All language subtitles for Southern Charm S07E07 Low Country Broil 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track3_[eng]

- Previously
on "Southern Charm"...

- Have you been tested?

Good.

- Some of us might have been
a little too carefree

when the Holy City
began to open up.

But as we navigated life
with COVID,

my new relationship thrived.

- [laughing]

- And Shep and Taylor's
began to nosedive.

- So Taylor is quarantining
with Craig.

- I've got two ladies
in the house.

Shep's like,
"Get away from me."

- Taylor, she did not
like that.

- ♪ The kids go loco ♪

- As Katheryn tried
to right her wrongs...

- My intention
was nothing racist.

- It quickly became obvious

she was going to have
her work cut out for her.

- I haven't heard from you
in so long.

- Yeah, I haven't heard
from you.

You're full of ----ing sh--.
- That's bullsh--.

- ♪ Ba ba doo ♪

♪ Ba ba dee ee ee ♪

- Meanwhile,
Pringle took the opportunity

to move in on Madison.
[bell dings]

- You're very pretty
and very attractive, cool.

- Oh, God.

- By the time we all
finally tested negative

and could reemerge again,

Madison was positive
that she was done with Austen.

- I have tried so hard
to make this work.

- I just don't know
how to let you go.

- ♪ It's easy ♪

♪ As making you think
that you love me ♪

♪ Mmm, mmm ♪

[jaunty music]

- Sit.

♪ ♪

You get one, too.

- No, not yet.
Don't spit yet.

Oh, you want to do Mommy?
Okay, thank you.

Good job.
[phone beeps]

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Could you please bring me

just a little something
to eat along with my coffee?

- I've got to take
my old-man pills.

Prostate.

This is for cholesterol.

[pill bottle clinks]

[gags]

[jaunty music]

- Just a minute.

- Come on, Quinn.
Let's brush teeth.

- I'm gonna brush
my freaking clean--

- Hey.

Let's just chill
with all the "freaking."

- Okay.
Come on in.

Oh.
Look how pretty.

Well, this is a nice breakfast.

- Very good.
Enjoy your breakfast, ma'am.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Wait a minute.

[growls]

♪ ♪

- What's up?
- Yo.

You're here just
in time, actually.

- For what?
- Go sit down.

Let me finish
my fruit snacks.

- I brought
your golf cart keys back.

Both my sets are missing.
[grunts]

- I got a beer for ya
that I literally...

- Hey.
- Picked up...

- Whoa.
- From Harris Teeter.

- Holy crap, dude.

- This is my beer.
- Hold on.

[register beeps]

- (BLEEP), yeah.

- Dude, it just felt so cool
to, like, walk into, like,

a grocery store that
anyone can access.

- No.
I'm sure.

- I have been working
on canning these beers

since COVID happened.

It's a way longer process than
I ever could have imagined.

So I just don't know why

Madison refuses to see,
like, the strides.

I'ma sleep with this tonight.

And I'm disappointed that,
like, she fully gave up.

- So I haven't seen you
in the last two weeks...

- I know.
- 'Cause this quarantine,

we were apart.

- Well, I mean, you found
another quarantine buddy.

- I replaced you.

- You found a couple
quarantine buddies.

- I have two quarantine angels.

You want some wine?
- Um, sure.

- And Taylor, she was actually
just like a housemate

for, like, ten days?

- Yeah.
But, like, she's not happy.

Because Shep is now
treating her like,

"You're disgusting.
Get away from me."

Like, "Blah, blah, blah, blah."

- That, like, aggressively?
- Well, yeah.

And, like, the tension
just started to rise

because Shep wouldn't talk
to her during this time.

So you're gonna
go back to Shep now?

- Um, I don't know.

- It's that bad?

- Yeah.
I'm not a happy camper.

- Look at him having
some relationship issues.

- You can't root
for your friends

to have relationship problems.
- I'm not.

I'm just saying that the guy

has never been
in a relationship,

so it was so easy for him
to look at me

or look at you and, like,

laugh at us for letting girls,
like, affect us.

That is all I'm saying.

[upbeat music]

- Okay, I'm calling Taylor.

♪ ♪

Ope.
Hey, Taylor.

- Hi.

- I hear you are COVID-free.

How are you feeling?
- Good.

I'm okay.
- Yeah?

Um, are you okay
right now with me--

I mean, are you mad with me?

Are you upset?
- [laughs]

Yes.

I just want to take
a step back

because I just don't feel,
like, in the right headspace.

I don't know.
- Why?

- I just felt like...
- I mean, look.

I don't know.

- You were being kind
of insensitive

to the whole situation.
- Taylor. [sighs]

- 'Cause I found out
I have this virus,

and it's kind of scary.

And then you kind of just,
like, pawned me off

to someone else's house,
so I had to leave.

- Taylor, where were
you supposed to go?

- You--okay.
You're right.

You're very right.

But all I'm saying is

it was very heartbreaking,
like, I just--

- Look--
- I felt like--

- Your last text to me was,

"You're trash.
(BLEEP) off."

And that's, like,
really hurtful.

- I am sorry for saying that.
- But I--

- I just--being away
from you, it hurts.

- This is just hard.

Maybe I'm handling it wrong,
you know?

I don't know.

- Yeah.

- I've been single

for a long-ass time
before Taylor, so...

[scoffs] Tendency
to be selfish. I am selfish.

But, yeah.
When you're in a relationship,

you can't be selfish,

so it is an adjustment.

Now that we're out
of the woods,

we'll talk in person.

That'll make me the happiest,

when I can look
in your eyes in person

and kiss on you
and hug on you.

Um, I'm looking forward
to that.

- I know you are.

[tense music]

- All his drama
is making me so happy

that I was just, like,
actually sick

and stayed in quarantine.

- Yeah.
Wait.

So did you and Madison ever,
like, end up hanging out?

- Yeah.
It all went to sh--.

[tense music]

[jaunty music]

♪ ♪

- Hello!
- Well, look who's here.

- How are you?

- I would get up
and give you a big hug,

but here's a virtual hug.
- [sighs]

- What may I bring you
to drink?

- [sighs] I'll have a glass
of champagne, please.

- Very good.

- I love that color on you.
- Thank you.

What about the headband?
Is it a little too much?

- I mean,
there's never too much.

You can't be over-educated
or over-dressed,

according to Oscar Wilde.

- Yeah.
- That's my mantra.

- Madame.
- I won't breathe on you.

- Thank God.

- [chuckles]
Thank you.

I actually think the hair's
doing pretty well.

- Thank God you came by.

- So I'm guessing I'm
the only person you've seen.

- Yeah, that's exactly right.

And it's only because Michael
couldn't do a blowout.

- Yeah, well, I'm glad
he didn't mess it up.

- I know.
[phone ringing]

Wait a minute.
Excuse me.

- Yeah.
- I'll get rid--

Oh, it's Leva.

- Those acrylic nails are...
[laughing]

- Hey, there.

It's so nice to hear
from you.

How are ya?

Well, why don't you
come over?

Madison is here having
a cocktail.

We're sitting ten feet apart.
- Ah!

- Okay, perfect.

Uh-huh. Bye.

Oh, that'll be fun.
- Yeah.

- So tell me what's going on.

- So Austen came by the house.

And I put my foot down

and ended it for good.

- This is really it?
It's like--

- This is really it!

- [laughs]
- This is really the cut-off.

- What makes
this time different?

- You know, I expect him

to want to be an adult
and provide.

And I don't see him
wanting to do that

in any capacity at all, so...

It's just time.

Let's be honest.

I'm not gonna look
like this forever.

I'm in my prime.

So, please, go waste
someone else's time.

- So what about your party?

That was supposed to be
for his birthday.

- Well, it's not anymore.

It's for me.

- It's like

"As the World Turns:
Charleston."

- Basically, she has these
preconceived notions, right?

Where it's, like, I'm not where
you think that I should be.

Then it's like, look,
it took me a while, right,

to get from point A
to a Harris Teeter.

But there's
no credit given and...

- She treats you like sh--.

You're sitting here
thinking it's your fault

that you're not dating.

It's clear that Madison
doesn't want to be with you.

It's hard to hear,

but she just doesn't
like you anymore.

So then she has
this control over you,

where, like, you're out here
doing all of this for her now

instead of yourself,
and being like,

"Oh, if I only get better--
if I only do good enough,

she'll take me back,"

when she's just
living her life.

- Maybe you're right,
but, like,

I've been down
this road before.

And it's always been
so confusing, right?

Because the second that
you think it's chopped,

like, a text comes in,
and it's like,

"Everything's gonna be okay.

I promise I'll hold
your hand forever."

- What?

- Did I smile
when I saw that text?

I mean, of course.
- Dude.

- I was like--
- You are her fallback.

If she wanted to be with you,
you guys would be together.

- But it's like,
at the same time,

walking out
of each other's life

has just been very,
very tough.

- It's so ----ing painful,
and I realize that.

But, unfortunately,
if you don't do a hard stop...

- Yeah.
- Where you stop talking,

then it's impossible
for you guys to move on.

- But, Craig, you know,
I can't.

I can't do that.

I can't.

And I don't think that anyone
can change my mind on that.

- Coming up...

- You know, with Kathryn,

I can't understand
how you can say,

"I just didn't know."

- That's it for me.

Put her in Siberia.

[jaunty music]

♪ ♪

- Hello, hello.
- There she is.

- Hi.

- Ooh, hello!
- How are you?

[laughter]
- This is like torture.

- I know. Mwah.

- I'm giving you
a virtual kiss.

- A distant kiss.

- Madame.
- What would you like?

- Whatever you guys are having.
- Very good.

- How are you guys?
- How was work?

- [sighs]

You know, it's funny.

Somebody called me,
and they said, you know,

"I want to come in on Thursday.
Will you be open?"

And I said, "You know what?

In this world, I don't know
what's happening on Thursday."

[laughs]

Between breakouts, protests...

Thank you so much.

We've opened and closed
I don't know how many times

just because the protocols.

Once somebody, like,
contracts COVID,

then the entire staff
needs to be tested,

and everybody needs
to quarantine,

and the whole space
has to be fogged.

The last thing on Earth
you're thinking

when you open restaurants
is, like,

"There is going to be
a global pandemic."

You know, like, that was not
on my risk category at all.

It's not for the faint
of heart right now.

These three months
have been, um...

pardon my language--
like, a sh--show.

- Thank you.
What is this?

- We have
extra-crispy potato chips

with crème fraîche
and caviar.

- How nice.
- What a treat!

- Bless my life.
What a treat.

- If you could move
your Chanel.

- Oh, yes.
- Merci.

- [chuckles]
- The cream is...

- Crème fraîche.
- Crème fraîche.

- It's a step above
having sour cream,

which is rather pedestrian.

- Okay.

- It's so déclassé now

to have caviar on blinis.

Now everybody is eating it
on potato chips.

- Mm.
- That is so good.

- So, Leva, what else
have you been up to?

I mean, God.

I can't even remember
when I saw you last.

- Well, obviously we know

all the trouble Kathryn
got into,

you know, all over
the monkey emoji.

- Yeah.

- So Kathryn had been reaching
out to me incessantly

that she wanted
to get together.

- That's strange...
- Yeah.

- 'Cause nobody
ever hears from her.

- Ever hears from her.

But she's probably thinking

I will be the most offended,

which I also even
find offensive

that she would think
everyone would be offended.

- All of us would be offended.
- Yeah.

And as we have
this conversation,

I can't even begin to
understand how you can say...

[high-pitched voice]
"I just didn't know."

[normal voice] And, like,
with your baby voice.

- Truly, like, my intention
was nothing...

racist.

Like, I didn't know.
I didn't know.

- I can't--just stop
the baby voice.

[high-pitched voice]
I just didn't know.

And I just didn't--
- [chuckling]

- [normal voice]
It's not acceptable.

You are not a kitten
stuck in a tree.

[dramatic sting]

[light music]

♪ ♪

[knocks on door]

- Hello.

Oh, my God.
These shoes.

- Hi.
- Welcome to my abode.

- Not sick.
- Well, this is something.

- What's up?
- Hello.

- This is nice.
- Is it really?

- This might be one of my
favorite outfits

you've ever had.

- Yeah, I actually like it
a lot, to be honest.

- Thanks.
- Um, let's get drunk.

- Oh, God.
- Ugh.

- Last time I saw you,
you were just through glass.

- This is better.

Like, I can go touch, touch.
- Yeah, I know.

- Okay, so...

- Tell us
what's going on with you.

What's up?
Did you have your--

- Oh, man.
- Your talk after we talked?

- Yeah, so Leva and I had
a FaceTime call

about everything that happened

with the, like,
emoji and whatnot.

- Yeah.

- It all went really,
really well.

I just feel like
it was really difficult

not to, like, try and, like,

tell my side of the story,
you know what I'm saying?

Because, like, y'all know
that I am not that way.

- Yeah, no.
- You know?

I literally am the furthest
thing from racist ever.

So, like, my baseline
train of thought

is not monkeys have anything

to do with, like,
a Black person.

But apparently they do.

The main thing that really
did not sit well with me

was Leva, she was like,

"If you don't reach out
to your girlfriends,

you're gonna be alone."

I was so upset

because that's, like,
one of my biggest things

is them saying, "Oh, my God.
You're a flake.

You never answer your phone.
Blah, blah, blah."

No.
For at least once in my life,

I was the one blowing them up.

And, like, my last message
to Danni said,

"Are you ever gonna respond?"

Like, that's how many times
I had messaged her.

But then all of a sudden,
I go to her house--

Sorry, y'all.
I'm just gonna go on a tangent.

- Please do.

- All of a sudden, I went,
you know, to her house,

and she flips on me,
you guys.

I reach out to you.
You don't respond.

- Um, you're full
of ----ing sh--.

- Okay, Danni.

- She was, like, twitching,
I swear.

Like, it was weird, y'all.

- Is there something that
happened before, like--

- No!

We have never had an issue.

I literally had no idea

there was any kind
of problem at all.

- God, that would
certainly hurt.

- It would suck.
- Y'all, I--

- Especially when you're
in, like, a low, low place.

- I don't know why though.
Like, what the (BLEEP)?

- Is she trying to, like,
distance herself from you,

and be like, "I, like,
don't even know Kathryn?"

[tense music]

Jesus.

- I guess when people
don't need you anymore,

it's really interesting to see

how quickly
they aren't around.

[dramatic sting]

- Now, am I about this whole

"cancel culture,
Kathryn, go hurl yourself

off the Ravenel Bridge?"

No, but she needs to go
read a book.

- Thanks.
I need that.

- And she just literally needs
to focus on herself.

- You don't think she focuses
on herself?

[both laugh]

- I mean...
[laughter]

I meant educationally
she should focus on herself.

- Oh, educationally.
That's something different.

- Not in a narcissist capacity.
- Yeah.

- Thank you, Michael.
- Thank you, Michael.

My thing is, regardless
of anything, we're friends.

And I'm here to help her,

and I'm definitely
not gonna have my door closed.

- Well, you know,
we've all protected her

over the last couple years,

walked on eggshells
because of the "sobriety."

But lies about Cam
have come out.

- So I heard that Jason
was having an affair.

- Kathryn, I know
that's not true.

- And then with this whole
emoji business,

that's it for me.

Really, I don't want to talk
about her.

I don't want to talk with her.

I don't want anything

to do with any of it, really.

I've just kind of had my fill.

Put her in Siberia.

But the guys coddle her,

so she's pretty much
protected by them.

Let me put it that way.

So what ever happened?

How'd she take it?

- She apologized. She says
she wants to do better.

- Mm-hmm.
- So I was like, "Okay.

"We'll see how that goes.

"You'll either bomb,

"or you'll be a rising phoenix.

"I don't know.

So that's on you."

[dramatic music]

- Coming up...

- Hi.
- [screams]

- How about no?
- [screams]

- If you grab
this thing again...

- [screams]
- Are there any rules here?

- What?

[coy music]

- [whistling, humming tune]

- Kind of hot out here.
- [sighs]

- Hey, darling babe.

- [humming tune]

There you go.

- Eh, Chauncey,
do you got to pee there?

- [humming tune]

- These animals
urinate and defecate

with impunity.

- [humming tune]

- This is Grey Gardens.
- It is not Grey Gardens.

They go out...
- This is 100%--

- Into the--
- The dog just pissed there.

- What about you?

You're kind
of semi-house-trained.

So I didn't do too badly.

- That is a profound
over-understatement.

- [chuckles]
- Anyway...

apparently Craig and Austen
just tested negative.

- I know.

- Which I guess
is a positive thing.

[chuckles]
No pun intended.

- You think it's okay now
to have the guys' dinner?

- Yeah.

- Initially, I was gonna have,

like, a fancy, gourmet dinner.

I talked to a French chef,

- So we start
with the escargot.

After that, bouillabaisse.

- And now for dessert?

Flambé!
- Ah.

- It sounds too good
for these guys.

[laughter]

But with the pandemic
being what it is,

don't want anybody
in the house.

Michael and I are both...
- [humming tune]

- You know, 200 years old.

And we're trying
to be really careful.

- Right.

- So, casual, by the pool.

Like a low-country crab feast
with hard-shell crabs.

- Ugh.
I hate crabs.

- Such a pain
in the ass.

- They're the genus
from cockroach.

- So are lobster.

- I'll eat beforehand.
- [chuckles]

[jaunty music]

♪ ♪

- Listen.
- Go, go, go, go.

- Hey.
Turn this down to zero.

Your mom, she's, like,
rolling up on the island.

- Go, go, go.
- Do you understand me?

What? Ah!
What was that?

You can't slam things
on the ground.

Rage-quitting is not
allowed in this house, ever.

That makes me really upset.

[coy music]

- So, anyway,
when Mom gets here,

I want you to be
real sweet to her.

She's really excited
to see you.

Just 'cause Dad has no rules

doesn't mean you can't
be sweet to Mom.

Or, actually, maybe we can act
like I do have rules.

Deal?
- Nope.

- Seriously?
Zombies?

The agreement Heidi and I have
for the summers

is I get them
for the first six weeks.

And she can come and visit

for five days at any time
in that period.

And she just stays with us.

Why don't you guys get off
your things for a minute?

- No, no, no.
- Give me this for a minute.

- [whines]
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think they call it "nesting."

Yeah.

Oh!
[chuckles]

- [cackles]

- Your mom's rolling up
any minute,

and you guys
are like crackheads.

This is not okay.

Chill out with this stuff.
- I got it.

- [screams]
- That's what happens

when you mess with the bull.
- [laughs]

- Hello!
- Oh, my God.

Guys--they're so excited.

- Hi.
[chuckles]

- We've been fighting
on the couch.

- Oh, you have?
- 'Cause they're insane.

[door thuds]
Say hi.

Hey.

- [laughing]
Hi.

- Ah!
- All right, all right.

- Give me.
- Daddy, Daddy!

- What, what, what, what?
- Daddy!

- How's it going?

- Hi.
- [screams]

- How about no iPads
until you hug me?

- No devices.
- This is the worst.

- Give me this.
- Give me--

- This is something I need
your help with, for real.

- [screams]

- Yeah, that's too noisy,
Asher.

Okay.

- I swear to you,
if you grab this thing again,

I'm telling you!

- Whose sock is this?
- [screams]

- I'm telling you.

- Do you let him
scream like that?

- What?

- What's happening?
- Who lets who do what?

I think they let me do stuff.

I don't want--
- [yelps]

- Get off of me.
Oh, my--

- Good thing you got everything
under control here.

I'm just gonna leave.

- Their mom.
Yes.

1,000%.
[chuckles]

I think they tell me
when bedtime is.

Don't--don't put that up.

How was your flight?
- [yelping]

- Weird.

It's a little somber now

'cause everybody
has masks and...

- Yeah.
[laughter]

- This is, like...

- I'm just happy that
I could still fly in, so...

You got it all
under control here, I see.

- This isn't normal.
What did you have?

- That ice cream.
- Oh!

- I let him have ice cream.
- Is it Camp Dad?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Camp Dad.

I don't know. I have this
limited amount of time.

And I'm probably, to a fault,
very lenient.

- Are there any rules here?
- No.

- I could probably do better.

Are you hungry?
- Sure.

- Okay.
Let's make some food.

- [whimpering]

- I can tell you how great
it's been this whole trip.

[laughter]

How much fun I've had
this entire time with them.

But I'm glad you're here.
- Thanks for having me here.

- Yeah, yeah.
It's good.

- And letting me stay
in your abode.

- That's what we do.
We're still a family.

- I know.

- We have been
co-parenting now--

I think we're in year four.

And, yeah.

It's been quite a journey
for both of us.

Let me deal
with this real quick.

- Okay.
You deal with that.

- But now she's, like,
one of my best friends,

which is weird to even say.

I couldn't have picked this
path out in a million years.

- It's a cute house.

It seems a little like
"Animal House" with kids in it.

- What's your regiment?
- What's yours?

Do you have--do you have--

- Well, kids wake me up
about noon.

- Really?
Do you have a bedtime?

- I don't know.
I'm just doing--this is--

- Have they been reading
at all?

- They've been reading
their Kindles.

- What have they been reading
on their Kindles?

- "Minecraft."

- Okay.
[whimpers]

- I mean, I guess...

[bacon sizzling]

Yeah, no.
I didn't.

I just--we just played.
I don't know.

- Okay.
- We just played.

But the way we're set up
is weird--it's difficult.

It's like, somebody has 'em
all the time.

And then the other person
has 'em all the time.

And we both care so much
that it's like...

- This is making me
want to cry.

- It's weird.
- 'Cause I know how hard it is.

- It makes me want to cry, too.
But it's like--

- I know.
It's hard.

The thing is you can't be
too hard on yourself.

You know?
- Yeah.

- You're doing fine.
- Thank you.

I don't like that my kids
are growing up

in this weird
single-parent household.

I wish that they had a normal
kind of upbringing.

All right, so Cheetos?

- [laughs]
No.

What? Fruit.
- Cheetos with their sand--

Fruit with their sandwich?
- Yeah, fruit.

- Womp, womp.

- Gross.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Come here.
I tricked you.

I didn't have anything.

Thanks for falling
for it, though.

Aww.
[gasps] Go.

- Shepherd...
- Uh-oh.

- Come on.
Hi, buddy.

- Well, how was it?
- Okay.

- Yeah?
- It was okay.

- Do you want
a Dark and Stormy?

- A Dark and Stormy
sounds great.

- Let me go get
the really nice stuff.

You deserve it.
- Okay.

- Honestly,
'cause that's the best policy,

I'll apologize 'cause...

I talked for an hour
with my therapist

about the COVID situation.

- Did you?
- Yes.

- She's on your ----ing side.

- Am I allowed to ask
what she said?

- I was like, "I told her this.
I told her that.

"And I said you're wrong.

And you're not seeing
the forest for the trees."

And--and she was like, "Look.

"You might have been valid
on all those things.

But you can't say it that way."

I like that.

Like, I need that but..

- You do.
- I use bluntness.

She's like,
"But bluntness is, like, maybe

the worst way
to do it sometimes."

- No, I agree.
It's mean.

- I was just really callous
about us being apart.

Like, I was like, "Okay.
No big deal.

Two weeks.
You're down the road."

And I guess I sort
of trivialized her feelings

or her needs or wants
or what have you.

The important part was,
is that I have to understand

that not everybody responds

to the same stimuli that I do

and that your emotions
were valid.

She said all these things.

And I needed to hear them.

Does that make sense?
- Yeah.

- Honestly, I do care
for her a lot,

and, um, so you kind
of have to--

you got to change your tune,
so to speak,

and try to be sensitive
but also reasonable.

- Welcome to adulthood.
You're in a relationship, baby.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

This is just gonna be part
of your life now.

- It might be an uphill battle.

But it's kind of a good
feeling in a relationship

to know I would be a real big
dumbass if I screwed this up.

Come here.

Because I like it.

I like her.

[laughs]
I love her.

What do you want to do?
- Um...

- Besides make out
all the time.

- [laughs]

I just want to cuddle with you
for three days at least.

- Three days?
- [laughs]

- I can't leave here
for three ----ing days?

- No. Three days.

- Coming up...

- I went and hit
baseballs with Madison.

And I was like,
"Your thighs look great."

They do look great.

- You ----ing dog.
- [chuckles]

[jaunty music]

♪ ♪

[dog barking]

[glass clinks]

♪ ♪

[rain pattering]

- Oh.
What the hell?

- Use the banister.
- I mean, yeah.

- [chuckles]

- It was supposed
to be sunny today.

- This reminds me of London.

- In the bliss.
- [chuckling]

- Well, this isn't bad.

- Where are we gonna
put the newspapers?

- Let's just spread 'em
all down here.

This is down-home,
low-country.

- The guys like it down-home.

- Well, you know,
they were all out at bars.

Let's hope they're totally safe
at this point.

Anyway, I want 'em as far away
from me as possible.

- [laughs]
What section shall I put

at your part of the table,
madame?

- The financial section.
- All right.

[upbeat music]

[line trilling]

- What's up, dude?

Nice.

You're really getting
into that rebound body.

Yeah.

I think we're like
the boys of summer.

I don't actually know
what that means,

but it sounds cool,
and I want to do it.

I mean, I say that, like,

I come and grab you
on the golf cart.

And I think we just get lit.

It's like a daytime
crab feast and just...

- I will say this
about Madison.

- Oh, boy. Here we go.
- I had designs.

I think she's hot.

- [laughing]

- Mm.

Well, this will be
the first time we all hang.

- Well, I've seen Austen.

- Mm-hmm.

- We work out together.

- You pump iron?
- Yeah, bro.

- Just got
to keep it tight, bro.

- Yeah.
Whatever, yeah.

But have you heard
any of the chatter?

- I went and hit baseballs
with Madison and her son.

- Oh, so you've seen her?
I--

- Yeah, since the breakup.
I saw her.

- So wait.
- I saw her on the day--

- So you're calling it
a breakup?

We're talking--
is that what we're calling it?

- [chuckles]

She told me at the batting cage
it was done.

And then I was like...

Then we moved on.

- You said,
"Your thighs look great"?

- Well, they do look great.

- Did you tell her?
- Yeah.

You dressed appropriately.
- [laughs]

- You've been hitting
this power deadlifts.

- Oh, really?
Thank you.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

Something like that.
- Nice.

[chuckling]

- Dude, you should bang her

to drive the nail
into the coffin.

- I talk a big game
but I got no "bang" in me.

- Yeah, right?
You ----ing dog.

- [chuckles]

[upbeat music]

- Hi.
- How are you doing?

- Steamy out here.
- Yeah.

Can I grab you a drink?
- Yeah, please.

Let's go with a Red Stripe,
actually, please.

- We are here.

Yeah.

Goodbye, stars.
- [chuckles]

- Life in the time of COVID.

Hey!
- What's up, man?

We masking or not?
I like your mustache.

- You look like Paul Schrader.
- [laughing]

- The famous director.
- Just keep it down a bit.

- Oh, just keep it, like,
hanging there just in case?

- Like a dangling participle.

[laughter]

- Hi.
- Hey.

How's it going?
Get a beer.

- Can I grab you
something to drink?

- I'll have a Red Stripe.
- Cool.

- Oh, sweet, man.

- You know I don't like
to show up empty-handed.

Been a while.
- [grunting]

Been a long time.
- I know.

- Hi.
- How are you doing?

What can I grab ya?
- Just a beer would be great.

- Yep.
- [grunts]

Have a seat.
Six feet away.

- Is this six feet?
- Yeah.

- What's your name?
- I'm Maddie.

- Maddie, I'm Pringle.

- Pringle, nice to meet you.
- It's nice to meet you, too.

- I thought you'd be having,
like, a muffin top,

put on some pounds,

but you're actually looking...
- Aw, dude.

- Looking svelte.

- Really?
Thank you.

- Are you getting
eaten alive out here?

- No.

- I have sweet blood.

- I know, I know.

- Well, it's nice to meet you.
Nice to talk to you.

- Yeah.
It was nice meeting you.

- I'll talk to you later
for sure.

- Yeah.
- Where's your mom?

- Holding off,
and she wants to grace us

with her appearance
during dinner.

- This bartender is smoke.

[tense music]

[laughter]

- Wait...

- I'm just kidding.

- No, you're not.
- No, I'm not.

She is smoke.
- No, all right.

[playful music]

- [humming tune]

♪ ♪

Yo, let's go!

- Yoo!
- We got crabs to eat.

- What are you dressed for?

- I dress like this
all the time.

- Do you think
you can grab that?

Thanks, bud.

Thank God it stopped raining.

both: All right.

[golf cart thuds]
- [grunts]

I remember before all
this quarantine stuff, like,

Patricia, she was not
for you at all.

- What'd you think of Madison?

- She's stunning.

But she's, you know,
with somebody.

- [laughs]
- I don't think for long.

- You never did anything
to her, did you?

- Never.

- I love Patricia to death

but she's nasty
and you just can't tolerate it.

- Well, right.

And all that I can say is that

she's in her old age,
she doesn't have much to do.

She is bored as (BLEEP).
- Right.

- I'm like, Jesus.

- Coming up...

- Pringle, if you and I want
to continue our friendship,

Madison is off limits
romantically speaking.

[dramatic electronic music]

[horn honks]

- Dang.
Oh, boy.

- Aw, right
in the puddle, bro.

- Dumb and dumber.

- Hey!
- Hey.

- Boys of summer!

- Oh, shotgun.
- They're shotgunning beers!

- Yeah!
Whoo!

Yeah, boy!
- Oh, my God.

- They showed up
with that sh-- turned to 11.

- Yeah!
- [laughing]

- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

- Get along, little doggie.

- Craig's got
the factory-ripped jeans.

- Are you bringing Tom up.
- Yo.

- Let's go!
- What's up?

- At ease.
- (BLEEP), yeah.

- This place is trashed.
- That's quite sexual.

- "Tiger King," bro.
- Hey. What up, bro?

- What up?
- Hey, Whit.

You feel good?
- Good to see you, buddy.

- No mask?
- Yeah, no mask, Whitney.

- Yeah, yeah.
Stay away from Whitney.

- Hey.
Good to see you, buddy.

I haven't seen you
in a while.

- It's been a while.
- It's good to see you.

- It's good to see you, too.
- Yes.

- Okay.
What'd I miss?

- Austen and I are, um--
we're a work in progress.

But we're good.
I think we're okay.

- ----er.

- Dude, I saw you
on Home Shopping Network, bro.

- Oh, thanks, buddy.
Nice.

- You were so good, bro.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, no, man, it was--
- Did I pull it off?

- You were a natural.
- That's awesome.

- That's your gig.
You might as well be--

Let's change your name
to Joan Rivers.

- Nice.
- Hey, it's Michael.

- What up?
- How are you?

- God is good.
- It's great to see you.

I have Michael withdrawal.
- It's this virus.

- Ooh, baby.
Those look good, too.

Ooh.
- Hey, Michael.

Thanks for having us.
- You got dressed up.

- Yeah.
Just for you.

- Unbelievable, right?

- What's up?
- Hi.

- Hey, Ms. Pat.
- Hey, guys.

- Patricia!
- Hello, hello.

This is amazing.
- Tell us the rules.

- Keep away.
both: Okay.

- You doing all right?
- I feel great.

You know,
it's a pretty nice place

if you have to be quarantined.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Are you gonna join us or no?

- Of course.
Let's sit down.

Pull those chairs up.
- Okay.

- My chair is stuck
in this wet ground.

- Oh, boy.

- Ms. Patricia,
you look beautiful.

- Yes, you do.
- Quarantine does not--

- Thank you.
- Yeah, you do look good.

- Quarantine has been good.
- God damn it, Pringle.

- Pringle!
- Stop making us look bad.

[laughter]

- Okay.
Let's dig in, guys.

Fried chicken.
- Everybody's digging in.

- What's in there?

- Look at these
little swimmers.

- Oh, my God.
These flies.

- When you have one of these,
the flies...

- Add a certain thing.

- It's like part of life.

- I'm gonna get something
to drink.

Let's see...

- I also have Austen's beer.

- Do you have
any other kind of beer?

Can I have that?
- Okay.

- Whatever it is.
- This is great.

- There's
some good old meat on here.

- I'm gonna pour it in this,

so nobody will know
what I'm drinking.

- I like that.

- Wipe out
in the middle like this.

- Okay.
Now here's my trick.

I get rid of the trap door,
and look.

[shell cracks]
The whole thing comes off.

- Oh, she does it
with her hands.

- Lungs, lungs...

- She's a rugged individualist.
- Whoa.

- Cut this off.
- This is impressive.

- And then that's all
eat-able meat?

- Yep.
- Edible.

- Shut up, Whitney.
- Dropout.

- And then scrape
the lungs off.

- Some people eat 'em.

I think they're disgusting.
- They eat the lungs?

- I think that
my dad eats them.

- Yeah.
- That crab is outstanding.

- Ooh.
- So here's the deal.

You can get drunk...
- Hey-o!

- Nice.
- Jump in the pool.

I don't want anybody
to go in the house

'cause it's sterile.

So you have to pee
in the bushes.

- Ugh.
- Nice.

- [laughs]

- Go, please.
Please go ahead.

- You can pee in the pool.

I don't care what you do today.
Go crazy.

- Well, you also haven't had
any entertainment for a while.

So that's, like--
- No, I haven't.

- We'll be
your free entertainment.

- [laughing]
That's what I'm hoping for.

- Ms. Pat, did you lose anyone
that you know from COVID?

- Oh, my gosh.
That's so morbid.

- Did you know anyone
that had it?

- No.
- Craig.

- Not because you're
older than us.

- We're going dark!
[laughter]

- The only people I know

who actually caught it
were you guys.

[laughing]
- Oh, my gosh.

That's so dead-on.

Craig's like,
"Who would have thought

if I licked a toilet seat,
I would get COVID?"

- And then as soon
as I found out,

I didn't leave the house
for two weeks.

- How responsible.
- Aren't you glad you asked?

[laughing]

- Pringle, I know
that you just had a--

had, like, a playdate,
you know, with Madison.

Baseball--or, like, you know,
at the batting cages.

- She told you?
- Yeah.

- Oh, good.
- I want to hear this.

[laughing]

- You didn't get pissed?

- Dude, I'm--
I just--

I would never tell you
to not be friends with her.

I would just say

things were, at one point,
a little inappropriate.

And I was like, "What
the (BLEEP) is Pringle doing?"

And there is a guy code

if you and I want to
continue our friendship.

And that means

Madison is off-limits
romantically speaking.

[dramatic sting]

And we have recently split.

- Really?
- But still...

It's just one of those things.

Like, I will always care
about her.

- Real quick.
I was out of line.

And you checked me.

And a good friend does that

when you're ----ing
being an idiot.

- Yeah.
- I'm not afraid to be like,

"You were right.
I was wrong."

[tense music]

- And you're my boy.
- So--so--

Good.
Oh.

- 43, talking about guy code.

- We're gonna be buds.
- We're gonna be buds.

- Good.

- [scoffs]

It's so ----ing stupid.

It's like, "We're not gonna
date ever again.

But she's mine.
I own her."

- There are so many more
fish in the sea--

not Madison.

- But what's
he gonna do, really?

I'm sure I'm ready for it.

- Austen, you and Madison,
where does it stand?

- We decided to amicably
part ways.

- There's not many people
in Charleston County

who think it's a good idea
for y'all to be...

- Shep, are you rubbing
salt in the wound

for no reason right now?
- No, I'm not.

I'm saying you plowed through--

- When I'm telling you that
we amicably have parted ways,

and you just want to like--
- Okay. No, no.

No, no, no, no.
- Take some salt and be, like--

- No, I'm pleased
at the current situation.

- Okay.
- But you have ramped through,

like, logical analysis...
- Okay, and?

- And points for friends
that love you.

- Shep, nobody can make you get
over somebody but yourself.

- All right.
- Like, you have to, like,

do it for yourself.

- Okay, but the rhetoric
I hear you say sometimes

is just, like, both of you

need to, like, leave
each other's lives.

- Spell rhetoric.

- R-H-E-T-O-R-I-C.

- [laughing]
- (BLEEP) you, Craig.

- But see, Madison--

I talk to Madison all the time.

She wants to be friends.

So what--what is the issue?

- Like, she, in her head,
I think,

is able to be
just friends with Austen.

- Mm-hmm.
- She has moved, like--

I'm, like, not trying
to sound like a dick.

She is fine with that.
- Well, you are a dick.

- He's a total dick.
- Total dick.

- But he's not capable
of being friends.

He's still in love with her.

And it's not Madison's fault

because you guys
aren't together.

- We had this conversation
last night.

I don't want to have it again.
- No sh--.

- It just can't be
one-sided like,

"Austen's so pathetic
that he can't let her go,

and she's let him go."

- Ugh, this sounds like
bitches' night.

Let's get in the pool.
- Ha!

- For real.
- You're right.

This is mixed company.

We'll talk about it later.
- Yeah.

- I just don't like
you guys together.

- I know that, Craig.

You've made that
so painfully obvious

for so long.

[dramatic music]

Where are my sunglasses
and a shiv?

♪ ♪

- Coming up...

- This is my last,
like, resort.

You have to walk away
and not talk to him anymore...

ever.

[swanky bass music]

- Cheers. Good seeing you.
- Cheers, man.

- Hey, boys!
- [laughs]

- There he goes.
Whoo!

- I broke the seal.

- Could you see my fat jiggle,
or was I, like, tight?

- That was good.
- So we all getting in?

- Sure.
- All right.

- Hot time
in the old town tonight.

♪ ♪

- Can I grab you a drink?
- Please.

♪ ♪

- Ms. Pat,
can I pour this for you?

- Yes, please.
- Okay.

- Hard to find good help
anymore, madame.

- Thank you so much.
Sit down.

- Dude, I'm talking
to Madison tomorrow.

He can't walk away.

- You have to hold her feet
to the fire.

- I will.
I'm just gonna tell her, like,

"It's time to let him go."
- Let him go.

- Craig is on another level.

- I mean...
- He can't leave me alone.

He's just, like, he hates it.

- Why do you think that is?
[laughing]

- He actually believes
that he's--

that he's right in this.

- Well, you know
I've never thought

that the two of us
were a match.

I'll be honest with you.
- Yeah.

- You're not ready
to be a stepfather,

to settle down,
and to do all of that.

And I don't see
anything changing.

[dramatic music]

- I don't know what to say.

- Am I not wrong?

- I understand
your perception,

but she chose

to follow her heart.

And you just can't tell
someone to not do that.

- I did.
[laughing]

- I know that.

And that's why I'm saying that
that's wrong.

I didn't mean
to fall for her.

It just happened.

- I don't think
love trumps all.

You have to take other things
into consideration.

- I mean,
I wish that I was, like,

ten years older
and I had it all going on

and we could, like,
be together.

- Well, it's interesting
about life

'cause timing
is kind of everything.

You know?

At least I found that
to be the case.

- I know that I'm good enough
for Madison.

And I almost, like, you know,
feel bad that it's, like--

Has Patricia ever
been in love?

Or has it always just been
about the money?

♪ ♪

I just love her to death.

I just do, so that's--

- Well, I understand that.

But I'm practical.

And when I see
that something doesn't work,

it's like...

- Yeah.

[tense music]

[intriguing music]

♪ ♪

- [clears throat]
- Thanks for the ride.

- Hey.
How are you?

- Good.
You look hot.

- Thank you.
So do you.

- Oh, really?
- How you been?

- You think I'm pretty?
- You're always hot.

- That's so nice.

- I figure we can
start off that way.

- What?
It's not a bad thing.

We just haven't talked
in a while.

- I know.

- It's weird being back in
my old neighborhood, though.

Naomi and I used
to golf cart out here...

- I know.
- All the time.

- Like, pulling up, I was like,

I wonder if this makes you
kind of sad.

- No.
It's more nostalgic.

This girl Natalie
and I, like,

we've been seeing each other,
and, like, we're happy.

Like, this is probably the one.

- Yeah.

- And, like,
everyone tells you

you'll meet someone later,
but, like,

then you finally do
and you're like,

"Yeah.
Nothing matters anymore."

- Oh, yeah.

I wonder when that
will happen for me.

- Well, there's a step
that has to happen

for that to happen.

And that's the separation.
- I know.

The bottom line is,

regardless of, you know,
this love-hate relationship

that we have,
he's my best friend.

Like, he's who I want to call.
- But here's the thing.

He told me you texted me
after your convo and was like,

"I'll always be the one
holding your hand."

Like, every time
you text him

reignites the flame of hope.

- You act like I'm holding
him down forcibly.

- No, not you..

But you aren't in love anymore.
He is.

- I...
- You love him.

Well, are you
in love with him?

- I don't know.
That's a hard one.

- No, it's not.
If you can't say definitively,

"Yes, I love this person,"
you're not in love with 'em.

- [sighs]

- I mean, just be straight up.
Look.

When you see the altar,

you want it to be him,
but it's not him.

[dramatic music]

- No.
It's not.

[dramatic sting]

- And, like, that's why
I'm coming to you.

He doesn't even know I'm here.

I'm never gonna ----ing
tell him about this.

But, like, the nicest thing
you can do

if you care about Austen
is to walk away

and not talk to him
anymore, ever.

Cut him out of your life.

- Well, that's not
gonna happen.

- But you know that's
the only way that this works.

Because this ----er
won't move on from you.

- Yeah.
- And, like,

this is my last, like, resort.

I don't know what else to do

other than tell you
that, unfortunately,

you have to ----ing walk away.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

On the next episode
of "Southern Charm"...

- Kathryn, like,
all the shrapnel

from the bomb she set off

has hit everyone
in her circle.

- I don't want to
bash, bash, bash.

- You've come
to her defense a lot.

- I'm not doing it anymore.
- Yeah.

- What's up?

- We were supposed
to dress nice.

- In 90-degree weather?
Nobody told me that at all.

- I'm jealous.

- It looks so pretty!
- Thank you.

- So your place cards
are your glasses.

- Oh!
- Oh, neat.

- Is there a glass for me,
Madison?

- I didn't think
you were coming.

- [groans]

- Am I not
a good enough friend?

Like, are you telling me,
like, you're not--

you don't want to be friends?

[dramatic sting]

- I don't even want to hang out
with our friend group anymore.

And, like, I blame it
on you and Madison.

- Leva, I'm serious!
- No!

- Shut the (BLEEP) up!
- You shut the (BLEEP) up!

- Oh!
- No!

Shut the (BLEEP) up!
Let her speak!

- You know nothing,
Madison!

- No, you know nothing!
- I don't give a (BLEEP)!