All language subtitles for Southern Charm S06E08 New Craig Who Dis 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track3_[eng]

- Previously,

- Previously,
on "Southern Charm"...

- What do you think
Craig's gonna be into?

- Tacos.
Bananas.

- Yeah. Is he bananas?
- He is kinda bananas.

- Just when Shep decided
to settle down,

his recent antics
put him in the doghouse.

- It's just, like,
for Shep calling me,

like, a "white trash"
hair stylist.

- He called you that?
- Yeah.

- ♪ He's got scandals ♪

♪ To pass the time ♪

- And as I try to prove
that I can still hang...

- What do you do with the lime?

- You suck it.

- Kathryn finally realized
that some relationships

are worth fighting for.

- I feel like we broke up.

- It felt like you were, like,

flirting with another guy
on Instagram or something.

- ♪ Bah-bah-doo ♪

♪ Bah-bah-dee-ee-ee ♪

- And while Naomie was working
hard to keep her man happy...

- Okay, that looks good.
That looks, like, normal.

- Really?
- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- Austen,
despite his best efforts,

just couldn't seem
to quit Madison.

- I got this one person
in my head

that I can't get out, you know?

- Much to Craig's chagrin.

- I was with her, last night.

- People that are broken up
don't hang out.

It's not that complicated.
- It's not that complicated.

I don't know why you're
making it so complicated.

- I'm not--

How do you expect
to get over Madison

if you guys hang out?

- Craig.

- ♪ It's easy as the birds ♪

♪ And the bees and the 1-2-3 ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- (BLEEP).

- Hello?
- Hey.

- Why do you have hooker boots
on the floor?

- Oh, gosh.
She's not a hooker.

- Who was it?
- A friend.

She doesn't bother me
too much, and...

- Don't even know
what to say anymore.

- I know.
- I really don't.

- All right, you ready
to get on the road?

- Yeah.
Did you get puppy pads?

- I have everything.

- Uh, this is
a reusable potty pad.

- Yeah.
- This is gonna be awful.

- What?

- This is like the moms
that do the cloth diapers.

It's disgusting.

- So you get the ones
that you just throw away?

- Yes.

Puppies are like babies.
They need routines.

So if Shep treats Little Craig
anything like he treats women,

it's gonna be looking for
a new home in about five days.

- Last few hours
of my complete freedom.

♪ ♪

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Oh, look at you.
Got the orange...

- Chelse, I don't know
what I'm doing.

- Orange fishing poles.

- But look, I got,
like, live bait.

That'll work.

- No, it won't.
- Really?

- I've never fished with worms
in saltwater.

Let's go try our luck.
- Okay.

- This is some bootleg sh--
that you brought.

Looks like nothing
I've ever seen before.

I was born and raised

in the low country,
on the water.

I was taught how to spear fish
before I could walk.

Take the string.

You tie raw chicken backs
to the end.

Put the stake out
in the middle.

I should've known better
than to rely on Austen

to bring the gear
for a fishing outing.

I think mine's broke,
to be honest.

- Uh, well, sorry
about that fishing pole.

- Hey, that was good.

How was the trip to Nashville
with the boys?

- It was all right.

Craig and Shep are like,

"Let's get Austen out of town
because, you know,

he just broke up with Madison,"
but it was

a really selfish agenda
to party in Nashville.

- Speaking of Shep.

What happened with him--

he called Madison white trash?

- Did Madison say that?

Madison wishes I would've
punched him in the mouth.

- That's what my boyfriend
would've done.

- Yeah?

I'm not gonna punch
Shepard's mouth.

- I know that, as a woman,

we love for a man
to stick up for us.

- Right.

- I told Madison

that I was going with you

to get a puppy, and she said,

"Well, tell Shep
I said '(BLEEP) you.'"

- Good.

- She told me
that "Shep called me

a white trash hairdresser."

Which, I mean, that,
like, that's a cut.

- I said it, that's for sure.

Look, I don't hate her,
I just don't like the way

she behaved in the relationship
with Austen.

- But the words that you said
were a little strong.

- Sometimes I say bad things
about other people,

but I don't expect them to--

I don't say 'em to their face.

- I think when
you're an entitled person,

you kind of feel above
even fixing yourself.

- I can be snobby sometimes.

- But I would not be friends
with Shep

if I did not believe
that he has a good heart.

He's just a little troubled.

- I don't really want
to be around

people that are rednecks.

- But at the same time,

one of your best friends

is choosing to date her,
so, you know?

- Yeah, and not anymore.

And-and there's no love
lost there, so.

- There's always this issue
with Shep.

It's like he gets away
with sh-- from you.

- But you know, when Shep,

you know, did that shady
sh-- with you?

I was pissed.

So he, like, grabbed you?
- Yeah.

He tried, like,
two or three times.

- Mother----er.

But then his, like, way--
he has a silver tongue.

- All right,
here's what I wanna do.

Just to bury the hatchet.
[vocalizes]

I've got these two shirts
that you're gonna ----ing love.

- Your relationship with Shep
seems very surface.

- Yeah.

I don't know, you know,
Shep has been at--

at times he's been a great
friend to me, and, uh--

- Like, in what way?
- It's like we...

I don't know.

I, you know, I don't even,
you know, like, you know--

- You drink together.

Everyone knows that there's
so much potential in you.

You are so much more than your
friends that you hang out with.

I do think you should
surround yourself with people

that aren't
such bad influences on you

or aren't dragging you out
to the bars.

- I-I think that, you know,
you're right.

Hanging out with Shep,
like I've been,

you know, recently,
has kind of made me,

you know, realize
a lot of things.

I'm like, "I miss the hell
out of Madison."

- What's going on with that?

- For all intents and purposes,

you know, we--
we aren't together.

- I think, for that to be
a healthy relationship,

it can't be partying nonstop.

- You know,
she's waiting for me

to, like, step up
to the plate.

- Yeah.
- And I've never had someone

that I, like,
want to do that for.

- Yeah.

- Almost there.
Little Craig.

- Feel like
I'm about to, like,

meet somebody
that I might like a lot, so...

- Aww.
- I'm nervous.

- Okay.
- [sighs]

[grunts]

♪ ♪

Hey, how's it going?
- Hey, how are you?

- Oh, my gosh,
this is the mom?

- Mom, Bristol.
- How many puppies were born?

- Seven.
- Oh, I just wanna eat it. Oh.

- They're pretty amazing,
aren't they?

- Oh, my God,
there's nothing cuter.

Look at that face.

- Hey.
- Craig.

- I think it's time
to meet Craig.

- Have you been
calling him Craig?

- We have, he knows his name.
- Oh, my gosh, hey buddy.

Can feel
his little heart beating.

I think he's nervous.

- He might be a little nervous.
- Here, sit down and bond.

I told Shep he needs
to do skin-to-skin.

- Yes, absolutely.
- Really?

- Yes.
- Here, put him in my shirt.

Get him in there.

- Here, Craig.
- Oh.

- Go to your father.
Now, just love him.

- Yeah, look, he loves you.
- He'll lick you, love you.

- Hey, buddy.
You like me?

- He likes you.
- Sweet.

- Not everybody likes me,
apparently.

- So is he--
is Craig a good eater?

- Yes.
- Okay.

- He sleeps through the night.

- He does?
- Yes.

You know,
he's trying pretty well.

- All right. Anything else?
- This is his vet record.

This shows
that he had his shots,

when he had his shots.

- Sounds good.
All right, buddy.

- All right.
- Bye, buddy.

- It was nice meeting you.
- Enjoy.

- The beginning
of the rest of your life.

- This is gonna be the best
decision you ever made.

- Craig is gonna have
a wonderful life, I promise.

- All right.
Y'all be safe.

- Bye.

- I'm gonna sit down
and you hand me the bed.

- All right, you good?
- Yeah.

- This is so unlike me.

- Well, there ain't
no going back now.

- Coming up....

- Oh, my God,
I didn't tell you this.

- I love when conversations
start like that, yes.

- Yeah, so,
last Thursday, Craig texted me.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hello. Welcome to Still.
- Thank you.

I'm here for a private session
with Hillary.

- Hillary, great.
- And I'm waiting on a friend.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- How're you?
- Good. How are you?

- Good. Smells so good in here.
- I know, doesn't it smell zen?

Let's go inside.

- Yes, very much so.
- Hey.

- Hi.
- Good to see you.

- Good to see you too,
thank you for having us.

- My pleasure.

Do you guys want
to have a seat?

So, have you ever done
hypnosis before?

- I have not done hypnosis,
at all.

- Hypnosis is a naturally
occurring state.

As adults, we go in and out
of hypnotic states about seven

to eight times
on average, a day.

Yeah.

You know when you get
into that zone?

It allows you to open up
to that deeper self.

♪ ♪

That's hypnosis.
- Yeah.

The reason I started
coming to you was because

I wanted to work on being
a more positive person.

- Sounds great to work on
for me.

- Being with somebody
that isn't a good match

for you
can just make you crazy.

You sit home, and you sew,
and you pretend to do things.

- What's wrong with my sewing?

- I see
straight through you, Payton.

You're a ----ing thirsty bitch.

- I spent three years with you
telling me

all this bullsh--.

You're all talk, no action.

- That is awful.

- In my case,
Craig brought out the worst.

- So if you girls wanna get
comfortable and relax,

we'll just start
with our eyes closed.

Take in a nice, easy breath.

Every morning, you're waking up

feeling more and more
confident, empowered.

You are free... Relax...
of self-criticism.

Connect with... One...
our inner strength.

Two... And just gently look up,
as if looking up to the stars.

Your eyelids are becoming
so heavy... Three...

I am... Four... enough.

Because you are more
than worthy,

more than good enough.

Five.

And now,
feeling as if cool spring water

is washing over your eyes
and face,

eyes opening, feeling good.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna walk around
with some rose water.

- I'm so relaxed.
- All right, good.

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- I will just step out
for a few minutes so you guys

can just enjoy
your hypno-bliss.

- Okay.
- All right.

- How amazing do you feel?
Are you crying?

- Don't make me do it again.
- Oh, my God, why?

- Just, like, hearing
the, like, positive things.

I don't know, I haven't heard
those things in a long time.

Like, when she said,
"You are worthy,"

or whatever,

stuff like--
like, that's what I'm crying.

- She teaches me
during private sessions--

this is gonna sound so crazy--

but if you tell yourself,
out loud, "I'm okay,"

basically, we find I'm--
need to relax.

It helps.

- I didn't know
you were into stuff like this.

- Metul's parents meditate,

so I'm trying
to be Indian, okay?

Trying to get there.

Oh, my God,
I didn't tell you this.

- I love when conversations
start like that, yes.

- Yeah, so,

last Thursday, Craig texted me.

He asked where we went
in Europe, like,

what museum we saw.

I said, "I'm so sorry,
I don't remember."

And he texts back,

"Well, I'll try not
to let that crush me."

I don't know what's going on
in his life,

but I need to be respectful
to Metul.

And I don't want
to be talking to Craig.

- It is something I don't see,

like, often,
where a guy is, like,

literally almost living
in the past.

- He knows I want
to marry Metul,

and he isn't cool with that.

- Well, I feel like
he always says

there was no reason you guys,
you know, had to break up.

- Craig's not a part
of my life,

so it's kind of sad
that he keeps reaching out

because that just means
that he hasn't moved on,

and he really should have
by now.

- Do you think you could be
friends with Craig again?

- I can be friends with him.

I'm just not sure he can
be friends with me.

- It's almost like
my situation.

At least you guys
don't have kids.

♪ ♪

- Hi! How are you?

I miss you, I really do.
- I miss you.

- No, my butt is--
no, my butt is...

- No.
This is all skinny cellulite.

Feel it when I don't flex.
Soft.

- You're so stupid.
I hate you.

- Oh, my God, how are you?

- I've never been
in here before.

- So, wait, your family's
all in town, so who's...

- That's why I can come here,
'cause my mom's like,

"I can only handle him
for two hours."

- My mom's kinda the same way.
- Yeah, she gets overwhelmed.

- It's crazy that we had
our babies at the same time.

I had Palmer before Leva.

So I prepared her for what
she was about to go through,

'cause women don't talk
about how hard it is.

'Cause if you talk about
how hard it is, you're weak.

- Are you going for number two?

- Hell, no.
- No?

- Like, nonnegotiable.

Unless, like,
a miracle of God happens.

- But you also said
you weren't gonna have a baby.

- I know.

- So a miracle of God
could happen.

- Motherhood did not
come naturally to me.

Oh, come on!
Oh, God, okay.

I get flustered
very easily with Palmer.

I just don't think
I'm a baby person.

I think I'm more of, like,
a little kid person.

- Too bad you couldn't
get them,

like, partially raised
and delivered to you.

- Right?

I don't think I'm a bad mom.

I'm just an "every little thing
irritates me" kind of mom.

I think,
mentally and emotionally,

I can't handle more than one.

- But you're doing great.
- One and done.

- Yeah.
[laughs]

- I'm just not meant
to mother multiple children.

They would probably end up
very screwed up human beings.

Look at this little shirt
right here.

I know this is, like, stuff
you do not care for.

- Lamar would kill me.

Like, "Why you got my baby
dressed like a little girl?"

Lamar wanted,
on our first date night

after having the baby,
he was like,

"So, when are we
doing this again?"

And I was like, "Bro."
- What's he saying?

They don't get it.
They don't get it.

- Which, don't get me wrong,
I want another one.

I know you think I'm nuts.

- You just wish
it could, like...

- Well, "A,"
I wish I was younger,

'cause I don't have time.

I'll be 40 next year.
- Gosh.

Your freaking Persian genes,
you look like you're...

- I'm 40.
- You look like you're 12.

- No.
Your birthday's on this Sunday?

- Yeah. 35.

I can't believe I'm 35.

But if I had had a kid at 25,

oh, my God,
I would have been a mess.

- What is Palmer wearing?
- She wears twelve months now.

- Twelve months?
- She's gonna be one.

- What does she want
for her birthday,

like, what is she into--
- Nothing.

- No, but what's she into?
- Don't get her anything.

- I mean, I have to--
- No.

- You know?
- Donate.

- What if I get her, like,
these little tiny things here?

- No, I don't want that crap
in my house.

- They're so cute.
- No.

I have had control issues
my entire life.

♪ ♪

No, I do not embrace the chaos.

- Wouldn't you love
a little pig,

when you were a little girl,

that you could put
in a suitcase?

- No, no.

- Cam, it's so fun.
- No more toys.

I see a lot of women
whose kids kinda rule the roost

and that is never
gonna be in my house.

- Or a mouse
in a matchbox, Cam?

- No.

- A little married couple
in, like, a jewelry box?

- No. No.

- You're such a buzzkill.

- Coming up...

- That's awesome.
- My two dads.

[upbeat music]

[dog barking, whimpering]

- Here. Here.

Craig.

Don't go.
Don't go in the bathroom.

Don't go on the floor.

Craig's been a shock
to the system, no doubt.

Hey, what are you doing?

Lucky I don't like
this furniture, chew away.

Craig.

He's got a childlike wonderment
and occasion--

occasionally frustrates
the hell out of you.

Okay.

I want you to do both, big cat.

What are you doing?
Come on, go, do your thing.

He's feeling it, dude,
he's close.

Yeah.
That a boy, Craigers.

But I think I'm doing well,
and hopefully I can make him

into the coolest dog
on Olive Palms.

Ow! Ugh.

All right, Craig,
it's time for your close-up.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Hello.
- Hey, Shep.

- How's it going?
- How're you doing?

both: Good to meet you.

Come on over. I'm not
looking for sentimental,

I'm looking for something odd.

How about we just
get him with you.

- I'll just sit right here
and chill.

- Perfect. All right.
Okay, that's awesome.

Love it, love it, love it.

Oh, awesome.
Love it, love it.

- Can I take off my hat?
My mom wouldn't like that.

- That's awesome.
Perfect pose.

- Simba.
- Yes, Simba.

That's awesome.
Hold him up.

- Hold on,
like a football player.

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- Craig.
- This is hilarious.

- Meet Craig.
- Hey, Craig. What's up?

Hey, buddy.
Dude, he is so tiny.

- Look at it.
- That's our wedding picture.

This furry thing is--
can be our child.

- My two dads.

- I mean, Little Craig
is awesome.

I'm perfectly fine
with him being,

wait, am I the namesake,
or is he?

- Hi.
- Cool.

- We done?

- Yeah, I think
we're good, man.

- I-I didn't know I was coming
to get in the picture.

They're gonna be great.
- All right, great.

Guys, give us a few minutes,
we're gonna work on the photos.

- All right, awesome,
thank you.

- Sounds good.

- He has to come meet Bethany.
- Yeah, I take him, on Friday,

to Cam's thing,
it's out in the country.

- But it's not there.
It's at her house.

- Oh.

- The party is going to be
for my 35th birthday.

So I'm gonna do an oyster roast
in my backyard.

I was kinda bummed to hear
what she was doing.

They're like, you know, she's
been, like, telling both of us

how she's trying
to get her, like, mojo back.

- I just feel like
I've lost my edge.

Should I smoke weed?

- She's always been lame,
even before she was a mom.

- I think maybe we just need
to take the initiative.

- Let's try to have
a big, fun trip.

- Yeah.

- By the way,
I'm a little, like, miffed.

I was getting--
picking up Craig with Cameran.

She was like, "Madison said
that you said all she was

was a white trash hairdresser."

I just ----ed up.

It was out of protectiveness
of my friend.

- Also, if they treated

each other right,
it wouldn't matter.

- They are the worst match.

- I tried to tell him
the other night.

How do you expect to get over
Madison if you guys hang out?

- Craig.
- I swear, that guy.

He doesn't deserve us
as friends, does he?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Hey.
- Hey.

- I assumed it was you.

Just like, "Oh."
- What's up?

- Um, okay. Can you help me?
- What's up?

- Because I don't have
my phone,

my messages
won't come through on here.

You know what I mean?

Like, my texts
won't come through.

- What's wrong with your phone?
- I don't--

just left it at Gentry's house
and like--

- Ooh. Hmm.

- Honest mistake? Whatever.
- I didn't do it.

- Are you excited
to eat some oysters?

- I guess so.

I suck
at shucking them, though.

- What time's the thing?
- 3:00.

- 3:00.
- Starts at 3:00.

- I'm basically wearing this.

- I'm wearing jeans
and a long coat.

I'm gonna put on a little bit
of makeup

to start getting ready.

- You think Eliza
will be there?

- Who?

- I don't know
what your issue is with me.

I'm sorry for whatever it is,
I don't know what it is.

- Okay, well, I don't know
what you're talking about

because I didn't even know
you still lived here.

- You know Naomie and I went
and rode horses with her?

She's very bothered

that... you don't really
give her the time of day,

and she just, like,
doesn't know why.

- Can't really, like,

force friendships,
you know what I'm saying?

- Right.

- Eliza and I
have never been friends.

Not everyone is everyone's
cup of tea, and that's okay.

So it just feels like
a lost cause.

So I'm just gonna basically
let her talk and talk and talk

and then be done.

I will be so--
and stuff like that.

I don't really care
that much anymore, you know?

- That's a very
positive outlook.

- Coming up...

- You left the bar

because your ex-girlfriend
told you to go.

- No, that's not why.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [groans]

I remember thinking
when somebody was 35,

was like so old.

And now, I'm that person.

Elvis?

Don't you piss on this floor.

I'll kill you.
Go back to bed.

I don't feel like I'm as hip
as I used to be.

I'm kind of, like,
a homebody now.

I used to be more fun, I think.

I've slowed down a bit,
now that I'm 35.

I can't hang like I used to.

Like...

I mean, I now
have to get Botox.

Okay.

♪ ♪

How's it going?

- Good.

I will get a--
let's do vodka-OJ.

Hi. Are you the oyster man?

- Yeah.
- I'm Cameran.

- I'm Hans.
- I'm Jennings.

- Cameran, nice to see you.
- Nice to meet you.

- Wherever you think
would be a good place.

- Then let's do it
on the grass.

- Okay.
- Excited. Thank you.

I'm typically in bed by 8:30,

so having a late-night party
is not gonna happen for me.

But a daytime,
casual oyster roast

is definitely my speed.

I think I should take a shot.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- That was good.
- Maybe that'll loosen me up.

Thank you.
- Yep.

- Cam?
- Hey.

- What're you doing?
- Did you get me a cake?

- It's nothing too special.
- That's so sweet.

- You look so pretty.
- Thank you.

- It says, "Halfway to 70."
- You bitch.

- And I got you a gift too.
- Thank you. Aww.

- Where's the fam?

- Jason's on call.

Palmer is with Pat.

Jason's mom.

- Aww.
- So. Wow, pretty.

- They're cute, right?
- Thank you.

These are beautiful.
I need to be more stylish.

- Don Capodanno.
- What're you doing, girl?

- Oh, my God.
- How are you?

- Hey.
- Are you dying for him?

- It's been forever.
- Well, how are you?

- Hi, Don.
- How are you doing?

- Good.
- I love it.

- I'm dying.
Oh, my God, thank you.

- So, are y'all like,
are y'all like BF-GF?

- I think at this point, yes.
- Yeah?

- What's y'all's
age difference?

- Fourteen years.

- Oh, God.
That is too much.

- Hey, how's it going?

Smells so good.
Where are these from?

- Oysters, I like it.

- Hey.
- How's it going?

- You look so cute.

- Yeah, but it's
so pretty here, I forget.

Hi, aren't you cold?

- No, I'm actually not cold.
- Hey beautiful.

- Hi. Hey, babe.
- Did you bring Metul?

- No, he's on call.
- I have such a crush on Metul.

- I want to remind you
that you're married.

- But I can still fantasize
about that Indian god.

There's a bar
if y'all wanna get a drink.

- I do.
I'll just do a Corona.

Thank you so much.

- What did you--what is that?
- Woodford and ginger.

- I want one of those too,
I want a Woodford and ginger.

Whoo-hoo.

- Oysters. Mmm.
- Thank you.

- Those look so nice.
- Putting my hair up.

- I'm gonna watch y'all
'cause I'm not trying

to get fishy fingers.

- It makes you horny, though.
- They're an aphrodisiac.

- Here, take two.
- I don't want any.

- These things give me gas.
- [gasps] Shep and Craig!

- Craig's in the house.
- Hey, Craig.

- Come on.
- I got it.

- Oh, my God,
the guest of honor.

Is that, like, a jean jacket?

- He's like a mountaineer,
kinda, you know?

- Hey.
Hey, there, Craig.

- You're dressing him
in clothes and everything?

- Somebody gave that to me,

and I thought it was apropos
for an oyster roast.

- Kind of like having a kid.
- Yeah, it is.

- Oh my sweetness, Craigy.
- This is Craig.

- You named your dog
after Craig?

- Well, 35th birthday, Cam.

You really went out on a limb,
left the house and everything.

- Yep.
- Shep, how's dog ownership?

- Is Craig sh---ing
all over your house?

- No, he's been good, man.
He's smart.

- His name is really Craig,
right?

- Yeah.

- By the way, big Craig
is in rare form, everybody.

He's gonna kick Austen's ass.

- Why?
- Why?

- And he goes,
"Austen's dead to me."

I was like, huh?

- Yes, he said
that Austen was--

he said, "Austen's dead to me."

- Is that all you need to do
to be dead to you?

Is like, be like, "No, thanks,
man, I'm staying in tonight."

- I'm having a night in.
- Yeah.

- I'm gonna go sit
in those rocking chairs.

- Yeah.

- Oh, my God, it is a miracle.

He comes bearing beer.

Is it cold?
- It is actually cold.

You want one, like, right now?

- I want one right now.
- Yes.

Shepard, you look fancy.

- Just comes naturally,
what can I say?

- We rented.
- Hey.

Oh, is this, is this Craig?

- This is Craig.
- Okay.

I like this Craig way more
than the other Craig.

- You like it?

- I normally don't like IPA,
but this is really good.

I have a buzz.

- When was the last time
that you had a proper buzz?

- Long time.

I am drunk!

♪ ♪

- Look at this new move.

- Let's do the orange juice
and the vodka this time.

♪ ♪

- Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.

- Hey, puppy dogs.
Hello, Craig.

- There's Craig.
Wait, there's two Craigs here.

- Okay.
- One too many.

- Hey, pretty girl,
happy birthday.

- Hi, thank you.
Is that my present?

- One of the five.
- We have a bar.

- No, we're trying
to help you let loose.

- I'll throw up.

I'm already--
I already have a buzz.

- Look at the size
of that oyster.

- Holy sh--.

- You think I'll eat it?

- Of course you will,
you sicko.

This is like a porno.

- [laughs]

- Cam, do a shot with me.

- Yeah, I'll do
this little-bitty tiny one.

- What're you, like, 45 now?

- Kiss my skinny ass.

- Where's--
- Cheers.

Cammy, I'm proud of you.
Thanks for having us.

- Cheers. Thank you.

- Cam, you're getting married
on alcohol?

- Ugh!

- Hey, Chelse, I was home
at 10:50 last night.

- I'm so proud of you.

- What world do we live in
where someone's like,

"I was home at this time.
Where is my gold star?"

- I just think it's funny
that I'm the one

that's holding him accountable.

- Craig, what'd you do
last night?

After I left you.

- Dude, don't even ----ing
talk to me right now.

- Why are you mad at me?
What did I do?

- You're a loser
who invited people out

and then was so--

- I didn't invite anyone out.
- Yes, you did.

♪ ♪

- Who?
- The girls that were with you.

you said, "Craig,
can you meet me at Warehouse?"

- Yeah, so, I was at Warehouse.
- When I got there--

- You go, "I'm leaving,"
and I was like, "Why?"

And you go, "'Cause
my ex-girlfriend told me to."

- I didn't say that.

- You went home
because Chelsea told you

you had to be home by 11:00.

You left me
with a bunch of people

I didn't ----ing know.

I didn't think
it could get worse.

- What are you talking about?

- You left the bar

because your ex-girlfriend
told you to go.

- No, that's not why.

I had had a conversation
with her.

- You said it out loud.

"Chelsea told me
I had to be home by 11:00."

- No, I had a conversation with
her.

- You are ----ing losing
your goddamn mind.

- I did not think

that you could
surprise me anymore

until last night.

- Why are you mad at me?
What did I do?

- You left the bar because your
ex-girlfriend told you to go.

- No, that's not why.

I had had a conversation
with her.

- You said, "Chelsea told me
I had to be home by 11:00."

- No, I had a conversation
with her.

- You are ----ing losing
your goddamn mind.

- Oh, my God.

- I try so hard
to be friends with you.

- What's wrong with your friend
trying to better his life?

- You suck, by the way.
- You suck.

- If you're not gonna date him,
get out of his life.

Go date your boyfriend
in New Zealand.

- No, that's not how it works.

- The fact
that you guys still talk

is also batsh-- crazy.

- No, it's not.
How is that crazy?

- You're telling him
when to go home.

You're not his mom,

so why are you still
in his life?

- Why are you so angry?
- I'm not angry.

I think you guys
are ----ing nuts.

If Naomie ever told me
when to go to bed,

you wouldn't think I was nuts?

- I had a conversation
with Chelsea.

- You're a ----ing loser.

- Y'all, Craig and Austen
are about to kill each other--

I was like, "Who's yelling?"

- No, it's real.
It's real.

- I was like, "Who's yelling?"
- It's real.

- Hey, thank you.
- Why, like, about what?

- No, it's real.
- Why?

- They're, like, about
to get physical, I think.

- You guys ----ing suck.
Like, you're awful.

- You are foaming at the mouth
over this, calm down.

- Craig.
- Exactly, deflect it.

- How long had I known them?
- If you would've warned them--

- Exactly how long
that you have.

- You left them
because she told you to.

- They weren't my guests.
- Nah, you guys suck.

- Hey, Craig.
- So weird.

- Naomie, good for you.

Running away
from that ----ing circus.

- This is nothing
I haven't seen before.

I'm just, like, so glad
it's not my problem.

- What's wrong?

- Just realized we're friends

with a bunch of ----ing losers

that I want nothing to do with.

- I'm having
a shucking good time.

- Yeah, shuck that.
- Shuck that.

- I get invited to a place
where he has guests

and he walks out the door
and he's like,

"Dude, I just promised Chelsea
I'd go home by 11:00,"

and now I'm standing here
with his guests.

And I'm like, "What the (BLEEP)
just happened?"

Do you not agree with all that?

- I just didn't know you were
a social warrior like this.

- Austen, let me tell you
why he's being so mean to you.

It's because you are just
another reminder to him

that what he's doing
is, like, ----ed up,

and he doesn't like being shown

or told what he's doing--
that what he's doing is bad.

- It just makes me laugh.

- The fact
that you can't comprehend--

- Dude, you're so Draconian
with your friendship.

It's like, all or nothing.

I mean, I tried
to kiss his girlfriend

and we're still friends.

- You forcibly
pulled her out there.

- Oh, my God.

- It's hard, sometimes,
to say no,

especially when they scream
at you

and tell you that you're dead
to them if you don't go out.

- Right.
Who does that?

- Craig used to call me
a ----ing (BLEEP)

if I wanted to go to bed early.

- Why do you keep deflecting
from what is actually at hand?

- All I wanted
is for you to calm down.

- This is literally a mirror
image of America right now.

You don't talk about the issue
and you deflect,

and you put it on me.

- A mirror image of America
is a little much.

- This is hilarious.

- Gotta love him.

- Oh, I'll eat it.
Really?

Oh, my God, the big kahuna.

- I wanna make burgers.

Cam, do you have
any burger meat?

- Burgers?
- She got a spatula.

Made me think of burgers.

- I couldn't find
the cake cutter.

- My God.

- What was that look?

- Cam, you're feeling good.

- I am not drunk.

- When I see Cam drunk,
it makes me really happy.

- Cameran, what are you doing
with that thing?

- [screams]
- You need to hide your crazy.

- I fully support it,
I wish she should do it more.

- That's the spirit, no.

- Don't drop me!

[laughing]

- Why are you making me roll
around in the grass with you?

- I'm drunk.
- What's happening to you?

I don't know if I've ever
seen her this drunk,

and I love every second of it.

- I'm not wasted.

- Hey.
- Excuse me, thank you, hi.

- Cam, come on.

- [laughs]
- Thanks for the party.

It's a lot of fun so far.

So far.
- Oh, my goodness.

- Oh!

Cam, that could've been balls.

- Where's your drink?

- I've had way too much
to drink.

I am not in a right state
of mind right now.

- Well, you look fantastic.
- Thank you.

- That's the important part.
- Your hair looks great.

- We were laughing
because you told Craig

that you're, like,
feel like you're nerdy.

- Yes, I'm a loser.
I'm totally--

- Okay. Well, and then you had
a birthday party

in your backyard, you loser.

- Well, okay, I mean--

- This is where you spend
all your time.

- So?
- So, we want you to branch out

and we thought we needed
to get you out of town.

- To where?
- I was talking about Colorado.

I threw it out there.

- I'm married and I have
a child.

I'm not going out of town.

- Just for two nights.

And Jason can take care

of little Palmer
for two nights.

- Maybe.

- He's probably
the best dad ever.

- Okay.
I'm-I'm open.

I'm down for it.
Let's do it.

Oh, everybody.
Guess what?

- What? I ate your cake.
- We're going to Colorado.

- That bitch is skiing, whoo!

- We could've said, "Cam,
we're going to Disney World,"

and she would've been like,

"Yes, Disney World,
Magic Mountain."

- No.

- Is that how you do it?

- Yes!

- What've you been drinking
and where can I get a double?

- I'm so excited.

♪ ♪

Are you gonna go home
to your Indian hot man?

- He's on call.
- Oh, I know.

♪ ♪

- Haven't seen you
for a while, madam.

- This is, like, gorgeous.

- Welcome to my office, yeah,
I mean, can you imagine?

- Everywhere you go,
the view is amazing.

- We just invited Cameran
to Colorado,

I hope you'll consider coming
and having fun.

Good to get out of town,
you can get a babysitter.

- I would love
to get out of town, yeah.

- Okay, good.
- What's new with you?

- Little Craig, the dog.

- I hear he has a jean jacket
with fur.

- You haven't met him yet?
- I've seen him.

- That's 'cause Eliza's
taken him from me

and she won't give him back.

- Oh yeah.
I don't know.

This is the first time
I've seen her

since Patricia's dinner.

- Did she talk to you?

- She passed by and said,

"Hey, Kathryn,"
and I just said, "Hey."

- Hi, Kathryn, by the way.
I didn't say hi.

- Hey, how are you?
- This is my boyfriend, Don.

This is Kathryn.
- Hi, Don, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- Well...

- Can I ask you a question?

- No, I don't wanna--
the naked question.

- No, no, I know.
No, no, I'm sorry.

- Wait, Cam,
what's your question?

- It's about Metul being naked.

I know--
she asks this every time.

Anyway, this trip,
I don't want to go.

♪ ♪

It's not--okay, it's not
that I don't wanna go.

Obviously, I love you and I--
and I wanna go

for your birthday and stuff,

but why would I go on a trip
with my ex-boyfriend?

♪ ♪

- Coming up...
- We can't be around each other

because we never
----ing closed anything.

- Craig, do you still feel
like you love her?

It's okay to admit
that you love her.

- Anyway, this trip.

Why would I go on a trip
with my ex-boyfriend?

- But at the end of the day,
you're friends

with everybody else,
it's not like--

- I know, and I--
and I love y'all.

It--but, I don't wanna go

'cause I don't even wanna
have to tell Metul.

- But Metul's obviously
a secure guy.

Like, he's not gonna
be threatened

that you're going on a trip
with Craig.

- Where I am with--
stuff with Craig, like,

is a totally different place
than I think where Craig is.

- If Craig was out
of the equation,

it would be no problem.

It's Craig.

♪ ♪

- Was fun catching up,
as always.

- I know, I wanna hang out
with you soon.

- Cam, thank you for having us.

- Cameran, thank you so much.
- Bye.

- Mwah. Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

- Colorado.
- I know, I'm excited.

- All right, see you guys.

♪ ♪

- Did you pick Colorado
for your birthday?

- No, I did not.

- Who chose it?
- Austen, Shep, and Craig.

- Ladies.

- Is it Colorado
where you wanna go?

- Yeah, it is.

- He just did--
"Yes, it is.

Absolutely."
- No, it is.

Craig and I tried to go
last year.

Craig, you're a douchebag,

but we tried to go
last year to--

- Wait, have y'all made up?
- No.

- No, he's a pussy.

- Craig, not every
ex-relationship

is as ----ed up
as you and Naomie's.

- I don't think anyone's ex
tells them when to go home.

- "Chelsea said
I have to be home at 11:00."

- The conversation actually
bores me, to be honest.

Cam, thank you
for inviting me, oh, my gosh.

Are you excited for Colorado?

- Yeah, good.

We're gonna ski together,
yes, yes?

Craig.

- If you're gonna start having
a curfew set by your ex,

then we probably won't
see each other much.

I'm over
dealing with your sh--.

- Get some sleep,
we'll go skiing together,

we can talk about it for years.

- My sleep has no bearing
on the fact that--

- It does.
- Your--

- It absolutely does.
- Exes run your life.

- Everyone, I bid you adieu.
- You're a grown man.

- Why are you being,
like, nitpicky?

- Okay, guys.

- Craig, are you aware
that Naomie told us

that she's not gonna go
to Colorado

because you're going?

And she feels
it's inappropriate?

- That's weird.
- And it's gonna upset Metul.

- It's a respect thing.
- Guys.

Don't say like,
"As a respect thing," no.

We can't be around each other

because we never
----ing closed anything.

That's why we can't be
a foot away from each other

without her
----ing darting out the door.

- That's exactly right.
- Craig.

- It's easier for her to act
like it never happened.

Which, it's easier for me--
I wish I was able to do that.

I can't.

But if you have to go on a trip

with someone,
it's harder to do that.

- Craig, do you still feel
like you love her?

- I love her and hate her
at the same time.

- That was a nice way of him
saying he loves her.

- You love her.

- I don't know
how you guys are--

- Just say it, it's okay.

It's okay to admit
that you love her.

- We thought
we were gonna get married.

Of course I loved her.

It's just terrifying to think

that she might
have cost herself

one of the best things
that ever happened to her

because--for no reason.

I don't know,
that's how I feel.

- I think that, really,
the reason

why Naomie feels uncomfortable
around you

or doesn't wanna go on the trip
is because you can tell

that there's still
some unresolved feelings

that you have, and I think

that that makes her afraid
to be around you

because she doesn't know
what will happen

if, you'll, you know, blow up
or if you'll, you know,

get really upset,
or I don't know.

- I agree.

- And she doesn't want to be
an element to that.

Like, she would rather not go.

- I mean, we all know this,
she now looks at it

and she's like,
"I'll never be as happy

as I was traveling the world
with him."

And she hates being around me

'cause it reminds her
of the ----ing time we had.

- Craig, I don't think
that's the truth.

- Okay, so what do you think?

- I think she's very happy
with the relationship.

- You do?

- I do.
- I do too.

- Great, I'm happy
for you guys.

- Craig, she has a stable...

- The guy that can go to every
wedding date with her?

Oh, actually, he can't.

Because he can't get off work
for it.

So now she goes
to weddings by herself.

Has she been to Thailand
with him?

She been to France?
He can't get off work.

- I think she's looking--
- Oh, oh, sh--.

- At the rest
of her life, though.

- Oh, my God, I'm not even--
I can't.

Nah, you guys are good.
You guys are so--

Tell the truth
one day in your life.

- We are--we're--
- Tell the truth.

♪ ♪

- On the next episode
of "Southern Charm"...

- This is not the type of bar
that I'm used to.

- Step your right foot forward
onto the bar in front of you.

- Oh.

- What's it gonna take

to convince you
to come to Colorado?

- If Craig would just be
more chill,

like, I would totally go.

- If you were not with Metul

and you were just single,
then would you go?

- Yeah.

- So then it's not really
about Craig.

♪ ♪

- Pull.
- Ugh! I want to keep going.

- Why am I not surprised?

♪ ♪

- Ah!

- I know you talked some sh--
about my mother.

- Same for her.
She's almost 80.

You'd think
she would know better.

- Why did you tweet
the other weekend

to say that we were all losers?

- Well, you said,
"I'm a horrible person."

- You called Kathryn
an egg donor.

- Ashley,
you called me a bitch.

- Sitting here and you're
doing, like, a sob story,

and it's just impossible
to believe a single word

that comes out of your mouth.

- Why are you talking?
I'm not talking to you.

I don't care about you.

- I tried.

I want her to come
and apologize and say,

"I'm sorry, I ----ed up,

I want to be friends,"
and she ain't doing that.

- For more "Southern Charm,"
go to BravoTV.com.