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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,398 --> 00:00:03,914 Great news! Our couch problem is solved! 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:05,210 What couch problem? 3 00:00:06,676 --> 00:00:08,506 Uh, the one that's got your knees up higher 4 00:00:08,516 --> 00:00:09,997 than when you're getting a pap smear. 5 00:00:11,862 --> 00:00:15,901 So, Logan's remodeling her condo, and she's giving me her old couch! 6 00:00:15,907 --> 00:00:17,464 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God... 7 00:00:18,066 --> 00:00:20,067 - Help me up so I can be excited. - Okay. 8 00:00:21,171 --> 00:00:23,505 BOTH: We're getting a new couch! 9 00:00:23,511 --> 00:00:25,896 - And the best part is... - How can there be better parts? 10 00:00:25,902 --> 00:00:29,209 It's a-comin a-right a-now! 11 00:00:29,710 --> 00:00:32,607 - Oh, my God, do you love it? - Oh, my God, I hate it! 12 00:00:33,490 --> 00:00:35,747 What? Why? 13 00:00:36,110 --> 00:00:38,077 It's hideous. 14 00:00:38,388 --> 00:00:42,292 It looks like the product of years of couch incest. 15 00:00:42,950 --> 00:00:45,370 It's a-goin' a-back a-now! 16 00:00:45,739 --> 00:00:46,966 It's not going anywhere. 17 00:00:46,972 --> 00:00:48,628 Do you understand that Logan is my boss? 18 00:00:48,634 --> 00:00:50,537 What if she comes over and the couch isn't here? 19 00:00:50,543 --> 00:00:53,233 What if anyone else comes over and the couch is here? 20 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:57,518 Gabi... Logan picked me out of everyone in the office 21 00:00:57,524 --> 00:01:00,548 to give the couch to. Sending it back would be a slap in her face. 22 00:01:00,950 --> 00:01:03,122 But I don't want it! 23 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,244 Well, (scoffs) 24 00:01:05,250 --> 00:01:07,557 I mean, I don't wanna be an assistant my entire life. 25 00:01:07,563 --> 00:01:09,642 And when it comes time for a promotion, 26 00:01:09,648 --> 00:01:13,047 who do you think'll get it? The girl who rudely gave back the couch, 27 00:01:13,053 --> 00:01:14,438 or the girl who kept the couch, 28 00:01:14,444 --> 00:01:17,552 because it reflects on her boss' kindness and good taste? 29 00:01:17,558 --> 00:01:22,248 So you really think that... this couch 30 00:01:22,254 --> 00:01:24,315 is, uh... gonna get you a promotion? 31 00:01:24,321 --> 00:01:26,528 'Cause you know, that's really not how it works, Sofia. 32 00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:29,923 Oh, Gabi, that's exactly how it works. 33 00:01:30,282 --> 00:01:32,447 Before this, Logan and I had nothing in common. 34 00:01:32,453 --> 00:01:35,239 Now we have the couch. So, whenever we're alone, 35 00:01:35,245 --> 00:01:38,674 or in the bathroom, or there's a lull in conversation, she'll be like, 36 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,088 "How's the couch?" 37 00:01:40,247 --> 00:01:43,377 And I'll be like, "Oh, my God! We love it!" 38 00:01:43,383 --> 00:01:46,386 And she'll be like, "I knew you would. You want a promotion?" 39 00:01:47,254 --> 00:01:50,496 And that, my friend, is how it works. 40 00:01:51,074 --> 00:01:54,315 Okay, if it's that important to you, I guess we'll keep the couch, 41 00:01:54,321 --> 00:01:57,279 - but just know that I hate it! - Thank you! 42 00:01:57,611 --> 00:02:00,628 And one more thing, and you might not be interested in this, but, um... 43 00:02:00,634 --> 00:02:02,446 there is a matching ottoman. 44 00:02:03,251 --> 00:02:06,251 (theme music) 45 00:02:10,419 --> 00:02:12,565 She's in the spotlight 46 00:02:12,571 --> 00:02:14,274 And she turned my head 47 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,333 She'd run a red light 48 00:02:16,339 --> 00:02:18,143 'Cause she's bad like that 49 00:02:18,149 --> 00:02:21,919 I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby, baby 50 00:02:21,925 --> 00:02:24,895 - I like that ooh, baby ooh, baby - Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com 51 00:02:27,595 --> 00:02:30,112 Okay... what's goin' on in here? 52 00:02:30,118 --> 00:02:31,967 I'm makin' freakin' fudge. 53 00:02:31,973 --> 00:02:34,770 Well, why make fudge when you could have this white chocolate? 54 00:02:35,681 --> 00:02:37,070 Ugh! 55 00:02:38,187 --> 00:02:40,191 Come on, we haven't used the punch card in a week. 56 00:02:40,197 --> 00:02:42,758 Which means I... had to punch myself. 57 00:02:43,409 --> 00:02:45,311 All right, here's something that'll... 58 00:02:45,317 --> 00:02:47,384 keep you from thinkin' about sex. 59 00:02:47,698 --> 00:02:49,894 Ugh. What is that? 60 00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,511 That's a couch. 61 00:02:51,694 --> 00:02:53,520 Digesting another couch? 62 00:02:54,301 --> 00:02:57,114 Sofia's boss dumped her crappy couch on us. 63 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,481 Oh! Well, you're in luck. 64 00:02:58,487 --> 00:03:00,568 I just developed this new app for called "Crap4Cash." 65 00:03:00,574 --> 00:03:01,809 Hey... that's great, 66 00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:04,623 I have a ton of crap and I need a ton of cash. 67 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,342 Everyone does, Gabi. 68 00:03:07,348 --> 00:03:08,921 But what does everybody hate? 69 00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,812 Meeting the creep who bought your crap. 70 00:03:10,818 --> 00:03:12,999 That's why I developed an anonymous delivery service 71 00:03:13,005 --> 00:03:15,538 that shows up so you don't have to meet the creep... 72 00:03:15,544 --> 00:03:17,019 who bought your crap. 73 00:03:17,221 --> 00:03:19,902 - Oh, my God! That's genius! - Give me your phone, 74 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:22,640 - I'll put your couch on there. - No... I wish, but I can't sell it. 75 00:03:22,646 --> 00:03:24,074 Well, you don't have to accept any bids. 76 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,876 I'll just show you how it works, give me your phone. 77 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,791 Oh... fudge! 78 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:32,081 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... What are you doing? 79 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:34,533 Today is our first weigh-in at Fat Fighters. 80 00:03:35,134 --> 00:03:36,931 Yeah, well, we're not there yet. 81 00:03:37,446 --> 00:03:39,850 So, let me get this straight, you're taking the thing 82 00:03:39,856 --> 00:03:42,218 with the most fat in it to a diet center? 83 00:03:43,091 --> 00:03:45,318 No, I'm also taking Yolanda. 84 00:03:50,288 --> 00:03:51,490 (cash register sound) 85 00:03:51,496 --> 00:03:53,395 - What was that? - That's the sound the app makes 86 00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:54,793 when someone bids on your crap. 87 00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:56,434 Someone just offered you 500. 88 00:03:57,294 --> 00:03:58,723 Dollars? 89 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,631 Oh, my God, that's with the photo? 90 00:04:02,637 --> 00:04:04,335 - (cash register sound) - 650! 91 00:04:04,341 --> 00:04:06,927 My God, are you kidding me? No, no, I can't sell it, 92 00:04:06,933 --> 00:04:08,336 I promised Sofia I wouldn't. 93 00:04:08,342 --> 00:04:09,702 - (cash register sound) - Eight hund-oh! 94 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:10,943 Sold! 95 00:04:16,262 --> 00:04:19,279 Oh, my God... that's the rabbi from your wedding! 96 00:04:19,285 --> 00:04:21,109 Oh, Rabbi Shapiro. 97 00:04:21,115 --> 00:04:24,061 - Let's go say hi. - Oh... Hell, no! 98 00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:25,875 Uh... I never told you this... 99 00:04:25,881 --> 00:04:27,764 but we hooked up on your wedding night. 100 00:04:28,373 --> 00:04:29,980 You slept with him? 101 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,672 Haven't the Jews suffered enough? 102 00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:37,063 Shut up! We were dating for a while, 103 00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:38,470 then suddenly he stopped calling. 104 00:04:38,476 --> 00:04:40,036 I have no idea what happened. 105 00:04:40,042 --> 00:04:42,371 I do. You let him see you naked. 106 00:04:42,842 --> 00:04:44,631 Right, I'm outta here. 107 00:04:44,637 --> 00:04:49,217 Oh, really? So you have no desire to rekindle with the rabbi? 108 00:04:49,525 --> 00:04:51,336 You're damn right I don't. 109 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:55,294 Although he does look cute in that rabbi sweater. 110 00:04:56,235 --> 00:04:59,612 Hello, everybody. I am Ben Shapiro, 111 00:04:59,618 --> 00:05:02,637 a rabbi and a Fat Fighter counselor. 112 00:05:02,643 --> 00:05:06,323 I went from wandering around the desert to wondering, "Where's dessert? 113 00:05:07,213 --> 00:05:09,181 He still makes me laugh. 114 00:05:09,187 --> 00:05:12,280 - Today's topic... emotions. - _ 115 00:05:12,819 --> 00:05:15,294 Instead of eating our feelings, 116 00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:18,901 we have to learn to express it. Let it out! 117 00:05:18,907 --> 00:05:21,120 Why the hell you stop calling me? 118 00:05:21,525 --> 00:05:23,098 Yolanda? 119 00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,748 How are you? 120 00:05:28,851 --> 00:05:31,971 Hey!? Hey! You can't eat that! 121 00:05:32,054 --> 00:05:33,539 Fatty says what? 122 00:05:35,046 --> 00:05:37,142 That's like 20 points! 123 00:05:37,148 --> 00:05:40,654 Oh! This is actually fat-free fudge! 124 00:05:40,660 --> 00:05:41,909 Want some, honey? 125 00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:46,137 Oh, my God! 126 00:05:46,143 --> 00:05:47,706 Do you know how long I've been looking 127 00:05:47,712 --> 00:05:50,721 for a fat-free dessert that actually tastes good? 128 00:05:50,727 --> 00:05:54,200 Judging from your Cosby sweater, I'd say since the '90s. 129 00:05:56,679 --> 00:05:59,094 Where did get this? I would pay a fortune for it. 130 00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:02,360 Well, you would have to. Because it's very, very hard to find. 131 00:06:02,366 --> 00:06:04,414 Name your price, my husband's rich. 132 00:06:04,420 --> 00:06:06,109 You're married? 133 00:06:07,390 --> 00:06:10,196 I had to break it off because there was no future. 134 00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:14,379 Being with a non-Jewish woman would break my mother's heart. 135 00:06:15,356 --> 00:06:17,374 But you know what? And I don't mind saying this 136 00:06:17,380 --> 00:06:18,866 in front of the entire group. 137 00:06:18,872 --> 00:06:21,256 After seeing you again, and feeling, 138 00:06:21,262 --> 00:06:22,663 the way I feel right now, 139 00:06:22,669 --> 00:06:25,452 I am reminded of those very poignant words, 140 00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:28,834 you must not let anyone define your limits 141 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:31,058 because of where you come from. 142 00:06:31,064 --> 00:06:34,469 Your only limit... is your soul. 143 00:06:34,475 --> 00:06:36,887 - Was that Gandhi? - Ratatouille. 144 00:06:40,972 --> 00:06:43,353 (gasps) Ooh, Sofia! 145 00:06:43,749 --> 00:06:45,650 - I have a huge surprise. - Me, too! 146 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:48,192 Okay, mine's more of a visual, so I'll go first. 147 00:06:48,198 --> 00:06:50,079 Logan's coming over for dinner to see the couch! 148 00:06:53,165 --> 00:06:55,165 - What? - Yeah. 149 00:06:55,171 --> 00:06:57,478 So get this, we were in the bathroom, and for the first time ever, 150 00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:58,974 there were no uncomfortable silences. 151 00:06:58,980 --> 00:07:00,960 Why? Because we talked about the couch! 152 00:07:00,966 --> 00:07:02,864 And I was like, "Do you wanna come over and see the couch?" 153 00:07:02,870 --> 00:07:05,281 And she was all, "Sure, I'd love to." 154 00:07:05,287 --> 00:07:08,356 And... so now, she's coming over for dinner with me and the couch, 155 00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:10,062 which means the promotion can't be far off. 156 00:07:10,068 --> 00:07:11,368 What's your surprise? 157 00:07:11,374 --> 00:07:12,574 (inhales deeply) 158 00:07:13,561 --> 00:07:15,083 Gabi, where's the couch? 159 00:07:15,763 --> 00:07:17,803 So, surprise. 160 00:07:20,468 --> 00:07:23,135 Uh... where's the couch? 161 00:07:23,141 --> 00:07:26,006 Um... I turned it into $800. 162 00:07:26,527 --> 00:07:29,190 - You sold the couch? - I didn't mean to. 163 00:07:29,196 --> 00:07:31,110 Well, get it back! 164 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:34,893 That might not be exactly possible, 165 00:07:34,899 --> 00:07:37,890 because I sold it on Josh's new app, "Crap4Cash," 166 00:07:37,896 --> 00:07:39,588 where everything you sell is anonymous. 167 00:07:39,594 --> 00:07:41,104 So you never have to meet the creep 168 00:07:41,110 --> 00:07:43,172 who bought your crap! 169 00:07:43,986 --> 00:07:47,390 I cannot believe you, I told you that this was my ticket in! 170 00:07:48,455 --> 00:07:49,696 Into what? 171 00:07:50,383 --> 00:07:52,693 Into... a promotion! 172 00:07:52,699 --> 00:07:54,741 Do you listen to anything I say? 173 00:07:54,832 --> 00:07:57,200 Like... do you even know that I wanna be a writer? 174 00:07:57,701 --> 00:07:59,208 I do now. 175 00:07:59,214 --> 00:08:02,469 Oh, my God! How am I even friends with you? 176 00:08:02,475 --> 00:08:04,776 - Why am I even friends with you? - I don't understand why you're getting 177 00:08:04,782 --> 00:08:07,676 - so mad, I do bad stuff all the time! - This isn't... it's... 178 00:08:07,682 --> 00:08:10,860 this isn't like any other time, Gabi, this is about my career! 179 00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,079 As a writer! 180 00:08:12,085 --> 00:08:14,766 Gabi, I told you how important this was to me and... and... 181 00:08:14,772 --> 00:08:16,945 now I may never get a promotion, and not only that, 182 00:08:16,951 --> 00:08:18,662 come Monday, I might not even have a job. 183 00:08:18,668 --> 00:08:20,654 - Sofia, I'm really sorry. - Oh, my God, Gabi, 184 00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:23,074 you are always sorry. You're always sorry. 185 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,083 How many more times are you gonna be sorry? 186 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,003 One more. 187 00:08:28,379 --> 00:08:29,793 That was rhetorical. 188 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:33,512 Rhetorical. Hey, that's a good word for a writer. 189 00:08:34,119 --> 00:08:35,420 I'm done. 190 00:08:35,426 --> 00:08:36,626 (sighs) 191 00:08:38,313 --> 00:08:40,118 We can still get the ottoman! 192 00:08:44,178 --> 00:08:45,584 - Ohhh... you know, - Ohhh... 193 00:08:45,590 --> 00:08:49,061 I never thought I'd be on a date at a Fat Fighters clinic! 194 00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:51,453 Well, I was gonna take you to a nice restaurant, 195 00:08:51,459 --> 00:08:54,022 but I know how difficult it is to dine out 196 00:08:54,028 --> 00:08:55,520 when you start a new program. 197 00:08:55,526 --> 00:08:57,019 Ohhh... and who knew 198 00:08:57,025 --> 00:08:59,724 - you were such an amazing cook. - (both laugh) 199 00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:02,105 (laughing) I mean... that five-point stuffing 200 00:09:02,111 --> 00:09:06,119 - was mother-stuffing delicious! - (both laugh) 201 00:09:06,125 --> 00:09:07,600 Thank you. 202 00:09:07,606 --> 00:09:09,736 So how'd you end up workin' here anyway? 203 00:09:09,742 --> 00:09:12,691 Well, about a month ago, I was napping on my mom's couch, 204 00:09:12,697 --> 00:09:15,740 and it sorta kinda broke under my weight. 205 00:09:15,746 --> 00:09:18,131 Oh, well, you won't break me, baby. 206 00:09:18,654 --> 00:09:19,873 Promise? 207 00:09:19,879 --> 00:09:21,170 (phone ringing) 208 00:09:21,176 --> 00:09:22,379 Oh. 209 00:09:22,847 --> 00:09:24,865 - Oh, it's my mom. - (phone continues ringing) 210 00:09:24,871 --> 00:09:26,872 Should I send it to voice mail? 211 00:09:26,878 --> 00:09:29,471 Yeah, I'm gonna send that to voicemail. 212 00:09:29,477 --> 00:09:31,239 - Come here. - Ooh. 213 00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,677 - Oh. - Now I feel guilty. 214 00:09:34,943 --> 00:09:36,749 Maybe I should call her back. 215 00:09:36,755 --> 00:09:39,071 No. I am not calling her back. 216 00:09:39,077 --> 00:09:41,985 - Mm-hmm. Aw. - No. Maybe just a text. 217 00:09:42,371 --> 00:09:44,469 No, not even a text. 218 00:09:44,665 --> 00:09:48,632 Ugh... I'm sorry. This can't be a turn on. 219 00:09:48,638 --> 00:09:50,062 You got that right. 220 00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,776 You know what? Screw this, Yolanda. 221 00:09:52,782 --> 00:09:54,850 No... screw this Yolanda. 222 00:09:55,641 --> 00:09:58,276 Oh, I intend to. 223 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,181 First I have to tell you something. 224 00:10:01,187 --> 00:10:03,970 Those two months we spent together were amazing. 225 00:10:04,254 --> 00:10:07,964 I let you go once. I'm not gonna make the same mistake again. 226 00:10:07,970 --> 00:10:10,065 I'm gonna tell my mother about us. 227 00:10:10,071 --> 00:10:13,331 You would risk your relationship with your mom for me? 228 00:10:13,337 --> 00:10:14,737 As the saying goes, 229 00:10:14,743 --> 00:10:18,913 "Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing." 230 00:10:18,983 --> 00:10:21,294 - Old Testament? - Fight Club. 231 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,909 (elevator dings) 232 00:10:29,005 --> 00:10:30,491 - _ - (Yolanda humming) 233 00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:31,965 Hey, Yolanda?! 234 00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:36,359 I'm so glad you're here. Uh, quick favor... 235 00:10:36,365 --> 00:10:38,085 can you tape me into this box? 236 00:10:39,867 --> 00:10:42,708 Sure, baby. Let me ask you a question. (laughs) 237 00:10:42,714 --> 00:10:45,578 You think I can impress my boyfriend's mama in this outfit? 238 00:10:45,777 --> 00:10:47,977 Uh... lose the cleavage. 239 00:10:49,144 --> 00:10:50,344 Mmm. 240 00:10:53,156 --> 00:10:54,356 Uh... 241 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,757 you wanna tell me why I'm doin' this? 242 00:10:56,763 --> 00:10:59,522 I'm tryin' to find out where the Cash4Crap anonymous warehouse is 243 00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:01,817 so I can save my relationship with Sofia. 244 00:11:01,823 --> 00:11:04,826 Okay. You do you, girl. 245 00:11:05,474 --> 00:11:07,174 - (elevator dings) - _ 246 00:11:19,696 --> 00:11:21,078 You got the stuff? 247 00:11:21,364 --> 00:11:23,558 Oh, I got the stuff. You got the cash? 248 00:11:30,930 --> 00:11:32,130 (sniff) 249 00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:33,822 Do I smell fudge? 250 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,644 100 percent pure brown gold. 251 00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:38,159 - First taste is free. - (gasps) Uh... 252 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,642 I... I... I really shouldn't. 253 00:11:39,648 --> 00:11:41,485 - They're fat free. - Fat free? 254 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,642 Son of a bitch! 255 00:11:45,959 --> 00:11:47,744 Devon! Jenny! 256 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:50,828 Screw Fat Fighters. Papa's getting liposuction. 257 00:11:56,767 --> 00:11:58,590 (phone ringing) 258 00:11:58,774 --> 00:12:02,869 Hey! Gabi! Have you seen my desk chair? 259 00:12:03,339 --> 00:12:04,959 It was here last night. 260 00:12:04,965 --> 00:12:07,456 Now it's gone, and there's a post-it note 261 00:12:07,462 --> 00:12:09,566 that says, "Thanks. Gabi." 262 00:12:10,099 --> 00:12:13,318 Well... I'm, uh, kinda sitting in it right now. 263 00:12:13,325 --> 00:12:14,534 Where are you? 264 00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:17,575 Here's the thing... I sold your chair on Crap4Cash 265 00:12:17,581 --> 00:12:19,603 so I could find out where the secret warehouse is. 266 00:12:19,609 --> 00:12:22,296 What? Why didn't you sell something that was yours? 267 00:12:22,302 --> 00:12:24,212 Nobody wants anything I own! 268 00:12:25,301 --> 00:12:27,248 I'm sorry, I... I... I don't understand what you're doing. 269 00:12:27,254 --> 00:12:30,184 - Are you following the delivery truck? - Not exactly. 270 00:12:30,190 --> 00:12:32,957 Well, if you're not following the truck, how do you know where the... 271 00:12:33,082 --> 00:12:34,357 You're sitting in the chair in a box 272 00:12:34,363 --> 00:12:37,066 - in the back of the truck, aren't ya? - I had to do it, Josh. 273 00:12:37,072 --> 00:12:38,868 It's the only way I could find out where the secret warehouse 274 00:12:38,874 --> 00:12:41,058 is, and fix my relationship with Sofia. 275 00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:42,275 - (truck gate opening) - Shoot, 276 00:12:42,281 --> 00:12:45,268 someone's coming! Gotta go, nothing is impossible, bye! 277 00:12:50,996 --> 00:12:54,235 Hey, guys? Does the secret warehouse have a bathroom? 278 00:12:54,910 --> 00:12:57,113 (disguising voice) Asked the chair... 279 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:03,353 Okay. I laid out all of my mom's favorite foods. 280 00:13:03,359 --> 00:13:05,441 Oh, shoot, I forgot dessert. 281 00:13:05,447 --> 00:13:06,971 She loves chocolate. 282 00:13:07,377 --> 00:13:08,746 Let's hope so. 283 00:13:08,752 --> 00:13:09,952 (knocking on door) 284 00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:14,181 Gabi? 285 00:13:14,187 --> 00:13:15,593 Rabbi Shapiro? 286 00:13:15,981 --> 00:13:18,806 Is your first name... Marilyn? 287 00:13:19,806 --> 00:13:21,901 Gabi. Didn't I just pack you in a box? 288 00:13:21,907 --> 00:13:24,034 Yeah, that's why I'm here. I... I sold Sofia's couch, 289 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,374 we had a huge fight, and I tracked it to this apartment, 290 00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:27,700 and now I really gotta get it back. 291 00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:29,474 Oh, girl, I could've just driven you here. 292 00:13:30,599 --> 00:13:33,213 Now! I know that now! 293 00:13:34,403 --> 00:13:35,883 What are you doing here? 294 00:13:35,889 --> 00:13:38,102 Oh, this is Ben's mother's apartment, 295 00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:40,269 and we're about to tell her we're dating. 296 00:13:40,275 --> 00:13:42,180 Oh, that's so cute, I didn't know you guys were tog... 297 00:13:42,186 --> 00:13:44,467 (gasps) Oh, my God, my couch! 298 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,584 She's here! 299 00:13:47,085 --> 00:13:48,392 - What's, uh, what's... - Benny! 300 00:13:48,398 --> 00:13:51,091 - what's happening? - Your girlfriend is gorgeous! 301 00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:52,592 - No... Ma... no. - No... oh... 302 00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:54,600 - uh, Mrs. Shapiro, I... - A little young... 303 00:13:54,606 --> 00:13:56,535 - but gorgeous. - Oh, uh, Mrs. Shapiro, I'm 304 00:13:56,541 --> 00:13:58,833 - actually... I'm here to... - And look at that tuchus. 305 00:13:59,838 --> 00:14:03,658 Sometimes God gives with two hands. 306 00:14:03,664 --> 00:14:05,853 - But... Ma... - Mrs. Shapiro, really, I... I'm... 307 00:14:05,859 --> 00:14:07,832 I'm actually just here because I really want... 308 00:14:07,838 --> 00:14:10,704 Sweetie you give me a grandchild, 309 00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:13,517 you can have anything you want. 310 00:14:16,149 --> 00:14:19,172 - Can I have your couch? Oh! - Anything! 311 00:14:19,178 --> 00:14:21,049 Benny! We're goin' off the pill! 312 00:14:22,048 --> 00:14:25,127 You've made me the happiest woman on Earth! 313 00:14:25,510 --> 00:14:28,590 Are you gonna tell your mother I'm your girlfriend or not? 314 00:14:28,596 --> 00:14:30,533 I've never seen her so happy! 315 00:14:30,931 --> 00:14:33,730 - Are you kidding me? - All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 316 00:14:33,736 --> 00:14:36,322 This time it's gonna require a little Schnapps. 317 00:14:36,328 --> 00:14:37,698 Well... I thought you said she couldn't drink 318 00:14:37,704 --> 00:14:39,587 - because of her high blood pressure? - For me! 319 00:14:39,593 --> 00:14:41,180 - Oh. - It's for me! 320 00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:43,904 I'm so happy to see you. 321 00:14:43,910 --> 00:14:45,984 Oh, you think you're happy. 322 00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:48,793 Benny never brought home a girl before. 323 00:14:48,799 --> 00:14:52,184 And so blonde and beautiful. 324 00:14:52,697 --> 00:14:54,898 I'd never know you're Jewish. 325 00:14:57,792 --> 00:15:01,025 You are... Jewish, right? 326 00:15:02,085 --> 00:15:05,659 Yes! Yes, I'm... I'm very Jewish, I'm like, uh... 327 00:15:05,665 --> 00:15:10,112 like, uh, Hanukkah, um, uh, Seth Rogen, deli platters! 328 00:15:12,087 --> 00:15:13,974 Ma, I got somethin' to tell ya. 329 00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:17,560 - That girl that you're talking to... - Is an angel! 330 00:15:17,566 --> 00:15:19,058 She's not my girlfriend. 331 00:15:19,064 --> 00:15:21,899 - What? - This is my girlfriend. 332 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,375 Then who the hell's this?! 333 00:15:25,381 --> 00:15:28,372 Um... I'm just a... poor little Jewish girl 334 00:15:28,378 --> 00:15:30,569 who really, really wants your couch. 335 00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:34,612 Oy! I'm... so sorry for the mix-up, Yolanda. 336 00:15:38,469 --> 00:15:42,866 Well... I guess you're more age-appropriate. 337 00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:46,529 Benny, if... if you're happy, then I'm happy. 338 00:15:46,622 --> 00:15:48,999 Ma, I've never been happier. 339 00:15:49,005 --> 00:15:52,906 Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Yo-lan-da? 340 00:15:52,912 --> 00:15:56,620 Oh... oh... the pleasure's mine. 341 00:15:56,626 --> 00:16:00,526 I never met an African-American Jew. 342 00:16:01,790 --> 00:16:05,395 - Mmm... - Are you from the lost tribe of...? 343 00:16:05,401 --> 00:16:07,187 Ethiopia! 344 00:16:08,121 --> 00:16:10,429 Uh... t... uh... t... (laughs) 345 00:16:10,730 --> 00:16:12,636 uh... uh... 346 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:16,355 (chuckling) More like the lost tribe of Inglewood. 347 00:16:16,644 --> 00:16:17,844 Uh... 348 00:16:19,855 --> 00:16:22,959 I'm, uh... I'm not Jewish. 349 00:16:22,965 --> 00:16:25,810 - What? - No, Ma... it doesn't matter 350 00:16:25,816 --> 00:16:28,254 - if she's Jewish or not, I love her. - Ah, ahh... 351 00:16:28,260 --> 00:16:31,161 - Ma, Ma! Oh, my... Ma... Let's... - Mrs. Shapiro?! 352 00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:32,678 - Let's bring... the Dr. Schwartz - I can't 353 00:16:32,684 --> 00:16:34,851 - next door! All right, come on, Ma. - breathe! I can't 354 00:16:34,857 --> 00:16:37,764 - Oh, for the love of Jesus! - breathe! Oh, don't say Jesus! 355 00:16:37,770 --> 00:16:41,183 - All right... let's go. - I'm going fast! 356 00:16:41,189 --> 00:16:43,493 Slow down, Ma. Just don't worry. 357 00:16:44,084 --> 00:16:46,207 Oh, my God. 358 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,152 Hello, old friend. 359 00:16:51,789 --> 00:16:53,399 It's a mitzvah! 360 00:16:57,863 --> 00:17:00,944 Don't think I brought you back 'cause I like you, okay? 361 00:17:01,842 --> 00:17:04,451 - 'Cause I don't... I did it for Sofia. - (key in door) 362 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,329 Oh, my God, she's here. She's here! 363 00:17:06,522 --> 00:17:08,625 So-fi-a... 364 00:17:08,844 --> 00:17:10,044 Hi. 365 00:17:10,220 --> 00:17:12,027 Okay, you're not gonna be mad at me in a minute, 366 00:17:12,033 --> 00:17:13,829 because I have a huge surprise for you. 367 00:17:13,835 --> 00:17:15,303 Yeah, well, I kinda have one for you, too. 368 00:17:15,309 --> 00:17:17,598 Okay, mine's more of a visual, so let's go inside... 369 00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:20,117 No, um... tryin' to be a better listener, 370 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:23,344 so, um... you go first. 371 00:17:24,363 --> 00:17:27,268 Well, Logan's not coming over to see the couch. 372 00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:33,003 What? 373 00:17:33,674 --> 00:17:36,032 Yeah, it turned out that giving me that couch 374 00:17:36,038 --> 00:17:39,014 was just a mean joke she and her rich friends play on their assistants. 375 00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:41,646 Pfft. So... what's your surprise? 376 00:17:53,870 --> 00:17:55,382 Ohh. 377 00:17:55,501 --> 00:17:58,892 Oh... well... so I guess it wasn't that hard to get back after all. 378 00:18:02,095 --> 00:18:04,409 Nope. No... not at all, 379 00:18:04,415 --> 00:18:06,928 I just had to... pack myself into a box 380 00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:08,756 to get to the warehouse, so I could steal the invoice, 381 00:18:08,762 --> 00:18:10,325 to get the address of the person who bought the couch, 382 00:18:10,331 --> 00:18:11,934 which turned out to be Yolanda's boyfriend's mother, 383 00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:13,536 who would only give me the couch if I was Jewish, 384 00:18:13,542 --> 00:18:15,521 and willing to make babies with her son. 385 00:18:17,243 --> 00:18:19,929 So I told her I was Jewish, and then she fainted, which gave me 386 00:18:19,935 --> 00:18:21,952 the opportunity to steal the couch back for my best friend, 387 00:18:21,958 --> 00:18:24,014 who I love more than anything else in the world. 388 00:18:27,226 --> 00:18:30,813 So, uh... you know... now's where you hug me, and you say you love me, 389 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:33,410 and, uh, it's all, you know, water under the couch... 390 00:18:34,267 --> 00:18:36,196 Yeah, well... it's not. 391 00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:37,659 It's not? Why is it not? 392 00:18:37,963 --> 00:18:39,562 Because that's not the problem. 393 00:18:39,568 --> 00:18:42,135 The problem is that you don't respect me, and you don't listen to me, 394 00:18:42,141 --> 00:18:44,896 and you don't care about how important my career is to me. 395 00:18:44,902 --> 00:18:48,936 Oh... well, uh, guess, uh, just, uh, nothin', uh, nothin' more to say, then. 396 00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:50,632 What's that? 397 00:18:50,638 --> 00:18:52,148 Nothing. But open it. 398 00:18:56,117 --> 00:18:57,406 "Intro to Journalism"? 399 00:18:57,412 --> 00:19:00,486 Huh, I... I took the $800 I made selling the couch 400 00:19:00,492 --> 00:19:02,317 and I signed you up for night classes. 401 00:19:02,603 --> 00:19:03,803 What? 402 00:19:04,081 --> 00:19:07,583 Yeah, because you're a writer! See, I listen! 403 00:19:09,151 --> 00:19:11,499 And if... and if you really, really wanna be a journalist, 404 00:19:11,505 --> 00:19:13,484 then you need some training to go with that natural talent 405 00:19:13,490 --> 00:19:14,772 that you already have. 406 00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:17,594 Oh, Gabi, it... I don't know what to say. 407 00:19:17,669 --> 00:19:19,507 That's why I got you the class! 408 00:19:23,818 --> 00:19:26,241 And... you know what I realized? 409 00:19:26,247 --> 00:19:28,250 I mean, this whole time, I wasn't trying to get the couch back, 410 00:19:28,255 --> 00:19:30,621 I was trying to get you back, you know? Because... 411 00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:33,476 because... you're my ugly couch. 412 00:19:36,623 --> 00:19:40,588 - And you're my ugly couch! - Ohhh! 413 00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:42,079 BOTH: Owww! 414 00:19:42,085 --> 00:19:45,509 Jeez. Oy, this fakakta couch already. 415 00:19:47,322 --> 00:19:50,095 So, we waited at the hospital for hours, 416 00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:53,977 and when she finally came to, she forbid Ben from seein' me. 417 00:19:54,089 --> 00:19:57,831 But, the good news is, right after that, she fell into a coma. 418 00:19:59,104 --> 00:20:00,504 That's horrible. 419 00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:02,703 (chuckling) Not for my sex life. 420 00:20:02,836 --> 00:20:05,808 As long as she's out... the son is in! 421 00:20:09,222 --> 00:20:10,756 What you need, bro? 422 00:20:11,565 --> 00:20:14,055 I need a fix... got a dime bag? 423 00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:18,367 Careful with that... it's uncut. 424 00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:23,020 I gained six pounds? 425 00:20:23,026 --> 00:20:25,429 So... all of us gained weight. 426 00:20:25,435 --> 00:20:26,703 How is that even possible? 427 00:20:26,709 --> 00:20:29,601 We've been exercising, counting points... 428 00:20:29,607 --> 00:20:31,602 the only outside food that I've eaten is... 429 00:20:33,381 --> 00:20:36,102 Oh, my God! 430 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:39,078 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up! 431 00:20:39,265 --> 00:20:41,096 Before you do anything... 432 00:20:41,102 --> 00:20:42,992 consider this... 433 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:46,273 is anyone really gonna notice that you gained six pounds? 434 00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,581 - Oh! - Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com 435 00:20:48,631 --> 00:20:53,181 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33466

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