All language subtitles for Southern.Charm.S04E04.Shepwrecked.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

- Previously on
"Southern Charm"...

- I wanna do this exhibition
polo match,

and I want your involvement.
- [giggles]

- Just as T-Rav and Landon were
gearing up to play house,

Kathryn was home getting her
life back on track.

- He has full custody?
- Mm-hmm.

- I just have to, like,
keep working

and showing that
I am taking responsibility.

- And while my plan of playing
Cupid

was finally paying off...

I heard you and Shep had a
little spend-the-night party.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

Were you nake?

Craig and Naomie inched toward
relationship meltdown.

- I'm getting f---ed.

- You're not getting f---ed.
You f---ed yourself.

- Oh, you're gonna do that,
Naomie?

- Meanwhile, Shep can't seem to
get enough of the ladies,

which made it easy for his
protégé to swoop right in.

- What's your type?
- Blondeish hair, like,

hazel eyes.

If you haven't noticed, it's,
like, 100% describing you.

- Wow.

- Jesus Christ.

[Mia Sable's "It's Easy"]

- * Mm-hmm,
he's got money *

* He's in magazines

* He's got more honeys

* Than any honeybee

* Ba-ba doo

* Ba-ba dee-ee-ee

* It's easy

* As the birds and the bees
and the one, two, threes *

* Mm-hmm

[upbeat music]

*

- Good morning.

You got your game face on?

Can you get the rest of what's
back here?

Thank you.

Do you know if Thomas has an
icemaker?

- The thing I love most about
hosting

is just getting everyone
together.

I love food and flowers and
cocktails.

It's just how I grew up.

We, you know, would have parties
pretty much

every weekend in the summer.

- So how are things going here?

- Good, we got Prosecco,
a bunch more Rosé.

Those are just some of my
happiest, fondest memories,

and hopefully one day I'll get
remarried and have a family

and all of that, and I want them
to be able to grow up

doing that same kind of stuff.

- Teeters and Gentry outside.

I set up a little bar out there
so people can get drinks.

- You're so resourceful.

- You got to be out here in the
country.

- Landon, she knows how to
entertain.

She's very good in the kitchen,

unlike some of the other women
I've dated in my life.

- This is a secret recipe.

Just a little bit of mayo.

I just threw in whatever I
thought would taste good.

'Cause I don't know what I'm
doing.

- You had the plastic caps for
the masses.

Now for the classes,
me and you

I'm gonna bring over some Le
Creuset crystal wine glasses?

- Yes.

- I need a woman who would
reflect positively

on the Ravenel name,
the Ravenel legacy,

and knows how to behave at a
polo match.

- What do you want to do right
now?

- I want to leave.
I'm done here.

I'm done with Thomas.
I'm done here.

- And Landon is that whole
package.

Ravenel just scored yet another
goal.

- [laughs]
Oh, my gosh.

- It works.

[upbeat funky music]

- You look like Colonel Sanders.

- Fried chicken.
- [laughs]

*

- Craig.

*

- Good morning, Chelsea.

Are you ready for a wonderful
day of polo?

- I'll be there in, like,
15 or 20.

- Sweet.

[upbeat jazzy music]

*

- There's a bar set up.

Make yourselves at home.

Hi.
How are you?

- Danni. Hi. You look great.
- Have you started yet?

- No, no, no.

Go up there and have a Rosé or
something.

- Welcome.
- We made it.

- I know. Did you find it?
- It's a pretty day.

- How's my baby, huh?

Can you say "polo"?
Polo.

- [mumbles]

- God, it's hotter than a June
bug in molasses.

- It's hotter than a June bride
in a feather bed.

[quirky music]

- Hi.
- Well, hello.

Don't you look nice.
- Well, thank you.

You do too.

- Surprise, surprise.

She looks even more beautiful
than she did

the last time that I saw her.

- Got a little pink going on.
- Yeah.

- I like it.
- I like it too.

- Good to see you.
- Yeah, you as well.

That makes me nervous.

Is it unlocked?

Have you ever been to a polo
match?

- All I know about polo is what
I saw on "Pretty Woman."

- [laughs]

Okay, so then you are from...

- Hilton Head.
- Really?

- Mm-hmm.
- Isn't that where Shep's from?

- Yep.
- Is there anything going on

between you and Shep?

- No.
Honestly,

we had a tiny makeout sesh.

- Oh, did you?

Shep makes out with everyone,
so...

- I mean, I think he's still an
idiot to some--to some degree.

- I would have to agree.

- Hi, friend.
- Eliza's playing today.

- Yeah.
- What time is it?

I don't have a watch or a phone.

- 3:00.
- 3:00.

- Okay, I need to go.
- Players are lining up.

This is Brookland and...
- Let me see.

- Thomas Ravenel.

- Let's go.
- These horses are so majestic.

- Did you just say the horses
look majestic?

- Yeah.

- Here, Saint, go to Uncle
Whitney.

- Whitney, hold him.
It'll be good for your image.

- Whitney, Whitney, hold him.

- Aww.
- [laughs]

- Do I--do I--do I--do I, like,
burp him, like, so...

- Whitney holding this baby,

it's like Whitney holding a
mop.

- Very sweet.
- He's never held one before.

So it's a little awkward.

Oh, my goodness.
You look pretty.

- You do too.

- Girl, we are out here sweating
like whores in church.

- Hello, hello.

- Hey, buddy.
- How are we?

- How's it going?
- Good to see you.

When did you get here?

- Whitney and I got here around
2:00, 2:00 p.m.

- Okay, you drove.

- I drive always.

- Oh, you drove together?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Hey, how we doing?

- You sounded like Shep behind
me.

I'm, like...
- Oh, boy.

- Shep's at a wedding.

- They're setting up.
They're setting up.

And it is a goal.

- Have you been watching much
polo, or...

- Uh...to me, it's the horses
run this way,

then the horses run this way,

then they swing the little
thing.

- Hey.
- Hi, sweetie.

- Nice to see you.

- Oh, hey, guys.
- Oh, goodness.

- Hi.
- How are you doing?

- I live for this stuff.

You ready for a drink?

We got some hooch out back.

- Landon, you know, she--she
really fits right in

to the whole role of Mrs.
Ravenel, I think.

I think she's already gotten--
gotten used to this life.

- Why is nobody eating?

- I would love some of that mac.

And I'll have a piece of corn.

- Oh, my word.

- Yeah, let's do some wings.

- Yeah, let's do some...
- But...

- Some drums.
- Hey, Whitney.

Are you gonna eat?

- In the sun? Yes.

- Yo, I cannot sit in the sun.

- No, let's go up here on the
porch.

- You turn it, and then you just
push that down.

And then you do this.

- Thank you.

- T-Rav shows you how easy it is
for him.

- Yes.

- Does this gross you out?

- Girl, is that supposed to
gross me out,

or is that supposed to, like,
get me going?

- It's all over you.
[laughs]

- It's a barbecue.

- Come on.

- Look how long my arms are.

I could slap you in the face
from here.

Friends.

- Are y'all finished roasting
out there?

- Oh, my God.

Are you two enjoying a romantic
date?

- This is our first date.

- Your first date?
- Yeah.

- Oh, no.

Heck, yeah, this is a little
shady.

I mean, isn't this breaking bro
code?

You show up with a girl that
you know a friend of yours is

possibly pursuing.

I mean, I wouldn't touch that
with a ten-foot pole.

- What's gonna happen
afterwards?

- We don't know yet.

- Eliza's there to defend,

and she's pushing Thomas away
from the ball

getting the bigger man out of
the way.

That's the way it's done.
Well done, Eliza.

- [shouting indistinctly]
- What are the yelling about?

- Who knows?

- Beautiful, beautiful shot down
the field.

[air horn blares]

And that will end the second
chukker; we have a halftime.

- Has anything exciting happened
here?

- [laughs]

- Let's go down and see Thomas.

- Okay.
- He's at the tent.

- Oh, my God.

- Good boy.

- How's it going?
- Oh, it's going good.

- Well done. Are y'all taking it
easy on Liza?

- Well, hello.
- Hey, what's going on, man?

- Good to see you.
- Yeah, you as well.

- All right, yeah, thanks.

- I wanted to give Austen a
little rundown

on the rules here.

- The main thing is, you don't
want to cross the line.

Yeah, I can cross the line if
I'm, like, 100 yards ahead...

- Yeah.

- Or 50 yards if the horse is
going really slow.

- Ahh, come on, now.
How's it going?

- Need some more water.
What's up, fellas?

Was this a high school thing?
When did you start playing?

Like, do they have it in high
school down here?

- I actually started late in
life.

- Do you have a ball here?
I want to try.

- I've got, like, a little
mallet.

- How heavy is this ball?
- I got, like, a hand mallet.

And it's PVC and--
- There's the babies.

There's the babies.

- Hi.
- Oh, yeah.

- Kensie.
- Yeah.

You guys going?

- All right.

I'll chat with y'all later.

I mean, at halftime, I try to
collect my thoughts,

not chitchat with everybody.

- I--I do--I just, like...

I can't entertain everybody
right now,

too fixated on the game.

[tense music]

Yeah.
- Thank you.

*

- How big a lead do we need?
Seven?

- Very f---ing confused.

- Is that a score?

- I'm really curious.

- Dude, that didn't bother you
guys as much

as it bothered me, huh?

- I don't know.
Thomas is Thomas.

- Dude, whatever.

What if this was Kathryn?

Would they have cared then,
you know?

'Cause I feel like they would
have chewed her out over this,

but if it's Thomas, they're just
like, "All right,

he can do whatever he wants"?

I'm very fortunate.

I had two parents that f---ing
loved me, but, like...

- What's he talking about?

- I mean, could you imagine if
your dad didn't say bye to you,

how you would f---ing end up?

- Well, I mean, that happened to
me a lot growing up,

so I think I'm doing okay,
but I get it; I get it.

This could just simply come down
to a northern-southern thing,

and Craig just doesn't
understand social protocol.

It's okay.
- Craig, what are you talking

about parents loving you?

- [laughs]
- What?

- The babysitter was taking the
kids out,

and Kensie's, like, screaming,
and she's like,

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,"

and he's, like, telling us about
polo.

And so I was like, "Yo, T.,"
I was like,

"The babies are out there,"
and he, like, ignored me.

Like, she was calling your
name, and he goes,

"I can't please everyone.

I can't please everyone."

I don't know. Whatever.
It was sh---y to see.

And she was ten feet away.

- Don't let it affect you.

- You don't make a fit for
a year about getting your kids,

and then you have a chance
to finally see them...

- I think, quite frankly,
Craig has enough going on

in his own life.

He needs to refocus that energy
on wanting to help

and fix others onto himself
for sure.

- [laughs]

[air horn blares]
- Oh, sh--.

- Ooh, that was thrilling.

- Oh, my God.
I need to catch my breath...

- Calm down.
- Oh, my God.

- I can't wait to take these
boots off.

They're so uncomfortable.

- Wait, is the game over?

Who won?
- Thomas' team.

- Thomas' team won.
It's rigged.

- You guys ready?

Well, let's leave in, like,
ten minutes.

- Thomas is, like, ignoring his
kids, and just...

- He's ignoring them?
- Yeah, like...

- No, he was--at the time, he
was sitting down.

- Craig hates it when people
meddle in his life,

but this is exactly what he
does all the time.

Nobody likes a meddler.

- I don't like being around it.

I don't need to be at your house
anymore.

- Okay, well...

- All right, where's the
Gentry bourbon?

- Hey, Thomas.

- How you doing?
- Hi, there.

And this is my friend Josh.

Oh, yeah, I would hug you,
but...

- Oh, my God.

- Coming up...

- Was Chelsea at Craig's thing?

- We saw her talking to Austen
at the Thompson polo match.

[upbeat jazzy music]

*

- What do you want?

Not for you, doggy.

- Hey, buddy.

- Good mor--good morning.
- How's it going?

- Welcome back.

- You little spud.
- He's lost weight.

I think he's lost, like, 60
pounds.

- No, he hasn't.

- What did you get into last
night?

- The Commodore.

I'm so drunk.

- Have you gone to sleep yet?

- Yeah, I went to sleep for
about five hours.

But anyway, my birthday's this
weekend.

I'm turning 37.

[laughs and sobs]

No, I'm kidding.
I'm gonna be fine.

I wonder where all the years
went.

I've been having a lot of fun.

And you're obviously cordially
invited.

- Thank you very much.
Thank you.

- But 40 is a good age to sort
of take stock

if you do want to have a family,

and I've got three years before
I start panicking.

- Who are you inviting?
- You know me.

I've invited everybody.

I even invited Kathryn.

- Good.
I hope she shows up.

[laughter]

- I'm starving, Whitney.
Let's--

- I got white bread, butter,
American cheese.

- Let's do this.

Dude, I had such a good time in
that wedding I went to

up in New England.

- Any special ladies did you
meet there?

- This girl from LA.

She's hot.

But what did I miss?

Was Chelsea at Craig's thing?

- We saw her talking to Austen
at the Thompson polo match.

- Hold on.

What were they--what do you mean
they were hanging out?

- I don't know.
I mean, I just--

I have no f---ing idea.

- Was it, like, a thing?

- They seemed to be a bit cozy
there.

- Yeah?
- So maybe you've got some

competition, bro.

[upbeat music]

*

- Dan.
- Yeah.

- Do you want a beer?
- Where are you going?

- I am meeting up with a lady
tonight, Chelsea,

so we're going to have kind of,
like,

low-key drinks at Home Team.

- Nice.

- Shepard kind of told me a
little bit, like,

"Oh, like, I'm--
I hung out with this girl."

And then Chelsea told me, she
was like,

"Yeah, like, you know, Shep and
I kissed or whatever,"

and she made it seem like it
wasn't a big deal.

And I was like, well, do I say
something to Shep?

Do I not say something to Shep?

You know, it's just--just bro
code, you know?

- He does not seem like the type
to really care--

- He's not hurting for
attention.

Mr. my-cup-floweth-over,

I'm taking this one from you.

- Probably give you a fist pump.

- All right, you're right.

I think it's all good.

- Are they hanging out more than
just talking at a polo match?

- I don't know.

- Yeah, I want to be in the
know.

That's my gripe with the whole
situation.

I left for five, six days,

and look who's sitting in my
chair.

- See, I think it will--I think
you're reacting--

I think you're a little jealous.

- I don't know; there's
something about that that...

- Dirty.
- Yeah.

- Kind of getting usurped by
your protégé.

[upbeat funky music]

*

- Thank you.

*

Hey.
- What's up, stranger?

- How you doing?
- Good. How are you?

- You look all fancy.
- Good to see you.

- Good to see you.
- I just didn't work all day.

Well, welcome back.
- Yeah, it's been a while.

I don't ever go out anymore.

- Anything to drink for us this
evening?

- I'm fine with water.

- I'll have a Diet Coke.

How have you been?

- I'm good. I'm happy.
- Really?

You look--look at you smiling.

- Yeah, I went to California,
got my head on straight.

- I miss you,
and it's good to see you.

- I know.
I miss you too.

How was your charity event?

- It was good.

- I really wanted to come.
I really did.

- Did you not want to see
Thomas?

- It's not that I didn't want to
see him.

It just didn't feel like the
right time.

- I'm proud of Kathryn for not
coming.

I don't think throwing yourself
into a very hostile

atmosphere of a bunch of people
that, you know,

you're not really on good terms
with, your ex-lover's there,

you know, and you're at bar,

it's just not where you should
be after rehab.

Thomas had a polo match.

Landon actually helped co-host
it.

And I think it makes her kind
of feel

like she's living her old life.

- Wow.

I've said for so long now that
Landon has wanted

and pursued behind the scenes a
relationship with Thomas.

- Oh, my God. I'm a victim. Ahh.

No, you're not a victim.
- A victim of what?

- You're a f---ing dumbass bitch
who got caught--

I'm so over this.
- Caught what?

Tell me what I got caught doing.

- Shut up.

I read people, and when I read
them, I'm right.

- Yeah, I had a horrible time.

- At the polo match?

- Yeah, so Thomas I guess had,
like,

just come off the field or
something,

and Thomas' back is like this.

And the new nanny, she's like,

"Thomas," like, "We're leaving,"
like, "The kids are leaving."

And then Kensie's like, "Daddy,
Daddy, Daddy."

And so I walk up to him, and I,
like, grab his ear, and I go,

"Go kiss f---ing Kensie good-bye
right now."

Like, get up, and go give your
daughter a kiss.

And he goes, "What do you want
me to do, please everyone?

I can't please everyone."

[tense music]

- I haven't really seen his
interactions with the kids in,

like, a long time, because I
have supervised visitation

every other weekend.

I recently passed a
court-ordered drug test,

and now I can see my babies two
weekends out of the month.

- What are you up to?

- Oh, we're doing the big
handoff.

- No, I don't want to go out
there.

- I'll take what I can get at
this point.

- You have a challenging road,
you know, ahead of you still

to get to the point where you
guys could have 50-50 or...

- Well, you know, I'm--I'm
seeing, like, a therapist,

and I'm gonna go to meetings
locally.

And we go back to Portland in,
like, five months.

It's very complicated for me to
understand,

to be honest with you.

Just all of the rules,
all of the different

consent things, you know?

- You just need to do what you
need to do.

- I know.
It's my life motto right now.

Whew.

- Coming up...

Have you ever looked at him and
said, "Craig,

I think you're fooling
yourself"?

- I'm just, like,
worried for him.

[upbeat jazzy music]

*

- And would you like a large or
a small?

- Small.
- Two of them?

- Yes.
- Okay.

- Hey, what's going on?

- How are you?
- You look great as always.

- You do too.
- Yeah, good to see you.

- You too, bud.

- God, right here in the middle
of...

- Oh, yeah.
- And you took the liberty of

getting the Game Changer
already?

- And I ordered you one.

- Hello, sir.
- You're an angel.

I'm doing well.
How are you doing?

- Got a Game Changer for you,
the the Grand Ma floater.

- Look at you.
- Yeah?

- Looking spiffy tonight.

- Well, cheers.

- It's strong.

I rode my bike, so I can drink
what I want.

- I think that you're drinking
that so quickly

'cause you're a little nervous.

- You think I'm nervous?

- I'm flattered if you're
nervous.

- [laughs]

- Is it getting hot in here or
what?

- Can we just, like, hang out
and get to know each other

a little bit?
- Yeah.

- When's your birthday?

- I'm a Gemini.

- I'm a Gemini.

- Whoa.

Do I get down on, like,
on a knee now, or...

- Are you into kids?

- Yeah, absolutely.

I always see myself with a
family.

But there is no rush.

- I like that answer.

- When you get out of, like,
a serious relationship

like I just did,
you tell yourself

that you never want to get into
another relationship.

- Enjoying the Game Changers?

- I'll take another.
- Can we get two more?

And then you meet a girl like
Chelsea,

and she just makes you question
the whole damn thing.

- How many one-night stands have
you had?

- Okay.

- We're getting to know each
other here.

I need to know everything.
- Let's rewind.

Like, two or three or four or
something like that.

Yeah, yeah, about three to
four...dozen.

- That's not bad.

For a guy, that's not a bad
number.

You're a lot different than
Shep.

Why do people relate the two of
you?

There's--I haven't seen
similarities.

- I would agree.

I have to be at work at 8:30.

I need a lot of time to sober up

before I try to cut someone's
hair.

- Let's go back to mine.

- What?
- Let's go back to mine.

- To your house?
- Yeah.

[upbeat music]

*

[line trilling]

- Shepard.

- Chelsea, how are you, darling?

- I'm dying.

- You're dying?
- Uh-huh.

- How--what's the prognosis?
[laughs]

- Oh, my gosh.
Where were you?

- Why don't you text me next
time?

- All right.

See, I don't really feel
competitive,

but before I went off to the
wedding

in Block Island, I hooked up
with Chelsea.

What happens with Chelsea
stays with Chelsea.

I'm just kidding.

- You're right about that!

- And then I took off,

and I wasn't exactly on my
phone, "How you doing?"

I kind of been needing a
haircut,

and maybe before my birthday we
can do that

if you've got the time tomorrow.

- Okay, and then we're having
some fun.

- Yeah.

- I just can't stand losing.

I hate it more than I like
winning.

- [laughs]
Yeah, you're a dinosaur.

- It makes me, like, a
prehistoric, like, Neanderthal.

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

*

[kettle whistling]

[phone rings]

- [sighs]

[laughs]

- Hey, Landon, it's Shep.

I am having a little birthday
boat cruise

tomorrow night from 6:00 to
9:00.

- After the feedback party...

- They were like, you said that
it's not about money.

"Wherever I go, everything's
taken care of anyway,"

and, "I hang out with
billionaires, not millionaires."

- I've never said that.

I am just not really that
interested in being

around him right now.

- Hey, what's up, Landon?

- I just got a voice mail from
Shep

inviting me to his--
his boat party tomorrow,

and I just wanted to see if you
and Naomie were gonna go.

- Well, that's the thing.

It's totally giving him fuel if
we don't go.

- I'm not Craig.

When have I ever had a
harebrained idea?

I've been very successful at
pretty much

everything I've ever done.

I mean, except my marriage,
but workwise,

careerwise, I've always crushed
it.

I just wish it wasn't on a boat,
so we could leave.

I'm already have, like,
anxiety of being trapped

on this thing for three hours.

- I don't know.
I'm a pretty good swimmer, so...

[laughs]

[upbeat jazzy music]

- All right, ladies,
right this way.

- We're ready.

- Hi.
- So nice.

- Hi.
- Hi, have a seat.

- Hi.
- Hey, I'm Naomie.

- Hi.

- I'm gonna do a French.

- Are you really getting French?
- French it up.

I used to always have French
tips,

and Whitney used to always make
fun of me

and say it was so trashy.

I saw him and Shep.

They were at Music Farm last
night.

- I thought Shep was in New
York.

- Oh, he's back.

I think we're all supposed to be
doing something

for his birthday this weekend.

- How old is he turning?
38?

- 37.
- 37?

- Shep is a juxtaposition.

He is highly, highly
intelligent.

- You would think he was, like,
22.

- I know.
I can't believe it.

But after 9:00 p.m.,

he has the mental equivalent
of an 8-year-old, maybe 9.

- Craig will be 29 in February.

- Will he?
- Yeah.

- He'll be 29?

- It's time to pick it up a
little bit.

- He said he's wanting to start
building, like,

a real estate portfolio.

- You know, I'm, like,
I'm 28 years old,

and I'm financially able to do
this,

and so I--I think it checks out.

- I--I mean, I'm assuming,
you know, about this.

- Anything but law.
[chuckles]

I just want him to find his
thing, like, his shtick.

Craig keeps telling me that's
law, so do it, but he...

- When Craig says that to you,
have you ever looked at him

and kind of just called his
bullsh-- and said,

"Craig, I don't think it's law,

and I think you're fooling
yourself"?

- He just can't handle being
asked about it,

and that's the hardest part for
me.

Like, I feel like it's kind of
my fault,

because it's--I give him this
safe space at home

where don't talk about any of
that stuff,

because it's unpleasant.

- You can't avoid something just
for the sake

of it being uncomfortable.

You know what I mean?

- Yeah, I'm just, like, worried
for him.

- I know.

- All I can do for my own sanity
is just trust,

give him another chance to,
you know,

prove himself wrong.

- I absolutely think that
Naomie is by far

the best thing that has ever
happened to Craig's life,

and I think if he does not
change his ways pretty soon,

she could be out that door very
fast.

Don't make it easy for Craig
because you love him.

- Yeah.
- Do you know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- Coming up...

- Honestly, I have a blast with
Austen.

- Who's a better kisser,
him or Shep?

[upbeat jazzy music]

*

- Shepard.

- Ahh, Miss Chelsea.

How are you?

- Good. How are you?
I missed you, bud.

- It's been so long.
- I know.

- I feel like I'm sort of a
stranger in a strange land.

- How long has it been since
you've had a haircut?

- It's been a while.

Whenever I see Chelsea for the
first time

and it's been a little while,
I'm like, "Ooh."

- This is the best part.
- Mmm.

I'm taking this as a challenge.

- I kind of like this look...
- Oh, God.

- Then have some wings back
here...

- I look like Craig.

- And just let this grow.

- This looks embarrassing,
and no,

I will not let you do this to
me.

- I love all these curls.

- Okay, then don't take them
off.

- I'm just shaping them up here.

- Okay.
- Do you have a date you're

bringing to your birthday party
tonight?

- No.

- You didn't meet any women at
that wedding you went to?

- No.

I'm super weird and picky.

- You're picky?

- I somehow get the reputation
that I'm sort of

the village bicycle,
but I'm not.

I'm very picky.

You didn't know that?
- Mm-mm.

- But some say at 2:00 a.m.
nobody's ugly.

Who were you with when you got
really drunk two nights ago?

- Austen.

- Are y'all romantically
involved now?

- Oh, we're just hanging out
getting to know each other.

- I had a good time tonight.
- I did too.

- Okay, good.

- You care who I'm smooching?

- Yes.

You need to keep me abreast of
anything that's going on

in your life.

- Does that mean you have to
keep me updated on what

you got going on?

- Sure.

I'm not going home with a girl
every night.

- That's the Shep I know.

[upbeat music]

- Getting all dolled up?

- Trying.
Thank you for coming.

I know this isn't, like,
your best idea

of things to do today.

- You're turning 37.
- Yep.

- Growing older.

Is Chelsea coming?
- Oh, yeah.

- Perfect.

- Righteous.

[upbeat jazzy music]

*

- [laughs]

- Hey.
- Birthday boy.

How you doing, man?
- How's it going, guys?

- Snazzy pants, man.

- Man, you're showing me up.

- I love goofy cocktail attire.

And it's my birthday.

Ahh, it's all about me tonight,
boys.

Just remember that.

I think Tom Wolfe said it best.

"I don't want to be conspicuous,
but I like to be noticed."

[laughs]

California dreamin'.

Hello, gals.
- Hey.

- How's it going?

- Happy birthday.

- Hey, good-lookin'.

- What you got cookin'?

- Hey, gals.
Welcome.

Come in and have some fun.

- Are you evaluating all the
prospects?

- Hey.

- Did you personally invite
anybody?

- I probably know, like,
20 or 30 girls.

- Yeah.
- [laughs]

- Hey, look at those usual
suspects.

- Hop aboard.

- Hey, tits ahoy.
- [laughs]

- Not to gossip, but I got my
hair cut today with Chelsea.

- Yeah?
- She did a good job.

Do you think so?
- Looks really good.

- But--but I think she's, like,
seeing Austen.

- No, she's not.

- I--they were out drinking.

- So.

I go out to drink with you,
and I'm not seeing you.

- I don't know what "hanging
out" means,

and I think it's different for
everybody,

so the night is young.

Who the hell knows what's gonna
happen?

Okay.

- Ahoy, birthday boy.

- Hey, speak of the devil.

- Oh, come on.

- [laughs]

Yeah, these are some problems,
but it's all right.

Let's have some fun tonight.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Let's have some fun.

All right, I'm getting a drink.

[breezy music]

- Oop, easy.

- Vodka, lots of ice,
a little soda.

- I know.
- It's like...

- I love to see you here.

What's been going on?
- I'm happy to be here.

- Oh, my.

- How are you?
- I'm well.

How are you?
- I'm good.

- You look wonderful.

- You do as well.

You clean up nice.

- There's no honor amongst
thieves.

Shep would do the same thing.

- You're saying I'm stepping all
over your game?

- You hooked up with her last
night.

- So what.

- I'm gonna do a...

Chelsea and I have had a great
time together,

and I don't feel any guiltiness
for what we've done.

- Hey, friend.
- Hey, buddy.

- Good to see you.
- Hey, you look great.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- These pants, though.

- Yeah, you look sharp too.

- But the end of the day,
she is a big girl,

and she can decide for herself.

- How you doing, man?
- How you been?

- Good, man.
- Good.

- Been a while.
- It has been a while.

- Yeah.

- What did I do with my drink
when I left?

I just need to get that back.

- Congratulations, by the way.
- Thank you.

- Whoa, what a rock.

- [laughs]

- Hey, friends.
- Hi, friend.

Mwah!
You look beautiful.

- Mwah!

- Hey.

- It's the birthday boy.
- You already ate?

- What are you trying to say?
- How's the food?

No, I'm hungry too.
- You calling me fat?

- Happy birthday.
- Hey, Naomie.

I like your dress.

- See, y'all, if Craig wore
those pants,

y'all would make so much fun of
him.

- Yep, we would.
Is Craig here?

- Yeah, I was gonna be really
bummed if we got...

- Oh, you say E-leez or Eliza?

- Eliza, but my name in French
is E-leez.

- E-leez.
- Craig.

- Thanks for waiting.
- I wore your pants.

- I appreciate it.
- Thanks for letting me

borrow your pants.

[cheers and applause]

- I'm king of the world!

I need to get a couple more
cocktails in me.

- Look at the sunset.

- Did I tell you that I cut
Shep's hair today?

- Shep told me you cut his hair
today.

- He did?
- That's the first thing

he said to me.

He said, "She told me that she
was hanging out with Austen."

I'm like, "Shep, I don't think
they're in, like,

a romantic relationship or
anything.

- Honestly, I have a blast with
Austen.

- Did you smooch?

You did?

Tongue action?

- A little bit.

That's nothing.
Come on.

- Well, did you feel chemistry?

- Yeah.

- Who's a better kisser,
him or Shep?

Don't lie.

Coming up...

- You're--you're O-C.

- What's O-C?

- Our class.

- I will drink to that.

- Honestly, I have a blast with
Austen.

- Did you smooch?
You did?

- Who's a better kisser,
him or Shep?

Don't lie.

- I feel like Austen had some
emotion in it.

Shep it was, like, just...
- Like a Saint Bernard.

- You're a girl.
You're here.

It was awkward, because there
was no connection.

I feel like with Austen that
there was a little more

emotion in it.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Shep, he has a reputation.

I'm sorry, but he does.
- No, he does.

- And...
- His reputation precedes him.

- It's gonna take a lot for my
mind to change about his ways.

- This has really screwed up my
grand plan of them dating.

But as the same time, I think,
"You know,

"this might not be a bad thing,

because it could light a fire
under Shep's ass."

So I'm--I'm not giving up hope
yet.

Dang, girl.

May we always still be in it.

- Where? Where? Where? Where?

- [laughs]

- I've got to talk with you.

- Okay, let's talk.

Let's talk over here.

- Okay...
- Yes, ma'am?

- I don't know why I have to be
this in-between person.

If Chelsea starts walking up
behind me, tell me.

- Okay.
- So she said they Frenched.

- Oh, they made out?

I made out with her first.

- This is all I'm gonna tell
you.

If you think that you would feel
regret,

you need to grow a pair of nuts.

- Yes, but don't you understand
it would be easier for me to,

like, fool around with somebody
I don't--

I don't really care about?

- Life's not about fooling
around.

Beauty fades, Shep.

It's not all about sex.

- You're gonna be Thomas.

- I'm gonna be Thomas?

- Do you want to be that guy?

Look at him.
He's alone.

- I'll be by in about an hour,
an hour and a half maybe.

- Ahh, he looks great to me.
I don't know.

- Do you want to be a
55-year-old man

and not have shoelaces?

- [laughs]

No, I guess not.

- Okay, then.

- I'd be willing to wager that
Chelsea's feelings

are clouded by her thinking

that I'm not ever gonna be
serious about anybody.

But she's wrong.

I think that slowly but surely
she and I

might have had a relationship.

Got to act fast around these
parts, I guess.

[upbeat music]

- Red sky at night.

- Sailor's delight.

- Sailor's delight.

- [laughs]
- Yeah.

- And then over here, we have
the Ravenel Bridge.

- You know, I have the plans for
the original bridge

in my guest house.
- That's cool.

- Yeah.
- Did I show that to you?

- Uh-uh.
- Landon.

Boom.
- Oh, dear.

- How are you?
- The man of the hour.

- How's it going, man?
- You missed the polo event.

- I know.
I was in--up in the Northeast.

- I saw some pictures.
It looked fun.

- Yeah, it was a good time,
yeah.

- We need to talk.

- Sure.
You guys give us a moment?

- Okay.
- Shall we?

- Yes.
- Okay.

All right.
- Surely.

- Look how pretty this is.
- That was awkward.

- Look, I'm sorry about being
hard on you.

- I mean, thank you, 'cause it
did hurt my feelings.

- I mean, I'd be even more sorry
if I didn't say something,

because I know that you're
trying to start your own

company, and I want it to be
successful.

- This isn't really an apology.

He's just trying to be like,
"I'm Shep.

Everybody loves me."

Like, "Sorry, we're cool."

Like, okay, Shep,
you think that.

We're cool. Whatever.

Happy birthday.

- Cheers.
Thank you very much.

- Water under the Ravenel
Bridge.

Who cares?

- All right, well, then we're
good.

I--I swear.
We're good.

After you.
- Back to the party.

- Let's see what Thomas is
bullsh---ing about.

- Great ass and legs.

- She's got cankles.

No...yeah, she has cankles.

- I like--I like thin ankles.

I don't like the wide and the
girth thing.

- What are you talking about?
- Like, the pear-shaped girls,

you know, where they go like
that, you know?

- Hi.
- I like Landon's body.

- There's all this innuendo
about you and Landon.

- I've never had sexual
relations

with that woman Landon.

If I had to marry somebody,
I mean, she's presentable.

She's sophisticated.

She's refined.

I don't have a lot more time to
waste.

- Landon.
- Whitney.

- Okay--
- He's asking me questions

if we had sex, and I'm--

- Have you and I had sex?
- Okay, look--

- We did.
I'm actually pregnant.

- Let's get to the bottom of
this.

What's it about him that turns
you off?

- She's not attracted to me.

- I think a little bit,
actually.

- I am.

We like the same things,
like horses,

real estate, architecture.

- You're--you're O-C.

- What's O-C?

- Our class.

- I will drink to that.

There's a big part of me that
does want someone like Thomas.

I mean, honestly, you want to
really get down to it?

It's just--it's too crazy for
me.

It's too much drama.

You know, Thomas is always
Thomas.

I know his reputation and
current situation.

Like, I was married to someone
who had a child

with someone else.

It's--it's tricky.
It's difficult.

- I have a reputation that
precedes me everywhere I go.

- Yeah.

- Thomas.

- Get away from me.

We're done.
We're done.

- No, stop.

- My suggestion,
get it over with.

See if you like it or you don't?

- Super subtle.

- Coming up...

- I'm--I'm--I'm walking away.

I don't want to ruin
friendships.

- But if you don't have feelings
for her,

- So are you working all night?

- Okay, well, we're gonna have a
party.

- Gals, are you guys coming?

- Party.

- We have a bridge too.

- The Limehouse Bridge.

Isn't that, like, a drawbridge?

- Yeah, the Limehouse Bridge
sucks.

[laughter]

- Here.
- Okay, take a picture?

- I'm getting her to do another
painting of me,

but--but with this outfit.

- Happy birthday.
- Yeah.

[cheers and applause]

- Okay, let me get it far away.

No, no, no, I like that.

- Shep.
Shep's pants.

I love it.

- [laughs]
Okay.

Aww.
- Aww.

- Thanks, Bayles.

- Hey...

- I've got to get up.

- Is Chelsea somewhere in my
brain space?

Yes, she is.

Is she occupying a large
portion?

No, she emphatically is not.

Ahh.

- Come here, boo.

- I thought you said there was
not chance between us.

- We can hang out?

- [laughs]
- Hey, okay.

- You can call me
the threesome king, bro.

- Okay.

- Instead of Shep pursuing
Chelsea,

he in typical Shep fashion
is acting like

a horny Saint Bernard.

- How's your evening?

- It's going well.
[clears throat]

- Um, I wonder if Cameran talked
to Shep.

- I'm sorry about this whole
Chelsea business,

but I'm--I'm--I'm walking away.

- Nobody has put the P in the V.

- I don't care.

I won't shed one single tear,
nothing.

It makes no difference to me.

- Then why are you even talking
about it?

- Because I don't want to be
invol--embroiled--

- I think you're lying.

- I don't want to ruin
friendships.

- But if you don't have feelings
for her,

why would it ruin your
friendship?

- Now, y'all are friends, so I
don't want to break bro code

or whatever.

How do you feel about it?

- Uh--
- Nervous.

- No.

Do you want to continue to hang
out and do things?

- I'm having a great time,

so I'm all about seeing where it
goes.

- Ohh.

- I like you.

- That's great.
That is great news.

- [laughs]

- The girls hold all the cards.

They want who they want
and when they want it.

- But I know you have this dream
about being married.

If you want to eventually get
there,

you've got to make yourself a
little more vulnerable.

Shep has a very hard time
showing his true feelings.

And he should be a little
concerned,

because if Shep is not careful,

he's gonna end up alone
with a fridge full of beer

and not much else.

- Like, this is me.
This is really me.

And I don't have this feeling
inside me that I need to

shut that down.

- I think you're lying.

- You're crazy.

You are so wrong.

- On the next episode of
"Southern Charm"...

- I feel like I've done so much
to prove

that I'm a good friend to you.

- I can't--I don't--I can't
even, like...

- [sobbing]

- I feel like I've lost it,
you know?

I've lost my touch with women.
- Lost your mojo?

- Literally, I would wear a
certain pair of pants,

and I could walk into a bar and
own that place.

- Don't say these things.

- How do people normally go
about picking their doll?

- It just which one is speaking
to you?

- I immediately went to that
one.

- So you're sort of seeing
Chelsea?

- [stammers]
Yes.

- You should have been like,
"Hey, man, like, do you mind?"

You know what I mean?

- Either you want to be a
f---ing lawyer or you don't.

- I think you're being kind of
silly and ignorant,

and you're acting kind of dumb.

- For more "Southern Charm,"
go to bravotv.com.

[bell ringing]