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1
00:00:08,044 --> 00:00:10,899
It's weird. When I first
saw this uniform, I wept.
2
00:00:11,099 --> 00:00:12,728
Hashtag, too blessed to
be badly dressed.
3
00:00:12,928 --> 00:00:14,268
Do you know what?
I'm actually going to miss it.
4
00:00:14,292 --> 00:00:16,060
Where did you get a shredder?
5
00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:16,872
Fraser's office.
6
00:00:17,072 --> 00:00:19,068
What did you do on your last
day of school, sir?
7
00:00:19,268 --> 00:00:20,708
You know, I don't actually remember.
8
00:00:20,774 --> 00:00:22,054
You don't remember Boris Johnson
9
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:25,008
bumming you with the handle
of your Quidditch broom?
10
00:00:26,012 --> 00:00:29,028
Ah, Cleopatra. Who am I going to have
next year to make wisecracks
11
00:00:29,228 --> 00:00:31,260
about me getting sodomised
at a fictional boarding school?
12
00:00:31,284 --> 00:00:33,816
Oh, don't be down, sir.
I'm not, Chantelle.
13
00:00:34,016 --> 00:00:36,264
We've got plenty of things to look
forward to until the term ends
14
00:00:36,288 --> 00:00:39,072
and you all leave me forever.
Like the last-ever class wars.
15
00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:42,068
Exactly, Joe! It's going to be
the best one yet -
16
00:00:42,268 --> 00:00:44,032
Zombie Apocalypse.
17
00:00:44,232 --> 00:00:44,840
Ooh!
18
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:48,462
I've even sorted out an actual
zombie to attack the class. How?
19
00:00:48,662 --> 00:00:52,084
Told the librarian that we had
a few overdue books in here.
20
00:00:52,284 --> 00:00:55,012
Then I stole her insulin.
21
00:00:55,212 --> 00:00:56,812
Urgh!
22
00:00:57,012 --> 00:00:59,264
And we're not all leaving, sir.
Jing'll be here next year.
23
00:00:59,288 --> 00:01:01,024
Yeah, me and Jing.
24
00:01:01,224 --> 00:01:01,864
Whoo!
25
00:01:02,064 --> 00:01:03,964
We can still see each other, sir.
26
00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:05,998
I mean, YOU still see YOUR teachers.
27
00:01:06,198 --> 00:01:08,032
Yeah, course I do.
This isn't the end.
28
00:01:08,232 --> 00:01:10,022
No-one splits up this gang.
29
00:01:10,222 --> 00:01:12,012
Who wants to be blood brothers?
30
00:01:12,212 --> 00:01:12,840
A bit much, sir.
31
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:17,040
Sorry. It's just that we're
all such good friends.
32
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,030
Alfie! Frank!
33
00:01:19,230 --> 00:01:21,020
Get off him!
34
00:01:21,220 --> 00:01:22,220
Argh!
35
00:01:25,068 --> 00:01:27,032
Oh, look. There you are.
36
00:01:28,036 --> 00:01:31,040
Alfie, why have your class
destroyed their uniforms?
37
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,268
There's, like, a week left of term.
38
00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:33,860
I couldn't say no to them.
39
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:36,140
Well, you know they're
late for their career seminar?
40
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:38,064
Just saying our goodbyes.
41
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,576
Quick hug from teach.
42
00:01:39,776 --> 00:01:41,088
Everyone gets a spoon.
43
00:01:41,288 --> 00:01:43,068
Me next! Not you!
44
00:02:15,032 --> 00:02:17,028
Last week, you sat
a state-of-the-art,
45
00:02:17,228 --> 00:02:18,816
three-dimensional aptitude test,
46
00:02:19,016 --> 00:02:21,816
to ascertain what career
suited your unique skill set.
47
00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:26,048
Your answers were fed into a revolutionary
new data-mining computer programme,
48
00:02:26,248 --> 00:02:30,032
the most advanced careers-predicting
technology on the planet.
49
00:02:30,232 --> 00:02:30,860
Let's see the results.
50
00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:34,056
Stephen, you are destined
to become...
51
00:02:34,256 --> 00:02:39,840
An archaeologist.
52
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,808
Computers don't lie, Chantelle.
53
00:02:42,008 --> 00:02:45,024
The emotionally-crippled spinsters
I'm automatically paired with
54
00:02:45,224 --> 00:02:48,032
on Guardian Soulmates
redefine harsh but fair.
55
00:02:48,232 --> 00:02:52,068
An archaeologist.
56
00:02:52,268 --> 00:02:53,268
A stuntman.
57
00:02:55,024 --> 00:02:57,016
Right, well, he's not going
to be a stuntman.
58
00:02:58,008 --> 00:02:58,824
A stuntman. A stuntman.
59
00:02:59,024 --> 00:03:00,918
A stuntman. A stuntman.
Er, it's a glitch.
60
00:03:01,118 --> 00:03:03,012
I'm sure you're going
to turn out to be...
61
00:03:03,212 --> 00:03:04,212
A male escort.
62
00:03:10,092 --> 00:03:14,032
Guys, guys, class selfie!
Everyone in.
63
00:03:19,028 --> 00:03:20,028
Give it!
64
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,076
Delete. Delete.
65
00:03:22,276 --> 00:03:23,824
Delete.
66
00:03:24,024 --> 00:03:25,856
Ooh, work.
I look cute in that one.
67
00:03:26,056 --> 00:03:29,020
OK, I'll send it to you all
if you just give me your numbers.
68
00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:31,220
Do you want my Snapchat deets?
100% definitely not.
69
00:03:31,284 --> 00:03:32,852
Don't worry, I'll make a slide show.
70
00:03:33,052 --> 00:03:35,028
Sir, do you want to
be my date to the prom?
71
00:03:35,228 --> 00:03:35,884
Or are you back with her?
72
00:03:36,084 --> 00:03:37,856
Er, we're taking things slowly.
73
00:03:38,056 --> 00:03:41,048
Office romances never work.
It's a Cosmo no-no.
74
00:03:41,248 --> 00:03:41,852
Maybe you're right.
75
00:03:42,052 --> 00:03:45,096
I know we're meant for each other,
but working together at school...
76
00:03:45,296 --> 00:03:48,090
Sometimes it feels like she's
just embarrassed by me.
77
00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:50,884
Never let anyone make you hide
who you really are, sir.
78
00:03:51,084 --> 00:03:54,044
That's why Stephen Carmichael
is not going to the prom. What?
79
00:03:54,244 --> 00:03:55,812
Hashtag, sorry not sorry.
80
00:03:56,012 --> 00:04:01,000
Howevs, he gave his wristband
to Stephanie Fierce! Yes!
81
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:01,860
It's his female alter ego.
82
00:04:02,060 --> 00:04:04,064
Ain't you worried people
are going to pick on ya?
83
00:04:04,264 --> 00:04:04,872
Haters gonna hate.
84
00:04:05,072 --> 00:04:09,068
Haters gonna be drunk, lairy,
and technically no longer at school.
85
00:04:09,268 --> 00:04:11,836
They could be real dicks
about it, Stephen.
86
00:04:12,036 --> 00:04:16,048
Sir, um, I've applied for a creative
writing course in Paris.
87
00:04:16,248 --> 00:04:16,852
What?
88
00:04:17,052 --> 00:04:21,012
I want to be a writer and Tring
isn't the most inspiring place.
89
00:04:21,212 --> 00:04:23,092
But you can't all leave.
Then I'll be on my own.
90
00:04:23,292 --> 00:04:24,832
Grow a pair, yeah?
91
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,032
I know, Cleo, I'm sorry.
92
00:04:26,084 --> 00:04:29,056
I just can't deal with this
emotional shit.
93
00:04:29,256 --> 00:04:29,880
I'm posh.
94
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,800
Where I come from, feelings are
meant to be buried.
95
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,408
Or taken out years later
on a horsey, secret-drinker wife
96
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:38,016
that my mother made me marry
for her child-bearing hips.
97
00:04:38,216 --> 00:04:40,216
But you'll have a whole new class
next year, Alfie.
98
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,240
I don't want a new class.
99
00:04:42,068 --> 00:04:45,024
I want you guys.
You're my kids.
100
00:04:52,342 --> 00:04:54,420
Right, who's next in
the careers hot seat?
101
00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:59,760
Dad, I need a new job.
I can't cope without my kids.
102
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:04,012
Right, how are you with ruins?
Handy with a trowel?
103
00:05:04,212 --> 00:05:06,040
Happy smuggling monuments
out of Greece?
104
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,036
Dad, I'm not being an archaeologist.
105
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:13,020
Listen, losing your first
class can be devastating,
106
00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:16,016
but each new year brings
a fresh start.
107
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:17,546
Thanks, Dad. That's good advice.
108
00:05:17,746 --> 00:05:18,876
And look on the bright side,
109
00:05:19,076 --> 00:05:22,080
I mean, parents get stuck
with their kids for life.
110
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:22,896
Less strong.
111
00:05:23,096 --> 00:05:25,012
Is this about Rosie?
112
00:05:27,072 --> 00:05:29,060
Let me tell you a pertinent yarn.
113
00:05:31,052 --> 00:05:36,028
In the '70s, two students met on
summer jobs in the London Dungeons.
114
00:05:36,228 --> 00:05:39,036
They fell in love,
but the dream turned to a nightmare
115
00:05:39,236 --> 00:05:42,044
when I found that
I couldn't work under the spell
116
00:05:42,244 --> 00:05:45,052
of your mother's
voracious sexual appetite. Oh, God!
117
00:05:45,252 --> 00:05:46,824
Fortunately we were fired
118
00:05:47,024 --> 00:05:49,916
when a visiting headmaster
reported sightings
119
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:53,008
of a partially disrobed
Mary, Queen of Scots
120
00:05:53,208 --> 00:05:54,808
fellating Jack the Ripper
121
00:05:55,008 --> 00:05:57,024
through the letter box of
10 Rillington Place.
122
00:05:59,036 --> 00:05:59,840
Right.
123
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:05,036
Well, that is the single most
harrowing 30 seconds of my life.
124
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,052
Fraser...
125
00:06:17,048 --> 00:06:18,812
Why?
126
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,410
I hid in the leavers' photos!
127
00:06:21,610 --> 00:06:24,008
But they're individual portraits.
128
00:06:31,048 --> 00:06:34,430
Look, Fraser, if you promise
not to go crazy,
129
00:06:34,630 --> 00:06:38,012
then we can have a grown-up
discussion...
130
00:06:38,212 --> 00:06:39,567
about my P45.
131
00:06:42,052 --> 00:06:44,843
But WHY?!
132
00:06:47,036 --> 00:06:50,020
Alfie, I've just spoken to Martin.
133
00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:52,016
You can't leave Abbey Grove.
134
00:06:52,216 --> 00:06:52,848
You're a great teacher.
135
00:06:53,048 --> 00:06:55,824
But I want to be
a great boyfriend, Rosie.
136
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:59,742
You gave me a second chance,
I'm not going to throw that away.
137
00:07:02,028 --> 00:07:04,868
Hi, Rosie. I punched my reflection.
138
00:07:05,068 --> 00:07:07,896
Alfred, I've had a quiet think
about your moment of madness
139
00:07:08,096 --> 00:07:12,045
and I'm willing to forgive you if
you agree to stay on at Abbey Grove.
140
00:07:13,423 --> 00:07:14,879
Goodbye, guys.
141
00:07:16,064 --> 00:07:17,172
I see.
142
00:07:18,052 --> 00:07:19,829
Would you excuse me?
143
00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:24,020
Oh, God, you traitor!
144
00:07:26,008 --> 00:07:27,008
Alfie, what will you do?
145
00:07:27,092 --> 00:07:32,884
Rosie, I'm a young, self-motivated,
highly-qualified professional.
146
00:07:33,084 --> 00:07:38,819
Trust me. I'm going to be beating off
the job offers with a shitty stick.
147
00:07:45,076 --> 00:07:46,812
She says, "I think it's MDF."
148
00:07:47,012 --> 00:07:49,004
And I'm like, "What are you
going on about?"
149
00:07:49,204 --> 00:07:49,860
"You're going to need some primer."
150
00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:53,048
And she says, "I think I need some
paint." I'm like, "No, you don't.
151
00:07:53,248 --> 00:07:56,052
"You need primer, you stupid tart."
152
00:07:56,252 --> 00:07:57,824
Silly bint!
153
00:07:58,024 --> 00:07:59,820
Yeah, what a dumb bitch.
154
00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:08,044
Here's one you lads'll like.
This geezer asks me
155
00:08:08,244 --> 00:08:10,012
for the strength of a torch...
156
00:08:10,212 --> 00:08:11,615
in candles!
157
00:08:15,084 --> 00:08:18,617
Really thought that would illicit
more of a titter.
158
00:08:19,048 --> 00:08:22,152
Staff call,
spillage in the bathroom section.
159
00:08:24,008 --> 00:08:28,040
Oh, that poor old dear thought
one of the display toilets was real!
160
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,320
Who's the unlucky bastard
that gets to clean that up?
161
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,302
Yeah, it's me, isn't it?
162
00:08:34,502 --> 00:08:36,793
I'm the unlucky bastard.
163
00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:41,056
By the way, let me know if you're
up for a few jars after work.
164
00:08:43,048 --> 00:08:45,108
Pencil you in as maybes.
165
00:08:57,092 --> 00:08:58,828
Oh, my God,
166
00:08:59,028 --> 00:09:01,820
the lads I work with are amazing.
167
00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:04,068
Already planning a boys'
weekend in Marbs.
168
00:09:04,268 --> 00:09:05,800
And to think I became a teacher
169
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,016
because I struggle to form lasting
friendships with people my own age.
170
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:14,008
Sorry, let me just go back a few
steps. You're working in a...?
171
00:09:14,208 --> 00:09:15,528
PlayStation game testing factory.
172
00:09:15,726 --> 00:09:16,886
What kind of stuff do you do?
173
00:09:17,044 --> 00:09:19,088
Well, I shouldn't really
be telling you this
174
00:09:19,288 --> 00:09:23,072
but we are developing a new button -
175
00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,048
the hexagon!
176
00:09:25,248 --> 00:09:26,824
Wow!
177
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:29,064
Wait... But enough about me,
what about you guys?
178
00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:30,888
Stephen, you got a date yet?
179
00:09:31,088 --> 00:09:34,000
None of the boys here
can handle a real woman.
180
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,640
You've got to come to the prom, sir.
181
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,142
I can't. I don't work here anymore.
182
00:09:37,284 --> 00:09:39,004
You're damn right!
183
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:44,868
Hello, Judas! I thought you'd
be hanging from a tree by now.
184
00:09:45,068 --> 00:09:48,679
What's it like at the PlayStation
factory? No, Fraser. Stay strong.
185
00:09:49,072 --> 00:09:52,000
I blocked you on Facebook.
I think it's for the best.
186
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:52,832
Fraser, we weren't lovers.
187
00:09:53,032 --> 00:09:55,048
Didn't want you getting
Facebook envy of me
188
00:09:55,248 --> 00:09:57,046
and my new best friend, Mr Heather.
189
00:09:57,246 --> 00:09:58,844
This guy's banter is off the chain.
190
00:09:59,044 --> 00:10:00,964
Do I have to wear this shirt?
I'm getting a rash.
191
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:04,028
Me and my homeslice going to
smoke bare sticky icky hand bongs
192
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:04,864
in these bad boys.
193
00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:06,812
I can't smoke, I'm asthmatic.
194
00:10:07,012 --> 00:10:11,012
Ooh, Kareem Abdul-Banter! Just
slam dunked another basket, lol.
195
00:10:11,212 --> 00:10:13,008
I miss you every day.
196
00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:14,208
Damn it, Fraser.
197
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,048
Well, as you're no longer
a member of staff
198
00:10:17,248 --> 00:10:20,040
I must ask you to ALF Wiedersehen.
199
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:20,868
Bothered?
200
00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:24,068
We have Subway for lunch
every day at PlayStation HQ.
201
00:10:24,268 --> 00:10:24,888
The land of milk and honey.
202
00:10:25,088 --> 00:10:27,954
Will you think about
coming to prom, Alfie?
203
00:10:28,154 --> 00:10:31,020
Look, Joe, maybe it's best
if we all move on.
204
00:10:34,020 --> 00:10:36,012
Are you crying?
Hold your tongue, Phil.
205
00:10:40,024 --> 00:10:43,028
Hey, guys! Did anyone order
a maverick teacher
206
00:10:43,228 --> 00:10:45,012
that's more like your best mate?
207
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:45,860
Coming right up.
208
00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:51,040
Ooh, ooh, Christmas
crackers... in June! Come on!
209
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,000
It'll be a laugh.
210
00:10:56,076 --> 00:11:00,032
Hey! Hey, Frank. Did I ever tell
you about my embarrassing tattoo?
211
00:11:00,232 --> 00:11:03,016
Bit of ammunition there.
Go on, have a swing.
212
00:11:03,216 --> 00:11:04,656
Sorry, Miss, it's just not the same.
213
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,884
You got too much self esteem.
214
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,092
Turns out I need that bumbling,
toffee-nosed wank stain
215
00:11:11,292 --> 00:11:13,052
like day needs night.
216
00:11:13,252 --> 00:11:14,564
Frank, that's so poetic.
217
00:11:14,764 --> 00:11:16,300
I miss Mr Wickers too.
218
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:18,674
He's literally my Yang.
219
00:11:18,874 --> 00:11:20,848
Guys, come on! Cheer up!
220
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:25,435
Oi, Sound Of Music, just put
on a DVD and leave it, yeah?
221
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,088
What about class wars?
222
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:29,880
Keep talking.
223
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:34,032
Yeah, like one big, end-of-term,
final battle extravaganza.
224
00:11:34,232 --> 00:11:36,036
Would Alfie mind us
doing it without him?
225
00:11:36,236 --> 00:11:38,524
Babes, it's what
he would have wanted.
226
00:11:38,724 --> 00:11:40,812
Yeah, yeah!
Now we're cooking with gas!
227
00:11:41,012 --> 00:11:44,044
Yeah! How about the battle
for women's rights in the workplace?
228
00:11:44,244 --> 00:11:46,800
Yeah!
229
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,812
OK, everyone on the left,
you can be, like...
230
00:11:50,012 --> 00:11:55,020
young, independent women, and on the
right you can be the establishment.
231
00:11:55,220 --> 00:11:57,024
Boo!
232
00:11:59,088 --> 00:12:02,068
I don't think I'm very good at this
irresponsible teacher thing.
233
00:12:02,268 --> 00:12:04,552
Yo, Miss G!
Here's the shopping list.
234
00:12:04,752 --> 00:12:06,836
So much for equality
in the workplace.
235
00:12:07,036 --> 00:12:10,068
We're going to need BBQs,
fairy lights and Chinese lanterns.
236
00:12:10,268 --> 00:12:12,060
What are you wearing? My DJ clobber.
237
00:12:12,260 --> 00:12:13,808
Swedish House of Fraser.
238
00:12:14,008 --> 00:12:16,088
I'm spinning tunes at the prom
tonight. Any requests?
239
00:12:18,016 --> 00:12:21,052
Any requests except the request
that I don't DJ this evening?
240
00:12:29,020 --> 00:12:30,024
Decking.
241
00:12:31,036 --> 00:12:32,956
Claw hammer.
242
00:12:33,156 --> 00:12:35,076
Cable ties.
243
00:12:37,044 --> 00:12:38,452
Lime.
244
00:12:38,652 --> 00:12:39,860
Oh, God!
245
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:43,028
Why don't these tills come
with a panic button?
246
00:12:47,076 --> 00:12:50,040
Oh, sorry, do you mind if
I get this? It's my girlfriend.
247
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,989
Women! Can't live with 'em.
248
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,435
OK. Bye!
249
00:13:00,048 --> 00:13:02,012
How's the PlayStation factory?
250
00:13:02,212 --> 00:13:02,868
Great!
251
00:13:03,068 --> 00:13:05,092
The PS4 gang will be the death of me.
252
00:13:05,292 --> 00:13:10,088
Old Billy, Joel, Ringo and...
253
00:13:11,088 --> 00:13:12,888
Sink.
254
00:13:13,088 --> 00:13:14,896
Well, glad you're happy.
255
00:13:15,096 --> 00:13:19,008
How are my kids? Have they
forgotten about me already?
256
00:13:19,208 --> 00:13:20,808
You're all they talk about.
257
00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:22,884
Oh, you've got to come
to the prom, Alf.
258
00:13:23,084 --> 00:13:27,048
I'm in DIY Home Stores getting
decorations now.
259
00:13:27,248 --> 00:13:29,076
You're in DIY Home Stores? Mm-hmm.
260
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:33,048
Um, you should leave, er, right now.
261
00:13:33,248 --> 00:13:34,248
Why?
262
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,088
Because, erm, I heard that, er,
263
00:13:39,288 --> 00:13:40,860
they use sweatshops. Yeah.
264
00:13:41,060 --> 00:13:43,076
All their garden furniture
is made by children.
265
00:13:43,276 --> 00:13:44,800
So you should get out of there
266
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,640
before you have kids' blood
on your hands.
267
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:49,470
Alfie?
268
00:13:49,670 --> 00:13:51,052
Hey!
269
00:13:52,056 --> 00:13:53,820
Surprise!
270
00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:55,020
What are you doing?
271
00:13:55,084 --> 00:14:00,016
Er, just, er... Just trying out
this bath. Very spacious.
272
00:14:00,216 --> 00:14:01,456
Why are you wearing that apron?
273
00:14:02,076 --> 00:14:05,096
You mean, er, this old friend?
274
00:14:05,296 --> 00:14:07,755
I've always had this.
275
00:14:07,955 --> 00:14:10,414
All right. Busted!
276
00:14:11,036 --> 00:14:14,048
I'm actually trying to blag
a staff discount, so ssh!
277
00:14:14,248 --> 00:14:14,884
Oh! Hence...
278
00:14:15,084 --> 00:14:20,052
Right, it just... It looks like you
could, sort of, maybe, work here.
279
00:14:20,252 --> 00:14:23,044
What, me? Work here?
Don't be ridiculous.
280
00:14:23,244 --> 00:14:24,804
Oi, Dickers.
281
00:14:25,004 --> 00:14:27,644
Fella over there said you just
walked away and stopped serving him.
282
00:14:29,012 --> 00:14:31,608
Sorry, mate. I think you might
have me mistaken for somebody else.
283
00:14:31,632 --> 00:14:34,224
Nah, definitely you who served him.
He said it was a posh twat
284
00:14:34,424 --> 00:14:37,016
who looked like a chubby ostrich
with a plum stuck up his arse.
285
00:14:38,032 --> 00:14:39,800
Wow!
286
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,088
You all right, Miss? Mm.
287
00:14:41,288 --> 00:14:42,824
Still would.
288
00:14:43,024 --> 00:14:44,950
Thank you, Dean. Charming as ever.
289
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:46,876
And nice to see that DIY Home Stores
290
00:14:47,076 --> 00:14:51,016
stock a wide variety
of massive spanners.
291
00:14:51,216 --> 00:14:53,028
Yeah, you love it!
292
00:14:53,228 --> 00:14:54,840
Sorry, you know Dean?
293
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:58,044
Dean Grayson. He's Grayson's
brother. I taught him years ago.
294
00:14:58,244 --> 00:15:00,066
And suddenly everything makes sense.
295
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:01,888
Why didn't you tell me the truth?
296
00:15:02,088 --> 00:15:03,864
I was going to apply
to other schools,
297
00:15:04,064 --> 00:15:08,024
but I knew it would just be the same
heartbreak at the end of it.
298
00:15:08,224 --> 00:15:10,064
Whatever you do,
whatever your job is,
299
00:15:10,264 --> 00:15:12,084
I don't care.
300
00:15:13,068 --> 00:15:15,028
And I don't care because...
301
00:15:17,524 --> 00:15:19,443
Please, just come back
to Abbey Grove.
302
00:15:20,068 --> 00:15:21,868
I can't.
303
00:15:22,068 --> 00:15:24,848
Anyway, I love my job here.
304
00:15:25,048 --> 00:15:30,020
Alfie Wickers, Alfie Wickers,
Code Brown in bathroomware.
305
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,800
Doris!
306
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,078
I've got to go. Why?
307
00:15:35,096 --> 00:15:39,843
A geriatric lady thinks she's
about to soil a display toilet.
308
00:15:41,012 --> 00:15:42,573
Not on my watch!
309
00:15:49,068 --> 00:15:50,868
Hello, is that the manager?
310
00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:55,044
Yes, I'd like to report an employee
of yours. An Alfie Wickers.
311
00:15:56,072 --> 00:15:59,515
What did he do?
What did he do, indeed!
312
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,044
He fingered me in a summerhouse.
313
00:16:04,244 --> 00:16:06,770
Hello? Oh, for fu...
314
00:16:08,036 --> 00:16:08,860
Hi, Fraser.
315
00:16:09,060 --> 00:16:12,068
Can I have your permission to take
Form K on a fieldtrip?
316
00:16:12,268 --> 00:16:13,812
Do what you want!
317
00:16:14,012 --> 00:16:16,244
God, I am drinking these Kalibers
like there's no tomorrow.
318
00:16:16,268 --> 00:16:19,056
I'm the world's first
no-alcohol alcoholic.
319
00:16:19,256 --> 00:16:21,421
I'm basically just addicted
to yeast.
320
00:16:22,056 --> 00:16:24,044
Right, I'll leave you
with that thought.
321
00:16:34,048 --> 00:16:35,697
Your move, Brown Baron.
322
00:16:38,008 --> 00:16:42,072
Dean, if you're going to show me your
balls in a paint tray again...
323
00:16:42,272 --> 00:16:43,892
Guys! Rosie? What are you...?
324
00:16:44,092 --> 00:16:47,032
We came for you, sir,
and we're not leaving without you.
325
00:16:47,232 --> 00:16:48,816
I didn't want you to see me
like this.
326
00:16:49,016 --> 00:16:51,244
Sir, we know you don't want to
teach at Abbey Grove anymore,
327
00:16:51,268 --> 00:16:52,832
but you've got to come to the prom.
328
00:16:53,032 --> 00:16:54,888
I just dunno if I can handle it,
Chantelle.
329
00:16:55,088 --> 00:16:58,040
But, Alfie, listen to what
your class are telling you.
330
00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,824
Look, I appreciate you
coming down here.
331
00:17:00,024 --> 00:17:02,956
Seeing you is the first time
I've smiled in, like, a week.
332
00:17:04,020 --> 00:17:06,044
But you've got to let me
move on with my life.
333
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:09,661
I'm sorry.
334
00:17:14,044 --> 00:17:17,048
But, sir, you won't even get
to meet Stephanie Fierce.
335
00:17:17,248 --> 00:17:19,032
Still going in drag?
336
00:17:19,232 --> 00:17:19,884
Good on ya.
337
00:17:20,084 --> 00:17:21,458
Who needs a date, right?
338
00:17:21,658 --> 00:17:22,832
Oh, I've got a date.
339
00:17:23,032 --> 00:17:25,313
I'm taking the only man strong
enough to handle Stephanie.
340
00:17:53,092 --> 00:17:56,032
You look amazing! Thank you, Frank.
341
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,438
Um, why you come dressed as Odd Job?
342
00:18:21,638 --> 00:18:24,036
Chantelle made me get a spray tan.
343
00:18:24,236 --> 00:18:25,856
He's an Oompa Loompa!
344
00:18:26,056 --> 00:18:27,812
Throw your hat at him, Joe.
345
00:18:28,012 --> 00:18:31,080
Oh, come on, gang.
Let's raise a glass
346
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:32,987
to absent friends.
347
00:18:33,187 --> 00:18:34,895
To absent friends.
348
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:42,008
What are we thinking for the
post-work session, then?
349
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:44,016
Head round my crib for a few tinnies?
350
00:18:44,216 --> 00:18:45,808
Don't tell the missus.
351
00:18:46,008 --> 00:18:48,995
Not that I give a shit,
cos she's a bloody woman.
352
00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:52,848
Ugh. Right, why is this not stopping?
353
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:55,248
Oh, you've cut the brake wires,
haven't you? Very funny.
354
00:18:55,288 --> 00:18:57,000
Guys, seriously!
355
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,200
Argh!
356
00:19:08,024 --> 00:19:11,956
Come on, guys, huh! Hey, who
wants to spike Fraser's Kaliber?
357
00:19:12,156 --> 00:19:16,986
Or we could have a dance off
and really lose our dignity.
358
00:19:17,186 --> 00:19:22,016
Come on, everyone make
a circle around me. Whoo! Yeah!
359
00:19:22,216 --> 00:19:23,216
Yeah!
360
00:19:26,052 --> 00:19:28,444
Yeah, we can still have fun. Yeah!
361
00:19:28,644 --> 00:19:31,036
We can have a good time, yeah!
362
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:32,236
Er, Miss?
363
00:19:34,076 --> 00:19:35,896
Alfie. You came!
364
00:19:36,096 --> 00:19:38,848
So, did you quit
DIY Home Stores, sir?
365
00:19:39,048 --> 00:19:44,131
Yes, I did, Frank. But don't worry,
I did it with dignity.
366
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:49,012
Doris, this has been
the battle of a lifetime
367
00:19:49,212 --> 00:19:51,008
and you a worthy adversary.
368
00:19:52,008 --> 00:19:56,032
But now we must unite
to destroy our common enemy.
369
00:19:56,232 --> 00:19:59,092
This is Dean's motorcycle helmet.
370
00:19:59,292 --> 00:20:00,836
Take it, Doris,
371
00:20:01,036 --> 00:20:02,928
and do what you do best.
372
00:20:03,128 --> 00:20:05,020
Drop it like it's hot, girl.
373
00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:08,982
Let's get up and dance.
374
00:20:09,182 --> 00:20:10,892
Oh, what do we have here?
375
00:20:11,092 --> 00:20:14,808
Some total stranger's
crashed the prom.
376
00:20:15,008 --> 00:20:17,064
Go on, Heather. Destroy him
with one of your quips.
377
00:20:17,264 --> 00:20:17,868
Nice to see you, Alfie.
378
00:20:18,068 --> 00:20:20,950
Boom! What time do you
stop serving, Heather?
379
00:20:21,150 --> 00:20:23,832
Fraser, I quit my job
at DIY Home Stores.
380
00:20:24,032 --> 00:20:26,072
Heather, you're fired!
I knew you'd come back to me.
381
00:20:26,264 --> 00:20:26,892
Things got out of control.
382
00:20:27,092 --> 00:20:30,032
I got drunk on yeast and signed us
up to the Baccalaureate
383
00:20:30,232 --> 00:20:31,800
and I don't even know what that is.
384
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,024
Look, mate, you don't need
to fire anyone.
385
00:20:34,224 --> 00:20:35,550
I'm just here for the prom.
386
00:20:35,750 --> 00:20:37,076
Alfie, they're playing Buble!
387
00:20:37,276 --> 00:20:38,812
Tune!
388
00:20:39,012 --> 00:20:41,080
♪ It's a new dawn
It's a new day ♪
389
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,550
♪ It's a new life... ♪
390
00:20:43,750 --> 00:20:45,305
♪ It's a new dawn ♪
391
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,186
♪ It's a new day ♪
392
00:20:47,386 --> 00:20:48,868
♪ It's a new life ♪
393
00:20:49,068 --> 00:20:52,980
♪ It's a new life for me ♪
394
00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:57,092
♪ And I'm feeling... ♪
395
00:20:57,979 --> 00:20:59,629
♪ Good. ♪
396
00:20:59,672 --> 00:21:01,444
It gives me great please-ure
397
00:21:01,644 --> 00:21:04,680
to announce the prom king
and queen of Abbey Grove 2014.
398
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:05,575
Ooh!
399
00:21:05,775 --> 00:21:08,616
The votes are in and the
prom king and queen are...
400
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,620
Grayson and Stephanie.
401
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,632
I would like to thank Scherzi
for teaching me
402
00:21:20,832 --> 00:21:22,640
that to be scher-mazing
on the inside...
403
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,696
You know, we could make this work.
404
00:21:26,612 --> 00:21:29,468
Us being a couple at Abbey Grove.
405
00:21:29,668 --> 00:21:32,166
But I don't want to risk it
not working.
406
00:21:32,366 --> 00:21:34,411
I love you Rosie
407
00:21:34,611 --> 00:21:36,456
and I love teaching,
408
00:21:36,656 --> 00:21:38,680
but if I had to choose one,
409
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:39,880
I'd choose you.
410
00:21:41,660 --> 00:21:43,577
But what if you don't
have to choose?
411
00:21:49,644 --> 00:21:51,444
Sir, it's the last song.
412
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,656
Can we go say goodbye
to our classroom?
413
00:21:53,856 --> 00:21:56,000
Go on! They need you.
414
00:22:00,676 --> 00:22:02,452
Another beer, sir?
415
00:22:02,652 --> 00:22:05,048
I better not.
Don't want to set a bad example.
416
00:22:05,248 --> 00:22:07,644
I think it's a little bit
too late for that.
417
00:22:07,844 --> 00:22:08,844
Go on, then.
418
00:22:10,672 --> 00:22:12,542
Sir, we wanted to give you
something.
419
00:22:12,742 --> 00:22:14,412
I know I've been dropping
hints all term,
420
00:22:14,612 --> 00:22:16,412
but you haven't bought me
a hot tub, have you?
421
00:22:16,604 --> 00:22:18,832
The best gifts aren't bought
in a shop. They're home-made.
422
00:22:18,856 --> 00:22:21,480
Eh... We made you
a slide show of photos.
423
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,620
Oh, God! It's not like the last
slide show you made for me?
424
00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:26,656
If it is, I will probably
have to destroy it.
425
00:22:26,856 --> 00:22:29,676
No. It's of all of us,
here at school.
426
00:22:29,876 --> 00:22:31,680
Thanks, guys. That means a lot.
427
00:22:33,827 --> 00:22:35,472
Oi, what you doing?
428
00:22:35,672 --> 00:22:37,416
Carving my initials, innit?
429
00:22:37,616 --> 00:22:39,640
This isn't prison, babe. I know!
430
00:22:40,664 --> 00:22:44,680
But I used to think school was
like prison. I've been to 12 now...
431
00:22:46,050 --> 00:22:48,652
and this is the first one
I actually kinda like.
432
00:22:48,752 --> 00:22:50,508
If you like it, you could stay.
433
00:22:50,608 --> 00:22:51,608
Nice try, bruv!
434
00:22:51,656 --> 00:22:53,420
Sir, you know if you
stayed a teacher,
435
00:22:53,620 --> 00:22:55,700
it would make it easier for us
to come and visit you?
436
00:22:55,836 --> 00:22:56,492
I just don't think I can, Stephen.
437
00:22:56,692 --> 00:22:58,430
But you're the best
teacher in the world, sir.
438
00:22:58,454 --> 00:23:03,091
If I'm so good, then how come my
entire class are leaving after GCSEs?
439
00:23:03,664 --> 00:23:06,456
I think on paper that constitutes
a pretty crap teacher.
440
00:23:06,656 --> 00:23:10,557
But school's not just about the
tests and the exams and the grades.
441
00:23:10,757 --> 00:23:14,118
Yeah, on paper, we've probably
had a terrible education.
442
00:23:14,318 --> 00:23:16,632
Our GCSE results are going
to be rubbish.
443
00:23:16,832 --> 00:23:17,832
Hey, we don't know that.
444
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,919
Yeah, I mean they're probably
not going to be great.
445
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,088
But none of that makes
you a bad teacher.
446
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:28,612
When I first came to this school,
I sort of knew who I was,
447
00:23:28,812 --> 00:23:30,732
deep down, but I was scared
of being that person.
448
00:23:30,876 --> 00:23:31,492
Stephanie?
449
00:23:31,692 --> 00:23:36,616
No, Stephen! The boy who does
the splits in the canteen!
450
00:23:36,816 --> 00:23:37,436
The one-man Glee!
451
00:23:37,636 --> 00:23:40,642
I'll sing it from the rooftops.
I am Stephen Carmichael.
452
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,648
You made me not give
a shit about this,
453
00:23:43,848 --> 00:23:45,420
even though my mum bollocked you
454
00:23:45,620 --> 00:23:47,565
when you made me play a tank
in class wars.
455
00:23:48,064 --> 00:23:50,620
It was the first time that
I actually thought
456
00:23:50,820 --> 00:23:51,827
having a chair was boss.
457
00:23:52,027 --> 00:23:53,868
Why do you think
I flirted with you, sir?
458
00:23:54,499 --> 00:23:56,888
You're the first guy who actually
liked me for who I was.
459
00:23:57,088 --> 00:23:58,480
The flirting was just because
460
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,480
I didn't know how to handle
being appreciated.
461
00:24:00,663 --> 00:24:04,063
You don't realise it, Alfie,
but you're that teacher.
462
00:24:05,112 --> 00:24:07,046
The one who talks to us
like we're adults.
463
00:24:07,246 --> 00:24:08,980
The one who always helps us,
no matter what.
464
00:24:09,180 --> 00:24:12,144
You're the teacher that makes us
feel good about ourselves
465
00:24:12,344 --> 00:24:14,196
for things that other people
don't even notice.
466
00:24:14,949 --> 00:24:17,772
And... that's why you're the teacher
we'll remember
467
00:24:17,972 --> 00:24:19,012
for the rest of our lives.
468
00:24:19,172 --> 00:24:22,128
And if you stopped being
a teacher, then...
469
00:24:22,328 --> 00:24:22,968
I'd feel guilty for all the kids
470
00:24:23,168 --> 00:24:25,642
who never got to be
taught by Alfie Wickers.
471
00:24:27,104 --> 00:24:28,120
Thanks, Joe.
472
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:30,617
Thanks, all of you.
473
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:35,983
Got to go. Mum's here.
474
00:24:37,469 --> 00:24:38,649
Bye, sir.
475
00:24:53,136 --> 00:24:56,104
I never realised just how horrible
that shade of yellow was.
476
00:25:03,654 --> 00:25:04,679
Thanks, sir.
477
00:25:10,128 --> 00:25:11,196
Safe, yeah?
478
00:25:12,110 --> 00:25:13,136
Done now.
479
00:25:34,100 --> 00:25:35,104
See ya later, sir.
480
00:26:24,100 --> 00:26:28,148
♪ Oh, won't you stay with me? ♪
481
00:26:30,112 --> 00:26:34,104
♪ Cos you're all I need ♪
482
00:26:35,168 --> 00:26:37,538
♪ This ain't love ♪
483
00:26:37,738 --> 00:26:40,108
♪ It's clear to see ♪
484
00:26:41,128 --> 00:26:45,144
♪ But, darling, stay with me. ♪
485
00:27:43,132 --> 00:27:44,140
Bye.
486
00:27:49,148 --> 00:27:51,996
Yo, Alfredo! New term, new threads.
487
00:27:52,196 --> 00:27:56,100
Don't worry, this thing turns on a
sixpence. I'm coming back for ya.
488
00:27:56,300 --> 00:27:57,300
Shit!
36977
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