All language subtitles for Workaholics s07e05 Faux Chella.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,121 --> 00:00:01,954 All: Hello, hello, hello, hello 2 00:00:03,691 --> 00:00:06,358 We're going to the circus 3 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,961 And going to the circus and play with 4 00:00:08,963 --> 00:00:11,330 All the little animals 5 00:00:11,332 --> 00:00:14,366 And the big animals 6 00:00:14,368 --> 00:00:17,570 Yeah! It's over? Okay. 7 00:00:17,576 --> 00:00:19,676 That's really great. Rock on. 8 00:00:19,678 --> 00:00:22,612 Yeah 9 00:00:22,614 --> 00:00:24,781 10 00:00:24,870 --> 00:00:26,703 - Thank you! - You freaking rock! 11 00:00:26,705 --> 00:00:28,138 - Yeah! - We're gonna go ahead 12 00:00:28,140 --> 00:00:29,540 and take a real quick smoke break. 13 00:00:29,542 --> 00:00:31,575 - Both: Whoo! - They suck. 14 00:00:31,577 --> 00:00:33,143 - Man, they're bad. - They're really, really bad. 15 00:00:33,145 --> 00:00:34,678 - It's crazy. - Just, like... 16 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:35,979 - off tempo timing. - It's not even music. 17 00:00:35,981 --> 00:00:37,314 It's like, where are they going? 18 00:00:37,316 --> 00:00:39,249 I don't even know how they got stage time. 19 00:00:39,251 --> 00:00:41,018 Yeah, it's probably 'cause it's Coachella this weekend, 20 00:00:41,020 --> 00:00:44,388 - so, like, no one's here. - It's so much money. 21 00:00:44,390 --> 00:00:46,623 - It's so corporate, you know? - So expensive. 22 00:00:46,625 --> 00:00:48,158 Instead of, um... 23 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,561 Instead of Coachella, it should be called 24 00:00:50,563 --> 00:00:52,029 Whole Paycheckella. 25 00:00:52,031 --> 00:00:53,864 [laughter] 26 00:00:53,866 --> 00:00:55,365 Do you guys wanna go to the bathroom? 27 00:00:55,367 --> 00:00:58,569 Hey, actually, um, there's a music festival 28 00:00:58,571 --> 00:00:59,937 this weekend at our house. 29 00:00:59,939 --> 00:01:01,405 We're... that we're throwing. 30 00:01:01,407 --> 00:01:03,373 And it's called Faux Chella. 31 00:01:03,375 --> 00:01:05,542 Oh yeah, oh, yeah. That festival. 32 00:01:05,544 --> 00:01:07,744 Faux Chella 'cause there's "fo" stages. 33 00:01:07,746 --> 00:01:09,846 - No, no. Well, sure. - Right? 34 00:01:09,848 --> 00:01:13,750 And there's a huge band, uh, that is gonna play. 35 00:01:13,752 --> 00:01:16,720 And that band is... 36 00:01:20,292 --> 00:01:21,858 Third Eye Blind. 37 00:01:21,860 --> 00:01:23,493 - Seriously? - Oh. 38 00:01:23,495 --> 00:01:25,195 - She's obsessed. - Wait, are you guys serious? 39 00:01:25,197 --> 00:01:27,397 Third Eye Blind is gonna be at your music festival? 40 00:01:27,399 --> 00:01:28,966 - Uh-huh. - Yeah. 41 00:01:28,968 --> 00:01:31,868 Here, here, type your info in my phone and we will 42 00:01:31,870 --> 00:01:33,136 totally roll through. I'd love to. I'd love to. 43 00:01:33,138 --> 00:01:34,471 - Yeah, yeah. - Okay. 44 00:01:34,473 --> 00:01:36,240 - Totally. - This is where I come in. 45 00:01:36,242 --> 00:01:39,543 I'm gonna bare my soul on stage and... and Riverdance. 46 00:01:39,545 --> 00:01:41,712 Actually, I'll show you guys a little sample if you'd like. 47 00:01:41,714 --> 00:01:43,247 - Yeah. - Absolutely. 48 00:01:43,249 --> 00:01:46,083 Hey, Fade fellas can I get a little Irish jig, please. 49 00:01:46,085 --> 00:01:48,919 [Irish jig music] 50 00:01:48,921 --> 00:01:50,887 - Wedgie! - Whoa! 51 00:01:50,889 --> 00:01:52,422 - Pull it down, please, Ders! - That's... now it's funny. 52 00:01:52,424 --> 00:01:53,423 - Oh, my gosh. - Oh, yeah? 53 00:01:53,425 --> 00:01:54,925 [screaming] 54 00:01:54,927 --> 00:01:56,994 - Oh, no! - Don't look! Don't look. 55 00:01:56,996 --> 00:01:58,729 Just doing what you asked, pal. 56 00:01:58,731 --> 00:02:01,765 Oh, this next song goes out to Blake Henderson. 57 00:02:01,767 --> 00:02:03,400 How many times a day do you wish 58 00:02:03,402 --> 00:02:06,103 That you had a bigger dick? 59 00:02:06,105 --> 00:02:07,304 Seven. 60 00:02:07,306 --> 00:02:09,172 Seven. One, two, three 61 00:02:09,174 --> 00:02:11,742 Four, five, six all: And seven 62 00:02:11,744 --> 00:02:14,078 [The Skinny Boys' "Jock Box"] 63 00:02:14,140 --> 00:02:18,140 Synced and corrected by MasterCookie - www.addic7ed.com - 64 00:02:18,384 --> 00:02:20,417 You gotta, you gotta, you gotta 65 00:02:20,419 --> 00:02:22,052 Gotta be fresh 66 00:02:23,789 --> 00:02:27,624 [upbeat music] 67 00:02:27,626 --> 00:02:30,127 - Okay, very good, very good. - All right. 68 00:02:30,129 --> 00:02:32,629 Ders, we're starting with the comedy, okay? 69 00:02:32,631 --> 00:02:33,930 - Yeah. - And I don't want you 70 00:02:33,932 --> 00:02:35,465 to be nervous that you're gonna bomb. 71 00:02:35,467 --> 00:02:37,968 - Heh, okay, I'm not. - Okay, but if you are, 72 00:02:37,970 --> 00:02:40,871 I did download this cool little, like applause app 73 00:02:40,873 --> 00:02:42,639 that will... [laughter] 74 00:02:42,641 --> 00:02:44,641 sweeten the laughter if you need it. 75 00:02:44,643 --> 00:02:45,809 - Not gonna need it. - [text message tone] 76 00:02:45,811 --> 00:02:48,111 Uh-oh. Oh, it's the girls. 77 00:02:48,113 --> 00:02:49,780 They are saying they are coming 78 00:02:49,782 --> 00:02:51,848 but only if Third Eye Blind is here. 79 00:02:51,850 --> 00:02:53,317 - So is Third Eye confirmed? - Yeah. 80 00:02:53,319 --> 00:02:54,685 - More or less, they are. - Yes. 81 00:02:54,687 --> 00:02:56,086 Yeah, I emailed their Hotmail account 82 00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,921 and I got a reply, like, right away 83 00:02:57,923 --> 00:03:00,390 from this dude named Mailer Daemon, 84 00:03:00,392 --> 00:03:02,159 I think it's their, like, French manager or something. 85 00:03:02,161 --> 00:03:04,227 Hey, dude, can you text them something for me? 86 00:03:04,229 --> 00:03:05,962 - Okay. - Say... 87 00:03:05,964 --> 00:03:08,365 "The Lord of the Riverdance has been a-practici" 88 00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:09,900 - and he's ready to... - Shut up, Blake. 89 00:03:09,902 --> 00:03:11,134 - Yeah. - He's not gonna text them that. 90 00:03:11,136 --> 00:03:12,502 - Shut up - You know why? 91 00:03:12,504 --> 00:03:13,970 'Cause women don't respond to that. 92 00:03:13,972 --> 00:03:15,706 In fact, it makes their vaginas just swell shut. 93 00:03:15,708 --> 00:03:17,074 - Okay? - I know that, I know that. 94 00:03:17,076 --> 00:03:18,575 It's like you don't like... 95 00:03:18,577 --> 00:03:20,143 - sideboob. - I love that. 96 00:03:20,145 --> 00:03:21,978 - Or under butt. - I love that even more. 97 00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:24,014 Oh, best of all, the underboob. 98 00:03:24,016 --> 00:03:25,982 - Underneath the boob. - Where it hangs out down here. 99 00:03:25,984 --> 00:03:28,018 So if you could do me a favor and please get real! 100 00:03:28,020 --> 00:03:30,420 - And act real, Blake! - All right. 101 00:03:30,422 --> 00:03:33,357 It's joke time. 102 00:03:33,359 --> 00:03:35,859 It's joke time. 103 00:03:35,861 --> 00:03:38,528 I don't know why you're being sad. 104 00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:39,863 Blake, what's the deal, man? 105 00:03:39,865 --> 00:03:41,031 I thought I asked for prosciutto. 106 00:03:41,033 --> 00:03:45,202 Welcome to... 107 00:03:45,204 --> 00:03:48,171 Faux Chella! 108 00:03:48,173 --> 00:03:51,108 You guys ready to laugh today? 109 00:03:51,110 --> 00:03:53,844 I can't hear you! [overlapping mumbling] 110 00:03:53,846 --> 00:03:57,114 Okay, when I say, "laugh," you say, "ter." 111 00:03:57,116 --> 00:03:58,348 Laugh. 112 00:03:58,350 --> 00:03:59,616 [all unenthusiastically] Ter. 113 00:03:59,618 --> 00:04:02,185 When I say, "comed," you say "y." 114 00:04:02,187 --> 00:04:03,353 Comed. 115 00:04:03,355 --> 00:04:04,454 [all unenthusiastically] Y. 116 00:04:04,456 --> 00:04:06,156 Now we're cooking with gas! 117 00:04:09,461 --> 00:04:11,728 Let's give it up for the one and only 118 00:04:11,730 --> 00:04:14,097 comedian you're gonna see this afternoon, 119 00:04:14,099 --> 00:04:18,034 the great Dogfather of Comedy, 120 00:04:18,036 --> 00:04:21,104 Anders Holmvik! 121 00:04:21,106 --> 00:04:24,608 [applause] 122 00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:26,276 Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo! 123 00:04:26,278 --> 00:04:29,279 You know it! You know it! 124 00:04:29,281 --> 00:04:31,715 Let me hear my dogs! 125 00:04:31,717 --> 00:04:34,618 My mother[bleep] Rancho Cucamonga dogs! 126 00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:36,553 Me and the boys went out last night. 127 00:04:36,555 --> 00:04:39,723 You ever notice how a Chihuahua looks like your boy 128 00:04:39,725 --> 00:04:42,259 who just woke up on the couch all hung-over like... 129 00:04:44,730 --> 00:04:47,464 "Hey, man, you got any water?" 130 00:04:47,466 --> 00:04:50,233 [laughs] 131 00:04:50,235 --> 00:04:53,670 [laughs] 132 00:04:53,672 --> 00:04:55,405 [laughter] 133 00:04:55,407 --> 00:04:57,808 Love my dogs. I got a dog. I got a Doberman Pinscher. 134 00:04:57,810 --> 00:04:59,976 I walk it every day. I took it out the other day 135 00:04:59,978 --> 00:05:01,812 just to take a dookie, right. 136 00:05:01,814 --> 00:05:04,614 You know how dogs look at you like this... 137 00:05:04,616 --> 00:05:05,649 when they're taking a dookie? 138 00:05:05,651 --> 00:05:07,184 And now I look at his butthole 139 00:05:07,186 --> 00:05:08,185 to see what's coming out, just to see the dookie, 140 00:05:08,187 --> 00:05:09,519 and make sure my dog is healthy 141 00:05:09,521 --> 00:05:11,021 'cause I care about my dogs, right? 142 00:05:11,023 --> 00:05:15,158 And I look down, and I see a tapeworm like... 143 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:16,827 And I'm like, "What?" [laughter] 144 00:05:16,829 --> 00:05:18,261 And he looks at me like. 145 00:05:18,263 --> 00:05:20,363 "You gonna get that? You gonna pick that up?" 146 00:05:20,365 --> 00:05:22,766 And I look right back at that mother[bleep] like, 147 00:05:22,768 --> 00:05:24,868 "Not today, mother[bleep]!" 148 00:05:24,870 --> 00:05:26,770 Whoo! [laughter] 149 00:05:26,772 --> 00:05:28,438 I ain't [bleep] with no tapeworms. 150 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,507 [Irish music] Uhh, you know what? 151 00:05:30,509 --> 00:05:31,775 Just a minute, I'll be right back. 152 00:05:31,777 --> 00:05:32,809 Be sure to check out the t-shirts 153 00:05:32,811 --> 00:05:34,010 at the merch table. 154 00:05:34,012 --> 00:05:36,513 They are on fleek. Be right back. 155 00:05:36,515 --> 00:05:38,949 And then after the storm subsided, 156 00:05:38,951 --> 00:05:42,786 the drops of rain on the river looked as if they were dancing. 157 00:05:42,788 --> 00:05:44,287 Well enough of my talking. 158 00:05:44,289 --> 00:05:46,289 What do you say we get into some Riverdancing? 159 00:05:46,291 --> 00:05:47,991 - No! - Uh, what? Hey! 160 00:05:47,993 --> 00:05:49,159 - You will never Riverdance! - Let me go! 161 00:05:49,161 --> 00:05:50,560 - Not on this stage! - Stop it! 162 00:05:50,562 --> 00:05:52,028 - I will... ow! Ow! - It's okay. Stand back. 163 00:05:52,030 --> 00:05:53,163 Hey, hey, hey, hey. Do it! 164 00:05:53,165 --> 00:05:54,331 You wanna dance, that's fine. 165 00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:56,700 You just better make it a rain dance. 166 00:05:56,702 --> 00:05:59,503 What are... what are you doing? What are you doing? 167 00:05:59,505 --> 00:06:01,671 - Oh! Oh, ho, ho! - [screaming] 168 00:06:01,673 --> 00:06:02,906 Are you [bleep] crazy? 169 00:06:02,908 --> 00:06:04,574 Ah, put it out! Oh, put it out! 170 00:06:04,576 --> 00:06:06,176 - You want me to put it out? - Oh, oh, my God, oh! 171 00:06:06,178 --> 00:06:10,013 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! What are you doing? 172 00:06:10,015 --> 00:06:11,982 [sizzling] Ohh! 173 00:06:11,984 --> 00:06:13,016 Oh, God. 174 00:06:13,018 --> 00:06:14,518 [both yelling] 175 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:15,886 Okay, mine's gonna start in a second. 176 00:06:15,888 --> 00:06:17,387 - Stop! - You got this. 177 00:06:17,389 --> 00:06:18,889 I'll kick your dickhead off, you idiot. 178 00:06:18,891 --> 00:06:20,357 - I'm sorry, man. - You freaking psychos! 179 00:06:20,359 --> 00:06:21,825 I hate you! Hey, uh, give me that beer. 180 00:06:21,827 --> 00:06:23,393 I hate you, Adam DeMamp. 181 00:06:23,395 --> 00:06:24,828 - Whoo! Whoo! - I hate you. 182 00:06:24,830 --> 00:06:26,530 Anders Holmvik, I hate you. Ooh! 183 00:06:26,532 --> 00:06:29,933 - Oh! I'm all done. - This will never be forgiven. 184 00:06:29,935 --> 00:06:31,401 We just didn't want you to embarrass us 185 00:06:31,403 --> 00:06:33,169 in front of those three girls we just met and decided to throw 186 00:06:33,171 --> 00:06:36,840 an entire musical festival for. Is that too much to ask? 187 00:06:36,842 --> 00:06:38,074 I'm calling my uncle. 188 00:06:38,076 --> 00:06:39,476 And he's gonna come here, 189 00:06:39,478 --> 00:06:41,211 and he's gonna beat both your asses. 190 00:06:41,213 --> 00:06:44,614 Oh, no. Suddenly, you got a scary uncle? 191 00:06:44,616 --> 00:06:46,583 He's gonna beat us up? I'm Blake's uncle 192 00:06:46,585 --> 00:06:48,585 - and I'm here to fight for him. - [both laugh] 193 00:06:48,587 --> 00:06:50,186 You keep laughing with your mouth open, 194 00:06:50,188 --> 00:06:51,588 he's gonna stick his fist down your throat! 195 00:06:51,590 --> 00:06:53,089 As long as he doesn't Riverdance on me, 196 00:06:53,091 --> 00:06:54,591 - I think we're good. - [stammering] 197 00:06:54,593 --> 00:06:56,026 You don't have to worry about Riverdancing, 198 00:06:56,028 --> 00:06:57,727 he's gonna butt[bleep] you and you. 199 00:06:57,729 --> 00:07:00,730 200 00:07:06,379 --> 00:07:11,716 Hello and welcome to... 201 00:07:11,718 --> 00:07:14,819 the Body Stage! 202 00:07:14,821 --> 00:07:18,957 Where I will be performing feats of strength and skill 203 00:07:18,959 --> 00:07:23,128 by clean and jerking four gallons of lead-based paint 204 00:07:23,130 --> 00:07:28,867 - without spilling a single drop. - [cheering] 205 00:07:30,137 --> 00:07:32,437 [screams] 206 00:07:32,439 --> 00:07:36,641 [screaming] Oh! 207 00:07:36,643 --> 00:07:39,944 - Ooh! Oh, that was cool, right? - [laughter] 208 00:07:39,946 --> 00:07:41,646 That was... oh, we're laughing? That was funny? 209 00:07:41,648 --> 00:07:44,649 For my next feat, I shall husk this corn 210 00:07:44,651 --> 00:07:47,986 using nothing but my butt cheeks. 211 00:07:47,988 --> 00:07:50,889 [engine rumbling] 212 00:07:52,893 --> 00:07:55,193 Flex them like a... ah. 213 00:07:55,195 --> 00:07:56,961 - You Adam? - Yeah. 214 00:07:56,963 --> 00:07:59,430 - You Ders? - Yeah. 215 00:07:59,432 --> 00:08:02,000 Okay, well, welcome to Faux Chella. 216 00:08:02,002 --> 00:08:03,601 Uh, take... weird parking spot, 217 00:08:03,603 --> 00:08:04,636 but if you wanna stand over there, 218 00:08:04,638 --> 00:08:05,937 you can watch me make dinner 219 00:08:05,939 --> 00:08:07,639 with nothing but my b-hole. 220 00:08:07,641 --> 00:08:09,274 Excuse me, I was... oh! Oh! 221 00:08:09,276 --> 00:08:10,275 This is for Blake. 222 00:08:10,277 --> 00:08:11,576 [screaming] 223 00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:12,810 Yeah! Yeah! 224 00:08:12,812 --> 00:08:15,313 [screaming] 225 00:08:15,315 --> 00:08:16,614 Oh! Oh! 226 00:08:16,616 --> 00:08:18,283 Blake... no... ah! Hey! 227 00:08:18,285 --> 00:08:20,952 Ow! Sir! Ow! Ow! 228 00:08:20,954 --> 00:08:22,587 Ow, wait... 229 00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,556 - [cheers and applause] - Oh! Standing ovation! 230 00:08:24,558 --> 00:08:26,324 I just... wanted to... 231 00:08:26,326 --> 00:08:27,825 I didn't like that. 232 00:08:27,827 --> 00:08:30,195 And now that is entertainment! Isn't it? 233 00:08:30,197 --> 00:08:33,198 - I didn't like that. - Uncle Mike! What is up? 234 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,201 What's it been, like, ten? 15? Like, 25 years? 235 00:08:36,203 --> 00:08:38,536 I don't know, you're not in my life at all, really. 236 00:08:38,538 --> 00:08:41,406 What the hell is wrong with you? 237 00:08:41,408 --> 00:08:43,975 You gotta call someone else to handle your shit? 238 00:08:43,977 --> 00:08:46,077 Uh, okay, come on, just Hender hug, man. 239 00:08:46,079 --> 00:08:48,513 Whoa! Okay! Is that a man thong? 240 00:08:48,515 --> 00:08:50,682 What? No, it's a dance belt! That's a dan... 241 00:08:50,684 --> 00:08:52,050 - [smacking] - Ow! What are you doing? 242 00:08:52,052 --> 00:08:54,452 What are you doing? Ow! Ow! Ow! 243 00:08:54,454 --> 00:08:56,721 Ah, ah... for my... Now get out of here. 244 00:08:56,723 --> 00:08:58,856 And don't come back till you knock me on my ass. 245 00:08:58,858 --> 00:09:00,458 Oh, I think he popped a butt cheek. 246 00:09:01,828 --> 00:09:03,828 - Insurance. - It hurts even to 247 00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:06,431 get the wallet out, doesn't it? 248 00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:09,334 - Well there we go. - Our bottoms were paddled 249 00:09:09,336 --> 00:09:11,002 by this man's... Shut up. 250 00:09:11,004 --> 00:09:12,503 - Idiot uncle. - Yeah. 251 00:09:12,505 --> 00:09:13,838 - And, uh, they're sore. - Smarter than you. 252 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,173 They hurt. We think we ruptured something. 253 00:09:15,175 --> 00:09:16,674 - Yeah, no, it's really severe. - It is. 254 00:09:16,676 --> 00:09:20,178 It is pretty bad. Yep. 255 00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:21,679 Ahh, ahh. Was it bad? 256 00:09:21,681 --> 00:09:23,381 And my thong is just... oh, my dance belt's 257 00:09:23,383 --> 00:09:24,549 getting swallowed up by my cheeks. 258 00:09:24,551 --> 00:09:27,051 - Pull your damn pants up! - Sorry. 259 00:09:27,053 --> 00:09:28,152 - Ahh. - You're not the doctor? 260 00:09:28,154 --> 00:09:29,454 You see, I'm very worried 261 00:09:29,456 --> 00:09:31,656 that my inner butthole may be dead 262 00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:34,192 because the... what's the... is it the sphincter? 263 00:09:34,194 --> 00:09:35,426 - Yeah. - It's the mouth. 264 00:09:35,428 --> 00:09:37,095 - Not really... - The butt mouth. 265 00:09:37,097 --> 00:09:38,229 Yeah, the butt mouth isn't really puckering 266 00:09:38,231 --> 00:09:39,564 the way it should. 267 00:09:39,566 --> 00:09:41,866 Okay, let's get you a room. 268 00:09:41,868 --> 00:09:43,234 - Ah, sorry. - Man I've been 269 00:09:43,236 --> 00:09:44,769 waiting her for six hours! 270 00:09:44,771 --> 00:09:48,406 Well they have insurance. You don't. 271 00:09:48,408 --> 00:09:51,542 What you want me to say? 272 00:09:51,544 --> 00:09:53,278 Does that guy have a sandwich baggie full of his fingers? 273 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:54,445 [door buzzer sounds] 274 00:09:54,447 --> 00:09:55,880 He'll be all right. 275 00:09:55,882 --> 00:09:57,582 Well I hope you're happy, Blake. 276 00:09:57,584 --> 00:10:00,251 We're probably gonna miss the festival girls, so... 277 00:10:00,253 --> 00:10:05,089 - see you later, sideboob. - See you later, underboob. 278 00:10:05,091 --> 00:10:06,924 See you later, under butt. 279 00:10:06,926 --> 00:10:10,295 I just wanted to dance, damn it. 280 00:10:10,297 --> 00:10:13,431 Would you do me a favor and go [bleep] yourself? 281 00:10:13,433 --> 00:10:15,967 God damn it! Why are you such a bully? 282 00:10:15,969 --> 00:10:17,402 - Both of you! - Give it a rest! 283 00:10:17,404 --> 00:10:19,203 You bullied us into bullying you. 284 00:10:19,205 --> 00:10:21,139 Oh, did I? Why don't you bully this? 285 00:10:21,141 --> 00:10:22,407 - Hey! - Ow! That's a... 286 00:10:22,409 --> 00:10:24,409 Ow. Don't you do it! Ow! 287 00:10:24,411 --> 00:10:25,977 Oh you got me right in the buttocks. 288 00:10:25,979 --> 00:10:28,046 [yelling over each other] 289 00:10:28,048 --> 00:10:30,448 - You want... - [screams] 290 00:10:30,450 --> 00:10:31,649 Hold him down! Hold him down! 291 00:10:31,651 --> 00:10:33,284 [screaming] 292 00:10:33,286 --> 00:10:34,652 Ohh! 293 00:10:34,654 --> 00:10:36,487 Oh, oh. Now he's a blood mess. 294 00:10:36,489 --> 00:10:39,223 - Dance kick! - both: Oh! 295 00:10:39,225 --> 00:10:41,159 [screams] 296 00:10:41,161 --> 00:10:42,794 - Help! - You stop it! 297 00:10:42,796 --> 00:10:44,162 Why don't you stop it? Help! 298 00:10:44,164 --> 00:10:45,697 - Get your balls off me. - Sorry about that. 299 00:10:45,699 --> 00:10:47,665 - [chuckles] I, uh... - What's going on, man? 300 00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:49,734 Do you need some medicine or, like, a surgery or something? 301 00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,569 If you guys are done grab assing, 302 00:10:51,571 --> 00:10:54,372 you can grab my ass and take me to the toilet. 303 00:10:54,374 --> 00:10:56,274 [all laughing] Yeah, yeah, we're gonna 304 00:10:56,276 --> 00:10:57,575 help him to the toilet... That's funny. 305 00:10:57,577 --> 00:10:59,177 - Wait are you serious? - There you go. 306 00:10:59,179 --> 00:11:00,278 - Oh, give him a... - Oh. 307 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,547 Yeah. Oh, wait a second. 308 00:11:02,549 --> 00:11:05,416 Uh, are you sure you don't want some privacy? 309 00:11:05,418 --> 00:11:07,785 When I overheard you boys fighting, 310 00:11:07,787 --> 00:11:11,322 uh, it reminded me of my best friend, Luke. 311 00:11:11,324 --> 00:11:13,124 He spent his whole life wanting to be 312 00:11:13,126 --> 00:11:15,360 the host of a cooking show 313 00:11:15,362 --> 00:11:18,963 and I told him Julia Child you ain't. 314 00:11:18,965 --> 00:11:22,600 Which threw him into a "Tailspin" audition. 315 00:11:22,602 --> 00:11:25,436 He had done a ton of these cartoon voice-over jobs 316 00:11:25,438 --> 00:11:28,139 and he hated it. 317 00:11:28,141 --> 00:11:31,542 Anyway, he blew his brains out. 318 00:11:31,544 --> 00:11:34,078 Hey, sir, are you sure that your friend 319 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,613 specifically killed himself because you didn't 320 00:11:35,615 --> 00:11:37,715 encourage him to pursue his dreams? That's... 321 00:11:37,717 --> 00:11:40,985 Uh, yes. In fact, he wrote a long letter, 322 00:11:40,987 --> 00:11:43,454 telling me it was all my fault. 323 00:11:43,456 --> 00:11:45,022 - Oh, my God. - I carry it with me 324 00:11:45,024 --> 00:11:46,591 wherever I go. 325 00:11:46,593 --> 00:11:50,194 Okay, shut up real quick because I have an idea. 326 00:11:50,196 --> 00:11:52,930 What if Blake blows his brains out 327 00:11:52,932 --> 00:11:55,032 just because he didn't do what he loves? 328 00:11:55,034 --> 00:11:56,334 - Well... - Because we made fun of him 329 00:11:56,336 --> 00:11:58,536 - so much. - Oh, my God. 330 00:11:58,538 --> 00:12:01,005 - That's why I told you... - Shut up, real quick. 331 00:12:01,007 --> 00:12:02,940 Life's too short to not do what you love. 332 00:12:02,942 --> 00:12:04,542 Fortunately for me, I've kind of already 333 00:12:04,544 --> 00:12:06,344 done everything I wanted to do with my life. 334 00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:09,347 Yeah, I mean, same here. I mean, I've had anal. 335 00:12:09,349 --> 00:12:11,983 - What? - I've done... I've done anal 336 00:12:11,985 --> 00:12:13,684 - to someone. - That's not what 337 00:12:13,686 --> 00:12:14,986 - you said, though. - Look, what I'm trying to say 338 00:12:14,988 --> 00:12:18,022 is Blake, I am sorry for not letting you do 339 00:12:18,024 --> 00:12:20,258 what you wanna do, which was dancing. 340 00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:22,760 And for me, which, that would be the anal that I had 341 00:12:22,762 --> 00:12:23,728 when that occurred. Right, right. 342 00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:25,363 Okay, shut up. Shut up. 343 00:12:25,365 --> 00:12:26,764 Just real quick. 344 00:12:26,766 --> 00:12:29,734 Blake, when we go back to Faux Chella, 345 00:12:29,736 --> 00:12:32,203 you gotta dance, my man. 346 00:12:32,205 --> 00:12:33,738 Or something cooler than that. 347 00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:36,007 - Yeah. Anything. - Anything cooler than that. 348 00:12:36,009 --> 00:12:37,308 - Shut up. - Okay. 349 00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:38,276 - Shut up. - Okay. 350 00:12:38,278 --> 00:12:39,644 Okay, shutting up. 351 00:12:39,646 --> 00:12:41,045 Because that apology feels so good. 352 00:12:41,047 --> 00:12:42,513 It's like a warm blanket over me. 353 00:12:42,515 --> 00:12:43,781 - [farting] - And I wanna go home 354 00:12:43,783 --> 00:12:45,550 and I wanna save this music festival 355 00:12:45,552 --> 00:12:49,821 that we threw for three, lucky, random ladies 356 00:12:49,823 --> 00:12:51,856 that we met for, like, ten minutes 357 00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:53,891 - at the bar the other day. - If that. 358 00:12:53,893 --> 00:12:56,394 - Let's do this for them! - Wait a minute, wait, wait! 359 00:12:56,396 --> 00:12:58,396 - There's no toilet paper. - all: Shut up! 360 00:12:58,398 --> 00:13:01,165 Wait... 361 00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:03,901 [laughs] 362 00:13:03,903 --> 00:13:05,069 Thank you, Luke. 363 00:13:05,071 --> 00:13:06,270 Yo, what up, Faux Chella, 364 00:13:06,272 --> 00:13:08,239 we are Fade Up Fade Out Bye Bye. 365 00:13:08,241 --> 00:13:11,242 So, like, bonjour! Bonjour! 366 00:13:11,244 --> 00:13:14,479 - Bonjour. Bonjour - Bonjour. Bonjour. 367 00:13:14,481 --> 00:13:17,482 Pardon mon moi 368 00:13:17,484 --> 00:13:21,185 Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo 369 00:13:21,187 --> 00:13:23,588 Hello there 370 00:13:23,590 --> 00:13:24,655 Stop! 371 00:13:24,657 --> 00:13:26,357 - Merci... - Stop! 372 00:13:26,359 --> 00:13:30,461 - What? Whoa. - The [bleep] is this? 373 00:13:30,463 --> 00:13:31,929 That's a guiro, sir. 374 00:13:31,931 --> 00:13:35,633 I don't like this song. I don't like you. 375 00:13:35,635 --> 00:13:38,469 And I definitely don't like this guiro. 376 00:13:38,471 --> 00:13:40,905 - Okay. - So break it. 377 00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:42,840 You cannot ask me to do this right now. 378 00:13:42,842 --> 00:13:46,077 I'm playing in front of six people. 379 00:13:46,079 --> 00:13:48,913 - I'm not asking, Nancy. - Dude, this is so [bleep] up. 380 00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:50,548 This is my grandma's guiro, man. 381 00:13:50,550 --> 00:13:52,116 She just got it from Mexico, 382 00:13:52,118 --> 00:13:53,384 and I don't know when she's going back. 383 00:13:53,386 --> 00:13:54,552 Do it! 384 00:13:54,554 --> 00:13:56,487 Ahh! [cries] 385 00:13:56,489 --> 00:13:57,822 Now who's next? 386 00:13:57,824 --> 00:14:00,124 - Mr. Bassist Man? - Yeah, I'll break it. 387 00:14:00,126 --> 00:14:02,493 I'll break it. 388 00:14:02,495 --> 00:14:04,695 [laughs] Ow. Hey. 389 00:14:04,697 --> 00:14:09,033 - Yours isn't that bad. - Hey, how's it going? 390 00:14:09,035 --> 00:14:11,836 Wow. I... I don't know. I just feel bad 391 00:14:11,838 --> 00:14:14,138 leaving these people in this horrible place. 392 00:14:14,140 --> 00:14:16,374 - Yeah. Let's go. - Oh, dude. 393 00:14:16,376 --> 00:14:18,509 Third Eye Blind will definitely wanna play the show 394 00:14:18,511 --> 00:14:19,677 if there's all these sick people there. 395 00:14:19,679 --> 00:14:21,045 Bands love benefits. 396 00:14:21,047 --> 00:14:22,947 I'm gonna email Mailer Daemon with it. 397 00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,649 - Dude, that's brilliant. - Thank you. 398 00:14:24,651 --> 00:14:26,217 Uh... [clears throat] 399 00:14:26,219 --> 00:14:30,288 Hey, hey, guys? We are from Make-A-Wish! 400 00:14:30,290 --> 00:14:31,689 - Yep. - Oh! 401 00:14:31,691 --> 00:14:34,725 Can we go to Pizza Hut with Cameron Diaz? 402 00:14:34,727 --> 00:14:36,961 - Uhh... - both: Um... 403 00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:38,229 We can do... 404 00:14:38,231 --> 00:14:39,497 Kick it 405 00:14:39,499 --> 00:14:41,132 406 00:14:45,794 --> 00:14:47,961 What the hell is this? 407 00:14:47,963 --> 00:14:50,663 Ah, well, this is Faux Chella. 408 00:14:50,665 --> 00:14:52,198 It's our response to Coachella. 409 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,601 I thought you said you were from Make-A-Wish. 410 00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:57,470 Make-A-Wish-of-Ours. 411 00:14:57,472 --> 00:14:59,706 You probably didn't hear that second part, "of-Ours." 412 00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:01,241 - Yeah. - 'Cause you're old. 413 00:15:01,243 --> 00:15:03,043 What we will do, is we'll make our dream 414 00:15:03,045 --> 00:15:05,712 be that your dream is to see Third Eye Blind. 415 00:15:05,714 --> 00:15:07,614 - Later, probably. - Can we at least 416 00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:10,450 go rollerblading with Cameron Diaz? 417 00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:12,752 - She loves action sports. - Lady! 418 00:15:12,754 --> 00:15:15,155 - Please. - Nobody gives a shit 419 00:15:15,157 --> 00:15:16,656 - about Cameron Diaz. - Hey. 420 00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:18,491 Hey, you made it! What's up? 421 00:15:18,493 --> 00:15:20,126 What are you guys wearing? 422 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:21,461 This is just festival gear. 423 00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:23,963 You've heard of under butt, right? 424 00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,665 We got full butt. Whoa! Full butt. 425 00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:27,267 [whistling] Oh, wow. 426 00:15:27,269 --> 00:15:28,802 [laughter] 427 00:15:28,804 --> 00:15:31,771 So, uh, where's, uh, Shannon? 428 00:15:31,773 --> 00:15:33,273 Uh, it's Hannon. 429 00:15:33,275 --> 00:15:34,808 It's Hannon, right? Is she parking? 430 00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,342 Oh, yeah, no. 431 00:15:36,344 --> 00:15:39,012 But my mom and stepdad, super excited 432 00:15:39,014 --> 00:15:40,647 to see Third Eye Blind, though. 433 00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:42,949 "Jumper" was the song we got married to. 434 00:15:42,951 --> 00:15:45,251 Tom was going through some stuff. 435 00:15:45,253 --> 00:15:47,120 There were several suicide attempts. 436 00:15:47,122 --> 00:15:49,656 But Tina and Megan pulled me through. 437 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:51,357 That's why she likes Third Eye. 438 00:15:51,359 --> 00:15:53,159 So what time do they go on? 439 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,527 - Third Eye Blind? - Well we don't 440 00:15:54,529 --> 00:15:57,197 know that exactly, but they just posted 441 00:15:57,199 --> 00:15:59,199 this Instagram picture of them 442 00:15:59,201 --> 00:16:01,101 kicking it poolside. 443 00:16:01,103 --> 00:16:02,402 That looks like a... 444 00:16:02,404 --> 00:16:03,903 it looks like a kid's birthday party. 445 00:16:03,905 --> 00:16:05,472 - Yeah, well. - I guess there are 446 00:16:05,474 --> 00:16:06,940 - some children there. - That's cool, though. 447 00:16:06,942 --> 00:16:08,775 You know, family time for busy musicians. 448 00:16:08,777 --> 00:16:10,343 They need it, too, you know? 449 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:13,413 And I've been emailing their manager Mailer Daemon. 450 00:16:13,415 --> 00:16:14,714 - Mailer-daemon? - Mmhmm. 451 00:16:14,716 --> 00:16:16,449 Well that is not his name. 452 00:16:16,451 --> 00:16:17,884 It's Mailer Daemon. 453 00:16:17,886 --> 00:16:19,552 Mailer-daemon. It means that 454 00:16:19,554 --> 00:16:21,187 your email didn't go through. 455 00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:22,355 Dumb ass! 456 00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,356 Guys, I really need to hear them. 457 00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,724 Give us a couple seconds 458 00:16:24,726 --> 00:16:26,359 and we're gonna go talk, send some emails 459 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:28,027 - and, uh, be right back! - Everything's fine. 460 00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,062 Everything's fine. 461 00:16:29,064 --> 00:16:30,396 Guys, I hate to admit it, 462 00:16:30,398 --> 00:16:31,865 but I think I was blind to the fact 463 00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:33,299 that Third Eye Blind's not coming. 464 00:16:33,301 --> 00:16:34,634 You heard what he said. All we gotta do 465 00:16:34,636 --> 00:16:35,735 is just "Drunk History" this thing. 466 00:16:35,737 --> 00:16:37,170 Oh, I love that show! 467 00:16:37,172 --> 00:16:38,805 - Oh, man! Come on! - What is that? 468 00:16:38,807 --> 00:16:40,173 What's going on? Huh? 469 00:16:40,175 --> 00:16:41,407 Oh, my God, you're such a dickhead! 470 00:16:41,409 --> 00:16:43,510 Break 'em, now! 471 00:16:43,512 --> 00:16:44,811 No! 472 00:16:44,813 --> 00:16:47,247 - Hey! - Look who decided to come back. 473 00:16:47,249 --> 00:16:49,849 You ready for me to knock you on your ass, Uncle Mike? 474 00:16:49,851 --> 00:16:51,684 - Yes! - Yeah! Get him, Beezer! 475 00:16:51,686 --> 00:16:52,819 - Whoo! - He's not actually 476 00:16:52,821 --> 00:16:54,487 - gonna do it, right? - No. 477 00:16:54,489 --> 00:16:55,488 It's gonna be like a dumb metaphorical thing? 478 00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:56,890 - Yeah. - Got it. 479 00:16:56,892 --> 00:16:58,091 Okay Raggedy Andy. Let's see what you got. 480 00:16:58,093 --> 00:17:00,026 Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, no. 481 00:17:00,028 --> 00:17:02,662 No. That's not how I'm knocking you on your ass. 482 00:17:02,664 --> 00:17:04,764 - Called it. - Okay. Shut up. 483 00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:07,167 All right, I'm gonna knock you on your ass. 484 00:17:07,169 --> 00:17:09,002 In the sense of the saying. 485 00:17:09,004 --> 00:17:11,104 - It's a play on words. - Yeah, knock him on his ass 486 00:17:11,106 --> 00:17:12,672 - how the saying goes! - Thank you! 487 00:17:12,674 --> 00:17:14,707 - Now there's a friend. - Is that a saying? 488 00:17:14,709 --> 00:17:17,110 - Not where I grew up. - Not where I grew up, either. 489 00:17:17,112 --> 00:17:19,078 - Where'd you grow up? - Omaha. 490 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,681 Okay, uh, everybody, we're about to do something very cool. 491 00:17:21,683 --> 00:17:23,550 But first, I just wanted to say one thing 492 00:17:23,552 --> 00:17:26,286 to Megan's stepdad. 493 00:17:26,288 --> 00:17:27,587 You came here because you said 494 00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:30,256 you wanted to hear Third Eye Blind. 495 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:35,628 Well, hear you go. 496 00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:37,630 - Okay. - Here it is. 497 00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:41,935 I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend 498 00:17:41,937 --> 00:17:44,938 You could cut ties with all the lies 499 00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:47,140 That you've been living in 500 00:17:47,142 --> 00:17:51,678 And if you do not want to see me again 501 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:57,183 I would understand 502 00:17:57,185 --> 00:18:02,422 I would understand 503 00:18:02,424 --> 00:18:08,661 I would understand 504 00:18:08,663 --> 00:18:14,968 505 00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:17,503 What the [bleep] is this? 506 00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:19,739 Yeah 507 00:18:19,741 --> 00:18:22,508 508 00:18:22,510 --> 00:18:24,244 Boo! 509 00:18:24,246 --> 00:18:31,184 510 00:18:33,121 --> 00:18:35,154 Can you put the past away? 511 00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:38,725 I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend 512 00:18:38,727 --> 00:18:40,760 I would understand 513 00:18:40,762 --> 00:18:43,997 I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend 514 00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:46,032 I would understand 515 00:18:46,034 --> 00:18:49,102 I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend 516 00:18:49,104 --> 00:18:52,305 And I would understand I wish you would step back 517 00:18:52,307 --> 00:18:54,607 From that ledge my friend 518 00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:57,543 I would understand I wish you would step back 519 00:18:57,545 --> 00:18:59,912 From that ledge my friend 520 00:18:59,914 --> 00:19:06,352 I would understand 521 00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:09,289 [cheers and applause] 522 00:19:17,482 --> 00:19:20,517 Thank you. 523 00:19:20,519 --> 00:19:22,836 [crying] 524 00:19:22,838 --> 00:19:24,638 Oh, my God. Uncle Mike are you okay? 525 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,207 I get micromanaged at work. 526 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,776 I can't figure out the stupid computer system. 527 00:19:29,778 --> 00:19:32,712 I get no respect. - That sucks. Where do you work? 528 00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:35,849 - Hertz. - You work at Hertz Rent A Car? 529 00:19:35,851 --> 00:19:38,485 No, I said, "It hurts." 530 00:19:38,487 --> 00:19:40,987 I work at Budget. The other day I promised 531 00:19:40,989 --> 00:19:43,957 the same Chevy Cruze to five different people. 532 00:19:43,959 --> 00:19:46,059 Janet yelled at me in front of everyone. 533 00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:47,861 - [bleep] Janet. - Would you forgive me? 534 00:19:47,863 --> 00:19:49,930 Of course. But, hey, 535 00:19:49,932 --> 00:19:52,499 you have to admit, I knocked you on your ass. 536 00:19:52,501 --> 00:19:55,468 Yeah, emotionally, you knocked me on my ass. 537 00:19:55,470 --> 00:19:56,836 - Right. - Hell yeah. 538 00:19:56,838 --> 00:19:58,972 [laughs] 539 00:19:58,974 --> 00:20:01,007 Oh! Okay! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho! 540 00:20:01,009 --> 00:20:03,143 Not really. He didn't really knock him on his ass. 541 00:20:03,145 --> 00:20:05,845 - Felt good. [laughs] - Kinda. Emotionally, he did. 542 00:20:05,847 --> 00:20:07,514 Hey, thanks for having my back, guys. 543 00:20:07,516 --> 00:20:09,716 We just did what you said to do 544 00:20:09,718 --> 00:20:11,251 But this time in a nice way. You know? 545 00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:14,754 Uh, can I get a ride back to the hospital? 546 00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,723 I think I'm going into shock. 547 00:20:16,725 --> 00:20:18,558 We tend to have that effect on people. 548 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,427 - Yeah. - Oh, he's serious. 549 00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:21,928 - Oh, my God. - Okay, okay. 550 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,029 He's actually really, really heavy. 551 00:20:23,031 --> 00:20:24,197 Bite down on this, sir. 552 00:20:24,199 --> 00:20:25,865 - Whoo. - Honestly, you guys 553 00:20:25,867 --> 00:20:27,601 - are better than Third Eye. - Thank you! 554 00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:28,868 I felt that, when we were... 555 00:20:28,870 --> 00:20:30,437 Oh, hey, check it out. 556 00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:32,072 This dude really knows how to party, huh? 557 00:20:32,074 --> 00:20:33,773 I haven't touched the stuff in years, 558 00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,943 but I feel good! [laughter] 559 00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:39,379 Hey, uh, you think your daughter's into us, or what? 560 00:20:39,381 --> 00:20:41,081 Yeah, what about Hannon? 561 00:20:41,083 --> 00:20:43,383 [sighs] They suck. 562 00:20:43,385 --> 00:20:44,951 So does my life. 563 00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:47,621 Hey, honey! 564 00:20:47,623 --> 00:20:50,423 - Hey, Dad. - You dare me to jump? [laughs] 565 00:20:50,425 --> 00:20:52,058 That's [bleep] shit. 566 00:20:52,060 --> 00:20:55,195 Third time's a charm! [laughs] 567 00:20:55,197 --> 00:20:56,763 I think we got another roommate, huh? 568 00:20:56,765 --> 00:20:57,131 Nice. 569 00:20:57,203 --> 00:21:01,203 Synced and corrected by MasterCookie - www.addic7ed.com - 570 00:21:01,253 --> 00:21:05,803 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41540

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