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1
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,160
It's not his, Holly's kid.
She lied, dyed his hair.
2
00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,271
She's history.
3
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:14,793
- You forgotten what he put you through?
- Forgotten - no, forgiven - perhaps.
4
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,398
I think I'm having a breakdown.
5
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,511
So am I.
6
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:27,668
Did you ever think that maybe
we just weren't supposed to get together?
7
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,155
Hah! I'm here!
8
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:35,993
(screams )
9
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,793
Oh, God!
10
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,237
( ''Tired of Waiting'' by The Kinks )
11
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,271
So tired
12
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,311
Tired of waiting
13
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:53,389
Tired of waiting for you
14
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,956
- Morning, Mac.
- I was a lonely soul
15
00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:00,550
I had nobody till I met you
16
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:05,036
But you keep me waiting
17
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:06,957
All of the time
18
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,036
What can I do?
19
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,071
- It's your life
- Coming.
20
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,715
And you can do what you want
21
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,434
Do what you like
22
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,916
But please don't keep me waiting
23
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,558
Please don't keep me waiting
24
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,478
Cos I'm so tired
25
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,477
Tired of waiting
26
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,434
Tired of waiting for you
27
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,278
(gargles )
28
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,311
So tired
29
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,271
Tired of waiting
30
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:48,110
Tired of waiting for you
31
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,195
For you
32
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,717
Nearly there.
33
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,796
Nearly.
34
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:00,989
- It's all yours.
- About bloody time.
35
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,475
- Do you wanna...
- What?
36
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,551
- Put some makeup on?
- Oh, thanks.
37
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,989
No, no, no. I mean,
you look great, but...
38
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,348
- No!
- What?
39
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,630
- Oh, you've spoiled it!
- Spoiled what?
40
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,752
- The mirror. I'd written in it.
- Really? What did you write?
41
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:21,716
Well, you know, it doesn't matter now,
but if you must know, it was ' I love you' .
42
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,996
- You bloody narcissist. Now, get out.
- Well...
43
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,839
- No, go on.
- Are you gonna see Ginger Nuts today?
44
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:32,111
- We work with Ginger Nuts.
- Can't we go to a different hospital?
45
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,800
- What?
- You and me do our stuff somewhere else.
46
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:37,195
No. Go away.
47
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,756
- Oh, let me brush your teeth.
- No. Get out.
48
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,636
I'll do the top and you do the bottom.
49
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,836
Sue White.
50
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:51,915
Yeah.
51
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,555
Don't mind me.
Just feeling a little Morrissey today.
52
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:59,832
Ah, like an attention-seeking dilettante
wallowing in teenage angst
53
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:03,396
whilst displaying a spurious nostalgia
for the working classes.
54
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,751
- Aye, that's the fellow.
- Yep. For you.
55
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,676
A restraining order?
56
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:20,150
- But why, Mac, why?
- Because life is too short.
57
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:24,319
Read it, learn it by heart,
never bother me again.
58
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:29,359
- Can I do it if I don't actually touch...?
- No, no, no.
59
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:33,951
What about if I spoke in Portuguese?
(speaks Portuguese)
60
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:35,755
No.
61
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,031
Not in any language ever.
62
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,673
I could sniff your intoxicating
trouser fragrance. (sniffs )
63
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,315
Look, don't you think you sound
like an ink-jet printer?
64
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,795
Go away or go to jail.
65
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:59,358
But what about the wee bairn?
66
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,470
Harriet, what the fuck?
67
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,832
Ian found out about Lyndon and threw me out.
Told me to take what I needed and leave.
68
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,428
And I couldn't find a suitcase.
69
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,710
It's very hot in here.
70
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,511
What happened to you?
71
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,596
I got really drunk last night.
72
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:31,633
The hen party padlocked this
to my testicles.
73
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:33,432
(howls )
74
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,279
Sorry. It didn't hurt you, did it?
75
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,356
- Morning, guys.
- Hiya.
76
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,276
(knocking)
77
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,236
Who's there?
78
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,396
Hm?
79
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,554
Is that you?
80
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:10,630
You, back from the grave
to wreak your dwarfish vengeance upon me?
81
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,513
Well, I won't have it! You... I won't!
82
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,596
So...
83
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,875
You're not real.
You get out! You're not real.
84
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,958
You're just a midgety figment
of my imagination. Be gone!
85
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,559
Oh, bloody...
86
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,636
Hello, Alan.
87
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,788
- I can't go into my office.
- You're in my cupboard.
88
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,480
- I can't face people.
- You're in my cupboard.
89
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,592
- Oh, Jesus, Alan, we're going to prison.
- No, we're not.
90
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,995
- D'you what'll happen to me in prison?
- What?
91
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,429
I'll be lady-bummed.
92
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,869
I'll end up some bitch's bitch.
93
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,468
I won't let them. You're my bitch.
94
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,034
Criminals always get caught.
Don't you watch TV?
95
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,594
- We're not going to prison!
- They'll look for us.
96
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,632
Why? Where's the motive?
Why would we murder a dwarf?
97
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,990
- Why would you kill a dwarf?
- You shut up!
98
00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,476
You shut up with your...!
I've had it up to here with dwarves!
99
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,239
- No more dwarf!
- Yes, that's right, thanks to you.
100
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,316
You...
101
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,116
Alan? (knocks )
102
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,955
- What?
- I'm hungry.
103
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,750
And I need a pee.
104
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,795
I'll... I'll look after you.
105
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,676
I love you.
106
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,793
- (groans )
- Mm-hm.
107
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:39,909
(groans )
108
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,679
- I love her. I love her.
- Do you?
109
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,756
- Yeah.
- (laughs )
110
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,193
- Oh, how sweet.
- What?
111
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,073
- No, it is. That's sweet. It's cute.
- It's not cute.
112
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,634
- Oh, it is, it is.
- It's... it's...
113
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:58,198
- Well, then, just let her go. Let her go.
- I don't... I wanna keep her.
114
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,311
Suit yourself, then. Taxidermist.
115
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:04,035
You'll need to kill her, have her stuffed
before she'll stay with you.
116
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,879
You know nothing about love.
You don't know a thing.
117
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,797
- Well, go on, why don't you tell me about it?
- Why don't I?
118
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,148
- Do you know about it?
- Yeah.
119
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:13,033
- Go on, then. Let's hear it.
- Right.
120
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,758
Love...
121
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,916
is...
122
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,998
waking up in the middle of the night...
123
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,350
- That's about as far as I've got.
- Is it?
124
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,994
- Yeah.
- Right. It's not great, is it?
125
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,076
Well...
126
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,556
(groans )
127
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,359
Have a chocolate cock.
They're quite cheering.
128
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,710
No, not both of them.
129
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,273
They are actually quite cheering.
130
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,469
- (Joanna ) Vodka?
- No, my darling, I think not.
131
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,353
- No vodka for you. Maybe a coffee or...
- (knock at door)
132
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:22,029
Hi. We were just wondering
whether you'd cancelled today's session.
133
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:26,950
- We thought maybe it would be in here.
- Right. Yes. Cancelled. Hm.
134
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,435
Is that smoke?
135
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:33,712
Yes. It's... it's a smoking...
It's my... my smoking cupboard.
136
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,308
- Oh, right, yeah. There might be a fire.
- No. No.
137
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:40,558
- They say, ' No smoke without fire.'
- That is precisely what a fool might think.
138
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:43,797
A fool who also thinks
that I might keep a person in storage
139
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:48,675
and, not only that,
but give them a cigarette to smoke within.
140
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,756
- (Joanna whispers ) Alan?
- Shut up.
141
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,996
- What?
- Shut up.
142
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,759
Well, not you. Her. No, him. Him.
143
00:08:55,880 --> 00:09:00,715
- Did you say anything?
- No, well, shut up, nobody. Just...
144
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,630
Is...
145
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,991
- Is that a glass of wee?
- No, no, that's apple juice.
146
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:15,240
- Oh, that's funny, cos it... it smells like wee.
- No, it's... it's or-organic.
147
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,112
That's...
148
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,949
- (Boyce) Chin-chin.
- Chinny chin-chin and, er, bottoms.
149
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,036
(gibbers )
150
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,198
- Oh, yes.
- Refreshing.
151
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,151
Lovely. It's-it's the, um...
152
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,952
(gibbers )
153
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,036
Yes. Mm.
154
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,916
( drill)
155
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,751
Thank you very much, cupboard lady.
156
00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:08,829
(retches )
157
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:24,678
- I love it when patients give you things.
- Apart from venereal disease.
158
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,791
- He's on his last legs.
- Who, yo-yo man?
159
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,878
- I'm assuming he had a real name.
- But you can't remember it.
160
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:34,437
- Can you?
- No, but you're the moral one, so it's worse.
161
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:40,912
- You know yo-yo man died.
- Yeah. He had a name, actually.
162
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:45,318
- I can't remember what it was.
- Yeah, neither can we.
163
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,477
You know, the last thing
he said to me was:
164
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,512
' Don't die alone like me
in a place like this.'
165
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,596
' Find someone you love.'
166
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:58,953
' Ask them to marry you, raise children
together and live a full and rich, happy life.'
167
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,070
I don't get it.
168
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,316
Walk the dog.
169
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:10,635
Catch the monkey.
170
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,716
Chase the rabbit.
171
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,630
Open the fridge.
172
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,716
Rearrange the kitchen.
173
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:23,990
- Wise words.
- Yeah. Good old yo-yo man.
174
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,471
Stroke the beaver.
175
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,556
Smell the witch.
176
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,795
Oh, count the ants.
177
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,276
All I'm saying is that
you will never be a one-woman man.
178
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,356
- That's rubbish. I am. I am.
- Yeah?
179
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:51,549
Yeah.
180
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,877
- What about that new blonde girl in ENT?
- Not interested.
181
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,309
- Not interested?
- No. No. I've changed.
182
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,396
How about Graham in dermatology?
183
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,637
Changed, as in I think
I'm ready for commitment.
184
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,069
I'll sign your commitment papers today.
185
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,873
- Commitment with a woman.
- Ah.
186
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,275
I can see myself
with about a dozen children.
187
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,709
- That's illegal, isn't it?
- Mac!
188
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,308
- What would you do with them?
- Teach them Guyball.
189
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,317
- I'd buy them a train set.
- A train set?
190
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,115
- I love train sets.
- You do. It's supposed to be for the children.
191
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,516
- I was never allowed one.
- Nothing wrong with wanting a train set.
192
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:28,792
That's a very good quality in a wife.
Woman. Doctor.
193
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,717
If you're looking for
a wife/woman/doctor...
194
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,353
Aren't you looking for
a wife/woman/doctor?
195
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:36,917
Well, I haven't placed an advert
in Wife/Woman/Doctor Weekly this week.
196
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:41,511
- Which week might you put an ad in, then?
- Maybe he will never put an ad in.
197
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:45,110
- Is that true?
- Well, it depends. It's difficult, placing an ad.
198
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:48,471
Sometimes you get your hopes up
and then the person
199
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:53,355
who answers the ad can let you down, then
suddenly you're back to where you started.
200
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:57,075
I think you need to be very sure
before you place the ad.
201
00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,078
Suppose you're waiting for the ad
from a specific person?
202
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:05,797
Do you wait for that ad or do you go with
another ad, one that's maybe got a typo in it?
203
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,832
I think you have to know
exactly what you want.
204
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,315
- I see.
- What do you mean by typo, exactly?
205
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,795
Yeah, I'm not sure.
206
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:17,071
- Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
- (Joanna moans )
207
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,760
Yes, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Ah, ho, ho, ho, ho!
208
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,110
- (grunts )
- (Joanna moans )
209
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,673
Dr Statham?
210
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,473
Oh. Erm...
211
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,591
You may be thinking, erm...
212
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:32,633
There's no need to stare. It's not dirty.
It's not a cupboard. It's a woman.
213
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:36,150
But she won't come out,
hence the need for... for this.
214
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,589
(grunts )
215
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,676
- Wait. No.
- (Joanna moans )
216
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:44,236
No, sorry. M-magic has gone.
217
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,759
And I think I may have a splinter.
218
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,956
( hums )
219
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,911
Two, four, six, eight!
We've got a message from your mate!
220
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,190
Give us an M!
221
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,150
Excuse me.
222
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,430
Give us an M!
223
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:28,709
Er, M.
224
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,071
- Give us an A!
- A.
225
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,395
- Give us a...
- Is it a C?
226
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,829
It's an R.
227
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,029
Oh, R.
228
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,311
Give us a T-I-N!
229
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:46,236
- Martin.
- Yeah!
230
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,631
Marry him! Marry him!
Marry him! Marry him!
231
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,716
Marry me.
232
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,477
Sorry, Martin.
233
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,750
- She said no.
- What?
234
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:05,796
She said no! She said no! She said no!
She said no! She said no! She said no!
235
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,154
Yeah!
236
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,837
What's that? More apple juice?
237
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,076
No, Mr Boyce, it's coffee.
238
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,114
(laughs )
239
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,674
- No, it is coffee. Look.
- No, not that, this.
240
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,997
No, it's about a gentleman
of restricted growth.
241
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:30,908
Y-you mean the-the thing,
the pixie, the dwarf, is it?
242
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,429
- If you like, yeah.
- Oh. W-well, why is it funny?
243
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:37,678
He owned a small business and here they've
referred to him as a small businessman.
244
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,837
- Do you get it? Fantastic journalism.
- And what does it say?
245
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:45,954
It says, ' The disappearance of Alistair Taylor
took an interesting twist today
246
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:51,438
when it was discovered that the small
businessman had debts of over GBP2.3 million.'
247
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,312
Ooh! Ah.
248
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:57,672
Yeah. His... ' His disappearance is now
being treated by police as suicide.'
249
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,473
Oh, y...! (laughs )
250
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,559
That's very... You made me spill my coffee.
So funny. That's... hah!
251
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,717
- You all right?
- Oh, yes. You have it. You have the coffee.
252
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,593
Oh! Ha-ha!
253
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,516
You can come out.
Come on! Out, out, out!
254
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,710
- We're in the clear. Yes!
- No.
255
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:33,230
Come on, yes. I mean, it's in the paper.
Everything... They think...
256
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:37,399
they... they... they think...
they... they think... they think it's a suicide.
257
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:41,638
It's... it's in the...
Th-th-the dwarf was a bankrupt.
258
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,320
- I'm not coming out.
- No, come on. You must come out.
259
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,113
- I'm not coming out. Get off me.
- Come out, out, out.
260
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,434
- I'm not...
- Come out!
261
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,393
- Me!
- Get out, you! Come out. I'll pull you out.
262
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,988
Right, come on. Out, come on. Right.
263
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:59,035
Now, come on. Pull yourself together.
Pull yourself together. Now, listen. Listen.
264
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,276
Everything's fine. We've done it.
265
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,960
- We are beyond the law.
- No.
266
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,116
Yes, yes! Come on!
267
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,310
Come on!
268
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,998
Hm? Hm? Hm?
269
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,111
Come on, w-we... This is our time.
270
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,390
Yes. Come on. Yes.
271
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,556
Yes.
272
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,079
Come on. Come on.
273
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,633
Oh.
274
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,512
We got away with it.
275
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,915
Yes, my sweet.
276
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,395
We didn't just cross the line.
277
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,670
Maybe there is no line.
278
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,552
- No rules.
- No.
279
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,035
We could do anything.
280
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,116
Anything.
281
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,595
Oh.
282
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,910
Oh.
283
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,359
No, not the pens.
284
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,715
- Hi.
- Hi.
285
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,513
I... I wanted to talk to you about earlier.
286
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,312
Who?
287
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:58,390
You know, as in earlier on today
when you wrote ' I love you' on-on the mirror.
288
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,632
You know, when you wrote
' I love you' on the mirror.
289
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:10,636
Well, someone who looked
and sounded just like you did.
290
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,194
It was meant for me, wasn't it?
291
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,918
Right.
292
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,679
It's a shame, because I realise that I...
293
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,713
I didn't take the person who did it seriously
at the time. I wanted to thank them.
294
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,796
- Thank them?
- Yeah.
295
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,189
I, er... I, um...
296
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,311
I-I liked it.
297
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:35,592
I liked that they wrote that.
I-I like... them.
298
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:41,631
- But, you know, as it wasn't you...
- Marry me.
299
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,557
What?
300
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,035
- Marry me.
- Is this some sort of bet?
301
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,597
No, no, no, no. This is me, here and now,
asking you to marry me.
302
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,676
Marry me.
303
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,913
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, I get that a lot.
304
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,110
- I'm sure you do.
- Please don't say no.
305
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,913
Say maybe. Say you'll think about it,
but don't say no.
306
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:25,837
OK.
307
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,599
- OK, you'll think about it?
- OK, I'll think about it.
308
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,676
- Really?
- Really.
309
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,678
Kiss me again while I think about it.
310
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,794
Oh, yes. (laughs )
311
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,310
- This is what you've always wanted to do?
- Yes, yes.
312
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,113
We can do anything.
Let's do something exciting.
313
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,676
- Come on, make the call. Go on.
- All right.
314
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:04,795
Hello. Can you tell Mr Boyce he's wanted
in Dr Statham's office right away, please?
315
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,276
- Yeah, thank you. He's on his way.
- Oh, good, good.
316
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,278
It'll be very funny.
This will be very funny. Oh!
317
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,678
No, turn it, turn it, turn it so the slit's forward
so I can see when to jump out.
318
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,756
(laughs )
319
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,676
( door closes )
320
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:28,873
- You are really good at that.
- I practise a lot.
321
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,753
Of course, if you say yes,
322
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,030
I'll just practise on you.
323
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,835
- Too much?
- A bit.
324
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,916
Yeah. Sorry.
325
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,954
He'll never do that.
326
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,150
He-he never sees anything through.
327
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,430
You'll be waiting forever.
328
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,994
And-and he kisses like a newt.
329
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,714
I'm told.
330
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,038
(knock at door)
331
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,799
Dr Statham, you wanted to see me?
332
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,676
(Statham ) Um...
333
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,153
yes.
334
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:26,398
Is it about the reports I did last?
I mean, I can do them a lot better.
335
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,875
No, they're fine. Very good.
336
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,918
- Right. Can I... can I go?
- Um, yes.
337
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,996
OK. See you.
338
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,876
- Are you gonna do any work today?
- Not till I know it's safe.
339
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,514
- What's the problem?
- I thought I saw a Clanger.
340
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,676
Jesus!
341
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,552
- A what?
- A Clanger.
342
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,238
Oh.
343
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,033
I thought you said ' shark' .
344
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,116
(makes Clanger noises )
345
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,876
Stop it!
346
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,718
- Come in.
- I am in. Are you blind as well as Scottish?
347
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,434
- What do you want?
- You're fired.
348
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,313
Go on. Pack your bags and piss off.
349
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,596
Have you got official confirmation of this
in writing, perhaps?
350
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:28,075
- Yeah.
- Can I see it?
351
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:39,309
- ' I love you.'
- ' Bye-bye, bitch.'
352
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,159
Any particular reason at all?
353
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,511
- Yeah, you're fat.
- Yeah. Fair enough.
354
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,990
Hello. How are you?
355
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,957
What, no quips? No witty asides?
356
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:01,915
No hilarious gags? Are you feeling all right?
Is there something wrong?
357
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,996
No.
358
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,958
Oh, God, no.
You bloody, bloody man!
359
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,435
You had to go and show off, didn't you?
360
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,791
Mac, I am so sorry. I don't know
what came over me. It just happened.
361
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,276
My brain got all fuzzy.
It never meant anything. It was just a kiss.
362
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,709
Quite a long kiss,
and there were two of them,
363
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:24,994
but I have to assure you
that I feel absolutely nothing for Guy.
364
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,790
He didn't tell me.
365
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,516
- Oh.
- Hm.
366
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,514
Are you all right
with the fact that we kissed?
367
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,950
- We never kissed.
- No, me and Caroline.
368
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,469
Fine, yeah.
369
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,830
Are you all right with what she said?
370
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,713
Yeah, fine.
It was all a bit vague, really.
371
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,071
' I feel absolutely nothing for Guy.'
That was vague, was it?
372
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:13,035
Oh, that bit. Well, yeah, I mean,
she was just trying to... spare your feelings.
373
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,674
We all work together.
She had to be diplomatic.
374
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:19,349
Right. So if I just went for it one day,
say, I said, you know...
375
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,552
asked her to marry me,
she would turn me down flat, would she?
376
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:26,036
- Well, I know you. You wouldn't do that.
- Right. Wouldn't I?
377
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,276
No.
378
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,356
Dr Todd, hello.
379
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:36,390
So, erm... I was wondering
if I could ask you something.
380
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:40,195
- No, you can't!
- Well, what do you mean?
381
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,710
What? What?
What, I mean, what do I mean?
382
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,910
No, no, sorry. Sorry. Carry on. Fine.
383
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,157
- Do you think that...?
- No, wait!
384
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,350
Just... All right, just go on.
385
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,630
Be careful. Be careful.
386
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,515
(shouts )
387
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,716
(shouts )
388
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,596
(loud choking sounds )
389
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:16,150
Would you consider an aortal incision
to be worth the risk in this case?
390
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,677
I don't think I would, no.
391
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,997
She said no! Boo ya!
392
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:29,275
Although I appreciate Dr Macartney taking
a moment to respect my professional opinion.
393
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,516
No, no, no, no, no.
394
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,110
Oh, dear. (strains )
395
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,352
- You're a bit late.
- Yes, I thought it's best
396
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:50,952
not to bother with your silly little meeting,
as you're all a bunch of bloody oiks.
397
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:55,232
I come to inform you that the sandwiches
you're eating have been tampered with.
398
00:25:55,360 --> 00:26:00,798
They contain traces of my very own poo.
399
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,071
So, what do you think of that, hm? Hm?
400
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,556
You're eating poowiches.
You're playing Russian poolette.
401
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:09,272
So. Mm-hm.
402
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,753
Yes.
403
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,075
Ah.
404
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:17,910
These have been delivered by Turnbulls. They
arrived five minutes ago. They're very good.
405
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,951
Care to try one?
406
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,674
(stammers ) Yes, they have.
407
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:26,839
Yes, exactly. And the ones
with the clingfilm on that I put there?
408
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,190
Ah, I think those went to the patients.
409
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:34,394
The patients, yes.
And-and hopefully they'll all die of poo.
410
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,476
You bloody fucksies.
411
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:39,959
Joanna.
412
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,832
Charles.
413
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,478
Right. Er... 46B,
414
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:49,556
complaints procedure.
415
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,676
(phones buzz)
416
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,317
- Kiss me.
- What?
417
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,477
Kiss me.
I need someone to kiss me now.
418
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,790
I went too far, didn't I?
419
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,436
(gasps ) Ow!
420
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:40,676
(whimpers )
421
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,594
Oh, it doesn't matter, doesn't matter.
422
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,676
- Hi.
- Hi.
423
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:13,713
- I wanted to... to ask you something.
- Did you?
424
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:18,675
Yeah. Well, you know, hence me standing here
saying I wanna ask you something.
425
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,951
- Yeah. What do you want?
- Erm...
426
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:25,159
you.
427
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:29,432
Well, you've come to the right place,
cos here I am.
428
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,593
Yeah. No, I, erm...
429
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,280
- I-I want you.
- Oh.
430
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:40,869
Oh.
431
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,678
Oh.
432
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,438
Yeah. Erm...
433
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:45,754
OK.
434
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:50,874
Not really sure how... how this is gonna
come out, so, um, it's a bit tricky,
435
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:52,956
but, um...
436
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,310
- Caroline...
- Wait. Wait.
437
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:00,432
- Are you... are you about to propose?
- Um...
438
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,199
Only-only it'll be my third today.
439
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,356
Oh, great. Right. Quite a day.
440
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,391
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
441
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:08,873
Yeah.
442
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:13,073
So, what did you say
to these... these proposals?
443
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,351
A yes, no and a maybe.
444
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,031
Right.
445
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:22,630
So, what would I be?
A yes, no or maybe?
446
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,638
Oh, you're the yes.
447
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:34,115
Of course, you realise
that I didn't actually propose to you just now?
448
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:38,836
No... no, no, but then, you know, you were
pacing about and looking nervous, so I...
449
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:44,717
Yeah, yeah, that's... No, that's cos I was
building up to getting round to asking you
450
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,673
whether or not
you would swap shifts with me tonight.
451
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:51,236
Short notice, I know,
so you don't have to.
452
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:57,515
Really not a problem.
I can ask someone else. So it's cool.
453
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:02,279
- You all right?
- Yeah.
454
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,072
Good. Good.
455
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,031
No, I just thought...
456
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:10,119
- What? What did you think?
- I... I thought you were going...
457
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,038
No, I was just...
Well, I don't know what I was.
458
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,517
And anyway, who actually wants to get
married these days? I mean, it's just so...
459
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:19,790
Absolutely. Absolutely.
460
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,993
- You could always move in with me.
- What?
461
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:36,558
Well, that's what I was gonna ask you before
I made up the bit about swapping shifts.
462
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,830
Why would you do that?
463
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,795
Cos, um...
464
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:49,119
I wanted to make really sure
that I could live in the same house
465
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,198
as both your eyebrows.
466
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:59,071
- You can be very cruel sometimes.
- Yes.
467
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,120
I don't think I'd quite finished.
468
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:46,476
Go! Go!
469
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,751
- Go! Run! Just go.
- Just get off the...
470
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,391
Come on. Let's...
471
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,353
- Come on. Pull yourself together.
- There's a police car!
472
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,552
- I know. I know.
- They've... Oh, my God, they've come for me.
473
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:02,636
Quick, run!
474
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:14,075
Well, where are you?
No, where are you?
475
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,111
Where are you?
476
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:21,598
I love Fridays, cos the afternoon
doesn't really count, does it?
477
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:26,436
Well, then, I should be able to see you.
478
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:29,154
Where?
479
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,236
No, I can't see you.
480
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,468
No. I can't see you.
481
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:40,993
I can't see you. Look, just give me a call
when you're back in the building. Yeah, OK.
482
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,429
Yeah, all right. Bye.
483
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:58,238
Shh!
484
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:07,876
(phone rings )
485
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,353
(foreign accent) Hello?
No, Dr Statham, no, he...
486
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,199
(normal accent) H-hello. Is it you? Yes.
487
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,880
Yes. Yes, I'm ready. Hm? What?
488
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:29,636
W-w-where are they?
489
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:31,512
Oh, my fuck. Oh, my fuck.
490
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:35,030
- Well, what shall I do? Hm?
- ( distant sirens )
491
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:41,110
They're here. They're here. Just.... Don't...
You wait. Wait. You stay. Wait. Wait for me.
492
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:44,272
OK.
493
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:46,197
Ah. Hi, there. Hi.
494
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:49,153
Hi, I'm Dr Macartney.
How are you feeling?
495
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:55,230
I need to borrow Dr Todd just for a moment,
because it's... it's rather urgent. Excuse me.
496
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,155
- Hi.
- What now?
497
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:02,751
- I need to ask your advice.
- Advice about what?
498
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:07,715
About whether I should apologise
verbally or physically.
499
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,274
Physically?
500
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:15,118
Good. You see?
501
00:34:15,240 --> 00:34:17,595
Unbiased and instinctive.
502
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,232
- Whoa.
- (giggles )
503
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,113
- I accept your apology.
- Good. Great.
504
00:34:41,240 --> 00:34:45,119
Um, I'd like you to try and get on with this
as fast as you can,
505
00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:49,279
because we're gonna go away
somewhere for the weekend. OK?
506
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,391
- But-but what about my shift?
- Sorted.
507
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,876
I've got you cover with Dopey Daniel. OK?
508
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,629
You are gonna be fine.
Just lose some weight.
509
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:08,516
(she pants )
510
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:25,477
- Martin. Erm... er... good luck.
- With what?
511
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:30,515
Well, with everything. Your life, your...
I can't stop now. I'm in a rush.
512
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:34,519
All right. Well, it's good to see you,
even though you are on the run, as it were.
513
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:38,076
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not on the run, I'm on the...
514
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:39,792
- Game?
- No, on the...
515
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:41,876
- Sauce?
- No, no. I'm on the...
516
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:44,150
- Pill?
- No! I'm on the...
517
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,829
- Blob?
- No, on the... on the...
518
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:52,351
- Sunny side of the street?
- No, no. I'm on the... on the... on the...
519
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,835
- holiday.
- Oh, holiday.
520
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,030
Oh, right. Well, have fun.
521
00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:01,278
Yeah, yeah, I will. I'd better... better go.
I've got a... got a plane to catch.
522
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:04,995
Mexico, probably, or Puerto Ventura or...
523
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,076
Nowhere in England.
524
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:18,919
(screams )
525
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,671
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
- Oh, it's you.
526
00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:34,674
Didn't there used to be a yucca here
or something?
527
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:36,950
No.
528
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,548
Oh.
529
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,873
The weasel is still in its cage.
530
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:47,476
The weasel is still in its cage.
531
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:53,072
The weasel is out of the cage.
The weasel is out of the cage.
532
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,509
Fly, pelicans. Go, go, go.
533
00:36:55,640 --> 00:37:00,668
The weasel is returning to the cage,
so pelicans to the kitchen.
534
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,155
Pelicans, go to the kitchen.
535
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:06,710
The... Go to the kitchen.
536
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,434
The kitchen.
537
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,916
It's the bush. The kitchen is the bush.
538
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,115
Just a minute. Where?
539
00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:18,435
- There.
- Have you said kitchen?
540
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:21,518
The kitchen is the...
Look, we've arranged all of this.
541
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:25,519
I've only heard bush.
Well, you keep saying bush. Perhaps...
542
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:31,590
- Look, we-we worked on this, OK? The...
- There's the policeman! Act normal. Kiss me.
543
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,396
No, me.
544
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,829
(Joanna ) No...
545
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:44,518
No. I...
546
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:46,596
Wait, wait, wait.
547
00:37:46,720 --> 00:37:50,076
- Why don't we just go to a motel?
- Oh!
548
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,760
- Good idea. Lie low.
- Come on.
549
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,997
- Lie low.
- He meant for us to all have sex together.
550
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:57,599
Good kisser.
551
00:37:57,720 --> 00:38:00,359
Are you saying sex with... with Boyce?
552
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,436
(Sue screams )
553
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,556
(howls )
554
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:18,635
There's a train coming!
There's a train! A train's coming!
555
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:23,390
Yeah, yeah, of course there is, Martin.
This is platform 21. And I've said no.
556
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:25,397
What? No. This...
557
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:30,389
- Look! There's a train coming, I promise.
- (whistle blows )
558
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:33,834
- Look.
- (Caroline gasps )
559
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,110
Look.
560
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:41,309
Oh, wow.
561
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:44,113
- Oh, wow.
- Look, a map.
562
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:49,232
' Meet me at the station at 6:43.
Wear something special.'
563
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:53,399
- Christ, I'd better go!
- Martin, I think it's for me.
564
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,954
- Are you sure?
- Quite sure.
565
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,548
God. I knew it was too good to be true.
566
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,313
- Hula Hoop.
- A Hula Hoop?
567
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,079
Is that good?
568
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:09,079
I think it might turn out
to be a very special weekend, Martin.
569
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:13,034
Yeah, a weekend
with lots of snacks, probably.
570
00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:17,198
Special, Martin.
571
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,598
A visit to the Hula Hoop factory! Cool!
572
00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:23,835
Yes!
573
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:25,916
Who is it?
574
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:39,478
From the day we arrive on the planet
575
00:39:41,240 --> 00:39:45,518
And blinking, step into the sun
576
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,196
- Which car?
- Doesn't matter.
577
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:55,720
There's more to be seen
578
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:58,559
Than can ever be seen
579
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:03,470
More to do than can ever be done
580
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:09,232
- Get out of the car. Come on, out.
- Why?
581
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,150
Why should they? I haven't got a gun.
582
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,238
Some say, ' Eat or be eaten'
583
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:21,077
Some say, ' Live or let live'
584
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,472
I'm a doc... nurse, and you are...
585
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,637
- I've got to get to the hospital.
- We're at the hospital.
586
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,558
- Don't get clever with me, punk.
- Oh, brilliant.
587
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:32,910
- Get out of the van.
- It's a mobile home.
588
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:36,794
Right, get out of the mobile home, then.
And you, missus, with your...
589
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:38,638
- Come on, get 'em out.
- Get out.
590
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:40,955
But all are agreed
591
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,469
As they join the stampede
592
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:45,352
- Erm...
- Stay there.
593
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:50,038
You should never take more
than you give
594
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:53,799
That's my...
595
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,551
In the circle
596
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,870
The circle of life
597
00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:06,393
(meows )
598
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,200
- Come on.
- (horn )
599
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:27,276
Come on!
600
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,431
No, I think we've lost them.
Do you think we've lost them?
601
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,836
- Well, they were on foot.
- They were upset about losing their van.
602
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:41,157
They were more upset that you
called it a van. You can slow down.
603
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:45,319
No! No. What if they... if they jump
into a taxi and say, ' Follow that van' ?
604
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:47,670
- They wouldn't say ' van' .
- They can eat dust.
605
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:52,999
I've got this baby between my legs, I've got
my foot on the floor, I'll burn some rubbers.
606
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:54,394
Go on!
607
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:56,351
Shut up.
608
00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:08,676
Dr Macartney, what a surprise!
Although it isn't, cos I followed you.
609
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,439
How are the people of Insania
without their queen?
610
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:15,599
I left them Post-it notes with instructions.
Would you like to look in my papoose?
611
00:42:15,720 --> 00:42:18,837
As I warned you, that is sexual harassment.
Can you excuse me?
612
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:23,954
Yeah, all right. Have a look at it later.
There's a gift for you... Daddy.
613
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,548
(growling)
614
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:28,830
Did you just growl?
615
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,551
Might have done.
616
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:35,796
Could have done. Maybe I did.
617
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:38,436
- OK, decaf, no sugar.
- Me.
618
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,391
OK. Erm...
619
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,988
Herbal, that's Harriet's.
620
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,112
Er, black, no sugar?
621
00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:49,437
And that one's three sugars.
That's mine.
622
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,471
So who's this?
623
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,955
Who has tea, milk, no sugar?
624
00:42:57,960 --> 00:42:59,916
Oh, well.
625
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:10,316
- Fucking cigarettes!
- Well, it's better than smoking 'em.
626
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,396
Yes, very good.
627
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,799
You've been in the business for a while.
What is the worst thing about this job?
628
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,674
The worst thing is probably the white coats
cos they make me look quite pale.
629
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:25,713
- Seriously.
- Seriously, er, bureaucracy.
630
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,673
- No.
- No? Er, lack of adequate funding.
631
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:32,429
No, I'm thinking of something
more specific, more patient-orientated.
632
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,835
Got you. Smelly patients.
633
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:35,949
(sighs )
634
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:39,356
Not exactly. Suppose you were
conducting some routine tests
635
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:43,393
and you stumbled across
something significant, something serious?
636
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,080
- Mm-hm.
- Something like this.
637
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:48,956
Er, hm.
638
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,992
Nasty. I would say that is game over.
639
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,315
- Yeah?
- Yes.
640
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:58,715
That's definitely game over.
641
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:00,717
Yes.
642
00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:05,233
Still, you've got to face facts, haven't you?
You've got to be honest.
643
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:10,354
Yes. Well, you've got to actually go and tell
the patient that he's gonna die, which is...
644
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:12,675
I hate that. I hate it.
645
00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:16,917
Quite. So.
646
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,190
Bearing that in mind...
647
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:27,392
Imagine how I must be feeling
right this minute.
648
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:28,873
Yes.
649
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,560
Yeah, it's very difficult.
650
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,831
I don't actually quite follow what you...
651
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:37,713
Whose results are these, anyway?
652
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,396
Fuck.
653
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:06,516
Fuck.
654
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,956
And fuck.
655
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:19,557
I forget I have a first name sometimes.
People always... Well, they call me Mac.
656
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:22,433
I'm so very, very sorry.
657
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,236
Are you OK?
658
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:32,236
OK.
659
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:38,594
- May I?
- Of course.
660
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:43,233
We've explored all the options.
661
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,355
If you need any support...
662
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,550
Are you OK?
663
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:58,636
Yeah. Thank you.
664
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,156
What's in the box?
665
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:11,035
Oh.
666
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:13,071
That's nice.
667
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,990
- They'll look for this vehicle.
- No. There are thousands like this.
668
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:22,032
Not being driven
by a nurse with a moustache.
669
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:25,391
- Nobody knows where we are.
- Least of all you.
670
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:28,512
Come on. Let's not succumb
to feeble-minded panic.
671
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:30,915
Are we nearly there yet?
672
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,037
What the fuck are you doing here?
673
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,754
- I stowed away. I saw you take the van.
- Mobile home.
674
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:38,677
- Get rid of him!
- I was worried.
675
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:42,395
- You kept quiet about it.
- I nodded off. Those beds are really comfy.
676
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,876
- People will think we kidnapped him.
- What do you suggest we do?
677
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:49,390
- I don't know. We'll have to kill him.
- Oh, typical.
678
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:52,830
Oh, right. The penalty for murder's
much less than for kidnapping.
679
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:56,555
- Yes, well, we've already killed one pixie.
- What?
680
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:58,557
- Nice work.
- He tricked me.
681
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:00,557
- He didn't.
- Yes. He said ' typical' .
682
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:03,148
He tricked me. That's a trick word.
683
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:08,149
- For Christ's sake, get a grip!
- Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks.
684
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:13,035
Rain, spout till you have drenched
our steeples and drowned our cocks!
685
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:15,720
- Give me the wheel.
- I'm in charge of the vehicle!
686
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,956
- Liar.
- I'm driving...
687
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:26,159
Oh, my fucksy, there's a field in the road!
Get off me!
688
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:28,635
(Joanna ) Give me the wheel!
689
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:31,278
(Martin ) A sheep!
690
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,716
( ''Tired of Waiting'' by The Kinks )
691
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:43,637
So tired
692
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:45,591
Tired of waiting
693
00:47:45,720 --> 00:47:50,669
Tired of waiting for you
694
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,556
So tired
695
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:55,477
Tired of waiting
696
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:59,559
Tired of waiting for you
697
00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:14,196
(screaming)
698
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:19,918
God.
699
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:21,996
(groans )
700
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:26,157
- This is just weird.
- What?
701
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,236
D�j� vu.
702
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:32,559
- We're going to have to sit here and wait.
- For what?
703
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:34,830
- Cliff rescue.
- Who? Oh.
704
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:43,476
Caroline!
705
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:45,556
Mac.
706
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:15,838
You? I thought it was Mac.
707
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:18,474
No, it's... No, it's definitely me.
708
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:30,869
I wanted to see what I could have had
if I'd been a bit more... ginger.
709
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,275
Sad, isn't it?
710
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,356
- A bit, yeah.
- Yeah.
711
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:38,555
Where's Mac?
712
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:41,911
Well, he's let me down again, hasn't he?
713
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,189
Life's just a game. Bastard.
714
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:48,471
Well, no, I'm sure he had his reasons.
715
00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:52,234
He's actually not a bastard.
716
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:55,397
He's, um... he's a really good bloke.
717
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:03,432
- Yes.
- What?
718
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:07,109
Yes. Yes to what you asked me earlier.
719
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,316
Really?
720
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:15,752
You had a little snog and some touching
with another girl when you were at school?
721
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,519
No, no, no.
Yes to the getting married thing.
722
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:20,790
Oh. Oh.
723
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:24,993
- It's hardly prepubescent lesbian fumbling.
- No. Sorry.
724
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:27,759
That's OK.
725
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:29,836
Are you sure?
726
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:33,477
Yeah.
727
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:37,798
I mean, I shared a bed with Marianne Selby
when we were 15 and she rolled over and...
728
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:41,310
No, I rolled over and touched her boob,
but she was in a pair of pyjamas
729
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:45,718
- so I don't think it really counts.
- No, I meant about the marriage thing.
730
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:47,353
Oh, oh. Erm...
731
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:54,158
Yes, I'm sure. There's always been something
between us. I think we both know that.
732
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,236
Oh, my God.
733
00:50:57,720 --> 00:51:00,314
Oh, my God.
734
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:02,510
Did you ever tell Mac?
735
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:07,270
No. It's very easy to lie
when you know that you're trusted implicitly.
736
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:09,516
So very easy and so very degrading.
737
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:12,438
- No, I meant about the lesbian thing.
- Oh. No.
738
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:16,830
I love you, Dr Todd.
739
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:21,197
- What? What?
- Sorry. Sorry.
740
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:23,880
It's just I normally do the lunging, so...
741
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:25,956
Oh.
742
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:28,554
Oh. Oh, sorry.
743
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:30,671
- See what I mean?
- Yeah, yeah.
744
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:34,349
- We... Why don't we...?
- You go and I'll...
745
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:43,271
(Statham ) A is for anus.
746
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:45,356
- B is for bum hole.
- Oh, is he off again?
747
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:47,755
- C is for cunt.
- Oh!
748
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,155
(Statham ) D is for dogs' dicks.
749
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:52,714
E is for ejaculation.
750
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:55,308
F is for fuck.
751
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:57,635
G is for gonads.
752
00:51:57,760 --> 00:51:59,716
H is for...
753
00:52:04,240 --> 00:52:06,435
- (whistle)
- Er, yeah.
754
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:09,472
- Oh, quick, quick, quick.
- OK. I hope they've got a buffet.
755
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:11,556
I'm starving.
56726
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