All language subtitles for Southern.Charm.S04E03.Step.and.Release.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

- Previously

- Previously
on "Southern Charm"...

- Hold on. It's gonna be bumpy.
[cat meows]

- The Renaissance Man,
formally known as #NewCraig,

has been doing everything
under the sun, except...

- I don't think
you want to be a lawyer.

- I don't give a f---
what you say, Shep.

- And while Shep
has replaced Craig

with a newer model...

- Are we rivals?
- Um...

- Kathryn is just setting out
on her long road to recovery.

- I just have to, like,
keep working

and showing that
I am taking responsibility.

- Meanwhile, Landon is finally
proving the naysayers wrong...

- I'm excited to show you
my little Website.

- And impressing a very
business savvy T-Ravy.

- Landon's got some really good,
um, oral skills.

[both laugh]

- Unfortunately, not everyone
is of the same opinion.

- Do you know how much
entrepreneurs have to eat sh--

before they're in the penthouse?
- Absolutely, and that's--

- But thankfully,
Shep got off his high horse

just in time for
that elusive unicorn.

- Y'all are on a romantic date.

- Maybe one day.
- [giggles]

- Just don't f--- this up, Shep.

[Mia Sable's "It's Easy"]

- ♪ Mm-hmm,
he's got money ♪

♪ He's in magazines ♪

♪ He's got more honeys ♪

♪ Than any honeybee ♪

♪ Ba-ba doo ♪

♪ Ba-ba dee-ee-ee ♪

♪ It's easy ♪

♪ As the birds and the bees
and the one, two, threes ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, I think I agreed
to pay it up to 15 grand.

♪ ♪

Is he gonna pay the rest?
Great.

♪ ♪

Money, money, money.
People want money.

♪ ♪

[dynamic music]

♪ ♪

- What's up, Joe?
- Cameran, how's it going?

- Well, I'm struggling a little.
- Why's that?

- We were out late last night.

- All right,
let's start with our warm-up.

Let's start here
on the mat, okay?

- [sighs] Okay.

- Look at you on your hands
and knees already.

- I know. [laughs]
This is Joe.

- I'm Joe.
- Hi, good to meet you.

- Pleasure meeting you.

- She says she hasn't worked out
in two weeks,

but look at her.
I mean, right.

- Yeah, I don't believe it.
[laughs]

- I'm almost 33 years old,

and I figure it's time
to take charge of my health.

I basically live off
gas-station food.

I want a grilled cheese,
Cheetos.

God, this is the best
fried chicken in the world.

This, like, totally makes
my entire day.

Come on, girl,
get on the train.

Get on the train.
- Get on it.

- Toot-toot. [laughs]

[grunts]
That cheese we ate last night--

I've still--it's in my mouth.

[belches]
Ooh, bless you.

- I'm gonna set you up
on the barbell.

Up. Push those hips back.

- Pretend like
that's Shep behind you.

[both laugh]

- Come on--one.

- I can't even believe
what I'm seeing right now.

- [grunts]
- Two reps.

- This is a side of Cam
I've never seen.

When we lived together,
it was like--

I'd go for a run,
and she'd just look at me--

just like--
"Ugh, what is wrong with you?"

♪ ♪

- Okay? Ready?
Let's go--drive.

- Come on, Cam!
- Come on.

Come on, drive, drive, drive.
Come on.

- This is to everyone
that called you a skinny runt.

- F--- 'em!
- That a girl.

- [sighs]
- That was the ride of my life.

- Cool it down, all right?
Awesome work.

- I'm getting water.

- I'm so impressed with you.

You have come way a long way,
my friend.

- Can you believe that
I'm on a physically fit journey?

- Mm-mm.
- So...

I heard you and Shep had
a little spend-the-night party.

He literally called me.

He's like, "I spent the night
at Chelsea's house."

♪ ♪

I'm like,
"I don't want to know."

I'm like, "Shut up.

I don't want to know.
I don't want to know."

- [laughing]
But you do want to know.

- But I do.
- [laughs]

- Where did he sleep?

In the bed?
- Yes.

- Under the covers?
- But that--

Yeah.
- Yes.

- Were you nake?

- No.

- The fact that Chelsea and Shep
had a sleepover is just--

it's getting one step closer
to my grand plan

of them being soul mates.

If I could give you any advice,

Shep--I think--
is so used to girls

just dropping their panties
at his beck and call...

- Yeah.

- So I would make him
really work for that.

- And I go back and forth,
but we're just having fun.

It's just right now very PG,
nothing juicy.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- I'll do, like, a Kolsch.

- Hello, how are you?

Hey, buddy.
[giggles]

Can I get a Stella?

- And we can do
a cheese and charcuterie plate?

- [giggles]

I can never say that right,

and I get nervous
about saying it.

- Charcuterie?
- Charcuterie.

- Ch--again?
Yeah.

- What's been going on?

- I'm making
all the media inserts

for the silent auction
and stuff.

- Yeah. How did you and Naomie
get involved in I--

Is it i'm ME?
- Yeah, it's neat.

Like, it's her
best friend's charity,

and we both want to be
wealthy one day...

so we can travel the world
and help people.

- But then how do you become,
like, independently wealthy?

Can you tell me?
[laughs]

- I would love to make
philanthropy a career one day.

Even the ultimate goal
that law was for

is to eventually reach a place

where I don't have to
work anymore.

Oh, man, that looks awesome.
- Pardon my interruption.

- So I'm trying to get this--

Well, you would know
what a step and release is.

- Um, step and repeat.

[laughs]
- Red carpet backdrop, but...

- Did you get one printed?

- I'm getting it--
like, one delivered overnight.

- Isn't there someone local
that can do it?

- No, it's weird.

- Before you order that,
let me call a friend.

- Okay.
- He might be able to do it.

One of the biggest things
of being a socialite

is giving back to society,

and Craig is at least
trying to do that.

I mean, bless his heart.

- I don't know.
Everything's gonna be fine.

- Uh, yeah.

[phone jingles]
- Naomie's calling me.

Hey, what's up?
- Hey.

- Oh, cool, yeah, Landon and I
are just having a beer

and catching up.

- I've got
the step and release covered,

Naomie, so that'll be mine.

- Step and repeat.
- Step and repeat. Whatever.

- [laughs]

- Yes, Naomie?

- I know,
I'm just messing with you, babe.

- I will.

Are you downtown?
Or are you at school?

What are you doing?

- Okay, well, I'm around.
Give me a call.

Bye.
- Bye, guys.

- All right, love you, bye.

Speaking of
our best buddy, Shep,

he can't make it on Thursday.

He's going out of town.

- Hey, Mom.

- Hey, sweetie, what's going
on?

- Actually getting ready
to leave this weekend

for John's wedding
in Rhode Island.

- I did get the dopp kit
you sent me.

I'll probably lose it,
but thank you for it.

[laughs]

- Okay, I love you too.
Bye.

[knocking on door]

Heck of a knock you got there.
Jesus.

- What's up?
- How's it going?

- Pretty good.
Tired.

- Glass of wine maybe?
Relax for a second?

- Yeah, sure.
- Okay.

Got you your certificate.

- Yeah, I'm here for my money.
- [laughs]

[upbeat music]

This is 100 bucks--gift
certificate to The Commodore.

You're gonna do
a silent auction.

- Yeah, this is awesome.
Thank you.

- Tell me about the deal.

- One of my friends from college

started an organization
in Haiti.

- Post, uh, earthquake?
- Yeah.

- Man, that's so sad.
- Craig didn't know

if it was an earthquake
or a tsunami. [laughs]

- Oh, my God, does he
even know where Haiti is?

Current events
really isn't his forte.

- Oh, my God.

- Yeah, I'm sorry to miss it.

- Here, cheers. Thank you.
- Oh, cheers.

Are you stressed out?
- A little bit.

I have school, which is
basically a full-time thing.

Like, I've been running around
this entire town,

getting sponsors, asking--
- And Craig has done...

[laughs]

- Wow, that looks good.
- Kale and Brussels salad.

Peel-and-eat shrimp for you.
- Thank you.

- Perfect, this is great.
- Y'all enjoy.

- They have really good
peel-and-eat shrimp.

- Oh, they do?
I'm not a regular, like you.

- He's like,
having lunch with Landon.

- Yeah, those two.

- What happened on Friday?

- I gave her some hopefully
constructive criticism.

They're starting off
in this business.

They've been in this business.
- But you--

- Keep relationships
totally copacetic,

and maybe they can help you
in the future.

- If they're already saying
bad things about me,

I don't even want to have
a future with them.

- No, they had a reason.

There's a way to handle it.
It wasn't handled right.

[dramatic percussions]

- Did you make her cry?

- Um, she didn't, like,
overtly cry,

but I think she gets
a little ahead of herself

and needs to be knocked down
a couple pegs.

- So what did he say to you?
Like, at your party?

- All he told me is
how bad I was doing at business,

and that these guys were, like,
talking sh-- to him about me.

- At your--like,
at your event at the--

- Yeah.

Oh, he told me that I need to
eat sh-- for a few years,

and that's what starting
as a small business is.

- Dude, all he does
is sh-- on other people.

Why is it Shep's place
to come tell you this stuff?

- Exactly.

[sighs]
I think in Shep's weird head,

he thinks he's being
a good friend,

but, like, you're just
kind of being a bully.

- With me--we went to
the batting cages the other day.

I mean, it was the worst thing
that I've been through

since I was, like,
sixth grade on the school bus.

- Do you think anybody else
in the history of law school

is in the position
that you're in right now?

- I don't know,
but it doesn't matter.

I've noticed he loves
when I'm doing bad.

It's only when
I start to come back up

that he freaks the f--- out.

- That's what he's doing
to me right now.

- Okay, and I think you think
the same thing of Craig.

He needs to be "knocked down"
a little bit.

- Especially Craig.

- But as Landon's friend,
Craig's girlfriend,

I don't want to see them
get knocked down by anyone.

- Yeah.
- Part of me is like,

"Well, f--- you, Shep.
You're not a friend."

- Yeah.
- You know what I'm saying?

- I have a little brother.
I was really rough on him.

I'm really rough on Craig.

It's just the way
I communicate.

The very definition
of friendship

is someone telling you sometimes
what you don't want to hear,

and anybody who says otherwise
is not a good friend.

If nobody says anything,
what happens?

Does their head just get bigger
and bigger and bigger?

And they become
more delusional?

♪ ♪

- Coming up...

- You're very photogenic.
- Thank you.

- But you're older
than you were then.

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- Let's go outside.

[grunts]
Big fat thing.

All right.
[grunts]

Do your business.

Come on, Chauncey.
Come on.

Shed those pounds.

♪ ♪

[knocking on door]
- Come in.

- Hey, how's it going?

- Well, Michael's not here.

As you know,
he's on vacation, so...

- Uh-huh.
- I'm packing myself.

- Make sure you have
enough outfits,

in case one doesn't work.

- You can never be
overeducated or overdressed...

- [laughs]
- Oscar Wilde. [chuckles]

I remember seeing a picture
of Helena Rubinstein

on a train platform,

and she had 25 suitcases.

And I've always tried to
emulate her whenever possible.

[laughs]

So while I'm gone...
- I'll hold down the fort.

I'll make sure Chauncey
and the dogs are all fed.

- Speaking of Chauncey...
- Chauncey's getting fat.

You need to put him on
"Jenny Craig."

- Maybe I should invent
Spanx for dogs.

[both laugh]

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

[horn honks]

♪ ♪

- Hi, Kathryn.
- Hi.

- I'm Rebecca Seager.
- Nice to meet you.

- I'm the National
Scouting Director.

Nice to meet you.
Well, come on back.

- Thank you for having me.

- So tell me
what brought you in today.

- Well, I've been modeling
since I was 14.

- Mm-hmm.
- I've taken a break, because...

♪ ♪

I've been kind of
out of the mix.

I actually have two children.
- Mm.

- They're getting older now,

so I want to try to
get back into it, I guess.

- Mm-hmm.
Well, good.

- To say that I screwed up
is an understatement.

I've lost everything.

But now I'm moving forward
and re-creating myself.

- Do you have some photos
with you today

that I could take a look at?

- I have them on a laptop
right now.

I need to update my portfolio.
- Okay.

Um...

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Oh, here we go.

So some of these
are from actual ads.

- Mm-hmm.

- This one's
a little bit older.

That was actually
when I was in high school.

- Very pretty.
Well, you're very photogenic.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Um, but to give you
a little bit of advice,

you're older
than you were then,

so now you're in
a slightly different bracket.

The images that are
a little bit older--

you don't want to
show those anymore.

Make sure you're in the best
shape that you want to be in.

Make sure that you look

how you want to be perceived
in your portfolio.

- Sure.

- You mentioned
you have two children.

Do you think either
of them might be

good candidates for modeling?

- Um, both--yes.

- They both are?
- Of course I think so.

- That would be great if you
guys could do a shoot together.

Clients are looking for
real families.

- Because I abused
drugs and alcohol,

I can only see my kids
with supervised visitation,

and I have zero relationship
with their father.

I think that actually
that might be something

I'll look into doing.

The fact that
I have no control over

the ability
to even see my children

or to take a photo with them

is the ultimate
punch in the gut.

- Once you have
some more photos,

I'd love to have you
circle back around with me.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Military look today.

Epaulets.

♪ ♪

Hello, Landon.

I think there's a lot
of truth in that old saying

that, you know, behind
every great man's a great woman.

♪ ♪

If I'd met someone older,
more mature,

uh, than Kathryn,

my life would look
quite different.

♪ ♪

I hope I didn't miss out
on my opportunities.

I hope there's time left for me.

[smooth bass music]

Hey, Landon.
- Hi, how are you?

- Good to see you.
- Nice to see you.

- Hi.
Fantastic.

- What's going on?

- Uh, kind of hectic, you know,
dealing with the kids and all.

- Where are they?
- Montessori school.

- Yeah?
- What's your pleasure?

- What are you having?
- I'm having a Bourbon and Coke.

- Coke is so fattening.
I'm trying to keep it slim.

[laughs]

- Well, there's ways
to reduce body weight.

- [laughs]

- How about a cocktail napkin?

- Oh, my gosh, are you kidding?

That is amazing.

You know,
I haven't been over here

since the night
you kicked us all out. [laughs]

- Oh, really.

- I mean, if that dining table
could talk... [laughs]

- Landon...

you know, you've been
a little catty.

- Oh, my God.

- I've never done
anything to her,

and you know it, Thomas.

- I don't hold back.

Cheers.
- [laughs]

- So, well,
it's a beautiful day.

Why don't we go out
on the porch?

[percussive music]

- It looks so good out here.

- Yeah.

- Well, I'm glad you called me
the other day.

It was really good
to hear from you.

I know I've sort of
distanced myself.

♪ ♪

- Well, the reason
I wanted you here, you know--

I want to do this exhibition
polo match

down at my plantation,

and I want it to be
a successful event.

Like, your feedback party
was a true success.

- Yeah. [giggles]

- So I want your involvement--

that together with the fact that
I haven't seen you in a while.

- I know. [giggles]

- Um, it's the reason
I reached out.

- Well, I'm glad that you did,
you know, I've just--

I felt like, you know, it was
for the best to step away.

- I know.

- Just with the sort of
rumor mill, I just--

I didn't feel comfortable
being in public with you.

- People love to talk,
don't they?

- I've never had sex
with your baby daddy...

- Shut up, Landon.
I'm not doing this.

- Even if I did,
it doesn't matter because

you weren't together.
- I've never even kissed her.

- We've never even held hands.
- Be quiet. You did it.

- But I think doing
this polo match

just says that
I'm not gonna hide out anymore.

The dust has settled a bit,
and I think we can, like,

be friends and do
all of these fun things again.

♪ ♪

You know, it's just--
it's baby steps right now.

It really hurt my feelings
when everyone said

that I was, like,
sleeping with Thomas

or that I was after his money
or any of those things.

You know what I'm after--
is, like, companionship.

That's what I'm after.

Do you have much contact
with Kathryn,

or do you still see her?

- I do not see Kathryn at all,

but I understand that
she passed her drug test.

Now she's allowed visitation--
supervised every other weekend.

And I really do want
the best for her,

but now that the courts
are involved,

you know, I'm not really
concerned about what she thinks

or who I'm having lunch with
or who I'm talking to

or who I'm dating.

Ideally, I would love to find
a stepmother to my children,

so perhaps I need
to stop wasting time

and find an appropriate woman
to share a lifetime with.

I just got to find
the right woman--

you know,
a pleasing personality...

of which you have no problem.

- [laughs]

You just want a friend
at the end of the day.

[laughs]
- Absolument.

- Well, I know it's real
when you start speaking French.

[both laugh]

- Let's "dos" it.

♪ ♪

- Coming up...

- "Real men"?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- So this is the list of
things I have to handle now,

so I don't worry about it
tonight.

- Everything I said
I would do is done.

- I haven't seen
the step and repeat yet.

- That's 'cause it's getting
printed right now, babe.

We'll have it tomorrow.

- You're gonna get
a lot of further in life

if you do things
ahead of time,

instead of, like,
right at the last minute.

Like, it's gonna
bite you in the ass.

- Wait two days,
and then you'll be happy again,

because I know for a fact
everything's gonna be great,

'cause I'm an incredible
problem solver,

and I work incredible
under stress.

So tomorrow,
if anything goes wrong,

you have me there, which means
everything will be fine.

So you ready to go do
the walk through or what?

This is business.
Just stop taking it personally.

Let's get all of--

- I'm not taking it
personally, Craig.

- It appears to me that
you're taking it personally.

- I'm just annoyed with you.

- You know,
we love each other to death,

but we've definitely
found ourselves

bickering a little more.

You just need to
manage your stress better.

- What do you even say
sometimes?

♪ ♪

- I mean, she's at a real
stressful time in her life.

Um, you know, I--

I-I don't get stressed.

I'm able to reason any worry
out of my brain.

♪ ♪

- So I went and picked up

the gift certificate
from Shep yesterday.

I asked him, like,
what happened with you.

So we had
a glass of wine together,

and then we sat down and had
the most mature conversation.

Like, exactly how adults
should handle arguments.

He was like,
"Well, I understand."

And I was like,
"Well, I understand." [laughs]

- What could you have possibly
understood that he had to say?

- Certain things, like,
might frustrate him and stuff,

but I was like, "You need to"--
- You understand that?

- I understood, like,

what would make him
feel that way,

you know what I mean?

Like, that I get
where he's coming from.

- What you're saying is that
you agreed with him.

- That's not
what I'm saying, Craig.

- It's literally like
an abusive f---ing husband...

- [chuckles]
What?

- Who, like, tries to
put down his wife

till she is convinced that

she couldn't do
any better than him,

and then he knows
she'll never leave.

I mean, it's so f---ed up.
- It's such a strange analogy.

- I mean, the guy's a nut.

Did I think
he would make Landon cry

at her launch of her business?
- Well, I asked him.

I said, "Did you make her cry?"

And he was like,
"I didn't see tears."

- Who cares?

There's nothing okay
with his behavior.

- I'm on your side with this.
- I don't think you are.

He can wine and dine you
all he wants,

but he's still f---ing acting
like an asshole.

No matter what
the situation is--

even if I'm wrong,
have my back.

The guy is out of control.

- Agree to disagree.
Whatever.

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- How are you?
- Good, how are you doing?

Hey, what's up?
Good to see you.

- Good to see you.
- All right.

- All right, boys.

♪ ♪

- Hey!
- Hello, hello.

- Hey.
- Walker, good to see ya.

- Yeah, you know Austen.
- Yeah, good to see you again.

- Good to see ya.

- Good to see you, sir,
as always.

- Good seeing ya.
Yeah.

- Well, listen,
we're gonna be at Stars later.

You ought to drop by.

Neighbor.
- Neighbor.

- All right.
- Good to see you.

- You just met her?

- I met her here, like,
a year and a half ago.

- Oh, okay.

- Then I met her again,
because she became my neighbor.

And then, um, you know...

I believe in maintaining
good neighborly relations.

- Yeah, I-I've hooked up
with her before a little bit.

- Oh, goodness.

- There's a lot
of cross-pollination

going on in this town.

- Cross swords.

- I guess sometimes that happens

in this small town
of Charleston.

- We're cousins, by the way.
- We're related.

- What?

- My grandmother's a Boykin.

- That's--that's our family.
Yeah.

- Our family.
- Our family.

- [laughs]

- The fact that they're related

makes their acceptance
of cross-pollination

extremely bizarre.

- Um, would y'all like
anything to drink besides water?

- Yes.
- Four Fernets,

Mexican Mule, Mexican Mule,
Moscow, and Moscow.

- You got it, guys.
- All right.

- So this weekend,
I'm having this polo match.

- I apologize in advance.

I'm going to a wedding
this weekend.

- I heard that.

And you are officially invited.
- Thank you.

- Mexican Mule,
some Fernet for y'all.

- Cheers, guys.
To us.

♪ ♪

- Oh, Fernet.

- So, Thomas, who's planning
this polo excursion?

- Landon.
Landon's happening...

- Oh, Landon...
- Because--

- Because she's good
at planning parties.

- Tonight's all about you.

- Except the fact that I've
never roller-skated maybe ever.

- Ever?

- I just met Landon,

and I think Landon is
as cute as can be.

- She's awesome.
I think she's great.

- No one has tested
the waters here.

- I have more respect for her
than that, you know?

And I think
you're in love with her.

- Uh-oh.
- I am not.

[all laugh]

- I know Shep.

Shep is not looking
for a relationship.

- Thomas, I've forgotten
more than you've got.

- He's entertained
many, many women,

and there's always room--
[chuckles]

There's always room
on the roster.

- One time, I introduced myself

to a girl that I had sex with
the night before.

- Oh, wow.
The night before?

- You got to keep 'em
logged in your phone, dude--

all the names.

- When I started,
we didn't have phones.

[all laugh]

- Cheers.

To a fortuitous fall
for us single men.

- We're gonna go
across the street.

- You're about to go to Stars?
- Yeah.

- All right.

♪ ♪

Living the dream huh?

- I'm trying to
keep up with Shep.

- I know, man.
- God damn.

- It's impossible to do so.

- Ah, he's got a big liver.

♪ ♪

Four Stellas.
Keep it open.

Bachelorette.

- You're a bachelorette?

- Let's get you a shot.

- Okay, yeah, let's do that.
- All right, all right.

What do we want?
- Buttery Nipple.

- Oh, yes,
I love Buttery Nipples

- Austen.

- [laughs]

- Old guy?

- There's Whitney right there.

- Here.

- Oh, God,
I'm gonna get hammered.

- F---, yeah.

- A girl named Daisy
is coming to meet me right now.

- Oh, really?

- What's up?

- Hi, I'm Whitney.
- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
How are you?

- This is my friend Bree.
- Bree.

- What's your name?
- Bree.

- Bree? Like the cheese
that I love so much?

- Kind of like the cheese.
- Austen.

- Trying to upgrade?
- We're looking for alcohol.

- Shep can ease
the pain of loss,

I'm sure, very easily.
- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Okay.

[indistinct chatter]

- Oh, look,
and then there they go.

- [playful grunt]

- Oh, God.
No shame.

- The difference between
Shep and I's view on dating

is that I am open
to finding somebody.

On the other hand,
there's Shep.

- You're using me for sex?

- I mean, I don't think that
Shep gives a f---.

If he's looking for that,
it's everywhere.

- So you're saying
up the quality?

- Up the quality a little bit.

♪ ♪

- "Real men"?
I'm all man, baby.

♪ ♪

Boys, I got a flight to catch.

- You leaving?

- I have a flight
in the morning.

- I've never seen that
in my days.

- I'm not gonna miss
this flight.

- All right.

- Have fun, Shep.

♪ ♪

- Uh-oh, you see this?

Oh, unbelievable.

♪ ♪

- Is Shep gonna get jealous?

- I would hope to God not.

- Shep is strangely
very proprietary.

If it's his sh--,
you can't touch it.

- Well, luckily I've never
really, like, experienced that.

Shep definitely has an air
of competitiveness to him,

but, you know,
all is fair in love and war.

Oh, oh, oh, but Bree's coming
to save the day.

- Putting the ix-nay
on this endeavor.

She's like, "You got to go."

- Yeah, I mean,
wouldn't you say that?

- Well done.

♪ ♪

- Coming up...
- Hello.

- What's all that?

- It's what I was picking up.
Liquor.

- Where's the step and repeat?
- Uh...

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hello.
- What's all that?

- It's what I was picking up.
Liquor.

- Where's the step and repeat?
- Uh...

♪ ♪

- You're messing with me, right?
- Maybe.

There might be something else
in the car.

♪ ♪

All right...

since Mr. Craig works his magic
in the last two days...

- Did you just call yourself
Mr. Craig?

- Yeah.
All right, ready?

- [gasps]
Oh, my goodness.

- Help me roll it out.

You have to roll it out
from there.

- Look at that.
That's so cool.

That looks so legitimate.

- So this is the top.
- Yeah, Craig...

I can probably predict what's
on the other side of that roll.

- Hold on, keep going.
- No, I've--

it's the same thing
over and over again.

Good job.

Now I need you to help me
do the printouts

and then put things
in these little auction--

- Yeah, like, let's not find
something else to stress about.

I just brought home
the step and release.

Okay?
- Step and repeat.

- Whatever.
I'll never get it right.

♪ ♪

Look, printing right now.

What the f---?
Our Wi-Fi's not working.

- Hmm, that's why you do things
ahead of time.

Let's just get it done,
'cause I need to get ready.

♪ ♪

- All right.

Oh, come on.

Babe, remember when I gave you
that mouse to borrow?

Do you know where you put it?

- I never used it.
I don't know where that is.

Hey, Craig?
- Yeah.

- Can you button me?
Actually, I can button myself.

- I'm gonna button you.
One second.

- It's okay.
I don't need you, Craig.

- [grumbles]

- I'm already
supposed to be there,

so just meet me at Republic.

- All right, well, I'm gonna
finish the computer stuff

while you're being moody.
- No.

- I'm gonna go unplug
the Internet real quick.

♪ ♪

- Hey, Gizmo.
What are you doing, buddy?

♪ ♪

[lively music]

♪ ♪

[dog barking]
- Hey, no barking.

- Whitney?

♪ ♪

Mail's here.
- Thank you.

I got it.
- Where's Michael?

- He's off.
- Mwah.

both: Mwah.
You smell nice.

- Thank you for bending over.

- Of course.
Did you look?

- F---, yeah, I looked,
- Okay.

- You want some rosé?
- I would love some.

[dog barking]
- No, no, no barking.

[shushes]
Zen, Zen....

Zen, my dogs.
[dog barks]

Really?
Is this necessary?

Is this 100% necessary?

- In Patricia's house,
when Michael is away,

everybody has
to fend for themselves.

- Poochie, hey.

- [inhales deeply]
It's a little crazy.

I was hoping that
your madre was gonna be here.

- Mom is away in New York
on business.

- You're like Kevin
in "Home Alone."

- [laughs]
[phone ringing]

Oh, it's Thomas calling.

Thomas.

- Hey, T.

- Dude, that chick last night
you were talking to--

what was up with that?

- Good!

- We've been telling you that
for f---ing four years.

- You should, Thomas.
- That's good.

- Kudos.

Thomas, are you coming
to the charity event tonight?

- Why?

- Kathryn.
- Yeah.

- Oh, she's coming tonight?

- Well, I think that's
a sign of maturity

and smart of you to avoid.

- See you, Thomas.
- Okay, bye-bye.

- Bye.
- All right, bye.

- I think
he has seen the light.

He is on
an upward "projectory."

♪ ♪

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- I don't really know
how to display that.

This looks like sh--.

Craig, where are you?

[keyboard clacking]

- Please make a noise, printer.

[Gizmo meows]

- Damn it. [groans]
[printer beeps]

Uh, all right,
I'm gonna print at Republic.

♪ ♪

- What's up?
How are you?

Good.

- So what's going on?
Are you ready?

- We can't do much more

until Craig brings
the rest of the auction stuff.

So tired of it.
- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah.
- Are you okay?

- It's like,
why are you doing this to me?

Like, I'm gonna die.
- Yeah, at the last hour.

Yeah, I know.
- I'm losing hair, I feel like.

Like, am I balding?

- [groans]
Jeez.

[Gizmo meows]
- Gizmo...

♪ ♪

You know, we're not gonna make
any money tonight,

because my hair's
gonna be messed up.

♪ ♪

How am I gonna explain that
to the orphans?

[Gizmo purring]

[groovy bass music]

- Hey, guys.
How are you?

Good to see you.
Thank you for coming.

That's so sweet of you guys.
- You look amazing.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

- I hope, like, we start
to get things rolling soon,

but we're waiting on Craig
to come bring the final...

- [laughs]

- It's a little stress,
but it's okay.

- You want a drink?

- Hey, what's up, guys?
How's it going?

- Hey, look who it is.
- Hey, what's up?

- Speak of the devil.

- 20 minutes before it starts,
so everything's fine.

- Okay.
Well, let's set this thing up.

- Where is it going?
- Right here.

We're just, like,
at crunch time

to set up all
this silent-auction stuff.

- So it goes this way.

- We're missing stuff.

Hey, Craig?
Craig...

- Okay, yeah.

- We're missing, like,
some sheets.

We need to print out a bunch
for all this stuff.

- You got to get off me, babe.

- Craig, print them out for me.

- I got to do this.
- You have--

No, let someone else do that.

♪ ♪

- Babe, I'm sorry.

I'm getting f---ed,

and the whole charity's
getting f---ed.

- You're not getting f---ed.
You f---ed yourself.

- Oh, you're gonna do that,
Naomie?

- Don't blame
other people, Craig.

[dramatic music]

- Coming up...
- Whitney was like,

"Yeah, I heard that
Shep and Chelsea"...

♪ ♪

- Oh, God.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- I'm getting f---ed,

and the whole charity's
getting f---ed.

- You're not getting f---ed.
You f---ed yourself.

- Oh, you're gonna do that,
Naomie?

- Don't blame
other people, Craig.

♪ ♪

- Naomie and I deal with stress
very differently.

Unfortunately...
[sighs] It cripples her.

- The reason that
I'm having to write this out

and it looks horrible
is because he didn't print out

what he was supposed to
print out.

Craig and I obviously have

two very different
planning styles.

I like to do things
like normal people--

ahead of time.

- I'm gonna change the base.

- And Craig likes to do it
30 minutes after it's due.

♪ ♪

- How we looking back there?
- Perfect.

- It wasn't as easy
as I thought it as gonna be.

- Hi, guys.
- Hey, how are you?

- Hi.
Thank you. You too.

- Look, everything worked out,
just like I said it would.

What do I need to print
for the auction, babe?

I have my computer now.
I'll do that.

- We handwrote 'em. It's okay.
- I brought the blanks.

- Okay, but it's already done.
I don't care about that anymore.

- No, I meant I brought
blanks to handwrite.

- I know, it's okay.
We did it.

♪ ♪

It always works out,

because there's always somebody
behind you, Craig,

picking up the slack, trying to
make sure that it's okay.

I hate it when he says that.

[lively music]

- Hi.
- Hi, how are we doing tonight?

both: Good.
- Hi.

- Hey, man, how's it going?
- How's it going tonight?

- We're here for the party.
- Good evening.

Thank you so much.
Thank you.

- Hey, Naom.
- You look so great.

- Hey, Whitney.
- Naomie, how are you?

- You look great.
Good to see you.

- I'm sad Shep can't come.
- I know, me too.

- He's, like, at a wedding.

And Thomas isn't coming either,

because he heard that
Kathryn's coming.

- Kathryn RSVP'd on Facebook,

but none of us
have talked to her.

Hey, what's up?

- Where's Craig?
- Hey, Cammie.

How are you?
Thank you for coming.

- I lover your newfound
philanthropy.

- Taking after your mom's steps.

- Um, the only similarity
that Craig has with my mother

is that they breathe air.

- All right, well, I'm gonna
go see who else is here

and greet everyone.

- Yeah, let's get a drink.

- What's up, guys?

♪ ♪

[all speaking French]

- I was born in France.
My parents are French.

So typically
when I'm with my parents

and we're talking sh--
about someone,

we do it in French.

- I'm glad you're here.
- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- Hey, there's a lot of items
in the silent auction.

Uh, people were
extremely generous,

so give us some money.

Let's have fun.

♪ ♪

- Hi.

♪ ♪

- You're dress is so cute!

- Thank you.
- Oh, my goodness.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Oh, how are you?
Is Landon here?

- Yeah, over there.
- She looks so pretty.

[indistinct chatter]
Hi.

- Hi!
- Thanks for coming.

♪ ♪

- I would've killed Craig.
- That's right.

- Little sh--.

He was like, "I got it, Naomie.
I got it."

♪ ♪

- Thank you so much.

♪ ♪

- How are you?
- You look so nice.

- So do you.
- Thank you.

- Look at you!
- Stop.

- You look sexual.

- Look at that ass.
- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Hey, guys.
- Ah.

- Thanks for coming.
Oh, you look beautiful.

We're gonna raise
a lot of money, I think.

- I hope so.

- I can count.

Un, deux, trois, quatre.

Onze, douze, treize, "can"...

- Quinze?
- "Can"...

- Quinze.
- It's very cute.

- Diez y seis...
- No, that's Spanish.

[chuckles]

- I'm working on it.
- Dig from Dad. [laughs]

♪ ♪

- How you doing tonight?
- Doing well, thank you.

- Good, good.
You're welcome.

- Hey, baby.
- How are ya?

You look wonderful.
- Thanks.

- Hey, what's happening, buddy?

♪ ♪

Chelsea.
Good to see ya.

- Good, how are you?
- You look wonderful.

- You're sweating.
- I know.

- You've been outside,
and you got a damn coat on,

and it's 90 degrees.

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- I feel kind of happy
that Shep isn't here

after he made you cry.

- Yeah.
And he's like, "Well, Landon,

you just need a bit of
tough love."

I need just plain love
right now.

- Drew is, like, fine for that.

- He--I'm not even sure
that he has, like, a real job.

Like, he sent me
the cutest picture this morning

of a fish that he caught.

I'm like, "Good job."

♪ ♪

- So Shep has
a thing for Chelsea.

- He told me they hooked up
and that he f---ed her.

- You're lying.

- It's just right now very PG,
nothing juicy.

- She told me they--they--no.

♪ ♪

I pray to God that
Shep really didn't say this,

because that is just
the polar opposite

of gentlemanly behavior.

If he's lying about that,
that's gonna piss me off.

♪ ♪

Okay, let's go get a drink.
- Okay.

♪ ♪

- Can I have a vodka with soda
and a splash of pineapple?

- Okay.

- Do not get mad at me.
- Oh, God.

What?
- Don't get mad at me.

Whitney was like, "Yeah, I heard
that Shep and Chelsea"...

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

- Whitney was like,
"Yeah, I heard that

Shep and Chelsea"...

♪ ♪

- Oh, God.

- No, no, no, wait--
- You know I would tell you.

- I know, I know.
That's why I told Whitney--

- You know everything about me.
- I know.

- I told Whitney--
I said, "That's a lie."

- I mean, do you feel like
Shep's the type

that's gonna want to--
- I think Shep got drunk.

He was like,
"Oh, yeah, I hit that.

Oh, yeah"...
- Oh, God.

- And doesn't
remember saying it.

Sadly, Shep does sabotage
relationships all the time...

by things that he says.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That's probably--

- Shep probably doesn't remember
a lot of things.

- Yeah.

- Are you buzzed?
You look hammered.

- I-I need to stop drinking.

- Yeah, let's go.
- I think it's time to go home.

Night, y'all.
See ya.

♪ ♪

- Good job, Craig.
- Craig, bravo.

- Thank you.

♪ ♪

- So y'all graduated together?
- Yeah.

- So I've been in school,
and Craig's been--

he's still trying to work out
the bar stuff.

- What's up, guys?
- Hey, speak of the devil.

- I don't want to jinx it,
but I think that we might have

gone over and above our goal.
- That's awesome.

- It adds up.
- Nice.

- Whoa.

- I'm proud of you.
Thank you.

- I'll work on being
more responsible,

but we got it done, okay?

I know it was a rough day,
but I love you.

I will love you forever.

- I think one of the ultimate
signs of loving someone

is when you see their flaws
and you still love them for it,

which probably means
I love Craig a lot.

[chuckles]

- We did good.

We're gonna make
a lot of kids happy.

- Are you looking for a girl?

- Am I looking for a girl?
I'm not actively--

But that's when it happens
for me all the time.

- When you're not looking?
- Every single time,

I'm like, "I'm single.
I'm running around."

- How long have
you been single?

- I broke up with my girlfriend
in April.

- How long did y'all date?

- For two years.

♪ ♪

- What's your type?

- Like, 5'8".
- 5'8"?

- 7".

♪ ♪

Blondish hair--
like, sandy blonde.

Hazel eyes.

Wait, what color are your eyes?

- [laughs]

- If you haven't noticed,
that's like 100% describing you.

- I picked that up a while ago,

but I'm 5'6",
so you threw me off on that.

You don't think
I'm too old for you?

31? [laughs]
- Yeah.

- Um, that's okay.

Are you going to Thomas's thing?
- Yeah.

- I don't know
how you're getting out there,

but we should go together.

- Are you gonna pick me up,
like a gentlemen?

- Absolutely.
- Wow.

♪ ♪

- Can I get your phone number,
so I can--

- Of course. You don't have to
be so formal about it.

- Perfect.

- On the next episode
of "Southern Charm"...

- Welcome.
- Thank you.

- Players are lining up.
- Let me see.

- Does this gross you out?

- Is that supposed to
gross me out,

or is that supposed to,
like, get me going?

- Oh, my God, are you two
enjoying a romantic--

- This is our first date.

♪ ♪

- When we get the kids
from his house,

he won't let us in his gate.

It's sad.

- Let's get to
the bottom of this.

What's it about him
that turns you off?

- It's too much drama.

♪ ♪

- So Chelsea said
they Frenched.

- Oh, they made out?
Okay.

- I don't want to break
bro code, but I like you.

♪ ♪

- For more "Southern Charm,"
go to bravotv.com.