All language subtitles for Southern.Charm.S05E04.All.Talk.No.Action.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track4_[eng]

- Previously

- Previously
on "Southern Charm"...

- Oh, she's smiling. [laughs]
- Aww.

As I got up-close and personal
with my soon-to-be baby girl,

Kathryn was making up
for lost time.

- Oh, you made
the carrot orange.

- I did, Mommy.
- Good job, Kensie.

- And someone else's
biological clock

was tick-tick-tocking.

- By some chance it happens,
it'd be a blessing,

but I don't want
to be a single parent.

- Meanwhile...

- Why can't guys just
take accountability?

- The girls chose sides in
JD and Elizabeth's divorce.

- She calls me crying every
single night because of you.

- We all see the truth.

- The good ole
boy system's dying.

- And just as things
seemed to be sweet

between Naomi and Craig...

- It's hard for me to see you,
Craig, I'm not gonna lie.

- You're fine.
We both care a lot.

- [crying]

- They turned sour
at my shower.

[Mia Sable's "It's Easy"]

- ♪ He'll swing this game
don't ya know, don't ya know ♪

- You sit home, and you sew,
and you pretend to do things.

- What's wrong with my sewing?

- Hey, Miss Patricia.

- And you know what they say...

- JD just got here with Liz.

- When it rains, it pours.

- What the (BLEEP) is she doing?

- What a (BLEEP) joke.
- Not cool.

- Stop. Don't do that.

- No-no-no, you--
- I love you guys.

- ♪ Ba-ba-doo ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

[rousing jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- I've never understood
an appropriate way

of reading the newspaper.

Eh, just take them apart.

- This is for all the marbles.

♪ ♪

Oh!

- Come here.
Come.

Good boy.

Oh, my God, that smells.

- Leave on for 5 to 20 minutes.

"Everybody get to the chopper!"

♪ ♪

- Whew.

♪ ♪

Baby go down.

Baby go down.
[doorbell chimes]

Ooh.

[playful surf rock music]

♪ ♪

Michael.

- Hello.
- Why do you have paper towels?

- 'Cause last time I was here,
you ran out.

[laughs]

- Michael is the best gift

that I will probably
ever be given.

- She's loaning me Michael.

- He's a genius at organizing.

- I almost don't even know
what to do with you, Michael.

- I always just find things
to do, and I just do them.

- Um.
What about this?

This is, like, all the gadgets
you need to feed a child.

This is, like, a food masher.

I don't think I'm ever gonna
make my own baby food though.

- It's not hard.

You can puree carrots.
You can puree apples.

- Isn't it easy just to buy it
in a can--in a can or a jar?

- If you're well-to-do,
you don't do that.

You have your chef and your
assistant chef do everything.

- Sh--.

Hell no.

I will not be
making my own baby food.

I will be buying
Gerber in a can.

Well, I'm not well-to-do.

Hopefully buy one, get one free.

So Michael, do you rub feet?

- I could.

- Would you rub my feet?
- Sure.

- You wouldn't feel weird?
- No.

- Jason won't rub my feet.

- Well, he's your husband.
I'm a domestic.

- Nice.

Oh, my God, best gift ever.

Oh, this is the life!
[exhales]

[light jazzy music]

Oh, Michael, there's something
really wrong about this.

I feel like you're
cheating on Patricia.

- Well, if Jason walked
through the door,

he'd be getting his gun.

[both laugh]

[vintage jazzy music]

♪ ♪

[FaceTime call ringing]

- Hello.
- Oh, hey.

Hey, guys.

[playful music]

It's--there's a red,
a yellow, and a--

- Oh, up there.
- Oh, that's...

- [snickers]

- I'm not drunk,
but I did just take a nap.

- The sewing's good.

I'm trying to do, like,
at least a pillowcase a night

when Sean and I are
watching our shows, and then...

like, Naomie and I are
trying to figure stuff out, so.

- She's--

- Yeah, I did, actually.

It's just so, like, emotionally
charged when we see each other

that we don't know
how to handle it.

We don't speak
the same language. Like--

- Yeah. Well, and that's--
I try and remind myself that.

My parents, you know, they had
a rocky part of their marriage,

but, you know,
they stuck together,

and it's just heartbreaking
that Naomie,

at the first sign of trouble,
just runs away.

Do I have potential
that's being wasted?

Sure. I was like, but
that's what partners are for,

is to encourage.

- I had an Uber the other day,

and the guy said that
his real job was a life coach.

I really want to call
this guy and be like,

"Teach me the tools
to get better,"

because, you know, I don't like
staying up late and--

- Yeah, the procrastination.

A lot of people
need to talk to someone

to identify their problems,

but I can tell you everything
that's wrong with me.

I just haven't done
anything to fix it.

- Right, so.

[bombastic jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- JD.

- Tomás.
- What's up?

- What's up, brother?
How you doing?

- Good to see you.
- Alrighty.

- Doing all right?
- Great.

How about yourself?
- Good, good.

- Oh, my.
What's been going on?

- Oh, just wrapping up
a little work.

What you been up to, brother?
- Got a workout in.

- I'm on 8-ounce free weights.

[both laugh]

- Well, if you're single now,
you need to, you know,

start hitting the gym.

- Yeah.
- Hey, guys, how's it going?

- Great, how are you?
- Good, thank you.

Can I get you
something to drink?

- I'll have a Gentry and ginger.
- Likewise.

- I'll be right back.

- Keep it going.

- Speaking of which, I mean,
what's going on with you?

You told me you were, like,
single, not married anymore.

- Well, um, Elizabeth and I,
you know, we're staying friends.

- Yeah.

- And then Cameran's big shower,
and she's like, you know,

"I really want to go with you."
- Yeah.

- And, you know,
how do you say no to that?

I'm like, "Absolutely, I'd
love to have you go with me."

- But it sends people the wrong
me--I mean, are they together?

Are they--
- Yeah.

It's a complicated thing,
'cause Elizabeth and I,

you know, got four kids.

- I mean, what's best
for the kids is for them

not to be in a--an environment

where you're having
constant disagreements,

arguments, et cetera.

And if you're really doing it
for the kids, you stay apart

and harmoniously coexist.
- Right.

- So you have to be cognizant

and respectful of that,
you know?

My relationship with Kathryn,

it was a combustible
relationship.

And I've learned
it's better to be apart,

you know, if it's gonna have--
be that negative energy

that's not healthy for the kids.

You don't want to be
in close proximity

to anybody you just got out of
a long-term relationship with,

not just for
her peace of mind

but for your own peace of mind.

You got to protect yourself.

- Well, you make a good point.

I appreciate, you know,
all the advice.

- Kind of a role reversal.
[laughs]

- [chuckles]
- Nah.

- [laughs]
That is good though.

- Coming up...

- Obviously, you know Austen.
- I do.

He actually just texted me,
like, a minute ago.

- Never mind.
You're off to the races.

- Oh, yeah.

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

[line trilling]

- Hey, mama.
- Good morning, mama-to-be.

How are you?
- [laughs]

- Gosh, it's getting close.

- Yeah, I bet.

That's about the time
whenever I was, like, over it.

- Yeah.
So what's been going on?

Like, I know the baby shower
was, like, recently, right?

- Right.

I used to have so much baggage
with Patricia.

What causes her to despise me?

I feel like it's,
"I don't like her.

You're not allowed
to talk to her."

- [chuckles]
- "I am the queen."

Now, finally I can
see Patricia as Patricia.

Let it be.

But you know what?
Petty Patricia strikes again.

And that's exactly
what she is, petty.

- I'm good.

I reached out to Thomas
the other day

and asked for his
girlfriend's number, Ashley.

So I asked her to lunch.

- Yeah.

- Well, I just want to get to
know her, you know what I mean?

- Like, the important reason
for me to, like, meet her

is because
she is around my kids,

and I just want
to make sure she's,

like, not crazy, you know?

- Yeah, so.
Mm-kay.

- Thanks.
You'll be in my prayers too.

- All right, bye.

[motor revving]

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- Hey.
- What's up?

- How are you?
- Good.

- Good to see you.
- You too.

- What's going on?

- Just hanging out.
- Looking good.

- Oh, yeah? Well, thank you.
- Welcome to Charleston.

- Thanks.
[inhales]

- How are you feeling about it,
the move?

- I'm excited.
You know, it's a lot.

- Where are you staying?
- In Mount Pleasant.

- You're just getting
your feet on the ground?

- Yeah, I mean, I got a job

at a doggie daycare,
boarding place.

- And how do you find
the dogs out here

compared to the west coast?

- More polite, bigger.

I got peed on by a
Great Dane twice today.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Uh-huh.

I thought we were bros, and then

he just lifted
his leg on me, so yeah.

- Peyton and I dated last year.

Unfortunately,
it didn't work out.

I think I have stronger feelings
for someone else.

- Really?

- But I have never
not been friends

with anybody I've ever dated
after the fact.

Can we just get
a pepperoni pizza?

- Yeah, sure.
- And then the Yella Pils.

Do you want something?

- Extra dirty martini.
- Yeah. Sure.

- With three olives.
That'd be great.

- As long as you didn't
attack and mortally wound

a family member or friend,
we are going to be fine.

It doesn't have to--it doesn't--
- Awesome, thank you.

- Oh, my gosh, that's so dirty.

- Yeah.
- I like it that way.

- I won in trivia last night.

- Cheers.
- Cheers to you, to us.

[chuckles]
- Where was trivia?

- At Home Team at--
on Sullivan's.

- Oh, Home Team.

- That's, like,
my home away from home.

- Mm-hmm.
Have you chilled out on partying

since you've moved,
do you think?

- I--uh, yeah.
I have.

Uh, of course, when, like,

you spend a few days laying low,
you're like, "I'm ready."

- Oh, no, yeah, that's natural.

- I got the Plain Jane
right here.

- Pizza.
- Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Thank you. It looks lovely.

But anyway,
I'm glad you moved here.

- Thanks.
Me too.

- Yeah?
- Just got to get friends.

- Do you want me to,
like, set something up with

a bunch of girls that I know
or something like that?

- Yeah, no, just go out
with a group one night.

- Okay, we will.
- Cool.

Obviously, you know Austen.

- I do.

You went to 'Bama, right?

- Did you go to 'Bama?

- Let's talk.

- He actually just texted me,
like, a minute ago.

- [mumbling] Is that right?
- I know.

- Oh, what's going on there?
- I don't know.

We hung out the other night,
um,

went to dinner
and then watched a movie.

- Is that right?
- Yeah.

- Where'd y'all go to dinner?

- Somewhere right by
where he lives.

I don't remember--
a paella place.

- Oh, yes, right underneath
where he lives.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

- Yup. Yup.

- Well, never mind.
You're off to the races.

- Oh, yes, mm-hmm, sure.

- I get them on base,
[soft laugh]

and he knocks them in.

You're sort of
seeing Chelsea, right?

- Um, [stammers]
Y--y--yes.

♪ ♪

Did you have a good time?

- Yeah.
- He's good.

- Yeah.
- He's a good guy.

- Yeah.
- Good family, good person.

- That's good.
- [soft laugh]

[hip-hop instrumental music]

♪ ♪

- Perfect.

[knuckles cracking]

Hi.
- Thank you for meeting me.

- Thank you for coming.
Good to see you.

- Good to see you too.

This is such a beautiful place.

- Right? It's, like,
perfect weather for it too.

- And you picked such
a pretty color for you.

- Oh, thank you.

- Good, you have your flats on,
'cause I know you're tall.

5'10"?
- 5'11".

- You're 5'11"?
Okay.

- Thomas and I,
I think, are the same height,

which is weird and funny.
Anyway.

- So you gonna do a cocktail?

- No, I don't drink.

- Okay.

- Are you kidding me?

You know I went to rehab,
and you know that I'm sober.

- I could probably cut back
on the calories too.

- Ladies, would y'all like to
start off with a cocktail

or anything,
or something to eat?

- I'm okay with water.

- I'm gonna do an iced tea.
Do you have an iced tea?

- Yeah, sweet or unsweet?
- Sweet would be great.

- Yeah, absolutely.
- Thank you.

- So how you doing?

- I'm good.
This is all new to me.

- I mean, I've never met
any of Thomas' girlfriends,

so this is, like, new territory.

But we didn't get a chance
to really speak the other night,

so I just figured
it'd be better for us

to get to know each other.

- I appreciate that
'cause I was kind of expecting,

you know, you to be somewhat...

- I don't know what impression
Thomas has made

about my ability
or lack of ability to, like,

be cooperative or work together,
but that's all that I want.

- He wants that.

- But see, the first step...
- He does.

- To doing that
would have been if he

at least told me
he had a serious girlfriend.

He literally has said zip.

I don't even know how long
you guys have been together.

I don't know
when you met my kids,

so there's a lot
of questions I have.

- You know, I came from parents
of divorce when I was young.

I know what it's like
to have a dad with someone new,

mom with someone new.

I mean, it's tough, Kathryn.

It's tough because

I'm very close with
my mom and my sister.

When I decided to
pick up and move here,

everyone was really shocked.

And we all know you can
Google his name,

Thomas's name, and
not the best things come up.

They were concerned.

And they didn't think I was
making the best decision and--

- To move here?
- Yeah.

We met beginning of May,

and then the next weekend
he flew me out here.

- Mm-hmm.
- And I got to know a lot of,

you know, his friends,
and I think that was

actually--that might
have been the first time

I had an interaction
with your children.

- Oh, wow.

So after a week?
Okay.

[tense music]

All right.

- I think that weekend was--

I remember that weekend was,
like, Mother's Day.

- Per our agreement,
Thomas isn't allowed

to introduce our children
to any romantic prospects.

I follow all of the rules,
and there are plenty.

I slip up even once,
I can't see my kids.

He can do anything he wants,
and he still has full custody.

Does that say anything about the
way things work in Charleston

regarding men with money?

Look, the choices he makes
as a father, as a co-parent,

that's out of my hands.
- Yeah.

- What is in my hands
is what I can do

to make it work on...
- Yes.

- Whatever level I can,
and that is meeting you.

You know, if there's a chance
where he, you know,

thinks that he can have
a serious relationship...

- Yeah.
- I mean, I really hope that.

It took me years
and a lot of crazy, crazy fights

to realize that those fights
got me absolutely nowhere.

For the children's sake, they--

the less, like, people coming in
and out of his life...

- Absolutely.
- The less transition.

The more consistency
in any manner

is truly, like,
all I care about.

- I think that is so mature.

- And for the first time
I feel like I'm okay.

I don't need to respond.
I'm good.

[soft dramatic music]

I'm glad you came.

- This was probably
the best part of my week.

♪ ♪

- Coming up...

Are you gonna pump and dump?

- What does that mean,
pump and dump?

- If you, like, drink alcohol--
- You have to pump it out.

- The alcohol goes in the milk?
- Yeah, girl.

- Wouldn't that help
the baby sleep?

[jazzy hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

- How did that go?

- It was good.
It was fun.

- Whew.
- Hi.

- Hello, ladies.
- Hi, baby.

- Aww, my two adorable
pregnant friends.

- Oh, god.

- Hi, P.

- Will you guys be offended
if I get a glass of wine?

both: No.
- I'll freaking...

- Taste it?
- ...praise God.

- I'll probably be able
to smell it from across here.

Like, it's--

- You're not gonna get sick,
are you?

- No, no, I don't get sick
from smells anymore.

- Leva is one of
my best friends,

and the fact that we are able
to be so close in pregnancy

together is just
such a blessing

because Leva and her husband

have been trying
for a while.

No wine.
Is there a baby in the oven?

- Not yet.

So how was the shower?
Sorry, I busted my foot.

- Oh, it was--it was eventful.
She hurt her toe...

- Yeah, where were you?
- So she couldn't come.

- That's a little dramatic.
[laughter]

Do you guys want to
at least smell it?

- Yes.

- [exhales]
It smells so good.

- You get that grapefruit--
- Citrusy.

- Stone fruit.

[laughter]

- I can't wait.

Oh, my God,
it's gonna taste so good.

Are you gonna pump and dump?

- I'm gonna do whatever
makes me work.

- What does that mean,
pump and dump?

- If you, like, drink alcohol
or you have something

you're not supposed to have...
- And you're breastfeeding.

- Or you're...
- You have to pump it out.

- The alcohol goes in the milk?
- Yeah, girl.

- Wouldn't that help
the baby sleep?

- Probably.

- Yeah.
[laughter]

- You have, what, just--
- 3 1/2.

- Oh, my God.
- Three weeks?

- So she could really
come any time.

I'm, like, waiting for
my hormones to kick in.

I feel like a coldhearted bitch.

But I think my fear is gone.

I think I was looking at it
the wrong way completely.

- When you think
of having a child,

are you gaining something,
or are you giving up something?

- I feel like
I'm giving up something.

Just because you have a baby,

it doesn't mean that
your life ends.

- Right.
- It's just a different life.

- It enhances it.

- Maybe it's my hormones.

I just feel so calm.

Like, I haven't--
I haven't really freaked out.

I'm probably gonna be a lunatic
when she's born though.

- Yeah, God.

-I think this is, like,
the nurturing, centered Cam.

- Maybe.

- You guys need to have

an arranged marriage
for these kids.

- I know.

Little Lamar and Palmer
sitting in a tree.

[upbeat bluegrass music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, T-Dog.
- Hey!

Look who it is.
- Hey, T-Man.

Hey, bubbies.
Hey.

- What you got?

- Brought some beer,
your favorite.

- That's it?
What are you drinking?

- Two beers, and
I have a hangover.

- All right,
I'm gonna go over here

and get this line in the water.

You get the pole.
I got some bait.

- You're the master baiter.

- Don't even go there.
- [laughs]

My parents divorced
when I was three,

but they stayed close friends
after the divorce,

so I got really lucky.

That's probably inappropriate
to say to your father.

- I think I've said things worse
than that to you, haven't I?

- Probably.

After the divorce,
my dad moved to Atlanta.

And every other weekend
we would drive to Augusta

and meet at the Hooters.

And that was our halfway.

I had a lot of birthdays
and, like, holidays at Hooters.

They knew us by name.

What do you think we're gonna
catch with cut mullet?

- A bigger mullet.

Did you say you got some beer?
- You want to crack one?

- Oh, I got you--
I got you a present too.

- You did?
- Yup.

- Makes me nervous.

What's in that?
- [laughs]

I got your favorite.
- My favorite?

- Yeah, little bit of tequila.

- You brought tequila?
- Yeah.

- I love my mom,
but she was just, like, tough.

But my dad is my best friend.

- [laughs]
- Oh.

- Oh, come on.
- It's so bad.

Oh, my God.
Ew!

He's always been more of
a friend than a father figure,

and I tell him
probably more than

I tell some of my girlfriends.

I don't know. We've just
always been super close.

- So, um, how's my boy
Austen doing these days?

- I mean, we don't hang out
as much as we used to.

There's women around him
all the time.

- Yeah, well, he's young,
good-looking, and in Charleston.

How can you avoid that?

- That's the problem
with this town.

It's too easy.
- It's too easy?

- Yeah.

With Austen and I,
it was hard for everyone

because it's like losing
a member of the family,

especially with my family.

Like, they take you in,
and you're one of us.

And one of the big things
that my dad's taught me

is to try to remain friends
even if it's hard

'cause life is too short.

- What else is going on?

- I've noticed everyone my age

is, like, married, kids.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Already divorced.

- Yeah.
- Getting remarried.

And I just worry that, like,

I'm gonna be 40 years old,

and I'm still gonna be
in this, like,

not wanting to settle down mode.

- Are you enjoying yourself?
- Yeah.

- I mean, not everybody's
meant to be married,

and not everybody's meant
to have kids, you know?

- But you know that
that would bother you.

- [blows raspberry]

It wouldn't bother me
probably as much as you think.

- Really?
- I've got three kids.

As long as one of them
has a kid, I'm good.

Tyson's my grandbaby.

[both laugh]

- Coming up...

- What is this?

Are we, like, training how
to put a condom on with bananas?

- I should take that class.
[laughter]

[upbeat jazzy music]

- Oh, my gosh,

I haven't been
downtown in so long.

- Hey, ladies, welcome.
- Hi, how are you?

- Doing well.
- I never valet.

- Checking in?
- Yes, ma'am.

It's a reservation under Dennis.

I haven't had a girls night

or even really
a group of girlfriends

since I was probably 19.

- So are you excited
for tonight,

dinner and chilling here?

- I think having a group
of girlfriends

is a hell of a lot better
than a sh--y boyfriend.

- This place is pretty big.
- Oh, this is us.

Whoa.
- Oh.

- That ----ing hand is weird.
- It's kind of creepy.

It's art.

Let's gather all the pillows.

- Oh!
[laughs]

♪ ♪

- I want to hear all about
this, um, lunch you had.

- It went well. I didn't really
go in with any expectations

other than getting
to know her, you know?

- Did Thomas give you
her number?

- Yeah.
I figured I'd ask him

because you know
how paranoid he is.

He probably would have
thought that, like,

if I sent her
a message on Facebook

or something directly without
mentioning anything to him,

that I was going
behind his back,

which I guess is what
they did, but, you know.

- You're being so mature
about it though.

- At least I know
who's around my children.

At least I know now.

- The new Kathryn.

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- A little strong.

That's pretty weak.

Hey.

- I want to show you
what just came in the mail.

- What's that?

- For the bachelorette party
I'm going to?

- Uh-huh?
- They're called mug shot.

Like--like, this will be mine.

♪ ♪

We hold it like this
with a serious face.

I mean, you know, You had to do
a mug shot once, right?

[soft laugh]

[laughing]
- You know what?

I don't know if
I want you going to this party.

- Oh!
- You've done an--

- Okay, I found mine!
I found my mug shot.

- Gold digger?

- This is it.
- Okay.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Can you be quiet a second?

- Wait--oh, I could give this.

- "Baby mama?"

- Speaking of baby mama--
- Kathryn?

- Yup.
- And?

- I would say I left lunch
with her yesterday

pleasantly surprised.

- Mm-hmm?

- I was coming in as this woman

that I know that
she's threatened by.

- Mm-hmm.

- She was very friendly.
- Yeah.

- She was very kind.
- Right.

- And as the mother
of your children...

- Uh-huh?
- I can only respect her.

- Mm-kay.

I think that's what we should
strive for, cordiality.

- So you've got
boys' night tonight?

- Yup.

- All the single boys?
- Mm-hmm.

- I get worried because
you're such a stud.

And I don't blame other women

for wanting to throw
themselves at you.

It's not that I don't trust you.
I don't trust them.

- I asked Ashley to move
to Charleston because, you know,

I was tired of having these
meaningless relationships,

but I need a little space.

I mean, I'm not
a piece of meat here.

I have--I have feelings.

- God, do you?
- That's what I tell them.

[soft chuckle]

[upbeat music]

- Damn, I'm ready for dinner.
Like, this is making me hungry.

- Disturbing statue.

[knocking on door]
That's so funny.

- What up?
- Hi, come on in.

What's up?
- This is a hotel room?

- Yeah.
- This is fricking awesome.

- It's, like, bigger
than my apartment.

- What is this?

Are we, like, training how
to put a condom on with bananas?

- I should take that class.
[laughter]

- Where can I sit?

There's, like,
sheets everywhere.

- Sit--no, that's the point.
- It's a fort.

- You sit on
the floor with pillow.

- Why, when there's furniture?
[doorbell chimes]

- We have a doorbell?
- There's a doorbell?

- Coming, coming.
- This place is sick.

- Welcome.
- Hi.

- Come on in.

- You look so pretty,
oh, my gosh.

- How are you?
- Good.

- Good to see you.
- Hey.

- What up, friend?

- Oh, this is a nice,
comfy setup.

This banana placement
is incredible.

- Do you need a beverage?
- I'm not ready at all.

I have no makeup.
- Get ready.

- Have you spoken to Liz
since the baby shower?

- Yeah.
I mean, I've talked to Liz.

I mean, I'm not
gonna lie to you.

You walking in with him
was a shock.

- It was jarring.
It was jarring.

- It didn't make any sense,

because the conversation--
- I understand.

But it doesn't have to make
any sense to anybody, because...

- Sure.
- That's our relationship.

- I think Liz is trying
to hold her relationship

with JD together,
especially 'cause

they have four kids,
and I understand that.

But I will never be okay,
you know, with him.

- We deserved a text message.
- Exactly.

Just give a heads up
and explain why you're coming.

- Yeah, not total shock
when we're like, "What?"

- Yeah, but whatever.

I mean, listen, it's her life

if that's what she wants to do,
but I can't, like,

keep putting
my neck on the line.

- Let her deal with it now.

She made you look like
a jackass,

so, you know,
you learned your lesson.

- I did.
- I'm hungry as sh--.

Let's go.
- Let's go eat.

- Coming up...

- I heard you had a date

with our new friend Peyton.

- Oh, God.

Why you got to bring that up?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, how we doing?
- Good, how are you?

- Um, I'm gonna be meeting
some people up here,

so I guess I'll just grab
one of these high-tops.

♪ ♪

- Hello.
- What's up, buddy?

- Hey, buddy.
- First to arrive.

- I know.
- Look at you.

Are you turning over,
like, a new leaf or--

- I'm just sick of Shep

being able
to talk sh-- about stuff.

Thank you.
- Yes!

Oh, (BLEEP) guys.
- (BLEEP) What's up, bro?

- How's it going?
- Look at that jacket.

- Good to see you.
- You too.

I didn't know you were coming.
- Oh, yeah.

- Sir.
All right, we ready?

- Let's do it.
- You been working out?

You look cut, bro.
- Thanks, pal.

- A shot and a beer.
- Ah, this is nice.

Hey, gentlemen.
- Oh, Shepard.

- I'll be your waiter tonight.
I'm Shep.

Bonjour!
- Bonjour!

- Should we do some shots?
- Yes.

- I'm just going
to the bathroom.

- So the main thing
is that, you know,

Craig has been telling us
all that he's single.

- Yeah.

- I want to reintroduce him
to the wild.

- I mean, I think
it's a fine idea.

I just wonder if
he's got the ----ing nuts

to ----ing make it happen.

- And that's the thing.

I don't want to say that the
best way for Craig to get over

Naomie is to get
under someone else,

but the best way is to
just start introducing him

to as many girls as possible.

- We have a shot of Espolon.
- I don't do shots.

- Okay.
- Hey, Megan. Megan!

- Would you like to take the
shot that Whitney won't take?

- Come, come.
Blonde, brunette, redhead.

What do you like?
What do you want?

All right, gentlemen,
it's good to see you all.

I'm glad we can all have
a night out together.

- Cheers.
- All right.

- Cheers.

[electronic music]

- Party of four?

- Yes.
Thank you so much.

- No problem.
Y'all enjoy.

- Thank you.
- This is awesome.

Look how beautiful our city is.

- All right, menus.
- Yeah.

I'm really excited
for some cheese.

- Hi.
- Good evening.

- How are we doing tonight?
- We're doing all right.

- Excellent. I'm Matt.
I'll be your server tonight.

- Hi, Matt.
- Hi, Matt.

Can we get a bottle
of the Massican sauvignon blanc?

- You sure can.
- Do you have, like, Modelo?

- I have Pacifico.
- Let's do that.

- Anything?
- I'm okay, thank you.

- Of course, just the water.
Be right with y'all.

- Are you still on Bumble?

- Oh, my God, I forgot to tell
you, I saw Austen on Bumble.

- I can't tell you
how many times...

- And I just clicked match
to make him feel awkward.

- I have busted his ass
on Bumble dates.

- Is Bumble the girl one?
- I don't know.

- A week and a half ago.

- What?
- With Todd?

- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.

- You dirty, dirty girl.
- Hey, time out, time out.

- Wait-wait-wait,
y'all are still hooking up?

How many times have y'all
since you broke up?

- Three.
- Who cares.

- I mean, I kind of
just needed--

- I don't know you do that.

- I'm sorry.
- I know, I'm so sorry you--

- No worries.
- Like--

Yes, perfect.
- Oh, my God.

- So what about you?
It can't be that much longer.

- Okay.
Um...

- Three weeks?
Two weeks?

- Six months.

- Shut the--
- Damn.

- Six months?
- Yeah.

Well, listen, because
towards the end

Craig and I were fighting
so much that, like,

I don't want to have sex
with you if I'm mad at you.

- You got that good vibrator.

[playful tone]

- I don't even--
I don't even u--

- Oh, sorry, I gotta taste--
- Can you taste this wine?

- How have you not?
Oh, my God.

Mine's even waterproof.
It goes with me everywhere.

[laughter]

- Hi.
- Hello.

- How are you?
- What's going on?

- Oh, my God.
- How are y'all?

- Pretty good.
- I'll--I'll come over.

- Oh, my God.
- I'll come over.

- Oh, well,
I'll talk to your friends.

- Everyone's just gonna snake
all of the girls

that I'm trying
to push onto Craig.

- Here's--here's your approach.

- This is Thomas'
surefire way to meet women.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Go.

- 'Cause they like boldness.

Go right there in front of
everybody, even her boyfriend,

"Excuse me, but I would
like to meet you."

All you want to do is meet her.

The best way to meet
a girl is cut in

on her when she's dancing.

Cut in.
Do a little cut.

- I would never, ever do that.

Thomas is unrelentingly Thomas.
That's just what he does.

I mean, I've never seen him
do anything different.

- Unfortunately, we are
from two different eras,

and sh-- changed.

So now the thing that used
to be gentlemanlike back then,

now some people
would think you're a creep.

- No, no, you got to know
how to work it.

And before you know it,
they will come to you.

- Even though that
Thomas thinks that it's

the year, you know, 1932...

- A good way to get punched too.

- With his style of game,

it's still better than Craig's.

It's not the worst advice.

- When was the last time
you talked to Craiggers?

- At the shower, and
we got in a huge fight.

Even broken up,
we still find a way to fight.

I just see red
when Craig says one thing

'cause I have
zero patience with him.

He could be like,
"The sky's blue,"

and I'd be like,
"(BLEEP) you!"

But then he sent me a rant
this long at 2:30 a.m.

- Telling you he still
loves you?

- I mean, like,
he still doesn't understand

why, like, we didn't work

because technically we're,
like, two people that, like,

really do love each other, but--

- You need to talk.
- Yeah.

- Remember when you said you had
a tracker on Craig?

- How do you do that?

- You steal his phone
when he's asleep,

and you turn
on location indefinitely.

- I love it!
- I'm crazy, y'all.

So I suffer from PEG syndrome.

It's called
Psycho Ex-Girlfriend.

You stalk their
Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook,

any Google search you can find.

You look at all of it.

Right now he's--
he is on the corner

of St. Phillip and Spring
at Warehouse.

- That's a good sh--.

- Do you think they're
sitting around the table

right now
discussing relationships?

- Craig, join us!
Craig, come here. Join us.

- You're gonna make me
do this by myself?

- Yes.

- This is literally the most
hellish night of my life.

- What, why is meeting a bunch
of pretty girls hellish?

- Okay, all right.

- Until I'm sure that
Naomie and I are actually done,

I don't think I'm ready
to sleep with anyone else.

- Yes, he went to
College of Charleston...

- I transferred--
- Undergrad and law school.

And he passed the bar.
He's on the up-and-up.

- I'm not ready to be the one
that throws away,

you know, the last three years
we had together.

- He's an Adonis.
Look at him.

- Oh, my...

- Wow, okay.

I can do it.
Can you do it?

- Here you go.
- Probably not.

- Clearly y'all can do it.

- Maybe in two...
- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- Did you just do--okay.

[coughs]
- [coughs]

- Pork belly.

- Got to make room.
- Thank you.

- What's it looking like
at the bar up there?

- The bar?
- Oh. [soft laugh]

- Do you see any
good-looking men up there?

- It's all old people.
- Oh.

- Okay.

- I heard that.
- Ladies.

♪ ♪

- All right,
we ready to move on?

- I got my wallet.
I got my cell phone.

I got my (BLEEP).
- [laughs]

- Uh...
- What's up?

- I heard you had a date

with our new friend Peyton.

- Oh, God,
why you got to bring that up?

I don't--you know...
- Did y'all bang?

- No, no, absolutely not.
- I know you hooked up.

- No.
- No ----ing way.

Nobody watches a movie after
dinner and doesn't make out.

- I'm serious.

Shep had his chance
with Peyton, and he blew it.

He can check his jealousy
at the door.

- Would you tell me if you did?
- Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you know, I mean,

clearly the cat's
out of the bag.

- What cat?

- Oh, thank you, sir.
- Thank you.

- [chuckling] Hi.

- Shep is on it already.
(BLEEP), look at him.

- Hi, Tiffany. How are you?
Nice to meet you.

- Ladies, this is
my friend Craig.

- Hi, guys. Nice to meet you.
I'm Craig.

- I'm Sarah.

- What brings you to Charleston,
or do you live here?

- Congrats.

- Where's everyone coming from?

- Oh, that's--
that's a travel.

All right, cool,
nice meeting you.

- Yeah.

Uh-oh, okay.

- Are you coming?

- Hey, guys,
let's call it a night.

- Shep, let's roll.

- Coming up...

- I tried to give you a chance.

- To give me a chance?
- Yes.

[playful music]

♪ ♪

- [laughs]
I do that all the time.

- How are you?
- Good. Good to see you.

- It's really nice in here.
- Yeah?

- I like it.
- Have a seat.

- Okay.
- What do you want to do?

You need a neck shave
like no one's business.

- Yeah.
It's really long.

Yeah, we had a--
a guys' night last night.

- What'd you do?

- I think I just laughed a lot.
- That's funny.

We had, like,
a girls' night last night.

- Did you?
- And I laughed a lot too.

- Yeah.
[laughter]

- I wonder what
the guys are doing.

- Naomie can find out.
- I'll tell you where they are.

Hold on.
Oh, they're at Stars.

- That's so awesome.
- Told you, I know all the time.

- Well, have you been, like,
out seeking women,

or you feel like
you're still kind of

getting past the break-up?

- Well, I told her, I was like,
"Look, like,

"I need to know
whether I have to get over you

"and move on with my life

or, you know, if you want
to give this another shot."

- Well, can y'all not
sit down and have, like,

an adult conversation
about that?

- We talk about doing
that all the time,

but she does not like to talk.
[cell phone chimes]

- Is that her texting you?
[cell phone chimes]

I'm so nosy.
[laughs]

- What does that say?

- "I wish we could just
talk in person."

You need to talk to her.

- Yeah, before I hang out
with girls, go out with anyone--

- Y'all got to be--yeah.
- I want to know where we're at.

- Yeah.

All right, are you happy
with your hair?

- Yes.

- Now's a good time
to meet with Naomie

'cause you have
a clean neckline.

All right, let's get
this off your neck.

- Thank you.

You think Naomie
will take me back now?

- You better go see her
right now

before you mess up your hair.
- 'Cause of my prettier haircut?

[ambient dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Hi, how are you?

Can I just have a table
for two, please?

- Yeah.
- Perfect.

I'm really tired of being mad

all the time about anything
to do with Craig.

I don't want to feel
that way anymore.

Yeah. Thank you.
- Yeah. Be right back.

- No problem.

[soft dramatic music]

- Hey.

What's up?
- Hey.

How are you?
- Good. How are you?

- Good.
- Yeah?

- Good to see you.
- You too.

- You smell good.
- Thank you.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

- A Kosh or a Kolsch,
however you say it?

- Kolsch.
- Yeah.

both: Kolsch.

- Um, well, thanks for coming
to meet me.

- Of course.
I don't know.

We're so nice to each other
when we're texting.

And then when we do
see each other,

we can't help but fight.

But if you wanted
to get back together, like,

I would love that.

- Craig, I don't know.
- But how do you not know?

- Because I'm not sure that
the changes that I know

that we both, like,
want to happen can happen.

- Well, I can do a lot more.

I'm getting a life coach
because I am...

- You're getting a life coach?

- Yeah, because I want
to be more productive.

I want to--I don't want
to stay up as late as I do

and wake up as late as I do.

- If you're really, really,
really

gonna change
your lifestyle and get help,

I mean, that's amazing,
but I can't, like,

get back together with you until
I see you doing it. I can't--

- All right, cool, but then
we're not getting back together.

It's very simple.

- I'm not just gonna base

getting back together
off of your words

'cause I based everything off
your words, and it didn't work.

- So you're not even gonna try?

- I spent three years with you
telling me all this bullsh--,

and it made me
cling onto something

that wasn't even there.
Really? You're laughing?

- Yeah, because I remember
passing the bar.

I said I was gonna
graduate law school.

I graduated law school. I said I
was gonna take and pass the bar.

I got in the top 93 percentile
of the entire ----ing country.

I said I was gonna buy
a rental property.

I bought a rental property.

So, those are three big life
accomplishments that I did,

so tell me the things
that I said

I was gonna do that I didn't do.

- You were gonna get up
in the morning

and be a productive
member of society.

- See?

Like, something like that,
that's attacking.

- I cannot live my life
the way that you live your life.

- You only focus
on the negative.

- Let me talk. Let me talk.
- Look at that tone. Okay.

- I can't get
a word in with you.

- You want to quit
this relationship.

You want to puss out,
and you don't want to try,

and you're trying
to convince yourself--

- Because you're all talk,
no action.

- That is awful.

- God, you make me so mad
I could cry.

- Because you're trying to

convince yourself
not to be with me.

- No, I'm not trying
to convince myself--

- Okay, then we're not together.
Naomie, then we're done.

- No sh-- we're not together,
Craig. I'm just saying--

- Okay, then why are
we even doing this?

I tried to give you a chance.

- To give me a chance?
- Yes.

You look at me like the devil,

and I haven't done
anything wrong.

- You will never, ever, ever,

ever be accountable
for anything.

- Yes, I do.
- You will always deflect.

You will always
blame other people.

- But you're trying to find
something wr--

- You will always talk over!

It doesn't--it doesn't matter.

There are things wrong,
and I'm not okay with them,

and you cannot see it,

and that's why
we're not together, okay?

- You just tear me down
and tell me what's wrong with me

every day
instead of encouraging me.

And so now that
I see your behavior,

I don't want to be
with you anymore

unless you can work on
your negativity problems.

- After this conversation, I

feel a lot better about
us being not together.

- Well, that's good, Naomie.

I hope that--
I hope you figure stuff out.

- And I'm sorry because
I love you, but

you just don't get it,
and I'm sorry for that.

I'm sorry that I'm so angry.
I will say that.

- Yeah, me too.
It sucks.

And I don't know
what you're angry about.

I think you're angry
because you can't figure out

a reason we're not together.

- You can't really say
that seriously.

Craig...

- And so there's no point
in me talking, because

we live on different planets.
- Okay.

- All I want to do is spend my
life with you, but you--you--

I mean, you can't
help someone that's--

Oh, okay.

♪ ♪

So I guess that means
we're not getting back together.

[music broods]

- On the next episode
of "Southern Charm"...

But you dropped me
on my head when I was a baby.

- I did not.
- You let me fall off the bed.

- Oh.

- I'd like to explore

the possibility
of making my own beer.

- Do you have recipes?
- No.

- Do you have a brewer?
- I don't want to hear.

- Craig said Peyton was, like,
the first girl that he felt

like there could be
anything at all with.

- I'm trying to breathe
normally right now.

I'm so ----ing pissed.

Let me get her address
and her entire

extended family's address.

- Peyton, you do not
look like yourself.

- That's what I love
about Halloween.

- Where are the kids
gonna be for Halloween?

- I'm taking them
trick-or-treating.

Ashley said
we should invite you?

- You went after Shep.
It didn't work.

Then you tried Austen,
maybe Craig,

just shooting darts
to see what stuck.

- I'm not trying Craig!

You have something against me,

and I feel like
it has to do with Craig.

- It has everything to do
with the fact that

you're a ----ing thirsty bitch.

- For more "Southern Charm"
go to bravotv.com...

[bell dings]