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All:
Hello, hello, hello, hello
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00:00:03,691 --> 00:00:06,358
We're going to the circus
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And going to the
circus and play with
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All the little animals
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And the big animals
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Yeah! It's over? Okay.
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That's really great. Rock on.
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Yeah
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- Thank you!
- You freaking rock!
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- Yeah!
- We're gonna go ahead
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00:00:28,140 --> 00:00:29,540
and take a real quick smoke break.
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- Both: Whoo!
- They suck.
14
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- Man, they're bad.
- They're really, really bad.
15
00:00:33,145 --> 00:00:34,678
- It's crazy.
- Just, like...
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00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:35,979
- off tempo timing.
- It's not even music.
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It's like, where are they going?
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I don't even know how
they got stage time.
19
00:00:39,251 --> 00:00:41,018
Yeah, it's probably 'cause
it's Coachella this weekend,
20
00:00:41,020 --> 00:00:44,388
- so, like, no one's here.
- It's so much money.
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00:00:44,390 --> 00:00:46,623
- It's so corporate, you know?
- So expensive.
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Instead of, um...
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Instead of Coachella,
it should be called
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Whole Paycheckella.
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[laughter]
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Do you guys wanna go to the bathroom?
27
00:00:55,367 --> 00:00:58,569
Hey, actually, um,
there's a music festival
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this weekend at our house.
29
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We're... that we're throwing.
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And it's called Faux Chella.
31
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Oh yeah, oh, yeah. That festival.
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Faux Chella 'cause there's "fo" stages.
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- No, no. Well, sure.
- Right?
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And there's a huge band,
uh, that is gonna play.
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And that band is...
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Third Eye Blind.
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- Seriously?
- Oh.
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- She's obsessed.
- Wait, are you guys serious?
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Third Eye Blind is gonna
be at your music festival?
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- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
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Here, here, type your info
in my phone and we will
42
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totally roll through. I'd love to.
I'd love to.
43
00:01:33,138 --> 00:01:34,471
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
44
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- Totally.
- This is where I come in.
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I'm gonna bare my soul on stage and...
and Riverdance.
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Actually, I'll show you guys a
little sample if you'd like.
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- Yeah.
- Absolutely.
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Hey, Fade fellas can I get a
little Irish jig, please.
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[Irish jig music]
50
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- Wedgie!
- Whoa!
51
00:01:50,889 --> 00:01:52,422
- Pull it down, please, Ders!
- That's... now it's funny.
52
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- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, yeah?
53
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[screaming]
54
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- Oh, no!
- Don't look! Don't look.
55
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Just doing what you asked, pal.
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Oh, this next song goes
out to Blake Henderson.
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How many times a day do you wish
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That you had a bigger dick?
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Seven.
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00:02:07,306 --> 00:02:09,172
Seven.
One, two, three
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Four, five, six
all:
And seven
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[The Skinny Boys' "Jock Box"]
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Synced and corrected by MasterCookie
- www.addic7ed.com -
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You gotta, you gotta, you gotta
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Gotta be fresh
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[upbeat music]
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- Okay, very good, very good.
- All right.
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00:02:30,129 --> 00:02:32,629
Ders, we're starting
with the comedy, okay?
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- Yeah.
- And I don't want you
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to be nervous that you're gonna bomb.
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00:02:35,467 --> 00:02:37,968
- Heh, okay, I'm not.
- Okay, but if you are,
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I did download this cool
little, like applause app
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that will... [laughter]
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sweeten the laughter if you need it.
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- Not gonna need it.
- [text message tone]
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00:02:45,811 --> 00:02:48,111
Uh-oh. Oh, it's the girls.
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They are saying they are coming
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00:02:49,782 --> 00:02:51,848
but only if Third Eye Blind is here.
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- So is Third Eye confirmed?
- Yeah.
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- More or less, they are.
- Yes.
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00:02:54,687 --> 00:02:56,086
Yeah, I emailed their Hotmail account
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and I got a reply, like, right away
83
00:02:57,923 --> 00:03:00,390
from this dude named Mailer Daemon,
84
00:03:00,392 --> 00:03:02,159
I think it's their, like,
French manager or something.
85
00:03:02,161 --> 00:03:04,227
Hey, dude, can you text
them something for me?
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00:03:04,229 --> 00:03:05,962
- Okay.
- Say...
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00:03:05,964 --> 00:03:08,365
"The Lord of the Riverdance
has been a-practici"
88
00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:09,900
- and he's ready to...
- Shut up, Blake.
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00:03:09,902 --> 00:03:11,134
- Yeah.
- He's not gonna text them that.
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00:03:11,136 --> 00:03:12,502
- Shut up - You know why?
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00:03:12,504 --> 00:03:13,970
'Cause women don't respond to that.
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00:03:13,972 --> 00:03:15,706
In fact, it makes their
vaginas just swell shut.
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00:03:15,708 --> 00:03:17,074
- Okay?
- I know that, I know that.
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00:03:17,076 --> 00:03:18,575
It's like you don't like...
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00:03:18,577 --> 00:03:20,143
- sideboob.
- I love that.
96
00:03:20,145 --> 00:03:21,978
- Or under butt.
- I love that even more.
97
00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:24,014
Oh, best of all, the underboob.
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00:03:24,016 --> 00:03:25,982
- Underneath the boob.
- Where it hangs out down here.
99
00:03:25,984 --> 00:03:28,018
So if you could do me a
favor and please get real!
100
00:03:28,020 --> 00:03:30,420
- And act real, Blake!
- All right.
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00:03:30,422 --> 00:03:33,357
It's joke time.
102
00:03:33,359 --> 00:03:35,859
It's joke time.
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I don't know why you're being sad.
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Blake, what's the deal, man?
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I thought I asked for prosciutto.
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Welcome to...
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00:03:45,204 --> 00:03:48,171
Faux Chella!
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You guys ready to laugh today?
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I can't hear you!
[overlapping mumbling]
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Okay, when I say,
"laugh," you say, "ter."
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00:03:57,116 --> 00:03:58,348
Laugh.
112
00:03:58,350 --> 00:03:59,616
[all unenthusiastically] Ter.
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00:03:59,618 --> 00:04:02,185
When I say, "comed," you say "y."
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00:04:02,187 --> 00:04:03,353
Comed.
115
00:04:03,355 --> 00:04:04,454
[all unenthusiastically] Y.
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00:04:04,456 --> 00:04:06,156
Now we're cooking with gas!
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Let's give it up for the one and only
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00:04:11,730 --> 00:04:14,097
comedian you're gonna
see this afternoon,
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00:04:14,099 --> 00:04:18,034
the great Dogfather of Comedy,
120
00:04:18,036 --> 00:04:21,104
Anders Holmvik!
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[applause]
122
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Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
123
00:04:26,278 --> 00:04:29,279
You know it! You know it!
124
00:04:29,281 --> 00:04:31,715
Let me hear my dogs!
125
00:04:31,717 --> 00:04:34,618
My mother[bleep] Rancho Cucamonga dogs!
126
00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:36,553
Me and the boys went out last night.
127
00:04:36,555 --> 00:04:39,723
You ever notice how a
Chihuahua looks like your boy
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00:04:39,725 --> 00:04:42,259
who just woke up on the
couch all hung-over like...
129
00:04:44,730 --> 00:04:47,464
"Hey, man, you got any water?"
130
00:04:47,466 --> 00:04:50,233
[laughs]
131
00:04:50,235 --> 00:04:53,670
[laughs]
132
00:04:53,672 --> 00:04:55,405
[laughter]
133
00:04:55,407 --> 00:04:57,808
Love my dogs. I got a dog.
I got a Doberman Pinscher.
134
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I walk it every day. I
took it out the other day
135
00:04:59,978 --> 00:05:01,812
just to take a dookie, right.
136
00:05:01,814 --> 00:05:04,614
You know how dogs look
at you like this...
137
00:05:04,616 --> 00:05:05,649
when they're taking a dookie?
138
00:05:05,651 --> 00:05:07,184
And now I look at his butthole
139
00:05:07,186 --> 00:05:08,185
to see what's coming out,
just to see the dookie,
140
00:05:08,187 --> 00:05:09,519
and make sure my dog is healthy
141
00:05:09,521 --> 00:05:11,021
'cause I care about my dogs, right?
142
00:05:11,023 --> 00:05:15,158
And I look down, and I
see a tapeworm like...
143
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:16,827
And I'm like, "What?" [laughter]
144
00:05:16,829 --> 00:05:18,261
And he looks at me like.
145
00:05:18,263 --> 00:05:20,363
"You gonna get that? You
gonna pick that up?"
146
00:05:20,365 --> 00:05:22,766
And I look right back at
that mother[bleep] like,
147
00:05:22,768 --> 00:05:24,868
"Not today, mother[bleep]!"
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Whoo! [laughter]
149
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I ain't [bleep] with no tapeworms.
150
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,507
[Irish music] Uhh, you know what?
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Just a minute, I'll be right back.
152
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Be sure to check out the t-shirts
153
00:05:32,811 --> 00:05:34,010
at the merch table.
154
00:05:34,012 --> 00:05:36,513
They are on fleek. Be right back.
155
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And then after the storm subsided,
156
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the drops of rain on the river
looked as if they were dancing.
157
00:05:42,788 --> 00:05:44,287
Well enough of my talking.
158
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What do you say we get
into some Riverdancing?
159
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- No!
- Uh, what? Hey!
160
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- You will never Riverdance!
- Let me go!
161
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- Not on this stage!
- Stop it!
162
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- I will... ow! Ow!
- It's okay. Stand back.
163
00:05:52,030 --> 00:05:53,163
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Do it!
164
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You wanna dance, that's fine.
165
00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:56,700
You just better make it a rain dance.
166
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What are... what are you doing?
What are you doing?
167
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- Oh! Oh, ho, ho!
- [screaming]
168
00:06:01,673 --> 00:06:02,906
Are you [bleep] crazy?
169
00:06:02,908 --> 00:06:04,574
Ah, put it out! Oh, put it out!
170
00:06:04,576 --> 00:06:06,176
- You want me to put it out?
- Oh, oh, my God, oh!
171
00:06:06,178 --> 00:06:10,013
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! What are you doing?
172
00:06:10,015 --> 00:06:11,982
[sizzling] Ohh!
173
00:06:11,984 --> 00:06:13,016
Oh, God.
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00:06:13,018 --> 00:06:14,518
[both yelling]
175
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:15,886
Okay, mine's gonna start in a second.
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00:06:15,888 --> 00:06:17,387
- Stop!
- You got this.
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00:06:17,389 --> 00:06:18,889
I'll kick your dickhead off, you idiot.
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00:06:18,891 --> 00:06:20,357
- I'm sorry, man.
- You freaking psychos!
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00:06:20,359 --> 00:06:21,825
I hate you! Hey, uh, give me that beer.
180
00:06:21,827 --> 00:06:23,393
I hate you, Adam DeMamp.
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00:06:23,395 --> 00:06:24,828
- Whoo! Whoo!
- I hate you.
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00:06:24,830 --> 00:06:26,530
Anders Holmvik, I hate you. Ooh!
183
00:06:26,532 --> 00:06:29,933
- Oh! I'm all done.
- This will never be forgiven.
184
00:06:29,935 --> 00:06:31,401
We just didn't want you to embarrass us
185
00:06:31,403 --> 00:06:33,169
in front of those three girls we
just met and decided to throw
186
00:06:33,171 --> 00:06:36,840
an entire musical festival for.
Is that too much to ask?
187
00:06:36,842 --> 00:06:38,074
I'm calling my uncle.
188
00:06:38,076 --> 00:06:39,476
And he's gonna come here,
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00:06:39,478 --> 00:06:41,211
and he's gonna beat both your asses.
190
00:06:41,213 --> 00:06:44,614
Oh, no. Suddenly, you
got a scary uncle?
191
00:06:44,616 --> 00:06:46,583
He's gonna beat us up?
I'm Blake's uncle
192
00:06:46,585 --> 00:06:48,585
- and I'm here to fight for him.
- [both laugh]
193
00:06:48,587 --> 00:06:50,186
You keep laughing with your mouth open,
194
00:06:50,188 --> 00:06:51,588
he's gonna stick his
fist down your throat!
195
00:06:51,590 --> 00:06:53,089
As long as he doesn't Riverdance on me,
196
00:06:53,091 --> 00:06:54,591
- I think we're good.
- [stammering]
197
00:06:54,593 --> 00:06:56,026
You don't have to worry
about Riverdancing,
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00:06:56,028 --> 00:06:57,727
he's gonna butt[bleep] you and you.
199
00:06:57,729 --> 00:07:00,730
200
00:07:06,379 --> 00:07:11,716
Hello and welcome to...
201
00:07:11,718 --> 00:07:14,819
the Body Stage!
202
00:07:14,821 --> 00:07:18,957
Where I will be performing
feats of strength and skill
203
00:07:18,959 --> 00:07:23,128
by clean and jerking four
gallons of lead-based paint
204
00:07:23,130 --> 00:07:28,867
- without spilling a single drop.
- [cheering]
205
00:07:30,137 --> 00:07:32,437
[screams]
206
00:07:32,439 --> 00:07:36,641
[screaming] Oh!
207
00:07:36,643 --> 00:07:39,944
- Ooh! Oh, that was cool, right?
- [laughter]
208
00:07:39,946 --> 00:07:41,646
That was... oh, we're laughing?
That was funny?
209
00:07:41,648 --> 00:07:44,649
For my next feat, I
shall husk this corn
210
00:07:44,651 --> 00:07:47,986
using nothing but my butt cheeks.
211
00:07:47,988 --> 00:07:50,889
[engine rumbling]
212
00:07:52,893 --> 00:07:55,193
Flex them like a... ah.
213
00:07:55,195 --> 00:07:56,961
- You Adam?
- Yeah.
214
00:07:56,963 --> 00:07:59,430
- You Ders?
- Yeah.
215
00:07:59,432 --> 00:08:02,000
Okay, well, welcome to Faux Chella.
216
00:08:02,002 --> 00:08:03,601
Uh, take... weird parking spot,
217
00:08:03,603 --> 00:08:04,636
but if you wanna stand over there,
218
00:08:04,638 --> 00:08:05,937
you can watch me make dinner
219
00:08:05,939 --> 00:08:07,639
with nothing but my b-hole.
220
00:08:07,641 --> 00:08:09,274
Excuse me, I was... oh! Oh!
221
00:08:09,276 --> 00:08:10,275
This is for Blake.
222
00:08:10,277 --> 00:08:11,576
[screaming]
223
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:12,810
Yeah! Yeah!
224
00:08:12,812 --> 00:08:15,313
[screaming]
225
00:08:15,315 --> 00:08:16,614
Oh! Oh!
226
00:08:16,616 --> 00:08:18,283
Blake... no... ah! Hey!
227
00:08:18,285 --> 00:08:20,952
Ow! Sir! Ow! Ow!
228
00:08:20,954 --> 00:08:22,587
Ow, wait...
229
00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,556
- [cheers and applause]
- Oh! Standing ovation!
230
00:08:24,558 --> 00:08:26,324
I just... wanted to...
231
00:08:26,326 --> 00:08:27,825
I didn't like that.
232
00:08:27,827 --> 00:08:30,195
And now that is entertainment!
Isn't it?
233
00:08:30,197 --> 00:08:33,198
- I didn't like that.
- Uncle Mike! What is up?
234
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,201
What's it been, like, ten?
15? Like, 25 years?
235
00:08:36,203 --> 00:08:38,536
I don't know, you're not
in my life at all, really.
236
00:08:38,538 --> 00:08:41,406
What the hell is wrong with you?
237
00:08:41,408 --> 00:08:43,975
You gotta call someone
else to handle your shit?
238
00:08:43,977 --> 00:08:46,077
Uh, okay, come on,
just Hender hug, man.
239
00:08:46,079 --> 00:08:48,513
Whoa! Okay! Is that a man thong?
240
00:08:48,515 --> 00:08:50,682
What? No, it's a dance belt!
That's a dan...
241
00:08:50,684 --> 00:08:52,050
- [smacking]
- Ow! What are you doing?
242
00:08:52,052 --> 00:08:54,452
What are you doing? Ow! Ow! Ow!
243
00:08:54,454 --> 00:08:56,721
Ah, ah... for my...
Now get out of here.
244
00:08:56,723 --> 00:08:58,856
And don't come back till
you knock me on my ass.
245
00:08:58,858 --> 00:09:00,458
Oh, I think he popped a butt cheek.
246
00:09:01,828 --> 00:09:03,828
- Insurance.
- It hurts even to
247
00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:06,431
get the wallet out, doesn't it?
248
00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:09,334
- Well there we go.
- Our bottoms were paddled
249
00:09:09,336 --> 00:09:11,002
by this man's... Shut up.
250
00:09:11,004 --> 00:09:12,503
- Idiot uncle.
- Yeah.
251
00:09:12,505 --> 00:09:13,838
- And, uh, they're sore.
- Smarter than you.
252
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,173
They hurt. We think we
ruptured something.
253
00:09:15,175 --> 00:09:16,674
- Yeah, no, it's really severe.
- It is.
254
00:09:16,676 --> 00:09:20,178
It is pretty bad. Yep.
255
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:21,679
Ahh, ahh. Was it bad?
256
00:09:21,681 --> 00:09:23,381
And my thong is just...
oh, my dance belt's
257
00:09:23,383 --> 00:09:24,549
getting swallowed up by my cheeks.
258
00:09:24,551 --> 00:09:27,051
- Pull your damn pants up!
- Sorry.
259
00:09:27,053 --> 00:09:28,152
- Ahh.
- You're not the doctor?
260
00:09:28,154 --> 00:09:29,454
You see, I'm very worried
261
00:09:29,456 --> 00:09:31,656
that my inner butthole may be dead
262
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:34,192
because the... what's the...
is it the sphincter?
263
00:09:34,194 --> 00:09:35,426
- Yeah.
- It's the mouth.
264
00:09:35,428 --> 00:09:37,095
- Not really...
- The butt mouth.
265
00:09:37,097 --> 00:09:38,229
Yeah, the butt mouth
isn't really puckering
266
00:09:38,231 --> 00:09:39,564
the way it should.
267
00:09:39,566 --> 00:09:41,866
Okay, let's get you a room.
268
00:09:41,868 --> 00:09:43,234
- Ah, sorry.
- Man I've been
269
00:09:43,236 --> 00:09:44,769
waiting her for six hours!
270
00:09:44,771 --> 00:09:48,406
Well they have insurance. You don't.
271
00:09:48,408 --> 00:09:51,542
What you want me to say?
272
00:09:51,544 --> 00:09:53,278
Does that guy have a sandwich
baggie full of his fingers?
273
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:54,445
[door buzzer sounds]
274
00:09:54,447 --> 00:09:55,880
He'll be all right.
275
00:09:55,882 --> 00:09:57,582
Well I hope you're happy, Blake.
276
00:09:57,584 --> 00:10:00,251
We're probably gonna miss
the festival girls, so...
277
00:10:00,253 --> 00:10:05,089
- see you later, sideboob.
- See you later, underboob.
278
00:10:05,091 --> 00:10:06,924
See you later, under butt.
279
00:10:06,926 --> 00:10:10,295
I just wanted to dance, damn it.
280
00:10:10,297 --> 00:10:13,431
Would you do me a favor
and go [bleep] yourself?
281
00:10:13,433 --> 00:10:15,967
God damn it! Why are you such a bully?
282
00:10:15,969 --> 00:10:17,402
- Both of you!
- Give it a rest!
283
00:10:17,404 --> 00:10:19,203
You bullied us into bullying you.
284
00:10:19,205 --> 00:10:21,139
Oh, did I? Why don't you bully this?
285
00:10:21,141 --> 00:10:22,407
- Hey!
- Ow! That's a...
286
00:10:22,409 --> 00:10:24,409
Ow. Don't you do it! Ow!
287
00:10:24,411 --> 00:10:25,977
Oh you got me right in the buttocks.
288
00:10:25,979 --> 00:10:28,046
[yelling over each other]
289
00:10:28,048 --> 00:10:30,448
- You want...
- [screams]
290
00:10:30,450 --> 00:10:31,649
Hold him down! Hold him down!
291
00:10:31,651 --> 00:10:33,284
[screaming]
292
00:10:33,286 --> 00:10:34,652
Ohh!
293
00:10:34,654 --> 00:10:36,487
Oh, oh. Now he's a blood mess.
294
00:10:36,489 --> 00:10:39,223
- Dance kick!
- both: Oh!
295
00:10:39,225 --> 00:10:41,159
[screams]
296
00:10:41,161 --> 00:10:42,794
- Help!
- You stop it!
297
00:10:42,796 --> 00:10:44,162
Why don't you stop it? Help!
298
00:10:44,164 --> 00:10:45,697
- Get your balls off me.
- Sorry about that.
299
00:10:45,699 --> 00:10:47,665
- [chuckles] I, uh...
- What's going on, man?
300
00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:49,734
Do you need some medicine or,
like, a surgery or something?
301
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,569
If you guys are done grab assing,
302
00:10:51,571 --> 00:10:54,372
you can grab my ass and
take me to the toilet.
303
00:10:54,374 --> 00:10:56,274
[all laughing] Yeah, yeah, we're gonna
304
00:10:56,276 --> 00:10:57,575
help him to the toilet... That's funny.
305
00:10:57,577 --> 00:10:59,177
- Wait are you serious?
- There you go.
306
00:10:59,179 --> 00:11:00,278
- Oh, give him a...
- Oh.
307
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,547
Yeah. Oh, wait a second.
308
00:11:02,549 --> 00:11:05,416
Uh, are you sure you
don't want some privacy?
309
00:11:05,418 --> 00:11:07,785
When I overheard you boys fighting,
310
00:11:07,787 --> 00:11:11,322
uh, it reminded me of
my best friend, Luke.
311
00:11:11,324 --> 00:11:13,124
He spent his whole life wanting to be
312
00:11:13,126 --> 00:11:15,360
the host of a cooking show
313
00:11:15,362 --> 00:11:18,963
and I told him Julia Child you ain't.
314
00:11:18,965 --> 00:11:22,600
Which threw him into a
"Tailspin" audition.
315
00:11:22,602 --> 00:11:25,436
He had done a ton of these
cartoon voice-over jobs
316
00:11:25,438 --> 00:11:28,139
and he hated it.
317
00:11:28,141 --> 00:11:31,542
Anyway, he blew his brains out.
318
00:11:31,544 --> 00:11:34,078
Hey, sir, are you sure that your friend
319
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,613
specifically killed himself
because you didn't
320
00:11:35,615 --> 00:11:37,715
encourage him to pursue his dreams?
That's...
321
00:11:37,717 --> 00:11:40,985
Uh, yes. In fact, he
wrote a long letter,
322
00:11:40,987 --> 00:11:43,454
telling me it was all my fault.
323
00:11:43,456 --> 00:11:45,022
- Oh, my God.
- I carry it with me
324
00:11:45,024 --> 00:11:46,591
wherever I go.
325
00:11:46,593 --> 00:11:50,194
Okay, shut up real quick
because I have an idea.
326
00:11:50,196 --> 00:11:52,930
What if Blake blows his brains out
327
00:11:52,932 --> 00:11:55,032
just because he didn't
do what he loves?
328
00:11:55,034 --> 00:11:56,334
- Well...
- Because we made fun of him
329
00:11:56,336 --> 00:11:58,536
- so much.
- Oh, my God.
330
00:11:58,538 --> 00:12:01,005
- That's why I told you...
- Shut up, real quick.
331
00:12:01,007 --> 00:12:02,940
Life's too short to
not do what you love.
332
00:12:02,942 --> 00:12:04,542
Fortunately for me,
I've kind of already
333
00:12:04,544 --> 00:12:06,344
done everything I wanted
to do with my life.
334
00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:09,347
Yeah, I mean, same here.
I mean, I've had anal.
335
00:12:09,349 --> 00:12:11,983
- What?
- I've done... I've done anal
336
00:12:11,985 --> 00:12:13,684
- to someone.
- That's not what
337
00:12:13,686 --> 00:12:14,986
- you said, though.
- Look, what I'm trying to say
338
00:12:14,988 --> 00:12:18,022
is Blake, I am sorry
for not letting you do
339
00:12:18,024 --> 00:12:20,258
what you wanna do, which was dancing.
340
00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:22,760
And for me, which, that would
be the anal that I had
341
00:12:22,762 --> 00:12:23,728
when that occurred. Right, right.
342
00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:25,363
Okay, shut up. Shut up.
343
00:12:25,365 --> 00:12:26,764
Just real quick.
344
00:12:26,766 --> 00:12:29,734
Blake, when we go back to Faux Chella,
345
00:12:29,736 --> 00:12:32,203
you gotta dance, my man.
346
00:12:32,205 --> 00:12:33,738
Or something cooler than that.
347
00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:36,007
- Yeah. Anything.
- Anything cooler than that.
348
00:12:36,009 --> 00:12:37,308
- Shut up.
- Okay.
349
00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:38,276
- Shut up.
- Okay.
350
00:12:38,278 --> 00:12:39,644
Okay, shutting up.
351
00:12:39,646 --> 00:12:41,045
Because that apology feels so good.
352
00:12:41,047 --> 00:12:42,513
It's like a warm blanket over me.
353
00:12:42,515 --> 00:12:43,781
- [farting]
- And I wanna go home
354
00:12:43,783 --> 00:12:45,550
and I wanna save this music festival
355
00:12:45,552 --> 00:12:49,821
that we threw for three,
lucky, random ladies
356
00:12:49,823 --> 00:12:51,856
that we met for, like, ten minutes
357
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:53,891
- at the bar the other day.
- If that.
358
00:12:53,893 --> 00:12:56,394
- Let's do this for them!
- Wait a minute, wait, wait!
359
00:12:56,396 --> 00:12:58,396
- There's no toilet paper.
- all: Shut up!
360
00:12:58,398 --> 00:13:01,165
Wait...
361
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:03,901
[laughs]
362
00:13:03,903 --> 00:13:05,069
Thank you, Luke.
363
00:13:05,071 --> 00:13:06,270
Yo, what up, Faux Chella,
364
00:13:06,272 --> 00:13:08,239
we are Fade Up Fade Out Bye Bye.
365
00:13:08,241 --> 00:13:11,242
So, like, bonjour! Bonjour!
366
00:13:11,244 --> 00:13:14,479
- Bonjour. Bonjour
- Bonjour. Bonjour.
367
00:13:14,481 --> 00:13:17,482
Pardon mon moi
368
00:13:17,484 --> 00:13:21,185
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
369
00:13:21,187 --> 00:13:23,588
Hello there
370
00:13:23,590 --> 00:13:24,655
Stop!
371
00:13:24,657 --> 00:13:26,357
-
Merci...
- Stop!
372
00:13:26,359 --> 00:13:30,461
- What? Whoa.
- The [bleep] is this?
373
00:13:30,463 --> 00:13:31,929
That's a guiro, sir.
374
00:13:31,931 --> 00:13:35,633
I don't like this song.
I don't like you.
375
00:13:35,635 --> 00:13:38,469
And I definitely don't like this guiro.
376
00:13:38,471 --> 00:13:40,905
- Okay.
- So break it.
377
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:42,840
You cannot ask me to do this right now.
378
00:13:42,842 --> 00:13:46,077
I'm playing in front of six people.
379
00:13:46,079 --> 00:13:48,913
- I'm not asking, Nancy.
- Dude, this is so [bleep] up.
380
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:50,548
This is my grandma's guiro, man.
381
00:13:50,550 --> 00:13:52,116
She just got it from Mexico,
382
00:13:52,118 --> 00:13:53,384
and I don't know when she's going back.
383
00:13:53,386 --> 00:13:54,552
Do it!
384
00:13:54,554 --> 00:13:56,487
Ahh! [cries]
385
00:13:56,489 --> 00:13:57,822
Now who's next?
386
00:13:57,824 --> 00:14:00,124
- Mr. Bassist Man?
- Yeah, I'll break it.
387
00:14:00,126 --> 00:14:02,493
I'll break it.
388
00:14:02,495 --> 00:14:04,695
[laughs] Ow. Hey.
389
00:14:04,697 --> 00:14:09,033
- Yours isn't that bad.
- Hey, how's it going?
390
00:14:09,035 --> 00:14:11,836
Wow. I... I don't know. I just feel bad
391
00:14:11,838 --> 00:14:14,138
leaving these people in
this horrible place.
392
00:14:14,140 --> 00:14:16,374
- Yeah. Let's go.
- Oh, dude.
393
00:14:16,376 --> 00:14:18,509
Third Eye Blind will
definitely wanna play the show
394
00:14:18,511 --> 00:14:19,677
if there's all these sick people there.
395
00:14:19,679 --> 00:14:21,045
Bands love benefits.
396
00:14:21,047 --> 00:14:22,947
I'm gonna email Mailer Daemon with it.
397
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,649
- Dude, that's brilliant.
- Thank you.
398
00:14:24,651 --> 00:14:26,217
Uh... [clears throat]
399
00:14:26,219 --> 00:14:30,288
Hey, hey, guys? We are
from Make-A-Wish!
400
00:14:30,290 --> 00:14:31,689
- Yep.
- Oh!
401
00:14:31,691 --> 00:14:34,725
Can we go to Pizza Hut
with Cameron Diaz?
402
00:14:34,727 --> 00:14:36,961
- Uhh...
- both: Um...
403
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:38,229
We can do...
404
00:14:38,231 --> 00:14:39,497
Kick it
405
00:14:39,499 --> 00:14:41,132
406
00:14:45,794 --> 00:14:47,961
What the hell is this?
407
00:14:47,963 --> 00:14:50,663
Ah, well, this is Faux Chella.
408
00:14:50,665 --> 00:14:52,198
It's our response to Coachella.
409
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,601
I thought you said you
were from Make-A-Wish.
410
00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:57,470
Make-A-Wish-of-Ours.
411
00:14:57,472 --> 00:14:59,706
You probably didn't hear
that second part, "of-Ours."
412
00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:01,241
- Yeah.
- 'Cause you're old.
413
00:15:01,243 --> 00:15:03,043
What we will do, is
we'll make our dream
414
00:15:03,045 --> 00:15:05,712
be that your dream is
to see Third Eye Blind.
415
00:15:05,714 --> 00:15:07,614
- Later, probably.
- Can we at least
416
00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:10,450
go rollerblading with Cameron Diaz?
417
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:12,752
- She loves action sports.
- Lady!
418
00:15:12,754 --> 00:15:15,155
- Please.
- Nobody gives a shit
419
00:15:15,157 --> 00:15:16,656
- about Cameron Diaz.
- Hey.
420
00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:18,491
Hey, you made it! What's up?
421
00:15:18,493 --> 00:15:20,126
What are you guys wearing?
422
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:21,461
This is just festival gear.
423
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:23,963
You've heard of under butt, right?
424
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,665
We got full butt. Whoa! Full butt.
425
00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:27,267
[whistling] Oh, wow.
426
00:15:27,269 --> 00:15:28,802
[laughter]
427
00:15:28,804 --> 00:15:31,771
So, uh, where's, uh, Shannon?
428
00:15:31,773 --> 00:15:33,273
Uh, it's Hannon.
429
00:15:33,275 --> 00:15:34,808
It's Hannon, right? Is she parking?
430
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,342
Oh, yeah, no.
431
00:15:36,344 --> 00:15:39,012
But my mom and stepdad, super excited
432
00:15:39,014 --> 00:15:40,647
to see Third Eye Blind, though.
433
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:42,949
"Jumper" was the song
we got married to.
434
00:15:42,951 --> 00:15:45,251
Tom was going through some stuff.
435
00:15:45,253 --> 00:15:47,120
There were several suicide attempts.
436
00:15:47,122 --> 00:15:49,656
But Tina and Megan pulled me through.
437
00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:51,357
That's why she likes Third Eye.
438
00:15:51,359 --> 00:15:53,159
So what time do they go on?
439
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,527
- Third Eye Blind?
- Well we don't
440
00:15:54,529 --> 00:15:57,197
know that exactly, but they just posted
441
00:15:57,199 --> 00:15:59,199
this Instagram picture of them
442
00:15:59,201 --> 00:16:01,101
kicking it poolside.
443
00:16:01,103 --> 00:16:02,402
That looks like a...
444
00:16:02,404 --> 00:16:03,903
it looks like a kid's birthday party.
445
00:16:03,905 --> 00:16:05,472
- Yeah, well.
- I guess there are
446
00:16:05,474 --> 00:16:06,940
- some children there.
- That's cool, though.
447
00:16:06,942 --> 00:16:08,775
You know, family time
for busy musicians.
448
00:16:08,777 --> 00:16:10,343
They need it, too, you know?
449
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:13,413
And I've been emailing their
manager Mailer Daemon.
450
00:16:13,415 --> 00:16:14,714
- Mailer-daemon?
- Mmhmm.
451
00:16:14,716 --> 00:16:16,449
Well that is not his name.
452
00:16:16,451 --> 00:16:17,884
It's Mailer Daemon.
453
00:16:17,886 --> 00:16:19,552
Mailer-daemon. It means that
454
00:16:19,554 --> 00:16:21,187
your email didn't go through.
455
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:22,355
Dumb ass!
456
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,356
Guys, I really need to hear them.
457
00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,724
Give us a couple seconds
458
00:16:24,726 --> 00:16:26,359
and we're gonna go
talk, send some emails
459
00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:28,027
- and, uh, be right back!
- Everything's fine.
460
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,062
Everything's fine.
461
00:16:29,064 --> 00:16:30,396
Guys, I hate to admit it,
462
00:16:30,398 --> 00:16:31,865
but I think I was blind to the fact
463
00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:33,299
that Third Eye Blind's not coming.
464
00:16:33,301 --> 00:16:34,634
You heard what he said. All we gotta do
465
00:16:34,636 --> 00:16:35,735
is just "Drunk History" this thing.
466
00:16:35,737 --> 00:16:37,170
Oh, I love that show!
467
00:16:37,172 --> 00:16:38,805
- Oh, man! Come on!
- What is that?
468
00:16:38,807 --> 00:16:40,173
What's going on? Huh?
469
00:16:40,175 --> 00:16:41,407
Oh, my God, you're such a dickhead!
470
00:16:41,409 --> 00:16:43,510
Break 'em, now!
471
00:16:43,512 --> 00:16:44,811
No!
472
00:16:44,813 --> 00:16:47,247
- Hey!
- Look who decided to come back.
473
00:16:47,249 --> 00:16:49,849
You ready for me to knock you
on your ass, Uncle Mike?
474
00:16:49,851 --> 00:16:51,684
- Yes!
- Yeah! Get him, Beezer!
475
00:16:51,686 --> 00:16:52,819
- Whoo!
- He's not actually
476
00:16:52,821 --> 00:16:54,487
- gonna do it, right?
- No.
477
00:16:54,489 --> 00:16:55,488
It's gonna be like a
dumb metaphorical thing?
478
00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:56,890
- Yeah.
- Got it.
479
00:16:56,892 --> 00:16:58,091
Okay Raggedy Andy. Let's
see what you got.
480
00:16:58,093 --> 00:17:00,026
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, no.
481
00:17:00,028 --> 00:17:02,662
No. That's not how I'm
knocking you on your ass.
482
00:17:02,664 --> 00:17:04,764
- Called it.
- Okay. Shut up.
483
00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:07,167
All right, I'm gonna
knock you on your ass.
484
00:17:07,169 --> 00:17:09,002
In the sense of the saying.
485
00:17:09,004 --> 00:17:11,104
- It's a play on words.
- Yeah, knock him on his ass
486
00:17:11,106 --> 00:17:12,672
- how the saying goes!
- Thank you!
487
00:17:12,674 --> 00:17:14,707
- Now there's a friend.
- Is that a saying?
488
00:17:14,709 --> 00:17:17,110
- Not where I grew up.
- Not where I grew up, either.
489
00:17:17,112 --> 00:17:19,078
- Where'd you grow up?
- Omaha.
490
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,681
Okay, uh, everybody, we're about
to do something very cool.
491
00:17:21,683 --> 00:17:23,550
But first, I just
wanted to say one thing
492
00:17:23,552 --> 00:17:26,286
to Megan's stepdad.
493
00:17:26,288 --> 00:17:27,587
You came here because you said
494
00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:30,256
you wanted to hear Third Eye Blind.
495
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:35,628
Well, hear you go.
496
00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:37,630
- Okay.
- Here it is.
497
00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:41,935
I wish you would step back
from that ledge my friend
498
00:17:41,937 --> 00:17:44,938
You could cut ties
with all the lies
499
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:47,140
That you've been living in
500
00:17:47,142 --> 00:17:51,678
And if you do not
want to see me again
501
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:57,183
I would understand
502
00:17:57,185 --> 00:18:02,422
I would understand
503
00:18:02,424 --> 00:18:08,661
I would understand
504
00:18:08,663 --> 00:18:14,968
505
00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:17,503
What the [bleep] is this?
506
00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:19,739
Yeah
507
00:18:19,741 --> 00:18:22,508
508
00:18:22,510 --> 00:18:24,244
Boo!
509
00:18:24,246 --> 00:18:31,184
510
00:18:33,121 --> 00:18:35,154
Can you put the past away?
511
00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:38,725
I wish you would step back
from that ledge my friend
512
00:18:38,727 --> 00:18:40,760
I would understand
513
00:18:40,762 --> 00:18:43,997
I wish you would step back
from that ledge my friend
514
00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:46,032
I would understand
515
00:18:46,034 --> 00:18:49,102
I wish you would step back
from that ledge my friend
516
00:18:49,104 --> 00:18:52,305
And I would understand I
wish you would step back
517
00:18:52,307 --> 00:18:54,607
From that ledge my friend
518
00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:57,543
I would understand I
wish you would step back
519
00:18:57,545 --> 00:18:59,912
From that ledge my friend
520
00:18:59,914 --> 00:19:06,352
I would understand
521
00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:09,289
[cheers and applause]
522
00:19:17,482 --> 00:19:20,517
Thank you.
523
00:19:20,519 --> 00:19:22,836
[crying]
524
00:19:22,838 --> 00:19:24,638
Oh, my God. Uncle Mike are you okay?
525
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,207
I get micromanaged at work.
526
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,776
I can't figure out the
stupid computer system.
527
00:19:29,778 --> 00:19:32,712
I get no respect.
- That sucks. Where do you work?
528
00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:35,849
- Hertz.
- You work at Hertz Rent A Car?
529
00:19:35,851 --> 00:19:38,485
No, I said, "It hurts."
530
00:19:38,487 --> 00:19:40,987
I work at Budget. The
other day I promised
531
00:19:40,989 --> 00:19:43,957
the same Chevy Cruze to
five different people.
532
00:19:43,959 --> 00:19:46,059
Janet yelled at me in
front of everyone.
533
00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:47,861
- [bleep] Janet.
- Would you forgive me?
534
00:19:47,863 --> 00:19:49,930
Of course. But, hey,
535
00:19:49,932 --> 00:19:52,499
you have to admit, I
knocked you on your ass.
536
00:19:52,501 --> 00:19:55,468
Yeah, emotionally, you
knocked me on my ass.
537
00:19:55,470 --> 00:19:56,836
- Right.
- Hell yeah.
538
00:19:56,838 --> 00:19:58,972
[laughs]
539
00:19:58,974 --> 00:20:01,007
Oh! Okay! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
540
00:20:01,009 --> 00:20:03,143
Not really. He didn't really
knock him on his ass.
541
00:20:03,145 --> 00:20:05,845
- Felt good. [laughs]
- Kinda. Emotionally, he did.
542
00:20:05,847 --> 00:20:07,514
Hey, thanks for having my back, guys.
543
00:20:07,516 --> 00:20:09,716
We just did what you said to do
544
00:20:09,718 --> 00:20:11,251
But this time in a nice way. You know?
545
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:14,754
Uh, can I get a ride
back to the hospital?
546
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,723
I think I'm going into shock.
547
00:20:16,725 --> 00:20:18,558
We tend to have that effect on people.
548
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,427
- Yeah.
- Oh, he's serious.
549
00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:21,928
- Oh, my God.
- Okay, okay.
550
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,029
He's actually really, really heavy.
551
00:20:23,031 --> 00:20:24,197
Bite down on this, sir.
552
00:20:24,199 --> 00:20:25,865
- Whoo.
- Honestly, you guys
553
00:20:25,867 --> 00:20:27,601
- are better than Third Eye.
- Thank you!
554
00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:28,868
I felt that, when we were...
555
00:20:28,870 --> 00:20:30,437
Oh, hey, check it out.
556
00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:32,072
This dude really knows
how to party, huh?
557
00:20:32,074 --> 00:20:33,773
I haven't touched the stuff in years,
558
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,943
but I feel good! [laughter]
559
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:39,379
Hey, uh, you think your
daughter's into us, or what?
560
00:20:39,381 --> 00:20:41,081
Yeah, what about Hannon?
561
00:20:41,083 --> 00:20:43,383
[sighs] They suck.
562
00:20:43,385 --> 00:20:44,951
So does my life.
563
00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:47,621
Hey, honey!
564
00:20:47,623 --> 00:20:50,423
- Hey, Dad.
- You dare me to jump? [laughs]
565
00:20:50,425 --> 00:20:52,058
That's [bleep] shit.
566
00:20:52,060 --> 00:20:55,195
Third time's a charm! [laughs]
567
00:20:55,197 --> 00:20:56,763
I think we got another roommate, huh?
568
00:20:56,765 --> 00:20:57,131
Nice.
569
00:20:57,203 --> 00:21:01,203
Synced and corrected by MasterCookie
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570
00:21:01,253 --> 00:21:05,803
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