All language subtitles for Southern Charm S08E12 Guys and Dolls 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

Previously
on "Southern Charm..."

You're someone
that I genuinely care about.

I really do like you,
like, a lot.

I want to date you.

Now that everything is gravy
with Austen and Olivia,

he decided to host
a party of his own.

I'm leaving for Texas
in the morning.

[gasps]

Yeah, it's true.

Whitney and I have
been getting cozy.

I ended up staying
an extra night with Whitney.

No.

♪ You gotta hand it
to the man ♪

♪ He's making it look
so easy ♪

But when we all gathered
at Austen's aunt's

for a Friendsgiving feast...

If your turkey's not thawed
and you put it in there,

it will----ing shoot
to the moon.

♪ Ba ba doo

Some of us got
the cold shoulder.

I brought squash casserole
and a salad.

Which I don't like.
I don't like that.

I definitely picked up, like,
weird energy from Paige.

If I was around my friends,

I would have
already popped off.

♪ You got 15 minutes

♪ Better make it 45
- ♪ Oh, yeah

I just really appreciate
each and every one of you.

Cheers, babe.
all: Cheers.

And while we were
grateful to Austen

for bringing us
all together...

Um, Paige? You want to talk
outside for a second?

Yeah.

You didn't really think

we'd end on a happy note,
did you?

Like, I feel like you're
sort of coming at me and--

I'm--you pulled me aside.
I'm not coming at you.

No, no, no.
I did pull you aside, but--

Look, if I was
coming at you...

- Hmm!
- You would absolutely know it.

And look, you are
my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend.

We were never gonna
be best friends.

♪ It's easy

♪ As the birds and the bees
and the 1-2-3's ♪

♪ Mm-hmm

[upbeat music]

♪

- What's first?
- Planks.

Oh, how I missed these.

God, these are hard.

♪

Would you like some milk?

No, cookie.

Maybe a little bit of milk
with your cookie?

- Yeah.
- I think that's a good idea.

OK. I'm gonna give you
one more cookie.

No more?

No, not two more. One more.

One, two.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Push, push, push.
- I mean, it would be amazing

if I just, like,
went into labor right now.

Breathe, breathe.
Is it working?

I don't know.
I'm thinking about--

Anything?

- My heart's racing.
- Tomorrow's the big day.

I just don't feel like
she's coming tomorrow.

She said to do ten more.

[laughs]

[jazzy music]

♪

Hello.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Monty doesn't
even bark anymore.

I know.
You're so sweet to me now.

- How are you?
- Good.

[laughter]

Do not do that.

I made fresh coffee
if you want some.

Give me my coffee.

It's super strong, so just--

Just how I like it.

[clears throat] OK.

I like your leather pants.

Thank you.

Grace Jones made
parachute pants famous

in the early mid-'80s.

How would I know who that is?

Like, the mid-'80s?
- Grace Jones?

Well, I was born in the '90s.

[clears throat]
That's another story.

Do I want to know
what year you were born in?

Probably not.

[clears throat]

You want to hold Roy?

Yeah. Hi, Roy.

He's itching
to get in your lap.

Is your mom home?

She's in bed.

She gets up
at the crack of noon.

Does your mom know
that we hang out?

- She is familiar.
- [laughs]

All right. Cool.

All right, so Mom wants to do
the annual gentlemen's dinner.

- Hm.
- The theme is en francais.

I want classic French entrees.

S'il vous plaît.
- Yeah.

S'il te plaît.
Don't say "vous."

Say "tu" to me.

I was in French
for almost two months.

And your French still sucks.

[laughter]

So I thought it might be
interesting with your French

joie de vivre
and your French know-how

that perhaps you co-host.

I don't think
it's a good idea.

- Why?
- I didn't hear

this conversation,
but Leva told me

that Craig hates me.

My crazy ex-girlfriend wants

to come have a conversation
with her.

Don't say
"crazy ex-girlfriend."

- Leva, stop.
- That's a little severe.

He called you
a psycho ex-girlfriend.

Well, [BLEEP] him then.

- I know.
- You shouldn't give a sh--.

What's not to like?
So you know...

I mean, there's a lot, but--

I'm sure there is.
But I haven't seen it yet.

Whitney, you're sweet.

See, people don't know
that you're so sweet.

[laid-back music]

♪

- Hello?
- What's up, Aus?

- Hey, babe.
- How are you, babe?

Ooh. This is cute.

Patricia wants us to do some,
like, black tie dinner.

OK. But you don't have a tux?

I have no tux pants.

Just this and, like,
a white shirt?

You think tie or anything?

I mean--

Like, I can look sharp,
you know.

- You'll look sharp.
- I can look sharp.

We'll give you
a good haircut,

and you'll look great.
- OK.

Thank you for coming over,
by the way.

Mm-hmm.

Do you want to just
do a little trim?

Let's just--I mean, like,

let's leave the front.

How short are you going on--

I was--
I'm not taking much off.

Yeah, don't take much.

Keep some volume on the side.

You know I got you.

My hair is one
of those things I fuss over.

I kind of have, like,
a peanut head, right?

So you gotta keep
some volume here.

My hair is pissing me off.

If only my hair would
stay today.

But it won't.

Stay.

Hm.

Whoo.

Look at that.

It's like we're getting lost
in the conversation...

- Don't worry.
- And now she's just

cutting away.
- Don't worry.

Olivia's gonna love it.
- [chuckles]

What is up
with the Olivia situation?

Life is good.
Like, I'm happy.

Wow.

What's going on
with Sheppie and Taylor?

Same old sh--.

Shep knows he can get away
with murder with her,

but it's like,
you're 15 years older than her.

- Right. Yeah.
- Like, don't you want

to act right?
- I think he is,

even though it's been
a while, like,

still adjusting to being
in an actual relationship.

It's been two years.
It's not six months.

No, you're right.
You're right.

Bailey,
you're just still cutting.

You're making me so nervous.
- I'm just taking out

a little volume.
- I want volume.

I mean, like,
I want it to sit perfectly

and not be bulky.

OK, let's go look
in the mirror.

We can tell me if you want
me to trim anything else.

The trimming is done.

You have trimmed the tree.

Oh, love it.
Put some volume in this bitch.

- Whoo!
- Plenty.

OK.

[jazzy music]

♪

All right, are you hungry?

I'm starving.

- Hi.
- Three of us.

You guys can follow me.

♪

- Hey, y'all, how's it going?
- How are you?

- Hey, how's it going?
- Good to see you.

I'm gonna do a Moscow mule.

- I'll be right back, y'all.
- So Mom can't drink

'cause she's gotta drive back.

- To North Carolina.
- Yes.

- So I'll be her sober buddy.
- Yeah.

All righty.

- Thank you.
- Let me know what you think.

- Hey.

- Hi.
- Look who it is.

Good to see you.

Hello, hello.
Don't you look cute.

Little pit stop
before you hit the road.

Yes, exactly.

Mom, you're supposed
to crawl under the table

to get to the other side.
- Under the table?

- Yeah.
- Those days are over.

Nice try.
- Oh, so you're admitting

to doing it?
- Don't ask too many questions.

- I won't.
- That's my job.

Mom.

I was definitely
a mommy's girl growing up.

[laughs]

The biggest lessons that
my mom has instilled in me

are Jesus, seat belt,
sunscreen.

[laughs]

I wouldn't say
she's a sassy mom,

but she tells it like it is.

Hello, how are you?

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Can I get the tomato soup?
I really like it.

Yeah, of course.

Honestly,
their grilled cheese with--

and you dip it
in the tomato soup.

Oh.
It's not exactly gluten-free,

but I'm doing it.
- It's a good move.

And I'm gonna get
the barbecue pork sandwich.

- OK.
- Fried chicken sandwich.

- OK. All right.

- Thank you.
- Cool. I'll be back.

I'm splurging. I'm splurging.

This is a special occasion.
- Have you been splurging

all week?
- It's been so much fun.

We've done these girls' trips
for 20 years.

And these three gals
are Taylor Ann's extra moms.

No, but I really did have
a good time on the beach.

I had a great time
at Windjammer,

but the sommelier got us
in big trouble with the wine.

So how much did
the bottles cost?

$250 a bottle.

Oh.

I mean, we didn't know
until we got the bill.

And we all just kind of went--

[laughs]

OK, how are we gonna
explain this to our husbands?

We're all fallible.

We're all train wrecks.
- We are.

Yeah, we are.
We're all a hot mess.

Taylor's parents
are a lot of fun.

We are polar plunging.

They're responsible.

They're trying to kill me.

- Go!
- Ohh!

Oh, [BLEEP]!

Ah!

But they're also
pretty faith-based.

And I'm a skeptic,
and I'm a little cynical.

So here's
the French onion soup.

- Wow.
- Yum.

Oh, boy.

So that's definitely a chasm

between me and her family.

Before I forget,
I wanted to say,

I think one of the best signs
of a very healthy relationship

is how you can disagree,
or how you can throw an egg,

and somebody comes along
and breaks it,

yet you figure out
how to get over that.

You----ing idiot!

She just--
- Shep!

Don't call her an idiot!

I'm so sorry for showing
my ass a little bit.

I apologize.

Being humble
and being willing to say,

you know what,
you might be right,

and gee, I'm sorry,
and gosh, whatever.

I mean, that's where you get
50 years of a relationship.

That is important,
to always--

to push your significant other

in a good and right direction.

It takes me a while
to be contrite.

Sometimes I say things
I don't mean.

And here you are.
[laughter]

That's what good
counselors are for.

[laughs]

Coming up...

She hooked up with Whitney.

- What?
- Perhaps this will bond you

in some sort of way.

Oh, sh--.

[jazzy music]

♪

So listen, OK,
for the entree, we good.

And so I let you cook
the haricots verts also.

We've got plenty of time.

Well, you know me.

I'm gonna go ahead
and season these.

- No.
- Ooh, the dog.

You want to help me?

Eh? You want an escargot?

What is Peaches doing
in the kitchen?

Peaches.

[laughs]

[both speaking French]

- Ta-da.
- Wow.

My favorite.

Ready to go, yeah.

I love all this.

So we're gonna start
with the escargot.

It's exceptional.
And then, after that,

we have a nice [indistinct]
of duck.

So they're pink,
or they're well-done?

Pink.

Why?

Can you do one
a little well-done?

Uh... well-done?

That's going to be a first.

That's the way I like it.

I know what I like,

and I don't like
the taste of rare duck.

I get what I want,
and that's that.

[laughs]

We'll be ready 8:00.

Oh, I will leave you to it.

Peaches.

[laughs] Peaches flambé.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Hi, guys.
- Hey, boss.

How are you?
I have a girls' night tonight.

- For how many?
- Six.

Absolutely.
Let's head back there.

Perfect.
How's the night going?

I have a bachelor party
coming up.

- Good.
- The usual?

The skinny marg?
- Yeah, please.

Amazing. I'll be right back
with your skinny marg.

I have another request.

Can you please ask Scott
for a lint brush?

A lint brush?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

I'll go to CVS if I have to.
- I'm wearing this stuff.

[laughter]

Thank you. Thank you, Joe.

Thank you.

Hi.
- Hello.

I'm just meeting some people.

All right.

Hey, girlie.

Hi. How are you?

You're, like, so suitable
for a champagne bar.

- How are you?
- You changed your hair.

Yeah, it feels like...

- You feel good?
- Me again, for sure.

Who's all coming?
- Me, you--

oh, Naomie,
Venita, Olivia, and Taylor.

- Hi!
- Hi. Thank you.

Hi, guys.

Any drinks I can get
you all started with?

- Yes, please.
- Ooh, yeah.

A bourbon and Coke.
Woodford's fine.

- Woodford? What about you?
- Yeah. Thank you.

Can I do tequila, soda,
orange juice, please?

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

Hello.

Hi, how are you?

- How are you?
- Hi, how are you?

- You look so pretty.
- Thank you.

We're having
a girls' night out.

It's gonna be good.

Yeah. It's just
gonna be a fun night.

[jazzy music]

♪

The two blondies
just showed up.

- Hello.
- Hello!

- Hi!
- Hi.

- Hey.
- Hi. How are you?

How are you?

- Hi!
- Hi, chica.

Hey, Venita, how are you?

- Hi.
- Good to see you.

Oh, my God, hi.
Good to see you.

The little blonde-tourage.

- Blondes are here.
- How are you?

- Wonderful.
- Can I get you anything

to drink, love?
- An espresso martini.

- Ooh!
- Add Baileys, though.

Ooh, babe,
we getting the night started.

- Yes.
- Tequila soda with a lime.

- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.

We're gonna do, like,
a little bit of a tasting menu.

- Perfect. All right.
- Thank you.

Um...

Um...

she hooked up with Whitney.

What?

Do you know this?

I've heard something, but--

You guys are far closer
than you think.

Perhaps this will bond you
in some sort of way,

in some sort of awkward,
weird way?

Wow, yeah. I don't know.

Oh, sh--.

Thank you--ah.

Thank you so much.

Well, cheers to never been
hooked up with Whitney.

[laughter]
- Oh, my God.

- Just cheers.
- Cheers.

The universe will bond you
in the weirdest ways.

I don't think it's weird.

I think he's a great catch.

So I don't know
how you guys are--

what's going on,
but it's not weird.

Thank you for saying that.

He's just such a genuine,
like, good guy.

He cares about you.
Like, he really does.

You know, you and I had not
had a conversation

at Friendsgiving because I was,

like, in my head about Craig.

When I got here today,
like, he was in the kitchen,

and I went to go say hello,
but he, like, turned his back.

So it's just weird.

But I'm sorry if I hurt you
with all the sh--

with Chleb at Olivia's.

I didn't know
if it was just--

I didn't know
what the motive was.

He makes it seem like
you were the narcissist,

and that he was,
like, the victim.

I think being
around her is----ed.

- Chleb.
- Why are you dating her then?

He, like, adamantly denies
saying anything negative.

He said you were talking
all this sh--

and he was surprised.
He was like,

I see how these girls are.

I was in complete denial.

And then,
when he, like, turned,

I just was like,
what the [BLEEP]?

Everyone was right. Wow.

And just,
it is what it is, I guess.

Sorry, I'm like a can of worms
when I talk about it,

'cause it's like,
I'm still processing it all.

I--I get it.

I feel like she's being the
Naomie that I met years ago.

You know?
She's being real with me.

And that's what confuses me.

I feel like,
damn it, I like her.

Why does she have
to be a bitch, you know?

♪

Coming up...

Mom prefers coupe.

Oh, are you serving?

Wait a minute. These are paper.

Jesus Christ.

Here's where the ice is.

And then,
we have a secret room,

where there's a wine cooler.

And there are more bottles
up top.

- OK.
- Anybody seen place cards?

Whitney, I can't remember
where I put the place cards.

I don't know what you did
with the cards.

But I did find some
old placement

from one of our dinners
from years ago.

Whitney, I found them.

Oh, good.

Shep.

Austen.

Craig.

I'm doing this
without my glasses.

OK, who do you want
to sit next to?

Adriana Lima.

[laughter]

Who's talking
to whom these days?

Who should I put at the end?

- Put either one.
- Does it make any difference?

Put Craig next to you.
How about that?

OK.

It's like a tchotchke heaven
in here on the table.

It's kind of fun.

Becky, could I please have
a glass of champagne?

Yes, ma'am.
I'll bring it to you.

- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

Yes, my pleasure.

Time to sit down.

For you.

- Thank you very much.
- My pleasure.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

All right.

[playful fancy music]

♪

I prefer champagne
in a coupe, don't you?

- I'll switch out.
- Thank you.

Mom can be exacting.

Mom prefers coupe.

But she's 81.
She can do

whatever the [BLEEP] she wants.

A steady hand, huh?

Oh, are you serving?

Well, I thought I'd give
Becky a little reprieve.

Thank you.

[dramatic musical sting]

Wait a minute. These are paper.

Is that a paper napkin?

You know better than that, Whitney.

Paper napkins.

Jesus Christ.

Many years ago,
I hosted many parties

at my apartment in New York,

where I had a French chef
and waiters

that were trained
at Buckingham Palace.

Now, I have Whitney.

[clicks tongue] Paper.

[knock on door]

Whitney.

She wants proper
cocktail napkins,

for [BLEEP] sake.

[knocking continues]

[sighs] Where'd you go?

Ugh!

[playful music]

♪

Well, how elegant
are we tonight?

Don't you look good.
- How are you?

Oh, thank you so much.

You should wear this
every night.

You look great.
- Maybe I will.

Maybe I'll step up my game.

I got to hold on
to Taylor somehow.

Whitney.
- Hey, man, looking sharp.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Here, let me tighten this.

Or do you want it loose
like you're, like--

I don't know.
Like I just got fired?

[laughter]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I will go check
on the kitchen.

You want champagne?

I'll defer to you.

Champagne for the gentleman.

Everything good?

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

We're ready.
Did your guests are here?

- No, just one.
- Not yet?

Don't start--
don't get it ready yet.

Oh, no, no, no.

- For you.
- Thank you, Becky.

Thank you.

The menu,
we're going 1950s French.

- Mm.
- [speaking French]

- [laughs]
- [speaking French]

Oh, that's tasty.

That's really good.
- Taittinger.

[French accent] Taittinger.

Um, well,
thanks for having me.

- Thanks for coming.
- It's funny,

we were looking
for the placement cards.

I found a bunch of old ones.

It was like
the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Like Cameran.

What do you do with the lime?

You suck it.

- Stop.
- Really?

- [coughs]
- [coughing]

Remember when Thomas almost
beat Whitney up at the table?

Yes.
[laughter]

I lost 150 grand
going it your way.

$150,000 down the drain.

There's gonna be
bitch-slapping.

We've come a long way,
haven't we?

- More or less.
- Have we?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

[laughter]

[door closes]
- Is that our door?

Yeah, we don't have Michael
to get it anymore, Whitney.

What's up, buddy?
Looking sharp.

What's up?
Thanks, man.

Where's your tuxedo?

It's in the wash.
[laughs]

How are you? What's up?

Hey, thanks for having us.

Thanks for coming.

You sit over there.

Can we get you champagne, bourbon?

- I'll have a bourbon.
- All right.

They're strong.
[chuckles]

- Thank you so much.
- Yes.

- Well, cheers, y'all.
- Cheers.

[knock on door]

Oh, Whitney, you do it.

Ugh, my back.

Look at this.
I got sterling silver--

it's a fly.
- Wow, that's cool.

Uh, who is it?

Open the door.

"Who is it?"
[laughs]

What's up? Ah, thank you.

- I'll hang this up.
- Good.

Come on. Come on in.

OK.

[playful music]

A fine man walked by?

Really?
- [laughs]

Which way?

Over there? This one?

This one?

No, 'cause he's not cute
in the face.

Never mind.

I met a dating coach.

- OK.
- And she's like,

oh, my God, come to my event.

Like a speed dating thing?

Everyone comes
to this certain address.

You get, like, a key,
and someone gets a lock,

and you have
to find the person that--

No, wait. Hold on.

You got invited
to a swingers party.

That's not
a speed dating thing.

That is a swingers party.

Oh.
[laughter]

Do not go to that.

Do not go.

OK, yeah, maybe not.

[laughter]

- Who ordered that?
- Thank you.

Whoa.

I hope everyone
drinks champagne.

Champagne's gluten-free.

No, it's not.

Oh.

- Well, cheers.
- Cheers.

Cheers.

Ooh, yum.

This is the pumpkin herb
[indistinct].

Oh, my gosh.

Gluten-free crab dip.

Thank you so much.

Bruschetta.

Do you want crab dip?

- Oh, my God.
- Is it bomb?

- Yeah.
- The fish is really good,

by the way.
- Oh, yeah, baby.

- Thanks for setting this up.
- Oh, you're welcome.

It's girls' night out.

Olivia is ready to go,
and I'm dying.

I love it.
- I feel like, literally,

since garden party...
- Oh, memories.

We have not, like, caught up.

Like, she wasn't at Auldbrass.

You weren't at Friendsgiving.
- Nope.

So dumb, y'all.

Well, there's a reason
she wasn't at Thanksgiving.

[tense music]

Because Austen was like,

is Venita just, like,
the reporter to Madison?

- OK.
- No, and again, I wasn't.

But your thing
with Madison has affected,

obviously, our friendship
and our, like, trust.

Whoa.

Wait, what?

There was an issue
that happened

with me and Venita, where she--

I mean, she knows.

♪

Coming up...

Craig! You bastard.

Do you know
how much that sofa cost?

$45,000.

There was an issue that
happened with me and Venita,

where she--

I mean, she knows.

This is when Madison and I had
it out at the dog party.

After the dog wedding,
I told Madison,

it's looking like
you're not over Austen.

I have something
to pick a bone with you about.

Earlier, I was like, hi,
and then you immediately like--

Why do you care if you
and I are cool or not?

No, I was just wondering
why you couldn't say hello.

And I was like, it just--
it doesn't look good.

Like, just let it go.

Like, I was trying to,
like, look out for her,

'cause I was like,
if I didn't know any better,

it would seem like
you're not over him.

And then, she was like,
uh, what the [BLEEP]?

You're trying to say I,
like, still like Austen?

I'm like, no, Madison.
It reads like.

Yeah, I was really just
trying to look out,

and she, like, went left.

Right. Well, I was there.
I was there.

- Yeah, you witnessed it all.
- I honestly was like,

Madison, she's really...
- I was like...

- Looking out for you.
- Just trying to give you

a heads-up, but, like,
she just went zero to 100.

I texted Venita
that Madison was just,

like, acting ridiculous.

The exact words were "dumb."

And Madison somehow saw that
on Venita's phone,

and like, it got bigger.

After the party,
Madison and I get in the car,

trying to figure out music.
I hand Madison my phone.

And she sees the text
from Leva come through.

And Leva's talking sh--
about Madison in the text.

I get this text from Madison,
and all of a sudden,

this conversation
that could have just--

that genuinely was
a misunderstanding

has now gaslit into,
like, a war.

If you didn't want them
to see it, don't talk sh--.

If you can't bring it
to the table, leave it.

Keep your mouth shut.

It's weird, 'cause, like,
I'm in the middle.

'Cause I like you.
I also like Madison.

Yeah, but I've never had
a problem with Madison,

ever in my life,
until she affected our trust.

When it affected
our friendship,

that's when it became,
like, relevant to me.

I feel like you're
asking me to choose a side.

It should never be
a choosing sides type thing.

We're adults. You don't
have to choose a side.

No, but the point is,
Taylor, I feel like

the trust got affected
with everybody.

You weren't invited
to Friendsgiving

because of how she's affected
your trust with the group.

It, like, literally,
like, literally, makes me sad.

Sorry, I feel like I'm really
intense on you right now,

and I'm not trying to be.
- Got it.

[dramatic music]

OK. Let's go.

OK.

- Ooh.
- There you go.

Austen,
have you had escargot?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- Have you had escargot?
- Of course.

Yeah. These are small.

They're not the big, irky ones.

I like the big ones.

That's what she said.

[laughter]
[bell ringing]

An old-fashioned would
be good.

- All right.
- I love old-fashioneds.

They're good,
but they're strong.

[laughs]

That's what she said.

[laughter]

- You ready?
- No.

They not sit down.

I don't want it to be cold.

[bell ringing]

If I have any more champagne,

I'm just gonna lie down
on the floor.

[laughs]
- [BLEEP].

I would love
some red wine, please.

I might be on
a champagne diet tonight.

I don't want to force
you all to drink more

than you want to before dinner.

It's just a part of our lives
at this point.

Uh-oh. It's already finished.

Oh, come on.

They're not at the table yet.

[bell ringing]

Thank you.
[laughter]

Austen, are you OK?

- Ahh.
- Are you getting hungry?

Yes. I'm getting hungry.

We have to wait
till the chef announces dinner.

If I have any more champagne--

I know, you're gonna
lie on the floor.

[laughs]

[groans]

Ugh, God.

We're so ready,
it's ridiculous.

Craig!

Oh, Craig.

- Oh, my God.
- You bastard.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

Craig, do you know
how much that sofa cost?

$45,000.

- Oh, my God.
-----ing--I'm sorry.

That's just a day
at Sewing Down South.

Aye yai yai yai yai.

You don't wipe, you blot.

I thought you were
Martha Stewart.

Wait a minute.
Let me get something.

- Club soda.
- Club soda.

Craig got red wine
on the white sofa.

Oh, soda water.

Craig, it hit the rug,
too, which is--

All right, stop giving me
these dumb----ing cups.

Look at this.
You can't move your cup.

If you move any of it,
it goes over.

No, no.
Why don't you coordinate

the cup with your mouth,
like a proper person?

How about a curved wineglass,
like normal people have?

- [indistinct]
- You know what?

This sofa--
- Is----ed, just say it.

No, no. It isn't.

Kathryn had a spray tan...

- Oh, I've been there, too.
- On the sides of these thighs,

and it took us an hour and a
half to get the spray tan off.

But we got it off.

It wasn't on purpose.

- I know it wasn't on purpose.
- Craig, you're what

the French call
les incompétents.

This might be
the worst thing

that I've ever done drunk.

[laughing]
And that's saying something.

Ms. Pat, I'm sorry.

It's inexcusable, but I will
take care of it tomorrow.

I promise you that.
- OK.

That's good enough for me.

My mother always said to me,

you are the company you keep.

So it looks like I'm a...

[laughing]

Coming up...

Every relationship has
its work.

Sometimes I want to walk away

and be done with it.

Aye yai yai yai yai.

Ms. Pat, I'm sorry.

It's inexcusable, but I will
take care of it tomorrow.

I promise you that.
- OK.

That's good enough for me.

I know it's
a French dinner...

- Oui, monsieur.
- But it's time.

You know, it's over 8:00.

The escargot are ready
and everything.

Let's go.
Let's go.

- Let's go.
- Let's go.

Craig, to make up for it,
take a naked lap.

It's fine, Craig.

We have an intimate
little dinner.

All right.
Where did you get these?

Aren't they cute?
Shake it up.

Taylor Swift.
[laughs]

Don't lean back
in those chairs, please.

They're 18th-century,

and I haven't
had them reglued yet.

Vampires.

OK, you following me.

I'm going to start
with Patricia.

And then, after that,
whatever it is.

We good?

Ah, c'est très bien.

The escargot.

Oh, fantastic.

I don't know who is the guy
who got the idea to eat them,

but I'm sure
he was very hungry.

[laughter]

Bon appétit, guys!

- Thank you.
- Bon appétit.

- Thank you.
- Thank you, Chef.

- Merci beaucoup.
- These look great.

- You just grab--
- See, look, we use clamps.

Yeah, I see that, Whitney.

[laughs]
- OK, so I want to make

a toast thanking Ms. Pat.

You have kept your doors open
to us through the tough times,

the interesting times,
the bad times, the good times,

and we appreciate that.

- Thank you.
- Yes.

- Here, here.
- Cheers. Here, here.

[wood creaks]

What the [BLEEP]?

Craig, you just
dropped an F-bomb.

So I accidentally broke
the chair that I'm sitting on.

[playful music]

Oh, my God.
Craig, that chair is about

to collapse under you.
- Craig.

- Thank you so much.
- Oh, my God.

Oh, the leg just fell off.

No, no. Oh, God.

Oh, my God, my chairs.

I just paid $25,000
for these chairs.

- What?
- Well, they should have

more screws in them.

Craig's good
for 25 grand, right?

18th-century furniture
restoration and pillows.

Couch, 45 grand;
chair, 25 grand;

Craig, drunk
and ruining everything,

priceless.
[laughs]

Craig, your zipper is
all the way down as well.

- Oh, no.
- It's broken.

Yeah, but why wear pants
with a broken zipper?

[laughter]

All right, that's all fine.

Plate it up.

Ready to go.

[indistinct]

[speaking French]

- Oh, look at that.
- Thank you, darling.

And that is cooked the way
that you want it.

Oh. Thank you very much.

That looks fabulous.

- C'est très bien.
- Beautiful.

Thank you.
- Oh, it's beautiful.

Beautiful.

Bon appétit.
- Merci beaucoup.

Enjoy.

All right, bon appétit, guys.

God, this looks great.

Ms. Pat, what do you think
about Whitney and Naomie?

- She's lovely.
- She is lovely.

But I'm not getting
my hopes up.

With Whitney,
women come and go,

and I try not to be too nosy.

But I do pester constantly.
[laughs]

Whitney's got a taste
for the French.

Yeah, yeah. Whitney,
we all think that Whitney's got

a taste for everything
French these days.

Oh, God, here we go.

Here we go.

[laughter]

Do we have
any serious relationships

that look like
they're going to end

in marriage or an engagement?

Yeah, I would say
I'm a part of that.

- Do we?
- I would be very disappointed

if mine didn't.

Wow.

I think about it every day,

with some trepidation
and fear sometimes.

I was gonna say, there are
probably some obstacles.

Obstacles? Me?
[laughs]

[rowdy crowd noise]

It sounds like
Shep's in here.

Someone's talking so loudly,
it sounds like Shep's in here.

I mean, he's not,
but someone's, like, screaming.

- His screaming.
- Taylor!

Taylor!

I hear that voice
in my dreams.

Oh, my God, like, in a sweat.

I'm like--
[gasps]

Like, when we were
at the table at Auldbrass,

he was being a little--

He didn't mean it, you know.

Like, I don't care about
being called an F-ing idiot,

'cause I know
he doesn't mean it.

[tense music]

OK, hold on, pause.

Shep called you a F-ing idiot?

- Yeah. You know.
- Excuse me?

I kind of was like, whatever,
you know, like, it was fine.

Like, you can't let him
talk to you like that.

No, no, no, no.

He never puts me down
in any kind of way,

but once in a blue moon,
something will come out,

and, like, that's what people
love to focus on with him.

He's always the villain,

and he comes off
that way a lot.

It still doesn't make it
right for him to, like,

yell at you like that.
- No, it doesn't.

There's no excuse for that.

If I saw that a lot, I'd be,
like, running for the hills.

You know, I'm big on, like,
speak to me like you love me.

Like, that's very important.
I teach it to my toddler.

I mean, like, dang it.

I have--I have
the biggest heart for him.

And sometimes I want
to walk away,

and I want to be done with it.

But for some reason, God has
pulled on my heart to go,

Taylor, stick with him.

Oh, my God.

He is a lucky man to have her.

Like, she's an angel.

Turns out God is looking out
for Shep.

My cup is filled from God.

Like, it really is.
Like, it is overflowing.

And I'm able to give out--

like, pour out love
and acceptance to Shep.

He's really,
really working on things.

Every relationship has
its work.

It's like, what are the
concessions you're gonna make?

But remember,
in those concessions,

the energy that you're
spending on Shep,

it's energy you lose
on yourself.

You are breaking yourself
to fix another person.

♪

It's hard to teach
an old dog new tricks,

but hell, we're here to do it.
[laughs]

People see Shep
as this hardheaded,

set-in-his-ways kind of guy,

and I do want
to prove them wrong.

There comes a time where,
like, enough is enough,

you know?

Don't lose yourself.

Taylor loves you to death.

I know, and that's--

And we don't know why.

I am in full belief
that if I ever

was dishonest
or cheated on Paige,

we would not be dating anymore.

I mean, like, Taylor's
always gonna forgive you.

So with the lack
of consequences,

is it harder to stay
a straight line?

If you keep cheating,

is she gonna keep
staying with you?

Is it harder to walk the line
when there's no consequences?

I guess, is what I was saying.
- That's not true.

You need to make up
for all your indiscretions.

I don't have
any indiscretions.

It's inefficiencies.

[phone chimes]
I have personality.

You have no morals.

I'm working
on the morals part.

You should work harder.

Just remember,
if you get married,

you have to ostensibly
stay faithful

to the same woman
for the rest of your life.

I know.

- Pardon?
- May I be excused

to use the restroom?
- Oh, absol--yes, you may.

Patricia,
can I grab Chauncey?

Yeah, sure.

That was so good, by the way.

- Isn't it great?
- Oh, sh--.

- Ohh.
- Oh, no, not another one.

Great.

Oh, Chauncey,
you're all over me.

Basically, Shep's Raya
profile's coming to light

on the gossip blogs.

Wh--oh, my God.

He's got an active
Raya profile right now

that just hit the Internet,

and they just found it.

His stupidity
on this sh-- astounds me.

ing [BLEEP] [BLEEP].

Shep, [BLEEP].

What am I supposed to say?
[BLEEP].

I--we should
bring it up to him.

- Yeah.
- Oh, boy, oh, boy,

oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Coming up...

You were in trouble
for stepping out,

so you stepped out more?

No, I'm not active on it,

and can you admit that?

Then----ing delete
your profile,

suave.

Whitney, get Craig and Austen
back to the table.

They're having
some talk in there.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, they're just probably

talking about
their stupid girlfriends.

And we need flambé.

[dramatic music]

Austen and Craig,
let's have dessert.

Let's eat our goddamn
dessert, Craig.

Oh, goodness.

- I'm drunk.

- I am, too.
- I'm sh--faced.

[laughter]

I think one crepe
per person is more than--

I think that's plenty.

OK.
- Chef.

Flambé.

- Come on.
- You need more alcohol, bro.

No--whoa.

Oh, God--agh!

OK.

That's happened before.

Do you like macarons?
I don't.

I like them
because they're pretty.

Macaroons or "macrons?"

Macron is the president
of France.

All right, all right,
Chef, Chef, Chef.

- OK. All right.
- Ahh.

The matches, sir.

Let's see some action here.

- All right.
- Rock and roll.

[cheers]

Flambé.

- Perfect.
- [sighs]

- Amazing.
- Thank you, Chef.

Thank you so much.

A toast with--with--

[speaking French]

He doesn't know
what he's talking about.

I know. Patricia, he doesn't.

He has no idea.

It's amazing. I love it.

We should conclude
our evening--

Before any more
chairs are broken?

Austen and I are gonna
talk to Shep

on the piazza real quick.

- OK.
- Great.

Oh, my God,
I hope I can get up.

I've had so much to drink.

Come on. Let's go outside.

Where's my drink?

OK, so--ugh, whatever.

I'll just tell you.

Someone just posted
your Raya profile

onto a gossip site
on the Internet.

Your location on Raya registers

where the last time
you downloaded it was.

So this is getting blasted all
over the Internet right now,

saying that
when you were in Bermuda,

you downloaded Raya,

and you're a bad guy.

So we were just saying...
- OK.

That we should
tell you before,

like, Taylor yells at you.

Taylor and I were in a bad
place when I was in Bermuda.

Two years ago,
I wouldn't say I was single,

but I was in turmoil
with my girlfriend.

- Yeah.
- And I said I need some time

to figure out what I want,

and I left for Bermuda
the next day.

She goes, well, I hope
you come to the conclusion

that you want to be with me.

Why were you
in a state of flux?

'Cause this was right
after her finding

the text of mine with the girl.

Shep, have you been
faithful to her?

There was some text messages.

It was an old flame,

and I kissed a girl
in a stairwell.

But that's all it was.

I would break up with you.

OK, cool.

So you were in trouble
for stepping out,

so you stepped out more?
- No.

We had a very,
very serious talk.

She's like,
what do you want to do?

And I said, just give me,
like, a little bit of time.

For her, you got
to get to your settings

and say, hide my profile.

I'm not going to do that.
I'm not gonna touch it.

Well, right now,
people think--

well, people think they have
a chance with you.

But I'm not active on it,

and can you admit that?

----ing delete your profile.

OK, I'll work
on that tomorrow.

All right, suave.

Shep's got a long history
of this stuff.

I hope he's not cheating
on Taylor again,

but doesn't sound
like he cares.

So that's on him.
I've done my job.

What are they doing?

I don't know.
They're talking bullsh--.

If you're cheating,
it's on you.

I'm not, suave.

You want to see
your screenshot?

I have it.
- Sure.

This is what
I'm basing it off.

Your profile.

Unless you deactivate
your account,

it is active.

Nothing happened.

Turns out there's nobody
in Bermuda.

I understand innocent
until proven guilty.

But I can only get
your back so much

before, like,
I have to look out

for the best interest
of Taylor, too.

She's like a little sister,

and I just don't want to see
Taylor be walked all over.

I don't even understand
what just happened,

but I appreciate your concern.

Because the last thing
you want to do is be

blindsided by other people.
- I know.

I know. Conscience is clear.

Conscience is clear.

On the next episode
of "Southern Charm..."

Shep invited us
to this trip in Georgia.

You'll come down for it, right?

No, Craig.

I have a job.

Oh, it breaks my heart
to, like--

the way that he talks
to you sometimes,

he feels that, like,
there's no consequence.

Stand up for yourself.

Yeah.

I kind of want her
to quit her job.

Shep, that is so dumb, dude.

That is how you get,
like, complete control

over her.
- I don't want control.

You are missing
the----ing point, pal.

We're here!

Oh, my God, look at this.

This is so great.

All right, boys.
Hold on to your nipples.

- Oh, my God, Craig.
- Jesus, Craig.

- Oh, my God.
- Whoo!

Leva told me that you said
really mean things

about me at Friendsgiving.

Just stop, please.

Move on with your----ing life.

Seriously. It's crazy.