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1
00:00:01,053 --> 00:00:03,280
Get out, get out, get out. My abuelita
will be here any minute
2
00:00:03,293 --> 00:00:05,513
Why do I have to wait to
meet your abuelita at dinner...
3
00:00:05,531 --> 00:00:07,045
Why can't I stay and meet her now?
4
00:00:07,082 --> 00:00:10,168
She's gona think you slept
here, and Sofia is not a virgin.
5
00:00:10,206 --> 00:00:12,445
But I did sleep here and
Sofia is not a virgin
6
00:00:12,456 --> 00:00:15,488
(GASPS) My abuelita
cannot know any of that.
7
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,750
Sofia, relax. Grandmas love me.
8
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,552
I'm respectful,
I listen to their stories,
9
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,687
and I flirt with them a little,
makes them feel alive.
10
00:00:23,098 --> 00:00:25,700
You know what? I'll meet her tonight.
11
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:29,404
And whether you impress her or not,
you have more than impressed me.
12
00:00:29,438 --> 00:00:31,272
Aw. Get out.
13
00:00:31,307 --> 00:00:32,473
Yeah. I'm sorry.
14
00:00:33,475 --> 00:00:36,077
God, please, let my abuelita love Nick.
15
00:00:36,111 --> 00:00:37,946
Gabi, he's the first guy who gets me.
16
00:00:37,980 --> 00:00:40,332
He's smart, he's successful, and, um,
17
00:00:40,359 --> 00:00:43,528
I have had an "O" almost
every single time.
18
00:00:43,552 --> 00:00:45,997
Almost every time? With me and Josh,
19
00:00:46,008 --> 00:00:49,334
every time it's go time, it's "O" time.
20
00:00:49,358 --> 00:00:51,426
Yeah, well, you don't have
an abuelita to worry about.
21
00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:53,895
What if she doesn't like Nick, Gabi?
22
00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:54,638
So?
23
00:00:54,649 --> 00:00:56,774
She's my grandmother, Gabi.
I have to impress her.
24
00:00:56,799 --> 00:00:59,367
You sound like you're 10. You're
25 now, who cares what she thinks?
25
00:00:59,401 --> 00:01:00,935
You're an adult.
26
00:01:00,970 --> 00:01:02,070
Am I?
27
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,705
Did you just have intercourse?
28
00:01:03,739 --> 00:01:05,640
- Twice this morning.
- You're an adult!
29
00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:07,342
You know what? You're right. So what?
30
00:01:07,376 --> 00:01:09,210
If she doesn't like my
boyfriend, that is her problem.
31
00:01:09,244 --> 00:01:10,244
I am an adult.
32
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:12,213
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Oh my God, it's her!
33
00:01:16,218 --> 00:01:18,286
Abuelita, you're finally here!
34
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,588
Oh! And look at you!
35
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:24,292
All grown up, a beautiful young lady.
36
00:01:24,326 --> 00:01:27,729
- Very impressive.
- Oh, she's the best.
37
00:01:27,763 --> 00:01:29,658
You would think a grownup would know she
38
00:01:29,669 --> 00:01:31,609
should pick up her elderly grandmother
39
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,601
from the airport.
40
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,671
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought a
cab would just be easier.
41
00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:38,639
Mm. You know what's not easy?
42
00:01:38,674 --> 00:01:41,642
Avoiding getting mugged
while waiting for a cab.
43
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,413
Hola, Abuelita.
44
00:01:47,516 --> 00:01:50,051
It's me, it's Gabi, it's Sofia's
friend from when we were kids,
45
00:01:50,085 --> 00:01:52,253
but now we're adults.
46
00:01:52,287 --> 00:01:57,091
Indeed you are. Look at what a gorgeous
young lady you've turned into.
47
00:01:57,126 --> 00:01:59,627
- Thank you, Abuelita.- So why would you want
48
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:03,031
to wear all that trampy makeup
and look like an old hooker?
49
00:02:05,934 --> 00:02:09,037
- Let me tell you something, Abuelita.- What?
50
00:02:09,071 --> 00:02:10,705
I totally would've picked you up
from the airport.
51
00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,607
Come on, Sofia, let's get her bags!
52
00:02:12,668 --> 00:02:17,837
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
53
00:02:17,848 --> 00:02:19,303
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
54
00:02:19,314 --> 00:02:21,516
? She in the spotlight ?
55
00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:23,251
? And she turn my head ?
56
00:02:23,285 --> 00:02:25,153
? She run a red light ?
57
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,055
? 'Cause she bad like that ?
58
00:02:27,089 --> 00:02:30,758
? I like that ooh baby, ooh baby, baby ?
59
00:02:30,793 --> 00:02:33,928
? I like that ooh baby, ooh baby ?
60
00:02:35,164 --> 00:02:39,267
(GASPS) Ooh! It's a letter
from my prison pen pal.
61
00:02:40,836 --> 00:02:42,336
Big Tiny!
62
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:46,107
Is being forced to correspond
with you part of his punishment?
63
00:02:46,141 --> 00:02:48,409
My church started a pen pal program,
64
00:02:48,444 --> 00:02:51,479
so the prisoners can stay in
contact with the outside world.
65
00:02:51,513 --> 00:02:53,381
And just because Big Tiny made
66
00:02:53,415 --> 00:02:55,383
some bad decisions in his life,
67
00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:58,152
doesn't mean he's a bad person.
68
00:02:58,187 --> 00:02:59,720
You never said what he was in for?
69
00:02:59,755 --> 00:03:02,223
- Murder.
- What?
70
00:03:02,257 --> 00:03:03,891
Oh, only second degree.
71
00:03:03,926 --> 00:03:05,726
Nobody plans to kill their mama.
72
00:03:06,762 --> 00:03:08,796
Look, he's a changed man.
73
00:03:08,831 --> 00:03:10,531
Listen to this.
74
00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:13,701
"Dearest Yolanda,
As I peer out through the bars
75
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,137
"and see the sunlight,
I dream of the day
76
00:03:16,171 --> 00:03:17,605
I can soak in its warmth."
77
00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:18,806
Oh, poor man.
78
00:03:18,841 --> 00:03:20,875
He's never gonna feel
the warmth. (LAUGHS)
79
00:03:23,145 --> 00:03:26,347
"Well, today that dream
becomes a reality.
80
00:03:26,381 --> 00:03:30,151
I'm being released, and I hope
that we may finally meet..."
81
00:03:30,185 --> 00:03:31,519
Oh my damn!
82
00:03:33,021 --> 00:03:34,655
They're lettin' him out!
83
00:03:34,690 --> 00:03:36,457
What the hell's wrong
with the prison system?
84
00:03:37,459 --> 00:03:39,093
I thought you said he's a changed man?
85
00:03:39,128 --> 00:03:40,595
Oh, grow up!
86
00:03:40,629 --> 00:03:42,897
People don't change!
87
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,599
He's gonna come for me!
88
00:03:44,633 --> 00:03:47,602
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- (BOTH SCREAM)
89
00:03:47,636 --> 00:03:49,070
All right, you get it.
90
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,138
I'm not getting it, you get it.
91
00:03:50,172 --> 00:03:52,640
Oh, hell no! Hide!
92
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,843
(DOORBELL RINGS)
93
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:00,314
(SCREAMS)
94
00:04:03,719 --> 00:04:05,820
Hey, sorry I rang the
bell so many times.
95
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:06,988
I couldn't find my keys.
96
00:04:07,022 --> 00:04:10,024
Gabi... we need to talk.
97
00:04:10,058 --> 00:04:12,894
Are you breaking up with me? It's fine.
It's cool. I can take it.
98
00:04:12,928 --> 00:04:14,262
Why? Is it because I have trampy makeup
99
00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:16,197
and I look like an old hooker?
100
00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:23,804
I'm not breaking up with you, but
after I tell you this secret,
101
00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:25,506
I'm afraid you're gonna
break up with me.
102
00:04:25,541 --> 00:04:27,875
(GASPS) Are you sick? Are you married?
103
00:04:27,910 --> 00:04:30,344
Do you have a child? (GASPS) You
don't like my grilled cheese?
104
00:04:32,614 --> 00:04:34,148
Gabi...
105
00:04:36,018 --> 00:04:37,418
I'm a magician.
106
00:04:39,288 --> 00:04:40,788
What?
107
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:44,425
Yeah. I'm, uh... I'm
"The Great Ma'Josh'in."
108
00:04:46,094 --> 00:04:48,196
That's your secret? You're into magic?
109
00:04:48,230 --> 00:04:50,565
I've loved doin' it since I was a
kid, but all my ex-girlfriends
110
00:04:50,599 --> 00:04:53,100
hated it so much, it's
actually ended relationships.
111
00:04:53,135 --> 00:04:55,536
And the thing is, I'm hosting this
charity event here this weekend,
112
00:04:55,571 --> 00:04:57,772
and they asked me to perform my
magic, and it's a really good cause,
113
00:04:57,806 --> 00:05:00,942
and I wanna do it, and I just... I
felt like I really needed to tell you.
114
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,744
So, no kid?
115
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,181
Nope. Just the magic.
116
00:05:07,216 --> 00:05:09,050
(SIGHS) Man, that is such a relief.
117
00:05:09,084 --> 00:05:11,052
Why did you make
such an issue out of this?
118
00:05:11,086 --> 00:05:12,486
So you're okay with it?
119
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:14,622
If this is what you love to do,
and it makes you happy,
120
00:05:14,656 --> 00:05:17,425
then I support it a million percent.
121
00:05:17,459 --> 00:05:19,460
Gabi, it's official.
122
00:05:19,494 --> 00:05:23,231
You... have the key... to my heart.
123
00:05:23,265 --> 00:05:25,933
Wait a minute. Did you
have these the whole time?
124
00:05:25,968 --> 00:05:27,935
Did you take these out of my purse?
125
00:05:27,970 --> 00:05:30,171
Gabi, you are the perfect girlfriend.
126
00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:31,706
Aw.
127
00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:33,541
Wanna go upstairs
and make some of our own magic?
128
00:05:33,575 --> 00:05:36,177
- Sure.
- Yeah, right.
129
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,813
- (SNEEZES)
- Ooh. You need a hanky?
130
00:05:38,847 --> 00:05:41,215
- Thank you.
- Oh. Oh.
131
00:05:43,986 --> 00:05:45,553
Ma'Josh'in!
132
00:05:52,327 --> 00:05:55,896
Whew. Well, that was a first.
133
00:05:58,834 --> 00:06:01,469
Yeah. It was.
134
00:06:01,503 --> 00:06:04,905
First time I got to use some
of my other magic in here.
135
00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:06,474
What was your favorite part?
136
00:06:06,508 --> 00:06:08,643
Oh, I have to pick just one?
137
00:06:08,677 --> 00:06:10,511
I know, right? I tried a few new things.
138
00:06:10,545 --> 00:06:12,079
Uh-huh. Yeah.
139
00:06:12,114 --> 00:06:13,581
You did.
140
00:06:13,615 --> 00:06:16,417
Well, tell me one.
You know, for next time.
141
00:06:16,451 --> 00:06:19,053
Was it my... sleight of hand?
142
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,492
When I was about to
touch you in one place...
143
00:06:20,503 --> 00:06:21,265
But then touching me
144
00:06:21,290 --> 00:06:25,226
in the opposite place? Yeah. Huh.
Didn't see that comin'!
145
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:26,761
Or how about when I threw my voice?
146
00:06:26,795 --> 00:06:27,962
Instead of yelling "Yes," I yelled...
147
00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:30,197
"Shazam"? Yeah, I was like,
148
00:06:30,232 --> 00:06:32,333
"Where the heck did
that shazam come from?"
149
00:06:33,735 --> 00:06:36,003
- Gabi, I love you.
- Mm-hmm.
150
00:06:36,038 --> 00:06:38,372
And now that I know that you
know everything about me,
151
00:06:38,407 --> 00:06:40,174
and you still love me,
152
00:06:40,208 --> 00:06:42,376
well, that just makes
our relationship even more...
153
00:06:42,411 --> 00:06:43,412
Magical?
154
00:06:43,423 --> 00:06:46,424
You took the word right out of my mouth!
155
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:47,748
And now,
156
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:51,118
I'm gonna take something out of yours.
157
00:06:54,323 --> 00:06:56,157
Wow. I can't believe
158
00:06:56,191 --> 00:06:58,492
your other girlfriends didn't like this.
159
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:06,810
Well, that dinner
went worse than expected.
160
00:07:07,257 --> 00:07:10,726
Nick, what on Earth would make
you flirt with my abuelita?
161
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,962
I told you, that's my thing.
It works every time.
162
00:07:13,997 --> 00:07:16,398
Well, she saw right through it.
You know what she called you?
163
00:07:16,432 --> 00:07:18,333
A suck-up. Now she'll never trust you.
164
00:07:18,368 --> 00:07:19,568
Think I should send her flowers?
165
00:07:19,602 --> 00:07:21,436
Oh my God, you are a suck-up.
166
00:07:21,471 --> 00:07:23,472
You know what? You're mean.
167
00:07:23,506 --> 00:07:24,773
You take after her.
168
00:07:24,808 --> 00:07:27,042
I'm not mean, and she's not either.
169
00:07:27,076 --> 00:07:29,011
She is honest, and she's usually right,
170
00:07:29,045 --> 00:07:31,914
which is why people want her approval.
171
00:07:31,948 --> 00:07:33,415
- No, she's mean.
- I know.
172
00:07:34,651 --> 00:07:36,185
Aah! Abuelita!
173
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,454
Well, my sex life is over.
174
00:07:39,489 --> 00:07:41,390
Gabi, Abuelita hated Nick.
175
00:07:41,424 --> 00:07:42,758
- I wanna go first.
- No, I wanna go first.
176
00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:45,194
How about I go first?
Sofia, see you tomorrow.
177
00:07:45,228 --> 00:07:47,830
- Okay, but you still love me, right?
- Yeah, I love you.
178
00:07:50,166 --> 00:07:54,570
Get this! Josh is a magician!
179
00:07:56,706 --> 00:07:58,640
- Oh my God.
- I know.
180
00:07:58,675 --> 00:08:02,344
God, it was horrible. There was a cape.
There was a top hat.
181
00:08:02,378 --> 00:08:05,113
He did magic tricks in bed.
Magic tricks in bed, Sofia.
182
00:08:05,148 --> 00:08:06,882
Oh my God, did he make
something disappear?
183
00:08:06,916 --> 00:08:09,484
Oh, just my sexual satisfaction.
184
00:08:09,519 --> 00:08:11,587
I mean, I still love him and everything,
185
00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,722
but for the first time ever
with Josh, I had to fake it.
186
00:08:13,756 --> 00:08:15,858
- You faked your "O"?
- Oh, indeed I did.
187
00:08:15,892 --> 00:08:19,094
Not that he noticed. He was too busy
trying to catch a dove he released.
188
00:08:20,697 --> 00:08:23,365
God, I never should've told him
I was supportive of his magic.
189
00:08:23,399 --> 00:08:24,700
What the hell am I gonna do about Nick?
190
00:08:24,734 --> 00:08:26,535
Okay, how did we get back to your thing?
191
00:08:26,569 --> 00:08:27,603
Magic?
192
00:08:28,771 --> 00:08:31,373
Sofia, we already discussed this, okay?
193
00:08:31,407 --> 00:08:32,941
You don't have to impress her.
194
00:08:32,976 --> 00:08:35,744
You want Abuelita to like Nick, you
just have to stand up to her, okay?
195
00:08:35,778 --> 00:08:37,613
You're a freakin' adult now.
196
00:08:37,653 --> 00:08:39,187
Well, you're a freakin' adult, too,
197
00:08:39,215 --> 00:08:41,350
and you can't even tell Josh
that you hate his magic.
198
00:08:41,384 --> 00:08:43,083
(SIGHS) Man, it would just be so much
199
00:08:43,094 --> 00:08:45,297
easier if you could
tell Josh my problem,
200
00:08:45,321 --> 00:08:47,356
and I could tell Abuelita your problem.
201
00:08:48,725 --> 00:08:51,226
- What?
- You're afraid to talk to Josh,
202
00:08:51,261 --> 00:08:53,028
and I'm afraid to talk to Abuelita.
203
00:08:53,062 --> 00:08:55,097
So, why don't we just switch?
204
00:08:55,131 --> 00:08:57,199
Oh my God! That's genius!
205
00:08:57,233 --> 00:09:00,068
If you can't handle somethin', you
just give it to someone else who can!
206
00:09:00,103 --> 00:09:02,371
That's what an adult would do!
207
00:09:08,177 --> 00:09:09,711
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Ooh!
208
00:09:09,746 --> 00:09:11,380
(WHISPERS) Elliot!
209
00:09:11,414 --> 00:09:14,883
I know, I know. If it's Big
Tiny, tell him you're dead.
210
00:09:16,886 --> 00:09:18,954
Hi, I'm Big Tiny.
I'm here to see Yolanda.
211
00:09:18,988 --> 00:09:20,422
Oh, she dead.
212
00:09:20,456 --> 00:09:21,757
Oh!
213
00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:26,094
Dead tired, from waitin' on you.
214
00:09:26,129 --> 00:09:29,298
Damn, girl. Them pictures
you were sendin' me
215
00:09:29,332 --> 00:09:31,033
did not do you justice.
216
00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:33,735
Neither did yours. Boop, boop.
217
00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:36,271
Well, you know,
I don't take a good mug shot.
218
00:09:36,306 --> 00:09:40,609
But anyway, I... I know this is fast,
but I was locked up for a long time.
219
00:09:40,643 --> 00:09:42,110
You wanna kick it with me tonight?
220
00:09:42,145 --> 00:09:45,881
Oh... (GIGGLES) Well, I have
this charity event here tonight.
221
00:09:45,915 --> 00:09:47,582
Um, but if you wanna come.
222
00:09:47,617 --> 00:09:49,885
Oh, I'd love to. Are they gonna have
223
00:09:49,919 --> 00:09:51,887
those cream cheese
and cucumber finger sandwiches?
224
00:09:51,921 --> 00:09:54,289
Ooh, I love those.
225
00:09:54,324 --> 00:09:56,373
You know, when I thought
I was gonna get the chair,
226
00:09:56,384 --> 00:09:58,203
that was gonna be my final meal.
227
00:09:58,227 --> 00:10:01,029
Oh! See you at seven?
228
00:10:01,064 --> 00:10:03,065
- Seven it is.
- Seven.
229
00:10:03,099 --> 00:10:04,166
Mm.
230
00:10:07,904 --> 00:10:11,039
Yolanda? You're going
out with a murderer?
231
00:10:11,074 --> 00:10:12,607
You saw him.
232
00:10:14,243 --> 00:10:16,578
I'll take my chances.
233
00:10:16,612 --> 00:10:19,815
So he's going from prison
bitch to big ol' bitch?
234
00:10:26,522 --> 00:10:27,249
- (KNOCKING)
- Hey, Josh.
235
00:10:27,282 --> 00:10:29,411
Hey, Sofia. I think Gabi already went
236
00:10:29,422 --> 00:10:30,802
home to get ready for the fundraiser.
237
00:10:30,827 --> 00:10:32,995
Actually, I'm here to talk to you.
238
00:10:33,029 --> 00:10:35,130
About your... performance.
239
00:10:35,164 --> 00:10:37,042
Oh, yeah. The Great Ma'Josh'in.
240
00:10:37,122 --> 00:10:40,368
Yes. So, Gabi told me about your magic
241
00:10:40,379 --> 00:10:43,138
and how she said
she was totally okay with it.
242
00:10:43,172 --> 00:10:44,973
Isn't she the best?
243
00:10:45,008 --> 00:10:48,210
I mean, it felt so good for me to
finally get that off my chest,
244
00:10:48,244 --> 00:10:50,112
and the fact that she's
so supportive of me,
245
00:10:50,146 --> 00:10:53,515
when all the other girls were so mean.
246
00:10:53,549 --> 00:10:55,283
It makes me love her even more.
247
00:10:57,653 --> 00:11:00,756
(SIGHS) I'm sorry.
What were you gonna tell me?
248
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:03,625
- Um...
- It doesn't matter.
249
00:11:03,659 --> 00:11:05,260
Think of a card.
250
00:11:06,362 --> 00:11:08,397
Happy Birthday, Mom.
251
00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:15,404
Abuelita?
252
00:11:19,675 --> 00:11:20,976
There's something I need to tell you.
253
00:11:21,010 --> 00:11:22,110
What?
254
00:11:25,615 --> 00:11:28,083
Aye, come on.
Cat got the old hooker's tongue?
255
00:11:30,787 --> 00:11:32,754
All right. That's it!
256
00:11:32,789 --> 00:11:35,457
You are an evil old woman.
257
00:11:35,491 --> 00:11:37,993
All right, that was from me.
This one's from Sofia.
258
00:11:38,027 --> 00:11:40,295
She is sick and tired
of bending over backwards
259
00:11:40,329 --> 00:11:43,065
to try and get your approval.
I mean, she finally found a guy
260
00:11:43,099 --> 00:11:45,434
that she's crazy about,
and he's crazy about her...
261
00:11:45,468 --> 00:11:47,636
Oh, you can turn away
from me all you want,
262
00:11:47,670 --> 00:11:49,571
but it's not gonna stop me.
263
00:11:49,605 --> 00:11:51,573
(SIGHS) Sofia and Nick really
care about each other,
264
00:11:51,607 --> 00:11:53,645
and they have amazing sex, unlike me,
265
00:11:53,656 --> 00:11:56,188
because I'm dating a
freakin' magician now!
266
00:11:56,212 --> 00:11:58,713
But they are very happy together,
and if you can't accept that,
267
00:11:58,748 --> 00:12:01,650
then that is just too freakin'
bad, because you know what?
268
00:12:01,684 --> 00:12:03,785
We are adults.
269
00:12:06,189 --> 00:12:08,857
Heh! Got nothin' to stay
to that, do you, Abuelita?
270
00:12:10,893 --> 00:12:12,494
Abuelita?
271
00:12:16,032 --> 00:12:17,532
Abuelita? (GASPS)
272
00:12:17,567 --> 00:12:19,101
Oh my God, I killed her!
273
00:12:21,304 --> 00:12:23,572
I knew being an adult was a bad idea!
274
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:32,502
Yes, thank you, just, um, just send
the ambulance as soon as you can.
275
00:12:32,596 --> 00:12:35,231
Although I don't know why you need
to rush because she's already dead.
276
00:12:37,934 --> 00:12:40,002
- Sofia.
- Hey, Gabi.
277
00:12:40,036 --> 00:12:41,770
I have some bad news.
278
00:12:41,805 --> 00:12:44,740
- Me too.
- You first.
279
00:12:44,774 --> 00:12:48,444
Okay. Gabi, I really tried
to tell Josh how you feel,
280
00:12:48,478 --> 00:12:51,480
I really did. But he seemed so
excited that you loved his magic.
281
00:12:51,515 --> 00:12:53,983
I think telling him the truth
would've just killed him.
282
00:12:58,555 --> 00:13:03,792
I understand. But, you know, if you
had told him, and it did kill him,
283
00:13:03,827 --> 00:13:06,729
I would not have blamed you, at all.
284
00:13:06,763 --> 00:13:08,531
Now, about Abuelita...
285
00:13:08,565 --> 00:13:10,299
You couldn't tell her, either?
286
00:13:10,333 --> 00:13:11,279
Well, I started to...
287
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,812
And then she freaked you
out with her death stare?
288
00:13:16,573 --> 00:13:17,740
What the hell is wrong with us?
289
00:13:17,774 --> 00:13:20,142
I couldn't tell Josh,
you couldn't tell Abuelita.
290
00:13:20,176 --> 00:13:22,912
Well, you know what? Real adults
tackle their own problems.
291
00:13:22,946 --> 00:13:25,147
I'm goin' in.
292
00:13:25,181 --> 00:13:28,150
Okay, well, you know,
just remember, she was old.
293
00:13:29,152 --> 00:13:30,819
Abuelita?
294
00:13:30,854 --> 00:13:34,456
I'm an adult now, okay? And that
means that I do what I want,
295
00:13:34,491 --> 00:13:36,959
I date who I want, and I
have sex with who I want.
296
00:13:36,993 --> 00:13:39,795
Yeah, that's right.
I know my way around a penis.
297
00:13:41,531 --> 00:13:44,133
Oh, you got nothing to say?
Well, I don't care.
298
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:46,502
I am actually done with caring
about what you think,
299
00:13:46,536 --> 00:13:48,871
because you will never approve
of me or my choices.
300
00:13:48,905 --> 00:13:50,839
So, you know what, you're dead to me.
301
00:13:53,843 --> 00:13:55,277
Abuelita?
302
00:13:56,780 --> 00:13:58,247
Abuelita?
303
00:13:58,281 --> 00:14:02,184
(GASPS) Oh my God, Sofia, I
think you killed Abuelita!
304
00:14:03,587 --> 00:14:05,854
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
305
00:14:05,889 --> 00:14:07,556
- Surprise!
- (SCREAMS) My God!
306
00:14:07,591 --> 00:14:09,525
Oh my God! You're alive!
307
00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:12,027
Of course I am alive.
308
00:14:12,062 --> 00:14:14,663
And finally proud of you!
309
00:14:14,698 --> 00:14:17,633
Do you know how long I've been waiting
for you to stand up for yourself?
310
00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:21,904
- What?
- Every culture has a rite of passage,
311
00:14:21,938 --> 00:14:23,305
when you go from child to adult.
312
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:27,042
The Jews have bar mitzvahs,
the Amish have Rumspringa,
313
00:14:27,077 --> 00:14:30,646
and we... have screaming
at the abuelita.
314
00:14:32,716 --> 00:14:35,584
Wait. So screaming at you,
what, makes me an adult?
315
00:14:35,619 --> 00:14:40,923
It does. How are you ever going
to stand up for yourself
316
00:14:40,957 --> 00:14:44,059
if you can't stand up
to your own abuelita?
317
00:14:44,094 --> 00:14:47,963
Now you are ready to have a
healthy relationship with Nick.
318
00:14:49,432 --> 00:14:51,266
Do you like him? I mean, I don't care.
I don't care.
319
00:14:52,769 --> 00:14:54,136
Si, me gusta.
320
00:14:54,170 --> 00:14:56,038
(BOTH GIGGLING)
321
00:14:56,072 --> 00:14:58,107
I want a healthy relationship with Josh.
322
00:14:58,141 --> 00:15:01,477
- What's the emergency?
- I gotta go tell my boyfriend I hate magic!
323
00:15:03,747 --> 00:15:06,415
- Wait. Who called you?
- Gotta go!
324
00:15:12,288 --> 00:15:15,658
Madame Yolanda,
how are you doin' in there?
325
00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:18,560
I'm hot.
326
00:15:20,063 --> 00:15:22,865
She's hot. Well, when someone's hot,
327
00:15:22,899 --> 00:15:26,001
we give them... air.
328
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:41,383
Uh-oh!
329
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:43,218
(GASPING)
330
00:15:43,253 --> 00:15:46,255
Looks like the Great Ma'Josh'in
made a great mistake-in.
331
00:15:46,289 --> 00:15:48,190
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
332
00:15:48,224 --> 00:15:49,925
Well, that's better.
333
00:15:51,261 --> 00:15:54,396
If you ever wanna
make my clothes disappear...
334
00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:56,932
(WHISPERS) you don't need magic.
335
00:15:56,966 --> 00:15:58,701
(LAUGHS) Okay.
336
00:15:58,735 --> 00:16:01,570
Get off the stage.
337
00:16:01,604 --> 00:16:03,238
The Ma'Josh'in!
338
00:16:05,341 --> 00:16:09,378
Hey, Big Tiny. Uh, my part is done.
You wanna sneak out of here?
339
00:16:09,412 --> 00:16:11,080
Girl, how you think I got out of prison?
340
00:16:11,114 --> 00:16:13,248
- Mm?
- I'm kiddin'. I'm kiddin'.
341
00:16:13,283 --> 00:16:15,384
I went through the proper channels.
342
00:16:15,418 --> 00:16:16,885
- Let's get out of here.
- Let's go.
343
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,521
Oh my God. Where's my watch?
344
00:16:19,556 --> 00:16:22,991
- My tennis bracelet's missing!
- (AUDIENCE MURMURING)
345
00:16:23,026 --> 00:16:24,860
What?
346
00:16:24,894 --> 00:16:28,197
- You didn't.
- You're right. I didn't.
347
00:16:28,231 --> 00:16:31,066
Come on. You knew there was gonna
be a bunch of rich people here.
348
00:16:31,101 --> 00:16:35,003
What am I supposed to think? Obviously,
you're the one that took them.
349
00:16:35,038 --> 00:16:38,307
- Hey, my watch is back!
- So's my bracelet!
350
00:16:38,341 --> 00:16:39,508
The Ma'Josh'in!
351
00:16:39,542 --> 00:16:42,811
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
352
00:16:42,846 --> 00:16:46,281
Uh... Aah! Oh, but,
Tiny, wait, wait, wait!
353
00:16:46,316 --> 00:16:48,016
I'm so sorry.
354
00:16:48,051 --> 00:16:50,419
Yolanda, you're a beautiful woman,
355
00:16:50,453 --> 00:16:52,921
and you deserve a beautiful man.
356
00:16:52,956 --> 00:16:54,623
Which is me.
357
00:16:54,657 --> 00:16:57,292
But, unfortunately,
we can't be together.
358
00:16:57,327 --> 00:16:59,561
I can see you're never
gonna be able to trust me.
359
00:17:01,531 --> 00:17:05,868
- Goodbye, Yolanda.
- (WHIMPERING) Oh! My damn!
360
00:17:05,902 --> 00:17:08,337
Damn! Damn!
361
00:17:09,472 --> 00:17:12,608
Wait, hold up a second.
Where's my watch?
362
00:17:14,644 --> 00:17:16,729
All right, ladies and gentlemen, for my
363
00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:19,091
next trick I need a volunteer... You!
364
00:17:19,115 --> 00:17:21,116
Beautiful blonde girl
who I've never met.
365
00:17:21,151 --> 00:17:23,952
- Uh, Josh, Josh...
- Oh, don't be shy, miss.
366
00:17:23,987 --> 00:17:25,587
Come on, give her a big hand.
367
00:17:25,622 --> 00:17:27,389
Josh, um, I don't wanna do this.
368
00:17:27,423 --> 00:17:29,725
- Can I just watch?
- No, no, you are in the capable hands
369
00:17:29,759 --> 00:17:32,928
of the Great Ma'Josh'in. Now if
you'll please step inside this hoop.
370
00:17:32,962 --> 00:17:34,596
(WHISPERING) No, seriously,
I don't wanna do this.
371
00:17:34,631 --> 00:17:36,965
(QUIETLY) Gabi, the guy in the front
row owns the Magic Hut downtown,
372
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,268
and if I'm good he'll let
me perform on Saturdays.
373
00:17:39,302 --> 00:17:40,010
So?
374
00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:42,147
So, if we're good together,
you can be my assistant.
375
00:17:42,172 --> 00:17:46,141
- Now smile.
- Why would I smile? I'm not happy.
376
00:17:46,176 --> 00:17:49,444
Guys, how many times have you
had to wait for your date
377
00:17:49,479 --> 00:17:51,847
to choose the perfect outfit?
378
00:17:51,881 --> 00:17:54,249
Well, wait... no more.
379
00:17:55,652 --> 00:17:57,286
What the hell?
380
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,922
(AUDIENCE MURMURS)
381
00:17:59,956 --> 00:18:03,091
Are you kidding me? Josh, this
has to stop. This isn't fun.
382
00:18:03,126 --> 00:18:06,962
Well then, let's do it again,
because girls just wanna have fun.
383
00:18:09,632 --> 00:18:12,868
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
384
00:18:12,902 --> 00:18:14,536
All right, that's it. I hate this.
385
00:18:14,571 --> 00:18:16,839
I get it. Who wants to be a clown?
386
00:18:16,873 --> 00:18:18,240
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
387
00:18:18,274 --> 00:18:19,842
No, I hate magic!
388
00:18:19,876 --> 00:18:20,776
What?
389
00:18:20,787 --> 00:18:23,488
Everything about it!
Your outfit, my outfit,
390
00:18:23,513 --> 00:18:26,148
what you're saying,
the weird way you're saying it,
391
00:18:26,182 --> 00:18:29,151
the coins coming out of my ears, the
flowers coming out of my mouth,
392
00:18:29,185 --> 00:18:31,153
I hate it, I hate all of it!
393
00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:38,427
The Ma'Josh'in!
394
00:18:48,404 --> 00:18:50,339
- What?
- I'm sorry.
395
00:18:50,373 --> 00:18:52,140
This is really not the way
I wanted to tell you,
396
00:18:52,175 --> 00:18:54,343
but you kind of forced my hand.
397
00:18:54,377 --> 00:18:57,746
I don't understand.
You said you liked magic.
398
00:18:57,780 --> 00:19:00,449
- I don't.
- But you said you did.
399
00:19:00,483 --> 00:19:02,150
I mean, why would you say
you did if you don't?
400
00:19:02,185 --> 00:19:03,819
I was just trying to be supportive.
401
00:19:03,853 --> 00:19:05,554
I was trying to be
the perfect girlfriend.
402
00:19:05,588 --> 00:19:08,357
But then you started doing the magic,
and then you did the sleight of hand,
403
00:19:08,391 --> 00:19:11,093
and then I had to... fake it.
404
00:19:12,795 --> 00:19:15,063
Fake it? Fake liking magic?
405
00:19:15,098 --> 00:19:18,300
No, I had to fake... it.
406
00:19:18,334 --> 00:19:20,068
Gabi, I don't know what you're re...
407
00:19:21,704 --> 00:19:23,839
Oh my! You had to fake it in there?
408
00:19:23,873 --> 00:19:25,173
Sorry, it's never happened before.
409
00:19:25,208 --> 00:19:26,909
That was the first time.
410
00:19:26,943 --> 00:19:29,077
So what does this mean? Are you
not attracted to me anymore?
411
00:19:29,112 --> 00:19:33,315
Oh, no, not, you. Ma'Josh'in.
412
00:19:36,886 --> 00:19:38,420
(SIGHS)
413
00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:44,559
I'm sorry.
414
00:19:44,594 --> 00:19:46,795
I guess I'm not
your perfect girl anymore.
415
00:19:48,331 --> 00:19:50,966
Yeah, you still are.
416
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,036
None of those other girls
even tried liking it.
417
00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:58,106
Josh, I tried. I really did try.
418
00:19:58,141 --> 00:20:01,376
And how about this? If you
still wanna do the magic,
419
00:20:01,411 --> 00:20:05,948
you... you can, just, you know,
not here, or anywhere I am.
420
00:20:07,650 --> 00:20:09,952
Deal.
421
00:20:09,986 --> 00:20:14,056
So, um, you feel like giving me
a shot at an encore performance?
422
00:20:14,090 --> 00:20:16,158
Hell, yeah. Wait. Wait. Of sex, right?
423
00:20:16,192 --> 00:20:17,726
- Yes. Yes.
- Okay.
424
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,028
- (BIRD SINGING)
- Oh my God, there's my dove.
425
00:20:23,057 --> 00:20:25,200
Come on. Gabi, come on!
We're gonna be late.
426
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:28,303
I know, I'm sorry, I couldn't
figure out the right outfit.
427
00:20:28,337 --> 00:20:30,672
Oh. I can help with that.
428
00:20:30,706 --> 00:20:32,507
Josh, I thought I made it very clear
429
00:20:32,541 --> 00:20:34,142
that I didn't want you to do
430
00:20:34,176 --> 00:20:37,378
this whole outfit
switcheroo thing, it...
431
00:20:37,413 --> 00:20:40,815
Oh. This is actually cuter.
432
00:20:46,922 --> 00:20:48,223
You can say it.
433
00:20:48,257 --> 00:20:49,858
The Ma'Josh'in!
434
00:20:49,906 --> 00:20:55,126
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435
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