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1
00:00:01,689 --> 00:00:02,551
Please be home.
2
00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:04,931
Please, please, please, please.
3
00:00:04,965 --> 00:00:07,034
[ Phone ringing]
4
00:00:07,068 --> 00:00:08,448
Should I?
5
00:00:08,482 --> 00:00:10,034
Please answer.
6
00:00:10,068 --> 00:00:11,517
I don't know.
7
00:00:11,551 --> 00:00:14,034
Oh. All right.
8
00:00:14,068 --> 00:00:15,413
[ Sneezing]
9
00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:16,517
Hello.
10
00:00:16,551 --> 00:00:18,068
Aunt hilda. I'm so
glad you're home.
11
00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:19,769
I left my history book
on the kitchen counter.
12
00:00:19,793 --> 00:00:20,689
Do you see it?
13
00:00:20,724 --> 00:00:22,551
Yes. It's right here,
where you left it.
14
00:00:22,586 --> 00:00:23,413
Can you send it to me?
15
00:00:23,448 --> 00:00:25,000
Are you alone?
16
00:00:25,034 --> 00:00:25,551
Yes.
17
00:00:25,586 --> 00:00:27,034
Stand back.
18
00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:28,586
[ Sneezing]
19
00:00:28,620 --> 00:00:29,379
Oops.
20
00:00:29,413 --> 00:00:30,241
What happened?
21
00:00:30,275 --> 00:00:31,241
I sneezed.
22
00:00:31,275 --> 00:00:32,137
So where's my book?
23
00:00:32,172 --> 00:00:33,000
I don't know
24
00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:34,965
but I'm sure it will
turn up somewhere.
25
00:00:55,034 --> 00:00:56,517
This is my biggest fan.
26
00:01:01,551 --> 00:01:03,793
I just don't get why they're
making us read 1984?
27
00:01:03,827 --> 00:01:05,758
When orwell got so much wrong.
28
00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:06,872
Hey guys. I'm selling tickets
29
00:01:06,896 --> 00:01:08,517
for the sophomore
class trip to funland.
30
00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:09,241
Do you want to go?
31
00:01:09,275 --> 00:01:11,379
Sure. Funland sounds like fun.
32
00:01:11,413 --> 00:01:12,448
How much?
33
00:01:12,482 --> 00:01:13,172
40 bucks.
34
00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:15,103
Whoa. who has that money?
35
00:01:15,137 --> 00:01:16,000
I do.
36
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,724
The deadline's the
end of next week.
37
00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:18,758
So let me know.
38
00:01:18,793 --> 00:01:20,517
I can tell her right
now, I'll never be able
39
00:01:20,551 --> 00:01:21,724
to dig up that much cash.
40
00:01:21,758 --> 00:01:23,965
Me neither. Plus I
can't ask my aunts.
41
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,275
They're on a teach-her-
the-value-of-a-dollar kick.
42
00:01:26,310 --> 00:01:27,241
What made them do that?
43
00:01:27,275 --> 00:01:28,206
I went on
44
00:01:28,241 --> 00:01:31,172
a blow-my-allowance-
on-dumb-stuff kick.
45
00:01:31,206 --> 00:01:32,482
And while I was on hold
46
00:01:32,517 --> 00:01:33,758
I realized I need
47
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,655
one of those shoe buffers.
48
00:01:35,689 --> 00:01:36,586
What?
49
00:01:36,620 --> 00:01:37,758
Maxed out?
50
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:38,862
But that's impossible.
51
00:01:38,896 --> 00:01:42,068
I demand to speak with
your super... hello. Hello?
52
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,034
Salem, what's going on?
53
00:01:43,068 --> 00:01:44,241
I don't believe it.
54
00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:46,413
I had my credit card yanked.
55
00:01:46,448 --> 00:01:47,724
Youhave a credit card?
56
00:01:47,758 --> 00:01:49,862
Yes, I was preapproved
by the good people
57
00:01:49,896 --> 00:01:51,137
of the bank of Newark
58
00:01:51,172 --> 00:01:53,275
but now I'm a
little overextended.
59
00:01:53,310 --> 00:01:54,241
I'm sorry to hear that.
60
00:01:54,275 --> 00:01:56,034
I appreciate your concern.
61
00:01:56,068 --> 00:01:57,562
No cause' I was going
to hit you up for a loan.
62
00:01:57,586 --> 00:01:59,758
I was going to
ask you for money.
63
00:01:59,793 --> 00:02:00,793
How ironic.
64
00:02:00,827 --> 00:02:02,517
[ Chuckling]
65
00:02:02,551 --> 00:02:03,620
We're doomed.
66
00:02:03,655 --> 00:02:04,137
I guess we're going
67
00:02:04,172 --> 00:02:06,482
to have to get jobs.
68
00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:07,724
[ Knocking]
69
00:02:07,758 --> 00:02:08,965
Coming.
70
00:02:11,034 --> 00:02:12,103
Me again.
71
00:02:12,137 --> 00:02:12,965
Hello, dirk.
72
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,068
Sorry to disturb you
73
00:02:14,103 --> 00:02:16,896
Ms. Zelda p. Spellman,
but I just finished my rounds
74
00:02:16,931 --> 00:02:19,862
when I discovered a straggler
in the bottom of my bag...
75
00:02:19,896 --> 00:02:21,689
For you.Thanks.
76
00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:22,965
Thought it might be important.
77
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,758
I've been preapproved
by the bank of Newark.
78
00:02:25,793 --> 00:02:29,793
Say, uh, I saw you talking
to a fed-ex guy the other day.
79
00:02:29,827 --> 00:02:31,724
Is there something I
should know about?
80
00:02:31,758 --> 00:02:33,689
He was dropping off a package.
81
00:02:33,724 --> 00:02:35,413
Yeah. I don't trust those guys.
82
00:02:35,448 --> 00:02:38,172
It's not natural for
mail to move that fast.
83
00:02:38,206 --> 00:02:39,517
I agree.
84
00:02:39,551 --> 00:02:43,724
And now it's very important
that I close the door.
85
00:02:43,758 --> 00:02:46,172
He has really
got it bad for you.
86
00:02:46,206 --> 00:02:49,482
I wish there was some
gentle way to let him down.
87
00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:50,793
I know what you need.
88
00:02:50,827 --> 00:02:53,620
I just saw an ad for
it in modern witch.
89
00:02:53,655 --> 00:02:56,034
It's a new perfume
that repels love.
90
00:02:56,068 --> 00:02:57,103
Here it is.
91
00:02:57,137 --> 00:03:00,344
"Somewhere between
disdain and contempt lies...
92
00:03:00,379 --> 00:03:01,827
Revulsion."
93
00:03:01,862 --> 00:03:04,620
Revulsion? Hmm...
94
00:03:04,655 --> 00:03:07,103
"Available at full
moon beauty supply."
95
00:03:07,137 --> 00:03:08,275
Let's go.
96
00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:10,286
Can't. Full moon beauty
supply's only open once a month.
97
00:03:10,310 --> 00:03:11,137
When?
98
00:03:11,172 --> 00:03:12,965
During the full moon.
99
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,172
I knew that.
100
00:03:14,206 --> 00:03:15,206
Accountant?
101
00:03:15,241 --> 00:03:16,275
No.
102
00:03:16,310 --> 00:03:17,310
Crane operator?
103
00:03:17,344 --> 00:03:18,586
No.
104
00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:19,862
System's analyst?
105
00:03:19,896 --> 00:03:21,034
Hey, I can do that.
106
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:23,000
Good system, bad system.
107
00:03:23,034 --> 00:03:25,620
I think you need to know
something about computers.
108
00:03:25,655 --> 00:03:26,724
Hold everything.
109
00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:27,551
Look at this.
110
00:03:27,586 --> 00:03:29,413
"Greater Boston cat show...
111
00:03:29,448 --> 00:03:31,413
Grand prize: $500."
112
00:03:31,448 --> 00:03:32,482
A cat show?
113
00:03:32,517 --> 00:03:34,241
I can't see you in a cat show.
114
00:03:34,275 --> 00:03:35,758
Don't you think I'm pretty?
115
00:03:35,793 --> 00:03:36,827
Of course.
116
00:03:36,862 --> 00:03:38,034
Then get an application.
117
00:03:38,068 --> 00:03:39,965
This is our chance
for a quick score.
118
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,000
All right.
119
00:03:44,068 --> 00:03:45,965
Okay, "name"?
120
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,379
Salem spellman.
121
00:03:47,413 --> 00:03:50,000
May I remind you i'm
your cat, not your pet.
122
00:03:50,034 --> 00:03:51,620
I have my own last name.
123
00:03:51,655 --> 00:03:52,206
You do?
124
00:03:52,241 --> 00:03:53,103
It's saberhagen.
125
00:03:53,137 --> 00:03:55,172
Salem saberhagen.
126
00:03:55,206 --> 00:03:56,344
And what breed are you?
127
00:03:56,379 --> 00:03:58,862
American shorthair
and darn proud of it.
128
00:03:58,896 --> 00:04:01,000
Write that down; The
judges will eat that up.
129
00:04:01,034 --> 00:04:03,827
That's all we need... Except
for the five-dollar application fee.
130
00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:04,689
Don't look at me.
131
00:04:04,724 --> 00:04:05,724
I'm maxed out.
132
00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:09,517
Will you sign me in?
133
00:04:09,551 --> 00:04:11,275
I'm going to grab the last cage.
134
00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:12,137
Sure.
135
00:04:12,172 --> 00:04:14,000
It's saberhagen, right?
136
00:04:14,034 --> 00:04:15,793
Right.
137
00:04:15,827 --> 00:04:17,344
Here you go.
138
00:04:17,379 --> 00:04:18,275
Are you comfortable?
139
00:04:18,310 --> 00:04:20,000
I feel like a caged animal
140
00:04:20,034 --> 00:04:22,034
in here.
141
00:04:22,068 --> 00:04:24,034
Look at all these losers.
142
00:04:24,068 --> 00:04:25,620
Hey, you better behave yourself.
143
00:04:25,655 --> 00:04:26,275
I will.
144
00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:28,241
You always say that but...
145
00:04:28,275 --> 00:04:29,448
What am I doing?
146
00:04:29,482 --> 00:04:30,596
If people see me talking to
my cat, they'll think I'm nuts.
147
00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:31,655
Look around.
148
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:33,724
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
149
00:04:33,758 --> 00:04:35,482
You want to bea
winner, think like
150
00:04:35,517 --> 00:04:37,000
a winner.
151
00:04:37,034 --> 00:04:39,689
Okay. We can talk all we want.
152
00:04:39,724 --> 00:04:41,241
Hello.
153
00:04:41,275 --> 00:04:43,137
What a pretty cat.
154
00:04:43,172 --> 00:04:45,137
Oh, no ribbons.
155
00:04:45,172 --> 00:04:46,931
This is our first show.
156
00:04:46,965 --> 00:04:49,379
Duke has won quite a few times.
157
00:04:49,413 --> 00:04:51,448
See?
158
00:04:51,482 --> 00:04:52,448
It's nice of your cat
159
00:04:52,482 --> 00:04:53,206
to let you wear them.
160
00:04:53,241 --> 00:04:54,034
Oh, yes.
161
00:04:54,068 --> 00:04:56,586
He's a Burmese, you know?
162
00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:57,793
What's yours?
163
00:04:57,827 --> 00:04:59,275
An American shorthair.
164
00:04:59,310 --> 00:04:59,827
[ Clearing throat]
165
00:04:59,862 --> 00:05:01,068
And darn proud of it.
166
00:05:01,103 --> 00:05:03,000
Well, the Burmese
judging is up first.
167
00:05:03,034 --> 00:05:05,344
So we'd better
go finish grooming.
168
00:05:05,379 --> 00:05:06,758
Unbelievable. Did you see that?
169
00:05:06,793 --> 00:05:08,724
Her cat had whisker extensions.
170
00:05:08,758 --> 00:05:09,689
How could you tell?
171
00:05:09,724 --> 00:05:12,103
It's soobvious.
172
00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:14,206
I got you a good number... 38.
173
00:05:14,241 --> 00:05:15,344
Excellent.
174
00:05:15,379 --> 00:05:18,482
Lucky 38.
175
00:05:18,517 --> 00:05:19,379
Hey, isn't that
176
00:05:19,413 --> 00:05:21,413
Bob Gordon, the
channel eight news guy?
177
00:05:21,448 --> 00:05:23,344
Yeah. I guess he's the judge.
178
00:05:23,379 --> 00:05:26,034
Welcome to the
greater Boston cat show.
179
00:05:26,068 --> 00:05:28,482
I'm Bob Gordon.
180
00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:31,000
Today I will be selecting
for best of breed.
181
00:05:31,034 --> 00:05:32,314
Those winners
will stay overnight
182
00:05:32,344 --> 00:05:34,931
and tomorrow be
judged for best of show.
183
00:05:34,965 --> 00:05:37,172
I hope you're all
prepared for a thorough
184
00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:39,931
and perhaps even
grueling competition.
185
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,206
Psst. Sabrina.
186
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:41,931
Yeah?
187
00:05:41,965 --> 00:05:43,034
Get the brush.
188
00:05:43,068 --> 00:05:46,620
I'm shedding like crazy.
189
00:05:46,655 --> 00:05:47,517
What is he
190
00:05:47,551 --> 00:05:48,551
looking for?
191
00:05:48,586 --> 00:05:52,206
To see if it's a boy or a girl?
192
00:05:52,241 --> 00:05:54,689
This cat has excellent
bone structure
193
00:05:54,724 --> 00:05:58,068
a lovely coat and a somewhat
bemused expression.
194
00:05:58,103 --> 00:06:00,655
This is one of my top
three American shorthairs.
195
00:06:00,689 --> 00:06:01,586
Whoo-hoo!
196
00:06:01,620 --> 00:06:03,965
Congratulations.
197
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,344
Now let's begin the
parade of semifinalists.
198
00:06:07,379 --> 00:06:08,034
Sabrina: Parade?
199
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:08,931
Watch out for Andrew.
200
00:06:08,965 --> 00:06:10,137
He'll try to trip you.
201
00:06:10,172 --> 00:06:11,310
Watch out for Mrs. Erickson.
202
00:06:11,344 --> 00:06:12,758
She plays head games.
203
00:06:12,793 --> 00:06:15,137
Watch out for Haley...
She's paranoid.
204
00:06:15,172 --> 00:06:16,793
Here we go.
205
00:06:16,827 --> 00:06:18,137
[ "The alley cat" playing]
206
00:06:24,034 --> 00:06:26,034
This is the cheesiest
thing I've ever done.
207
00:06:26,068 --> 00:06:27,068
Salem: Smile.
208
00:06:28,241 --> 00:06:29,310
Hey!
209
00:06:29,344 --> 00:06:31,551
Did I step on your shoe?
210
00:06:31,586 --> 00:06:34,206
How am I supposed to choose?
211
00:06:39,068 --> 00:06:40,379
Do you mind if I take off?
212
00:06:40,413 --> 00:06:42,034
I'm bored out of my skull.
213
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,137
Go ahead. My
aunts can pick me up.
214
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,172
This was fun.
215
00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:48,517
Now we will begin
216
00:06:48,551 --> 00:06:49,965
the one-on-one
217
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,413
interviews.
218
00:06:51,448 --> 00:06:54,103
What can you tell me
about Salem's temperament?
219
00:06:54,137 --> 00:06:56,379
Well, he's very
friendly, very focused
220
00:06:56,413 --> 00:06:58,862
and just a little power mad.
221
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:00,413
Sounds like he's all cat.
222
00:07:00,448 --> 00:07:03,310
Right. And he's got a
real head for numbers.
223
00:07:03,344 --> 00:07:05,620
May I demonstrate?
224
00:07:05,655 --> 00:07:07,620
Ask him a simple
multiplication question.
225
00:07:07,655 --> 00:07:08,620
Okay.
226
00:07:08,655 --> 00:07:10,965
Salem, uh, what's
seven times five?
227
00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:14,793
Amazing.
228
00:07:14,827 --> 00:07:17,172
Although we do judge
purely on appearance.
229
00:07:17,206 --> 00:07:20,758
Isn't that life?
230
00:07:20,793 --> 00:07:22,689
Will all of our semifinalists
231
00:07:22,724 --> 00:07:24,551
please bring their cats forward.
232
00:07:24,586 --> 00:07:28,137
I will now announce my
best of breed decisions.
233
00:07:38,034 --> 00:07:40,275
[ Maniacal laughing]
234
00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:41,310
[ Meows]
235
00:07:56,379 --> 00:08:00,862
And thisis my first-place
American shorthair.
236
00:08:00,896 --> 00:08:03,275
And darn proud of it.
237
00:08:03,310 --> 00:08:04,413
Come on, hilda.
238
00:08:04,448 --> 00:08:06,034
Full moon. Let's go.
239
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:07,000
Coming.
240
00:08:07,034 --> 00:08:07,689
Relax.
241
00:08:07,724 --> 00:08:08,931
You'll get your revulsion.
242
00:08:08,965 --> 00:08:10,206
Oh, I hope it works.
243
00:08:10,241 --> 00:08:13,103
I don't want dirk going
after the u.P.S. Guy again.
244
00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:21,620
Hello.
245
00:08:21,655 --> 00:08:22,482
Welcome
246
00:08:22,517 --> 00:08:24,620
to full moon beauty supply.
247
00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:26,620
May I help you?
248
00:08:26,655 --> 00:08:28,206
I need a bottle of revulsion.
249
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:31,034
Ah, someone's bothering you.
250
00:08:31,068 --> 00:08:33,137
A little or a lot?
251
00:08:33,172 --> 00:08:33,793
Well...
252
00:08:33,827 --> 00:08:35,034
Get the bigone.
253
00:08:35,068 --> 00:08:37,965
A pretty girl like you
needs a lot of revulsion.
254
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,172
Oh, what's this?
255
00:08:39,206 --> 00:08:42,172
Oh, this is a magic mirror
256
00:08:42,206 --> 00:08:44,000
that shows you at your best.
257
00:08:44,034 --> 00:08:47,034
"The makeover mirror...
It's a nice reflection on you."
258
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,482
Try it.
259
00:08:49,517 --> 00:08:52,586
I'm ravishing.
260
00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:53,724
I have to have it.
261
00:08:53,758 --> 00:08:56,275
Oh, here. Buy two,
one for each of you.
262
00:08:56,310 --> 00:08:57,379
No.
263
00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:59,551
Hilda, you can't
buy self-esteem.
264
00:08:59,586 --> 00:09:02,034
Yes, I can, and it's on sale.
265
00:09:02,068 --> 00:09:04,448
Try some wrinkle berries.
266
00:09:04,482 --> 00:09:08,103
They smooth out your
face and other places.
267
00:09:08,137 --> 00:09:09,413
Here, I give you half a pound.
268
00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:10,413
No. Thank you.
269
00:09:10,448 --> 00:09:12,068
We can shop for ourselves.
270
00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:13,103
Fine.
271
00:09:15,068 --> 00:09:16,068
Oh, stress mints.
272
00:09:16,103 --> 00:09:16,896
I wonder if they work.
273
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:19,103
Careful. It says no samples.
274
00:09:19,137 --> 00:09:20,344
I can read.
275
00:09:24,586 --> 00:09:26,275
Hilda, what have you done?
276
00:09:26,310 --> 00:09:27,793
I didn't do anything.
277
00:09:27,827 --> 00:09:28,827
Aha!
278
00:09:28,862 --> 00:09:31,206
My no-sample spell works.
279
00:09:31,241 --> 00:09:32,551
I couldn't help myself.
280
00:09:32,586 --> 00:09:34,034
Change me back, please.
281
00:09:34,068 --> 00:09:38,275
Okay, but first, you'll
pay for the stress mints
282
00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:39,896
and then you'll buy
a sample antidote.
283
00:09:39,931 --> 00:09:42,275
Then you'll buy
a gift certificate.
284
00:09:42,310 --> 00:09:45,758
Oh, sure. Stick
it to the little guy.
285
00:09:47,689 --> 00:09:49,206
Today best of breed.
286
00:09:49,241 --> 00:09:51,206
Tomorrow best of show.
287
00:09:51,241 --> 00:09:53,137
You should be very proud, Salem.
288
00:09:53,172 --> 00:09:56,551
Here's your milk...
And the economist.
289
00:09:56,586 --> 00:10:00,758
And now I have
to go call my aunts.
290
00:10:00,793 --> 00:10:02,241
I guess we're closing
down the place.
291
00:10:02,275 --> 00:10:02,793
[ Phone ringing]
292
00:10:02,827 --> 00:10:04,344
Excuse me. Got to go.
293
00:10:04,379 --> 00:10:05,137
Mm-hmm.
294
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,965
[ Clearing throat]
295
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,620
Hello?
296
00:10:09,655 --> 00:10:11,517
Who isthis?
297
00:10:11,551 --> 00:10:12,758
Yes, I'm alone.
298
00:10:12,793 --> 00:10:14,275
Hmm?
299
00:10:14,310 --> 00:10:17,206
In the briefcase?
300
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,724
Oh, dear lord.
301
00:10:18,758 --> 00:10:21,379
Where did you get this photo?
302
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:22,068
Name your price.
303
00:10:22,103 --> 00:10:24,137
I'll pay you anything.
304
00:10:24,172 --> 00:10:25,448
Uh-huh...
305
00:10:25,482 --> 00:10:26,551
Uh-huh.
306
00:10:26,586 --> 00:10:27,137
That's it?
307
00:10:27,172 --> 00:10:29,896
No, no. No. No problem.
308
00:10:29,931 --> 00:10:32,000
You just keep those
negatives to yourself
309
00:10:32,034 --> 00:10:35,172
and I promise your cat
will be named best of show.
310
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:54,724
Good night again, Mr. Gor...
311
00:10:54,758 --> 00:10:57,103
Out of my way.
312
00:10:57,137 --> 00:10:58,034
What's with him?
313
00:10:58,068 --> 00:10:59,517
The contest is fixed.
314
00:10:59,551 --> 00:11:02,310
The judge is being blackmailed
with an incriminating photo.
315
00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:03,517
Your kidding, of what?
316
00:11:03,551 --> 00:11:05,896
I don't know, but he
took it into his office.
317
00:11:05,931 --> 00:11:07,034
I'll go check.
318
00:11:07,068 --> 00:11:08,137
I'll stay here.
319
00:11:15,068 --> 00:11:16,413
There it is.
320
00:11:19,068 --> 00:11:20,655
Incredible.
321
00:11:20,689 --> 00:11:21,965
If people only knew.
322
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,827
I thought I'd closed that.
323
00:11:23,862 --> 00:11:25,379
Meow?
324
00:11:25,413 --> 00:11:26,344
Meow!
325
00:11:26,379 --> 00:11:27,379
Oh, no.
326
00:11:29,793 --> 00:11:32,827
Kitty...
327
00:11:34,137 --> 00:11:36,172
How did you get in here?
328
00:11:36,206 --> 00:11:38,793
Okay, there you go.
329
00:11:38,827 --> 00:11:41,482
There you go.
330
00:11:41,517 --> 00:11:45,517
Oh, you are a
pretty little kitty.
331
00:11:45,551 --> 00:11:47,896
Too bad you don't have a chance.
332
00:11:53,034 --> 00:11:54,068
Salem?
333
00:11:54,103 --> 00:11:55,344
Sabrina, where are you?
334
00:11:55,379 --> 00:11:57,551
Next to you... in a cage.
335
00:12:00,827 --> 00:12:02,275
Salem, this is awful.
336
00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:05,000
If I can't point, I
can't turn myself back.
337
00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:05,724
What was that?
338
00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:06,517
What?
339
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:07,734
There's something
in here with me!
340
00:12:07,758 --> 00:12:08,482
What?
341
00:12:08,517 --> 00:12:10,620
Oh. It's just my tail.
342
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:13,482
Hello?
343
00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:15,689
Sabrina, are you in here?
344
00:12:15,724 --> 00:12:18,206
Yes. Next to Salem.
345
00:12:18,241 --> 00:12:19,689
Sabrina?
346
00:12:19,724 --> 00:12:22,655
Hi... or should I say "meow"?
347
00:12:22,689 --> 00:12:25,172
Look how cute the
little blonde kitty is.
348
00:12:25,206 --> 00:12:27,068
I have claws, and
I will use them.
349
00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:28,413
Now, change me back.
350
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,379
Here you go.
351
00:12:30,413 --> 00:12:31,724
Oh...
352
00:12:31,758 --> 00:12:33,034
Help me, hilda.
353
00:12:34,689 --> 00:12:35,758
That feels so much...
354
00:12:35,793 --> 00:12:37,068
[ Screaming]
355
00:12:37,103 --> 00:12:38,344
Change the rest of me!
356
00:12:38,379 --> 00:12:39,413
Sorry.
357
00:12:42,275 --> 00:12:43,620
Now what is going on?
358
00:12:43,655 --> 00:12:44,862
I'll explain everything
359
00:12:44,896 --> 00:12:47,413
but right now I really have to
get home and brush my teeth.
360
00:12:47,448 --> 00:12:48,586
[ Coughing]
361
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:51,172
Ugh! Another hair ball.
362
00:12:51,206 --> 00:12:53,034
And to think... They
call Bob Gordon
363
00:12:53,068 --> 00:12:55,931
the most trusted name
in new england news.
364
00:12:55,965 --> 00:12:56,965
Who would have thought
365
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,458
the cat show would be
a cauldron of corruption?
366
00:12:58,482 --> 00:12:59,655
Don't give up.
367
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:02,034
All you have to do is figure
out who the blackmailer is.
368
00:13:02,068 --> 00:13:04,103
The problem is
everyone has a motive...
369
00:13:04,137 --> 00:13:05,482
Everyone wants to win.
370
00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:08,379
But only the blackmailer
took this picture.
371
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:11,827
A "reverse angle" spell
will tell us who that is.
372
00:13:11,862 --> 00:13:12,793
There!
373
00:13:12,827 --> 00:13:15,689
And the blackmailer is...
374
00:13:15,724 --> 00:13:18,000
A person wearing a loose
robe obscured by shadow
375
00:13:18,034 --> 00:13:20,034
with a big camera
covering his...
376
00:13:20,068 --> 00:13:21,275
Or her... face.
377
00:13:21,310 --> 00:13:23,482
There must be some
distinguishing characteristic.
378
00:13:23,517 --> 00:13:25,724
All you can see
is the right hand...
379
00:13:25,758 --> 00:13:26,896
Wait a sec.
380
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:29,103
Does that look like a
whole finger to you?
381
00:13:29,137 --> 00:13:31,310
No. Whoever took this photo
382
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,689
is missing half an index finger.
383
00:13:33,724 --> 00:13:36,413
And that's who
your blackmailer is.
384
00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:37,620
So it's not over?
385
00:13:37,655 --> 00:13:38,931
Not even close.
386
00:13:38,965 --> 00:13:43,827
Now, if you'll excuse me, I
have to go meet and greet.
387
00:13:43,862 --> 00:13:45,275
Did I just do a cat thing?
388
00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:46,034
Yeah.
389
00:13:46,068 --> 00:13:48,310
Ugh...
390
00:13:48,344 --> 00:13:49,275
Good morning, Mrs. Erickson.
391
00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:50,596
I just wanted to
wish you good luck.
392
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,034
May the best cat win.
393
00:13:52,068 --> 00:13:53,758
You mean my Duke.
394
00:13:53,793 --> 00:13:54,793
Thanks.
395
00:13:56,724 --> 00:13:59,034
Uh, what a nice grooming mitt.
396
00:13:59,068 --> 00:13:59,793
May I see it?
397
00:13:59,827 --> 00:14:01,172
Get your own.
398
00:14:01,206 --> 00:14:02,551
You're the competition.
399
00:14:04,413 --> 00:14:05,862
Haley, I just
400
00:14:05,896 --> 00:14:06,793
wanted to say
401
00:14:06,827 --> 00:14:09,241
it's been really great
getting to know you.
402
00:14:09,275 --> 00:14:10,482
I don't touch people.
403
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,655
How goes the investigation?
404
00:14:13,689 --> 00:14:14,689
Not good.
405
00:14:14,724 --> 00:14:16,034
My three prime suspects
406
00:14:16,068 --> 00:14:18,482
are all cleverly
concealing their hands.
407
00:14:18,517 --> 00:14:20,827
I know how to fix that.
408
00:14:20,862 --> 00:14:21,862
Mini-quiches.
409
00:14:21,896 --> 00:14:22,862
No one can resist them.
410
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:23,965
Oh, looks good.
411
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:24,827
Those aren't for you.
412
00:14:24,862 --> 00:14:26,482
They're for the blackmailer.
413
00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:28,551
Here.
414
00:14:28,586 --> 00:14:29,275
Free quiche!
415
00:14:29,310 --> 00:14:30,000
Help yourselves!
416
00:14:30,034 --> 00:14:31,965
Oh! Don't mind if I do.
417
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,448
Well, maybe just one.
418
00:14:33,482 --> 00:14:36,206
I did skip breakfast.
419
00:14:36,241 --> 00:14:37,517
[ All gasping]
420
00:14:37,551 --> 00:14:39,793
Well, look at that!
421
00:14:39,827 --> 00:14:41,758
I thought I was the only one.
422
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,586
This is amazing.
423
00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:44,241
Shop class?
424
00:14:44,275 --> 00:14:45,689
Farm accident.
425
00:14:45,724 --> 00:14:47,620
I used to keep wolverines.
426
00:14:47,655 --> 00:14:49,724
We should start a support group.
427
00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:51,000
Oh, thanks for the quiche.
428
00:14:53,586 --> 00:14:55,103
It's over, Salem.
429
00:14:55,137 --> 00:14:57,034
The blackmailer
has the perfect cover.
430
00:14:57,068 --> 00:14:58,724
Then take me home.
431
00:14:58,758 --> 00:15:02,896
I want to enjoy something
pure, like harness racing.
432
00:15:02,931 --> 00:15:04,044
He's not going to
get away with this.
433
00:15:04,068 --> 00:15:07,034
Mr. Gordon, I need to
talk to you, right away.
434
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:09,655
I'm about to make the
best of show presentation.
435
00:15:09,689 --> 00:15:10,931
It can wait.
436
00:15:10,965 --> 00:15:13,551
Pushy... like a
young Diane Sawyer.
437
00:15:16,275 --> 00:15:17,448
What is it?
438
00:15:17,482 --> 00:15:18,762
I know you're being blackmailed.
439
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,517
I saw the photo; I
know your secret.
440
00:15:20,551 --> 00:15:22,034
So what do you want?
441
00:15:22,068 --> 00:15:23,068
Second place?
442
00:15:23,103 --> 00:15:26,206
No. Look, don't give in
to them... come clean.
443
00:15:26,241 --> 00:15:27,769
You don't have to hide
the fact that you're...
444
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:28,793
Don't say it!
445
00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:29,344
Bald.
446
00:15:29,379 --> 00:15:30,482
Shh!
447
00:15:30,517 --> 00:15:32,620
You have no idea
what this means.
448
00:15:32,655 --> 00:15:34,310
It could destroy my career.
449
00:15:34,344 --> 00:15:36,137
How? Aren't
honesty and integrity
450
00:15:36,172 --> 00:15:37,896
the most important
to a journalist?
451
00:15:37,931 --> 00:15:39,172
Not in this decade.
452
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:40,793
People like people with hair.
453
00:15:40,827 --> 00:15:41,965
They've done studies.
454
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,103
The public hasn't trusted a
bald man since eisenhower.
455
00:15:45,137 --> 00:15:47,620
But they believe in you,
and you're not playing fair.
456
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,206
You want to talk about fair?
457
00:15:49,241 --> 00:15:52,655
I wore a toupee to
my first frat party.
458
00:15:52,689 --> 00:15:54,517
Don't talk to meabout fair.
459
00:15:59,724 --> 00:16:01,413
Sabrina, I didn't want
460
00:16:01,448 --> 00:16:03,034
to miss Salem's big showdown.
461
00:16:03,068 --> 00:16:04,241
I'm not late, am I?
462
00:16:04,275 --> 00:16:05,137
You didn't miss anything
463
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,827
except confirmation
we live in a rotten
464
00:16:06,862 --> 00:16:10,379
crooked, corrupt,
stinking world.
465
00:16:10,413 --> 00:16:11,448
Good.
466
00:16:11,482 --> 00:16:14,482
The moment we've all
been waiting for has arrived.
467
00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:17,724
What does it take to
be a championship cat?
468
00:16:17,758 --> 00:16:19,103
Mrs. Erickson
469
00:16:19,137 --> 00:16:20,862
may I please see Duke?
470
00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:23,310
So that's who
the blackmailer is.
471
00:16:23,344 --> 00:16:26,344
Duke is a fine, superb cat.
472
00:16:26,379 --> 00:16:27,000
Note the tail
473
00:16:27,034 --> 00:16:28,344
the bone structure
474
00:16:28,379 --> 00:16:30,620
the excellent tension
in the whiskers.
475
00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:31,827
What... what is this?
476
00:16:31,862 --> 00:16:34,000
That cat has whisker extensions!
477
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,206
Those are illegal!
478
00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:37,931
No they're not. I checked
the rule book very carefully
479
00:16:37,965 --> 00:16:40,482
and there's nothing wrong
with whisker extensions.
480
00:16:40,517 --> 00:16:41,724
Gordon: Absolutely.
481
00:16:41,758 --> 00:16:43,172
If Mrs. Erickson would like
482
00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:45,241
to glue bits of hair
onto her animal
483
00:16:45,275 --> 00:16:46,379
to improve its image
484
00:16:46,413 --> 00:16:48,103
she can.
485
00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:50,551
It may seem a little desperate
486
00:16:50,586 --> 00:16:51,965
a little silly
487
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,413
a little vain.
488
00:16:53,448 --> 00:16:55,103
But who are we to...
489
00:16:55,137 --> 00:16:59,448
Oh, dear lord, it's like
looking into a mirror.
490
00:16:59,482 --> 00:17:01,793
It's time to come clean.
491
00:17:01,827 --> 00:17:04,793
Our top story tonight is this...
492
00:17:05,931 --> 00:17:07,275
[ Gasps]
493
00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:08,517
He's bald.
494
00:17:08,551 --> 00:17:10,379
None of you saw this.
495
00:17:10,413 --> 00:17:11,689
Stop. It's over.
496
00:17:11,724 --> 00:17:14,413
No, it's just the beginning.
497
00:17:14,448 --> 00:17:17,620
Mr. Gordon thought he
needed this to gain people's trust
498
00:17:17,655 --> 00:17:18,758
but trust should not depend
499
00:17:18,793 --> 00:17:20,310
on fake hair.
500
00:17:20,344 --> 00:17:23,000
Trust should depend on
real knowledge, integrity
501
00:17:23,034 --> 00:17:24,482
and accurate reporting.
502
00:17:24,517 --> 00:17:26,448
Sabrina, he's on TV news.
503
00:17:26,482 --> 00:17:28,137
Still, we should
applaud this man
504
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,206
who stood before us
505
00:17:29,241 --> 00:17:31,724
and bared his naked head.
506
00:17:31,758 --> 00:17:32,758
Thank you.
507
00:17:33,793 --> 00:17:36,172
Big deal!
508
00:17:36,206 --> 00:17:38,448
Now, can we get on
with the competition?
509
00:17:38,482 --> 00:17:39,758
Who won best of show?
510
00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:42,655
Duke did. He was already
announced the winner.
511
00:17:42,689 --> 00:17:43,965
I take it back.
512
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,793
I'm disqualifying
you for attempting
513
00:17:45,827 --> 00:17:47,551
to influence a
cat show official.
514
00:17:47,586 --> 00:17:49,448
And that is in the rule book.
515
00:17:49,482 --> 00:17:50,275
You don't understand.
516
00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:51,896
Duke is getting older.
517
00:17:51,931 --> 00:17:54,448
He's not as pretty
as he used to be.
518
00:17:54,482 --> 00:17:55,586
Oh, god!
519
00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:57,896
I miss my youth!
520
00:17:57,931 --> 00:18:01,103
Talk about cracking
under the pressure.
521
00:18:01,137 --> 00:18:02,517
Enough about people.
522
00:18:02,551 --> 00:18:03,827
Who's the best cat?
523
00:18:06,034 --> 00:18:09,586
The truth makes
that decision easy.
524
00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:13,482
This weekend, I have met
a rare and extraordinary cat
525
00:18:13,517 --> 00:18:15,275
a cat unlike any other.
526
00:18:17,344 --> 00:18:19,620
Where is Salem saberhagen?
527
00:18:21,482 --> 00:18:22,965
Oh, my god!
528
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,310
Everything's in slow motion.
529
00:18:25,344 --> 00:18:26,517
Now, here is a cat
530
00:18:26,551 --> 00:18:29,344
who is not only
attractive but intelligent
531
00:18:29,379 --> 00:18:31,068
and I would like to award it
532
00:18:31,103 --> 00:18:33,172
the first-prize blue ribbon...
533
00:18:33,206 --> 00:18:34,724
Whoa! Whoa!
534
00:18:34,758 --> 00:18:36,241
Wait a minute.
535
00:18:36,275 --> 00:18:38,965
There isanother cat...
536
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,827
The most beautiful little kitty
537
00:18:40,862 --> 00:18:42,206
that I have ever seen.
538
00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:43,965
Where is that blonde cat?
539
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,689
What blonde cat?
540
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,689
Wait a sec.
541
00:18:47,724 --> 00:18:49,586
I know where she is.
542
00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:50,931
What is she doing?
543
00:18:50,965 --> 00:18:52,206
Her cat was about to win.
544
00:18:52,241 --> 00:18:53,379
Don't worry, Harvey.
545
00:18:53,413 --> 00:18:54,517
Sabrina always lands
546
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:55,655
on her feet.
547
00:18:55,689 --> 00:18:58,379
Pretend I belong to you.
548
00:18:58,413 --> 00:19:00,758
Is this the cat
you're looking for?
549
00:19:00,793 --> 00:19:02,034
Why, yes.
550
00:19:02,068 --> 00:19:03,000
What's her name?
551
00:19:03,034 --> 00:19:04,275
Sabrina.
552
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,275
She named her cat Sabrina?
553
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,103
Doesn't that get confusing
around the house?
554
00:19:08,137 --> 00:19:10,448
It's a pretty confusing
place in general.
555
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,551
I am pleased and
proud to announce
556
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,689
and with the utmost integrity
557
00:19:14,724 --> 00:19:18,172
that this blonde cat is best
of show grand champion.
558
00:19:18,206 --> 00:19:19,206
Whoo-hoo!
559
00:19:20,689 --> 00:19:22,827
I was so close.
560
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,758
[ Salem crying]
561
00:19:27,068 --> 00:19:27,793
No, Harvey.
562
00:19:27,827 --> 00:19:29,034
She's not for sale.
563
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,551
Are you sure?
564
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,448
She's the sweetest,
most beautiful cat
565
00:19:32,482 --> 00:19:33,689
I've ever held.
566
00:19:33,724 --> 00:19:34,620
All set.
567
00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:35,482
What did you do?
568
00:19:35,517 --> 00:19:36,862
I felt bad for Bob Gordon.
569
00:19:36,896 --> 00:19:38,689
So I left a little
present in his office.
570
00:19:44,689 --> 00:19:46,517
Let's check out the damage.
571
00:19:49,206 --> 00:19:50,862
Oh...
572
00:19:50,896 --> 00:19:52,620
My!
573
00:19:52,655 --> 00:19:54,793
I look fabulous.
574
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:58,206
Bobby, baby... Bobby, booby.
575
00:19:58,241 --> 00:19:59,965
I'm Bob Gordon
576
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,413
and this is eyewitness
action news center eight.
577
00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:07,172
Salem?
578
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,172
Meow.
579
00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:09,482
Come on, Salem.
580
00:20:09,517 --> 00:20:10,241
Meow, meow.
581
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:12,413
You have to talk to me sometime.
582
00:20:12,448 --> 00:20:13,586
I've got your chin.
583
00:20:13,620 --> 00:20:16,413
Oh... oh, that feels good.
584
00:20:16,448 --> 00:20:17,206
Wait. I'm still
585
00:20:17,241 --> 00:20:18,275
mad at you.
586
00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:20,137
I can't believe
you did that to me.
587
00:20:20,172 --> 00:20:23,758
I said I was sorry.
My vanity took over.
588
00:20:23,793 --> 00:20:24,838
But it all worked out fine.
589
00:20:24,862 --> 00:20:26,113
Harvey and I get
to go to funland
590
00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:27,862
and I promise to
pay off your debt.
591
00:20:27,896 --> 00:20:30,206
I guess the money
is all that matters.
592
00:20:30,241 --> 00:20:31,241
No, it's not.
593
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,586
And that's why you
should have this.
594
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:36,724
The blue ribbon?
595
00:20:36,758 --> 00:20:39,206
You deserve it... after
all, you are the best cat.
596
00:20:40,758 --> 00:20:41,655
Salem?
597
00:20:41,689 --> 00:20:42,344
Just got a little something
598
00:20:42,379 --> 00:20:43,448
in my eye.
599
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:52,379
[ Knocking]
600
00:20:52,413 --> 00:20:53,931
Dirk. I was hoping
601
00:20:53,965 --> 00:20:55,206
you'd stop by today.
602
00:20:55,241 --> 00:20:58,034
I brought your mail
and some Omaha steaks
603
00:20:58,068 --> 00:20:59,586
I found in the
unclaimed mail room.
604
00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:01,862
How thoughtful.
605
00:21:01,896 --> 00:21:03,344
Hey, would you like to come in
606
00:21:03,379 --> 00:21:04,482
for a cup of coffee?
607
00:21:04,517 --> 00:21:06,103
I'd like that.
608
00:21:06,137 --> 00:21:08,793
Wow! It's really happening.
609
00:21:08,827 --> 00:21:10,551
Do you take cream and sugar?
610
00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:13,517
Yes, please.
611
00:21:13,551 --> 00:21:14,551
Hey!
612
00:21:14,586 --> 00:21:16,448
You're reading the
magazine I brought you.
613
00:21:16,482 --> 00:21:18,965
Yes and I'm paying the
bills you brought me, too.
614
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,172
I'm sorry about those.
615
00:21:20,206 --> 00:21:22,172
Enough shop talk.
616
00:21:22,206 --> 00:21:24,413
See, Zelda, my interest in you
617
00:21:24,448 --> 00:21:26,241
is not purely professional.
618
00:21:26,275 --> 00:21:28,896
You are no mere
"occupant" to me.
619
00:21:28,931 --> 00:21:31,275
You're the bright
spot on my route.
620
00:21:31,310 --> 00:21:33,172
Can you meet my
parents this Sunday?
621
00:21:33,206 --> 00:21:36,241
I think first you should
get to know the real me.
622
00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:38,551
I think I know you pretty well.
623
00:21:38,586 --> 00:21:41,137
Here's your coffee.
624
00:21:41,172 --> 00:21:42,172
Thanks.
625
00:21:43,413 --> 00:21:44,482
You a little tired?
626
00:21:46,344 --> 00:21:47,965
I'm exhausted.
40145
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