.

Oh. Whoo.
That's cold.

- It's all in the wrist.
- [laughs]

I'm in Jamaica.

Oh!

- Ooh.
- Aah!

You okay, baby?

Hey, my name's Dieter.
I'm from Dusseldorf.

both: Mm...
- Mwah!

Why do I feel so nauseous?

[spits] Oh, my God.

Tell me about your
first pregnancy?

I had a pelvic fracture
during the delivery.

Oh.

Like, I'm not trying
to plan a wedding.

Well, why would we date

if we're not going to take
the next step?

I feel like our
souls connected.

[laughs]

Whoa. Whoa.

I have been out with Olivia.

So, like, you're going to
ask her out or something?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Taylor is in Shep's room.

What happened?

- Shep and Taylor banged.
- Last night?

This kissing
bandit last night--

It was a real naked picture.

He's going to freak
the [BLEEP] out.

Shep, chill out.

Don't----ing bring
up our relationship.

You wound up cheating on me!
both: You did!

- Be the bigger man.
- I'm trying.

You're the oldest
guy in the room.

Grow up.

To even sit there and be
saying that kind of stuff...

That is not your best friend.

I just don't want
to make it worse.

[sighs]

Guess what!
Do it again!

Boy!

- Ahh...
- Here's to that.

- Yeah, here's to that.
- [chuckles] Hmm.