All language subtitles for Southern Charm S08E13 St Simon Says Fight 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

Previously
on "Southern Charm..."

He called you
a psycho ex-girlfriend.

As Craig continued to bash
me, Whitney lifted me up.

He said really
mean stuff about me.

- Well, then [BLEEP] him then.
- I know.

What's not to like?

♪ He's got promise

♪ Oh

♪ Yeah,
he's got some shine ♪

And when Leva hosted
a girls' night--

You guys are far
closer than you think!

Well, cheers to never
been hooked up with Whitney.

--Taylor found
her relationship

back in the spotlight.

The energy that
you're spending on Shep

is the energy
you lose on yourself.

There comes a time where,
like, enough is enough.

♪ Ba-ba doo

How elegant are we tonight?

Meanwhile, over at
Patricia's, the annual guys'

dinner started out tres bien.

Where did you get these?

Aren't they cute?

Shake it up.

Until Craig
made it tres mal.

Oh my god, Craig, that chair
is about to collapse on you.

Craig! Craig!

- Oh, Craig.
- Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Craig, your zipper
is all the way down.

It's broken.

♪ Just a regular bozo

[together]
Cheers.

And after the guys
learned that Shep

might still be swiping right--

Oh my god.

♪ Ba-ba dee-ee-ee

Everything went to sh--.

Pardon my French.

For her, you gotta
get to your settings

and say, hide my profile.

I'm not going to do that.
I'm not going to touch it.

Well, right now, people think
they have a chance with you.

But I'm not active on it.

Then----ing
delete your profile.

♪ It's easy

♪ As the birds and the bees
and the one, two, threes ♪

♪ Mm-hmm

[upbeat music]

Stir before use?

♪

[BLEEP].

♪

[whistles]
Come on.

Ugh.

Oh god, something touched me!

No. No. Abort.

♪

God, I'm excited to use this.

♪

Hmm.

I don't know what those are.

Craig, what in the hell?

This is a Craig pillow.

Oh, Craig Conover?

Yeah.

We did not delicately
wash his pillow.

[line trilling]

What's up, baby?

How are ya?

You look cute.

I like your headband.

It's just a forehead.

Just looking at the kitchen.

We got a bunch of
the cabinets in.

It looks cool.

I mean, I think we're
really going to like it.

So there's a cabinet
that goes there.

And then this is where
the stove goes, see?

[inaudible]

What?

Your audio is messed up.

Hold on.

Actually, I'm going
to take you upstairs.

All right, I love
taking you upstairs.

So I'm going to walk up on my
phone and then switch it over.

- Is that better?
- Mm-hmm.

And you can hear me?

Mm-hmm.

It was a lot
of fun, actually,

until I spilled red wine
all over Patricia's,

like, couch, and, like,
white carpet.

Yeah, it wasn't good.

And then I got a text.

Someone saw Shep on Raya,
I guess recently,

and took a screenshot.

You know, I guess his Raya
profile is still active.

And he just played it off.

He was like, dude, I don't
know how to use technology.

Like, you know.

I mean, what would you do
if you found out that I, like,

made my Raya active right now?

Please don't.

Yeah, well, she doesn't hold
him accountable for anything.

She just, like,
forgives him, I guess.

I've been thinking
a lot-- a lot,

a lot, a lot-- about things
that you're not happy about.

And by the way, the online--

the Raya thing, like--

You're a loser
for being 40 years old

being on a dating website.
- OK, fair-- fair point, but--

You deserved that one.

When I saw it, I was
like, well, why, you know?

I was confused why you had it.

But that is not a thing.

Like I am off that
mother-- that thing.

I am not on it.

I know.

Yeah, I feel like
Taylor and I are

the focal point for everybody.

And I feel like I'm
under a microscope.

Like, please get off my back.

So then Shep invited us
to this trip in Georgia.

And it's just so bizarre.

Taylor, I want to
take her on a vacation.

- Are you down to go?
- Of course.

Yeah.

OK.

So this trip,
honestly, it's Shep

trying to control everything.

All this strife
that I've caused you,

and, in turn, caused myself,
too, I mean, it's just

got me thinking.

And I know you
sometimes get frustrated

that me and Craig,
or Austen kind of just

shoot off here, shoot
off there for a few days,

or-- you know what I mean?

I get that.

So I think you
and I should

sort of host, maybe,
a little trip somewhere,

and have our friends with us.

OK.

And so what about Sea Island,
St. Simons area?

Ooh, that sounds fun.

You're down for this?

- I'm down for this.
- OK.

Oh, boy.

He's the glue that
keeps us together.

Is he really?

[laughter]

Yeah.

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪

- Evening. How are you?
- Good.

How many are we
going to need tonight?

- Two.
- Two?

Thank you so much.

[quirky music]

♪

Have you had time
to look over the menu?

Let's get a bottle
of the Chateau Chauvin.

- Chateau Chauvin?
- OK.

- I'll get that ready.
- Merci beaucoup.

De rien.

Ca va?

Hi.

How are you?

Good to see you.

Good to see you?

Don't you look beautiful?

Thank you.

You're wearing your chaps.

Like, I was going to
wear my buttless chaps.

Why do you call
them buttless?

They're, like, assless chaps.

You're assless chaps?

Bonsoir, Naomie.

Comment ca va?

Did we have time to look over
the food menu, by any chance?

Do you want to do,
like, meat and cheese?

Yeah.

Let's do a Camembert
and then...

[speaking in French]

Thank you.

Of course.

Merci beaucoup.

It's a good wine.

Does it meet your requirements?

I'm not that picky
with wine, actually.

My father was oenophile.

Is that where
you got into wine?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He used to take-- he'd
take me to tastings.

You're supposed to spit.

Yeah, because then
you get too drunk.

So me, of course,
I'm like, gulp.

[laughs]

And he'd be drive me
out of there hammered.

When you were how old?

Younger.

So last night, the guys'
dinner, it was hilarious.

Oh, yeah, how was that?

I had a lot of fun.

But with Shep, we did try
to pin him down on some kind

of commitment last night.

Well, let's talk
about the Raya thing.

Leva sent me a
screenshot this morning.

It's like a Raya profile
of Shep's from when

they were in Bermuda.

Yeah, we didn't know how
old the picture is.

No, it doesn't matter
how old the picture is.

It's like, your profile only
comes up if you're active,

I guess, on the app.

Maybe this profile's
been up for a while?

Whitney.

No, no, look.

Whitney?

I don't-- I don't
know the details.

Why are you looking
at me that way?

Because you're
full of sh--.

Like, you know that that
is an active profile that

was up when he was in Bermuda.

There's no other way
it would have been up.

He was dating
Taylor in Bermuda.

But do you know for a fact
that they were monogamous?

Yes.

It's insane to me, like,
how these men skirt

around this kind of thing.

Like, you're on a dating
app probably trying

to cheat on your girlfriend.

In his defense, I know
he's been completely

faithful, like, maybe the
past six, eight months,

not knowing--

Oh, wow, how great.

They've been dating for years.

I think it's scum of
the Earth behavior.

So yeah, no, I'm not
on board with this.

I mean, my view on love
and life and marriage

is one cannot rush richness.

As you know, point is,
like, you just don't know--

you can't force the issue.

No one likes to be pressured.

When you do pressure,
they freeze them out,

and they go away.

So you don't
want me to go away.

That's right.

OK.

[laughs]

Coming up...

The way that Shep
talks you sometimes,

like, breaks my----ing heart.

Something's going to
have to change here.

And if it doesn't, then I'm
going to have to walk away.

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

[line trilling]

Hello?

Yo.

Nothing, just driving around
running a couple of errands.

What are you up to?

Well, I mean, I haven't
seen you since Friendsgiving.

So just let's just meet up.

And just catch up.

Let's just--

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

I definitely feel like a sort
of protectiveness over Taylor.

The whole, like, shut up,
Taylor thing, it's not good.

It does not mesh
well with women.

I just don't want to see
Taylor be walked all over.

OK.

[upbeat music]

Hey, boy.

Whatcha doing?

[barks, whimpers]

Come here.

Come on.

Mmm, Craig,
want some fried chicken?

Yeah,

I know how you
like fried chicken.

All right, bud,
let's check in on Marcie.

[line trilling]

Oh!

Oh, man, look at Edie!

Oh, my gosh.

Finally, she's here.

Edie's full name is
Edith Cummings Crowe.

And delivering her
was excruciating.

But I'm just, like,
so in love.

She's so sweet
and little and innocent.

What can you say about
the whole experience?

OK, all right.

Oh, man.

Don't put more pressure on me.

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

♪

That's pretty.

- Friend, there she is.
- Hey!

- Hello.
- How are you?

Hungover.

[laughs]

See, this store is
kind of dangerous for me.

- Do you have this shirt?
- Yes.

I literally looked at it
and I was, like,

this is what Austen would wear.

[laughs]

OK, so what are we
shopping for today?

So we're shopping for
shrimping, golfing, tennis.

- Yeah.
- I was looking at these pants.

I was thinking this would be
a good gift for Shep, right?

Which?

Um, why are you shopping
for him right now?

Aren't you shopping for--
- I know.

But I was just thinking
Christmas gift.

Oh, OK.

These are thirst trap pants.

Yeah.

These are made for Craig, since
he doesn't wear underwear.

That makes me
so uncomfortable

to even say that.
- I know.

He's so weird.

I'm going to put these back.

I was looking at them.

I'll figure--

Bring them to the front.

I want Taylor to end
up with a faithful man

that makes her happy, someone
who treats her with respect.

And I'm not saying
that Shep doesn't

treat her with respect.

But I've definitely been
there when he hasn't.

Oh, look, Taylor,
this is perfect.

Let's try on spelunking shoes.

Spelunking shoes.

OK, I'm gonna try these.

Look how cute these are.

- Ooh!
- Awesome.

What size?

8.

OK, can I try on a 12?

Gotcha.

- Oh my gosh.
- 12?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Awesome.

- Thank you.
- And 8.

Thank you.

Wait, if, like,
we go shrimping--

Yeah, these are
really fricking cute.

Yes!
OK, we are getting these boots.

Yeah, I really like them.

And we're bringing
them on our trip.

We're twins!

Do y'all want me to bring
them up to the counter?

Yes, please.

Thank you.

So how's Shepherd?

I feel like he has built
up a lot of walls over time.

And he's kind of
hardened himself.

You know, like, if I call
him out on something,

he thinks that
I'm attacking him.

I'm like, no, no, no, no.

I'm not attacking you.

I'm trying to help
you get better.

And then--

Taylor, how many times
have you done that?

Really--

12.

I mean, it's like--

Yeah, but he said,
I want to work on that.

I don't think this has
anything to do with walls.

Really?

Yeah, no.

Having walls is like,
I'm afraid to date a person

because of how hurt that
I was in my last one.

And I don't want
to open myself up.

Like, that terrifies me.

That's a wall.

Shep being a dickhead
is not a wall.

OK, you have a
valid point there.

But I really do
think, he's like--

Taylor--

He comes back,
and he's like, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean that.

Taylor, Taylor, I know.

For a very long
time, I just kind

of rolled my eyes
and let it go.

I know.

But I think we're
getting more serious.

And it's--

- Taylor, it's been two years.
- I know.

Like, that's pretty
damn serious.

I know.

So, you know, here we
are at the beginning

of working on things.

So over time, time will tell.

If he's really serious
about it and he

really wants to work on
it, like, I see his heart

and how--

what an amazing human he is.

And a lot of people
don't see that.

I've seen all
sides of him, too.

I see you defend him.

But the point isn't,
like, the sweet things

that he says to you in the
morning when you wake up.

I mean, Taylor,
you are no longer just,

like, Shep's girlfriend
to me, you know?

Like, I love you.

Taylor, just the way that
he talks to you sometimes,

like, breaks my----ing heart.

And like, I just don't like it.

I don't like it.
And I've been there.

And I'm not saying that
he's a terrible person.

I'm really not.
I'm not.

Because I----ing love him.

And I love you, too.

Like, but, I mean,
goddamn, Taylor,

the way that he talks
to you sometimes,

like that time at Auldbrass.
- I know.

And then he, like,
reels you back in.

Like, all that I want is that
I don't want you to, like,

justify every single time, like...

Yeah.

You make it seem that, like,
Shep can get away with murder.

And he feels like
there's no consequence.

It's just-- it, like,
breaks my heart to, like--

Shep is lucky.

He's a very lucky man.

Like, you are
a catch of catches.

That's why I want you to,
like, stand up for yourself.

And not that you don't,
but you're such a----ing

sweetheart, Taylor.

You know,
I definitely let him--

he definitely ran over me.

He took advantage
of my kindness,

knowing that I'm going
to run back home.

I know.

Something's going to
have to change here.

And if it doesn't, then I'm
going to have to walk away.

Coming up...

I kind of want
Taylor to quit her job.

Shep, that is so dumb, dude.

I am like, jaw-dropped
at hearing that.

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

♪

Are you liking the
food I'm giving you?

Do you like this stuff?

Do you feel hungry?

It smells good.

I would eat it.

You're not eating it, are you?

The cat is eating it.

Determination is wrecked.

Come on.
Try it.

Try.

Come on.

It smells like ham.

That's kind of weird.

Maybe you don't want
to eat a pig, right?

That's, like,
your fellow animal?

There's always a call when
I'm about to get into stuff.

[phone ringing]

- Hi.
- Hi!

- How are you?
- I'm good.

How are you?
- Good.

[laughs] I'm in PJs, but I
should really be in a robe.

I'm like a fancy woman.

I decided I will
not be in attendance.

No.

No, for real, I'm not--
for real, I'm not going.

I just, I don't think
I have the bandwidth

for the boys
and the bullsh--.

I mean, the boys
are just, like,

popping off at every dinner
party, screaming about this,

screaming about that.

And then the next day,
the boys are just fine.

And it's like, you wasted
six hours of my happy time,

and then now you're
just fine the next day?

Maybe their hearts are
in the right place.

But like, I need you all
to grow the [BLEEP] up.

All us girls are,
like, so drained.

And they're just, like,
playing golf the next day.

So I'm just like,
it's disrespectful.

I would like to just
have fun with my kid

and have a good
time, and like, just

have the extra time
to just relax and do

what my therapist said--

date night, date day!

Yeah.

All right, babes.

Love you.

Have fun.

[upbeat music]

♪

I don't know what to pack.

What are your
activities this time?

Tennis and golf, shrimping?

OK.

♪

Let's just get creative.

These shoes suck.

These shoes rule.

I don't know why
I'm packing this.

Oh, there's my tennis racket.

Just in case.

I'm going to kick
everyone's ass in tennis.

Shep, get up!

OK.

People are here, babe.

Bye, I'm leaving without you.

What?

Who's this?

Who's pulling up?

- Good morning!
- Good morning!

I was like, who is that?
- How are you doing?

How are you?

You look so cute.

I'm excited.

I've never been to St. Simons.

You're going to ride with me.

Yay!

Who else are we riding with?

I'm claiming Craig.

OK.

Hey, what's up, homey?
- What's up?

Hey!

Craig, you're riding with me.

Hey!

Look who's here!

What's up?

Oh my gosh, look how
dirty your car is, Shep.

There's like a coffee
mug back there.

I wish I was more organized.

I'm not.

Be thankful you're
not riding in that car.

Look at Olivia
coming down the street.

Oh my god!

- They're on a golf cart.
- Hi.

Who let you all out
this early in the morning?

I've never seen
you up this early.

Wow, listen.

So you're just
getting in, right?

No, I had a great
night's sleep.

I actually slept for
12 hours last night.

Yeah.

What happened?

You hit your head?

Can we go?
Can we go?

Are we going?

What?

Hi, good morning.

Have a good time, guys!

Be safe!

Wait, where is everyone else?

Catherine can't go
because of her kids.

Whitney is coming later.

And Naomie is coming later.

They're coming
separately, though.

All right.
Let's go.

Shep, what if I drive?

You can drive.

All right.

I'm ready to get there
and make a drink.

Me too.

St. Simons, off we go!

Oh my god,
we're going to have fun.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

[upbeat music]

How long is this ride?

It's only three hours away.

It's this great place.

It's a lot like
Hilton Head, kinda.

St. Simons is a resort
town, beautiful setting,

Spanish moss, and big
oak trees and beaches.

There's a lot of
golf, tennis, fishing.

It's how I grew up.

Everybody knows everybody,
and it's, like, quaint.

Yeah, they're
going to hate us.

What does our
lodging look like?

So there's little houses
and villas and stuff.

So I think we're putting
you and Austen in a villa.

Is there, like, a main house?

Yeah, Venita, myself,
Olivia, and Shep.

- Oh, cool.
- And I guess Naomie as well.

Whitney will have
his own villa,

because he is a princess.

[laughter]

So Whitney and Naomie, what
is the bet that she wakes up

in his villa tomorrow morning?

20 bucks?

Gentlemen's bet?

You want in or out?

I'm in.

I'm going to take
the other side.

- Are you really?
- Yeah.

Why, you just don't
like making money?

[laughs]

Oh, you think it's
going to happen?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Have you ever sent a nude,
Craig?

Yeah, of course.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Have you, Venita?

Abs...
[laughter]

I have, like--

I have a really--

I believe--I have, like--

I've sent them on Snapchat,
I guess.

Hey, what do they say?
No face, no case, right?

I sent a nude.

I'm a big sexter.

I am a little biased
on these rules.

If you're a guy, never, ever
send an unsolicited dick pic.

If you're a girl,
I don't think anyone's

going to get mad at that.

Craig is like a--

he's like a sexual deviant.

Like, I think you should
watch porn with your partner.

I think that's a
good way to, like--

I don't want to ask what
you and Paige are into.

[laughs]

If they have tennis
courts, can we go out

there so I can beat your ass?

I just don't see how you're
going to win in tennis.

I hit the heavy topspin that'll
just-- explodes off the court.

[laughs]

Lucky Taylor.

I am not playing
against Taylor

in any activity for the rest
of my natural born life.

I'll tell you that much.
- That's not true.

We'll get that to happen.

Don't worry, I brought
my dozen of eggs in case

you do misbehave.

Hey!

It fell!

It did not break!

So?

You----ing idiot!
She just--

Shep!

[laughter]

Don't call her an idiot!

We all do things we regret.

We are----ing fallible people.

100%.

It's just moving forward,
do you work on those things?

- Sure
- That's all it is.

Yes is the answer.

That's all it is.

You know how I
feel about Taylor.

Everybody here does.

Yeah.

And you know what I'm
going to say to her?

I kind of want her
to quit her job.

Shep, that is so dumb, dude.

That is how you get, like,
complete control over her.

I don't want control.

That is what that is.

Then she's financially--

I want her to travel with me.

I want her to travel
all around the world.

Then she's financially
reliable on you.

That is so the wrong move.

Quitting her job and
traveling with her,

that's not necessarily a
step in the right direction.

And also,
it's a little presumptuous.

Because does Taylor
want to quit her job?

If Taylor has any self
respect she will not do that.

I am, like, jaw-dropped
at hearing that.

Jaw-dropped?

You are missing
the----ing point, pal.

I would never ask a
woman to quit her job.

Growing up in the household
where my mother worked,

and her three sisters
also were just,

like, the breadwinners,

their job is their
source of independence.

You don't get
this----ing situation at all.

- Hold on, I gotta make a wish.
- See!

Exactly.
Look at him!

He's not even listening to us!

- Hold on, I gotta make a wish.
- I'm listening to my--

Oh my god.

Every time I
cross a state line,

I cross my fingers outside
the window and make a wish.

Shep, we don't--

all right.

I'm done with you.

Coming up...

Do the girls want to just
hang out with the girls,

or do they want the boys
to come play tennis?

I thought we were
playing tennis.

If y'all don't want to play,
then don't play, but yes.

We'll see you at
the tennis courts.

We'll see you at the tennis courts.

Oh my gosh!

[upbeat music]

We're here!

Ooh!

Whoo!
- Yay!

Oh wait, are these
the houses over here?

Wait, these are so cute!

OK, guys.

Here we are.

On a scale of 1
to 10, how miserable

were you in that car?

- Negative 4.
- [laughs]

- Negative 4.
- Negative 4?

We're going to
the frat house.

Roommates forever.

We're going to have fun.

Ooh, baby!

I love it!

Taylor, we're down here!

Dibs!

Oh, this is the master.
This is the master.

Yes!

Oh, this one has a bathroom. Great.

[BLEEP]!

I knew I was picking
the wrong one.

Ugh.

OK.

There's an upstairs!

Look at this!

I need to put deodorant on.

[SNIFFS]

Ooh!

You-- it's bad!

[laughter]
- I know!

Oh, Lord!

Ooh, it's bad!

Shep, we're going to
go check out our house.

I'm going to come with you.

All right, let's go, boys.

[horn honks] Oh!

All right, get in the car.

All right, boys,
hold on to your nipples.

- Oh, baby!
- Mother lode!

What are you going to drink?

White Claw for right now.

It's coming. It's coming.

Oh, I'm excited!

Austen, look at
the----ing ocean.

Oh, we have ocean
views, friends!

Oh, dude!

This is like
the master, right?

Because you get
to see the ocean.

Rock, paper, scissors!

You always go paper!

- I know I do!
- You always go paper!

Good job!

What should I drink
before tennis, tequila?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I'm going to be freezing.

I brought, like,
a tennis skirt.

No, me, too!

Yay, I'm glad!

I've been wanting to wear it.

[doorbell rings]

Ooh, someone's here.

both: Hi!

Welcome into my house!

Thank you, I love your house!

Thanks, I built it.

- This is so great!
- Hey!

What's up?

Welcome!

Is this the girls' house?

- Shep is with us.
- Oh, and Shep.

Hi, what's up?

Yo, we're playing tennis.

Yay!

Guys, if the girls are
going to play tennis,

let's go sit in the hot
tub and drink beers.

We're playing mixed doubles.

No, we're not.

Shep, you haven't been
more than 30 feet away

from Taylor in, like, a year.

Let's go to the hot tub, right?

I'm not doing
what you want to do.

Well, hold on.

Let's just see.

[phone ringing]

Who dat?

Like, can you say hello?

Can you say hello?

We're going to play it.

We're getting changes
and we're going to go play.

Who is playing tennis?

Are you trying to go
to the hot tub with Craig

and get out of tennis?

No, Craig is trying to
get me to go to the hot tub

and get out of tennis.
But I'm--

I-- no, you've got to play.

- Shep, don't you go play?
- I am.

I am.
- All right.

Well, I think it would
be fun to all play tennis.

But I'm not going to be,
like, don't go to the hot tub

with your boyfriend, either.

With your boyfriend.
[laughter]

Don't put words
in their mouth.

This is ridiculous.
- I'm-- they're in my mouth.

I thought the girls
wanted to----ing

hang out with the girls.

If they don't, then we'll go--

No, they want to
hang out with us.

Stop speaking for the girls!

You were speaking
for the girls!

See y'all on
the tennis court.

Do the girls want to just
hang out with the girls,

or do they want the boys
to come play tennis?

I thought we were
playing tennis.

If y'all don't want to
play, then don't play.

But, yes.

We'll see you at
the tennis courts.

- Good answer.
- Oh my gosh!

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

All righty.

I haven't played
since high school,

and I'm all, like, I'm
going to beat your ass!

I'm like all talk.

You actually have
a serve, Craig?

I mean,
when I was----ing 16.

Ugh.

Oh, Naomie!

Whoo!

When you guys are ready we'll
play a doubles tournament.

I don't want to
hit you, Naomie.

OK, I'll move.

[upbeat music]

Oh!

That was an ace!

That's you! That's you!
That's you!

Aw!

♪

- Oh my god, Craig!
- Jesus, Craig.

- [BLEEP].
- Craig.

It's just a game, Focker!

I am just a very
competitive person

that's kind of good at
a lot of different things.

Oh!

Oh, a little bit of English
on it!

Oh!

Basketball is the only sport
that Austen can beat me at.

Oh!

Anything else,
I will destroy him.

[laughter]

Drunk.

Here's the problem,
is that Craig

thinks that he is, like, the
LeBron James of everything.

Oh, there we go.
He's not drunk.

But I played
sports my whole life.

So play on, player.

- Oh!
- You got it.

Oh, no!
That's out!

Oh!

- Was that in?
- What a point!

No, that was out.

OK, you got him on the ropes.

- Oh, sh--!
- Oh.

That's out. That's out.

That's in! That's in!

[laughter]

- Oh, [BLEEP].
- We are the best!

Good job.

[grunts]

I don't understand it.

Let's play.
Let's play.

You ready?
- Yeah.

All right.
I'm ready.

Oh, I love it!

- Dang it!
- Oh, that's out.

Taylor!

Sorry, I know.

You're so competitive,
it's, like, insane.

It's hard for me to
be on a team sometimes.

I want to win.

- Oh my god!
- Dang it!

I mean, Michael Jordan was
like the worst

competitive guy ever.

But he was also the greatest
of all time, you know?

We're down love, 30.

Love, 30?

Taylor, we need to win.

I hate playing doubles.

Shoot!

I don't know why
I went after that.

We're against
the ropes, Taylor!

Do you realize that?

OK, here we go.

Here we go.

- I'm scared.
- Jesus, Shep!

Yeah, watch--

Fore--look at that forehand
from Shepherd!

I mean, but Shep
is literally--

like, you can see Shep.

I'm sorry.

All right, I'll take it easy.

Deuce, baby.

Deuce.

The deuce is loose.

Ah, yes!
- Oh, my God.

OK, here we go.

Here we go.

Shep is not going easy on you.

[upbeat music]

♪

Woo!

- Oh!
- Oh!

That was close.
That was good.

That's game?

- That's game.
- You were scary.

When you see
him, like, wind up,

- I'm angry at the ball.
- He's angry at the ball.

Angry and Shep in
the same sentence.

[laughter]

Oh, you're the one
with the anger problem.

Coming up...

Does Shep have a good butt?

He's, like, taking
notice of Austen's butt.

Let me see your butt.

Oh my god, Austen!

That's a fat ass!

All right, Naomie.

Getting ready for dinner.
- OK.

Ow!

Hey, which ear did I burn
just by looking at it?

- The right one for sure.
- Oh I hate that.

Because I don't curl
you hair drunk.

Are you drunk?

[laughs]

No.

Taylor, I'm coming upstairs
to get ready with you.

Come on.

I have a pimple.

- No!
- Yeah.

Where?

Under my nose.

Ew!

[laughter]

Shep, are the guys
jealous that you

get to be with all the girls?

What?

Always require an ocean view.

Austen!

Austen!
- What, dude?

What are you doing?

Yeah, you think I can
hear you when the blow

dryer's going, you idiot?

Well then dry
your----ing hair!

Shut the [BLEEP] up, Craig!

Your hair looks like sh--.

You're an asshole.

Can you not yell
at me, please?

You look nice.

Thank you.

So listen to this.

I haven't really told you about
my conversation with Shep.

But he was just, like,
I think I'm going

to ask Taylor to quit her job.

Dude!

I was like, so you're going
to take away her last shred

of independence?

This is classic,
textbook control.

It's like Taylor,
when I say jump,

you say----ing how high?

It's-- starting to get to
the point where we can't deny

what's going on anymore.

I don't think Shep understands
the severity of what

he's asking Taylor to do.

I was like, this
is not OK, Shep.

Taylor all of a sudden loses
her independence with her job

and has to financially
depend on Shep.

That gives him so much
more power over her.

And it will lead to resentment.

Oh wow.

Yeah, you can juggle.

Oh, look at this circus act!

Ooh!

Oh!

Oh, you almost had it!

I'm going to
juggle some tequila.

But y'all keep
up the good work.

Do we know where
are we going to eat?

It's called Mullet.

Mullet?

Mullet Bay.

I am turned on
by the name itself.

Oh, I like mullets.

What?

Hi!

Hi, you hottie!

Mullet Bay is going to be--

Is that what I was
hearing you guys say?

We're going to a place
called Mullet Bay?

Mullet Bay.
[laughter]

Is Whitney
meeting us at Mullet Bay?

- Yeah.
- Whitney?

- Whitney!
- Whitney!

[phone ringing]

Oh, Austen.

OK, we'll come out.

[indistinct] like a rabbit.

You guys ready?

Let's go.

Ladies, shall we?

Hey, let's go to dinner.

I'm in the sorority house.

I'm the fox in the henhouse.

All right.

OK, we got two
cars here, guys.

Let's do this.

Hi.

Take us to Mullet Bay,
and step on it.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪

Dinner!

Where are we at?
- Mullet Bay.

We're at Mullet Bay.

I like it here.

- How are you?
- Hi. How are you doing?

Hey.

We have a table set
up back here for you.

OK.
Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Oh, this is us.

Am I sitting here?

Here, I'll sit next to you.

Look at us.

This is the crew.

Isn't Whitney coming?

I hope so.

Whitney is very close.

What are you
gonna get to drink?

I'm gonna get a
Dark and Stormy.

Oh, wow.

Some shots
and coconut shrimp.

Nothing gets convo
going like that.

Wait.

There's a starter.

Mullet Bay salads.

Did you know your girlfriend
finds mullets attractive?

[laughing]

I let him know your
type is Billy Ray Cyrus.

See, that's a hot mullet!

[laughter]

Baseball guys.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Got good butts.

- Hey, how's everybody doing?
- Hi.

How are you?

Does Shep have a good butt?

He's got a cute butt.

He's, like, taken
notice of Austen's butt.

He's like, Austen's
butt has gotten so big.

Talk about it more.

Shep always talks
about my butt.

You want a bottle?

Two bottles.

I mean, I think he's just
jealous that I'm getting

gains in all the right places.

Let me see your butt.

Does everybody want a dr--

Oh my god!

Whoa, Austen!

I know.

It's a fat ass.

Austen's butt has gotten
more bubbly and bigger.

He has a very prodigious butt.

And it makes me
want to do leg day.

[laughing]

- You do have a fat ass.
- I know. I know.

Shep's got an
infatuation with my butt.

OK.

Well, does anybody
want a drink?

Patron.

Yeah, I'm gonna do Jager
shots throughout the night.

Tequila shots.

Everyone, one at a time.
One at a time.

Guys, one at--
- Patron for the rest.

- One at a time.
- OK.

Honestly, after you put
in the first round of shots,

please put in a second.

[laughter]

Um, let's do that
and Tito's, please.

I'm gonna do a
tequila soda, please.

And um, two orders
of coconut shrimp.

All right.

- Zucchini straws.
- All right.

I'll be back.

Thank you.

I'm sorry to confuse you.

You guys have to be better
about acknowledging waitresses

because everyone's having
their own conversations.

And it's probably making
her uncomfortable.

How many years did you serve?

Oh, I served.
I used to--

I bartended for
seven or eight years.

How many did you do?

Did you work in food and bev?

[BLEEP].

I'm just asking.

Did you work in food and bev?

I'm sorry.
I didn't realize I had to

submit my food and bev résumé

to convince you to be
respectful to a waitress.

OK, all I'm saying is we
should acknowledge her

because, clearly,
it's a big group.

- Yeah, and we did.
- And then--

And we did.

OK, fine.

I wasn't talking to you, god.

That's what's it's like to
be at a table with your ex.

No matter what it is,
you just hate them.

Sorry.

When you make generalized
statements, I'm gonna----ing

jump in.
- Craig?

Craig, she said one thing.

She just said we should
all be respectful.

She challenged
how we should act.

She didn't challenge anybody.

And she's never
worked in food and bev.

Oh my god.

This is stupid.
- What?

You're being ridiculous.

Craig, relax.

We haven't even
gotten our shots yet.

Everybody, woosah.

Oh my god.

I'm just gonna-
- We're all talking.

I'm gonna go to the bar.

Naomie's facial
expressions and her tone,

I still relate to that bad
last year of our relationship.

You guys want to do a shot?

We're gonna do a Jager bomb.

And hearing her be judgmental
it's going to set me off.

I mean, gosh.

This group has
more triggers than--

Than a trigger fish.

It's like, oh,
relax with the triggers.

I don't think the problem
was ever me yelling at Craig

or me being mean to him.

This is just how Craig is.

- Are you back?
- Yeah.

I needed--

A second.

It was all good.

We just didn't see eye to eye.

I've learned to
control my emotions.

Clearly, he has not done that.

♪

Coming up...

Leva told me that you said
really mean things about me.

Just stop, please.

Move on with your----ing life.

Seriously.

It's crazy.

♪

Hey.
I think you're being rude--

You know I think it's smart.

I get to look at you.

So they're holding hands.

- OK.
- [laughs]

Whitney!

Oh, it's Whitney.

- Whitney!
- Oh!

- Whitney!
- Whitney!

You mother----er.

Whitney!

I'm sorry I'm late.

You didn't tell
me you were coming.

Or coming late.
- Whitney.

I can't stop saying that.

- What have I missed?
- Nothing.

Good.

Craig just yelled at Naomie.

Oh, he did?
I'm sorry I missed it.

Yeah.

You missed a lot.

I mean, everything.

All right.

I got shots.

- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.

Thank you so much.

We have appetizers.

Does anybody want
a glass of wine?

Would you like one?

Yeah, I don't do screw-top,
but thank you.

[laughing]

- OK, cheers.
- Cheers.

Cheers.

Zucchini straws.

Is everybody ready
to order dinner?

Shrimp linguine, please.

Medium-rare steak.

Oh, did you get rib eye?

Can I just get
a grilled flounder

and the side salad, please.

Did you know that Whitney
is hung like a bull?

Ew.
[laughs]

Ahh!
- Oh my god! Oh my god!

[laughing]
Oh my god!

[laughter]

Yo, whoo!

OK.

If Shep fell back in
his chair this time around,

I would die.
- Cheers.

Come on.
Come and have a shot.

- What's that?
- Come do a shot with me.

Come on.
- My pleasure, Craig.

Come on, buddy.
What do you want?

Look at him.

I don't know what
Craig's up to, man.

He's drinking his nuts off.

Can we do Patron,
[indistinct],

Fireball, and Jager?

Damn.

- Cheers?
- Oh.

No, no.
You can't cheers with water.

That's bad luck.

Oh my god.

I would never
cheers with water.

That's bad luck!

God damn.

He just took, like, four shots.

This is crazy.

Oh my god, dude.

Wait.

Why are-- what's up?

I thought everyone was happy.
- No.

Yeah, everyone's happy.

You've just been
sitting here frowned.

I was just like, everyone
just, like, in this frown.

Turn your frown upside down.

You turn your
frown upside down.

You know what would
turn my frown upside down?

What?

Is if Leva hadn't
told me that you

said really mean things
about me at Friendsgiving.

To you?

- Yeah.
- What?

What mean things?

What are you talking about?

My crazy ex-girlfriend
wants to come

have a conversation with her.

Don't say crazy.

Leva stop.

He called you a
psycho ex-girlfriend.

Why would you say that?

The grilled flounder.

Oh my god.

That never happened.

- Apparently, it did.
- Craig.

Did you have blackened
chicken and Caesar salad?

Shut up. Fine.

Yes.

I don't----ing care.

I'd defend her
honor, but I can't hear

what he's----ing saying.

I'd defend her honor, but I
can't hear what he's saying.

[laughing]

What's going on with
your "friend" Leva that like--

No, she's not gonna
just make something up.

She's always watching
out for people.

Like, genuinely
watching out for people.

Leva knows damn well
everyone calls their ex crazy.

But you don't run to that
ex and be like,

Craig thinks you're crazy.

I'm just saying what
was conveyed to me.

What you heard?

Did you ever hear it from me?

Craig, I'm literally just
talking to you as like--

You don't know, then
why are you saying it?

- Oh my god.
- ing asshole.

Just stop, please.

Move on with your----ing life.

Seriously.

Move on with your
- ing life, and stop

bringing me into this.

It's crazy.

- Craig.
- Craig.

♪ Ba-ba doo

♪ Ba-ba dee-ee-ee

♪ It's easy

♪ As the birds and the bees
and the one, two, threes ♪

On the next episode
of "Southern Charm..."

- We're catching something.
- What is that?

It's a squid.

[screams and laughter]

Nice!

Yeah, buddy.

I'm like Jack Nicklaus, bro.

No pressure, Naomie.

Oh, no!

Let's play a drinking game
about their conversation.

OK.
Every time--

- That Shep says crazy.
- Happy.

Crazy or happy.

Are you crazy?
[bell dings]

- Crazy.
- Crazy!

- He said crazy.
- I'm happy.

[bell dings]

Cheers mother----er.

I-- I can't.

ing moron.

I can't believe I'm
sharing oxygen with you!

You text and call her 24/7
to control the situation.

I do think it might be
helpful if we just acknowledge

his feelings right now.

Venita, shut up.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't [BLEEP], Craig.

I'm serious, man.

[dramatic music]